#how are they gonna surpass this? idk but i sure wanna find out!

[lautakwah]

this is, like, the most important scene in cinematic history btw. if you even care.

[amiharana]

Lmao what’s the lore of csmp

me personally i think it would be based off canon botw events with slight changes here and there, and i kinda like the idea of them using something similar to the origins mod from the originsmp? that way it honors their original races in the game, e.g. revali's character would be avian or elytrian, daruk could be blazeborn or shulker maybe, etc

the CSMP server is created when the champions decide to collab after love or host and play minecraft together with the intention of surpassing the dsmp LMFAODKJFHD zelda starts the server and invites everyone and it takes daruk 30 minutes to figure out how to add the server ip to his game and log in LOL. at this time, revali and link are already bickering and have already killed each other twice without weapons and only their fists, urbosa is trying to mediate, mipha has wandered off collecting flowers, and zelda starts building a house that will eventually come to be known as "hyrule castle" >:]

after daruk is able to get in the game, they eventually all deviate from each other building their own houses in different parts of the map that they designate as their own lands, e.g. urbosa finds a desert terrain and calls it the "gerudo desert", mipha lives on the beach near a vast ocean in the "zora's domain", daruk finds a mountain with multiple lava pockets that he calls "mountain of death" because he fell into the lava pockets multiple times, and revali, being the overachiever he is, terraforms an entire lake and adds multiple rock spires because he thinks it looks sick and calls it "rito rock" at first. he eventually adds his own village and brings villagers to it and then it becomes "rito village". link makes a house but he rarely ever comes home because he's already underground finding stacks of diamonds or is in the nether raiding bastions lol

the ender dragon is regarded as the calamity ganon and by default the wither=dark beast ganon? HAHAHAHA and zelda actually is super into making lore for the server (because she plays DND i just know it in her nerdy little heart), and she keeps going on and on about how the ender dragon has plagued the "land of hyrule" for thousands and thousands of years and the descendents of the builders (her and link) are destined to defeat it, with the rest of the champions assisting in the battle. revali does not like this part of the lore because he wants to play a bigger part, but he doesn't wanna beef with zelda because she's a huge streamer so he fights with link instead. revali is constantly challenging link to 1v1s at his rock spire but always taunts him like You don't even have a base to call your own! link usually ignores him though LOL

i'm not completely sure how to integrate the divine beasts into the csmp lore, but (and this is gonna be hashtag cursed if you know what i'm talking about) in the dsmp they had an era called the "pet wars" where everyone was killing each other's pets in the server for whatever reason? i swear to god i wasn't that much of a dsmp watcher i only cared about like. two people's lore max. anyways. i think the champions would tame pets and name them after their respective divine beasts. revali gets a parrot that he names medoh, mipha finds an axolotl that she names ruta, urbosa gets a camel named naboris, and link helps daruk get a fucking strider from the nether to name rudania 😭 zelda gets an allay she names terrako and link gets a wolf he names twilight :] the pets would be called the "divine beasts" and they are cherished very deeply by each champion, and they often threaten to kidnap each other's pets when they're mad at each other especially revali and link. it gets to the point where link and revali end up hitting each other's pets, and to prevent warring, zelda finds some plugin or mod to disable pet deaths, or at least pet resurrection (idk if this exists. it should tho)

each champion's land grows to be larger, they have more villages/villagers (especially zelda like come on castle town!), and the server of hyrule starts to really fill in! link's first home eventually gets blown up by a creeper and he can't be bothered to rebuild it because he doesn't really care about having a base. revali starts bickering with him being like What if you die? Where are you going to respawn? Where will you keep your valuables? (link is the person with the least amount of deaths surprisingly and it's because he keeps all his shit with him and his spawnpoint is at world spawn lol) so link is just like Ok if you're so keen on me having a base, then how about you let me borrow yours? and revali is appalled at the suggestion and they argue a little more until revali eventually gives in and lets link stay at rito village under certain conditions. (all of this is being streamed btw, most of the time so people are absolutely getting converted to revalinkism watching this). link ends up being a great asset for rito village, because he protects the villagers and helps level them up because he trades with them all the time, and absolutely annihilates at pillager raids. he also. makes huge automated farms and storage systems for him and revali, and revali is... impressed. link didn't even ask if he wanted that, he just made it and automatically shared the resources between him and revali like . wow. revalink are gonna get married in minecraft you guys it's part of the lore

i can't think of anymore CSMP other champion shenanigans off of the top of my head rn bc im sleepy now LOL but like. besides revalink lore, i definitely want to see urbosa & daruk shenanigans, zelpha lore, daruk and mipha lore, urbosa and mipha lore, and just all the shenanigans between all of the champions. now imagine champion descendent shenanigans. oh god it would be so chaotic. imagine teba constantly experiencing revali and link bickering and flirting and bantering and just being like 😐🏳️‍🌈❌

if i think of more ideas, i'll post them! i'm just brainempty from work but this au seriously has so much potential i wanna write it now 😭

[brotherslayer]

i like to hc (or i think it’s canon. like it was heavily implied) that athy has a mental illness..? depression i think. ( pls let me have this ok! i know it’s so cliche but i also have mdd and her character just hits me esp her reincarnation as a person in our world and she... died 😭😭😭) also i like how functional she is? like yes she has dark thoughts a lot, but she has a good facade. she is strong (i mean she’s lived under poverty, no parents AND most likely worked at customer service) works hard, and smiles and keeps doing all of it, she doesn’t want to die bc of claude. do we know if she overdosed on purpose? was it an accident? we can’t know exactly. *LONG (AND I MEAN LONG) rant ahead i tried to make it make sense and this is just my own experience i’m sure other people will see it differently. you don’t have to read this, so please skip it if you don’t want to read this! and if you did and if you’d like, tell me what you think x*

what we do know is that she opened her eyes and she’s suddenly... a pitiful princess. and you know what? she’s not having any of this. she doesn’t want to have yet another shitty life. and yes she’s tired and she keeps wondering if what she’s doing is right. if she’s making the right decisions. when it gets REALLY hard she thinks “i thought i’d finally be happy”. she’s felt so lonely, and scared, finding a real friend like jennette, i think her fear of possible death if jennette were to be noticed by claude is surpassed by her wanting an actual connection with someone. to be loved. and who better than her sister? 🥺🥺 LISTEN IM A FIRM BELIEVER WMMAP SHOULDNT HAVE ROMANCE AS A MAIN THEME (especially in the novel where everything is more fucked up, here it’s more family centered) idk why they were shoving a lucas romance so fast when my girl athy is having a breakdown. for me, she just needed a friend. i think she had finally found a healthy connection to someone. jennette is her sister. and! she loves athy unconditionally. she’s never scared of her because she knows jennette would never want to hurt her. in fact, jennette would almost die for her like twice. (talking manhwa) i wish we could have focused more on the sibling bond in this story because it does athanasia so good. and i think, it’s a parallel with ana and claude’s relationship. athanasia and jennette, they choose to love each other and i think that’s so sweet. peak writing there spoon 💓🤧

also it’s like. a really good depiction of mental illness too (even if it was maybe? unintentional bc we only see the dark thoughts a few times, when claudes in a coma, especially but that works great because it often just. lingers and that’s why ppl don’t get treated until it’s serious and more dangerous.) she’s high functioning. i can see a lot of typical behavior? for some of us it impairs us, won’t let you even get out of bed or take care of yourself. losing interest in things you liked before is common etc but for others! work and study and it’s SO hard and there’s bad thoughts and all you can do is. eat something because food doesn’t really fail ever. smile! distract yourself by doing daily tasks, etc ☠️ i hope this isn’t too tmi i don’t wanna overshare. maybe someone will relate lmao. ANYWAYS the amnesia arc, this is my favorite lucas, sort of. like you know how i’ve said before that i have a love-hate relationship with this dude. this is kinda why, i wanna elaborate 😭. because im so angry at him right now

ok so yes lucas is not great! and his relationship with athanasia is... uhh! kinda unhealthy 🥴 like i feel like athanasia clings to him because he’s literally the only person who is there, but not under normal circumstances it’s not really an effort on his part because he’s super powerful and he’s not in actual danger. so he can’t really relate to the magnitude of these events like a normal person would. he thinks blowing things up is gonna solve their problems (that’s not problem solving lucas) when something traumatic happens lucas is put there so we associate security to him. you also said that he’s been a victim of abuse. so i can understand why things are happening like this (i’m not happy about it though they could have written something better😔) it’s sort of like clinging to people who show you the bare minimum of what is kindness because well. you’re scared of loneliness perhaps. or, you aren’t used to others being kind to you, and it feels nice. this can make some mentally ill people easy to manipulate, AND it can make others too clingy or controlling. i see it something like that. maybe in my case i like him bc of this? ☠️ i’m speaking from experience here

maybe athy has associated security with lucas. sense of security and the few instances where he’s kind, bc he’s bitch shaped, in the middle of all of the uncertainty. it’s not the best support someone could be giving and he’s definitely not a good person, but no one (jennette should but also we know they’re pushing for lucas/athanasia interactions so they just won’t let her be there with athy ugh 😩) else is there when athanasia is having these traumatic experiences (again probably doing this on purpose and it DOES sound manipulative doesn’t it? not lucas, the writing). i was actually expecting character development for lucas bc of the amnesia arc.

i finally saw him caught off guard for once, because athanasia is actively having “dark thoughts” (i’m calling them that but i really mean suicidal this is where i get the idea she did kill herself), and he didn’t want to show her the world tree branch because he’s scared she will die, that she will “leave him”. he cares for her but it’s a little more on the unhealthy side bc they’re both mentally ill. moving on. he also shows her the tree branch because hes scared she is feeling hopeless (very depressed). sure it hurts but if it means she stays alive, he will try to aid her if it makes her feel better. when he sees her like this, he relents and shows her it. the tree tells her of this method to cure her dad, and he gets angry because it will put her in danger and it’s uncertain that it will actually work. see, this is where i actually liked lucas. helping claude isn’t possible for him. in contrast to how he talks about aeternitas being weak, and being out of touch because well he’s THE wizard. this is one of the few things that he cannot do, so he is sort of in the same place as athy right now. a feeling of helplessness? he can’t do anything, as powerful as he is, to cure her father. and you know? it’s nice. i wish he had stayed like this.

if they hadn’t made him so powerful i would have actually preferred him more as a love interest. it’s really difficult to connect to him because he is almost invincible most of the time, except for in the amnesia arc. before and after this time period, he is more cocky and so sure of himself, it’s like he can’t bring himself to feel empathy for others. so when i saw him be sensitive and unsure i wanted him to keep going on this path of becoming a better person, a better friend for athy, and realizing that he’s not all powerful. just because someone is mentally ill doesn’t excuse being a jerk, and two mentally ill people being in a relationship doesn’t mean that the relationship has to be toxic! but there’s steps in order for it to work and so they don’t sink together... athy and him could have actually helped each other (i’m not saying fix each other here, that’s not how it works) if he could just open up and be vulnerable, ack if they didn’t try to paint him as the usual love interest all the time. same as her! i want her to talk about her trauma and her problems to someone so bad, lucas knows she reincarnated, but they don’t talk about it. unfortunately the narrative is pushing the typical shoujo josei approach which has toxic gender roles and its so boring 😔😔 the incredibly strong and possessive ml and a weaker fl who needs help. right now i dislike lucas a lot, aack like really... he’s gone back to being inconsiderate and a bitch. hate it here

the only other person i know of that helped athy was my boy kiel, but! this child did have a lot to risk, in contrast. by running after athy he’s going against not only his own family but against claude which means sort of... certain death for him. he’s ACTUALLY contributing to this relationship by sacrificing things, putting effort in order to help her. hell, falling in love with her was probably one of his first choices. something that is “him”. it’s struggling if you’re a normal human person. again, we could have kiel and jennette to balance out the lucas and claude interactions but they are REALLY pushing for a lucas thing here bc he’s the novel’s love interest so they will reduce kiel to a second thought when i really think, even if he isn’t an all powerful wizard, that he could offer better support to athanasia and relate more to her than, well, most characters would, and in a healthy way. he would be more sensitive and would comfort her, not saying that they could simply solve it by destroying things but actually telling her, that yes, she’s right, that’s a very difficult situation and she shouldn’t have to go through that. he would not be able to fully understand but he’d try to help her in any way possible. because he was always on her side. it’s honestly great. there’s probably symbolism in there but i’m too stupid to notice. something about changing your fate. there’s certainly parallels between athy and kiel because they’re both changing the future. making choices for THEM. choosing to follow happiness. 🧍something like that someone will probably say it better than i ever will. 👉👈

and last, but not least, i wanted to talk about claude. it’s a similar situation with claude and lucas. he’s the only father athanasia ever had (unfortunately) and any fatherly love athy ever received is from him even if this dude REALLY needs to stop projecting and being violent and distant there’s so many things wrong with claude and he’s so complex. i enjoy his character but he’s a horrible father. at least he’s trying now unlike a certain black cat with red eyes instead of green ones. athanasia actually confronts him... anyways. mental illnesses are often hereditary (i’m not opening MY can of worms though but it runs in the family) we see how VERY unhealthy family dynamics have traumatized the obelian royal family for generations (aka intergenerational trauma babeyyy 🗣😩☠️) and it finally culminates in ana being possessed by aety, in claude becoming a tyrant, in him executing athanasia, and jennette unintentionally making him worse. aeternitas takes over the throne and well. it’s kinda the end of the empire lol.

we can see how this environment affects athanasia, in the first timeline especially, it is a reflection of her life the second time around, and the third time again. sure, she didn’t exactly inherit claude’s alcoholism (i’d recommend she doesn’t risk it though. stay away from alcohol) or violent behavior, BUT she is definitely suffering from a mental illness (like most obelian royalty) and she has also adopted the tendency of drowning herself in work just like he does. and she’s a little desensitized to the violence. it’s a bit of a softer blow because she didn’t internalize it as much as if she had been a baby, being an adult in a child’s body. but it’s still there. and claude got the most of it, a lot more than anastacius did. being an illegitimate child, etc. the person who got away from all of this mess and broke the cycle of abuse is jennette. she was raised in the alpheus manor and we can’t say roger is the best father because he has a lot of flaws. he’s using jennette and pushing ijekiel to be the next head, and probably instilling the wrong ideas in both of them since they were children. he’s put them both in danger with their greed. however, that will always be better than living in the palace. jennette has been affected by the way she was raised but in a very different way than she ever would have had she lived in the palace. ana will not be the best father either, but he hasn’t been in claude’s position who was most subjected to trauma in that same place than anastacius ever was. so he’s not on his level of fucked up, fortunately jennette will be ok with him.

i think jennette and ijekiel should have stayed closer to athanasia and they have a lot more importance than many people give them credit for. it’s a breath of fresh air from everything heavy that happens around her. hell, not even lucas was free from abuse and he has a lot of issues stemming from abandonment etc. they’re sort of the healthiest bonds athanasia has and she NEEDS those! she really does. i think i’ve talked too much already, 😭 idk what it’s supposed to be. analysis? rant? being angry that there’s SO much potential for more themes because the word building is simply incredible? so i’ll leave it here. thanks for listening and if you’ve read until here! don’t wanna force you to answer or anything. and sorry for clogging ur inbox

Headcanon accepted! I like to hc LP Athy to have an Avoidant Personality Disorder & depression. This is probably contradicted by canon since Lithium said LP Athy crying was so out of the character that even Claude was suprised by her breakdown but since it's the only panels where she has dialogue I imagine her to be similar to Hilise Inoaden in her first life: cries easily but only at night when she's alone by herself, hypersensitive, feels unsafe in big crowds or when alone with strangers, clings to every gesture that can be interpreted as kindness, tendency to excuse the actions of the people she cares about (really how has she not lost hope for Claude in those 18 years of her life facing his rejection and the noblility's mockery?).

Talking about mental illnesses being heredity, baby Claude could have also ended up with an Avoidant Personality disorder if he hadn't freezed his heart, I think. But now I hc him with an Antisocial Personality Disorder, Like Lucas.

But I don't think wmmap is good representation of mental illness. You could argue that Lucas' and Claude's "psychopathic/sociopathic" tendancies are mainly caused by dark magic and not their childhood trauma. Like even though Claude seems to have ASPD, baby Claude never showed signs of a conduct disorder. I know this isn't a must but still. Athy's trauma only gets bought up when spoon needs to stirr drama between her and Claude. It doesn't really impair her much in her everyday life. There isn't a day where she has a hard time getting out of bed or a day where she tries pursuing her hobbies but nothing brings her joy anymore. She still manages to be productive. She had no problems to interact with strangers and blend in with the tea party girl's in high society, even though their mother's betrayed her later and some of them surely did the same in the first timeline (ignoring Athy in favour of Jennette), yet she doesn't really harbour any resentment against the noble's that harmed her in her first life.

[omegalomania]

i fucking love hearing suitehearts au stuff, and au stuff in general... so like tea i wanna hear the fun stuff

LMAO well then anon i will do my best to deliver. idk if i’d call it an au exactly? i visualize the characters of the suitehearts as their own thing independent of the people portraying them, but i won’t bicker over people reading it how they like!

opens up my bigass disorganized Fucking Document of suitehearts lore i have frankly mostly invented

SO the thing about the suitehearts is that i view the world they occupy as kind of...an exaggeration of reality. it is not literal reality. in part cause we get this handy shot in the video

which implies to me that people can actually cross into this world via portals from “normal land” i.e. reality as we know it. normal landers are humans, ordinary people, and they can cross into the reality of...the suitehearts. i call it Hollywood Hills because like, thats definitely what it’s emulating, but it’s not the literal Hollywood Hills. 

so the way i read it is this: when the Hollywood-centric entertainment industry got big in Normal Land, an extant mirror world entailing all of Hollywood's greatest sins and triumphs formed as well. the Hollywood Hills we see in the video are like a funhouse mirror. they’re exaggerated, hyperbolic reflections of all that the industry there represents. it’s hard to say which is the more “real” version of reality. do things happen “first” in Normal Land and see themselves reflected in the Hollywood Hills here? vice versa? do the events in one version of reality trigger similar events in another? or are they just echoes of the same song?

the answer to that is who goddamn knows.

putting the rest of this under a cut cause....goddamn this got FUCKIN LONG.

the point is that the Hollywood Hills we see in the video and the reality the suitehearts occupy is....bizarre. it’s full of grotesque exaggerations. and at the center of it all of it are the Suitehearts, and the Suitehearts are....i’m not sure how to describe them other than i guess maybe avatars? conductors? in the context of this world. each of them represent and have mastery over an “element” or aspect that’s intrinsic to the entertainment industry. that’s what i really zeroed in on here when i started building this whole thing, mostly cause a) that’s what the america’s suitehearts song/video focuses on so Obviously yeah i’d go that route and b) those themes resonate very nicely with the rest of the folie a deux album which is nice.

anyway! the suitehearts.

mr. sandman is the suiteheart of dreams. this one is a given, since he’s named after the sandman, which is a folklore creature that puts people to sleep and gives people dreams. in the context of this universe, he presides over dreams and by extension sleep in general. he can’t create dreams (because dreams come from the SELF this is very important) but he can alter them and manipulate them. dreams are an important thing to have when you’re in any kind of massive industry, but in this case i don’t mean dreams in the abstract like motivation. i mean more dreams in terms of inspiration, and the seeds of your subconscious in dreams that can be harnessed into facilitating creation. sandman exists kind of partially out of the reality of the Hills; he can’t actually sleep or dream on his own, so he more or less slips in and out of people’s sleeping subconscious...es. so the “physics” of the Hills apply a little less to him. he can float slightly, he’s got this shadowy/smoky aura that never dissipates, and he��s always shrouded in darkness.

horseshoe crab is the suiteheart of luck. another given, since the video title card calls him the “luckiest man alive.” he can alter anyone’s luck, make them extremely lucky or extremely unlucky. he is also himself preternaturally lucky to a really really horrible extent. he can’t turn it off, so there are like...no stakes in his life. he has no regard for personal safety because he’s so absurdly lucky that he never has to worry about it. concepts like hope are just obsolete to him. he knows the outcome to everything that happens to him before it happens because he’s always going to come out fine on the other side. this results in this intense nihilism and apathy and difficulty in giving a fuck cause like...it’s all gonna be fine man. why bother worrying about literally anything?? he’s been known to describe his luck as being able to see this perpetual set of rolling dice in his head. the dice always keep rolling, so he knows his luck will always hold. he...doesn’t know what happens when they stop. they never have. it doesn’t really bother him though. it’s hard for anything to bother him.

donnie the catcher is the suiteheart of attention. i wasn’t sure about what he would represent since “catcher” plus donnie’s title card just kind of hinted at something related to sports, which isn’t reaaaally an intrinsic part to the entertainment industry. but the “america’s suitehearts” song makes a very explicit parallel between sports and paparazzi/media attention in the lyric “down, set, one, hut, hut, hike / media blitz” - which is especially clever since “blitz” is an actual football play. plus “catcher” can have a lot of meanings, such as to “catch” someone’s attention. and this is VERY important if u wanna make it in any big industry like the entertainment one! so donnie has the ability to alter how much he or others are noticed. he can make himself so forgettable and imperceptible that he might as well be invisible, or someone so eye-catching that they’re wholly impossible to ignore, and so on. there are limits here that will depend on context, like it’d be difficult to make someone performing on stage nearly imperceptible mid-performance, but it’s very easy to make someone disappear into a crowd if they want. he indulges in this very often in fact. any time donnie is confronted with a situation he doesn’t want to be in he can more or less just disappear from most people’s perception and not deal with it :T donnie also has the uncanny ability to notice things most people wouldn’t, which comes w the territory of being what he is.

dr. benzedrine is the suiteheart of euphoria. again i wasn’t super sure what to do with him until i did some research into the “benzedrine” drug and that was super fascinating. point is that benzedrine is a trade name for a pharmaceutical that among other things is very energizing and can induce euphoria. and euphoria is of course pretty essential to anyone chasing their hollywood dreams, PLUS it’s very topical for anyone who ends up chasing a chemical high in any industry, given how rampant substance abuse can get in that context. benzedrine is in theory capable of controlling and altering the levels of happiness in himself and others. in theory i say, because benzedrine is very much Unique and Not In A Good Way as i’ve mentioned before, and one of the consequences of this is that he can’t moderate his own happiness levels. he can experience it organically or not at all but he can’t induce it in himself - only in others. benzedrine more or less defaults to being kind of cranky and is seldom very genuinely happy, though he has been known to whip out a downright terrifying, completely insincere, and very, very wide smile if he’s really pissed off. he’s also got that giant, grinning shadow that literally always follows him and he. really doesn’t know what is up with it. and he doesn’t like that he doesn’t know what’s up with it cause it’s obviously linked to him in a very demonstrable way. and it’s creepy as all shit and he kind of hates it and so do the others.

the “job” of the suitehearts is basically to give what visiting Normal Landers require from them. if someone wants attention, luck, euphoria, dreams - the suitehearts give it to them. and it costs a little something of course, just a little portion of their mortal souls, but the Normal Landers are willing, for the most part. not all of them are - some wander in by accident - but inevitably they succumb to the kaleidoscopic lure of this technicolor world and the temptation of perpetual luck without compromise, bliss without fear of a comedown, dreams that will forever inspire you, all the attention they could possibly want. and maybe it helps them get big in Normal Land. but more likely and most frequently, it just brings them back and back and back for more and more and more until eventually they’re mere hollow caricatures of who they were. and at that point, they sink into the acid green moat and the Hills claim them for good.

do the suitehearts like that they do this? well...they have varying opinions. sandman fucking loathes it. horseshoe doesn’t really care because it’s hard for him to care about anything. donnie finds it unsettling. benzedrine thinks it’s very irritating because he’d rather be getting important studies and work done since he’s the most dedicated to learning everything he can about the world they’re in. but the crux of the matter is that they don’t really have a choice in it. that’s what they’re there to do. they facilitate the trade of souls in exchange for the boons and benefits they boast. they can no sooner stop being a part of this than they could remember anything outside of their lives in the Hollywood Hills.

which they can’t, by the way. they have no memories of anyone or anything outside of their existence in the Hills. they’re not human, but what are they? were they human once? did they ever have actual names? how long have they been here? does time even pass normally in the Hills? they can’t leave the Hills after all; the portals to Normal Land simply refuse to allow them through, and the boundaries of the Hills are impossible for them to surpass.

these are their roles. (who decided those roles?) so they play their parts. (don’t think about it.) they do as they’re meant to. (how do they know to do that? no one ever told them.) this just their lot in life. (are they even alive?)

and what happens when some of them start to get the feeling that there’s something important that they’re forgetting?

[ckret2]

idk if someone actually finally sent this ask but i'mma do it since it seems people are dancing around it: if you're comfortable with it, may we have some radiosnake sexual headcanons (wherein alastor is not sexually repulsed or is demisexual/grey-ace ofc)?? love, a very happy demisexual who just finished a cold day in hell literally two minutes ago

You win the prize for "actually has the courage to directly ask for sexual headcanons" because no, nobody else has asked yet. Sorry for taking so long to answer it but like... the answer is over 2000 words. Have fun.

Now, anon, I've got something important you should know.

When I brainstorm radiosnake stuff, there's a little chatroom I do it in. What happens is, a lot of times, I'll come up with a scene or a scenario or a plot arc, and I'll describe it to that chat. And then, every once in a while, I'll say, "... and then here's how that same thing goes over in the parallel universe where Alastor Fucks." I have. A looot of little ideas set in the parallel universe where Alastor Fucks.

(He's still somewhere on the ace spectrum in all those ideas—either he's demi or else he's sex-neutral/sex-positive ace, depending on the idea—but he does Fuck.)

However, 1) a majority of these ideas are very clearly set specifically in CDIH's verse, and so I don't wanna share them as broad "radiosnake headcanons" when they're tied to one specific fanfic; and 2) a lot of them are angsty, and if you're asking for general headcanons then I'm assuming what you probably want is them actually having a good time rather than several decades of self-induced suffering over unrequited desire. So if you want CDIH-specific stuff and/or angsty stuff (or, more likely, CDIH-specific angsty stuff), hit me up again and I'll share some more stuff. For now, I'll talk about more general non-angsty headcanons.

Okay so most of this answer is geared toward Alastor's perspective since it's like, it's the more interesting one to me in this context, he's the one gradually figuring stuff out while Sir Pent's hanging out being allo with over a century of having his sexuality sorted out.

So that you know what kinda headcanons I'm rolling with here: there's, like, several ways I can conceptualize Alastor's orientation in my head, and they're sorta ranked by how "true" they are to me. Not "true" as in "how canon I think they are," but "true" as in, like, what Feels the Most Right to me.

The #1 Most True version of Alastor in my head is 100% ace/aro. He's not "repulsed" by sex (or romance, for that matter) in the sense of "disgusted/horrified/never ever wants to hear about it," but he, like, has absolutely zero interest in DOING it. He's not repulsed by the subject but he is by most touch, including the kind of touching necessary for sex. Might have some, like, academic curiosity about sex & romance, might enjoy it in a fictional context simply for the drama it adds to a story, but has no desire to be a participant. He can listen to a friend talk about their sexual escapades in graphic detail for an hour without an ounce of discomfort but if they offer him a quick peck on the lips he goes "I'm out." He might have sex Once just to see what it's like/just to say he has and that’s where his curiosity ends.

So that's my mental Most True Version Of Alastor.

The SECOND most true version of Alastor is like, the exact same as that, except he's just barely demiromantic enough that he might, once, fall in love. The odds of him falling in love are the same as someone's odds of winning the lottery. This is the version of Alastor I use in CDIH and other radiosnake fics, where Sir Pentious happens to have been lucky enough to win the lottery, but also, it took fifteen years before it happened. Alastor's feelings about touch & sex are the same, EXCEPT that whoever he loves is excluded from the Touch Is Unpleasant rule, which opens up a few more possibilities.

And I've got more mental versions of Alastor but that's as far as we need to go to be relevant to this post.

So given the above: Alastor's natural internal pool of Enjoyable Physical Activities that he would be autonomously inclined to want to try with Sir Pentious is broader than "nothing at all" but stops short of actual sex. More like sensual activities.

The not-necessarily-sexual sensual things that are obviously & immediately available on Alastor’s Selectable Menu Of Romantic Physical Activities are gonna be things like:

--Cuddles! We're starting as vanilla as possible, folks. Cuddling and sleeping in bed together. 95% naked cuddles are acceptable, although Alastor is inclined to keep his underpants on. Moving to "underpants" from "underpants AND undershirt" is a Notable Intimacy Milestone for him because like Back In His Day undershirts were part of the required underwear, so to him that's taking off 50% of his underwear. It's like switching from loose boxers to a thong. On the other hand Sir Pent is just, totally nude, because look at him he already isn't wearing any pants, he's got nothing to hide.

--Massage! Neither one of them is any sort of professional but tbh on a scale of 1 to 10 a massage can be as bad as a 3 and still be enjoyable y'know? Alastor tends to offer if he notices Sir Pent is sore and/or if Alastor has decided he's gonna be in Extreme Over-The-Top Performatively* Romantic Mode tonight. He always sort of forgets that the option of being massaged exists until Sir Pent offers it in return, because, like, he thinks of himself as a floating radio voice with an inconvenient meat puppet attached, sometimes he forgets that the meat puppet can be pampered too. And then he sits there in a blissed-out daze while Sir Pent goes holy crap your shoulders are like oak, how have you not snapped your own spine with tension yet.

(*Note here when I say Alastor can get "performatively" romantic I don't mean "going through the motions but isn't feeling the love"; I mean that, like, basically NO romantic gestures come naturally to him because he just isn't feeling the gestures even though he's definitely feeling the love. He's sort of figuring out How To Perform Romance As An Action by drawing on how he's seen it done in books/movies/etc. and picking & choosing the things that seem most fun to him to do. So in a sense he is performing a role that he's conscious of when he interacts with Sir Pent romantically, but that's because "performing a role" is how Mr. Perpetual Radio Host approaches all of life—and he's only performing this one because he genuinely wants to and because he's enjoying it.)

--Body worship! Alastor is really deeply squicked out by touching someone's skin/hair/fur but on the other hand (and maybe specifically because it avoids the squick) he is really deeply fascinated by Sir Pentious's scales, which feel Not At All Like Mammal Skin. He also still does the "??? oh right, I have a body too" thing when Sir Pent returns the attention—but Alastor's like, okay, I’m obviously more familiar with my own body than Sir Pent is, I don’t find my body that interesting but it must still be interesting to Sir Pent.

--Showering together! Sir Pent has figured out that if he starts singing in the shower there is a 99% chance that Alastor will trip over his own pants trying to simultaneously strip down and run to the bathroom so that he can join in on SHOWER DUET TIME. Frankly it's a lot safer to just go "hey I'm about to take a shower, wanna join?" but sometimes he doesn't just to see how fast Alastor shows up.

--Kissing! Making out is completely and always an option. Three of Alastor's most defining character traits are being a radio host (which kind of reduces a person to their voice), his perpetual smile, and his cannibalism. Like 80% of this dude's existence revolves around his mouth. He's absolutely got some kind of oral fixation. He gets into making out—as long as it's with the right person. There is exactly one right person. Sir Pent is okay with this.

Other enjoyable mouth activities:

- Kissing places other than the mouth

- Being kissed in places other than the mouth

- Biting

- Being bitten

And there's the overall list of non-sexual sensual activities that Alastor is into!

... And then eventually at some point Sir Pent is like "no pressure but hhhhypothetically sssspeaking are there possibly any sexual activities you might be interested in trying out" and Alastor is like "What? Oh! Right! Actually forgot sex existed for a bit. Yeah sure fine let’s try it." And that's the point at which they start experimenting with activities beyond Alastor's default activities!

Despite just about everything else with mouths being good, things Alastor is NOT into:

- Blowjobs

They did try. It seemed like a logical starting point. Alastor was like "I've liked putting my mouth everywhere else on this snake, it stands to reason I'll like putting it there too!" He got himself psyched up. He faced down The Dicks. He went, hmm. He stuck his tongue out and poked one.

He went "Yeah this isn't happening."

And Sir Pent went "Honestly you've already surpassed my wildest dreams just by getting that far."

They tried it the other way around too and Alastor went "Yyyye... hmmm... nnnnnooo no, no, don't think so. Not into that at all."

And it took him all of five seconds to reject the mere possibility of ever trying rimming, and the only reason it took that long to reject is because first Sir Pent had to explain what that is.

But everything else with mouths is great! Like. Everything. Sir Pent could go "can you lick my eyeball" and Alastor would go "which one? :)" (Sir Pent would probably not ask for this. But the point is he could.)

Figuring out Alastor's acceptable/enjoyable sex acts was a lot of experimentation like the above with BJs. And what they figured out is: he doesn't want his junk touched. Like. At all. In any context. Which, you know, understandably cuts down on nearly all the sexual options out there. But that’s the hard line: no touching his dick and no touching his butthole. Even if he, like, actively has a raging boner.

(Fun fact that I actually had to do research on, because despite being ace I did not know this due to the fact that I don't have a dick: if you are ace and have a dick there's good odds you'll still pop a boner in sexual situations, even if you have zero interest in what you’re looking at or participating in it. It's like something in your crotch goes "oh! Oh! A naked butt! I know what to do here! We got training for this! Time to ready the cannon!" and something in your brain goes "why the hell are you readying the cannon, we are absolutely not going to use the cannon, the cannon is a major inconvenience here" and the something in your crotch goes "listen, pal, I'm just following my orders. I don't tell you how to do your job, don't tell me how to do mine." The tl;dr here is that when Alastor is experimenting with Sir Pent, he could be completely bored out of his mind and still get a boner because biology is funky like that.)

The first few times this happens Sir Pent goes "are you sure you don't want me to, y'know, give you a handjob or something?? I feel like an inconsiderate jerk not helping out" and Alastor goes "absolutely not" and Sir Pent goes well okay I've made a career out of being an inconsiderate jerk, I guess I can do it in the bedroom too.

What they do manage to gradually figure out is that Alastor is perfectly fine with touching Sir Pent's junk, as long as it's not with his own junk or with his mouth. So hand jobs? Totally fair game. Letting Sir Pent grind against his thigh or abdomen? No problems with that. (Alastor flopped on his stomach going "this really does it for you??" and Sir Pent rubbing in Alastor's tail fur going "... yes." and Alastor is like, "wow. wild.")

More than that, Alastor gradually starts to figure out he likes that. Not necessarily the sensation of having a couple of dicks rubbing on his thigh—that's just sorta weird and probably always will be—but the knowledge of what it's doing to Sir Pent. He likes knowing he's giving Sir Pentious pleasure. He likes hearing him gasp and seeing him writhe and knowing that it's because Sir Pent wants Alastor and that Alastor has the power to give him exactly what he wants. He likes hearing Sir Pent hissing his name and little praises and one-word requests. ("Alastor’s existence revolves around mouths” includes sounds coming out of mouths, he gets more out of words and little noises than he does out of sight & touch combined.)

They figure out that what Alastor enjoys doing best is spooning Sir Pent from behind, wrapped around him to jerk him off. In bed or in the shower or even sitting with Sir Pent in his lap or between his legs. Alastor can put his chin on Sir Pentious's shoulder to listen to the sounds he makes and watch how his long long body moves, he can wrap his free arm around his waist and feel how he tenses and relaxes and squirms, they can kiss (and/or bite, biting is nice) with a little bit of careful positioning...

Also it's easier for Alastor to quietly sing to him from there.

... Alastor sings during sex. For the record. The first time he does it it's a nervous "I don't know what I'm supposed to be saying and it seems too quiet—oh I've got a solution" but soon it's just. A thing he does. Sir Pent gradually goes from "what? seriously? this is what you're doing?" to "lmao you dork" to "well I guess I now have a new kink I will never be able to get rid of, thanks." Sometimes he'll shakily sing along and Alastor's guts will melt into warm goo.

So there's a general overview of the more, like, normal stuff they get up to. Considering that their shared hobbies include things like "murder" and "being better than everyone else" and one of them is a cannibal, I'm sure that once they get down the basics they just get weirder. Copious amounts of blood get involved! Not their own blood. Other people's. 

[dojaeism-archived]

OMG I AM SO SORRY I tend to talk so much, you might be writing more because of that :( I can't promise short length but I'll try to restrict my fingers from typing out too much (she says as she types this nonsense that uses a bajillion words already 💔) I've been looking after myself, don't worry~ there's just a lot to do as both my parents work and my elder sister and I mostly try to manage our younger siblings and stuff haha Ah, I get that; glad to know you still like doing it! - ❄️

sorry for taking so long to respond omgg but hi!!!

asfhgjsadkj I'm no one to get excited over T^T the ones I am currently mostly active on are 2 out of ig 5-6 blogs? I rarely post on main but you'll see me do something once every blue moon haha Ooh what do you like cooking most then? I make cheesecake myself at home from yogurt instead of cream cheese and it's very light so I can easily eat a slice ^^ I don't like sweets much so it's rare I even have something that isn't on the more bitter or tart side (even then very picky hehe) - ❄️

Quiche is definitely something you should try; it's basically a savoury pie! Stews are awesome too; if you're a person who likes deep flavours but not in watery form (e.g soups, broths) like me, then that's the perfect option as it's consistency is gravy-like and packs a punch Lol they put zero effort in even trying to know their way around the kitchen so when they're forced to do so in the future, they'll definitely get the hang of it :) - ❄️

haha I'm the kind of person who disappears for days/weeks and then mass produces gifs when they return (as explicitly told by my friend) but I quite enjoy it (*^w^) I think giffing for 1-2 groups specifically made me use so much time that I rarely gif others unless I have the time to; but I do wanna try to gif exo more... I gif txt and stray kids! (and some others on and off on my multi blog) - ❄️

I look forward to becoming friends with you too~ haha merci beaucoup; je fais de mon mieux! Those two were like the only games I liked (the puzzle parts though, not much of the fighting Lol) OOF that's a lot, I hope you didn't lose too much sleep for that! Thank you, good luck with your classes and I hope this year passes by nicely for you (also I deeply apologise because I said I wouldn't talk too much but I'm kinda sure I surpassed the normal word limit 😶) - ❄️

please don’t apologise for talking too much omg i love love hearing what you have to say!! you’re always welcome to send as many asks as you’d like hehe and im glad to hear that you’re taking care of yourself!

jkfgnkjfg i know what u mean, i have like 6 sideblogs and i am allllll over the place for all of them LOL either way, im excited to find out who you are!!!

i don’t think i really have a favourite dish, cooking still isn’t my thing tbh i’d rather eat than cook 😭 i only did it bc my parents were like “u gotta show us what u learnt all this time away at uni” and i was like “omg.. here eat this! now leave me alone!” LMAO but its interesting that you make cheesecake from yoghurt :0 i might try that to see if it turns out better!!!! quiche sounds nice! its kinda hard to get stuff like that and pie/stews etc here bc its not very common so i’ll have to see :0

ohh i get u!!!! when i initially started giffing i’d do it for like 6/7 hours a day no kidding, i literally just sat there and giffed all day (to the point where i had a permanent cramp in my hand) but now im like hmm here’s a gifset once a year maybe haha but i almost exclusively only gif jaehyun lol its kinda tragic 😭 im currently trying to gif more people on my sideblogs bc i’ve always wanted to gif them but the jaehyun tunnel vision is so real 😩 its so ironic that chanyeol is my ult but i have never giffed him ever in my life LMFAOOO i really gotta change that….. but omg i love stray kids!! well i solo stan felix actually but they’re all cute!! id love to get into giffing them!!! i don’t really know txt though, but people are always saying lots of lovely things abt them hehe

omg im the opposite! i hate the boring story bits of games lol i always just skip to the fighting bit… idk how familiar you are w genshin but they have like story quests right and i generally just ignore everything and just go around looking for people to fight lmaoo

thank you! its kinda crazy bc i slept like 4 hours the past 3 days but its the weekend now so im gonna catch up on some sleep hehe i hope you’re staying warm (if its cold where you are) and remember to drink lots of water & stay safe!! also its always always okay for you to send in as many asks as you like, i love talking to you 🥰

[rapperkookz]

ironman!namjoon

a/n wow ok so this is the start of my avengers!bts headcanons and yuh they all have set in stone story lines but im gonna shake it up a lil bit xD

word count: 2.3k

____________________

kim namjoon

you see

the kim namjoon is a smart kid

child genius if i say so myself

and boy he knew it

no eleven year old chooses to write a paper about hubble’s law of cosmic expansion for a science project instead of making a trifold and using liquid cement

no, namjoon writes a 4-page paper in apa style with a magnificent abstract

he got an A on it of course

his brilliance only goes up from there

and with his rich parents, he has the opportunity-

to which yoongi and seokjin would say “privilege”

but let’s just say “opportunity”

to do incredible research and studies and experiments

his dad has a science lab built just for him in their house

by nineteen, namjoon has taken over a good percentage of his parents’ business

kim enterprises

growing up, namjoon had an idea that his parents’ business was pretty expansive and were involved in many areas

but it wasn’t until he was placed in board meetings at eighteen when he absorbed how powerful his family really was

and sure the business aspect of him was aight, but he loved his lab and would rather leave the negotiating to his mom and dad

you grew up with namjoon, you were also from a wealthy family

your fathers were childhood friends and they grew their businesses together

although kim enterprises surpassed your family’s wealth easily, the bond between your families were still tight

namjoon was stubborn and a smartass

but he wasn’t a jerk, just...very selective with his true self

he’s also a bit spoiled, but with his parents who gave into his every wish, it just turned out that way

at 21, namjoon’s parents got into a plane crash on the way to a meeting in london and it unfortunately claimed their lives

namjoon became the sole CEO and heir of kim enterprises

he asked you for help because damn he couldn’t run a whole business by himself??

and you weren’t needed yet to run your own family business

so you didn’t mind helping out your friend

things were running okay with little kinks in the road, but the business was still thriving and so namjoon was okay with that

until one day when you and namjoon were hanging out in his family mansion and it was broken into

in a crazy haze, you were captured and abducted

namjoon knew they were after him and not you and for the first time in his life:

he had absolutely no idea what to do

he had to find you of course but he didn’t know where to start

namjoon couldn’t tell your parents because they would absolutely kill him for not protecting you

and honestly he wanted to beat himself up too for that fact

thanks to his brilliant mind, he managed to track wherever the fuck you were being held captive

he took his private jet out to a nearby place and did the rest by foot

this was basically a suicide mission and he knew it, but to hell with it

namjoon would exchange his life for yours, you’ve been with him since birth

back to you

you were being held in a cell

your captors needed namjoon to build something for them, but since you weren’t him, you were useless to them

you thought they were going to kill you

but instead they just locked you up

you didn’t expect to see namjoon being pushed into your cell with you

“joon what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I uh...I found you.”

you thought he would have told your dad and then like officers would come and find you

not namjoon, alone.

“did you expect to just walk in and sweet talk them into letting me go?”

he scratched the back of his neck

“for a genius, you’re fucking stupid.”

“okay, truthfully, i thought I could turn myself in and that would convince them to let you go, but i guess they just took both of us haha.”

for weeks you two were held prisoner, your captors taking namjoon in the morning and returning with him at night

you were just stuck in there

but whenever joon came back, he had a new injury to him

your heart hurt whenever you saw him come back, pain all over his face

you would do your best into aiding him, but you didn’t really have much options in the small cell

it was one night when he didn’t come back and your mind automatically assumed that he was dead

you started sobbing in the cell, god you were going crazy

you needed to get out of there

and then when you heard some whimpering and cries of pain, your drive only got bigger bc you knew it was namjoon

you started clanging on the cell and screaming for them to let you go

and then from the corner of your eye, you spotted joon crawling to you, all bloodied up

you gasped spotting the large wound on his chest

but before you could start losing your mind about your best friend was going to die, he calmly started instructing you to build a generator for him

you: joon! I’m not as smart as you, this thing is going to fucking blow up

joon: y/n, calm down and listen to me. you can do this, i believe in you

also joon: connect that wire to the plug...black long thing to red square.

as the hours went on into the night, namjoon sounded weaker and weaker, making you urgent into finishing his little generator

you started holding his hand

“joon, it’s done, okay? it’s done.”

“this is going to hurt like a bitch, but put that generator in my wound. and shove my shirt in my mouth, shut me up with it or we’ll get caught.”

“w-what?”

“just do it y/n!”

you shoved the triangle thing you made (with his help) into his chest and shut your eyes as you basically gagged joon quiet

within minutes he started to get better and you felt like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders

the last thing you remember before crashing was joon saying “thank you, y/n, now go rest.”

you were awaken by a huge bang

lo and behold, namjoon’s in a tin suit and he blasted your cell open

you could barely register namjoon breaking the roof of your cell and grasping you by the waist and flying you out of there

his tin suit failed him within minutes, the thrusters he built at his feet giving in

but the important thing was that you two made it out and crashlanded in a lake

the place where you were held captive burst into flames

you were founded by your father’s men

(he had some great influence in the army)

and fuck you and joon suffered from one hell of a ptsd

for a while, joon became distant

i mean, could you blame him? y’all got kidnapped and almost died

you tried to reach out but his house security kept denying you

cute side note: namjoon’s jarvis is called moni

“god dammit moni, i just wanna talk to him”

“my apologies miss/sir y/n, master kim doesn’t want any visitors at the moment.”

:(

the next time joon talked to you was months after you two were found, he invited you over to his house and his security system led you straight to his lab

you walked in to see your best friend in a golden technological suit, the triangle generator you helped him make glowing on the torso of his suit

“joon, what the fuck are you doing?”

he sat you down and explained how after your whole kidnapping, he realized that he had a gift 

and he could either be sitting around waiting to be kidnapped again for his mind to be used for the worst

or he could be doing something for the greater good

you honestly couldn’t follow, couldn’t he just use his wealth to donate to charities or something?

but no, he wanted to be proactive and idk be some kind of superhero

“why are you telling me all this?”

“well, not only are you my best friend and we have suffered through hell together...if I happen to die out there, I’m leaving you in charge of kim enterprises.”

“huh die out where? joon you’re not going back there.”

he then told you how he was forced to build weapons while you were kidnapped and how his parents dealt with underground business with terrible people and now it’s come to bite him and kim enterprises in the ass

“i’m going back. If you want, you can stay here and monitor me. moni has complete access to my suit, it is my eyes and ears.”

“god, just...come back, don’t die on me, please.”

you end up watching him complete whatever mission he had for himself

but also how he got his ass beat

you almost missed a pair of boys save him from where he was

they were quick to the eye, dressed all in black, you just remember one with a bow and arrow

fast forward another couple months

joon was safe, thank god, and just doing insane upgrades on his suit and what not

you called him golden boy, but he said that name just didn’t suit him

you see that pun i put there ;)

the two of you were discussing the art exhibit he needed to attend when moni alerted him of visitors

surprise surprise it was the same two boys that you remember saving him, except they were dressed casually this time

“you must be y/n, namjoon hyung’s better half.”

namjoon glared at the boy, “shut up, jimin.”

the other one spoke, “we need you both to come to headquarters.”

“omg I’m not being kidnapped again, am i?”

the three of them laughed

you were told that jimin and the other boy, taehyung, were agents under BTS, a protection initiative created by their boss, Mr. Bang

and now, namjoon was being recruited to be part of that initiative

BTS is a specialized sub-unit to the larger Avengers motion

it put your mind at ease knowing that namjoon wasn’t alone in his whole fighting crime and saving lives ordeal

the media deemed namjoon’s golden suit as “iron man”

and although you personally liked your “golden boy” name better

joon had a complete liking to the other name

you witnessed when they recruited more agents to BTS

namjoon began to have a nice bond with the other boys

and it made you happy, of course, knowing that he had others by his side

but sometimes you couldn’t help but feel as if you were being replaced as his best friend

especially when he and the wakandan king, jung hoseok, became rather close

namjoon first realized his feelings for you when kim seokjin, aka the god of thunder, was flirting with you during one of joon’s house parties

he almost had a fist fight with him

but the other boys held them back from beating each other up

a supersuit vs a god with insane powers? that wasn’t going to end well at all

and so namjoon secretly pined for you

you were still doing business together, but it was mostly you because he was busy now with world saving duties

you were the one to convince him to recruit their youngest and final member to BTS

the spider kid, jeon jungkook

namjoon becomes jungkook’s mentor

and it’s quite endearing

but jk’s also the one to spill to you that namjoon has had the hugest crush on you for the longest time

kid just can’t keep his mouth shut sometimes

all the boys knew that namjoon was basically in love with you

they even helped him come up with this elaborate event of confessing to you

...which all went to hell bc yoongi got triggered and smashed everything

yoongi felt so bad afterwards

but all ended well bc of course you loved namjoon back

he was your best friend and your #1 since day 1

namjoon ends up revealing himself as iron man probably a year after the whole BTS unit was solidified

the press was hell for kim enterprises

which you had to mainly contain :/

but you know he’s a charmer in front of the camera

your parents were a bit iffy when they found out you were dating iron man

but if anyone could take care of you, they knew it would be namjoon

aw im emo

dating your best friend/business partner is a rollercoaster

you’ve had your fair share of heart attack moments, waiting for him after a battle or a mission

namjoon has put his life in danger and will continue to put his life in danger and you’re just going to have to deal with that

he hates that he also puts your life in danger just by association, but you have a lot of protection, courtesy of Mr. Bang

you wear his suit sometimes and try to fly it for fun

he finds you cute

builds you a suit, yourself, but you don’t wear it often

mostly bc you know there’s some weapons included for safety and that scares you a bit

you end up merging businesses with kim enterprises

and run the whole rodeo bc he’s too busy saving the world

but you always keep him updated on what’s happening

he’s become less arrogant after being with the boys and after dating you

but he’s still a smartass

uses kim enterprises’ wealth and resources for the improvement of BTS

it’s pretty useful if you ask me

namjoon becomes the spokesperson for BTS ;)

he and his boys save the world on the regular

but he wouldn’t be saving the world if you didn’t save his world first

u fucking wu

that last part was cheesy but am i sorry about it?

nah

7-6-19

[miniminisb]

ˢᵒ ʷʰᵃᵗ’ˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᶜᵘˡᵗ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ

okay bUCKLE UP FUCKERS IT’S TIME FOR THE DUMBEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE. I preface this by saying, I am a dumbass. I am a complete, irrevocable, plain dumbass. Do not do this at home. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Heed my warnings. also technically not a cult but basically a cult you’ll see just sit tight.

It was a nice sunny day in September 2017. The seasons were beginning to turn. I had just gotten out of my Intro to Logic class. I felt good. I thought to myself, “Man. Such a nice day. I think I’ll do my homework outside today. Enjoy the weather before it goes to shit.”

So there I was, barbecue sauce on my titties doing some, i dunno, categorical reasoning? Just, sitting beneath a tree, enjoying the day, when two girls walk up to me. They say they’re trying to start a club on campus, and they wonder if I have some time to talk real quick. I have some time before my next class. I’m pretty much done with this homework. I say sure.

Mistake number one.

They sit down and ask if I have ever read the Bible. My stomach immediately sinks. I don’t necessarily have things against organized religion, but… American Christians make me nervous. They really do. Growing up, you get a lot of people at your door and you get a lot of crazies telling you you’re gonna go to hell. They can pick pick the weak out of a crowd and target them for their schemes.

I am the weak.

So I chuckle nervously. I’m in danger! I say no, not really. Kinda. I grew up in a small town and would go to church with friends sometimes hahahahahahaha. They seem alright, kinda. They pull out their own Bible and start flipping through it for certain passages, giving the schpiel of “oh God loves you, Jesus died for our sins, yada yada” and I’m like, yeah, cool. Whatever.

Then it gets weird. They start talking about the end of the world, Armageddon, the apocalypse, whatever ya wanna call it. They say this time was prophecized in the Bible, snatching on weird passages to claim that North Korea is gonna drop nukes. They say that this will happen where the four corners of the earth meet, and are adamant to say that it’s referring to our area (I go to college at the Four Corners Region in the US of A).

They say how, because it’s gonna happen, it’s more important than ever to save your soul, get baptized, whatever. They ask if I have been baptized. And I say haha no, not yet, like I said I’m not really Christian, hahahah-

Mistake number two.

The girl in charge of the situation nods in a sort of understanding manner. They continue their schpiel, really starting to hit home that saving your soul and accepting the big J is important. They also said jesus was married to the city of jerusalem? For some reason??? Idk man if you’re christian can you explain this to me?

Same girl then goes, out of nowhere, “would you ever consider getting baptized?”

Listen guys. I know I put off big chaotic energy, give no fucks, can’t mess with me persona on here. But in the words of Kim Namjoon, who the hell am i? I am, without a doubt, a spineless bitch who doesn’t know how to stand up for herself when faced with the smallest amount of conflict and no outward reason to refuse people. Y’all, as I write this, I am shaking and my heart is pounding because yes, you can probably see where this is going. And yes, I am that dumb.

I chuckle nervously, fiddle with my hands, and go “haha maybe if my friend would want me to idk” just like, full on passive avoidance shrink-into-yourself of someone who desperately wants this shit to end but really can’t find an out.

And the girl looks me dead in the eyes. “Well, that’s good. But you would have to do it for yourself. Would you ever get baptized for yourself.”

“I mean, maybe? I guess? Hahah I dunno, yeah, maybe.”

MISTAKE NUMBER THREE.

The two bitches perk up. “We can do it now!” bitch what. I have like, maybe 20 minutes until class at this point. I’m shaking. I’m like, man, I just wanted to do my logic homework. And now, I get into fight or flight mode. I can’t miss class. I feel scared. These girls think north korea cares about fucking new mexico and arizona enough to nuke a place which, objectively, has little to no people living there. Like, what, you’re gonna bomb aliens? Whatever.

I really start to say. No. can’t do it. I have class. I really have class, it’s soon, can’t do it. No. And they keep pushing. “It’ll only take five minutes. It’ll be fine. You’ll be okay. Only five minutes.”

Now, what should I have done? I should have picked up my stuff and said “thank you, but no. I need to leave.” I should have said “you women are making me uncomfortable. I said no. Leave me alone. You are crazy.” I should have raised my middle finger to them which, conveniently, has a pentacle ring on it.

Instead, I caved and said fine.

M͏̤̤I̩S̖̙͝T̯̕A̧̗͙K̩͕̺̕E҉̞͙̞̮ ̤̙͕͔N̷̗͙̙ͅU͚͇̯̦͙M̩͙͖B̵̬̝̤̪E̪̺̟͙ͅṞ̼ ̩͉͍͎͎̼͘F̩̦͔̩O̘̭UṞ͉̯͍

The other girl who has remained relatively quiet, jumps up. “Great! I’ll call our minister, he’ll pull up the van!”

The what.

I don’t say anything. I should have. Listen, I don’t know how I was supposed to get baptized in the middle of the day on a Wednesday but fuck, I did not expect to get taken off campus. We have a fucking non denominational chuch on campus. So, who would’ve thunk? Not me!

“The what?”

The girls jump up and seem super excited. I am shaking as I pick up my bag and follow them to the parking lot. Meanwhile I’m screaming silently to myself what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. You know, like a normal person. So at least I wasn’t completely insane.

“We’re just taking you to our church, don’t worry.” And for some reason, that does put me at ease a lil. Cuz, like, I may be a stinking heathen who’s gone to church so many times that she can count it on one hand, but I do have the belief that nice pretty churches are save havens. So, I do feel a little okay.

I still get into a fucking car tho so there’s that I guess.

The dude pulls up. He is… idk he looked like one of those creepy religious fucks from like a horror movie. Dead behind the eyes. We all pack into the car. I’m trying not to cry, honestly. I’m really trying to keep this light cuz it is pretty funny when you step back but keep in mind I was terrified and I don’t know how to say no.

It is only after we pull away that I have the dawning thought. I’m basically getting kidnapped. They could take me fucking anywhere and no one would know and I wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop it. Three against one.

As we’re leaving my fucking campus I check the clock. I have, like. Five minutes until my next class. I am a dumbass.

The girl shows me like… an apocalypse video??? for some reason??? Like wow thanks bitch but you already told me the world was gonna end but aight.

I’m hardcore like, astral projecting at this point. Full on dissociation. I do not exist on this plane anymore.

We pull into a fucking starbucks parking lot next to some town homes.

“We’re here!” Where’s the church? Where’s the steeple? Bitch I just see modern condos what the HELL is happening. We get out of the car and go up to one of these fucking apartments basically. Fucking Youth Pastor John unlocks the place and.

Guys.

The church was just a fucking townhome. I’m like. Just. Guys the area where the congregation met was a fucking living room with like maybe six chairs and a podium. On the bright side, lovely open floor plan.

They guide me upstairs.

To the bathroom.

They hand me like… a fucking robe and say I can undress and put that on. They give me a moment but even then i’m like FUCK that. Undressing in a strange house? That’s where I draw the line! Nope, no disrobing for me, thanks! I still put on the robe because apparently it’s like, ritually significant?

Got into my new swanky clothes and they come back in. They start filling up a shitty plastic bucket with water in the tub. At this point, i’m just like:

They tell me to kneel in the tub and raise my hands in prayer. I follow orders, trying to ignore the fact that I am in a strange place that is very much not a church, that I am currently wearing weird periwinkle robes, knowing that people are in class right now just. Learning about fucking Mesopetamia or some shit i forget what the class was about.

The Hannah Montana from Hell Squad prays over me as they pour cupfuls of bucket water over my head. My underclothes are now drenched. My hair is wet. My knees hurt because I’m kneeling in a fucking bathtub.

“Congrats! Your soul is saved!” I have to get to class!

They give me a moment to take off the fucking robes and I collect my things. I step out and i’m like “great I’m late for class, take me back!”

“Oh, but you still need to have passover.”

Passover is a Jewish Holiday practiced in mid to late spring. It’s September. Y’all are christian. But I literally cannot leave, so I follow them into the kitchen where they put a veil on me. The other two girls put on veils as well. I’ve fully surpassed crying and reached silent resignation to my fate as the guy prays over some fucking communion wafers and some grape juice. I take the lil bits of food, luckily too since i fucking missed lunch because of them but at least I have some grape juice to fill me up.

“Now, we know that this is not the correct time for passover, but we needed to do it to save your soul. Now, practice Passover every year from now on to make sure you show your dedication to God and make sure your soul is saved.”

They do take me back to campus. I am in soaking short shorts and a red flannel. It is, to say the least, very moist and uncomfortable as I start to stick to the faux leather seats of this mini van.

I’m like “cool great thanks for having me!” as they pull up to my building, and as I try to get out, the quieter girl (who, genuinely, seemed to be fond of me) asked if she could have my number.

HEY YOU KNOW HOW THIS STORY STARTED? WITH ME LACKING THE ABILITY TO SAY NO TO PEOPLE? YOU REMEMBER THAT? HUH!?

But this time, ohhoho, I have a plan. I’ll give her a fake number! That’ll teach her! So I punch in a few random numbers really hastily because I am still in this fucking van and I am twenty five minutes late for a fifty five minute class.

“Cool can we test it real quick to make sure we have the right number?”

And, like a dog with my tail between my legs, I very quietly go “yeah uhm i think i put in the wrong number hang one second” and fixed it to my actual number. Like a goddamn moron.

I sprint out of the van. Walk into my class soaking wet with my head down at my professor is in the middle of a lecture. I find my seat in the back of the classroom on the other side, so everyone has seen me. My friend leans up to me as I sit down, and asks me where I have been. I tell her that I got lost during a hike and fell into a creek.

Now, what is the moral of this story, children? If anyone asks you if you want to get baptized on a Wednesday in the middle of September, simply say

[notseriousjustshootingthebreeze]

if i did a ted talk y would they ask me to idk they never would and honestly heres why

Guys hahahaha let’s start this off with an honest moment I’m really scared to be up here like I’m really shaking in fact I wrote this down to say because I knew I would be but to help me can someone please like heckle me right now.

Does anybody here think they’re cool?

Does anybody here think they’re cool for not saying they thought they were cool just then?

Does anybody think they’re cool for completely zoning out and not hearing what I just said?

Does anybody think they’re cool for zoning out but not thinking they’re cool for doing it but actually feeling bad?

Does anybody think they’re cool here because they think they’re not cool?

Hope I covered everybody. Whew. that was exhaustive.

In High School I thought it was cool to wear whatever everybody else wasn’t really wearing, but not to look like I was trying to do that. Because I didn’t think trying was cool.

But then you “graduate” high school, (long story ask me about it later *asterisk winky face*) so it’s not cool to look like you’re in high school anymore, so I dressed like that, but it wasn’t cool to act and care a bunch like an adult, but it was cool to know and do all the adult things, like drugs and sex and paycheques being beautiful all the while whilst melancholy and pretending like you didn't really care about anything.

But not in a way that was obvious but more so like, I care so little that I cannot even care enough to consider how much I care about things so if you were to accuse me of caring about not caring I would simply be unaware of what you were talking about. Boom! I have ascended…. to COOL. the funniest thing is though I’m pretty sure people around me were just like. What is her deal man. Like is she … okay?

At one point in my life, saving all my money to buy one ridiculously priced designer item was cool, but then it wasn’t because I mean cmon man climate change!

So then it was cool to only thrift, but no where anybody else I knew thrifted of course!

but on apps like Depop where people from the UK were selling me old designer clothes they looked for for weeks and overpriced the crap out of.

but then ugh!! here I am again *hold back of hand to forehead dramatically* trying.

I got it! should just MAKE all my own clothes. So now in my never ending quest to be cool I must master the art of tailoring.

I’m pretty extreme in this and the thought processes I just described may be known to some of you as what the docs are calling “social anxiety” or simply… “mental illness”

BUT what you may not know is that… you all have experienced what I have just described in some way shape or form.

The raw aching truth at the bottom of all of this fancy misdirection I was dead set on performing for the rest of my life was that I really, really, REALLY, did not like myself. *a small hush falls over the crowd*

It’s so crazy guys because I would have literally spent the rest of my entire life trying to be cool because I felt so uncool inside.

BUT! sometimes people would say cool things about me like, “Talia, you’re crazy!” or “Talia, you’re so much fun!” or even “Talia, you’re so talented, funny, beautiful, smart.”

I could never equate this to the Talia I saw and felt inside so constantly to be the real Talia.

A Talia I felt no one would be saying those things about, if they really saw.

Guys, I wanna get to know you, so let’s get one thing out of the way real quick here I do have quite a lengthy rap sheet of diagnosed mental illnesses and disorders.

Are these things a part of who I am? No. 100% not. I honestly see them simply as the clinical, worldly, and temporary explanations for the pains and aches and dings and factors of living in the world we do.

and honestly if I had enough time and formal education and attention from each and every one of you I could probably give you all a few diagnoses as well.

But the reason I mention this is because, these mental illnesses very much so perpetuated how I saw the “inner” Talia.

The “inner” Talia in consideration to these, was sick, insane, confused, empty, angry, in need of apparently hundreds of thousands of dollars of therapy, and a list of prescriptions to keep me afloat for the rest of my life.

I am afraid of all of you, as I said at the beginning, I am quite scared. As scared as I would have been a few years ago? no definitely not. But nonetheless I am afraid, of what you’re thinking of me, what you could be thinking of me, how you could be seeing me as I stand before you right here and now. For the most part because I know the worst things we think about people are never the things we say to their face.

Are my perceptions of how you COULD be perceiving me based on my perceptions of you… correct? accurate? Who can know. Alas as much as my feverish imagination could paint a convincingly self informed picture of this moment, I cannot trust it to be true.

This is pretty stupid right? I mean like, in the GRAND SCHEME of things. To be so concerned with this looking glass that isn't even accuracy ensured. I mean! I’m TWENTY TWO years old! Shouldn’t I have a “serious” job or kids or an original Netflix show right now or something? It can’t be that hard. Have you seen most Netflix originals lately?

Ahhhh *large sigh.* I wish I could cast this obsession into a deep sea of forgetfulness.

But! Perhaps! If only….

I might MAKE, nay, SHAPE myself into the person I want you all to perceive me as. I mean theres no way to ensure I would actually fully truthfully be said person, but all I need is a little smoke and mirrors.

You see, I often flip between these two polar opposite Talia’s, the inner, “real” Talia, and the Talia I consciously project to others.

TALIA, *italic, all caps* is gonna live up to all those cool things people said about her. In fact, she’ll SURPASS them.

because it’s not enough to be worthy of a little compliment here and there.

I have to be UNDENIABLY, UNFLINCHINGLY awesome, cool, an “IT GIRL” if you may.

Let’s have a little flashback, to middle school specifically. Ooohhhh did you like the emotion those two words drew out of you?

I did not.

*old person voice* When I,,, was young, I attended a girls school. But this was not satisfying to little Talia (Imagine me but, a lot shorter, like 5”8 or 5”9)

So, I begged mom and pops dearly, shall I not transfer to the public school our neighbours goeth to? Shall I be deprived of such pleasures of going to a boys AND girls school?

They said, so be it! And off I went! and I got bullied! Really bad! Because apparently bringing your ukulele to school to make improv songs about what type of funny monkey every person in your homeroom would be was not cool! But no one told me this!

All of the sudden… people were saying things about me, but like. I couldn’t really understand exactly it was they were saying.

But I knew they were because, in my 12 year old experience, you didn’t look directly at someone and whisper something to the person next to you unless you were saying something about them.

But fortunately! these mysteries did not elude me for long, as people graciously just started saying such things to my face.

I had little detective work to do to find out that in fact, most everyone was starting the say the same things about me.

and if their words did not cement the reality of what they were thinking and saying about me, they were faithful to go the long mile in DOING things to me to make this known.

So as I moved on from these experiences, in my forever coming of age (I’m still 12 on the inside don't get it confused) I had made two fundamental discoveries on my path to being cool

INSERT TWO FUNDAMENTAL DISCOVERIES

INSERT PART ABOUT ME FINDING THE SECRET TO SELF CONFIDENCE

[riskeith]

i couldn’t stop smiling reading your last message i’m literally so happy atm. you’re so cute and i’m SO happy. i reread it three times and giggled so loud my brother asked why i was laughing... 🥺 he’s in the next freaking room 🥺

sappiness aside: YES!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE? i wish i could give my luck to you as you deserve it much more ): it’s true but it’s still important if you wanna do well in combat sadly haha dhdydbjdnd like you said it’s very inconvenient to have a unbalanced team but i decided that i’m just gonna switch around with the characters i have when it’s needed yk? they’re all mostly around the same levels so it works fine rn.. or it will until i have to focus on who i want to focus on ascending when i get to higher levels bc payments and materials and all.. sigh there’s so much to think about with too many cute characters... anyway how many rolls have you done since you started playing? do you remember?

OH???? is it easier on pc? i’ve always enjoyed smaller consoles tbh (like switch or even phone) bc it’s easier to focus so it wasn’t that difficult for me. but like you said it might just be a ‘getting used to it’ thing. also now that you’ve seen both; which differences are there in the game? are you gonna have two different accs?

i did restart it from the first ep!!! i figured i might as well get the ~full~ experience. it’s been a while too so it’s like a new experience but not rly? it’s like traveling back to your home country and you’re like wow... i belong here even if i’m not here all the time dhsjsjdhfh bad example but you know what i mean?i’ll keep you updated! rn i’m at training camp part of s1 and it’s great!!! just having a blast tbh. needed this especially now that school is back... :(

i guess we are talking about voltron in 20fucking21. i don’t know if i love that for us or not.... (our honeymoon can be whenever you want babe pick a date and i’m There 😏)

pls unrequited love is soo good. it hurts but it’s good too? haha, maybe if one has experiences with it it just hits different yk? but i’m with you—watching voltron i always always had the headcanon that keith first started to feel smth for lance in the ‘we did it’ scene and actually thought ‘i’m in love’ during the black lion scene. like the proof is all there... s8 and the sunset scene just proves his longlasting feelings nobody can tell me otherwise. keith is the type to cherish the people he loves a lot because he barely has anyone and that means putting their happiness above anything else and lance’s happiness was allura for a while and he just... accepted that despite yearning . god . i always think about is bittersweet smile while having his speech. it’s like; i know that you’re great and you should know that you’re great too and if she can’t see it she doesn’t deserve you.

you freaking out over the leave the math to pidge scene... losing my fucking mind. girl they’re literally in love fuckinf crying 😭😭😭😭😭 they depend on each other SO much like the show runners always push the ‘hunk and lance bffs’ agenda ok sure but in the show hunk was never there for lance the same way keith was. they just eased each other’s anxieties without having any expectations on each other at all? yet they surpassed all of them. the other was just.. there. always. remember the ‘we all miss shiro’ scene too???? the entire team looked at lance and wanted him to step up!!!!!! like HELLO??????? and the second lance spoke keith just calmed down... kill me now. if that doesn’t show much trust and appriciation and respect there was between them idk what does. and the fact that the others know that despite their differences they still need each other just..... yeah. *cries*

YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD YOU SHOULD. i get you tho klance is just... comfort ship but the ship that leaves you depressed too. i’m sure you could still write them perfectly but i’m absolutely in no way pressuring you at all you truly don’t have to if you can’t. i know how hard it can be to write when the motivation is just not there... :/ anyway idk what i’d prompt i just love your fics babe hsjdhdjdjdk. that’s so boring of me to say help but everything you write i love so.. surprise me? i can’t believe you have a final klance fic tho that sounds so sad.... ): i’m curious what it’s about but maybe it’s better to keep it hush hush.. hm?

i hope you’ve slept well!! you make me so happy!! kisses! xxxxxx

FHSJFKDS that makes /me/ so happy to hear!!! i was sitting on my bed smiling like a FOOL reading this ahahahaha. and soz to your brother but what can i say 🤪🤪

nooooo im so glad you got a 5 star already pls it’s fine im just gonna use all my primogems on xiao banner and it’ll end up okay fhskjdfds. yeah just switching charas in when needed totally works too! it’s just annoying when you accidentally get caught up in combat and it’s just ‘oop im level 1 against level 50′ AHAH. (tho i guess you won’t run into that issue yet?) honestly yeah there’s so much to do with the characters like ascending, constellations, talents, weapons, it’s just like.. what do i do first.... and who..... afhdskjfhsjf sometimes i just want to use character bc pretty and that should be enough 😔

hmmmm for the character event banner I believe i’m at 60 or 70 rn? so i’m reaaaally close to pity which is why when xiao comes 🙏🙏🙏 and for the standard banner i have no idea, maybe 40? so yeahhhh LOL... i keep saying this (and i better not be jinxing it BUT) im hoping it’ll all pay off...... i hope it’s all been building up for xiao... c6 xiao.. come home FHDKSJHDS

i definitely prefer it on PC! controls aside i just like the bigger screen tbh (my laptop is 15″). mostly the differences are the controls/buttons! since you can’t hold down multiple buttons at once on mobile, they’ve got more to cover all the functions (pc doesn’t have an extra dash button, we just right click or press shift; if we’re in the air i think one of the buttons turns into the drop down/plunge, rather than showing like 3 on mobile? i can’t remember precisely but yeahhh; there’s also the joystick on the left side of the screen on mobile that obviously isn’t there on pc bc we have the keyboard. it’s also harder to move the camera around whilst doing things on mobile i feel?) 

and nah i don’t think i’ll make another acc, esp since i’ve gotten so far into game already but i did definitely think about it as a possibility ahahah (bc of my bad luck... i was wondering if i did a reroll (second) acc i might be able to get diluc FJKHSKDFS)

omg it feels like coming home what a good description 😩😩 haikyuu is just such a fun warm experience! legit so comforting and light-hearted but also get deep when it needs to be. oh yes training camp <33 gosh they were so young then :’) HAHAAH. and noooooo school has started up for you again? rip i wish you the best of luck 😔💪

maybe 2k21 is the year of revisiting old things...... god voltron ended in 2018 can you BELIEVE that (😏😏😏 i was gonna mention playing genshin co-op together (even back when you first started) HAAHAH but i assume you play in europe server? im asia rip 😥)

WE DID IT WE ARE A GOOD TEAM!! THE FUCKING PURPLE AROUND THEM!!!! THE SMILEEEE OH MY GOD THE BONDING MOMENT THE. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk every time you mentioned a single line or scene im just. all the memories come flooding back fhdsfkhsdjf. hang on a second.. they are red and blue.... the scene was purple... surely i knew this back then but im thinking about it now and?????/ oh my god

the sunset scene!!!!!!!!!! that is Peak pining keith unrequited love and pain scene... my goodness. “that means putting their happiness above anything else” NOOOOOOOOOOO you are so right tho 😭😭😭😭😭 please keith deserves the univerise <333 :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( the fact that lance seeked him out for that too.. just like old times.. “you can sure be a hard guy to find when you wanna be huh” the way i still remember that ugh they really were my everything 😔

YES!! like they pushed the whole lance+hunk+pidge thing but then in the actual show had hunk+pidge treat lance like shit and belittle him so often?? like ?????????? (once again where fanon saves us 😩) and oh my god yeah.. when everyone turned to him and lance like walked up to keith and then said all that.. we actually had so many moments?? god. *cries with you*

speaking of shiro.. s06e05 the black paladins!!! “shiro.. please.. you’re my brother.. i love you..” “just let go, keith” 😭😭 keith suffered so much AND FOR WHAT my god i miss him so much oh no

FSHFKJDS “surprise me” the only reason im asking is bc i have no ideas!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 but i shall think.. (and if you want to think and help me out too.. 👐) & i’ve actually posted about that final fic a lot! LMAO that’s how you know i know i’m never gonna finish fdskhfksjd but in case you do wanna see, here are some links: one, two, three

thank you!! i stayed up to 4am like an idiot LOL but i swear today.... and same 😭 im so so happy to have met you 🥰❣ muah! xoxoxox

[tryaddump]

TheKojiIsHere

1- KoR/TFO weapon Elias Alderaan isn't enough to wake him up When the Empire crumbles he's sorta just abandoned, maybe a shuffled around asset among surviving moffs and generals and the like before ending up in one of the groups' hands Feral but still trainable 2- Fully dark Elias At some point comes out of his stupor on his own, but is no less angry and vicious Ends up turning on his masters and takes over a cell or the empire for himself when the top two fall. Now hes the one cracking the whip, and he's even crueler to his subordinates as those who made him And he is always angry, like the kind of angry that shoots past flailing tantrums into eeerie seeming stillness, but you can't mistake it for calm when he casually snaps a neck or cuts someone in half for any minor inconvenience or failure

hackett. chinhands

TheKojiIsHere https://youtu.be/hL5zv4mN1xA Batman-Under the Red Hood Black Mask Montage

From beginning to 2:06

Except the punch would have been a saber thrust through the face

darth porgeius ooookay that’s some unhinged darkness right there

hackett. kor elias would be a fucked version of his tryad dynamic with ben. the kor were brothers / dark side teachers for kylo. it was a frat cult fully dark elias is giving vader a run for it

TheKojiIsHere But also imagine like Full dark Elias scoops Ben before snoke can

hackett. ..... The Resistance is now The Attempt because fucking hell

TheKojiIsHere Couple immediate differences: Ben never becomes a KoR bc Elias wouldn't even send him therr He also doesn't become a Jedi Killer bc even dark Elias has certain boundaries snoke does not, and no more Jedi need to die pointlessly Ben, and I cannot stress this enough is so much more of a powerhouse/threat holy shit Bc he's been kinda raised by Elias, taught proper forms, and how to utilize his raw power more effectively He's a better dueliest, more disciplined, and more knowledgeable Also Elias isn't borderline torturing the kid I wouldn't say he's kind But he's a very different kind of cruel

hackett. Duuuude, now im picturing this kylo concept art https://images.app.goo.gl/2BE5WHechxB78f7L8

darth porgeius super spook

hackett. Im curious to explore the differences because the kor are such a huge influence. Kylo ren's face is based on their style. That mask is so tied to his identity.

TheKojiIsHere Elias also wouldn't have tolerated such adoration of Vader Fuck I imagined him finding the helmet in Ben's quarters And making Ben watch as he crushed it with The Force Brought it in on itself until it was just a small metal sphere

hackett. ...... I think i just felt ben die inside

TheKojiIsHere Elias: You do not celebrate his works. He cast aside himself for the sake of an old fool with delusions of grandeur, and stole the selves of his brothers. He is not worth your worship, and you have already surpassed him in so many ways. Do not let the the short sightedness of the past blind and rob you of the future's promise, Ben.

hackett. ......i

TheKojiIsHere

I'm sending this here bc I don't wanna interrupt what you're typing in tryad chat BUT PALPATINE NEVER GETS INTO HIS HEAD ELIAS HAS MADE SURE NOBODY EVER GETS INTO HIS MIND AGAIN AND MAKES HIM SOMETHING HE ISNT SO HE MAKES SURE BEN CAN DO THE SAME Dark Elias doesn't get Ben by twisting his mind into servitude He makes Ben a better offer than anyone else is

hackett. In other words, his crimes are truly his own

TheKojiIsHere Yeeeeeup

hackett. There's no headworm that has convinced of his path Whats elias like as a master in this au

TheKojiIsHere Harsh but fair. He beats the shit out of Ben regularly, but never pointlessly. He's ruthless because those Ben will face are so, but there is always a lesson to be learned Example: Ben learned mental defense bc Elias would day take time each day forcing his way into Ben's mind whole instructing how to stop him He kept doing it until Ben got it Until his mental defenses were like walls of beskar Dueling, they used shock batons so it wouldn't be lethal but it would hurt Every slip in his form would come with pain But Elias always made sure he knew that with the pain came knowledge, with knowledge, strength I got to stress this allies is not insane just angry Which means he is capable of moments that are not the black mask video I showed you To be honest and this au with Ben is probably as soft as this Elias gets And he definitely gives been praise when it's due. It's hard fault but when Ben gets a form right, or makes progress, he makes sure Ben know that it is not unnoticed Above all Else, he may be harsh but he will never be Vader He will never push been to a breaking point. He will never Rob Ben know who he is. He will only test him and have high standards for Passing

hackett. Ben would develop so differently. Less reckless, still calculative but more discerning before he strikes and when he strikes he's already plotted out his next moves

TheKojiIsHere Seriously, such a difference this'd make Hell, the galaxy would be wildly different There'd be a third power at play Though Elias isn't much interested in huge expansion or conquest. He basically takes a world with the force he has and refuses to let it go. This ofc makes him an enemy of the New Republic So his group (idk the name yet) is essentially dealing with defense more than offense, but people are sent out to destabilize TNR on a major level And when TFO pops up, they're competition Plus, Elias will sense Palpatines hand in things So where TNR is met with cold, apathetic disruption TFO is targeted with extreme prejudice OH MAN IMAGINE THAT'S HOW REY FITS IN! SHES SCOOPED BY TFO She's  the Ren But yes Elias would have been a harsh but fair teacher/father. He also, as an interesting contrast to smoke, doesnt leave all the work to underlings Ben would see Elias fighting alongside him And his Vaapad variant works even better There's a lot more internal darkness to tap into and start the loop OH MAN I JUST THOUGHT OF A DUO MOVE THEY COULD HAVE USE EACH OTHER Rather than rely on the potentially waxing and waning emotions of another

hackett. Dark side circuit

TheKojiIsHere They link up an essentially become both generator and amplifier for each other And since both sides are aware of the transfer and letting it flow freely It's way more potent They'd be fucking unstoppable and terrifying sweet christmas TFO: sends a fleet with star destroyers and fighters aplenty towards Elias' planet Elias and Ben: link up and destroy them from the surface while the ships are still in orbit

hackett. That's messed, i dig it. They basically sound like an event horizon of power, once they link they just devour enemies with the force

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^

hackett. Like kylo ren in that resistance clip i sent is far as fuck away from his two underlings And he uses the force to make them aim at each other So thats him on his own Imagine with elias linked

TheKojiIsHere They could control the entire crew, on multiple ships Okay, so question Bc I feel like there is room for debate on this and I wonder where you stand Do you think each person like Has a set level of power in The Force that they are capable of from birth They may not be able to utilize all of it right away But there is a definitive, insurmountable cap Or do you think it's more of a soft cap that can be expanded with time and practice? Bc dif people def start off with varying levels of potency Re: the Skywalkers all being natural powerhouses But do you think that's it, or people can improve if they deign to try?

hackett. So i think its a little bit like that line from ratatouille. Anyone can use the force. Powerful force users can come from anywhere, be anyone. Even if its genetic for ben solo, doesnt mean thats how it happens for everyone. Like disney changed the canon that everyone is sensitive to the force but not everyone is force sensitive. It probably manifests in different ways. I think everyone can improve, heighten their awareness and control, but everyone has a cap. Not because theyre weak or pathetic or meagor, their strength is just elsewhere like all talents and abilities Which is why elias in any verse being able to compete with ren makes sense without it feeling like a "god mode"

TheKojiIsHere Another terrifying idea for dark verse They find the gauntlet Figure out how it's made then make their own With Empire assets Elias could have beaten TFO to Illum by decades

hackett. conduit dark siders with a pair of those gauntlets [8:14 PM]

TheKojiIsHere They turn the whole thing into a conduit over time The space weapon is them OH SHIT WHAT IF ILLUM IS THE PLANET ELIAS TOOK OVER Spent years turning it into a base/civilization

hackett. I WAS THINKING THAT like imagine just that planet becomes amp and battery pack

TheKojiIsHere And battle station/civilization And you know what? The people who live there live live well

hackett. i imagine, i don't see elias being the type to set himself to be hated by those under his indirect control but live under his influence

TheKojiIsHere Oh wow I must have pocket called you my b But yea he wouldn't be needlessly cruel

hackett. also not a fool, you don't make the people who surround you and know your home turf your enemy

TheKojiIsHere ^^^^^

hackett. leave them alone, ingratiate them at least a little bit. make their lives comfortable and protect them and they won't want a regime change

TheKojiIsHere His direct subordinates, however, he definitely rules through fear. He doesn't tolerate failure, and it's gratifying to be the punisher rather than the punished He offsets this by giving due praise to those who perform satisfactorily, and even more so exemplary

So there's a big dichotomy in treatment Ben, ofc, is judged most harshly but also performs most exceptionally In Elias' eyes

hackett. it's gonna interesting cause with snoke he gave benlo a direction and told him to find his own way there it's not the same with a dark elias, there's more expectations. more guidance. more discipline.