#hopefully you guys are better off than I am in the mental health department ❤️

[nj-in]

yeah so 😛

tbh this is a (very fucking long holy shit) kinda silly vent post cause I don’t feel like eating but I also haven’t even eaten since lunch and it’s 10 at night

honestly it’s kinda cringe and partially ranting about my shitty art don’t read if you don’t want to ig

I think I’m a workaholic and it’s probably not healthy but I need something to do all the time. I’m a writer/artist, and I’m constantly working and shit just for fun but I’m not sure if it’s worth it if my efforts aren’t recognized or even seen by others.

(This is already getting depressing lol)

Oh yeah main point: I’m either mentally exhausted or I’m just weird cause of my eating habits. Like, why tf am I already full after eating 2 bites of my meal?? Even I can tell that I should be able to finish it all if people around me can too.

Art as well (connecting to the workaholic point above). I’m always doing art, and when I really do feel like it, I can literally just spend hours, no eating, drinking water or other shit, and just draw. But like, I’m not really a big artist. Yes, sometimes people see my work, and are probably like ‘That’s cool 🤷’ but does that mean it’s good or what babe 😔

Art for me, I spend a lot of my time on it and stuff, so when my shitty 20 minute doodles do better than my other works, it kinda sucks, knowing that I get more recognition for my quick things than the other things that I spend more time on.

There’s also like insecurities and stuff I have about my stuff, since there are so many people better than me at art, and some of them have been doing it for a shorter period of time and are just way better than I am. Like, I know some kinds of comparison are just unhealthy (making you feel bad about yourself and doubting your worth and your ability ) but I think it’s kinda becoming a problem for me.

Some people learn quicker, and I am not one of them tbh. It’s great if you can become a good artist within a short amount of time, but I guess I’m just salty about how I suck at art and stuff compared to others 💀

like, I wish that I could be someone memorable, not like a bug you saw once and killed then forgot about. For another post, I talked about my phobia (being forgotten), and it kinda resonates here but not at the same time.

if my stuff doesn’t leave an impact, how am I supposed to know if you remember it or not? If my work isn’t worth remembering, it means that I need to improve, or that I need to just get some balls and grow up, which is relevant to this point 😛

If you saw my art or one of my posts, then just forgot about it and never remembered again, doesn’t that mean I’m just some random person on the internet? I know you’d die normally without knowing if I’m alive or not, and I respect that.

I’m not memorable, I’m not special, I’m not even that good at art tbh.

I just hope that I can at least try be someone to be remembered, to have someone know I at least existed, even if nobody else cares. And I hope my dumb eating problems and my workaholic brain and my mental health is chiller in the future idk.

thank you a lot for taking the time listening to me talk. Really. I love you and I hope you have a great life, even if this is the only post you’ve ever seen from me ❤️