#hoping none of it is truly lost we're gonna keep looking

[egg-emperor]

successfully found three more appearances of live action Deem Bristow in two 80s movies and a game and also some more dubbing stuff that I've never seen anyone else find and clip elsewhere today and it's so wild to see and hear all this stuff

my brother and I are very close to finding and compiling clips for a video that plans to showcase at least one role of his in each of every single thing he's been credited for online now. you wish you had these research and detective and compilation skills lol

[weirdmarioenemies]

We localized the names of all the Super Mario Land enemies, too!

Yeah! If you don't remember, a few years ago, we came up with localized names for all the Super Mario Land 2 enemies as a sort of Christmas gift from us to you! But did you know? There's a Super Mario Land 1 also, and very few of its enemies have localized names either...! With another holiday upon us, we're making this the gift that keeps on giving, with a whole new set of clever enemy names just for you! I hope you enjoy!

Goombo -> Goombie the Shroom Fish

While "Goombo" has always been a fine name, it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi that other localized Goomba relatives like "Galoomba," "Goombrat," and "Goombud" have. With this new name, which is a clever homage to Hootie & the Blowfish, now it should fit right in!

Bombshell Koopa -> Koopie the Boom Fish

Another enemy that technically has a localized name already, but once again, this fairly boring name lacks the ceci n'est pas une pipe that truly great localized names have. It might seem weird to call a turtle a fish, but when you think about it, all tetrapods are fish, so it's fine!

Bullet Biff -> Shootie the Bullet Fish

You know the drill by now! A name that lacks Allouette, je te plumerai turned much more memorable by one simple yet effective reference! Bullets look kind of like fish, you know!

Since we've spruced up all the enemies with actual localized names, now it's time to Get Creative! The rest will be under the cut!

Fly -> Fruity the Fly Fish

While not explicitly a fruit fly, we figured that for the sake of the homage, this name gets the job done. And don't worry, I checked. He's allowed to reclaim it.

Bunbun -> Stabyoutie the Bee Fish

The Japanese name is an onomatopoeia for the sound a bee makes, but because we couldn't think of an English equivalent, we decided to name it after what it does instead. Watch out! It's gonna stab you!

Gao -> Mewtie the Lion Fish

"Mew" is a common onomatopoeia for a cat, which fits Gao pretty nicely, given a lion is a type of Big Cat! Of course, to remind people this is a lion rather than your typical housecat, we've appended it with "the Lion Fish" for good measure.

King Totomesu -> Roary the Zebra Turkeyfish

I'm pretty sure one of my siblings once had a plush lion named "Roary the Lion" so I've decided to rename King Totomesu in their honor. And see what we did with the descriptor, eh? Eh? Pretty clever, huh?

Honen -> Hootie the Bone Fish again

Yeah, I know we used "Hootie the Bone Fish" for Honebon during our Super Mario Land 2 project, but can you blame us for the repeat? It's a good name! And since none of these names are official, either one can have it. I don't mind.

Yurarin Boo -> Hottie the Blow Fish

Yurarin Boo is a seahorse that blows fire at you, and you may not know this, but fire is Hot! I know it's a seahorse and not a pufferfish, but since it's a fish that blows fire, I figured "Blow Fish" would be a good pun still.

Mekabon -> Rebootie the Bot Fish

As an enemy in the Muda Kingdom (the game's signature water world!) with a fish-eyed stare and arms that look more like flippers than anything else, this enemy's fishy appearance was not lost on us, and we figured we should reflect that in its name.

Torion -> The Blue Fish

I know I said some of the already localized names lacked omelette du fromage or whatever, but some enemies really do just deserve a name that's simple, straight, and to the point. Torion is one such enemy.

Yurarin -> Nottie the No Fish

As a relative of Hottie the Blow Fish without the ability to blow fire, we decided to give it a similar name, but this time specify it can't really do anything special at all. Serves as a nice parallel to the Yurarin/Yurarin Boo naming convention, huh?

Gunion -> Octootie the Blue-Ringed Fish

"Oh, those rings are clearly yellow!" I hear you say, but consider: Super Mario Land was in black and white. Or. Dark green and lighter green. Maybe the official art made a coloring mistake, huh? Huh??? Some people would object to me calling it a Fish also, but at this point it's been well-established that every sea creature is some kind of fish.

Tamao -> Tammy the Jelly Fish

See what I mean? The English instruction manual called this thing a jellyfish, and I'm sticking by it!

Dragonzamasu -> Haughty the Boss Fish

As the boss version of Hottie the Blow Fish, I figured to give it a name that parallel's Hottie's as well! As a boss, you'd expect it to be pretty haughty, huh?

Bataon -> idk man give me a break the Flying Fish

this is really hard you guys

Ganchan -> Cheeky the Stone Fish

What a Cheeky fellow we have here! I think it's fun they decided to give this rolling rock a personality with eyes and cheeks, and we've decided to emphasize that with the name we came up with for it!

Tokotoko -> Scooty the Dude Fish

Tokotoko looks like it's running very fast, but it doesn't even have legs, so it kinda just. Scoots all over the place. And I'd be foolish not to call this guy a Dude, what with the Cool Cool Glasses! And since Batadon is a Fish, Scooty shall be too. Simple as that!

Suu -> Suutie the Arachno-Fish

Decided to stay pretty faithful to the Japanese name with this one, but I figured a clever reference to Hootie & the Blowfish would make it more relatable to the American youth of today.

Kumo -> Kumootie the Arachno-Fish

oh man do i really have to name two separate spiders in a row

Hiyoihoi -> Brutie the Rude Fish

Hiyoihoi has always had sort of "cool delinquent" vibes to me, hence calling him rude, and as a boss, you gotta assume he's a bit of a brute. The name also rhymes with "Scooty the Dude Fish," which this is the boss version of!

Pionpi -> Spooky the Boo Fish

This frightening fishy fiend is sure to give you the heebie-jeebies!

Pompon Flower -> Rootie the Grow Fish

Plants are pretty well known for having roots and growing, and thanks to Hootie the Blue Fish helping us learn that plants can, indeed, be considered fish, that makes every part of this name legally Clever!

Nyololin -> Spewtie the Blow Fish

Look, I know this is the second enemy that we've named "the Blow Fish," but it blows poison at you, and on that note, it is poison like a real blowfish! It all comes together flawlessly!

Chicken -> Tweetie the Crow Fish

Yeah, I know we technically changing its species, but it looks nothing like a chicken! Can you blame us? And the Mario franchise has a long-running tradition of connecting birds and fish (see Cheep Cheep!) so calling it not just a "crow," but a "crow fish" makes it fit in better.

Roketon -> Grutie the Banana Fish

minion joke

Chikako -> Floatie the Glow Fish

Hi the Mod formerly known as Mod Chikako! I hope you like your new legal name going forwards...!

Pipe Fist -> Punchyoutie the Pipe Fist

This one may seem like we're grasping at straws, but being a big hand, I think Punchyoutie the Pipe Fist can grasp straws very easily, thank you very much.

Biokinton -> Cumulootie the Atmosphish

This one's self-explanatory.

And last, but certainly not least...

Tatanga -> Evil Mario

That's it for Super Mario Land! "Like" and "Subscribe" and "Hit the Bell for Notifications" if you want to see us localize the names of every enemy in Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3!

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑺𝒏𝒐𝒘 (𝑪𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝑺𝒂𝒏)

Tag: @seacottons

𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝐶ℎ𝑜𝑖 𝑆𝑎𝑛 (𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧)/ 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 (𝐹𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒)

𝐺𝑒𝑛𝑟𝑒: 𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓, 𝐷𝑎𝑑! 𝐴𝑈.

𝑊𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝐶𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 2𝐾

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒'𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑆𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑑, 𝑠𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟.......𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟, 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑏𝑜𝑡ℎ 𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎 𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑦 𝑏𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑗𝑜𝑦.

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~December 5th~

Y/N hurried towards her friends who were already settled at the very top of the mountain, their snowboards and skiis all lined up in a perfect row.

"Last one down pays for dinner." One of them suggested to which they all unanimously agreed to.

"3, 2, Go!"

The racers all started sloping down the snowy mountain, some going to different directions, but ultimately they were all headed south. Y/N shifted her weight to keep balance on her snowboard. Usually she'd show off and do a trick, but right now she was focused on getting down as fast as possible.

"Pick up the pace Y/N!" Her friend teased as they swooped right past her.

Y/N let out a snort as she leaned forward to get more speed and traction. She also decided to move more to the right, where she knew a shortcut that none of the others knew about. She let out a small chuckle at the thought of their faces when they saw her all the way down there.

Her smile faded fast when she saw someone step out right in front of her, a dark haired male that seemed preoccupied with taking a picture he didn't notice she was coming.

"Look out!" She shouted, finally getting his attention.

The boy froze and seemed unable to move. Y/N swerved to the left, a little too fast and ended up falling off her board, tumbling down a few feet before landing on a bed of snow. She groomed softly as she lifted her head, already feeling the aching of her muscles.

"Are you ok?!" The same man who had inadvertently caused her accident ran over and helped her sit up.

"I...think so?" She asked rather than answered.

She quickly stood up, taking off her googles and winter hat to try and inspect what damage had been done not only to her body but to her board. She dusted some of the snow off her and looked up to find the mystery man looking at her intently.

"What? Am I bleeding?" She touched her face and forehead, not a stranger to bleeding due to some of the accidents she'd been through.

"No! Not at all!! Just......"

He smiled shyly, dimples clearly shown on his cheeks as his eyes formed small crescents.

"You're really pretty..." He confessed awkwardly, leaving her baffled and speechless.

"Th-thank you....you're pretty handsome yourself..." She tucked some hair behind her ear.

"I'm San." He introduced himself, holding out a hand for her to take, which she promptly did.

"I'm Y/N."

You were sad that you had to pay for your friend's dinner because you lost, but you weren't to sad because San asked you out for a date the next day.

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~January 12, One Year Later~

"Brrr. It's freezing out there."

San shook the snow off him, placing his boots on the corner.

"I told you it was going to snow, but you don't listen." She rolled her eyes at him.

Adding marshmallows to the hot chocolate, she picked them up and set them down on the table in front of the fireplace, then proceeded to wrap one of the blankets around herself. San wasted no time in cuddling up next to her and taking one of the mugs in his hand, sipping slowly so as to not burn himself. Smiling sweetly at her, he scooted closer to her, his head resting on her shoulder.

"Remember when we met last year?" He suddenly spoke.

Y/N nearly spat her chocolate back into the mug.

"Ahhh yes. You mean when I nearly killed you?"

San laughed softly at that.

"Never in my life did I think I'd actually end up dating my almost murderer."

She rolled her eyes at that.

"You were the idiot that wasn't paying attention." She reminded him.

"I was trying to take a picture of a bunny that was nearby thank you. Which you scared off by the way."

They began reminiscing about their times after a year of dating, laughing about their first fight, their first kiss and the times they met each other's respective parents.

"You looked terrified of my dad."

"How was I supposed to be calm? Especially after he said he wanted to talk to me in private?" San defended himself.

Y/N hummed softly.

"What did he talk to you about anyway?"

San shrugged softly.

"The usual...like...if I broke your heart, he was going to break my balls."

Y/N actually slapped her knee at that one, knowing fully well her father would really be the type to say such things.

San scratched the back of his head as he wondered if he should say the next part.

"He.....also asked....... if I loved you...."

Y/N felt her heart drop at that word. Even though they had been dating for a year, they had never said the L word. She wanted to change the subject, afraid of his answer, but curiosity got the better of her and she had to ask.

"What....what did you tell him?" She fidgeted with the ends of her hoodie.

San shifted so he sat in front of her. Taking her hands in his, he confessed:

"I told him I loved you with all my heart and that.....I hoped you felt the same way..."

He looked at her with hopeful eyes, gulping slightly, afraid that his feelings weren't reciprocated. When Y/N didn't respond for a minute, he let out a defeated sigh.

"All right. I understand." He made move to get up, but Y/N made him stay in place.

"No silly. I was just shocked you actually told my father that." She explained.

"Well I wasn't going to lie. I do love you Y/N, truly I do." His voice sounded desperate at this point.

Y/N teared up and pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Oh Sannie.....I love you too."

San widened his eyes at her words, he felt himself tearing up as well, but he was filled with warmth at the thought that she felt the same, it was not a one sided love. He couldn't help himself as he cupped her face and began pecking her lips repeatedly.

"I love you. I love you with all my heart."

He giggled as he intensified his kisses, turning them from small pecks into more heated and passionate lip locks that had her craving for more. San ended up pushing her onto the floor, his hands placed on either side of her face. They both looked at each other, both wanting to ask the same question but too shy to actually speak out about having their first time right then.

"Y/N.....if you don't want to, we can-"

She silenced him by pulling him on top of her and resuming their makeout session.

"I want to. Go ahead." She assured him.

San kissed her forehead.

"I love you so much."

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~December 25, 3 years later~

All of the boys gathered around the tree, already ecstatic at the thought of opening their presents.

"I'm really looking forward to Yeosang's gift for me." Mingi bounced in his seat.

"I told you. I got you socks." Yeosang repeated for the thousandth time, making everybody burst out laughing.

"You know you're just joking Sangie." Wooyoung pinched his cheek, much to Yeosang's dismay.

The clock struck midnight, signaling that it was now time to open presents. There was a lot of noises, squealing and rustling of paper heard, the latter all discarded near the floor, soon picked up by Seonghwa, who hated seeing litter scattered about.

"Perfect for you Hwa. I actually got you a broom and dustpan set." Hongjoong snickered as he held out the cleaning supplies from the house to his friend.

"Shut up." Seonghwa groaned, not at all amused by the joke.

"Calm down. I actually got you something else." Hongjoong held out the actual gift, which turned out to be Toothless slippers and bathrobe set. It made Seonghwa burst out laughing, donning his infamous awkward smile.

"Yah! What is this Kang Yeosang?!" Mingi held out a box full of assorted socks.

Yeosang merely shrugged.

"What? You all laughed and joked that I wasn't serious. Jokes on you bitches. I was dead serious." Yeosang sipped his tea as he stared Mingi down, who merely pouted.

"Look on the bright side Mingi. Yunho might stop complaining about you stealing his socks." Seonghwa patted his shoulder.

"It's not me!" Mingi retorted.

"No one else's feet but yours fit in them!" Yunho accused him.

Y/N and San just laughed and decided to just enjoy the presents they got for each other. Y/N was happy that San liked his presents, but she was saving the best for last, knowing he was going to go wild about it.

Pulling him outside, she closed the door behind them both, ignoring the chaos going on inside.

"If it's another mistletoe trick, I won't mind." San was already puckering his lips.

"No silly....there's another present I wanted to give you."

"Oh?" San tilted his head.

She pulled out a small and thin white box that had a purple ribbon wrapped around it. San shook it near his ear, trying to guess what was in it, but had no clue. He carefully unwrapped the ribbon and opened the box. He had to do a double take as he peered into the contents. He looked at his lover with wide eyes.

"Is this....?" He asked for confirmation.

She nodded and chuckled happily. San's face lit up and he picked her up, spinning her around as he kissed the side of her head.

"Oh my God! This is the best Christmas present ever my love! Thank you!"

Tears of joy started streaming down his face as he embraced the love of his life for a long time. He wasted no time in speeding back inside the house and wave the object around for everyone to see.

"Guys! We're having a baby! You're all gonna be uncles!"

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~December 5, Present Day~

San and Y/N made sure the carrier was covered fully by the long and thick blanket. After making sure it was sunny, San opened the door and allowed his sweetheart to walk out. Y/N carefully walked down the steps of the cabin they always stayed in since the day they met. San followed after her, one step behind her, ready to help if she needed anything.

They both looked at each other and smiled. Y/N put the carrier gently down on the blanket of snow as San took out his camera.

"Ready." San gave her the ok sign.

Y/N peeled back the blanket covering the carrier, revealing their tiny 4 month old baby daughter, who was now wide awake and observing her surroundings.

"Smile snowflake." San took a picture of her.

Light snow started to fall around them and the tiny baby reached her hand out to touch this new object that was foreign to her. A tiny snowflake fell on her nose and she sneezed softly when it made contact with her skin.

Her parents couldn't help but coo at how lovely and adorable she was. Picking her up along with several blankets, Y/N showed off the view to her.

"Look darling. This is the exact spot daddy and I met years ago."

San chuckled as he kept taking photos of his two most precious treasures in his life. After getting his fill, he walked up next to Y/N, poking his daughter's cheek.

"Even though you were born in summer, I'm sure you'll learn to love the winter just as much as we do."

The baby continued to be fascinated by the falling snow around her, her arms flailing into the air, trying to catch it, only to fall in confusion every time it melted in her tiny hand.

"I say she already loves it." Y/N noticed her reactions.

"I'm glad she does. I can't wait to bring her here every year to watch the first snow fall every time." San kissed her tiny head before looking back at his wife and repeating the action on her forehead.

"I love you. And I love our precious snowflake too."

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[eryiss]

Ship: Freed x Laxus

Rating: Teen

Prompt: Two Bros Chilling in A Hot Tub/Lightning Struck

Summary: Freed knew he had a lot to learn about being a professional wizard, and when he was paired up with Laxus for a mission he expected to learn a lot. He didn't expect to spend a day with him in a hot tub, and he certainly didn't expect to get an entirely unrelated education about life and about love.

Notes: Hello everyone, happy Fraxus Week. For the two bonus days, I've murged the prmopts together to make a two-shot. The second chapter will be uploaded on July the 22nd. I hope you all enjoy it, and head over to @fuckyeahfraxus to see all the other content for the event.

Links: Chapter Two ||| Event Masterlist ||| Archive of Our Own, Fanfiction

Chapter One

Year: X782

Location: Magnolia, Fiore

Professional Wizardry was still new to Freed. He hadn't wandered into the profession without the expectation that he'd be forced to do things that previously would have been unthinkable, or that his life wouldn't change entirely the moment he had joined a guild, but he felt like he was learning a new aspect to his profession every day. His expectations of the job and the reality of the job was almost entirely different, and Freed found himself enjoying the challenge.

He'd thought he'd be on missions near constantly. He'd go to some place in Fiore, use his magic to fight off a monster or dark wizard, and get paid for it. He hadn't expected there to be a community attached to it, that they'd be such a rigid tier system of missions, and how missions could be anything from finding a lost item, to being on a team attempting to disband a cult. There was so much more, and it was all fascinating.

After his eighteenth birthday three months prior, the jobs that he was allowed to accept had greatly opened up. They were more difficult, presented him with a greater threat to his life, and he was relishing the challenge. He could have gone on those missions earlier, but he much preferred working alone. While he was accepting that being in Fairy Tail meant there was a certain level of comradery with fellow guildmates, and that with that comradery there also came obligations, he didn't see the point in splitting his finances with others while he was powerful enough to perform these missions on his own and take home all the money himself.

The exception to this was Laxus Dreyar.

Master Makarov had approached Freed on his birthday with a proposition. He was worried for his grandson, wanted someone to look after him, and wondered if Freed would mind occasionally attending missions with him. He claimed that, while officially the money would be split between them, Makarov himself would make up the difference for Freed so that he would be paid in full. Freed had agreed, and that had been that.

Up until that afternoon, Freed had not gone on any missions with Laxus. They'd hardly spoken, even with Makarov's assurances that they'd get along. Freed would only be on certain missions and that afternoon's mission was apparently one of them. Makarov told Laxus Freed needed training in more advanced missions, and that he should be the one to do it. Laxus hadn't argued.

Somehow, while attending to a supposedly A-Class mission, they found themselves in Magnolia's hot spring and spa resort.

It was surveillance, so the mission stated. The Rune Army themselves had place the job, stating that they believed that members of a potential dark guild were using the site to host meetings and plan attacks. The resort had been trying to get rid of the suspects but couldn't do so without putting their staff in danger, and having an army presence suddenly appearing would tip the dark guild off and give them time to hide all evidence. The Rune Army wanted mages from Magnolia who could plausibly be in the spa for leisure time, but could also defend themselves from attack, to watch them for suspicious activity. Freed had a feeling that Laxus had taken the job to have a day relaxing in a spa, rather than because he felt the Rune Army needed the help.

None of this would have been a problem for Freed – he'd long since accepted that what constituted a job was a wide array of things – if it weren't for the elephant in the room. Or to be more precise, the Adonis wearing nothing but swimming trunks in the room.

Freed was a professional, but he was also eighteen years old and in the presence of an undeniably handsome man. Nobody, no matter their opinions on Laxus, would state that he was anything but sexy. Tall, blonde, square jawed, barrel chested with a scar over his eye and a tattoo over his pecs. His abs looked to be cut from steel and his legs comparable to tree trunks and, well, Freed was only human. Laxus was distracting.

"So," Laxus suddenly spoke as he slung a towel over his shoulder. "I don't exactly know what Gramps wants you to learn from this, but I'll try and teach ya some shit. Surveillance rule number one: fit in with yer surroundings. You seem pretty good at that."

It was only a moment, but Laxus' assessing gaze over Freed's body was exhilarating. But unprofessional.

Laxus didn't seem to notice, and instead started to walk out of the locker room they'd both changed in, and towards the area where they were meant to be watching. Freed followed, making sure to look straight ahead, rather than give into temptation to check out the man's back and his ass, and it wasn't a difficult task. While Freed had no qualms admitting his attraction to the blonde, he knew where his focus needed to be put. The mission was important, not his hormonal desire for his guildmate.

"That's the door we need to watch," Laxus said as he tilted his head to the door. Freed knew that of course, but Laxus was speaking again before he could say anything. "Pretty open room, lots of vantage points. Where should we go?"

Ah, it was a test then. Good, a worthy distraction and hopefully it would nip any ideas that Freed was in some way Laxus' inferior in the bud. Freed looked around the room quickly, glanced towards the door that they needed to keep in their sights, and quickly made a plan of how the rest of the day would go. Strategy was his strong suit.

"The hot tub," He said firmly. "At least for now."

"Why only for now?" Laxus asked. There was no condensation in his tone, he was simply asking for Freed's reasoning.

"Staying in the same place throughout the afternoon would be suspicious. We know who the suspects are, but that doesn't mean they're the only people involved, so we need to look like regular customers constantly," Freed explained, speaking quietly as they walked further into the room. "As we've only just got here, it makes sense for us to use a facility instantly. Going to sit by the pool or at the juice bar would be odd, at least for now. The massage tables and spa treatments are too distracting, but the hot tub allows us to sit and watch without anyone questioning it. It'll give us the lay of the land without drawing any attention on us."

"And we both have to do it?" Laxus probed. "Wouldn't it make more sense to split up and cover more ground.

"Later," Freed dismissed. "We came in together; we'll need to do things at the same time at least once in a while. As I said, the treatments are distracting and as such we should do them one at a time rather than simultaneously. If we spend the whole day apart after we've arrived together, it'll raise suspicion. The hot tub is a good vantage point, and so a good way to be seen together while not losing an advantage."

Laxus thought for a moment, before nodding, clasping Freed on the bare shoulder, and giving him the smallest of grins. "Yer good at this."

"Of course I am," Freed retorted, and that seemed to make Laxus grin wider.

They walked towards the hot tub, which was at the back wall, attached to the main pool. As it was a Tuesday afternoon, only a few people were loitering around the resort and the hot tub was empty. Freed placed his towel on the handle provided and walked into the hot tub, soaking his entire body sans his head in the hot, bubbling water. His muscles relaxed instantly, and he felt himself slinking down ever so slightly.

"You ain't here to relax," Laxus said in a voice almost teasing as he climbed the stairs into the tub. "Eyes on the mission, remember."

Freed went to point out that, given Laxus was looking at him rather than at the door, he was just as distracted. But Laxus chose that moment to sit down, submerging his chest in water and spreading his arms wide. His left hand was close to Freed's shoulder, and Freed felt that it was an act of great resilience that he didn't give into base urges and watch Laxus as he adjusted to his relaxed, wet – very very wet – state.

"I will if you will," Freed eventually said back, looking towards the door. He missed how Laxus' gaze lingered on his body just a little too long.

They fell into silence, and Freed made a genuine effort to keep his gaze away from the man who shared the hot tub with him. He truly hadn't thought this through. He hadn't realised that, as good as Laxus looked from afar, he looked better up-close. Maybe he should have denied the request to join the mission. And maybe he should have worn a looser swimsuit…

"So," Laxus said after a while, looking up at the ceiling for a moment to crack his neck. "How much is the old man paying you to spy on me?"

Freed halted, and removed his eyes from the door and looked towards Laxus. His face only, of course. "Excuse me."

"Rule two, you gotta trust the guys you're working with. So don't bullshit yer team members," Laxus said with a little grin. "Answer the question."

"For every mission that I do with you, he'll cover all the money you take from it, so I'm fully paid," Freed explained. He saw no point in lying.

"Guess we're gonna be doing some well-paying missions together then, if we wanna bleed the old bastard dry," Laxus smirked, and it was an oddly alluring look on the man. Freed looked away from it, and towards the door again. "You gonna tell him that I'm onto him?"

"I'd rather keep the deal up, I can get good money doing this," Freed shrugged, and he saw Laxus grinning a little from the corner of his eye. He tried not to pay attention to the expression, and instead focused on a man who could fit the description of a suspect. The man walked past the door, but that didn't mean he wasn't who they were looking for. "Why did you agree to this if you knew your grandfather wants reports on you?"

"Because it's gonna happen anyway, might as well accept it," Laxus shrugged. "I knew he was gonna get someone to do it, kinda glad that it's you."

"Why?"

"Because yer interesting," Laxus said, looking up at the ceiling again and closing his eyes as he lowered himself deeper into the water. Freed's gaze flickered low on the man's abs for a moment before looking to the door again. "We get a hell of a lot of mages joining Fairy Tail. Lots of people who think they're tough shit and wanna become the next powerhouse. Yer the only person I think whose got a chance of actually doing it."

The compliment was flattering. Laxus had something of a reputation for being generally rude and selfish, and either they were exaggerated or Laxus was making an exception. Freed felt it was a combination of both, but he accepted the compliment without complaint.

"You know my magic?" He asked.

"I've been keeping tabs on you since you came here, yer interesting," Laxus nodded, wading a hand through the water absently and sending ripples through the bubbles. "People give the darker magics a lot of shit. They're idiots. You can kick ass, and you're not bad to be around. Pretty much the opposite of a Fairy Tail mage right now."

"Does that opinion extend to you?"

"What d'you think?" Laxus asked with a cocky expression that Freed found himself enjoying.

"I wouldn't be here if I thought you weak."

"Good."

They fell into a silence, with the bubbling water warming Freed and making his muscles loose and relaxed. He kept a steady gaze on the door, making sure to avert his eyes when someone walked into the room, so his staring wasn't too obvious. It was a worthy distraction, and one well needed now that Laxus had apparently been watching him for all of eight months. That, combined with the fact that Laxus was wearing swimming trunks and was less than five feet away, could all become rather an issue if Freed didn't focus on anything else.

"Okay, your turn to relax now," Laxus said, cutting through Freed's thoughts. His voice was a little more relaxed. "You can't stay lookin' at the door all day. You'll get a crick in the neck."

"I'll be fine," Freed dismissed.

"Doesn't matter," Laxus stated, shifting slightly to get closer to Freed. It was to get a better view of the door, but the body heat that rivalled the warmth of the water was a noticeable feeling and Freed tensed. "Rule Three: lean on yer teammates. Sometimes you'll need to slack off, that ain't something to fight against. So long as someone in the team is on full alert it isn't too bad a problem. So sit back, close yer eyes, and let me take over for a while."

Freed was hesitant, but Laxus was clearly taking over keeping his gaze on the door, and Freed eventually found himself sliding down to further cover his body in water, and closed his eyes as relaxation flowed through him.

When his mind began to slip, Freed found himself thinking that Laxus was actually rather helpful. Freed wasn't quite so arrogant to think he knew everything about wizarding work, and an S-Class mage would have things to teach. Laxus especially would be useful to learn from, given their apparently similarities in working styles. Freed would need to learn how to work in a team, even if it wasn't fond of the idea, and Laxus might know how to offer actual advice rather than pointless mantras like 'your team should be your family' and other nonsense he'd heard from Fairy Tail. Without lying about why he was there, his team-ups with Laxus might be mutually beneficial.

Perhaps relaxing wasn't too bad an idea, either. Freed's mind had been somewhat consumed by his work. Finding a place to live as a seventeen-year-old had been difficult, and he'd put in a lot of effort in getting rent on time. But now he got better paying jobs, that urgency could fall away a little.

With a bit of effort, he tried to push the fact he was on a job to the back of his mind.

Once this whole thing was dealt with, maybe he would invest in a pass for the resort. In his preliminary research for the mission, he'd heard good things about the facilities, and even though he'd only been in the hot tub as of yet, he felt inclined to agree.

Though perhaps Laxus' company was partially to blame for his mood.

Fairy Tail had sometimes felt like a lonely place. Their focus on friendship, family and their revoltingly sentimental ideas about goodness were nice in principle, but when you were on the outside looking in it could get under your skin. Freed knew he was at fault for his lack of relationships with his guildmates, but perhaps Laxus might be a good starting point. Ironic, given that nearly everyone had told him Laxus was off-putting and rude.

The bubbles sent a pleasant chill over him, and Freed felt his tenseness ebbing away. When he got a pass for the resort, he'd have to explore the idea of a massage. He'd never thought it appealing, but perhaps he could be convinced.

There wouldn't be much convincing needed if Laxus were the one massaging him.

"Shit," Laxus hissed, and Freed's eyes whipped open. A rush of panic filled him that somehow he might have said that aloud, but the idea was ridiculous. He looked to Laxus to see worry flickering over him. "The suspect saw me looking, I think he went to get backup."

"Are you sure?" Freed asked, mind suddenly back on focus again.

"No, but we made eye contact. He's suspicious of me," Laxus was clenching his teeth, seemingly annoyed at himself. "We can't fuck it up, the Rune Army don't take shit like this lightly. We need a distraction or to get out."

"A distraction will be easier," Freed concluded. "Does he know for sure that we're looking out for him?"

"I wasn't being careful. I was watching him for about a full minute without being subtle. Pretty sure he knows it's not a passing glance."

"But that doesn't mean you know what he's doing, it just means you were looking at him," Freed mused aloud. "What if we throw him off the scent, give him another reason for why you were so focused on him."

"The hell would that be?" Laxus growled a little, and Freed scanned the room. They were the only two people in there now.

"Maybe you wanted him gone," Freed thought, plans forming in his head. Many of them he had to dismiss outright. "Perhaps if he sees something he wasn't meant to see, he'll think you were looking at him because you wanted him to leave."

"What the hell would I wanna do that I wouldn't want him seeing?" Laxus snapped, agitation rising. An idea came to Freed. It was good, it would get them out of the situation no doubt, but it might have a few repercussions in the future. Many arguments both for and against it flung through his mind, and his indecision must have been obvious, as Laxus continued talking a moment later. "Rule four, if a mission's going to shit and you think you can salvage it, you do it. So if you've got any ideas, I'd love to hear them."

Freed went to open his mouth to explain his idea, but he heard movement from across the room and glanced towards the door. It was opening, and two more suspects were walking through it, stone-faced and angry.

Before he could second guess himself, he launched himself onto Laxus and began to kiss him.

It was a sloppy, energetic, and passionate kiss. Laxus was frozen for a few moments, but Freed forced himself to push on in the hope that Laxus was trying to understand what was happening. Laxus quickly started to kiss back, and a hand ran down Freed's back, pulling him close. Freed began to mess his hands through Laxus' hair, heart pounding and a ringing in his ears cutting through his panic. He couldn't think of how bad an idea this was, about how there were probably hundreds of other ways to deal with this, because rumours stated that the dark mages were powerful, and he didn't want to get into a fight he could avoid.

Kissing wasn't enough for his plan. People kissed all the time. They needed to get… intimate. Freed began to run his hands over Laxus' torso – damn was he strong – and he felt large hands groping at his ass in return. He gasped into the kiss, and forced himself to remember that it was just for the mission.

The sound of a door closing snapped him back to reality, and he glanced to the side without breaking the kiss to see the suspects had left. He pulled himself off of Laxus, to find he'd been dragged so he was straddling the man's thigh at some point, and turned away with a blush, panting quietly.

"Good plan," Laxus said, voice also breathless. "Think it threw them off."

"Yes," Freed agreed. He couldn't look towards Laxus now. He simply couldn't. "I'm sorry for doing-"

"Don't, you did what you had to do," Laxus cut him off, voice somewhat stern, which wasn't helping the situation. "I would've done the same if I thought of it, and you fixed my fuck up. So no complaints."

"Okay," Freed didn't feel any better. He stood up and reached for his towel, still not looking at Laxus. "I think I should sit at the juice bar for a while, we've been together for long enough."

"Wait," Laxus began, shifting slightly but Freed was climbing from the hot tub before he could reach for him. "This ain't- you don't have to leave on my account."

"I'm not," Freed lied. Because of course he was. Laxus might be straight, he might not like Freed, and he might not appreciate being kissed like that at random. "If we spend all out time in the hot tub, it'll look odd. It was overdue, more so now they've seen us."

Laxus looked ready to argue, but sighed and nodded. Freed walked towards the juice bar, fighting the urge to touch his lips. Electricity danced over them.

Kissing Laxus… it felt like being struck by lightning.

[mister-softy]

Oblivion - A Nancy Holbrook Playlist

playlist

tracklist below the cut

notes: some of these selections don’t really fit with the film’s canon - i.e. i went with the alternate ending timeline, hence why there’s an angry revenge song towards the end. my vision for nancy’s life after the events of the story is that she and quentin get out of springwood and try to make a better life together, thus “exit music” and so on.

1. Mad World - Tears For Fears 

Went to school and I was very nervous

No one knew me, no one knew me

Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny

I find it kind of sad

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had

2. Waste of Paint - Bright Eyes

It's clear to see, it's not them, but me

Who's lost my self-identity

And I hide behind these books I read

While scribbling my poetry

Like art could save a wretch like me

With some ideal ideology

That no one could hope to achieve

And I'm never real, it's just a sketch of me

And everything I've made is trite and cheap and a waste

Of paint

Of tape

Of time

3. Oblivion - Grimes

I never look behind all the time

I will wait forever

Always looking straight

Thinking, counting all the hours you wait

See you on a dark night

See you on a dark night

See you on a dark night

See you on a dark night

4. In My Head - Bedroom

It consumes my mind

It consumes my soul

It wants my life, it wants complete control

Somebody help me before it's bad

Somebody help me before I end up dead

5. Toynbee Tiles - The Scary Jokes

There's a dozen round every corner

But it won't be easy to piece them together, no

But we've got minds like barbed wire

I never thought that it would be so tough

Just to exist through the simplest, most menial stuff

But I know we're gonna figure this thing out, or self-immolate trying

6. Body of Years - Mother Mother 

All the remains of a cadaver of days

I keep hidden away

Keep them there just in case

I wanna visit that place

Blow the dust from the bones

Off a body of years

That I leave all alone

7. Murders - Tally Hall 

I was in the middle ground

Looking to find the

Flowers in the garden

Wearying of the hate me hate me not

Wait they forgot

Woe oh the rot

Deeper in they crept

Oblivious of the bears and darker terrors

Or none were there

How did they dare

8. Lights Out, Words Gone - Bombay Bicycle Club

Keep your old and wasted words

My heart is breaking like you heard

But the town has always turned

These lies and made them all burn

9. Roslyn - Bon Iver & St. Vincent

Up with your turret

Aren't we just terrified?

Shale, screen your worry from what you won't ever find

Don't let it fool you

Don't let it fool you down

Dancing around, folds in her gown

10. Monsters - Ruelle

You've got no place to hide

And I'm feeling like a villain, got a hunger inside

One look in my eyes

And you're running 'cause I'm coming

Gonna eat you alive

Your heart hits like a drum

The chase has just begun

11. Exit Music (For A Film) - Radiohead

Wake

From your sleep

The drying of

Your tears

Today

We escape

We escape

Pack

And get dressed

Before your father hears us

Before

All hell

Breaks loose

12. Glowing Eyes - Twenty One Pilots

We all are stranger creatures than when we all started out as kids

Culture forbids

We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is

Fall off the grid

We live for

The night's decor

It reveals what

We dream of

13. A Burning Hill - Mitski

And I've been a forest fire

I am a forest fire

And I am the fire and I am the forest

And I am a witness watching it

I stand in a valley watching it

And you are not there at all

[masc-reader-insertss]

carnival

@snekintheeye asked: Kia ora! Hi! Could I request an Alexei x reader, where reader is a cop (thought to be a toxic manly man) that finds an injured Alexei at the Carnival and just fluff accepting vibes all around?? S3 killed me, my dude :'))

this took much longer than it should have oof, here you go:>

——

y/n could never seemed to catch a break. being a cop was a way to help people, and it hadn't been panning out like that so far, especially this summer. physical strength had always been one of y/n's advantages, he'd thought people would feel safe when they saw him. despite what his appearance gave off, y/n wasn't a tough guy. he cried at sappy movies, halloween was his least favourite time of the year, and he was still afraid of the dark. no one saw that when they looked at him, and y/n hated it. he hated the looks he would get when he was on patrol, he hated that no matter what he tried he always seemed to intimidate people. no matter what he tried, he could never shake the reputation of the intimidating cop that everyone seemed to be wary of.

he hadn't done anything to warrant this reputation either. he'd never never hurt a fly, anyone who knew him personally could vouch for that, people in hawkins just weren't used to seeing some tough looking big city cop in their small town. because of this unspoken reputation, he was mostly stuck with security, his presence was enough to ward off any would be delinquents easily, and today was no different. mayor kline's fourth of july fun fair. his task was simple enough, patrol around the ground and make sure no one was getting up to anything illegal, nothing out of the ordinary. he'd expected tonight to be like any normal night, and it seemed as if it would be, till he'd decided to take a quick look behind some of the stalls to make sure no one had decided to try and hide away from any prying eyes.

it was coming closer to the end of the night with every stall he checked, and y/n was getting ready to head back to his set round when he'd noticed someone propped against a food stall. "you can't be behind.." his voice trailed off as he got a better look at the person, a man, and he was clearly heavily injured, if the copious amount of blood staining his shirt was anything to go by. "shit- what happened to you?" y/n knelt down beside the man, pressing his hand against the source of the blood. how someone had gotten an injury like this at a carnival was beyond him, but that besides the point right now. "what on earth happened to you?" he asked, letting out a quiet sigh when all he got was intelligible mumbling from stranger. reaching for his radio, y/n went to call for backup a confused frown forming on his face when the injured man, who somehow hadn't passed out from the blood loss yet, grabbed his hand to stop him.

"i'm just calling for backup-" y/n didn't get to finish his sentence before he was being interrupted. "listening-" from his accent y/n could immediately tell this guy wasn't from around here, or anywhere remotely close to here for that matter, he probably didn't speak much english either. "who's listening?" y/n moved his hand away from the radio to place it on top of the already bloodstained one trying to stop the wound from bleeding, applying as much pressure as he could muster. the man pointed towards the wound, looking up at y/n, and he understood immediately. "the people who did this to you?" he asked, looking away for a moment when he got a nod in response. this was not how he'd expected tonight to go.

"okay.. i'm gonna get you help, alright? I'm not leaving you alone, and we can't use the radio, so.." they were fast running out of options, and y/b could see the stranger growing weaker with every passing minute. for a moment he hesitated, he'd never thought he'd have to deal with anything like this, but he knew he had to act quickly if there was any chance of this guy surviving. quickly he moved to pull off his uniform shirt, shivering a little at the abnormally cold summer night wind that hit him as he was left in just his singlet and pants. "you need to keep pressure on this, okay? i'll get you help, i promise" his words probably did nothing to calm the bleeding man since y/n was sure he couldn't understand him, but he was sure the other got the jist of it when he pressed the shirt against his wound and moved to press his hands against it before pulling away.

peaking his head out from behind the stall, y/n couldn't see any way that wouldn't draw attention to them, and he couldn't call for help either. if y/n couldn't find a way out soon, this man was going to die. y/n was starting to loose hope, until he spotted a jacket strewn across the back of a carnival stall. they might not have been able to get out without being seen, but they could get out without being noticed. reaching out to grab the item of clothing, y/n made a mental note to try and find the owner to replace the jacket, but there were more pressing matters to attend to.

slipping the jacket over the injured mans shoulders and pulling up the hood, he wrapped one arm around him, looking down at him. "think you can stand?" he asked, keeping his arm firmly wrapped around him so he could lean against him as he stood. "keep your head down and lean against me. the only way we're getting out of here is if no one spots you" the stranger let out more unintelligible murmurs and y/n took that as a cue to start walking, making sure to go slow enough to accomodate for the others injuries. despite being in such a huge crowd, the two were almost invisible, not a single person paid attention to them as they walked around, to ingested in the activities of the night. it was perfect for them, and after a painstaking five minuets of walking, y/n finally reached into his pocket to pull out the keys to his car.

with much effort, y/n was able to get the other into the car, and he'd never been so grateful for the sirens as he turned them on to excuse his extreme speed. who knew how much time they had left. "i'm guessing you have no idea what i'm saying, but could you at least tell me your name?" y/n asked, looking in the mirror to check back on the man slowly bleeding out in his back seat. when he spoke up, y/n almost couldn't hear him from how quiet his voice had gotten, but he was able to pick up "alexei" and y/n gave a small nod. they were less than two minuets from the hospital now, thanks to y/n's speeding. "alright then alexei, i'm y/n. mind telling me how you ended up in that situation?" there was silence, and y/n felt his entire body heat up with fear for a moment as he thought that they hadn't made it in time, but when he looked at the mirror again he realised that alexei merely hadn't understood him, and he let out a breath of relief. with that, they pulled up to the hospital, and y/n couldn't recall a time in his life where he'd run any faster, even during his academy days, but he'd burst through the doors of that hospital with such force it made his legs ache.

"we need help- he's been shot, he's lost a lot of blood" was all he could say, the adrenaline had really kicked in now, and it wasn't till he was left pacing around the waiting room that he realised he was covered in blood. there'd been an uncomfortable silence since the moment y/n had begun pacing, and he knew that all these people seeing him like this probably didn't do anything to help his reputation, but he really couldn't have cared less at that moment. it felt like hours had passed when someone had finally called out his name. he'd about paced a hole in the floor by that point. despite having known this man for less than twenty four hours, every passing minute without any word from him made him grow even more worried.

"how is he?" y/n asked, nails pressed firmly into his palms as he waited for any news, he was prepared for the worst, it had really seemed they'd gotten here with not a second to spare. "he's awake, very disoriented and, he can't tell us much but, he'll live" the doctor gave a soft smile as she spoke and y/n would have hugged her if he weren't covered in dried blood. "he's been asking for you though" those words made y/n look back at the doctor in front of him, eyebrows raised in confusion. "he has?"

she nodded, motioning for y/n to follow her as she lead him towards a room. "yes, you're all he's really talked about. i think he wants to thank you" y/n could feel a smile creep onto his face at that, and that smile stayed as he made his way into the room, taking a seat next to the bed. "told you i'd get you out" and it was clear that alexei still had no idea what he was saying, but he smiled none the less, and y/n thanked any higher power that was listening that he decided to look behind those stalls. "you're not from here, are you" y/n asked, leaning against the arm rest of the chair. there was silence again, and y/n took that as confirmation.

this was not how y/n had expected the night to go, and he almost couldn't believe that for the first time he'd actually /saved/ someone. y/n was startled out of his thoughts when he felt a hand on his arm, and he looked up to see alexei giving a small, tired smile. "thank you" he spoke, his thick accent making it much harder to understand. y/n gave a smile though, looking back at alexei. "no need to thank me, i couldn't just leave you there. just doing my job"   of course y/n would have done the same thing regardless if it was his job or not, he hoped any person would. despite the language barrier, y/n could tell that alexei was truly thankful that y/n had stepped in when he had. both of them knew what very well could have happened if he hadn't decided to check behind those stalls, not that they wanted to think about it.

for the first time in his career, y/n felt like he'd actually helped someone, and for the first time y/n felt like his reputation didn't matter. he could only hope this was the start of something new.

[somedayonbroadway]

Hi! I know this can be triggering but i haven’t really seen it anywhere and i really wanted to find something like this so could you do some anorexic race? i’ve seen elmer, albert- hell, even spot. but never race

Here’s a little something! Lemme know if you’d like to see more!

Fandom: Newsies

Characters: Racetrack Higgins, Crutchie Morris, Jack Kelly, Katherine Plumber, Albert DaSilva (mentioned)

Words: 3K+

Summary: Jack had called him in hysterics. Four days ago. Crutchie could hardly make out the words. Tyler. Hospital. Please come back. (Bad Things Happens Bingo: Eating Disorder).

TW: EATING DISORDER

Here we go! Another story for my @badthingshappenbingo card!

This ones a bit shorter than the others.

I have written another story previously about an eating disorder and I did get a review telling me that I didn't know what I was writing about. So I'll be honest, I was a little nervous to write this one. I do have to ask that no one assumes anything on any of my works. I love you all dearly, but here's the truth: None of you guys know what I've been through really. I wrote that last fic after I visited my baby cousin in the hospital for having an eating disorder. So please don't tell me what I know or don't know.

Also, these kinds of things are tricky. Every case is different. So please, if you don't like the way I write these things, don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. Realize that our experiences are very different and maybe I haven't been where you're at.

Sorry for the rant.

Anyways...

Enjoy!

It was raining. Every drop hit that glass window like it was so desperate to break right through it.

Jack wished it would stop. It made everything feel that much drearier. It made the world feel a little darker, as if the universe knew what was happening. As if it had known that something that seemed so wrong was still happening in the world. Jack was no stranger to the cruelties of the world.

But this was something he hadn't even seen coming. This was something he hadn't prepared for. Something that truly terrified him.

The boy in his arms stirred just a bit when the door creaked open. Jack's heart stuttered. "Shshshshshshshhhhhhh…" he soothed, running a gloved hand over those blond curls. And those big blue eyes barely made an effort to peak up at him before they were hiding again. All Jack could do was sigh in relief and hold the child just a bit tighter just as someone slowly made their way into the room, right towards them. "Si' down, Crutch… I j'st got him ta sleep…" Jack murmured, knowing the younger man didn't have a clue what to do.

Doing as he was told, Crutchie didn't dare take his eyes off of the weakened boy in his bed. He readjusted the gloves on his hands and the mask on his face. Jack wore them just the same. But that didn't stop the child on his chest from cuddling into him like there was no danger in that. "Are you sure ya should be—?"

"It's been four days," Jack breathed, looking up at him. It was only then that Charlie saw the tears in his eyes. "Four days n' he hasn't even taken a ten minute nap. He asked me ta hold him, so I did n' he fell asleep n' now I can't… I just… I ain't gonna wake him now…" He couldn't do it. He couldn't bear to watch it again. To know that the child he held so dearly just couldn't sleep on his own. "I'm sorry…" he breathed in deeply, trying to keep in the tears and calm himself down. "I just didn't know what else ta do…"

The words broke Crutchie's heart. He nodded. "It's okay, Jack… as long as he's gettin' some sleep…" he whispered.

Jack nodded too, clearly a bit on edge. He looked down yet again to the child dozing on top of him. And his heart tightened when he remembered he wasn't allowed to kiss his forehead. "I-I'm glad you're here…" he admitted, still not looking up.

What he failed to notice was that Crutchie wasn't looking up either. The younger man's green eyes were solely set on the boy. He couldn't help but take the child in. Every inch of him.

He was so thin. He could practically see the bones beneath that pale skin.

"Sorry it took so long… I forgot my ID… they wouldn't let me in without knowin' I was older 'n eighteen…" he muttered, leaning forward to get a better look at the frail child. He could see it even in the boy's face. He was practically a stick. It was terrifying. "S-so… wh-what happened?" he asked, still unsure as to how they'd ended up here. How this had all happened.

Jack leaned down to tuck blond curls beneath his chin. He sighed. "We were comin' home… from his school. Kath was with us…"

"I think you chose the movie last weekend, Love," Katherine stated, walking a bit ahead of the two boys behind her.

Jack shook his head. "Are you sure, babe?"

Laughing with a quick nod back in his direction. "We watched 'Jurassic World'. And the weekend before that we watched 'Split' for Race. It's my turn and I chose 'Ever After' and you both have to sit with me the whole time!" she demanded, knowing they'd get bored.

Then she bounded on ahead of them, key in hand.

It was just like any other day.

It was normal.

Except for one thing.

Race lagging behind. He wasn't mouthing off. He wasn't arguing. In fact, he was leaning heavily on the railing of the stairs they were walking up. And he looked horrible.

Jack just assumed he was sick. Like he had for the past couple weeks. Maybe he just wasn't getting enough sleep.

"Hey, baby… ya doin' okay?" he asked, falling back a couple steps to be at his little brother's side. "Ya tired?"

The boy looked over at him and paused on the stairs, offering him a weak smile. "I'm fine, Jackie…" he insisted, taking a deep breath and making a move to continue up the stairs.

A skeptical look came over Jack's face. The boy had gotten into the habit of wearing large, baggy sweats wherever he went, no matter the weather. "Maybe you're hot. It might help ta take the sweatshirt off," he suggested, walking with the fifteen year old as his girl unlocked their apartment door.

"It's fine, bubba… really," the kid insisted again. "I just… I need ta rest for a second…'' The words were weak. And Jack's heart dropped when the boy's eyes rolled back into his head and his knees buckled.

Jack barely caught the child as he began to fall backwards. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Racer?!" he cried, lowering himself onto the steps and holding the boy in his lap. "Tyler?!"

The boy was completely passed out for a long moment as Jack panicked, unsure of what to do as the kid's sweatshirt slid up on his torso.

That's when Jack saw it. He could see the boy's rib cage. "Shit…" he muttered, looking back up to his brother's face. "Tyler! Tyler, wake up!"

Those blue eyes fluttered. But they did not open. "Jackie…?" It was hardly a breath. Jack almost missed it.

"Baby?!"

"I… I think I need a h'spital…" the child admitted drearily.

Without even thinking, Jack just nodded vigorously. "Okay… okay, stay awake, TJ! We're… we're gonna get you help…" he promised, looking up the flight of stairs. "Katherine! Katherine, call an ambulance!" he cried, lifting the boy up.

The young woman rushed back out of the apartment, confused until she saw what was happening. And she grabbed her phone. "Oh my God! Tyler?!"

Jack scooped the boy up the best he could. "Kath, which way's the closest hospital?!"

"Jack, I'm calling. An ambulance is coming!"

Jack whimpered but didn't argue as he cradled the boy to him and bounced him up in his arms. "Stay awake, kiddo… we're getting you help… you're gonna be okay…" For the first time, he realized how light the kid was. How dangerously light the kid was. "Oh bubba, what happened?"

Race did not respond to him. And it just scared Jack even more.

"They're coming, Jack!" Katherine promised. "Tyler, they're coming! What happened?"

Jack didn't answer. He couldn't.

He couldn't answer.

A tear trailed down Jack's cheek and he shook his head. "We got him here n'... the doctor said he had a resting heart rate of forty two beats per minute… they weighed him. He's eighty nine pounds. His immune system is weak. He was dyin' n' I didn't even notice…" he stated, feeling his throat tighten as he thought about it all again.

"Jack…" Crutchie breathed, shaking his head.

"He didn't even seem scared… he just… sat there like he knew this was comin'..." Jack recalled. He wished he could scream.

"So… what? He just wasn't eatin'?"

Jack let out a bitter, humorless laugh. "I don't know! He won't talk about it. He seems ta think that if he pretends everythin's normal, somehow it will be." He steadied his breaths as best he could. He'd been holding it together for days. He was confused and tired and hungry and scared and he just didn't know what to do. "The doctors think he just wasn't eatin' f'r as long as he could n' then when he did, he'd try to burn it all off."

Crutchie only nodded. "Okay… okay, Jack… it's okay… he's here… he's alive…"

"It's not okay, Charlie!" Jack cried. "I almost lost custody of him six years ago because the judge thought I wouldn't be able to take care of him n' now—" He couldn't help it anymore. There were full fledged tears rushing down his face, dripping onto the mask he wore over his mouth.

His younger brother was heartbroken. The younger man carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. "Jack. No one is gonna take him away. They can't just do that—"

"I'm scared." It was rare for Jack to admit things like that. It was even rarer for him to admit that to one of his brothers.

Charlie nodded. "And it's okay to be scared, big brother. It's okay."

"But—" A hand tightening in the front of the scrubs that Jack wore made him pause. Jack looked down, almost horrified.

Big blue eyes looked up at him, still exhausted, but very much awake.

Everything froze for a moment. No one spoke and no one moved. Tears still fell down Jack's face. He felt like he couldn't breathe. His baby brother perched his chin on the young man's chest as he looked up at him and Jack couldn't hope but shake his head. He couldn't help but want to cry even harder.

"Racer, Jack's gonna go get some coffee, okay?" Charlie stated, confusing Jack for only a moment before he could understand.

The look that sparked in Race's eyes nearly broke both of his brothers completely. "Um… okay…" he managed to get out, no matter how shakily it might've been. It was clear the boy was holding back sobs of his own.

But Jack managed to slowly maneuver the teenager onto the mattress and slip out from beneath him. Then he stood and reached to brush the boy's curls back, his hand trembling as he did so. Race did nothing to stop him from leaving. So Jack let the back of his fingers smoothly trail down his baby brother's cheek before he turned and fled the room.

He barely made it before he had to rip the mask off of his face and crumble to the ground in the hallway just outside.

How did he miss this?

When the door shut, Race felt himself swallow hard. His fist curled into the soft blanket that lay beneath him. He blinked the tears out of his eyes and lazily looked up at the young man still sitting beside him. He tried to smile. But it faltered so easily. And the tears came. He didn't get out a word. He couldn't do it.

All he could do was cry.

"Hey… hey, Tyler… hey…" Charlie tried, scooting himself forward.

Race shook his head. "I didn' mean it! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" the child whimpered, trying to hide in his pillows and beneath his blankets. "I don' wan' 'em ta take me away…"

Charlie pulled the blanket from him and scooted even closer to his bedside, his heart unable to handle the small confession. "Tyler James, look at me…" he asked. "Please…" It took a long moment. But the boy's eyes eventually trailed up to his own. "Hey… there you are…" he breathed, earning a sad smile from the boy. "I missed you…"

"I missed you, too…" came the watery reply. He reached out for Charlie's hand. Charlie took it. But he could practically feel the boy's disappointment when he felt the glove rather than his skin. "I'm sorry ya had ta fly out here," the boy whispered.

The young man squinted at him. "Tyler… I'll always come for you… always. I don't care how I gotta get here. You're more important than anythin' else I have, okay?"

Jack had called him in hysterics. Four days ago. Crutchie had hardly been able to make out the words. Tyler. Hospital. Please come back.

He'd been in the middle of a class. His phone had gone off in his pocket so many times. He'd finally excused himself and then he'd gotten that call. The one that made him rush out of class in the middle of a lecture. He had professors emailing him. Telling him he couldn't just leave like this.

He hadn't messaged them back yet.

They weren't as important as his baby brother.

The boy looked up at him with those eyes. Those big, puppy dog eyes that always managed to manipulate him. He sighed as Race played with the hand Crutchie had given him. "I didn't mean ta scare Jack…" he insisted, his voice strained. "I… didn't mean ta do this…"

Nodding, Charlie smiled. "You know Jack, kid. You're his little boy." It was true. This kid was why Jack got up in the morning for so long. Tyler was practically Jack's own. Jack had raised them both. But Crutchie had always tended to learn on his own.

Race had clung to Jack since the day he was born.

"Do… d'ya think he's mad at me?"

The question shocked Charlie. He didn't understand it. He didn't understand this boy. "What? Of course not! He's scared for you!" he said. He knew he shouldn't have. It wasn't something the kid would want to hear. But it was the truth. "Racer… I'm scared for you, too," he admitted. That's when Race wouldn't look him in the eyes.

Sometimes, it was easy to forget that this boy was fifteen. Sometimes, all Crutchie could see was that little boy who'd been such a light for him and Jack amidst all the darkness in their lives. Right now was one of those moments. Despite everything that had happened over the course of this poor child's life, he still looked so helplessly innocent.

And he stole his brother's heart all over again.

"I… I thought I could control it…" the child whispered, swallowing hard and focusing down on their hands. The boy traces the lines of Charlie's palm, even over the latex gloves he wore. "I thought… I thought it would be okay… at least at the beginning…" he admitted, only peaking up at his brother every now and again. "I didn't mean f'r it ta get this bad… I didn't think it would…" That's when the tears started coming again. That's when he just couldn't hold them back anymore. "I don't like not bein' able ta touch no one… n' I don't like that I can't see my friends…"

Crutchie shushed him and wiped away at his baby brother's cheeks. "I know, kid… I know…"

"Al tried ta come yesterday… but they wouldn't let him in… they didn't even care if I wan'ed ta see him, they just told him he couldn't come in…" he explained. "I didn't mean ta do this! I was gonna get better, I just—"

"It's okay, kid… ya ain't gonna be stuck here forever," Charlie promised, brushing the curls out of Race's eyes. "Ya wanna… ya wanna tell me how this started?" he asked, skeptical he'd actually get any information. "Ya don't have to. Ya know… If ya don't wanna…"

The boy sniffled and rolled onto his back. Crutchie bit his lip as he saw the whole of him. The kid looked so breakable. So small and thin and so very fragile. Charlie was afraid to touch him. He was so scared he might snap.

"It… I j'st… I wasn't eatin' enough…" the child began, reaching out to grab at his big brother's hand once again. Crutchie nodded, silently begging him to continue. "I… I don't know… I j'st… I ate the same way we did at the last house we was in…" If there was something that could truly worry the young man right then, that was it.

"Tyler, Snyder hardly fed us," he stated, as if it should've been obvious.

But it hit him all a bit too quickly.

Race had never been in a home where they'd truly fed them properly. Not until Jack. Crutchie had no doubts in his mind that Jack had the supplies for three meals a day and then some for this boy.

The kid didn't look up at him at that. "I just figured if I could do it then, I could do it now n' it'd be fine. N' it was… but I… I started runnin' more f'r cross country a couple months ago n'—"

"Hold on, months?!" The boy flinched. But Charlie hadn't expected it. He hadn't expected the boy to have been starving himself for that long. For some reason he's expected it to be a short time.

And then he truly thought about it.

Jack's internship had started about six months ago. He wasn't home with Race as often as he had been for so long.

"Charlie, it was an accident! I just couldn't stop! It just… I didn't know how ta stop once I started…"

The words brought tears to the young man's eyes. "Kid… why didn't you ask for help?" he asked. Had he really failed the boy that much that his baby brother thought he couldn't come to him for anything? He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He wasn't angry at the child. He wasn't even disappointed with him. He was just… scared. Scared that maybe he'd done something wrong. Maybe if he'd been there, things would've been different.

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore." The boy tried to clear his throat. Charlie knew he was holding back sobs.

He knew the kid wanted Jack. But Jack needed a break. Or a breakdown, Charlie commented to himself, wishing he could just be in two places at once. "Okay… okay, we don't gotta talk about that. We can talk about somethin' else. Unless you wanna sleep?" he suggested, his voice filled with hope.

But Race bit his lip and shook his head. "I… I just wanna go home…"

Crutchie tried to smile. "I know, kid…" he sighed, massaging the boy's hand. "I know…"

A comfortable but sad silence fell over them. Crutchie tried to help the boy relax just a bit. He heard the boy's breaths get deeper. He watched the boy's eyes closed. But he knew the boy wasn't asleep. The kid wouldn't fall asleep if he thought Jack was upset with him.

Charlie could only do so much.

He sighed and watched the boy rest his eyes as his mind wandered. He let himself think back to the day he'd held this boy for the first time. He'd only been six. Jack had been ten.

It was the most terrifying thing he'd ever done in his life.

The kid had been screaming. He was scared and confused and so curious. And he'd stolen their hearts from the second they'd met him.

Race sighed, feeling out of breath for a moment and he let his eyes slowly drift open again. Charlie was focused down on his hand. The child couldn't help but let his gaze drift to the door. He just wanted to go home.

He let his eyes fall shut again as he focused on breathing. He was hooked up to too many machines. The feeding tube was the one that he hated the most. He squirmed a bit when his mind was drawn back to it. He didn't like it. Or the IV in his arm. He couldn't relax knowing they were there.

It was why he'd needed Jack to hold him. Jack had always had this gift. A gift that allowed him to distract Race so easily.

Race wished he could do the same for his brother.

He wished he could do the same for both of his brothers.

For a long while he lay there, trying not to think. But he knew the discomfort would win out eventually.

Just as he was about to talk to Charlie again, the door reopened. And a nurse walked in.

Jack was trailing behind her. He was wearing a fresh pair of gloves and a new mask. And he was breathing steadily. Race's eyes lit up when he saw him. But he didn't say anything. He was too nervous.

"How are you feeling, Tyler?" The boy sat himself up and shrugged.

Jack slowly walked over to him, gently bringing a hand down to rub his back. "You um… ya wanna try… ya wanna try eating, baby?"

Race looked up at his brothers. He just wanted things to be normal.

But he truly didn't know if he could do it.

So he shrugged once again, on the verge of tears.

And Crutchie grasped his hand again. "Hey… you're doin' okay, kiddo… everything's gonna be okay…"

Jack looked down between his little brothers and managed an encouraging nod. He sat on the edge of Race's bed. "Baby… you're gonna get better. Don't matta' how long it takes… we're gonna be right here with ya… if you ain't ready t'day… it's okay. We can just try again tomorrow…" Jack promised.

The youngest of them turned to Jack and threw his arms around his big brother, wondering how on earth he'd been given the gift of getting to be raised by this man. Jack just wrapped him up all the same, reaching down for Charlie's hand. The other man laughed as he was pulled up and over to shield this little boy from the rest of the world. "We gotcha, Racer… we always gotcha…"

The boy could do nothing but believe them as he was swallowed up by the two embraces that had kept him alive for fifteen years. "Okay…" he breathed, his voice wobbly and terrified. "Okay…"

Jack ran a gloved hand over the boy's hair. "I love you so much, kid… ya know that?" All Race could do was nod. "Good… we're gonna get through this together. Yeah?"

Charlie let out a breath and held tighter to the boy.

They could do this.

Everything would be okay.

"We gotcha… we gotcha…"

If anyone's asking, Crutchie goes to school in California. That's why he was away.

Alright!

As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, fansies.

[punkscowardschampions]

Amelia & Jac

Amelia: [okay so I'll put here what we said, for Jac's 18th Savannah sent her some flowers and Amelia binned them, obviously a big fight ensued and they haven't interacted from then in September to now which is nearly Christmas until Amelia sends her a christmas gift of the gay book with a portrait of Jac inside that'll just fall out when she picks it up and a chanel lipstick of some cute shade or other] Jac: [my vibe was if it was left on the step, leaving the book out there and taking the lipstick to send a message 'cos assumedly we'll walk past at some point as we live central] Amelia: [love that] Jac: If you were gonna take it upon yourself to decide I didn't want Savannah's gift, you should have also realised the same rule would apply to yourself Amelia: maybe Jac: No, you should have Jac: you wasted your money and time Amelia: I've got nothing else to do with either, so it hardly matters Jac: I'm not your distraction Jac: leave me alone Amelia: no, you're way more than that Amelia: but okay Jac: I don't have the energy for this Amelia: I didn't do this to force a conversation with you Jac: right Amelia: you're right, I shouldn't have got you anything Jac: you really shouldn't Jac: I don't want anything from you Amelia: alright, message received Jac: for fuck's sake Amelia: What do you want me to say? Amelia: it's been months, I miss you, I hate this Jac: You're about a lifetime too late for any of this Jac: things change Amelia: just go then Jac: Don't tell me what to do Jac: you haven't even apologized Amelia: because you're the only one who can tell me what I should or shouldn't do, okay then Jac: I declined your gift because I don't fucking want it Jac: that's my decision Jac: you can't force it on me Amelia: like it was my decision to get you one, even if you don't fucking want it Amelia: like it's my decision not to apologise when I'm not sorry Jac: it wasn't your decision to make Amelia: I know that Jac: She reached out to me Jac: and you ruined it Amelia: she didn't reach out, it was a cop out Jac: she remembered Jac: she didn't have to do anything Amelia: she didn't do anything Amelia: not even sign her name Amelia: fuck's sake,  and you're mad at ME for my lack of apology Jac: Yes she did, she sent my favourite flowers Jac: and yes I'm fucking mad at you, you don't even know what you started Amelia: at least hold her to the same standard Jac: No, because you aren't the same Jac: and this gift meant something to me, the gesture did Jac: and you couldn't stand that so you took it away Amelia: the false hope meant something to you Amelia: of course I can't stand that Jac: there's nothing false about it Jac: she was never here for my birthday before, not as my friend, she had no reason to remember, I'm blocked on anything that would tell her Amelia: because it's so hard to get around being blocked Jac: so, that would just prove she cared enough to look Jac: either way, that meant something Amelia: it doesn't mean she's coming back Amelia: or dumping her boyfriend Jac: it still means more to me than anything you could ever give or do Jac: so you deal with that Amelia: I can't Jac: You'll find my sympathy running a bit low Amelia: that's how I always find it Jac: I don't have the space in my head or my life to care about you Jac: alright, and I've never said different Amelia: yeah you have Jac: when? Jac: a million years ago when we were kids Jac: life's moved on from then Amelia: this year, things have happened that mean something, you've made space for me and cared about me Amelia: I don't need words, you lie whenever you speak anyway Amelia: and yeah, that's how long it's been, that's she's been gone and I've been here for you Amelia: you can't deal with that any better than you're telling me I have to Jac: I've only cared about myself Jac: that's facts Jac: you've been of some use and that's about as deep as it gets Jac: ask anyone, Amelia Amelia: No Jac: Yes Amelia: you love to make me look and feel crazy but I'm actually not Jac: because normal people throw other people's presents away Amelia: you know why I did Jac: and normal people let themselves be treated like this Jac: yeah, you're so right Amelia: there's a massive gap between normal and the levels of delusional you're trying to make me out to be right now Jac: I'm not trying to make you out to be anything Jac: I'm trying to get you to leave me alone, at best Amelia: and I've said I will Jac: then go Amelia: [does] Amelia: [gonna take this moment to tell you what the book is, We Are Okay by Nina LaCour it's obvs gay and YA again but we've lost the optimism of the previous Christmas because this one is about grief and loss and loneliness, basically this girl leaves her life behind without saying a word (again to go to college lol) after her grandad dies but then her friend who she's in love with and who I think is straight comes to visit her there so she gotta start dealing with all her shit, very apt Amelia well done. I think it does have a happy ending for said main character based on the title but not a fluffy one and she isn't getting with that friend I'm p sure] Amelia: [In clearer terms, this is a book about Marin, a girl who has lost her grandfather, and in doing so, pushed away her former best friend, Mabel. So when Mabel comes to town, Marin does not know what to do with the memories. Marin at once does not want Mabel here, regrets her being here, but also desperately wants Mabel to love her. She has walls up and she wants them down, but she is too terrified for them to ever come down. Marin has lost everything, including Mabel, her best friend and her maybe-something-more.  But it’s not a romance between Marin and Mabel. That is what is perhaps the saddest part. I once saw Nina LaCour talk live about this book, and she said something that perfectly sums up what is so arresting about this book: being queer and in love with your best friend is different than being straight and in love with your best friend. One is an experience in first love, and one is also that, but with an added experience of fear – not of rejection but of disgust. We do not want to hurt our best friends by loving them. We have learned to be ashamed of love and we carry that with us, through thick and through thin. BYE] Jac: [well, v on the nose, soz we won't be reading that hun and we didn't read the last one, so rude] Amelia: [maybe years from now bitch you will and you'll see what we were trying to give you] Jac: [perhaps but clearly not this one as it has essentially washed away lmao] Amelia: [something v poetic about a book about grief and loss and loneliness getting left on the step to disintegrate, when this is a film or netflix show I'll be v smug] Jac: [truly, the drama of it all] Jac: [setting it on fire is so last year, anyway, my thought is Amelia sees Jac and Jesse out somewhere but not out out like somewhere boring and every day which is confusing as it was to the fam 'cos she knows she's not talking or hanging out with them so she's like hmm] Amelia: [good idea but I don't know how I'm gonna be like oi what are you doing when it's none of your business hen LOL] Jac: [Jesse could talk to her 'cos we've established doesn't take a hint and it's like the most awkward] Amelia: [yeah because they are gonna be lowkey friends off and on even though she said they weren't after the vday thing last year so and maybe she asks about his gig he's meant to be doing or whatever cos he would've had to announce he ain't doing it on socials and everything like] Jac: [Jac just casually snapping at her like mind yo business Amelia] Amelia: [I'll pick the convo up after that fun little interaction then] Jac: [when you shoulda said nothing but it came out henny] Amelia: Don't talk to me like that Jac: Don't talk to my brother how's that Amelia: redundant Amelia: because I'll talk to him whenever I like as long as he's not the one upset about it Jac: Yeah, you've established you're a liar before now Amelia: No, we've established I have nothing to gain by keeping any promises to you Jac: and I give a fuck about what you wanna take from me Jac: you need to disappear, I don't want you in my life now, not even peripherally Amelia: I don't wanna take anything from you and I'm not Amelia: but disappearing isn't an option for a bit Jac: Contradict yourself immediately, it's really not a waste of my time Amelia: You're wasting your own time by continuing to have a go at me Amelia: when school's over we'll both be leaving, until then we're both stuck Jac: It wouldn't be a waste of time if you actually listened Amelia: likewise Jac: to what? Amelia: me obviously Jac: you have nothing I've ever wanted to hear Jac: and you're continuing to talk more bullshit now Jac: literally, mind your own business, it should not be hard Amelia: neither should getting your head around the concept that me talking to Jess isn't about you Jac: he isn't your friend Jac: he's my brother, I trump any kind of connection you had or wanna have for whatever sad reason Jac: so yeah, fuck off Amelia: if you want to make him choose, give him your bullshit ultimatum, I won't be Jac: No, you leave us alone Jac: it's like having a fucking stalker Jac: I am sick of the sight of you Amelia: I have left you alone like you asked Amelia: he's asked me to do no such thing Jac: You're pathetic Jac: get some friends of your own and you wouldn't have to cling on to someone being civil towards you Amelia: I've heard it all before Jac: then take the hint Jac: I'm so fed up of you and your moping Amelia: then take the 'advice' you're trying to give me and fuck off Jac: you see me coming, you should turn the other way Jac: I did not need to see you today, fuck's sake Amelia: yeah, I'll turn my desk around too, get back into detention, it has been a while Amelia: I wasn't looking for you, I don't want to see you either Jac: then it's in your best interest to run when you see Jesse coming then Jac: so glad you reached the logical conclusion, try to do it at the time next time, tah Amelia: bye then Jac: you're unbelievable Jac: you don't even feel remotely bad for what you've done Amelia: of course I fucking do Jac: bullshit Amelia: No it's not Amelia: but I'm not going to sit here and type out how and why I feel like shit when it means nothing Jac: you aren't sorry, you said, and you've not made any kind of attempt to actually make amends, not that you can now, it's too late Jac: it's all about how you feel and that you miss me and whatever else Jac: you don't care what I've been through Amelia: I'm not sorry for 🗑💐 but I'm sorry for hurting you Amelia: and that this means I'm not there now for whatever is happening Amelia: like you said, it's too late now Amelia: and like you also said, even if I was there, it's not good enough anyway so Jac: because this isn't some soppy book you read Jac: you aren't gonna save me and it'll all be happily ever afters Jac: this is real life and it's so much bigger than all this Jac: shit that you care about Amelia: yeah, it's my real life too Jac: none of this is real Jac: you're putting off getting one by kidding yourself that this will ever happen Amelia: it is to me Jac: just wait Jac: you'll find out soon enough Jac: this is nothing, all of it Amelia: maybe to you Jac: no fucking maybe Jac: you're a child, your problems are childish Jac: that's factual and I can't pretend to entertain it now Amelia: then don't Amelia: my problems aren't the same as yours because I'm not you any more than I could be Savannah fucking Moore, but guess what, it's not a competition Jac: they're non-existent Amelia: No, they exist, same as I do Amelia: but you don't have to bother about them or me Jac: Get over yourself, Amelia Jac: people have real shit going on, real stuff to deal with Jac: and you want anyone to care about your self-inflicted, whiney, entitled bullshit Jac: for what? 'cos you're an AMAZING friend, yeah, you don't use everything to your advantage or make it all about you Amelia: not really, I want you get away from me like you keep saying you want Jac: I didn't send you a present, loser Amelia: I didn't start a conversation about it Amelia: or keep this one going Jac: because you should feel fucking bad about what you did and you don't Jac: not even an eighth of what I do Amelia: I do feel bad, what do you want me to do to prove it, kill myself? For fuck's sake Jac: yeah good idea Amelia: nothing is good enough for you Amelia: you'd even twist that into something it isn't Jac: fucking try it Jac: I don't want you around Amelia: okay Jac: my life is ruined Jac: you don't get to be okay, you don't get to care about your pathetic crush Amelia: you don't get to tell me what to do or how to feel because your life is ruined Jac: Yes I do Amelia: No you don't Jac: really 'cos you've been pretty easy to manipulate this far Jac: don't act as if you've had say in anything Jac: that's about the only use you have had Amelia: well it's over, all of it Jac: call it like it hasn't been for months on my say so Jac: what is the point of you being alive, actually Amelia: I don't know Amelia: my parents, I guess Jac: good luck with getting that to last then Amelia: 🤞🍀🌠 Jac: give you 'til your late 20s before that stops being enough Amelia: it already isn't Jac: like I said, find some real trauma like the rest of us Jac: gives you something to cling to Amelia: or more to collapse under the weight of Jac: you don't even want to survive Amelia: and what? Jac: and that's the fundamental reason Savannah is better than you Jac: and I am too Jac: all I have is the shit behind me to drive me forwards Jac: and your ideal is to wallow in it Amelia: you've got a million reasons why, I don't care how they're numbered, to be honest Jac: you deserve the nothing you're left with and the nothingness that's coming Amelia: that's worked out perfectly then Jac: I swear to God you're lucky he was there Jac: any other day Amelia: yeah Amelia: you know what lessons to find me in Jac: I'm taking time off Jac: so you can have them Amelia: I really am lucky Amelia: maybe it'll make me care about 20 years in the future, like you do, or 5 or 1 Amelia: drive me forwards too Jac: unlikely Amelia: right now it is Amelia: I'm just trying to get through this conversation Jac: Jesus Amelia: my 🤔💭 exactly Jac: you clueless bitch Amelia: what am I supposed to be clued into? Amelia: we haven't spoken for ages Jac: and that's hardly a mystery Amelia: slag me off as much as you like, I don't know what's going on Jac: didn't inherit that off your mum then Amelia: clearly not Jac: yeah well when she finds out somehow you can hear all about it Amelia: finds out what? Jac: now you're gonna ask how I am Amelia: if you were in the hospital again or something that's more important than any of this bullshit Amelia: please just tell me Jac: no, because you did a grand gesture I didn't ask for so now I'm really all good Amelia: a Christmas present isn't a grand gesture Amelia: or what matters Jac: yeah, no shit it isn't Amelia: can you just Jac: what, tell you what's wrong with me? Jac: will that make you feel better Amelia: No Jac: yeah, that makes it almost seem worth it Amelia: forget it Amelia: I'll find out when everyone else does or I won't Jac: yeah Jac: your fake concern for 2 seconds was really comforting Amelia: nothing about this is fake for me Amelia: I don't know how many more times or ways I can make that fucking obvious Jac: you're all talk Jac: I expect nothing more or less from you at this point Amelia: because talking is all I can do Amelia: you won't take a 🎁 I'm not risking an actual gesture Jac: yeah, I heard Jac: nothing in it for you Amelia: okay, tell me I'm wrong Amelia: tell me there is Jac: no Amelia: say something Amelia: give me literally anything Jac: how many times can you be told it's not about you before you get it Jac: it's not about caring because I throw you false hope Jac: we were friends, once Amelia: which is exactly why I want you to tell me what it's really about Amelia: I care about you, I fucking love you Amelia: and something bad has happened Jac: depends on your point of view Amelia: put all of this bullshit between us aside and talk to me Amelia: you said it, we were friends Jac: I don't know if I actually want to hurt you this bad Jac: call me stupid Amelia: it's not about me, remember? Jac: still Jac: it's Amelia: you aren't going to talk to anyone else Jac: Jesse knows Jac: and my parents Amelia: that doesn't mean they know how you feel, just what's happened Jac: you won't be able to know either Jac: it isn't gay Amelia: this can still be one of those times where you say things to me that you don't to anyone else, if you want Amelia: if it'll help you Jac: Nothing will help me Jac: but I don't care Jac: I've got a baby Amelia: what? Jac: a dead one now Amelia: oh Jac: yep Amelia: when? Jac: it's why Jesse cancelled his gig Amelia: of course Amelia: that makes sense Jac: so now you know Amelia: yeah Jac: so yeah, there's nothing to be said or done and that's seriously it Amelia: okay, well I'm here if that ever changes Amelia: my mum's never gotten over it but I know talking helped her Jac: talking isn't going to assuage the guilt of creating and destroying life Jac: maybe I'll go pray but I doubt that does either Amelia: I don't know Amelia: there must be a reason therapy is so popular, you're the wannabe psychologist Jac: hope Jac: I'm not interested Amelia: alright, no talking Amelia: do you want to go out? Jac: and bleed over the four pairs of tights I'd have to wear to stop it running straight down my legs? Amelia: a no would be a perfectly acceptable answer Jac: yeah, it's perfectly acceptable to bother a therapist about it so you never mention it to anyone else Amelia: you're not going to mention it anyway, you've said as much Jac: that has nothing to do with your sensibilities Jac: if I wanted to, I could go into horrific detail Amelia: yeah, you could Amelia: you could also bleed all over my car if you wanted to Jac: Yeah right Jac: your entire street is curtain twitchers Amelia: we won't be hanging out on my street Jac: there's nowhere I could go that'll make me forget either Amelia: you've been stuck inside for days with your family, it's hardly a grand gesture to suggest taking you literally anywhere else Amelia: but okay Jac: Jess won't let me go anyway Jac: last time I said I'd hang out with you and he believed it I fucked your girlfriend so Amelia: you kissed her Jac: oh yeah Jac: same difference Amelia: no Amelia: there's quite a big difference Jac: maybe I told him I did then Jac: I don't remember Amelia: probably Jac: the outcome was the same is the point Amelia: the point is, Jess won't let you go Amelia: I got that Jac: I had to have someone come with Amelia: yeah Jac: not about to ask the poor sod who did it Amelia: have you told him though? Jac: yeah Jac: fucking embarrassing Amelia: I assume you're less likely to accidentally run into him than you are me Jac: I think I got points for dealing with it and being cool anyway Jac: go me Amelia: great Jac: it don't matter Jac: only would have if he'd kicked up a fuss Jac: but he didn't seem the sort and that's one less thing for me to feel guilty about so fuck it Amelia: does Darla know? Jac: I told her false alarm Jac: had to ask her about him so Amelia: then why do you think everyone's going to find out? Jac: people somehow always do Jac: I don't care anymore, not now Amelia: if my mum hasn't heard, it's unlikely Amelia: she knew about your alcohol poisoning immediately Jac: beneath her to have connections with an abortion clinic Amelia: she's not god squad Jac: close enough Amelia: my aunt had one after having Olivia, there was something wrong with the baby apparently Amelia: my mum wasn't protesting outside Jac: that's different then Jac: you have a reason, people can repeat that to themselves until they forget about it Amelia: you had a reason too Amelia: everyone does Jac: no, I had an excuse Amelia: you had a reason Jac: no, I didn't Amelia: yeah, you did Amelia: and if anyone else did it for the same reason you wouldn't call it an excuse Jac: Yes I would Amelia: you hate yourself, before this, after this and because of this Amelia: stop Jac: I didn't need to get pregnant, I did and then I killed it Jac: anyone who did that, I'd think exactly the same Amelia: you didn't mean to Amelia: and if you're going to punish yourself this hard for every mistake you ever make then you're going to last even less time than you think I will Jac: You don't act like that not not mean to Jac: all I need to do is live this year then I'll be doing what I actually want Amelia: and that's enough of a reason, don't you get that Jac: enough of a reason for what Amelia: you can't just have a baby you don't want Amelia: it's not like fucking lads you don't care about Jac: no one made me do any of it Jac: so it's not a reason Jac: it's stepping away from any responsibility Amelia: you made you Amelia: and you'd be a shit mum Jac: no, that's bullshit Jac: you tell yourself what you like about it but I know what I did Amelia: tell me you enjoyed it, any of the times Jac: it's sex Jac: that's one of but not the only point Amelia: say it then Amelia: what your point is Jac: Why am I repeating myself? Jac: I know what I did Jac: you aren't going to convince me otherwise Amelia: Why are you doing it? Jac: Well I can't anymore, actually Jac: 2 weeks minimum Amelia: but why have you ever? Jac: because I want to Amelia: you want Savannah Amelia: it hasn't helped you forget that, it won't Jac: neither do you but you didn't tell me not to do that Jac: I can still want to fuck guys Jac: end of Amelia: fine, I'll say it now Jac: yeah Amelia: I can't do this any more Jac: we aren't Amelia: we've said that before, it has to be different this time Jac: whatever Jac: you expect me to make promises to you? Jac: I don't fucking care, Amelia Jac: you deal with it, it's not my problem Amelia: okay Jac: Christ sake Amelia: What? Jac: Never mind, right, off you go Amelia: I'm not going Jac: 🙄 Amelia: you don't care, I heard you before Jac: you want it to be different this time Jac: do something about it Amelia: I'm not having sex with you, that's what I'm doing differently Jac: what's the point in that Jac: doing all the other shit, there's barely any difference Amelia: because I shouldn't have ever but I can't take any of it back Jac: we don't need to be friends either Amelia: we're not Jac: then leave Jac: why half-arse it, that's my point Amelia: I can't leave Jac: just the situation Jac: you don't actually need to kill yourself Amelia: no, I can't leave you Jac: don't be daft Amelia: I'm not repeating myself either Jac: please yourself Amelia: fuck you Jac: you'll be a long time waiting for a thank you Jac: I didn't ask for this Amelia: neither did I Jac: you have a choice Amelia: yeah, and I've made it Jac: and what? Jac: what would you like me to say? Amelia: don't say anything Amelia: I'd honestly love that Jac: yeah, I bet Amelia: the back and forth between utter lies and bullshit and brutal fucking honesty is worse than just the gaslighting Jac: then go away Jac: you're doing this to you Jac: I don't want you here Amelia: you're doing it to me Jac: no, I'm not Amelia: you are Jac: I'm literally telling you to go Amelia: you're always telling me to go Amelia: it's been over a year Jac: your lack of resolve is not my fault Amelia: if you really don't want me here, do something about it Jac: No, because I'm not crying about it Jac: if you feel so gaslit, fuck off Jac: don't reply, don't engage Jac: I don't owe you anything Amelia: you're literally complaining about it Jac: because you're crying wolf Jac: I can and will do what I want, that's how it's always been Amelia: It's no different for me, I've always done what I want too Jac: no, you're being horribly manipulated and used Jac: poor little Amelia Amelia: you fucking said it as a brag earlier Amelia: how easy it is Jac: so why are you repeating it back to me, like I don't know? Jac: you're waiting for me to deny it, or apologize and say it's not true and I care SO much Jac: get real Amelia: I'm waiting for you to stop Amelia: actually do anything you say you're going to Jac: why? Jac: why are you expecting me to act like I'm fine when I'm not Jac: keep making the same wrong call and act surprised when I do what feels right Jac: for fuck's sake, Amelia Amelia: I don't know Amelia: maybe because I'm not fine either but I don't treat you like this Jac: maybe 'cos you've got no willpower Jac: maybe 'cos struggling is a competition and I'm winning Amelia: maybe Jac: 🤔💭 on that Amelia: obviously Jac: fun never stops Jac: enjoy, like Amelia: 🎢 🎠🎪 Jac: 'tis the season Amelia: Merry Christmas 🎄🎅⛄ Jac: great Amelia: yeah Jac: make you feel better that? Amelia: 1. you literally don't care 2. neither do I Jac: I'm literally still bleeding from having my baby chemically expelled and you don't get any joy out of wishing me a Merry Christmas? Jac: what is the fucking point, if you're gonna be a cunt, commit to it Amelia: there's no point to any of this, we both get that Jac: nah, it actually makes me feel better to make you feel worse Jac: that's the point Jac: I have loads of them Jac: it's you who has zero idea what the fuck she's doing Jac: as per Amelia: oh well in that case, carry on Jac: if you hadn't worked that out by now, there is no hope for you Amelia: there's no hope for me anyway, as you've said repeatedly Jac: you seem pretty resigned to this whole victim thing you've got going on Jac: it's a fair observation Amelia: I'm sure it is Jac: yep, that's right, curl up into a ball 'til it's over Jac: fuck this Amelia: until what's over? Jac: the attack, whatever you wanna call it Amelia: I don't want to call it anything, I don't want to do this Amelia: you're the one who's getting something out of it, unless that's another lie Jac: then don't Jac: why the fuck are you still here? Amelia: because I can't fucking leave when you're in the middle of an abortion Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: the good friend points are not being counted any more Amelia: I don't care Amelia: if this is all I can do, over nothing, then so be it Jac: you're gonna let yourself be a punching bag Jac: seriously Amelia: why not? Amelia: it's not like it's the first time, or that I haven't for things that matter less Amelia: and it's too late to change any of that Jac: because I want you to stop Jac: to fight back Jac: to not do this shit anymore Amelia: I'm not fighting you right now, even if I had the strength to ever Jac: it's like Jac: you don't understand how dangerous it is Jac: what if this was someone else Jac: do you wanna end up like that, getting knocked about and taken advantage of Amelia: I don't give a fuck about the future, remember? Jac: well stop it Amelia: no Jac: stop Amelia: no Jac: fine Jac: I'll go Amelia: okay, go

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

17 - So Called Guardian

This Chapter’s Songs:

November; Tyler The Creator

Desire Lines; Lush

Show Me How; Men I Trust

- Y. L. Perspective

I swiftly take off my blazer, shoes, and tie, keeping an eye on the new yet old girl. After she had introduced herself to me, she finished up her conversation with Kiyoko. As I hid behind the locker to change my outfit, I listened in on Eclair and her reason for being here.

"Yeah, so I just got back! I'm leaving again around next week! I'm on spring break to see my mom, so I thought I could by after school to visit the old club! Maybe if Takeda lets me, I could stick around till I leave," she mumbles, smiling down at her shoes. The girl looked like an unboxed expensive doll with rich clothing included. "Oh...I have a question."

Kiyoko hummed, tying her shoes on the bench.

"How's Koushi doing?"

I felt as if my ears were stretching out towards her, hearing every single vowel she spoke out. 'Suga? What does she want to do with him? Maybe they're old friends.' I hoped and prayed that the two weren't involved in anything together. If so, that would give me another issue. I didn't want some beautiful girl near Koushi if they had history. Especially not if they're so close for them to be on a first-name basis.

I slam my locker shut, getting ready to put on my shoes as well. Both girls are surprised by the sudden sound, but I ignore it, continuing to "mind my own business."

"Uhm..." I feel Kiyoko's eyes wander towards me at the mention of Sugawara. "He's been doing pretty good ever since school started. I don't know much about his personal life."

I spot her hands tightening in on each other in the corner of my eye. "Oh! Okay, I'll just ask Daichi then. The only reason I'm asking is that...well...you know."

'You know?! What the hell does this girl want with Koushi?! And it's not like I can say I'm his girlfriend or anything...' I think to myself, finishing getting dressed. "Hey, Kiyoko, we should probably get going. We don't wanna be late to practice," I mutter in a nervous voice, rubbing my neck.

She nods to me. "Yeah. Uhm— Eclair is coming as well if you don't mind."

'Of course, she is.' Once again, I smile, saying, "that's fine with me! Gives me some time to know her." The girl squeals in excitement, getting a head start to the gym before Kiyoko and me.

When Kiyoko pulls open the gym doors, we're greeted by a few players that were already there. To my surprise, there seems to be a new boy in the gym.

I had expected him to greet us, girls, in a gentle manner the way the rest of the team does. Instead, he yells out to the black-haired girl, "Kiyoko! Come to my arms sweet mama!"

Repulsed, she slapped her hand against his face, making sure he hadn't touched her. "Stop that," she demanded which in her therapeutic tone that I could never take seriously. I only stood at the doorway, confused as to why there was a short, loud little man at our feet.

"I've missed you!" The boy gets back up, standing a good distance from us. Kiyoko simply scoffs before walking to the supply room, leaving Eclair and me with him. He looks our way almost immediately, grabbing both of our hands and kissing them. "Hey, ladies! Now, Eclair— you better tell me who this fine girl!"

She giggles lightly. "That's Y/n! I just met her a few moments ago, so I'm not sure I can tell you much about her!" A few moments after he turns back to the rest of the team, she leans close to my ear to whisper, "that's Nishinoya. He was our old libero before leaving for temporary discipline."

Kiyoko rolls out a basket of volleyballs, calling me towards her while Eclair greeted our players. I run towards her, helping her unbuckle the straps that held the casket together.

"So...who exactly is this Eclair?" I ask her, causing her to roll her eyes.

'I'm guessing no one good.'

"It's just an old manager that was around for a month or two during our second year. Throughout that time, she managed to get every boy on the team to wag their tail for her. I wouldn't call her a slut or anything, just very flirtatious. She didn't do much. She was more of a cheerleader for the boys so drool over," she explains. I look over to Eclair, feeling ill by the fact she was much closer to any of the players than I was. "And about Sugawara... she had a major crush on him for a while. You might want to keep an eye on him since you two are a thing."

It seemed Eclair was a huge threat already. With her formality, style, and beauty, I most definitely had my doubts about keeping Koshi in my grasp. I stared her down as she walked over towards him, greeting him with a small hug. Internally, I felt like ripping my head off at the sight. But I just tried ignoring it and continuing my task.

Thankfully, Daichi yells my name out, calling for me to head over there. I do as told and run over towards the group. He tugs at my shoulders, wrapping one of his strong arms around them. "This is Y/n. She's been a manager of ours for a week now, but she's pretty familiar with the third years. I think she'll be helping Kiyoko out until they graduate. Y/n, this is Eclair and Nishinoya— second years. Eclair was assistant to manager for a little while and Noya is our team's libero."

"Wow, that's so cool! So is Eclair gonna be a manager too?! That would be so awesome if we had three pretty girls in the club!" I cringe at how girl-obsessed this Nishinoya seemed to be and how sweet Eclair was behaving.

She smiled, giggling at the boy's question. "No, silly! I'm only here for a week! Since I'm still on spring break, I'll just be hanging out with you guys a couple of times before going back to France. I'm so sad that I have to leave all of you sweet boys for good!"

Daichi let's go of me, letting me wiggle my shoulders around. "Noya, you haven't changed all that much after leaving school for a while."

"Oh, whatever. I'm just excited to be back on the team. So, where's Asahi? Is he back yet?"

Everyone grows silent at Noya's question, looking anywhere but at him. 'Who's Asahi? This team is really lacking communication skills,' I think to myself. "Well...Uhm," Daichi mumbles in a hesitant tone.

"Damn coward." Nishinoya makes a sudden remark, changing the cheerful atmosphere he led just a few seconds ago.

Tanaka tried shutting up his peer, scared he'll get himself into even more trouble than he was already in. "Noya! Show some respect for your upper class-men!—"

"Oh shut up! He's a scared little cry baby and you know it," he yelled back to Tanaka. "If Asahi's not coming back, then neither am I!"

'So dramatic.' I think to myself, raising my brows at the awkward situation. Before anybody can stop him, he rushes out of the gym, leaving us worried. It sure was the "guardian" that Daichi described last week. Blunt and loud.

"Hm..so who's gonna run after him this time?" Tanaka groans, disappointed that his reunion with his friend came to a sudden stop.

Eclair frowns, beginning the sentence of her idea. "Maybe I could talk to him—" but she's suddenly interrupted by Koshi, who stands right behind me.

"Y/n! Why don't you do it?" He and his patronizing smile showed no mercy towards me. Placing both of his hands on my hips, he turns and leads me towards the door. "Come on, it'll be fun! Noya is always nice to gorgeous girls. Right guys?"

The team nods, chuckling at Koshi's strange behavior, given none of them had ever seen him act so touchy with me. In fact, he'd just told every member of the club that he thought I was gorgeous.

I give him a death stare, attempting to unleash myself from his grasp. He still kept a cheerful mood and was determined to see how I could handle this situation. "Koshi—I dunno... I just met the guy two minutes ago!"

When we reach the door, he suddenly got close up to my ear, whispering, "you'll be closer to the team ten times more than you were if you get him back. I just want you and the team to feel comfortable before announcing anything."

As annoyed as I was with him, I understood. My friends knew Suga, but they weren't very close to him in any way. I didn't blame him for wanting me to communicate with them. Still, that didn't change the fact I was pissed with him for putting me on the spot like that.

Sighing, I roll my eyes, awkwardly smiling at the team as they look towards us. And before I knew it, I'm off looking for Nishinoya.

I felt released when I had spotted him sitting nicely under a cherry blossom tree. As cheerful as the area was, he looked quite disappointed.

I debated once more if I should have butt into a problem that I truly had no acknowledgment of— if it was the best idea to potentially ruin this opportunity for the volleyball club. Unfortunately, he had spotted me in his peripheral vision before I could doubt myself any longer.

"Did Daichi send you?" His raspy high pitched voice questions me while he cracked his knuckles.

'Well, not him, but his best friend.'

I shake my head, sitting down in the empty spot next to him on the bench. He quickly turned the other way, crossing his arms like a child. "I'm not coming back," Noya scoffed.

I was lost. Was there anything other than coming back to the club to talk about? His skills. "Uhm, so, you specialize in defense, right?" I prayed to every presence that I was steering the right way with this conversation.

"Why do you think that?" He asks. "Cause I'm short?"

I shake my head again. "No, It's because Daichi kept calling you 'Guardian'."

"Guardian?! Where did that come from? I mean, I'm not that important. It's embarrassing—really!" Bingo! Noya grew flustered about the nickname and faced me, denying his excitement. "D-did he say that?"

"Mhm, supposedly you're pretty important."

But all good things must come to an end. After a few more seconds of happiness, he reverts to his angry attitude. "So what?! Does Daichi think giving me a badass nickname is enough to make me come back? I mean he's not wrong but—damn is Daichi that's not fair."

'It's not all that. Honestly, it's kind of cringe. But whatever floats your boat, I guess.' I wonder to myself how I could possibly make this stubborn boy agree that he was needed on the team. Without a script in my hand, I came up with the best I could do. "Look, Noya. I don't know much about volleyball or the club the way you do. Hell, I've only been here for a week and I'm already stressed out. But I'm positive that you're important to us. We have this kid...his name is Hinata. You met him earlier. You see, he has potential, but he still needs a lot of practice on his receives. And from what I know, that's the most important aspect of the game. Right?"

Nishinoya abruptly stands up, near crying at my explanation of how badly we needed him. "...wow,

L/n! You know how to convince a guy!" His voice wobbles in emotion. "Of course I'll help you! I

mean— Hinata! But that doesn't mean I'm coming back to volleyball club, I'm only gonna teach him how to do receives, that's all!"

I stand up, bowing towards the girl-obsessed guy. "Thank you, Noya."

'I did it! I got him to come back! Only for one practice, but that's still something!'

-

After taking many mental (and physical) notes on today, it was finally my time to leave practice.

Seeing Noya's playstyle helped me tremendously to understand the position of a receiver on the volleyball team. And as it turned out, he was an important player. And after this "Asahi" guy left, it only made everyone feel more diminished.

He's supposed to be another one of the third-year players. Though I've never met him, I do know that he's a boy my age but looks like a man. Supposedly, during a game that Karasuno was losing caused trouble for the entire team. Sugawara was setting and Asahi was attacking, but all of his attacks were shot down by another team. The night they came back is when he'd decided to give up on volleyball. I couldn't even imagine how guilty Koshi must have felt after that. Knowing him, he probably took on the blame for everything.

I was glad I decided to help out the club by getting Noya to help Hinata with his received. It would benefit not only them, but Sugawara as well. "How can you be confused, its just 'wooh!' and then 'pow!'" He shouts as the ball ricochets off of his wrists.

"Yeah! I know exactly what he's saying, how do you not get it?!" Kageyama says to Hinata, who's mentally challenging himself today.

"That's only because you guys teach with words!"

The day was coming to an end, finally. Dealing with a bunch of boys making noise and Eclair non-stop talking to everybody made me feel sick. But before I left to change back into my clothes, Nishinoya made a move to stop me.

"Wait, Y/n! You can't just leave without giving me your number! And where's my hug?! How about I take you out sometime as thanks for giving me such a sweet talk under the pretty little tree?" He whines, grabbing both my hands. 'Where's my hug? Mother fucker, you're younger than I am.'

Koshi spends no time running up behind me and pulling me from his grasp, telling the boy, "Noya, you need to stop harassing all the girls that step into this gym."

"Oh, come on, Suga! She's a total cutie and you know it!" He points at him. "Wait a minute...is that why you're so protective of the new manager?! You've got your eyes on Y/n!"

We both gasp, letting go of each other in an instant. "No!" Koshi and I yell while awkwardly smiling.

-

As time passes, each member dresses out and begins to walk home. When I do as well, Koshi. waits for me outside.

I would finally be able to talk with him about today!

"So, you have Noya a sweet talk under the cherry blossom tree?" Sugawara teases me, playfully bumping my shoulder while we began our walk into the roads.

I hit him back. "Stop that! That was just a coincidence. And I only got him back by saying Daichi thought of him as some knight and that he was needed on the team. That's all!"

"Oh yeah? Well, you did a good job. He said he'll stick around for a little bit to teach Hinata. Gotta say they get along great." His sweet chuckle fills the warmth around us.

Something was poking at me to ask him about the girl I'd met earlier. 'If she still has feelings for him, then should I not say anything?' "Hey, Kou?"

He hums, wrapping an arm around me. "What?"

"...what do you think of Eclair? Are you happy she's back to visit you guys?"

"Oh, I guess so. I tried not paying too much attention to her." He states, looking at the sidewalk ahead of us. Something told me he didn't want to talk about her feelings for him or if they were still there. However, I was determined to get to the bottom of the situation before having to be in the same room as the girl who likes the boy I love.

"Uhm...could you tell me about her? Like, what kind of relationship did she have with everybody? Did you guys get along? Stuff like that. I wanna get to know her without having to talk to her a whole lot," I tell him, snuggling into his shoulder.

When he walks dead silent for a few seconds, I realize that something is wrong. "Y/n..." he begins to sound a bit worried and disappointed. "I'd rather you not be around her too much."

As if I had no idea, I raise my brows innocently. "Why?"

"She just...stirs things up. I-I'd rather not have her come in between us. Thing is, she used to have this thing for me a few months before she left for France. At first, I thought she was just being polite by doing usual things that people would do when they are in love. But then after some time, I realized she had a major crush on me. And when I told her that I wasn't ready for a relationship, she totally flipped out. She made a big scene and told everybody that I was a stupid guy who only talked to girls for my pleasure." Towards the end of his explanation, he becomes more and more ashamed of what he says.

'So that means he had to have done things with other girls.' The thought that Koshi has most likely already had sex made my face heat up in both anger and sadness. Not that I had any motive to rush into that with him, but I felt more anxious he would expect more from me if the time ever came. "And...did you only talk to girls for pleasure?" My heart raced with every silent second that ran past us. Sugawara didn't want to answer my question.

"Koshi, if you've already had sex then I don't mind. I'm just asking if you used other girls for pleasure...because if so—"

"No!" He shouts gently, turning me towards him. Once again, we stood under the street light that we always seemed to stop at on walks home. "Y/n, I know I was pretty messed up but I wouldn't ever take girls for advantage and never have! And my old habits—they aren't something I should be proud of, so I don't talk about it."

"Koshi, we don't have to if you don't want to," I tell him.

"But I have to eventually, right? Why get you all caught up in a relationship you don't even fully know about."

I look into his eyes, longing for him to lay his sorrow down onto me and forget about it all. I knew that he'd never have it in his heart to do anything evil. But whatever he didn't want to tell me was eating him up. After a few moments of even more silence, I bring him back from his thoughts. "Kou?"

The boy takes one of my hands within his and brings it up to his lips, kissing it lightly. When he takes his lips back, he begins his explanation. "I've never really been able to cope properly with my mom's death, Y/n. That's why when I talk about it, I can't seem to keep myself together. And I know it's been a long time, but I'm still ashamed for giving my first time away so easily because I was overwhelmed with anger that I didn't care any longer. Things that someone should save for someone special were spent on girls who were only in it for pleasure. I was the same, but I now know that I would have saved even holding hands with a girl if it meant it was with you, Y/n. See— doing anything with you feels like the first time but better. And that's because I love you. So yeah, I slept with a couple of girls, but it never meant anything to me. It only helped me distract myself from realizing that I required feeling important and loved again. That as much as I wanted to, I couldn't be an adult at the age of seventeen. Please, tell me that you understand what I'm saying? That when I'm with you, you make me feel whole again. Like I'm loved and needed, and I can take my time with you."

When he says things like that to me, I can't help but sink into his arms and breathy close to him. I wanted nothing more than to help him cure whatever negative feelings intoxicated him. If I was what helped him, then so be it.

"Then tell me, Koshi," I whisper to him, looking deep into his eyes. The world stopped around us if only for a second to let me ask this question, even if I already knew the answer. "...who is your first love?"

Every nerve in my body jumped when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into a strong hug. If he had already done everything romantic with other women, then wouldn't that meant he was already in love with somebody previously?

No, wrong.

"You. Y/n, you are my first."

-

I loved writing the ending of this chapter sm eee

Vote mofo <3 ily

- estrxlar

[auliahq]

March 10th, 2019

"We need to stay healthy amidst busy season, we should hit the gym together!"

After a rather successful first date, you asked me out again exactly the next weekend, this time to a place I resent so much: Gym. Why would I even go to a gym on busy season? I'm already tired with all the loaded workpapers. But I decided to go, of course, it was you afterall. We also planned to watch newly released Captain Marvel. You already bought the tickets even though it should have been my turn to pay. "It's gonna be fun!" I thought to myself.

I went home after spending all Saturday AND the first 3.5 hours of Sunday working overtime at the office (God, I LOATHE public accounting!). I texted you to wake me up at noon if I didn't text you all day, in case I overslept. I remember at this point, even after that first date, we were still texting via Instagram message (!) Yeah, I know, I was too shy to ask for your number. It's been so long since I had to ask for a guy's number! Because: 1. Guys usually just give their number to me first, and 2. I just got out from an almost-6-years relationship, so naturally my game was a little rusty.

Anyway, I got home, slept for like 5-6 hours, and got ready for our next date. I looked horrible after pulled off all-nighters for 6 days in a row! My skin looked so dull and my eyes had dark circles like panda's eyes. So I took out the best sheet mask I had at that time and wore it for around 15 minutes, hoping it would somehow fix my face instantly. And... it worked! A little. At least my skin didn't look so dull anymore. Then I had to choose my outfit, I didn't have much option for workout clothes since I have not worked out much in my entire existence. After messing up my wardrobe, I finally settled for a black shirt paired with grey stretchy pants.

"Hey, I'm on my way to your place", you texted me. "Oh, okay. Do you need me to share my location?", I texted you back. "Nope, I'm good. I still remember your place from last week" you replied. "Oh, okay then" I replied. Then I wait. 20+ minutes went by without your text, so I texted you again "Where are you now?". "Hey, sorry I think I got lost again! There was a forbidden sign and I had to turn around and I got confused" you replied. Damn boy, why did you have to get lost every time we were about to meet?! I shared my location immediately. "Here I am, where are you? Do you see any benchmark or anything?" "I don't know, I just see president's posters everywhere!". This ain't helping me at all! But seconds after that you sent a video of your surroundings. "Did I go too far?" you asked. "Yeah, hahahaha. You need to turn around, I'll just meet you on your side of the street". I crossed the road and waited.

Not long after that, you pulled over in front of me. "Miss Awul?" You called me a la online driver, while smiling from ear to ear. "Yes, please go according to the app" I replied, laughing out loud. You apologized for being lost and late, so I said "What if we exchange numbers later? That way I can call you in case you get lost again". Oh yeah, I'm being smooth as hell, I thought. "Sure!" You said excitedly. Then we had small talk along the way about work, our asshole seniors and their assholery behaviors. We were basically bonding over our agony in public accounting.

As soon as we arrived at the gym, we went for the treadmill for like 10 minutes. I magically survived, even though I couldn't feel my legs for a moment. We kept talking about basically everything. I like how our conversations just naturally kept going effortlessly. At this point I wasn't nervous anymore, so I started to open up a little bit about myself. I remember after we decided to stop working out, we were just lying in front of the AC like we owned the gym. You asked me about my college life and how come we never met even though we had few same circles, when's my birthday, where I come from, etc. You also told me a little about yourself.

Then you asked me the big question, "where should we go for dinner?". Good, now I had to think after I burnt my brain from overtime and my body fron the workout. "Do you want burger? Flip Burger just opened in Margo" I suggested. "Yeah sure, I want burger!", You agreed. So we basically just burnt some calories, just to pile up calories from junk food. Very well.

After gym, we went to Margo City, a number 1 destination for all people in Depok on weekend. We had ice cream when waiting for our movie. You brought your laptop and actually worked when we're on a date, which you still do until this post is posted hehehehe. When you were working, I asked your permission to exchange our number. Now we could chat from WhatsApp like normal people do! After ice cream, I wanted some snacks before we went to XXI. So we had snacks on Lotteria, where I took this picture for an update!

I included your hand in the picture on purpose, of course. Some people might stalk me and found out "ooh she went out with someone!". I knew you didn't mind. I didn't keep the ticket stub, but I'm glad I still keep this picture.

Not much happened when we were watching the movie. Captain Marvel was great, my companion was great and very enjoyable. None of us made any move, it was too soon anyway. After that, we had big burgers for dinner as my treat, because you paid for the movie and previous date. So it's only fair if I pay for gym and food. I made it clear for you that I have been (and will always be) paying my part on a date.

Time did fly, we went home after having dinner. The aftermath of hitting the gym was starting to strike my body, my legs were practically spaghetti and my shoulders were killing me. I ended up wearing hot patches all over my body when I went back to work on Monday. But you know what? I never regret any of it. It was fun, I was truly happy, and we agreed to have another AYCE date on the following weekend.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: okay I need Ali: like fucking Ali: total seriousness from you right now Ali: can you handle that Tommy: whoa Tommy: alright yeah Tommy: unless you're preggo I ain't keeping that to myself for the next 9 like Ali: god no Ali: i know you're gay as hell so the birds and the bees don't worry you none but if anything you should KNOW that means I'm good right now Ali: but this is going to sound like as much of a joke Ali: but it ain't, yeah? Tommy: what you and your girlfriend do or who ain't none of my business but obviously we ain't here for that, are we? Tommy: I'm sitting down, go for it Ali: sure, sure, I'll make you go red later Ali: preferably when I can see/laugh but no, it ain't so Ali: fuck Ali: so this is weird like Ali: beyond Ali: you know Joe finally made an apperance here yeah Tommy: you're scaring me, Kat Tommy: unless he came out I don't reckon I'm ready to hear this Ali: I can't say if that's unwarranted or not, like Ali: soz Ali: basically, he came to me for a drugs hookup Ali: like, that's what the fuck weird enough but you know Ali: do you Ali: so I sent him to Drew, you know, Meena's brother? Ali: he deals now Ali: and then he hit me back up and shit Ali: you gotta tell me if this is some kinda sick joke but the boy sounded deadly serious, like HE was scared Ali: he said Joe asked for heroin, Tommo Tommy: nah nah he's gotta have it twisted Tommy: like he's pretty so he don't have to be the smartest, yeah Tommy: it'll be like a bad brain day so he needed to go harder than his prescription maybe but Tommy: not that fucking hard Ali: I wanna think that but Ali: he looked sick, Joe Ali: and idk how they could've had that miscommunication like smack is smack it's not like, nah I want this type of pill not that Tommy: probably got his slang fucked up Tommy: he's like an old man you know Tommy: sometimes Ali: he ain't that green Ali: fucking hell, even Ro could list a few names for it Ali: I literally do not know what to do Ali: because as soon as he came back, basically Ali: he's gone Ali: said his uni friend was in a car crash or some bullshit Ali: maybe it ain't but the timing reeks of it Tommy: fuck Tommy: this is so bad Tommy: did they see him, ma or da? Ali: nope, mum was taking rocky to the park or some shit whilst dad did the shop so they're all due back any time and I've gotta pass on the message Ali: minus the drugs, presumably Ali: what the fuck Tommy: don't say shit to them Tommy: she'll fucking Tommy: alright, where are Bea & Fraze like right now? Ali: idk Ali: not here, he waited long as he could to sneak out like he was never here Ali: should I tell them Ali: I swear to God I ain't got no wires crossed Ali: I've got all the messages from Drew, it's black and white so unless he's a real mentalist and just taking the piss Tommy: you deffo ain't that green & jesus all signs really are pointing to proper smackhead Tommy: Meena's brother's loads of things but I don't reckon he'd go this hard just to get your attention Tommy: no shade honey Ali: my thoughts exactly Ali: unless he's one of those people who's ultimate fantasy is to be murdered and I'm the master criminal for the job Ali: it just isn't something you lie about, unless you're totally cracked in the head yourself Tommy: we can kink shame him later like Tommy: but you gotta hit up the IT couple with this Tommy: I can try & talk to Joe but a screen's easy to ignore if you ain't shooting up heroin so I dunno reckon my luck's out Ali: I don't even know what the hell he's gonna say Ali: but I can't just Ali: sweep that one under the rug, can I Ali: Joe was like, gone, and not in a this is a bad brain day way like a Ali: I don't know Ali: let's say there was no putting the kettle on and convincing him to stay 'til the 'rents were back, like Tommy: we can't just Tommy: I'm here for this Tommy: and you can say like a skaghead Tommy: might have to Ali: fuck Ali: how Ali: why Tommy: I dunno Tommy: who's he with Tommy: what's he do Tommy: who the fuck is he Tommy: what's he playing at Ali: all valid questions but who knows Ali: none of us Ali: it was so easy to say like, 'don't blame him' when he didn't come home ever but Ali: it's weird, we're taking like any possible excuse not to be here Tommy *~ Yeah Tommy: do you want me to come back? Ali: no Ali: you should stay there Ali: if there's an intervention I'll buy you a ticket Ali: god knows you can't be missing out on that drama Ali: but realistically Ali: you know this family, what's getting done Tommy: cheers Tommy: but you ain't told Fraze yet, you know he's done crazier than get on a plane to start shit Ali: true Ali: Jesus Tommy: if throw us & the lovebirds in a group chat that's the best it can go Tommy: she'll calm him down Ali: I truly hate this family Tommy: you & me both, Kit Tommy: Drew isn't gonna say shit is he? Ali: I don't think he would Ali: like what's he got to gain from that Tommy: like don't tell your girlfriend I said so but use your feminine wiles if you have to, yeah? Tommy: if ma finds out about this it's gonna properly wreck her Ali: that's why I'm kinda glad he left 'cos it was fucking obvious Ali: but still, what are we gonna do Ali: lock him in a cupboard legit, let him out when he's ready to behave Tommy: she lost it enough over you all summer no way she can handle this Ali: are you saying I should've done smack Ali: got my moneys worth like Tommy: I'm not not saying it Tommy: fucking hell Ali: ah a summer of regrets Ali: seriously Ali: I wanna puke Tommy: you had the best time Tommy: but summer's well and truly over now Tommy: should we pray to sexy Jesus or what Ali: yeah, put down the needle, Joe Ali: it can't hurt, we're in theory catholics so Ali: say sorry and he'll do anything for us Tommy: so out of my depth with this Tommy: this school is well straight edge and there's no religious imagery anywhere Ali: 'cos real rockstars don't go stage school, babe 💔 Ali: maybe he was just gonna smoke it? ehhh Ali: literally the best consolation I've got for any of 'em right now Tommy: I don't wanna be a rockstar honey, that's you Tommy: maybe it was for a 'friend' lol Ali: don't Ali: if he asked drew for a condom too we'd have to dash to the airport like it's love actually Tommy: I wouldn't make that boy use protection but enough about me Ali: THOMAS Ali: behave Ali: this is so serious Tommy: I'm sorry but I'm not used to the kind of gay panic where I'm a gay just panicking like Ali: if you could send me a video of you flapping your limp wrists about, so I know it's real, tah Tommy: least I can do Tommy: I'm really fucking scared, you know Tommy: like, it's Joe Ali: me too Ali: I'm not trying to be a hypocrite but it's fucking heroin Ali: like how are we at defcon1 Tommy: he's not gonna die, yeah? That's only a just say no tactic, right? Tommy: like its not cut with rat poison anymore or Tommy: whatever the fuck Ali: I mean Ali: it's a risk with all drugs but like Ali: you kill off too many punters you get a rep so let's hope his shit is clean-ish Ali: and he knows how to dose Ali: though how the fuck this is even a conversation we're having about JOE Ali: just Tommy: that's a point what did Goldilocks give him 'cause I know he ain't stocking that Tommy: ma would've kneecapped him if he was dealing that hard Tommy: shit Tommy: I dunno Tommy: how is this our real life Ali: he said, Drew, this is, that he just gave him benzos Ali: but it sounded like he got like 50 which he surely did not go through before he left Ali: so he's either got on a fucking plane with 'em or he's left an emergency stash here Ali: do I check his room like that paranoid mother or Tommy: 50 like 5 0 Tommy: Christ almighty Tommy: yeah you should before you tell Fraze Ali: like that's a months worth Ali: idk why he'd get that many just to see him through, even if Drew was being a dick and seeing how much money he could get Ali: probably wiped out his supply of, like Ali: I will Ali: watch me get the blame for them, hope he's written his name on like it's houmous in the fridge or something Tommy: this is so fucked Tommy: how big is his bastard habit Tommy: like I can't Ali: you don't think Ali: oh God oh God Ali: is he online rn hold on Tommy: you think he's Tommy: shit Ali: I'll phone him fuck this Ali: and I'm telling Fraze like, right fucking now Tommy: you have to Tommy: if it's Tommy: we're out of time Ali: okay shit, I'll stay on here to you so you ain't left in the dark but I am also on it Tommy: yeah alright Ali: [a while but not forever] Ali: made him facetime me and he was at the airport, like he said Ali: basically, there's a 'fuck school is nearly here' party so he got that many for it and he reckons 'cos he's got a prescription for 'em, he just filled up his empty box and no one's gonna know, he'd gone through so like Ali: he had got away with that Ali: he seemed more with it, genuine Ali: I dunno Ali: I wasn't getting 'phone the ambulance now' vibes from him, it was reassuring, I wouldn't bullshit you on that Ali: not when it could be so bad Tommy: fucking prick Tommy: I thought like Tommy: thank god Ali: I know Ali: he was having a fucking coffee like Ali: I don't reckon you'd go spend your last in a fucking airport, even if you were done with life Tommy: bleak wouldn't be the word Tommy: next time I see him he's dead though Ali: seriously Ali: there's still the heroin issue but Ali: at least he's not actively killing himself like right this second Tommy: are we 100% that Drew's not just a really really shitty dealer Tommy: like did he say heroin Tommy: I'm grasping at straws and I fully hear myself but Ali: sadly I don't think he's hearing the H bomb just to say he ain't got any Ali: if he had a load to shift, I'd buy it Ali: but Ali: not buy it buy it Ali: this isn't a convoluted cry for help Tommy: don't make me laugh right now Ali: soz Ali: I can't help being such a natural comedic talent Tommy: yeah yeah genius we know babe Ali: gotta milk it whilst I'm still a kid Ali: the shine really gonna dull when I hit 16 Tommy: I'm sure your girlfriend is living for your prodigy status Tommy: I'm beating the boys off (yeah also a euphemism bye) & its only hard work Ali: good for your art, I'm sure Tommy: good for me Tommy: sod my art Ali: sorry Ali: I'll be happy for you when I'm coming down from my heart attack Ali: I am Tommy: me too Tommy: no worries Tommy: we can celebrate me being a hoe any other time Ali: we will 💚 Ali: thanks for not letting me/Joe die alone though Tommy: come down one weekend with your love interest Tommy: I promise to make it super but not intimidatingly gay Tommy: kinda my thing Ali: 'sounds good man Ali: maybe Halloween, bet you do some mad gay shit Tommy: 'course Tommy: Ali, you know I love you, yeah? Tommy: like being dramatic is also my thing but I mean Ali: 'course I do Ali: I can put you down as having me as favourite too, yeah? Ali: say it back if so Tommy: obviously Tommy: Rock's cool but he can't hang like you so Ali: get in Ali: 'til his bed time is past 8pm he can suck it Ali: love you too Tom-tom Tommy: I'd love to go to bed at 8 sometimes Tommy: this school is fucking knackering Ali: I bet Ali: worth it though Ali: yeah Tommy: maybe Tommy: probably Ali: more worth it than here would be Ali: definitely Tommy: full of more fit lads definitely Tommy: at least that are out Ali: god bless Ali: can't all be turning straights Tommy: so last century Tommy: trust you to find one in the first place Tommy: everyone's got more labels than the wardrobe dept usually Ali: 😏 Ali: your bubble is gonna burst so hard man Ali: enjoy it whilst it lasts Ali: seriously Tommy: I'll blow another one it's alright Tommy: that and my own horn of course Tommy: soon as I'm out of here Ali: it's a party 🎊🎈🎆 Tommy: any and everywhere we tread honey Tommy: and you know the drill, whoever's asking I'm dancing like Ali: 👍 Ali: let you get on with all your beating now Ali: keep you in the loop vis a vis whatever the fuck is happening with this Joe thing but Ali: twiddling my thumbs 'til then so Tommy: cheers 🐱 Tommy: laters yous 💛 Ali: 💚