#hopefully the concert will change that. or that it'll come back before the concert

[le-velo-pour-dru]

...Well as a result of freaking out over what to do about my potentially unhealthy parasocial attachment, my brain has stopped feeling super duper strongly about Dallon for now X'D

[crystalsnow95z]

hi love, i missed your fics❤️i had a request for you!

jimin & hoseok go live together after a concert and jimin can’t stop sneezing bc of his allergies. (add your little bless you commentary pls it’s so cute😔)

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you like them, I'm sorry I disappeared for a bit but I think I fixed my mental state enough to write again 😅 for the first time in a month and a half I'm actually decently happy with this one.

In case you missed it in the request..

Warning: sneeze content

"I love you! I'll see you tomorrow!" Namjoon calls ad the seven boys slowly disappeared underneath the stage.

Jimin tried to speak, but the itch in his nose he's been trying to ignore all concert was building up, so he opted to make a heart above his head instead, scrunching his nose to try to hold the sneeze in for a few seconds longer.

"Eh..heh'tichi!" Jimin sneezes as soon as the lift drops him out of sight of Army sniffling to stop his nose from dripping. "Heh'hehitchi!" The sneezes he was holding back hit him all at once, Hoseok wrapping an arm around him to keep him from falling while the lift drops to the floor. "He..heheigh!"

"Aiigo..Bless you..are you sure you aren't sick, Jiminie?" Hoseok asks Jimin, rubbing the back of his neck. "You don't feel warm.."

"I'm fine, hyung. Staff already checked..che..sh..tich!" Jimin sneezes again, rubbing his finger across his nose. "I saw a doctor this morning before the concert. There's something about the air here that's setting off my allergies.."

"Did you take any medicine?" Hoseok asks, searching for a tissue for Jimin's runny nose, bringing him the box.

"Thanks hyung.. I don't understand..I'm usually not allergic to pollens.." Jimin blows his nose, sniffling again. "Yeah. I did before the show, but it really started wearing off during dope. I almost sneezed during my part..it was awful.. my nose itched so much.." he complains, his breath hitching for another sneeze that doesn't come. "Ugh.. I promised Army I would do a live tonight because I didn't join you guys for the live in Amsterdam."

"Army will understand if you aren't feeling well and skip it until you feel better." Hoseok reassures him, rubbing his dongsaeng's neck.

Jimin doesn't answer right away, trying to tickle the painful sneeze out of him, his breath hitching once more. "Heh..heiycvh!"

"Bless you.. Jiminie you don't need to force.." Hoseok starts, but Jimin interrupts him.

"No, no they'll only worry if they noticed I was sneezing a lot on stage then don't keep my promise. I want to at least expl..ah..heh'tichiu!" Jimin sneezes into the tissue, trying to clean up the mess that dripped from him.

"Are you sure you're okay Jiminie?" Namjoon asks, offering Jimin some water. "You've been sneezing quite a bit today.."

"Jiminies having issues with his allergies..I noticed there's a lot of plants I've never seen before by the hotel and stadium. Maybe one of those are setting them off." Hoseok explains for Jimin when he notices Jimin's face contorting as another sneeze builds.

"Heh'heh..ktchitxh!" Jimin stops fighting the sneeze when Hoseok finished talking, taking the water Namjoon offered. "Thanks Hyung.. all this sneezing is starting to hurt my throat..I'm surprised Taehyung-ah doesn't lose his voice when he sneezes.."

"Bless you.. make sure you wear a mask when you aren't singing to try to reduce the pollen that you breathe in.." Namjoon tells him with concern. "I'll ask staff to get you one with a filtering system."

"Thanks hyung.." Jimin takes a drink of water, trying to soothe his scratchy throat."Jungkookie seemed pretty sniffly today too. You should get..h..hey..iyfxh!' Another sneeze erupts from Jimin.

"I'll make sure he gets checked, too. Hopefully, it's just allergies for him too." Namjoon leaves to check on Jungkook.

"Go get changed so you can go home. I'll join you for a quick live session, okay, Jiminie. It'll be easier to do a live with another person with you." Hoseok offers.

"Thanks, hyungie. That'd be great."

Jimin followed Namjoon's advice, pulling up his mask as soon as they pulled up to the hotel, but he swore that whatever was setting off his allergies were still penetrating through the mask, causing an unbearable itch at the bridge of his nose.

Hoseok leads him inside, quickly using his key card to open the door to the hotel keeping his arm around Jimin's shoulder.

"He..he'hitch.." Jimin sneezes, grimacing when he feels the liquid drip down his nose and soak into the mask. "Eugh.." Jimin sniffles unhappily, not wanting to remove it until he was safely in the hotel room.

"Bless you Jimin-ah.. the medicine will kick in soon.. we can stay live until the sneezes settle down, but you should sleep after." Hoseok leads him to his room, fighting back a yawn.

"It's okay if you get tired, hyung. You can leave whenever you..he..geychi!"

"Bless you.." Hoseok says sympathetically.

"I can do it on my own or ask Jungkookie or Taehyungie to do it if you're tired.." Jimin digs out his key to his room.

"I'm not tired, Jiminie. I'm hungry..don't worry about me. Let Taehyungie and jaykay sleep. Those two were already falling asleep on the ride home." Hoseok reassures him, going into Jimin's bathroom to get a washcloth, wetting it and returning to Jimin, wiping his face clean. "Your nose is still so red, baby."

"Hyung that tick..eh..heh'tichi! Heyh..hitdhu!" Jimin sneezes, quickly backing up to avoid sneezing on Hoseok.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it worse.." Hoseok apologizes, giving Jimin the wet cloth.

"Heh'itchiiugh...it's okay.." Jimin sniffles, wiping his face.

"Bless you.." Hoseok goes to the humidifier at the side of Jimin's bed, hoping it would help. "I'm going to make food, do you want anything?"

"I'd like some ramen.. something a little spicy to help clear my nose." Jimin starts setting up for the live, adjusting his phone so both him and Hoseok could be in frame.

"Alright, coming right up. You can start without me while I cook."Hoseok starts boiling water for them.

Jimin goes to speak, but ends up sneezing instead. "Heh..heditxxchu!"

"Bless you Jimin-ah. I'll make you some tea too." Hoseok searches for teabags in the kitchen.

"I'm going to fix up my make up first.." Jimin goes into the bathroom, blowing his nose once more before trying to use some concealer to lessen the redness. "Ugh..my eyes are a bit puffy..and I look like Rudolph..!"

Hoseok giggles when he hears Jimin whining at his reflection. "You still look cute." He calls to him, reassuring the younger boy about his insecurities. "Army will still think you're adorable too."

You're just saying that..I'll just do what i can to cover it up, maybe if i dont sit too close to the camera no one will notice. Jimin finishes up his face just as Hoseok gets the noodles into the living room. "Foods done?"

"Yeah, but it's still super hot. I burnt my mouth trying it.." Hoseok warns, sipping some water to try to soothe his tongue.

"I'll be sure to..to..hyh..heh'tichi!" Jimin sneezes, sighing irritably. "That one hurt..:

"Bless you.. Are you okay?" Hoseok asks, concern etched on his face.

"Yeah.. I'm okay.. are you ready for the live?" Jimin checks the angle once more before sitting down next to Hoseok.

"Ready when you are." Hoseok confirms, blowing on his noodles to try to get a not so painful bite.

Jimin hits play, picking up his noodles, surprised that within seconds there were already people in the chat. "Hello army.."

"Hi Army." Hoseok greets the small handful of people who already entered, then slurps his noodles. "Aiish, I shouldn't be eating noodles before the show tomorrow, my face is going to be so puffy.."

"You look cute with chub..ch.." Jimin puts up a finger thinking he had to sneeze, but nothing comes. "Chubby looking cheeks." He finishes his sentence, taking a bite of noodles.

The two eat chatting with each each other while they wait for more army to join, watching the comment section.

LovePJM13: hi Jimin oppa, I saw the show tonight and it was amazing, but in one of the photos I took it looks like you were crying. Are you okay?

"Ah, no. No i wasn't crying at all tonight. I was really..ah..Heh'hehitchi!" Jimin sneezes before he could put the noodles down to cover his face, choking on the noodles.

"Bless you baby..Are you okay? Drink some of your tea.. " Hoseok quickly takes the bowl from him and moves the camera so Jimin is out of frame, rubbing his back to try to ease his cough.

Jimin takes a drink of the tea, trying to wash down the noodles. "Yeah,yeah, I'm okay now..but that was awful.."

"Here.. you got broth on your face." J-hope uses his sleeve to wipe Jimin's chin. "Ah, the chat is worried.."

Jimin looks over, noticing the comment section flooding with concern. "Don't worry. I'm fine. It didn't really hurt it scared me more than anything.."

Tannie13: Do you have a cold?

Jungshookie9: Are you sick? I saw you sneezing during spring day..

Hoseok readjusted the camera so they could sit on the floor, looking through the comments. "Jiminie isn't sick. It's just allergies. Him and Jungkookie are both having issues, but it's worse for Jiminie."

"We'll only be here for another two days. I'll be fine. It's more annoying than anything." Jimin tries to reassure army, but his body has other plans. "Heh'itcgih! Heh..itcvxhyu!" Jimin covers his face with his arms, sniffling miserably.

"Bless you Jiminie.. they really aren't going away.." Hoseok frowns, rubbing Jimin's back. "You poor thing.."

"I'm doing better than earlier.. my eyes were more puffy when I was in the bathroom.." Jimin looks at himself through the camera lens. I wish it was my sneezes improving though..

"Are you guys healthy army? I know a lot of people get sick when the seasons change. Jinnie-hyung was just getting over a cold when we left Korea for our tour.." Jimin asks, but when he tries to watch the comments, his eyes start to water, another round of sneezes building covering his face.

"Hey'Itfgih! Heh'hehitchi! Ah..ah..hitcxhi!" Jimin sneezes, quickly standing up. "I'm sorry.. I got to blow my nose.." his voice comes out congested and soft, leaving Hoseok in charge of the chat.

"Bless you.. take your time Jimin-ah, I'll keep army company." Hoseok tries to calm Jimin's concerns about having to get up so suddenly.

"Army if you saw the show tonight what was your favorite part and if you didn't go what did you do today?" Hoseok asks, watching Jimin leave with concern. "Jiminie Army says bless you!" He calls to Jimin when he finds that he can't catch any of the comments except for the bless yous and I love you Jimin that flooded the chat. "We love you Jiminie!"

Jimin was glad for Hoseok's shouting, helping to conceal the sound of him blowing his nose, the clear gooey liquid soaking through the toliet paper. Maybe I should ask Hobi-hyung to take over the live.. I'm such a mess..Army want to see me when I'm handsome and smiling..

Jimin takes out his phone to text Hoseok, hoping he'd check it, but after retouching up his make up and still not getting a response he returned to the livingroom, bowing to the stream. "Sorry everyone.. I know this isn't what you had in mind when I said I'd go live in the next city.."

"Jimin-ah, you don't need to apologize. No one's upset that you aren't feeling your best.. we're just worried about you." Hoseok pulls him into a hug.

"Hobi-hyung.. I'm so ugly and gross right now.. I think we should turn off the live and you can do one on your own for army in my place." Jimin whispers so only Hoseok hears, only earning him a tighter hug.

"Don't say stuff like that Jimin-ah, you're being too hard on yourself. You look fine.. it's just a little redness to your face, it's no big deal. Okay?" Hoseok whispers back to him, gently ruffling Jimin's hair and letting him go, turning to talk to the camera. "Army! Isn't Jimin so handsome today? I don't think a stuffy nose is enough to ruin it."

Jimin watches the comment section flood his jaw clenched with nerves. They're just going to say Hyung always thinks I'm cute or lie just to make me feel better..

DaddyJoon9:You have the cutest little sneezes I just wish they didn't make you miserable 😔

HEYStobit77:You think the sniffles are enough to ruin your pretty face? You're crazy oppa. You're still handsome!

Ot7borababy:You're still my beautiful angel. Sick or not. Just feel better soon.

Tannie13: we don't care about your looks. You're very handsome but I'm here for your sweetness, Mochi. Please smile.

Jimin tried to catch every comment that rushes by, his eyes filling with tears when he sees all the supportive comments flooding into his heart, sniffling once more.

"Jimin-ah are you crying?" Hoseok asks in concern when Jimin lays his head in his palms, letting out a shaky breath. Hoseok leans forward to read the comment section, relaxing when he sees nothing but positivity, a mix of compliments and concern. "Jimin-ah tell Army why you're crying.."

"I-i'm just happy.. Thank you Army.. I love you guys so m-much.." Jimin lifts his head to speak to them, smiling through his tears.

Hoseok uses his thumbs to dry Jimin's eyes. "Hey, hey Jimin-ah? Guess what?"

"Huh?" Jimin sniffles, looking at Hoseok's bright smile.

"You haven't sneezed since you sat back down. They're starting to stop." Hoseok announces relieved for his stressed out dongsaeng.

"Hyung..don't jinx it.." Jimin smiles, wiping his face with his sleeve. "Let's finish our noodles and get to bed.. I think I've had enough excitement for one day.."

[baekhvuns]

SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING 😭😭😭😭 everytime I wanted to shoot you an ask I was like "I wanna write a longer message, so let me do it later" and yeah later turned out to be a looooot later WTF MY LAST MESSAGE WAS IN THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST 😮😮😮😮 how and when... time is not real seriously it's insane. What did you think happened to me? 😅

Lewis said NEVER LET THEM KNOW YOUR NEXT MOVE, he is craaaaazy. Hopefully it'll end well for him, but the fuck is he oooooon. My friend needs to be strong, keeping her in my thoughts & prayers, cause she DOES NOT fuck with Ferrari at all. Imagine if I had to support Barca or Tottenham 😅 Damn the news about Klopp shocked me, Liverpool is doing so well, I guess it's better to leave when you're still successful. It's a shame he feels burnt out, but I get him

Omg, graduation, my child Baeksussy is growing so fast! You'll be free from your Avocado Uni soon, excited, nervous?

Stop not the rom coms and thinking about me ahshsjshajaja, romance is not dead <3 Any interesting WIPs? I haven't read fanfiction in 100 years, actually I haven't read much at all, my brain is all rotten 🙃

I hope 2024 is better for everyone, but I don't have high hopes, lmao. I just wanna survive winter, still trying to beat seasonal depression before I enter my allergy era. I spent my birthday as well as NYE SICK AND ON MY PERIOD BECAUSE IT CAME A WEEK LATE.

Yeah the job in Seoul highkey scares me cause I haven't worked full time like that in a long time, but I need a lot of money and it can actually help me a lot. I'm trying to do something more with my life, but idk if I'll manage, I don't smoke nor drink anymore so how am I gonna cope??? The good side is that I'm getting a really nice apartment and a car too from the company 😌

Meeting Yuta again would be an achievement, meanwhile I saw some other NCT members and Mr Xiaojun like 5 times 😭 when I finally got an opportunity to talk to him he signed my pc <3 I alsl came across Changbin, Yeonjun and Dino once, and Itzy while they were filming something. I went to bunch of NCT concerts in the past few months, I still have more to attend including Ten's con FINALLY TEN SOLO!!! I also saw SVT, SKZ and a few smaller groups, my last one was Everglow a few days ago <3

I miss being a massive Shinestar, there were a few anniversaries of my fan calls with him recently and I got sentimental. But yeah I don't speak to that many hardcore Atinys anymore so I'm not up to date with Atz. It's pretty sad, but maybe it'll change in the future. On the other hand I prefer to be more casual. Casual... meanwhile I gave so much fucking money to SM IT'S SICKKKK. I enjoy kpop music-wise still, but you're right something is a bit off lately...

In my defense, hear me out: I've only spent like 3 days in Vancouver! I barely registered what was happening, cause my friend and I were helping her friend who was giving birth 😭😭😭 she was not supposed to give birth at that time 😬. So if you by any chance were also birthing a child at BC Women's Hospital then perhaps we met! I also remember going to a food place called The Naam I believe as well as one really good, yet tiny Vietnamese vegan one. Oh and I visited a university, not yours though, but imagine agsjdhsjsjajddjskh

But okay I deserve the lashings! So I'll be your euro guide once you visit the old continent 💜 - DV 💖

i responded to this ask FOUR times 😭😭😭 & gave up bc it won’t load (this ask from u is still so surreal)

SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING 😭😭😭😭 everytime I wanted to shoot you an ask I was like "I wanna write a longer message, so let me do it later" and yeah later turned out to be a looooot later WTF MY LAST MESSAGE WAS IN THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST 😮😮😮😮 how and when... time is not real seriously it's insane. What did you think happened to me? 😅

6 MONTHS OF NOTHING I THOUGHT U WERE NEVER COMING BACK 😭😭😭😭 i actually genuinely thought something must’ve happened at your travel bc the last time u messaged me u said you were either hiking or in a jungle so no service or something and when u stopped responding i was like “omg the forest got to anon” 😭😭😭

Lewis said NEVER LET THEM KNOW YOUR NEXT MOVE, he is craaaaazy. Hopefully it'll end well for him, but the fuck is he oooooon. My friend needs to be strong, keeping her in my thoughts & prayers, cause she DOES NOT fuck with Ferrari at all. Imagine if I had to support Barca or Tottenham 😅 Damn the news about Klopp shocked me, Liverpool is doing so well, I guess it's better to leave when you're still successful. It's a shame he feels burnt out, but I get him

he REALLY BE LIKE THAT ???? hoping he gets his 8th, id celebrate like i won it,,, but it also makes me think— this year abu dhabi would be the last time he’d driver as a merc driver, goes to ferarri w/ 100 million a year,,, possible free cars from ferarri -> retirement soon,,, THIS IS TOO MUCH MR MERCEDES U CANT GO 😭😭 LMFAOOO i cannot wait for ur friend to turn up in all red apparel ready for a therapy session, she a real tifosi LMAOOOOO no fr 10 years is a long time i get his situation as well + focusing more on his family, it would be crazy if he went to barca id probably die

this is so accurate

wait omg did u also hear about what horner might have done 😀 and the fact that he and newey have a contract where if one leaves, the other follows = which in my delusional tifosi mind can only say NEWRY TO FERARRI 2024/2025 FERARRI WDC HAMILTON 8TH TITLE LECLERC FIRST TIME WDC

Omg, graduation, my child Baeksussy is growing so fast! You'll be free from your Avocado Uni soon, excited, nervous?

no really! a little TOO fast everything’s a lil too fast 😭😭 free from avocado 😭😭 iM very nervous actually but i can’t wait to leave it so i don’t have to worry about assignments being due 8am in the morning or having any classes at that, gonna get a few tats and enter the real world 😭😭😭 this uni took years off my life

Stop not the rom coms and thinking about me ahshsjshajaja, romance is not dead <3 Any interesting WIPs? I haven't read fanfiction in 100 years, actually I haven't read much at all, my brain is all rotten 🙃

romance is not but i may be soon fbkafjak nO NONE WIPS 😭😭 just dreams that would seem very real if i were to convert into a wip,, im on the same boat as u, i just stopped reading (also probably bc so many authors also left) i read like those older ones once in a while to feel something

I hope 2024 is better for everyone, but I don't have high hopes, lmao. I just wanna survive winter, still trying to beat seasonal depression before I enter my allergy era. I spent my birthday as well as NYE SICK AND ON MY PERIOD BECAUSE IT CAME A WEEK LATE.

JCJCKCJCKC STOP THATS THE FUCKING WORST (also u might hAVE recently had ur birthday so happy belated birthday!!!!) do u ever have high hopes and then those hopes just fall to the pits of the earth <3

Yeah the job in Seoul highkey scares me cause I haven't worked full time like that in a long time, but I need a lot of money and it can actually help me a lot. I'm trying to do something more with my life, but idk if I'll manage, I don't smoke nor drink anymore so how am I gonna cope??? The good side is that I'm getting a really nice apartment and a car too from the company 😌

hopefully this job gives u loads of moolah $$ so u can travel to more places!! you’re going to sk and the drinking culture there anon 😭😭 them bosses would be pissed if you didn’t drink bfwmdbwk OH???? A CAR AND AN APART??? OKAY THIS IS BIG GIRL MONEY AND A BIG GIRL JOB WOAH ANON WHERE TF ARE U WORKING 🤚🏻 MF SAMSUNG???

Meeting Yuta again would be an achievement, meanwhile I saw some other NCT members and Mr Xiaojun like 5 times 😭 when I finally got an opportunity to talk to him he signed my pc <3 I alsl came across Changbin, Yeonjun and Dino once, and Itzy while they were filming something. I went to bunch of NCT concerts in the past few months, I still have more to attend including Ten's con FINALLY TEN SOLO!!! I also saw SVT, SKZ and a few smaller groups, my last one was Everglow a few days ago <3

I miss being a massive Shinestar, there were a few anniversaries of my fan calls with him recently and I got sentimental. But yeah I don't speak to that many hardcore Atinys anymore so I'm not up to date with Atz. It's pretty sad, but maybe it'll change in the future. On the other hand I prefer to be more casual. Casual... meanwhile I gave so much fucking money to SM IT'S SICKKKK. I enjoy kpop music-wise still, but you're right something is a bit off lately...

this entire thing ‼️100% i have a few friends who i listen to the albums with when they drop one, engage in discussions abt the song choices and then go to the concerts just not a whole content type of person anymore idk if they’re doing some interviews or shows but i find out about it like a while later bc im just so out of the loop,, LMFAOOOO TO SM FHKWHDKWHDKW SM DOWNFALL HAPPENINGG something really is! idk maybe it’s like the star factor groups once used to have that’s just not existent as much? heard about teddy’s new gg & it looks very promising lots of star factors and an actual nepo baby but it’s likely not gonna be meeting up to the expectations

In my defense, hear me out: I've only spent like 3 days in Vancouver! I barely registered what was happening, cause my friend and I were helping her friend who was giving birth 😭😭😭 she was not supposed to give birth at that time 😬. So if you by any chance were also birthing a child at BC Women's Hospital then perhaps we met! I also remember going to a food place called The Naam I believe as well as one really good, yet tiny Vietnamese vegan one. Oh and I visited a university, not yours though, but imagine agsjdhsjsjajddjskh

anon you gotta be fucking kidding me right now YOU WERE 15 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME IM GONNA ANBFMWFHWKDW COMBUST GET THE FUCK OUT ???? I WAS JCJCKCJ RIGHT MF THERE 🔫 omg is the friend okay?? the baby??? birthing a child (added to ur resume),, YOU WENT TO NAAM??? ITS SOO GOOD ISNT IT!!! i will give u my step (it’s like u add a bunch of restaurants or places you’ve been to, kind like a itinerary) account for foods in canada OR better yet u give me urs so i can be prepared 🫡

u must’ve visited the rival university, fuck them actually, it’s time u come to my jail or a university with its brutalism architecture <3 im gonna assume u went to the bc’s uni which sucks ass in my opinion, avocado uni was and is >>>> sorry like imagine u come to my uni and walk past me and then have the audacity to send me an ask “hey baek sussy i went to ur uni today!” AND I LOSE MY SHIT

But okay I deserve the lashings! So I'll be your euro guide once you visit the old continent 💜 - DV 💖

you absolutely do,, absolutely i cannot wait!! i might even go twice that year! AND GIVE U YOUR LASHINGS THERE it would be really funny if u take me to spain and it’s an el classico night..

[thoughtsfromaveggie]

1/29- 2/19 (new year!)

Alright. So the past month and a half has been full of changes and I don't think I have had a second to really sit down and process everything. So lets start from December 2022.

November and December were stressful. After going through multiple interviews with programs that I admired (for the most part) and getting rejected many times, I was starting to lose hope. The biggest piece of feedback that I received from these interviews was that I lacked the experience. I found a program that would give me the experience that I need, hopefully. So I applied, got a spot and so I began the next steps. Found some housemates, created a list of homes that I was interested in, created a budget, and so on. Only issue was that I had bought a flight home for a month and the program started shortly after I returned from my trip. Right before my trip I was going to a Peach Pit concert and right before that, I was heading to Yosemite for a week. I also had my last shift at the coffee shop the day before I left to Yosemite. Apparently that coffee shop is up in flames now. That's what the owners get though. They were the absolute worst. Fantastic coffee though, I'll give them that.

Yosemite was lovely. I have never been at a loss for words for an area. Though I love the outdoors, I'm never fully "impressed." I think it stems from understanding how these formations come to be. Maybe to an extent I'm desensitized to the beauty of it all. I digress. The sights were beautiful. I slipped on some ice and scratched my face up, I still have a small mark on my face from the accident. I'm hoping it doesn't scar but if it does, that's okay, it'll be a nice reminder. Right after I fell on my face, my partner and I were starting to run low on energy, I was slightly agitated from falling on my face and we couldn't find the end of the trail. So they took of their shoes, carried their stuff across the lake, came back, put me on their back and carried me across the lake. It was very sweet of them. The next day we summit the top of Yosemite falls, which is one of the tallest waterfalls in the United States. It was definitely a challenge but I am proud of us for getting to the top. The amount of people we saw going up just as the sun was beginning to set was concerning. I hope they're all okay. There was a large group of kids from SF potentially on a field trip that were struggling. Oh. this was on Thanksgiving. I almost forgot to mention. It was a great hike. I always loved how California mountains seem to be separated into three different terrains.

Anyways, once we got back to the Airbnb, we made ourselves a little thanksgiving dinner, mac and cheese, some veggies, fake ham. It came out pretty decent for the equipment we were using. The next day was pretty relaxed, and I cried as we left the park. Not only did I get to see the national park that really kicked off conservation of parks and land, but I was also saying goodbye to California. I am two weeks into my new home and not a day goes by that I don't think about california and how much I miss it.

Once we got back from the park, I packed my bags, I packed Ben up and headed to the Bay Area. I spent about a week there. Ben and I really like our time there. They always seem happy. And I got to be a stay at home partner. Everyday my "partner" went to school or work, and I would stay back waiting for them. Cleaning the space for us, cooking us lunch and dinner, then getting more housing stuff in order. It was really nice. I never thought I'd find that lifestyle appealing but it was endearing. I wouldn't mind being a stay at home partner for a little.

December 1st was Peach Pitt. They were fantastic. I thought I was going to cry for sure but I was in a newish setting at this concert. There have been maybe three concerts (including this one) where I was not in the crowd. We found this nice little spot towards the back that was slightly elevated. I have never felt such intense emotion when listening to a guitar solo than I did with Chris. They did this cool little thing where their guitars harmonized together while they were playing the song "Hotel California." Tash Sultana came close, I think company also had a small influence on how I felt at those concerts. I felt pretty empty after that concert. That hallow feeling lasted a couple days.

A few days pass by and it's time for me to head back home to pack and get ready for my flight back "home." I gave myself little time to pack and on the next day I embarked on a 8+ hour trip to the other coast.

My time back home was surprisingly quiet. I worked with my dad everyday at their new business. It was nice getting to work with him. Every morning him and I would go to a new cafe and try out their coffee. I would tell him about what I tasted, if it was good, and how they could improve. He threw the idea of helping me start my own coffee shop at me and was beginning to find spots for it. I cannot fathom how quickly he was ready to open one up with me and help me. I think that would be so fun. I think it would be Latin themed. There was this one coffee shop in Portland that really caught my attention. I'm blanking on the name currently, but it's owned by a Mexican human and their espresso drinks are inspired by traditional drinks and flavors found in Mexican dishes. It was lovely. I would love to do something similar with Central America and their traditional flavors.

I really didn't do much more than work. I hung out with my brothers here and there. They were also working most of the time. B and I headbutted a lot which was so disappointing. It's been happening for years but it always hurts to fight with him. His girlfriend is also the worst in my eyes. The youngest one has a girlfriend now too. I like her. She seems good for K. I also got to spend a lot of time with my cousin M. He makes me laugh so much. I miss them all so much now that I'm gone. i wish we got to spend more time together.

I was super concerned about seeing family since my trauma was spilled to the family by a drunken, protective, yet sloppy father. I expected to be seated down with my uncle and confronted. But thankfully when he saw me working at the grocery store, he walked the other way. In a way, I'm kinda disappointed that there was no conversation. He gets to live on and take advantage of others. Takes money from my family, treats them poorly, and so on. Though there was no talk, I am happy that it really didn't impact my stay too much.

I also saw a past partner, the one that has been on my mind for so terribly long. They reached out to me in August, asking me what I expected from our friendship, and how I viewed everything that happen. I was honest, told them that I didn't really see much of a friendship between us but I still had hope for us in the future. I interpreted their response as them feeling mutual about my statement. It's so funny because every time they would text me, or we would have a phone call, I ended up hurt. By my own doing of course. I don’t think I’m fully able to have them in my life. And maybe I never will be. Them appearing hurt each and every time. I longed for this person for over two years, romanticizing what we had the entire time. Looking back now, it really wasn't that great. I was not happy, and by no fault of theirs. I was dealing surprising so much trauma at that time. I never acknowledged the pain I was in. i was also so confused in my own identity and the body dysphoria was all consuming. I did not treat them well at all. I was a horrible person. I do believe that I loved them above all. I still believe that they were my first love. But how much of it was real? how much of it was trauma? I guess it really doesn't matter.

Our hangout was fine. They drove up to see me. We headed out to a park and sat by the Bay together for a bit. It was the same place that we had our first date actually. I'm not sure if they remember that we kayaked past that location together. We chatted and got coffee. They told me about their new partner and I was happy to listen. The language that was used made me feel quite uncomfortable, it almost felt as though they were trying to really highlight all the areas that I failed in, and how their partner is significantly better in those areas than me. I also acknowledge that I could have been reading it wrong, especially as a past lover. Being together felt like old times, the playful banter, the goofiness, the big old smile of theirs. I guess none of that was exclusive to our relationship but it was very missed. Seeing them fucked me up. I ended up getting stuck in my thoughts and focusing on them too much. So much so that I actually went to their account and read their most recent post. It really put the nail in the coffin for any hope of there being a future together. And to think I thought something else may have happened when we saw each other, especially considering that a few days before hand they sent me a text saying that their friends didn't want them texting me when they were drunk. Silly me, reading too deep into it.

Seeing that post set me free though. I realized that I was never really able to love my partner fully because of the feelings I was holding onto. I told JC about every time MDM and I would talk. I was always so painfully transparent about how I was feeling, how much I missed MDM, how I felt as though I could develop feelings for MDM at any second. I cannot imagine how JC felt about that. I was holding on, and holding myself back from a loving relationship. Before I left home, and right before I saw my past partner, JC and I had a talk about where we stood, and I told them that I didn't want to continue doing what we were doing due to past actions and excuses that they always gave me. I think that scared them because that night they cried and told me that they want me. We talked about how they hurt me and how they need to improve. A few days passed, and we made it official.

The entire time I was saving a spot at my "love party" for someone who would never show up and not giving enough to the person who had been showing up for an entire year and a half for me. They are actually the one who picked me up from the airport on January 6th with arms wide open, eyes that twinkled when they saw me, and a smile that could make my heart melt, along with a container of food for me. They drove us to their apartment in the Bay Area for the night. The next day they drove me to the light rail and we kissed each other goodbye. Once I got to Sac, I began to pack up my things and began to get ready for the roller coaster that I was about to embark on. I packed, donated, put coins into little sleeves, and awaited the day to arrive for my big move.

A day before my move, my friends threw me an "emo night" party. On the table there was a basket full of weed (I haven't smoked in ages) and a cute little tofu stew awaiting me. It was lovely to see everyone. It's nice knowing how loved I am. I miss everyone in CA.

And with that, my bunny, JC, and I were on our way to a new state the next morning. I gave my housemate a hug goodbye, shed a tear, and left my home. The drive wasn't too bad. It took us about 13-14 hours to get up here. JC and I tag teamed it and honestly, time flew by and my bun took it like a champ.

We settled into my new home, they helped me run some errands, and we got to explore the new city. I have to say that I don't fully love living in a big city. I don't hate it but I don't really like it. The only redeeming feature is the light rail. Honestly the community here is nowhere near as good as it was in CA. they keep calling it the WA freeze and I feel it. I've been looking for some mutual aid groups to volunteer with but I have been having a harder time finding one that calls to me. In sac, there were so many, and I loved them all so much.

I don't see myself staying here. Maybe my gut was wrong about finding community out here. I could be very wrong. I'm going to ballroom event next month so I hope to meet some cool people out there. who knows. Today I went to a Salvadorean bakery, the southern part of the town seems to be where all the cool folks are so maybe I'll spend more time exploring that area.

Anyways, my partner left a few days after being here with me, and they told me they love me before getting on their plane. They have never said it first and it was nice to hear them say it with more ease. (they have never been good at saying they love their friends or family, we are working on it). A few days after they left, I started my new job, along with a battle with getting new plates, license and what not for this new state. Shortly after, i found that my car was beginning to shake, so now i suspect that my transmission may be hurting. it's been a few weeks and I do not have the funds to take it to the shop but I think my next paycheck will allow me to take her to the shop.

Every morning I would wake up at 5, get on the light rail and get to work at 7:30. The commute was rough but I grew to like it. The people were okay. I think my crew from last year just made such an impression that these folk are kinda disappointing, or so it seemed at first. Now it's been almost a month and I feel as though folks are starting to warm up to me. I still feel as though they all speak over me and ignore me, which makes me feel some sort of way but honestly who gives a shit. I'm too hot and sexy to care about these pathetic little white people.

The opportunities that are appearing in this job give me lots of hope honestly. I think I will definitely get a better shot at the jobs I was applying for last year. I'm excited! I do want to apply to some jobs back in NorCal. I really do think that's where I want to be.

I went to a valentines day party yesterday with my coworkers and that was pretty alright! And my partner sent me flowers which was really sweet. I hung them up to dry so I can hang them up on my wall. I told them that when we break up I was gonna eat them. their response was "wow, you really have this all planned out." At the party, one of my coworkers kept hugging me and telling me that they loved me. That was fun. Thank you gay man

Anyways, its pretty late, and this post took forever to finally finish. Honestly, it's just a lot of word vomit but I do feel much better. I felt myself getting a bit sad right now and this def got my mind off of it. I'm sure I'll have more to add later. Remember to take ur vitamin D cause this lack of sun is something else.

[ms-hells-bells]

when bts first got big in the us people called them shallow pretty boys whose music had no meaning, and that they didn’t even write their own stuff. it was obviously wrong, their music had depth and they wrote/produced a lot of their stuff. but now they somehow turned themselves into that stereotype. singing about random bullshit, no artistic creativity, don’t even produce their title tracks anymore, obsessed with american approval. it’s sad

exactly. i criticise those songs because i RESPECT them. i love their music, i love the messages, i appreciate what they do. i don't think it's too much their fault exactly, we don't know how much their management had a hand in it, especially post step down of bang pd from the top position. but the boys themselves seem to have internalised that discriminatory westernism, they seem to think that a grammy, an award from a rigged show in a random country, means more than any of their other awards, their general fame, their fanbase, or anything else. why does an american award mean the most? why is it worth creating songs that are probably not too enjoyable for them, or at least a lot less enjoyable than the ones they produced, wrote for, had complicated but fun dances for, and put their own feelings into, in order to have some old white men give them a fake gold trophy? my guess is when you're that high up, you have, as they've admitted to before, a crisis of identity, and it becomes hard to know what to do next, hard to form goals, hard to establish your true self worth. so, they're chasing pointless goal after pointless goal, in the hope they can figure out what to do next. but they'll get that grammy and nothing will change, and hopefully then they'll realise that they don't need to be constant representations of their entire country, of their entire race, they don't need to be constantly breaking records and barriers if it means that they're no longer happy with what they do. americans aren't worth more than koreans.

and no, i'm not projecting emotions onto them, they've previously mentioned never wanting to do english songs, the aspect of them producing and writing their own stuff has always meant so much to them, the rappers have barely been able to rap properly, they're constantly flying back and forth from and to the US, which is mentally exhausting, they get asked the same questions over and over again, etc. etc. add on covid meaning not being able to tour, do concerts, fan meets, all the stuff they literally loved most about their career, and you have what i can't imagine being a fun time. the novelty of an extended break a la covid would have worn off long ago, and since last year, they've barely even properly had that break. no one is immune to emotional exhaustion, fatigue, and the unhappiness that comes from not being able to do the things you love AND being made to do stuff you DON'T like.

i bet they all secretly look forward to the two years in military, they'll get to be themselves, by themselves, no special treatment, not thinking about their career, it'll be like a mental break despite the stress that can be in it.

[swimperialentanglements]

CHAPTER 4 – Going to the Concert Hall in Chibias

Mara Jade

In less than an hour walk, they reached the borders of the big city, a place too crowded and too noisy for her taste "Stay close, it'll be a few blocks into the center of the city, we should see the concert hall pretty soon" she told Harris, walking a little faster. Her senses in the Force were sharp, but still she had learned her lesson and tried to keep her focus on her physical surroundings.

Soon enough, they reached the center of the city, full of people of all kinds and of course, full of transports. They could barely transit without crashing or block each other. "Big city, big mess" she sighed, checking on Harris who was right beside her. A little to their right they could see the giant and elegant construction of the concert hall, with its pillars, its crystal dome and its golden details.

"There it is" she said, then turned around and walked back into the street and deeper into the alley. "Please, keep guard for me, I'll get ready" she asked Harris. "Asked", she tought, for some reason, giving an order to this stormtrooper didn't feel right. What in the galaxy was going on with her?

Trooper Harris

Harris followed Mara until she ‘asked’ him to wait. He was certain she would accomplish her mission without his assistance. He leaned casually against a pole, activated his blaster under the loose trousers and nodded. He expected her to have her clothes changed, but as she told to wait, he would do that. From where they were, it was possible to have a relatively clear view of the concert hall. He started associating the parts and picture with the diagrams he had received - he figured out how to arrive at the rooftop: the cable way passed just 6 metres to the east side of roof. He would swing the trolley and jump. Risky but doable for a mere human like him. Piece of cake for Mara though. By she didn’t need to be there, she had the tickets. He checked the chronometer and Started to worry as Mara was taking longer than 15 minutes to come back. He had not heard anything - she was somewhere inside, perhaps finishing their makeup.

The doors of the concert hall opened 2 hours before the spectacle, exactly at 1 pm local time. It would be odd to be there alone, so he agreed that a small delay was not harmful to the plans. Then, he spotted an armored flying car arrived, surrounded by 6 speed bikes, each of them with 2 bodyguards. Legolas left the car followed by other 4 men. One bodyguard dismounted each of the speed bikes and the four began to inspect the surroundings, as if looking for anything suspicious. Harris knew they’d be coming to his direction and sneaked into the alley where Mara had entered and crouched behind the large dustbin. ‘That was close’, he thought to himself. Mara was facing Legolas Castor and 8 men in total in the concert hall, while six others were in the speed bikes. Not so dangerous, he thought. But where was the redhead? They had to adjust they com frequencies. Was she going to be that reckless? He held his breath in the hope Mara would reach him.

Mara Jade

She had never been a typical female. She had never been a typical human being either. But knowing how to look exactly right for every occasion was part of her job. A dune lady in Tatooine, a smuggler's female trophy or an underground dancer for some Hutt gangster, she didn't care. She finished her light makeup and fixed her elegant green dress in place. She was ready. She sensed Harris's tension as she walked back to him. Then she saw the armored vehicle and the bodyguards securing Castor's perimeter. "Seems someone's very afraid of something" she whispered into Harris's ear. "I should get in and merge with the locals" she said, not even trying to hide the annoyance in her voice.

Trooper Harris

Harris gasped surprised as she appeared out of nowhere. How has she sneaked in behind him out of nowhere? He decided not to ask - she was the Hand after all. “I got it. I think this is quite standard for these thugs. They’ll shoot at everyone they dislike or look suspicious. As I said, I will be in the rooftop. My radio frequency is YX682,76. If you have any com, use it - send it and I’ll wait for your Imperial code. If you need, I can throw a rope and pull you upwards - keep in mind this scape route, I don’t think you’ll need it anyway”, he stretched his hand to hold hers firmly. “I know you don’t need it, but.. good luck”, he said still paying attention to the speed bikes.

That was the firm time he tried physical contact with Mara. How would she react? He didn’t know. It was just instinct, hugging a fellow before the battle they could not return from.

Mara Jade

She squeezed Harris's hand tighter than she should, but she had accepted the fact that she cared for him, after all he was trustworthy and extremely valuable for the Empire. "You'll be able to hear everything" she told him, taking her golden round earring between her thumb and index, it was both communicator and microphone.

"If things get tough, we should have a key word, no imperial codes for safety" she warned, looking at Harris for the key word.

Trooper Harris

Harris felt her hand. Impressively, it was soft and warm. He wanted to stare at her face, to see how she was acting, but he didn’t find it professional. Neither would she. Besides that, the speed bikes were flying time and time again. He needed to find the precise time to sneak out of the alley without being seen.

“A key word?”, he asked surprised but it made sense, taking into account what had happened earlier. “Why not Luke for me and Arron for you?”, he smiled without facing her. He liked the irony of using the name of a rebel traitor. No one would suspect.

Mara Jade

"Works for me" she smiled. "Be careful Harris" she said, taking a last glimpse of her companion and heading for the concert hall entrance.

Mara walked slowly and careless, like any lady in high society would, looking around casually with the intention to detect anything abnormal. But everything was normal for the occasion. She watched Legolas Castor from a few feet away, he indeed looked like a man who had gained the favors of a criminal organization and the local government at the same time, probably cheating on both. She watched him closely, the way he moved, the way he talked, even the way he would constantly look around like a scared creature. That was the price he had to pay for his fortune and his fame. A couple of women walked up to him and begun chatting. Castor was being polite, if anything. Maybe, his attention wouldn't be as easy to catch as they had expected, but she had her tricks. The Force was quiet, not even the sensory overload inside the hall would make a presence, and that was a big sign on itself. There had to be Ysalamir around somewhere.

‘Damn it’, the Hand thought to herself, whomever who was responsible for the ambush at their arrival was now right there... or wasn't? What if Castor was so afraid of getting caught he would go the distance to prevent force users to have any advantage? This mission was getting more confusing by the minute, but one thing was clear: the only way to know was to get in the head of Legolas Castor, and that was her goal. She followed the crowd taking their seats slowly, and soon she was sitting next to Castor himself.

In less than five minutes, Harris was in the cable car swinging to jump to the rooftop of the concert hall. Dressed in a dark suit, which facilitated the camouflage and blurred the view depending on the circumstances, he reached the rooftop with ease. Just as the plans of the building indicated, there was a small hatch close to the east entry. It was locked but Harris used a small vibroblade to get it open. In the next instant, he was inside the building. The ceiling was empty - there was nothing unusual. He was walking down the corridor, towards the middle of the ceiling, where there was another opening. Then, Harris realized there was something should not be there: a 1-square metre cage with reptile-like creatures. That was odd. He promptly recalled that those were the same creatures that appeared in the ambush in the space port. ‘Damn it, it is a trap”, he thought to himself as he began to associate the incidents with the animals. He didn’t know why. His survival instincts, unrelated to the weak force he had, just hinted that. He recalled that Mara was vulnerable and nearly died there. Harris didn’t think twice: he opened the cage and slaughtered the three creatures. He had no idea what it could mean. Hopefully, he had done it right.

[quelsentiment]

hi pal! wow tumblr truly is the worst haha sorry you got so many duplicates last time. i'll probably sen you a bit of a longer one this time too to make up for being so MIA lately. we just finished finals week at my uni and i was so exhausted all this week. thank you so so much for understanding though im so soft :( i hope youve been doing well!! tell me all about what's new with you! angst and fluff is my fav. i honestly dont even know what my ideal design would be. i used to think maybe i(1/?)

would get my name in my mom's native language (thai) or maybe something floral? i never put much thought into it tho bc ive never had any intention of actually getting one haha. what about you? oh, writing with a friend is the best! def makes it so much more fun and keeps you on track. i love that! getting matched with your artist sounds SO exciting. and how fun will it be to see art for your fic baby soon! omg! yeah writing has really kept me here even when i would be busy/uninterested my all time fav fic ever is Just Me, You, and this Box of Matches. it's such a fun, fast-paced read. what are some of your faves? yeah teaching has been great but i was def nervous to start! im in my 2nd year of my phd rn. oh linguistics is awesome! i took a class in ling in undergrad and it was fascinating. do you know yet what your plans are for once you finish? i went straight into my phd without a gap.. i suspected (i think correctly) that if i took a gap or worked i wouldnt go back LOL for the holidays i'll just be going to visit my parents! usually we'd get the whole family together but covid, so it'll just be us. im still excited tho. plus it'll be a great break to just chill, write, and sleep ahaha! my lab is really great but i only joined it about 2 months before covid really hit so i think it would feel way more home-y if we were in person. hopefully someday soon we will be! saame haha im so introverted it has hardly changed much for me - just no more eating out lol louis' concert!!! aah its been so long since i last messaged you im so sorry! he was AMAZING though. his VOICE! esp having been around for so long, my heart was so full it was bursting. i missed seeing him more than i realized! i hope you had a really great week and now that im done with finals and grading i should be wayyy more active and chat with you so much more. thank you though for being so understanding and lovely! i'm so excited to get to know you more too. ily!! xx 

hi pal!!

glad to see you back, and i’m happy you’re done with finals! i hope everything went well 💕

i’m doing good, my parents actually joined me where i live a few days ago, so we’ve been catching up! and my sister should come here tomorrow as well, so i think it’s gonna be my turn to be a bit unavailable in the next few days, sorry in advance 😌 otherwise i’m almost done with TA-ing for this term, but i’m also preparing a talk that i’m gonna do in mid-january at an online conference, so that should keep me busy throughout the holidays!

oh i love those design ideas!! but same, i haven’t thought about it that much, i guess ideally i’d like something small and cute, like a simple animal drawing or something...

i never heard of that fic, but i just checked the tags and it sounds so fun!! i’ll add it to my tbr, even though i’m hardly reading anything these days... i think one of my favourite fics is actually a zouis fic (i’m a sucker for this pairing 😌). it’s called About The Sea and is beautifully written, quite angsty as well!

yes, linguistics is pretty cool, it’s a very diverse field, and the perfect mix of science and humanities for me! but i’m not sure i want to stay in this field forever, tbh i’m kinda lost as to what to do afterwards, because i’m not sure academic research is really the way to go for me... what about you? are you planning on making a career in academia once you’re done with your phd? and do you have candidacy exams or something along the way? my ex-roommate was doing a phd in poli sci, and telling me about all she had to do, it sounded like A LOT :/

ah yes i feel you, working in person is much more fun and motivating, so i do hope your lab reopens soon!

YES seeing him was so calming and refreshing, and he sounded so good!! still can’t believe it happened, actually 🥺 what were your favourite songs from the set?

it’s always so nice to read your messages, but don’t worry if you’re busy, i totally understand!! weirdly the holidays tend to be the busiest time of the year haha