#hopefully this will show up in my writing tag since like....half the stuff doesnt lmao

[josieofantiva]

In The Dark I Learned To Love Again

The potential end of the world waits for nobody, but Leliana and Oliver Cousland manage to find a quiet night to themselves. 

ao3 link

“How many stars do you think there are?”

Oliver’s head rested in Leliana’s lap. They were sprawled out on top of a hill, the campsite’s fire flickered at the treeline below them. She ran her fingers through his hair and he sighed happily at the touch. It was a quiet moment, one she knew would not last. Not because Oliver couldn’t stay quiet for long, although that was true, but peace did not seem to follow him, even if that is all he ever wanted.

There were many stories she could spin to him about the stars. People weaved tales into the shapes they cast upon the sky. Even civilizations long gone, their ways of life all but ruins in the sands, were remembered through the names and stories of constellations. But the number itself was not one she knew.

“Only the Maker himself knows, love,” she murmured, head tilted back to stare at the expanse of stars above them, falling back into a comfortable silence.

Away from even the glare of the camp’s fire, she could see so many stars out that they seemed like they would swallow them whole. Here, in this moment, she could pretend it was just Oliver and her wrapped up by the sky, all their troubles unable to reach them.

“Look! A shooting star!” Oliver exclaimed, wildly waving his hand in a general direction.

Leliana jerked her head to where he was pointing but did not see more than the dark night sky.

“Make a wish Leli!” Oliver said, frantically patting her leg.

“I didn’t see it so I cannot,” she said, lightly tapping him on the nose, making his face scrunch up.

Oliver pouted. “I’m sure it counts by proximity, wish hard enough and it has to.”

“Oh! I’ve never heard that rule before,” she laughed.

“Well now you have, and that makes it true. Sworn to the stars above us,” he declared. He cleared his voice, and his face looked like he was attempting to be serious, eyebrows drawn low, lips pursed, and he gravely put his hand over his heart. He looked absolutely ridiculous. “I, Warden Oliver Cousland, declare that a star can be wished upon if somebody in close proximity sees it. However, the ah… wisher must put their whole heart in it, or else the exception shall not apply.”

Done with his declaration, he looked up at her, lips tilted upwards as he failed at maintaining his serious demeanor. “Now you have to make a wish Leliana, it’s the rules.”

He was so earnest, so full of sincerity, she knew he was not joking.

“I’ll make a wish only if you do too.” She smiled softly down at him, and immediately his eyes snapped shut, presumably to make a wish.

Leliana shut her eyes. She had only one wish she could think of.

Keep him safe.

She whispered that into the morning light before he woke, spoke it reverently during her daily prayers, and begged the blood stained air after a battle as she watched Wynne patch him up. And now, under millions of stars, she wished it with her whole heart.

She believed in Oliver. She believed in everything he did, so she found her herself believing in his declaration. Maybe it was a desperate hope of wanting it to be true, but she put everything she had into that wish, willing it into existence. If she had to put her whole heart into it to be true, she would leave nothing out, she would bare her soul to the world to keep him safe.

Keep him safe. Keep him safe. Oh Maker, keep him safe.

She looked down at him, and leaned down to kiss his forehead, brushing his curls out of the way. He startled at the touch.

“No, you will distract me from my wish,” he yelped and turned his head to the side. She sighed and turned her eyes skyward. She was content to count the stars as this ridiculous man in her lap made a deal with the universe. It asked so much of Oliver, it took pieces of him with greedy hands and he forged on all the same, smile omnipresent. The least it could do was give him whatever he was wishing for.

Oliver stirred in her lap, and she looked down at him. His smile that greeted her shone with love, something she is still getting used to being directed at her, and it filled her with such happiness that a laugh bubbled up from her chest. She leaned down and peppered his face in giggling kisses, and whispers of “I love you.” He began to chuckle too, and soon his whole body began to shake. While she was sure he did not know what caused this, Oliver laughed just to laugh. They grasped at each other as they shook with happiness, Leliana leaning over him, their faces only a hair's breadth away from each other.

Suddenly Oliver twisted and wrapped his arms around her, dragging her down next to him on the ground, wrapping her hand within his.

“What did you wish for Leliana?” Oliver asked breathlessly, nose to nose with her. “I wished for my-”

Leliana surged forward, kissing him once more, silencing him before he could finish his sentence. He froze for a moment before responding enthusiastically, and her hands found their way into his curls. She gently tugged at his hair, smirking as he gasps into her mouth.

Leliana let herself fall into him for the moment, fall into the love he so freely gave. She felt Oliver smile against her lips when she scratched lightly at his hairline and she knew she was smiling too. He cupped her chin tenderly, letting his other hand wrap lightly around her waist and pull her closer, cutting out the chill of the night. His touch grounded her, kept her from being washed away into the endless sky.

Eventually she pulled back, resting her forehead against his as he watched her with wide eyes, chest heaving.

“Don’t tell me, love, the wish will not come true,” she whispered against his lips. If his wish was anything like hers, they could not spoil it with careless words.

He took a moment to catch his breath, pecking her lightly on the lips one last time before he chuckled. “You are right! I do not think I could have found an exception to that rule,” he joked, eyes shining with mirth.

“I’m quite sure you could if you put your whole heart into it,” Leliana said, eyes crinkled, and Oliver snorted, not missing her reference to his earlier rule.

After a moment, Oliver’s brow furrowed, a sign he was trying to rearrange his racing thoughts into words. “It was hard thinking of one. A wish that is.” He paused, eyes distant as he turned his words over in his head. “ I have found this happiness in your arms, even in the midst of all we face, so I did not know how to wish for more. It felt greedy.”

He said it simply, as if his words did not shake Leliana to her foundation. As if Oliver did not have every right to wish for everything he was owed. For the Blight to be over, for bounties to no longer be on their heads, for a break from the world that was seemingly out to get him. And yet, somehow for Oliver she was enough.

Oh Maker, keep him safe.

“Oliver,” she whispered, stroking his cheek, “You are more than I ever could have wished for as well.” She blinked away the tears, trying to hide how affected she was, although she suspected he knew. Oliver was not the blind fool many believed him to be. His kindness did not mean he was ignorant, just that he knew the world for what it was and strove to make it what he instead wished it to be.

Oliver leaned forward, gently kissing her forehead, “Then the stars be damned, we have all we need right here.” She smiled at him as he leaned back for a moment to look up. “You hear that stars? I take back my declaration, we do not need you!” he shouted.

She let out a startled laugh and poked him in the cheek. “Shush Ollie! I think we need all the help we can get.”

He shook his head seriously. “Nonsense. With you at my side Leli, we could face anything.” There was a conviction to his words that he rarely showed.

Leliana looked into his eyes for any sign of doubt to what he said. “You think so?” she questioned, keeping her tone light.

Oliver squeezed her hand before wrapping her up in his arms, shutting out the rest of the world from her. He saw through her question, saw the fear that caged her lungs. He knew what they faced in their coming days.

“I know so.”

She believed him. She had to.