#hopefully this was worth the 14 breakdowns i had over it

[kindahoping4forever]

Hot N Cold // Ashton Irwin

Both @cal-puddies and I had to endure disgusting heatwaves last week (it was literally 99 degrees before noon for me) and were laughing that we co-wrote a hot weather trope fic and it turns out, being this warm is not sexy. I took it a step further and declared that I was so uncomfortable I wouldn’t let Ashton near me and Cass was like bitch please and instantly proved me a liar by suggesting a scenario that I eventually spun into this entirely self-indulgent fic. (Exposing screenshots available upon request 😂🤡)

Warnings: Boyfriend!Ash, slight soft!dom Ash, female receiving oral sex/rimming, ice play, unprotected sex within established relationship, gratuitous mentions of Ash with a beard and in basketball shorts because I am a 🤡, I truly cannot express how self-indulgent this is.

Word Count: 4.9k exactly! (And I can never thank Cass enough for being a problem solving, editing queen because otherwise this legit could’ve easily been 10k, I was out of control and have officially been dubbed “the Stephen King of smut”)

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————-

You tap on the thermostat display, hoping that the numbers you’re reading are a mistake.

“Babe, it’s digital, that’s not gonna do anything,” Ashton calls from across the room.

You make a face and continue staring in disbelief. Last week when you invited your boyfriend to stay with you while his home underwent plumbing repairs, you had no idea there would be a heatwave sweeping the city. And as if the heat wasn’t bad enough, a thunderstorm was also predicted so it’s not just hot but humid, which drives you absolutely crazy.

You usually find it cozy when Ash stays at yours, your modest apartment a quaint contrast to his luxurious house. But waking up next to him in your full size bed (a far cry from the king size at his place), with you both already drenched in sweat put you in a sour mood and as the day progresses, along with the temperature, your mood has only gotten worse.

“How could the outside temperature and the inside temperature be that similar, what the fuck,” you grumble.

“It only feels that bad because now you know how hot it actually is, babe,” he suggests, coming up and wrapping his arms around you, kissing your neck, lightly scraping at it with his beard.

You roll your eyes. “No, it feels that bad because it is that bad, babe,” you huff, shrugging his arms off of you. In quick succession, he smirks and then pouts at your brush-off. “Ash, I swear to god, why does it seem like the second it gets above a certain temperature, you get super affectionate just to spite me?”

He grins and reaches for you, pulling you into an embrace once more. “Aww, baby, it’s not out of spite,” he laughs. “I just think you’re cute when you’re irritated.”

Ash squeezes you tight, swaying softly as he kisses the top of your head. Normally you would find yourself melting into his touch but today you just feel like you’re literally melting. 

“You’re about to think I’m really fucking adorable then because I’m gonna flip out if you don’t get away from me,” you gripe, wriggling out of his grasp. 

You decide to take a cool shower but you’re not surprised to find that it’s so hot outside, the water doesn't get any cooler than lukewarm. You let your frustrated mind wander as it runs over your sweat-covered skin. Of course the heatwave would have to be this weekend. Of course it was unexpected so all your fans are still in storage and of course all the stores in the area are sold out of their stock. Of course you live in an apartment that only has a small air conditioner that’s basically useless. Of course Ashton is annoyingly unaffected by the heat and of course you know it’s unreasonable of you to direct your hostility toward him but… seriously, it’s so annoying. Despite your agitated thoughts and the tepid water, by shower’s end, you have to admit you feel relieved. 

Ash’s back is turned when you approach the kitchen. Now that both your body and your temper have had a chance to cool, you’re much more appreciative of his presence. You stand in the doorway, admiring his considerable build: how broad his back looks even as he hunches over, digging through a drawer, how the narrow cut of his tank top makes his shoulders look even larger than usual, how his favorite basketball shorts cling to his ass. By the time his arms start flexing as he stirs what looks like a pitcher of sweet tea, you’re padding over to him and wrapping your arms around his torso.

“Heyyy,” he chuckles, slinging an arm around you and bringing you to his side. “You seem to be feeling better.”

“Better, cooler and nicer,” you declare, pecking at his chest to prove your point. “Sorry I was being a mega bitch.”

He snorts. “No offense but when I saw the heat advisory on my phone last night, I kind of knew what I was gonna be up against.”

You pinch his arm, half offended. “No, my love, I could never think of you as a mega bitch,” you offer the reply you would’ve preferred, in a mocking voice. 

He shakes his head with a smile. “Would I have gone to this much trouble if I really thought that of you?” He gestures towards the living room where he’s spread your spare comforter on the floor in front of the AC; two cold cut sandwiches, a tub of leftover macaroni salad from yesterday’s dinner and a fresh bag of your favorite chips sit on the coffee table. 

You enjoy your “picnic” and continue lounging in front of the AC long after you’re finished eating. Ashton returns from clearing your dishes to discover you sprawled out on your stomach, complaining that you sat on the floor too long and your entire body feels numb. 

He cocks an eyebrow as he lays down next to you and lands a hard smack across your ass. You yelp but honestly, you should’ve seen it coming. You glare at him, unimpressed.

“Just trying to help,” he shrugs, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Mmm hmm, sure,” you giggle, turning to face him. “Quick question, why are you like this?” 

He pulls you closer. “Don’t act like it’s just me, I felt you ogling me in the kitchen,” he teases. “I know you’re turned on, look how hard your nipples are.” He grabs a handful of your breast and pinches to emphasize his point.

You snort laugh, “I’ve been sitting in front of an air conditioner, you dummy.” 

He makes a sheepish face and you both crack up. Your joint giggle fit easily transitions into a comfortable, lazy makeout session. You’re about to finally reach your hand inside his shorts when you both pull away after hearing a noise. It takes only a few seconds of humid air on your skin for you to realize that the AC has stopped. “The power’s gone out,” you announce, gently pushing his body off of you so that you can go flip the circuit breakers. “Maybe we had the air on for too long?”

A few minutes later, Ash joins you in the kitchen, where you’re fiddling with the breaker box. “Nothing,” you tell him, frowning at the panel.

“Seems like it’s the whole complex, all your neighbors are out wandering around,” he reports. “Maybe a rolling blackout from the heat? Or I guess it could be the storm? Looked like the signal at the end of the street was out.”

“Fantastic,” you seethe.

Ash reaches for your hand, pressing a kiss to your clenched fist. “It’ll be fine, baby, this is just a good excuse for us to order dinner. And the sun will be going down soon, so it’ll have to cool off!"

You nod slowly, not believing him but appreciating the effort. "You just don't want me to be mean to you again," you tease.

You start looking for your lanterns and candles in case the power doesn't come back before nightfall. Which of course, it doesn’t. And despite Ashton's optimism, it doesn't cool off much either. You know the heat must actually be extreme when even he starts commenting on it.

He spots your cooler in the closet and offers to run down to the corner gas station and grab some ice to fill it with so you could at least have cold drinks. It doesn’t make much of a difference to you but you know he’s trying to do anything he can to make you more comfortable, so you tell him it’s a great idea. 

He returns quickly, triumphantly lifting up a comically large party bag of ice with one hand. "This was the only size they had," he explains. You smile softly and kiss his shoulder in silent thanks as you pass by on your way to gather the drinks.

The rest of the evening is uneventful. You attempt a candlelit dinner, but you both quickly agree it’s more impractical than romantic and replace the candles with your bright ass camping lantern. 

You make it an early night, not because you're tired but because you need the day to end. You thought fresh sheets sounded cooling but when Ash enters the bedroom, he finds you sitting defeatedly in the middle of the half-made bed and in the dim candlelight, he can’t tell if it’s sweat or frustrated tears he spies falling down your face. “OK, that’s enough,” he announces, reaching for your arm to drag you up from the bed. “You’re getting in the shower, I’m dealing with this.”

You’re pleased to find the water has cooled and the candles you have illuminating the bathroom makes for a much more relaxing environment than your previous shower. You haven’t been in long when you feel Ash’s beard scratching your back as he presses small kisses to your shoulders. You smile to yourself and face him, wrapping your arms around him. “You had to put up with a lot from me today,” you start. You peck along his neck and jaw, landing at his lips, which you kiss softly. “I just want you to know I appreciate it.” 

He holds you against him. “It was a long, shit day,” he shrugs. “I was just sorry to see you having such a bad time. Wanted to do what I could."

You lean in and you make out sweetly, enjoying the feel of each other's lips and the cool water. You feel him start to dip his hands in between your legs but you gently push them away. "I'm good, baby, just wanted to thank you." You peck his lips and leave him to finish showering.

You’re in the middle of putting lotion on when you feel Ashton’s hands on you again; he hasn’t even bothered with a towel, as if he couldn’t waste a second moving from the shower back to your body.

"Ashhhh,” you giggle. “I promise I’m fine… and where’s your towel? You’re dripping everywhere.”

His hand has found its way between your legs again and he swipes a finger through your folds. “Well, I’m not the only one,” he quips. "I knew you were getting riled up over there." He sucks and nibbles at your neck, causing you to groan. "Baby, you've been stressed all day. Let me get you off, it's the least I can do."

You sigh and nod, unable to deny the way you’re throbbing for his attention; he lifts you onto the bathroom counter and you find yourself almost involuntarily spreading your legs for him. “That’s my good girl,” he coos, kissing your inner thighs, running his beard along them the way he knows you like. He uses the tip of his tongue to flick at your clit, chuckling to himself as you instantly shudder and tangle your fingers in his wet hair.  

You pant heavily while he flattens his wide tongue and laps at your pussy. By the time his lips wrap around your clit, you’re bucking up onto his face, begging him for more.

You’re puzzled when he suddenly draws you down from the counter and pushes you over it, remaining on his knees. He spreads your legs again and swirls his tongue around your clit; he then licks all the way from your clit to your asshole, fluttering his tongue over it several times. A guttural whine rips through your throat.

“That a good noise, baby?” Ash asks, kneading your ass in his hands. “Want me to keep going?” 

All you can manage is a pitifully whimpered “Uh-huh” and he smirks to himself as he dives back in, spreading your cheeks with his thumbs and rolling his tongue over your tight ring. You can’t remember the last time you were this turned on and it’s overwhelming, the added sensation of his beard making it even more stimulating. You nearly shriek when his hand starts working your clit.

“Please Ash... yeah… oh FUCK...” Nonsense spills from your lips as he licks you and you can’t help but roll your hips against his hand. His mouth pauses for a second and you’re about to complain when suddenly he’s pressing his tongue inside your hole. “Jesus Christ, Ash!” You cry out, white knuckling the edge of the counter.

He groans in response to your outburst and you can feel the vibrations of it as he pushes his tongue in further. You reach back and grab at his hair, desperate for something to hold onto, desperate to pull him even closer. His tongue darts in and out of your ass while his fingers rub tight, relentless circles around your clit. 

Your orgasm hits you without warning and for a second, you’re not sure if you’re going to live through it; your entire body shakes, your legs feel like jelly and your eyes are squeezed shut so tight you’re seeing stars. He reaches his free hand up to support you and continues to lick and rub you as it goes on, even as your fingers viciously yank at his hair.

You let yourself slump over the counter, enjoying the cool feeling of the marbling on your heated skin. You feel Ash’s lips softly kissing up your back and his hand stroking your hair. “You did so good, baby, thank you,” he praises, rubbing your back. “Thought you deserved a treat after the day you've had.”

“That was… wow?” You rasp, surprised at your voice’s scratchiness; you didn’t realize you were screaming but you must have been judging from how wrecked you sound. “ ‘M all sweaty though, gonna need to rinse off again,” you laugh.

“Oops,” his giggle echoes through the bathroom. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He helps you stand upright and presses a kiss to your head. You note that he’s fairly hard but he leaves the room before either of you mention it.

You enter the bedroom a few minutes later and discover it empty; you’ve just pulled on a cotton slip nightgown when your shirtless boyfriend appears, carrying two bottles of water and two cups filled with ice. He sits yours on the nightstand and wanders over to where you’re towel drying your hair. You lovingly roll your eyes as he immediately wraps his arms around you; he’s changed back into his shorts and they’re doing nothing to disguise the erection you noticed in the bathroom. 

“Always love this nightgown on you,” he breathes, mouth biting at your earlobe, hands running up and down your sides. “Do you remember you wore it the first time you stayed over at mine?”

You smile at the memory. “And I thought you only liked it because it’s see-through in the light,” you tease, spinning out of his hold. You love him like this so you don’t want to outright reject him but you also can’t imagine having sex in this sweltering bedroom and aren’t about to take your fourth shower of the day.

You prop your pillows up so you can drink your ice water and check your phone while you still have some battery left. Ash sits next to you and you can already feel the heat radiating off of him. He absentmindedly places his hand on your thigh, squeezing every so often as it creeps higher. You slide your hand into his, bring it to your lips and kiss his knuckles briefly before setting it back on his own leg.

“I really should’ve let you buy me that bigger bed like you offered when you first started sleeping over,” you joke, hoping he’ll understand your meaning.

He chuckles and searches your face sympathetically, “Am I making you warm, baby? I’m sorry,” he pouts. “It’s getting better though, I opened the window before our shower and the storm’s bringing a breeze in.” He snakes an arm around you and leans you closer, pecking your cheek.

“It’s still pretty bad in here… and you’re still kind of a radiator, Ash,” you gently complain.

He frowns, then pauses and his face suddenly changes expression. “I know something we can do to take your mind off that…” 

You make a face. “Baby… I know you're hard but it has been such a ridiculous day," you gently explain. "I'll kiss you while you jerk off if you want? I just cannot fathom having you on me right now.”

“First of all, I never said I wanted to be on you,” he notes. “Second, I just feel bad you’re already so tense again, babe, we gotta get you to relax.” He massages your neck as he talks and you didn’t realize how stiff your muscles were until that moment. “I know it’s not gonna be an easy night sleeping in here and I was just thinking you always sleep so much better right after you cum...”

Despite the heat, your body is buzzing at his touch. “Goddammit, that’s a fair point,” you concede and he laughs under his breath. “Feel like whatever you have in mind is only gonna make me feel even warmer though.”

His eyes shine with playful desire. “Not necessarily…” he replies mysteriously. “Trust me?”

You hate how curious you are and how much his vagueness is turning you on. “You get five minutes to prove this is worth it… or until I start sweating, whichever is first.”

Ash chuckles, “I think we both know you’ll be begging for my cock long before then.”

You shake your head at him and then he's kissing you and laying you down. "Close your eyes," he requests. You look at him skeptically. "I'm assuming you think it's too warm for the blindfold," he points out and you nod in agreement.

He hovers over you and brushes his lips lightly against yours. "So gorgeous laying there, just waiting for me," he whispers low, knowing the praise will make you swoon. "Can you get your tits out for me, baby?"

You slip your thin straps off your shoulders and tug your nightgown down your torso, exposing your chest. Your breath is already heavy with anticipation when you feel Ashton's hands run up your thighs on his way to knead your breasts. His touch feels warmer than you'd like but his firm, calloused grip is always welcome.

His hands disappear for a second and you hear some generic rustling; you assume you'll be feeling his mouth next but what you don't expect is the intense cold of the ice cube he has in between his teeth. A squeal escapes your throat and your eyes shoot open at the sensation of him dragging the ice down your neck and in between your tits; the combined heat of your skin and his mouth starts melting it instantly and freezing water drips down your body. 

“Ash, what the fuck?!” You cry out with a shocked laugh. He tugs your nightgown lower and continues his travels, bringing the cube down over your stomach, water dissolving all over your midsection.

You whine as he pulls back and grins. “OH, did... did you want me to continue?” He taunts, chewing what was left in his mouth. “Didn’t take long for you to decide this was ‘worth it,’ huh, baby?”

He reaches for the cup on your nightstand and drops another cube in his mouth before lowering himself to your chest. His cold fingers play with one of your nipples while he sucks the other between his lips; his tongue swirls the ice around your pointed bud and the dueling feelings of the frozen cube and his warm tongue is unlike anything you’ve felt before.

You hold his head to your chest, running your fingers through his damp, curling hair. “Ash, babyyyyyy,” you breathe dreamily as he moves his attention to your other nipple. “This was a good idea, you were right.” Even with his mouth around you, he manages to grin at your concession and you arch your back into him.

“Love it when you talk dirty,” he smugly responds. He brings the remaining portion of his cube to the front of his lips and traces it over yours before slipping it back in his mouth and kissing you deeply. You whimper as he slowly transfers the cube into your mouth with his tongue. He tugs your lip between his teeth as he pulls away and you moan loudly at the realization that you can’t feel it because your lips are numb from the ice. 

Ashton sits back on his knees and you reach for him, immediately missing his attention. "Want you," you admit, stretching your arm until your hand lands on his bulging crotch. “Need you. Need this.”

He takes a page out of your book and pulls your hand up to his lips, kissing it and sitting it away from him. “Oh I know you need it, baby,” he teases, slipping his hand inside your panties to feel your wetness. “Don’t worry, you’ll get it... but first… can’t let my last ice cube go to waste.”

He smiles at your annoyed sigh as he snatches the cup from the table and moves down your body. You know that look in his eye and for once tonight, you know what he’s thinking. He starts to raise the cup to his lips as you whine, “Oh my god, Ash, don’t,” pushing him away with your feet.

He cocks his head and rubs his hands up and down your legs. “You know your word,” he replies and looks at you expectantly. You hold each other’s gaze for several beats and then his hands yank your panties off. Your nightgown is still bunched around your waist and you finally pull it all the way off, making yourself bare for him. 

Ash raises the cup in your direction in mock cheers and finally slides the ice into his mouth. In the time it takes you to blink he’s already between your legs, running the tip of the cube up and down your lips. You shift your hips to meet his touch and he lightly slaps your thigh to get you to settle. 

He moves through your folds, nudging at your entrance for just a second before moving on; you brace yourself as he reaches your clit. He teases around it first with only his tongue and your heart pounds as you wait for the cold to shock you. After what feels like half a lifetime, a burst of piercing iciness shoots through your entire body, starting at your core. You let out a long, low moan as he alternates flicking the frozen cube over your clit and then running his warm tongue against you in raging contrast. 

He sucks at your clit softly before moving to kiss up your inner thighs as he sits up. You didn’t see it happen but he apparently slipped the ice into his hand because now he’s pressing it directly on your clit, letting it melt, causing you to moan and writhe. 

"ASH PLEASE… oh my godddd…” you cry, grabbing his wrist. You’re not quite sure if you want him to stop or to keep going until you cum so you just hold onto his arm, begging. “Fuck me, please, need you to fuck me, Ash!”

Smiling, he firmly grinds the last of the cube against your clit and you thrash as it melts within seconds. He slips two fingers inside you and you shudder at how cold they are. “Knew I could get you begging for me, baby” he growls, smirking as he kisses up your body. “You sure it’s 'worth it'? Maybe you’re right, maybe it is too warm? This pussy feels pretty warm to me.” He skillfully juts his fingers in and out of you as he taunts you.

You whimper pathetically in response and he chuckles. “Alright, baby, you’ve been so good for me tonight, I’ll let you have my cock,” he declares. “Hands and knees for me, gorgeous.” 

Ashton pulls his shorts off while you do your best to get into position, unsteady from all the stimulation. You can’t help yourself and as soon as you get up on your knees you lunge for him, capturing his mouth in a filthy kiss and your hand tugs at his cock, easily coaxing out a trickle of precum.

He murmurs into your kiss, letting you have your moment and then in one swift move, he swats your hand away and pulls you off his lips by wrapping his hand around your throat. “I said hands and knees, baby,” he reminds you, squeezing lightly.

You can’t quite find your voice to moan but if you had, it would’ve been the loudest yet. You get into position and for the first time tonight, you notice the curtains billowing as the long-promised stormy breeze fills the room. You’re about to point it out but you decide to bite your lip instead because the head of Ash’s cock is pushing up against your entrance. 

You sigh restlessly and slowly push back on him, eager to have him inside you but he promptly halts your hips and roughly smacks your ass for trying. “Don’t be desperate,” he reprimands sternly. 

You mumble a pitiful “Sorry” and he rubs over the stinging redness of his handprint in acknowledgment. He slides his cock over your pussy a couple times, slicking it with your arousal, enjoying how your legs shake every time he juuuust misses running his tip over your clit. Then he starts pushing in for real, at an agonizingly slow rate; he knows you’re already on the verge of overstimulation and he knows you’re aching to cum but he loves teasing you, loves making you feel every inch of him as he enters you.

You hang your head, breathing his name so softly you almost don’t even hear it yourself. The thrill of finally having him inside you combined with the sublime stretch as his thickness gradually fills you is overwhelming; if you wanted to, you honestly think you might be able to cum from this alone. For a moment it crosses your mind to tell him this but in the next, you realize he already knows.

“Love watching you take me,” Ash praises you, finally bottoming out. “You’ve really gotta see it sometime, baby, there’s nothing like it.” 

You whine at his words and your sounds increase as he thrusts into you, wasting no time setting a punishing rhythm, you’ve both waited long enough for this. “Feels… so… good… babe…” you pant, voice quivering as his hips hit forcefully against yours. Your hands are cramping from how tightly you’re gripping the sheets in front of you but you don’t know how else to handle the intensity of what you’re feeling.

Ashton grunts, slapping your ass once on each cheek. He fucks into you rapidly and it's not long before his fingers dig into where he’s holding your hips; this means he’s getting close. You slide your hand to your clit and start rubbing, burying your face in the bed as you let out a choked sigh. He speeds up the pace when he notices. “I’m almost there too, baby,” he puffs. “Go ahead and cum, baby. Fuck, you deserve it.”

The soft howling of the wind, the vigorous slapping of Ash’s skin on yours and your muffled moans are all that can be heard for the next minute or so. Your sounds gain volume as your pussy begins to throb and you finally feel your walls tensing around him. He fucks you through it, murmuring about what a good girl you are, how beautiful you look. 

As your orgasm reaches its end, you hear Ash continuing to mumble but you realize it’s mostly nonsense; seconds later you feel his cock pulsing as he empties his load inside you. He groans loudly, running his thumbs over the fresh marks he’s left on your hips and slowly pumping into you a few more times before sighing and pulling out.

He pecks a kiss on the small of your back and then he grabs the tissues on your vanity to clean you up. You lay on your stomach, sleepy but satisfied; when he’s done, he lays beside you. “How are we feeling?” He asks, running his hand through your hair.

You smile dreamily at him. “Like I’m gonna sleep real good tonight,” you joke. You scoot closer to him and lightly kiss his bearded chin. “Like I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through today without you. Like I love you a lot.”

Ashton’s eyes shine fondly at you through the darkness. "I'm happy to hear that, there were a few times today I wasn't sure if you still liked me," he cracks. You poke him and he kisses your pouted lips. "I love you too, by the way."

You finish getting ready for bed and as you blow out the candles around the room, Ash instinctively moves closer to the edge of the bed; he's sure you'll want to sleep as far apart as possible. "Is it supposed to be this hot again tomorrow?" He asks.

"Yup," you answer, surprisingly unbothered, getting back in bed.

He frowns. "What do you think we should do?"

You surprise him again by curling into him, tangling your legs with his. "We've got all day and half a bag of ice left," you grin mischievously. "I think we'll be fine."

—-

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[its-captain-sir]

BATTALION BREAKDOWN

Alright y'all, here it is, my breakdown of what I think a GAR battalion SHOULD look like. Full disclaimer before we get into it: I tried to research this stuff on wookiepedia as best I could but 1. there wasn't a ton of information out there on some of the things I had questions about and 2. some of it just makes No Sense when you put it together, so a lot of these numbers were made up by me and what I thought made sense based on what we see in the show and just simple logic. Feel free to accept/ignore parts as you please! Also, I'm gonna try to explain the rationale behind certain things as I go along but if you have any questions about this, you can send an ask/reply/reblog this post with your question and I'll do my best to answer it :)

Now that all that's out of the way, here's all the actual info beneath the cut.

Basic Organization

Essentially, the GAR breaks down into four tiers at this level: battalions, companies, platoons, and squads.

Battalions are the largest groups with 576* members and are all numbered, such as the 501st, 212th, 104th, etc. The only exceptions to the numbering convention are the Rancor Battalion that guards Kamino and the Coruscant Guard. Personally I believe that both of these should be double, if not triple, the size of a regular battalion, which could potentially explain the difference in names. Battalions are led by a clone commander and Jedi general + a padawan commander if the Jedi has one. 4 companies make a battalion.

Companies consist of 144 members and are all named. Using the 501st for example, this would be Torrent, Tide, Wave, and Typhoon. Note: Torrent, Tide, and Wave are canon/widely accepted fanon, but Typhoon is something me and my friends came up with. You're welcome to use the name as the fourth 501st company in your wips if you want! The names don't have to be related, but my guess would be that they often are. Companies are led by a captain.** 4 platoons make a company.

Platoons consist of 36 members and are simply referred to as the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th platoon under their company. Platoons are led by a Lieutenant. 4 squads make a platoon.

Squads consist of 9 members and are named. I don't have names for any 501st squads unfortunately, which is why those spaces are left blank in the picture. As a content creator, you'd have a LOT of freedom when it comes to these because there's so many within a battalion and it seems like they can be named just about anything. Squads are led by a sergeant.

*Numbers for this and subsequent numbers in this section were taken directly from wookiepedia

**One problem people tend to have with this is that Rex is a captain, and yet he seems to be in command of all of the 501st. I think most people have figured this out already but the clone wars writers really just threw names around willy-nilly when it came to all the military stuff. Rex should by all intents and purposes be a commander, and my personal in-universe explanation for this is that while he was skilled enough to go through ARC/command track training, he wasn't originally meant to be a commander and his CT number is what barred him from the title initially. Keeli would be another example of this.

A few comparisons just to illustrate it a bit better:

1 battalion = 4 companies = 16 platoons = 64 squads = 576 members

1 company = 4 platoons = 16 squads = 144 members

1 platoon = 4 squads = 36 members

1 squad = 9 members

Please note that these numbers do not include the officers. There would be 64 sergeants, 16 lieutenants, 4 captains, and a commander added to this number to make a total of 661 clones in any given battalion.

Now I could have just stopped here but I have a tendency to want to get way too specific in my wips so I went a little further:

Internal Battalion Assignments

To make the numbers a bit easier, this just looks at what would be found in one company, you can do the extra math if you want to know the full battalion numbers.

I tried my best to remember what kind of specialized troops showed up in the show since wookiepedia wasn't much help, and I ended up breaking these assignments down into medics, heavy gunners, ARF and tank operators, scouts, tech specialists, and standard infantry.

Medics total 16* within a company, one for each squad. Within the medical corps, they're further broken down into junior medical officers (JMO), medical officers (MO), senior medical officers (SMO), and the chief medical officer of the battalion (CMO). Any internal promotions would probably come from the CMO, maybe a SMO on occasion. When pertaining to medical issues, they do often outrank any other officer, but in combat, JMOs and MOs only hold the rank of private (underneath sergeant) and SMOs and the CMO hold the rank of major (between sergeant and lieutenant).

Heavy gunners total 16 within a company, again one for each squad. These are the clones who have been trained to use the Z-6 rotary blaster, like Hardcase and Hevy.

ARFs and other tank operators total one platoons-worth spread throughout a company, or 36 members. ARF troopers are the ones who drive the AT-RTs (the really bouncy walkers you can see used on Ryloth and Umbara) and other tank operators encompass, well, the operators of all the other ground vehicles we see used. The ratio of each of these seems like it could be fluid based on the needs of the battalion and their mission, so I didn't go too much further into this.

Scouts total two squads-worth spread throughout a company, or 16 members. To me it makes sense that one of the lieutenants within their company would specifically deal with their recon reports, simply because it's more organized and practical.

Tech specialists total one squads-worth spread throughout a company, or 9 members. Honestly this is where I grouped anything else left over, like the bomb squad members we see in the blue shadow virus episode, any slicers, etc.

Standard infantry totals the remaining 49 members in a battalion. They're strictly the fighting force on the ground. This doesn't mean that they're the only ones who do the actual fighting, just that they aren't specifically trained for any other specialization.

*These numbers and the subsequent numbers in this section were not taken from any canon source. They were calculated simply by what I thought would make sense to have.

LAAT/is and Starfighters

Again, I tend to be way too specific in my wips so not only did I go through all of the ground fighting force, but I started figuring out the some of the space forces attached to a battalion as well. This doesn't go into a ton about the Republic Navy because frankly, as soon as I read "7400 crew members on a star destroyer" I exited out of that tab cause that's a little Too Much to try to figure out, but I will cover how I think the gunships and fighter squadrons should work.

LAAT/is (gunships) total 48 per battalion, or 12 per company. However, two per company are usually held in reserve to make sure there's always something available for easy transport to/from the ground. This brings down the number to 40 per battalion, or 10 per company. Gunships take two people to man, so the total number of those pilots for a battalion is 96, or 24 for a company. There's also room for two gunners, which would bring the battalion total to 192, but from what I remember in the show the side guns rarely have someone in them, so I don't think the full 96 LAAT/i gunner positions would be filled. I also think the LAAT/i gunners could be temporarily reassigned from the main star destroyer crew (because 7400 is a LOT, they can spare 96). Wookiepedia said that the gunships could hold 30 troops for transport, but that seems like it'd be really cramped quarters. My guess is that each one would hold somewhere between 14-17 comfortably depending on how many people need transport and how many gunships are in use, which is what I kept in mind to come up with the original number of 48 for a battalion.

The Starfighter Corps consist of 5 separate squadrons, the standard* being two squadrons of Y-wings, one squadron of V-19 Torrents, one squadron of Z-95 Headhunters, and one squadron of ARC-170s. There are 12 in a squadron, plus a squad leader and two usually in reserve, so that's 15 total ships in a squadron and 75 total ships overall. Y-wings require a pilot and a gunner, so the total number of members in a battalion's starfighter corps equals 105. However, I believe some battalions could have up to double** these numbers if they're frequently in space battles, like Anakin and the 501st, or if they have a name that suggests it, like the 327th Star Corps. Squadrons seem to often be named after colors, but that isn't always the case, ie. Shadow Squadron.

*This standard isn't canon, it's just what I believe makes sense based on the number of ships types available and how frequently they are seen used in the show. The Y-wing bombers seem to be used a bit more than the rest, which is why I think there would be two squadrons of them.

**While double the number of ships is certainly possible, I figure it's more common to have three more squadrons instead of the full five so there would be two squadrons of each type of ship.

~~~

That's all I got! Like I said earlier, use whatever you like, ignore the parts you don't, it doesn't really matter to me. This system is definitely what I'm going to follow in my wips if anyone is ever curious about what's going on with those.

Hopefully this is helpful to someone out there! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading! :)

[melonsmessymusings]

As promised for @rachaeljurassic here’s a sad one about Tabula Rasa and Giles:

I did actually watch the episode again at like 4am and it’s really interesting to see the changes to all the characters. Then you look at Giles. The second he thinks he’s engaged to Anya, he gets this big goofy grin that we haven’t seen since Jenny and my heart gets torn into little strips and fed to the dog.

He’s all with the light touches and physical intimacy, at least as much as we’ve ever seen of him. Holding Anya close, stroking her hair… it’s very sweet. But it’s also really sad because we didn’t see him do that with Jenny and he must’ve done. Yeah he and Jenny were snogging everywhere but it’s not the same. Jenny was the one that was constantly reaching out for physical intimacy. She touches his chest or upper arm quite a lot, deliberately walks too close, lingering touches… it’s all there. But he doesn’t reciprocate, possibly because of where they are, who knows? The point is, this side of him clearly exists. And don’t get me started on the bickering!

So let’s pretend for a moment that we’re Giles. You’ve likely been up for days straight mulling over whether to go back to England or not. After reaching the decision which has you physically sick with nerves for telling Buffy, you explain it to her in a reasonable way only to be shouted at and argued with. While not unexpected, you know deep down it’s the right decision and one day, hopefully she’ll understand. You expected her to hate you for it, the anger and the pure hurt you’ve caused but it’s okay, that’s all you seem to be good at anyway. Then as you’re explaining it to the rest of the group, nobody else seems to think about it from your perspective and it’s making you more miserable. Do they really think so little of you? Then blackout. No idea about anything at all, you don’t even know your own name. Turns out you’ve got a gorgeous fiancée who seems to be totally infatuated with you and what appears to be a pretty happy life. Crisis averted, no more doubts about anything and in the big romantic heat of the moment, you suddenly get a tsunami of memories that are utterly horrendous. 

Who knows how much of their memory got wiped, it could literally be everything they’ve ever done since birth in which case getting that back in such a way is beyond a… yikes. Ooh let’s have 48 years worth of trauma in seconds, yeah no thanks. Reliving every moment of it again all at once in beautifully traumatic 4K. It’d hurt, it’d burn and then when it finally stops, when you finally remember everything and your chest is burning, your heart is shattered, you open your eyes to find yourself mid snog with another woman... Not only that, but the ‘other woman’ is Anya, who’s happily engaged to Xander and you’re playing tonsil tennis with her. There is now way you wouldn’t just run away as fast as physically possible. 

The question then becomes, how soon was Giles’ flight out of there? Did he go lock himself in his hotel room for a couple of days (ouch that’d be rough) or did he just go to the airport straight away? The narrative is unclear here, it just shows him on the plane in different clothes so at least he changed into something marginally more comfortable. The way I interpreted it is that he just slipped out without saying anything to anyone as fast as those flamingo legs would carry him. And that’s just so sad.

Because Giles wouldn’t have made the decision to leave lightly. He would’ve been tormenting himself with it, probably even years later. And he couldn’t just go away in a normal way, the Hellmouth had to fuck with him one more time on his way. Getting all those memories back then sitting on a plane for like 14 hours with no way to escape must’ve been horrible. Then it’s back to Bath and his empty flat, the endless quiet of the English countryside (it’s another level of quiet no word of a lie) and likely a bottle of whiskey with a dash of a mental breakdown. How horrible is that? And remember, he chose to leave because he believes it’s the right thing to do. And it makes perfect sense, he has nothing left in Sunnydale and at least back in England he’s home and can try to build a life for himself and move on.

[canonicallysoulmates]

Hey! You can feel free to ignore this since it is a big ask but. As someone who dropped off the show by s8 and doesn’t really care about following the big plot points, can you recommend to me all the good Sam & Dean episodes that have happened since? (Not just angst or drama even, even just episodes with funny little moments or details?) I am like, solely here for these two being codependent and soulmates and not much else. <3 (Sidenote: thank you for your tagging system!)

Hi! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to this; as you yourself said this was a big ask, lots of episodes to go through and remember but hopefully you’re still interested in my answer. 

Now the following are not every episode where there’s a brother moment for example the s8 premiere had a great brother hug where the boys reunite, episode 3 of that same season drew parallels between the boys and a couple, if I remember correctly,  but those episodes are not included on the list because I didn’t just wanna recommend every single epi that had a brother scene just because it had a brother scene. I took into consideration if it had moments, what they were, enjoyability of the episode and if the moment or moments were big enough to make a bad episode worth recommending, I don’t wanna recommend something to you without thought and have you spend an hour of your life just to see and enjoy a flash in the pan moment you can enjoy just as much or more through gifs and clips. 

In complete transparency I will also add that I did this mostly from memory so there is the chance that an episode with good moments slipped through the cracks and for that I apologize. 

I don’t know at what point of s8 you stopped watching or if you stopped before the season so I am starting this with s8. 

Season 8

Episode 4: Bitten. This epi doesn’t have a ton of moments or even a big one but it does have two students saying Sam and Dean give off workplace-romance vibes, and I’m a sucker for the boys being compared to or thought of as a couple.  

Episode 10: Torn and Frayed. Not gonna lie, not the biggest fan of this episode, but it does have the brothers choosing each other over Benny and Amelia so….

Episode 11: LARP and the Real Girl. I said it before in another post that to me this is the turning point of the season for the better, and it has the boys having fun. 

Episode 12: As Time Goes By. I wouldn’t call this one a Sam and Dean episode as in SamandDean packed with brother moments but we and the boys get to learn more about their legacy as Winchesters so if that’s something you’re interested in...

Episode 14: Trial and Error. This one has emotional brother moments with Dean wanting Sam to be safe and have a normal life and Sam asking Dean to believe in him, and praising him. 

Episode 17: Goodbye Stranger. To be honest, I don’t remember if this epi has other brother moments but I am solely recommending it because this is the one where Dean learns the trials are making Sam sick and at the end there’s a scene where he tells Sam to let him help carry the burden. 

Episode 19: Taxi driver. Great epi filled with protective!Dean, he kills Benny to save Sam, a beautiful brother hug. 

Episode 20: Pac man fever. They argue like a married couple and Dean’s fear is shown to be losing Sam. 

Episode 21: The Great Escapist. Pretty much the whole episode has little moments of Dean taking care of Sam. 

Episode 23: Sacrifice. “Don’t you dare think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you!” This is the ‘if you watch nothing else from this season’ episode to watch. If you watch nothing else from the s8 sections of recommendations, watch this one, it has one of the best, most emotional Sam and Dean moments in the show’s history.

Season 9

Episode 1: I think I’m Gonna Like It Here. “I made you a promise in that church. You and me, come whatever.” “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.” I live for the codependency and for these two going to extremes to save the other including tricking into letting an angel possess the other’s body, and I refuse to apologize for it. 

Episode 5: Dog Dean Afternoon. Okay, I’ll admit this one definitely falls more under the fun episode type but it does have Dean being all worried about Sam, clutching to him and threatening to lick his face if he doesn’t wake up. 

Episode 7: Bad Boys. We learn more about young!Dean and see him choosing Sam over having a normal life.

Episode 15: #THINMAN. This one is an angsty one and not just because it’s the last time we see the Ghostfacers, this takes place after everything goes to shit in the boys relationship with Sam finding out about Dean’s betrayal and it contains parallels to what Ed and Harry are going through in their relationship, a protective worried Sam over Dean possibly being killed (which let me tell you is delicious to witness after all the angst and Sam acting like he doesn’t care about Dean anymore), and a bittersweet moment of the boys reminiscing about their past.

Episode 16: Blade Runners. This one is being recommended because it has some protective!Dean and because Sam being Dean’s Colette bringing him out of his MOC induced rage. 

Episode 23: Do You Believe in Miracles?. The “I’m proud of us” moment, need I say more.

Season 10

Episode 1: Black.

Episode 2: Reinbach.

Episode 3: Soul Survivor. These three episodes are all being recommended for the exact same reason they have demon!Dean, and Sam going crazy trying to save him/find him. Plus, Soul Survivor has demon!Dean following Sam around the bunker. 

Episode 4: Paper Moon. It has a flashback showing us just how far Sam was willing to go to get Dean back plus some emotional conversations between the boys. 

Episode 5: Fan Fiction. I know people who like this episode. I know people who hate this episode. Personally, I think it has its good parts, it has some brother moments and some nods to wincest.

Episode 12: About A Boy. This one also falls more into the category of fun episode with Dean being turned into a teen, but it also has some good brother moments. 

Episode 14: The Executioner’s Song. The fight scene between Dean and Cain was amazing and it has Dean collapsing into Sam’s arms. 

Episode 18: Book of the Damned. Love this episode, this epi is probs the best example as to what I enjoyed the most about s10; usually we see Dean being codependent and going to extremes to save Sam but during this season we see the opposite and this episode really highlights that with Sam telling Dean he can’t lose him, telling Charlie he understands hunting is his life but he can’t do it without his brother, going behind Dean’s back and seeking help from Rowena to try and save him.

Episode 19: The Werther Project. More Sam being desperate to save Dean, protective!Dean, and Dean saying he and Sam are stronger together than apart. 

Episode 23: Brother’s Keeper. Sam and Dean literally choose each other over the world and Dean kills Death over Sam. 

Season 11

Episode 4: Baby. One of the best episodes, just our boys, the open road and all told from Baby’s POV. A must watch in my book. 

Episode 8: Just My Imagination. The last flashback episode we ever got -  *hits 15.16 with a shovel* like I said last flashback episode we got; it’s fun, has good Sam and Dean moments, we learn more young!Sam, Sam gets some love and praise, the boys wore cozy sweaters, good epi. 

Episode 10: The Devil in the Details. It has protective!Dean and Lucifer point out to Sam that he and Dean have chosen each other time and time again because they can’t stand to lose one another. What can I say, I like when the codependency is brought up. 

Episode 11: Into the Mystic. Here’s the thing with this episode, I have become sort of embittered towards it due this being the introduction of a character with whom there is an attempted romance in s15 which I heavily dislike but I can’t deny that before that I really did like it, it has some good brother moments and it has Dean telling Sam he forgave him for not looking for him in Purgatory which is major. 

Episode 15: Beyond the Mat. Another epi on the fun list, mostly being recommended because it has the boys having fun and that’s something we rarely get to see. 

Episode 16: Safe House. Protective!Worried about Dean!Sam!

Episode 17: Red Meat. What can I say about this iconic episode? It's one of the best episodes in the series, absolutely soul crushing, codependency times 1,000. Have tissues with you when you watch it because you will sob your heart out. They turned Sam and Dean into Romeo and Juliet but better. 

Episode 20: Don’t Call Me Shurley. Regardless of what a certain showrunner ended up doing to the character I do still love this episode and it has some great Sam and Dean content with Dean preferring to possibly die with Sam, telling him he’d never leave him and the return of the Samulet. 

Episode 23: Alpha and Omega. Emotional brother hug, Dean saying he and Sam need each other.

Season 12

Episode 5: The One You’ve Been Waiting For. I’m gonna be honest, I don’t remember much of this episode other than I enjoyed it and that it had some fun moments between the boys. 

Episode 9: First Blood. I’m truly only recommending this because it had,  Badass!Winchesters.

Episode 10: Lilly Sunder Has Some Regrets. Funny thing about this episode was it was supposed to be all about C but it ended up being enjoyable and filled with little Sam and Dean moments including some protective!Sam. 

Episode 11: Regarding Dean. Jensen’s acting in this episode is next level, and it is filled with little brother moments. 

Episode 18: The Memory Remains. The only reason I am recommending this one is because it’s the one where the boys carve their initials on the table which was a major moment. 

Season 13

Episode 8: The Scorpion and the Frog. Another fun episode that’s filled with little Sam and Dean moments. 

Episode 11: Breakdown. For so long I talked about Dean being Sam’s knight in shining armor it’d be wrong for me to not bring up the episode where it happened. Also, Dean tells Sam he’s there for him. 

Episode 12: Various and Sundry Villains. It had some fun brother moments. 

Season 14

Episode 4: Mint Condition. Fun Hallooween episode with fun,  little moments. Absolutely loved this one. 

Episode 11: Damaged Goods. This isn’t really a Sam and Dean episode, or at least I don’t consider it one but the ending scene between the brothers where Dean tells Sam he’s the only one that could have changed his mind about throwing himself into the box was beautiful. 

Episode 12: Prophet and the Loss. The brother hug to end all brother hugs. Absolutely amazing episode, packed with brother moments including what’s probably the best brother hug, will sing its praises till I die and then I’ll continue singing them in the afterlife. 

Episode 13: Lebanon. The 300th episode. It has some moments between the boys as well as some touching scenes of the boys with their dad. 

Season 15

Episode 4: Atomic Monsters. Is this partially on the recommended pile because Jensen directed it? Yes but nonetheless it’s a pretty good epi that while not super packed with brother moments does have them. (Also, this is the last season and I’m sad to report we are scraping the bottom of the barrel trying to find Sam and Dean content in this dessert.)

Episode 11: The Gamblers. Good brother moments and the boys get called heroes which I love. 

Episode 13: Destiny’s Child. The sole reason I am recommending this episode is for AU!Sam and Dean, they are the funnest thing this show has done in a while. 

Episode 14: Last Holiday. While this doesn’t really have Sam and Dean moments with the exception of Sam telling Dean he should have called him to let him know he was in trouble, it does have the boys being taken care of and getting to have some fun and that’s something we so rarely get to see that I am including it. 

Like I said, this is not a definitive list of every single episode that has Sam and Dean moments there’s episodes like the most recent one, 15.17, that had a beautiful moment between the brothers but I didn’t list the epi here cause I don’t think it’s necessary to watch the whole episode for it when it can be seen and enjoyed just as much by watching it through a clip. Which while I don’t recommend the whole ep I do highly recommend looking up the end and seeing the brother moment; point is, similar to 8.01 or 15.17 there were other episodes that had moments that weren’t included due to seeing the whole epi not being necessary to enjoy the moment.

[fletchphoenix]

Forget What I Said, It’s Not What I Meant

Chapter 14!!!!! I’m not gonna say much other than thank you for your support and onwards with the chapter :) Also late update because I had D&D and then had to study so sorry!

------------------------

When Varian arrived at Rapunzel’s house, everyone seemed to pick up on what happened. There were no ‘Where’s Hugo’s or ‘Why do you look so sad?’s or any questions, just everyone treating him like he was porcelain or really really delicate..it annoyed him. Sure, he didn’t want to talk about it, but tip-toeing around the subject and acting as though he’d break down in tears at even the mention of Hugo just felt demeaning. It was his decision, admittedly an incorrect once, but his decision nonetheless. He was the one who initiated the breakup, so why would he be the upset one? That wasn’t to say he wasn’t either, it’s just...agh! Feelings were confusing!

  Things didn’t change at dinner, everyone averting their eyes from him as they just sat down and proceeded to shovel food into their mouths as fast as they could, as though trying to avoid the elephant in the room - that being Hugo’s empty chair beside Varian’s. He frowned and ate as everyone avoided eye contact with him. Now this was just a joke. He wasn’t upset- He really wasn’t! Sure, he desperately wanted the other boy back and every second without him felt like agony, but hey! He wasn’t having a blatant mental breakdown at least! He desperately tried to make conversation, but everyone else seemed unbothered, just staring at their own plates, so he quickly relented with his attempts and joined in with their unspoken pack to silence.

  After the dinner was done, he sat outside on the porch with the wind slowly blowing through his hair as he shut his eyes and let himself be taken away, deep in thought. Was what he did right? Was his mother being truly honest with him? There was no way Hugo could’ve known that his...well he still didn’t even know the relationship between him and Donella, Hugo had never had the chance to tell him, had done what she did to his mother. He couldn’t have been too old when it happened either, only around five or six so it was unfair to just dump all of his baggage on him and take out all the anger. He just didn’t know if Hugo would even forgive him for how he acted out…god, he’d really messed up this time. He still couldn’t wipe the thought from his mind of how broken-hearted Hugo looked as he screamed at him in the apartment hallway, their happy photos relentlessly staring them down to mock the hurricane of negativity he’d created. He let out a sigh. Maybe he was a monster and everyone before was right..maybe he should’ve been the one to go into a coma, not his dad..maybe-

  “Hey kid, you alright?” Cass asked as she sat beside him, a frown on her face before she closed her eyes and let herself relax, Varian averting his eyes and avoiding the question. A weight on his back prompted him to look over at the woman, the hand there rubbing small, soft circles like Hugo used to. “I get it, breakups are hard. And they really do suck when you still love the person you hurt, but...I can tell this wasn’t what either of you wanted. You still love him and I can tell from every little movement you make. So talk to him. Chances are he still loves you just the same as he did before, he just doesn’t feel as though he can express it to you. You’re gonna have to be the one to tell him you still love him if that’s what you want. If he’s what you want. I love you, kid, and you love Hugo. And I sure as hell knows he loves you. Just..do what you think is right to reconcile with him, we all can’t bear to see you sad.” she finished, her eyes still shut as Varian stared at her in confusion.

  The rest of the night and the whole of Thursday, Varian had thought about what Cassandra had said, it echoing in his brain to no avail as he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Was she right about Hugo truly loving him that much? Surely he couldn’t after all the..less than desirable things he’d yelled at the other boy. Regardless, he’d brought his phone out and pressed Hugo’s contact, immediately typing before hesitating when done. He had the text typed out ‘Hey Hugo, can we meet up at two at the coffee shop? We need to talk.’ but he couldn’t bring himself to send it. It felt like when they first talked, him struggling to even send a simple ‘Hi’, but this time the stakes were higher and their whole relationship depended on it. He sighed heavily and glanced over at his cat, who was sitting in his lap, and he could swear Ruddiger gave him a slight nod. Shakily, he pressed ‘Send’ and prayed to God that Hugo didn’t hate him or ignore him. 

---------------------------------------

  Today was Friday, and Hugo didn’t know why he’d decided to read the text Varian sent him, or agreed to meet up with the younger boy, but here he was, walking down the pitch black streets of Corona town at two in the morning with the only light emitting from his phone screen and helping guide him through the winding roads. He still wasn’t even sure why he’d even picked up his phone and read the text, let alone agreed, after he’d torn his heart in half right in front of him with seemingly no remorse, but hey, he was on his way so might as well agree. There was no backing out, not anymore. He had to face his problems head on - he was done with running from the other boy, even if he’d caused him so much heartache and trouble in the past few days which he DEFINTELY didn’t deserve whatsoever.

  He quickly made his way down the road, the uncomfortable heat and humidity of summer causing his clothes to stick to his back. It felt as gross as it sounded, him cringing at the sensation. He hated summer, he always had. Always way too warm, and the orphanage never had air con, neither did Donella’s house so he suffered this time of year with no remorse from the sun until autumn saved him from his pain. Hopefully it’ll all be worth it, he thought as he opened the doors to the place he knew oh so well, immediately strolling to their signature booth and spotting the raven haired boy already sitting there with two coffee cups: a vanilla latte and a black coffee for him, a familiar sight minus the coffee cups. “Hey, don’t I usually buy the drinks?” Hugo asked, forcing a grin on his face before taking a seat.

  Varian still looked as beautiful as the day he’d told Hugo to leave, Hugo’s eyes taking in every detail as all the memories flooded back to him and tears threatening to roll down his cheeks as he let them take down the wall he’d placed there. He missed him so much it was hard to even describe. He’d missed the freckles on his shoulders, the way he’d subconsciously cuddle closer to his boyfriend when watching a horror movie, the way that when he laughed, he’d let out little snorts...he missed all the little things, the little imperfections that he adored. However, there were more worrying aspects now that he looked closer: dark bags under his eyes, his skin unbelievably pale. It wasn’t noticeable if you hadn’t known him long, but..Hugo knew him well enough to know he was troubled. Still, Varian forced a slight smile and shuffled closer. “Yep, well I thought I’d switch it up a little being as I kinda..forced you out of your house at two in the morning. Which..brings me to why I brought you here.”

  The boy paused, a look of hesitation on his face before he bit the inside of his cheek, let out a deep sigh and proceeded. “I was wrong, Hugo. I was so so wrong to pin this all on you when you didn’t even know. I don’t want our mother’s pasts to dictate our future, because the truth is..I love you. I still love you and I never stopped. You brought..so much light into my life over the past six months and once I let it go, I couldn't focus again. You may hate me and..I don’t blame you whatsoever, but I adore you with every fibre of my being and I mean it when I tell you that. I love you, Hugo Atkinson.” He concluded, tears building in his eyes as silence followed his confession.

  Before he knew it, arms pulled him into an embrace and Hugo placed teary-eyed kisses all over his face, laughing shakily as he kept saying “I love you” over and over to the other, those three words forming a symphony that Varian knew he would never get bored of. He exchanged the kisses with gentle pecks of his own, whispering confessions to the other boy as he finally let himself admit just how much he truly missed the other’s presence in his life. But now..now he had him back and he wasn’t going to lose him.

  “I love you too, Varian. I..the past few days have been agony without you. I don’t know how I managed and-oh my god I’m so sorry for yelling at you on campus I-I should have listened to you..it wasn’t fair of me to act like that towards you when you were trying to apologise I just-I felt so alone and lost without you-”

  “Hugh..hey, look at me. I forgive you. Now..how about we get outta here and back home?” Varian asked, Hugo nodding eagerly in agreement with what he said. After all, it had been a few days since he’d been back at the apartment and, in all honesty, Varian wanted someone to cuddle with him for the night..

  The two boys stood, hand in hand, and completely discarded the two coffee cups on the table as they strolled down the street towards the apartment. It was dark, but they didn’t care, content to finally be in each other’s arms once again and happy. It was all either of them ever wanted for the agonising few days that they were apart, and now they finally had it, neither were going to let it go. Even as the uncomfortable heat pounded down on them, Hugo’s complaints just made Varian laugh and giggle even more, moving closer to the other male and squeezing his hand a little tighter. He could listen to the other complaining all day, but now wasn’t the time.

  As he’d unlocked the door to let both of them in, Hugo stood in amazement. Everything was the same, pictures still hung on the walls as they had been before, books still in the same places and his goggles still on the table in the hall where he’d left them beside the bowl they kept the keys in. He let himself adjust to the sight, though it was familiar, it still felt different despite nothing changing. Varian however paid it no mind, simply stating “What can I say? I missed your incessant use of green.” before pulling Hugo along towards their living room.

  Almost immediately as they went through the doorway to the living room, Hugo had pulled the younger boy into a passionate kiss, Varian’s hand threading his fingers through his hair gently as he took in the taste of the boy which he couldn’t quite forget, but desperately wanted to remember ever since they parted. It tasted just how he remembered - bitter like freshly ground coffee, just how he liked it. He let Hugo deepen the kiss and pin him against the painted green wall, hands roaming aimlessly over each other as they both reminded themselves of just how much they adored each other, before Hugo picked him up and carried him along the hall towards their room, Varian giggling the whole way across. 

  Hugo promptly dropped him on the bed and laid beside him, a wide smile on his face as he peppered kisses over his face and shuffled backwards slightly to allow Ruddiger to sit in between them. The cat had gotten a lot skinnier somehow, Varian had assumed Hugo was sneaking him extra snacks sometimes. Ruddiger seemed much happier to see his old rival too, purring and nuzzling his cheek as he greeted his other owner. Hugo also seemed relieved to see the proclaimed ‘fat bastard’ as he gave Ruddiger many many cuddles and an abundance of kisses to his furry forehead. Varian felt his heart fill with more and more love for the boy lying across from him, his hand slipping over his.

  “I’ve missed you both so much, I love you so much Varian.” He’d whispered to the boy, cuddling both the cat and the raven haired boy closer to his chest and placing gentle kisses to his forehead too without a care in the world before slowly kicking off his shoes and jacket before laying down again. Varian followed suit, his head now resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder and Ruddiger sitting at their feet as they cuddled even closer than before.

  Now everything was how it should be, back to normal with him in his boyfriend’s arms as they both drifted off to sleep. Just how he liked it and just how Hugo liked it, finding comfort in each other with their rekindled love. It felt right. Like the universe was back to normal.

  Varian could get used to this.

[chuchiotaku]

Ok, first of all

HOW DARE YOU MAKING ME THINK I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL JANUARY FOR THE NEW CHAPTER!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF THE HEART ATTACK I HAD THIS MORNING WHEN I SAW THE UPDATE!?!?

Ok, now that, ehm... I'm calmed down, let me gush on your art piece once again.

I loved everything. I said last time that I wanted some shocking dose of angst, but I didn't knew how heart clenching would have been seeing Ron saying goodbye to... his friends, again, and for the last time. How many things not said, how many plans that will never see the light, how many... apologies, never to be make...

I'm happy that the mirror made him see (and hear) what his loved one truly thought of him, but I'm still bitter for the fact that he had to DIE before he actually got some vocal recognition.

But moving on from depressing topics, I loved seeing the sibling so tight with each other and Harry! I felt almost as if you anticipated Harry's second year summer, and now they get to see Sirius too? Original Harry would be terribly proud of his Ron and terribly jealous of that little Harry...

I really liked Pettigrew's breakdown at the end of the process. And I loved (and hated too, of course) his threats: making 'regret to be born' the same guy that fought and gained the upper hand on Bellatrix? Twice!? Ok buddy, whatever makes you feel better... But if in order to hurt Ron you target one of his brothers or Ginny... well, it has never been a pleasure meet you.

And it's also good seeing Pandora alive! Another Truespartan's Fateverse character added in the rooster, I can't wait to see her in action!

And at least this time Albus is actually ackwnoledging Ron, wonder if he's already planning a role for him in his chessplay againts Tom. I hope he will grow to love him as he'll love Harry.

And I know tastes are subjective but... I think the anon was just short sighted, Ron is totally the person that for his loved ones is ready to move mountains and seas (Buckbeak's trial proved it. How he started searching for past trials in his free time is proof how much is ready to invest himself if it means to help his friend) and I don't expect that everything is going to be all fine and dandy the whole time. Peter's threats scream 'FORESHADOWING' for an ipotetical plot in the third year (way less traumatazing regarding what happened with him in Fate... brrr). Ron is just... trying to sow the best he can, and only at the reaping time we'll see what he did right or wrong.

Keep it going! You are an increadible writer! See you next time, and happy new year!

(And give me some Daphne showtime damn it!!)

First off, anon, happy New Year! 🎉🎉🎉

Ahaha, sorry about the mini-heart attack.  I was aiming to post chapters 14 and 15 relatively close together because they’re initially planned to be one chapter but I hit some snags so yeah, chapter 15 got delayed.  But at least it’s up now, right?  :)

[Warning: Long response ahead. ]

I said last time that I wanted some shocking dose of angst, but I didn't knew how heart clenching would have been seeing Ron saying goodbye to... his friends, again, and for the last time. 

That part at the mirror was very relatable, I think.  There are things we will always want, but deep down, we know they can never be.  In order for Ron to move forward, he had to acknowledge that and let go, something he learned he had to do after that Owlery scene with Harry.  

Not that he entirely has, mind you.  But it’s a good step forward.

I'm happy that the mirror made him see (and hear) what his loved one truly thought of him

It’s a comforting interpretation, but I feel the need to remind my readers that the Mirror of Erised shows only the deepest desires of its viewer. The scene where the new life versions of Ron’s loved ones take over the older ones, telling Ron that they accept and love him, is Ron’s true deepest desire now that he time travelled. Not that it is what’s real.  That’s why Ron broke down, because he knows deep down it’s just a fantasy.  Weell, we know that’s not entirely true, but to him it is.  

(The Deluminator souvenir from Death and its visions, on the other hand...)

but I'm still bitter for the fact that he had to DIE before he actually got some vocal recognition.

You know what they say: you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.  :shrugs: Honestly, Ron is such a taken-for-granted character both in the books and in the fandom, it’s so frustrating...

Anyway, getting off the angst train!

I loved seeing the sibling so tight with each other and Harry! I felt almost as if you anticipated Harry's second year summer, and now they get to see Sirius too? 

I wanted to show the tight knit Weasley dynamic JK claims they have but never really showed because we are limited to Harry’s narrative (which is understandable).  And as what I have planned for second year summer: safe to say, it will start off like what happened in the books before it veers off canon course.  Because Sirius and Remus are there, and Ron knows it. :)

Original Harry would be terribly proud of his Ron and terribly jealous of that little Harry... 

But of course!  I’d like to think that Ron is one of the, if not THE, characters in his age group that Harry holds such high regard for.  

And who’s to say jealous Harry won’t make an appearance? When Ron’s making more friends outside the Gryffindor house, and a certain someone may get close enough to threaten the best friend position?  😉😉😉

I really liked Pettigrew's breakdown at the end of the process. And I loved (and hated too, of course) his threats: making 'regret to be born' the same guy that fought and gained the upper hand on Bellatrix? Twice!? Ok buddy, whatever makes you feel better... 

Pettigrew doesn’t know who he’s messing with, but Ron too is underestimating the rat a little too much.  Good thing that won’t cause him any problems in the future. 😒

But if in order to hurt Ron you target one of his brothers or Ginny... well, it has never been a pleasure meet you. 

Now that would make Pettigrew wish he was never born.  Haha!

And it's also good seeing Pandora alive! Another Truespartan's Fateverse character added in the rooster, I can't wait to see her in action!

Pandora is Luna’s mother’s canon name, but yes I did get the inspiration from Fate, as well as The Red Knight.  But she won’t be around until Book 2.  Don’t worry, it will come.  I hope.  :sweatdrop:

And at least this time Albus is actually ackwnoledging Ron, wonder if he's already planning a role for him in his chessplay againts Tom. 

Of course Albus will notice a smart and wise beyond his years eleven year old who became best friends with Harry Potter, managed to take on a troll then get involved in the reveal and arrest of a mass murderer who may have something more in common with him than he originally thought (coughmirroroferisedcough).  How Ron will benefit from this attention (if he ever will) or how he’ll deal with this new complication will be part of the story’s fun.  And we’re just getting started.

I hope he will grow to love him as he'll love Harry.

I think many can already tell where I’m planning to go with Albus and Ron’s relationship.  The specifics, however, are the ones I can leave you guys guessing.  It will be good!  Hopefully! 🤞

And I know tastes are subjective but... I think the anon was just short sighted, Ron is totally the person that for his loved ones is ready to move mountains and seas (Buckbeak's trial proved it. How he started searching for past trials in his free time is proof how much is ready to invest himself if it means to help his friend)

I saw it as Guest being too fixated at what happened in the books that they didn’t take into account that the second I changed something in the fic, the butterfly effect is bound to occur.  In fact, Ron’s very presence in a world that isn’t what he left behind is already creating many ripples.  I honestly also saw it as them underestimating Ron a bit.  He’s a typical boy during most of the books: lazy with his studies because he is unmotivated.  Give him purpose and you’ll get to see him really shine, exactly like what you said about the Buckbeak thing.

It’s canon that Ron is smarter than he appears.  I mean, can a normal eleven year old remember the exact names of the laws on dragons, even if their brother is a dragon tamer?  

(It’s also another good basis on how much Ron admires Charlie that he can remember that much! Sorry, Solstice Muse turned me into a Charlie/Ron bro fluff fangirl after Ickle Ronniekins)

I don't expect that everything is going to be all fine and dandy the whole time. Peter's threats scream 'FORESHADOWING' for an ipotetical plot in the third year (way less traumatazing regarding what happened with him in Fate... brrr). 

Fate is a very heavy read, combining some of my favorite Ron-centric tropes while taking their fic to a newer, darker spin.  Truespartan has done a wonderful with it so far (I haven’t finished it yet,).  But as most of you can already tell, my story will be fart different from theirs.

That doesn’t mean there won’t be some dark moments in TBA.  And I’m so thrilled that you got the idea behind Pettigrew’s threats.  They ARE foreshadowing what is to come starting Year 3.  But what exactly?  Care to take a guess?  

Ron is just... trying to sow the best he can, and only at the reaping time we'll see what he did right or wrong.

Very true.  Although to me, it’s not a matter of whether it’s just “right or wrong”, and more of “can Ron deal with the consequences of the changes he made, and whether those consequences are worth the changes?”

Example: from a strictly moral standpoint, revealing Pettigrew and clearing Sirius’ name is the best good and what Ron should do from that thematic perspective.  However, these actions will cause some events to change from what he knew, and even cause entirely new ones (i.e. the plot of Year 3).  Is it worth the possibility of rendering Ron’s future knowledge almost useless?  Who knows? 

Keep it going! You are an increadible writer! See you next time, and happy new year!

Thank you so much for your kind words!  You guys are the reason TBA is still running even after all these years and me taking long breaks.  I hope to finish TBA Year 1 within 2021 so please be patient with me.  I’ll do my best!

(And give me some Daphne showtime damn it!!)

Oh, trust me, I have big plans for Daphne and Astoria.  Might get flak for it in the future, but for this, I’ll have to stick with my guns.  Oh dear...

💖 Happy New Year to you too, anon! And thanks for the ask. 💖

[dakotacrisis]

Transferred (14)

The Class used: Remorse

It is super effective!

---

The next couple of days after Lila’s downfall were strangely normal. Outside of Marinette’s old classmates liking her social media posts again they weren’t interacting with her directly. According to Adrien and Alya, Lila had vanished from the school altogether after what went down. No one had heard from her and no one was looking to reach out to her. Served her right for everything she had done. If Marinette never saw Lila again it would be too soon.

“Thanks again for coming over to help with this,” Marinette told her friends.

Alya, Aurore, and Wayhem were all in Marinette’s room as she pieced together Kagami’s fundraiser dress. Kagami couldn’t make it over so Aurore was being used as a live model to see how it looked walking and sitting. Wayhem actually knew how to sew too so he was helping with a couple alterations and handing over a convenient pin or needle when needed. Then Alya was sitting on the chaise keeping the rest of them entertained with music, gossip, and memes.

“It was nothing.” Aurore said, “You’re sure it’s okay for me to wear this though? Isn’t it supposed to be tailored to Kagami?”

“It is but I need to see how it moves and hangs on a real person and you two have the same measurements. If she wasn’t at fencing practice I’d have her here but it is what it is.” Marinette shrugged.

“For the short notice it turned out pretty spectacular.” Wayhem praised, “Aurore, I want to make sure the hem is even. Can you do a slow turn?”

“Sure,”

“Ha, someone made the lady yelling at the cat meme with Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Alya said.

“Who’s the cat?” Aurore asked.

“Chat Noir. Why would the cat themed hero not be the cat in the format?”

“Diversity? Ladybug could be a cat if she wanted to be.” Aurore shrugged.

Marinette had to stifle a mad laugh. She had played Lady Noir once. That was plenty. Although she will admit the few photos of herself with Chat’s miraculous looked good. She really should wear black more often.

“I think we are done.” Wayhem stepped back. “Hem is even. Anything you notice that needs fixing, Marinette?”

“Let me see.” She paced around the dress tugging it here and there and making sure all the seams were neat. “Looks good. How does it feel? Too tight? Too loose?”

“It is perfect.” Aurore stepped off her tiny pedestal.

“Walk in it. I wanna see how it moves.” Marinette instructed. “Okay. Moves well. Looks good. I think we are done. You can go behind the divider and change. I need to grab the garment bag from the downstairs closet.”

Marinette had pulled the garment bag out of the closet when there was a knock on the front door. She set the bag down and went to see who it was. Maybe Kagami had managed to get off early and wanted to try on the dress.

The dozen of faces waiting outside her door were definitely not Kagami. It looked like all her old classmates had decided to pay a visit. She hadn’t directly talked to any of them since she transferred and they had only barely begun to try reaching out to her now. Suffice to say it felt very strange seeing them here at her house.

“Hi,” Marinette gripped the door handle tighter. “What uh...what are you guys doing here?”

“We--well we wanted to um--” Nino wrung his hat around in his hands.

“We came to apologize.” Alix blurted out.

“Oh” Marinette had thought this might happen. She wasn’t expecting everyone at once though.

“Yeah. We were pretty harsh when everything with Lila happened. It wasn’t right.” Mylene said.

“You were also pretty scary too.” Kim was silenced by Ivan subtly elbowing him in the ribs.

“To be perfectly honest our failure to recognize Lila’s deceit was nothing short of imbecilic. I should have known she was lying when she said you cheated during the gaming tournament. Your skills are far too refined to ever have to resort to cheat codes.” Max said.

“We were so mean and we’re really sorry about all of this.” Rose looked like she was close to breaking down in tears. “I didn’t--I didn’t think that--”

Juleka hugged Rose as she started to blubber.

“Marinette?” Alya came downstairs followed by Wayhem and Aurore. “Nino? Guys? What’s going on?”

“They’re here to apologize.” Marinette was trying not to have another breakdown.

The all at once relief of stress and anxiety had left Marinette rather sensitive. At random points it would just hit her all at once and she’d start crying or laughing or both. Yesterday Adrien gave her a hug and she broke down. So having all her old peers outside her door apologizing and asking forgiveness was definitely wearing on her sanity control.

“Uncool guys. You just can’t ambush someone like this! Even if it is well meaning.” Alya stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind her. There was some muffled conversation before she opened the door again. “Now, what do we have to say to Marinette?”

“Sorry for coming over uninvited and without any notice.” Nino said. “We weren’t sure you would see us if we asked.”

“I won’t act like everything that happened didn’t hurt me. I thought we were all friends but when the time came you all took Lila’s side. Someone you barely knew. It was infuriating but even more disappointing that my word seemed to carry such little weight with all of you.”

“Marinette--”

“Let her finish.” Aurore glared at the others.

“I know the real culprit here is Lila. She’s the one that lied and sabotaged and drove me out of the school by turning everyone against me. I’ll never forgive her.” Marinette took a deep breath, “But I think I am ready to start forgiving you.”

The class perked up at that.

“That is great to here. There is one other thing we came to ask though.” Nathaneal said.

“Which is?”

“We would love it if you transferred back to Dupont. We miss you and want our sweet classmate back.” Rose said.

“What did I just tell you guys about putting pressure on an unassuming person?” Alya groaned. She turned to Marinette, “I am so sorry about them. You don’t have to answer.”

“I think it is a fair question.” Wayhem shrugged. “Now that Lila’s been exposed, would you transfer back?”

“I know we weren’t in the same class but it would be nice seeing you around school again.” Aurore smiled.

“Everyone, please,” Marinette backed up, “I appreciate you coming over to apologize and asking me to come back. But the fact of the matter is that I am not coming back to Dupont. It isn’t anything against all of you but I love where I am right now. I’ve made new friends and have finally caught up with the rest of the class at my new school.”

“Also,” Marinette sighed, “Even though all of you know the truth about Lila I can’t be around her. I not only want to keep as far from her as I can but I feel like I need to stay way from her. Especially now that she’s been outed as the liar she is I can only see her getting more hostile.”

“No one has heard from her in days though. She might have transferred schools or been expelled.” Alix insisted. “If she did try anything we’d be there for you this time. You wouldn’t need to worry.”

“I still can’t take that chance. I left because it was the best thing for me at the time. Now I’m not returning because this is still the case. I hope you can accept that.”

Everyone looked disappointed but nodded.

“Thanks for hearing us out.” Mylene said.

“Alright, off with the lot of you.” Alya shooed them out. “Nino, you’re coming with me. Marinette, I’ll text you later. Bye!”

“Bye!” Marinette watched them file back down the steps. When she heard the downstairs door close she dropped to new knees. She had felt like keeling over the second she opened the door and saw all them waiting for her.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Wayhem helped her up.

“I need a moment.” Marinette trudged over to the couch. “My head hurts.”

“For what it’s worth, I think you handled that very well.”

“Thanks.” Marinette took a few more calming breaths. “Oh wait, the dress,”

“I got it.” Wayhem grabbed the garment bag. “You chill for a minute.”

“Thank you, Wayhem.” Marinette leaned against Aurore, “Why does life have to be so darn complicated?”

“If it were simple it would be boring.” Aurore patted her back. “The worst is over now.”

I doubt that. Marinette thought. More hard times and horrible people would come but for right now she could breathe and know everything was okay. If only for a little bit.

 Wayhem and Aurore hung out for a bit longer before they had to go. Marinette checked on Kagami’s dress a final time before texting her that it was all done. Unfortunately Kagami’s schedule didn’t mean they’d get a chance to do a final fitting before the fundraiser but Marinette was going to come over extra early the evening of to help her get ready. Hopefully if anything needed altered she’d have enough time to do it.

The days flew by and soon it was the night of the fundraiser. Marinette took the dress and made her way to Kagami’s house. Kagami answered the door and pulled her inside.

“Someone is excited,” Marinette laughed, “here is your dress,” She handed over the garment bag.

“What isn’t there to be excited about?” Kagami was bouncing as she took the dress. It was cute seeing her getting all giddy about it. “I’ve been looking forward to tonight all week.”

“And I can’t wait to see the outfit all put together. Go try it on!” Marinette ushered her into the bedroom. She waited nervously as Kagami put on the dress.

“MARINETTE!” Kagami shrieked. She’s seen the alteration.

Kagami stepped back out of the room in the dress. It looked fantastic. A fitted royal blue dress with an off the shoulder neckline. “What is this?” she pointed at the small slit Marinette had put in the dress. Nothing too much but it gave a cheeky peek of thigh when she walked.

“I know that you didn’t want anything short but you deserve to show off your legs a little. This is a great compromise.”

“I don’t know…” she tugged at the slit.

“If it bothers you that much I did bring my supplies to close it but you look amazing. You look hot.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Go put on the rest of the outfit. We’re on a deadline!” Marinette helped her tie on her strappy black heels while Kagami put her earrings in. Marinette carefully did her makeup so it wasn’t over the top but highlighted her big brown eyes and made her lips very kissable. (Side note to review sexuality later.)

“Alright,” Marinette put her in front of the mirror, “What do you think?”

“Wow,” Kagami couldn’t stop smiling, “I look--I don’t even know!”

“You look spectacular. You are going to turn heads this evening, my dear Kagami.” Marinette stood behind her smoothing out her hair and picking tiny bits off lint off her dress.

“Thank you, Marinette.” Kagami smiled at her. “It means so much. Not just the dress but being encouraging about Adrien. But more importantly this friendship between you and me. You are a great girl and I’m glad that I’ve gotten to know you better.”

“Me too,” She rested her head against Kagami’s shoulder, “I don’t think I ever thought I would be hyping up my romantic rival for a date with my crush. But, it’s you and I kinda love you. You’re great and no matter who Adrien ends up with, whether it be you, me, or someone else, I’m glad we have this friendship.”

“Dang it, Marinette,” Kagami fanned her face, “Is this mascara waterproof?”

“Don’t cry!” Marinette grabbed her a tissue, “No tears!”

“Stop being so sweet then!” Kagami dabbed at the corner of her eyes.

After they had both calmed down Marinette checked the time. They had to get going if Kagami was gonna be on time. They walked out to the limo. “Hope you have fun,”

“Okay, so I have a small confession,” Kagami was fidgeting. Fidgeting!

“What?” Marinette eyed her suspiciously.

“You’re coming to this fundraiser too.”

“Say what?”

“Come on, we don’t have a whole lot of time.”

---

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (15)

---

@northernbluetongue @ladylb @immatureidiot101 @lady-flora-of-slytherin @zazzlejazzle @shamefullove @heredemaquam @kristycocopops @schrodingers25 @sublimemagazinestarlight @crazylittlemunchkin @daydream-wannabewriter @trainflavor @never-neverland

[hermitologist]

My 20 Favorite Records Of 2018

Hi. I made a list of my favorite records of the year again. People seem to enjoy these things, and I definitely enjoy tearing my hair out trying to figure out what I liked best, so here we are again.

 This years list is chock full of heavy/sludgy bummer jams, post-rock epics, and super aggressive metal and hardcore, with a few poppier and more adventurous indie records scattered about. The honorable mentions list gets a bit more eclectic if you’re looking for stuff that sounds a little less like it was birthed from the loins of the late-90s/early-00s Hydrahead and Relapse discography.

As always, I welcome your suggestions for records and podcasts I might’ve missed the boat on, no matter the genre. There’s way too much good stuff out there to keep up with, so help me out.

Also: When my aging corpse is not being pissy about being used for something other than child-wrangling, eating, or sleeping, I try to run a few days a week and will listen to/briefly review a record on each run. Almost every record on this list has been a part of one of those posts, so if you’re interested in such a thing, please check out my Instagram. 

BONUS: I put together playlists of my favorite song from each of my top 20 records, so if you’re overwhelmed and don’t know where to start, just throw it on and see if anything grabs you.

Hermitology’s Favorite 20 Records of 2018 - Spotify Playlist

Hermitology’s Favorite 20 Records of 2018 - Apple Music Playlist

20) Slugdge - Esoteric Malacology

This record is ridiculous in the best ways possible -- insane amounts of shredding, light-speed double bass and blast beats, and lyrics about slugs and other assorted beasts. It’s been ages since I went through my Swedish & Norwegian Metal phase, but this awakened those long-dormant receptors that used to hum when I listened to At The Gates, Opeth, Dimmu Borgir, Soilwork, et al.

Listen here.

19) Ingrina - Etter Lys

Excellent French doomgaze/post-rock that sounds like it could very easily be the soundtrack to the apocalypse. Etter Lys has a familiar sound/vibe, but a refreshing energy and captivating sense of dark melody that really makes them stand out to me. Highly recommended for fans of This Will Destroy You, Rosetta, God Is An Astronaut, et al.

Listen here.

18) Beach House - 7

This record was the perfect foil to all heavy stuff I listened to this year, and my go-to in-flight record of 2018. It’s a damn near perfect collection hazy, airy, dreamy, downtempo indie pop. I’d never been a huge Beach House fan, but 7 hooked me and pulled me in. Throw this your headphones on, press play, and melt into your chair or couch.

Listen here.

17) Culture Abuse - Bay Dream

This record was not what I was expecting, but it ended up being exactly what I needed. (If that makes any sense.) Instead of a grimy, high-energy punk record, I got a fuzzy, bouncy, catchy-as-hell soundtrack to my entire summer. A perfect blend of The Ramones and peak-Weezer, with a vibe all its own.

Listen here.

16) Deads - LLNN

Roughly forty minutes of insanely heavy and furious drop-tuned, down-tempo, doom-inspired crushers offset by eerie, cinematic synth parts. If you’re a fan of early-Cult of Luna and/or Isis, this record should be a new staple in your diet. There’s also enough atmosphere here to appeal to post-rock fans who might desire a little aggression boost.

Listen here.

15) Heads. - Collider

Beautifully written sludgy rock that falls somewhere between the heaviness and spookiness of Young Widows and the heroin-soaked atmosphere and melody of Failure. For what it’s worth, I dig Collider more than either of the aforementioned bands’ most recent output. It’s a perfect marriage of influences, killer songwriting, an excellent recording, and a flat out fantastic record from front to back.

Listen here.

14) mewithoutYou - [untitled]

I’ve been a mewithoutYou fan for ages and love everything they’ve done (so I’m a little biased), but this record is just on a completely different level as far as I’m concerned. It’s the peak of their creativity, songwriting, mood, dynamics, lyrics, production, etc. It’s got the atmosphere and moodiness of post-rock, the angular quirkiness of Fugazi, the energy of Refused (at times), and the all the character of a classic mwY record. It’s phenomenal, and doubly impressive because they made it 18 years deep into an already impressive career.

Listen here.

13) Foxing - Nearer My God

I was familiar with Foxing before this record came out because they’d toured with many former tourmates, and while I appreciated what I’d heard from them, they never really clicked with me. And then I heard this record and it totally floored me. It’s incredibly ambitious without coming across as super scatterbrained or pretentious and it’s executed flawlessly (production included). This band should be massive, and I’m stunned that I’m not seeing this record on more year-end lists

Listen here.

12) This Will Destroy You - New Others Part 1 & 2

Somehow TDWY managed drop two incredible full lengths a month apart, and I honestly cannot choose between the two (so I’m combining them into one). These LPs are arguably their best work as a band, the addition of Robi Gonzalez on drums has given their sound new energy, dynamics, and pocket, and there aren’t many bands in post-rock doing it as well as these dudes do. Incredibly impressive to be able to put out this much music all at once and have it be this consistent. 

Listen here.

11) The Armed - Only Love

Somehow this record manages to be chaotic, energetic, beautiful, delicate, catchy-as-hell, abrasive, and atmospheric all at once. Sometimes it sounds like you accidentally have five different songs playing at the same time. Somehow modular synth-soaked punk/metal works. Clearly I cannot explain exactly what in the everliving hell is happening here, but I can tell you that it’s a wholly arresting record that blew my mind on first listen, and has gotten better with every listen since.  

Listen here.

10) Hemwick - Junkie (EP)

Normally, I wouldn’t include an EP on this list, but this is one just too good to ignore. It’s 30 minutes of insane riffage and heaviness that sounds like it spawned from the same gene pool that produced Converge, Cult Leader, and Intronaut. It’s got the spazziness and brutality of the former, blended perfectly with the occasional post-rock/metal shift into the epic melody of the latter. Super excited to hear what comes next for these guys (hopefully an LP recorded with Scott Evans or Kurt Ballou?), because this is an incredibly promising “debut”. 

Listen here.

9) Architects - Holy Hell

As a standalone record, Holy Hell slays. As a follow-up to losing a family/band member to cancer (guitarist, Tom Searle), it’s a fucking triumph. Somehow Architects managed to push through the grief and heartache, and pushed the boundaries of their musical creativity and emotive lyrics to create what is arguably their best record. Holy Hell is packed to the gills with with massive, arena-sized riffs and moshworthy breakdowns, sprinkled with just enough melody and dynamic to keep things fresh without losing its edge. An amazing accomplishment in the face of such adversity.

 Listen here.

8) Slow Mass - On Watch

An outstanding fusion of mellow(er) post-hardcore, bummer jams, Unwound-inspired post-punk, and shimmery shoegazey goodness. “Suburban Yellow” (see playlist) is one of my favorite songs of the year, falling somewhere between the crushing gloominess of a Kowloon Walled City song, and the somber plod of a classic Pedro The Lion track. I tend to shy away from music with dual lead vocals (because I often prefer one of the voices to the point that I’d rather just hear it all the time), but Dave Collis and Mercedes Webb’s voices are so complimentary and perfectly balanced that they take these songs to another level. Bonus: I’d highly recommend watching their frigid Audiotree session. 

Listen here.

7) Hot Snakes - Jericho Sirens

One of my favorite bands of all-time put out its first record in 14 years, and it was well worth the wait. It’s Hot Snakes doing what they do best --  ripping 30 minutes of high-energy post-punk jams fueled by the brilliantly weird guitar wizardry of John Reis, and propelled by the dual drummer attack of Mario Rubalcaba and Jason Kourkounis. I’m not entirely sure where I’d rank it in their discography, but having fresh Hot Snakes tracks makes the world a better place. 

Listen here.

6) Cloud Nothings - Last Building Burning

What did we do to deserve two Cloud Nothings LPs in two years? I was a little worried about whether the band could churn out a record as fantastic as Life Without Sound (which landed at #7 on last year’s list), but they absolutely did. Last Building Burning builds on the catchiness and energy of LWS’s bummer jams, but adds a little extra grit, fury, and urgency. The result is a record that’s damn near peak Cloud Nothings. It’s got hooks for days, an energy that’ll make you want to bounce off the walls, and a nasty edge that brings to mind 80′s Wipers or early Hot Snakes jams.

Listen here.

5) Cult Leader - A Patient Man

Cult Leader’s Lightless Walk was a Top 5 record for me in 2015, Gaza’s No Absolutes In Human Suffering was in my Top 5 in 2012, so it should be no surprise that they’ve cracked the Top 5 again. I’d be hard pressed to name another HEAVY band who has done it for me the way these guys have over the past six years. A Patient Man hits all the notes -- pure chaos, expansive and melancholic post-rock sections, and the most headbang-worthy breakdowns on the planet. It’d take a miracle to get this 43-year-old geriatric with a bad back to come out of mosh retirement, but the breakdown in “Aurum Reclusa” is seriously making me think about a comeback.

Listen here.

4) Low - Double Negative

I don’t think I’ve had a record screw with my brain as hard as Double Negative did since I heard Kid A for the first time. It’s a spooky, brain-liquifying journey through sonic textures and ambience, arranged and mixed in a manner that is absolutely enthralling (and a bit unnerving and “wtf are my headphones broken?”at times). If you’re gearing up for a first listen, I’d highly recommend clearing an hour on your schedule, throwing on a good pair of headphones, and letting this have its way with you. If you’ve already heard it, you should listen to it again. It gets better and weirder and more captivating every time. It’s a trip, and a great one at that. 

Listen here.

3) Daughters - You Won’t Get What You Want

As a standalone record, this is groundbreaking. As a “comeback record” it’s a fucking triumph. Their S/T record (2010) is one of my favorite heavy/noise rock records of all-time, and somehow YWGWYW surpassed my lofty expectations for a follow-up. It’s a dizzying journey for sure. It’s moody as hell. It’s coherent. It’s adventurous without being overly weird. And it’s all of the best things about their previous work distilled into a perfect chunk of musical madness. The best records are the ones that make your brain matter spill out of your ears upon first listen, but it’s the all-time classics that do that and get better with every subsequent listen. Sure, it’s a record for “when the mood is right”, but when I’m in the mood, this hits all the notes for me. It’s a masterpiece. 

Listen here.

2) Holy Fawn - Death Spells

This record came out of nowhere and absolutely knocked me on my ass. I’m not sure I’ve had a record do that to me since I first heard Cloudkicker in 2009 -- knew nothing of it, had zero idea what to expect and literally had goosebumps for a majority of my first listen. Tempe’s Holy Fawn have created a unique blend of dense, dynamic, and cathartic post-rock, doom, and shoegaze with airy vocals that remind me a bit of Jonsi from Sigur Ros. It’ll be a daunting task to follow up this masterpiece, but I’m incredibly excited to see and hear what the future holds for these guys.

Listen here.

1) Pianos Become The Teeth - Wait For Love

This was one of my most anticipated records of the year, and it not only lived up to my lofty expectations, but exceeded them. “Bitter Red” was far and away my most played song of the year, and I must’ve listened to Wait For Love 50 times during the month of February alone. It’s no surprise that I found myself going back to it throughout the year, and in revisiting for this list, it gave me chills just like it did 10 months ago. These dudes are doing melancholic and cathartic post-hardcore better than just about anyone these days, and I cannot wait to hear what’s next for them.

Listen here.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Roughly 80% of these records could/should have very easily landed on the Top 20 list (and probably would if I obsessed over this list any further and gave everything a super dedicated re-listen). They’re all absolutely worth checking out.

I know this list might be a little daunting, so I put together a Spotify Playlist of my favorite songs from each record, so you can just throw it on and see if anything grabs you. 

Thanks to my man Zack Hite for helping me out and putting together an Apple Music version of the playlist. 

Hermitology’s 2018 Honorable Mentions Spotify Playlist

Hermitology’s 2018 Honorable Mentions Apple Music Playlist

Baptists - Beacon of Faith

Birds In Row - We Already Lost The World

Boygenius - S/T EP

Candy - Good to Feel

Coastlands - The Further Still

Conjurer - Mire

Death Engine - Place Noire

Drug Church - Cheer

Emma Ruth Rundle - Dark Horses

Failure - In the Future Your Body Will Be ... 

Fiddlehead - Springtime and Blind

Hammock - Universalis

IDLES - Joy As An Act Of Resistance

Jay Jayle - No Trail & Other Unholy Paths

Jesus Piece - Only Self

KEN Mode - Loved

Man Mountain - Infinity Mirror

Mogwai - KIN

Nate Smith - Pocket Change

OHHMS - Exist

Ólafur Aarnalds - re:member

Polyphia - New Levels, New Devils

Portrayal of Guilt - Let Pain Be Your Guide

Prefuse 73 - Sacrifices

Rolo Tomassi - Time Will Die … 

Sectioned - Annihilated

Slow Crush - Aurora

Snail Mail - Lush

SUMAC - Love In Shadow

Svalbard - It’s Hard To Have Hope

Taken - With Regards To (EP)

The Story So Far - Proper Dose

Tides of Man - Every Nothing

Vein - Errorzone

Yashira - Shrine

PODCAST QUEUE

The Deadcast (humor, sports, politics)

Chapo Trap House (politics, humor)

Hang Up & Listen (sports, culture, nerdy)

Effectively Wild (baseball)

The Frotcast (movies, humor)

The Trap Set (drums, psychology)

The Gist (current events, politics)

Song Exploder (songwriting, production)

The Modern Drummer Podcast (drums)

[fanfics4all]

More Personal!

1. Is there a special person in your life? Yes, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see him in person at this point :/

2. Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? Probably not

3. What’s something you really want right now? To see and really be with my boyfriend (He lives in England and I live in America)

4. Are you afraid of falling in love? I’m always afraid to fall in love but with this person I fell like it’s real (I could be wrong but I don’t really care at this point in my life)

5. Do you like the beach? No way

6. Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Yep

7. What’s the background on your cell? Lockscreen is Harley Quinn blowing a heart kiss (Black and red version) Homescreen is Matthew Gray Gubler. I always have a male and female as my backgrounds because I’m attracted to both or I will have a something else I like (Examples: Pokemon, Harry Potter Slytherin, Disney, Avatar The Last Airbender, etc.) because I look at my phone first in the morning and I want to look at something that will make me happy so the day might start off well.

8. Name the last four beds you were sat on? Mine, My moms, My brothers, and um that’s all I can remember

9. Do you like your phone? Yeah it’s a little old and I need an upgrade because its not doing too great, but its a Galaxy Note 5

10. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Hahaha, Never!

11. Who was the last person added to your contacts? Oh god um, probably My friend Mark and his name in my phone is Mark The Shark

12. Which hurts most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional, I’ve been physically abused by my father and emotionally abused by my whole family (Not all the time) and emotional hurts way more

13. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Both, definitely

14. Are you tired? I’m pretty much always tired

15. How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Um like 2 years, we don’t really talk anymore and I’m awful about deleting contacts

16. Are they a relative? No

17. Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? It’s complicated but yes, only one of them

18. When did you talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? Today

19. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? It would mean I would be able to be with them so yes

20. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? No

21. How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? None

22. Is there a certain quote you live by? There’s a few, “At some point every rose has to die” “Even with a scar a diamond’s still worth something” and “You are you no matter how much of you there is” There’s more but those are the important ones

23. What’s on your mind? Trying to think of ways to get enough money to see my boyfriend

24. Do you have any tattoos? No but I want some

25. What is your favourite colour? Red and Black

26. Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Hopefully the end of December when I see my boyfriend and friends

27. Who are you texting? My best friend and boyfriend

28. Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? No

29. Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Always, I’m very perceptive

30. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Most of my friends are guys so yes

31. Do you think anyone has feelings for you right now? My boyfriend

32. Has anyone ever told you, you have pretty eyes? Yes

33. Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? I would leave, it was a mistake that I regret and I wish I could go back in time

34. Were you single on Valentine’s Day? No

35. Are you friends with the last person you kissed? Not really

36. What do you friends call you? Sam

37. Has anyone upset you in the last week? Oh boy yes

38. Have you ever cried over a text? Oh god yes, I still do sometimes because I will re-read text or go over them in my head and cry

39. Where is your last bruise located? Leg, I bump into things a lot so it’s rare I don’t have a bruise

40. Where is it from? I think a door?

41. Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? Now

42. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My boyfriend

43. Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? My Jughead Jones sneakers

44. Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day? Yeah

45. Would you ever go bald if it was the style? No, I like having colored hair too much

46. Do you make supper for your family? Yes

47. Does your bedroom have a door? Yes

48. Top 3 webpages? Youtube, Tumblr, and Twitch

49. Do you know anyone who hates shopping? I don’t like shopping much

50. Does anything on your body hurt right now? My stomach

51. Are goodbyes hard for you? Depends on the person

52. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Tea I think

53. How is your hair? It’s alright, I could use a hair mask

54. What do you usually do first thing in the morning? Lay in bed and try to convince myself to get up and go on my phone

55. Do you think two people can last forever? Yes, I hope

56. Think back to January 2007, were you single? Yes I was 10

57. Green or purple grapes? Green but frozen

58. When’s the next time you will give someone a big hug? When I see my boyfriend I hope but if not then my best friend

59. Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Yes! So badly!

60. When will be the next time you text someone? Probably in a few seconds or so

61. Where will you be 5 hours from now? Asleep hopefully

62. What were you doing at 8 this morning? Sleeping

63. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Yes

64. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? My boyfriend, he’s the only one that’s ever gotten me to smile when I’m having a breakdown or just a really depressed state

65. Did you kiss or hug anyone today? No

66. What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I was crying… so how I could get to England to see him

67. Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Pretty much my whole life...

68. How many windows are open on your computer? On this one 11, 5, and 3. On my other one 4 (I have 2 shitty laptops and the one I write on sound doesn’t work)

69. How many fingers do you have? 10

70. What is your ringtone? Default

71. How old will you be in 5 months? 21

72. Where is your mom right now? In our living room

73. Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? Um, he broke up with me because I wouldn’t have sex with him and cheated on me...

74. Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

75. Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? A few of them yes

76. Do you remember who you had a crush on in grade 7? Oh god, unfortunately

77. Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? Yes, don’t talk to them anymore

78. Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms? Yes

79. How many people have you liked in the past three months? Just one

80. Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Yes

81. Will you talk to the person you like tonight? I did

82. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? My best friend but I would not be drunk, I would be the DD

83. If your bf/gf was into drugs would you care? If it’s just weed no, anything else yes

84. What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? Nothing, haven’t been to the movies in a year I think, maybe longer?

85. Who was your last received call from? My best friend

86. If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? No

87. What is something you wish you had more of? Money, Time, Happiness

88. Have you ever trusted someone too much? Yes, I don’t do it that much anymore

89. Do you sleep with your window open? No

90. Do you get along with girls? Yeah but I’m better around guys because I’m definitely more like them than most girls I know

91. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? Yes but just because I don’t want to hurt them and I don’t know how to tell them without crying

92. Does sex mean love? No

93. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? Yes

94. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? No, but I wouldn’t care if I did

95. Did you sleep alone this week? Yes

96. Everyone has somebody to make them happy, do you? Yes

97. Do you believe in love at first sight? Um, I suppose so since that’s kind of what happened with me and my boyfriend

98. Who was the last person that you promised? My boyfriend

99. How many kids do you want? Oof like 12 or more tbh

100. Do you like doing tags? Yeah, I don’t mind them!

[coloringthegreyscale]

Twenty things that make me happy

So I saw @veronicasanders do this earlier, and @rosetlntstheworld officially tagged me (in the nicest of ways, thank you sweetheart!). It’s my first day off in five days, I’ve been wearing the same pants and tank top for the fourth day in a row (and sleeping in them, because I’m that kind of person), and I’m what’s best described as “a sad mess” right now, so I thought this might be a good thing to do. Ready? Okay.

1. My dogs I have two beagles and they are my children. I love them, even though they can be horrible assholes when they are awake. They’re cute and they love me.

2. My friends I don’t have very many of them, but the ones I have, I cherish so much. Between The Salt Crew ( @yorkiepug, @inevitably-johnlocked, @havetardiswilltimetravel), my personal Hell Buddy @astudyinsnoggy, the new friends I’ve made like @veronicasanders who pretty much shares a brain with me, I think, and my real life partner in crime, “would lie if she thought I was making skin suits” @dwell-ondreams who I do not see enough of since I’ve switched jobs but hopefully she knows it’s nothing against her, I’m just a shit friend - y’all are fantastic. Special shout out to my roommate, even though we occasionally try to scratch each other’s eyes out. 

3. Jim Henson Movies like The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth probably top my list of “Movies Bree has watched The Most in her Lifetime”. I will forever be a huge fan of The Muppets, and if I hadn’t been such a negative person in much of my early life, I would have probably tried to pursue a more serious approach to puppet-making that I never attempted. I love his work so much and his movies are something that I always go back to whenever i’m feeling down.

4. The Great Mouse Detective I have talked so much about how much I love this movie. So very very much. From one of my earliest introductions to Sherlock Holmes, to just being one of the greatest underrated animated films, I have such strong feelings over it. I have dissected scenes from it, I would willingly get it tattooed on my body, and my Basil costume is by far one of my favorite things I’ve ever made. This movie means so much.

5. My Town I actually like where I live. I would like it more if I didn’t have to deal with snow every winter, but I do like it. I wish I would take more advantage of it sometimes. But it’s still a great place to live.

6. Drawing I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember. It’s part of “I like making shit”. Whenever I’ve had a harsh time, it’s nice to be able to pull out my tablet and just sketch something. It might not even make sense, it’s just a good feeling.

7. Writing I’m slow as fuck sometimes, but I still love it. The effort of world building and placing my thoughts on paper to create something cohesive is something that I think just makes me content with myself.

8. Making Costumes Another “I like making shit” hobby, and something that I’ve taken more seriously in the past year. I always have a mental breakdown while doing it, but once I’ve recovered and I can get myself through it - it ends up being worth it in the end. *telling that to myself right now as I struggle with the Bianca costume*

9. Joltolock/Polyshipping I’m combining these two. I love me an OT3, and Joltolock is still, by far, my absolute favorite. I don’t write it like I use to anymore, but I still love my boys. Exploring their relationship just inspires me and I long for the day that healthy polyamorous relationships become more represented. Who knows? Maybe I’ll end up helping the cause at some point.

10. Bianca del Rio So, I’m not going to bore you guys with a retelling of my reintroduction to Rupaul’s Drag Race after not watching it for six years. We don’t need that kind of thing. Calling her an inspiration would be a bit much, but she made me laugh when I really really needed to, and temporarily became an unsual good luck charm if you want to be really superstitious. Anyway, in this house - I stan an idiot.

11. My Family I don’t see them very often, because of distance, and they usually end up stressing me the fuck out whenever I do see them but I still love them and when we have good times, they are wonderful.

12. Pride 2018 This is going to be my very first Pride! Every year, since I moved to Columbus, I was either too shy, working, or out of town for Pride. We were going to go last year but I ended up having to rush back to my hometown due to a family emergency. This year is going to be the first, I’m going to get this fucking costume done (god dammit), and I’m going to meet Courtney, Willam, Alaska, and Adore. *shakes tiny fist*

13. Superman I grew up in a very nerdy household, and while I was not always the hugest fan of Superman in my younger days, after years of exposure, he became my favorite superhero. He is such a wonderful character, with so much potential, and I will weep tears of joy when the grasp of toxic masculinity is finally stripped away from him completely.

14. Learning Stuff I just like to learn stuff. Learning stuff keeps me busy and happy. I LIKE LEARNING STUFF! Whether it be a craft, a hobby, or a healthier way of thinking - I want to learn it.

15. Martin Freeman Do I really have to explain this? I feel like I shouldn’t have to ever explain this. If you think I have to explain this, then you’re dead to me.

16. Tacos I LOVE TACOS! How can you not love tacos? My roommate was trying to get me to get out of bed last week (I was awake, I just wasn’t, you know... standing) and she was like “Hey, why don’t we go to (insert local amazing taco place)?” and I SWEAR I NEVER BECAME A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING FASTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! Tacos, man. Tacos.

17. Legally Blonde: The Musical So, I had actually seen the musical before I ever saw the movie, and while it is not my absolute favorite (That’s probably Pippin, if you want to keep track), it is definitely in my top five. And much like Jim Henson movies, and The Great Mouse Detective, I will bring this bitch up - soundtrack or performance recording, whatever - whenever I need a big pick me up. It’s so wonderful.

18. Lily Bear aka My Childhood Teddy Bear So Lily is a teddy bear my grandmother gave to me when I was around six years old. And by gave, I mean she showed me her, I took her, and she never got her back (I ended up giving her another teddy bear in return later when I was about 10). All of her original clothes are gone, she wears an old dress from when I was a toddler (I was a very small child), but she has stayed with me throughout twenty-six years and has survived three moves.

19. True Crime I don’t know if this is necessarily something that “makes me happy”, so much as it’s something that I’m just infinitely fascinated by and consume a lot of information about. But, I figured it deserved to be on this list none the less.

20. Shinya Shinya is a drummer from a Japanese metal band called Dir en grey. I do not talk about him as often as I once did, back when I was in high school and college, but he still makes me happy. It was through him that I discovered my love for cosplay, I started going to conventions, and I found how much I love going to concerts. He’s a beautiful and talented dork and he will forever hold a very special place in my heart.

Tagging whoever wants to do it!

[marieabanga]

Picture taken 06.05.18 Healing eye was still taking its time too lol

God is God, God is not Man…He has done it again in my life period.

Watch this 18 seconds celebratory clip lol

It has been with tremendous honour and humility that I cycled on, braving it uphill amidst sometimes intense emotional, mental and physical challenges, some from quarters hard to imagine; while also at other times, sometimes steadying my balance as I sloped downhill especially towards the end of each stage of the journey started last March 01 2018.

These notes may make another memoir someday right?

Can we say this was a spiritual journey or what? It can’t be explained to anyone’s satisfaction –  I just came to conclude; I can only share some to hopefully inspire and motivate so that anyone set out on any dear project of theirs, especially one of a ‘spiritual cum purification’ nature, will brave on and hang on … yes it was worth it. Let me try to sum it more…

So, this was a four stage spiritual journey dictated to me by my inner voice (call this crazy am ok with that – I do work in a psy ward anyway); and you could refresh on my preparedness for each stage by clicking 1, 2, 3, or 4. 

I got to find out the names of the stages and the reason for their breakdown into 7, 14, 21 and 28 days on the first day of the 4th stage last April 23rd (this happened to be the anniversary of my beloved Grandma’s passing and I was real emotional). So, the stages were dictated to me to be:

Stage 1: Stage of New Beginnings (7 days were sufficient for me to see how new it would be if I persisted)

Stage 2: Stage of Determination (14 days was ample time to get real and hang on)

Stage 3: Stage of Discipline and Dedication (This was the make or mare stage and only perseverance for 21 days could take me on)

Stage 4: Stage of Grace (28 days to feel the Grace to my core amidst all what can go wrong and right full cycle)

Come on someone say wow, this happened and happens to me… am so in tune with my spirit and my world inside out, my prayers have been answered, I guess this is the price I was thinking I am very well prepared to pay, to benefit from and deserve to keep benefiting from all these gifts and responsibility and the accompanying graces…I am so proud of me, I am my own heroine…dare to be yours for you sure can…

I will be writing more in the days ahead, today I am simply in awe of my tenacity and resilience; including the 3 days break in between stages; I fasted and watched myself like a hawk for 79 days…

Eating some day with near fire and fury after I broke my fast – captured by Alain lol

I’ve got to learn to eat and do other stuffs again lol, but I don’t miss not shouting, getting angry and having attack thoughts…serenity and discernment are really my daily portions now… Aw I love this new me and am so proud of her…she is indeed a brave lady and will live her purpose in all faith…she self-evaluates herself at 85% and this is an A PERIOD!!!

For tonight, let me celebrate with my muskeets at this new Ice cream house (opened in January but we had to have a big reason to go check it out lol – with us it’s always about making memories out of moments) in our neighbourhood. We had decided in our last family meeting to draw a budget and save to go check it out when I crossed the finish line of my official spiritual cum purification journey. I know it is a life time journey, and am ok with this… I am well passed lesson 100 student manual in A Course in Miracles, and taking it in strides with the other sections of the book. One day I may write about my journey studying and practicing all am learning in there…

  Don’t worry about the price tags, am ok negotiating the amounts lol

David has started real business with his drawings too

Gaby is definitely coming up bigtime lol

A very soulful expression of deepest gratitude to all those who encouraged and motivated me with encouragements or otherwise. You may have been very few, but quality has always mattered to me over quantity.

I just got struck by Marianne Williamson’s quote on our deepest fear yesterday and I find it so apt to summarize this journey I so bravely undertook. Some reached out to me, seemingly concerned about the length of the fast and the physical effect especially with an inflamed eye quickly confirmed by them to be a result of the food deprivation – come on, food was the least I was working on or fasting from. Others were scared I had joined a sect or was visibly mentally ill/challenged and should seek professional help – I think my Age and tenacity saved me. I was left in awe and near mute where all this fear came from, why some could be seeming led by fear to the edge of outright panic attacks? So what is this deep fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Cycling all the way to the finish line…it was worth it…thank you God, thank you Universe God is God, God is not Man...He has done it again in my life period. Watch this 18 seconds celebratory clip lol…

[junker-town]

The Bucks’ present is great, but their future is perilous

Will they be Spurs 2.0 or a one-year wonder? Five key players are free agents, and the Bucks can’t keep them all.

The Milwaukee Bucks spent 2019 defying expectations as thoroughly as any team in recent NBA history. Before the season, 538 gave the Washington Wizards and Utah Jazz better odds to reach the Finals. Since then, Milwaukee won 60 regular-season games, humiliated the Detroit Pistons, overwhelmed the Boston Celtics, and are now six wins away from an NBA championship.

At the very least, these Bucks have already established themselves as a terrifying contender. But win or lose their final game, they face a perilous summer, one that may alter their identity and deplete the depth that’s made them appear unbeatable.

Two fundamental futures exist. In the first, Milwaukee sustains its success in a way that reminds NBA enthusiasts of the San Antonio Spurs. In the second, this 2018-19 season is remembered as lightning in a bottle—a group expertly built with short, team-friendly contracts that complement Giannis Antetokounmpo.

With Antetokounmpo in Tim Duncan’s role as the transcendently selfless 24-year-old cultural bedrock, and Mike Budenholzer currently the same age Gregg Popovich was for San Antonio’s first title, Spurs 2.0 is in play.

But this specific roster’s success is thanks to several other players. As is increasingly the case in a league dominated by short-term contracts designed to generate parity, some may be too expensive to keep.

This summer, Brook Lopez, Malcolm Brogdon, Khris Middleton, and Nikola Mirotic are all eligible for free agency, while George Hill’s non-guaranteed contract is unlikely to be paid in full. (Starting point guard Eric Bledsoe was slated to be a free agent before signing a four-year, $70 million extension in January. The contract simplified their summer plans, but may not have been the right allocation of resources given Bledsoe’s shaky postseason play.)

Each has been valuable and some have been indispensable during Milwaukee’s run, and their importance will only amplify in the Finals, should the Bucks qualify. Here’s a quick breakdown of each situation.

Khris Middleton

Let’s begin by saying it’ll be a total shock if Middleton wears a different jersey next season. He’s Antetokounmpo’s only All-Star teammate, and Milwaukee doesn’t have enough cap space to replace his talent. At 28, staring at the last giant payday of his career, it’s only right for Middleton’s representatives to want a five-year max contract, worth about $190 million. The largest deal any other team can offer is one guaranteed season and almost $50 million less, so the Bucks can hunt for a happy medium that satisfies all parties. But when push comes to shove, Middleton is worth whatever he wants to be paid.

His offensive game is potent and self-supporting. He can create his own shot in just about any situation (post-ups, off the catch, in transition), is an underrated defender both on and off the ball, and allows Budenholzer to preserve Antetokounmpo by not overextending his minutes. (The Bucks actually had a higher point differential this season when Middleton was by himself than when he played alongside the likely MVP, a trend that’s continued in the playoffs.) Middleton is integral in the short term, and since Antetokounmpo’s own free agency looms over every short-term decision, disappointing the franchise player isn’t an option. Middleton stays, regardless of cost.

Malcolm Brogdon

Milwaukee’s sharp-shooting off guard doesn’t need the ball to positively impact his team’s offense, and he knows how to make the type of quick decision that severely damages the other team whenever it pings into his hands. On a Bucks team that needs floor spacers who can also put the ball on the floor and make a play, Brogdon is critical. He finished the regular season shooting over 50 percent from the field, 40 percent from three-point range, and 90 percent from the line, plus his ability to funnel ball-handlers into the paint is perfect for Milwaukee’s defensive scheme. He’s sturdy.

The 2017 Rookie of the Year is also a restricted free agent. At 26, he has room to improve and his new contract should cover most of his prime. The Bucks can match any contract offer from another team, but if a rival goes bananas on a long-term deal, all bets are off. Knowing Milwaukee just payed Bledsoe, has to pay Middleton, and wants to avoid the luxury tax as long as it can before Antetokounmpo’s supermax contract kicks in, the threat of a punitive offer sheet from another team is a real possibility.

Milwaukee may just match whatever sheet Brogdon signs, or be able to find some common ground on a deal that makes everyone happy before another team gets to set the terms. Hometown discounts are the lifeblood of any dynastic run.

But Brogdon is the type of plug-and-play professional who functions just about anywhere, be it on a growing team in search of stability or an established group that wants to reach the next level by finding complementary role players for their star(s). The Dallas Mavericks, Phoenix Suns, Utah Jazz, Chicago Bulls, Indiana Pacers, and Los Angeles Lakers should be interested.

Brogdon’s foot injury in the middle of March gave us a glimpse of what life may be like for the Bucks without him. They went 7-1 before he made his postseason debut, with Pat Connaughton, Sterling Brown, and Hill filling in. But none of those guys can make Kawhi Leonard battle for his own personal space, like Brogdon has against Toronto, in addition to his other skills.

As the competition stiffens, players like Brogdon are exactly what the Bucks need. Losing him would be a blow.

Brook Lopez

Lopez is a uniquely critical piece in Milwaukee’s puzzle. He’s also the free agent who’s most likely to flee, due to the nature of his current contract.

Lopez finished the regular season as one of 17 players to launch at least 500 threes, and made 37 percent of them when wide open. He spaces opposing centers out to give Antetokounmpo necessary driving lanes while simultaneously functioning as the backline anchor of a defense that owned the paint.

The bad news is Milwaukee doesn’t own Lopez’s Bird Rights, on account of the bargain one-year, $3.3 million contract he signed last summer. That means that if they want to pay him more than $4 million, they need cap space to do it. The Bucks would have to renounce all their free agents (not including Middleton) and waive Hill to make re-signing Lopez a conversation, but even that probably doesn’t clear enough space to compete with other teams’ check books.

That bad news gets a little worse when scanning this free-agent class for a replacement. There are zero affordable centers who can fill Lopez role and be signed with the mid-level exception. (DeMarcus Cousins is a pipe dream, but as close as Milwaukee could get to replicating Lopez’s two-way impact.) A few bigs, such as DeAndre Jordan, JaVale McGee, Anthony Tolliver, Mike Muscala, and Mike Scott, can alleviate one side of the ball, but not the other. Internally, the DJ Wilson/Ersan Ilyasova tandem may be able to fill the void, but neither can snuff out layups and drain five 30 footers in the same game.

Losing Lopez will be hard, but it also may force Budenholzer to change his scheme in ways that could benefit Milwaukee in the long run, particularly if it unleashes Giannis as a part-time center (something he hasn’t done much of throughout his career). Great coaches make their style fit personnel, not the other way around.

How the Bucks response to Lopez’s possible departure will be fascinating. It’ll tell us a lot about Giannis’s greatness and how dramatically this team will be able to evolve around him over the next few years.

George Hill

The Bucks might’ve been in legitimate trouble in the second round if Hill didn’t average 14 points on 60 percent shooting. But unless they’re willing to pay him $18 million next year (about $2.5 million more than Bledsoe is set to earn), he probably won’t be around.

Nikola Mirotic

Mirotic’s shooting tacks onto what the Bucks already have in their frontcourt, but no team will ever say “No thanks, I think we already have enough shooters.” The relevant question then becomes if Milwaukee can find shooting at a cheaper cost. It’ll be very hard for them to stay under the luxury tax if they keep Mirotic, in addition to re-signing Middleton and Brogdon (at a deal that hypothetically starts around $15 million). But if Lopez leaves, keeping Mirotic may be a priority.

Tie all this together and next year’s teams will not look like the one that’s savaged the entire league.

Nobody should feel bad for the Bucks, of course. Their primary competition — Golden State, Boston, Philadelphia, Toronto, etc. — is about to face more significant existential questions with their own free agents. Milwaukee already has several young players who are (hopefully) ready to step in and assume larger roles – Wilson, Donte DiVincenzo, Brown, and Connaughton — along with a first-round pick. Bledsoe is locked up through 2022 on a sneaky tradable contract, thanks to the non-guaranteed year in 2022-23. Ilyasova is around for at least one more go around, as his contract is non-guaranteed after next season. Tony Snell is alive!

But the only thing harder than going from good to great is staying great for a long time. Even when you have a player that evokes the supernatural, trips to the Finals are not guaranteed. Antetokounmpo will singlehandedly prevent the Bucks’ floor from dropping below a certain threshold, but when the championship is a goal worth embracing, routine playoff appearances won’t cut it. (Keeping this train on track will be even trickier thanks to previous trades that shipped out their first-round picks in 2020 and 2022.)

The Bucks look like a juggernaut now, but this summer will ultimately determine how long they stay that way. Going forward, their culture, player development, and system that maximizes everyone’s skill will be tested against teams that now have a season’s worth of film to combat it. They’ll go from hunter to hunted, possibly without two or three integral pieces that helped them get where they are.

However arduous their future is, Antetokounmpo and Budenholzer are nothing if not confident in each other. Both will get better as they age, and are positioned to reach a level of excellence that can make everything around them feel interchangeable.

The Bucks have arrived. Let’s see how long they can stay here.

[agentdagonet]

Echoes, Ch. 32

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Fic Summary: Feet dangling off the edge of the bed, hands still resting on the earpieces of his glasses, Eggsy opened his eyes.

And promptly shut them again, screwing them shut like a child who had the distinct misfortune of biting into a raw lemon. Breathing harshly in his nose and out his mouth, trying to stave off whatever delusional panic had befallen him, Eggsy reopened his eyes.

‘Harry?’

Or: The Hologram Story Nobody Asked For

          ‘Galahad and Arthur are the least likely to get made.’

           ‘They can’t keep their eyes off each other-’

           ‘Exactly. They’re always staring at one another but neither of them seems to notice the other. They’re oblivious to each other, but are hyper aware of others and that’s precisely what we need.’ Roxanne had a point, one that he was reluctant to acknowledge, but he knew that they needed the intel.

           There was a woman, Kelline Grisham, who had been tied to one of the hundreds of groups that stole remains of V-Day victims and pressed them into diamonds to then sell on the black market. Which in and of itself wouldn’t be too heinous, but of late victims’ families were disappearing as well- and human trafficking on a global scale, seventeen families last week alone, was a fair bit more up their alley. Grisham was rumoured to be a local Collector in New Zealand- drugs, secrets, bodies- if it was of interest to someone it was of interest to her, and that made her a lynchpin between many groups. She certainly didn’t stage herself that way but it was known, in the way all unseemly things are, that she was the one to go to if there was a need of a darker sort.

           Luckily for them, and hopefully unluckily for her, she enjoyed a night on the town enough for there to be a trail to follow- and she was set to be spending the following weekend in Christchurch, if the pattern was to be believed. Grisham was a fan of both drink and drug, though not to the point of indiscretion, but she was known to have a certain taste in men: younger, rougher, with a disregard for the law and a distinct lack of connections. Kingsman only had one agent who could pass as such, that was obvious, but the nature of the mission meant that very little of their tech could be on Eggsy at the time of engagement.

           Backup would have to be sent, though Merlin was wary at sending Harry and Eggsy into a situation like that. Where one would have to watch the other attempt to seduce a target when they were on such strangely entwined terms themselves. But Percival, Gawain, Bedivere, Gareth, and Bors were all engaged in other missions, and Roxanne, unfortunately, would be more noticable solely for her gender. 

           Grisham was the woman who was the centre of the room, and if she was not she would find a room she could be the centre of. Another woman getting attention simply would not do- but another older man at a bar would be nothing to notice.

           ‘You’re right- I don’t like it, lass, but you’re right. And we both know they’ll jump at the chance to be of some use, no matter the more personal consequences.’

           ‘I think you’re underestimating them, Merlin- they’re both skilled, professional, Knights who know the difference between their lives and the Work.’

           ‘We’ll see.’

           The pair stood from the table, hovered awkwardly in one another’s space for a moment before parting ways, Merlin toward the Dining Room and Roxanne to the range. Ever since Harry’s miraculous return, and Eggsy’s subsequent leap from Existing to Living, the two had taken to talking over any potential proposals to either of the men before actually speaking to them. It was partially due to a desire to avoid conflict, but mostly it was a way for them to reconcile the seeming replacement they’d faced in the two men’s lives.

           For too long they had been the only true support the other men had had- Eggsy had relied on Roxy for any of a thousand things: a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, an outlet to vent to, a target to aim at when everything else was too much to process. Sometimes, having a companion on a Path, even one as different as Roxy was from Eggsy, was worth its weight in gold. Harry had lost everything in the course of their antagonistic friendship- for all that they had hated each other at the start, each loss they suffered had brought them together. By the time Harry’s parents had passed, they were all the other had left- and now it was no longer so.

           So Merlin and Roxanne had turned to each other to try and fill that void- though they were loathe to use such a term. Or even acknowledge that that was what they were doing.They were fully capable of existing outside of those relationships- but the adjustment was still a long and difficult one to make.

           Perhaps they all had a fair bit of growing to do, as Michelle would say. Merlin mentally tallied that thought for later, and strolled into the room, tossing a paper-clipped folder in Harry’s general direction before taking his habitual spot in the corner.

           ‘Afternoon, Arthur.’

           ‘You know better than to use that tone with me, Merlin. We’ve known each other long enough.’

           ‘It’s work, Harry- you and I both know better than to be lax in our professional lives.’

           ‘I suppose so. Well, what do you have for me today, Merlin?’

           ‘We have a lead on Grisham, and we think Galahad’s the agent for the mission.’

           ‘We do, do we?’

           ‘He’s the youngest of us, knows both sides of the fence well enough, and happens to fall in line with the rest of her requirements for companionship.’

           ‘I’m to assume that there’s more to it than that?’

           ‘Yes; unfortunately, the requirements of such an engagement, considering the setting,’ Merlin paused, ‘we don’t think we will be able to equip Galahad with enough of our more combative tech to be safe- we must prioritise the surveillance and cloning equipment, which would leave Galahad in potential danger.’

           ‘All of our Knights are in danger in every mission, what about this mission in particular has you toeing a line about an issue?’

           ‘... Grisham is known for commanding a room, and for making a spectacle of herself and her chosen companion. If she does not think she has an audience, she will leave an establishment- and we cannot afford to set this stage twice if we expect to get anywhere.’

           ‘So you’re requesting an extra agent be sent along to, ah, give her the audience she desires?’ Harry couldn’t help the flash of not quite rage that went through him, thinking of some other person with their hands all over Eggsy, but he knew that Merlin never made decisions lightly. The fact that he was asking instead of demanding meant that he knew how it would affect him, and was attempting to be delicate. Which was a waste of energy, as delicately talking around an issue had never been part of leadership.

           ‘Yes, sir.’ Merlin looked him in the eye, face betraying nothing, but one hand tapped lightly at the clipboard he wasn’t actually looking at. He was truly concerned for the answer, then. 

           ‘Granted.’ Would he truly have answered in any other respect?

           ‘You haven’t even heard me all the way through, Harry.’

           ‘I don’t need to to know that you’re worried for our Agent and are attempting to give this mission the highest rate of success you can- which is our priority. You don’t need my permission to give our people the tools they need to succeed- even if they happen to be people as opposed to gadgets.’

           ‘I didn’t expect you to refuse me, Harry- you know better than to ignore my requests as a bit of folly,’ both men grimaced at one another, reminded for a moment of Chester King’s way of running things, ‘but I thought you would wish to know who I was asking to send along before agreeing.’

           ‘I expect it will be Lancelot- a fitting competitor for Grisham’s target: young, beautiful, wealthy, and perhaps a little dangerous.’ Harry spent a moment to observe Kelline’s features- tall, dark hair and light eyes, form trim but not bony, the beginnings of laugh lines showing through her minimal makeup. She would certainly have her pick of suitors in any setting.

           ‘While your breakdown of what our planted competition needs to have is correct, your conclusion is incorrect.’ Merlin put the clipboard down on the table, both hands splayed on the surface as he looked Harry in the eye. ‘I need you on this, Harry.’

           ‘You need a greying nearly-sixty year old man with a very distinctive scar to be the audience to the attempted seduction of a woman who wants to know she has an audience?’

           ‘Yes.’

           ‘... Well, in this respect I must acquiesce to your expertise.’ Merlin could tell he had more questions, but thankfully did not have the chance to ask them before the door swung open and Eggsy walked into the room.

           ‘Well, speak of the devil.’

           ‘Thought I felt my ears burnin’- you talkin’ shit?’ Eggsy took the seat to Harry’s right- the same seat he’d been in the day he’d killed Chester King, the seat Harry himself had often occupied during briefings with the man, and Harry marveled at the differences between those moments and this one. Eggsy’d kicked the chair up at an angle, balanced precariously, and it took a bit more than he was willing to disclose to not knock the man over for sheer cheek.

           ‘The opposite, actually,’ Harry said, flipping closed the folder and turning it in Eggsy’s general direction before sitting back in his chair with a purposeful air of indifference. Both excitement and dread were equally dooming in interactions like this- Eggsy would base his reactions based on his own, sometimes- not often enough for it to be an issue, but Harry wanted Eggsy to be making judgements for himself. It was a lifetime’s habit to break, gauging a room before reacting, and too useful a skill to want to erase entirely in their line of work. But, at least in their off time, Harry desperately wanted for Eggsy to learn how to react for himself and not for the sake of someone else.

           ‘This a real honeypot? I though’ those were made up for them Bond films.’

           ‘They’re far rarer than anyone would assume. But, sometimes, when the cards are right, it’s the best play to make. She seems to do things more for show than a true desire for companionship, and you tick all her boxes.’ Merlin was matter of fact in his delivery, though he inwardly cursed the pair before him for their inability to react the way others would. The pair of them were built to drive him mad.

           ‘So what’s the plan, then, if she’s in it for the show?’

           ‘We’ll send you and another agent into the venue, obviously unaffiliated; you will make yourself noticeably available and interested, and allow for her to make contact. Over the course of the evening, when the opportunity presents itself, you’ll plant at least one bug on her person. More is generally better than less, but it’s more important that they not be discovered. The information gathered by those will determine the next step Kingsman takes concerning these Ash Diamonds. Any questions?’

           ‘We legit calling them Ash Diamonds? For real?’

           ‘That’s beside the point, Galahad. But yes, that’s the term we’ve decided upon. Do you have any real questions?’

           ‘Nah- get in, make it worth her while, and bug the fuck out of her- that’s the gist, yeah?’ Merlin sighed, one hand pinched the bridge of his nose, and Harry stifled a chuckle. To see Merlin driven so quickly spare with little of his own influence was wonderful.

           ‘We’ll be sending the two of you to Christchurch Wednesday next to get settled in and set yourselves up as visitors only there for a short while. Better to have an alibi already in place, should you need to escape quickly.’

          ‘The two of us?’ Eggsy let the chair fall forward, elbows on the tabletop, one hand pointing between himself and Harry; surprised, but not offended.

           ‘Yes, Eggsy- it seems that a man like me is precisely the kind of audience she prefers.’

           ‘Well you’re fit as fuck so that ain’t no surprise, but I gotta say I was expectin’ to be sent with Roxy.’

           ‘As was I, but Merlin is quite convinced that we are the best team for the job.’

           ‘Well, brilliant, love missions with you.’ It was earnest, but not in the way that made one think of a puppy looking for a belly rub. It was in the simple sincerity, the kind of thing one could only achieve with blatant honesty and no ulterior motive.

           Merlin found it frustrating. Harry found it delightful.

[holmquistewduckettwq53insur-blog]

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[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Hedman, Trocheck, Gibson, Neal, Zibanejad, and More – August 24

  The summer has seemingly disappeared behind us as we enter the final weekend in August. For those putting off getting your fantasy hockey preparation underway, now would be a good time to start. Head to the Dobber Shop and grab your copy of the 2018-19 Dobber fantasy hockey guide now! It includes projected production, projected lines, a bevy of articles, and a whole lot more. It is also updated as new information is available.

*

A few days ago, I was fortunate to take part in a fantasy hockey mock draft with a lot of smart people from around the hockey industry. These people were as follows:

Chris Meaney – Various spots, NHL at Fantrax

Chris Wassel – Dobber Hockey and Sporting News

Drew Livingstone – Sportsnet

Esten McLaren – theScore

George Kurtz – Roto Experts

Jamie Zadow – Dobber Prospects and Winging It In Motown

Mike Omelan – Freelance Reporter

Neil Parker – Fantrax

Scott Levy – NHL Breakdown

Eric Young – WWE Superstar and Fantasy Enthusiast

Andrew Reid – FNTSY Network

Eric Young is on WWE’s Smackdown program, which was running concurrently with our mock draft. He can be forgiven for a few auto-picks here.

A few notes about the mock draft format:

12 teams with 25-man rosters, 300 players drafted

Roster construction is as follows: three centres, three left wingers, three right wingers, four defencemen, three utility skaters, two goaltenders, seven bench slots.

Scoring for skaters: goals, assists, special-teams points (PP+PK), shots on goal, hits, blocked shots, takeaways

Scoring for goalies: Wins, GAA, save percentage, shutouts

Scoring like this lends itself to different picks in a different order than you’ll see in some other drafts. In this particular format, in 2017-18, Connor McDavid ranked lower than Jamie Benn, Vincent Trocheck was the #2 skater behind Taylor Hall, and Seth Jones was more valuable than Sidney Crosby. Before getting angry in the comments, just understand that this will be unique compared to, say, Yahoo standard formats.

Anyway, to the draft!

The entire draft board can be viewed here. This was my final roster, in order they were drafted:

    The thought process on some of my picks.

First, I hate drafting in the middle of a round. It’s good in the sense that you don’t get caught out on runs, but quite often you find yourself taking a player maybe a round or two earlier than you wanted. For example, when we got to the 10th round, we were getting into the range where I wanted to grab Kyle Palmieri. On the other hand, there were other right wingers, and many skaters, still left on the board that ranked ahead of him. But did I want to take the chance of letting him slide another round and go for someone else? I had Clayton Keller queued up behind him and was basically going to choose one or the other. Had I chosen Keller instead, would I have gotten Palmieri in round 11 with 10 picks between? Maybe, maybe not. I didn’t get Keller, landed Palmieri, and had to walk away with it. Were I on the turn, or near to it, it would have been an easier decision.

  Top Three Picks

Victor Hedman – Some people might say it’s too early, but he was the #3 defenceman in this format last year (#2 was Carlson, whom Hedman should probably surpass this year) and I wanted to try Laidlaw’s strategy of grabbing a stud defenceman early.

  Vincent Trocheck – In this type of format, Trocheck is a monster. It’ll be another season with loads of minutes featuring top-end wingers and top power-play minutes. Sign me up.

  John Gibson – This is another instance where picking in the middle of a round both helped and hurt. The goalie run started in round 2 with Vasilevskiy, Andersen, Rinne, and Hellebuyck going off the board, and Bobrovsky and Quick in round 3 before this pick. Had I not taken Gibson, I’m likely going with Tuukka Rask or Antti Raanta as my top goalie, which might be fine but I didn’t want to take too big a gamble. Then again, I was forced to take Gibson earlier than I wanted, so again, it’s that double-edged sword of being in the middle of a round.

  Rickard Rakell and Jonathan Marchessault – Both scoring wingers who should be featured on the top line of their respective teams and can chip in with a lot of hits and shots. That helps provide a safety net for those with concerns about regression.

  Mika Zibanejad – It’s not talked about often, but Zibanejad is usually good for triple-digit hits in full seasons (he had 92 in 72 games last year). He should play a lot of minutes on a good top line with top PP minutes. Getting him outside the first 10 rounds was a gift.

  James Neal – Neal’s biggest problem the last couple seasons are his assists. If he skates on the top line with Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan, as well as the top PP unit, that’s a problem that should correct itself. If he’s on the second line, maybe not. I though it worth the gamble in the 14th round.

  Milan Lucic – I know we make fun of him a lot because of his contract, but his shooting percentage was less than half his three-year average. He had his highest expected goals number (via Corsica) since the lockout season, it just so happened to be in a season with a five-on-five shooting percentage under six percent. With his monster hit totals, just 20 goals and 20 assists would be fine. Another gamble worth taking just inside the 200th pick.

  Jesse Puljujarvi – I’ve said before that he’s the team’s best right winger and I stand by it (though I’ll admit Kailer Yamamoto could prove me wrong this year). In a just world, he’ll be in the top-6 by November and hopefully top PP minutes with it. At pick 222, it’s worth finding out if I’m right.

  Tomas Tatar – He had a bad year last year which is why his ADP was depressed. He still has four consecutive seasons of at least 20 goals, two shots per game, and 65 hits, which includes his brutal 2017-18. He’ll likely line up with Paul Stastny, which is a fine centre to get him the puck. Even a modest rebound this year should pay dividends.

  Ryan Pulock and Nick Leddy – I grabbed Pulock earlier because I think his peripheral contributions will be much stronger and he can do it while being a 35-point defenceman. When Leddy was still there at the end of the draft, I figured why not get myself their PP quarterback.

  Those are my thoughts on some of my picks. If you want thoughts on the others, just hit up the comments.

  Now, let’s look at the rest of the draft.

  Brayden Schenn – I’m a big fan of this pick in this format at the Round2/3 turn. With a healthy Vladimir Tarasenko and a (hopefully) improved top PP unit, Schenn could be the Vincent Trocheck of 2018-19. He has legitimate top-5 upside.

  Auston Matthews – Here’s the long and short of it: If the Leafs split PP units again, we cannot hope for more than 20 power-play points from Matthews. In formats that count hits, it’s a huge knock to his value (Matthews has 37 career hits). In formats that don’t include hits, he’s probably a top-10 pick, but that, along with the PP uncertainty, is why he slid so far. If all breaks right, though, there clearly is upside to grabbing him early in the third round.

  Vladimir Tarasenko – I was rattled he got snagged; I took Joe Pavelski three picks later and had hoped for Tarasenko. Tarasenko had what would be called a down year and he still managed both 30 goals and 30 assists with over 300 shots and a hit per game. Like Schenn, if that power play turns around for the Blues, and Tarasenko is healthy, there’s upside even as a mid-fourth round pick.

  Colton Parayko and Alex Pietrangelo

I’m sure some people are a bit confounded on Parayko, the guy not on the top PP unit, going ahead of Pietrangelo, the guy on the top PP unit.

Here’s the thing: Parayko had 80 more hits and the same number of takeaways in 2017-18 as Pietrangelo. Yes, Pietrangelo has the production edge, but Parayko has the peripheral edge. Also, if Parayko’s shooting percentage were to ever improve (he’s shot under 3 percent in back-to-back seasons), he’s a 40+ point defenceman with 200+ shots and triple-digit hits/blocked shots. That’s valuable.

  Nico Hischier

Little-known fact: Hischier was just the fourth teenager since the 2012 lockout to finish a season with at least 20 goals, 30 assists, and 180 shots. The others are Nathan MacKinnon, Jack Eichel, and Clayton Keller. Hischier accomplished this with just six power-play points. Assuming he moves to the top unit, there is a lot of production upside here. Not to mention he chipped in 56 hits, which isn’t mind-blowing, but won’t hurt a fantasy roster, either. If he’s attached at the hip with Taylor Hall all season, at all strengths, there could be a big year in store.

  Rasmus Dahlin and Rasmus Ristolainen

The Buffalo Rasmuses (Rasmusi? RasmusiI? Rasmii?) had a massive gap in ADP, with Ristolainen going 69th overall and Dahlin in the 12th round. I have written recently that I think Dahlin will be over-drafted but this draft slotting is a lot more palatable. Were he to be drafted where he’s been picked in some mock drafts and in other rankings, he would have been in the same range as Ristolainen, Tyson Barrie, John Klingberg, Mark Giordano, and Colton Parayko. To put him in that company right away is a mighty lofty expectation.

  Jordan Eberle

There is a reasonable chance that Eberle lines up on Mat Barzal’s right wing both at even strength and on the power play. They need to replace Tavares on the power play, and just moving Barzal into Tavares’s role and Eberle into Barzal’s role seems to make a lot of sense. Eberle isn’t a stat-stuffer, which is why he was taken just inside the top-200, but we could see 30 goals and 60 points from him this year. 

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-hedman-trocheck-gibson-neal-zibanejad-and-more-august-24/

[placetobenation]

*** I was born in 1990 and became a wrestling fan in 1996. Shawn Michaels was my first favorite wrestler, and I watched every minute of the Attitude Era religiously. Needless to say, 90s WWF is my wrestling foundation. I have heard about the mythic era of the NWA and the territories, (and of course I’ve seen bits and pieces) but never truly steeped myself in all its glory. Follow my fresh/ignorant breakdown of classic wrestling! ***

A prize far more prestigious than a gold belt.

The beautiful luxury vehicle you see above will play heavily into this episode, but we’ll get to that soon enough.

To start the show, we get the first glimpse (at least for my purposes of this writing) of the on-screen figurehead of the promotion, Sandy Scott, who looks like Davy Crockett and Bob Caudle fused into one body. As you’d expect, they play this very straight as if this were a true professional sports organization. Scott’s a droll character, which makes a lot of sense because athletic organizational figures are usually pretty boring and droll, and he explains that athletes want big money, so he’s doing his best to get the very best athletes.

Ricky Harris vs Jay Youngblood Youngblood’s strategy in this match centered solely on slapping on headlocks, presumably to keep the big man down. Every time Harris gained some momentum, he was cut off with headlock, until Youngblood decided to put him out of misery with some chops and, finally, a flying chop.

I have enjoyed Youngblood throughout these shows, but man, this match was a chore. He had Harris in a headlock – and this is not an exaggeration – for at least 80% of the match. And not even interesting, captivating headlocks. These were lay-on-the-mat-to-a-silent-crowd headlocks. I guess it’s just a product of the way these shows are put together in this era that you will get some junk from time to time, even from solid wrestlers. Also, if his promos are any indication, Jay may have been in altered state. 

Winner: Jay Youngblood via pin Rating: DUD

Sgt. Slaughter, accompanied by Pvt. Nelson, comes out for a promo. Slaughter mentions “the big fat Indian,” who is known more commonly and less racist-ly as Wahoo Mcdaniel. After a clip of Wahoo, Slaughter whips out a contract for he and Wahoo to fight anytime and any place. For as intense and energetic as his promos are, Sarge never stumbles on his words. As long as there’s no spelling involved, he’s gravy. 

United States Heavyweight Champion Sgt. Slaughter vs Ken Hall Not a whole lot to recap in this one. Sarge kneed Hall in the gut a few times, then slapped on the clutch. Hall got one punch in that was not sold one bit.

In a nice touch, Slaughter screams for Wahoo the entire time he is toying with Hall. That said, I usually enjoy this Slaughter squashes, but this one felt particularly dull. His offense didn’t look as devastating, unless I’m just becoming immune.

Winner: Sgt. Slaughter via submission Rating: ½*

Announcing Aside I’ve started to realize that Davy Crockett works much better during matches than in interviews and studio segments. Bob’s stoic demeanor needs to be supplemented with some more pronounced emotion, and David and his yelping do that job. Maybe I’ve been too hard on poor Davy. His cheesiness kind of grows on you, like Vince on commentary. 

Next we get a promo for a local show in Roanoke, Virginia, a wonderful small mountain city that I’ve actually visited. The highlight here is a long rambling promo from the Russian Bear/Cookie Monster Ivan Koloff, who will be putting up his (TV?) title against Jimmy Valiant, who will be putting up his Cadillac. Hopefully Koloff wins so we can have some vignettes of him cruising around in Jimmy’s Cadillac car.

Bob has Sandy Scott again for the next segment. After some prompting from Bob, Sandy leads us into his own question about attracting great athletes to Mid-Atlantic, but he completely botches the wording of his question.  See Sandy has been thinking of something, and he’s come up with something–an incentive if you will. So he asks: “What would anybody would like today?” And Bob gives a genius response.

And Bob’s right because Sandy reveals his plans to stage a tournament for a brand new 1982 Cadillac, worth $20,000! Nothing brings me more joy than the melding of territorial wrestling and The Price is RIght. They should call the tournament the “Showcase Showdown”. To top it off, I assume Valiant won the Cadillac that Koloff was grumbling about earlier. The timeline of these shows can be confusing to say the least. As we see, the whole show keeps building up the tournament, yet we already know the winner. 

Next, to illustrate the top talent Sandy has for Mid-Atlantic, we cut to some taped footage of Tommy Rich in a match against a portly man with a mustache named Tony Russo, who may have been the inspiration for Wario. Rich certainly has the look – tall and blonde in the mold of Flair, Barry Windham, etc. that seemed to be prevalent in 80s wrestling – despite the match not being the greatest.

Announcing Aside During the Tommy Rich footage, Bob and Sandy provide voiceover commentary in studio, and let’s hope that Sandy keeps his day job in management because he struggled mightily here. Despite Rich being the showcase, they spend the majority of the match putting over how excited the talent will be to wrestle for a Cadillac. At one point, he refers to Rich as a “fan lover.” Too bad I don’t have a gross wrestling story about Tommy Rich.

And the Cadillac craziness continues! The heel trio of Piper, Slaughter, and Ole come out to further put over the presumed Caddy tournament/battle royale/whatever. Piper highlights the entire segment with his always wonderful ranting, including that he would “sell his grandma to the Huns” for 17 grand. Sandy says they better watch out for “King Kong” Anthony Mosca. And to one-up his performance earlier, Sandy calls Piper, “Rodney” Piper. Maybe this was common at the time, but I’m not giving Sandy the benefit of the doubt. Plus, Bob laughs at him for it.

The list of guys who want this car will be a mile long! Or so I’m told.

In a quick promo segment, Jay Youngblood has be reminded of what comes after Sargent in Slaughter’s name, Steamboat mentions that petitions are coming in for him to fight Piper, and Jake seconds Steamboat while wearing a plastic snake on his hat, the first reference to he and snakes I’ve seen here. I love the use of social activism as an effective means of setting up a match.

Next up, The Boy from New York City, Jimmy Valiant, squashes Deke Rivers to some jangly piano. I don’t this as a match, as it felt more like a weird bumper segment than an actual match. 

Piper comes out to refute Steamboat’s request for a title shot, and rambles away as we see some footage of Steamboat fighting a man in a blue mask. See, Steamboat was suppose to beat him to earn a shot, but the ref got bumped, Piper interfered, and then, in a wonderful piece of heeling, got his masked buddy to count him the winner in a match he was never in.

**Catch some Mid-Atlantic action at the Roanoke Civic Center, featuring THE WINNER OF THE CADILLAC Jimmy Valiant against Ivan Koloff and a super young Barry Windham against Ric Flair. Again, all this hype for the Cadillac and the winner is basically spoiled.**

Jake Roberts and Ricky Steamboat vs Super Destroyer and The Grappler Jake and Steamboat come out quick trying to hobble Super Destroyer. Neither team can really gain an advantage due to the quick tags, until Grappler and Destroyer start working Jake over. Piper and Ole come down looking for trouble, but Jake hits a DDT which allows him time for a hot tag. Before the Steamboat can grab a pin, Piper yanks him for the disqualification.

This was on its way to being an excellent tag match before Piper cut the third act short with his interference. Jake and Steamboat are such an effective face team because they can both sell for sympathy and also come out on fire for a comeback. I love Jake’s knee lifts. In other news, Bob and Davy continued to gush over the Cadillac during the match.

Winner: Jake Roberts and Ricky Steamboat via disqualification Rating:  ***

To end the show, Steamboat shows his own version of the tape which shows that he actually did beat the masked man for the title shot. He calls Piper “Casper the White Ghost.” Again,Steamboat spitting fire with the insults, continuing the conflict with he and champ, Rodney Piper. And that’ll do it for this week!

End of Show Notes MVP: Sandy Scott An unorthodox pick, but this was an unorthodox episode with not much real wrestling. He brought the Cadilliac to the show, and his goofy segments are easily the most memorable parts of this show.

If You Only Watch One Match: Jake Roberts and Ricky Steamboat vs Super Destroyer and The Grappler

Best Non-wrestling Segment: Piper, Ole, and Slaughter Cadillac promo

Overall Impression: Again, this was an odd episode with not many true matches in favor of odd studio segments and pseudo-matches. I still rate this one above average just for the novelty (at least for me) of a wrestling show being so fixated on giving away a car as a motivator. Certainly not something I’ve seen much, so it gets a small bump for originality. Rating: 6/10

So long for now!