#how are you my chechi i missed you

[jujutsustraycats]

Hello ish :3

*laying on the ground* Hello Nami...

[someprettyname]

SEEING YOU BRIGHTENED MY DAY UP FR

WHERE WERE YOU I MISSED MY CHECHI

Lowkey worried too but that's not the point

HOW ARE YOU HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

Lowkey worried too but that's not the point

Damn I knew I should've posted it on my main too rather than community too pt 2

BUT DAAAAAMNNNNN I MISSED Y'ALL TOO

How the week felt like without interacting with y'all :

BUT ANYWAYS. I'M BACK NOW 😎 had an important exam coming up so had to log off and focus lmao

I'm doing good for now 😌 again, other than the interactions with my father and brother

YOU????? WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE REPRESENTATIVE ELECTIONS(?)

[gayshitinfinite]

16, 20, 23, 25 🌷

xxx

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

one of the smartest, coolest people i know (like go through their blog SERIOUSLY). she's really funny and well-versed in her memes ( i have no idea how u possess the talent to think/find those things and edit so quickly. like how????? the talont, the skills, i could never).

finder of cursed emojis and maker of the cutest crocheted (crocheyed?) baymax plushie, i bow down to you. i admire your strength to keep going no matter how long it takes. thank you for every time you've listened to my problems and for sharing (and for "bringing me" ramen soup (i hope they make a kanji one soon.... or not. the ramen one is really good too), you are a good friend<3333

16.what do you want most in the world right now?

self control?(......that sounds so bad dude). to be more conscious of whats happening instead of just letting things happen (u ever wanna get out of your body and shake yourself by the shoulders and scream 'bitch u have agency, u can make decisions, u can make actions. u r not some character doomed by the narrative or something'). motivation. i'd really like some motivation abt now. god i just wanna do something. anything really. just start something, or pick up something i left off, or idk finish things.

i really want to scream 'stop leaving shit and stop being scared of trying or doing something all the time. GOD' at myself

do something. yeah i really wanna do something ( she sounds like she cud be talking abt drugs. she is not. she's talking abt painting a mushroom (the fungus), 2 girls kissing,funny pictures of cats. binding a book, making funny/cute earrings (or just fucking completing her eng h.w for god's sake)

i'd really like to do things again. i miss it so badly u have no idea. i no longer want to pretend to be cool and mysterious and like, its hard to make me smile or amuse me. i wanna feel joy like that again. i wanna love passionately. i just want to learn and create something. i want to practice a skill and see it's effects bear fruits, uk. im so tired of laying around watching time pass me by and feeling regretful and disappointed and so so guilty for no reason. like can u do something different for MY sake plsss. im so tired and i dont wanna rest. im so tired of resting. i'd really like to stop being paralyzed and overwhelmed by the things i want to do. and instead just start something. or complete one thing i left off. just pick it up again. one thing. one thing for now.

so.. yeah, get my shit together and do something. thats what i wud like to do

23.favorite piece of clothing?

a frilly (kind of) white shirt with little bit lace on it that makes me feel like a pirate. a blue jacket (actually a hand-me-down-shirt), a handme down tshirt.

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.?

honestly, i really love hugs. getting hugs or holding hands with people i love and care abt. but i guess that's not a 'personal gift'.

i really love notes or like letters. like write me something stupid and I would probably keep it forever.

i love being send memes, or articles or quotes or poetry(esp. if it like breaks something in me and puts me back together or something for a sec). ig i like getting written stuff. huh thats something i havent noticed abt myself.

i also like getting music recs or cute jimkis(jhumkis) or hanging earrings.

thankyou sumi for the ask<33333( calling you sumi without chechi added feels weird. should i call u chechi?)

[vyinter]

the sudden jerk reaction when your younger sib stops using sister/brother term and use the name is aksjdhskdjxjkd it's not even a respect thing it just feels like you're being misnamed.... that being said when maknaes call their eldest informally>>>>>>>>>>> standup comedy

[tellthemhowihope]

tagged by the most effervescent @newgenesis hi sam ilyyy!

• nickname: nina’s my white person name? does that count? @urmomstinder called me nejay once upon a time, but earlier today she said she was gonna start calling me “chechi” instead to be annoying

• zodiac: capricorn (aquarius cusp)

• height: 5′2

• last thing i googled: anthrocene diels-alder reaction

• song stuck in my head: full disclosure, I considered lying about this because it’s embarrassing and also I don’t how it happened but,,, “proud to be an american” tbh no I’m not

• number of followers: too lazy to look for the exact number but almost 700!

• amount of sleep: 6? this is a great improvement upon the 2-3 hours/night I was averaging for the past three weeks!

• lucky number: 74

• dream job: neurosurgeon!

• wearing: flannel pajama pants and my senior class t-shirt from high school

• favorite song: currently edge of great from julie and the phantoms

• favorite instrument: piano! :)

• aesthetic: autumn but make it dark, sweaters, and peanut butter!

• favorite author: i do not know, but jhumpa lahiri will always hold a special place in my heart as the first author I ever read from barnard!

• favorite animal noises: cat noises! also cows because it makes me miss a simpler time when my sister could be tricked easily

• random: earlier sam helped me with a quiz question for my electrical engineering class (“what would you if you were the first person to meet an alien who landed on earth”) for the incredible prize of a signed picture of my professor’s cat (signed by the cat) and a costco sized jar of nutella. basically sam I love you

tagging: @peanutbutterandgrapejelly @witchyanaels @letsgobethegoodguys @urmomstinder @bilbobagglns @battyfruit @vampirebuckley @waywardkaia @benoitblanc

[gurukulabotanicalsanctuary]

Crotalarias: The Pea Flowers

Guest post by Vedika Sanchi

Editor's note:

Vedika Sanchi (16yrs of age) took a gap year from school and travelled to different communities as an alternative to online education during the lockdowns. She came to the Gurukula Botanical Sanctuary in November 2021, stayed for two months and explored many things during this time. She gave mornings to garden work and afternoons to her own enquiry and exploration. She embarked on a botanical study under our guidance. Keeping field notes and sketches, talking to GBS gardeners, taking photographs, and spending a lot of time quietly walking around, discussing with other interns, becoming intimate with plants and animals. Vedika was to leave behind a document for others to read and to be kept secure in our archives for posterity. But she left before she could do the final version, and sent it back a couple of months later. Here it is! [Explanatory points by editor in square brackets]

[The cover for Vedika's project: painting on canvas, done after she left GBS based on her field sketches]

This is my journey of exploring the Crotalarias or as I like to call them, the pea flowers. Why do I call them pea flowers? Uhh… I don’t know. I thought that was their name until I was told it wasn’t. I thought everybody called them that. Or maybe the name stuck simply because they belong to the pea family. 

Supi [short for Suprabha Seshan, conservationist living at GBS], told me to go scavenging for these yellow flowers that were in bloom. She didn't tell me what they looked like, but she told me to search for them in the shola grassland [a designated habitat in the GBS]. My task was to document them by photographing and journaling them. This was just the beginning of the excitement that buzzed in me throughout this project, for I loved spending time in the outdoors and I loved doing art. It was just perfect. I only had a vague idea of how it would come together in the end, but the purpose of it was clear. The ‘product’ of this project should be able to take a person through the grasslands and show them what a pea flower is. 

"....first rough sketches, trying my hand at something new."

And so started my journey, with a walk to the shola. My eyes scoured the landscape, searching for a glimpse of something yellow. By the time I chanced upon the sweet canary yellow blossom glinting in the sun, I had mistaken several other similar colored flowers for it. But the moment I saw the pea flower, I knew that this was the flower I was searching for. It was just a feeling, and I knew I was right. 

Upon walking a little further, I found another. And another. And one more. I found almost eight or nine pea flower plants with the same canary yellow and the same structure- one big petal, almost shaped like a squat drop (the banner), two smaller wings attached to the base of the banner, facing each other (the wings), and a small pointy thing jutting out from in between the two wings (the keel). But apart from the similarity in its flower structure, I couldn't see any other similarity that could help me recognize it as a pea flower plant. Some of them were herbs with rounded velvety leaves, some were woody shrubs with pointy leaves. They were all so different!

".....journalling with a little more detail"

Regardless of my confusion, I was happy to have found the eight plants, and excitedly told Supi of my findings. As I pointed out the ones I had found on a walk, she told Sreeja Chechi (a gardener) about my project. Chechi then pointed out so many more crotalarias that I had missed out on. I was so blinded by my search for these yellow flowers that I completely missed out on purple and amber-colored ones. Some were in places I hadn’t yet ventured into. There were creeper-like ones and ones with flowers so kutti [small], you could only make them out as tiny yellow dots. I had not noticed so many that had been in front of me in plain sight. I had to pay more attention. From then on, I went mostly every day in the afternoon to draw these immensely varied flowers from the same family. Supi also lent me a couple of books to flip through to aid my project. One of them was Around the World in Eighty Plants, and if by some small chance you don’t know this book, you really should get going and flip through its stunning pages. It explores different plants in their cultural aspect accompanied by dazzling illustrations of the same. Supi suggested I should do something similar with my sketches of the pea flowers. Flipping through another book called Wild Flowers of India, I learnt that most flowers of the pea family have the same structure that above mentioned, but not all pea flowers are crotalarias. They all belonged to the legumes family.

[.....and more detail!]

I enjoyed drawing the pea flowers a lot. I used to sit on the grassy path sketching a flower for more than an hour. Before this project, I didn’t draw things from life. I found it hard to capture the highlights and the features of from something three dimensional, so I always relied on other drawings for references.

This was my first time sketching something living. My project enabled me to do this. My sketches pleasantly surprised me. Accompanying the sketches were observations of the pea flowers, the size, the leaf shape, the plant structure, the life form, etc.

Progressing forward, I got "the pea flower eye". I could suddenly see them wherever I went. I could spot only them. Almost all of them liked to be kissed by the sun. One exception to this was the purple and white Crotalaria, which liked semi-shade.

[.....and here comes colour]

Some common characteristics I noticed: they all had seed pods and untoothed leaves; and they attracted butterflies and bees. 

On one of our walks, Supi told us about the word Gestalt. It means ‘the undivided whole, or something greater than the sum of its parts’ i.e., to see a plant as not just its pods, or its leaves, or its flowers, but just as it is, as a whole. 

This was hard. How do you figure out a whole? Is it a feeling? Could I recognize a pea flower plant when it isn’t flowering? Even after spending a couple of weeks looking at them, did I really know them?

Upon asking a friend about how is one to figure out a gestalt, she gave me a very simple answer - you just have to spend more time with them. So I took her advice and after a couple of more, I had my eureka moment! I understood the plant's presence and the feeling it gave. 

[Check out the measurements and the language! Reticulate, huh?!]

It is almost like intuitive intelligence at play; to come to know a plant. But how was one to articulate something that seems so intangible? I’ve tried my best to describe it. Staying close to what I felt.

I got a sense of gentleness and softness from the pea flowers. Almost as if you’d like to be caressed by it. It was soft in all aspects of its features, from its simple untoothed leaves, and its gentle green, to the roundness of its flowers and leaves, and its smooth curves and edges. And obviously, that it attracted so many bees and butterflies kind of made it this sweet and lovely plant. The softness of these plants is almost like a baby’s bottoms :) 

The features of these pea flowers are quite in contrast to the rugged features of a Senecio, a plant with a daisy-like yellow flower found in the same grassland.

"....the moment of epiphany; jotted out what I felt the gestalt of the crotalarias is like"

I loved doing this project and got to learn a lot about pea flowers, and a sense of familiarity started growing in me whenever I saw or sat with them. I think the key to it was spending a lot of time with them, giving your undivided attention to their undivided whole.

[Here come the carpenter bees and caterpillars!]

Editor's PostScript: It is a pleasure to look through Vedika's work all these months later, to remember her in the garden, walking around the land, her many questions, and how she suddenly took these yellow flowers. Vedika kindly let us present this online.

Our long years of work with young people over three decades has almost always, with each person, yielded an insight into an aspect of nature, for every person has their own unique way of exploring the world. We avoid being interpreters, or expert guides, but encourage an unmediated immersion for the initial period at least. From this, an open and genuine interest can emerge, after which, those who have greater experience can guide an enquiry.

We hope other youngsters delight in this project, as Vedika did, and also find a "pea flower eye", for this group of plants grows across the country, and has many species. And if not a pea flower eye, then perhaps another eye or sense for plants and creatures they share their home with.

Thank you Vedika!

Oh, and one more thing. We do fully expect Vedika to come back and identify the Crotalaria species she drew and painted and described so vividly. Looking forward to this next step. The unfolding of a pea flower guide....?

[lauranthalasah]

I was tagged by: @the-amazing-wanderer , thank you!

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people. So… I am not good at the tagging part so if anyone who follows me see this and want to do it, please do it, or reblog it, and I’ll tag you the next time… promise!

the last

1. drink: Coffee latte. At 9 am. 

2. phone call: My mom, yesterday, we spent a week without talking, weird cause she usually calls a lot more often.

3. text message: a friend who came last night to do some formalities at our town and called so we could meet and have some drinks… it was Bayleys jejeje.

4. song you listened to: I was listening to a list last night, the funny part is that I remember the first song I listened (The window by Bonefield) and the one that I was going to listened next, just before I was interrupted, was Heroes by David Bowie (this version is orgasmic), but I can not remember the song one I listened last!!!

5. time you cried: for personal and real matters… I don’t remember. The last one I remember was… like a year ago.  For fiction… two or three days ago, I’ve been rewatching canceled shows and I chose Backstrom, the actor who plays Valentine is really fucking good.

6. dated someone twice: pfff… 11 years!! WOW!

7. kissed someone and regretted it: No.

8. been cheated on: I don’t know.

9. lost someone special:  My grandmother, last year.

10. been depressed: truly depressed? Like 22 years ago, it was ugly and I was a child and no one knew what the fuck was going on, little advice, not let the teacher of your children tell then we are all going to die soon because the world is going to end. Since then, never, I’ve had ups and downs, but I’m never have felt like that time so far and I hope I’ll never do again.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never.

3 favourite colours

12. Like a ton of shades of green.

13. Pretty much from tangerine orange to yellow.

14. Prussian blue, Persian blue, Indigo, etc. (Why to choose when you can use them all!)

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: Yes!

16. fallen out of love: Nor out nor in.

17. laughed until you cried: Yeah!!

18. found out someone was talking about you: pretty hard to miss when some else came to you with a distorted version of what you have really said. But I didn’t asked for whom was talking about me, I don’t see the point, the truth is that we all do it in one way or another.

19. met someone who changed you: Not a someone, more like several people just talking their minds and me learning something new or to expand my vision.

20. found out who your friends are: Yes.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nope, and my facebook pretty much not used.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them.

23. do you have any pets: An all white cat (Samanta), an all black cat (Katia), my beautiful monster of a dog (Simona), my niece dog that my brother insists on leaving with me (Arwen… plus her 6 little puppies), and the cat that came with the house (Colito).

24. do you want to change your name: Nope, I like both of them, but I would like that some people used my second name, I really like it but it’s doing nothing because people use my first name or last name mostly.

25. what did you do for your last birthday: a dinner with my grandpa, my brother, my sister in law, and my niece. I didn’t want to do something, usually I prefer to do nothing for my birthday, but it turned all right at the end. 

26. what time did you wake up: 8:15 am.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: drinking Bayleys with Emiliano and talking about life.

28. name something you can’t wait for: vacations! (Holidays you call them?).

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: April, for my sis birthday.

31. what are you listening to right now: Nothing. 

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: No, wait, Yes! The son of my coworker is called Tomás, but usually I know him by Tommy or his full name.

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Nothing in this moment, but the day is new and I feel sleepy.

34. most visited website: tumblr and 1337x.to (shhh).

35. hair colour: Brown and some white there.

36. long or short hair: Short. 

37. do you have a crush on someone: Nope.

38. what do you like about yourself: I like to learn, I try to have my mind open, and I’m really good at adapting even if I like it more if things don’t change around me. But really… I’m awful at this kind of questions.

39. piercings: No.

40. blood type: A+. Story time!: since I was 12 I thought my blood type was O+ because that what it was told to me. This year I went to donate blood, thing I’ve done other times, but this time, while I wait for my turn the nurse started asking me some questions while reading my file on the computer and at some point she says my age and blood type and I’m “ahhh no? My blood types o+”, she says that they have registered my blood types as A+. So I went inside, they hook me up and I asked at the technician what my blood type was, she did the test and yep… I am A+. And I keep thinking that it was good I never need blood before that moment!!

41. nickname: Yesi to anyone who can’t pronounce my name right and Chechi to the family.

42. relationship status: Single and not looking.

43. zodiac: Gemini.

44. pronouns: She/Her.

45. favourite tv show: damn it!... Stargate SG1 but I hate to choose.

46. tattoos: YES! And planning the two next!

47. right or left handed: Right.

48. surgery: No.

50. sport: I like to swim but just like an activity, I don’t compete and I don’t watch sports.

51. vacation: just leave alone (or with people who respects a little solitude) with a book, good food and a lake.

52. pair of trainers: Comfortable, functional and in a colour that will prevent the necessity to wash them.

GENERAL

53. eating: so far today? Some cereal crackers. I’m hungry!

54. drinking: Water.

55. I’m about to: keep on NOT DOING MY JOB BECAUSE I’M DOING THIS! (I’ll work today, I promise!)

56. waiting for: my bed…

57. want: I don’t know anymore.

58. get married: No.

59. career: look, I’m a librarian, I like my job. But I would love to be able to work from my home! Is still good I can’t do that because if I could it is quite possible I’d become I complete hermit.

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: I love hugs!

61. lips or eyes: Both.

62. shorter or taller: Taller, but ultimately I don’t care.

63. older or younger: So far I said older but again “ultimately I don’t care”.

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Dying at the previous answer to this particular question!!! Nice arms for me.

65. hookup or relationship: Relationship.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: Neither.

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: Like in the lips/mouth? No.

68. drank hard liquor: Yes.

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: No... I don’t see without them, I keep them at hand.

70. turned someone down: Yes.

71. sex on the first date: No.

73. had your heart broken: No.

74. been arrested: No.

75. cried when someone died: No. I cried when people start crying because someone died.

76. fallen for a friend: Nope. 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: I believe so many things about myself!

78. miracles: JA! No. 

79. love at first sight: No. 

80. santa claus: I think I was like 6 when I theorize that Santa were my parents, I put my dad in an interesting place the day I asked him jejeje.

81. kiss on the first date: not as a rule but I can happen.

82. angels: I don’t believe in god, why would I believe in angels? The answer is no. No angels, no hell, no heaven. This here and right now and that’s it.

OTHER:

84. eye colour: Brown/Hazel. A bit of green next to the pupil. The iris edge is a darker shade of brown. (So… this is the previous answer but it turns out to be my eye colour as well)

85. favourite movie: Nope, not answering this one, do you have any idea of how many movies I’ve watched? Or books I read? Or songs I listened to? This “favourite” things are fucking impossible to answer!

[jyafulltimersblog-blog]

Hope in Hope, Arkansas

(Title credit to Towino chettan!)

There has been a lot of traveling for Melissa and me during these past couple of week. It started with our journey back home to Texas for Christmas and New Years. The drive from Baltimore to Houston takes more than 21 hrs. Some may call us fooltimers, but even we aren’t foolish enough to make that trip in one go, so we visited some people on the way down. First, we stayed with Thompson chettan and Ann chechi in Durham, NC. Then we went down to New Orleans to spend a day with Katie. Did we have a good time, you ask? Let me leave you with this and you can decide

^These are beignets (fancy funnel cakes) from Café du Monde. It’s ok to be jealous :p

We arrived in Houston on the 22nd and I eventually made my way down McAllen. It had been six months since we left, so it was really nice to be back home. Being away for a long time then coming back really helps see familiar things with a new clarity. There wasn’t anything specific, but just the way it felt to be with my family was unfamiliar enough to make the little details I usually miss noticeable.

One thing I realized while at home was how different my mentality was and the things I chose to do throughout the day. Being at home felt like a vacation, so I didn’t feel the need to prioritize my prayer life. It made me wonder if God was genuinely important to me or if I just went through the actions because of obligation. I’m glad that I’m aware of it, so that I can bring it to God in prayer. After my fulltimership, I’ll have to prioritize God in my life despite distractions, so hopefully this will get me one step closer to knowing what that means.

On the 2nd of January, we started our trip back to Baltimore. We stopped over at Dallas to spend some time with Georgee chettan and Sunitha chechi. And here’s the kicker: On our way to Conway, AR to visit Towino chettan and Geethu chechi, our car broke down and we were stuck in Hope, AR. Thankfully we got the car to a mechanic and Towino chettan and family came to get us. Everything turned out alright and we just ended staying an extra day in Conway.

^Why can’t we be as cool as those other cars?

So God is keeping us on our toes, but he’s also there taking care of us at each step. We tried to make use of the time by meeting the director of the CCM at the university of Central Arkansas, so please pray for wherever that leads. 

This week definitely had its hiccups, but each challenge has also been an opening for grace. It’s also an opportunity to experience the kindness of others! And finally, a special thanks for all the people who housed us on our journey. We’ll be praying for each of you!

-Ebin

[sonyajake]

Of Having a Girl Child, Again

Please put down the stones that you are planning to throw at me for daring to diss a girl child. I am a second girl child who is a mother to two girls and I consider my them as my biggest blessing. This is a take on my learnings as a second girl in the family and how I am trying to imbibe those lessons to ensure that I don't allow myself to treat my daughters unfairly.

I was born as a second girl in my family. I have always heard about the story of how my mother cried a river, when she came to know after her delivery, that I was a girl. Times then were such and I don't blame her for that reaction. I also heard that I wasn't given a traditional naamkaran function like my elder sister was given. My parents always tried their best not to differentiate between the two of us- similar food, dresses, education and love. But I have heard people pitying my parents for not having a boy.

When we announced the birth of our first daughter in our housing society, the common response from many of them was, "Koi baat nahi, Lakshmi aayi hai". I had wanted to have a girl child and my husband and family too were looking forward to have a healthy child, no matter the gender. My mother -in-law has a passion for embroidery and stitching and was hoping that she would have a grand daughter to shower her handiwork on. Since my sister -in-law had two sons, the family was looking forward to welcoming the first girl in the new generation. While, we were all overjoyed at the birth of our little girl, the pity party had started among our maids about it.

4 years later, I was pregnant again. This time I wanted another girl for sure as I was used to taking care of a girl. I felt that I would be ill equipped to take care of a boy. My husband was indifferent to the gender of the kid but mentioned that he didn’t mind having a boy just for variety’s sake. My elder girl was adamant that she wanted a baby sister. She got her wish granted when I delivered a baby girl on a July morning. All of us were happy. My husband went home and informed my maid about the baby and her reaction was, "Doosri baar ladki hui, is liye aap bhabhi se naaraaz toh nahi hai na?". To say that my husband was flabbergasted would be putting it lightly. Similar reactions could be seen among lots of other people too. "Dono ladki hai kya? Theek hai, aaj ke zamaane mein ladkiyaan bhi chalti hai" When we try to tell them that we wanted another girl some people said, "Ladki hui hai is liye aap aise bol rahe ho, ladka kisko nahi chahiye". I get so tired of the pitiful look on people's eyes when I say I have two girls, as though having a boy is the greatest achievement that a woman can ever accomplish. I can imagine what my mother would have had to endure 30-35 years back with two girls.

We are very quick to compare our kids, among their siblings, cousins or friends. My sister was always known as a calm, docile, well behaved and well dressed girl aka sundar- susheel ladki. I was on the other end of the behavior spectrum- outspoken, ill mannered and shabbily dressed (more tomboyish than girlish). So it was quite natural for people to advise me to try and be more like my sister. I have heard stories of my wretched behavior in my childhood- I used to insist on my mother carrying me everywhere and never allowed anyone else to carry me. I also used to cry "Amma thinnanda"(Mom don’t eat) so that she wouldn't keep me down even for eating. My father bought a cane to discipline me. If I was a boy, all these would have been written off as being the naughtiness of a little boy. But since I was a girl, I was labelled as an attention seeking and spoiled child. I was always expected to be as good or better than my sister in everything I did. When you have a school topper to emulate in studies, life isn't that easy in school. I was always "Nithya's sister" first and everything else later. Even today, my teachers wouldn't know me if somebody said Sonya M H writes blogs. But they would instantly recognize if they are told, Nithya's sister, writes blogs.

While I crib about being compared to my sister, I am committing the same mistake of comparing my younger girl to her elder sister. While Alithea, my older girl, is a calm and mostly well behaved child, my younger one, Zaraiah is a very different person. She has left me crying with her tantrums and food aversion, at least 10 times within 15 months of her birth. She is much more demanding than Alithea was. While Alithea used to smile so much when she was younger, Zaraiah is “Miss Grumpy” on most days. She is much more naughtier than Alithea as well. I chide myself for thinking why can't Zaru be more like Ali. Zaraiah can't be like Alithea because they are two different people with very diverse personalities, just like Sonya and Nithya were. Being a second child myself, I used to feel bad when I was compared and chastised as less desirable than my sister. Then why am I doing the same to my second child? She shouldn't have to live as per the standards set by her elder sister. She should have the freedom to spread her wings and find herself, independent of what her sister is. I am sure when she starts school (hopefully in the same school as her sister), I would witness the comparison saga again. What happens outside of my home is not completely under my control. But I can try my best to ensure that both my girls are given enough opportunities to expand their horizon without the expectations and comparisons from each other restricting their march.

Being a good girl isn't easy either. My sister was always an epitome of good behavior. Any bad reaction from her side would be treated as a crime, but my established run of bad behavior ensured that some of my ugly outbursts were given nothing more than a rolling of eyes. So as difficult as it seems to be the second girl child in the family, my sister and my elder daughter could also write an essay on how difficult it is to be the experimental child of the family.

P. S. I love both my girls equally. But I express my love a miniscule more with my younger one because I feel she would always be in the shadow of her perfect "chechi". If I can make her feel loved she wouldn't be so worried about having to be like her elder sister in everything she does. I hope I can draw on my experience and make her understand that it is ok to be different and it is ok to be imperfect. What is not okay is trying to emulate someone and forgetting ourselves in the effort.

[smilewithlovex3]

Not gonna lie, I’m kinda sad to see this year come to an end. 

Finding happiness was one of my greatest priorities this past year. Not a happiness based on people, things, successes, situations or states, but faith and just mere existence. And while I’m not 100% perfect there yet, it’s crazy to think that it actually has happened.

I can’t tell you how many people told me how much happier I was this year. I usually don’t really care for what other people say, but the people telling me this aren’t random. They’re people who are close to me, people who have known me for years, and people who I consider to be family. I can’t tell you how many times chechis and chettans have literally stopped speaking in the middle of a conversation to tell me how much they’ve missed “this smile” and how they’ve missed “this Ashley.” Don’t get me wrong I definitely have my sad moments, but overall I feel like I’ve rediscovered and revamped the old, simple, genuinely happy Ashley I once was. I was a shit ton more selfish with my time this year, not because I wanted to avoid certain people or anything, but because I was actually super busy and in the few moments I had to spare I focused more on rebuilding myself.

The crazy part is that I know this is just the beginning. lawls. God has a lot more healing planned for the future. And it’s pretty cool that as the year comes to an end He’s pushing me to face and overcome one of my deepest wounds. Man oh man, I can only imagine what people will say about my smile after this one is over, but we’ll just have to wait and see. 

[minsdecute]

If I had the money I would have hired a plane, flown into the skies above and written in the clouds 'Happy Birthday Chechi'. But since I'm not so well off yet, please accept my genuine and humble wishes. Happy Birthday Chechi😂. No words can describe how much i miss you. Hope chechi find the happiness and peace your are looking for. #chechi #Birthday #love #sofartovisit #soon

[someprettyname]

Theme surprisingly suits your vibes I like it

But besides the point

HOW IS MY CHAOTIC SWEET CHECHI DOING

I MISSED YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

I MISS HOW WE USED TO STIR UP CHAOS

HOW ARE YOU

ARE YOU DOING WELL?

DRINKING WATER AND GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP?

YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD

*headpats*

Hello there ish

Right? Everytime I look at my theme I'm like "YEAH! GO BLIND EVERYONE!! WOO!!"

She is doing ✨ hungry ✨ because I'm on a fast. But don't worry it's not that bad of a hunger, I've eaten fruits and I'm staying hydrated 😌👌🏻

SOB. YES. THE CHAOS. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN WASNT IT? sigh. The good ol" days 🥺

hehe THANK YOU THANK YOU <3