#hopefully i'll have time to actually watch the episode tomorrow night after everyone goes to bed 🤣🤣

[hotasfahrenheit]

listen i know i said i wasn't going to be able to take Pit Babe seriously and i still don't plan on it so i should have been expecting something hilarious to come up pretty early on, but i thought i was going to be able to watch the second episode a little while ago (before some family stuff happened) and got only 11 seconds into the opening of the episode before this CAR WITH A FACE CAME ON MY SCREEN and i was already laughing

once you see it you can't unsee it, sorry not sorry 🤣🤣🤣

[gildedmuse]

Hey, everyone.

So recently I've (predictably) very not well. Actually, whenever I don't post for long periods, just assume my body is trying to kill me. But I've gotten messages from three people asking if I. Okay, which is super sweet. I am actually trying to work on the next All Hearts, a really long ZoLaw post and two request fics, but mixing chronic kidney pain and capitalist society's mandate to work 40+ hours is not recommended.

But to prove I'm okay and still me, here is some Shanks antics with him being a total slut while Mihawk and Beckman just roll their eyes and go along with it. [Shout out to @jhaernyl who not only listens to me ramble about this stuff, but actively encourages it]. I also have many thoughts on the latest episodes and so many screenshots it's embarrassing. Hopefully, when I'm in less pain, I'll get around to actually posting those. Otherwise I just look like an insane person who literally takes by the second frame shots every time Zoro is on screen.

.... What is that? I look like that anyway? Fair.

Shanks Is A Bad Influence

It feels like Buggy and Shanks split up after Roger's death (the crew was told to, and they are the only ones who went to his execution) and I find it impossible to think Shanks didn't immediately set out and find a crew; like, pirating is the only thing this kid knows in life. This means two things:

He set out from East Blue. Also, he seemed at ease and familiar with the East so it's possible he spent like a year there getting everything together. Maybe he even played around in the other blues for a while before heading back to the Grand Line. I say this because his crew is from all over so either he found and recruited them in the Grand Line or visited various blues. Either way, I'm gonna say it took him about two years before getting a 'proper' start. In that case, he would have started out properly at the age of 17 and we know One Piece likes it's parallels.

That still puts Shanks at 17 to Benn Beckmen's 28. How the fuck did Shanks manage that? I'd call it grave robbing, but let's face it, the little tyke probably got up to some actual robbing of graves as well.

My point being everytime Shanks teases Mihawk about keeping this 19 year old kid on his personal island, mostly shirtless, Benn Beckmen just lifts an eyebrow.

Excuse me, captain, who had prefected the 'opps still don't have my sea legs' trip-and-fall into their first mates lap by the age of 17?

Shanks: Beckmen, you caught me! *Shamelessly nuzzles up* Thank goodness! I could be a devil's fruit user after all and - Ahh!

Benn: *Drops Shanks straight over the side of the ship into the water*

Shanks: *Sputtering* What what that!?

Benn: Checking to see if you had eaten a devil's fruit on us, Capatin.

Benn: You didn't.

Smart ass. But he can't resist Shanks forever. Shanks will wear him down eventually.

Next time Mihawk tracks him down for another match - because you know he gets bored way quicker than he'll ever admit and Shanks is at least amusing a challenge - Shanks makes a big deal out of how Mihawk follows him around, "accidentally" revealing they slept together, sighing about how it's so hard to resist him.

Benn Beckmen is just leaning against the side of the ship, sipping his booze.

Shanks: -and I can't stay for hours like last time!!

Mihawk: Are you quite done?

Shanks: *whispering* Does Benn look jealous?

Mihawk: He looks bored. Much like I am. Is this some strange attempt to get out of my challenge, Akagami?

Shanks: What? No, come on I told you I was game. But, hey, could you do me a favor? Maybe like try and kiss me or something? Like take a swing like your going to hit me but then stop shot and grab me by the waist instead.

Mihawk: .... Trickery is beneath you. Besides, you're absolute rubbish at it.

Shanks: Oh, come on, I would totally help you get laid if you asked!

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* I want a proper match afterwards.

Mihawk: *In a forced, monotone voice* After this I will take you to my lair and have my way with you, Akagami.

Mihawk: ... My lair? Really?

Shanks: *Holding up cue card with quickly scribbled line* What? That is how you talk.

Mihawk: I can't believe I wasted precious hours of light tracking you to this atrociously rural port.

Shanks: See? Now, read the next one.

Benn: Captain? If this is going to take all night, I am going to go join the rest of the men in the tavern.

Shanks: Huh? Wait! Benn! What if Miha really stabs me this time!?

Benn: *Salutes Shanks with his bottle* Sounds like that is his plan captain. Have a good 'challenge'.

Shanks: What? No... *Reaching out hand, like he might die if Benn leaves, looking completely devastated* Not even a little jealous...

Mihawk: You couldn't have thought that pantomime would actually work.

Shanks: Benny, don't leave me.... *Turns to Mihawk, immediately brightening* Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Hey, Miha, guess whose free all night and horny as a pirate in the calm belt?

Mihawk: .... *Sigh* Very well.

Mihawk might as well get something for the trip he made. Although, he's reconsidering if the sex was actually worth the trouble after he ends up listening to Shanks worry half the night that Benn is shacking up with someone else (after a couple hours of rough and raw fucking, admittedly).

Is it the hat? He likes his captain's hat. Miha, you think his captain's hat is sexy, don't you?

Mihawk: It's utterly ridiculous.

Shanks: ....

Shanks: ....

Shanks: *Smile* Ahh, Miha, I knew you liked the hat!

Shanks: What do you old Northerns find sexy?

Mihawk: I am only four years older than you.

Mihawk: And silence.

Trying to convince Mihawk to go spy on Beckman for him. Shanks doesn't actually care if he does sleep with someone else, it's more that Beckman didn't immediately turn angry and jealous like Buggy would have that has him paranoid.

Mihawk is going to fuck this annoying red head again just to shut him up.

Mihawk: Maybe he doesn't like red haired boys who don't know when to be quiet?

The next morning Shanks is pacing among his poor crew that's gotten stuck listening to Shanks obsess about Beckman again. IS IT REALLY THE HAIR!?

It's not even a matter of Shanks's age (or obvious immaturity). I mean, Beckman got on board and stayed, didn't he? Beckman just enjoys watching Shanks try so hard to get his attention. Like Benn's attention isn't constantly on Shanks. He had to when his captain is always one step away from disaster.

He only left him with Mihawk because it was clear Dracule is not a real danger to Beckman's captain.

Except maybe insulting him to death. But Beckman is pretty sure Shanks can handle it. He's met Buggy. He's suspects Shanks LIKES it if anything.

It gets to the point where when they dock somewhere and see Mihawk waiting, or come back to the ship and spot his familiar silhouette, most of the crew goes off somewhere for another drink (sometimes the newer kids will stay to watch such an awesome fight, everyone else is like... Look, you'll have plenty of opportunities later. This is not a one off.)

Benn just takes a look around, nods to Mihawk (a silent signal for, "he's all yours, do with him as you please, if anything happens to him I will track you down and make sure your last few hours on this blue world are as painful as humanly possible") and heads off.

Oh, it's just the Hawk boy.

That's fine then.

Benn use to be a sailor on a trade ship between the North, East, West and Grand Line. He's seen it all.

They called him The Gun Slinger BEFORE he joined Shanks's crew and became a pirate.

So this young, broke ass kid from the streets of some near artic northern island trying to pass himself off as a Lower North rich type has a thing for his captain? Not really enough to keep Beckman up at night, no matter how good at swords he's supposed to be

Besides, he's pretty sure for the kid to keep tracking down Shanks, he must be bored out of his skull. He's not going to do anything to endanger their captain.

Not if Shanks is the only thing he can find to keep him entertained.

One day, Mihawk is going to be waiting on the dock when a bunch of Red Haired pirates are stumbling home, laughing and chattering amongst themselves (Shanks's crew always seems to be in a good mood). One of them will catch sight if Mihawk and walk by with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.

The captain's occupied. Seems likely he'll be 'occupied' for a good while, too.

Mihawk won't smile, but he will think "So you finally warmed him up to you, Akagami?" and snort lightly.

Poor Benn, though. Mihawk could never imagine being with someone so much younger than him. Shanks is only four years his junior and already it strains Mihawk to put up with his occasional moments of "youthful whimsy" (aka being an annoying, immature child)

"A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair"

Mihawk just putting that on his Not To Do List.

That lasted until Roronoa.

(Mihawk just looking at Zoro knowing this is bad news.)

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

*Cross out, scribbles*

*Hands back to Benn*

Do Not Do:

- A young, cocky pirate with strangely colored bright hair a silly hat, who is overly dramatic and in any way, shape or form related to Gol D Rogers.

Ace: Hey what's up?

Mihawk: *Takes list from Benn*

Go ahead, Benn, laugh it up. Mihawk is aware he has a type. Young, pretty, and utterly insane.

After that night where Shanks was otherwise 'occupied', it's over six months before Mihawk sees his friend his rival again. He is, as expected, far too smug and proud looking.

Shanks: Oh, Miha, so sorry you came all this way, I'm-

Benn: Well, I'm off, captain.

Shanks: What!? But we, you, I... Benn, hessoeexyarentyouworriedforyourcaptain?

Benn: *patting Mihawk on the shoulder* Have fun with him. Don't forget to return him by noon tomorrow, we have a schedule. Oh, but if you can babysit him for at least four hours? That would be great.

Shanks: BABYSIT!?

Mihawk: I suppose I can be troubled to do so.

Shanks: TROUBLED!?

Benn: Thanks, Hawkeyes. I owe you.

Shanks: *Fake tears clinging to his lashes* You two are so mean!

No, don't feel bad for him. Shanks is just trying to guilt the two of them into bed at the same time, and they both know it.

Thanks no thanks, they're not into that. But Shanks can be pretty cute when he's trying so hard (Benn) and at least he's not as boring as everything else in this world (Mihawk) so they allow him to keep up the act

Shanks: *looking at Zoro's wanted poster over Mihawk's shoulder* But I feel like you'd gladly go to bed with him and his captain if he asked. That doesn't seem fair to me. You'd never go that far with me and Benn.

Mihawk: *Eyes Benn*

Mihawk: *DEAD. ONLY.*

Mihawk: I have my reasons.

They can and do agree on plenty of things, including reciprocally not being that attracted to each other.

Shanks: Sounds fake to me

Shanks: But guys!

Shanks: This isn't about you

He's gonna need you guys to drop the egos and focus on what HE wants. I.E., being in the middle of two sexy Northern men.

Honestly, so mean to poor Shanks!

[hanasaku-shijin]

Hell Hath No Fury

Series: Hazbin Hotel

Characters: Charlie & Vaggie

Words: 2,040

Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

A/N: Just a little something for after the pilot episode. God knows how long it'll be until we see more of this series, so just have this for now.

[Disclaimer: I do not own Hazbin Hotel.]

||  PATREON  ||  KO-FI  || COMMISSION INFO  ||

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Hell Hath No Fury

After all is said and done in terms of 'hiring the new staff' of their hotel that evening, Vaggie can't convince Charlie to break away from the sketchy-as-fuck demons quickly enough.

Charlie spends a good amount of time zipping around the place, asking everyone if they're 'okay' in their new surroundings, asking if there's anything they 'need,' and then quite literally singing the praises of all the amazing and incredible work they're going to accomplish together.

Vaggie stays back, arms crossed and eyes narrowed, muttering all the while. She keeps an eye on the lot of them, especially Alastor. For now, he doesn't seem to be doing anything more dangerous than making random demons appear for cleaning staff. But she still doesn't trust him, and she probably never will.

With Charlie bursting with so much energy and excitement, it takes Vaggie a good hour or so to finally grab ahold of her and remind her of the long day they've had; from the failure of the news interview to the present moment, it's been a lot.

She eventually coaxes her away from the so-called 'staff' and up to their room, reasoning with her that the literal Princess of Hell and head honcho around here needs to be well-rested and ready for anything. Charlie follows her, but not after waving exuberantly goodnight to all the others. She's humming and buzzing all the way up to their door, a dire contrast to Vaggie's silent, churning distrust.

Vaggie fishes out her room key and rattles the door open before stomping her way in, muttering nonstop. Their room is, of course, one of the best the somewhat-run-down hotel has to offer, with all the necessary furniture, a bathroom, and a sizable bed.

Vaggie crosses the room to the window, hoping some fresh air might help clear her bustling mind. But as soon as she jerks it open, a cloud of smog and cigarette smoke wafts in from who-knows-where and makes her gag. She slams the window shut again before storming over to her dresser, tearing off her clothes in exchange for her black-and-purple nightgown.

All the while, Charlie watches her. She's fallen silent now, her smile faded. She'd changed into her own pink nightgown quietly, leaving the dress shirt, pants, and overalls for tomorrow's laundry. Now, she sits on her side of the bed, knees pulled up to her chest and face half-buried in them as she watches her girlfriend hiss and curse.

Vaggie has been so consumed by her frustrations all evening long she hasn't calmed down for much longer than a second at a time. Her blood is boiling and her skin is crawling. Even now as she sits in front of the vanity, she yanks the brush through her hair and rips the pink ribbon out from the force of her motions, then angrily puts it back in and continues brushing.

She just doesn't like this. She'd barely liked the idea of rehabilitating Angel, but she really doesn't like having Alastor and all his creepy little henchmen scuttling around under their noses. She doesn't trust him one bit.

And what frustrates her even more is that she knows she wouldn't stand a chance against him if it ever came to an altercation. She'd seen his power with her own eyes tonight, how he'd summoned a massive demon out of literally nowhere.

She hates this. She hates that she knows she wouldn't be able to protect Charlie if push came to shove. All she wants is to keep her safe, and yet they'd just let one of the most dangerous and powerful demons in all of Hell into their front door. There's no way they can work with him, no way that he's actually on their side, no way they can-

"Vaggie…?"

The voice comes from behind her, small and timid. Vaggie pauses in her violent hair-brushing to actually look at her reflection in the mirror - fuming and ruffled like a madwoman. Behind her, huddled up on the bed, is a small pink bundle.

Vaggie drops her brush and whirls around instantly to face her. Charlie peeks up at her a little nervously.

"Are you… Are you still mad at me…?"

Vaggie honestly wishes she could wring her own neck right then and there. Because all this time, she's been cursing and slamming things around because she'd been worried about Charlie.

And yet, she's been the one worrying her the most.

Just like that - like someone had snapped their fingers and broken a curse - every drop of anger and frustration drains from Vaggie's body and mind when she sees Charlie looking so small and fretful.

The princess blinks, then looks away nervously.

"I-I mean, it's okay. I get it if you're still mad… You did specifically tell me not to let him in and I… did just that…"

Vaggie finally snaps herself out of her trance and makes her way over to the bed, crawling on slowly.

"Hey," she murmurs, much more gently than anything else she's said today. She reaches out to touch Charlie's shoulder softly, her tone quiet with apology. "I'm not mad at you, Charlie. I never was."

Charlie looks up at her a little hopefully, but also a little skeptically.

"Really? Cuz you seem kind of… pissed off…"

Vaggie wishes she could punch herself in the face.

"Gaah- I know, I know! But I'm not mad at you, Charlie! I swear! Cross my heart and hope to- Well, you know."

Charlie flashes her a cute little smile for the attempted joke. Vaggie smiles back. The only times she ever actually does smile are the times she's with her.

Charlie bites her lip, glancing first to the hand on her shoulder, then back up to Vaggie.

"So… you're really not mad at me…?"

Vaggie shakes her head in earnest.

"Of course not. I'm sorry if it seemed that way."

Charlie breathes a tiny sigh of relief, but she still has that nervous look wavering in her eyes.

"But you are unhappy with some of the decisions I've made, right?"

"Charlie…" Vaggie can't take it anymore. Seeing her like this is breaking her heart. She wraps her arms around her, resting her chin on top of her head. "You made whatever decisions you felt were right. You followed your instincts and your heart. You did what you felt was best for this hotel - for your dream. I could never be mad at you. Especially not for anything like that."

Charlie exhales, and it feels a little shaky. She looks up at her again, but the nervousness is gone now.

"Thanks, Vaggie."

Charlie reciprocates the embrace, wrapping both arms around her slowly and giving a good squeeze. Vaggie returns it with equal force. She lets her nails card through Charlie's hair, from the softer smoother side to the wavier side and all down her back. Charlie exhales again, nuzzling her face into Vaggie's shoulder.

"What a relief. I-I don't know what I'd do without you on my side, Vaggie. You're all I've got in the end…"

"Hey…" Vaggie eases her back a little, making sure Charlie is looking at her. "I am always on your side, you got that? No matter what. Even if Hell freezes over because of it, I don't give a crap. I'm standing with you, Charlie. Till the end, and whatever comes after that. And that's a promise." She dips down to kiss Charlie's lips sweetly. She feels her smile, feels that cute little poke of her fangs as she kisses back.

"Thanks, Vaggie." Charlie wipes her eyes that had nearly started to water. Her naturally-rosy cheeks seem a little puffier, as if she'd been crying when Vaggie couldn't see her. But she seems much better now with the misunderstanding cleared up. However, she still has questions. "So then, if you weren't mad at me, what's the matter? You've been huffy all night. No offense."

"None taken," Vaggie sighs. "You're right. I'm just… I don't know. I don't trust those guys, and I don't know what to do about it, that's all. I'm sorry it came off the wrong way, though. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I know you didn't." Charlie wiggles up close to her again, maintaining their loose embrace as they lean back against the pillows. "But don't worry about those guys. I'll keep an eye on them, and if anything goes wrong, I'll… I'll use my authority as Princess of Hell to ban them from the hotel! I'll give them a restraining order! Sound good?"

Vaggie can't help but burst out laughing. Leave it to this girl to think a restraining order would be able to stop some of the most powerful demons in Hell from bothering them. It's comical, but it's so, so Charlie. Vaggie hugs her again.

"I love you, y'know that?"

Charlie giggles.

"I know." She reaches up to cup Vaggie's face in her hands and kisses her again. "I'm glad you're smiling again. It's been kind of a crazy day, and I know I caused you a lot of stress. Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You're just working toward making your dream come true, and I agreed I'd be in it for the long haul. Sorry I made you think I was mad at you."

"It's okay!" Charlie beams. "You just wanna protect me. I know that. I really can look out for myself, but… it's really nice to know you're looking out for me too. It feels… kinda nice knowing you'd get so mad for my sake."

Vaggie chuckles. "Well, you know what they say; 'Hell hath no fury like a woman whose girlfriend is working with some of the most annoying and dangerous demons to ever exist in order to run a soul-rehabilitation hotel.'"

Charlie bursts out laughing; light, childish, bubbly little giggles that would put any heavenly angel to shame.

Vaggie's heart throbs. In all the disgusting, vial, murderously-grotesque layers of shit piled on top of all nine circles of Hell, Charlie's heartfelt hope and purity really don't belong. She may have been born to the King and Queen of Hell themselves, but she was definitely an angel.

In all this violence and chaos and darkness, Charlie is the flicker of a single tiny light. In spite of everything she's been through, everything she's seen, her heart is still pure. She still believes in people - these people - which is something Vaggie pretty much stopped doing a long time ago. She doesn't believe in anyone else anymore. Only Charlie.

Pulling her princess into another firm hug, Vaggie lies them both down and pulls the blankets up. Charlie turns toward her fully, her slim form fitting perfectly against Vaggie's. She wraps her arms around Vaggie's torso and nestles her face into her neck, cuddling up like some cute puppy.

Vaggie hugs her shoulders, still petting idly through her soft fluffy hair. She can feel the flutter of Charlie's heartbeat against her chest, quick but steady, eager to make her dreams a reality. Vaggie swears she'll do whatever it takes to help her achieve that goal, even if it might mean overthrowing Hell itself.

It really might come to that one day, but before her mind can wander too much, Charlie's soft angelic voice brings her back to the present again.

"Goodnight, Vaggie. Thank you for everything. I mean it."

Vaggie might have the burning strength of a million demons when she's really furious, but all it takes is one word from Charlie to have her melting.

"Night, Charlie. I love you."

"Love you."

And it's only here - in this dusty little room in the hazbin hotel for violent addicts, insane murderers, and bloodthirsty demons - where Vaggie and Charlie can truly feel safest in each other's arms; where all the raging fires of Hell combined couldn't possibly be warmer than this.

--------

A/N: They’re literally the perfect dynamic right off the bat. Charlie is her angel, her light, her healing (or at least I think so). I’m a total sucker for the angry explosive person just melting and being soft for the optimistic pure-hearted wholesome character.

Gosh, the possibilities for this show and these two are endless. So many good and bad things could happen to them, and I honestly can't wait to see how it all goes.