#hopefully this covers everything???

[gambeque]

masterpost of my favorite CSP brushes 🦖🦖 links below:

Jiwa pen

KaOs Brush

Obongbong’s Pen

Mameo Ink

Artemus Pencil

Wiggle Brush

[starry-bi-sky]

Out of Context Stuff for a Danyal Al Ghul au i haven't posted - Pit Beast Danyal

Damian, 13: Look, Danyal, -- I am so sorry for everything that happened between us in the League, I hope you can forgive me.

Danny, 10 (allegedly): (has been secretly plotting to murder Damian this whole time, is still gonna do it obvs, but is going to make it significantly less painful now)

Danny: I-- of course, older brother. :]

--------

Bruce: what do you have there, Damian?

Damian:

Danny: (a hulking 10ft pit beast standing beside him, growling idly with ram horns gouging out his eyes and a second set of horns jutting into the air, spines down his back, and a long, spiked tail with an animalistic, skull-like face)

Damian, who smuggled him in (they've made amends): a smoothie, father

----------

Damian: this is my little brother Danyal, i murdered him when he was five. He festered in rage for the last half-a decade, took over a League mountain base in Switzerland, murdered everyone inside and then tried to murder me when I went to investigate with Drake.

Danny: hello!

Damian: we're cool now

----------

Damian: thoughts on resurrection

Danny, (a full ghost): i will succeed in murdering you if you try it

Damian: we'll put a pin in it then

----------

Danny (still instilled with League values): why don't we just murder him??

Damian, on patrol (Danny followed him): we don't murder people, Danyal

Danyal:,,,,are you sick, Dami?? Have you been possessed? Why not!?

(There is raucous laughing through the comms)

----------

Danny, five, pre-death: Dami! :D

Danny, dead, vengeful: Older brother (:

Danny, post-forgiveness: Dami! :]

-------

For some actual context: Danny is fully dead in this au, its a result of the classic DPxDC Demon Twins "death duel" trope but instead of Danny getting revived, he stays fully dead. Danny was five, Damian was seven. His ghost lingered though, and due to the proximity of the pits his ghost steadily absorbed the ambient energy it was letting off. The pits are not corrupted ectoplasm in this au, it's just liquid ecto.

Which means Danny's corruption from an angry and hurt little ghost boy to an unrecognizable monster is from his own doing. It's a result of him stewing in his hurt and anger for years, it physically warped him. He's very powerful. Danny can travel between League Bases but chose a small, out-of-the-way base in the Swiss mountains to fester in and then just. Never Left.

His influence steeped into the very foundations of the building, allowing him to transform and warp the rooms and hallways for his own bidding, Meaning he could turn it into a seemingly unending labyrinth if he so wished to, and block the entrance.

Eventually, blinded (both metaphorically and physically) by his own rage, Danny grew powerful enough to appear physically in the living realm and attacked everyone in the base, slaughtering them all and leaving the base abandoned. He attacks anyone who dares enter -- whether that be other league members, or the unfortunate hiker who stumbled across the base. His conscious is steeped into every nook and cranny of the building, there is nowhere you can hide where he can't find. Nobody leaves without his explicit say so. Nobody ever does.

Him appearing as ten years old before Damian in the skits above is his own physical doing. First it was to prevent Damian from being suspicious of him. Damian initially thought Danny was revived with the pits, he was too busy with his own training afterwards to notice that Danny never showed up again, and when he did notice, he assumed it was because Danny was too ashamed of his loss to face him. He'd always forget to ask about him.

Then it becomes a personal choice to appear as ten. It's how old he would've been had he been alive.

danny forgiving Damian is kinda for an offshoot branch of the main au. Whereas the main au takes the form of a ps4 first person horror game where Damian and Tim are investigating the Base for Plot Reasons. There's no sign of the rumored "monster" living inside until the end, where Danny, who was found inside the Base and has been happily "helping" them look around, manages to persuade Damian into splitting off from Tim in order to "show him something."

This something turns out to be Danny revealing that he never really forgave Damian for that fight, and he reveals through a horrifying transformation, that he was the monster the whole time. Which the game subtly hints at throughout as Danny's strange behavior becomes harder to ignore.

First from his insistence to only refer to Damian as "older brother" (when before the duel he always called him Damian or Dami), to him right off the bat denying the existence of a monster when questioned. ("There's no monster here, older brother. It's just me.") To other various things, like his knowledge of the outside world not matching up to modern times or things going on with the league outside of the base, or what happened to the other league members.

This whole idea was inspired by the song "Scylla" from Epic the Musical, with Danyal being the voice of Scylla as well as Odysseus, while Damian stands as Eurylochus. The instrumentals after Scylla says "hello" is him turning into the pit beast, and Scylla's "drown in your sorrow and fears" part is danny, as the pit beast, snarling at Damian while he attacks him.

There's a Good Ending, a Bad Ending, and a True Ending. The Bad Ending results in Damian being killed by Danny, it happens when Damian decides not to question or suspect Danny and treats him kindly. The Bad Ending is a cutscene, where Danny kills Damian quick and painlessly.

Meanwhile the Good Ending is Damian killing Danny. This is a boss fight, and it happens when Damian treats Danny coldly and suspiciously the whole time. Danny as a result, decides to make Damian's death painful as he had planned to, which is why it's a boss fight because it only causes him to double down on his anger.

The True Ending is Damian escapes with Tim. It happens when you treat Danny warmly up until the last minute, where when Danny proposes to Damian that he wants to show him something, Damian goes to talk to Tim and finally, reluctantly agrees that something is off with Danny, and that he'll be careful going in. It starts off with the boss fight until a third through, where it then changes to a cutscene where Tim manages to get the door open and Damian escapes out. It's then a chase scene down a never-ending hallway as the building actively works to keep you trapped inside. But you eventually make it to the exit so long as you avoid all the projectiles and doors.

Remember when I mentioned that Danny only lets people leave when he wants them to? That's where the treating Danny kindly throughout the game comes into play. It causes him to second guess himself and, eventually, reawaken and strengthen the love and admiration he had for Damian prior to his murder. It's why in the Bad Ending he kills Damian quickly -- because by then, he loves him enough that he doesn't want him to suffer, but is still so consumed by his rage and need for vengeance that he kills him anyways. That quiet part is what allows Damian (and Tim) to find the exit, because some part of Danny still loves Damian enough that he wants him to live.

The True Ending ends with a cutscene of Damian and Tim tumbling out into the snow/grass outside of the base. Damian looks up back to the entrance to see Danny standing there. But rather than a ten year old boy, there's a little five year old Danyal Al Ghul instead. He stares at Damian emotionlessly, blood seeping from his chest, staining his clothes, and little, bloody sword in his hands and tearstains on his cheeks, before he turns away and disappears back into the building.

[attleboy]

it was gonna happen eventually... it's pomni maiming time

as an artist you gotta cover your favs in blood at least once or twice. especially if they have a bear trap for a mouth :)

anyway uhhh not "canon" to the rest of my pomni art per se, i'm just playing around... i doubt regular red blood would even exist in the circus but that's a talk for another day

[speakingviscera]

faith in reason (i wasted my life playing dumb)

[kelocitta]

Happy Downpour Day! 🐌🎉

[sunlightandfreshcherries]

[fedoraspooky]

I haven’t been here long. What irritating changes have been made?

Credit where it's due, some changes have been good, like polls and stuff! But the big recent changes thus far that I would classify as irritating are:

- The UI change. This one may be less irritating for newcomers because it's basically the same layout as twitter and instagram, but for a lot of folks who've been here a long time, it feels cramped and like a loss of identity for the site. For many, the appeal of tumblr is that it ISN'T an algorithm hell like twitter or insta. Also, there's the annoyance of having to relearn where everything is, because it all got moved around.

- The users being lab rats for various tests the devs wanna pull out of nowhere without consenting to beta testing new site features- like the one that took away user icons on the dash for like half the site. They finally put them back after getting enough feedback that said NO, but users were so used to their feedback being disregarded that they were half expecting the change to be pushed through anyway.

- The Netflix tie-in advertising being pushed even to people who had PAID tumblr for a no-ads experience. Complete with them somehow thinking it would be a good idea to put an unescapable-by-scrolling spooky clown on peoples' dashboards that u had to use ublock to get rid of. While I'm not scared of clowns and often find them quite charming, it sucks that staff didn't take coulrophobia being a common fear into account.

- A wave of fully sfw trans posts being wrongfully marked Mature and staff doing little to nothing about it. Not sure if this is still ongoing, but it destroyed a lot of trust and good will. (LGBT+ users have been having to fight a constant war against censorship ever since the adult content ban on tumblr, so yeah... Nevar 4get the list of banned search words that would bring back no results, like 'girl')

- The site gradually moving away from customization. Tumblr is a BLOGGING site. But it seems to have lost sight of that fact, because most new users don't even know you can fully customize your blogs with css and stuff (an option that is now off by default for new accounts!), because of the in-dash viewer giving you only how blogs look on mobile, which is a lot more uniform. There, it's more like every other site- you get a banner and icon. Oh, but you can change colors and fonts from a drop-down list too, that's cool I guess. Though they recently took away custom color schemes on Message windows, just another little bit of personalization taken away.

- TUMBLR. LIVE. Basically tumblr teamed up with a skeevy dating app partner to allow for livestreams- but not the cool kinda livestreams like on twitch where you can draw or play games, no- to a site full of people who value anonymity, they decided to push phone cam only livestreams. Not only that but by agreeing to the terms, you're giving out tons of personal data including your location to said skeevy dating app partner and all of THEIR third-party ad partners. Needless to say, most people didn't wanna use it, so instead of users it's flooded by p*rn bots (which is ANOTHER issue we've been dealing with for a long time and have been getting an even bigger influx of FROM tumblr live) and scammers. And thus, since tumblr likes to put a carousel of current streams on people's dashes, you often get softcore p*rn thumbnails from the bot streams with no way to avoid it except for toggling off tumblr live entirely.

- Oh wait. That's right. You CAN'T toggle it off. Because you can only snooze it for a while until BAM, you're jumpscared by a carousel of ladies licking your screen again! But hey, at least they made the snooze 30 days instead of the 7 it used to be, right? Yeah, except for the fact that you can't get rid of the tumblr live button itself on the app anymore, and now it's front and center with a NEW notification tag on it, overlapping your dash and cramming useful stuff like the search button out of the way.

NOW- A lot of this stuff CAN be at least mostly fixed on desktop by installing ublock and xkit and tampermonkey + dashboard unfucker... But that's a lot of stuff just to make the site usable, you know?

[jackshiccup]

Hi! The book you did for otnwas is SO BEAUTIFUL!! I was wondering if you have any tutorials on how do to your own book binding? I would love to turn my fave fanfics into real life books :DD

aww thank u so much !! i actually collated a few resources for my friends about bookbinding so u r in luck ⭐:)

but before all that, i want to mention the most important thing and it is to always get the permission of the author of the fic you're wanting to bind first and to never print any art related or not to that fic without the artist's permission !!!!! let's keep it respectful in these streets yeah? BUT printing your own art though.. that's a slay 🤞🏽

ok hehe to the fun stuff yippeeeee

bookbinding tools & materials (beginner friendly) - super helpful + in depth, i recommend starting with this one to really get a good idea of the entire process (she specializes in journals though so it doesn't include printing process or anything like that!)

14 helpful hints before getting started - very very useful hacks that will probably save you a lot of mistakes in the long run, also i love this man (one thing i have to mention though is that paper grain is not entirely important unless you're looking for a more advanced bind)

how to bind fanfic tiktok series - this is a good one that has a step by step guide which includes the typesetting + printing process

tutorial focused videos

DIY book press - very useful + efficient, but if you can't be bothered to make this (like me oops) you can just use really heavy books or weights

DIY binding cradle - essential tool to punch holes in your signatures, honestly saved me money and also my life, once again i love this man where would i be without this tutorial

french link stitch - easy to follow, has some good sewing tips too!

weaver’s knot - important hack, you don't want your thread to be too long when sewing it's a nightmare

hardcover case binding - good tutorial on hardcover but this one is flatback - it's still fine to follow though if you switch the spine to card stock to give it more flexibility especially if it's a thick book

whew, sorry for the long ask i hope this is helpful enough ;; another important thing is to be patient and have fun !! try to enjoy the process especially bc it takes SO long but trust it's very worth it <3 there's also a lot of materials and tools so pick whichever is the most accessible to you ok byeeee

[fnaf-flags]

Welcome to FNAF Flags! This is just a silly blog where I color-pick pride flags from FNAF characters. Here's some rules for requesting!

You can request any FNAF character as long as there's some sort of official art or model of them. This includes characters from the games, books, movies, and whatever else exists.

You can request more than one character!

If you want a specific image of a character used, add it into your ask!

You'll be able to check if requests are open or not in the blog description. You'll also be able to see how many posts are in the queue, and when you might see your request!

I will not get involved with any discourse. If you have something you wanna say, keep it to yourself and keep scrolling. Thank you.

I also do country flags...? It just happened one day. Don't ask me. Although it's primarily pride flags.

IMPORTANT NOTE!!: Sometimes it'll say I got a new ask, but when I open my askbox, there's nothing. If you think your request got sucked into the void, try sending it again!

(below are image id's for my icon and header)

[Icon ID: A close-up of Helpi in front of the aroace flag. The aroace flag has orange, yellow, white, and blue stripes. Helpi is a light purple bear with blue eyes and pink blush. He wears a blue technician's uniform and a shiny dark blue top hat. He holds up an orange Faz-Wrench and has a orange tech visor over his left eye. End ID]

[Header ID: A teaser for Security Breach with a rainbow overlay. The silhouettes of Glamrock Chica, Glamrock Freddy, Monty, and Roxy are seen performing. their backs are turned away from the viewer. In the distance is a large crowd, and some interior of the Pizzaplex. The Pizzaplex has blue and pink neon lights, red pillars, neon palm trees, and several signs for attractions. End ID]

[ironunderstands]

help I have been afflicted by Boothill brainrot time to share some shitty angst bulletpoints with the class (that I’ll probably turn into a fic later)

I don’t think I have to tag anything specific but be warned there’s probably something bad in here so if you understandably don’t wanna read that then scroll. Expect cyborg related angst (and minor spoilers)

Also I hc Boothill as nonbinary (using he/they and occasionally she) so if you’re wondering about the use of multiple pronouns that’s why, it’s not related to the angst, I just don’t want people to be confused.

-has a sensation of touch on the metal parts of his body, but it’s visibly muted compared to his skin and it drives them nuts

-despises hot/cold temperatures due to how they interact with the metal parts of their body, on especially hot days

-very vulnerable to hacking and it scares the shit out of him (thanks past obsession with Genji for giving me this one, the amount of “Sombra hacks Genji and he has a bad time” stuff I have read is unhealthy, even if she would only do it for the shits and giggles or a mission, a character losing control of their body is unfortunately very compelling please don’t cancel me)

-can’t remember their past life or how he died but still has nightmares of it

-phantom pain is a bitch and her name is Boothill

-won’t be seen as human by most people (even actual people write him this way which is a little weird to me, like I know the Robot/Human tag w Boothill serving as a Robot is probably just for reach, but like, he’s still human, he’s not a robot, he’s a cyborg, idk it’s just a pet peeve of mine)

-has to go to the scientist who made him to get “upgrades” (aka whatever they feel like fucking with this week) against their will

-he can’t remember his old life, but they can remember how their body felt back then and the cyborg one distinctly Doesn’t Feel The Same

-Boothill’s synesthesia beacon doesn’t just prevent Boothill from cursing, it prevents her from saying certain things entirely which makes it very hard for him to express his feelings

-charging induces sleep for them, something which Boothill tries to hide as it could be used against him

-debating between making Boothill unreasonable heavy (because metal) or unreasonably light (because high tech) both scenarios cause problems for him, feel free to torture yourself for as to why

-animals (especially dogs) don’t like them as Boothill doesn’t have as strong a scent nor the flesh of other humans which is why it’s hard for them to trust him, which sucks for Boothill because he loves animals

-doesn’t even know the planet they were originally from or how old he was when he died, Boothill doesn’t even know their birthday, so it ended up becoming the day he was brought back to life against his will

-gets called “it” by people who don’t like cyborgs or people that are non-organic/have nonorganic parts of their body/existence, I also share this for the trailblazer because of their dubious origins, I’d like to believe transphobia isn’t a thing in Star rail because it’s already tiring enough irl and there’s no proof for it unlike other real world problems, so the misgendering happens for other horrible reasons! Horrible reasons that are close to canon considering the whole organic/inorganic war thing depicted by the Sim Uni, I’d imagine a lot of people are still bitter about that (honestly I don’t know the details I was there for the jades) and/or ignorant enough to believe that only fleshy beings have a monopoly on personhood (it/its pronouns are cool but not on people who don’t want to use them!)

-constantly pushes the limits of their body (aka self destructive behavior), I doubt Boothill would be trying to hurt herself but it’s more of a “it will get fixed anyway” kinda thing, any injuries sustained still hurt like a bitch but Boothill forces himself to not care because well “it’s his job and he will get healed anyways” (also it’s implied from their LC that he’s a Galaxy ranger against his will from the whole “never living for themself again” thing, so Boothill probably has to get injured for the job and is just forced to grin and bear it

alright that’s all the angst my sleep deprived brain could cook up for now if I did something wrong or missed a tag pls tell me

[mmmairon]

yandere prisoner diluc is engraved in my mind

he just got a little too silly who can blame him

he got in a silly goofy mood. i hope people stay out of his way or else fried chicken is on the menu.

[brisquad-unit-4402]

hello i’ve got some thoughts and updates for this blog.

i’ve been on a bit of burnout for a while, including life outside of writing. naturally the termination has sped up that burnout. i’m exhausted and struggling to be graceful about it, but that’s to be expected. i’m not one to sit on my feelings even though i’ve lacked the energy to write. which really bites because that’s my number-one passion really.

however i’ve taken some time to relax by diverting my attention away from social media and niji streams. i’ve relearned an old hobby and splurged a little too much on a new one, and i kind of can’t believe how much i missed drawing on real paper with a real pen and pencil. and thank god the love and deepspace sponsorship wrapped up before the termination, because that game has me in not just a chokehold but like one of those umbilical cords from astral projection. the silver cord? that

i’ve been watching other vtubers lately as well. i’ve always considered adding holostars en to my list but hesitated because everything else on my blog was niji-related.

consider this confirmation that i will be adding holostars’ tempus hq, vanguard and armis, and first stage productions’ avallum to my list of characters i will write for. i admit i’m not as familiar with armis, but i’ll be paying closer attention in the near future as i branch out from strictly watching niji only.

(might also be adding idol corp’s e-sekai? maybe? i watch them once every few months and i haven’t seen pochi or yuko stream since they debuted 💀 no clue on their gen 2 either)

i’ll be overhauling my masterpost for organization soon. so apologies for the horrors about to come… to be clear i will not delete any of my writing so don’t worry!

i’m unsure how much niji i’ll write in the future. give me some time to think as the situation hopefully cools down. i appreciate your patience.

and who knows maybe i’ll write for non-vtuber fandoms too

i think it’s about time i clean my inbox out soon too. i‘ll answer what asks i can and delete the remaining ones. i’ve had a few requests sitting in my inbox for nearly a year now and i’ve recently realized how stressed i was over them and learned about some boundaries i didn’t know i had beforehand, among other things, so so it’s about time i face them head-on. i apologize if i never got to your request! please don’t take it personally if i don’t answer your request. but above all else thank you for being patient, understanding, and kind enough to send in a request. even though i tend to bite off more than i can chew i always get so happy whenever i see a notif in my inbox and i appreciate your time for a little unit 4402.

even though i’m not watching niji streams atm i’m hesitant to stop writing for them because, like, i keep thinking of this clip of doppio saying he feels like he’s allowed to buy healthy/organic food because of fan support and donations, and among other reasons... it’s very easy to make conclusions on people you only know through a screen and i just can’t bring myself to cut them out so abruptly, even if i’m a fan creator on a site none of them use.

idk when i’ll post next and it feels nice to say that. i usually try to post once every 2 weeks, but considering how i’m trying not to think about niji right now and am instead embracing other parts of my life, i dunno. it’s nice. this blog is a major source of joy for me and it feels like i’m preserving what makes it so special for me instead of turning it into a chore. hopefully with time and rest i’ll have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

that’s pretty much everything on my mind, i think? thank you for bearing with me and my yapping. i hope to return soon and that the next time you see me, my blog will be cleaner, more expansive, and with a fresh mindset. take care of yourselves and don’t get immersed in toxicity. don’t forget to do what you love 💛

[brooklynisher]

Marisol got a reference sheet wahooo!

I threw a bit of her lore in Art Fight too if you wanna see that..

[mangoamango]

so about 2 weeks ago I helped rescue this teeny little cat (5lbs!!!!), and wouldn't you know it--she has a goddamn hole in the roof of her mouth. Thankfully there is a surgical procedure to fix this (which she had on Monday) but unfortunately: it was $680 dollars.

If you would like to kick a few dollars Ms Petra's way, I would be deeply, deeply grateful. I know I had a post earlier this year asking for cat money, and many of you were so kind and generous. It's okay if you don't have anything to give. Reblogs are great too!

Like on my other post, I'm more than happy to offer my silly little computer skills in exchange for donations, just dm me with a screenshot and we can work it out.

thanks for reading. i love u all my hand computer friends

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Well. I guess today is the day I post this.

Putting this all below a cut to spare your dashes.

This statement will seem dramatic. I apologize. I don't know any other way to put this.

For a long time, I've felt unsafe in this fandom as a bisexual person.

At some point we got a new wave of people in this fandom (I can't pinpoint when since I never know anything that goes on in this godforsaken cesspit), and we started to get a growing wave of people talking about Eddie as a gay man, rather than bisexual or queer or ambiguous/unlabeled in his sexuality.

It was something I could easily ignore at first. I didn't agree with it, but I rolled my eyes and kept on keepin' on. It didn't really affect me. I had my own little corner and that was that.

But as time has gone on, it's become so popular and pervasive that every time I turn around, I'm running into it. It seems to be (but might not be, I could be wrong) the more popular interpretation of Eddie.

For example, I got an ask at the beginning of February, asking me what was wrong with gay Eddie, since it seems to be the "general consensus." Additionally, there was a podcast episode an anthropology student made where the host said that they have also seen people have generally decided Eddie is gay, not bi or queer. I'm not the only one who's noticed this and decided this is the general/most popular opinion of the fandom.

And I'm here to say that it's unbelievably hurtful.

It's not a new thing for people to dismiss Shannon. And let me tell you, it brings me no joy to defend her. I deeply, deeply dislike her and always have. But I must, because whether I like her or not doesn't matter as much as her importance to Eddie and her role in his life. Not just as Christopher's mother, but as his first love and as his wife.

However, over the past year or so there's been a serious shift within the fandom to ignore or gloss over Shannon, and to paint Eddie as a gay man who has always been gay, and never been attracted to women, and never wanted to sleep with one. Even though, canonically, he and Shannon jumped right back into bed together and wouldn't stop fucking every time they met up, despite that choice being detrimental to their relationship and preventing them from discussing important things.

Eddie was so busy fucking his wife like a rabbit in springtime that he couldn't settle down and talk with her. He fucked her repeatedly even though he didn't fully trust her with their son anymore. If that's not thinking with your dick I don't know what is.

Eddie's grief over Shannon's loss and his complicated feelings about her (his love for her vs his anger at her choices vs his own poor self-esteem) haunted him throughout season three. It's why he joined the fight club. It haunts him in season four, when he chooses to date Ana to give Chris a substitute mother even though he is not yet ready to date/move on from Shannon.

Even if I put on my Buddie shipper goggles and say, "what about Buck?" I do not think it makes any sense whatsoever for Eddie to be aware of his feelings for Buck pre-shooting. I think that is the moment he realizes what his heart wants and where he's chosen to love again. Not before.

Bobby moving on with Athena does in no way erase his love for his previous wife, and he went through a process similar to Eddie - in fact that similarity is part of why Bobby sees so much of himself in Eddie and why he tries to give Eddie advice on the subject. But I have to wonder, if Bobby had dated Michael instead of Athena, if the fandom would react the same way they do with Eddie - if they would claim Bobby was gay the whole time, and never truly felt sexual attraction for his wife.

I know Shannon is a disliked character by and large (I'm one of the people who dislikes her) and that her relationship with Eddie was complicated. Eddie wasn't always happy in his relationship with her. But neither was Athena, and yet the fact she was once attracted to and in love with Michael is never questioned.

Eddie is simply not allowed nuance in his relationship with Shannon. He is not allowed (as Bobby and Athena are) to have a complicated relationship with his spouse or to move on with another character while not denying his previous attraction to her. Eddie's relationship with Shannon is reduced to something he did because he had to, without any genuine sexual attraction, and without any sexual enjoyment. He is allowed to love her, but to never have been in love with her.

Eddie's biggest arc and piece of character development for two whole seasons (seasons two and three, arguably parts of season four) are erased.

The underlying message, whether intended or not, is that they are erased because they do not matter. And they do not matter because if they did, Eddie would be bi, or queer, or anything except 100% homosexual. And that means that the underlying message is that being gay is more important, more valid, and better than bisexuality.

I'm not saying this message is intentional. Frankly I don't think it is. I'm saying it is there.

And of course, when others have pointed out that this is hurtful and erases a big part of Eddie's history, and that therefore makes them feel ignored and erased as a bisexual person, there's been hostility. Some of it's been openly hostile and frankly feels like fighting for the sake of fighting, the kind of self-righteous love of blood in the water that has kept me a lurker in fandoms for so long.

The more insidious hurt, for me, is the people who refuse to publicly support people who call out the biphobia. They say nothing when people talk about how they're attacked for pointing out the issues with gay!Eddie, or they support both gay!Eddie and bi!Eddie sides, depending on the time of day and who's saying it. It makes me distrusting of a lot of people who try to tell me they support me. How can I believe you when you turn around and agree with the people saying Eddie's gay? Reblogging posts and championing it?

At best it feels like being accidentally hurtful while supporting/being open to multiple headcanons. At worst it feels like lying to placate me.

I don't appreciate being placated.

Fandom can give a skewed perspective on things such as representation in media. I understand that many people who identify as 6 on the Kinsey Scale have struggled deeply with repression, self-loathing, ignorance, and compulsive heterosexuality. I understand wanting that representation, especially in an older character when it feels like a lot of our media is still about queer teenagers rather than queer adults (especially queer adults over the age of thirty). And so with many slash ships having to deal with the existence of opposite-sex love interests in the characters comprising that ship, bisexuality can feel like the norm when in reality, characters who are gay (whether they always knew it or discover it later) are still much more prevalent than bisexual characters in media.

For example, in Our Flag Means Death we have Stede. In IT, Richie is inferred to be gay rather than bi (god forbid they confirm Eddie K's gayness but that's another matter...) In fact, in 9-1-1 alone, we have Michael. There's also the matter of who gets to be gay and who gets to be bi. In Glee, for example, Santana is the one who gets the nuanced coming-out story with drama and depth. Brittany, her bisexual girlfriend, doesn't get nearly as much attention or thought, and off-screen cheats on Santana in a staggering moment of biphobia (a decision the likes of which Ryan Murphy is not-so-affectionately known for).

Yet from people who headcanon Eddie as gay I repeatedly see the rallying cry of "letting us have this," as if 'this' is something they never get, or get less than bisexual people. Again, I understand the way fandom might skew things. But we cannot allow the broken goggles of fandom to, in turn, blinker our reality of the media landscape. Bisexuality is still less represented, and the wounds of "oh being with X man is nothing like all those women I was with, this is special and real" are still fresh (looking at you, Destiel shippers circa 2009-2012).

In fact as I out myself here as uh one of those veterans, I implore people to understand how this was the norm for so, so many years. Fandom has a short memory, I get it. It's hard to keep track of everything. But this embrace of bisexuality is rather recent. You look around and you see, for example, people happily joking about Dean Winchester's bisexuality. That was not always the case. For a long time, it was about perpetuating biphobia and casual misogyny as shippers wrote meta and fic about how no woman could ever make him feel like Cas does.

*pause for war flashbacks*

This was not the only instance or fandom. But I don't have time to name all the examples. My point is that there is a false collective narrative. My point is that when you are hurt, and have struggled, it can be hard to see that others have also been hurt and have also struggled. My point is that there is a continued instinct to put a certain type of character in one box and another type of character in a different box, and to try and expand the boxes, or move one character to another, is treated as a personal attack rather than an expansion of our understanding and a dismantling of our stereotypes.

Why is it always the character who has a lot of sex and/or is super comfortable on the subject of sex, or is very casual about sex, who gets to be bi/pan/fluid in sexuality? Why are bi people never allowed to be reserved, or have only one or two partners in their life?

Why is the character who is casual (or seems like they will be casual) and relaxed about sexuality the one who is labeled bisexual? Why are bisexuals never allowed to have angst around their sexuality or come out later in life? Why is our pain, our internal struggle, never allowed to be discussed?

I'm not saying Buck should be viewed as gay. I think it's correct to talk about him as bi/pan/queer. But I do think it's fair to examine why Buck's relationship with Abby is viewed in its proper important context while Eddie's relationship with Shannon is diminished and ignored.

Buck gets to talk about Abby. He gets to have genuinely been in love with her. He gets to retain that piece of his character. Eddie does not. Eddie's relationship with Shannon ended up hurting him just as much as Buck's relationship with Abby, in fact even more so, and yet people handwave that away as compulsive heterosexuality (which is not restricted to gay people, by the way, bi people experience that as well) and act like he didn't actually fall in love with her and have repeated enthusiastic sex with her.

People love to tout Ana as proof that Eddie is gay, but it doesn't matter what your sexuality is - if you aren't attracted to someone and you don't want them touching you, then you don't want them touching you. If you don't want to have sex with someone, you don't want to have sex with someone. Your sexuality doesn't matter. Just because a man is straight doesn't mean he wants to have sex with all women. Just because a man is gay doesn't mean he wants to have sex with all men. Just because a person is bi doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone on the planet. And just because someone is asexual doesn't mean they have no libido or would never have sex at all for another reason (intimacy, fun, etc.). Sexual desire and drive are a very personal things, and both romantic and sexual attraction can play various roles or no role at all depending on the individual.

Eddie’s refusal to sleep with Ana or touch her is not a sign of him being gay as opposed to bi or queer or any other sexuality. It’s not a sign of any sexuality at all. It’s a sign that he was forcing himself into that relationship. He didn't want to be with Ana. He didn't love Ana. He didn't want to have sex with Ana.

Now, do I think how he broke up with her - his words about "the idea of us" - is insanely queer? Yes. Yes I do. And yes, for the record, I think that was deliberate on the part of the writers. But that simply says to me that he's queer. Not gay, not bi, not pan, not demi, not anything other than not straight.

To take that speech and those words and to say they could only possibly apply to a fully 100% gay man as opposed to anyone under the queer umbrella is hurtful. People's experiences as gay people are valid, and often, sadly, painful and just like Eddie's. But so are people's experiences as bi people, as pan people, as unlabeled people, as 'queer as in fuck you' people.

To wit: People ignore canonical evidence about Shannon, and claim canonical evidence about Ana as their own and no one else's, in order to support their interpretation of Eddie's sexuality.

That erases the rest of us.

I know that's hard to hear. I know that sounds like it comes with judgment. You are trying to speak your own truth, and you are identifying strongly with a character that you love, and it's hard to then hear that in doing those things, you are hurting or erasing others. I've had to hear that in my time, and I'm sure I'll have to hear it again, and it's never easy. But we must sit with this discomfort as our friend, not our foe, and use it to grow.

However, since fandom is our safe space, we often view anything and everything as a personal attack, and we often make judgments and interpretations based too strongly on our own experiences. Sometimes this is a good thing - I think the number of people who say Buck reminds them of their own ADHD are correct and that it adds great depth to his character. I'm glad Oliver has embraced it. I think the people who say Eddie speaks to their own demisexuality have a great point and I think it adds nuance to his character and behavior.

(In fact I also love trans!Buck headcanons! I think they're neat and I've read some fics I enjoyed that featured that.)

On the other hand, however, it often leads to people adding interpretations onto things that do not reflect canon or the actual character. They then view others pointing out the lack of support for this in canon, or the contradiction with canon, as a personal attack (looking at you, "Chim is abusive" people, go jump in a lake). It's hard to take that breath and recognize that not everything a character is or does or experiences is the same as what you are, or do, or have experienced. Especially when it touches on something as personal and important as our sexuality.

Because of this, I debated a long time on whether I should say something. I tried to identify the difference between what hurt me because it didn't line up with my thoughts and what hurt me because of actual stereotyping. I worked to make sure that this was more than simply taking an innocuous difference of opinion and twisting it into a personal attack.

Which brings me to why I say the word 'unsafe'. That seems like an extreme word. But I've seen people say that they "got a brain" and realized Eddie was gay, not bi. I've seen people take gifsets that mention Eddie being bi and tag them 'okay but I believe in gay!Eddie' or 'I'm a gay!Eddie truther'. I've seen people go out of their way in fics to mention Eddie disliking/being grossed out by female genitalia. I've seen fanartists put Eddie in gay colors/flags as opposed to bi/demi/etc colors/flags, on art that really didn't need it to convey the story - as if one cannot make a piece of art with Eddie on it without declaring one's opinion on his sexuality.

(Yes, I think there's a strong possibility that Eddie is demisexual. I wish people would embrace that idea more. Personally, I think he wouldn't label himself at all and simply say he was queer if asked. But given the discussion we're having right now on this post about gay/bi headcanons, I think it's clear a lot of people actually aren't as ready to embrace or consider minority sexualities as they might like to think.)

I repeat: this is not just happening on a person's own art or post or fanfic. People are reblogging posts, gifsets, and so on that mention bisexual Eddie and saying, okay but I see him as gay. They are not content to live and let live. They are actively saying they disagree. If you disagree, then why reblog the thing that talks about/mentions Eddie as bi? Why not simply leave it be?

I cannot overstate how hurtful this is; how much it feels like erasure, dismissal, and condescension.

You cannot tell me if that was something you saw about your gender, or sexuality, or so on, that you wouldn't begin to feel unsafe. That you wouldn't begin to question if you would be unheard, or dismissed, or viewed as less-than. Tell me you wouldn't start to wonder, if you were a character on a TV show, if people wouldn't erase your sexual and romantic history and ignore a big piece of yourself because certain sexualities just weren't good enough for them.

You cannot tell me that in seeing these things you wouldn't walk away with the idea that bisexuality (or other sexualities in general but bisexuality is the one brought up and to which being gay is compared in regards to Eddie) is viewed as lesser to these people, and to the community at large. You cannot tell me that some people are not internalizing this narrative, no matter what their own sexuality might be.

And, yes, reading that earlier paragraph you might say, "Mads, are you vagueing?" That is not my intention. I want to head off at the pass the rebuttal that this isn't happening. I want to cut off the demand for examples. However, I'm also not going to name names, because I don't wish to cause harm to people who I think, by and large, are well-meaning.

That's what I'm hoping is true, in writing this. That most of the people reading this, and pushing the Eddie-is-gay narrative, are well-meaning. "I'm bi myself!" many of you will say.

Yes, well. I'm a woman and I was perfectly capable of a lot of misogynistic thinking growing up, and I often fell into sexist stereotypes in my headcanons and writing and so on.

But I hope, since most of you are well-meaning, this post will instead cause you to think, and examine, and ponder.

I'm sure many people reading this are rolling their eyes and thinking, "what about the first rule of fandom? Ship and let ship? Kink tomato? Etc? Let people have different headcanons." I've certainly seen such flippant remarks from people before on this very subject in this fandom.

And the thing is, I have really tried to do that. I have tried to take it that way. But I think that it's also entirely fair for me to be hurt when a person's headcanon/interpretation ignores canon and erases a big part of a character's life and history.

I know, I know, we could get into a big philosophical discussion about how slash and femslash shipping by nature does something along those lines. But I feel that in the now-common interpretation of Eddie as gay, there is a pushing of stereotypes about both gay and bisexual people. There is a splitting of hairs on queerness. There is a subtext, whether acknowledged or not by those who push this interpretation, that being gay as opposed to a more fluid sexuality is more painful, more fraught, more challenging. That bisexuality, pansexuality, queerness as an umbrella term - those are less fraught and inherently easier. It's one of the pillars upon which exclusion in the queer community is based.

It also, generally, ignores the idea that one's sexuality can change over time. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe most people with the interpretation of Eddie as gay actually view him as being gay now and that's how he identifies now without erasing his canonical (and important) sexual and romantic attraction to Shannon. But that doesn't seem to be the case, and I certainly don't want to risk myself emotionally by trying to find out.

Not to mention that hey, when people are saying something is hurtful to them, seeing people make posts hand-waving and saying "get over yourselves, relax, take a chill pill" feels beyond condescending and dismissive.

I'd like to make it clear, I'm not asking for people to never write Eddie as gay, and that we should never see Eddie as gay again in this fandom, or that anyone who writes Eddie as gay should be dogpiled. I'm not the boss of anyone, I'm not the fandom police, I don't make the rules. But I think, when a certain behavior brings people pain - and more people than just myself, as I have learned in many private conversations - there comes a time when the least one can do is speak up about it.

Sometimes someone needs to be the one to stand up and say, "this hurts me. I am in pain, and this is why."

Again, especially when people are going out of their way to say "but I disagree, he's gay" on posts, gifsets, and so on mentioning Eddie having a different sexuality. You might feel this post is unnecessary. You might feel it's preachy. You might feel I should shut up and get off my high horse.

But the fact of the matter is when you come into someone's house tracking mud and they tell you to clean it up, you don't get to yell at them and claim they are trying to stop you from playing outside.

I kept my silence on this for a long time and part of that was I didn't want to police anyone. Now, however, we are at a point where people who think Eddie is gay are invading other people's spaces. It's not just that this headcanon is everywhere. It's not just that people are using such dismissive language when the possibility of Eddie liking women comes up. It is also that people are going out of their way to dismiss Eddie's bisexuality and argue that their interpretation is better on posts about Eddie being bi.

So frankly, I don't think anyone gets to walk away from this scoffing "don't like don't read" at me when nobody else around here is offering me that courtesy. If I could avoid reading it, I would. You came into my house, and the house of everyone else who makes a post, a fic, a gif, about Eddie being anything except a Kinsey 6.

Yes, reblogs are turned off for this. Anon is also turned off. You might say that's cutting off discussion, and you would be right. The blunt truth is I don't trust people online to respond with thoughtfulness, good faith, and care. I don't trust people to take their time and think before shooting off an emotional, defensive response. And I don't care to spend my time and energy educating people.

Maybe if I was a better person - a more social, more patient, and less private person - I would be the kind of person who would have the long hard discussions to educate and share my thoughts, to help you see my side. But that's not who I am, and I certainly don't owe it to anyone, not a single person here, to scrounge up my nonexistent trust and goodwill to have that discussion with you.

I've said my piece on this. I'm sure my tone seems harsh. The tone with which this is actually written is weariness, exhaustion, and, yes, nausea. It makes one sick and wears one down, to feel so on edge in a space and yet to try and ignore that to find joy anyway. Because I get a lot of joy in sharing my fics, and reblogging gifsets and meta, and I don't want to lose that joy.

But I suppose it needs to be said. I know others have said it, but I hope that I have said all this with enough calm and articulation that it will truly be understood, and it will not start drama or discourse, because that's not what I want. Truly. I spent enough of 2020 being dragged into one piece of bullshit drama after another. I'm not interested in wading back into that. I've kept pretty extreme radio silence for a reason.

My hope is simply for people to step back and take a long hard look at why they've decided one half of our ship is gay, and one half is bi, and what that might say about their subconscious stereotypes about gay and bi people.

If I've gotten you to do that, then this post is worth it.

I'm sorry I don't have any answers. I'm sure this would be a lot easier for people to read if I ended it with "and here's what to do moving forward." I think the desire to provide answers - for themselves and for others - is what drives people to make posts that condemn, or get aggressive, or seem to simply be out there to shut people up. People want to have a solution. They want the problem to go away.

I don't have a solution. I don't have answers for anyone. I truly wish I did. Part of why I've waited so long in posting this is trying to come up with a way to end this that would give people actionable steps. But at the end of the day, all I can really say is that I hope the people reading this will do some internal searching, and thoughtful discussion, and understand better the subconscious choices we make, the biases we hold, and how we can hurt people without meaning to.

I don't want apologies. I say that with love - I'm not looking for people to self-flagellate before me or make some kind of mea culpa post. I don't think that would help anything, and I don't think anyone owes that to me. Frankly I'm not interested in public discussion, and if there are posts others make about this, I don't want to see them.

You can make posts on your blog ranting about me (just please don't tag me, again, I don't want to see it). You can discuss this in your discord groups. You can vagueblog about me and chat about me in DMs. I don't care. I'd just like people to hear me say, "I am hurt, and you are hurting me, and I know it's not intentional, but this is why." Anything else is up to you. Any changes, in thought or behavior, are up to you. Probably nothing will change. But at least I've said something, and I've tried.

Thank you for reading this far, and I hope you have a great day. Stay safe and take care of yourself.

[galacticforces]

@ourcwnside sent:

"I'm going to kill them for doing this to you" { Crowley for Aziraphale bc you're so right he does deserve to be rescued }

Aziraphale was trembling, cold, lightheaded from the pain, clearly in shock. But even in this state, he knew that was a bad idea. "You can't. Crowley- Crowley, you can't." Because if he tried, all of Heaven would simply kill Crowley instead.