#hopefully soon ill be back whew

[jihyocentric]

*pokes my head in the doorway* hey....how yall doin??

ahaha 'soon' came a bit later than i meant but im here!! and like i said before i really enjoyed the stuff youve been writing, esp the puppy!hyo fills. i always love the contrast between how rough jeongyeon is with jihyo and how nayeon is always looking out for her BUT they love her sm. I JUST LOVE PUPPY!HYO

and the fill u did for me i still go back and reread it cause WHEW mean nayeon and good girl hyo are quite literally two of my favorite things now. and nayeon just holding her in the end :((( yeah thats LOVE

but hopefully ill be back to chat more!! i felt bad just leaving u like that but im here!! and lemme just say now that fwb!jeonghyo are FINALLY gfs THANK YOU IT TOOK THEM LONG ENOUGH LSKDJFLS

but yeah take care!! <33

-🐶

been a while 🥹 hope you're doing well

jeongyeon is rough but unintentionally honestly! pup hyo is just too used to nayeon doing whatever she wants however she wants that when jeongyeon comes in and takes her as she pleases, pup hyo just doesn't know how to deal with it 😭

mean nayeon and good girl hyo IS THE BEST COMBINATION IDC!! and yeah fwb jeonghyo are FINALLY dating officially, no more jihyo begging to be jy's gf and getting on jeongyeon's nerves bc of that! just wait until she wants to get married /j

(that will take some years but jeongyeon isn't 100% free yet... perhaps she'll never be.. bless her heart!)

[hitoshisbabygirl]

Authors Notes ♡: WHEW I LOVED THIS I had a time trying to come up with an idea and then it hit me : a princess being saved by fantasy au! Dabi. I’m still nervous with my smuts but heh I enjoyed this a whole bunch to write . Dabi is my favorite villain and I just love him so much, I tried to make him a soft inside and hard outside man in this , I Had fun for our free for all collab and I hope I help give it just a fun twist to fantasy and Halloween spirit ~ I hope you enjoy reading this and much as I did writing it ~ bunny ❥

Warnings :UH NSFW! Demon dabi has two dick (and their thick) , pet names, unprotected sex , a tad bit of a size kink? , a bit fluffy at the end but I think that’s it!

Word count : about 2k give or take!

Paring(s) :Dabi x F! Reader

Even with this being NSFW I had to make it a soft fluffy ending I’m sorry ♡

———————————————————————

Enchanted flames

Dabi

“If you have found this letter the Princess of Yuei needs your help. Meet me in the Enchanted Woods tomorrow night. Ill escape with you if you can save me from the proposed wedding - Princess [ ]”

With a sigh [. ] dropped the letter out of her window hoping someone, anyone , could save her from the doom that awaited her from an arranged marriage that had been planned from her kingdom to be to the neighboring ones prince, a smaller and very...purple hot headed boy by the name of Mineta who was unsavory for a lack of words. Sighing as she watched the paper fall she secretly wished her type of prince would come save her from this hell she expected.

As the night approached she slipped past her guards, telling them she was going out for air in her garden. The two towering men who looked down at her agreed, moving at the way to let the young woman past them and out into the halls, her dress dragging behind her as she headed out the giant doors to her garden. Taking in a breath she climbed over the perfectly managed hedges andddd off into the forest adjacent to the castle, roaming through the woods to her chosen spot to hopefully meet someone who could save her.

“Hello there little sheep, you called for help, correct?” A low, raspy voice called out as [ ] turned around , looking into the dark abyss in front of her. “ Hello? Helloooo? Who's there?” the girl called out as she heard something heavy land behind her. Turning to her right she saw bright blue eyes look back at her from the shadows. Before she could react a rather warm hand covered her mouth as the person or thing dragged her throughout the woods , the two of them slipping into the night. As soon as [ ] woke up her eyes adjusted to a dark but brightly lit and beautiful chasm, cyan and turquoise crystals of all types surrounded the room as she felt intense heat from everywhere around her. Standing up on shaky legs she felt eyes on her from behind. Letting out a deep breath she turned only to run into a barely covered chest.

Looking up from the revealed purple and pale skin , she saw those same blue eyes , lit with curiosity. “Ah you're awake..welcome little sheep to my...well..living quarters” The mystery man spoke as [ ] blinked at him, a grin spreading over his face as he continued to speak “Well i guess the princess doesnt know she isn't in her little castle anymore. Haven't those guards of yours realized they can't leave royalty alone or guys like me come along and take them out of their cute little homes” He said as [ ] gave him a suspicious look , her own thoughts taking over her face as a sense of calm rested over her features “Ohhh so you're the one who found my note..” She said as he gave her an unreadable look , soon walking away to leave the girl in her own world. “I guess he did” she thought to herself as she heard the male come back, a pile of things in his hands. “Here; a change of clothes and something to eat. I tried to be gentle taking you out of those dreaded castle grounds and through the woods but your dress isnt the smallest thing in the world” he said as [ ] let out a giggle , picking up the dark shirt and skirt he had given her along with the meal : some type of rice and meat with soup. Before she could ask the man answered “No i didnt steal it, i told you this is my home , its only natural id have something in this god forsaken place to eat.” He said as he pointed down the cave. “Theres a waterfall ahead if youd like to freshen up there.” And with that [ ] walked down the empty carved walls, finding the waterfall he was talking about.

Once she was finished getting cleaned and dressed she headed back the way she went, seeing the male now cloaked in a dark cape , fiddling with a pile of wood before setting it ablaze with a bright blue flame. “Ah i see you're finished , ILl be heading out , i'm gonna find us some more wood so you don't get cold. Theres a pot over there where you can reheat your food and get more if you like.” As he finished he proceeded to get up and head down another pathway, presumingly to the opening of the chasm “Wait!” [ ] called out as he stopped, turning to the girl with a questioning look back at her. “Yes princess?” he responded to her as she felt a unnatural wave of heat spreading to her face from simply calling her by her actual title. “What can I call you? And how long will you be gone?” She questioned. “Aw are you worried about me?” He cooed as she puffed out her cheeks “I was just curious” She lashed back as the male in front of her laughed , giving her a crooked smile. “ The names Dabi, and i won't be gone too long, an hour or so” Dabi said, giving her a smile as he started to leave again.

“Oh yeah , and there's a spare jacket in the back if you get too cold or that fire goes out.” and with that he left [ ] by herself as she finished up the dinner he had made which was exceptionally good, even better than what she tended to have at the castle. While she waited around for dabi to come back , [ ] looked at her royal dress, the red and pinks making her want to revolt as she pushed the fluffy tooled pile up into a blanket of sorts, covering her legs as she sat there thinking about her predicament “I really ran away...but what else can you do when youre gonna be married off to someone years older than you for land and alliance” she thought with a sigh as footsteps came from behind her , Dabi pulling his hood from his head as he smiled to himself at the girl in front of him “Im back princess” He declared as she turned to him, giving him a small smile as she stood up, dusting off her dress , coming up to Dabi “So...whatcha find?” She started as he pulled the bag from behind him , dumping out different goodies for the two of them. An array of food, wood and fresh buckets for water collections. “Here, this is for you too” Dabi said as he passed her a well woven balck dress, better than the two piece he had first given her. Taking in a deep breath he spoke up “I didn't want you to struggle with rags , so i got you something a little more comfortable and well...suitable for a run away princess” and with that she looked up to him and giggled which was heaven to his ears. ‘Why thank you Dabi..i'm flattered” [ ] said as she took the black dress , running to a hidden corner to change as Dabi smirked “Oh boy..what have i signed myself up for”

Weeks later and multiple posters for the lost princess later, [ ] had a rhythm living with Dabi. They cooked together and he left out to get things from shops ans out in the woods. Word spread that the princess had been stolen and the ugly grape himself had put a reward out for her safe return. Unknown to everyone she was quite content with the dark demon mage Dabi and his home in the woods. He explained the chasm as his work space, a place he could hone in on working with his flames and different elixirs that people needed. He was a half breed of human and demon, his father ridding of him to hide his affair with an otherworldly being, to keep the peace of his people and the overworld people as well. He really wasn’t a bad man, just someone who stayed in the shadows and kept to himself. And [. ] ‘s heart went out to him, as his did out to hers as she explained her own situation. ”Well damn sweetheart at least i saved you hm?” Dabi said as the two of them laughed together about their lives and what they'd like to change.

As the night drew on and they had their fair share of drinks and food that night “Thank you Dabi..for everything” [ ] said randomly as they relaxed by the fire he had started , [ ] wrapped into the oversized fur Dabi made her as the male laid against a log watching the tired girl mumble to him. She gave him a sleepy smile once he put his warmed hand on her face. “You're cute yknow...i'm not gonna let anyone get to you okay?” He said as she shook her head, moving herself closer to him , laying her head on his lap as he rubbed her head until she fell asleep, him soon realizing he was in love with the rogue princess in his lap.

As the next month rolled around , the princess and her demon mage had started a loving relationship, the two of them growing fonder and fonder of eachother. [ ] noticed that Dabi had tried avoiding being around her when she was fresh from the shower or even roaming too close behind her, he even took more time to come home with more ingredients or even sleep opposite to her. She didn't understand the switch from wanting to hold and hug her to avoiding her all day. One day she was able to catch and trap him with her. “Yes princess…?” Dabi ased as [ ] crossed her arms around her chest , the simple movement making him turn from her. “Did I..do something…?” She asked, her eyes bouncing between his as the turquoise she learned to love ignited with heat.

”Oh no doll...you haven't done a thing but make me want you even more..”

And with that comment her eyes widened. “What..?” She questioned. And with that Dabi picked the smaller girl up, pinning her to a crystal wall as she gasped, wrapping her arms around his neck.”Dabi…….?” [ ] called out as he started to kiss her neck ,running his rougher hands up the soft flesh of her thighs. “I think i'm in love with you doll..youve been invading my head or a while and all i can think about is making your cute little body want me the burning way i want you...I wanna make you cry out for me all night long...make you mines forever.....is that okay?” He whispered in her ear. With a shudder she agreed , letting him kiss the swells of her brest as he gave her a lopsided smile, picking her up and taking her to a pile of pelts and wool they made into a bedroom to rest in. Placing her down lightly he towered her , taking off his vest to reveal his toned and scarred body “Youre quite a beauty yknow...im glad you trust me…” He said with a smile as [ ] herself smashed her lips against his, cutting off his mushy talk. With a groan he pushed her dress up , letting her breast bounce out from the top. Pulling away from the kiss she helped him take off the dress over her head. With a shy smile [ ] covered ehrslf and laid back, spreading her legs lightly to expose her glistening lips to him

“Well damn, i havent even toughed you yet and youre this wet..what a little slut you are”

He growled out as he leaned back over to give her a kiss , pulling her lower lip as he licke dhis was down between her legs, giving her clit a hard suck as she whinned , closing her legs over his head as he slurped away at her pussy, making sure to watch her through hooded eyes, a tail whipping from behind him as a pair of horns appeared from atop his head, one mangled and cracked the other long and curled “Surprise” Dabi called out as his voice dropped octaves, it coming out as a low rumble as [ ] felt her walls clench at the sound , a chuckle coming from him. Going back to slurping and sucking on her labia and clit , Dabi watch with glee as the gilr under him started to shake, her hips rolling back to his mouth as he bit lightly down on her lips and pulled away from her , laughing at her pleas and whimpers “Turn sound baby and let me show you how much i love you” Dabi said , watching as [ ] rolled over arching her hips back as he smacked her ass, loving the moan she let out. Pulling down his pants he pulled his throbbing member out, rubbing it hard against her clit as she felt her heart jumped at the feeling of how thick he was. All of a sudden she felt hands pull her cheeks apart as a finger rub around the tight rings of her ass. With a gasp she looked back to see not one but two swinging dicks between the burning up male, a feral look in his eyes as he let a low rumble come from his chest “ Sorry babygirl..when I change there's more than just one of me to deal with, i promise i'll be gentle” He said as he rubbed her tight muscles just loose enough to put in the tip, her lower lips drooling as he slid his true size into her throbbing walls, moans and grunts tearing through the chasm as he pulled his hips back , starting to set a rhythm to his hips. While he picked up the pace, [ ] felt herself being full as the two dicks of his stuffed her. She could help the feeling of her walls getting tighter as she came once then twice and not once did Dabi stop, he laughed as he gave her more and more , pushing himself deeper in her as he let out what sounded like a howl of pain as he doubled in pace, reaching down to rub her clit as she screamed, soon feeling a hot and warm gooey feeling flood her senses. Dabi slowed his hips down as he pulled himself from her ass first, then from her pussy and cum started to leak from her holes.

“Shit...im sorry princess I didnt mean to go so rough…” Dabi breathed out as [ ] turned around giving him hr own lopsided smile as she saw him transform backto himself, those turquoise eyes softening as he saw the woman he had fallen for spent out from his own actions. “Geez when you said you were a demon i didnt think it was true…” She laughed as he scratched th back of his neck “Ive never transformed like this around someone….especially during sex but that means I trust you a lot….well doll..let me clean you up and then...we can go fro round two hm?” He smirked as he watched her pussy clench and relase more cum once he said that. “Mhm...clean me Dabi then we can have some more fun..”

[blackmissfrizzle]

Worth It (The Prelude)

Worth It- Pt 1

Summary: The reader meets Marcel for the first time. This a prelude for the Worth It series.

Characters: Marcel x black!reader

A/N: I couldn’t get out of my head how the reader and Marcel first met, so I just had to write it. I think I love this series the most. I love writing for Marcel and I’ happy y’all are enjoying it too. I already got ideas for Part 3 so hopefully it’ll come out this week.

“Baby girl, you bet not be doing any magic in that shop of yours. Just sell your herbs and elixirs and go on about your day.” Your dad warned you for the fifth time today.

When you returned home yesterday, you learned that Marcel had forbidden the witches from doing any magic or there would be deadly consequences. Poor Ophelia didn’t believe him, and she paid for it with her life. Ever since then, the witches have been scared.

Hence, your parents nagging you about not using your powers. Naturally, you had a rebellious spirit and they knew that you would have no problem testing Marcel.

“Daddy, I promise.” You lied through your teeth. It may not be today, tomorrow, or anytime soon, but you knew eventually you’ll give into using your powers.

Before grabbing your keys, you kissed your mom and dad goodbye. “Be careful and no magic!” You heard right before the doors closed on them.

—

“Oh wee, chile, I swear you’re a miracle worker,” Mrs. Jackson smiled as she wriggled her fingers around.

Laughing at the older woman, you handed her the mix of thunder god vine and eucalyptus. “No ma’am, I’m not. I just know what to mix to help that arthritis of yours.”

She hugged you and rocked you back and forth. “Either way, I don’t feel any pain and can move my fingers.” Mrs. Jackson checked her watch and quickly let go of you. “Oh, look at the time. I gotta go. Paula’s bringing my grandbaby over. Take care of yourself Y/N.”

“I will and remember apply the ointment twice a day!” You called out to her before she was out the door.

After, Mrs. Jackson you had a steady flow of customers until towards the end of the day. It was so slow you decided to close the shop early and head to Rousseau’s to have a drink with your sister. However, your new set of customers thwarted your plans.

“Took you long enough to show up,” you told Marcel and his gang.

“You were getting busy. Didn’t want the tourists to see all the commotion.”

Clasping your hands together and bashing your eyelashes, you replied with faux gratefulness, “Oh my god, how sweet.”

He smiled at your sarcasm, revealing a blinding smile. It was the type of smile that made girls swoon and weak in the knees. Too bad he was dick.

“You’re funny, but that’s not going to save you. I’m sure that the other witches told you that there is absolutely no magic to be done.”

Walking to where he was, you slapped his hand away from touching your herbs. His friends were about to attack you, but he held up his hand to stop them. “I know and I really don’t care about your stupid ass rules. If someone is in need, I’m helping them.”

Marcel looked at you curiously. Most of the witches he knows are only out for themselves and their coven. “So, who was worth your life?”

“Mrs. Jackson. She’s a seamstress and her granddaughter is deaf, so she uses ASL to communicate with her. But unfortunately, for Mrs. Jackson she’s has really bad arthritis, so I give her an ointment, but the pain relief spell helps a lot too; she doesn’t have to come here as often if I perform the spell. So, if you’re gonna kill me because I helped a sweet old lady keep her livelihood and talk to her only grandchild so be it. You’re the one that’ll have to live with that on your conscious, not me.” You knelt down before him to make the job easier for him.  The other witches may live a life with fear, but you weren’t.

Looking at his friends, he wordlessly told them to leave your shop and they reluctantly obeyed. Diego and Thierry didn’t trust witches at all, and they didn’t want to leave Marcel alone with you, but they had no choice. Once his friends left, Marcel knelt down in front of you and lifted your chin, so your eyes could meet his brown ones. “You’re telling me that you cast a spell on a woman that makes her come to your shop less often. Doesn’t that make you lose money?”

“Its not about the money. Its about helping the people of New Orleans, specifically the brown ones. I can’t cure cancer, but I can lessen the pain and that’s more than our government is doing. Its more than you’re doing. You call yourself King of the Quarter, but who are you helping specifically? The vampires? Because last time I checked there’s more humans than vamps.” Self-preservation obviously wasn’t an attribute you had to be speaking to Marcel like this. Easily he could wrap his hands or sink his fangs into your neck, sucking the life out of you.

“Have dinner with me.” Marcel offered you. It’d been so long, since he’s been genuinely intrigued by a woman. Yeah, he’s slept with other women, but this was the first time in a long time he wanted to get to know a woman. If he wanted to be honest with himself, he knew he wanted to know more about you as soon as he laid his eyes on you. Even though, you greeted him with an attitude he knew there was a kind spirit in you.

Marcel was staring you down and it was beginning to be too much. His gaze was stirring things up that shouldn’t be stirred up at all. He was a vampire, you’re a witch, there should be no attraction at all, but damn it he had you interested.

To a degree you knew Marcel was good. He saved Davina Claire from being sacrificed during that Harvest Festival, which your momma called a bunch of nonsense and that’s why she don’t fool with those white witches. “They always wanna sacrifice somebody. Unless it’s the good Lord telling me to, which he ain’t done since Abraham, I ain’t killing nobody,” she would always say.

You took a good look at Marcel to assess if he had any ill-intentions towards you. He seemed that he didn’t, but you had to make sure. “Like eat dinner with you or be dinner for you?”

He laughed at you, big time. Your inflection, the look on your face, and body movements were hilarious. Marcel knew for sure he had to get to know you.

“Nigga, I’m serious! I know I look like a snack and all, but that’s not the way I prefer to be eaten.”

Marcel tongue darted out across his lips, which made you zero in on them. They were so damn kissable, that you had to stop yourself from leaning in once Marcel began talking again. “No, we’ll eat a dinner and I much rather have you for dessert anyway.” He said suggestively, licking his lips again.

Lips were moving, but no words were coming out. You must’ve looked like an idiot, but Marcel didn’t think so. He thought you were adorable being struck speechless for the first time during this encounter.

Lifting you to your feet, Marcel got within a tenth of a inch of your ear and whispered, “I‘ll pick you up at 8,” and just like that he left leaving you stunned.

Quickly, you pulled out your phone to text your sister.

YOU: Change of plans. Meet me at my house. I have a date!

—

Bianca stood in front you, working here magic on your face. She was the best makeup artist in the state, and you got all her services for free and you earned it too; you were always her test subject.

“And he ain’t even ask you? Just told you what time he’ll pick you up without asking where you live.” She asked, waving the powder brush. In response, you shook your head yes and she kept going. “Whew, that’s some big dick energy!”

“I know, right?! If he hadn’t zoomed off, I probably would’ve given him the panties right then and there.” It was true. Marcel had a hold on you and you were sure you’d lose all common sense around him.

“I heard sex with a vamp is top tier. I’ve been trying to get at Diego, but he ain’t having it.” Bianca’s had a crush on Diego as long as he’s been in New Orleans and at first he was interested until he found out she was a witch.

“He’s just scared that’s all. Maybe he’ll come around.”

Bianca was applying the finishing touches when she went on a rant. “That’s what I told that nappy-headed ass nigga! I told him stop being scary because the only thing that’s gonna put a spell on him is this pussy!” She stuck her tongue out like her idol, Cardi B and you joined in with her laughter.

“Oh, look at my big sis, looking all fine.” Turning you around to face the mirror, Bianca revealed her handiwork. She kept your face to a light beat, going for the natural look, highlighting your best features.

Shooting out of your seat, you hugged her thanking her profusely. “Girl, ain’t no problem. You know it ain’t hard to make you look beautiful. Now turn Marcel back to the dark side.” You furrowed your eyebrows at her, you had no idea what she was talking about. She leaned into you and whispered like you weren’t in the privacy of your home. “He’s known for dating white girls. Rumor has it he dated Rebekah Mikaelson back in the day.”

The knock on the door stopped you from asking anymore questions. Damn a nigga for being on time.

On the other side of the door, stood a delicious looking Marcel Gerard with a bouquet of Swamp Azaleas. “I heard these are your favorites,” he handed you the flowers, but Bianca took them instead.

“They are. Now, don’t have her back until the sun is up. Good night!” She pushed you out the door so hard that you stumbled into Marcel’s embrace and god did he smell good and felt even better.

Feeling like you were overstaying your welcome in his arms, you tried to pull away, but he pulled you back. “No, I like how you feel in my arms.” For a while, Marcel just held you until you reminded him you would like to go on the date and for the first time you noticed a nervous smile from him. “Sorry, I just get caught up in you,” he stated, before he escorted you down to his car.

--

Thank god, Marcel didn’t take you to an overpriced date. He could tell that you enjoyed the simpler things in life and took you to a local restaurant. It required you to dress nicely, but not like if you were dining at a Michelin star restaurant.

The conversation never got dull and he never got insulted by the jokes you cracked about him unlike some of your previous dates. What you truly bonded over was your love for New Orleans. There was no place like NOLA and even if you visited other cities, states, and countries, New Orleans would always be your number one love. It was the same way for Marcel.

The only thing you disagreed on was how to run the city, but it wasn’t a disrespectful debate. He even challenged your thoughts by bringing up that you weren’t heavily involved with the coven, so why fight for them so hard. The man was good, but you couldn’t let him know that.

Dinner was coming to an end and you couldn’t help but think about what Bianca said about Marcel dating white women. You knew she didn’t mean it as malicious, but it was causing doubts in your head. If it was true, then you were shit out of luck because you were far from his usual dates.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” His voice pulled you from your thoughts.

“Nothing. What makes you say that?”

“Your eyes.” He pointed to your irises, holding out his forkful of dessert for you to taste. The mix of warm, gooey brownies with ice cream, whipped cream, walnuts, and chocolate syrup had you moaning and rocking back and forth in happiness. “That right there is what I’m talking about. Your eyes are so expressive you can’t hide what you’re feeling. That’s why I knew you would go on a date with me, you felt the same attraction I did. So, I’ll ask one more time, what’s going on in that head of yours.” This time you could tell by his tone that a nothing wouldn’t suffice.

“Do you typically date black girls?” The words were so jumbled together that Marcel almost didn’t catch the question.

A slow smile crept on his face once it did register and he gripped your hand and rubbed small circles into it. “Thinking back on it, my more recent partners have been white, but don’t let it get twisted, I will always love black women.”

Satisfied with his answer, you let the topic go. Easily, y’all finished dessert and then went out to walk down Bourbon street. Marcel let you pulled him into dancing when you heard the familiar sounds of Zydeco. He kept up even when they switched up to bounce music and you began twerking on him.

Unfortunately, the night had to come to the end. Marcel walked you back to your front door and you both just stood there not wanting to end the date. “Want to come inside?”

“I can’t,” he replied. Your mood immediately saddens at the rejection and you turned the doorknob to go inside, but Marcel closed it. “You and these damn eyes,” he murmured. “Its not that I don’t want to come inside. Its that you have work in the morning and we both know if I come inside, you won’t get any sleep.”

“Oh,” you deeply sighed at his explanation. Now you had to try to get him inside somehow.

“Its not happening, so get those dirty thoughts out of your mind.” He smirked at you, loving how emotive you were. “But if you let me, I can kiss you.”

Eagerly, you shook your head yes and he chuckled at you. Marcel grabbed the back of your neck, bringing you closer. His eyes flickered from your lips to your eyes repeatedly, just making the tension that much more intense. He finally descended his lips onto yours, releasing you from that torture and bringing you into bliss. His lips were softer than you imagined, his beard tickled your face, but you loved it.

Remembering that you needed to breath, Marcel reluctantly pulled away with a small bite to your bottom lip. Your eyes fluttered opened and there was no denying the lust in them. Marcel leaned his forehead against yours and whispered into your ear, “You’re going to ruin me.”

You weren’t sure if he was talking to himself or you, but you responded either way. “I’ll be worth it,” and you went inside leaving both you and Marcel frustrated.

Tags: @twistedcharismaaa @l-auteuse @nightgirl250 @cocooned-butterfly @thickemadame @artsninspo @titty-teetee

[the-nysh]

Garou does have a lot of charming and redeeming qualities and most of the fans seems to like him. But do you have any constructive criticism for garou or any quality that you seem to dislike in him? Plus I love your writing :)

Oooh, let’s see...(and thank you! :’3) ‘Dislike’ may be too strong a word...but he does have his interesting character flaws (which, depending on how you look at them, could be seen as more endearing/charm points, heh ymmv) and I certainly have my concerns for him.

The big one is obviously him going around hunting heroes who never personally wronged him (no matter how justified he feels in doing so by attacking the system’s ‘justice’, and even when he announces his intent by warning them first) is still...well, a crime, and beating them up and putting them in hospitals while other disasters are raging, dwindling their numbers when they’re needed more on the front lines is also...not very constructive or his best judgement of the current situation either. He thinks he’s making an impact that way (including wanting to build his notoriety), but objectively, we know that’s unhelpful the wrong approach. 

So you could say he’s stubborn to a fault (to the point he even recklessly endangers himself), indecisive about what he really wants (and who he really wants to be), and in some chronic denial about himself too (a bit of an oblivious dummy because of that), and doesn’t tend to think things through either, so his perspective ends up rather warped short-sighted and overly hasty. He may feel things very strongly (his heart coming from a good place tho) and is often driven by those emotions, but he doesn’t always know why he feels the way he does, or how to deal with them well or channel them in constructive ways. In turmoil from emotional constipation~ So his pent-up anger/frustration can erupt in reactive outbursts or he lashes out on instinct (which can be dangerous;; esp if it gets out of control or he accidentally does things he doesn’t mean to making him feel shitty afterwards.)

From early on, he’s been bound by spite and a world view formed perhaps too soon in his childhood (which is actually limiting *cough* key word). He may think he already knows ‘this is how the world works’ based on what he’s personally perceived and experienced....but that actually makes him rather naive to the real world instead. :O Especially by thinking he could change and unite the world thru fear...lofty in scope, but a bit too idealistic, cause the real world’s not so simple. Ah, and Psykos did call him ‘pure of heart’ too. He prematurely set out calling himself the monster (read: identifying and sympathizing with those who’re systematically treated unfairly), conflating another group as the ‘bullies/bad guys’ instead (based on his own personal and fictional projections a bit too much), and all without even knowing what real monsters are actually like! (Which he ends up hating anyway once he finally meets some for real.) So hhhh;;; (his intentions may be grounded from a place of moral righteousness, but his methods in response to that, by setting out wanting to achieve balance, are certainly...ill-advised) he really lacks that necessary life experience and guidance. :’)

Which is also rather tragic, because when no one was on his side as a kid, he likely lost his trust in adults/authority figures to help him (when alone and powerless) and the reliance on any potential support system from others too (striving to become strong and self-reliant on his own instead; aka the ‘you gotta stand up and save yourself’ outlook) when...after everything learned from ONE, that’s against the whole message about how much we actually need others to function/mature/grow/thrive (connections with others are important!) And Garou...all by himself lone-wolf style, taking all that burden upon himself, believing he had no other option to take either (even when not true to himself or happy about it, yet he still felt he had to perform the role anyway), just ends up being self-destructive...;.; So he couldn’t have gotten far on a path like that, but whew, thankfully Saitama stepped in before any of this could spiral out of hand! (With Tareo’s help!) The lesson finally (and hopefully) liberating him from his previously binding mindset. :’) (Which we still have yet to see what becomes of him next~) After finding himself and the truth, ideally there should be nothing else holding him back (or forcing him to conform to such ‘roles’ anymore) cause it’ll be just what Saitama says, he can still do what he wants, and try again in a new/better way, even after experiencing failure the first time around. So ahhhh...(this got pretty long, heh) I definitely have my many concerns for him, but seeing him struggle and figure out all this for the better makes me rather fond of him and all his flaws instead. <3

[lowpolyleaf]

ty @mithrilesbian for tagging me!!! i appreciate it 💘

- last song: teeechnically it was mitski - old friend but i cant NOT mention the fact i have had regina spektor - better on loop for the past 2 days since i listened to tma 200. mental illness ❤️

- currently reading: i dont really read anymore because i have SO much to read for uni as it is lol... but planning to attempt the silm hopefully soon,, send thoughts and prayers 🙏 other stuff on my to-read are also the odyssey actually (but only after i finish the caroline alexander translation of the iliad) + a bunch of ancient greek plays when i eventually get physical copies!

-currently watching: started book 1 of infinity train with a friend a couple of weeks ago and i wanna get back to it soon!! also rewatching haikyuu w said friend

-last movie: i thiiiink train to busan? liked it a lot.. on my to-watch are the shining (for a class) and @/thorinlesbian's hobbit trilogy cut! looking forward to both :^)

-currently craving: oof i had a really rough week honestly w nothing going according to plan in my life LOL so id say no more nasty surprises (please)

whew that got a bit long my bad,, anyway tysm again for tagging me! also, i tag whoever sees this and wants to do it! 🤗

[ohmeohmayohmy]

With the Slightest Smile, Chapter 12

Taglist: @reedusteinrambles​ @juxt4p0siti0n​ @kurtnehhh​ @chlobo6​ @reavenedges-lies​ @livcaper @singularpurplepansy @geek-and-proud​

Notes: Hello everyone! Thank you for the patience and kindness. I’ve been swamped with school work for weeks, and had to put this on the back burner. There’s a lot put in this chapter, but I think it’ll set things up nicely for the upcoming ones. And I’m super excited for the next chapter, so hopefully that will be out in like a week. That’s the goal! But don’t hold me to it. Anyway, please enjoy...

Warnings: Drinking, swearing, mentions of illness, sexual implications (no smut)

Words: 11.9k + (whew!)

___________________________________

May 13, 1974

Silent. 

The waiting room was completely silent. Or at least, it was to you. You had no interest in what anyone had to say, not unless they were carrying a clipboard with Brian’s chart on it. Something about being on the other side of the nurses’ desk made you realize how alone you were. The person waiting to receive words of comfort, not give them. Being the one to tell visitors about their loved ones was definitely preferable. 

But you had to stop thinking about yourself. You didn’t matter. 

Nothing mattered until you were able to hold your best friend in your arms.

_______________

July 9

“I don’t want to play Scrabble.”

Brian leaned forward in the bed, confused by your answer. “Why not? You love Scrabble.”

“You always beat me,” you pouted, but a smile quickly snuck across your face and betrayed your jocose demeanor.

“Not always.”

“The times you let me win don’t count.”

He scoffed, dismissing the accusation, and flopped back into the pillows supporting him. “That doesn’t sound like something I'd do.”

You laughed quietly. “But it does, ‘cause you did.”

Brian hummed, unsure of how to respond. “What if you just denied a man his dying wish?” He asked, already knowing the weight of the words he meant to say lightheartedly. He regretted the question as soon as it slipped.

Your heart dropped into your stomach. Despite knowing that it was a joke, you choked up thinking about it, because a few weeks ago the notion was a horrifying possibility. After the transportation from New York, and being admitted for hepatitis and gangrene, Brian was rehospitalized for a previously undiagnosed ulcer. He had barely been home for a day between hospital visits.

“Your dying wish would be to play Scrabble with your roommate?” The word roommate felt foreign as it tumbled from your lips, it took you by surprise.

I’ve never referred to him as that before.

Brian’s eyes looked up at you, hopeful, glistening. You were too busy biting the inside of your cheek while zoning out to truly process his expression. “There are worse things in life.” 

You sighed before meeting his gaze. “I should think so.”

“And you’ll never win if you never play.”

You shrugged, watching his face intently. “But I wouldn’t lose either.” He shied away from your stare. You frowned at the shift in dynamic, but subtly shook your head to bring yourself out of it. The already-set Scrabble board caught your attention as you cast your sights around the room. A small pit formed in your stomach. “Did May play when she was here?”

Brian cleared his throat, readjusting his sitting position. “Uh, no. Couldn’t convince her. Said she’s terrible.”

Miss Almost-Perfect can’t play Scrabble? They’ll never last. Guiltily, you eased at the thought.  

“That’s just a thing girls say when they want to seem demure.”

“They?” He arched an eyebrow, looking skeptical. “So, you don’t?”

You leaned forward, closing some of the distance between the two of you. “I would, but I’m good at everything,” you taunted. A smug grin was etched in your cheeks. This time, Brian’s eyes melted into your fixation. You were the first to break away. He lingered, and you could feel it.

After a quiet moment, Brian took a deep breath. It alarmed you, so you returned your eyes to his face. He had an expression of concentration, but didn’t appear to be pained.

“Something on your mind?”

Brian hesitated. “She doesn’t think you like her,” he mumbled.

Despite knowing exactly what he said, you felt the need to ask “What was that?”

“May doesn’t think you like her.”

You made a face of disbelief, but even you didn’t find it convincing. “I don’t know why she would feel that way. Did I do something?”

“Maybe you’re just intimidating.”

That made you laugh. Genuinely. “Intimidating? Have you seen me?”

“I have,” he teased, scrunching his face with disgust. You glared, squinting your eyes. “You do make scary faces sometimes.” Brian’s voice grew more high-pitched out of defensiveness.

“Maybe you’re just scared of me.”

“Indeed, I am.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re the most terrifying thing I know.” It sounded sad, the way the sentence fell from his lips. Nostalgic. Melancholic. Something.

You couldn’t put your finger on it.

“Well, I’m a woman, not a thing.”

Brian shook his head again, sighing with good nature. “More like a force to be reckoned with.”

You smiled brightly, puffing out your chest in pride. “I like the sound of that.” He grinned back at you, feeling the warmth in your presence. You shifted in your spot at the foot of his hospital bed, clearing your throat. “Why’d you say so?”

Brian was taken aback. “What?”

“Why’d you say May thinks I’m intimidating?”

“Well, I didn’t say—”

“Should I spend more time with her?” 

Please say no. Oh god. Please.

Brian wanted to say no. He really did. “Maybe…?” His voice squeaked slightly.

Fuck.

You changed your disappointed expression to one of content. “I was going to lunch with Ronnie tomorrow. Would—” cough “—would May be interested in joining?” That might make it better. 

“No Stella?”

“If May finds me intimidating, I don’t think it’d be the right choice to bring Elle.”

Brian chortled softly. “You’re probably right.”

“I tend to be.”

The playful conversation lulled. It wasn’t awkward, but it also wasn’t uncomfortable. You just sat quietly, too far from each other. Neither of you tried to fix the distance. Brian began to twiddle his fingers, not sure what to do with them. You found yourself staring at the Scrabble board. It looked like a short game had been interrupted by something, and the few words on the playing space were the only remnants of the interaction.

Brian made a sudden movement, which brought you back to the moment you were sitting in. Snapping your head to him, you saw Brian trying to reach the guitar case next to his bed. With glee, you watched him wiggle and squirm, trying to reach without having to stand up. Eventually you took pity on him after seeing his frustration, and walked four steps to pick it up and hand it to him. He graciously accepted it.

“Do you want to hear what ‘ve been working on?”

“You’ve been writing songs? What about rest, Bri?”

“I find the music relaxing.”

You couldn’t argue with that.

“I’d love to.”

Brian’s heart skipped a beat at your quiet encouragement, he almost forgot to play. When he started strumming in a soft, yet aggressive pattern, you closed your eyes and allowed the sensation to fill your ears. He hummed a melody over the chords. You peeked through a half-opened eyelid, watching the concentration on Brian’s delicate face. He had his forehead relaxed, his eyes fluttering gently, and his bottom lip between his teeth. It was the most beautiful sight you had seen in a while. You never wanted it to end.

Upon playing the final portion, Brian looked up from the strings, wistful. You applauded enthusiastically.

“Beautiful, Brian.”

His cheeks grew rosy. “Thank you, love.”

“Do you have any lyrics for it?”

“Not quite.” He was lying.

“A working title, perhaps? It might help.”

He shrugged. Changing the subject, Brian said, “Tim came by.”

You felt slightly disoriented by his abruptness. “Oh?”

“The Scrabble game,” he gestured to the table. “We played a couple.”

“Oh.” You nodded, trying to express understanding. “How was he? Haven’t seen him around lately.”

“Great! Nellie’s expecting. They’re really happy.”

You beamed. Nellie was one of your childhood friends, the girl Tim had fallen in love with in your teen years. “That’s wonderful,” a tearful response came through. Brian looked concerned by your reaction.

“Y/N, love, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. ’M just so happy for them.”

“Me too.”

You looked down at your hands, wringing them. “They’re truly the lucky ones, huh?” Brian didn’t know what to say, but he knew exactly what you meant. “He didn’t get the fame he always wanted, but I think he’s happier this way. He finally got his girl.” Brian’s heart sank at the words you whispered. Maybe it could have been him who got his happily ever after if he never rose to fame. Maybe it could have been him who got his girl.

“Bri?”

“Hmm?” He didn’t meet your gaze.

“I think you’d make a great dad.”

That was enough to lift his eyes to your face. 

“Really?” The small smile of his surprise made you swoon.

“Yes, I really do.”

Hushed moments ensued, but neither of you seemed to mind. The butterflies in your stomach made up for it.

For the first time in weeks, everything felt alright. Everything felt hopeful.

_______________

July 10

You held the door open for Veronica, whom you had given a ride to the restaurant. 

May hadn’t called before you left for the early lunch, so you had assumed she decided not to come, but upon your inspection of the dining area, your eyes landed on a familiar head of strawberry blonde hair. The bell jingled, announcing your arrival to the staff and other patrons. She turned around in her seat and waved at the sight of you two. Veronica waved half-heartedly and made her way to the table. You took a deep breath, and followed after her.

You took the seat across from May, with Veronica next to you.

“Thank you for inviting me,” May chirped. You could tell she was feeling nervous.

Despite wanting to be domineering, you decided against it. You could play nice. No need to make her uncomfortable.

“Of course. A friend of Brian’s is a friend of ours,” Veronica replied. You took a swig from the water glass in front of you. May bit her lip and looked down at the menu.

“Have you been waiting long?” You managed to ask, forcing a pleasant intonation.

May’s eyes widened. “Oh, no.” You could tell she was lying, but didn’t care to point it out. She was clearly making an effort.

“Good.” You picked up your menu and glanced over it. Nothing sounded particularly appetizing. “What are you thinking of getting?” You asked, leaning over to Veronica.

“You can’t go wrong with oatmeal and a side of fruit.” She pointed to the items.

“I love fruit,” May added.

You nodded. “Me too.”

“Brian likes grapefruit, but I don’t understand the appeal.”

“Ha, yeah. He loves grapefruit juice.”

May grew more comfortable with your silly conversation. “Though, I’m more partial to the standard orange.”

“I prefer drinking water,” you snarked, trying to tease her lightly. She appreciated the banter, feeling more accepted by you.

Veronica turned her attention to May, eyes sparkling. “So, how are you and Brian doing? Must be pretty intense, given what he’s going through.”

“It is a lot for a new relationship, but he’s so understanding and kind. He makes it easy to work for it.”

“Brian is worth working for,” you agreed.

May tensed at your comment, feeling threatened by the closeness of your relationship. She didn’t want to hear you talk about Brian like that. “What about Paul?”

“What about him?”

“How are you two doing? Brian says he makes you happy.”

“We’re doing well.” You gave a tight-lipped grin. “He’s rather fit, you know.”

“I’ve noticed,” May laughed. “Very handsome.”

Not as handsome as...no. Stop it.

“He is. And very passionate.”

Veronica whistled, winking and raising her eyebrows suggestively. You stifled a snort, amused by her antics.

The waitress came over to take your orders, she eyed Veronica with an entertained smile. Veronica’s face changed into one of mortification, barely able to order her food.

“Johnny is too,” she whispered, suddenly feeling shy.

“The way he looks at you is almost too much to handle,” you teased. “He’s such a sweetheart.”

“He really is,” Veronica beamed. “I think we might get married.”

“You make John so happy, I’m surprised he hasn’t proposed already.” She giggled at your joke. You engulfed her in a hug, which quickly became uncomfortable due to the table.

May watched the pair sitting across from her, feeling left out. “How long have you been with John, Veronica?”

“Oh, it’s hard to keep track.” Veronica blushed. “I feel like I’ve loved him forever.”

May shifted in her chair, something clearly on her mind. “How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“You loved him? That he loved you?”

You flicked your eyes from May’s inquisitive expression to Veronica’s glowing face.

“One morning, I heard a knock at the door of my flat. So I threw my robe on and hurried to answer. John stood on the other side and he was holding my morning paper. He was sopping wet, but the paper was completely dry. I asked him when it started raining, and he said it must’ve been hours ago. So, I looked from his dripping hair to the newspaper in his grip, but he didn’t understand the connection I was making. I let him in and insisted on putting his coat away, poor thing was shivering. We spent an hour or so there, he dried off nicely, and we left for a late breakfast. As he led me to his car, I noticed something on the driveway, so I got closer and realized it was the soaked paper that had been delivered to my address.” It was obvious that May had missed the point. Veronica’s blush deepened. “John didn’t say anything, but I figured out that he had seen the original was ruined, and drove all the way to a stand just so I would have one to read that morning. He hasn’t said anything about it since, and I don’t think he knows I know.”

“That’s when you knew?” May’s voice got caught in her throat.

“I think I felt it since the moment I met him, if I’m going to be honest, but that was the moment my mind caught up with the rest of me.”

You felt dewy-eyed, seeing the enamoration in your friend’s smile. The amount of happiness she felt, you hadn’t experienced in a while.

“And you, Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“When did you know you loved Paul?” May’s question caught you off guard, you choked on the water you had been sipping. “Oh, sorry, are you okay?”

Coughing for another few seconds, you finally managed to croak, “I’m fine.”

“I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s alright, really.”

“—pry.”

“Paul and I haven’t…”

“Really?” May’s voice squeaked. “Brian says you’re staying over at his place all the time, I just thought that maybe…”

You paused, realizing May’s misunderstanding. “We haven’t said ‘I love you’ yet.”

“Oh.”

“I stay over plenty.”

Veronica snickered at you what you were implying, amazed that neither you nor May could say what you meant.

“Right.” May caught on after observing Veronica’s reaction. “How is it?” Her voice became more hushed, like she was ashamed about what she was asking. You didn’t want to share your sex life, especially if May was going to talk about hers. With Brian.

You’d rather not know.

But Veronica’s meaningful glance made you relent slightly. “It—he’s good.”

May nodded slowly, averting her eyes. Like she knew something but didn’t want to confront it. “You’re just not in love with him.”

“I don’t know. It hasn’t been long.”

“If you were in love with him, it’d be more than good.”

You were at a loss for words. May made an excellent point. But with indignation, you sat up a little straighter. “It’s rather good, actually. He’s very tender.”

Veronica scrunched her face at the thought. “Great. Now that’s all I’ll be thinking about next time the four of us go for a meal.”

“Oh yeah?” You raised an eyebrow. “And what about John?” Veronica said nothing. “I thought so.”

May watched Veronica’s face. “Is John…?”

“I’m Catholic,” Veronica remarked, avoiding giving an answer. May’s eyes widened again, embarrassed by her own question.

The waitress came back around with your assorted dishes. You each thanked her as she set the plates down in front of you. She gave a knowing smile as she walked away. You began to eat the warm oatmeal, embracing the quietude that had befallen your group. Veronica, however, was more devious than you had anticipated.

“What about Brian?” She wanted to see your reaction, to confirm her suspicions. You tensed as the question came to its completion, just as Veronica had predicted. “Is he better than you remember?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” May mumbled, not taking her eyes from the salad in her bowl.

“You dated in university, didn’t you?” 

Veronica has an excellent ability of making any question sound innocent. You rolled your eyes subtly.

“Briefly,” May said between small bites of lettuce.

“He became a rock star since then, I’m sure things have improved.”

Now both you and May were blushing.

Luckily, only Veronica seemed to notice your reddened face.

May swallowed heavily, obviously self-conscious. “Brian and I have never actually slept together.”  

You felt the air leaving your lungs. 

“And we’ve never said ‘I love you’ either.”

Breathless. You were left breathless.

_______________

August 3

“That one was good, Rog,” Freddie’s voice called into the recording space. Roger gave a thumbs up while rising from the drum stool, stretched his arms, and wiped the sweat from his brow.

It was a particularly warm summer day, and the recording studio was notorious for trapping heat.

“Last take, yeah?” Roger asked in his raspy voice.

“I think so.”

Roger motioned to Brian, who was flopped over on the couch. “What does Mister Perfectionist think?” Brian didn’t budge, only responding with a hmph, not thrilled by the nickname.

“Use your words, dear,” Freddie taunted.

“It was good, Rog.”

Roger crossed his arms, furrowing his brow. “You’re not very convincing there, mate.”

“I promise it was.” Brian sat up. “Just not feeling well.”

“Oi,” Roger groaned, “I thought we were past this.”

“It’s the heat, Rog.”

Freddie nodded in concurrence. “It is a bit sweltering.” He fanned his face with an exaggerated enthusiasm. Roger rolled his eyes while Brian scoffed in amusement. Freddie laughed at himself before scanning the room. “Did Deaky leave?”

Both Roger and Brian swiveled their heads around, looking for the bassist.

“It appears so,” Brian answered.

Roger shrugged. “So we can call it a day?” Freddie nodded reluctantly. “Great, means I can actually go on my date.”

“You weren’t going to be able to before?”

“Well, I would hate to be too exhausted, y’know.” Reaching for a cigarette, Roger raised his eyebrows a couple times, trying to overemphasize the implication. “Girls don’t like that.”

“Sounds like you speak from experience,” Freddie chided. Roger tried to retaliate, but nothing came to mind, so he settled on pouting as best he could.

Brian smiled at the two men standing in front of him. Things really felt like they were back to normal.

_______________

September 23

The distant sound of clanging metal startled you, rousing you from slumber. You cracked open your left eye just enough to confirm that it was daytime. The pale sunlight streaked through Paul’s bedroom curtains, leaving a splotchy pattern on the carpeted floor. With a sigh, you turned your body the other way, despite knowing your boyfriend was not lying there beside you.

“Boyfriend” still didn’t feel right, despite the fact that you had been officially dating for…

Seven months.

Your anniversary. It was today.

Shit.

You forgot.

The boys were supposed to debut their newly finished album, in its entirety, to you tonight.

The panic was enough to get you into an upright position. You removed yourself from the warm cocoon of blankets and stood on the floor, unmoving, for a moment, playing through many scenarios in your mind.

I could tell him I was unable to get his gift done in time, between social life and work.

No. Too obviously an excuse.

I can throw together a last minute plan for a trip.

No. You didn’t have much time off in the upcoming days. In fact, today and tomorrow were supposed the only ones for at least another week.

It’ll come to me.

At least, you hoped.

Forcing a smile on your face, you walked through the door to enter into the living room.

As expected, Paul was clambering around in the kitchen, whisking away at something you couldn’t quite see with much intensity. Frustration. You slowly made your way past the sofa and coffee table to get to him.

He looked up and instantly melted into a softer emotion. That always made you blush. Made you feel special.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

“Good morning, babe.” You wrapped your arms around Paul’s waist, peering down at the mixing bowl. The red batter was easily recognizable. You couldn’t hide the smile working its way across your face.

“Happy anniversary,” he whispered before planting a kiss on the top of your head.

“Oh, that’s today?” You mocked innocence, though you had only remembered about three minutes prior to that moment. “I thought you just wanted to spoil me.”

Paul smirked. He set the bowl down and spun around to hold you. “Trust me, I wouldn’t need an excuse.”

“Is that so?” Your voice became more playful, trying to be a tease. You stood on your toes and brought your lips to meet with his.

All you could feel was his warmth. Nothing existed beyond that sensation.

It was lovely, being so engrossed in someone.

“Do you want to open your present now?”

You blinked. “The red velvet cake isn’t my gift?” He nodded, his smirk deepening. “You really do know how to spoil a woman.” He leaned in for another kiss and you met him halfway, humming into it. When you broke away, the pair of you were all smiles.

“Wait here,” Paul instructed. You complied, releasing the grip you had on him. He rushed off, giddy with excitement. It was cute.

You pulled your body up onto the countertop and let your legs dangle while waiting for him to return. The vague shuffling noises coming from the other room grew less frantic.

Paul called out “Close your eyes!” You rolled your eyes to yourself and obliged to his request. He crossed the flat quickly, obviously excited. “Alright, you can look.”

A sizable box was placed in the center of the dining table. Beside it was an extremely flat parcel.

Your interest was piqued, you hopped down from the spot and approached Paul, who was standing next to the table proudly. With a quick exchange of permissive glances, you moved to tear the wrapping of the smaller item. He stopped you, pointing to the larger package. You shrugged and pulled the box closer to you.

With ease, you pulled the shiny paper from its contents.

That’s a box, alright, you joked to yourself.

“Just what ‘ve always wanted.”

Paul gave an insincere laugh, which made you smile. He made a gesture, telling you to keep going. You tore the box open, surprised by the record player inside.

It was brand new, so unlike the one you and Brian shared back at your apartment.

“I know you’re used to having music surrounding you constantly,” Paul started, a little nervous. “I wanted you to feel more at home here.” The sentiment was almost enough to make you cry. Without you needing to say it, he understood the discomfort musickessness brought you.

“Thank you, Paul, I—”

He held up a hand to stop you, smiled kindly, then indicated to the second item.

As you guessed, it was a record. You ghosted a finger around the edges of the slip covering it. Upon further inspection, you realized what it was.

All I Have to Do Is Dream.

An original copy of the Everly Brothers’ single.

It left you speechless.

How did he know?

Without a word, you pulled your boyfriend into a firm embrace, tears filling your eyes. Paul stroked your hair, unsure of what to do.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I just wanted to give you something that would make you happy...”

You gazed up at his worried expression. “I am happy,” you assured him. “It’s perfect.” You could feel the sigh of relief that Paul expelled. “Thank you.”

“Anything for you, my love.”

My love.

As wrong as it seemed, all that you could think about in that moment was Brian.

You tried to push the creeping thoughts as far from your mind as possible, settling your attention on Paul. Your boyfriend. Panicking, you said, “Your gift will be ready tonight.”

He smiled, almost shyly. “I get a gift too?”

“Of course, silly. It’s not just my anniversary.” You paused for a moment. “You still don’t mind going to hear the album tonight, right?”

“So long as we can go after dinner.”

Dinner. Of course he planned to go to dinner.

“Yes, yes we can. They can wait for us. It’s our night too.”

Paul nodded, then kissed you atop the head and relinquished his hold on you. “I’m sorry I have to go to work, babe.”

Perfect. Maybe I’ll actually be able to figure something out.

“I’ll find it in my heart to forgive you,” you replied, as melodramatically as possible. “Should I put the cake in the oven?”

“I can do that later.”

“But the batter might go bad if we don’t do it now…”

“I suppose you might know better than me,” Paul joked.

“You suppose?”

He chuckled before pouring the batter into a prepared cake pan.

“I’ll see you later, baby. Dinner at six?”

“Mmhmm. Can you pick me up from my flat?”

He hesitated. “Of course.”

* * *

“Elle, please, I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

Stella groaned into the telephone. “What does Paul like? He likes plants, right?”

“I feel like the past six anniversaries I’ve gotten him something plant-related. If I buy him another fern, he’s sure to know something’s amiss.”

She cleared her throat and leaned forward in her seat. Intrigued. “Is something amiss?”

“What? No.”

You felt like you were lying.

Stella could tell.

“He makes you happy, right?”

“Of course he does. Why would I stay in a joyless relationship?”

“To make up for something else.”

Her accusation made you angry. “I’m feeling plenty fulfilled in my other endeavors, thank you. My job is what I want to be doing, I’ve got good friends. What could I possibly be making up for? What am I lacking?”

“Nothing.” Stella's tone was colder, more sarcastic. “Everything’s perfect. Maybe you’ll get married and have the perfect family, right?”

“We’ve only known each other since the beginning of the year. I wouldn’t marry someone I’ve only barely—”

“Then how long would you like to know him for, eh? Twenty some odd years?”

Your face started heating up. “That’s not fair.”

Stella knew she had gone too far, but she was in a fairly antagonistic mood. “Do you even let him come to your place anymore?”

“It’s not my fault his flat is in a better location. It’s easier to get there from both of our jobs.” You huffed. “And this really isn’t any of your business.”

“We’ve barely spoken in weeks, Y/N. I think I’m entitled to ask my best friend some questions. Sorry.”

“I don’t even know how we got here! I just called to ask about gifts. I guess I asked the wrong person about what guys like.”

Stella laughed quietly. “I’d say you did.” It hit you. You started laughing too.

The sound of jingling keys rang outside your door, but you weren’t really paying attention. Brian pushed through, walking in to see you in hysterics with the phone tucked under your ear. You turned to look at him, which only made you giggle more.

“You alright, Y/N?”

You could only nod, too worked up in laughter.

Stella asked, “Is that Brian?”

“Yeah,” you wheezed, trying to calm down.

Then May walked in, and it sobered you up instantly.

“Y/N?” Stella’s voice was only a distant drone now.

You swallowed heavily. “I should go.”

“Are you alr—”

“Bye, Stella.”

You hung up, not moving your eyes from the couple in the doorway.

Brian had a sheepish expression plastered across his face. May looked surprised.

“Good afternoon,” you said, trying to relieve some of the tension.

“Hi.”

May didn’t say anything, just waved hesitantly.

You took a deep breath. “Excited for tonight?”

“Yes. Yeah.”

“Me too,” you smiled. Brian relaxed.

“What were you and Stella laughing about?”

You bit your lip, suddenly self-conscious about the phone call. “I was just asking her advice on something.”

Brian moved closer to you, quizzical. He rested on the arm of the sofa nearest to you. “Can I be of any help?” May didn’t look thrilled by his eagerness. You cast your eyes down to your feet, avoiding the two pairs of eyes set on you.

She looks...disMayed. You grinned at the double meaning.

“Uh, I don’t know…”

“Have I ever given you poor advice?” There was an edge of hurt in his voice. But it was barely detectable.

He masks it pretty well around her.

“Can’t say that you have,” you admitted. “But I don’t know how much help you’d be.”

He extended his arms out, puffing his chest slightly. “Try me.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek. It felt wrong to talk about Paul. Especially in front of Brian.

May came around behind your best friend and nestled her head on his shoulder. “We want to help, Y/N.” Her tone was innocent enough, but you read too far into it.

Considering the way she was touching Brian, maybe you just wanted to believe she had mal intent.

“Fine,” you replied, your voice sickeningly sweet. “It’s mine and Paul’s anniversary today, and—”

“And you forgot to get him something?” Again, you detected a smugness in May’s words. Something that, rationally, you were sure wasn’t there.

“Essentially.” You made it known you didn’t appreciate the interruption. Brian read your body language intuitively, knowing that he was the one who should be helping you.

But he didn’t want to get in the middle of it. He didn’t want to think about Paul. He didn’t like to think about Paul.

May was unscathed by your bitterness. “How how long have you two been together?”

“Seven.” A pause. “Months.”

Brian’s heart sank. It had already been seven months? Had you said ‘I love you’ to each other yet? Did he miss his chance?

Keeping a stoic expression, Brian just gave an impressed whistle. “Practically married,” he tried to joke. But no one was laughing.

You moved past it, not wanting to even consider the possibility. “I’ve already gotten him so many houseplants, I can’t continue in that way. And he bought this beautiful record player...” And a beautiful vinyl.

Brian’s eyes widened, like he knew something, but you were too busy staring at the coffee table to see it.

All too quickly, May blurted, “Maybe get him something...more personal…” She blushed at whatever she was thinking.

“More personal?” What the hell does she mean by that? “Like a handwritten note?”

“No.” May glanced longingly at Brian, who was desperately trying to look anywhere but at her. “Something more intimate.”

It dawned on you. She was referring to lingerie.

“I’ve never bought anything like that before,” you said quietly, almost embarrassed. “Brian, do guys—”

Brian did not engage.

You overstepped, and you knew it instantly.

The room grew quieter.

May was the first to speak, breaking the awkward silence with more awkwardness. “If you want, I can help you pick something out.”

Oh god.

“No, May, it’s fine, you don’t have to.”

“But I want to,” she insisted.

You looked at Brian, hoping he would do something or say something, but he just sat there, avoiding eye contact. And it frustrated you.

���Thank you, May. I appreciate it.” You paused. “Where do you even go?”

She smiled, but it felt condescending. “Department stores tend to have things.”

You were not satisfied with her answer. “I mean, yes, but…” You weren’t really sure what words you were searching for.

“Bri can take us,” May piped. It finally dragged Brian out of his daze.

“Hmm?”

“I said you can take us to the store, right? For Paul’s anniversary gift.” She winked at you.

Brian was visibly uncomfortable. You wanted to relieve him of his “duties”, but you were still a little frustrated with him.

“That would be great,” you said, trying to feign sweetness. Brian knew.

“Alright,” he replied cheerfully. May gave him a kiss and walked back to the door. You stood up from the couch and straightened your clothes. Brian had a glint in his eye. “But I’m not trying anything on this time.”

You giggled, with sincerity. You missed the snarky comments when he wasn’t around. The flat always felt so empty without them. Him.

* * *

This is by far the most awkward experience of my life.

You rifled through the racks of delicates, feeling a little overwhelmed. May was keeping Brian close, holding up things and asking for his opinion. He didn’t know if she meant for you, or for her. And he didn’t want to think about it. She held up a set, it was very fine black lace.

“What about this one?”

You looked at it from across the many racks between you. 

You had to admit, it was gorgeous.

“I like it,” you said with a smile. 

May looked very pleased with herself. 

Brian was doing his best not to think about you wearing it. He couldn’t take any more of this outing. “I’m going to browse the men’s blazers,” he declared, trying to excuse himself. You and May both nodded with concern. He stalked off in a hurry.

May sighed as she watched him go. “He’s so cute.”

You didn’t want to say anything, so you just bobbed your head slowly. You didn’t want to convey agreement, but you also didn’t want to seem uninterested in what she was saying.

“Are you excited about Helsinki?”

You were very confused and disoriented by May’s question. “What?”

“The tour. They’re going to Helsinki. I assumed you’d go with them, right? Show them around?”

“Oh.” You laughed uneasily. “Yeah. Right.”

“Brian hasn’t told you yet, has he?”

You shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. “He’s mentioned the tour.”

May noticed your evasion of the question, but she didn’t want to cross any boundaries. “You want to try this on?” She waved the black lingerie set.

“Sure.”

But your mind was on Helsinki, not undergarments.

* * *

“Thank you so much for bringing me here.” You gestured to the upscale restaurant in which you were dining. “I’ve always been curious about what it looked like on the inside.”

“And now you know,” Paul remarked.

“Now I know!” You reached across the table and held his hand. “The food was delicious.”

“Well, I hope you don’t feel too full for cake.”

“I would never be too full for red velvet cake.” You grinned. “Besides, we have a couple hours before we get to eat it.”

“Right.” He sounded disappointed.

You felt guilty about going to hear the new album tonight, of all nights.

I do have tomorrow off as well…

And you were mad at Brian for not telling you about Helsinki. 

But you refused to consider that as an excuse.

“Or we could just wrap up here and go back to your place.” You tried to sound seductive, but you weren’t sure it was coming across that way. “I’ll let you open your gift.”

Paul’s disappointment was replaced by hope. “Really? You wouldn’t mind not going?”

“I can prioritize.”

His smile broadened, and waved for the waiter.

You felt a pit form in your stomach, but you didn’t want your face to reflect it. You hated the thought of being flaky. You didn’t want to let the boys down.

It’ll be alright. Right?

* * *

“Shall we begin?”

Brian shot Freddie a dirty look. “Y/N’s not here yet.”

“I doubt she’s coming, dear.”

“It is a special night,” May chimed in. Brian’s back was to her, so he was grateful she couldn’t see him rolling his eyes.

“But she wanted to come. We shouldn’t just go ahead without her.”

“Yeah, but she’s not here,” Roger sniped. He wasn’t too involved in the conversation, he was more involved with the brunette on his arm.

“Fuck off, Rog.”

May put a hand on Brian’s shoulder. “It’ll be alright, baby. You can make it up to her, give her a private show of it.”

But Brian didn’t feel like he had to make anything up to you. He felt betrayed. Replaced.

“Fine,” he said through gritted teeth. “Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, Sheer Heart Attack.”

The record started playing.

* * *

“No peeking!”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Paul had his eyes squeezed shut, patiently waiting for you to reveal his big surprise as he sat on the sofa.

You took a deep breath, studying yourself in the mirror one last time. It looks good, you told yourself. With that, you took a step out from the bedroom.

“Tada!”

His eyes flew open and widened at the sight of you. “You’re breathtaking.” His compliment made you feel more self conscious. You wrapped your arms around your torso. He shook his head. “No, seriously Y/N. I can’t...you...I love you.”

The words caught you off guard.

In the seven months of your relationship, you made it clear that you wanted something more casual. You adored the commitment and seriousness of it, but the three words made it real. Too real.

“You love me?” Your voice was meek, almost a whimper.

“Helplessly.”

Your eyes stung. You felt like you were giving something up. Someone.

“I love you too, Paul.”

_______________

November 1

Roger was sprawled across your couch, not minding the wrinkles being etched into his suit. 

Paul had an exhibit transfer to oversee that evening, so Roger stepped in as your date to the album release party. Or, rather, you stepped in to be his.

“Hey, Rog?” You called from your bedroom.

“Yeah?”

“Can you zip me up?”

He groaned as he pushed himself up from his seat, and strutted to your door. With a gentle knock, he came into the room.

“You could’ve at least asked if I was decent,” you scolded, jokingly.

“You’re right, I could have.” Roger nodded his head. “It was a risk I was willing to take.” You smacked him playfully, then turned around to allow him access to your zipper. He guided it up your spine with ease.

“Thank you.” You started fixing your hair in the mirror.

“Of course, I’m nothing if not a gentleman.”

“If you say so, Rog,” Brian’s voice filled your ears. Both you and Roger turned to face the door, where he was standing just up against the frame. He was wearing a new suit and an amused smile. “You look nice, Y/N.”

You swished the fabric of your skirt around. “Like my dress?”

“I do.” It wasn’t his favorite black one, but he was more entranced by your face anyway. The subtle makeup didn’t hide your natural beauty, but rather enhanced it. Your eyes perfectly complemented by the eyeshadow. 

He had always loved your eyes. They radiated kindness and affection.

But he couldn’t afford to get lost in them, not tonight.

“Are we all going to pick May up?”

Before Brian could respond, Roger answered you with another question, “Might as well take one car, yeah?”

Brian didn’t protest. “Yeah. Might as well.”

“Then I get front seat,” you exclaimed.

“Why? ‘T was my idea.” Roger was indignant. 

You patted his cheek. “Age before beauty.”

“Can’t argue with that logic,” he ceded.

“Should we go?” Brian interrupted the snarky conversation.

“Yes, let me just grab my wrap.” You began to scope the room.

“Is that it, on the back of your chair?”

You snapped your neck to look. “It is.” You pulled it from its spot and settled it on the crooks of your arms. “Am I missing anything?” You were asking yourself aloud. The boys shrugged. You mirrored their action and started for the door.

“Alright,” Brian said. “Off we go.”

* * *

Roger had left you to get drinks twenty minutes ago. Something tells me he’s not coming back, you smirked to yourself at the thought.

The evening seemed longer than these release parties tended to feel. You didn’t want to attribute it to the fact that Brian was somewhere else with someone else, but you knew it was true, no matter how much you didn’t want it to be.

With a sigh, you walked to the bar to get your own beverage.

“May I get a flute of champagne, please?”

The bartender obliged, nodding at your request.

You inspected the room from your vantage point, watching studio executives rubbing elbows, people drinking, couples dancing. Your eyes landed on John and Veronica laughing at themselves as they grooved to the upbeat music. They were smiling fondly, their faces flushed, glowing in each other’s presence. 

Beautiful.

The sight made you wistful.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the bartender setting down your glass. You thanked him and moved closer to your friends. They greeted you pleasantly, embracing you as if they hadn’t just seen you an hour earlier.

“Did your date abandon you?” Deaky scanned the nearby space for Roger.

“It appears so,” you replied.

Veronica ran her hand along her boyfriend’s back, unconsciously. “Well, he’s missing out on lovely company.”

“I imagine he’ll get over it,” John quipped under his breath. You and Veronica shared quiet laughter.

“I haven’t seen Fred since we got here.”

“He’s quite elusive, isn’t he?”

“Well, so is Brian.” You tried to cover the hurt. Veronica and John exchanged glances. “I’m sure he and May are having a great time.”

“Mmhmm.”

You bit your lip. “She looks lovely tonight, doesn’t she?”

“I hadn’t noticed.” Veronica feigned innocence in the way only she could.

John wrapped his arms tight around her waist. “Not as lovely as my girl, that’s for certain.”

Ronnie kissed his sweetly and passionately.

You looked away, not wanting to watch them in their intimate moment, not wanting to be awkward. “Do you want anything to drink? The champagne is good.” 

They broke apart. Veronica politely declined, and John merely nodded in agreement.

Something about it made you tear up.

“It’s just as well,” you choked. “I should go find Roger.”

“You don’t have to leave, Y/N.” Deaky’s voice was gentle.

You shook your head. “He could be slumped over somewhere no one will find him. I really should go.”

Veronica picked up on the desperation in your voice. It wasn’t actually about Roger. She understood. “Okay.”

You left the dancing area, searching for a secluded place to sit. With a stroke of luck, Brian also seemed to have had the same idea. He was settled into a loveseat in the corner of the ballroom, exactly where you thought he might be. And he was completely alone. Your heart skipped a beat.

“This seat taken?”

Brian shifted his eyes up to your face. He was startled by recognition, not expecting it to be you.

“It’s all yours.” He gestured to the empty seat beside his. You carefully sat down, not wanting your dress to ride up and flash anyone.

“You don’t look very excited to be here,” you said. Why is that how you open? “Where’s May?”

“I don’t know.” The candor sounded dry coming from his mouth. He showed no emotion.

“Bri? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Y/N.” You were taken aback by his harshness. Brian saw the shock. He regretted it instantly. “I’m sorry. I’m just having a bad night.”

“Can I do anything to help?”

How could you, when you were part of the problem.

He simply shook his head. “No, but I’ll be okay.”

To you, it sounded like Brian’s spirits were lifting. It made you happy.

The song changed, and your ears perked at the first note.

Tiny Dancer.

“Hey, Bri?”

“Hmm?”

You stood up and held out your hand. “May I have this dance?” Brian’s cold expression didn’t shift. You wiggled your fingers, goading him without a word.

“Not tonight, Y/N.”

“Don’t leave me without a partner. I hate dancing alone.” You were trying so hard not to beg.

Brian averted his eyes, hating the hurt he knew he was inflicting upon you. But he couldn’t handle it right now.

The yearning.

He couldn’t bring himself to feel it.

“I don’t want to dance, Y/N.”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach.

“No worries,” you said, coolly. With tears in your eyes, you left Brian sitting, alone as you found him.

He watched you go, helpless.

_______________

November 25

“It’s stunning here,” Freddie affirmed before kissing you on the cheek.

You ended up agreeing to join the band on their trip to Helsinki, despite Brian never formally asking you.

“I do miss it sometimes.”

Roger was sceptical. “Why? It’s cold as fuck.”

“Life was simpler here.” Much simpler. “And it was fun to live on my own.”

Brian frowned at your comment, thinking it was a dig at him. “Except those times when you called, crying over how much you missed me.”

You scoffed. “It’s not like you never called me with tears in your eyes.”

“You’re the one who left, Y/N. I was allowed to feel miserable in your absence.”

His words stung. A lot.

“Why don’t we just have a nice time in Helsinki?” Freddie soothed. “We’re with the people we love in a gorgeous city, anything is possible.”

“You’re right,” you muttered. “I’m sorry, Fred.”

“Sorry, Fred.”

He smiled in a knowing manner. “You two drive me mad. It’s a good thing I love you.”

“Is that a threat?” You teased.

“Of course, my dear.”

Brian checked his wristwatch. “We should hurry if we want to make it to dinner on time.”

“Stupid couples,” Roger snorted. “Always an inconvenience.”

“Ronnie and John made it sound important,” you said in their defense. “And you really should eat before a performance, anyway.”

“Alright, alright, mum.”

You stuck your tongue out at Roger, who copied you instantly.

* * *

“Drinks?” The waitress asked, holding up her pad of paper.

“Water all around,” John answered.

Everyone seemed surprised at him taking charge, but no one minded.

Well, Roger minded.

“And one whiskey, please.”

The waitress nodded politely and left your table. She came back quickly and took your meal requests, promising to be back shortly.

You happily talked amongst yourselves as you waited for the food to come out.

“So, what are your impressions of the city?” You asked the couple sitting next to you.

John was the only one to bring a significant other.

“I love it,” Veronica said. She was all aglow. “It’s beautiful. And I love the cold weather.”

“I don’t care much for the freezing temperatures,” Deaky retorted, “but I do agree it’s beautiful.”

You beamed. “I’m glad.”

The food was ready soon thereafter, as the waitress said. She set the dishes in front of their respective orderers without fault and wished you all a pleasant dining experience. 

As she was walking away, John rose from his seat, wringing his hands. Veronica placed one of hers on his forearm, urging him on. He couldn’t resist her encouragement.

Clapping his hands together suddenly, Deaky demanded everyone’s attention. All eyes were focused on him. He seemed nervous about something, but a happy, giddy kind of nervous.

“Since we’re in such a beautiful place, with the best company, Ronnie and I thought this would be an appropriate time to tell you all.”

You sat with bated breath.

“You know I’m a man of few words, or perhaps seem deceptively so, so I would like to make this as short as possible. For some time now, I won’t say exactly, Veronica and I have been engaged to be married.”

Veronica stood up from her seat, and wrapped her arms around her fiance tenderly.

The table, and a few others nearby, erupted in applause.

“We’ve decided on a date already, January 18th, so we can celebrate before the tour in America.”

Tour in America?

As excited as you were for your friends, the words echoed through your mind.

Tour in America.

Among the chorus of “Congratulations” streaming from your party, and others from surrounding groups, Brian stared at you from across the table, but you were too far gone to notice.

He had meant to tell you weeks ago, when they all found out, but he had still been mad at you about missing the private debut of the album. The one he insisted on just for you. The one that he had convinced the boys to schedule on that specific night so that you wouldn’t be alone with Paul on your anniversary. 

The night you left him stranded.

But now, Brian watched you expectantly, hoping you’d stay true to your word about joining them in America, when they would be headliners.

Without so much as a glance in his direction, you stood up to hug the happy couple.

“I’m so excited for you.” The news came as no surprise, you had suspected it for a while, but now was not the time to make that point.

They shared a secret smile.

* * *

The performance was as good as they always were. Freddie flirted with the crowd shamelessly, Roger managed to warm up to the cold atmosphere wearing nothing but a fringe vest and tight pants, John was smiling more than usual, and Brian kept an incredible focus on his instrument.

You really missed standing side stage. It had been a while. And it was nice to have Veronica there with you. She made up for the groupies, giving you smug expressions whenever they were particularly annoying. When they screamed, you didn’t feel as awkward about joining them ironically, because she did it with you. But at some point you lost your focus on her. She dropped off your radar and you only found yourself staring at Brian. He was playing intensely, drawing out the “Brighton Rock” solo with much gusto, rhythmically, sensually rutting his hips against the guitar whenever the music became aggressive. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him.

He’s magnificent.

Your ogling was interrupted by a firm tap on your shoulder. You spun around, expecting to see Ronnie with a question formed at her lips. It took you by surprise when a stagehand was there instead.

“We have a call for you, miss,” he said over the music. He looked like he felt bad.

“Is it an emergency?”

He shook his head. “Someone just called asking for you. A mister McCarthy?”

You felt extremely torn. You didn’t want to leave. You wanted to stay and watch Brian, but you feared your mind might wander too much. And Paul wouldn’t have called if it wasn’t of some importance.

Plus, he was your boyfriend.

You groaned. Paul won.

You gave Veronica a small wave as the stagehand led you back to the dressing room. She looked confused as she watched you walk away, right in the middle of the guitar solo.

Down the corridor you went, still hearing the echoes of rock ‘n roll drifting through. It made you a little angry with Paul. He knew this was important to you. 

Upon coming into the room, you marched up to the telephone, all riled up.

“Paul?”

A hiccough came through.

“Hello?”

“Hello, sweetie.” His words were slurring.

You’d never heard him in this drunken condition before. At least, not to this extent.

“Are you alright?” The frustration you had pent up was melting away. Something wasn’t right.

“I just wanted to call to say I was thinking of you.”

“Well, that’s very nice of you, but-”

“Will you move in with me?”

You held your breath. “What?”

“Will you move in with me? It’s been the better part of a year, and I meant to ask you before you left…What d’ya think?”

“I think you’re drunk, Paul. You’re not being serious.”

“I promise I am being serious, Y/N. I love you more than ’ve ever loved a woman, and I want you to live with me.”

You said nothing.

“Y/N? Please answer me.”

Not a word.

Paul fell quiet, though you could hear him breathing through the phone.

“It’s Brian, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Everything’s about Brian.”

You had enough.

“Paul, we’ll talk about this when I get back.”

You slammed the phone down on its hook and walked back to watch the show.

--October 28, 1961--

“Please don’t make me go alone,” you begged. “I don’t really know anyone who’s going to be there.”

Brian tutted, not looking up from the camera he was fiddling with. “I wasn’t invited, Y/N. Would be rude of me to go.”

“But I’m inviting you.”

Hearing your want for him made his chest swell. But he knew he couldn’t just show up to someone else’s party without their sayso. “You’ll be fine. I promise.”

His voice was nearly successful at calming you down, but you still felt a little riled up, anxious.

“God, I hate parties. I hate people.”

Brian laughed at your outburst. “No, you don’t hate people.”

“I really do, Bri. ‘Specially teenage girls,” you pouted.

He smirked. “I’m really quite fond of ‘em.”

You rolled your eyes, but the comment sounded funny coming out of Brian’s mouth. It was enough to make you break your scowl.

“But I’m serious, I hate parties. And I really hate going alone.”

“I just said you’ll be fine.”

“No, you promised.” You took a step closer, your face mere inches from Brian’s. Challenging him.

“Yeah, because I know you’ll be fine.”

You softened, backing away. He instantly noticed the change in your demeanor.

“What’s wrong? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, Y/N.”

“What if I’m dressed wrong? Or they don’t like it?” You whispered.

Brian’s heart broke a little, hearing the worry in your tone. Seeing the embarrassment on your face. He cleared his throat, nervous.

“I think you look beautiful.” His whisper matched yours.

Your eyes fluttered up to meet his. The warmth of their hazel hue brought you an inexplicable comfort.

“Really?”

His face reddened. “Really.” 

You saw the blush creeping across his face. “Are you hot?” Maybe you misinterpreted it.

“Uh, yeah.” Brian shifted awkwardly. “It’s just a little warm.” It wasn’t.

“Can you at least walk me?”

He sighed. “How can I say no?” Brian looked down at the Agfa isola on his desk, and picked it up. Then he looked at you and held up the camera to his face. “Smile, Y/N!”

You gave him an unamused glare. “What are you doing?”

Brian shrugged, not removing the camera from his face. “Want to see if it works.”

You used for hands to cover your face. “No, Brian, put it away.”

He reached on of his hands out to move yours. “Please? I need something dynamic, wanna see how it works with complex subjects.” He didn’t want you to see the hopeful smile that was pulling at his lips. “You’re the most complex thing I know.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should! Now, will you please give me a smile?”

You kept your lips pursed, but more playfully this time.

Brian finally moved the camera, making eye contact with you. It was pleading. And he was doing you a favor by walking you to Jeanette’s house. You groaned and flashed a fake smile. He furrowed his brow, obviously not pleased.

“Don’t make faces. Give me a real smile?”

“Better to look bad on purpose,” you taunted.

Brian scratched his nose. “You always look good,” he mumbled, not even you could decipher what he said.

“What?” A surprised, confused grin formed on your cheeks. He took that opportunity and quickly took a snapshot of the moment. “Brian!”

“Sorry, Y/N, my finger must’ve slipped.”

You didn’t believe his sorry excuse for one moment, but before you could say anything, he glanced at his wristwatch.

“We should go, don’t want to be too late.”

“But—”

“C’mon, you don’t want to be rude.”

You frowned. No, I guess not.

* * *

The walk had been rather brisk, both in speed and in temperature. You had shivered for only a few seconds before Brian draped his jacket over your shoulders. Though you protested, neither of you did anything to change it.

When you arrived to the property, you felt your insides twist with unease. He saw the nervousness spelled out in you features and wrapped his arm around you, holding you close.

“You’ll be okay,” he whispered kindly. “I bet you’ll be the scariest person in there.”

“I wish I hadn’t said yes.” I wish I could just stay with you.

“But you did, and I admire you keeping to your commitment.” He kissed the top of your head. It was new to you. Brian felt mortified at what he’d done. You felt more at ease than you had before. Neither of you moved. But eventually he pulled away, feeling the moment grow more tense. You didn’t feel that way.

“You’ll call me when you get home, right?”

You gazed up at him, towering over you. Has he always been this much taller? “What are you, my mum?”

He laughed softly. “Please, just let me know.”

“But I don’t want you to wait up.”

“Trust me, I’ll stay up longer worrying if you don’t.”

Brian’s words struck you. How caring he was. Without thinking, you reached up, pulled his face to you, and planted a small peck on his cheek.

“I promise, I’ll call.” Then you turned your sights to the manor in front of you. With a deep breath, you trudged to the front door. You didn’t look back at Brian, you didn’t want him to see your dizzy expression.

Brian, watching you walk away, held a hand to his cheek. He felt as though he stopped breathing, as though the world had frozen so it was just you and him, standing in that moment in front of the house.

But you were gone, and he was alone.

So he started the walk back home.

Knock knock

As you stood waiting for someone to answer the door, you fussed over the hem of your new purple dress. It was the one Brian had helped you pick out at the boutique.

The door swung open. Jeanette Oliver stood opposite you, smiling gleefully. “Y/N! You made it!” You nodded shyly. “Come in.” You glanced back behind you to look at Brian one last time, but couldn’t find him. It caused a pang in your chest, but didn’t want to let on that it did.

The house was even bigger on the inside that it had looked on the outside.

“You have a lovely home, Jeanette.”

“I’d say thank you, but I really had very little to do with it,” she tried to joke. When you didn’t know how to react, she shifted into a more serious tone. “I love your dress. It looks nice on you.”

“Well, thank you, but I also had very little to do with it.” Your joke didn’t land, and the pair of you stood awkwardly in the entryway. “Genetics,” you tried to elaborate. “...Or the dress. Didn’t have much to do with either, I suppose…”

“Either way, you look nice.”

“You do too. I like the pink.” You gestured to the pink lace frock she was sporting. With her face lighting up, Jeanette gave a small spin. You gave an obligatory laugh.

“Everyone’s in the other room, but be sure to help yourself to any refreshments we have in the kitchen.”

With that, you moved in the directed she pointed when referring to the kitchen.

* * *

For an hour or so, you kept to yourself, not really engaging with your acquaintances from school. Half of the people in attendance you’d never seen before. Most of them paired up in some way; some significant others snuggled up on a loveseat or against the walls, some friends standing in sets of twos or even larger groups. You were alone. Your customary companion hadn’t been invited, and you didn’t want to impose by bringing Brian along. In this moment, you were really wishing you had.

No, you reminded yourself, that would be rude.

A small group of girls from your class approached you. You knew their names, but never had much of a conversation with any of them. Your hand rebelled against you and gave them a timid wave.

“Hey, it’s Y/N, right?” The first girl to speak was Cynthia, she was a decent student but seldom did extracurriculars.

“Yeah,” you answered quietly. “Hi Cynthia.” She smiled.

“Are you here alone?”

“No, my boyfriend’s just grabbing some punch,” you deadpanned. The girls exchanged looks, unaware that you were kidding. You cleared your throat. “Uh, yeah, I’m alone.”

“So, no Brian?” Rita, a red head with a shrill voice, asked. Cynthia and the third girl, Lucille, gave her dirty looks, telling her to knock it off. 

Whatever it was that she was doing.

You shook your head, wary of her intentions. “Not tonight. Just me.”

Rita groaned. Cynthia shushed while Lucille scolded her. Rita turned to her friends, attempting to whisper, “I thought Jeanette said he would come if she did.” You could hear every word.

“Brian wasn’t invited,” you chimed in. “And there wasn’t a plus one.” Rita looked at you, her eyes narrowed. 

“I didn’t ask.”

“Rita,” Lucille snipped, “stop it.”

Rita scoffed, not moving her eyes from yours. “I just thought that you were incapable of doing anything without him.”

“Well,” you had trouble coming up with a response. “We go to different schools.” Really? That’s the best you can do? “And why do you care if he’s here or not?”

Rita scowled and walked away, rolling her eyes. Cynthia gave you an expression of sympathy and Lucille mouthed Sorry before they followed after their friend.

You would have preferred being alone all night.

* * *

Dave Dilloway came about two hours into the event. He was greeted by a chorus of “Dave!” as he sauntered into the room. The smug look on his face was replaced by a stupefied one as he saw you standing in the corner. You seemed sad.

Ignoring everyone else, Dave walked up to you. You warmed at the sight of a familiar, friendly face.

“Hey, Y/N, I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

You smiled at his kind disposition. “I could say the same for you.”

He chuckled. “Is Brian hanging around here somewhere?”

“Ah. Uh, no. Just me. Though that seems to be the big question of the evening.”

“Well, I can be the stand-in for the time being, if ya like.”

You played with the loose fabric of your dress. 

“I would like that.”

* * *

You weren’t sure how you managed to stay long enough to get roped into the game of Truth or Dare. You meant to leave no later than 10. It was now 11:13.

Once Dave had shown up, nobody gave you sneaky glares or gawked at the fact that you came alone, so everything from then on was smooth sailing.

It was Jeanette’s turn to ask someone. She settled on Cynthia, who was distracted by the guy she was sitting next to. 

“Cyn?”

“Hmm?”

“Truth or dare?”

“Uh...truth.”

You weren’t bothered to pay attention to what was being said. Instead, you were making snide comments to Dave, who quipped back just as easily. You were completely immersed in him. The only thing to break your focus was the mention of Rita’s name.

It was her turn to be asked.

“Truth!” She exclaimed, her voice piercing through your ears. You felt as though it was just to spite you.

“Alright,” the person started, thinking aloud. You had never seen her before, but it was no concern of yours. “Who do you like?”

The whole room filled with the teasing chuckles and giggles of teenagers, since everyone knew that question was bound to be asked at some point. Rita’s face reddened, not pairing well with the shade of her hair. 

“Dare.”

Someone else shouted, “You can’t change your answer!” It sounded like Lucille.

Rita then glanced quickly at you before folding her arms over her chest. “Then ask a different question.”

“That’s no fun.”

“Fine.” Rita glared at the girl who had asked. You already knew the answer before she said it. Brian. “Now it’s my turn.” Her expression could only be described as scheming. She scanned the circle of people over the floor before returning her eyes to you.

You squirmed under her glare.

“Dave.”

You sighed in relief.

“Truth or dare?”

Dave fidgeted in his spot. “...dare?”

That was the wrong answer.

Rita’s mouth twisted in a horrific manner. You did not like where this was going.

“Kiss Y/N.”

Fuck.

Dave didn’t look at you, he was too transfixed on the words. Too shy. 

You sighed and leaned closer to him. “You don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I was going to say the same to you.”

It made your heart swell, knowing that he thought about your feelings even when it was him who was being called out. 

He was the one being humiliated. Of course, to you, it didn’t feel that way.

Everyone’s eyes were on the pair of you.

Dave cupped your cheek gently, searching your eyes for permission. Your heart started beating faster. 

You’d never been kissed before.

He closed the space between you, his head tilted to the right. You shut your eyes, not wanting to see everyone watching you.

It finally happened, after what felt like ages. And it wasn’t bad.

You smiled into it, but pulled away after a few seconds, leaving Dave hanging. His skin was flushed. 

You felt bad for breaking it off, but the muffled sound of laughter was too much to take. You quickly stood up, straightened your dress, and rushed out of the room. Dave was frozen, watching helplessly as you went away.

With tears in your eyes, you flew through the front door. It was all wrong. 

Wrong place. 

Wrong time. 

Wrong boy.

* * *

The walk home was dark and cold, but you were fortunate that it wasn’t very long. Especially if you walked quickly. You hugged the warmth of the coat tighter around you.

The streets of your hometown were always very quiet at night. It was one of the most beautiful things about it.

However, tonight, you didn’t want to enjoy it. You wanted to be home. But instead of going left where you usually would, you went right.

You had to see him.

The last few blocks were the hardest to get through. You felt a weight building up on your body, heavy with embarrassment, or anger, or guilt. At this point, you weren’t sure if they were separate emotions.

Then you reached your destination.

Stopped in your tracks.

There was a dim light emanating from Brian’s bedroom window.

Please be awake.

You went up to it and tapped lightly.

I need you.

The glass slid carefully, and Brian’s face poked through from the inside. His eyes had been wide, but upon seeing you, he relaxed.

“Y/N?” He sounded unsure that it was really you standing outside his window. At midnight. He thought it could have been a dream.

“Bri.” Your voice was shaking, and Brian realized that your face wasn’t just red from the cold. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”

He studied the tear marks on your skin. They made your makeup streaky.

“You said you’d call when you got home. Never did. I tend to worry.”

You felt a sob rise in your chest, but you repressed it. You were so thankful for him. Affection was coursing through your veins.

“Can you come in? ‘M afraid you’ll freeze to death.”

“Won’t your parents wake up?”

“I think they’ll be fine, even if they do.”

“Alri—” but before you could finish, Brian had hopped off to the front door. He held it open for you, shepherding you inside. He took your coat, set it on the coat rack, and replaced it with a blanket. He even rubbed your arms a few times, trying to soothe.

It was working.

You didn’t want to move, and stayed in his arms for another minute without a word.

Brian got the hint and pulled you closer. He rested his face in your hair, closing his eyes as the soft scent lulled him. You buried yourself in his chest.

For once, Brian was the first to break the embrace you were locked in.

“What’s wrong?”

You looked down at your feet and decided that guilt was definitely the emotion you were feeling.

“Y/N?”

Brian’s face sunk as you peered at him through your dampened eyelashes. It hurt him to see you so distraught. Still, you said nothing, and the silence was killing him.

“Please talk to me.” His volume was barely louder than a whisper.

“I hate parties.”

Brian was panic-stricken, fearing the worst. “What hap—did something happen?”

You hesitated. 

It felt wrong to tell him about the game. Rita. The kiss.

Maybe another time.

“Can we just play Scrabble? I don’t want to go home yet.”

He felt a small rush of relief. Even if you didn’t want to talk about it now, you trusted him enough to keep him close. For the time being, that was enough.

“What kind of host would I be if I said no?”

You gave him a wide smile, but it was short lived. You just couldn’t shake the guilty feeling that was churning your insides.

* * *

“Alright, I guess I’ll play a W on the ALL over here.” Brian hastily placed the W tile down to complete the word.

“Really?”

He took his focus away from the board, gazing up at you. “What?”

“You’ve got nothing better than WALL?”

“‘Ve got shit letters!” His voice was louder than he intended. You could see the regret in his eyes. It made you giggle.

“Watch your language, young man.” You wagged a finger at him, pretending to scold.

“Isn’t that what Scrabble is?”

You grimaced at the terrible joke. Brian looked mildly embarrassed. You felt bad and decided to move on. Looking at your tiles, you grinned, realizing that he hadn’t messed up the word you had planned, and played on the second L.

While you were placing the tiles, Brian tried to read the word from his angle. He frowned. “MELISSA is a name, not a word.”

“What do you mean it’s not a word?”

“We’ve never used proper nouns, Y/N. Y’ can’t change the rules in the middle.”

“But it is a word.”

He looked skeptical. “Then what does it mean?”

You gave Brian a sly grin. “It means ‘honeybee’ in Greek.”

Brian was only barely paying attention to what you were saying. He was mostly focused on the soft look in your eyes, now that the teary redness had gone away. You were looking renewed, more at ease. The gentleness of your disposition made his heart ache.

But it was definitely just a schoolboy crush. Right?

Nodding, trying to convey that he was listening, Brian uttered, “I think it’s lovely.”

--1974--

Watching the performance with tears streaming down your face, you realized how unhappy you were. Seeing the joy on Veronica’s face as she watched the love of her life wiggle about on stage. You hadn’t felt that way in a long time.

Maybe everything was about Brian. And maybe you were ready to admit it.

[slytherin-puffskein]

@thefifth-marauder I hope you enjoy it dearie ! I kind of... got inspired and strayed off, but hopefully it’s good !

15: A ‘Just to say I love you’ hug

* * *

That day, Lau decided he won’t be speaking to anyone.

He won’t be seeing anyone.

He was going to be entirely by himself, without any distractions or people. Because that’s what he needed. That’s what he had to do... and he refused to stray off from the goal he had set himself. Today, no one shall see Laurent Dorian King.

Because he needed it. He was well aware that if he were to see a friend, a lump would form in his throat the instant he’d try to speak, and he’ll break into sobs. That would obviously lead to questions, but he refused to answer any.

( leave me alone, leave me alone PLEASE )

He didn’t want a shoulder to cry on, he didn’t want a pat on the back as an awkward attempt to comfort him. What he truly needed was to be left alone. With that in mind, he easily slipped off the crowd of students walking to their first class of the day.

( sorry, Flitwick, I’m not in the mood for Charms )

He’ll ask Ben for notes. He’ll ask Penny for potions notes, he’ll

( do it tomorrow though. Ask tomorrow. Today, you see no one. Today you are alone because you CAN’T go through this day with people and you know it )

ask Andre about Transfiguration class... and that’ll solve everything. It will be like nothing ever happened. Carefully avoiding Filch and Mrs Norris, he finally managed to get out of the Castle... and made his way towards the Black Lake, sitting down behind a tree, safe from prying glances... and as he finally found a comfortable position, he grabbed his bag and slowly pulled out a dried orchid... or well, what was left. It has been so long since he had it, it was basically falling apart after all these years... but it kept on.

Just like Laurent on the anniversary of his mother’s death.

That day had been rainy, and gloomy, as if nature was aware it was about to lose a dear angel. Jeanne Clemence... wasn’t herself anymore. That familiar glint in her eyes was gone, and her cracked lips weren’t able to smile anymore. As she closed her eyes forever, little Lau, only seven, remained silent for a moment... until he finally burst into tears a few hours later.

Months before she caught that illness, she gave her son a flower. An orchid, her favourite. And she told him that whenever he would feel sad, looking at this flower will remind him how mummy is always here for him. When his mother died, he looked at the flower... but it led to nothing, since his mom wasn’t here anymore.

He was alone. Stefen and Mr.King were already over it. Lau was the only one who cared.

( remember that day remember it ? Remember how Stefen acted like nothing happened and how dad only went back to doing whatever the FUCK he was doing before ? Remember how no one asked if you were ok remember how they couldn’t give a shit about mum anymore because she was no more than dead weight they forgot about her true self as soon as she started showing symptoms these godawful BASTARDS )

Suddenly, his hand balled up into a fist in rage... and crumbled up the orchid as a result, finally destroying it. He watched as the orchid fell apart, his bottom lip trembling and tears threatening to fall down.

“N-No... no, no, no !”

Panic swelled up inside of his chest, and a cold sweat broke on his forehead. His hands started shaking fervently, and he tried to piece the flower back together.

( that’s useless you piece of shit you know it damn well )

“No, no, NO !”

And immediately, he started to sob. Not a soft sob you have when you watch a sad movie. An absolutely guttural cry of help, a throaty scream, a pure breakdown as he realized that the only thing he had left of his mother was now destroyed by his fault.

* * *

Barnaby Lee had Herbology class that morning.

He wasn’t a fan of it. Sprout was extremely kind, but that didn’t make him any better with tending to flowers. In fact, his struggle remained the same, and no one would help him. Because of his stature, as well as his House, several students would fear him without even bothering to get to know him... and ever since he briefly teamed up with Merula, his reputation had gone down the gutter. Now, people saw him as her brainless acolyte... even though he wasn’t working by her side anymore.

( what is it that Penny said ? Ah, yes: don’t judge a book by it’s cover )

While he wasn’t good at Herbology, it did make him smile, however, as plants immediately made him think of Laurent. He was supposed to be in Charms class, right ? Oh, oh ! Barnaby suddenly had a brilliant idea... he was going to surprise him ! As soon as Herbology class is over, he’ll run right to the Charms classroom and see Lau ! 

Once Sprout declared the class over, Barnaby was quick to take his things and make his way to the Charms classroom, all the way up... but that wasn’t bothering him, he had strong legs. As he finally reached the classroom, students were starting to leave... and he recognized Ben Copper.

“Ben ! Ben, wait for me !” Barnaby exclaimed.

He stumbled a little, and managed to get to the Gryffindor, panting softly and trying to catch his breath.

“Whew ! H-Have you seen- aaarrgh, have you seen Lau ? Look, I got him some lavender from Herbology class ! I know he loves their smell !”

He pulled out the lavender from his pocket, a bright smile on his face, but Ben slowly shook his head.

“Ah... sorry, Barnaby. Lau wasn’t here today...”

“What ? What do you mean ?”

“W-Well I mean he wasn’t here !” Ben exclaimed, slowly stepping away. “I need to go now... sorry, Barnaby”

And the Gryffindor left, and Barnaby was... horribly confused. Where was Lau... ? He suddenly recalled that he had been rather weird the previous day. Was there something he wasn’t aware of... ? A place suddenly popped into his mind. He knew exactly where Lau was... and he immediately started walking.

As he expected, Lau was near the Black Lake, well hidden behind a tree. Barnaby was lucky to have been able to spot him... and as he stepped closer he suddenly noticed that Lau was crying. Immediately, he walked to his friend, worriness painting over his face.

“L-Lau ? Lau, what’s happening ?” he exclaimed, sitting down next to him.

He noticed he was holding something... something that looked like an old flower, but tore apart.

Despite Barnaby’s question, Lau remained silent, his tearful eyes still on the broken flower... and Barnaby hated seeing him like this.

“Lau, talk to me... I want to help...”

Lau gently shook his head, giggling softly. But that giggle had absolutely zero feeling inside of it.

“You can’t help, Barnaby... I destroyed it, that’s all. I destroyed her...”

Her ? Now, Barnaby looked even more confused, and Lau sighed softly. So much for spending the day alone... but somehow, he wasn’t bothered by it.

“I... oh, Barnaby...”

And suddenly, he was against Barnaby’s chest, sobbing gently... and Barnaby was quick to react, wrapping his arms around his dear friend

( friend why do I hate that word why do I hate it so much ? )

and squeezing him softly. He gently nuzzled his hair... and Lau told him everything, between sobs. How today was the anniversary of his mother’s death, how much this flower meant to him, and how horrible he felt... and Barnaby’s heart absolutely broke for him.

“Lau... I’m so sorry... but this isn’t your fault, I guarantee you...”

He wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell him how much he felt for him. Felt what, exactly ? Merlin, so many things... he wanted to protect him, to make him smile, laugh even. He wanted to be here for him, to be the shoulder he’ll cry on, to be his anchor... because Lau was his.

Eventually, Lau started hugging back, and his sobs became less and less frequent... much to Barnaby’s joy. Now here they were, hugging each other, trying to express what they both weren’t able to say with words.

( I love you )

Barnaby opened his mouth in an attempt to finally say it.

“Look, I got you lavender”

He failed.

[pamarisol-blog]

hello! here i am shrieking in excitement, how’s it going?? i’m so ready for plotting and roleplaying and for this setting bc whew have i needed a bit of paranormal horror spooks in my life, let me tell you. i have no plots yet but hopefully soon and in the meantime we can brainstorm. here’s some links! in short, marisol is the hellion wild child blood witch you’re sure to love (or hate?), working freelance (art/copy editing) and as a projectionist at that stuffy, small, arty theater on the edges of the town’s center. very glamorous, truly. click the links below for more information because i am in fact a fool who sucks at intros. and hmu for some plots here or on discord (drop me a line and i’ll give you my s/n!) profile+tldr / weird / history

some brief...i dunno, word vomit mostly. 

first of all i wanna get in touch with other necronomiconies pls.  her magic is very blood and rune and circle based so it’s pretty dark shit but it’s fine. 

she got into a LOT of fights in middle and high school because she fought back with both words and physical violence in issues of people (rightfully?) calling her mom a whore. 

she smokes, drinks, indulges. she’s got an unhealthy set of habits and a bad relationship with her sense of self, but she’s also immensely creative and self-reliant. she makes things work despite all odds, so there’s something to be said for that. 

with respect to those people who do manage to put up with her erratic moods and bitter sense of humor, she’s incredibly loyal, to the point that she will turn a blind eye to any of your shortcomings in favor of supporting you - even if she verbally cuts you down for being a bitch or whatever. 

having spent her life neglected and ridiculed by a narcissist mother she both desperately desires being loved and wanted and above all else fears putting people in a position of power over her, so, like, conundrum? it leaves a lot of room for ruined maybe-somethings, on and offs, tangled heart strings. 

she does tend to talk her way into and out of things rather easily, and will impulsively plunge into ill advised situations with very little second thought. there’s every chance that could have turned out poorly for your muse by association. 

[gaywheesa]

cant believe i disappeared for like a month whew

im currently like ... trying to get my life back together (i sound old) like i recently started school again after a few years and now im going to try and work out so i lose a lot of weight (trust me i need it) i dont know when ill post again because i now have a lot of things going on and a packed schedule but hopefully soon!!

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 1: “She reeks of minions” - Apollo

Brianna

My dumbass almost put my real name into the confessional link so we are off to a great start!!! So beginning of the game we have to pick a leader. Thomas kinda automatically pushed it to be Apollo which was funny. But then Apollo asked me if I wanted it bcuz he didn’t want it and that’s a no-no. He was scared people would be intimidated that he got an idol clue so I told him to just share the clue with everyone and take the leadership position which he thought was a good idea....for some reason. Lol. Hopefully he doesn’t screw up the immunity challenge for us and I get an idol clue without having to be the leader :P peace out ✌️

Cassie

Getting to know some of my tribemates has been fun and I definitely feel like we've been clicking well so far. I don't have any bad first impressions.

Felix

So I am getting some good vibes off of Flint and Joey. I think they're pretty cool and match my vibes. Cassie is alright, but she doesn't seem to be the talkative type. Finally there's the two that haven't talked. All I'm saying is that if we HAVE to go to tribal then we know who it should be. Also I would never volunteer myself as leader. What do I look like? Responsible?

Zest

I just got to the island and am still a little apprehensive. This is all very new to me. So far, my tribe seems very nice and go with the flow. But, I think that will change as the game progresses. I am definitely trying to just get an idea of people, but, it is very early in the game. We got the clue that "Idols are forged in fire.” Not completely sure what that means yet. Once we know what the challenge is, that will help! I’ve been reading about the other tribes and am curious about how they are all doing. Are they getting closer than mine is? Is my tribe on the right track?

Marie

I’m getting along really well with Kathleen, she is definitely my number one right now and I’d love to work with her!

Flint

The first night has gone better than I had expected. As a somewhat introvert I was nervous about getting to know my tribe but the other players made it easy. Felix and I hit it off really quick, I would consider him my closest ally thus far. Joey and Cassie both talked about being pro-pineapple pizza so that may blossom into an alliance down the road as well. Suzy and Charlie have been quiet so I can see them being an early target if we lose immunity.

Apollo

"https://i.makeagif.com/media/3-26-2018/myXMdc.gif

I feel like signing up for this game was a bad idea for my mental health, but I love Jay more than I love myself so who cares?

First impressions? Thomas suggests me as leader, and I'm shook. I wish I didn't have the name of a Greek God, why couldn't I be ""Steven Smith"" lol. Anyways I got the idol clue and shared it with the whole tribe since I don't need a giant target on my back to start with. Hopefully I can use this leader position to start a team that can work cohesively for the beginning of this game. Ope! The challenge has been posted. I've gotta run! Hopefully I won't be first boot!"

Lysandre

So the tribe has been formed!! The leader is Marie and thats cool! I was then put into a potential alliance chat with me, Marie, and Kathleen! Lets see how this goes! I also chose to participate in the shells challenge and its going great so far, except for the fact that all the numbers are confusing me. Is there a thing for dyslexia but with numbers?? Also I love Jay wtf.

Apollo

I can't believe you put me on the same tribe as Karen again, and I don't know why the hell she thinks Boris is a funny name, but the cat icon, has me living. I didn't know it was her since she wasn't on at the beginning but when she started talking and dragging the midwest I couldn't help but confirm my suspicions. She reeks of minions. Also pretty sure the new zealand person is just Stephen, bless his Soul. As for the rest idk them but being put in the leader position really helped i suppose. Thomas and Zest seem to respect me and Brianna and I are working on the flash game so hopefully we can bond over that. I would love for us to win immunity the first round but at this rate, If Bradley doesn't come on at all tomorrow, we might not even need to go to tribal, it just might be med evac, which would come in handy if we lose, but be a shot in the foot if we win. A little part of me was hoping for some ungodly reason Camilla would come back, but if she is, its not on my tribe :'). I'm imagining that Sam is somewhere but not on my tribe. I can't wait to get on with this game and to see how well I can do with a fresh start.

Gigi

I'm pretty happy with my tribe! Everyone seems kind and levelheaded. I'm kind of worried that I missed out on bonding with them though, since I wasn't around for the first meeting!

Kathleen

"I seem to have formed bonds with a couple of tribe members pretty quickly, I might be wrong but it seems like most of my tribe hasn’t really started playing the game yet so it’s good to get a one up just in case. Our leader, Marie, was someone I suggested because we’d been talking and I thought it would be good to have someone that was starting to trust me as leader.

Also this puzzle is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I have like 500 mental illnesses so that’s saying something."

Lysandre

OK SO LYSANDRE IS DOING EVERYTHING TIM COULDN'T. Their goal in the challenge is to get atleast 101 bundles but a bitch is getting tired. Also queen Jay posted her idol search which I thought was cute! I like how it works but my problem with it is that the idol can be found so fast.  It can be found in say... under an hour on your first prompt submission... LIKE HOW I DID. I have an idol yall!!! My first ever Idol!!!! I am so proud of Lysandre, they are doing amazing.

Lysandre

Having the idol feels a little surreal. I am aware that I have it but it is sooooo early in the game that it feels like a joke. I am going to tell no one about the idol moving forward in the game and I'm going to try and save it for no one but me.

Felix

Look who found an idol on their first hunt! I now have a safety net to fall back on just in case any of these people want to be snakes in the grass! We love me being an icon!

Felix

Me not reading the rules? It's more likely than you think. So now I just got to hope that everyone else is able to pull through in this challenge. God this sucks. At least if I am the worst on my team then I can use my idol to protect me. But that would be a waste of an idol so early in the game.

Boris

"HELLO. so the game just started yesterday and honestly?? I'm having so much fun.

playing as a different identity lets me separate myself from the game and play in a way I typically wouldn't. I'm already playing much more socially than I would in a typical game. My tribe sees pretty good! Everyone showed up at least, we're not the MOST active but everyone seems so nice, it'll be pretty easy to get along with everyone

totally off subject but this IDOL HUNT? WHEW. literally iconic. It's so fun to explore the different paths and see what happens. it took me forever to reach an outcome (and it was a negative one, at that), but I just had fun doing it anyway.

I volunteered to do the endurance portion of immunity, and I'm lowkey kinda regretting it. Like, I don't have anything else to do, but I just barely have the motivation to sit and type for hours on end. Oh well, I feel safe enough that even if we don't win I should be safe! hopefully!!"

Joey

"it's been a hot second since i've played one of these things and whew i forgot how exhausting it is getting to know people! i think everyone's in a weird spot because we're trying to remain hidden so we can't release real information about ourselves, so all the conversations i've had have mostly been about food. i've told two people i'm a fan of pineapple on pizza, which is a total lie, but whatever it takes  to make connections right?

i put my name out there for the leader role, but quickly gave it up to cassie. i think people are going to gravitate towards her, and i wanted to get in her good graces in case she is the key decision maker here. i feel like a lot of these people don't work as much as i do, which might put me at a disadvantage in the social portion, but what more can i really do?

i volunteered for the flash game because that seemed like the least annoying/time consuming section of the bunch, and on my fourth try i had a really lucky run and got a pretty decent score that i haven't gotten close to since. i think my strategy is going to be to pretend i'm struggling with the challenge, and at the last minute pretend i got my good score to show how hard i worked and how i ~persevered~ or whatever."

Felix

13 votes? Mama you gotta know more people than that

Felix

We're safe! I'm so shook that even though I submitted by accident XD

Marie

Gigi didn’t help with the challenge at all! Like wth pitch in? Tribal tonight should be an easy vote

Cassie

I feel pretty confident about how I did in the challenge for my tribe. We didn't come first, but I believed in my team that we'd still be safe and we were. We can only improve from here to overtake our competition and I still believe in my tribe. Go Tuai!

Thomas

Early days, everyone seems really nice so far, think I have gotten a good team!

Charlie

Honestly nothing particularly juicy atm, everyone is really nice and we are just getting to know each other. Theres a few people I'm vibing with more then others however...maybe a potential alliance in the future?

David Penn

Everyone seems way to chill and i'm waiting for the game to start getting heated. Also our tribe leader kinda dipped and everyones leader.

Brianna

Well. Sumi kind of...demolished that challenge. And I was starting to think we weren’t doing enough lol. It’s nice to see the first challenge results and put everything in perspective for the whole game. Not really any new updates. Bradley appeared for the first time today. Then shortly disappeared soon after. A missing person alert has gone out and he will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Zest

Wow! I am so emotional about our first win. I got really anxious about the puzzle and was worried I’d let my tribe down. Luckily, we all were really supportive of one another. Everyone has a really positive attitude and I am happy with Apollo's leadership. In terms of getting to know people, it is still really early. I have spoken to everyone on my team individually except Bradley.

Lysandre

OK so we lost the motherfucking challenge. I was the only person on my tribe to actually win their category. One of my "allies" Kathleen FLOPPED in the challenge. Luckily Gigi literally does not exist in this plane of existence. Maybe she got snapped by Thanos and she'll come back in 5 years... who knows?? What I do know is that I'm voting for her to go!! Also David approached me with the idea of voting Kathleen. I tried to play it off as if I'm stuck in between voting those two and I hope he bought it but Im obvi not gonna do Kathleen rn because she communicates with me. But we LOVE being the first tribe to go to TRIballlll.

Suzy witters

Im getting on with Felix a bit, and Charlie, I like charlie more though and can see myself working with him throughout the game

Marie

Lowkey can’t believe David actually called Kathleen out in the public chat, not a good move buddy. Let’s just say, he’s lucky that we want to get rid of Gigi or else Kathleen might have made the vote him!

Kathleen

I did HORRIBLY at the challenge and it seems that David was coming after me before some of my alliance members talked him down. We’re going for Gigi tonight so we only have people left that will actually try in challenges, but if we end up at tribal again I might just have to try and convince my alliance members to go for David to save myself.

Boris

"my tribe? Did that. We are a tribe of WINNERS. We dominated the first challenge!

But in less fortunate news, my dumbass needs to stop jumping into pits and volcanoes in the idol hunt. Search 1, I jumped in a lot and everyone was notified of my search. Search 2, I jumped across a volcano and now I can't participate in the next immunity. Which is an endurance! Which im really good at!! And the tribe knows I can do it because I did endurance last round!!!

So now I'm in a position where I kinda have to sit out (luckily our tribe needs to sit someone out anyway) BUT I'm stuck between coming forward and telling the truth, that I fucked up while searching, or make up some excuse for them to let me sit out anyway.

I think the former is smarter. Surely everyone else is searching too, and and maybe they'll respect my honest??? But if not, it could be my downfall. If they know Im searching every day they might be more inclined to vote me off before i find anything, since now they know I have nothing. "

Boris

Wtf why am I stressed, i don't even have to go to tribal

Bryan

So. The next immunity comp is an endurance challenge. And we have boris saying he won’t be able to be here for it because of a family thing. Apollo works til 12. Bradley probably won’t be here because of his disappearing trick. And I work til 10. I’ll hopefully still be able to participate because it’s not constant...but. We are already down three people and the comp hasn’t even started yet oh lord please help us.

Flint

The first Immunity Challenge was tougher then I had expected! I was assigned the seashell necklace making portion which sounded fairly easy but once I got going it was easy to get tripped up in the numbering. Once the results were announced I was glad to see our tribe got second place because I was one of the weaker ones in the challenge performance. Time to step it up!

Bradley

I need to really step up my social game since we won immunity. So its going to be a mess but i want to try and make some connections.

Gigi

Not sure if I'm paranoid or not, but I am idol hunting right now! And got a disadvantage instead. Just my luck!

Raul

Things are weird especially with the whole alias thing but ya know we march on the tribe is kinda quiet so we'll see I haven't seen a target emerge but it'll probably me to be honest

[loveyourlovelysoul]

When it comes to life I think my biggest fear is not living up to my full potential and fulfilling the life I dream of living...and 'm scared of having regrets..I know you shouldn't regret anything because it taught you a lesson but sometimes those "could have been moments" have a nasty way of making u feel you could have done better.

When it comes to relationships i think I'm scared I'll be one doing the cheating on my partner cos i have this tendency of giving relationships my full effort (even though I've never been in a relationship) so it often burns out quick... I think my problem is I always jump straight into it and I'm scared I'll make that same mistake again.

Whew!

I was already writing a post about fears/regrets, cause I've been talking about it with a friend a few weeks ago and it made me think. I will end it soon, hopefully.

It's a fear that needs to be processed inside, by each one of us, cause regrets may have different causes. From what you wrote, in your case, regrets are about being able to do better, right? I want to ask you: with your actual knowledge and the way your person is at this very moment (don't look back to the person you were, cause you can't compare your actual self to your past self or future self), would you do something differently? Did you give your best in each situation you went through or not? Cause it's about that. If at this very moment, you're doing your best (according on the person you are and what you know now, how you feel, think and all), you can't have regrets. If your future self (even just the person you're gonna be the day after something happened) is looking back, it can't have regrets. Cause your future self is who they are exactly thanks to that experience your actual self has done. Regrets starts when you know you can do something in a certain way or experience something, but you don't do that. You simply renounce making up an excuse or you don't give your 100%. At this point, you have regrets. “Oh, I could have talked to that person” (but you didn't); “I could have accepted my friend's invitation to that party, what I am doing here alone?” (but you didn't). Ask yourself why you didn't and find an answer. Give yourself a target and work towards it with dedication. Once you know your goal and how to reach it, you will know what to do, you will know what you can renounce to without having regrets and what will cause you them in the future. But you have to be true to yourself and your goal. And simply forgive yourself if occasionally you'll make an excuse to something or won't be able to give your best for whatever reason (maybe you're ill or not feeling it), cause we're human and we live of habits and giving them up it's not always very easy, especially in the beginning. Your mind will have to do a lot of work to keep you in line. You can make lists of pros and cons if you eel: they can help you see more clearly if you can renounce to an experience or not (in order to reach your goal: e.g. can you renounce to that date to know that person (situation) if you wanna have a partner (goal)?). Don't force yourself to have too many experiences in order to not have regrets cause that won't simply work. It'll just give you regrets for having done things you didn't feel like or weren't your cup of tea at all (”why did I go out with that person if I didn't like them?”).

Coming to your second point. First of all you said you haven't been in a relationship, so how can you be sure about it? "Don't bind your head before you even broke it" as we say in my country. It'll make you scared to even try to start a relationship with someone. You have to try to know. You have to trust and know yourself well, but also trust the other person. Relationships are based on two people's exchange, so you'll have to trust them for making things exciting for you as well. Don't look just at yourself, it’s not all on you, it’s all shared, divided in two. And, okay: you know you may have this weak point so that you may end up cheating on the other cause the initial spark has faded away: make it a reason to work harder to make things exciting again. Find something else to do with your person. Be creative, and talk about your fears to them if you feel they're coming to reality. We enter relationships (some more faster, other more slowly, there’s no rule), but we are all scared: they may be scared as well of something, have doubts... Your person is a person just like you. I think we should always talk about our fears and doubts, be plain clear about them. Even if the fear of confessing these doubts to the other and not being understood is high. But how much we want the relationship to be true and deep/fulfilling? Ofc, at a certain point you have to decide what to tell and what not, but you’ll know what to keep hidden to save your relationship and what to tell. Relationships that last years and years, are based on time and effort. On two people that know each other well, good and bad sides, and took time and will to do so. These relationships go through lots of trials and it’s obvious that the initial passion will fade. It’s impossible to feel the same kind love for something as the first time you try it. Love grows and changes, but it’s still love. Think about your favorite hobby: some days you won’t feel like doing it, you may even end up hating it, but you’ll come back to it and appreciate it in a different way if it’s something you really enjoy doing and gives something back to you. You won’t give up easily. In the same way, it’s up on the two people involved to keep love alive making things up and talking about your emotions, cause you two need to decide to be together: it doesn’t have to be only about the passion (these are more likely flings, or a way in which a relationship may start, but if you want something serious, you have to look at other things as well). There will be days in which you won’t even stand hearing the other person talking or seeing them, and that is completely normal. But you’ll get over that. Cause you’ll remember that you also want to be together with them, for what the other person gives you: it may be support, understanding, freedom, knowledge, another point of view... whatever you search for in another person you wanna share your life, bad and good, with. But you need to get to a point in which you are sure about the person and your feelings for them. Your deepest ones, not just the physical attraction (cause, aging, you know, our bodies will likely not going to get more beautiful ;) ). Your minds, hearts and souls need to know where they stand for the other. You have to be committed about what you are creating together, no matter how deep the lows.

Despite what I said, I think that love is not a hobby, it’s a full time job. Cause having someone else in front of you makes it even more difficult than simply having a hobby/job. You can’t just grow out of love for someone or get tired of someone... at least not for too long. If you do, it wasn’t your person. Or it wasn’t real love.

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 5: “We’re gonna be scamming men tonight” - Mikki

Fuck. I don't want to vote out Chris. So I'm not going to. That is all. Fuck these bitches.

I have to start off by saying how bummed I am that Chips is out. I had a feeling it would go that way and Joey did too. The odds were stacked against him on that one. I’ll miss having ya around!

I’m obviously thrilled to be safe another round. I really don’t know where anyone is at strategically and tbh I’m not really looking to find out. After the knowledge Giraffez told me before being voted out, I know Lily is weary of me. I think as soon as we either vote again or make it to merge, she would most likely launch something against me. I would love for the 4 of us to stick together. I think we are stronger together but it’s hard to tell.

I’m trying to see if Joey wants to start planning with me like who do we want to work with moving forward. I’d also love to have that conversation with Monty. That way next time we have to vote we will already have an established alliance. Literally everyone on this team are great to talk to when they are online. Genuinely seem to be here to make friends and enjoy the game. I’d love to continue playing with people like that and I know we will want to be strong when we do merge. 

If I want to step up my strategic game, now is the time.

Every now and then, I get totally drowsy when playing all these html5 games. It makes me wonder and have some lucid dreams tbh, I'll just be sitting there with Forensic Files on in the background, just zoning out, and playing Tomb Runner. I hope that my score is enough, but if we lost, I'm going to be absolutely crushed, cause I ain't going to the Outhouse. HBO Max has the aesthetic of the Hamburglar from McDonald's and that is not a good sight to see.

---

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SAFE ANOTHER ROUND!! I still feel desperate as fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk but hey its always sunny in philadelphia :-)

ummm not much has happened. ive been taking some time away from discord for a few reasons so i havent been active. plus we won so i just have not really talked to anyone this past round

OMG OKAY OKAY OKAY SOOOO it sucks we lost again but me and Mikki have had a plan incase we are teaming up with Chris bc we dont feel all that close to raffy and blake and it was gonna be like awkward w them voting chris BUT THEN blake says to mikki he wants chris to stay and then says hes close w raffy too SO RAFFY AND BLAKE R PROBS VOTING ME LMFAOOO omg this is SOOO exciting if its a 3-2 vote with me getting 2 ill jump. BUT we are voting raffy cuz he might have an idol that needs flushing while if we kept him he could just use it next time to mikki needs to act like fully on board w them so that he doesnt get sus. AHHHHHH SCARY BUT EXCITING. why do i like getting votes. bad benj

I was worried we would lose knowing Ricky would be sent to Outhouse. What I didn't realize was that I'd be the only non Eener on the tribe. But Benj and Mikki assured me this round that they wanted to work with me so I felt optimistic! Then Raffy/Blake come to me respectively about how they want me to stay so now they are going to go after Benj I think but Mikki is pretending she is too? I support cannibalism today!

whew me entering top 14? 13? 12? idk pls help i can't do math my math is not mathing.

tbh winning consecutively is the double-edged swords cause on one hand, im safe and don't have to worry about a thing.. on the other hand, the whites still have numbers :/ im trying to talk to like do something in case if we go to the tribal, we can get the whites out... hopefully.

https://voca.ro/16epPhLLURgj

I continue to be the challenge queen <3 Ignore Ultimate Tic Tac Toe this ain't about her

---

I don't know if I even gave my thoughts on my new tribe yet btw but I love Jinx they're so great to be around, she's definitely my first priority outside of the monty-joey-lily alliance on who to keep. Captain and Jude are cool too tho!

And Lily C sure exists

https://photos.app.goo.gl/AfRSnrGaPUDVcJ5MA

I FUCKING HATE THE OUTHOUSE. it’s so BORING and i cant FUCKING FOGURE OUT THIS RIDDLE. what’s even worse is i have absolutely no say on what goes back on at camp, and now way to strengthen the bonds that i’ve already built with benj and mikki. i’m just hoping that chris is doing enough to keep himself in this round, because i really really don’t want to lose him. if i don’t make this merge with my tua 4 i might Lose My Mind. Praying to Autumn for this one!

BEFORE FAIRY COUNCIL: https://youtu.be/BGTQn9Z9CCo 

https://youtu.be/1iOW7SZftQk

For Benj: https://youtu.be/Y0iMuH01zMM

[rintheyordle]

OOC: Rini-dingy-do where are you?!

Whew, okay, so. This month went from not so busy, to sorta busy, to holy shit light everything on fire busy. But it’s for good reasons! So, first up, I was only suppose to have one con this month.. Twitchcon. Until suddenly, Ippus messaged me like HEY DO YOU WANT TO GO TO NEW YORK COMIC CON? IT’S REALLY GOOD. And I know from our previous experiences at Comic Cons, yes, they do very well for us. After biting the bullet on my anxiety to be mostly alone in such a large city (thankfully I had @tealfuleyes come to the rescue and offer to have me stay with his friends (and now mine!) Pixel and Nick in their hotel so I wasn’t alone) NYCC Went AMAZINGLY, and I ran completely out of stock of items. So of course, now, I had to RUSH to get my charms and prints restocked. Thankfully, I should have them ALL COMPLETE and in time for Twitchcon still. Same for my prints. They should be arriving Wednesday. SO THEN I HAVE TWITCHCON, I’M DOING A CHARITY EVENT, AND NOW SUDDENLY A SUPER SPECIAL EVENT THAT ILL ANNOUNCE AS SOON AS I CAN AND ALSO I HAVE MY BOOTH IM SELLING AT. Again, luckily I’m staying with friends and should have other friends to watch my booth when I’m away from it, but it’s going to be a tad hectic and crazy. Also, Fox Stevenson concert that weekend. Oh my god I’m so excited!! BUT THEN, HERE’S WHERE THINGS GET MORE CRAZY. I recently went to Seattle, right? Kind of out of no where. Well that turned into me having a boyfriend. And his friends instantly were like, HEY, HE’S GOING TO BLIZZCON, GO. and Im like nahh I’ll get in the way and I don’t have a ticket! Don’t worry about it it’s fine, I can come visit just after. Nope, they found me tickets for Blizzcon and also had room for us to stay together at a hotel instead of separate. SO THAT HAPPENED. SO I LEGIT HAVE 3 CONS BACK TO BACK ONE WEEKEND A PART EACH TIME. Right after I’m back from Twitchcon, I have less than a week before I drive BACK to SoCal to be in Anaheim with him and friends. ONCE THAT IS DONE, I have about 2 weeks down before I fly back out to Seattle again and spend time with him for a few weeks. Now, this though, I’m bringing my stuff so hopefully I can stream some again? But mostly work for sure while I’m there, so that’s good. But still, That’s about a 3 week trip. AND JUST AFTER THAT I’m flying to Japan. AND JUST AFTER THAT I’m planning to move to Seattle. SO YES. MY LIFE. WENT HAM. IN LIKE, A FEW QUICK SOLID WEEKS AND IM LOVING IT

But that’s what happened to me and why everything is hectic and awesome and why I haven’t been around here much. Please forgive me friends!! I love you all, I haven’t forgotten you!!! <3 Anyone I might bump into at Twitchcon or Blizzcon? Comment here okay! I’ll be around, it’ll be easier to find me at TwitchCon (Booth CC30!!!!), but Blizzcon I’ll be walking around some of the days!

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 5: "I just can't believe I did 4 hours of calls for a tribal that literally didn't happen." - Ali

THIS IS UNETHICAL. WE PREPARED FOR THE MOST CRACKED TRIBAL IN HISTORY AND DIDN'T EVEN GO SAKJLDFAFF.

in other news, i think benj flipped and honestly good for him! i think its smart, mitch, michael and noah are all messes. i'm feeling SO much better about my spot in the game, like we can hopefully keep voting JJ till we go to a tribal, and I can start trying to build those cross-tribe connections YAY. 

in other news, MO IS DOING SO GOOD I THINK! like i think he doesn't like me anymore after the last time i hosted him, but i'm super super proud of him for doing his thing this season yay yay!

i just can't believe i did 4 hours of calls for a tribal that literally didn't happen, I'm truly screaming... now the test is how long it takes JJ to find out EEEEEK.

IM SORRY. Excuse me but IM SORRY. Why do people keep targeting me. LIKE HELLO IM NICE. Plus I think I'm being pretty genuine. Thank god for Benj, my social game is coming IN HARD. Mitch and Michael totally bold faced lied to me. Mitch even said that he wanted us to be strong together, BUT right after tribal he was said "I must say I'm really sorry."  OOOOOOF STrong OOOF

What's on my mind you ask? The fact that budva won the challenge when the lyrics didnt match what they were lip syncing OOP

but also Serious confessional time woop woop! For starters, I fricked up HARDCORE. First thing i said is that i would target Noah if we ever went to tribal and what do i do? Yeah, lets go for Caleb :D. Tribal Lines. REEEE! Now all of the og doormentors dont trust me which is just great (woohooo)!!!! Big rip to my g Noah. I actually thought we might have had something going if we just won immunity but things happen. We were so robbed in the music video challenge ugh (looks at hosts who arent named alyssa or nicole). Anywhoooo yeah despite me lying to half of the people here, they all like me well enough so i dont think im going anywhere anytime soon. Im a social icon so be ready for more of meeeeeeeee

Soooo..... that happened

It was kinda lucky I was in a movie for 2 hours after the deadline so I didn't have to face immediate backlash lmao but there wasn't that much, mitch was pretty chill about it what a king, if I can help it id want it to be Michael next over him, speaking of Michael he hasn't talked to me about it or much before so we shall see where that goes...

Our video was ROBBED even with the penalty

I love the other 4 and I hope they don't end up fucking me over... hehe

I bet the other budvas on the other tribe are wondering who flipped JKFJS

But ya I just hope we can win cuz if we keep losing its bound to be me eventually but I feel like doing this if I make merge def gives me more options than others cuz ill have these 4 og greens who now trust me and then my old friends from budva who I didn't betray like ali and ian who im excited to reunite with

so ya we will see how it works out !

I told Alex lol

It has been a HOT minute.

First of I can’t believe punctuality defeated Alex. I am shook. I deadass thought we were gonna lose. Like on call with Tom he jokingly mentioned that what if we actually won immunity amidst all the scheming, plotting and lying that has happened this round. I am just blown away. And now Noah is gone and presumably someone from OG budva flopped? I’m thinking it’s Mitch tho hmmm. Kinda hoping Benj is safe!!

On another note tho, like here’s some interesting tea!!  *insert sc of convo with Tom I sent hehehehe* (Johnny note: ^ you can ask ian about this idk what hes talkin about)

Like Omg JJ would have been 100% going if we went to tribal?? There was going to be no revote because Jules, Tom and presumably Evan flipped at the last minute. I am screaming!! Ali really got through to Jules making it look that JJ is a hot crazy mess. Like I am just screaming tbh. I love OG Budva Baes, I really feel thankful to have been swapped with like not shady people from my og tribe hehehe

So rn if we do end up going to tribal council, I do hope the plan is still JJ and either Tom or Jules still flips on him. Hopefully those three are keeping quiet about their flip so we can get JJ out of this game.

On a different note, like I know he’s a threat and all but I’m really liking Tom. It’s really just the Straight Connection™ ahsjdjd Like idk I just want to align with Aussie’s and all hahaha. Jason and I are planning on forming like a side alliance with Tom and possibly Evan lol. I did promise Tom I was gonna have his back if he flipped and tho the flip didn’t happen because we won immunity, I still plan on doing that but I better keep my eye on Tom tho because I don’t want him to be my UgH Brett this season.

Me and Ali are doing an EXCELLENT job at acting like we don't know each other and going deep undercover in our tribe, like, if I'm gonna be proud of anything in this game so far it'll be that and not being first boot. But mostly that. I really hope that we go far together in this game with Julia because I think the three of us could make a really good team.

C*befield is a cursed game!! literally had my laptop opened for hours doing the trick tom told us in the chat and when I finally stopped at 15B the hosts says it’s in invalid because it needs to be the game over screen but the game literally glitched so I keep going on to infinity without hitting cubes or getting game over Grrr

RIP mine and Ali’s laptop

Also Tom is drunk on the tribe chat rn. Now we just need Julia to be drunk ahsjdjd

okay Evan I see you. Making dumb dumb decisions GRRR. Him leaking EVERYTHING to JJ, like what was the endgame? He just burns everyone across the board.

With that said, if we have to go to tribal I still want JJ gone. I can't deal with anymore, him like asking to call me while i was drunk with friends on my way back from prom is so annoying, like... my life is not games, i literally.. was with friends like... boundaries.

i feel bad being mean to JJ but ughhhhhhhh. Evan also needs to have not done anything he just did. I literally... was gonna be in such a pickle next vote because Jason/Ian would've wanted Evan out, but Thomas/Jules wouldn't have. He like panicked about how out of the loop he was (which I can understand and respect), but like... this was such a, SUCH a poor way of handling it. JJ is gonna be on a reign of terror, its just going to be so tiring.

I just... am really tired of it. I'm annoying, and I get that, so its hypocritical for me to get mad at the others but like... GRRR.

i just want a final five of me, jules, julia, tom and benj. LET ME HAVE THAT.

Tom and I bonding over JJ FINALLY going home? ICONIC, SHOWSTOPPING

jj = mess

I am not sure if I already submitted a confessional on the shit that went down today but here we go.

So I wake up to see all is well. Nothing has happened much. Then Evan comes here asking me if I voted JJ and questioning me with all kinds of shit. The kid is legit panicking because from what Tom told me, he was the last to know of the flip against JJ. So now Evan thinks he’s at the bottom and is sweating bricks. All of a sudden JJ blows up in the tribe chat and he freaking knows we were gonna send him out the game if we lost the music video challenge.

I then learn that presumably mcfreaking Evan fucking leaked to JJ that he was getting voted out which caused all this mess on the tribe chat with JJ calling Tom, Jules, Evan, Ali and Julia out for lying to him and that he’s thanking me and Jason for being straight up to him? Umm I don’t get this tho because me and JJ literally did not exchange any talks about the vote. So I don’t get where he’s going with this lol. Jules was trying to calm JJ down and she was laying down the law whew. I mean if anything this blow up just secured my allaince’s control?? Like now Tom and Jules are with us and they know Evan is a rat and JJ is sinking. UNLESS this is just a freaking ploy by them in which they are being oh so extra ahsjdjd

Right now if I would have my way, Budva baes along with Tom and Jules work together for this vote. We throw most of our votes at JJ and that may include Evan. And then we tell JJ who’s pretty desperate right now to vote for Evan. I would want someone to throw one or two votes at Evan as a safety cushion in case JJ pulls out an idol. Here’s to hopIng everything goes accordingly for the Budva Baesss

Well fuck i've flopped on confessing my sins again. So last round I made probably the shittiest music video..... and I won. How in the fuck. TAKE THAT BITCHES! ON TIME QUEEN BETTER THAN A LATE ONE! But so JJ is super fucking annoying toward the original Budva people, such as myself. But he has also annoyed his tribe pretty bad. Sooooooo Jules flipped. This round it looks like he is gonna go but Evan talks too much and I wanna kill him.

RN im a paranoid mess because people are telling me to vote michael and im kind of forced to do that? The problem is, I like michael a lot so i really hope we win this challenge because i think we have a good shot. It also doesnt help that we got rid of the majority so now i could very well be going here.

[cpknightly1]

Friends..please forgive me for taking so long to write this.

Today has been emotional and blessed. While waiting for the Doctor. A nurse comes in with an ekg machine. I froze. She proceeded to set it up. I finally opened my mouth. I'm just supposed to get test results. My stomach sank. Ohhh yes. He'll be right in. Omfg! The universe has a sense of humor. He finally comes in. He's one of those Doctors that speaks slowly and ya wanna snap him out of it!

Your nuclear test is fine. (whew 1down) Your echo however (jesus no) is 10% higher....than what is needed.

OMOMGOMG (I'm gonna kill this man) "You are CLEARED for surgery...........did he just say that? I got off the table and hugged him. I started to cry. After all this time. He was going to call my surgeon. I sat in my car and cried. Then I cranked up some music. "I'm so excited". Then treated myself to a mocha frappuccino. I came home kissed the babies fell into bed and took a nap.

Now, you're wondering what all this nonsense has been about.

I used to bodybuild. So I'd had pretty good strength. One day I decided to flip the mattress. It was spring. I had no idea it weighed about 100lbs. But I got angry and lifted I felt a pull but didn't make much fuss. Over years it became more and more painful and bigger, my belly. It had gotten so large I looked like I was pregnant. I could only sleep on my left side. When I went to swim (which I love) it would drown me. Wearing clothes is a nightmare. I recently was getting pharyngitis repeatedly. I'm a singer and I couldn't.

Through the Pulmonary Dr. I found out that this hernia had mushroomed. Meaning my diaphragm and the hernia were pushing my lungs down . Cutting off the air supply. It's pushing the little holes on my lungs closed. She told me when it was gone, I won't believe how well I'll sing. I was once asked when I was due?! Holy crap.

For those of you waiting, like I was I wanted to let you know it will be hard, nerve wracking, frustrating, maddening. Keep pressing forward, don't stop. It's ok to be frustrated. Don't wallow. Find something to occupy your mind or your body. Ladies I will soon have a sexy waist again woohoo! Because they are removing the extra skin it had created. About 30-40lbs. For those of you out there who have an "outtie" bellybutton that's a hernia! I never knew that.

My task tomorrow is to make the date. Hopefully asap (no patience). This has been my journey so far. Everybody is different. And many more have illnesses that are far worse. (I pray for you). (Heavy sigh) recoup time is 3 months. I don't think so! I can't wait to get back to the gym and in the pool! I wanted to give you a vision of what I have seen myself as. Sc-Fi fans will love this. Pic below. Thank you for your prayers kind words and songs. I may just flash you my sexy waist. Hehe ❤🤗

Always,

Chris

[auntie-histamine]

BECAUSE IT’S ASS EARLY IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE A MIGRAINE, LIFE UPDATE!!!

I have successfully left my horrendously low paying job for a new job that will hopefully treat me much better. I’ll be working at one of the leading cancer research institutes in the country as a patient representative, and I’m really excited to think that I can start making a difference in the lives of some people who really need it!

Peter Pan closed a couple of weekends ago and the post show depression is slowly starting to fade (it helps that I’ve stayed in touch with my squad from the show, and we’re making plans to hang out very soon). It was an absolutely amazing show with over 1,000 tickets sold, and we got rave reviews. I even got called spectacular! Still not over it. I’m going back out into the world now to start auditioning again. Hopefully I will get a new role soon that I will love just as much as Peter.

I also have found an apartment with one of my best friends, @shawsbear, that we’re hopefully going to be able to move into in July!

I’m continuing to chase my chronic illnesses diagnoses, and I’m having some success! I’ve been officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which means I can start treatment plans for both. The doctors I’m seeing right now seem really good, so I’m hopeful I’ll be able to start managing my pain better very soon.

And my YouTube channel, @maeveactually, is continuing to gain momentum. I finished my first let’s play and have just started my second. I’m almost at 150 subscribers, and the reception I’ve gotten has been so overwhelmingly positive so far!

Finally, I’m well on the way to recovery from the surgery on my wrist last Friday. Still sore and bruising spectacularly, and I’ve got some pretty gnarly stitches, but I’m slowly gaining mobility back and I can play Overwatch without too much pain, so the things that really matter are taken care of. ;)

Lots of stuff happening!! Whew.