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saramelcky · 5 years ago

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Fragments - Chapter 1

Bucky Barnes x Mom!reader

Summary: After five years since half of the universe turned to dust, Y/n is raising her child alone trying to move on her loss for the baby’s sake. After a rough morning, Y/n finds out everyone came back but when her husband sees her with a four year old girl, he leaves them forever. While trying to move on, again, Y/n and the baby meet a really kind guy but in an unfortunate situation.

Word count: 2.8k

Chapter warnings: Language. Mention of missing limb. Abandonment. Mention of Depression.

A/N: All right, this first chapter is supposed to give a general idea of Y/n’s life after the snap (or the blip, I really don’t understand what’s the right noun for THAT) A lot happens here and I’m afraid it’s too much for a single chapter. In the next one I don’t think there will be this much time skips. I hope you’ll enjoy this chapter and the next ones too. Feedback and critique are well welcomed. Please don’t repost any of my stories without my permission but reblog if you want to!

Fragments Masterlist

“Mommy! Wake up!” A high-pitched voice burst in Y/n’s room. After some seconds she feels a little dip in her bed then a little hand shakes her shoulder

“‘Morning Grace” Y/n tightly hugs her four years old daughter “Why are you awake this early, princess?” She asks leaving kisses all over her face

“That tickles mommy!” Grace laughs squirming in Y/n’s embrace

“I wanted your hugs...and my arm hurts” she says nuzzling in her chest

Y/n sits up concerned, rolls up her daughter’s right sleeve, showing her above elbow stump

“Oh, you don’t like the new arm, do you?” She asks massaging it lightly.

Grace shakes her head

“Can you do a magic mommy?” She asks

“The one that makes me feel better!”

A smile grows on Y/n’s face

“Of course love but you have to be a good girl and stay still” she says leaving a kiss on the kid’s temple.

After a whole hour of massaging all the sore spots of the little girl, she is hungry. As Y/n is preparing pancakes, the little Grace is cuddling her stuffed bunny wandering around.

“Mommy?” Asks Grace “where’s Daddy?”

She stares at her mom waiting for an answer

“Why are you asking me this?” Y/n says feeling a knot in her throat “we already talked a lot about daddy” she feels a tear falling down her cheek and wipes it right away

“Violet always talks about her daddy at school” Grace frowns “I want my daddy back”

Flipping the last pancake, Y/n lets out a shaky breath.

“Grace put your arm on, breakfast is ready” She says trying not to cry

“NO! I WANT DADDY BACK!” Grace cries while stomping away to her bedroom.

As Y/n hears the door slamming she can’t keep it anymore and starts heavily crying.

Even if five years passed, she can’t cope with the grief and since Grace had started asking about him, she isn’t doing better.

Now sitting on the kitchen floor, she can’t stop crying and starts sobbing loudly.

She tries to stop the tears when she hears her little girl coming back after a while.

“Mommy I’m hungry” she said quietly leaning her prosthetic to her mom

Y/n stands up wiping away the last tears and helping Grace with her arm when the little girl hugs her really tight

“I love you Mommy” she says

Y/n can’t stop another sob leaving her

“I love you too...my little baby” she puts Grace on her seat to eat her breakfast while trying to fix her red and puffy face.

When she comes back her little girl is trying to put on her shoes herself struggling a bit.

“Mommy, can you help me?” The little girl asks

Y/n leans down to tie Grace’s shoes

“You know, I’m so proud of you” she says to her daughter

“Am I a grown-up now mommy?”

“Of course, you’re a big girl” Y/n says lacing up the second shoe

Y/n stands up, takes her purse and her car keys, ready to take Grace to preschool

“Grace honey, we’re already late. Don’t you want to see Ms. Davies at school?” She tries to persuade her little girl

“Mommy I’m sorry” Grace mumbles

“For what, baby?” Y/n looks at her apprehensively

”Because I made you upset. Please don’t be upset anymore. I’m sorry” Grace puts out the cutest but saddest pout ever seen and Y/n holds and reassure her little daughter

“I won’t ever be upset anymore. I promise. You are the best girl I could ever wish for” she starts to rock her and laying little peaks on the little chubby pink cheeks that she loves so much and when everything was finally calm again, they leave home.

“I know we’re really late, but can’t you make an exception? We had a rough morning” Y/n tries to explain her situation to the school receptionist

“I’m sorry Ms. Y/l/n, but children cannot enter in class after 9.30 am and it’s already 10:20 am. I’m really sorry ma’am”

Y/n nods, thanks the lady at the desk and finally exits the school with her daughter still in her arms

“Where are we going? I want to go to Ms. Davies” Grace wailed

“Ms. Davies is not at school, so you’re coming at work with mommy, okay?” Y/n lies

“Yaaay, will aunt Lucy be there too?” Grace yelled of joy

“Yes, but you have to be quiet you know.

After Mommy finishes her work we can go out with your auntie, alright?”

“YES!” That little girl was pure happiness even in the difficult world she was born in.

“Hey Y/n, I see we have a guest today” Y/n turns her head to see her best friend Lucy speaking to her

“AUNTIE” Grace yelled at the top of her lungs

“Shhh! Grace, what did I say about screaming?” Y/n scolds the 4-years-old

“Oh, come on, she’s just a child. Come here little girl” Lucy says almost scolding her back while hugging her little niece.

Y/n sits at her desk rescheduling some appointments when she overhears her daughter laughing and talking to her friend

“What do you do here?” Grace asks Lucy

“You mean what’s my job here?” Lucy asks back

Grace nods with a big grin on her face

“Well, I and your mummy stay here and programs meetings for people who need to talk about problems; and when we have to do these meetings, we help the others” Lucy explains kindly

“Like superheroes?” Grace’s question puts a smile on Y/n’s face

“Exactly like superheroes! You know who works with us sometimes?” Lucy says and Grace shakes her little head

“Captain America” Lucy whispers in the kid’s ear making her smile even more than before

“Do you know him?” She asks still smiling

“Well not that much, but I see him sometimes” Grace continues to ask her things about their work and how they are helping people.

Y/n’s and Lucy are psychologists and have been working together for almost ten years. When Thanos came and half of the universe disappeared, including Jacob, they decided to help the rest of them with therapy groups and consults; even Y/n participates as a patient sometimes. They were really happy when other therapist and even psychiatrist decided to work with them creating one of the best clinics in New York. They also provided free meetings twice a month to help even more people. That’s how they tried to go on: helping others.

After the little chat, Grace decides to play with her bunny while sitting next to Y/n.

Everyone is working hard, and Grace isn’t causing trouble yet, so everything is alright.

Then suddenly, Y/n’s phone goes off, not the office one but her private phone, she forgot to turn it off as it should be. The detail that makes her blood runs cold is that someone is calling her from her own house, that should be locked and empty.

She reluctantly takes the call hoping is just her phone glitching.

“Hello?” Y/n asks

“Hey, honey, where are you? Why you left?”

Y/n is feeling her chest tightening as she recognizes the person at the other end

“This joke isn’t funny okay? Who are you?” Her voice is shaking and Lucy can hear the distress from her desk

“What? It’s me, babe, it’s Jacob, your husband”

Y/n was shocked, it couldn’t be him, it must be some bad joke of some stupid kids

“N-no that’s impossible, you must have got the wrong number, I-I’m sorry” and she hangs up.

Turning around, a questioning look sees her waiting for an explanation

“Who was it?” Lucy asks

“I don’t know. He said...that he was Jacob. T-that can’t be, he’s gone” Y/n tries not to cry in front of her baby again on the same day

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” Grace asks

“Oh nothing, I’m fine little girl” Y/n reassures her

“Did you know the number?” Her friend questions

“It was my house telephone...but it must have been a bug or something” Y/n says

“Oh, that’s weird. You should go check anyway. I’ll cover your shift don’t worry” Lucy suggests

“I don’t know, are you sure?” She asks her friend

“Of course, Y/n! I don’t need to remember you that you actually don’t have any boss here so go check everything’s fine”

She picks up her stuff and her daughter, they enter the car and drive the longest way back home ever. Anxiety was eating her alive.

She inspects her apartment building from the outside while keeping her girl quiet; when she sees that everything seems fine, she puts out her keys and enters. As she opens the front door, she hears a movement, someone was in her house.

Before picking something to hurt whoever was inside a voice resounds in the living room

“Y/n? Is that you?”

“Mommy I’m scared” Grace says almost crying but Y/n has already sprinted towards the voice with tears in her eyes

As the little girl follows her mom, she sees a really weird scene: her mom is hugging a familiar man, he was really similar to some of the photos Y/n showed her.

Her little stomping on the floor is catching the man’s attention

“Who’s this kid?” He asked confused

“Jacob, she’s your daughter. Y-you don’t know what happened but you...hell how do I explain this. You disappeared, it was five years ago, the day I found out we were expecting” she says while tears are freely streaming down her face

She expected a confused reaction, maybe a teary one too.

“That’s bullshit, fuck.” he curses with his hand in his hair

“What?” Y/n is disbelief “Grace, please go to your bedroom” the little girl goes away

“Who did you cheat me with?” He accused her

“Are you insane? She’s yours!” Y/n tries to convince him, but it was an unbelievable story even to her ears.

After minutes, almost hours, of fighting he leaves her. Alone again, and now she has to answer all the questions from her four years old daughter.

The call to Lucy is quick, Y/n just needs to see her, she doesn’t want to be alone.

Everyone is living something similar to Y/n’s situation but she’s missing the happiness of the moment.

As Lucy arrives, she helps her friend deciding what to do next and then offers to keep Grace with her until things settle down, Y/n is grateful for people like her and accepts.

She needs to talk more with Jacob, try to make him come back for her little girl and fix everything as five years before.

Needless to say, it is impossible, Y/n can’t even find Jacob that day and the last time she hears of him is when he sends her divorce papers.

Y/n is broken, in the inside and on the outside, some days she can’t even get up the bed, so she calls in her best friend to pay attention to Grace.

“Y/n, you can’t go on like this anymore” Lucy says as Y/n lies in bed with red and puffy eyes and heavy dark circles under them “you’re destroying yourself, and I cannot let you do it”

Y/n just turns in the bed to not face her

“You have a child for god's sake!” She shouts removing violently your duvet from the bed

Lucy knows how it feels, she didn’t lose anyone very important 5 years before but lost both of her parents back when she was just more than a teenager, she helped Y/n when Jacob disappeared but now, she can’t see her like this because he’s just an idiot.

“Now you’ll shower, you’ll have the breakfast I already cooked, and you’ll go to the park with your daughter” she asserts

Y/n just stares at her, but the cold from outside her bed makes her finally get up.

She takes almost a full hour to get out with Grace and as she steps out of her home she wants to go back, but she has to be strong, that’s what Grace deserves.

They arrive at the park after stopping at a bakery to buy some pastries. Y/n and Grace sits on a bench, eating together and cuddling a bit. At that moment Y/n forgets what happened with Jacob and only sees her happy daughter enjoining the sweets they bought before.

Y/n has finally time to see how the world changed again: there were more people around, more kids playing, more adults jogging and more animals. Grace was amazed by how many squirrels were around and when she sees a really big dog can’t stop herself to go there and pet it.

When the little girl runs back to her mom, she doesn’t see the man arriving from her left and bumps into him falling back

“O my God, are you okay little one?” The man says as he realizes what just happened

Grace starts crying and Y/n rushes to her side seeing the man kneeling down to check on her

“Grace! Crap I’m so sorry” Y/n tells him

“Oh no it’s nothing, although I’m worried about her arm it...shouldn’t be turned like that” he points to her right arm

“Shit” she curses under her breath, she detaches the prosthesis and sees the broken part. The man is still watching them as Grace stops crying

“Mommy, did I break it?” She sniffles

“It’s not a problem princess, we’ll buy another one” Y/n reassure her thinking she cannot afford a new arm, she will use the old one even if it’s too little.

“Ma’am, I’ll pay it” the man interrupts

“Oh no, you don’t have to, thank you” Y/n tells him kindly

“But I want to. I know what’s like being without it” he rolls up his tight long-sleeved jersey showing the metal arm.

That’s the moment she realizes: she looks at his face, then, again at his vibranium arm and back at his face one last time.

“You’re Bucky Barnes. Oh god. You definitely don’t need to buy it. I’m so sorry I’m bothering you” She picks her daughter up and put the broken prosthetic in her bag “you already did so much for our country and suffered so much, I don’t want to be a burden for you, god I should stop talking this fast shouldn’t I?” As Y/n finishes her sentence, she’s out of breath and makes Bucky giggles

“Paying her a new arm is not a problem at all. And you are not a burden either. I should have seen where I was going and dodge...Grace isn’t it?” You nod “Because I suffered, I know what it feels like not being able to do little things and surely a sweet girl like her should not go through all that” he says while looking at the little girl with a big smile.

Y/n is speechless, she can’t do anything but agree with him and let him pay the new arm. He decides to take them to the former Avengers tower, now functioning again as the compounds were destroyed against Thanos, to choose the new arm for Grace. She can’t believe what’s happening and why is happening to her.

As the little Grace is amazed by the greatness of the tower, Y/n still can’t erase from her mind the little speech he gave before. He was so selfless and known his past she would have never guessed that part of him.

They arrived in this big living room where he makes the two guests sit on the couch, he leaves for a minute just to come back with a holographic projector. He puts it on the coffee table in front of the girls and a sort of catalogue shows up: there is every kind of prosthesis you can imagine, from the multitask one (with screwdrivers implanted), to the ultra-realistic one. Every kind of prosthetic shown there is a certain upgrade on Grace’s life; even the simplest one has all the joints connected to a sensor in its turn connected to her nerves by a little capsule inserted in the stump.

While getting emotional by all of this, Bucky rubs her shoulders trying to comfort Y/n

“This is what Tony wanted his technology was used to, help others. It’s the least I could do to you and to him” He says making her even more emotional.

“I...I don’t know what to say. Thanks for everything. I still think this is a dream, it’s incredible” Y/n was legitimately shaking for the emotions.

Grace, seeing Bucky so close to her Mommy, smirked and then jumped down the couch wandering a bit around leaving the two alone.

“I didn’t get your name” he says after she calmed down

“Oh, well I’m Y/n” she says before blowing her runny nose

“We should take some measurements of Grace’s stump so we can do the mould and then the arm” Bucky says looking at Y/n, who realized the girl missing

“Yeah we have a bigger problem” She says, “Where’s Grace?”.

Taglist:

@capandbuckylvr @queen-of-elves @dark-night-sky-99 @chubby-dumplin

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x mom!reader #mom!reader #bucky #bucky fic #bucky series

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as-bct · 6 years ago

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Reflective Journalism - Kolb Cycle.

Experience

My group project ‘Cards for play’, has been the most meaningful experience for me so far in Creative Technology. I was along with other 8 people in this project and our brief was to “create a card experience which encourages or facilitate play”. Our group was determined by matching pillars that we were interested in the project; Fantasy, Fellowship and Challenge, this is so that there is ease complying with decisions made.

Our 3 main pillars were our starting point. The group agreed on producing an experience that would bring a group of people together in fellowship by a going through challenge consisting a characterized play. During the play, our team hopes to result in an experience where individuals would share ideas of their interests and by breaking the ice. By the end of the play, our team hopes to result in an impact of having a ‘fellow feeling’ between the group.

A play experience which I’ve come up with and which we nurtured is about a card game where 1 person in the group is chosen as ‘The Decktator’ while the rest, ‘Rebels’, must work together as a group to overthrow ‘the decktator’. The main principles of the game are for the ‘decktator’ to formulate a ‘secret codeword(SCW)’ from the ‘letter cards’ and also placing the first letter of the secret code word and a ‘topic card’ in front of the ‘rebels’. The ‘rebels can try to overthrow the ‘decktator by guessing the (SCW) straight away or by having to guess of a word related to the ‘topic card’ which at least 1 or 2 of the rebels must also have thought of and get a jinx. The decktator’s aim is to get as many possible points by gaining more topic cards - (when rebels fail to get a jinx, the decktator places a new topic card) and the rebels aim is to crack the code by getting a jinx about the decktators topic card which then the decktator will give the next letter card of his ‘secret code word’. Whoever guesses the (SCW) or gets the last jinx of the topic card will become the next ‘decktator’. The winner of the game focuses on the people who became the decktator with most topic cards, however, our focus is more on bringing excitement, fellowship, challenge, fellow bonding and building friendship in the experience. The final product of this is produced on photoshop and printed professionally.

This project is very significant to me as it gave me a deeper insight into what and how to produce a final concept by having to really focus more on the iterative or Kolb cycle of it. Another aspect made this project significant was how, despite the hardships, my group really sponged up as much knowledge we could intake and apply it to produce an amazing piece of product. Our teamwork was very impressive, it gave each of us an encouragement to go over our limits and to actually work with purpose.

Observation and analysis

Our first ever concept was a blind booth challenge; bringing two strangers together and putting them into a challenging questionnaire on the cards for them to get to know each other. However, during my reflective observations through this concept, it breached our intention to bring ‘groups’ of individuals together and not just 2 strangers. Additionally, from one of our first prototype, it brought a whole lot of awkwardness instead of a proper play experience. The team decided to eliminate this concept to focus on a new one.

The very first early concept of ‘The Decktator’ was a confusion because we haven’t yet fully finalized - it was just a start. I created the simple card game idea based on our aesthetics and decided to produce simple card prototypes using papers to complete the logistics of play and so we begin testing it out to groups of people.

Our development process first began right after our first prototype test. As a result of the active experimentation, the group was engaged in making reinterpretations gained from the feedbacks and self-observation during the experiment. There were quite a few feedbacks in our early stage of prototyping (based on the concrete experiences) such as, “rules needed to be more concrete and orderly”; we also noticed this in our observations due to the number of repetitions of explaining in certain mechanics of the game for the peers to understand and start.

Later in the prototyping, we received comments about finalizing the design for the cards, as the group did sort of focus on the mechanics of the game. The group was persuaded that the design of our cards is very significant as it impacts the vibe and whole experience of the game. We decided to conceptualize for a minimalistic aesthetic for the cards, however, after certain tests and reflection, the group assimilated that it didn’t boost the excitement of the peers. Therefore, we diverged from having the minimalistic aesthetic and changed it for a Russian themed aesthetic as we thought it would be fascinating for the players and for them to have a purpose in the game experience - which did happen during experiments. “Individuals’ goal pursuits are guided by their values (Nelson, 2004). This Russian themed aesthetic brought the title ‘The Decktator’ as well as the design concepts of the cards which a lot of the people who tested our game admired.

New ideas rush in our heads right after we reflect on each observation and the critiques we receive about our prototype from the tests. The new ideas were either meant to contribute for a positive outcome - (enhancing the experience) or a negative outcome - (making it more difficult). Either way, we would always assimilate from our reflective observations, converge from concepts about the prototype and adapt/accommodate from the active experimenting to produce a better concrete experience. This iteration cycle or also known as ‘Kolb’s cycle’ is what’s behind the visual difference of our product from day 1 until its final form.

From these reflective observations, we managed to identify a lot of inconsistencies, enhance the logistics and eliminate nitty-gritty parts of the play. We then form conclusions about the reflection of our prototype and modify abstract concepts that may move us to the next step forward.

Learn and reflect

“A vital question, a creative question, rivets our attention. All the creative power of our minds is focused on the question. Knowledge emerges in response to these compelling questions. They open us to new worlds.” (Verna Allee, 1997). Often after our reflections and assimilations, the group investigates if there are better ways to solve the issue that the peers raised. During these investigations, I learned to ask myself vital questions such as, “what other approaches can I supplement to the purpose of intent?” in order to come up with an absolute solution; I try to be creative by asking if there are other better ways to conceptualize it. These questions helped produced solutions which enabled our piece to develop characteristics which made some of the people be attached to it. Even our group couldn’t believe that we’ve created such a product not knowing that we didn’t have the capabilities to do it at the start. “You’ll notice that the queries tend to stimulate more reflective thinking and a deeper level of conversation. That’s what we mean by a powerful question—one that provokes thoughtful exploration and evokes creative thinking.” Vogt, E. E., Brown, J., & Isaacs, D. (2003).

According to 2 of Khun’s existing theory, “There are at least two connotations of a ‘paradigm’: first, as the sociological constellation of beliefs, values, norms, and criteria shared by a community of practitioners; second, as an exemplary solution that serves as example for everyone within the community.” Sosa, R., Gero, J., & Jennings, K. (2009). This made me realize that our cycle of iterative development is a type of ‘paradigm’ as we have developed our ‘Cards for Play’ project by growing ideas, raising significant questions, following an iterative process called Kolb’s cycle and producing an object we’re happy to critique.

If could take away any main thing from this project it would be the experience of not being afraid to present a better idea but rather including it in the iteration cycle to prototype, test, reflect, improve and repeat. This is a very valuable lesson for me and many others because we ought to come up with many ideas but are too afraid to apply and test it. All ideas impact the concept in a way. People will just be amazed by how a small idea concept can be turned into an outstanding invention.

References

Allee, V. (1997). The knowledge evolution : expanding organizational intelligence. Butterworth-Heinemann.

Vogt, E. E., Brown, J., & Isaacs, D. (2003). The art of powerful questions: Catalyzing, insight, innovation, and action. Mill Valley, Calif: Whole Systems Associates.

Sosa, R., Gero, J., & Jennings, K. (2009). Growing and destroying the worth of ideas. In Proceedings of the 7th ACM Creativity and Cognition conference, pp. 295–304 Berkeley, California.

Nelson, K. A. (2004). Consumer decision making and image theory: Understanding value-laden decisions. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 14, 28–40.

#ctec502

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caseyvalhalla · 8 years ago

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You recently answered a question with information about your beta reader, and I wonder how you managed to discover someone that you work well with, and also how you've been able to learn how to work with someone critiquing your writing without getting too discouraged? I love and admire your stuff, so I'd love to hear how you manage that.

This is a really great question and one I hope I can be marginally helpful with, because tbh most of the betas I've had over the years are people I came upon (or who came upon me) by chance and offered, or people I was already friends with who offered and turned out to be just what I needed (Bones being in this last category). I can make a few suggestions though for trying to find someone to work with.

If you feel like you could benefit from a beta (and I guarantee that every writer can) the first thing you can try is talking to some of the writers you know among your friends and/or followers to see if anyone is open to working with you. There could be people around you who are interested but might not know you need or want a beta. You're going to want to find someone with a skill level comparable to or greater than your own to get the most out of the relationship. They don't necessarily have to be operating in the same fandom or genre as you, but it's helpful if they're familiar with the canon you're drawing from--all of this is probably obvious. The trick at this point is figuring out if you're going to work well with whoever volunteers, because every writer does things differently and every beta does things differently, so there may be some trial and error. Be upfront about your needs, and if you're trying out a few different people to see who is the best fit, be upfront about that, too.

When it comes to actually working with a beta and how to deal with critique, I'm going to go back to what I said previously--a beta isn't there to criticize you, their job is to take the thing you wrote and make sure that someone other than you will get your message. I tend to get very bound up in the things that I write, and it's hard to see my work objectively from inside it; that's what a beta is for. They can look at it from outside and say, "alright, I see what you're doing here and it's pretty rad, here are some things that are working for me and here are some things that aren't." If you think about it that way, it's more inspiring than discouraging. When I get a beta back from Bones I'm excited to go through and polish everything up, because I know she's going to make sure my ramblings are intelligible and help my fic shine at its best.

A good beta will be invested in your story, and your relationship should be built on mutual respect--that's why it's great to work with another writer you already know, especially if you're familiar with each other's work. One of the reasons Bones and I work so well together is that we admire each other as writers. We have a tacit understanding that if she makes a change or correction that I don't agree with, I'm not beholden to doing things her way--and she knows that it's nothing personal if I decide not to accept a change. She's an advisor, not a boss. (I mean, she is definitely a Boss, but not in that sense, haha.) So this isn't a do-or-die exchange, you don't have to see eye to eye about every last detail. You’re different people with different strengths and ideas and that’s how you learn from each other.

That said, your beta doesn't have to be your bff or your #1 fan; it depends entirely on what you need in order to grow as a writer and do your best work. You probably already know what you struggle with the most, whether that’s plotting, characterization, certain areas of grammar, dialogue, motivation, etc. If you can identify what you're unsatisfied with and what needs improvement, the beta who fits you will be able to see how and where these things affect your writing and help you sort them out and polish them up.

I hope that gives you an idea of what to look for in a beta-relationship that works vs. one that probably doesn't and how to approach it in a way that doesn't feel like a full-on criticism of yourself/your work. Getting beta feedback isn't about you doing things wrong--it's about what you can do better. It shouldn't feel bad; it should make you feel excited about continuing to write more and more beautifully as time goes on. :) Best of luck finding a beta!

#Anonymous #casey answers

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