#hopefully it's ok - it's a lot more experimental than my normal stuff

[starculler]

Awake (Alive)

Wrote this for the mini-challenge on the No Writing Academia Discord. Enjoy!!

Read on AO3

Oboro caught glimpses of a life no longer his to live.

A short man with a bushy mustache standing over him. Machinery attached to a suit, wreathed in shadow. A brat with a nasty attitude. A bar. Kids swallowed up by his own mist. A man with glowing red eyes, bleeding and unconscious.

(Familiar. Making his chest ache. Clawing at his insides with some feeling he couldn’t name.)

A blond, loudmouth hostage. Heroes and pain and

Sensei

Being strapped to a chair, his reflection his only companion but. But wrong. Different. He’d been— He was—

Purple mist and glowing, yellow eyes trailing faint lines of light with every tilt of his face —That was his face? ��� back and forth in the one-way mirror. It was wrong.

(It was right.)

And then. Moving. A new room. Faces and long stretches of time in between them. The lines blurring between him and him. Blue instead of purple. Skin instead of mist. A young, nearly-forgotten face where there had been mist only moments ago.

(Kurogiri, they called him but that wasn’t right. That wasn’t right. That wasn’t right.)

Things move, or don’t, like that for a while. He slips, fades a little more like he had in the early days. Tending the bar. Picking up after the brat. Sitting in the chair. Restrained. Unmoving. They ask questions Oboro doesn’t answer. Can’t answer.

(Kurogiri does. Sometimes.)

Then that face is back. That man. Red, glowing eyes wide. Desperate. Furious. His words demanding more than he can give. Kurogiri falters.

Oboro does not.

For a few seconds, he’s himself. He sees a flicker of his reflection – mist morphed to form a blurry impression of the face that once was his. He watches his mouth open. Watches his body push against the restraints tying him in place. Watches the man press his hand against the glass as he yells

“Fight it!”

Words struggle past his lips and it’s strange, numb and painless like his throat doesn’t even exist

(sharp and aching and strangled like every syllable he pushes past his lips is a knife sliding slowly up his throat)

He manages one. The most important one. And hopes it’s enough.

It is.

(It isn’t.)

It isn’t sleep he faces when he isn’t there. It isn’t some dark void or hell or any of the other things he didn’t spare a thought to in life. Between the moments he sees through Kurogiri’s eyes, there is simply nothing.

No time. No boredom to muster through. No thoughts to think.

Nothing.

An eternity and the blink of an eye all at once.

Oboro is gone the moment Kurogiri shorts out.

(There’s a switch being flipped. Something changes, then. Some boundary remains broken with no doctor and no Sensei to fix it. Kurogiri falters for the second time and Oboro—)

+ + +

The lights are harsh, bouncing off the bright tiles and whitewashed walls, and he can’t so much as move an arm to try and shield his eyes. He squints to relieve the pain, but it does little more than blur his vision. He doesn’t close his eyes, though. Doesn’t dare to because he can see his reflection in the mirror, opaque now instead of clear like before, flickering purple mist and narrowed, glowing eyes, and he knows.

It's an instinctual sort of knowledge more so than an actual, conscious realization, but it’s enough. It’s more than enough.

He wishes he could move. Stand. Walk. Pinch himself. Anything to make this moment feel more real. He wonders if this is a dream, but that’s wrong too. Dreams are for the living, and he’s fairly sure Kurogiri doesn’t even sleep, much less dream. If he’s Kurogiri now, will he be able to sleep or dream? Or is it a function of what they made him?

The thought, while not great, is better than focusing on any of the other hundreds of things buzzing through his head at the moment. And isn’t that a novel experience: thoughts. His thoughts, right there in his head.

It’s dizzying. Exhilarating. He wants to jump to his feet and cheer, overwhelmed with excitement. He wants to sink to his knees and throw up, maybe cry a little because he died. He died and became some villain’s experiment. A toy to be used up and thrown away.

His jaw ticks when he clenches it and the resulting pressure jolts him out of his head and back into the present. He does it again, and grins when the same pressure pushes up into his cheeks and out over his chin. He pushes his tongue up against the roof of his mouth just to feel the ridges and bumps in his palate and the edges of his teeth in his gums.

It’s exciting being able to feel things, though he wishes he could use his hands instead of exploring the inside of his mouth like he’s a teething toddler marveling at the changes. He opens his mouth, wanting to shout at the top of his lungs that he’s here. He’s alive. He’s—

He falters.

His reflection – Kurogiri’s reflection – doesn’t fully move with him. There is no imprint of his face in the mist. No mouth to move. There’s only the flat, blank canvas of his mist-shrouded face and twin glowing eyes, blown wide. He tilts Kurogiri’s head to one side and feels the first wave of disappointment crest and crash over him.

Still. Still, it isn’t so bad. He tries to convince himself, sucking in a breath of stale air and nodding resolutely at Kurogiri’s – his – reflection. He’s here. He’s alive – he wonders if he’ll ever get tired of turning those words over in his mind – and.

And what?

What can he do in a body that’s only marginally his, strapped to a chair in an empty room? He sags, falling forward as much as the restraints allow. He hangs there for a minute, wallowing in a quickly spiraling fit of self-pity, and then stops. He breathes in once through his teeth and forces his head up. Forces himself to look at his reflection in the glass, and glares.

He breathes out, long and slow. The mostly featureless face staring back at him barely moves. It’s okay, he tells himself. He repeats it a few times in his head and shapes the words with lips he can feel but can’t see. When he’s satisfied, briefly buoyed by his own attempts at talking himself up, he opens his mouth and speaks.

The words tear of out him, jagged sharp and just as painful as before, but he swallows down the pain and, as clearly as he can manage, says:

“My name is Shirakumo Oboro. Is anyone there?”

Pain sears his throat and he can hear what he thinks might be his pulse roaring in his ears. He swallows, trying to soothe the burn, but it does little more than make him wince. He curls his fingers into fists under the fabric wrapped around his arms and torso, gritting his teeth when his efforts at speech are rewarded with silence.

Fine.

He tries again. The same words. The same pain. He chokes on the last word this time, unable to stop his gasp when it spikes suddenly. His mouth tastes like copper, but there’s no rush of warm blood in his mouth. No liquid crawling up his throat to spill past his lips as he’s crushed under concrete he saw too late and—

His death rushes up to meet him, sending phantom signals of pain into limbs long-healed and leaving him dizzy and spitting bile and drool on the floor. He gags as shivers crawl up and down what he thinks is his spine. His vision flickers and he feels the cold, icy claws of panic grip his chest when he can’t tell if he’s closing his eyes or losing himself again.

He pushes against the restraints holding him up. Against the cloth keeping his arms pinned to his chest. He kicks and thrashes and tries, but nothing moves. Nothing can move. He’s trapped. Stuck to a chair. (Stuck under concrete.) In the light. (In the dark.) Dead. (Dying.) Alive.

Alive.

Alive. Alive. Alive

He’s alive but his throat’s burning. He doesn’t want to go again. Doesn’t want to live in moments anymore. Doesn’t want to hurt his friends. His friends. He hurt his friends—He did—He—

There are shapes in the room. Bodies reflected on the mirror. Faces in front of him. Hands on him. He struggles in vain. They talk but he can’t hear the words, and each one he grits out tastes like blood and ash and his dying breath rattling in his chest.

The world around him buzzes and dims. He doesn’t feel the prick of a needle or the cold sting of liquid slithering under his skin as it’s pushed through the syringe’s needle. He’s not even sure there is a syringe or a needle. Or a quirk. He knows the effect, though. The slow descent into darkness. The fall into the abyss. His name sticks to his throat, bouncing on the tip of his tongue, grating his throat as he tries it one last time.

He doesn’t know if it works. He doesn’t know if they know. He sees his face when he falls, an etching in the darkness. Kurogiri stands next to it. Next to him. Is him. The abyss flickers, and there is only him.

Them.

No one.

+ + +

Glowing, yellow eyes open to a blank, white ceiling and whitewashed walls on a simple, white bed with white sheets. The lights are harsh, bright fluorescent strips above him that hurt to look at. There’s nothing else in the room except a chair set a few feet from the bed and a tinted mirror set into the wall.

Two men, one old and short and the other wearing a brown trench coat, stand on the mirror’s other side. The elder one grips his cane, knuckles white, and scowls. The other’s brows pinch together as he presses his lips into a thin line. He waves his hand in the air, and static crackles through the room. When he opens his mouth, his voice filters through the speakers, loud and vaguely tinny.

“Shirakumo Oboro?” Silence greets the pair, so the man in the trench coat tries again. “That’s what you said, isn’t it? Your name?”

Misty hands drag across the bed, bracing against the mattress to push the vague outlines of a body up. The men tense. The old man’s feet shift, stance widening into something less frail and more solid. One misty finger prods at a clothed leg, feeling the mass of an intact limb underneath.

“Yes.”

“No.”

The words are garbled. Pained and insistent. Smooth and indifferent. Both mixing together into something almost incomprehensible. The men on the other side of the mirror jerk, surprise and suspicion marring their features.

“Which is it?” The man in the trench coat asks, uneasy.

Oboro stares at his face reflecting in the mirror, and Kurogiri stares back.

“Both,” they answer, and say nothing more.

[shinesurge]

I’ve been holding off on making this post because I wanted to try it out myself and get settled in and make sure everything went okay, but seeing as I’ve gone ahead and updated my site and everything I thought now might be a good time to start talking about this publicly! 

If you’ve known me for more than five minutes you know I fucking hate Webtoon, like, a lot. Every aspect of it disgusts me to the core of my being, and while Webtoon is the ugliest version of them the aspects that I hate also extend to basically any comic aggregate site. I hate that they treat artists like content robots, I hate that they treat comic readers like morons who aren’t capable of engaging with complex stories, I hate that they actively try to strip away all the cool parts of indie comics by cultivating sterile and impersonal environments that discourage artistic experimentation and unique expression.

So! I hope you’ll be interested in what I have to say about this new platform that’s (hopefully) going to be out of alpha this summer. If you think you like reading comics on Webtoon, I really encourage you to check out Dillyhub once it launches. That’s the short version, but I have a LOT to say about this! So I’m putting the rest of this under a cut.

Full disclosure, I’m not getting paid or anything for this. The creative outreach at Dillyhub contacted me a few weeks ago asking if I’d be interested in having Kidd Commander be one of their launch titles when they go live this summer. I was hesitant at first, since I actively distrust anything claiming to be For Creators at this point, but they answered my pushy questions patiently and everything seemed on the up and up so I gave it a shot; I’ve been needing a mobile mirror for KC anyway. Eventually they invited me to the alpha creator discord, where they’ve been working directly with all of us artists to improve the platform, and now to be honest I’m REALLY excited for this thing to get off the ground. Nobody asked me to make this post, but since I’ve spent years whining and bitching about how other services do wrong by their creators, I thought I’d talk about this one that’s doing things right.

So, the biggest advantage this site has for creators over others in my opinion is that it. Treats us like individuals, regardless of follower count lmfao. If you’re a new person just starting out with your new webcomic, here’s what webtoon does for you:

Note: you don’t get a custom banner, you don’t even get to choose the solid color it is. That big circle icon is ALSO the image that shows up in searches, but everywhere else on the site it’s a 100x100px square, so you have to choose whether you want it to look good as a giant circle at the top of your comic’s page OR whether you want to look good in search results. Which, by the way, is the ONLY way for people to find you if you’re not partnered. And that’s it! You have no monetization options, you won’t show up on the genre pages, and when someone DOES stumble across your page it looks super unprofessional. Good Luck! 

Now here’s my Dillyhub page(s):

You don’t get a static banner and one icon, you get a whole carousel banner with as many images as you want front and center as soon as you get to the project page. You get seven (custom!) genre tags, as opposed to Webtoon’s single tag you have to pick from their list, and plenty of room to talk about your work. The episodes are even laid out better, you get a MUCH bigger preview space to work with and they’re nice and big on the bottom half of the page:

you know, like they’re actually presenting ART lmfao.

That’s already an ENORMOUS improvement, but here’s my favorite thing.

o hm that’s a lot of super cushy settings I have for every individual episode, but what’s that, Episode Type?

LIKE.

listen, i know this is probably a bit specialized if you’re not a comic maker yourself, but this is a HUGE DEAL. You can post vertically OR page by page! You can even post pages two at a time for double page spreads, or so they read like a physical comic book! AND their specs are really open, as long as the file meets the size requirement you can make it whatever shape you want. You don’t have to reformat all your shit to post here!! I posted the entire first volume of KC STRAIGHT FROM THE PRINT FILES in like half an hour!!! The episodes can also be any amount of pages, you can post a single page or an entire chapter all in one go!

So that’s just the project page for the comic, let’s see what happens when I click on my username there.

Each author gets their own unique page (which you can tack a vanity url to!) to present themselves however they want! You always have the banner at the top, but beyond that you have a ton of options. Among other incredibly useful tools that really should just be bare fucking minimum at this point, like the ability to preview your page on different devices, you start customizing your blank page with this set of widgets,

and from THERE you can customize them MORE, you can promote your patreon or your kickstarter or whatever! Having this creator space ALSO means that if you run several comics, or if you want to promote your comic AND your illustrations, you can just separate them into individual projects! Each with their own page! This is also really nice as a reader because you can subscribe to a creator but you can also just subscribe to specific projects, if you don’t want to get ALL of their stuff in your inbox. It’s so good y’all hh.

Once again, all of this functionality is just THERE as soon as you make your account. You don’t need to be “partnered” or whatever the fuck, you don’t need to meet a certain follower threshold to unlock the ability to operate normally. You get your own creator space to present yourself how you prefer, you get pages for all your projects, you can even set up monetization options (and change them for individual pages IN a project) right from the start.

ok ok let’s compare this to my webtoon page

oh that’s right webtoon just puts your greyed out name at the bottom of each comic and that’s it because human beings don’t make this stuff, my bad lol anyway

Other fun shit that Dillyhub does that makes me feel like they’re people who have actually consumed or made comics on the internet at some point in their lives:

-When you log into the “studio” space, you’re in your creator account. When you log OUT of the studio space, it’s like you swap to a “reader” account, where you can access your pull list and comment on things with a different name and profile icon. Again, maybe only cool if you’re a creator, but if you ARE then you know exactly why this is incredibly useful lmao

-You can set up “hidden” projects, so if you only want certain things to be accessible by certain people or to not show up in searches that’s an option! You have SO much control here it’s great.

-The comment section has moderation options GODDD. You also have a real comment space, you know, so it actually encourages building a community (and a rapport with your community, if you like), and you also can just turn comments off entirely if you want! I haven’t used it much yet, obviously, but it’s been made very clear in the discord that artists want better control over their comment sections and the devs have it on their priority list.

-Absolutely every step of customization gives you a preview before it’s live, so you can easily see what these images you’re posting in different places are going to look like before you beam them to your followers’ inboxes. This includes individual episodes!

-This was sort of in one of the screenshots but it’s important so I’m saying it here too: the option to mark individual episodes as mature or with content warnings, rather than having to mark an entire comic as Mature Spooky Scary Content because of one or two pages getting a bit hairy.

This site is only in alpha right now, and it’s invite-only until they get to beta (for creators; anyone can make a reader account! but they haven’t set up a way to browse comics without direct links yet so) but honest to god it’s already blowing every other site I’ve used clean out of the water. And the staff has been really kind and responsive to us proposing fixes or changes! I will always defend individual websites as being the best option for an indie comic, but everybody’s gotta start somewhere and we NEED something that isn’t Tumblr or Webtoon to fill this role; this site feels a lot more like a symbiotic relationship than any of the other staples available for new creators right now. If you’re a comic reader and you want to see your favorite comics on Dillyhub I’d suggest keeping an eye on this site and once it’s live start poking them to look into it, and if you’re a creator follow their social media and hop in when they open up for anybody to join. I would LOVE to see this site take off as a viable option for hosting and reading comics.

Thanks for reading all this! I haven’t quite finished setting up yet, but if you want to poke around a project/creator page for yourself mine is here have at it. As things progress I’m sure I’ll have more to say, but since I’m usually so aggressively negative about places like this I just wanted to give some credit where it was due. fucking finally.

[onestowatch]

Aidan Bissett Wants You to Know It’s Okay to Be Alone [Q&A]

Photo: Brooke James

Aidan Bissett’s sunny and effortless disposition contrasts the chaotic ode to classic rock that is his latest track “Dumped.” The introspective and cathartic nature of his latest offering speaks to age-old feelings of heartbreak while doubling as an optimistic reminder that cloudy days cannot last forever.

Releasing soft-spoken tracks followed by headbanging, classic-rock inspired hits, this young artist’s music truly feels alive, shifting and evolving from one release to the next. With a soulful dedication to “music first, lyrics second,” Bissett is steadily creating his own lane defined by a relentless drive for experimentation. We had the chance to talk to Bissett about his creative approach, his latest single, “Dumped,” and plenty more. 

Ones to Watch: So, tell me the story behind “Dumped?”

Aidan Bissett: Wow, that’s a good question. I wish when I wrote it, it came from like, I had just been dumped… Well, okay, I had sort of been dumped. I don’t know how to explain that, but let’s just say I was in a relationship, taking time off, in a sense. When we were writing it, it was me, my friends, Ryan and Sean, and we were writing in a zoom session for like three hours. It was not a good song, and none of the three of us wanted to say it was a bad song. So, we were like, “OK, we are going to go take a break for a little.” 

Then I pulled my guitar off the wall and started messing around, because when I get bored, especially in sessions, I like to try and take my mind off things. I’ll play random chords and sing random lyrics, like ad-lib over them just for fun. So, I started playing like three chords that are all throughout “Dumped,” singing this hook line that—it’s going to sound really weird—“I’m taking dumps all the time.” The guy I was producing it with was like, “OK, gross,” but that actually could be really cool… what if we change it to “I’m getting dumped all the time.” And I was like, “Woah.” That’s kind of how it started and we were on a roll and wrote the whole song in two hours.

And the song does mean a lot to me, because I have actually been dumped, multiple times. It sucks, it’s not a fun feeling, so every time I listen to it, it is kind of an “f you” type of song. Like, “yeah, I got dumped but I’m better off on my own anyway.” I always like that feeling better than wallowing in sadness. So, for anyone who does listen to it, I hope that it helps bring you out of the mourn and into a new light.

In the music video, you are seen reading an “Idiot's Guide To Love.” What was the last book you read?

I do love reading, I’ve always liked reading. I have not, in the past year, read a ton of books, which sucks because I actually do like reading. Well, okay, my senior year of high school I read like 13 books but a lot of them were for school. But they were still good books! I’m in the middle of reading Dune, which is very good so far. So, hopefully, I can finish that before the movie comes out. But yeah, I do like reading… when I have the time to sit down with my ADHD mind.

“Dumped” is a noted sonic transition for you. Can you tell me about how you approach your genre-spanning sound?

I don’t really like putting myself in one genre. I’m in a certain lane in the sense I do indie-pop, I do alternative, but I don't want to do straight pop. I feel like it's such a box, and it’s so limiting. I just love exploring different sounds, so even from the start, I put out “Different,” and then the second song was “Worst Girls Of All Time,” which was a completely different sound than the indie-pop wave that “Different” is. So, me putting out stuff like this after “Communication” is me exploring new sounds. To be honest, the things I like to hear always change, the bands that I’m listening to are always changing, and I take a lot of inspiration from a lot of different bands. I just love trying new things. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but it just keeps me on my toes instead of just doing the same formula over and over again.

What are you listening to right now?

That’s a good question, it’s kind of all over the place. There’s this one girl, Remi Wolf, who I’ve been non-stop listening to… I have been listening to her for a minute. When she put out her first EP, I loved it. But now, she’s putting out these new tracks and Solomonophonic, her producer, he’s just incredible and her voice is incredible. They are doing so many things that just aren’t normal in this time of music; it’s just so her own lane. I find that really inspiring in the sense that she’s carving her own path and not following in the line of others.

I feel like I’m always listening to Wallows no matter what. I always have them ready to go. COIN. Role Model’s rolling out new stuff so I’m excited for that, he’s kind of taking a change in his own discography. [The] sounds that he is doing are definitely a lot different from his earlier stuff. This guy, binki. He’s actually opening for Role Model on this tour. Oh my gosh! His music’s insane, so cool. It’s got so many sounds going on, similar to Remi Wolf, there’s so much going on, you’re like ‘wow.. I’ve never heard something like this before.’

For those who don’t know, you write, record and produce your music all by yourself. Can you walk me through your creative process?

Yeah, I’m very musically-driven. Everyone has their own thing, I feel like a lot of artists, like the Olivia Rodrigo types, are lyrically-driven. I’m definitely music first, lyrics second. So, when I sit down to write something I try and get something I latch onto. I’m like, “Oh, this sounds cool. Lyrics could sound cool over this.” Anytime I go into a session or I’m recording by myself, I try to lay down some form of music, and then I’ll freestyle lyrics or freestyle melodies over the top, or pick a melody I like and throw lyrics over that melody. Whether that’s a hook or a verse, that kind of just depends on how I’m feeling. It’s definitely a bit unconventional compared to other artists. I feel like artists are a bit more put together when it comes to writing music just because I’ve only been doing it for like a year-and-a-half. But I have my own process, and it works. Every time I write something I learn something new. I’m excited to see, even a year from now, what my process will be… and even if it's completely different or efficient, who knows?

Tell me about the influence of music in your childhood and the decision for you to be a musician at a young age - you started playing electric guitar very young - what was your household like? Musical family?

My dad wanted the kids in our family, I have two other siblings, to play an instrument for two years during our young adult life. He wanted us to play piano before we got to pick, so we had two years of piano and then we had to pick an instrument. So, my sister went and played two years of piano and didn’t really stick with it afterward. Then, it was my turn and I was like, “Well, I don’t really want to play piano, can I play guitar?” And since I was the only one who asked, who expressed interest in a different instrument, he was like, “Sure.” I started in second grade and I’ve stuck with it the entire time. I took lessons for years, and that’s how I kind of got into the classic rock scene. My dad was a huge classic rock fan so he showed me all greats… and that was all I listened to for years. It definitely had a large impact on what I did. I would even play in little recitals, and I always played classic rock songs like AC/DC or Guns N’ Roses.

It wasn’t necessarily a musical household, like my dad isn’t musical, my mom isn’t musical. The reason he wanted us to play an instrument is because his mom made him play an instrument as a kid, so he was like, “You guys get to do that, too.” But it is true, one of us ended up using it.

What do you want people to take away from “Dumped?”

It’s an amp-up song. I want them to feel energized, to be happy with yourself. Getting hurt in relationships happens all the time, but it's okay to get hurt in a relationship. It’s kind of how you bounce back, and I want this song to be like a bounce back. Like, you hear it and, “Oh! This is me bouncing back! I don’t need to sit and cry anymore, because that’s not fun.” Sitting and crying is okay, everyone’s done it, but there’s a point that you reach, in that break-up phase, when the crying needs to stop and you need to go out and live and be the person that you are, independently. So, I would hope that it inspires you to be your independent, wonderful self again.

Is there anything else you would like to say about your music, or in general, that you want to take the chance now to say?

Well, I’m sitting on a lot of songs. So, I’m excited to get all the rest out, and again, everything is so diverse. All the music is so diverse, I just feel like each song is its own thing, which I really enjoy. I feel that’s really unique to my own music, where you’re getting something new every time. I’m moving to LA. That’s the other thing. So, if anyone sees me in LA, please stop me and say hello!

[wisherbysharlight]

I Wanna Get It, I Didn't Get It, Til Now

Word Count: 4084

Pairing: Analogical

The second in a series of different pairings being capital O Oblivious because that’s a trope I will never ever get tired of.

Virgil sits at the same library table every single day, alone, until one day, Logan needs a seat.

They are both kind of idiots.

Warnings: none that I can think of

AO3 Link

Virgil loved his library table. He would get there after his work study shift in the registrar’s office, around 7pm on weekdays and 1pm on weekends, and the section on the second floor would be mostly clear. Second floor was quiet but not silent, so it didn’t feel oppressive, and he didn’t feel insecure about whether his headphones were too loud or not. His favorite table was just to the left of the water fountain, had an outlet built into it, and the chairs were adjustable enough that he could lean back and press his knees against the side of the table while he typed. He loved his table so much that he’d come even if he didn’t have homework to do, just to scroll through endless Tumblr pages or work on his personal writing. He’d had his table for 3 months with no problem at all, which was why he was baffled when someone came up to him while he was reading and stood expectantly next to the table, overly full backpack hanging off his shoulder.

 He recognized the other man immediately, he was another library regular who usually sat two tables away, always messing with his hair and adjusting his tie pushing his glasses up his nose and drawing Virgil’s eye with movement. He took his headphones down and put them around his neck, though he could still faintly hear his music, “Hi? Can I help you?”

 “The outlet is broken on my table, and I was wondering if I could join you and utilize the other half of yours?” mystery-man asked, gesturing to where Virgil was only using two of the four outlets.

 “Oh sure, of course, go ahead. Sorry about your table,” Virgil offered, brandishing his hand vaguely at the chair across from him.

 “You have nothing to apologize for, of course. I appreciate your amenity. I submitted a work order request, hopefully it will be repaired soon,” the other man took the seat and set his things down before extending a hand across the table, “Logan Perry. I believe I’ve seen you here frequently so this is at least a good opportunity to get acquainted.”

 Virgil blinked a bit, trying to process, then hurriedly pulled his hand out of the makeshift paw he’d made out of his sweatshirt sleeve and shook Logan’s hand so he wouldn’t think that Virgil didn’t want to, “Um. Yeah. I’ve seen you around too, I think. Virgil Storme. Nice to meet you.”

 Logan tipped his head to the side curiously when Virgil leaned over, as though he was listening hard, then adjusted his glasses, “Hmm. Interesting melody. I appreciate the solid bass rhythm. Who is the artist, if you don’t mind my asking?”

 “The... Artist? Oh, you mean the band I’m listening to?” he picked his headphones up but only put one ear on, “It’s Arctic Monkeys. They’re like, known, for solid bass lines, which is probably what you could hear.”

 Logan hummed like he was intrigued, then began pulling books out of his bag and… wow. That was a lot of books, each one thicker than the last. Chemistry I, Physics II, Theory of Numbers, Discrete Mathematics… Virgil had a headache just looking at the titles, “Uh… Wow. That’s some collection you’ve got there. What year are you?”

 “I am a first semester sophomore. I struggled choosing a major, so I opted to dual major in Math and Physics and minor in Philosophy and Conservation Studies. Also a minor in Astronomy, but that came with no extra courseload, just strategic choices in electives. I enjoy learning quite a bit, so I opt to stay during break semesters, and I am on track to graduate on schedule with no more than 18 credits a semester,” Logan rattled off, like he’d gone through the spiel before and was expecting certain questions and wanted to head them off, “And yes, before you ask, I do take breaks, I am not a hermit with no friends, and as far as I know I am not a robot.”

 Virgil blinked dazedly again, trying to absorb the bucketful of information being thrown at him, “Cool. Sounds like you’ve got it under control then. I’m dual-major too, but creative writing and interactive media design have a bunch of overlap.”

 Logan nodded, pulling out what must have been the notebook he was looking for with a triumphant noise, “You want to be a game designer then? Very lucrative career to choose, especially with the current market for such employs.”

“I wanna write books, actually, but like you said, markets good for game writers and I wanna have a fall back in case everything sucks, ya know?” Virgil admitted. He’d been told his stories were good, sure, but there was always a chance it would all go to shit, and the only way to account for that was to put 110% in and have a backup plan for his backup plan’s backup plan.

 Logan gave him an indecipherable look that passed in a moment before he went back to his neutral expression, “Understandable, I suppose. If you would ever like a second opinion on a piece, please allow me to offer my aid. I may not be as fluent in creative ventures, but I am a fan of such works, and my roommate often uses me as a sounding board for his own ideas.”

 Virgil tried not to let his surprise show, he didn’t want to offend his new… desk-mate? Acquaintance? Study partner? Whatever Logan was to him now. “Sure, uh, that’d be great. I don’t know if I can offer the same, since, ya know, science is really not my strong suit, but I can try?”

 Logan pushed his hand through his hair and pulled a hairtie off his wrist to pull it up into a slightly messy bun that kept his hair out of his eyes. Virgil noticed it actually looked more red than brown as the light hit it, and was so distracted he almost didn’t notice Logan offer a genuine smile, green eyes sparkling and catching Virgil off guard yet again with just how attractive he actually was, and flipped his laptop open, “That would be much appreciated Virgil. Thank you.”

 They worked together in silence for the next hour and a half, then both headed back to their dorms. Virgil felt even more productive with just Logan’s presence and aura of concentration, and he found himself hoping the work order took a while to be completed.

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The next day, Virgil arrived at his table to find Logan already there, two coffee cups in front of him, studying a tome of a textbook raptly. Still, he looked up when Virgil took his seat across from him and pushed one of the coffee cups his way, “I made myself a tea downstairs and figured I’d make a second in case you wanted one. It’s a vanilla flavored English black tea, not the garbage they serve in the dining halls.”

 Virgil grabbed the cup greedily, “Oh shit this is perfect, I had an 8am and desperately needed caffeine.” He took an experimental sip and groaned a bit as it hit his tongue, closing his eyes as the warmth passed through him like a calming fire, “Thank you, Logan, it’s delicious.” He thought he heard a choking sound, but when he looked up, Logan was looking back down at his notebook. He thought he saw a slight flush to his face, “Hey, you alright?”

 “Oh yes, I’m fine. I just needed to clear my throat,” Logan insisted, though he did not look up from his book and his cheeks got even brighter. Virgil supposed he was probably a little embarrassed since he was normally so poised and put together.

 “Ok, if you’re sure!” He opened his laptop and checked his to-do list, and was thrilled to realize he didn’t have anything urgent in terms of schoolwork. He opened his novel document instead, and immediately remembered why he’d left off where he did as the frustration resurfaced. Well, he thought, now was as good a time as ever to see if Logan meant it when he said he was willing to help. “Hey, Lo, could you help me find a word for what I’m trying to say here?”

 Logan finally looked up from his book, sticking a bookmark in and closing it before adjusting his glasses and giving Virgil his full attention, “Absolutely, I could do with a break from formulae. Go ahead.”

 Virgil felt a little off balance with the full weight of Logan’s stare, and his brain suddenly chose this moment to remind him that he was very, very gay. He cleared his throat and looked back down at his laptop so he wouldn’t be distracted, “Oh. Um. Thanks. So this guy is looking at his friend who he hadn’t really noticed in a romantic sense before, but i need a word for ‘‘momentary gay panic at how pretty he is’ without saying it like that. Like more poetic? Or just less casual.”

 Logan cleared his throat, face flushing again, and Virgil had a moment of alarm when he realized he didn’t even know if Logan was ok with LGBT stuff, and oh god, what if he was a homophobe and yelled at him or he just made him super uncomfortable or - “While romantic language is typically much more my roommate’s forte, I can certainly, er, relate, to the situation you are describing, and attempt to describe it as Roman would.”

 Virgil let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding, relaxing once he realized the source of Logan’s hesitation was not derived from intolerance but instead from hitting a little too close to home. Then, in a moment of emotional whiplash, his breath caught again as he realized it hit a little too close to home and that meant Logan was likely attracted to men and that was nerve-wracking in an entirely different way. He forced himself to relax, knowing that Logan was likely waiting for an answer, and stammered out, “Y-Yeah, that would be good. Anything would help.”

 “I believe a good way to phrase it would be ‘Suddenly caught unaware by the realization that he may be attracted to this man’. You could also describe side effects of the feeling itself, such as flushed skin or quickened heartbeat or what I believe my friend Patton calls butterflies?, rather than spelling it out explicitly.”

 Virgil couldn’t hold back a grin as the inspiration hit him, “Oh! Duh! Show don’t tell would work perfect here, thank you Logan you rock!”

 He didn’t miss the way Logan looked momentarily shell-shocked and made a mental note to be sure to give him more compliments in the future, if he was that maladjusted to them.

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 Virgil hissed as his pencil broke again, clicking the end to get more lead a bit more aggressively than he probably needed to. Calculus was the devil, he’d decided. He was in hell and series and sequences were his instrument of torture.

 Logan cleared his throat and Virgil’s head shot up in surprise. When had Logan gotten there? Oh good, tea, that was always welcome. He grabbed the cup Logan extended towards him and started chugging before Logan could even give him the usual background on what kind it was like he had every day for the past month. The other table was definitely fixed by now, but the two of them had gotten so used to the company that they’d just kept sitting together. “Virgil, are you… alright?” Logan asked tentatively, and Virgil looked up again, guilty and a bit crazy eyed.

 “Fuck that was so rude. Yes. Yes, I’m fine, sorry, thanks for the tea Lo, I’m just stressed about this godforsaken calc II exam I have Monday. I don’t understand any of this stuff,” he gestured to the packets and notebook and textbook spread out on the table.

 “That’s quite alright, I’m familiar with the stress of midterms. Though I may be able to help alleviate some of yours? I am a junior TA for Calc II, I could potentially provide assistance,” Logan offered.

 Virgil let out a breath of relief, twisting one of his rings in an attempt to quell some of his nervous energy, “Oh that would be incredible. My Grad TA’s office hours are during when I have work, and he’s kinda a dick anyway.”

 Logan exhaled heavily like he was trying not to laugh. “Chad, I assume?” he asked and Virgil nodded, “Well I can definitely be more helpful than that glorified orangutan.” It was Virgil’s turn to be startled into laughing, “Here, let me see what you’re working on....”

 An hour and a half later, Logan was watching him work carefully and when he tentatively circled his final answer he gave him an encouraging nod and a smile, “You’ve got it now. See, it’s all about the rules and the patterns.”

 “Oh Logan I could kiss you,” Virgil enthused, still looking in amazement at his own work, “You just saved my entire life, thank you.”

 Logan cleared his throat and turned away, though when Virgil looked up he could see that the tips of his ears were red. Ugh, you’d think after a month he’d be used to being complimented by now. “Well, if that was all, I, er, I need to work on some of my own assignments.”

 “Yeah, yeah, of course, I can do more practice myself,” Virgil told him, waving him away with a smile, “You’ve absolutely helped enough,  I’ll get you that jam you like so much or something. I owe you so much.” 

 Logan mumbled something in return but when Virgil asked him to repeat it he stammered, “I’ll be right back!” and ran off to the bathroom. Virgil shrugged and went back to puzzling through the rest of his study guide.

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“-so, theoretically, there could in fact be another planet in this solar system, but it would need to be far enough away or small enough to not affect the gravitational pull of Pluto’s moons in a significant way or just in a way which is balanced by another gravitational pull which forced our equations to not identify any irregularity.”

 “Well shit,” Virgil breathed, “So, theoretically, how possible are aliens?”

 “Damn close to guaranteed,” Logan told him with a grin, “Intelligent life, that’s another story, but I still believe they are highly likely-”

 Virgil set his head in his hands, pushing his work to the side so he could simply listen.

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“I’m going to head down to the cafeteria to make another cup of tea, would you like to join me?”

 “Sure thing, Lo, I desperately need to not look at this anymore.” Virgil felt a teeny bit of pride when Logan choked on nothing in what Virgil assumed was shock as he stood up to stretch and revealed his outfit, his heels giving him the extra three inches he needed to be what Remy called scary tall, which was actually enough to effectively tower over Logan, and the confidence to leave his sweatshirt unzipped over a mesh crop top and ripped jeans that he knew looked good, as he had been assured so around 100 times before he agreed to go to the library in it in the first place, “Sorry, forgot you got here after me, my friend’s playing a show tonight after this and I told him I’d hang with his boyfriend and make sure no one gets obnoxious. So I got a little dressed up, cuz I didn’t wanna have to go back to my apartment in between. Besides, when I’m this tall no one fucks with me in general, not just in the mosh pit.”

 “That is… certainly an outfit,” Logan wheezed, then took a sip of his water in an attempt to wash it down.

 “You ok L? You’re all red, I don’t need you dying on me,” Virgil asked, concerned his friend was actually drowning on his own water bottle.

 Logan waved him off, gulping water down like he’d been stuck in the desert for days. “Yes, yes, just a little, erm, parched. Got a bit too focused and forgot to drink and you startled me.”

 “Whatever you say, Professor,” Virgil teased, stretching his arms up to try to roll his shoulders, “Just don’t get too enthusiastic there. Last thing we need is you to choke to death cuz you were thirsty.”

 Logan seemed to make a concentrated effort not to choke again, adjusting his tie and turning on his heel quickly to head down to the cafe, and Virgil considered it a win.

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There was someone else at their table. The new man was broad shouldered, with dirty blonde hair that had just a bit of a beachy wave to it, skin tanned perfectly like he’d never spent a day out of the sun. How was that even possible? They went to school in Massachusetts and it was January. He was gesturing wildly while he spoke and Logan was doing that half-laugh he did when he thought something was funny but didn’t want to admit it and Virgil felt… something… pang deep in his stomach. Of course, Logan was ridiculously hot, Virgil had no chance at all, even if he’d been starting to feel like there was something between them. He definitely didn’t have a chance if Logan wanted someone that looked like that. He couldn’t help but be a little vindictive though as he plastered a smile onto his face and headed over, setting his bag down with a resounding thump, “Wow, this quiet corner just keeps getting more crowded, huh?”

 Logan startled a bit, and Virgil could have been imagining it but he thought he saw a flash of hurt at Virgil’s tone, “I-I suppose. This is Roman, he needed some assistance with his screenplay and I suggested he come here, but we can go back to our apartment if it will be too much of a nuisance for you.”

 Virgil would have eaten his own shoe to take back his original words, but he couldn’t, so he covered up as best he could, “R-Roman. Your roommate. Of course. Hi, I’m Virgil, you can definitely stay. Sorry, just had a long day at work, I’m a little - er- cranky, or whatever.”

 Roman gave him a smirk that was just a tad too knowing for Virgil’s taste, “Don’t worry, Mr. Prince of Darkness. I’ll be out of your hair soon and you two can get back to doing whatever the hell it is you do every day. Just need the human thesaurus here to help me out a bit, and it’s not like he’s ever home anymore with how often he hangs around here for your little study-”

 “Roman,” Logan hissed quickly, and Virgil saw Roman shoot him an unimpressed look.

 “Study sessions.” Roman finished, “Now come on Pocket Protector, what’s another word for pining. I’ve already used it twice, and longing and yearning are both not quite a right fit.” Virgil had a momentary thought that Roman should be very glad looks couldn’t kill, with how Logan was glaring him down. “Nothing? How about some flowery language for black hair or blue eyes, hmm? Think you can help me there?”

“Roman Michaels.” Logan bit out, and Roman gave him a bright, shit-eating grin.

 “No? How about helping me with a sweatshirt sharing scene, how about that? I mean, it’s a cliche, sure, but I’m sure we can put a spin on it, like make it clearly well used and important...”

 “I will dye your hair fluorescent orange in your sleep Roman, I swear,” Logan seethed, and Virgil was stock still, eyes wide as they darted between the two roommates.

 ”Maybe some music recommendations then? Those are slightly less cliche…”

 “Destroy your conditioner and hide your blow dryer, add cheap hair gel to all your shampoo,” Logan continued, attempting to speak over him.

 “I know you’ll suggest a height difference, I believe I can fit that in,” Roman’s voice was rising too, and the new occupants of Logan’s old table were firing dirty looks at them.

 “Guys?” Virgil asked quietly and both of the roommates stopped immediately, turning to him with fire in their eyes, “Um. I guess this is like... a touchy subject? But people are staring cuz you guys are sorta… loud.”

 Roman and Logan both flushed brightly, turning to give awkward waves to the other table while Virgil tried to comprehend what had just happened, “So like… Logan you’re pretty passionate about Roman’s screenplay, huh?”

 Roman groaned dramatically and shoved his laptop in his bag, standing abruptly. “I can’t believe there’s two people as oblivious as you,” he muttered like a curse, then almost literally flounced off with a clearly meaningful look shot at Logan that Virgil couldn’t quite figure out but made Logan flush brighter.

 It was silent for a couple minutes, just the taptaptap of Virgil’s pen against his notebook sounding out through the space between them, before Virgil couldn’t take it and spoke up, “You wanna talk about why that was a thing for you or nah?”

 “Y-You don’t know? Seriously?” Logan looked incredulous, then laughed a little to himself, “Virgil. He was teasing me.”

 “Teasing you? About what?” Virgil asked, trying to think through what it could possibly be, “You that against, like, cheesy romcom cliches?”

 Logan shook his head, still looking like Virgil had amazed him in some way, “Virgil. Please. Think about it. Black hair, blue eyes, height difference, well-worn sweatshirts and music recommendations. You don’t have any idea what he could possibly be mocking me for?”

 Virgil’s brow creased in thought, and suddenly it hit him and he audibly gasped, making Logan swallow nervously, and the word pining soared to the front of his mind, “Y-You. You mean?”

 “I am… Interested in you Virgil. Romantically. I have been since far before I ever sat at your table, the broken outlet just provided a good excuse for me to finally attempt to talk to you. Roman was… blunt but he had informed me that he was, and I quote, ‘Coming to see what the fuss was about’ after I got, I admit, a bit too in depth in lamenting my inability to ask you out on a date. I had no idea he would be so infuriatingly obtuse about it, I hope he did not make you uncomfortable. Obviously, you do not share the sentiment-”

 “Whoa whoa. Hold on there. Who said I didn’t?” Virgil cut in quickly before Logan could keep babbling, recognizing social anxiety when he saw it, “Cuz I sure didn’t.”

 “...I’m sorry?”

 “You should be. Can’t go assuming stuff about people, L. Now why don’t you ask me, straightforward, if I am interested. Because I can guarantee you will like the answer.”

 Logan cleared his throat, then swallowed thickly, his cheeks lightly pink, “Well then, Virgil, I like you very much and would like to know if you would like to accompany me to dinner this Friday night? As a date?”

 “I’ll do you one better, since I also very much like you back, and I don’t think my anxiety could take waiting that long. Let’s go get some food right now. I’m starving and I would very much like to kiss you and I want to get at least one date in before I totally ruin your opinion of me and do that right here in this library, and Friday can be our second date, deal?” Virgil offered, extending his hand across the table to Logan.

 Logan grasped his hand and brought it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to his knuckles with a heady glance up through his glasses, “V, I think you will find that there is not much that you could do which I would not fully endorse at this moment. But I absolutely accept this proposal. Let’s go.”

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 5 years later, almost exactly to the day, Roman is insufferable during his best man speech about the fact that he is the reason they even got together in the first place, and insists that if left to their own devices they would still be meeting at 7pm on weeknights and 1pm on weekends at a table in the corner of the library with the good chairs and never, ever confessing their love. Logan and Virgil are too busy clinging to each others’ hands and staring into each others’ eyes to dispute it at all.

[demes-tumbled-sims]

Avyan Immortal Dynasty, Chapter 9: We All Have Our Own Accomplishments

Index

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Kite’s mostly a quiet baby -- and man, that’s a relief. Right now, I’ve got my mixology I want to work on.

Level 8 flies by; even if I have to pack up my bags and go bringing the portable bar places. Like our neighbor’s, Because Gino wants to spend some time with his family in general and specifically to meet the newest of his kids, Soren. Yeah, there was another one. “Calm down, Gino, I thought elders were supposed to be careful about their woo-hoo,” I joke. And he laughs uproariously. Head back, deep from the belly, rocking his kid until he giggles.

Kate’s another sweet brown-haired, green-eyed toddler these days, shouting for her “da.” I’ll want to keep an eye on this family. As thanks for Gino’s help, right? Hahaha.

Fire-breathing tricks are fine around toddlers, right? Speaking of. So. When we eventually get home, it’s evening; just before work, as a matter of fact.

And I’ll be able to max mixology after just a second. Just an instant. And tonight at work, I’ll get that promotion -- and then I’ll have finished my first aspiration. It’s just a minute more… And that’s when I drop the lighter for my fire-breathing trick. Into my wooden bar. Full of bottles of liquor, renowned for its flammability.

Forbidden words. There goes that idea. “Aaaah! There’s a fire! Quick, where’s a -- we don’t have an alarm! Why doesn’t this town have a fire fighting force!” Is about the scope of Gino’s input. Zest’s comedy practice is interrupted by the chance to flail and scream three fight from the slowly-growing inferno of my bar. Thank you, team. The fire licks up, rising towards the roof of the porch overhead, gnawing at the wooden floorboards of our porch. An orchestra of color, flashing in brief vivid blues as a bottle of an especially good vintage goes up, dancing red and orange as it spreads. But hey, you know what?

I got this. I have this under control. Unlike some chuckleheads, who think waving their hands and screaming will definitely put the fire out, I can actually use my brain for five seconds. I’m more worried about being late for work, which is a bummer, but what’s a fire to Kestral Avyan? I just use the fire extinguisher all over the bar, until eventually the flames are drowned out by a layer of white foam, puffs of smoke and chemical mist hanging in the air around me. Not a beat is missed, not a hair is out of place.

Because I’m the boss. Now, if I get going just now, I’ll only be a minute late. “See ya.”

“That was… A little spooky. We all saw that, right?” Asks Zest, left in my wake, staring at the house from the safety evacuation mandated distance. “A woman on a mission is a powerful thing, my boy,” is Gino’s answer, nodding to break his stare at the middle distance. I’ll order a new one; it’ll be fine. Miko ends up getting home from work just in time to have totally missed the fire. “Aw, man! I just missed something really cool, didn’t I?” Miko can only sigh, having missed me being incredibly impressive. Well, part of me being incredibly impressive.

Because guess who started a fire, put out a fire, got a promotion, and is going to max mixology in just a second? And she’s got a spiffy black uniform, too!

And there we are. Mixology maxed – and my first aspiration complete. It feels like a weight off my shoulders that I hadn’t even noticed. A deep sense of satisfaction wells up within me, a sigh into the cool night air. This is going to be doable, I think. Not that I didn’t know that, of course, I mean! I just really felt it in that moment.

And so I spend a moment relaxing with, well, someone who was kind of my first friend in this. “We’ve come pretty far, haven’t we, Zest?” “We really have. A round of applause!” He says it with an almost teasing laugh, but he claps anyway. I take a little bow of my head, all humility. “A decent house, we’re both advancing in our work, I’m done an aspiration...A wonderful wife… A perfect boy…” “And me, right?” … “Sure, Zest.” “Say it like you mean it! Put some, heh -- Zest into it.” He is my friend, I will not pour the contents of this tumbler onto his head. He is my friend, I will not pour this tumbler onto his head. He is my friend… He adds, clearly too satisfied, “...I had to. But hey! The crowds are starting to like my style!” “And you’ve had a kid with a normal name, if the message on our answering machine is right.” “...Heh. Yeah. Uh. Let’s maybe not -- let’s maybe not worry about that, right now!” He tries to stop me, as if I could be restrained by mere human hands. “How many kids you’ve never met is this?” “...Um. Well. A few.” “We all have our own accomplishments, Zest.” “Don’t say it like that!...They’re probably better off without a dad to fight the whole way." He stares forlornly, his usual smile just an abrupt twist in his lips. He pushed his food around his plate, even as it's perfectly tasty. “ I turned out OK striking it out on my own, didn’t I?” You know, I’d never thought of Zest as having folks. I mean, I guess he probably did, but if you told me he’d been born in a chemical accident at a whoopie cushion factory, I’d have given about the same response: seems legit. Still… I get the feeling that it’s still kind of a wound with him. And better not to touch it; I know I wouldn’t want someone poking around about my parents. “You were so desperate for something that you moved into the house of a woman who didn’t have a house.” When I point that out, he winces. It’s not exactly good comfort, but I’m not super good at comforting. “Either way, I can only tell you how to live your life when it’s convenient to me. So you should do what you can, and enjoy what you can.” “...You’re a weird girl, Kestral... They'll be fine. Yeah! Of course they will.”

With things I’m accomplished, I should hopefully be able to spend just more time with Kite while he’s growing up. Yeah -- his needs are pretty simple right now, but that just gives me a chance.

Right now, I can knock out Gourmet cooking, and get back to work on homestyle cooking to follow it up. You know, just in a day’s work. But there is stuff to do besides fuss over the baby and skilling. The next day, an expectant Mila invites her husband out to lunch, as usual.

“You are aware I invited my husband, and not my husband and his entire household, correct?” She asks, looking at the assembled triple date. Miko and I, Johnny and the girl du jour. Look, they blend together a lot. It’s not the entire household. Kite’s too young to travel, and Akira’s at work. So it’s really only most of his household. “Sorry about that! Kestral just thought it’d be nice if she and I could go out -- we don’t get a lot of the same times off! We won’t bother you at your table, OK?” asks Miko, all sweetness so she couldn’t possibly put up a fuss, before giving me a sly look out of the corner of her eye. Thank you, my dear! I need to have a wonderful lunch with you (and take photos of experimental food.) “It’s fine,” Gino said, reaching over to put his hand on Mila’s across the table. “I can still have you all to myself, and you can have me all to yourself… But it’ll make the restaurant lively! It’ll be fun to listen in on all these kids.” “I suppose so,” she admits, melting. She probably has enough liveliness, what with the whole six children counting the young adults situation, but Gino was beaming like a spotlight, and I don’t think she could say no. After all, the whole reason for inviting him there was because they love each other so much -- and I’m not sappy about it, you’re sappy! He wasn’t kidding about the restaurant being lively; I think I can hear about three different conversations about once.

The travelling one isn’t super interesting, even if I wanted to eavesdrop on a stranger’s table (I have no objection to doing so, if it’s good.) But from Gino and Mila, I can eavesdrop with the best. “While I’ve always loved having him around, I think now I truly appreciate it that Gunther has yet to move out. It certainly gives me an extra pair of hands around.” “I’ll try and take the tykes off your hands for the day soon; you should both get the chance to go out for yourselves! Live a little!” Gino exclaimed, his hand reaching across the table for hers. “I rather think I am living for myself a little… With you.” “It’s sure a good life.” He pauses for a moment, his expression growing pensive. The restaurant’s chatter lulls for just a moment; I can hear someone badly mishandling a tumbler up by the bar. “Make sure you keep it good, after all’s said and done with me...OK?” “Tut-tut! No talking like that on our dates.” “Seems to me like we’re always datin’!” “Well, isn’t that convenient?” Though for conversations, my favorite is of course the one I am having. “Naturally, this won’t look as good as real food photography -- think we could get some motor oil?” “Motor oil? What would you do with that?” Miko asks brightly. “Food photography involves a lot of stuff that’s not even remotely food, to make the food look more food-like.” “It would probably give it a nice gloss -- I guess the lighting on that has to be super-duper precise, right?” She asks, eager to share a little of what she’s picked up “That’s true of all photography; but I think it’s probably true of food, too. A restaurant’s ambiance is key.” ”Well, silly goose, I’m letting you take a picture of my food, so until our robot overlords come, hold the motor oil!” She really did wait for me to take a picture of her dish for our nice new museum...

Starting now! ...I didn’t get those photos on that wall yet, though. But there was one other thing we needed to do that night.

It was time for my little man to age up. What an Angelic little kid. What a mop of hair!

We tried setting the bird’s nest down for a bit…

But it just poofed back into place. He’s got Miko’s eyes, and I think that mouth might be more hers than mine? Maybe. As for the color...Who knows, maybe he’ll grow into mine, anyway. But first!

“Let’s get you started, champ. Easy now, easy…” “Ees! Ees!”

[recentanimenews]

THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH Sees An Old Enemy Return in Episodes 141-147!

With another week comes another batch of episodes in THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL NARUTO REWATCH. I'm David Lynn and I'm here to guide you through the rougher waters as we truly begin our deep dive into the seas of filler in the back half of original Naruto.

  This time around we're finishing off our journey through the Land of Rice Paddies to see how Naruto and Sakura help out the desparate Fuuma clan. Right after that we transition into a full arc, including a return of the show's very first villain, Mizuki! Orochimaru is always up to no good, but did his antics entertain this time around? Let's find out!

The end of the Land of the Rice Paddies arc comes with a number of twists and turns. Did that story do anything for you as it wrapped up here? Joseph: This ended up being an decent little side story. I enjoyed seeing more moments where Sakura finds the need to shine, and this combined with later episodes in this set start to flesh out her abilities and potential a bit more. With that said, I find myself already forgetting about the conclusion of this saga and its beefed-up villain thanks to the one that immediately followed and also ended with a beefed-up villain! Kevin: The final fight was much more captivating that I thought it was going to be. Instead of just a monster of the week fight it showed off some of the great choreography that the franchise is known for, and the final scene with the Fuma siblings made basically no logical sense, but was beautifully shot. Paul: Overall, I thought the Land of Rice Paddies arc was more competent than the Land of Tea arc as far as filler story-lines go, but it didn't leave much of an impression on me aside from a few body horror moments. My biggest issue is that the writers didn't leave Naruto and company any decent clues to follow, so even though tracking down and rescuing Sasuke is still a driving goal, it feels like they're just spinning their wheels. Danni: Not really. Nothing in this arc was at all very compelling. We never learned much of anything about the Fuma clan, it was still all up to Naruto to save the day, and the final villain was incredibly underwhelming. There was potential in having the final battle be against the fused corpses of Arashi and his captives, but it was all undercut by giving him a cartoonishly evil personality for no reason. Hopefully Sakura’s training under Tsunade will pay off in future arcs. Noelle: It wasn’t bad, but it still doesn’t stand up to the canonical content. In terms of filler though, it’s pretty okay. I liked that they tried to pad some of the routes that Kishimoto ignores, such as Sakura’s further development. If a filler tries to add stuff, I can’t complain too much. Jared: It was acceptable. Not great, but not bad. We get Sakura something to do finally which will hopefully be good and it at least adds to Orochimaru being a jerk, but at the same time, is the Fuma clan going to be remembered at all? Probably not, but that’s to be expected. Carolyn: I’m also of the camp that this arc was pretty boring and not very compelling. I am also hoping for Sakura to get a truly meaningful arc but everything she gets to do is just centered around Sasuke. Sakura deserves better!

  The interim between the two arcs this week came with some relatively peaceful times, showing us what the characters do when there isn’t a crisis to solve or tournament to compete in. That part of episode 142 is also adapting the final chapter of the manga before it transitioned into the “Shippuden” storyline. Did you like that small break, and would you like the show to expand upon that part of their lives more often? Joseph: More valleys of calm would certainly be welcome in Naruto. At one point Tsunade said she feels like everything was just starting to cool down right when another situation popped up, essentially describing the pacing of a long-running series to the audience. I’d like to see more if only to connect to some of the side characters and see what Choji’s eating at any given moment. Kevin: Honestly, I would’ve been completely fine taking several episodes just to expand on what the characters do on a regular basis. If we’re going to have entire seasons of filler, then why not have a Lee episode, an Ino episode and so on, just showcasing what their normal day is like? Paul: While I enjoy getting a broader view of what daily life is like both inside and outside the Ninja Villages, the manner in which this material is presented can be a bit confusing. For example, although I knew that ninja society has police forces (such as the Anbu Black Ops), I'd never really thought about there being a ninja maximum security prison, and now I'm wondering about how different Villages deal with crime, punishment, and rehabilitation. Danni: My favorite part of shonen anime is whenever we get to see how these crazy powerful fighters function in their daily lives. Dragon Ball Super and Diamond is Unbreakable are two of my favorite examples of this. So, yeah, I appreciated it, and if I had it my way we’d get a full arc dedicated to Guy and Kakashi furniture shopping at IKEA. Noelle: I’m all for characters in their daily lives. While I certainly live for the plot, knowing that these characters have things to do in the day to day that doesn’t solely revolve around magical combat fleshes them out. It’s a lot more relatable connecting to characters that have mundane stuff to do too. Jared: I love when we get breaks like this and the show turns into a slice of life for a tiny bit. Especially since there will be all of this filler to go through, why not do more episodes like that. Although, I’m bummed we didn’t get to see Gaara attempting to teach the youngins at the school as that would have probably been good. Carolyn: I guess it didn’t feel like much of a valley to me. I felt like they were stretching out the few fights and confrontations they did have over multiple episodes when we probably could have wrapped them up much faster.

  Other filler arcs have had loose connections to the main story, but this one brings back the original villain from episode 1, Mizuki. On top of that, he gets a ton of development and backstory alongside Iruka. Do you find Mizuki or Iruka more interesting after watching this? Joseph: It was cool to see a character come back from the beginning, even if he was yet another who has been manipulated completely by Orochimaru and the promise of power. I appreciate the connections to the main story, but if we’re going to be venturing into non-stop filler I also kind of hope we run into some villains with their own unique motivations. With that said, I dug learning more about Iruka, one of the series’ great characters who isn’t on screen enough. Kevin: I liked most of Iruka’s development, since we get to see him work alongside Naruto and thus see just how far Naruto has come. Mizuki is much more developed now, but I didn’t particularly care for his development. I’m okay with bringing back the first villain of the show, but why not just make it a revenge quest or something of the like? They wasn’t any particular need to bring Orochimaru into the mix, outside of forcing a connection to Naruto trying to find Sasuke. Paul: All I can say is that Mizuki is a complete jabroni. In pro-wrestling terms, he doesn't even merit “jobber” status. It's also hard to take Mizuki seriously when his back story-paints his as a complete psychopath who murders his comrades when they become a minor inconvenience, but he receives a stiffer penalty for stealing a forbidden scroll. Also, his ultimate technique is wearing a karate gi with the sleeves torn off and using an experimental drug to express his tiger fursona. Danni: Can I say neither? Iruka didn’t do much, and we didn’t learn anything new about him. Mizuki, though...Someone at Pierrot really loves Mizuki. All of a sudden he’s super ripped and powerful and has a cool dude jean jacket with the sleeves torn off. I appreciate them trying to flesh out a backstory for a throwaway character, but I don’t think it could’ve gone much more poorly. Noelle: I think I appreciated more the attempt than the final product. Considering how large the cast is and how many throwaway characters there are, utilizing existing characters instead of creating some from scratch gives the writers more to work with. I don’t think it necessarily worked here, but it wasn’t a bad choice. Jared: I don’t think it really benefited either of them to be honest. Mizuki’s backstory just made him seem like a joke and yet we’re supposed to take him seriously as this big threat to everyone. I totally get why you’d bring in a minor character like this to utilize in the filler, but it didn’t really do much for me. Carolyn: I’m kind of over the whole villain was manipulated and isn’t that bad thing. We can have real villains. It’s OK.

  Connected to the previous question, would you rather there be more attempts at filler using characters we know, or do you prefer the ones that introduce us to whole new lands and people? Joseph: Balance is important. I like having characters we know branching out to other areas and taking the time to introduce more ways of ninja life in the land. On the spectrum of filler we’ve been presented with so far, though, I much prefer what’s been handed to us in these eps than the dull Land of Tea race arc. For a specific example: There was one moment in which Tsunade’s people casually enter her office to tell her they’ve captured all the inmates but three. I would have liked to have seen some of that go down! Kevin: Both options serve different purposes, so ideally I would want both. Maybe a filler arc where a different squad of people we already know about goes to a new land, but with Naruto or Sakura included so that we still have a connection to the main cast? That way we would get more worldbuilding while also learning more about minor characters through more in-depth interactions. Paul: It all depends on how the characters are written. Fujin and Raijin are completely new characters here, but for me they stole the show, because they're basically One Piece characters transplanted into the Naruto universe. As long as the filler arcs focus on characters who are interesting or unique in some way, and as long as the stories are decently well-written, I don't think it matters whether the characters are new or not. Danni: Like others have said, you need a good mix. It’s cool when they take inconsequential characters and try to give them some real material, but if you stick too close to the main story you run the risk of contradicting something the original creator had planned for later. Extended filler can really only take place as side stories, which is why people are so often disinterested in them. Noelle: Mildly addressed this in my previous answer, but I think both is the best mix. The only issue is, that if the writers make a character completely from scratch, they have to put the work into them too. Having a completely new face means that the audience needs to find some way to get attached to them, to want to see what happens to them. As far as that’s gone, it’s been a mixed bag, but anything can be pulled off with the right team and effort behind it. Jared: It’s best to have a mix since if you just keep going with established characters, you’re probably going to either run out of characters or just give them convoluted backstories. As long as you can make good and meaningful stories for either characters we know or ones we don’t, that’s the route they should take. Carolyn: I think a mix of both works. But don’t introduce us to new lands if they are going to disappear forever and not actually mean anything. Also, the closer we get to the end of the series the less I’m going to want to see new people. Don’t show me someone I won’t have time to get to know. When the series wraps up, go back to basics.

  Mizuki makes a surprising “evolution” of sorts here, thanks once again to Orochimaru’s blatant disregard for safety and ethics when it comes to scientific progress. If you were in charge, what would be the next wacky thing Orochimaru’s antics force Naruto and friends to contend against? Joseph: Mizuki’s evolution made me want them to dive even deeper into the mad scientists of the ninja landscape. Give me The Island of Dr. Ninpo or something. I’d be even happier if it didn’t feel the need to be directly connected to Orochimaru, though. It could even focus on a villainous rival of sorts. Kevin: Let’s see: a mad scientist who wants to generally find ways to gain more power while also mastering every Jutsu in existance and doesn’t care about the mortality rate of anything, so nothing boring like “make the Curse Mark not kill people.” I’d probably look into how to implant Kekkei Genkai like the Sharingan and Haru’s Ice Mirrors without needing to reincarnate into a new body every three years. So in terms of something for Naruto and friends to face: a shinobi with significantly weaker variations of basically every Kekkei Genkai we’ve seen in the show thus far. Paul: I'd try to invoke some sort of moral dilemma where Orochimaru's twisted machinations accidentally result in something positive happening. i.e. Maybe Naruto and the gang come across a small village where Orochimaru experimented on the inhabitants in an attempt to develop deadly new combat Jutsu, but his efforts failed in a way that inadvertently made the villagers happier and healthier. Orochimaru would have departed in disgust, but – unaware of his true character – the villagers presently idolize him as a hero and a savior. Naruto would have to decide whether or not to tell them the truth. I think that would be an interesting conflict. Danni: I already proposed an arc wherein Guy and Kakashi shop at IKEA together, so let’s say all their furniture had been destroyed before in Orochimaru’s attack and now they’re in the market for snake-proof end-tables. Guy does a cool roundhouse kick to Kakashi’s new table and breaks it, revealing a secret compartment full of food pills that rival the curse mark’s power. Turns out Orochimaru has been using furniture to smuggle these pills through villages. They don’t find Orochimaru in the end, but they do get a sweet new couch for their bachelor pad. Noelle: This is a mix, but I want to see just what makes Orochimaru such a draw to so many people. There has to be more than he’s offering to people than just power, and maybe the science experiments have to do something with that. So many people have joined his side, but what exactly is the pull here? What makes him so appealing? What is he promising people (beyond power, which gets dull after a while) that makes people so loyal? I want to see that. Jared: I’d probably go with something with lower stakes, but also goofy. Have some of Orochimaru’s goons sabotage some local event, maybe a festival or a sport of some sort. Naruto and the gang have to make things better, but at the same time, it’s not something that’s super dangerous or incredibly life threatening since we know that won’t affect any of the main characters. Carolyn: I do also like the idea of Orochimaru’s manipulations accidentally causing something good to happen. But then also maybe just someone who is a straight baddie? Like Orochimaru tries to offer them a deal and they’re like, “Nah, I’m just in it for the evil.”

  And as usual, what were your highs and lows? Joseph: My main high was Formation Ino-Shika-Cho! They seem like way more of a cohesive unit than Team 7. I love how their abilities complement one another and work together strategically. Also, it’s worth noting that episode 146 is artistically moody as hell. Low: Naruto stepping in to get his back stabbed in place of another happens twice in just these 7 episodes. I wish they would have skipped the first one to give the ultimate callback of the second one more weight. Kevin: High - Iruka and Naruto fighting alongside one another, showing that despite all of the powerful forces trying to kill Naruto and the people around him, he’s still quickly becoming strong enough to stand on his own. Low - Orochimaru being a part of Mizuki’s backstory. Bringing back an old enemy is perfectly fine, potentially even interesting since it’s a great way to measure how much Naruto has changed in the past 150 episodes. Making him a part of Orochimaru’s overarching narrative just doesn’t work for me at all. His entire original motivation was stealing a scroll and leaving the village. Sure, the new information doesn’t change that, but it overcomplicates it in a way that’s never going to be followed up on due to this being a filler arc. Paul: My high point was Kakashi summoning Pakkun into Iruka's hand. “May I offer you a tiny talking dog in this trying time?” Fujin and Raijin were a close runner up; I love those kinds of characters. My low point is how aimless overall the series has become in terms of pursuing the goal of finding Sasuke. I want to believe that Naruto really wants to rescue his friend, but it's hard to suspend my disbelief when he spends so much time goofing around on these low-level missions. Danni: The high point for me this week was easily the direction in episode 146. Seriously, I need the name of whoever storyboarded that episode. It was some of the best Naruto has ever looked. The low point for me is the fact we had two terribly written cartoonishly evil villains in a row. A good villain doesn’t have to maniacally laugh and yell about how evil they are! Just look at Orochimaru! Sure, he isn’t amazingly written, but he doesn’t have to prove to you how evil he totally is! He just walks up like “sup?” and you think “Oh geez this guy’s bad news, huh.” Noelle: High point, all that 146 has to offer artistically. It’s lovely to watch. Low point, looks like the fillers are shaping up to be ‘everything is Orochimaru’s fault’ and that’s not such a good sign.

    COUNTERS: Ramen: 2 bowls Hokage: 0 Clones: 46 + 1 uncountable scene

Total so far: Ramen: 47 bowls, 3 cups Hokage: 52 Clones: 503

  And that wraps up this week. It's more fun to be invovled, so you're always invited to join in on our rewatch journey by checking out Naruto today!

  CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH!

Episodes 134-140: The Climactic Clash

Episodes 127-133: Naruto vs Sasuke

Episodes 120-126: The Sand Siblings Return

Episodes 113-119: Operation Rescue Sasuke

Episodes 106-112: Sasuke Goes Rogue

Episodes 99-105: Trouble in the Land of Tea

Episodes 92-98: Clash of the Sannin

Episodes 85-91: A Life-Changing Decision

Episodes 78-84: The Fall of a Legend

Episodes 71-77: Sands of Sorrow

Episodes 64-70: Crashing the Chunin Exam

Episodes 57-63: Family Feud

Episodes 50-56: Rock Lee Rally

Episodes 43-49: The Gate

Episodes 36-42: Through the Woods

Episodes 29-35: Sakura Unleashed

Episodes 22-28: Chunin Exams Kickoff

Episodes 15-21: Leaving the Land of Waves

Episodes 8-14: Beginners' Battle

Episodes 1-7: I'm Gonna Be the Hokage!

  Here's our upcoming schedule: - On June 14th, PAUL CHAPMAN will continue on with our filler journey. - On June 21st, KEVIN MATYI will push onward into what the fillers have to offer. - On June 28th, JOSEPH LUSTER brings us to the Land of Birds!

  Thank you for joining us for the Great Crunchyroll Naruto Rewatch! See you next time! 

  Have any inquiries or thoughts on Episodes 141-147? Let us know in the comments!

---

David is always on Twitter @navycherub where he watches too much anime and plays too many mobile games.

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By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[hannahberrie]

Everybody Talks | Chapter 7: Telephone II

Fandom: Stranger Things Pairings: Mileven Rating: K  WC: 5450  Summary: In the aftermath of Jennifer's party, El struggles to come clean to her loved ones.

[AO3] Chapter Selection: [1][2][3][4][5][6]-7-[8][9][10][11][12][13][14][15][Epilogue]

[A/N]: I probably should have said this earlier, but small disclaimer: in this AU, I don't imagine Hopper and El living in the cabin. They have a small, comfortable house, still kinda on the outskirts of town though.

In the winter of 1980, the laboratory that El was raised in was shut down.

The morning that she learned this was completely ordinary. At least, it had been, up until Hopper had approached her, holding a copy of the Chicago Tribune.

“You see this, kid?” He asked, passing the newspaper to her.

El sat up on her bed, taking the newspaper from him with a puzzled look on her face. She scanned the front page article, mind working so fast, she was hardly digesting the words she was reading. The big stuff stuck out to her though. Government conspiracy. Experimental malpractice. Hundreds of arrests. Complete shutdown.

“It’s over?” She whispered, looking up at Hopper in disbelief.

“Yeah, kid,” Hopper knelt before her, smiling warmly, “It’s over.”

“We’re safe?”

“We’re safe. They can’t hurt you.”

No more bad men.

El let out a shaky breath, eyes starting to well with tears. Hopper pulled her in for a tight hug, and she collapsed into his arms.

The following fall, El started 6th grade at Hawkins Middle. She knew no one, nor how to get to know someone, and yet, everyone knew her.

People talked. They talked about how Hopper had left for Chicago when he was 18 to become a big-city cop. They talked about he supposedly married. They talked about the daughter he had, the daughter he then brought back to Hawkins with him years later. The daughter that was then inexplicably sheltered for years, never leaving the house, never daring to venture into the public.

It was all half-truths, pieces of the story that didn’t fit, but were instead shoved together to fit an easy-to-understand narrative. In reality, El’s history was messy. It was dark, complicated, and something that she could never tell anyone.

And yet, people still talked. El was their enigma, their ghost story. She saw it in the scrutinizing stares they gave her when she walked into school for the first time. She could hear the whispers follow her throughout the entire day  — new girl, weirdo, shut-in, freak.

By the time the day was halfway through, El had already grown so sick of it all. The stares, the whispers, the rumors. She thought that things would be different, that all the other kids would readily accept her. That they’d see her as being just like anyone else, as being normal.

She was naïve, blissfully naïve.

After pretending to not hear another round of judgmental snickers from some girls in her class, El just couldn’t take it anymore. During lunchtime, when all the other kids were filing into the cafeteria, she’d dashed out the back doors and ran as far as her legs could take her.

Considering that she’d spent most of her life sitting around indoors, her legs didn’t take her that far.

She made it to the soccer field, stopping beside the rows of metal bleachers. She hunched over, breathless, hands grasping her knees.

This was a mistake. She was a mistake, and she didn’t belong here, and soon everyone would find out just how different she was and—

“Hey!”

El jolted upright, frightened by the sudden noise.

She looked over to see a girl eating her lunch on the bleachers, completely alone. The girl’s hair was long and vividly red, and she was wearing a yellow sweatshirt and jeans. As she and El stared at each other, the girl took a bite of her sandwich.

“Hey,” The girl called out again, mouth full, “You’re that new kid, right? The one everybody’s talking about?”

El blinked at her. It was the first time that day that someone was actually talking to her, not about her. She wasn’t sure what to do.

“Um, hello?” The girl asked, raising an eyebrow, “Do you like, speak English?”

“Yes!” El replied quickly, moving closer to her.

“Yes, you’re the new kid, or yes, you speak English?”

“Both?”

“Oh. Cool.”

El nodded. A moment of silence passed before she hesitantly asked, “Why are you here?”

“Uh, ‘cause I kinda go to school here?” the girl replied indignantly.

“I meant outside,” El amended, cheeks flushing red. “Why are you alone?”

The girl shrugged. With a couple more bites, she finished off her sandwich and moved onto a bag of Red Vines. “I dunno,” she replied, slipping the licorice in between her teeth, “It’s nice out here. There’s no annoying mouth-breathers.”

El nodded, thinking back to her scornful classmates. “No mouth-breathers,” she echoed.

“Hey,” the girl took another Red Vine out of the package and held it out to her. “You want one?”

El smiled gratefully. She stepped up and onto the bleachers, taking her seat beside the girl.

“I’m Max,” the girl said, handing over the licorice.

“I’m El.”

“El?”

“Like...Eleanor,” El said carefully, remembering what Hopper had instructed her to say.

Max snorted. “That’s so dorky.”

El frowned a bit and looked away.

“But…I guess it’s still better than Maxine.”

El smiled. She glanced back up again and held back a giggle. “Maxine?”

“Yeah,” Max replied with an eye roll, “Don’t tell anyone, okay? It’s so embarrassing.”

“Okay,” El replied, adamantly meaning it. She took a bite of the candy as the two girls stared at the empty soccer field together. The tangy sweetness of the licorice was addictingly delicious, and it wasn’t long before Max was handing her a second Red Vine.

“So, how do you like it here so far?”  Max asked, glancing over at her.

El hesitated. “I thought things would be different,” she finally admitted, “I wanted...I thought I would fit in.”

“Why?” Max asked incredulously.

“I want to be normal.”

“Please.” Max made a dismissive snort. “Being normal is lame.”

El eyed her warily. “It is?”

“Totally. All those ‘normal’ kids all dress the same, talk the same, act the same, annoy me the same — it’s just so boring.”

“Boring,” El echoed resolutely. By the amount of scorn Max used to describe the ‘normal’ kids, El realized that she definitely didn’t want to be boring.

“Exactly,” Max nodded, taking another bite of licorice, “So, like, don’t feel bad about not fitting in. That’s a good thing. That’s what makes you cool.”

“I’m cool?” El asked hopefully.

Max shrugged. “I mean, I don’t really know you, but yeah, you seem cool.”

El felt her shoulders sag in relief.

“Screw those other kids for acting like brain-dead morons around you,” Max continued. “Like, screw all of them.”

“Yes,” El smiled, a new surge of confidence swelling within her, “Screw them.”

When El awakes, her head is still ringing. She opens her eyes, but her vision is kinda blurry and everything looks like those posters of shapeless amoebas that hang on the walls of the Biology classroom.

Biology...school...Mike...the party...

El gives a small gasp and sits up in bed quickly, though immediately regrets it. The ringing in her head crescendos to a screeching halt and the sudden movement causes her head to pound. She winces, covering her face with her hands.

“You’re up,” a voice says.

The sudden noise causes El to flinch, which only makes her head hurt more, and she groans slightly.

What the—?  

El carefully opens her eyes, blinking as she adjusts to her surroundings. She realizes that she’s in Max’s bed and still wearing her party clothes from the night before. The lights are off and there’s an old quilt draped over her. The clock on the nightstand reads 8:00 AM, though a quick glance out the window reveals that it’s still a little dark outside.

Max is sitting at the edge of the bed dressed in an old set of pajamas, watching her. Her eyes are slightly bloodshot and her hair is a disheveled mess. She looks like she hasn’t gotten much sleep.

“Max?” El asks. Her throat feels hoarse and she has to cough a couple times to clear it. “What happened? Are you ok?”

“Me?” Max laughs in disbelief, “Seriously? What about you?”

“Me?” El frowns.

“Are you okay after last night?”

“What happened last night?”

“You don’t—?” Max stops, hesitates. Her gaze drifts away from El for a moment, and El can see her start to pick at the threads of the quilt “What do you remember?” She carefully asks.

El frowns and tries to focus as best as she can. Memories start to come back as static-filled images, jarring, fragmented.

Jennifer’s house. Music. Mike’s face, coming in out of focus.

“We went to the party,“ El says slowly, “And…Mike was there…”

Max watches her silently, a worried look on her face.

Noise. Flashing. Falling.

“And…I think…someone might have gotten hurt,” El continues, “I’m not sure. There was a lot of yelling.”

Max still isn’t saying anything.

And then…darkness.

El starts to feel anxious. “Why can’t I remember? Did something happen?”

Max opens her mouth to reply only to shut it again a second later. She drags a hand through her loose hair, causing it to tangle even more at the ends. “It’s…complicated, El.”

“Max,” El repeats, “What happened?”

Max swallows, takes a deep breath.

“Max!”

“I’m sorry, okay?!” Max finally bursts, “It’s all my fault! We were at the stupid party and then some rando spilled a drink on me, so I went to the bathroom to clean myself off, and I left you alone! Then Greg McCorkle —  you know, that one asshole senior? He gave you this drink or something, I don’t know what was in it, but whatever it was, it was really bad. It totally messed you up, and you were acting all weird and drugged-up and spaced out. Then these two drunk wasteoids got in this fight and we almost got hurt, and then you accidentally used your powers!”

Max’s impassioned ramble takes a minute to fully set in. As El begins to process all the words, a horrible, sickly feeling tightens her gut. “W-what?!” She asks, staring at Max unblinkingly. “I…I…used my powers? At the party?”

“Yeah,” Max nods grimly. After speaking so quickly for so long, she sounds slightly out-of-breath. Despite this, she continues. “One of the guys that was fighting like, threw a lamp, and it was about to hit us, and you…you stopped it. Then the lights started flashing, and there was this noise, and then it was just…dark. All the power in the house went out, and then you passed out, and then Mike totally started freaking out because your nose was bleeding and you weren’t moving or anything, but then I pulled you outside and Billy drove us back home.”

“Mike?” El swallows thickly. Her hands start to shake, and she clenches them tightly. “He was there? He saw?”

“I’m not sure,” Max hesitates, “But he might have. I mean, he saw a lot of you. You were kind of hanging over him all night. Like…saying he was your best friend, and trying to cuddle him and stuff.”

No, no, no, no.

The room starts to spin. El feels like passing out again. She remembers the last time she’s ever felt this lonely, this afraid.

She was in 7th grade. It was an accident. She’d hadn’t meant to use her powers in front of Max, but she’d just gotten so caught up in the excitement of spending time with a real friend, that she’d lost control. They were in Max’s room, joking about something frivolous, and El accidentally laughed so hard, she’d fallen out of her seat…

…and levitated in place.

She hadn’t meant to, but she had, and then Max started asking questions, and El had to answer them. Max, of course, promised that she’d never tell anyone, but that didn’t stop the overwhelming sense of panic that set in afterward.

Later that day, when El returned home recounted this all to Hopper, he was furious.

“What did we talk about!?” He shouted, his voice so loud it made her ears ring. “You’re not supposed to tell anyone!”

“I’m s-sorry!” El sobbed, nose running, voice hiccuping, eyes tear-filled. “I’m s-so s-sorry!”

She was afraid. Afraid of losing her only friend. Afraid that the bad men, somehow, would come back. That she’d lose her life as a normal kid just as she’d started to live it.

The fear had completely engulfed her, much like it was now.

Back then, Hopper had softened, pulled her into his arms, and held her until the tears stopped. He’d apologized for yelling, and El had promised to never tell anyone else.

Right now, even though Max is here, El feels that same overwhelming, isolating fear once more.

“Max!” She whispers, voice cracking, “I r-ruined e-everything! N-no one is s-supposed to know about m-my powers!”

“I don’t know if they do,” Max wavers, “Nobody was really looking at you when your powers went off. The lights were so bright and it was crowded and—“ Her voice trails off, and her gaze falls towards her lap, “It was crazy.”

The news doesn’t make El feel much better. Even if her powers are still a secret, that doesn’t change that she still completely embarrassed herself in front of everyone, in front of Mike. He’s probably never going to speak to her again.

Her eyes start to sting, so El squeezes them shut tight and leans back against the headboard.

This is all my fault,” Max mutters, looking forlorn, “I shouldn’t have left you alone!”

“It’s not your fault,” El mumbles.

“It is! If I hadn’t left you alone, you wouldn’t have talked to him, and you wouldn’t have gotten—“ Her voice breaks off mid-sentence, and El suddenly notices how much it’s shaking, wavering.

Max isn’t a crier. When she gets upset, she glares, scowls, and yells. Out of their 4 years of friendship, El has never seen her shed more than a single tear. And yet, El knows that in this moment, Max is dangerously close. She doesn’t want El to know it, but she is.

“Y-you got hurt and it was all because of me,” Max continues, keeping her head low, hair obscuring her face from view. “It was my idea to go to the party, and I was the one who took us there, and—“

“Max!” El wipes the tears from her own eyes and crawls across the bed, enveloping her friend in a close hug. “It’s not your fault.”

Max doesn’t hug El back but doesn’t move away, either. “It is,” she mumbles.

“It isn’t,” El negates. “You kept me safe.”

Max is silent for a moment as she keeps her face rested on El’s shoulder. “I just feel like a shit friend.”

“You’re my best friend.”

Max gives a half-hearted snort. “Last night you said Mike was your best friend.”

El feels her face heat up, but she tries to brush the feeling aside. “You are,” She insists, “Not Mike.”

“Well,” Max says with a small sniff, and now her voice sounds a little hoarse too, “One of us better break it to Wheeler, then. Because I’m pretty sure he’s off writing like, Star Wars-themed friendship vows, or something.”

El giggles for the first time that morning. The feeling of just being able to laugh again rushes over her with a comforting reassurance and she finds that she can finally breathe again.

Max giggles too before pulling away. She tucks her hair behind her ears and El notices that her eyes are a little red from tears.

“God, look at us,” Max sniffs again, wiping at her eyes quickly, “Crying like a pair of babies. Let’s never do that again.”

“Yeah,” El nods, then pauses. “…Max?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to go to any more parties.”

Max laughs shakily. “Agreed. That party was completely stupid anyway. It was just a bunch of wasted mouth-breathers.”

El gives a faint smile at the use of the old, but never inaccurate, insult. “Yeah,” she murmurs.

They fall silent for a moment. Outside, the sun is starting to rise. Its warm light gently peeks in through the windows, filling Max’s bedroom with a soft glow.

“Well,” Max says, letting out a slow, heavy sigh, “The good news is that it’s just us right now. My parents went to that lame potluck and I don’t know or care where Billy went.”

“Ok.”

“But!” Max adds, more excitedly, “I can make us breakfast! I asked my mom to buy some Eggos for us!”

“Really?” El perks up.

“Yeah!” Max nods, crawling out of bed. “I’ll go get them ready.”

El nods and follows her out of bed, but when Max heads to the kitchen, El goes into the bathroom.

She turns on the light and steps in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection scrutinizingly. Her mascara has smudged off, leaving black trails running down her cheeks. There’s still a red blotch under her nose, the remnant of her nosebleed.

With a heavy sigh, El leans over the sink and washes it all away, scrubbing her skin until her face is left clean and raw.

The rest of the morning passes by easily. After washing her face, El changes into a simple t-shirt, denim jacket, and jeans, not wanting to stay in her party clothes any longer. Max and El watch TV and eat waffles on the living room couch until 10, when Hopper stops by to pick El up and bring her home.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” Max says as she hugs El goodbye.

El only nods, grabs her bag, and follows Hopper out the door. While she was feeling better earlier, being around her dad is making her anxious all over again. She doesn’t want to tell him about the party, and yet she’s paranoid that he somehow already knows about it.

Despite the sunlight, it’s still a typical, chilly October morning. El sees her breath fog in front of her as they walk, and the rising mist reminds her of the nicotine smoke plumes from last night.

She bites down on her lip.

They board the police cruiser.

“So, how was the sleepover?” Hopper asks as El buckles herself in.

“Fine,” El mumbles, slumping back in her seat.

“Just fine?”

El nods.

Hopper eyes her. “What’d you girls do?”

El has to stop herself from snorting aloud. If he only knew… “We listened to music,” she mutters instead.  

“All night?”

“Yeah. On...MTV.”

“What kind of music?”

“Cyndi Lauper.”

“You like Cyndi Lauper?”

El shrugs.

Hopper eyes her. “So that’s it? You just listened to music?”

El nods.

“Nothing else?”

“Nothing,” El repeats, not looking at him.

“Humph,” Hopper snorts, but proceeds to start the car. The engine revs to life, the radio starts to play, and the cruiser backs out of Max’s driveway.

As Hopper drives, El leans her head against the passenger’s side window. The cool touch of the glass feels comforting in an odd sort of way, and she resigns herself to watching the trees as they pass by.

A few minutes pass before either of them speak again.

“Hey kid — I busted some of your classmates last night,” Hopper says teasingly.

For a second, El feels her heart completely stop. “What?”

“Oh yeah,” Hopper nods, sounding a little too smug about the whole thing, “At the Hayes’ place? We gotta call at the station about a bunch of teenagers raising hell, starting fights, trashing the place. When we showed up to break it up, the whole house was a complete shit hole.”

“Oh,” El says quietly, keeping her gaze trained out the window.

“Apparently, it was some kind of big house party,” Hopper continues, “A lot of high schoolers.”

El stays silent.

“Did you hear about it? This party thing?” Hopper presses further.

El can feel his gaze on her back, but she doesn’t turn to look at him. “No,” she lies, keeping her eyes on the trees.

“Really? It seemed like everyone from your school must have been there.”

El closes her eyes. “I don’t know,” she mutters, not quite sure what she’s even supposed to be knowing in the first place.

“You don’t know what?”

“Dad,” El whispers, voice sounding strained, “I’m tired.”

She knows he’s eyeing her, studying her, and more than likely suspecting her, but nevertheless, Hopper relents. He lets the conversation drop and doesn’t question her further, and El allows herself to relax once more.

The rest of the drive home is silent, accented only by the radio and the sounds of passing cars.

When they pull up in front of the house, Hopper walks El inside the house before he has to leave for work.

El takes her bag and starts to move towards the stairs, but Hopper stops her in her tracks.

“El,” he says, and El stops because he’d used her name (not ‘kid’), which always means that he has something important to say.

El turns and looks over her shoulder at him, meeting his gaze for the first time this morning. “Yes?”

Hopper pauses for a moment, studies her face. “You know…you know you can tell me anything, right?”

El blinks at him.

“I know I’m the sheriff, or whatever, but I’m also your dad. I don’t want us to keep things from each other. I want…I just want you to trust me.”

“I trust you,” El says truthfully.

“So, if something was wrong, you’d tell me?”

El doesn’t know if he knows or not. He’s suspicious, at the very least, but El isn’t eager to fess up. How would she even begin to explain it, how much she had completely, royally screwed up?

Her eyes start to water again as she questions how many times she’s going to cry this morning. She wants to come clean, and yet, as Hopper’s eyes soften, she has the feeling that he already knows.

She should tell him, but she can’t.

Instead, El drops her bag, steps forward, and wraps her arms around Hopper in a close hug. Her nose buries itself into his chest, taking in the comforting scent of coffee and cigarettes.

Hopper hugs her back tightly, brow furrowed in concern. As El starts to shake, he raises a hand to cup the back of her slicked-back hair, gently smoothing down the many flyaways she’s accumulated ever since last night.

It’s a silent answer and an unspoken reconciliation.

After what feels like forever, Hopper lets her go, tells that her everything’s ok, promises that they’ll talk more about this later, and leaves for work.

The house seems numbingly silent without him.

El grabs her bag and trudges up to her bedroom. She tosses her bag aside and flops onto her bed face-first, burying her face in her pillows.

Evidently, this proves to be a bad move, as El accidentally flops right onto the pillow that conceals her yearbook. The bulky object pushes up through the pillow and knocks against her head.

El sits up, rubbing her forehead with a scowl. She picks up the pillow and moves it out of the way, revealing the yearbook underneath.

She stares at it. It stares right back.

She knows she shouldn’t, but old habits died hard, and screw it, she wants to see him.

She picks up the yearbook quickly, flipping to his page with practiced fingers.

His picture looks the same as it always does. Bright-eyes, a slightly awkward smile, a collared sweater, and wavy dark hair.

Cute, cute, cute, cute.

She’s spent what’s probably an absurdly unhealthy amount of time looking at this photo, hoping that one day he’d notice her, that he’d actually like her, despite how aloof and weird she was.

And then she had to go and screw everything up. She’d had her chance with him and lost it.

With a frown, El shuts the yearbook and hides it under her pillows again.

The empty silence of the house makes itself known again, so El tries to distract herself. With a flick of her head, she turns on the TV, trying to find something to watch, but all the shows on are boring, considering that it’s a Sunday afternoon. She next tries to listen to music, but that only makes the ringing in her head come back, and she starts to get a massive headache.

She trudges back downstairs to the bathroom medicine cabinet, retrieves a couple of aspirin, and moves into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

The kitchen is a mess, as it often is. Hopper hates doing dishes and consequently doesn’t wash them until they run out of plates to eat off of. They’re piled up in the sink and El can’t help but shake her head in displeasure. A frying pan is left dirtied on the stove and the coffee pot is still filled with leftover coffee. The kitchen table still has an empty coffee cup on it, as well as a precautious stack of books, newspapers, and —

— the Yellow Pages.  

El gets her water and takes the aspirin. As she swallows it down, her gaze lands on the yellow book.

She can hear Max’s voice in her head, and it’s infuriating.

“Call him.”

But—

“Are you really going to just keep moping around like a total bonehead or actually do something?

According to Max, Mike was worried about her. To be fair, if El had seen Mike pass out and start bleeding at the nose, she knew that she’d probably be losing it, too.

She doesn’t want him to worry.

“Then call him.”

El takes a deep breath.

She finishes off her water, sets the glass down in the shamefully messy sink, and grabs the Yellow Pages. Before she can talk herself out of it, she takes the book and runs back up to her room.

She sits on her bed, grabs her phone, and turns to the “W” page.

Wheeler, Ted and Karen.

For the second time, El dials the number with shaking fingers.

Please don’t hate me, she mentally pleads, heart pounding in her chest. Please, please, please don’t hate me.

The phone picks up on the third ring. El braces herself for another awkward introduction with his mom, but this time, it’s Mike who answers.

“Hello?” He asks eagerly.

El wasn’t ready to talk to him so soon. The fact that he answers takes her by surprise, and she momentarily has to remind herself how to breathe.  

“Hi,” She replies shakily.

“El!?” Mike gasps, “Is that you?”

El swallows. “Yes.”

“Holy shit!” Mike exclaims, sounding shocked, “El! Are you okay? What happened last night? I was so worried about you! Like, I was up worrying all night! I wanted to call your house, but Max said that your Dad didn’t know that you went to the party, so I didn’t want to get you in trouble, or anything! After you left, it was so crazy, the cops showed up, I think your Dad was there, and we all had to take off. I wanted to bike to your house to check on you but I didn’t know where you lived and Dustin said that would be kinda creepy, but I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and—”

He’s impossibly considerate.

But he doesn’t hate her.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Mike finishes, sounding worried.

El chokes back a laugh, feeling utterly relieved that Mike is even thinking about talking to her after everything that happened. “Yes, I’m okay,” she says, voice shaky, “I…just…uh…got scared.”

“It was really scary! No, it was like, totally insane, actually! Do you remember everything that happened?”

“Kinda.”

“So, did you see what happened to the lights? And the lamp?”

Shit.

El’s breath hitches. “The lamp?”

“It was flying,” Mike says breathlessly, sounding awestruck, “I saw it! Right above my head! It came right at me and just stopped!”

El remains silent.

“I saw it happen, I know I did,” Mike laments, “But I don’t know if anyone else saw. They were all freaking out about the dumb lights.”

“I don’t know,” El finally mumbles. “You might have been seeing things.”

“I wasn’t! I know what I saw! I’m not crazy!”

El falls silent again.

Mike does too.

For a moment, there’s nothing but crackling white noise. Then, hesitantly, Mike asks, “You believe me, don’t you?”

El swallows.

What is she supposed to say?

If she says yes, she’ll be confirming that something weird happened at the party. She’ll be spurring on more suspicion, more questions, more rumors.

If she says no, Mike will be heartbroken. He’ll think that El is judging him or that she doesn’t trust him, neither of which is true.

She doesn’t want to call him a liar.

She doesn’t want him to know she’s a freak.

So what does she want?

“El?”

Him.

“I believe you,” El replies, fingers clutching the receiver tighter.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Mike gives a relieved sort of laugh, and El can almost see the dorky grin he probably has on his face now. “Thank you! I told the other guys, but they didn’t believe me! Lucas said I was probably wasted, but I wasn’t! I wouldn’t! Not while you were—“

His voice stops abruptly.

El frowns.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Mike groans, “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s okay, Mike,” El assures him, “I’m sorry.”

“…Wait, what? What are you sorry for?” Mike asks, sounding completely confused.

“For acting so…” El hesitates, “Stupid.”

“You weren’t acting stupid!” Mike protests, “The whole thing wasn’t even your fault! That other guy, Greg, or whoever, was being an asshole!”

“I guess,” El admits, still feeling a little embarrassed.

“What kind of guy even tries to get girls drunk at parties?” Mike continues to rant, “Like, how messed up can you be? It’s idiotic! You’re like, the coolest girl ever and he shouldn’t have done that to you! I should really get him back for doing it.”

El tries to holds back a laugh. “What would you do to him?”

“I dunno,” Mike admits, “I mean, I’ve never really been in a fight before, not a real one.”

That isn’t surprising to El in the slightest.

“I know!” Mike continues excitedly, “I could like, get him to buy test answers off of me, and then totally get him busted for cheating on a test!”

“Mike!” El exclaims, torn between laughter and indignation, “Then you’d get in trouble. Again.”

“I don’t care — it’d be worth it,” Mike contends, “He deserves it!”

“Mike, it’s okay,” El insists, “Really.”

In reality, it isn’t. What happened to her at the party wasn’t okay, but then again, most of what had happened to her growing up wasn’t okay, either. Regardless, El knows that none of this is Mike’s responsibility. She doesn’t want it to be.

“Are you sure that you’re ok?” Mike asks, “Like, are you really sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“You promise?”

El flushes pink as she thinks back to their hallway conversation earlier that week. “I promise,” she affirms.

Though they haven’t known each other long, El knows that Mike wouldn’t lie to her. Though it’s a simple word, ‘promise’ means something important, something special.

She might not be able to tell him everything about herself, but she can still promise to believe and trust in him.

It’s not ideal. She hates keeping secrets. It feels like lying, and she doesn’t want him to think she’s a liar.

Regardless, for now, it’s the best that she can do.

[certifiedfae]

okay just finished the first episode of the new bee and puppycat series and accidentally wrote a short essay!! so keep reading if you're interested, if not i am by no means offended. spoilers ahead!!

overall i don't think it's as good as the original series--although that is a high bar to beat. it feels like the tone changed a little--there's not as much contrast between the normal day to day slice-of-life aspects and the reality breaking, fantastical segments (i.e. tempbot jobs, puppycat being a puppycat, bee being a cyborg, etc). like people don't think that stuff is as weird--or it's like, more common or something. i think it works best when it's a slice of life anime except for the absoutely batshit things that happen out of nowhere for like 2 minutes and then no one acknowledges it OR an established, firmly non-fantastical character loses their mind over it (i.e. deckhard in the "wedding" episode when bee accidentally teleports him to tempbot). it doesn't feel like it really captures that tone in the new series--although i have only watched the first episode, so hopefully that will change going forward.

with the bee redesign, i DEFinetely prefer the old character model--i think she was just cuter and more unique as a character with that one. i'm not really in a position to judge if it was fatphobic or not, and i think we've all seen a bunch of discourse about that, so i'm going to let you seek out other people's writing on that if you want to know more. also don't love the other artstyle changes, like with the more forehead space (why did they change that???? like how does that contribute to the show's overall vibe at ALL). however i think a lot of that is just me being really attatched to the old art style which, objectively, slapped. oh my god ALSO they massacred cass's character. she is so annoying now. and i also think the humor isn't as witty or deadpan as it was before, which is kinda annoying. the writing overall i'd say is not quite as good, but only by a small margin and, again, it was a high bar to beat. some of that probably has to do with the 20 minute episode length--since it's no longer a short and sweet ten minutes, stuff moves slower and there's a slower build of the plot before the major stuff happens. it's less exciting i guess. not a big change, but just something i noticed.

ok but things i DID like--LOVED the turn into horror with the eldritch witch monster!! she was so creepy i loved it. it's not a tone that we've seen in the show so far so it almost felt like another turn into the fantastical almost? like previously i mentioned magical realism--if the old show was like "ur watching a realistic show and suddenly it's magical" that moment kinda felt like "ur watching a magical realism show and suddenly it's ELDRITCH HORROR" like holy shit. (actually now i'm thinking of it, there was that murdery farmer guy in the first episode of the old series, but he wasn't as... violent? jumpscarey? so it still definetely felt like a shift in tone to me). also it had the aspect of no one acknowledging the horror afterward, which really cinched it for me. other than that i liked bea's sword. that's pretty much it so far. however i do appreciate that they stayed close to the og with the color palette and music--a lot of stuff that i didn't feel negatively or positively about i felt neutral i think because they kept it as it was in the last series. so that was awesome!

ultimately, like i said, this is just after the first episode--i think i'll watch the next episode now, and then hopefully keep watching the series if it continues to hold my interest. but if not, i even more highly recommend the og series (all of which is free to watch on youtube, and the entire season is an hour long!). it was experimental, gorgeous, unique, had lovely music, voice acting, and lovable characters. honestly couldn't recommend a better show. if you haven't seen it i hope you check it out <3

i didn't make it to the netflix series tonight but i made it all the way through the og bee and puppycat episodes!! god i love the jellyfish episode sm. also the last one. the tone of the whole show is so cool. like magical realism i guess--except i usually don't like magical realism? like i'm creeped out by it for some reason. idk. i love whatever genre bee and puppycat is. anyway gonna make it thru the second half sometimes this week hopefully :)

[marnathas]

Keeping hypnosis play safe

So with hypnosis, you're messing around with people's minds. The question is, how do you keep everything safe, and try to prevent people coming out of it (either at the end of a session, or at the relationship) with problems, large or small? In other forms on kink, a lot of safety stuff is more obvious, because it's very physical. If you're hitting someone, you're clearly trying not to cause permanent damage for instance. A little of me thinking about this is provoked by recently being informed that a person in the local community here is trying to get into people's heads in ways that aren't safe, and aren't respecting consent, and are bound to cause issues (to the point where it's likely I'll be banning them from events here, which is never fun). So I figure let's go through the common things of how do you keep hypnosis play safe, both during and after a session.

While I'm not going to focus on it heavily this time (it's its own full topic), consent and negotiation is an important part of it and where it all begins. Doing something in someone's head they don't want is NOT cool. At best, they'll reject the suggestion, come out of trance (depending on how bad it is), and it'll put a damper on everything. At worst, it'll work, and then cause them a lot of stress and anxiety and so-on as a result. Mental well-being is a large part of what I consider making hypnosis safe too. Even if it all works, and causes no issues that would normally be what you'd consider the safeties being in place for, if they come out of it all feeling violated, or with their trust broken, you've done fucked up.

So, depending on the type of relationship, experience, and existing trust, there'll be some sort of negotiation and level of consent going on. Some situations, you'll describe and agree on exactly what you're doing and how it'll work before doing any hypnosis. Other times, you'll bring them out and go through ideas right before or after doing them. Or maybe you know what they do like, and you do those sorts of things no problem, but ask before anything really new. And of course, there'll be relationships where there's blanket consent and trust. A big part of all of this, is hypnosis is an altered state of mind. Consent can't properly be given by someone in trance, or still trance-y and suggestible immediately afterwards. I consider it like getting someone drunk, and try and treat it the same way (I've done sessions in all the ways I've described above, it's kind of intuitive which is appropriate when).

Ok, moving on. The biggest and easiest thing to consider, in my opinion, is quite simple. YOU ARE NOT DOING THERAPY, you are having kinky (or non-kinky) fun with someone. Do not use that to try and be a therapist, or to try and "fix" someone. If you are not a trained hypnotherapist, you'll probably fuck it up royally, and cause more problems than you were trying to fix. If you are a trained hypnotherapist, by playing with someone you obviously don't have an impartial relationship to them anymore. Don't fucking mix the two.

That's the growling over. Let's talk about suggestions, and triggers, and making those safe. I'll do triggers first. Essentially, if you put a trigger in someone's head, you don't want it to interfere with their normal life, and you don't want it to come up in situations where it'd cause discomfort. Overall easiest way to make triggers safe, is to make them have very specific circumstances of use. A big distinction here, is between "open" (can be used by anyone) and "closed" (can be used by only specific people) triggers. Open triggers, are much much much more prone to misuse, and creating problems, by their very nature, because you can't guarantee everyone who will use them will use them appropriately (I'm not a fan of open triggers, I've never made one that wasn't explicitly temporary). For those, a friend of mine who I respect a lot talks about the "frat boy test", which basically is how bad would it be if a college frathouse found out about said open trigger?

So in general, I only deal with closed triggers (usually that will just work from me alone). But ok, how do we construct a trigger so that it's rock solid, and unlikely to cause any problems? We generally want it to only work in specific situations, where it's obvious that's the intention, and never at a time where it may cause mental discomfort, or create a physical problem (for instance while driving). I personally use 3 main rules, those being:

The trigger is a very specific (and obvious) phrase/action, that only work when I use it. Means it can't happen out in the street by accident, or in regular conversation.

It will only work when the subject wants it to work. If they can reject it without issue, then that means it can't be misused when they don't want to be triggered.

It will only work if it's safe to do so. So no causing car crashes by a split second of "do I want to have this trigger work or not???".

If I deviate from these, the trigger will be explicitly temporary, with a set end time specified when I create it. Generally that's the case in spur of the moment ideas during play, or experimental stuff. It's always easy enough, if it's an awesome idea, to bring it back later and set it up properly. I will mention that #1 in that list tends to loosen a bit with use, because the mind will create associations and shortcuts to those states of mind. For instance, a trigger set to me saying "Name, blank" will tend to, after a while, start working if I just say "blank" in a way that makes the intent obvious. I generally don't think this is too harmful (it is fun, I'll admit), but if it starts loosening too much then it's obviously time to fix it up and ensure it only works under stricter cirumstances.

That's how I, at least, go about most suggestions and triggers. But let's talk about more subtle stuff now. Not every effect in hypnosis is going to be like that, and those tend to be harder to deal with. People will build associations with things naturally, and (some) hypnotists will put in suggestions that will affect a subject at all times, or change how they react/perceive/feel something, whether for good or malign purposes, the line of which can blur. Basically, a lot of stuff like this can be fantastic when everything's going well, but if the relationship sours it's going to cause absolute hell, to the point of sometimes needing someone to explicitly remove it.

My own personal rule, and I'll go into this more explicitly some other time, is I try not to make any suggestion that would explicitly cause problems if me and the subject have a sudden falling out. This is my own personal opinion, I dislike suggestions that might fall under that, for instance "sex with me feels better than sex with anyone else", as I just instantly go "What if they break up!?". Maybe they reject it own their own if circumstances change, but what if they aren't able to, for whatever reason?

The associations that can happen natually are, unfortunately, much harder to deal with, especially because they're less obvious. They just happen, and you may not even realise until it's causing a problem down the road, maybe after the relationship has ended. I'm not quite sure how you could best go about handling these to be honest, beyond making sure you're willing to break those down if ever needed, and keeping an eye out for ones that may be problematic in advance.

I'm not going to pretend this is an exhaustive list, or the best list. It's simply what I tend to keep in mind when I mess around. Sometimes some of these aren't needed. Sometimes a situation arises where these aren't enough and I need to consider another thing. Hopefully it helps people, it's pretty worrisome seeing people playing with hypnosis who aren't fully aware of how to keep things safe, or worse, disregarding them.

I'll finish by noting aftercare as well is also sort of part of this, but I don't consider that an explicit "safety" thing. Another topic for another time though! ^.^

[the-game-to-solve-string-theory]

The Big Bang of My Idea...so basically get ready for a lotta hot crazy nonsense over here all exploding out in one big infinitly expanding mess

During this thread, I will continue to apply some “rules” but remember that the only real rule here that matters, is that you simply give this little experiment an honest read and to give it’s ideas at least a real good ponder before moving on, thank you.

Let me begin with a small, sidenote (I know, STARTING with a sidenote...weird).

Time Travel is simply not possible. Many may dream it might be, in that deep rooted dream carried by all man as a species like our dream of survival and happiness, but it simply is not. Einstein did, however, pull back a bit of the curtain of the ultimate mystery of life, the universe, and everything with his so...so very simple equation E=mc2.And this little experiment is to try and explain just how insane that tiny little equation really is.

I’d like to start by asking you, how limited is your imagination? At what point do you sit and reach a point at which you cannot simply grasp the thing you are piecing together in your mind? This happens to me a lot. Let me continue.

[Imagine actually being able to follow this thread] [justimagine][infinity]

Time is...everything. Space...and time. The two do go together, but I’ve been going over these thoughts enough that using the same name for these two ideas seems so proper now because the two ARE the same. I AM the ground under my feet. I AM the bird sleeping in the tree outside. I AM the clouds in the sky. But it’s not just me, YOU are these things. YOU are the desk in front of you. YOU are the metal spoon in the kitchen down the hall. And it’s not just objects. WE are the sadness felt in the pit of your neighbors stomach. WE are the thoughts and prayers sent around the world by caring, well intentioned believers. WE are the energy heating your coffee in the pot in the morning. The gravitational pull on your fat sister (weight) IS the cute dog outback yapping at the neighbors. The perfectly tuned piano note playing through your speakers IS the stale hotdog finally being thrown away four days late in the 7-11 down the street, yeah i know, got a little carried away there. You get the idea. Well, probably not, that’s the point. I’ll explain.

If I didn’t weird you out enough yet, that is. But imagine having actually giving this a real try to understand and follow throught, just how much better you would have felt? I have a little thought experiment.

Picture a string, pulled taught between two fixed surfaces two points in time. Remind myself how to change tumblr font from black to red later. Eh, nevermind.

Did I get you in a time loop yet? Just imagine though.

[with a pause at “two fixed surfaces flashing on the screen. And me crossing out two fixed surfaces in a red line. (We don’t know why yet, but we will…)

Did I get you in a time loop yet?

“What?” you ask.

I know what you’re thinking, and indeed yes, the string is made out of a specific substance. This string is made out of your very imagination, i mean...what exactly would we call that? Imagination...sensory energy? I dunno, somewhere in your brain you have the ability to form invisible, matterless, massless, timeless (?) pictures and “things” so just do that real quick and imagine a simple black line on a white scree. Easier than all that nonsense sounded huh? 

No, I’m being serious, for this to work I need you to actually do your best to not apply any kind of known material to this string and just know that it is simply...incapable of being broken in any way... It is simply an infinitely more dense screen of pixels on your mind’s own eye in the shape of a simple horizontal line. If a situation were to arise during the course of our experimentation when a normal string would have been broken such as too much force (whether tensile, normal, heat, potential, pressure, etc.) in the space between that normal strings two ends after breaking simply imagine a new segment of string simply already existing exactly where those breaks start. As I said, this string is not able to be broken even by your own imagination. Easy right?

Ok. I’m not sure how to explain this but I am very much typing these things sort of ... “outside” time, if that makes sense, which will make sense if you bare with my problem here and follow me on this journey, and so much might be revealed.

Just imagine though. Just imagine if you’d finished. And you could understand the mind of someone mentally impaired but knew this much.

This imaginary string also kinda...breaks my first rule right from the get go, I’m not gonna lie. It does actual travel through time. But that too shall be explained away in brilliant and clever fashion that will make complete sense, trust me, thanks. No, you’re not using too many commas, calm down. This string does, indeed, travel through time. Imagine now, that string has been plucked. When was this string plucked? That is an interesting question, this string was plucked forever and for always ago...take a deep breath, you can do this, OK. That sentence couldn’t make sense could it? Did I get you in a time loop yet? 

It might sound annoying as all hell, but it will definitely help, I promise. Just start back over at the beginning and slowly read through again, but ignore some of the stuff you know now is kinda nonsense and meet me back here...I promise, it’ll help.

Ok, if you really did do it, let’s continue.

Certainly it does not make sense, but yeah it does. Cuz that string has too always had done been plucked. Always had been plucked. Always...will have been plucked. Will always..will always been (no certainly not...), will always...have been...and is to always be plucked!!! Wooooo! I figured it out. Did i get you in a time loop yet?

Remember the first time you read this and it didn’t really make much sense, but as you’ve taken the time to skim a bit and skip ahead maybe, and try reading parts or even the whole thing again it’s kind of started to maybe make a bit of sense once you learn to filter the nonsense and approach it again? See how’ve Weeeeeeird huh? Anyway…that’s how my brain works. Let’s continue.

It’s all about time traveling strings and randomness. Except the string is made of a definitive amount of imagination pixels at any given moment, how can motion possibly be translated on such a device? 

Ya know what? Ya got me, beats me, really, it really does I just need to continue with the experiment and if you got a better idea, go ahead, I’m just trying to explain the nature of reality and all things here, don’t mind me.

Right, what I mean is that simply because this imaginary string only and. i hate thinking this way, sometimes, please help meeeee. exclusively exists...inside YOUR mind, your own private little universe within you (whatever you wanna call “you”, like your brain...the collection of your body and soul, whatever you consider to actually be “you” etc.) where nobody else can possibly access, it ALSO just happens to have the ability to have always been in what will always be its state of matter and being and amount of energy whether it be potential, real or imaginary because it’s just that special. And the state of this string that it has always existed in and will always exist in is...yeah, that’s right, is an imaginary horizontal line that has been plucked and is therefore vibrating, you’re catching on. Just imagine huh? 

If you’re having trouble keeping up, I highly suggest just stepping away for a little bit and coming back and skimming back through this mess of a thought and you should be able to filter out some of the nonsense better now and my thoughts will be a littler clearer, and hopefully I am making myself understood as best I can.

Just imagine if you finished though.

Next rule about this string is that it needs to appear to you as a flat, perfectly smooth horizontal black line on a white field at all times no matter how far away you are from it, or how close you are to it. Quite the mental feat, this one here. No time to rest, let’s move on.

I don’t enjoy this all the time, sometimes it’s pretty cool tho, ya know- being special, I mean.

EDITOR NOTE: I’m using too many commas.

Ok and now one more complication. I actually lied in the beginning and the string ISN’T being held at each end by a firm point (Or did I say, solid point? Or a fixed point?...)

[insert clip of rewinding footage to the part where I say “pulled taught between two fixed surfaces” with a pause at “two fixed surfaces flashing on the screen. And me crossing out two fixed surfaces in a red line. Then I say:

Wait..did I just witness myself time travel to the beginning of this video? Am I caught in a time loop? I mean, I’m kind of time traveling in my imagination...ah well, let’s move on, I mean just imagine if you finished. 

Nah, nah we’re all good...but ponder whether I’m lying or not while I distract you from the fact that I need to change this one thing I said earlier to better explain my point and get you thinking...thanks. 

Do yourself a favor and write down the rules for the string, it’ll definitely help you stay on track while I can’t. i’m sorry. really.

Remember the first time you read this and it didn’t really make much sense, but as you’ve taken the time to skim a bit and skip ahead maybe, and try reading parts or even the whole thing again it’s kind of started to maybe make a bit of sense? See how’ve you now experienced somehow the same emotion over again as that first time yet also a new one at the same time like on top of that old emotion? is that deja vu? That’s emotional energy traveling through time. Did I get you in a time loop yet?

“Uh...what?” Is what you want to ask me right now. And I know, I know. Did I get you in a time loop yet? Weeeeeeird huh? Anyway…

Rememeber when this paper made sense? It will

back to the line.

If you’re having trouble keeping up, I highly suggest just stepping away for a little bit and coming back and skimming back through this mess of a thought and you should be able to filter out some of the nonsense better now

back to the line.

See how that line, while simple and not the same, kinda reminded you of the first time you read that line way up above about if you remember when this idea made any sense. Except it’s not quite the same feeling or reaction, kinda layered on top of it. I guess I’m trying to explain how my mind works sometimes?

But also this one, thing I’m trying to say.

thank you for trying.

Where were we...Oh yeah. This string is not being held by two fixed points, and I know what you’re thinking and no, it’s also not being held at one by a fixed point and free at the other. I actually kinda thought i was gonna go down that direction for a few minutes there but nah, I - Oh right right right right right...So no, this string is not even connected at just one end and free at the other, it’s much simpler than all that and the string is connected at both ends too….itself? But again, be careful and don’t violate any of the rules mentioned in my rant before. Feel free to review it, don’t worry I’m not going anywhere. Meet me back here.

How limited is your imagination? Just imagine. 

Remember the first time you read this and it didn’t really make much sense, but as you’ve taken the time to skim a bit and skip ahead maybe, and try reading parts or even the whole thing again it’s kind of started to maybe make a bit of sense? See how’ve Weeeeeeird huh? Did you Did I get you in a in a time loop yeeeeeeyyet? you read this paper when it still made sense and remember thinking...wow I thought that paper was gonna actually say something good...anywaaaaaay.

Cool.

What?

This is how my brain works sometimes...I honestly don’t know how I feel about it “I said cool”

...what do you mean, cool?

“I mean...that’s it right? I’ve imagined your string

There’s no way you’ve imagined my string.

“Sure I have, I mean some of it is...well, yeah a little out there, but not all together unable to be imagined on the minds eye the way you said. Just a simple, flat horizontal line on a white background.”

That can also be observed from any distance as to appear the same relative size and shape’-

“yeah yeah yeah, that stuff too, what’s that mean.”

Ugh...that means that no matter how far away that string is from the lens of your mind’s eye, the string simply becomes more clearly resolved on the screen of your minds eye by...by those infinitly more and more dense pixels, yeah i know this is getting out of hand. I almost used two extra commas in that sentence. 

“...right... i think i got it? Maybe.”

Uh...You don’t understand. I’ve described something that you could simply zoom in on...FOREVER...and it stayed the same relative size and shape to your eye because it also becomes an infinitely growing clearer resolution on the monitor of your mind’s eye and being forever filled in by an infinite more ever spawning pixels. Which is possible only because all of this exists inside your imagination? And your imagination is limitless?

“Ok ok ok, you got me, this is just a metaphor? Or a parable on the dangers of hubris?”

No, I...don’t think so. Oh...it IS limited? Ok...makes sense. Anywaaaaaaay let’s continue anyway, for those whose imagination is NOT limited and have stayed with me so far.

[hydrus]

Version 325

windows

zip

exe

os x

app

tar.gz

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

I had a difficult week, but I got some great work done. Save for some final help revisions, the downloader overhaul is complete.

final downloader work

So, I managed to finish 13 of my 15 final jobs in the downloader overhaul. All that remains is a help pass for subscriptions and a better intro to gallery and watcher downloading, which I will fold into normal work over the coming weeks. This has been a longer journey than I expected, but I feel great to be done. This final work is mostly unusual stuff that got put off.

For instance, subscriptions can now run without a working popup (i.e. completely in the background)! It works just like import folders, as a per-subscription checkbox option, and still permits the final files being published to a popup button or a named page. I recommend only trying this after the initial sync has completed, just so you know the sub works ok (and isn't accidentally downloading 2,000 garbage files in the background!).

Also, subscription queries can now take an optional 'display name'. This display name will appear in lieu of the actual query text in most display contexts, like the edit sub panel or a popup message or a publishing destination. A query for pixiv_artist:93360 can be more neatly renamed to and managed as 'houtengeki', and 'xxxxxxxx' can be renamed 'family documents, DO NOT ENTER' and so on.

And subscription queries now have individual tag import options that only support 'additional tags'. So, if you want to give a particular query a blog-related creator tag or a personal processing tag, this is now simple.

If you 'try again' on a 'deleted' file import, the client will now ask if you want to erase that deletion record first (i.e. overriding it and importing anyway)! This is obviously much quicker and simpler than having to temporarily edit the file import options to not exclude previously deleted.

Gallery and Watcher pages now have quick 'retry failed' buttons and list right-click menu entries.

advanced stuff

If you are in advanced mode, subscription edit panels now have a 'get quality info' button. If you select some queries and hit this (oh fug, I just tested it IRL and discovered it does it for all queries, not just selected, wew, I will fix this for next week), the client will do some hacky db work and present you with a summary of how many files currently in those queries are inbox/archive/deleted, and a percentage of archived/(archived+deleted)--basically "after processing, you kept 5% of this query". This should help you figure out which queries are actually 'good' for you and which are just giving you 98% trash. I can do more here, but this is just a quick prototype. Feedback would be appreciated.

The downloader easy-import pngs now support custom http headers and bandwidth rules! This is a bit experimental, so test it a bit please before you roll it out for real. If you have custom headers or specific bandwidth rules for the domains in your export downloaders gugs, they will be added automatically, and there's a button to add them separately as well. Exporters and importers will get detailed previews of what these new 'domain metadata' objects include.

If you are in advanced mode, file import options now have options to turn off url- and hash-based 'skip because already in db/previously deleted' checks. They are basically a "I don't care what you think the url is, just download it anyway and see if it is a new file m8". If you have a particular url conflict that was causing an incorrectly skipped download that I have previously discussed with you, please try these options and reattempt the problem file. Don't use them for regular downloads and subs, or you'll just be wasting bandwidth. Advanced file import options now also allow you to turn off source url association completely.

full list

added a 'show a popup while working' checkbox to edit subscription panel--be careful with it, I think maybe only turn it off after you are happy everything is set up right and the sub has run once

advanced mode users will see a new 'get quality info' button on the edit subscription panel. this will some ugly+hacky inbox/archived/deleted info on the selected queries to help you figure out if you are only archiving, say, 2% of one query. this is a quickly made but cpu-expensive way of calculating this info. I can obviously expand it in future, so I would appreciate your thoughts

subscription queries now have an optional display name, which has no bearing on their function but if set will appear instead of query text in various presentation contexts (this is useful, for instance, if the downloader query text deals in something unhelpful like integer artist_id)

subscription queries now each have a simple tag import options! this only allows 'additional tags', in case you want to add some simple per-query tags

selecting 'try again' on file imports that previously failed due to 'deleted' will now pop up a little yes/no asking if you would like to first erase these files' previously deleted file record!

the watcher and gallery import panels now have 'retry failed' buttons and right-click menu entries when appropriate

the watcher and gallery import panels will now do some ui update less frequently when they contain a lot of data

fixed the new human-friendly tag sorting code for ungrouped lexicographic sort orders, where it was accidentally grouping by namespace

downloader easy-import pngs can now hold custom header and bandwidth rules metadata! this info, if explicitly present for the appropriate domain, will be added automatically on the export side as you add gugs. it can also be bundled separately after manually typing a domain to add. on the import side, it is now listed as a new type. longer human-friendly descriptions of all bandwidth and header information being bundled will be displayed during the export and import processes, just as an additional check

for advanced users, added 'do not skip downloading because of known urls/hashes' options to downloader file import options. these checkboxes work like the tag import options ones--ignoring known urls and hashes to force downloads. they are advanced and should not be used unless you have a particular problem to fix

improved how the pre-import url/hash checking code is compared for the tag and file import options, particularly on the hash side

for advanced users, added 'associate additional source urls' to downloader file import options, which governs whether a site's given 'source urls' should be added and trusted for downloaded files. turn this off if the site is giving bad source urls

fixed an unusual problem where gallery searches with search terms that included the search separator (like '6+girls skirt', with a separator of '+') were being overzealously de/encoded (to '6+girls+skirt' rather than '6%2bgirls+skirt')

improved how unicode quoted characters in URLs' query parameters, like %E5%B0%BB%E7%A5%9E%E6%A7%98 are auto-converted to something prettier when the user sees them

the client now tests if 'already in db' results are actually backed by the file structure--now, if a the actual file is missing despite the db record, the import will be force-attempted and the file structure hopefully healed

gallery url jobs will no longer spawn new 'next page' urls if the job yielded 0 _new_ (rather than _total_) file urls (so we should have fixed loops fetching the same x 'already in file import cache' results due to the gallery just passing the same results for n+1 page fetches)

in the edit parsing panels, if the example data currently looks like json, new content parsers will spawn with json formulae, otherwise they will get html formulae

fixed an issue with the default twitter tweet parser pulling the wrong month for source time

added a simple 'media load report mode' to the help debug menu to help figure out some PIL/OpenCV load order stuff

the 'missing locations recovery' dialog that spawns on boot if file locations are missing now uses the new listctrl, so is thankfully sortable! it also works better behind the scenes

this dialog now also has an 'add a possibly correct location' button, which will scan the given directory for the correct prefixes and automatically fill in the list for you

fixed some of the new import folder error reporting

misc code cleanup

next week

Now I will finish a simple login manager. Fingers crossed, I hope to spend a total of three to four weeks on it. I don't expect I'll have anything interesting ready for it for v326, but maybe I'll have some dummy ui for advanced users to play with.

Thanks everyone!