#hopefully it trims ok after this smh

[thunyielding]

Though Hatfield had been her sanctuary, Hever Castle had been her haven. As a girl she would dream of the building itself being the very idea of splendid intimacies woven into sweet meats and generous attentions. Whilst at Hatfield she was the Gloriana, the Princess and heir to the country. At Hever, under the nourishment of a Boleyn eye, she was a precious niece. And so, she could not help but favour them, her arms extended for their company, her kiss honest and sweet compared to ones manufactured to be anything but. 

“You must tell her how tall I sit,” she cheered, laughing a little over the dream of the situation, as if she had waited her entire life to sit upon that throne of Olde. But, her merriment wavered with the tilt of her mouth, the truth that was to come undone teetering on the edge — she could trust Jane Boleyn, could she not? She could whisper the news from Florence, or the missives sent from Dover. That the Queen Mary was due to make a return on English soil? Elizabeth hesitated for just a moment before leaning into Jane’s intimacy, her eyes flared with importance. “My dear Aunt, you are of my kin, the mother of my dearest cousin… I cannot help but wonder if now is the time where all shall change, that from here henceforth England enters a new age….” With the room splintering into different groups, her own Ladies fluttering around them as a veil to anyone else, Elizabeth drew herself closer, her eyes sparkling with intrigue. “They say that my illegitimate brother lives, the Seymour’s son.” @jancboleyn

[5point9million-blog]

The Morning After...

The time we, Me & Trenece, spend together is memorable to say in the least.  Yesterday she came and got me and me her and Chantel cleaned out her car and we had a blast.  Afterwards we went to go get her kids and went to a meeting for Mass Lib.  During the meeting, she got a call saying that her parents were in a real bad car accident.  So after the meeting we dropped Chantel off in the house and went up to the hospital and chilled for a minute while they ran some test.  They seemed ok.  Her mom was having chest pains and they decided to keep her over night.  Her sister, Lashawn, her neice, Kia, and her father decided to stay but we had to take the kids back home.  I drove back to my house and then she went back to her house.  I made sure to call her and make sure that she got home safe because she seemed really tired.

This morning I had text her that I was going to the store to get the tote I said that I was going to get her.  We managed to clear out most of the junk and vacuum the rugs and wipe off the seats and clean the windows but we never got around to actually washing the car.  I bought about $36 of cleaning supplies.  We planned on washing the car and shampooing the seats but time got away from us.  So I told her that I was going to get the tote and we could link back up tomorrow.... which is today.

Like I said, we had a really good time and we both enjoyed each others company.  The thing is is that even though we have a good time together.  Even though I cater to her and do all these wonderful things with her and for her, she still seems to cling to other men like I ain’t enough for her.  What really makes me feel some type of way is that she chooses these men over me and they don’t even seem to want or care to do the same things that I do.  I mean her nigga spends way more time with her than me but why did he let her van get to that point??  It makes me question on whether or not that I should do for her the way that I do.

I love her.

I guess that pretty much sums it up.

Me & Chantel had a short talk about her when she went into the Panda Express.  I pretty much said that the reason why I love her so much is that her problems are unique to themselves.  She doesn’t have the same issues as a basic female.  She isn’t irritating, she doesn’t nag all the time, she isn’t super jealous or catch attitudes for no good reason.  It’s just when it comes to her personal affairs, she just isn’t proactive enough.  Then on top of that, when someone seems to step in and help her... she seems to drop the ball altogether.  Chantel was telling me that we just have to stick together and support her and eventually she will come around.  She was saying that maybe she just never really had that type of support and that maybe that is the reason why she is the way that she is.... IDK??!

I just know that I text her this morning and she text me back. I told her that I was going to the store and get the stuff I said I was going to get her and that I was going to call her later to see when she can come over to get it.  About 5, 6 hrs later, I call her and she doesn’t answer.  Now that doesn’t mean that anything is wrong per say... but I always get a funny feeling in my gut when things don’t go my way with her.  I guess that is just one of my private demons that I have to deal with alone.  Her and her dude are “beefing” for some reason and not talking.  

I know I made her feel special.  She bleached her hair.  I told her she looked gourgous.  She smiled and then I gave her a big hug.  I shared my food with her and tended to her needs while they were in a meeting.  I honestly AM a part of this group but yet at the same time I am really just an active volunteer at this point.  Trenece has become a true partner and has taken a role and is spearheading her own departments and everything.  I made sure that she didn’t have to get up so that she could really pay attention.  I was paying attention too but yet at the same time I don’t have to consciously focus as much as her to do that.

I know I had a point to make but honestly I cannot remember what it was.  I guess venting on here helped a bit.  I know that she is not going to just leave dude.  I know that they will go through some ups and downs but at the same time, but truly believe that it will fizzle out eventually.  I just have to play my role and be that good friend on the sidelines.  I just have to chill and act like everything is cool even though I get stomach pains from her actions from time to time.  As long as she is ok then I’m ok too.  If we don’t meet today then we can just meet another day... its cool.  I know I feel some type of way but yet at the same time I have to know my place and not overstep my boundaries.  I can’t be petty or passive aggressive.  I have to be the loyal, caring, loving, and supportive person that I have always been and trust God that everything will come together for the good in the end.

I have a lot of questions though.  Like what made her start back talking to me in the first place.  I know that I had got her number by her calling me to say that she was on the way to get me to do early voting and that I kind of slipped my way in by asking her to pierce my ears.  Yet at the same time she really didn’t have to entertain me with that at all.  So, it’s been a little over two months since we have been talking and things just seem to be the same.

I just talked to her father and he said that they are trying to find her mother’s “normal” to be able to tell what her “abnormal” is.  So that could be a while.  I just told him that I just called to check in and tell them that they are in my prayers.  Like I was telling Chantel a couple of days ago that it doesn’t matter how much I do because I give her the world and that may or may not tug on her heart strings.  What matters is MY motivation behind what I do.  I do what I do now just because I care and not to get anyone to do stuff for me.  Truth is is that Trenece can say she is busy til her heart is contend but the truth is is that she gives priority to whatever and whomever she wants to.  I just have to get her to the point to where she is interested in spend time and being with me.

I thanked Chantel for being on this adventure with me yesterday because the truth is is that I have been mentioning cleaning the car out since September but the ball really didn’t get rolling until SHE stepped in.  I guess that’s just one of the things that she has over me.  And I’m not completely mad... just a little jealous lol smh.  I just talked to Chantel.  She said that “they” were on their way to a meeting.  So I am left to assume that she is with Trenece and probably been with her for this whole morning I guess.  Hopefully she was able to go and get that stuff done for her son so he can go to the prom with proper attire.  Me on the other hand, I bought me so decent clippers. Cut my sides and trimmed my beard.  Took a nap and now I am just on the computer. bored.  Like I said, I guess I will see her when I see her and talk to her when I talk to her.

Every time we do talk she seems like we cool.  So I guess I just have to be cool with that.  I can tell when she is getting frustrated with me and I am not on the list of folks that she will keep on board when she gets to that point.  I know that her threshold (for me) is just above “above average”.  So I have to stay on her good side to make sure that we at least stay in communication.  In reality, she is a unemployed mother of 5 who lives with her parents.  Yeah they have that thing going on with Life After Release but that ain’t paying the bills right now.  But I will do my part that way it can.  They have already done so much and are continuously making connections in order to grow and move forward.  It really has only been a year and the organization has already rubbed elbows with political figures and has reached media attention.  So I truly believe in this movement.  So, with all that being said... I can see why Trenece could feel like she doesn’t deserve a nigga like me... and she probably doesn’t.  But the simple fact is is that I love her and there is nothing anyone can do about it.  So I invest my time, talent and treasure to make sure that she becomes the best Trenece EVER.

Love,

Maurice Noel Lyons