#how am i supposed to perceive that
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#i miss the days on twitter where my art reach a lot of people easily and i dont get harassed daily by alt accounts#these days my posts barely reach 300 500 likes but theres always that one guy who are like this is cringe or whatever#so annoying#how am i supposed to perceive that#that my followers hate my art so much they turn into hate followers and use alts to send harassment???#and my art didnt even change much#i might not improve much but at least i know it isnt worse than before#jfc i hate this#i just wanna draw gay shit and get fun serotonin
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sick(?)
#messyr#doodle#vent art#?? well not really! just skl#coping through drawing bc its what keeps me from rotting in bed#my body cant keep up fjdshzhl and i just feel worse every time i try to 'function' even as basic tasks it makes me want to throw up AAAAH#this artist does not KNOW how to take care of themselves help help help help fsdjxhf#how am i supposed to fkin tell my dad nor my relatives im just so- PHYSICALLY- and MENTALLY TIRED without it perceived as lazy or an excuse#same goes to my professors bc ive been missing out ALOT in school lately and my classmates are also probably wondering where the hell I am#( group activities etc etc i want to km s - I've failed TWO MAJOR SUBJECTS BC OF HOW IVE BEEN DOING-AAAAAAAAAH)#if not physically then its my noisy ass brain that spirals me into depressive episodes where I literally cant do jackshit about
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who decided to use the hyrule warriors link model for the idk what word to use, eboy fuckboy pose edit things
#lemonspeakrr#losing my mind#I can't even take this guy seriously in cutscenes how am i supposed to perceive this guy as a bearer of rizz#anyways *saves every single one of them to the prev hero au moodboard*
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✧ written for ‘cake’ ✧ word count: 311 ✧ rated: T ✧ cw: suggestive ✧ tags: eddie being thirsty ✧ @steddiemicrofic ο(=•ω<=)ρ⌒✧
Eddie doesn't know why, but this is the third time it's happened, and he's losing his mind.
"It should be good now."
Steve's bent over the engine of his car, it’s a hot summer day and Eddie is losing his goddamn mind.
“Eddie?”
What’s he supposed to say? ‘Sorry dude, got distracted by your ass again! What were you saying?’
The first time was manageable! Just hanging out in Steve’s bedroom, messing around with ideas for his walls, Steve dropping his keys as they got ready to go get the paint and Eddie unable to look away as he bent down –
The second time? Playing pool at the Hideout, Steve smirking at Eddie with half-lidded eyes under the low lights, sauntering his way over and slowly bending over the table and –
And now this? This is Eddie offering to help Steve out with his car troubles, only to be left awestruck when Steve shoos him away, pops the hood, shoves a rag into his back pocket which also shoves his shorts down just a touch and was that –
“Didn’t know you had a tattoo there, Harrington,” Eddie squeaks, audibly shutting his own jaw up as Steve crawls his torso out from under the hood, just so he can raise his brow at Eddie. Who just. Keeps. Digging. “Kind of a big leap for a first, isn’t it? Would have expected you to go for the wrist or something.”
The grin that stretches across Steve’s face spells fucking trouble.
“Didn’t know you were so curious, Eds,” he purrs, leaning back against his car, hiding away the glory that was his cake of an ass. “Who said it was my first?”
Eddie’s eyes snapped back up to Steve’s face, jaw left on the ground along with his dignity and any sense of calm.
“You got more?”
“You wanna find out?”
#nobody perceive me this is where my brain immediately went after i said 'well how am i supposed to make cake into a horror idea'#and my brain said 'if you can't do horror then it's time to do thirst'#i hope this is good (/▽\)#steddie#writing#microfic#sailor✧writes
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the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.
here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.
i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)
it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.
assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.
maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.
#sorry for this word vomit i have just been thinking about maeve! what's in a name...#motivated by 2 years of reading takes about maeve wanting to be a normie (during s1-3 and prior) that i don't rly agree with#i'm not offering this as the 'right' interpretation of course this is just what makes sense for me!!#i have a couple of things i wanted to add (particularly re: maeve x HL since i know how consensual their relationship was#is controversial and i feel a bit weird slipping in that characterization of it w/o any follow-up)#but for now i am just going to say it fits with how i perceive her character trajectory and leave it there??#because i don't want to disrupt this post my thoughts on that#i also have mixed feelings on her ending but again not the post for it i suppose#queen maeve#the boys#maeve x elena#maeve x homelander#annie x maeve#supe names in this show are interesting... curious to see what they will do w annie next season
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ok did i just imagine this or. didn't jensen or misha say at one point they used to go for drives around vancouver between filming and have like deep life conversations ?? bc i gotta be honest that was the first thing i thought of when i read that quote from danneel abt how she and jensen bonded over having deep life conversations on their way to and from set while filming Ten Inch Hero.
#if i had a nickel for every time jensen started crushing on a co-star + bonded w/ them over deep life conversations i'd have 2 nickels....#im joking but also not. you know how it is with those men#i have eyes what else am i supposed to do but perceive how they are around each other ajskfdk#i don't know what it MEANS but whatever they are to each other. whether just weird boybesties or more...happy for them lol#just gonna tag it for ppl who filter#cockles#jenneel#jenmisheel#vic.txt
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HE DIDN'T 😭😭😭😭💛💛
#this man#how am I supposed to act now :'D#I got my art on his story 😭😭🥺💛💛#i have been perceived#and blessed :'3#häärijä#käärijä crew#micahs foolery
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What a totally normal and completely hinged thing for someone to say 🫠
#not snz#wtf is wrong with him lmao#who says things like this#i was warning him bc we worked together a couple days ago#three negative covid tests for me so far but I'm a paranoid bitch#and this was his response to that#wtf is that about#what is wrong with the vanillas#but also like#sickfic ideas fr lmao#but on a real note no I'm horrified#i don't want anyone perceiving me rn unless they're trying to get off lmao#and he is Not idk whay he's fucking doing#no bc fr tell me who the hell says things like this#also unrelated but his lack of apostrophes bothers me lmao#anyway#how am i supposed to respond to this lmao
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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i've seen a lot of people say that 'the summoning' is the most unnerving song in npmd, and for good reason; it is immensely well-executed and excellently communicates how terrifying the lords in black can be. however, i don't see many people talking about 'cool as i think i am (reprise)' in this respect. yes, it's primarily meant to be tragic and pull on your heartstrings, because it makes you believe that pete is going to die and steph, his lover, will be the culprit. but honestly, the first time i listened to it, it was genuinely unsettling because of the contrast between the lyrics and its perceived purpose. at this point in the show, we've heard the song before and we know that it precedes tragedy. however, in this context, when pete and steph are finally revealing their feelings for one another, this song is when we as the audience are given the "confession of love" moment. thus, it is framed as a love song (however tragic). but the lyrics are literally pete trying to convince steph to kill him. it was very disconcerting, at least personally on the first watch.
#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#i'm pretty sure this is not how 'cool as i think i am (reprise)' was supposed to be perceived#please continue to see it as a tragic love song if you so wish
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people need to learn to enjoy things for longer periods of time and not try to make all their past interests cringe just bc they feel that the teenage/kid version of them was cringe about said interest
#yes i saw people being mean about TOP on tiktok#“i still dont understand what a kitchen sink is supposed to be to him” YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO#its A METAPHOR#kitchen sink is a placement object that only specifically means something to the author#as the audience you are invited to make your own “kitchen sink” aka PURPOSE of living#its a song about the joy and individuality of creation about how you are unique and only you can have the view that you have on things and#how no one else will have the EXACT same interpretation and UNDERSTANDING of your own art#kitchen sink slander aside#why cant people just ENJOY things#i dont like latest top albums that doesn't mean everything else they've made is suddenly bad and cringe#they did the same thing with dnp too#“oh the whiskers era was so cringe”#by cringe do you mean “oh no i enjoyed something a little too much”?#just. fuck off.#it also feels so mean to neurodivergent people i think#like YES i AM that type of person to scream and be “cringe” and be passionate about my interests in ways that can be perceived as#off putting and weird#hdgh.txt
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he wants me bad lol
#౨ৎ 𝒗𝗂𝖺 𝗋𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 . . ⟡#what the fuck#someone sedate me with a horse tranquilizer#MY MAN MY MAN HE WANTS ME BAD OLESDE DTOPL ISR#i have a collection of 660 niki edits did u guys know#im feeling every emotion that there is to feel right now.#NO BC THE CLIP?? THR FIRST CLIP HE LOOS LIEL#LIKE HES TRYING TO ATTRACT ME#AND ITS WORKING BEFSUS WHWT#DO U DEE HIM#HES BEEN SO FINE LATELY IDK HOW TO BREATHE#nishimura riki for you guys#no one can perceive him now i perceive him#put ur tongue back in young sir 😇😇 4mysake#anyways he’s so#so wife#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#im so normal about him#sigh#he wnsts me bad#i love riki#that’s insane#idk what happened on dec 9 2005 but i sure am thankful#his face#thank the fossil fuel that created the oil that was in the car that drove his mom to the hospital to birth this beautiful specimen#i love my man who’s not really my man but it’s ok let’s not get too technical#nikinikibikinioojjo#im not done but ill stop cuz u guys probably are
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It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
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i think the funniest part of the whole Slavic Aesthetic ™️ getting popular online is the emergence of this kind of gender dimorphism where an average eastern european guy according to The Aesthetic ™️ looks like a tracksuit wearing thug and an average woman looks like a mafia boss wife
#i do know this is sort of how aesthetics work#like to have an aesthetic that is consistent and easy to replicate you kinda need a stereotypized blueprint#i am aware this isnt how people perceive ee in general. its just funny to see i suppose#thots#hold on a sec im gonna do a quick educational example
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H y p e r v e n t a l a t e s
#screaming why are they in my activity feed#danny phantom#now I’m nervous bro how am I supposed to cope with being perceived
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Eh, I wish I was real
#red thoughts#I feel so incorporeal lately (I don't know how else to put it)#I feel like people shouldn't be able to perceive me but they still can for some reason#I feel like a bundle of thoughts blowing through the wind#I feel like I'm at the brink of non-existence#How the fuck am I supposed to GET GROCERIES WITHOUT A BODY?!#I'm just tired#will probably circle back to these thoughts later#I need them to sit on the back-burner for today and for tomorrow and for the day after tomorrow and...#>:{
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