#hoping my internet is back on and i can get back to regular submissions tomorrow 😑

[critter-creature-or-beast]

Image by Derek Keats, CC BY 2.0

[squarecarousel]

Challenge 144: 10 Years, Looking Forward: A-Frame Studio Life Buckle up-- this is a long one! Wow, ten years. It’s hard to believe a whole decade has passed since Square Carousel began, and since I graduated college. In some ways, it feels like another lifetime, and in others, it feels vastly shorter than the decade before that, from ages 12 to 22. Time is fascinating that way. College was such an incredibly impactful time period, but just a measly 4 years-- I could have done college 2.5 more times back-to-back in the years since I graduated, but somehow those four, from 2007-2011 were monumental.  It’s hard to believe I’ll be in a post-college world without Square Carousel, since the group has been a constant in my life these last ten years. I’m really proud that we made it this far and are able to choose to end the journey, rather than it fizzling out or dying from lack of interest. Sometimes it felt like that might happen, but other times it felt like we were blooming. There have been many ups and downs over the course of this journey. And damn, it was a lot of hard to work to keep running, but I am so grateful for the learning experience. I know so much more about leadership now than I ever would have before-- the delicate balance of having rules to keep the group running (deadlines, participation requirements, our dreaded “strike system”) and keeping up morale (knowing when to forgive slip-ups, keeping challenges sufficiently entertaining and well...challenging, making sure the group feels like it’s a community). Elizabeth and I were reluctant leaders, just naturally having to take those roles as other original members of the group left and were replaced by folks who needed guidance. We definitely didn’t seek it out, but we knew that if the group were to stay alive, we had to put some structure into the system. Pretty early on we made our rules and guidelines, extended the challenges to 3 weeks from just 2, and worked on our visual image online. Our awesome logo was made by former member Casey Crisenbery, and we switched from Wordpress to Tumblr, purchasing a URL, and Casey using special code for custom organization on the site. Sketch critiques were now a halfway point through our 3 weeks-long challenge, which helped a lot with the community aspect and engagement. We started doing interviews for each member, reaching out to other illustration groups, blogs and submission sites and had our work featured on a few of them. Some of us even got jobs from the connections made through Square Carousel!  There was a bad stretch several years ago when I wasn’t sure we’d make it through, with toxic behavior and a few folks petitioning for removing deadlines and structure, making everything optional. One thing I can tell you with certainty after ten years of working with artists is that 95% of us require deadlines to do anything, and incentives/obligations for meeting those deadlines, or it just isn’t going to happen! Elizabeth and I, along with a few other solid members, were able to keep the structure we’d worked hard to create, but the toxic culture had already killed group morale and we lost a lot of members simultaneously. That was a sad and scary time for Square Carousel, but I didn’t want to go out on a sour note. So the small group of us picked the pieces back up again, did a little refocus on our goals as a collective and created an “Admin” so Elizabeth and I didn’t have to carry the entire burden alone. I am forever grateful to Sayada and Jordan for stepping up into these roles to help us get the train back on track. Sayada especially picked up a lot of responsibilities that a newer member shouldn’t have to worry about, and was a total rockstar for Square Carousel. I wish we’d had her with us for the whole ride. I’m so happy that we’ve had a few really great years with some really loyal and talented artists to round out the experience at Year Ten.  There is nobody I’m more thankful for than my Good Cop, Elizabeth, though. She was so reliable, always able to provide balance in our leadership roles, and such a wonderful shoulder to cry on when things got too stressful. Elizabeth, thank you for this journey and for being my SC Wife all these years! It’s so funny because of all the original members, you were one of the only ones I hadn’t really known from SCAD classes, yet you’re the SCAD Illustration friend I have remained most connected to most consistently. Nothing bonds you quite like running an illustration collective does! It also cracks me up that in all these years, we hadn’t ever facetimed or talked on the phone until a few months ago--I didn’t even know your mannerisms or voice, but knew you so well anyway. My greatest internet friend! I love you dearly and it truly won’t feel right, the absence of our weekly SC conversations. Thank you for all of the memories! As just a member and artist, this group has helped me grow so much professionally. It was my client when I didn’t have clients. It was my motivation to paint when I didn’t feel creative. It was my source of portfolio-worthy work, but also my safe place to experiment and fail when I was trying something new. The girl who started as a Square Carousel member freshly graduated in 2011 was working part-time at Urban Outfitters, had basically no money, and no clue how to promote herself. The “studio” was a corner of the bedroom and nobody took her seriously. But a stubborn dedication and the security, purpose and structure of Square Carousel helped the slow change from that lost girl to a full-time freelancing woman. Now, in 2021, I have been doing freelance illustration fully for six years, through contract jobs, editorial, publishing, advertising, commission and local work, as well as selling prints and products online, in local shops and events. I am not making the big bucks, certainly, and I still have goals I’m working towards, but damn, if that isn’t a glow-up, I don’t know what is. Thank you for helping me achieve my impossible dream, Square Carousel, and always being a place with the right amount of advice, support and critique. Ten years, 34 artist interviews, 38 artists, and 144 challenges. I’m the only member to have completed every single one. 144 illustrations through the years. Some were game-changers for my style and my portfolio. Some were total stinkers and I hope you don’t go looking for them. But all were an important step in my career.   So, in ten more years? I’ll be 42 years old, which is very weird because I have never imagined myself that old before... it’s hard to honestly say what that would look like, especially considering the world we are currently living in and how the last 4/5 years have proven that anything (awful) can happen. Jordan and I have a goal to move to Colorado in the next 4 or 5 years, and I’d love to have a little A-Frame in the mountains with a loft studio, shown in my illustration here. Texas has become extremely problematic, especially after the winter storm in February of this year, and will be impacted greatly by climate change, both environmentally and economically. Right now, Austin is still booming, but at some point the lack of foresight in this state’s government is going to screw over the residents and it will be one of the places from which climate refugees run. Is that tomorrow? No, obviously not. But I want to already be settled someplace more stable, having grown some roots, before other folks start to roll in. But, to be able to do that, I need to rely less on my local jobs and connections and be able to have an “anywhere career.” So right now I am focusing on expanding in that way, particularly with book cover illustration and design. I’ve been doing a lot of portfolio work and self-publishing jobs, and hope to get an agent that can shop my work to big-time publishers sometime in the next year or two. Let’s say I succeed at all of those things in five years-- we’re in our Colorado A-Frame, I’m illustrating book covers (and I’ve also convinced my parents to come with me, and maybe a couple friends!). The next five years after that? I don’t know... hopefully a lot of adventures. Hopefully a lot of cool jobs, but also a lot of work/life balance. Right now, I don’t want kids, so the A-Frame will be filled with cats. Maybe we’ll have an old camper van for regular road trips around the western National Parks. I’d love for my work to reflect those passions-- more jobs with outdoor brands, parks, organizations. More book covers for stuff I’d personally love to read and keep on my overflowing shelf. That’s the vague goal for me in ten years, but I don’t want to plan any further than that, because life just also needs to happen the way it’s going to happen. There are parts of my current life I planned for in 2011... and there are parts I never, ever would have guessed. I hope there’s some fun surprises in 2031, too. Thanks for the decade, Square Carousel. Joining illustration collectives will always be the first bit of advice I give fresh graduates. Caitlin

[mangled-dreams]

Flower Ring

Another vomit of words. I seem to be doing a lot of word vomit stories, and here’s another featuring Anti X Reader.

Growing u in a split household proved to be interesting when you were a child. You’d spend the school year with your mother in the United States, on long breaks and for summer you’d stay with your father in Ireland. It was like living two separate lives that still intermingled. It was and still is fabulous.

Thanks to your father you are a duel American-Irish citizen.

You’ve seen other families try to manage a split house with very little success. Your parents however are amazing. Even though you have to travel over the Atlantic ocean in order to see your dad on a regular basis you can’t ever pinpoint a time your mother, or father, complained about the trouble. Your planned visitations started when you were six and able to understand what was going on.

You honestly thank you parents for being so cool with the whole thing.  Your mom would fly over and drop you off with your dad. She’d even change her flights if you were have a particularly bad time being left behind. Despite having so much distance between them your parents co-parented very well. Consistency between the households really helped shape you into a proper young lady and well rounded person.

And, yes, you loved your mixed background, the way you were raised, and all the unique experiences only this kind of situation could give you, you’re thankful for your childhood because it gave you Anti. He still is your single most favorite memory. You’re not sure what exactly he was, but he was kind to you and kept you well entertained—even if it were in a naughty in way of mischief.

You always looked forward to going to Ireland to see your family and to see Anti. He always had something new for you to do each time you went home. He’d make you a promise to see each other again each time you left until he just didn’t show up anymore.

Thinking about it, even now, makes your heart ache a little. Even though he was different, and most likely of the fray you really did love him. A girlish crush--that still to this day has not dissipated. Staring out the rain covered window in your apartment you can still see Anti standing just inside the trees the lined your dad’s property wearing the biggest grin you’d ever seen. It looked painful, but mixed with the glitter of happiness in his eyes you doubt it hurt him.

You wonder what he looks like now. He’s probably tall with slightly curly dark brown hair and the same brilliant blue eyes with the left eye that sometimes changed color. You sigh lowering your gaze. You know it doesn’t do you any good to dwell on the past.

No matter how many times you went back to search for him, you never found any trace of Anti after your fourteenth birthday. Frowning again you curl your hands into fists, bunching your shirt between your hand and fingers. It’s because of that stupid promise you made all those years ago that you can’t get the boy out of your mind no matter how hard you’d try.

So, you stopped trying to forget him. You put away the pretty flower ring he’d crafted before your eyes when you were ten and tried to move on. However, moving on his hard when you can’t seem to shake yourself of Anti’s memory.

“Why do you do this?” Jase asks, shouts really at you. You feel numb to his loud voice; to the way he tries to intimidate you into submission. You’ve been dating for almost a year and yet it feels like an eternity of torture. You need to cut him loose.

“Jase, if you don’t like how I am then leave. I’ve been through this too many times to try and stick it out. You obviously don’t want to try and understand how I feel and I don’t have the patience to explain it.” You tell him feeling alone again. You hate this feeling and part of you has actually gotten used to it, but it’s not what you really want.

Jase stares at you as if you’ve grown a third head. “I fucking knew it! You’re still waiting to see if that fucker from Ireland will sweep you off your fucking feet.”

Okay, now that strikes a nerve. You don’t talk about Anti with anyone, and you mean no one. Standing up from your small perch you glare up at Jase. The quickest way to get a reaction out of you is to talk about Anti and that’s only because it would mean Jase went through your private books. “I told you Jase; never touch my books. How dare you think you have any right to go through my thing?” You explode, there is very little another person can do to make you this angry.

“See! You show more emotion for some guy you met when you were a child than for your own boyfriend!” Jase responds in kind, matching your volume.

“Not any more you’re not! I don’t ask you for a lot, Jason, but when I do I expect there to be some level of respect. Apparently you don’t feel like you should respect my wishes so do me a favor and leave.” You snap heated by Jase’s clear disregard for your privacy.

Jase stares down at you, flabbergasted by your strong reaction. “Really, that little shit still gets this kind of reaction from you? It’s been over twelve Goddamn years, Y/n, let it go and move on!” Jase shouts back at you.

His words might as well have been his hand cross your face. You can’t help the look of hurt from showing on your face. “Get out, Jase. I am telling you to get out of my house.” You growl out when you’ve recovered. “You have no right to talk about thinks you know nothing about.”

“You’ll regret this. Your precious Anti will never show up.” Jase spits at you, his words like venom as he snatches up his jacket and leaves you apartment, slamming the door behind him.

You last just a few seconds longer before the tears drip down your cheeks. You hate the crushing loneliness that accompanies another failed relationship. It’s your own fault, you know that. Holding on to the false hope that Anti will reappear is killing you. No one else measures up to the man you think Anti would be if you saw him today.

An hour later you lie down on your bed and look at the plane ticket in your hand. Jason wasn’t completely correct. It’s been fifteen years almost to the day. You’ve had this ticket ordered for a year and this time tomorrow you’ll be in Glasgow, Ireland touching down and being greeted by your father.

In four days it will mark the fifteenth year you and Anti made your sacred promise. In four days you’ll go back to your promised meeting place and see if Anti appears. In four days you’ll know if all your hopes and dreams, and if all these years of waiting will pay off or if you’ll be left with a broken heart yet again.

With a sigh you roll to your side and put the ticket on your nightstand. You don’t know why you hold on to this silly promise but you do. You want it to be real—for Anti to be real. Reaching above your head you take the hand stitched Anti plushy of your design and curl into yourself. Your flight leaves at ten tonight and you still have a few things to pack but for a few more minutes you’ll lay with your doll and dream.

Beyond your vision Anti stares through the window pane, his gaze the softest it’s been in a long time. He’d been waiting for the bastard you’d been snogging to get his arse kicked. He knew the guy was no good, but it hadn’t been confirmed until Anti had seen him hanging all over another girl and knew it was the time to strike.

To the idiot’s credit he did feel guilty but his guilt manifested as blame and suspicion fell on you. All Anti had to do was feed those embers of doubt until they exploded in a fiery blaze. He does, however feel horrible that you’d been put through such a scene, but in a few short hours you’ll be back in Ireland and in his arms.

Yes, Anti has been keeping an eye on you ever since the day he was forced from you; but a demon has to go through their own growing up. He knew from the beginning he wouldn’t be able to stay, to continue to win your affections through fair means. No, it was a desperate attempt on his side when he suggested the pact, the promise that’s followed you. If single, even after fifteen years, you’d meet again at your secret spot and marry each other.

Watching you from a safe distance and with a little bit of magic Anti smiles. You almost over sleep from your nap and are now rushing about your apartment, hurrying to finish your checklist. He already knows you plan to be in Ireland for almost a month this time, something you hadn't told your now ex.

Almost as if knowing where he is you look out your window, your gaze piercing through his invisible form. It takes Anti a brief moment to remember you can't actually see him and relaxes. He waits until your mother shows up to take you the airport, taking his leave once you've locked up your door.

If all goes as planned you'll be moving to Ireland and you'll give up this small apartment.

"Safe trip dear." Your mother says hugging you tightly. You smile hugging her back.

"Thanks mom. Let Mason know I say bye." You respond looking at the chart of flights entering and exiting the airport. "I should get going. I love you." You tell your mother kissing her cheek before removing yourself from her grasp. Walking up to the counter you check in your large luggage bag and exchange your ticket before heading to the security check line.

You make it through the line in record time due to the time of night and walk peacefully to your gate. There is a small group of people already at the gate sprinkled here and there, a few couples paired together. You take a seat near the terminal tunnel and pullout your tablet, connect to the WiFi, and browse the internet.

When your flight is taxied into the terminal you wait for the few people disembarking to exit and pack your things up again. It take about twenty minutes but soon allowed to board and find you seat. To your surprise the plane is rather full but you find your seat in the middle row at the front of the plane with no other seats taken.

Storing your bag under your seat you put your leg through the handle and turn your phone off taking out the sim card and replace it with one you know will work in Ireland once you've bought minutes for it. Buckling yourself in you people watch as the few others that had been waiting with you board and find their seat. Many look tired as worn, a few kids bouncing with excitement.

Smiling to yourself close your eyes and settle into a light sleep waking only when the plane lifts off and then again when you go in for landing many-many hours later. For having a very turbulent flight over the Atlantic you slept pretty decently waking feeling refreshed. After disembarking and gathering your luggage you head to the loading and unloading area.

" A ghrá!" Your father shouts bear hugging you tightly. It's been over a year since your last visit. Your smile is bright and warm as you gladly accept your dad's hug. For his age he's still very strong and spry.

"DA! I missed you!" You shout kissing his scruffy cheek. Your slight Irish accent getting thicker. You consciously dilute your accent and choice in words for your normal day to day activities in America just for the sake of not having to repeat yourself.

"Aye, lass, 'tis good to see you again. Come, come, le's get us home." Your dad says ushering you to his beat up Volvo. Despite the worn out coloring and dents you love this beat up old car.

"I see the ewes have been treating the ol' car with care." Beside you your father chuckles and you both talk about recent changes in the area and family that have moved away, marriages, births, and even deaths since your last visit.

"Awe, Mr. Walsh passed? That's sad. How long?"

"Sad indeed. His tribute is this weekend. Do you want to pay respects?"

Nodding quietly you look out the rolling landscape. Mr. Walsh's death really weighs on your heart. You loved the old man like a granddad. He always believed your stories about Anti, feeding you folk lore and tales of the fey. You'll miss the aged man with a kind smile and some of the best home brewed hard cider you've ever tasted.

"He left behind a will." You glance at your father with confusion. "He left you his prize possession."

Raising a brow you glance at your dad again. "His prize possession?" you echo.

You dad smiles. "He left you his recipe for his famous hard cider."

You smile to yourself at his words. Mr. Walsh had always joked he'd think about coming back from the grave to tell you before moving on to the Great Beyond.

"'Ey!" your various cousins, aunts, uncles, and neighbors cry when you come down from unpacking your thing. You smile and make your rounds, talking, joking, laughing with familiar faces. A few of the older women ask when you'll be married off and start your own family.

Your answers remain vague at best. Refusing to give any kind of solid answer since you still have 3 days to find the promised spot and see if Anti shows up. By the time everyone is at a point you can slip away it's about midnight.

Taking a flashlight, a pack with a few supplies, and a light jacket you walk behind your house and cross the small meadow to the lining of trees. Even in the darkness you know exactly where you're going. You find yourself really only using the light to look at the foliage and wild life skidding away from you.

It takes the better part of a half hour, mainly because you stopped to look at mist covered spider webs and bird nests, but your find your promised space and look around the small cottage you and Anti had built.

Each time you come back to Ireland you clean up the cottage and fix it up a little bit at a time to accommodate an older and slightly taller you. Taking out a few things from your pack you clean up the cobwebs and flooring before unrolling a light fleece blanket and sit down on the bench Anti had crafted.

You don't expect him to show up tonight. Part of you doesn't really believe Anti will every show up and yet here you are. Pulling a bottle of water you open it and take a few drinks before relaxing to the sounds of the forest.

You missed Ireland far more than you realized. Within just a few minutes you find yourself drifting in and out of consciousness. One night's sleep in the little cottage won't hurt you, but it isn't encouraged.

"Ah, what a sweet bonnie lass sleepin' in such a lonely place." A fairly high pitched male voice chuckles bringing you back to a conscious state.

Fear isn't your first reaction. There are very few people in this small town that you don't know and that would think to hurt you. Rubbing your eyes you focus on the man before you. In the darkness you can just barely make out a athletic build--more of a sprinter than a footballer, but tall, taller than yourself, with green hair atop his head.

"My da always did tell me to be polite and introduce myself when meeting someone new." You respond completely sure you've never met this man before, but even as you continue to stare at him--trying to discover him, you feel a sense of familiarity about him. "The name's Y/n. Are you from this area?" You ask standing up.

The man chuckles under his breath and in a flash of brilliant green energy the cottage lights up, illuminating the man's face. You stand in shock at the display of other worldly magic before letting your gaze settle on the man's face. Your gasp is audible in the silent space.

"You came." You manage to whisper in both fear and relief.

"Aye. I told you I'd be here waiting." Anti says with a Cheshire cat grin. There isn't a pinpoint place you can put your finger, but this adult Anti is off.

Watching him you can see bits and pieces of that young boy you'd fallen head over heels in love with, and for the first time reality crashes around you. You don't really know this person, this creature anymore. Thinking for a moment you ask, “What have you been doing all these years? I’ve come back before looking for you. Why did you just vanish?”

Anti sighs audibly, he crosses the small cottage to a small square table you’d found a long time ago and sits on the edge of it. You watch him gauge the weight the table will take before looking at you. “I am sorry about that.”

You frown at him. He feels guilty, that’s obvious. “What happened?”

“I had to leave. There was no way around it.” Anti tells you. Your frown doesn’t leave your face. That’s not really an explanation. Anti chuckles at your expression. “I knew you’d want a better talkin’.”

You nod your head. “Anti, you left without a proper goodbye. I haven’t been able to find you anywhere. I gathered as a child you weren’t completely human, but it still hurt that you just vanished.” You say softly sitting down not quite sure when exactly you’d gotten to your feet.

Anti nods. “I know. Believe me when I say it wasn’t my idea. I’m not human, aye, but that doesn’t make the time we had together any less meaningful. I had to leave because of… I’ll say family business. Just as you were hitting puberty I was going through my own version of it. I had to be taken away for the safety of others and to learn how to keep myself under control.”

“What are you?” You ask. You never asked him before.

Anti smiles. “I’m known as many things, a demon, a creature of the fey… devil; but, no matter the name, I would not hurt you.” Anti tells you, his expression serious as he speaks. “I left to protect you. Our promise was my goodbye, so that you’d remember me.”

“You left to protect me? We’re you that dangerous?” You ask softly sitting down despite never actually remembering when you stood up. Looking around the small cottage you watch tiny glowing orbs dance on the wind. Despite feeling like you’re in the Twilight Zone it feels pretty normal.

Anti nods again. “My… powers, abilities can be affected by mood, strong emotions like love, jealousy, anger; it fuels them—makes them unpredictable when first learning to control them.  Even the elders can have difficulty controlling their power if there limits are tested.”

“How do you know if you can control yourself now?” You ask seriously.

Anti doesn’t respond right away instead thinking over his answer rather than blurting out he has absolute control over himself. Watching you move on over the years had given him a lot of real world practice. He’s not going to admit how many times he’d lost to his own battle of wills, his powers going haywire at the sight of you wrapped up in another man’s arms.

“I have put myself through many tests.” Anti finally says watching you carefully—blissfully ignorant to his own personal hell. Anti knows he was very close, a couple of times to losing you forever. He’ll never tell you out loud the small ways he brought out the demons hidden deep in the few males you’d been wholeheartedly interested in. He’d seen the men for what they truly were. To him, he was saving you from future heartache.

With a low sigh you look away from Anti, your gaze settling on the bag you’d brought with you. “I still have that flower ring you made me.” You offer quietly. “I had it pressed so it wouldn’t wilt.”

“You kept it?” Anti asks already knowing it was sitting in a book of memories. He doesn’t like lying to you, but he can’t admit to all the things he’s done while you were mourning his disappearance. Shifting his stance Anti crosses on leg over the other and gauges your expressions.

You nod your head smiling at Anti, it’s as if a switch has been flipped and you can see the Anti from your childhood again. You know at this point you can fool yourself into believing things will be like they were, but doing so would just be more harmful than good.

“I see those wheels turnin’, what ‘cha thinkin’ about?” Anti asks lowering his crossed leg down. You’ve been too quiet. He already knows this is not necessarily a bad thing, nor is it a good thing.

“Anti, did you come back to fulfill our promise, or to tell me that your heart belongs to another?” You ask softly watching Anti carefully.

“Y/n, there has not been a day since we parted that you’ve left my mind. Eventually I was able to venture out from my prison—of sorts, and see the real world again. I traveled, searched for you, and eventually found you. Despite everything that happened in our separation I still want you for my bride.”

Inside your chest you feel a tight squeeze mixed with the sensation your heart dropped to your stomach. It’s hard to understand, let along describe, but it does not feel good. Eyes wide you stare at Anti. “You looked for me?” You ask hating that depending on when Anti found you, you might have been in a relationship.

“Yes, I found you many years ago, when you were seeing that boy…” Anti pauses—pretends to think about the name of your past boyfriend, a name that is already on his lips. “Devon.”

You remember Devon. He’d been your first real boyfriend. You’d dated for almost four years, two of them in high school then for two more years afterwards. You thought you’d marry Devon. He’d been so sincere and sweet, he cared about your opinion and never rose his voice—at least you thought he was all those things.

“You saw Devon?” You ask softly looking away from Anti. The ending to the relationship still haunts you.

“I almost killed him.” Anti admits without hesitation. Devon had been the only one his intervention was not needed with. Your eyes snap to his face and you know he saw what happened with Devon.

You know you should feel some amount of concern by Anti’s admission, but after everything that happened you just don’t. “I… I’m sorry Anti. At some point everyone convinced me you weren’t real and that I needed to move on.” You whisper quietly. You don’t feel ashamed of your actions, but you feel guilty that you’d tried to forget him before giving up on doing that.

Anti shakes his head. He shouldn’t feel so happy at your apology and yet he does. He looks you over in the light jacket, blue jeans, and blanket wrapped around you. He can see your temperature dropping the longer you stay outside with him. He’s being selfish but he can’t bring himself to care much.

“Don’t feel bad, Y/n. I heard the whispers from yer family and my own.” Anti tells you with a sad smile and actually causes you pain.

“Anti.” You whisper shivering slightly in the cold. You look at your watch and sigh, sleep calls you, but you don’t want to leave Anti just yet.

“I’ll walk you home.” Anti tells you standing up from the table.

“No, I’m fine,” you protest quickly. “I don’t want you to disappear again.” Anti chuckles at your mousy admission.

“I have free reign.” Anti tells you, his arms opening wide in a grand show. “I have only you to tether me.” He tells you disappearing before your eyes. Jumping up you search the room for Anti, amazed and scared at the display of magic.

Fear laces through your veins when he doesn’t immediately reappear. “Anti?” You call stepping away from the bench. You make it to the middle of the room when Anti appears behind you his arms sliding around your waist—hugging you to his strong, sturdy chest. He so solid and real it brings tears to your eyes. “You’re really here.” You whisper letting your arms lay over his and squeeze his arms with your hands. He’s really here with you.

Anti squeezes you to his chest again. “I’m not gonna leave you.” He whispers in your ear, a promise he’s making to only you yet again.

Tears roll down your cheeks. “I missed you so much Anti.”

Anti holds you for a while after your first tear falls letting you cry into his chest as you hold on to each other. He knows he put your through a lot. He’s done things he isn’t very proud of in his time away from you. He knows his anger is what really kept you apart, his anger towards any one who made you cry or encouraged you to forget him.

When you’ve tuckered yourself out he lifts you into his arms carrying you through the woods to your father’s house. He knows these grounds like the back of his hand. He already knows everyone would be home at this hour, tucked away or passed out on the floor of their homes. Without effort your back door slides open and close as he passes through the opening.

Out of instinct you clutch handfuls of Anti’s tee-shirt, his name leaving your lips as you turn into his chest for safety. All of this brings a smile to Anti’s lips. Quietly Anti coos to you and lays you down in your bed. Before he has a chance to step away you open your eyes and ask him to stay, and he does—unable to deny you a simply request.

When you wake late into the morning everything of your evening feels like a dream. Stretching your arms out you sit up and make your way to the bathroom.  It’s about midway through brushing your teeth that movement at your bedroom door catches your eye. Pausing you rinse your mouth, towel off, and head to the door.

“Da?” you call poking your head out the door.

You hear your father’s heavy footsteps come closer as he round the corner leading to the stairs. “Come to breakfast, we’ve guest.” He tells you before backtracking down the stairs. You raise a brow but draw back into your room and close the door.

Who on earth would you have to breakfast? Putting the question to the side for a few minutes you change your jeans, trade out your dirty tee-shirt for a clean one featuring Thor, and brush your hair. As you walk down the stairs to the main floor you pull your hair back into a ponytail.

“Mornin’ Da.” You call taking the last step and turn to look into the dinning room. A full spread of food is laid out before you, your mouth watering at the smell and sight of it all. You really missed your father’s cooking. “Feedin’ the whole town I see.” You say laughing.

“Growing children need goo’ food to eat.” Your father reminds you. You laugh again and shake your head. You’re as grown as you’re getting but you never remind him of it.

“So, who have you got over?” You ask taking a plate from a small stack and begin to dish up food.

Your dad doesn’t respond until he’s in the room with you, a ridiculously cute apron covering his clean clothes. You glance at him with a large smile. You love this man. “Been home not 24 fours and I’ve got a suitor calling after ya.”

Your brows knit together. “What? A suitor? I haven’t had one of those since Thomas O’Neil.” You tell him setting your plate down. “Da, what kind o’ game you playin’ at?” You ask, serious about the situation but unable to remain so with your dad looking like he is.

“Yes, he said you two knew each other in childhood.” Your dad says as Anti appears behind him, walking from behind the wall with a broad smile on his face.

“Anti.” You whisper looking from your dad to Anti and back again. Does your father even see Anti?

“You do remember him. Poor boy’s been searching all over fer you. Heard you were back in town and came by.” You dad says letting Anti walk pass him with a pat on the back. “Strong lad, good genes, you should take him up.”

Shushing your father quickly you look up at Anti. “I thought it was a dream.” You whisper keeping your face from your father’s view.

Anti chuckles. “What do you say, Y/n?” Anti kneels before you.

[flowerconcept-blog]

omg the ravi neighbor au was so good ^^ can you do a hyuk neighbor au?? thanks so much *~*

i did this so fast cuz i was hit with a flash of inspiration!!! thank you for the request i’m glad u liked the ravi one!!! it’s a lil shorter but i hope this is good too💝💕💘💗💞💛💖

neighbor!hyuk

as well as being next door neighbors, you and hyuk go to the same university

you greet each other when you happen to be in the elevator or hall at the same time, but other than that you really don’t know much about him other than the fact that he’s tall, he’s handsome, nd you’re in the same year at the university

which you only know because he likes to wear the dumb sweatshirt you got for free at orientation that you would never ever ever wear outside your apartment

and he’s LOUD!!!!your bedrooms are right next to each other and he’s always making noise but it’s more the fault of the thin walls that you can hear him and less the fault of hyuk…��.. it still annoys u though

hyuk’s a confusing person, he seems like he’d be a gamer who doesn’t work hard at school when you first look at him with his round glasses and his big sweatshirts, but he’s majoring in management w/ a minor in compsci and is one of the top students in his major and minor

plus he works as an IT support for the school, so during his shifts calls might go through to him and he gets to deal with confused uni students who don’t know what to do when their laptop updates

his roommate hongbin is like “why don’t u just quit dude” and hyuk is like ….. the $$$$$$$ lmao duh

you’re kind of…………….really bad with computers………. like really…… pretty bad…….. and you usually don’t fuck up too badly but one night you’re running on 2 hours of sleep and you’re finishing up your 20 page paper that’s 20% of your final grade and just as you go to submit the final draft 15 minutes before the deadline

your computer. dies………….

and you……… you are going to scream …../// or cry…….. whichever comes first…… because when you press the power button it doesn’t FUCKING power up

basically your body goes into auto-pilot as you pull up the IT support phone number and call them and when you hear a voice(admittedly a nice voice that you feel like you’ve heard before) say hello you just go “please help>…….”

and hyuk where he’s sitting a room away from u is like ***sigh*** “did u try turning it off and back on again” but finally your situation sinks in and you go off autopilot and you’re like “my computer died and this paper is due in 13 minutes and i have the document saved on google drive im not that much of an idiot but i need to submit it because my professor’s terrifying and it won’t turn back on please help”

hyuk hears the desperation in your voice and for once he actually feels bad for the person on the other end of the phone call so he logs out of the game he’s playing on his computer and is like “where’s the closest library to you?” and ur like

“i live off campus the closest internet cafe is like 15 minutes away i don’t have time and my roommate isn’t home!!! i gotta revive this stupid! laptop!” and you’re glaring at your laptop and raising your voice

in fact …… you’re raising your voice enough that hyuk realizes he’s hearing you over the phone AND through the wall between your bedrooms …… and he also puts 2+2 together and realizes he recognizes the voice as his neighbor’s

so hes like … think fast hyuk think fast and goes “i know this is weird but where do you live i promise i’m not a serial killer, i think you’re my neighbor” and you go “HYUK?????” and hes like “yeah lol come over i can’t kill you cause my roomie’s here and you can use my computer to submit your essay”

you don’t know why you’re so surprised but you are honestly on the brink of tears

so when you knock on the door and it opens you follow him blindly to his room (which is neater than you expected, although not super neat) and he sort of takes your shoulders and plops you down in his office chair and is like “go”

it’s practically a dream and when you click submit with ONE minute left before submissions close you jump out of your seat and tackle hug hyuk on instinct

hyuks like uhhh whoa but also definitely wraps his arms around you before he gets the chance to make it weird, because you looked weirdly attractive in just your big comfy pjs and you smell nice and clean

this sounds dramatic but honestly you feel god in that chili’s that night……… and that god was hyuk

after the intense submission hyuk is like “u want some coffee or something” and ur like “no more coffee for the rest of my life” and he’s like “cool how about some ice cream”

and well the two of you eat the remainders of hongbin’s cookie dough ice cream and you don’t regret it

you realize that you’ve been misjudging hyuk this whole time because he’s really funny and his smile is really nice and you rant for 15 minutes about your evil professor and he doesn’t shut you up once, just listens

maybe it’s just cause you’re sleep deprived and he saved your ass but as he tells you about this one theater kid who COULD NOT figure out powerpoint .,,…,,..,…,,… he looks really really cute

and any other day maybe you would push that away but it’s not any other day and you are REALLY sleep deprived and you’ve got some sugar in you and you’re ready to do something really dumb, so you gear yourself up and when hyuk’s done with his story you lean over and plant one on him hehe

one being a kiss

he blinks for a second and u almost think you fucked up but then he smirk-grins and before you know it he’s kissing you senseless until you hear hongbin clear his throat and you pull apart, hyuk looking a tiny bit too smug as he apologizes to his roommate

that night u leave with his number …… and also a hickey

and as soon as you get back to your apartment hyuk texts u like “miss you already ;)” and then “also bring your laptop over tomorrow i’ll fix it” (you can’t decide which one is more of a sext)

at first you were worried that it would be a fling but you fall into a routine fast and soon hyuk is introducing you to his friends as his s/o and you aren’t even blinking

when one of you is studying too hard (or playing video games……..) and not picking up the phone the other knocks on your joint wall and you two develop a code ;( like morse code but your own special language

one time hyuk knocks two times loudly and two times quickly and u text him cause ??? you don’t know what that code means and he’s like it means i want to fuck u……! scandalous

you still would never be caught dead wearing the dumb school sweatshirt hyuk likes so much but when the two of you are hanging out you looooove to wear it because it smells like him and is almost as soft as his big bear hugs

and it drives him crazy he loves u in his clothes/leaving you with hickeys etc it’s kind of the more teenaged boy side of him coming out but he loves knowing that you are his (and he is yours)

ALWAYS puts things out of your reach in your OWN DAMN apartment and it pisses you off SO MUCH but he WILL NOT STOP

is unexpectedly romantic and will take you out on fun dates to the arcade and stuff, but really his ultimate date is having u in his arms, after the first time you nap together he declares that he can’t sleep as well without you in his arms and you roll your eyes but sleepovers become a pretty regular occurrence

fights happen but they’re always super short and dumb and mostly because both of you are hard-headed in your own ways, but one of you always caves and apologizes and it ends up with you curled up together watching bad space documentaries on youtube