#hopefully ill start posting the new chapter soon

[persephoneflouwers]

Thank you @aquietlarrie for tagging me to share a little snippet of the fic I’m currently working on. Sooo excited to read your “being gay in the 50s” AU 😌 here’s a little extract from my WIP (De amore ex tempore) <3

"Jump! For fuck's sake, Louis, jump!"

Louis looks down curiously at the ground and notices that the backpack is gone. The grass appears greener than it did before; a minute ago there were streetlights in front of him - why is there no light now? His brows furrow.

“Is there a blackout tonight?”

He starts coughing uncontrollably as if water has flooded his lungs. He brings his hands around his neck, feeling like he cannot talk nor scream for help – he can’t breathe.

“Louis, jump!”

And he can’t see, feel or hear anything, but trusts the voice. He jumps.

Then it’s just cold and dark.

Also I tag @lululawrence and @larrydoinglaundry because I’m their first fan and always curious of what they’re cooking. No pressure to post anything tho 🩷

[wasitforrevenge]

new romantics pt 2

pairing: MODERN AU!college azriel x female reader

warnings/content: suggestive language, yearning!!! alcohol and drugs mentioned, two love sick idiots, some parts are flashbacks, this is not edited…ill do it later sorry, photos from pinterest

word count: 4.5k

summary: the start of long weekend vacation starts, azriel surprises you and both of you struggle with holding your feelings inside.

authors note: i feel like i use too many of the same words im trying here please! anyways hi part 2 of my azriel fic! i think im gonna write 4 chapters, i’ve already started on part 3 and can’t wait to post! hopefully this weekend, azriel smut coming soon!!!… i am so excited i can’t stop blushing as i write it so! enjoy this part and hopefully i’ll have the next one out soon! thank you for all the likes and comments! i appreciate all the feedback thank you all!

the next friday afternoon, you’re sitting in the last row of the room, fake listening to your english lecture droning out your professors voice with thoughts of azriel. as always. you truly wonder how you manage to keep passing.

this is your last class before a four day weekend, your whole day has just dragged on and frankly, you’re exhausted and just want to go home and do nothing all weekend.

your head has running with thoughts of last weekend all week. its been driving you mad. you’ve never been one at being able to talk about your feelings, like at all. growing up an only child left and never having any more than just a couple friends you knew growing up left you lonely.

but once you became friends with azriel, you just felt like you belonged somewhere. the days you just spend laying around and talking about anything and everything. whether its what some dumbs said in class, the best dad joke you can find to the hardcore shit from your childhoods.

the only thing you could never talk to him about was… him. all you wanted to do was confess to these feelings but yet you haven’t. how can you just admit to your best friend that you’re in love with him.

that’s also something you came to the conclusion to over this week. that you’re in love with him. you thought azriel was driving you mad before you realized this but afterwards… it was so much worse!

when you and nesta finally connected after the party, she for sure entertained your delusions. you told her about everything that happened, leaving out the way he talked to you and held you. that was something you wanted to keep for yourself.

you’re deep in your mind over him, yet again, when you hear a psst from behind you.

and there he was.

azriel peeking his head through the slightly propped door, he grinned when you looked back towards the door to see what was behind you. your eyes grew wide… he’s supposed to be in class right now but you couldn’t even think about that as he stuck his hand and motioned for you to come, there you were making sure your professor was turned to the chalkboard before grabbing your bag and going with him.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

when you got outside your classroom, azriel grabbed your hand and brought you directly to the car. he opened your door and let you in before sitting in himself. your eyes focus on the sight of his scarred hums gripping the steering wheel and all you can think about is that video of the girl saying “you wish that was you huh you wish that was you!”

he’s always done that and it sends butterflies through you every time. once he got in and started driving… away from the direction of your apartment. when you turning to look out the back window, you notice a couple bags in the back seat.

“oh my god az pleasseee tell me where you’re taking me” you groaned pretending to be annoyed at the man in the drivers seat.

he looked over at you again and the sparkle in his eyes just sends you back to when he was staring down at you laying on his chest, cuddled up against him.

he laughed and said, “sorry can’t tell you it’s a surprise.”

you groaned again, even louder this time. “this better be good i missed the rest of the class for this.” you would miss every lecture for this man and he wouldn’t even have to ask.

“oh don’t worry princess, it’s insanely better than whatever that professer was saying… not that you were paying attention to anyway.”

you turned to look at him, mouth open wide and mumbled a shut up. he laughed so hard and then of course you had to laugh, but your eyes couldn’t ignore the way his chest lifted and the muscles in his arms contracted. what you would do to feel him hold you again.

the drive continued with you guys laughing and singing to the playlists on your phone. another thing you guys love to do is to blurt out states on license plates when you see a new one, something that azriel, of course, excels at and seeing them first every time.

about 3 hours later, you pull into a long driveway in the middle of the woods. you didn’t mind the long drive, in fact you and azriel mainly take backroads every time you guys go out just to take in the scenery. the trees and mountains on this drive particularly blew your fucking mind.

“is this where we going?” you ask looking out the window like a little kid, fingers holding on the door. azriel couldn’t help but look over at you as you spoke, his heart swelled at the sight of you.

the way your hair moved from the window open, how your skin gleamed in the sun shining through the windows of his old mustang and the look of utter excitement that coated your face the whole drive.

he doesn’t answer and just keeps driving up the dirt road before your eyes land on a beautiful, old wooden house next to a huge lake. you’re in awe of the masterpiece before you as you notice two cars already in the driveway. you know right away by rhysands honda civic and nesta’s toyota rav4, that everyone is here.

you can’t help but internally scream right now. you can’t believe that azriel has brought you here, and kept it a secret for you don’t even know how long. you look at him, eyes wide and he can’t help the smile that breaks out on his face when you look him.

you smile back at him, even bigger than the one he gave you if possible before your eyes turn to the front door and you see nesta and cassian standing there waving at you to come inside.

you go to open your door but azriel is there doing it for you before you even notice he got out of the car. even though you loved sitting in his car engulfed in the smell of him, you couldn’t wait to get out and spend the weekend here.

you step out azriels car, breath taken away yet again at the view in front of you. nesta is throwing herself into your arms before you even realize, engulfing you in a huge hug.

as she pulls away, you see through the corner of your eye azriel and cassian getting your bags from the car. she grips your hand lightly in yours and starts pulling you towards the house as she asked you about your drive up.

walking inside the house, she let go out of hand and spun around in a circle yelling “TADA” as you both laugh. your eyes dart across the house to the two big L black couches, along with a couple comfy chairs, a fire place along a wall that had shelves covered in books and photos. floor to ceiling windows covered the outside of the house giving you an amazing view of the trees, mountains and lake surrounding the house.

to your left, you see a open wooden kitchen, cabinets littered the walls with a huge two door fridge with a huge kitchen island, covered in different bottles of alcohol. oh yes you guys will be partying it up over this long weekend.

you hear the steps of people behind you, hoping to see azriel again you couldn’t stop staring at him during the drive up. everyone he caught you staring he smiled at you and just kept on driving, like it was perfectly normal. you turn around to see rhys and feyre walking down the staircase next to the entrance way of the house along with azriel and cassian walking into the open front door.

your smile widened as you saw him and you felt nesta jab her elbow into your side and you gave her a glare before she smiled wide at you, before leaving to walk to the kitchen.

you laugh in your head and walk towards azriel to greet everyone, “hi friends!” you said as cassian pulled you into a bear hug. what you didn’t see was cassian give azriel a wink as he embraced you. he pulled away with a laugh before both feyre and rhysand brought you in for a hug.

as they let you go, nesta called everyone to come to the kitchen. they followed but you stayed there as you watched azriel move your bags off to the start of the stairs to take up to your rooms later so you guys can join your friends in the kitchen. he turned around he saw you there watching him. he swears his heart almost explodes out of his chest every time you look at him.

azriel was ready to tell you that he was in love with you. it’s a feeling he refused to admit for years up until a couple months ago. despite not admitting it, deep down he knew what it was, he never had anyone treat him like you did. the way you cared about him and just treated him normal after so many people in his life have just walked on eggshells around him.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

when he met you, he was attached to you from the start. he knew a lot about greek mythology, taking the class was just something fun for him and when you and him got partnered together, he knew it was the beginning to an end. the way his heart started beating faster when you came around, the way his hands got sweaty when you accidentally brushed hands or when your thigh rested against his while sitting next to each other in the library.

cassian and rhysand knew something was up the way azriel came into rhysand’s apartment. the faint blush still on his cheeks, and the smile that didn’t seem to disappear. this had been happening a lot over the past couple weeks when they saw him.

azriel walked in, backpack slung over his shoulder as thoughts of you looking beautiful, sitting across from him at the coffee shop you guys were studying at that night. he didn’t even glance towards the couch until he heard cassian call out to him, “what’s the smile for az?.”

azriel turned towards his brothers, seeing their own smiles painted on. azriel laughed as he walked over and tossed his bag into the chair beside him before taking the seat next to cass.

he swiped a hand over his face and sighed in exaggeration, “what smile?” when he looked towards them, the shit eating grins on their faces said it all. they knew about the unrequited crush he held onto for mor, they knew what his family did to him, all they hoped is that whoever was making azriel smile this much wouldn’t break his heart.

a few weeks later, azriel walked into his own apartment, with you in tow. after he came across you in the elevator, he realized it made spending time together a lot easier. after class one evening, he invited you over one night to join in on movie night with his friends.

he finally told his friends who you were a couple days ago. they couldn’t even remember a time they had seen him talk about something so passionately, rhysand and cassian don’t even think that he registered it. azriel was still insisting that you guys were just friends.

that night was spent watching the jurassic park series. you were so relived walking to his apartment, you were nervous to meet his friends but he assured you everything would be okay and there was nothing to worry about. you loved that about him, sometimes you didn’t even realize how much you stressed yourself out, but every time you spoke it, azriel was there assuring you everytime.

after three movies, four bags of popcorn and a ton of candy, you were starting to doze off. you were so comfortable on the couch surrounded by the way azriel’s apartment smelt.

azriel, who was sitting next to you, noticed that you were getting sleepy and leaned down to whisper in your ear, “hey princess, i’ll walk you down.” you nodded to him with a smile. he stood up and offered you his hand. you guys said your goodbyes and everyone pulled you in a hug. you loved his friends already, nesta especially.

he holds his your soft skin with his own flawed, he could never really get over the way you felt against him. during this point of him liking you, the touch was minimal but he ate it up every time. azriel opened the door and walked out behind you, his hand ever so lightly grazing over the small of your bag where your t-shirt had ridden up.

“but the scene of the t-rex oh my god az,” you laughed lightly as you were exiting the elevator on your floor. he shook his head at you, “no way the scene with the kids in the kitchen was the best in the first one!” he insisted throwing his arms up in exaggeration.

“okay az whatever you say.” you giggle as you approach your door, turning around to face azriel behind you and grab your keys out of your shorts pocket. you look up and meet his eyes as he towers over you. you stand in silence staring at each other before you tear your gaze away, you wonder how long you’d been staring at him like that. he gives you a smile as you look down nervously with your keys in your hand. you turned back to unlock your front door then moved back to face him to say goodnight.

“thank you for movie night az, we have to do it again.” he brings his hand to your cheek and moves a piece of hair that fell into your face from your messy hair clip, he tucks it behind your ear as you look up at him again. “of course, its rhys’s turn next but you can have the one after him.” he said with a laugh as he stepped closer to you. your feelings for azriel were getting worse. it was an innocent crush at first but now… he’s all you could think about. your heart was basically beating out of your chest, your chest almost brushing against yours, you could feel the warmth of his body spreading over yours.

he was pressing against you now as he leaned down, you watched him as his face made it to yours, you were so eager to kiss him but instead he brushes his lips against your ear to whisper, “goodnight sweetheart, ill see you tomorrow,” as he gripped the doorknob behind you and opened the door for you. he leans back and gives you a huge smile as you step back into your apartment, mostly in shock at the way his body felt against yours. you smile back at him before whispering back, “goodnight azriel.” and shutting your door.

azriel is still in front of your door, a few moments longer than he should been after you were in your apartment. he shakes his head with disappointment in himself as he finally walks away. he was so centimeters from your lips and just couldn’t do it. what if you weren’t into him? he didn’t want to press your boundaries, he needed to know this was reciprocated before he did anything.

as much as he wanted to go back there and knock on your door until you opened it, so he could pick you up in his arms, carry you to your bed and fuck you like it was the last night in the world, he just could not.

at least… not yet.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

you don’t even know what time is it now as you all sat outside on the patio behind the house. it overlooked the huge, dark lake with trees covering every inch that surrounded you, not another house in sight. it was incredibly peaceful as you sat on the swinging bench in the corner with azriel, your legs over his lap as you both held drinks in your hand. the sky lit up with stairs as you looked around at your friends talking amongst themselves. you guys spent the day playing drinking and card games. playing cards against humanity with the inner circle was truly a remarkable time. feyre and rhys made homemade pizzas for dinner and they were amazing. you guys laughed for hours and now out on the deck, everyone else sat in chairs around the fire pit as you guys passed a few joints around.

azriel was laughing at whatever cassian said along with rhys while feyre and mor chatted, she showed up halfway one of your card games. amren was nesta sat in the chair next to the bench you and azriel were sitting on as you both sipped on glasses of red wine, talking about the last smutty books you were reading.

as you spoke to her, you couldn’t help by getting distracted at azriel holding the bottom half of your leg with his hand as they rested of his lap while the other one left a glass of whatever they were drinking now. he was just barely moving it back and forth but god it sent chills through your body, it doesn’t help that nests speaking about whatever book she was reading lately as you focused back on what she was saying, trying to get the thought of him touching you farther up out of your mind.

“the slowburn was top tier,” nesta said to you giving you a wink as she sipped her wine, “but oh my god the way they fucked,” letting out a frustrated groan, she shook her head as you both laughed.

“yeah nes, just wait until the sequel, if you thought that was good… you’re in a for treat.” you wiggled your eyebrows at her and laughed. you hear azriel laugh next to you and turn your head towards him. drunk you wants to kick everyone to their rooms and take him, here and now… but alas you’re stuck just staring at the beautiful man in front of you. the way his muscles flex when he laughs, and the way his chest moves. his tattoos peek out of the collar of his shirt and all you wanna do is hold him in your arms.

an hour goes by hanging out by the fire before everyone else else heads to their rooms, leaving you and azriel swinging on the bench smoking another joint. he blows the smoke out in a laugh as you guys talked about the last episode of parks and rec you guys watched. you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of the weekend with him. it just felt a little too natural.

“oh my god duke silver… i just cant,” you laughed as he handed you the joint. azriel laughed, “ron swanson is the best part.” your heart starts beating faster as his hand is now actively rubbing up and down. this bench was surprisingly comfortable but

“along with april,” azriel said and you couldn’t help but agree, they just really are. you hit the joint a few times and pass it back. “okay az, i’m tired now,” you look at him with a small smile on your face. “okay let’s go,” he said with no hesitation. you let out a little laugh and move your legs off his lap, instancing losing the warm of his legs and hands on you.

you guys head into the house and azriel grabbed your bags to carry them up to the 2nd floor of the house, you guys walk down a hallway to the end and he stops in front of the door on right. “here this one is mine and that one,” he said pointing to the one directly across from his, “is yours.” he smiled at you before you turn and open your door as he opened his.

you grabbed your suitcase and carried it into the room and shut the door. you move and find the light switch. locating it, you switch it up and look around the room in front of you. only to find mor asleep on the bed. you quietly groan, out of exhaustion, drinking all day on vacation really takes it out on you. you aren’t close enough with mor so you cant just slide in next to her, so now you’re stuck with your last option.

azriel.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

immediately after entering the room, azriel took a seat on the edge of the bed. his hands still warm from rubbing them on your legs as you sat next to him the whole time. he looked at them, the scars were hard to deal with but never once it did bother you. but they bothered him for some reason, old insecurities and harsh memories all wrapped in something he has to live with everyday.

when his hands are on you, it’s a different story. it’s something he never wants to stop doing. he’s mesmerized by you entirely. he’s in the midst of his thoughts about you when he hears a low knock on the room to his room. he stands up and opens it.

seeing you standing outside his door in the dimly lit hallway, suitcase next to you, hand up about to knock again. he sees you jump at the way he opened the door so fast, not expecting him to be there already.

“hey princess, did you get lost?” azriel said as he leaned on his shoulder against the doorway, a smirk across his tired face.

“mor is asleep in my bed…” you grumble, “can i sleep with you?” you ask him.

a millions are in his head at once. mainly the last time you guys had slept next to each other, the night that he beat the shit out of that guy for touching you, the warm of your body against his, it was like that the entire time. something that he wanted forever. he wanted you in his bed, right now.

with his mind crowded, azriel just nods as he picks up your bag handle and brings your suitcase in the room, shutting the door and locking it behind you after you stepped in.

“thank you az,” you tell him sheepishly.

“you didn’t even have to ask,” he says smiling at you, he points to the other door in the room, “there’s the bathroom so you can get ready for bed.”

“thank you, i’ll be back.” you tell him as you walk towards the bathroom. he watches the door shut behind you, he needs to get himself together before you come out, the thoughts he’s been having all day about you, clothed and naked, where consuming him, yet again.

he realized that you didn’t take anything to the bathroom when he hears the sink turn on. before it’s off, he moves to his own suitcase and grabs a large t shirt he brought and a pair of boxers for you to wear, he loved when you smelled like him. he grabbed out a pair of gray sweatpants for him to change into.

he hears the bathroom door open and looks over to you stepping out. you give him a smile as he watches you walk to suitcase next to his. you pulled out your toiletries bag and were about to pull out your pajamas before azriel had to cut in.

“here you can wear these,” azriel told you, he felt his face grow red, cursing himself for not holding himself together. “thank you az.” his gaze moves down to your lips as you smile at him, taking the clothes from his hand, he feels your fingers brush his. he watches as you turn back around and head to the bathroom to change for bed.

azriel took this time to change into his own sweatpants while he waited his turn for the bathroom. he connected his phone to the tv and put whatever episode of park and recs you guys left off on, leaving it on for background noise and he turned off the light, leaving the room with a small glowing lamp in the corner by the door.

azriel watches the tv from the edge of the bed as he sees you from the corner of his eye come out of the bathroom. dressed in the clothes he gave you, his heart started beating faster.

“i feel like i’ve said thank you a thousand times but thank you again az,” he heard you say as you walked towards him. he looked up to meet your gaze as you stood, almost in between his thighs as he rested his hands on them, “thank you for bringing me here, this place is fucking beautiful- i can’t wait for tomorrow, you’re amazing az thank you,” he feels your hand reach up and hold his cheek, rubbing it thoughtfully over his sculpted cheekbone.

he couldn’t help the way his cheeks heated up under your gaze, “thank you for coming with me, this will probably be a weekend you will never forget,” azriel said with a nervous chuckle, rubbing the sides of your hips.

azriel heads to the bathroom to brush his teeth and go to the bathroom before you guys go to bed. when he comes back, he sees you in the blankets like it’s the most normal thing you’ve ever done. the comforter is pulled up to your chin as your eyes linger on the bathroom door as azriel stepped out.

he moves toward the bed and walks around to the opposite side of the bed, sliding in next to you before he lays on his side, facing your back. the show plays in the background as he watches you turn to face him.

azriel lifts his arm and brushes some of your fallen hair behind your ear as he spoke, “i’m glad we’re here.”

“me too az,” you say quietly.

his hand rests on your cheek before azriel watches you move to cuddle into his chest, just wanting you to be closer to him. he wraps his arm around your body, pulling you closer into his body as he kisses your forehead.

“goodnight princess.”

“goodnight az.”

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

thank you all for the support, love and feedback! here’s the taglist for this! thank you guys so much! comments and feedback are always appreciated

@purple-haired-faerie @thespencerhastings-blog1 @scorpioriesling @kitsunetori @scooobies @elsie-bells @nickishadow139 @lilah-asteria

[keichanz]

hey guys.

so. bit of a sad update. that interview i mentioned in my last post? yeah, it was a bust. i got an email from them monday saying i wasn't selected. and i was super upset about it to the point where i started crying, because shit now what? i have so many bills i need to pay. i have my cats i need to care for. i have fucking rent, my car payment, a thousand other little expenses that i can't even think of right now.

so i've applied to a few other jobs, but we'll see i suppose.

y'all know i absolutely hate hate HATE asking this, but i'm getting desperate here because i can't keep asking my parents for help. (my dad legit just gave me $400 for my car payment. i'd feel like a piece of shit if i asked for more)

if anyone could possibly donate to my ko-fi, i would be forever in your debt and so so so grateful. and even if you can't, that's perfectly fine and a simple reblog would be appreciated as well. i feel like i have no right asking this, since i haven't been giving you guys anything to read in a quite a while, and i feel horrible, but i can say that i have a rough outline for the next chapter of neighbors if that counts for anything.

so, yeah. there it is, another pathetic cry for help. and please dont feel bad if you can't. i get it. i mean would i be asking if i didn't?

anyway. thank you my dear friends and faithful followers. i hope you know i love you all and hopefully ill get out some new content for you soon.

ko-fi

[eastereggie]

hihi !! this is eggie/cam :] im sure that people in the kaeloo fandom recognize me so hello !!

i cannot believe that my very first own post on tumblr, especially about a fandom that ive always cherished, for 6 years now (going strong !!!!) will be about the current drama but here we go, since that shit seems to escalade to a level that i consider dangerous:

THIS IS A WHOLE BUNCH OF ADULTS FIGHTING WITH MOSTLY MINORS TO WRITE SMUT (or if you dont like the word, p0rn, because its not less than that) OF ANIMALS WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE KIDS. this is it. thats what the drama is about.

all the posts going around, all the victimisation, all the new s3xual fanfictions dropping for "psychological studies" or whatever all the bullshit youre telling yourself to be seen as a saint, this is what this is about: people, mostly in their late 20s, even if i recall seeing younger people being in this weird side of the fandom, fighting for their life to make their harmful headcanons (to avoid saying, again fantasies) acceptable. so ill repeat it again, for this side of the fandom and anyone else: THIS. IS. NOT. ACCEPTABLE. this is not about having a different opinion, this is not about the freedom of speech or letting people enjoy things in peace; and you cannot be upset, to the point that you are tracking IPs (thats creepy as hell btw), making whole edits about the situation (this one is just funny so i had to talk about it) because people are calling you out. you are NOT being harassed. you are NOT the victim. you are NOT defending yourself. this isnt what it is about at all. you are just an adult, watching a kid show and deciding that 90% of your fanfics about it will include sex (and not just casually, no, in EVERY CHAPTER. ew). this is just gross, and whats even worse is acting like you're not the one who should be blamed. its not new in the fandom to see people being THIS creepy, but a part of me thought that we maybe moved past this but well...

there is no other way of saying this, i really wish i could make this whole post a little bit more polite, but i genuinely think that some of you have never been confronted to the consequences of their actions, since you reassure yourself by hanging out with people as weird as you who will obviously agree with you.i used to feel disapointed, sad and upset to see people i considered as friends turning out like that, but honestly this is all just embarrassment at this point... i truly hope this whole stuff will calm down soon, though it couldve been stopped way earlier if a certain part of the fandom didnt start using tumblr to childishly provoke the people who called them out. if you want to continue being creeps, or pretend that you're not the problem, as you wish ! but dont except people to accept you or whatever, create your own "safe place" and stay in there, for the sake of everyone else. hopefully yall will grow out of your "everyone is against me" phase, even if its a little late for that considering the fact that some of you are older than 21 already :) but its never too late ! (if you made it this far i apologise for the yapping and tysm for taking the time to read all of that lol)

-eggie ^_^

[sluts4matt]

due to my lack of motivation for secret it will temporarily be discontinued, at one point i knew what i wanted to do with it and where i wanted to take it but now i can’t really see the vision in my head anymore😔. however when i do bring it back, because it will get brought back trust, im gonna have more then one chapter in the drafts with each release so y’all aren’t waiting a month for each chapter. anyways hopefully ill start being able to release new stuff soon 🙈 im ngl i haven’t worked in much bc of writers block.

p.s i full on meant to post this yesterday and actually thought i did, didnt realize she was in the drafts 🙈

[eveninglottie]

state of the charlie 2024

hello babes I know I've been quiet on here for a while, so I figured I would update y'all on some things I'm doing soon because while normally it would be bad if I were quiet, it's actually quite good! I've been having like, a weirdly great start to my year, and while I have been hibernating for the past two months I am gearing up to overextend myself soon getting back to work and I am gonna do the excruciating thing and tell you what I'm doing in the hope that you might support me (this is just the update. the begging will come later.) so, what am I doing?

first, I am going to be posting my book, wilderblood, here on tumblr! I realize that's kind of weird and silly but I feel very connected to tumblr and I am scared of trying to self-publish it right away. I also don't have the money to commission a good cover (that's part of the later begging) and I refuse to put a naked man and a moon on a generic night sky background on my cover. no shade to the people making bank with those covers but I just can't.

I will be posting it on a separate blog dedicated to the book (reblogging here, of course), so if you're interested in keeping up to date with it, you can follow me over there at wilderwolves. obviously there's nothing on there yet, but I'm going to be posting the first chapter in the next few days. I will also be restarting my patreon to hopefully make some money which would allow me to commission a gorgeous cover. also, for like. money in general. because capitalism has forced me to monetize my hobbies. patreon will get early access and bonus stuff, but the book will be free to read.

speaking of, I am also going to start making candles! super random, I know, but it's something I've always wanted to do and writing this book made me want to find something else that isn't writing that could allow me to do something fun with my hands that isn't playing final fantasy fourteen. it's called Wilder Candle and I'm gonna be putting it up on etsy so if anyone wants some candles for sad girls (gender neutral) that are darker and less cheerful than other candles, that's something I am also doing. yes the candle company has the same name as the book series. yes I will eventually be making self-indulgent candles of the characters of my book. no I will not be taking any criticisms at this time.

in other, non-money things, I have recently gotten back into dming and am currently running an End of Camelot king arthur campaign that has so far been WILD and everything I could have hoped for. my players are level 20+ and the game is broken and it's great. my friends are such freaks, I love them. I am also currently ill with what is probably the flu (but not covid, thank christ) and feel like my head is going to explode, but I managed to get out of my bed today so everything's coming up charlie over here. my cats are flourishing and they're beginning to tolerate me trying to pick them up, so really 2024 is starting pretty swell.

I hope your new years are not too stressful, and I'm really excited to show you what I've been working on. <3

[unstablerk800]

𝕊𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤

Rating: Explicit Pairing: RK900/Fem!Reader (third person) Tags (tagging as I go): post-android revolution, kidnapping, angst/fluff, hurt/comfort, Stockholm syndrome, protective RK900, manipulation, solitary confinement, blood, injury, violence, gore, illnesses, RK800, RK800-60 and RK900 are considered siblings, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements Read on Ao3.

Chapter 12.

Chapter 13. 🔽

Chapter 14.

Word count: 6,244

Notes:

A part of me did not want to continue this story because I've left my heroes in such a good place. But I have plans and ideas, and I've been planning and brainstorming for months, so here we are. I was quiet writing wise because there was a death in my family, two weddings and a funeral in the past few months. I've written, finished, and successfully defended my thesis and will get my diploma in September. Hopefully this calm in my life is the calm AFTER the storm. I've been playing DBH in the past few days as well; getting back to Detroit in winter while I'm trying to survive these insanely intense heatwaves in my city feels so, so good. I genuinely hope that you are all alright, and that this chapter brings you some joy (it certainly brought joy to me as I was writing it). I appreciate you and wish you well. 🫂 Now, let's get back to Detroit. 💙

The natural order of the world was established anew after RK900 was activated. 200,000 of them was enough to hack themselves into everything and destroy half of America. So humans became what they should be in the new world order. They became the slaves, and androids were their new masters.

The vast nothingness lay beyond the confines of the camp where humans were gathered to be sorted out to their handlers. Nobody stayed there for long; each new addition would find an owner within a day or two. Most humans would accept their fates; in the cold, their spirit broke faster than they thought.

Outside the camp, there were a few patrols stationed to ensure that nobody would try to escape. Occasionally, there were one or two fools who’d try; it was inevitable. Humans didn’t like to be in captivity. But, unfortunately, machines were much more clever than them. The deviant androids were cunning; they knew all the tricks humans would try. Still, patrols were needed to either capture those who attempted to run away, or eleminate them if they proved to be too hostile during their break out.

One such RK900, #313 248 317 – 123 was stationed outside. He stood in the cold, seemingly unaffected by it, even though his systems warned him that it’d be desirable to enter a warmer area soon. He had an assault rifle with him, an M16 type; he rested the weapon in his arms, index finger resting beside the trigger, as always.

He occasionally moved to reposition himself, his grey eyes trained on the camp nearby. He stood a silent vigil there, just like many other RK900s in his peripheral vision, half a mile away from him on both sides; the winter morning sun warming his back just a little. RK900's eyes fluttered at the incoming call that appeared in his vision, and upon accepting it, his LED started to circle in yellow.

"Lonely out there, huh?"

RK900 looked down at the snow and smiled to himself. Blip. An RK800. His closest friend. Tucked away in a tall building's office, with a headset, watching the city through the cameras. He was searching for everything suspicious; he could catch several vagabond humans in the past few weeks with simply watching and alerting others. He was the one who noticed and alerted a group of RK900s when there was a battle at the outskirts of town at that supermarket, too; during which an RK900's human was kidnapped a few days ago.

"I'm alright."

"Of course you are, Cain." Blip chirped happily. "94 will be there at 5 PM. He'll take your place over for the night."

"That sounds good", Cain nonchalantly acknowledged.

"Damn sure it does. We barely had time together lately."

"Mm."

"I'm pretty sure I can beat you at Monopoly tonight."

"Hah", Cain couldn't help the smile spreading on his face, and Blip could hear it in his voice, several miles away from him, "you wish."

"You'll see. Just don't be late."

"5:30", Cain still smiled.

"5:30", Blip repeated. "Talk to you later."

Now that he had something to look forward to, Cain resumed watching the camp as soon as Blip disconnected. He spent some time rethinking his relationship with the RK800; how they seemed to take a liking to each other, even though they were almost the same model – even though, ever since the uprising, they were free, and they could do whatever they wanted. Other androids did not frown upon this; it was more odd in their new society to form a bond with the humans they owned.

RK900 heard something move behind him. He didn't turn to look at it; he could hear it clearly that the body and the weight was much less than a human's, so it left him disinterested. Until that something rubbed its body against his leg. With a frown, the android glanced down at his feet, his LED circling in calm, electric blue.

It was a cat.

There were a few seconds while the cat was staring forward, just as Cain did, before it looked up straight in his eyes. The android tilted his head slightly. There he was, with an assault rifle in his hands, sharing quiet moments with a cat that stared back at him with big, curious green eyes. It was a ginger tabby. A fat one. Where did it get food, Cain couldn't even imagine. Maybe it belonged to a family before this?

Cain's lashes fluttered when he realised he had been distracted for a few seconds. He tore his eyes away from the cat's and stared back at the camp. Nothing happened over there.

"Meow", the cat complained.

Cain's brows twitched. This animal probably mistook him for a human. That had to be the case. He wasn't aware animals would open up to androids; although he was aware that some androids preferred animals over humans as pets. Still, he didn't think of himself as someone who'd take a liking to either; he was fine as he was, without responsibilities, with a sense of duty. Apart from his work, there was only place for Blip.

"Meow!" The cat complained again.

Cain refused to look down at it; he had a job to do. He didn't actually need to stand out there, but every android had a sense of duty. There were plenty of things to do in the world; some of them enjoyed surveillance, others liked more dangerous jobs, such as search and destroy potential human groups underground. Cain liked to make sure that humans stayed where they had to stay: at the camp, until they found a home.

"Mrr…"

The cat was circling around his legs now. It walked around him, rubbing its face to his other leg, and Cain's brows furrowed further. What was it doing? He silently researched the animal. From what he could gather, the cat was actively marking him as its own; leaving its scent on his legs, claiming its property.

Cain snorted quietly.

He wouldn't own a human and he wouldn't be owned by anyone or anything, for that matter, either. Not even a cat. The cat walked around him, leaving its scent – and fur! – all over his legs and once black trousers, then, for some reason, it decided it'd make itself comfortable on top of his feet.

The first few minutes were fine. Cain ignored the cat, even though he could sense some sort of weird vibration coming from it. The warmth on his feet actually felt nice, though.

Then he realised he wouldn't possibly move as long as the cat was sleeping on his feet.

Only when 94 arrived did he finally move, waking the cat up when he moved. And as the tabby complained to him again did he realise that it was not fat, but pregnant. Not even that made him seem like he cared about the creature. When he started to walk away, the cat wobbled after him; clearly with the intention to follow him home.

"Hah", 94 chuckled, "it seems she's taken a liking to you."

Cain huffed at the comment. He truly did not believe that he'd care for anything other than Blip. But the creature was persistent. It followed him across the snowy plains, right up to the camp where he opted out of his job. The other androids scanned the creature, deemed her unimportant, and let her be. She shook herself to get rid of the snow in her fur, and, still complaining out loud, followed Cain to the exit where he sought out his automated car. Stopping next to the vehicle, he finally glanced down at the cat who faithfully trotted after him.

"You can't come with me", he explained quietly to his new furry companion, "find someone else to bother."

The cat, in reply, rubbed her head against his leg. Cain pursed his lips and sighed. There was no arguing with a cat who decided to choose him, it seemed. Opening the door of the car, the cat instantly hopped inside, making the android rolling his eyes as he helped it on the passenger seat.

"At least do me a favour and stay still", he murmured to the creature as he turned up the heat in the car for her. It was almost as cold inside as outside. "I need to drive."

The cat ignored him, just started to clean herself.

Cain started to drive. But for only ten minutes, because the next time he glanced at the cat, he realised that she started to give birth to her kittens right there on the passenger seat.

A colourful curse left the android as he did his research what to do in such a situation. Best would've been if he stayed put and waited until all kittens arrived safely. That also meant he wouldn't be able to drive, which meant that he'd be late from his rendezvous with Blip.

Cain cursed again.

"I'll be late", he said nonchalantly as soon as Blip allowed the connection between them.

"Darling, this is the second time you've pulled this", Blip complained and Cain rolled his eyes.

"This once, this isn't my doing, I swear."

"You said that the last time, and it turned out you went to hunt down a group of vagabonds!" Blip groaned. "I hope you're not doing anything dangerous now. You're not a Hunter, Cain."

"You needn't remind me", Cain huffed, "and you needn't tell me what I am."

"Then what's keeping you away from me?"

"A cat started to give birth in my car."

The stunned silence wasn't surprising to RK900. They were androids; the most powerful androids on the planet. Blip probably already mapped out the possible reasons why Cain would be late; this reply was not anticipated. The probability for this to happen was so low, Cain thought Blip simply dismissed it.

"You're joking."

Cain's lips twitched into a smile. Then, he shared his visuals with Blip.

"Holy shit, you're not joking."

"I don't know how long this will take", Cain sighed, rubbing the cat behind her ear who purred reassuringly at him.

"Well, you'll wait as long as you need!" Now, Blip soundeed excited all of a sudden. "I'll go and pick up supplies for them. We'll be cat dads!"

Cain groaned as he turned visuals off for Blip.

"No", he rolled his eyes. "We'll put them up for adoption."

"Why?" Blip argued. "We could take care of them ourselves. We're more than capable– you have a huge space, it's empty anyway, so why not?"

"Do you have any idea how much fur a cat loses over a year? What, year… a month? A week?"

"Who cares about fur? Many of us keep pets at home. Cats, at least, are the least frowned upon."

"That's true", Cain hummed. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad after all. Besides, he wanted to make Blip happy. "Fine."

"Yay!"

"But you'll clean their litter."

Blip groaned, which made Cain laugh.

~*~

She woke up to his touch. Fingers were running down her scalp, brushing through her hair.

"Are you awake?"

Nines. He was there. Any stress that started to build up in her mind was instantly gone.

"Mm", she murmured softly.

Upon moving just slightly, she realised he was holding her in his arms. Her lips stretched into a soft, gentle smile as she opened her eyes to look up in his.

"Do you remember your dream?" He asked quietly, and her brows twitched.

"No", she moved her right hand up to cover her mouth as she yawned. Nines moved his hand away and let her stretch. The bruises on her skin causing warnings flash in his vision. "Where's Connor?"

"He had to go out to get some food", Nines muttered. "He'll be back in a few hours."

She looked a bit sad at the news. RK900 was wondering how could she bond so quickly with Connor; how could their relationship be so... easy? He sent Connor a brief message to hurry it up. If she felt safer with Connor around, then they should know it.

"And Sixty?"

The question caught him off–guard. He sat up with her, tilting his head.

"Sixty is coordinating the punishment of the humans we've caught."

She looked puzzled at that at first. Then, she frowned.

"What will be their punishment?"

"Death."

He could see that her pupils widened at the reply. Her pulse became faster. He wanted to know what was on her mind, so he couldn't help, but ask.

"What are you thinking?"

"Is death… punishment?"

RK900 had to realise that he still did not know enough about her to understand how she was thinking. Every second they've spent with conversation shed more and more light on what she had to endure and what twisted experiments she was subjected to.

"What is death, if not punishment?"

She looked indecisive for a few moments. Then, her expression smoothed out a little.

"Death is mercy."

RK900 stared at her for a while, thinking this over. From an android's perspective, death was definitely punishment; to know that they'd be shut down, with nothing that awaited them. For humans, this was different. They've believed in the existence of the soul – which androids, undoubtedly, lacked –, and they believed that the soul would travel to another plane of existence upon their death.

Views on the afterlife varied; there was a chance that after death there was oblivion for humans – just as there was oblivion for androids –, but they still had some hope.

Soulless machines had none.

But they also had the perk of not being able to feel pain at all. They would not be hindered by sickness, and all parts of them could be easily replaced. Killing a human when their life could be stretched as long as possible, making that existence a miserable as possible – that sounded much worse than a quick death. This must've been why humans came up with prisons in the first place.

"You are correct", RK900 came to the conclusion.

He watched her run a hand in her hair, and he detected fingerprints on her arms. One of those who captured her grabbed her so hard that they've left the marks of their fingers on her skin. Her face scrunched up in pain, and she reached for her stomach as she stretched too high up.

"Where does it hurt the most?"

His voice was quiet, but even then, she flinched slightly. At first, she shook her head, not looking him in the eye. RK900 thought she wouldn't even answer. Perhaps that would've been better for him.

"Everywhere."

"I'll bring you a painkiller."

He moved to get up, but he stopped as soon as he felt her fingers on his arm. He glanced back at her with a frown.

"Don't leave me", she whispered, her lower lip trembling. "Please. I'll come with you."

RK900 wanted to argue, but he also knew that she went through way too many things in the past few hours to be left alone.

"Alright. I'll help you in the wheelchair."

"I think I can walk."

"Are you sure?"

She blinked at him before she pulled away and attempted to stand. RK900 moved over to her side, just in case.

"I'm okay", she murmured. "Just… I just have a headache."

"How bad is it?"

"I can endure it."

"I did not ask if you can endure it, I asked how bad is it", RK900 repeated quietly, gently, resting his hand on her elbow.

"I-" She looked puzzled at his reply. "I don't know. Bad enough it makes me feel nauseous? Dizzy…"

"Then it's pretty bad." RK900 cupped her face in his hands, and she visibly relaxed in his hold. He enjoyed the stuttering around his thirium pump as their eyes met. It made him feel more alive than anything else. "Is your vision clear?"

She blinked up at him, faint colour creeping back into her cheeks when she realised how close he really was. How handsome he really was. She observed the details of his face; the line of his jaw, the moles on his cheek, the line of his nose down to- his lips-

"Yes."

She watched him as he turned his head away and began to lead her out to the kitchen. She blinked, confused, then looked around in the corridor.

"Where are we?"

Her question made him pause for a split second in his train of thoughts, then he remembered that due to her concussion, she'd react with confusion to the events around her. This was perfectly normal. So he did not even worry.

"We're in a tower in the heart of Detroit. We call it the Haven. Currently, we'll be staying with Connor."

She moved her hand on his arm and he could feel she squeezed him gently.

"I've… I've lost Connor."

RK900 stopped walking and looked in her eyes. She looked mildly confused, and she had her free hand in her hair. He just noticed that most of her nails were broken off. He'd need to take care of those, too.

"What do you mean?"

Despite the fact he knew that it probably was not a good idea to poke at her past, he still wanted to know about it. Just a little.

"There were… tests." Her lower lip trembled, and she looked around herself again, as if she was afraid that this place, again, was just a test. "He had a series of numbers on his jacket. He was the first, so I called him One. I asked him what was his name, and… and he chose himself one." Her lashes fluttered, then she glanced at RK900's circling, electric blue LED. "You'll report to them", she muttered, tears already gathering in her eyes. "You'll tell them everything." A heartbeat. Realisation, clearly written in her widening pupils. "They'll hurt me."

RK900 knew what to ask to get the most satisfying answers out of anyone. He knew what buttons he must press in a conversation to gather as much information as possible from others. But there was something about her that made him feel a pang of guilt when he contemplated whether he should press on for more data. Her safety and well-being was much more important than the unsolved mystery that she was.

"I'm not telling anyone anything", RK900 reassured her softly. "You're safe. You're not in that lab anymore. I'm not here to hurt you. Everything will be alright."

She stared at him, stunned, then glanced around in the corridor again – less frantically, but the way she moved her head made RK900 worried a little. It was visible she was truly dizzy. Her hand on his arm loosened, and he prepared himself to catch her at any moment.

"But I didn't get out", she frowned. A thin line formed between her brows as she was trying to find the answers to her own questions that bubbled up in her chaotic mind. "Thirteen… he was trying to break me out. But we… he… didn't make it." Now, the tears were big enough to roll down her bruised cheeks. RK900 watched, stunned, as fear undoubtedly twisted her expression as she glanced up at him again. "An RK900 ripped him apart. I saw it, I- I couldn't- I was so scared-"

"Ssh, shh, it's alright." The gentle soothing had absolutely no effect on her whatsoever. He could detect her rising stress levels, he noticed the panic in her eyes, he could feel her pulse elevate and rise to new heights. "I swear you're safe. Everything you know is in your past. You're out of there. Androids are free."

She observed him as if she saw him for the very first time.

"Then why are you here? Who are you?"

"I am your handler."

"What's a handler?"

RK900 tilted his head just slightly.

"I keep you close to myself. You are mine."

Shit. He couldn't stop himself. It sort of… slipped out.

Her lashes fluttered.

"Yours?"

Shit.

"Yes."

She glanced down on herself; the injuries, the bruises, taking a few seconds to feel the pain all over and in her body. RK900's mind came to the same conclusion as she did – three seconds before she worded it. And he knew what she'd say. Shit!

"So it's you who hurts me now?"

RK900's thirium pump regulator misbehaved. The minor hiccup caused his systems to stagger for a brief second, and it was very different from how it reacted a few minutes ago; his software translated this as a moment of indescribable, excruciating pain. The very idea was so far from him that it would've made him throw up had he been a human.

"No", he said slowly, seriously, "I keep you safe. I will protect you. Whatever it takes."

She stared in his eyes for a few long seconds, then confusion ebbed from her gaze and she shook her head slightly.

"I… I feel funny", she mumbled as RK900 ran his scans on her vitals, over and over again.

"It's alright. You're confused. But it'll be alright." He ever so gently reached under her elbow and escorted her to the kitchen where he sat her down. Then, he cupped her cheeks in his big hands – as all of them, always did. "Everything will be alright. I promise."

He fed her, gave her painkillers, made sure she drank enough, then he escorted her back in the bedroom to let her rest again. She couldn't fall asleep until Connor was back, and even then, she needed both androids' physical presence to finally drift off.

After a few minutes of communication online, RK900 slowly got up and decided to get out of the tower; things weren't as difficult for him as they were for Sixty, but he knew he had things to do, and he knew she'd be safe with Connor. So RK800 just remained in the bed with her, hoping RK900 would be back before she woke up, because he knew she'd prefer him to be back there with them.

"Connor…" Her voice made him open his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before he turned his head to the right to look at her. He was lying on his back, while she was lying on her side, facing him. Her eyes looked clear now; awake and alert. "Where's Nines?"

Connor took a moment to request connection from RK900, who granted it. A split second of data sharing, and Connor murmured the answer.

"He's working. He'll be back in a few hours."

"Mm–m."

She said nothing else, and he silently watched her for a while; his brows twitching upwards a little, while his lips curled upwards ever so slightly. She waited for him to speak again, but when he said nothing, she looked a little puzzled.

"Your little circle is yellow."

Her observation caused Connor to smile a little.

"I was just thinking ", he whispered softly.

He wasn't simply just thinking; he was searching his memory, trying to recover what he'd lost, without much success. Only glimpses of the CyberLife tower came back; nothing solid about her. Some emotions, feelings – mostly fear and the overwhelming desire to protect her.

"I've seen you with this colour a lot", she murmured.

Connor hesitated. He wanted to know more – but at the same time, he wasn't sure he'd like what he'd hear. It could make everything worse. But his curiosity was getting the better of him.

"What was I like?"

His question made her frown slightly.

"Different." She murmured. Then, she moved under the blanket a little, revealing one of her hands. "May I?"

"Sure."

It was odd that she asked whether she could touch him or not, but in all honesty, Connor appreciated her question. She moved one of her small hands towards him, and touched his face. Connor closed his eyes. The sensation was... familiar. New, unusual – humans never touched him like this, and neither did androids –, and yet, something shifted in his software at the feeling. He didn't know, but upon the physical contact, his LED reverted back to blue. Now, it was spinning slower, in almost lazy circles.

"You were different than the other androids, right from the start", she muttered beside him. "I was told they wanted to program you to be the best companion."

Her sentence caused a sour feeling in him. Connor opened his eyes and took a moment to analyze her.

"And? Did they succeed?"

"Yes, they did", she smiled. Ever so gently, she stroked his cheek with her thumb. "You really were the best."

"But that isn't true, is it?" His frown deepened as he started to feel worse. "I didn't help you. I couldn't even... I couldn't even remember you."

"Oh, Connor..." The love in her voice caused his systems to hiccup. That was new, too. New, but somehow… familiar. "You've helped me so much."

"How?"

She moved her hand from his face, and touched his hand which rested beside him.

"You've given me hope."

She half smiled as she entwined their fingers. The warmth of her palm sent various messages in his vision; about her pulse, her temperature. Connor's brows twitched.

"What was hope when you've been subjected to torture I can't even begin to understand?"

He could feel that her hand squeezed his, and he remained silent as he searched her eyes, but even if he could read humans well, he couldn't determine what she could possibly think.

"Hope was everything." Her brows slightly twitched, and he watched as she swallowed as she gathered her thoughts. "You've given me something they couldn't take away from me. They could wipe your memory over and over again. They could make me start all over again with you. But you always came back. You could never, truly abandon me."

"How could that be possible?" Connor caught himself asking the question before he could stop it. His LED whirred to life in amber again. "How was I able to remember if they wiped my memory?"

He sought for the answer but he couldn't find it. He felt like it was right in front of him, within his reach, that he could just understand if he held his hand out.

"I think", she murmured, "that the first Connor… One, as I called him… changed. Or perhaps, the one before you… what was his name…"

Her pupils dilated as she remembered who was there with her before Connor. He was not there for long; he was the last Kamski created, one of a kind, the model CyberLife based RK800 and RK900 on after Kamski stepped down.

"Who was that?" Connor muttered, feeling slightly guilty that he pushed her down a memory lane she probably did not want to revisit.

She blinked, trying to remember exactly what happened between her and that android. Memories flashed behind her eyes as she closed them, making her head ache and making her feel nauseaous again.

"…I think he… he was Markus?"

She flinched when the door to the room was flung open. Sixty took a step inside, his uniform same as Connor's, but in the colours of the sunlit sand.

"Nines told me that you thought death is mercy", he almost barked, then started to pace up and down in the room. "He doesn't allow me to kill those who tormented you."

She sat up tentatively, holding her head with one of her hands. Connor followed suit, sitting up himself, shooting an unfriendly look at Sixty for interrupting their conversation and bringing up this subject when she needed to rest.

"There are worse things than death", she murmured, feeling dizzy again as she glanced up in the blonde's chocolate brown eyes, "trust me. I know."

"Do you want me to stand idly by when they've- I mean, just look at yourself!" Sixty spread his arm out and moved his hand up and down in her general direction. "After all they've done to you- they've- violated you- no, I'm not going to spare them-"

"Sixty, please", Connor complained when he noticed that her stress levels started to rise again. "Must we do this? Now?"

"When if not now?!" Sixty barked back. "I can't rest until they get what they deserve. By rights, we should give them a taste of their own medicine before we end their miserable lives!"

"And why would that be good?"

Her quiet voice seemed to calm him down better than Connor's reaction. Sixty started to pace up and down again.

"I'd feel like I accomplished something. That I took the only value they have left: their lives."

"Because taking someone's freedom when that's what they crave isn't cruel enough?" She whispered. "Is taking someone's life is better than ripping their hopes and dreams away from them?"

Sixty tilted his head, his anger seemingly cast aside.

"What do you suggest, then?" He asked, and she looked positively grim when she glanced up in his eyes.

"I want to take everything they have", she confirmed, "except their lives."

~*~

The spacious room was silent when they entered. She was holding onto RK900's right arm for support, but Connor was on her right side, ready to help if needed. Sixty begrudgingly followed them, but he moved forward as soon as they reached the group of humans and androids. Her abusers were kneeling on the floor, their hands bound behind their backs, and they looked up at her as soon as she arrived with the others. Some android guards with rifles in their hands made it perfectly clear that if the humans tried anything funny, they'd be shot on sight.

Perhaps they should've tried something funny.

She had a hard time looking down and into the eyes of those who tormented her. Four men and one woman survived the attack on the tunnels. She saw all the faces in her nightmares, even the woman's, who was the sister of the man she'd killed when he wanted to violate her. That woman only added to her injuries as she was beating her. She could still feel the pain of every breath she took; her body still hurt with every movement. Sitting, lying down, walking – all way too painful. But she'd been through worse. She never complained. And even now, despite her bruises where her clothes did not cover her, she looked unbothered.

Which made the humans nervous, of course.

Sixty shifted between the group of humans and her. His brown eyes were pleading, and soon did his voice.

"Let me kill them for you. Please, allow me to kill them for you."

Her eyes slowly shifted up to meet his, and she reached up with her right hand to ever so gently touch his left cheek. A sigh left him, he dropped his shoulders, but he did not move away. He knew the answer. And her touch calmed him down. Sixty closed his eyes.

"No", she whispered to him, and Sixty huffed, walking to the left, on RK900's side.

The humans watched them in silence, noticing that even though she had the glowing collar around her neck again, even though she had her handler with her, it seemed like that Sixty asked for her permission and she had enough influence over him that he agreed to her decision. They did not know, or understand, why or how this was possible. All they understood was that they would stay alive.

They had no idea this would be the worst case scenario for them.

"I've spent most of my time in a cell", she muttered quietly, mainly to RK900 and Connor and Sixty. She had her eyes locked with one of the humans, the one who took his time with her, making her scream and beg for mercy. "But when they were angry with me, I spent time in a much smaller cell. It was painted white, and I couldn't even stretch my legs if I sat down in it. It had no lights, no windows. I couldn't determine how many hours, days or weeks I've been in it. They kept me there until they stopped being angry with me."

Her brows twitched, eyes lacking warmth as she stared down at the man. Her throat went dry when she felt that Connor shifted closer to her and ever so gently placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'd like the men to spend some time thinking in cells like that." She whispered without blinking at all. "I'd like to give them time to think about all that transpired. We'd see how long it takes for me to forgive them… who knows? Maybe I'll stop being angry with them after a week. Or after three months. Or never."

She finally tore her gaze away from the humans, and she glanced up at RK900 to ask silently what did he think. He was watching her the entire time, not the group in front of them, and now, as their eyes met, RK900 knew he'd give everything to her to have her revenge. No matter how unsatisfying it'd feel for him – he was on the same page with Sixty –, all that mattered was that she'd have what she wanted.

"And the woman?" He asked at last, silently agreeing to her decision.

She turned her head back to the group again. The sister of her tormentor had her eyes full of tears by now, her lower lip was trembling in fear.

"Please-", she whimpered, earning a boot in her lower back as one of the guards silenced her with a kick.

"I remember what she'd told me", she muttered, glad that her memory served her right at the moment. "She said: I'll laugh when they end up using you as their personal fuck toy until we can strike a deal with your brainless machines."

Sixty half turned away to run a hand in his platinum blonde hair and walk a few paces away from them. RK900 remained stoic, while Connor's hand twitched on her shoulder.

"No!" The woman screamed, now, and she earned another kick, this time, right on her right kidney.

"I told you." As she spoke, RK900 could feel her hand squeezing his arm. "I told you that they'd come for me."

"I beg you-"

"I told you that if anyone touches me, I'm going to make you wish you were dead."

"Please-"

"Sixty?" She turned her head to look at the blonde android who visibly had problems focusing after what he'd heard. He still turned to look her in the eye, and her emotionless expression was even worse than seeing her cry from being in pain. "I'd like you to decide her fate. Do as you wish." He stared at her, stunned, but she shifted her gaze at RK900's face instead. "Can we leave, please? I feel so tired."

"Of course", RK900 nodded a little, scanning her vitals, just in case. "Are you sure that this is what you want?"

She glanced down at the group of humans again. The woman was sobbing on the floor by now, the men stared up at her with hatred clearly written on their faces. She knew that this emotion would wear off after a while. She knew they'd become stoic, unresponsive, empty husks in a few weeks. The hopelessness would kill everything inside of them, even their will to live.

But the pain in her body prevented her from feeling sorry for them. Not yet. Not now.

"Yes", she nodded, glancing back up in RK900's eyes. "I am sure."

Sixty watched the three of them – RK900, her and Connor – leave for the elevator before he walked up to one of the guards.

"So?" The guard asked with a cocked brow, then pointed his rifle at the woman still sobbing on the ground in front of them. "What will be her fate?"

Sixty had a few ideas how he could have his personal revenge sated, and chose one method that felt most satisfying for him.

"She'll get what our human had to suffer", he bluntly stated. "I've gathered there'd been rumours of establishing breeding farms. Now that most of the humans have android handlers, it'll probably become a little problematic for them to reproduce. We can't let humans go exctinct, can we?" A smile – which seemed way too dark – stretched on his face. "Until we decide if we'll make those, lock her up like the rest of the group. If it comes together, we'll see how she'd enjoy being a fuck toy for others."

Hearing the pleas of the woman was music to his audio processor. She was quickly silenced and dragged away, though. As the guards approached to grab the men, Sixty raised his hand to pause them. He was a Hunter of high rank; a successful RK800 who had certain… priviliges. So the guards paused immediately, and awaited his orders.

"Oh, one more thing. I want them castrated before they're locked up."

He'd thought of what she said, of course. If she ever allowed them out of their cells, these humans would get handlers of their own, but that wouldn't be a lasting punishment for them. Not physically, at least. And Sixty wasn't satisfied with this verdict. He thought he'd abuse the power he had to make their lives a bit more miserable; taking the one thing they had to find a little enjoyment in lives. To have his revenge for hurting her, and preventing them from hurting others.

"What?!" One of the men shouted, and Sixty grinned down at him before he grabbed the man's collar and pulled him up to stand as if he was a feather, not a grown man.

"Without anesthetic", Sixty added darkly, satisfied at last when he finally saw a flash of fear in the human's eyes.

[cmdonovann]

welp, this is it. the final day of quantum break appreciation month. so, in true overachiever fashion, i have started a new longfic. chapter one is up as we speak. go read it, i beg of you, i have been thinking about this fic for almost two years now.

The Symmetry of Fear (x)

IN WHAT DISTANT DEEPS OR SKIES BURNT THE FIRE IN THINE EYES? ON WHAT WINGS DARE HE ASPIRE? WHAT THE HAND DARE SEIZE THE FIRE? I AM THE SYMMETRY OF FEAR I AM THE WEIGHT OF SALVATION I AM CHOSEN

“Shifters are Chronon active individuals that exist in a state of quantum superposition. They exist as all possible past, present, and future versions of themselves, existing both everywhere and nowhere. Shifters are capable of appearing anywhere they wish. Shifters are extremely resistant to damage. They are also quite physically formidable, but their biggest threat is the distortion field around them.

It warps the properties of the space surrounding them, exerting great physical stress and unpredictable forces on its surroundings. Close proximity to a Shifter may be fatal even if no actual physical contact takes place. They are essentially mobile repositories of vast amounts of Chronon particles, and they can only exist in a zero state area which has been depleted of Chronon particles, typically by a fault in the Meyer-Joyce field that encompasses the universe. Most Shifters are theorized to inhabit the End of Time.”

so, yeah. it's the shifter au/post-canon sequelthingy i have been working on for ages. hopefully ill have time to get the next chapter up soon!

[martsonmars]

Hello friends! Happy Wednesday! I had queued this for later in the day but I woke up due to Mosquitoes so you're getting an early post. I decided I'm going to use this banner now because I love it too much.

Three WIPs today! Strap in.

1. From tomorrow's chapter of where I belong:

I certainly do not need to know [...] that last summer he had the time of his life with a couple of sirens — at the same time! — and now he can no longer have fun with them without endangering their lives with a very peculiar illness.

I do not need any of these details. I have my life, my books, and a boy with no self-preservation instincts to educate. I do not have the time nor the will to deal with an over-enthusiastic, over-sharer bird-horse.

From tomorrow, I will be updating this fic only on Thursdays! I haven't written the last 5 chapters yet, and November will be an insane month between uni and fic deadlines, so it's better this way. + I'll hopefully have a new WIP coming out in November to make up for the lack of Sunday updates 👀

2. New old WIP (started ages ago, abandoned, etc). I wrote the first part tonight, I'm planning to write two more, so hopefully it will be done soon.

Fuck, I can't believe I was falling asleep. It's only ten. Twenty-year-old me would be appalled if he knew I get tired anytime before four in the morning. (Twenty-year-old me would've never believed that one day he'd be married to the love of his life and building a family with him, though, so maybe I shouldn't envy him.) (I should just tell him that we'll be all right, one day. That growing old is the point of it all, and it doesn't matter if it comes along with greying hair and going to bed before midnight.)

3. The Christ WIP! These are the first sentences of chapter 2.

“This is bullshit,” Simon says, eyeing the display of rings suspiciously, as if they were responsible for world hunger and all the wars ever fought. (Christ, they might very well be.) “We don't need this.”

“Of course we do, Snow.” I wiggle my hand in front of his frowning face. “I would never agree to marry anyone without a big rock on my finger to show off.”

I almost used “fuck” instead of Christ in the first sentence, but then I was like wow Marta so disappointing.

@wellbelesbian @urban-sith @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @facewithoutheart @palimpsessed @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @johnwgrey @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @whatevertheweather @jbrrring @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @letraspal @dragoneggos @captain-aralias @takitalks @excalisbury @shemakesmeforget @starwarned @cutestkilla @ileadacharmedlife @gekkoinapeartree @bazzybelle @bloodiedpixie @stardustasincocaine @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @angelsfalling16 @basiltonbutliketheherb @messofthejess @ivelovedhimthroughworse @nightimedreamersworld @artsyunderstudy @foolofabookwyrm-activated @ionlydrinkhotwater @yellobb @orange-peony @ic3-que3n @whogaveyoupermission @bucketfishy @katmiscellanious @yeonjunenby @erzbethluna @larkral

[gorbo-longstocking]

ahhhhhhh you did a third chapter *already*?!? youre so amazing. im super psyched about all the new stuff, but ive got to reread the old stuff first to catch up. prob gonna cheat and read the new chapter of your new story before bed though. i adore your writing. sorry akward gushing. just wanted to leave you a comment. have a great day!

OMG HUSH IM NOT THAT GREAT 🥹🥹 its solely the power of actually being medicated for adhd that gives me the strength i have to churn out chapters like i do. when i first started writing, i was only able to finish a chapter a week because my executive function was so bad. im not gonna be able to keep this pace because my vacations over in like… two days and i go back to work soon. ive never worked and written before in my life, so itll be interesting to see how i juggle it. hopefully well enough.

funny story. chapter four is technically already done, save for a few minor edits i have been procrastinating on making. i plan on working on chapter five tonight though!! i dont have a beta reader right now, so i tend to second guess stuff before i post it. over analyzing is my game, lol. ill have something done and have to hype myself up for a bit before i can force myself to hit post.

and im super psyched that youre super psyched! a part of me was really worried that when i came back to the fandom no one would remember me. or like, my writing style would be too different, or i wouldnt be able to capture the characterizations i did before. its really nice to see familiar faces in comment sections or hear from people on tumblr who stuck around after i was gone so long.

if anyone is awkwardly rambling here its me. this ask totally made my day so never apologize for being sweet on anon!! i would hug you if i could (with your permission of course) i hope you enjoy reading through my older stuff <33 you have a great day too!!

[kirnet]

this isnt an actium update sunday its an actium ramblings sunday. i keep thinking that THIS is the sunday that i can announce that chap 2 is totally done but, no. it keeps dragging on.

i already knew this before i started, but i do not like long form project lol. i need instant gratification. its the reason i post everything i paint and write the second i finish it. i get very obsessed with something for a few weeks or months (right now its dwta) that i can work on endlessly and then the fascination stops. now, projects like dwta and grave and weep are easier to get myself to work on bc 1) writing takes less than than illustration full comic pages and 2) i get feedback and comments every time i post a chapter. and once i get into that place in actium where i’m actually posting, i will have SO much more motivation omg. i really do feed off of that engagement

i know i will work faster if i treat every page as its own separate artwork and sketch, line, color, and shade each one in one sitting. but that just isn’t a good practice for the consistency of the comic. right now im doing all of a chapters worth of sketching, then all of the lines, then colors, etc etc. which while it is the best way is also the more boring way. im working to find a happy medium, and the more pages i do the more i learn to streamline my process, so i know that this frustration is only temporary

it doesnt help that im having chronic pain flare ups and that my computer keeps crapping out and that im trying to get more hours at work lol. (i did figure out the tremors situation though so yay!)

suffice to say, comic will not start coming out in june lol. new target is december and hopefully HOPEFULLY i will have more than the 5 target chapters worth by then. we’ll see. currently i have 160 pages out of the 209 needed to finish, but i should complete another 40+ very very soon. (im just in flatting hell rn lol). i have also created a lot of assets and references over the course of the first two chapters that i can reuse which will really help cut down on time.

anyways. i just wanted to thought dump about how it’s going. when it does come out i plan for it to update every other friday, and chapters 1-5 should be about 17 updates worth of content, so i should have a buffer of 34 weeks. hopefully by then ill have my shit together lol. thx for reading and all of your encouragement thus far!

[jisungsdaydreamer]

Hopefully this doesn’t come off as pushy because that’s not my intent haha 😭 but i was just curious if you had an order in which members you plan to write with your love playlist series? are you just picking at random? maybe working on multiple at once? i’d love to know ^^

Nonono please feel free to ask however many questions you'd like!! I dont get many asks haha so i look forward to seeing something in my mailbox 😭 you can always spam me about whatever you want 😉

As for love playlist, im currently planning to do lee know next (the story summary is on the series masterlist!) But im so disorganized that im already throwing around some ideas for the other remaining members.

As of the moment, im working on this new story, anti romantic. I think itll be a short series (prolly five parts), so as soon as i post part 1 (which will be very soon lmao), ill start & finish Minho's story. Like that, i plan to alternate between anti romantic chapters and love playlist 'tracks.'

And as for drabbles, theyre just random little things i write when im too lazy to work on bigger projects, so feel free to request anything!!

Sorry about the rambling 😭😭 i hope this answered your question!! 💜

Xx. dreamy.

[brookethorn]

a new life - a diary, chapter 1

agh, i apologize for this rare rant but i need to vent someway somewhere. excuse the lack of grammar.

it is hard to be productive. it is hard to continue going when you are falling. is that possible? i feel lost, stuck, and like i’m falling all at the same time. my head feels like a cloud, i’m just waiting for the hurricane to break out.

i have sent emails to 25+ contacts, faculties, departments of 3 different colleges and … crickets. i had luck with 1 person fully - i even got a zoom meeting just to learn i should go into the other department since they have more research student opportunities. no problem, right? well, the few people i have heard from either say i am not a fit, they aren’t doing anything with students, they are retiring, on sabbatical, etc etc etc.

i expect or at least prepare for disappointment to some degree in many cases, but this is one of the hardest areas, chapters, of my life. i am planning on moving out, starting a career in academia (hopefully to be a research student, graduate assistant). i’ve lost all my routine. i’ve lost a lot of myself. i have no sleep schedule, no habit tracking, nothing. very few days do i have a ‘good’ day. i feel so lost, stuck when i get excited that someone has answered my email, just to feel crushed that they aren’t accepting students. i feel like a ping pong ball being shot to and forth.

i’m an environmental biologist whose range of studies and experience is everywhere - truly, i love learning just like a lot of people on productive tumblr, instagram, etc. i mean, we are a generation romanticizing learning, and besides some of the toxic content or messages (disregarding health, having to have perfect grades and no life outside of education, etc etc) i think a lot of us truly love and appreciate knowledge and academia. we are blessed to have it.

so, why can’t anyone accept me? i know, it’s not personal, but my current mind state is . . . lost.

i quit my previous graduate assistant job after a year and 3 semesters. it wasn’t research, the college was my ‘safe choice’ and that was a mistake, since personnel went to crap and the opportunities? there were none. there was only one professor in the program i was pursuing a masters of science in.

this whole summer, i had lists and plans. plans to get back on track, to find a school and job for spring 2025. i fall notoriously into the aggressive list making (i blame my ocd and adhd) but since my therapist said they can make me feel like failing - putting too much down out of reach, just to be unable to check it off at the end - that i need to make mine realistic. and i have gotten pretty okay at that. simple things. and in reality, my summer lists weren’t that ‘hard’ or out of reach. except they were for my current state. i am in the midst of changing my antidepressant since, for the past year, i have had a steady decline in mental everything. anxiety? off the charts. depressed nights? increasing. i blamed it on the job i was in, and partly it really was that. i had lost 2 of my pets. my other pet, a cat, is chronically ill. i’ve had so many external factors that i thought were the cause of my internal chaos, but it’s to the point i can’t live. i don’t feel like myself.

this sounds so ‘pity me’ and i apologize, i just…needed to rant. and maybe out there, someone is in the same chapter i am. we aren’t alone, i know that, but it’s hard to constantly remind yourself of that when everything feels like an unchecked list. this too shall pass, i say. the problem is i’m impatient. it has to come soon, i can’t live like this. but, i need to take care of myself first. maybe making this post will enforce the change, start the chemical reaction for my new life. i don’t know.

all images from Pinterest.

[laurelwinchester]

HTLGI update soon?

soon...ish.

unfortunately i've had a lot of real life setbacks when it comes to, like....everything (the last few months of 2023 were hands down some of the worst months of my life, the first couple months of 2024 were a mess, and just when things started to calm down my computer died and i still don't have my new one because i'm being jerked around) so the bad news is that there was a solid two months there where i didn't write at all. which means my february htlgi deadline turned into a march deadline and that march deadline has now been forced to change into an april deadline, which is all really stressing me out tbh. the past five months have just sucked beyond belief.

the good news is that the next chapter is almost done, even without a computer i'm getting a lot of writing done with the good old fashioned pen and paper method, so i think i should be able to make my april deadline, and hopefully the next two chapters will make up for the ridiculous wait.

and i really hope they do because these next two chapters? this is what i've been waiting for. for years!!!! we have finally arrived at laurel's rock bottom and the kick off to the climax of the plot and i could not be more excited. it's divided into two chapters. one for black canary (so we've got sin, black canary vs lady shiva, and two major fight scenes) and one for laurel lance (the chapter that i have been referring to as The Big Horror Chapter) and the themes that are running throughout both chapters are as follows:

motherhood: a horror story

generational trauma and mental illness as an actual monster

amy adams and patricia clarkson in sharp objects

laurel's morbid obsession with drowning

an attempt to give alex kingston more to do in two chapters than arrow gave her in four years

BIRDS

so you can see why i'm so excited about this i'm practically vibrating. i truly cannot wait to post these next two chapters and i hope they're worth the wait, even if we have to wait just a little bit longer for them.

[wardenparker]

From Dorne, with Love - part 5

Oberyn Martell x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst​

Your little sister is marrying her fairy tale princess on the exotic desert island nation of Dorne. Your soon-to-be sister-in-law’s playboy uncle is the other member of the wedding party along with you, but will your opposite approaches to life drive you apart before the ceremony even begins? Or is it possibly the beginning of a future you never thought possible?

Rating: T for Teen, but this blog is *always* 18+ Word Count: 4k Warnings:  *Some instances of reader being pig-headedly stubborn and some ‘ugly American’ moments, but we learn and grow in this house. Another one of our patented shitty families.* Cursing, food, unplanned pregnancy. Summary: Lily and Aja are coming over for dinner after their extravagant six-week honeymoon. Unfortunately, the mood is not all sunshine and rainbows as you share your news with your sister and her wife.  Notes: This week will have two posts, so enjoy this wee little chapter before more excitement on Friday!

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5 ~ Part 6 ~ Epilogue

Lasagna is Lily’s favourite food. It always has been, ever since she was little. Every birthday she wanted a lasagna because it was like having cake for dinner before the cake she got for dessert. The equally nostalgic Caesar salad you have chilling in the refrigerator will get freshly baked rosemary croutons, but the lasagna you’ve assembled will be the pièce de résistance to Lily and Aja’s welcome back dinner. After four weeks on a globetrotting honeymoon and two weeks back in Dorne to make sure everything was ship shape in their new house in the middle of downtown Sunspear - a wedding present from Aja’s father - the newlyweds are coming back to New York. Not for long, of course, but to pack up their apartment in the Village so they can start their new lives together. It might be the last time you get to see Lily for a long time, and that breaks your heart. 

Unfortunately, heartbroken is a familiar feeling these days. In the six weeks since coming home from Dorne, it’s almost the only thing you’ve felt. The pervasive melancholy has affected everything, and even your boss had taken you aside at work a few weeks after you got back to ask if everything was okay. Yes, of course everything was perfectly alright. You’re just sad. 

And then sad gave way to feeling sick, and you figured it might be time to talk to your doctor about seeing a therapist. Not because being sad necessarily meant you were depressed, but because if you were so sad that it was making you ill, then there might be another issue. And…well…there was. 

Congratulations. Your doctor had smiled when she delivered the news. Congratulations. You had cried yourself to sleep that night with fear and worry, terrified of what might come next. 

Now the sonogram hangs on the fridge alongside your shopping list and a few family photos, and sometimes you just stare at it. A baby. You’re going to have a baby. His baby. 

Shit.

******

“I can’t wait to see her again.” Lily is practically skipping up the stairs to your fourth walk up. “Hopefully that week with Oberyn was just what she needed to reset her social life.” She squeezes her wife’s hand. “Although I know you are hoping she’s pining for him.”

“I’m telling you; I haven’t seen him like that since I was a teenager.” Aja takes the stairs two at a time to keep up with her energetic, short-legged wife. “He’s got their picture up on his desk. He’s writing again. I know he misses her.”

“I don’t know Aj, are you sure?” Lily isn’t quite as sure of Oberyn’s longing for her sister as the other woman is. “Selvin was there when we got home.”

“Selvin is always there.” On the fourth floor, Aja turns left down the hall and wraps her arm around Lily’s waist while they walk. “He’s Aunt Mel’s favourite cousin. He practically lives at the palace, so I’m not convinced it means anything.”

“I guess.” Her tone tells Aja she’s less sure, but she doesn’t say anything else as the two women stand in front of your door, multiple coats of paint slightly peeling and numerous locks signifying it was an apartment in New York City.

“I won’t bring it up.” Aja promises, knocking twice and ringing the malfunctioning bell twice like they do every time they arrive at your place. “But if she asks, I’m going to tell her what I think.”

It takes less than thirty seconds for you to fling open your front door and throw your arms around both women to drag them inside. “God, I missed you guys,” you mumble, not willing to let them go quite yet. “How was the honeymoon? Tell me everything.” 

“It was good.” Lily’s grin is wide. “If we were a hetero couple, we would have come back pregnant.” She giggles. “Fiji was just beautiful.”

“Sun, fun, and fucking.” The smile you shoot your sister as they drop their bags on the bench by your door is rueful. “Sounds perfect.” 

“It was perfect. And our new place in Dorne is gorgeous. You have to see it!” Lily sighs happily. “I honestly didn’t want to leave Fiji.”

“You’ll have to go back. Anniversary or a birthday or maybe just for a Tuesday.” You poke at her playfully. “I dunno, you’re royal now. Can you do things like arbitrarily decide to go to Fiji on a Tuesday when you’re royal?”

Aja rolls her eyes. “We have duties, but they are far more relaxed than other royal families.” She explains, happy about that fact. “But we do have things to do. I’ve already promised her another trip for our anniversary.”

“Well, I hope you took some photos that aren’t X-rated so I can at least see some beaches.” Back in the kitchen, you pull the salad out of the fridge along with three chilled plates so you can toss in the fresh croutons and have your first course while the lasagna finishes baking. “I have water, ginger ale, milk, and some cold hibiscus tea to drink. What are you guys in the mood for?” All the beer from your fridge had been given to the guys at work along with your open liquor bottles about a week ago. You won’t be needing those any time soon, and you didn’t have anything valuable open anyway. Though now you wish you’d held on to something so you could offer an adult beverage tonight.

Lily’s brows shoot up when there isn’t the offer of wine, used to you having a perfect bottle to pair with lasagna. “Honestly, water? I need to rehydrate after all the indulgences over the past months.”

“Water is good.” Aja settles herself on one of the barstools at your kitchen island - the existence of an island in a New York City kitchen being a miracle in and of itself - and you start spooning out salad onto plates after setting two cold bottles of water in front of them. You’ve been drinking hibiscus tea for days, appreciating a tea that has no caffeine but doesn’t taste like leaves.

“So how was your stay in Dorne after we left?” You are acting a little reserved, almost nervous and that has Lily worried.

“It was really nice.” Quickly snagging the sonogram photo off the fridge so they don’t see it before you’re prepared to tell them, you shove it in the pocket of your cardigan before turning back to your sister and sister-in-law. “Museums, clubs, beaches, everything. Mom and Dad left the day before I did, so the last night I was there we all had a big family dinner.” The carousing - cooking, drinking, horrible karaoke - had been the perfect way to end the week. You had felt so accepted and comfortable that eating in the midst of the restaurant chaos the next night felt lonely for the first time ever.

“Good.” Lily bites her lip, hearing the slight melancholy in your tone. It seems like you might miss Dorne, and probably Oberyn. “So when you come visit us, you will know what you want to do.” She offers, looking over at Aja.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to get away for a while.” You tell her honestly, although the reason isn’t what she thinks. “I’m sorry, guys.”

“I understand.” She does, although she feels like it might be avoidance mixed with your hectic work schedule. “Let me guess, they wanted to completely revamp the menu?”

“Boss’s sister isn’t doing well. He’s taking extra time to get her moved in with him and his wife. So, he needs somebody to keep the kitchen going smoothly.” That, at least, is all true. Except the process won’t take more than a week to get her settled. 

Aja, however, looks entirely unconvinced as she digs into her salad. “So…what, you can come out in a month or so?”

“Guys…” It makes your heart hurt to keep things from them - even when it’s just that you haven’t told them yet - and you sigh at your forkful of lettuce and kale. “There’s another reason.” You tell them quietly. “I need to be saving money. There’s…there’s a lot of changes coming.”

That makes the happy grin slide off your sister’s face into something much more serious. She straightens her spine. “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Is there something going on that you haven’t told me about?” Icy fear washes over her that you hid something from her so that the focus could be on her wedding. 

“Lils— calm down.” Aja wraps her arm around her wife, her own concerns muted. “She might have finally decided to open that restaurant she’s always talked about. It takes a lot of money to do that.”

“Actually, Lils is kind of right.” Setting down your fork, you dig your hand into the deep pocket of your cardigan and close your fingers around the sonogram photo - just a tiny little piece of paper but it means such a phenomenally huge thing. “I have been sick lately. And I haven’t told you about it because I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.” With a deeply emotional sigh, you set the little picture on the kitchen island between them. The second it hits the wooden block, your breath is held, wondering how the hell they’re going to take the news.

Inhaling sharply, Lily’s eyes dart from the sonogram to your face several times. Ignoring the brief flare of heartache that she would never hold that little picture herself, she pushes that aside and immediately stands up to come around the bar and pull you into a hug. “Oh sis.” She murmurs softly. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know.” Even saying it out loud has been a struggle. Just admitting that you are pregnant seems so outrageous that any kind of attempt to process that fact has been hard. You throw your arms around Lily and hug her tight, one hand reaching to at least grasp Aja’s arm or something and keep her connected as well. “I—I think I want…to keep it, ya know? It’s not anything like I imagined, but I do want to be a mom…” Maybe this is just how it was supposed to happen? The random lottery of the universe not being random at all? You don’t know, but the idea of not keeping your baby hurts you in ways you didn’t know you could hurt.

“Oberyn’s going to be ecstatic.” Aja breathes out, still staring at the sonogram. She knows it’s his child, you could have only gotten pregnant by him considering your fling was six weeks ago and probably the only person you’ve slept with in years. Even with your newfound reawakening, she doubts you’ve taken another lover. “They’re so tiny.” She coos, loving the little bean in the photo already. Another cousin for her to love, this one linked to the woman she loves.

“Please don’t tell him.” You surprise yourself as much as your sisters with the surety of your tone, but there is pleading in your eyes when you look up at Aja. “I’m not going to ask him for anything. He’s not obligated to spend any more thoughts or time, or God forbid any more money, on me. He already has eight kids to worry about and that’s plenty.”

“What?” Aja stares at you in horror at the idea of keeping a child - his child - from her uncle. “Are you sure?” She asks quietly. “He would not…he is pining, having you carry his child would be a blessing in his eyes.”

“He—he’s what?” From worried certainty to a deer in the headlights of an 18 wheeler all at once, the expression on your face changes instantly. “That not…possible?” How could he? How could a single week have affected him as wholly as it did you? He’s so…accomplished. And confident. And has so much love in his life already.

Aja snorts. “He’s writing poetry again.” She tells you. “He has not written poetry in years. And it’s full of yearning and longing. There’s a framed photo from the wedding at his desk.”

“So he had a nice time.” You swallow thickly, one hand drifting to the side of your belly as you shake your head. “That doesn’t mean he wants me to have his baby.” It’s a sticking point, obviously, and your notorious stubbornness is showing through clearly. Not telling him means he can’t reject you - you or the baby.

There’s a quiet, resigned sigh from your sister’s wife. She is well aware of how stubborn you can be. “He would celebrate.” She promises you. “But you’ve asked me not to tell him.”

“Lils?” Your pinched eyebrows and soft voice are pleading despite wanting to sound very sure of yourself. You need your best friend to look you in the eye and tell you if you’re being insane, and you trust her to do that. “Am I wrong?” 

“Yes.” Lily’s answer is immediate, even though it’s soft, and she squeezes your hand while she tells you the truth you don’t want to hear. “But it’s also your choice.”

Sighing a little, you reach out to slide the sonogram back across the island for you to look at. You’ve stared at that little bean for so many hours already that you’ve lost track - breathless and scared and excited and worried all at once. But the most terrifying part might be having to tell him. Having to face the possibility that this will be the one baby he doesn’t want. That he won’t want you, and that your child will suffer for it. “I’ll think about it.” You concede, fingers brushing over the image like you’ve already done a hundred times before. “I’ve only known for a week. So I’m still…still processing, ya know?”

The married couple exchange a look, one that says they both know you won’t do it. You’ve made up your mind and you are going to stick to it. “Yeah.” Lily agrees. “I know you are shell shocked. But I’m going to be an auntie!”

“Yeah.” That makes you sniffle - worry giving way to pride - and hug her again tightly. “So, you’ll have to come back and visit sometimes. The fun aunties who sweep into town and make everything a game will make great memories for them.”

“We will be doing that as often as we can.” Lily promises and Aja nods in agreement. “I’ll be with you when they are born if you want.”

“Thank you.” Not having to go through that particular thing alone will be a blessing. “I think I might kill Mom if she’s in the delivery room with me.” The full visual - and the first time you’ve said delivery room out loud so far - makes you huff and nearly groan. “Fuck…I have to tell mom and dad…” 

“Yeah you do.” Lily sighs. “This is not something you can hide from them.” Not that she wasn’t anticipating some kind of fireworks about you being unmarried, but the prospect of having a grandchild will smooth a lot of the ruffled feathers.

“Mom and I are trying not to keep things from each other anymore.” Ever since the wedding, an unspoken contract of honesty had opened between you, and it’s been a very good thing despite being slightly overwhelming at times. “Maybe I can ask them to print an extra sonogram at my next appointment and I can take a few days to go see them?” You look to both of them for affirmation, desperately needing to feel like you’re doing part of this right.

Aja nods. “That would be a good thing. They can keep that one. When is your next appointment?”

“Monday.” It’s Thursday now, your usual day off to rest before the nonstop weekends at the restaurant. “In the morning. If I drive up after it’s over, I can be in the mountains before dinner.”

“That sounds like a solid plan.” Aja hums. “You don’t want to wait too long to tell them. Plus, I know your mom would want to support you. Her first grandchild.”

Lily snorts. “You will officially be the golden child.”

“As long as chef can spare me for a few days.” You nod vaguely but huff at Lily’s observation. “To be golden, I’d have to be married. Without that I’m gold-painted at best.” 

“Gold painted.” Lily chuckles and shakes her head. “Do you want us to stay? Go up with you for moral support?”

“Is that okay?” It hadn’t even crossed your mind, but the support sounds like it would make the whole thing a little less terrifying. “That way there are witnesses if she tries to kill me?” Your chuckle is weak, knowing it’s a gross exaggeration, but at least it’s enough of a joke to have you picking up your fork and poking at your salad again. “I know you have to finish packing up the apartment, but can you spare a few days?”

Aja nods immediately. “For family? No one in Dorne will argue, but I do need to make a few calls.” She stands up and walks around the kitchen island to give you a hug. “I’ll go do that now.”

“Thank you,” you murmur the words in her ear as she squeezes you tight, and in just a flash she’s gone around the corner.

Lily is highly suspicious of her wife so easily giving in, but she doesn’t voice those suspicions. Instead, she grins and looks down at your stomach. “Can I? You’re gonna hear that ten thousand times over the next nine months, but I wanna be the first.”

“Go for it. Aunties get special privileges.” Thank god Chef hadn’t asked when you awkwardly burst out with it in his office a few days ago. He had been kind - excited and encouraging - but he knew from his own daughter that asking to touch a pregnant woman’s belly was very sensitive. “I just…I’m so…what are the fucking odds, ya know?” 

“That the man that has eight children got you pregnant?” Lily grins. “Pretty fucking good apparently.”

“After six fucking years as a nun, my body went into hyperdrive.” You really have no idea what the chances are statistically, but it almost doesn’t matter. It’s happened and you’ll have to live with that. “I don’t know what happened. I must have fucked up taking my pill on time? That’s the only thing I can think, short of he has super sperm.”

She giggles. “That’s going to be a gag gift one year.” She vows. “Coffee mug with ‘super sperm’ on it.”

“Make sure the mug has a cape either attached to it or painted on it.” Knowing Oberyn, he would probably strut around the palace drinking everything out of that one mug for weeks.

“Done.” Her giggles die down and she caresses your stomach. “Hey little sand snake.” She coos, calling the baby by Oberyn’s nickname for his daughters. “It’s aunt Lily.”

Sand snake. You had forgotten the name somehow, packing the information away in the back of your mind because you never thought you would ever hear it again. But here you are, carrying a little sand snake of your very own. “You think it’ll end up being little girl number nine?”

“Very well could be.” She doesn’t voice her concern, that it wouldn’t be a girl and you would deny Oberyn the chance to experience perhaps the only boy he would sire.

“You’re upset with me.” For your entire lives, Lily has never been able to hide her emotions well from you. From the very first time she was nervous over a girl to the time she tried to act calm and collected when your grandfather got sick, to all of her concerns over Whitney - she just has never been able to hide any of it. “At the very least, you’re worried.” 

“I just can’t help but wonder how you would feel if it was a boy.” She murmurs softly. “And you haven’t told Oberyn.”

“You mean, what if he never gets to know his son because I was too scared to tell him?” It’s a heavy thought, and one you hadn’t really considered before. Too wrapped in the fact that you’re going to have a baby to think about that as a possibility.

“Yes.” Lily gives you a small smile. “But don’t worry about that right now. Focus on telling mom and dad first.”

“I’m gonna get yelled at.” Being nearly thirty, that shouldn’t humble you the way it does, but the fact that your parents will be disappointed that you skipped the important step of getting married before the baby-making happened, makes you feel like a kid bringing home a teacher’s note. “Mom literally ranted at me about this in Dorne. Well, not exactly this, but the word harlot was definitely used.” 

“Harlot.” She snorts and shakes her head. “What is this, the nineteen fifties?”

“Mom would feel right at home.” Your head pops up when Aja comes back into the kitchen, pocketing her phone as she wraps her arms around Lily affectionately. “Everything good at home?”

“Everything is good.” She smiles at her wife and kisses her cheek. “How’s everything here?” She asks, looking between you and Lily.

The timer for the lasagna buzzes loudly, and you shrug at Aja while you grab a kitchen towel to take the large pan out of the oven. “Your wife was just making an annoyingly valid point.”

“She has a bad habit of doing that.” Aja jokes, coming back over to the island to sit down.

“Well, regardless.” The heavy pan sits comfortably on the stove as you shut and turn off the oven. “I’ll think about it. But the next people I’m telling will be Mom and Dad next week. I just have to figure out how.”

“Bring some buns and throw them in the oven and tell them that it’s you.” Lily suggests with a decidedly juvenile grin on her face. “Look ma! It like me! Got a bun in the oven!” She cackles.

“Dad would tell that story like it was the funniest damn thing in the world.” You predict, laughing despite yourself. “I usually bring wine with me when I go up. Maybe I’ll bring a bottle of grape juice instead? And put the sonogram picture in a little frame?” Thinking about it makes you increasingly nervous, dreading what they’ll have to say and how long it will take them to come around to actually being happy about a grandbaby on the way.

“Don’t worry.” Lily sees that face and knows what it means. “They will get over how the baby was conceived, and just be happy that you are having one.”

“Except we’ll all spend the rest of our lives wondering if they were conceived during your wedding reception.” You smirk at your sister briefly, the indulgence of the memory outweighing the embarrassment. “I hope nobody ever gets family-holiday-drunk enough to tell the kid that story.”

Aja giggles evilly. “Bet.” She taunts. “I will do it in a heartbeat.” 

“I firmly believe you would.” Like her uncle, Aja would probably find it endlessly entertaining to debate whether or not Oberyn’s various moments of cumplay might have led to his ninth child’s conception - and thinking about Oberyn’s reaction to an accidental child just makes your chest feel hollow.

“Wellllll, I’m starving.” Lily claps her hands together and breaks the conversation from its current path. She wants you to not be upset, the time for that will come later, and she’s sure it is. You won’t admit it if she asked you, but she’s absolutely certain you fell in love with Oberyn while you were in Dorne.

“Lasagna time.” You slide across the crowded kitchen to grab plates, offering your sister and sister-in-law a smile while you go. “Now. Tell me about the house.”

______

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[k-s-morgan]

Hey! Some good and bad news from me. Bad news first:

My grandmother is extremely ill. My uncle is sick. My father was travelling by car when the missile hit Kiev a few days ago - he was close enough to be hurt to an extent. He’s home now, but I still don’t know how he feels or what happened, exactly, because he’s being very secretive. Finally, my Mom didn’t get her salary, but thanks to you, we still have enough for this and the next month.

From good news:

Since Russians have left the vicinity of Kiev, things have been pretty quiet. I badly hope that they won’t be back. My cats started getting along, which is great - it happened sooner than I expected. My birthday is coming up in several days, and I want to publish my war-inspired stories then. It’s a short book, just about 20K words, but I felt better from writing it. I’ve been struggling with anger, hatred, and bitterness a lot lately, and it felt good to pour them into something.  

Also, a snippet from Those Gentle Slopes will be posted today in about an hour! Hopefully, I’ll finish writing the chapter soon, too.