#hopefully i can get stuff done fast in the morning and just fucking. nap. when i get home

[gemharvest]

If I complain about being tired tomorrow I need you to tell me to Shut The Fuck Up, I did this to myelf.

[scoutdolphin]

Rekka Nerva’s Entrance Exam!

Hello! This is my entry for @taiyuu-oct I hope you enjoy!

If Rekka had to choose something he hates, it would be trains. Especially this train. They're so boring! You can't even look out at some beautiful scenery because this is an underwater train. There's a whole lotta nothing. Rekka felt like he could explode from the energy he had stored up this whole morning. His leg wouldn't stop bouncing. Was he annoying everyone? Maybe. He did see someone with space hair suddenly get up and leave the cart. But he couldn't stop. He'll apologise later.

"3 minutes until Taiyuu Station."

Rekka almost bounced in excitement. "Finally! Let's get this show on the road!"

-----------------

Rekka knew this was coming but he was still annoyed. Yes, he knows that everyone needs to know what to do but after the written exam, Rekka just wanted to get to the action already! He couldn't help it when his attention started to wander to the people around him. There were different levels of interesting people, ranging from a pink haired girl he didn't remember seeing to a weird galaxy man. But appearances didn't really matter to him! He looks like a demon after all, so appearances aren't very telling. Never judge a book by its cover! But, he couldn't keep his eyes off a small person with really long hair. Either they have a hair quirk, or extreme dedication to never have a haircut. He'll ask later! MIght scope out some quirks while he’s at it.

"Aaand that's all the info you need! The teachers will be handing out sheets saying what activities you were assigned and when they'll happen. Have fun hero hopefuls!" The principal, Laccadaisy, walked off stage with a beam as the teachers, Wolfsboon and Aurora, started calling out names. 

"Ah crap-I wasn't listening!" Rekka shakes his head and looks around. "I'm sure I'll be okay! I'm not great at reading and writing stuff but this is just like a gym class! ... Hopefully. I'm good at that!" 

“Nerva Rekka?” 

Almost on cue, Aurora calls out his name and Rekka starts shuffling his way through the crowd. “Ah-yes I’m here!” 

“Here you go. You’ve got Shaky Shimmy, Middle School gym Class and Just Keep Swimmin’! Good luck!” Aurora handed off the sheet to Rekka with a smile before moving on. A quick scan of the paper showed that Rekka wouldn’t have to wait long for his rounds, and Rekka could feel the relief washing over him. The last two seemed very self explanatory but… What would Shaky Shimmy hold for him? Rekka couldn’t wait to find out.

-------------

… Well. The name makes sense now. Rekka stands on the starting line with a handful of other students as they all watch the land in front of them quickly morphing and changing. Rekka takes a deep breath and wipes the nervous sweat from his brow. Laccadaisy raises her arm.

“On your marks-”

Everyone sans the galaxy energy man gets down into a sprinting start position. 

“Get set-”

Rekka looks over at Andrew? “I think that was his name…” 

“Go!”

“Ah!” Rekka stumbles as he brings his focus back to the race, noticing everyone is already ahead of him. He’s a fast runner but he’s never ran on a track like this! Rekka runs, jumps and weaves his way around the shifting landscape, laughing all the while. No reason to not have fun after all!

But time seems to stand still as a space haired boy ahead of him starts falling backwards when the land starts rising suddenly. He could let him fall. But that’s not very heroic, is it? Rekka picks up speed and stretches his arms out, scooping the boy by the arms and loosely holding him by the chest. Some flames instinctively flare out from Rekka’s back in the shape of wings, almost flapping to lift the two over the newly formed ledge. It takes a few seconds for the boy to start running again, so Rekka lets go quickly. “Be careful yo!” Rekka doesn’t leave time for the other boy to respond before focusing back onto the course.

Rekka collapses onto the floor in a vague sitting position when he crosses the finish line. He wasn’t last- but he wasn’t first. As Rekka was melting in the sun, something blocked said sun from his eyes. It was space hair boy. Naishin-Sunomu Isejin. “You alright?”

Rekka smiles and sits up. “Yea! Just needed to catch my breath! Ah- Naishin-Sunomu right? You have a sand quirk right?”

Rekka watches as Isejin waves his hand, red sand emanating from it. “At your service, want me to pay you back?”

“I wouldn’t phrase it like that but- I have Middle School Gym Class next and I was wondering if you could add some grit to my hands? Y’know, to make it easier to climb.” Rekka laughs sheepishly.

“Sure! Be careful though, if you breathe it in, it’ll go super the other way and you’ll fall asleep and fall off the rope.” Isejin takes his hands and sprinkles some sand onto them.

Rekka grins and rubs his hands together. “Thank you! Good luck with your other things!”

Isejin nods in thanks as Rekka walks to his next task, trying to keep his hands away from his face.

-------------

As Rekka looks up at the rope hanging from the wall, he ‘Hmm, no not that right now’ they had a feeling they weren’t going to do well, especially when they heard whispers of it being one try only. There wasn’t an explicit time limit so Rekka took their time circling the rope, hands drifting to his face in thought. They slowly get their hands on the rope and wrap it around their foot. With a deep breath, they start climbing. But after a metre or two, they start feeling sleepy. “Wha? But I didn’t… breathe it in…?”

Rekka took their time circling the rope, hands drifting to his face in thought.

hands drifting to his face in thought.

hands drifting to his face.

....Fuck.

Rekka curses under their breath probably too many times as they try to keep climbing, but they were starting to slow down, limbs feeling weak. Rekka considered just giving up and dropping off. But they really didn’t want that to happen. They’ve got a good sleep repellent after all! 

Rekka lifts their arm and punches themselves in the face.

They were sure that if anyone was watching them, they’d think they’re crazy but hey! It seemed to work as Rekka could feel the adrenaline starting to work it’s way through their body. The rest of the climb went by quickly because Rekka, while not the smartest, knew that one punch wasn’t going to hold off quirk-induced sleepiness for long. They slowly raise their arm and slap the ball signalling the end of the round. They all but fall to the thick floor mats and close their eyes. “I hope… no one… breathes that rope…”

-------------

After some worried questions from the teachers and a quick nap, Rekka walked to their final round. Swimming endurance. Now, Rekka doesn’t mind the water, but they do mind their hair being extinguished and people looking at them weirdly because of it. Especially considering that Tsuya, the hair quirk person as Rekka found out, was competing as well. They really wanted to befriend a lot of people but Tsuya doesn’t seem interested, so Rekka really needs to try! They take off their tank top, revealing their glowing top surgery scars. “I hope no one here is transphobic.” Everyone hops into the water as the countdown begins.

“3”

“2”

“1”

“Go!”

Rekka kicks off the wall of the pool and starts swimming with a basic freestyle, hair sputtering out after a few strokes. They don’t bother to focus on how everyone else is doing as they try their best to keep swimming straight. They can see the stone pillars but they keep drifting off course.

It ends like how Shaky Shimmy did. Not last, but not first.

“Dammit!” Rekka flops out of the water and shakes themselves off like a dog, fire hair trying it’s best to fully reignite itself. They turn to see Tsuya looking in their general direction, so they throw up a peace sign and a grin, which causes them to turn away. Rekka frowns and walks to a locker, drying himself off with a towel and looking at their sheet.

“All done huh? Might go home then…” Rekka yawns and starts gathering their things. They take their time walking to the train station, watching as other students complete their various activities or as they walk to the station as well. Ever the social butterfly, Rekka makes small talk with various people as they wait for the train, loving the interaction despite their ever oncoming tiredness. Eventually the train arrives and all the currently leaving students start boarding. Rekka plops down onto the same seat they were on that morning and pulls out their phone, calling a contact named “dad 2.”

“Rekka honey? Are you okay?”

Rekka can’t help but chuckle at the worried tone “Yea dad I’m fine- ‘m all done with the entrance exam, I‘ll heading home soon.”

“Oh! Already? I’m so proud of you my darling.”

“Thanks dad… Can you and dad pick me up from the station? I’m a bit tired…”

“Of course, lets get some take away alright? My treat.”

“Hell yea…”

“I’ll see you later darling.”

“See ya dad.”

Rekka smiles as they hang up, pocketing their phone. They knew their dads would be proud, but it was still nice to hear anyways. The train doors close and the train starts moving towards the underground tunnel. As darkness starts engulfing the train and the gentle lights flicker on, Rekka can’t help but close their eyes. The noise of the train gently quiets their hyper mind and puts them to sleep. They think they deserve it.

Today was a good day.

[edie-k]

Legally Ginger - Chapter 3 "What, Like It's Hard?"

Title: Legally Ginger Chapter 3: "What Like It's Hard?"

Rating: Teen (I'm sorry Ron and I are equally fond of the f word)

Summary: Based off the movie Legally Blonde. Ron makes the move to Boston but his Harvard career is off to a rough start.

Author Notes: I do want to caveat that not everyone who attends an Ivy League school is a snob so no offense to anyone that did; it’s just a fun romcom stereotype.

Additionally, I felt the need to address that it can be a bit scary for anyone to stalk someone across the country but particularly a man stalking a woman across country is historically problematic. Unfortunately, given it's basically the entire plot of this story, we can't completely avoid it. So remember, this is a fun thing in movies but a red flag in real life.

And yes, I do crib more from the movie on the curriculum. I did not attend law school and can use the help. So I bolded the language that was either verbatim or heavily cribbed from the movie.

Chapter title is a movie quote.

Thank you so much to adnei for all of the beta help and feedback!

I've been so excited to share this chapter with all of you and I think when you get to the end, you'll know why. Let me know what you think!

Link to AO3 or read more below.

“All set then?” asked his dad, closing the back of the old Ford Escape Bill had passed off to him.

“I think that’s all of it,” Ron agreed.

“Well, I’ll go get your mother then to see you off,” Dad said.

The twins and Ginny were standing on the curb, having already loaded the boxes they carried in the vehicle.

“Well, in two days, you’ll be knocking on Astoria’s door to find out if this crazy plan worked.”

Ron laughed. “Not exactly. Hopefully I run into her the first week.”

George’s jaw dropped. “You spent 90k of Muriel’s cash and wasted the best party semester of your life to hope to run into her?”

He hadn’t gone the entire spring semester without seeing Stori. She’d sought him out a few times for a bit of, as she put it, mutual stress relief, but refused to discuss anything further about their relationship. She had bid him a teary goodbye at their commencement ceremony, where he had been evasive about his post graduation plans.

“The point was to be worthy of her, not scare her. Ginny, imagine you get drafted by the Red Stars and suddenly that douche you dated, Corner, is working there as the strength and conditioning coach. You’d be freaked out.”

“It’s a good point,” said Ginny.

“Look, I’ll show up, I’ll get to know everyone, make my connections, and charm the professors. She’ll know I’m there without me ever telling her.”

“You never faded into the background at CULA,” Fred agreed.

“I’ll say hi if I see her but she’ll be knocking on my door by October,” Ron said confidentially.

“Oh yeah?” George’s voice was skeptical.

“You didn’t think I’d make it this far,” pointed out Ron. “It’s… it’s got to work.”

Suddenly, he felt his confidence drop. Was this a stupid plan?

“Best of luck, bro,” said Fred, giving him a one armed hug.

“Regardless of everything… Ron, you got into Harvard. Harvard. Don’t let them take that away from you,” Ginny said fiercely.

“Yeah, yeah, you sound like Mom now,” Ron said, brushing her off before his cheeks could burn. “Where’s she at? I’m burning daylight here.”

“I’m right here,” said his mom, walking out the front door of the ranch home he’d grown up in, holding a cooler. “I have some sandwiches to at least get you through the first day on the road,”

“First hour maybe,” George scoffed.

“Thanks Mom,” he took the cooler and stuck it in the car. When he turned back around, his dad had joined them again.

“Well, this is it,” he said awkwardly.

“Oh… Ginny, go pack a bag and join your brother. We’ll buy you a plane ticket home. Or I can come along,” his mom blurted out, nervously twisting her hands.

“Mom,” Ron groaned.

“Molly, he’ll be okay,” his dad said gently.

“Call me once a day,” Mom said. “Just during the trip,” she added, when Ron started to object.

“Okay,” he agreed. He drew her into a hug.

After he’d said goodbye to each of them, he whistled. “Pig, come on boy!” The pug ran across the yard and allowed Ron to scoop him up and put him in the passenger seat. He climbed into the driver’s seat and swallowed hard. Was this a big mistake?

“We’re so proud of you, son,” his dad said.

“We’ll see you at Christmas?” his mom asked.

Ron didn’t trust his voice so he just nodded and closed the car door. He started the vehicle and with one last wave, he backed out of the driveway.

**********************************************

Five days later, Ron’s alarm was blaring.

“What fucking time is it?” he muttered, slamming the sleep button. In response, Pig grunted and rolled over.

It had been four days of naps and showers at truck stops, coffee, Monster, and fast food but he’d arrived yesterday in order to get a decent night’s sleep before today’s orientation. He, however, had failed to calculate in the three hour time difference that combined with his driving fatigue, was wreaking havoc on his mind and body.

He sighed and went to a still packed box marked “clothes”. He immediately groaned. His khakis were wrinkled as hell. Should have hung them in the bathroom last night when he showered to at least get a little help from the steam.

Luckily, he had a couple dress shirts in the garment bag with his sports coat and two suits. During his brother Percy’s summer visit, he’d used one of Ron’s rare free days to take him shopping. Percy had gotten some advice from a friend of his that attended the University of Chicago on law school attire and had insisted Ron needed at least three suits.

Ron, who was expecting that this whole thing would be wrapped up by spring, balked at the idea but finally agreed to one new suit to go with the one he already owned, a blazer, khakis, and a few polo shirts. He had shirts and tie combos from various formal and semi-formal events, but doubted he’d need much of it. Percy’s friend had said classes were business casual and while his golf shirts were comfortable enough, Ron really hoped that by the second week, everyone was wearing hoodies in class.

He finished getting ready and then grabbed Pig’s leash. “Come on boy,” he prodded the slumbering pug. “If you don’t go now, you’ll be holding it all day.”

They walked the campus, enjoying the morning quiet. While it didn’t give Ron the ease and sense of belonging CULA did, it was an impressive campus. For a moment, he wished he’d taken his mom up on the offer to come out with him - she’d love to see this. He hated the loneliness he felt and was glad to see Pig do his business. Sooner he could get to orientation and meet some people, the better.

********************************

Orientation had been a mix of boring and interesting. He’d slipped in right at the last minute and sat in the back row to ensure he went unnoticed if he were in the same group of students as Astoria. Luckily, he didn’t notice her in the room. While he missed her terribly, he hadn’t come this far to destroy his plans now, and running into her before classes even started was not the plan.

Now they had moved into the social mixer part of the evening, which he was delighted to see that unlike undergrad, law school mixers included booze.

“Uh… you have anything local?” Ron asked the bartender.

“Nothing craft but I do have Dogfish Head,” the bartender said.

“That’ll do,” Ron responded, sticking a dollar in the tip cup. Had Astoria accepted his proposal, maybe he would have pursued the Boston Beer job and he’d have cases of this stuff in their kitchen. The bartender handed him a glass full of his other life and he wandered over to a small group of people, chatting.

“Hi, Ron Weasley,” he said sticking out his hand to the woman on his right.

“Uh, hi,” she said, sounding surprised but not unfriendly. “Lisa Turpin.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Ernie MacMillan,” said a blonde man, standing next to Lisa. Ron shook his hand and then shook the hand of the man next to him who introduced himself as Jack Sloper.

“We were just discussing undergrads,” Ernie said. “Jack and I were both Princeton men, although I took a gap year in Europe so different classes. Lisa here was an Eli. How about you?”

Ron inwardly winced. This guy sounded so pompous. An Eli, really? Anyone who watched a few seasons of Gilmore Girls knew what that was. Ron took a deep breath. “West coast here. I graduated from CULA.”

“That’s a solid state school system,” said Ernie. It wasn’t an insult, but when he said it, somehow it sounded like one.

“Yeah, well, it got the job done,” he said, forcing his friendliest tone.

“What were your undergrad degrees in?” Jack asked the group.

“I’m afraid I’m a bit of a stereotype. Political science for me,” Ernie chuckled.

“Same,” said Lisa. “Although I double majored in French.”

“I was a double major as well. Economics and Spanish,” Jack responded.

“There just wasn’t time for a double major while I was student body president, I’m afraid,” Ernie said. “What about you, Ron?”

“Uh, yeah, just the one major for me. Food science,” he said self-consciously.

“Food science,” Lisa repeated, her tone again not unfriendly but certainly not welcoming. Ron’s whole body stiffened.

“Like cooking?” asked Jack skeptically.

“No, there are a few different concentrations but I was focused on food biochemistry and microbiology,” he explained.

“I think the only micro I’m aware of with food is microwaves or microbrewing,” Jack said, letting out a condescending chuckle.

“Actually, brewing was a big part of my internship last summer. I was at Anheuser-Busch working on their new sustainable brewing initiative,” he said.

“Interesting,” said Lisa. “Ernie, where did you spend your time abroad?”

“I assume you’re interested in whether I spent any time in France, which I can assure you that I did.”

“I hope when you say France, you don’t just mean Paris,” said Jack and Ron was glad to see his condescension focused on someone else.

Ernie laughed loudly in response. “Of course not.”

Ron took a big swig of his beer. This was going to be a long night.

***********************

Ron shifted his backpack as he carefully studied the room numbers next to each door. Everyone else looked so comfortable and confident and he wondered if all of his fellow students had mapped out their routes in advance of the first day of classes.

His eyes were so busy shifting from the left side of the hallway to the right that he failed to notice someone stopped right in front of him until he slammed into them.

“Ooof,” he said. “I’m sor - ”

“Ron?!”

Of course he had just walked right into Astoria.

Astoria stood there, mouth hanging open as she stared at him. Despite the gormless look on her face, she looked absolutely gorgeous with her blonde hair pulled back into a tight curled ponytail, the kind he used to love to pull out at the end of the day. Even though it was just barely September, she was wearing an orange cardigan and he thought about how she obsessively dressed in what she called “the colors of the season”.

“Hey there,” he forced out in what he hoped was a casual tone.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked, looking shocked.

“Going to class,” Ron responded. “Don’t want to be late; see you!” He took broad steps around and away from her.

Ron let out a sigh of relief as his classroom was the next one he spotted. He took a deep breath as he walked into the lecture hall for his first class. He spotted a seat near the middle of the room that felt like the right place for the impression he wanted to make.

“Hey,” he greeted the guy next to him. The guy nodded, not even looking up from his laptop. Ron shrugged and pulled his computer out of his bag and powered it up.

While it was sooner than he had hoped, Ron had played it pretty cool with Astoria during their chance meeting. Short and to the point, nothing dumb or embarrassing said. His most successful interaction at Harvard to date.

While he was congratulating himself, a severe looking older woman walked purposefully to the front of the classroom and cleared her throat.

“Welcome to the start of your legal education,” she said. “I’m Professor McGonagall.”

As the professor began to speak about the syllabus, Ron allowed his mind to wander back to Astoria. She hadn’t looked upset or angry to see him, merely surprised. Maybe a bit uncomfortable, which was understandable. She also looked phenomenal. It had been way too long since they had been together and he had almost forgotten how stunning she was.

“Can you tell us about Gordon v. Steele?”

Ron looked up with a start. “Huh?”

Professor McGonagall was standing right in front of him, looking annoyed. “Can you tell us about Gordon v. Steele as it relates to subject matter jurisdiction?”

“Uh…” Ron said, shocked. “It’s the first day of class.”

The classroom was now silently watching him.

“Did you not read the first fifty pages of the assigned text?” McGonagall asked.

“I didn’t realize there was an assignment,” Ron said nervously. He heard a snort behind him and his head whipped around to look at the source.

Professor McGonagall seemed to hear the snort too and shifted her focus. “And you, young man? You could answer my question?”

“Of course,” the smartass snorter said. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair.

Oh, thought Ron. This guy is the worst.

“So would you support my decision to ask this student to remove himself from class until he’s prepared?”

Ron froze.

“Yes Professor,” said the cocky douchebag.

Professor McGonagall motioned to Ron. “Once you’re prepared, you will be welcomed back to class. Until then…”

Ron packed up his laptop, completely stunned. He gave a hard stare at the messy haired jerk, who smirked back at him as he stomped out of the room.

**********************

“You have to be fucking kidding me. Where the fuck does she get the right… and that fucking douchebag,” Ron muttered.

“Excuse me,” a voice rang out from behind him. “That’s more profanity than I care to hear in a week, let alone at 8:30 on a Monday.”

Ron looked up, irritated by the interruption to his own self pity. The reprimand came from a pretty curly haired brunette perched on a neighboring bench, a giant stack of books beside her. Despite her scolding words, she had a hint of a smile. A smile that actually looked friendly.

“Sorry,” he said, ears turning red. “I just… are they always that mean?”

“Mean?”

“Yeah, like, call you out like that. My professors have always liked me all right,” Ron replied, feeling quite embarrassed to explain this to her.

“Yes, they tend to do that. Socratic method,” said the woman.

“Ah,” he responded. He knew the name Socrates thanks to his philosophy major ex, but nothing of the method.

“Were you with McGonagall?”

“Yeah. She kicked me out!”

The brunette made a sympathetic noise.

“She ever kick you out?”

The woman now looked scandalized. “Never! But I had nightmares about her my whole first week. Who else do you have?”

“Uh, Sprout, Slughorn, Umbridge…”

“Umbridge likes when you speak up in class but make sure you always concede to her in the end. Slughorn’s kind of pretentious but if you make good use of your thesaurus for his papers, he’s easy to please.”

“Nice, thanks,” Ron said, nodding his head with a slight smile. She grinned back at him.

“This place is tough; don’t let one setback your first day throw you off,” she urged.

“I’m glad I picked this bench. So what year are - ”

“Ron? Can we talk?” Astoria was standing in front of him, looking a bit nervous.

“If you want,” he said carefully.

“Please,” she said, taking a few steps back. Ron lifted a hand in goodbye to the girl on the bench before approaching Astoria.

“So… you’re at Harvard,” she said nervously, rubbing her right hand over her left.

“I am,” he confirmed.

“And… you got into Harvard,” Astoria said.

“Clearly,” he answered, a bit irritated by her tone. She didn’t really think he was an idiot, did she?

“How was your first class? “

“It could have been better,” Ron admitted.

“That’s because you-you don’t belong here,” Astoria said. “Look, maybe I shouldn’t, but I’m trusting that you’re not here to, like stalk me or hurt me or something. Regardless, this just isn’t something you can do. The people that are going to be successful here… they’re like, bred for this. And it’s not you. I didn’t break up with you to be a bitch. This just isn’t something you’re cut out for.”

“Stori - ” he tried to interrupt.

“And Ron, it costs a fortune to go here! How are you even covering this? I still care about you. Please, just cut your losses now,” she pleaded.

“No way,” said Ron, feeling the fire to prove himself ignite. “Look, my first class was rough but it’s because I didn’t get it. I didn’t understand how all of this works. Now I do. Frankly, that asshole that got me kicked out did me a favor because - ”

“Stori, there you are.” Out of nowhere, the aforementioned asshole from class appeared and slung a possessive arm around Astoria’s shoulder.

“Oh, hi,” she said, biting her lower lip and no longer meeting Ron’s eyes.

“We haven’t properly met although, after that disaster in class, maybe it’s pointless,” chuckled the douchebag.

“Ron, this is Harry Potter… my fiancé.”

Ron clenched his jaw but he knew his ears were reddening in a dead giveaway. “Really?”

“Harry was my high school boyfriend. We reconnected this spring and it just felt… right,” Astoria answered awkwardly.

“Well… congratulations.”

“Thanks buddy,” Harry said, voice dripping in mock sincerity.

“I, uh, I’ve got to go,” Ron said. Summoning every ounce of self control he had, he quickly walked in the direction of his residence hall, Astoria calling after him.

[sad-boy-mono]

High school casualties

Chapter 1/?

Word count-1,779 

Masterpost with Ao3 link

Damien sat at his desk, the typing on his keyboard slowly coming to a stop as he finally finished the essay he had been working on for the past few hours. He looked at the bright screen of his laptop and quickly skimmed the concluding paragraph. Satisfied with his work, he closed his device and sunk into his chair as he let out an exasperated sigh. His bed looked more inviting than ever.

Damien, enjoying this new found sense of relaxation, threw off his glasses and rubbed his strained eyes so intensely that colorful dots and random patterns began to flood his eyelids. His head ache pounding harder than it had been over the past few weeks, but hey, at least he finally finished that essay.

Once his eyes felt somewhat hydrated again, he pulled himself out of the old office chair he had been sitting in. He stretched his stiff body, joints popping loudly.

Pretty sure that wasn’t there when I started, Damien thought to himself as he saw the sun peak up from behind his curtains of his window, What time is it anyways?

Damien scanned the area for his phone, spotting it buried under a small stack of papers and sticky notes, as well as some gum wrappers. He grabbed it and turned it on, hissing at the sudden brightness. Letting his eyes re-adjust to the light, he checked the time. It was almost 5:30.

Well I’m only gonna get 2 hours of sleep if I go to bed now, Damien thought to himself as he made his way to his bed, but ya know, it’s gonna be fine. Maybe I can convince my brain it’s only 3! Ya hear that ya dumb stupid brain, it’s only 3 in the morning! Not 5:30! You’re gonna be fine! Everything is fiiiiiiiiiine.

As the delusional teen concluded his thought, he collapsed into bed, falling asleep within moments of his face hitting the pillow. School was going to be rough that day.

===

Yo sorry but Damien REALLY can’t come to the phone right now, so try texting like a normal person

Shayne let out an audible sigh. He had already texted his friend that he was waiting for him outside, like he did everyday. At this point, Shayne was ready to barge into Damien’s house and see if he was dead or not.

Ok if he doesn’t answer this time, I’m gonna murder him. Shayne thought, as he began to call again.

===

Damien’s eyes slowly opened to the sound of a barely familiar ringtone. No one ever called him, let alone at this hour. But without even thinking to check the caller ID, he answered. It was probably important if it was at this hour. Or one committed spam caller.

“Hello?” Damien answered groggily, sleep heavy in his voice.

“Dude where are you? I’ve been waiting for you for the past 15 minutes!” Shayne said, pacing up and down the old wooden porch that lead up to Damien’s house.

Shit, Damien sprung out of his bed so fast his head hurt (Even more then it already did) and he became slightly dizzy. He already started looking around for his clothes, “Uh-yeah sorry! I’ll be out there soon!”

“Ok hurry up, or we’ll be late!” Shayne said hanging up the phone and forcefully putting it back in his pocket with a huff, continuing his pacing.

Damien took a look at his phone and winced. Not only from 8 missed messages and 1 missed call from Shayne. Or the fact it was 8:16 and he had to be at school at 8:40 and didn’t have a car. But his headache was worse than ever. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that made it worse, or the sudden blinding light of his phone; either way, he was not having a good time.

Damien fumbled around his room, putting on whatever clean clothes he had, not really caring if it would look good in the end. He stuck a piece of gum in his mouth to substitute brushing his teeth and began the search for his backpack.

About 5 minutes later Damien was fumbling out the door, adjusting the beanie that seemed haphazardly put on at the last minute, still putting stuff in his bag and his shoes half on.

“Let’s go.” Shayne said, not even bothering to let Damien fully out the door before he started walking off.

“Dude wait up!” Damien said forcing on his untied shoe. “Look, I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I slept through my alarms.”

“Yeah it’s fine, but- Holy- Dude you look like shit!” Shayne said, actually getting a look at Damien.

“Thanks, I feel like shit.”

“What happened?” Shayne asked. It looks like you got hit by a fucking truck

“Well Shayne, that’s exactly what happened!” Damien joked punctuated his statement with finger guns and a yawn.

“What?” Shayne asked.

“No, I’m just kidding. I was up all night working on homework.”

“Oh, um, alright then, why didn’t you work on it earlier? Dude are you ok?”

“Shayne, buddy, don’t worry about it, everything is fine, totally fine,” Damien said, in an ominously cheerful tone. “Let’s just get to school and meet up with Court.”

“Ok…”

===

“Finally! There are my BOYS!” Courtney exclaimed as Damien and Shayne approached the main entrance of the school where Courtney was waiting for them. “What took you 2 so long?” She asked and wrapped her arms around both of their shoulders.

“Well someone,” Shayne rolled his eyes towards Damien and punched his shoulder slightly, “worked on his homework all night and slept through his alarms!”

“Yeah Shayne, why would you do that!” Damien said, crossing his arms

“Wha- ME!” Shayne spat, taking a small step back. And Courtney, with her arm still around him, stumbled back as well.

“Yeah you!”

“You son of a bi-”

“Ok enough,” Courtney cut them off after regaining her balance, “save the arguments for later, we’re gonna be late! And Damien,” Courtney dropped her arms from the boy’s shoulders and dug into her bag. Then after a moment or two, handed Damien a travel mug, “drink this, it’s coffee. Not exactly the way you drink it but hopefully that’ll wake you up a bit”

“Mmmmmmm, bean juice.” Damien mumbled and took a drink.

“You can have the rest, you look like you need it much more than I do.” Courtney said. Damien gasped in mock offense.

“What doth thy meaneth? Art thou saying I looketh like shit?” Damien said dramatically, lazy hand jesters included.

“Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying.” She deadpanned and began walking into the school, Shayne and Damien following.

“So what where you working on last night then?” Shayne asked.

“Yeah what was so important that you worked on it for so long it sucked the soul of you?” Courtney asked, once again wrapping her arms around her boys as they walked.

“That essay for Mr. Hecox’s class I was telling y’all about a few weeks ago.” Damien confessed.

God he really put it off for that long? Damn is he okay?

“Yeah Shayne I’m fine. I’ve just had this awful headache for the past few weeks and I wanted to work on it when it went away, but it didn’t.” Damien looked and saw confusion clear on both of his friend’s faces. “What?”

Shayne glanced at Damien, then Courtney, trying to figure out how Damien heard him.

“Um, yeah no it’s nothing. Just… never mind.” Shayne gave a confused glanced at Courtney, who gave one right back.

“What, what’re y’all looking at?”

“Oh uh, it’s nothing, just drink your coffee. This is our class anyways so we gotta shut up now.” Courtney pointed at the door, patting Damien’s arm and dropping her own arms from the boy’s shoulders.

“Oh- alright then.” Damien mumbled to himself and walked in with his friends.

They made it in the class by 8:45. So yeah, they were late. But by the looks of the empty desk right by the door, so was their teacher.

“Oh looks like we don’t have to shut up now.” Shayne said.

“Damn all that stress for nothing!” Damien sighed.

“Well, let’s just relax and chat then! Like Shayne said, we don’t gotta shut up just yet.” Courtney said, walking to her desk, the boys once again following her.

The three slid into their desks, Shayne sitting to Damien’s right and Courtney in front of Damien. They began chatting with each-other and a few people around them. Well, two of them were chatting. Damien was silent, resting his head on his desk. He may as well exploit this time to get a little more sleep, or just zone the fuck out. Either way he was resting up to the best of his ability. Trying to make the pounding in his head go away.

===

“-ien? Hello~ Earth to Damien~” Shayne said, gently rocking his sleeping friend.

“Wha-,”Damien hummed, glancing around at the classroom, hearing it quiet down.

“Sorry to interrupt your nap, but Mrs. Whittle’s here.” Shayne said with a sympathetic smile, then turned around to face the front.

Damien began to sit up reluctantly. He dug through his bag and got out the materials that his teacher listed on the board. Looks like they didn’t need much. Which Damien won’t complain about, the less work he has to do today the better.

“Alright class, why don’t you guys take a seat! I’ve got all my bearings so we can finally start!” Mrs. Whittle unlocked her computer. “Ok attendance, you guys know the drill!”

As she went down the list, Damien noticed quite a few people missing. People he was sure he noticed in the room when he first entered. Damien checked his phone again. It was now 8:57. So their teacher was almost 20 minutes late. It looks like people decided not to wait and just left.

“Alright, got that done!” Mrs. Whittle stood up from her desk and made her way to the board. “Again class, so sorry I was late today. We had an issue with one of the cats this morning and it was not pretty, ended up having to take the lil guy to the Vet but he’ll be ok! But anyways I hope you enjoyed this extra time to chat with your classmates. It works out in the end since today I planned something simple for us to work on today!”

As the class carried on, Damien barley paid attention. It’d be fine though, he would just ask Shayne or Courtney what went on and what he needed to know. It would be fine, this was a simple lesson anyways.

===

[spookybreadstick]

I'm sorry, Breadstick. I will be praying for your grandmother, for sure the doctors will be taking good care of her. Family fights are inevitable but everything will get better, at that moment they are the closest people physically to you so enjoy, stay close and take care of each other. Family is one that is united even in the most difficult moments.

about your important decisions, I know you made the best possible choice, sometimes there are decisions that destroy the heart but fix our lives, so always try to look on the positive side of things

I'm going to take my afternoon off to study some school subjects that need my attention too. I went through the height of humiliation last week, I cried while studying because I couldn't understand the subject that the teacher taught in class. When I finished I just put my things away and went to take a nap

I had a lot to do at the restaurant that I work at last weekend. I take the orders for delivery (I don't think I've ever taken so many orders). And when the shift ended I went to help organize the invetory

my face was bruised after the shift, I have to wear two masks together (a simpler hospital one under and a thick fabric one over it) and a face shield

my classmates made fun of me at school this morning because i have a huge red mark on my forehead and my hair is still not big enough to cover it (at least the mask covers the bruise on my nose)

I have plans for tomorrow, I'll take my little sister to see the sunset in a clearing nearby, I'll take the opportunity and draw a little bit

I think I talk too much, sorry.

I'm sending you kisses and hugs! 💖💕💓💜🧡💚💖❤️💜💛🖤❤️

good luck with your schoolwork! I'm sure you'll be able to catch up. Don't demand too much of yourself

ily 💖💕💞💝💖💞

-dancing parrot 🐦🎶

Aw, thank you so much dancing parrot!! This means a lot to me <3

1)  It is extremely kind of you to pray for my grandmother, so thank you. I will give an update under the cut on her health, so anyone who doesn’t want to hear about it can skip that. 

2) Yes, my family and I have all made up by now! It’s just hard when you’re living in the same tiny house and there’s nowhere to go. 

3) The more I think about it, the more sure I get that I did make the right choice. Whatever happens next is out of my control, but I did my best to make the best decision possible and I know that I’ve done what I can on my end. 

4) Oh God, raise your hand if you’ve ever cried in school✋✋✋✋✋

I cried once in fourth grade because I didn’t understand and once in seventh grade. I also cried once in third grade, like full on sobbed, because my mom was sick and the doctors didn’t know why (it was like a really bad flu, except it wasn’t the flu and it lasted a while, and to this day the doctors aren’t sure what the hell that was but it certainly scared little-me). I’ve also very nearly cried in class, like I had to leave the room, for math-related issues a couple of times in the past. And I’ve cried not in class, but in the school building, for anxiety reasons, many times. I try my best not to do in front of people, but sometimes people know that I’m tearing up and need to leave because I’m about to have a panic attack. Shit happens. I know it’s really embarrassing, but crying is a natural human reaction and you know, like I said, shit happens. Crying it out isn’t the worst thing in the world when you think about it. And sometimes you just gotta stop and take a nap after. Rest and refresh. 

5) I have a friend who used to work at a pizza place as the person who handled the delivery and to-go stuff, and she quit after a week, so props to you! She told me that she’s never been so stressed and also her manager really sucked and didn’t teach her how to do the job properly so she had to figure things out mostly on her own. The final straw for her was when the manager wanted her to train the new hire after she hadn’t even been here for a week yet. She was way too stressed so that just sent her over the edge and she quit. I feel for those who work in the fast-food or restaurant industries. I could never do that. When I had my pre-pandemic job at the grocery store, I got stressed out when it got busy, but grocery store busy is nothing compared to fast-food or restaurant busy. 

6) If people were honestly making fun of you, then fuck them honestly. You’re working hard and they probably don’t even know the definition of hard work. A bruised face from the masks just means you were being responsible and caring for the safety of others while you did your job. Nothing wrong with that at all. 

7) I hope you and your little sister had fun!! Sounds like a great little trip for the two of you!! 

8) Sending you kisses and hugs back!! And don’t worry, you don’t talk too much :) 

- breadstick 🥖

~~~~ Update On My Grandmother’s Health Under the Cut ~~~~

 Unfortunately, the doctors gave a diagnosis: Stage 3 Lung Cancer.

 It doesn’t come as a huge shock, she’s been a HEAVY smoker for decades, but it’s still somehow surprising too :( Like even though we all kind of knew at the back of our minds, it’s still unexpected in a way. She will be undergoing treatment, and that will give us hopefully a few more years. But it could potentially be a few months, depending on how her body reacts to it, which is a scary thought. The doctors are learning towards a positive outlook with a couple more years though, so that’s good. It’s just sad to know that like, this is what will kill her. There is no cure, and the doctors are certain that one day the cancer will kill her, whether it’s in a few months or a few years. It’s weird, because the last time I saw her she was fine. She’s been so careful about pandemic, and really never leaves the house, so we got to see her every couple of weeks since we’re both not going anywhere and being safe. And our last little visit, she was totally fine. It feels sudden and not real, but I know the reality will set in soon. I think it’s like that for my dad, too. We’ve never been super close to my grandmother, not like some people have deep bonds with their grandparents, but we’ve been close enough and she’s our family, you know? So it’s just sad. Trying to be hopeful about it, but there’s also just the facts that we need to face, too 💔

[poguesofthebau]

Hii may i please get a ship with someone from the obx?💛 i’m 5’4, straight, with olive/tan skin, a slim figure and medium length brown hair. Im super super shy at first but after a while i can be very outgoing, loud, flirty and confident. I used to surf a year ago and now i do volleyball & basketball. I work a ton as a waitress and im the funny one out of my group! I dress very girly but also have a boyishly side to me too! Thank you for your time and take care always!!🥰❤️✨

i ship you with john b!! (honorary mention: you’d work at The Wreck after becoming bffs with kie at the kook academy, meeting jb and the boys through her as well and quickly becoming the fifth pogue.)

you and john b would meet through kie, as i already said. it’d be a sunday morning, and kie had picked you up at 8am so you could get to the beach before most people were even awake. two surfboards strapped to the top of kie’s car, you were in the water by 8:25. before you knew it, the population of the beach began to grow more and more, until you and kie both decided it was too busy to surf comfortably. you’d both paddle in, dropping your boards in the sand by your stuff to take a breather. you buried your own feet in the sand as you laughed at something kie had said about “demon seagulls,” laying on your back and closing your eyes. it had already been a good day, and all you’d done so far was surf with kie. you were excited to spend the day with your favorite person, but you had no idea what was actually in store for your day.

after both taking a quick 20 minute nap, you and kie were gathering your belongings to head back to her house for some food. as you slung your bag over one shoulder and tucked your board under the other, though, you heard kie mutter an “oh, fuck” and sigh. seconds later, you spotted three boys your recognized as the other pogues charging down the beach toward you with bright grins on their faces. “hey guys! leaving just as we get here?” john b called out when he was a few feet away. you’d smile at him, ignoring the butterflies hit you when he beamed back. “sorry,” you’d laugh. “mom said we have to go home for sandwiches and drinks after being in the sun so long.” jj scoffed a laugh at that, nodding in understanding. “she pulls the mom shit on us, too!” “okay,” kie interrupted. “i was gonna do introductions here but i guess i don’t need to. great. thanks, guys.” john b, on the other hand, seemed to have deflated a bit when he realized you were really leaving. his first time finally meeting kie’s infamous kook bestie, the one whose instagram and twitter he’d secretly stalked on multiple occasions, and she was leaving? just his luck. “well, what’re you guys doing later? we’re gonna fuck around here for a while but maybe we could reunite at some point?” john b would be looking only at you, quickly flickering his eyes over to kie when he realized how much of a stalker he probably seemed like. “i guess,” kie would say impatiently, turning slightly to signify to you that she was ready to head out. “yeah,” you added kindly. “i’ll make sure kie texts you later.” with a smile and a wave, you turned to follow kiara off the beach. as you tossed your boards back on the car, kie smirked at you smugly. “what, creep?” “hey, i’m not the creep here. that’s you, miss ‘yes i wanna hang out, john b, please.’” you’d scoff, bumping her side with your hip and causing her to stumble a little. “shut up. i did not sound like that, i was just being nice.” “yeah, you were nice, alright.” you smacked kie on the arm, and seconds later the conversation was on to the next topic.

for the next few hours, you and kie didn’t talk about john b or the pogues at all. you gossiped about sarah cameron, made sandwiches and cut up fruit, helped her mom figure out which shoes went best with her outfit, put on a disney movie only to talk over it. as you were discussing the relationship drama one of the other waitresses at The Wreck had told you about, kiara’s phone buzzed beside her. she didn’t flinch, continuing with her opinion as you stared between her and the face-down cell phone next to her thigh. “i mean, if your boyfriend won’t answer your calls for three days straight, i think-- oh my god, what?” you’d look at kie with an innocent smile, knowing she was annoyed that you’d interrupted her rant. “are you gonna check who that was? see if it’s john b? or pope or jj?” “’or pope or jj’ my ass,” kie would mutter, grabbing her phone and scanning the screen’s notifications. wordlessly, she began typing in reply, and you peered over her shoulder to see who it was. it was kie’s dad, asking her to pick up a shift the next day. you deflated, causing your friend to laugh at your blatant disappointment. “sorry to disappoint you, but he’s probably not--” before she could finish her sentence, her phone was buzzing again in her hand. glancing down, she rolled her eyes and tossed the phone to you. “of course.” as kie complained, you grinned at the words on the screen. jb: hey, your dad down to sponsor a pogue meal at the wreck, us five? quickly, you sent him confirmation, earning a groan from kie.

fast forward another hour, and you’d be sat next to john b in The Wreck, both of you laughing as jj and pope arm wrestled and kie barked for them to “cut the shit, before you spill something.” while the other three were distracted, john b nudged your arm to call for your attention. when you turned to him, he was smiling softly at you. “you having fun, slumming it with the pogues?” you’d give him a huge smile, nodding immediately. “so far, in my opinion, the pogue lifestyle is a good lifestyle.” he’d nod back, returning your apparently contagious smile. “good, good. hopefully you’ll stick around, then.” “yeah, i could think of a few solid reasons to stick around.” those reasons would definitely prove to be worth it.

[ellaenchanting]

Beguiled Recap

      Every year writing these gets harder. Because I can only go to con about once a year it ends up feeling less like a normal convention and more like visiting a town where you grew up. There are so many people to see and they've often changed so much since you've last seen them. People have broken up, people have gotten closer, people have gotten more connected to the community at large, people have started or ended a conflict, people have exciting changes in their real life, people have joined, people have brought their friends, some people aren't there. You’ve drifted apart, you’ve drifted together. It's dizzying taking in the new dynamics and just feeling really connected and disconnected at once. There are quite a few hypnofolks that I would happily spend an entire weekend with one on one so it's hard to split time and attention to connect to everyone that I really, really want to spend time with. There are always a ton of people who seem awesome and who I would really like to know better but probably never will. So many hypnokinksters are magnetic to me-  I try not to get pulled so hard that I end up drained of energy or time or behave unkindly to folks I'm already committed to*.

It's a balance.

 I fuck it up.

 We all do- there's probably no way to be connected meaningfully to a plethora of people and not fuck up the balance of time and energy. But- one of the things I'm most happy about from this weekend is that I got to spend at least a little time with a bunch of people who I feel connected to and who I really care about. I hope others had a similar experience (as loose and fast and chaotic as it all can be).

TMI ABOUT MY FUCKING FEELINGS (aka the skippable part):

- I’ve had a rough 2019 in terms of mental health and I was really worried about con leaving me worse off (like it did last year). I was trying to be really mindful about eating and sleeping enough as well as not over-committing myself.  I had the full range of difficult experiences and emotions for bits of time- tired, lonely, rejected,  jealous, angry, sad, guilty, ashamed- but I never quite felt like I fell into a hole that I couldn’t get out of. I had a bit more fight in me this time. I don’t know quite where that came from but I’d take riled up over despair any day. I generally only really get to hang out with hypnokinksters once a year - I’m glad I could fight to stay present for it.   

-I felt more toppy this con than I have in a while- sometimes in low-key ways and sometimes in ways that felt much more aggressive than I’ve experienced in a while.  I’ve had a lot of times recently where topping felt inauthentic and hard- like I was pathetically pretending at something I’m not talented enough to achieve. (Hell, I felt like that for most of Heart of Texas.) It’s hard to reconcile the helplessness of depression with a good confident hypnotist headspace.  It was nice to get back into an extended toppy groove this weekend. Thanks to everyone who was nice to me around this and who was excited to see that side of me. 

A Jangled Tangle of What I Did (In Roughly Chronological Order):

My con was much more about connecting with individuals than doing big public things that would make an interesting recap. I'm going to write some details below but they'll be really vague. If you think I'm talking about to I probably am. :) :

-Topping is for Everyone was so good. Excellent participation and beautifully given. I’m so happy about how it went- and would love to actually join you next year (if you want to do it again).

-Playing around with visual hallucinations and just hanging out for a bit during a con that I know was busy for you. Hopefully helping a bit? I’m happy for all of the positive things you experienced this weekend and all the support you received. :)

-Thank you for the picture. It's beautiful. :)

-A rude interruption of my nap. Harumph. :P Clearly I hated it.

-Not bringing nearly enough clean clothes. 

-Femme flirt had some problems this year but I'm still very happy about it as an event and grateful to everyone who came out. Thank you to @daja-the-hypnokitten and @sex-obsessed-lesbian for co-organizing.

- I've already talked to you about this scene but- I like you so much. :) Light sensitized touch (especially lip touching) and just the perfect tone. Also fun with blankness. Additionally- lots of random little talk and play throughout the weekend. You're the best and just being around you always fills me with happiness. 

- Thanks for letting me cuddle with y'all. :) Sorry I was half-asleep.

- Demo bottoming for Setting Your Subject Up for Success. I've been through this class 3 or 4 times now and have learned something every time. It's such a useful class and so well taught. @sex-obsessed-lesbian has an amazing style that I always really really enjoy.

- Getting lunch and catching up.:) Also getting some time to do mutual "I like you" trances and play with rope. (Rope! Who knew you were so kinky! :P  )  Also co-topping! Twice! :) That was fun. I know schedules are weird and you've got a lot of stuff going on but- I want you in my life as much as you're reasonably able to be there? Don't be a stranger. :)

- Also- hey thank you for thinking of me as a co-top! I enjoyed it a lot- and you have lovely reactions. I hope your weekend ended up being everything you hoped for. It looked like you were having tons of fun! :)

- Fear Play Lounge- I never thought I'd be particularly interested in doing fear play but the opportunity came up to join a fear play group before con and- apparently I've been storing ideas because all of a sudden I could think of a ton of things I wanted to try. I still don't think of fear play as being particularly sexy, necessarily, but kind of fascinating and really fun to think about logistically. (I may have a logistics kink.) Had a very sexy Killing Eve inspired scene, did kind of a two parter brain parasite/helpless passenger thing (HOOOOOT- you were a beautiful partner),  and did a Madoka Magica-inspired soul gem scene. All were VERY fun- some of the favorite things I did at con with fabulous scene partners. I also loved watching what other people were doing and their mutual creativity (like in the “bugs on the floor” scene). Thank you to everyone from the lab for making such a cool atmosphere and especially to my scene partners for letting me experiment with something new. 

-More unexpected co-topping was unexpected! But nice! (Not always co- but- sequential topping?) I'm sorry for crashing y’alls time together (I didn’t quite realize that’s what I was doing)- but was really glad I got to spend more time with both of you and do some light casual trancing. Y'all are cute. :) 

- Nice deep trance with some fun cleverness around finding My Unconscious. Have I told you recently how much I love your voice when it gets soft and gentle like that? Mmmm. Also hot mirror things with a little bit of switchiness. Love you. ♥️ You're incredible.

-Dinner and a scene :) Thank you for finally letting me take you out. And- hmmm- boots. Deconstruction. Fuzzing out the unimportant words and thoughts. That thing where you do something so attractively that I have to see it over and over again. So grateful for you and your trust and your friendship. Thank you. (Also for Tuesday morning was an additional, unexpected hotness. Don’t think I haven’t gone back and reread or that I don’t have plans. It doesn’t really matter which thoughts are originally mine and which are originally yours when yours will all eventually be mine anyways, right? )

-Didn’t think so

-You probably shouldn’t think about that too much either, hmm? <3

- Killing Eve things again! That was my second scene with no hypnosis (you know, -ish) and it was different but really exciting to do. You’re devastatingly hot. Still trying to decide between doing and being done to- being a switch is confusing. :P Thank you for asking me and for taking time for me and for trusting me with something a little dark-feeling (and also for the beautiful dress). Let’s do more of all the things, yeah? 

-It was lovely seeing you look adorable in pretty dresses all weekend. I was so happy about our gentle and fun Sunday morning scene.  I really liked your happy purr- and I had a happy purry feeling myself after we were done. Thank you! :)

-Don’t Drop Yet was such a fun class to participate in. I’m glad that I actually made it this time. Y’all are great. :) I still haven’t figured out quite how resistance play works for me as a bottom but it’s a fun thing to explore. 

- Teasy fuzzy handcuff things were really fun. :) I didn’t do a lot of concentrated bottoming during con (see above re: headspace) but I’m glad I got some of that time in with you. I also appreciate your care and concern later in the weekend. Things work themselves out- but I appreciate you thinking about me. I won’t tell anyone how sweet you are (who doesn’t already know). :P

-Thanks for going to dinner with me. :) I did genuinely enjoy hearing your thoughts and theories. Also- I think i owe you a text message and  an amnesia rant (which I also apparently owe to @daja-the-hypnokitten and @spiralturquoise). Thank you for taking out the time to spend with me. 

- @sebsteerpike- I really like talking with you. I just want to note that here. Consider it officially noted. :)

- Sunday night didn’t turn out exactly like I planned, but the positive side of that was that I got to see a socialize with several people I hadn’t really seen all weekend (and some since my first con). Also got to be a “victim” of my own breast induction (and see it done way better). Also had someone tell me I would make a wonderful vampire- which is the True and Proper way to flirt with me. Thank you. :)

- Thanks for lunch on Monday. Like I said- it was an absolutely perfect way to end the con. And- I’m so so excited for you- both the adventures you've had and the ones you’re about to have. :)

- Thanks for letting me hang out a bit in y’alls room on Monday. You’re both lovely. Also re: sliding into my DMs- yes please? I know mutual time/energy is a thing (especially during con) but- could be fun. :)

- @ultinath made me blush randomly all weekend. Again. I am working up an absolutely devastating counter-flirt that you will be helpless against when we next meet. Beware.

-Concom did an amazing job. I don’t know Tumblrs but- thanks! :) 

-If I saw you this weekend, you added to my experience and I really valued the time we spent together. This is a not-at-all comprehensive list but:  @ab0ut---blank, @andsleep @arihi, @brainbound @bylineloislane, @carneggyblog, @dancercoder, @daja-the-hypnokitten, @darthkyra @enscenic,@hypnoricebunny @hypnoobiwan @lily-ackerman, @kitty-sylvie @jungle4566@minddiver @hypno-moon-gazer @mr-ackerman, @ragezdasta @sebsteerpike, @sex-obsessed-lesbian @spiralturquoise @silentstream9@ultinath @zanydanger @a lot of y’all in the fear play room that I don’t know the Tumblrs of @also a lot of you femme flirters @everyone I’m leaving out. Thank you for being in my life.

*And "committed to" does not just mean romantic here but- generally if we interact frequently I'm committed to our relationship in the way that we have it

[chubbyooo]

Blurred Lines : Chapter 4 - Gacen

chapter four adding everyone favorite depressed smuggler 

Ash looks after the ship while Gacen bums around the ship (writing this made me proper sad :( why do i do this to my precious children)

Ash was setting the ship up for a hyperspace jump, they had a long way to go to deliver their cargo so best settle in for a long night. She couldn’t think straight at the moment, she hadn’t seen Gacen in a couple hours which could be very bad, she wanted to go find him but knew she had to not smother him that would just make it worse. 

As if in response to her worry she heard him enter the cockpit. “hey Ash you got the route setup” he said as he plopped down into the co-pilots chair feet up on the controls

“Yeah I've got the route plotted and we’re ready to go into hyperspace” she was rather new to piloting but thought she’d been picking it up fairly fast with Gacen’s help

“I should probably check just in case don’t wanna end up inside a giant space worm or something” he said with a slight chuckle, he leaned over the console catching himself on about 10 buttons “don’t worry about that it’s probably unimportant” Ash made a mental note of which buttons to reset once he had finished. “pretty good but look here” he pointed at a point in the route near a black hole “this is a bit too close to the black hole it’s probably best not to risk it” 

Ash was surprised “but I've calculated the risk and it’s small enough that making that journey will be worth it to get us there sooner” made sense to her they would get paid more even if there was damage

“yeah i know but better safe than sorry right, also if we add” he pointed to another star “this we can pick up lunch at a place that actually serves good food rather than bug food” he made a good point usually food at the drop offs was quite unenjoyable

“alright sure why not” Ash said probably best not to press it

“excellent” he said moving back to his reclined position, he slipped for a second and nearly fell over “I’m fine i’m fine don’t worry” he said scrambling back into his seat

“I wasn’t worried” Ash said with her arms folded she swore he’d lose his head without her “so you doing okay?” she asked probably best to at least ask

“what do you mean” Gacen said with a puzzled look on his face

hmmm she didn’t want to be too obvious “you been stable” she said with an eyebrow raised

“oh cmon Ash trust me i’m fine you’d know if there was a problem trust me” exactly that’s why she was worried but he was right she should trust him

“okay good i’m gonna bump this into hyperspace we got a while in there so make sure you don’t get too bored” she said hopefully implying the right thing

“yeah i’m gonna take a nap easiest way to combat boredom” he said with a smile he walked out the cabin with his usual chipper walk which was a good sign. 

Ash stayed at the console for a bit making sure that every precaution was taken before leaving it to make the trip, she had an alert for if they came out of hyperspace, a remote pilot, the list went on. She had tried to install some upgrades to the ship after agreeing to join Gacens crew, the ship was royally unequipped and could fall apart any minute, now it could probably manage the Kessel run, Gacen said that was some kind of hard maneuver or something. Speaking of Gacen a nap didn’t seem like the worst idea and it would be good to check on him. 

Ash got up and made her way to the bunks but when she arrived there was no sign of Gacen oh no this was bad she began to look for him checking for alcohol as she went there was none last time she checked, she made sure of it. None in the kitchen area but his hiding spots were more of the issue, None in the chess table good, none in the holopad and none in the medbay hidden as medicine. This meant he either already had it and he had a lot or Ash was overreacting. 

Where was he though? she’d normally found him by now, she searched the ship one more time and still couldn’t find him in any room, the only place he could still be is in the turret. She made her way to the bottom of the turret “Gacen? you up there” She could see his feet but still polite to ask

“huh wha-- oh hey Ash what’s up” Gacen seemed disorientated which was a very bad sign

“what are you doing up there i thought you were having a nap?” god this was going so wrong he better not be drinking himself to death up there

“nap? oh well... i like to nap up here sometimes ya know the hyperspace trails they’re cool n stuff” that’s a suprisingly good lie but his stupor and dazy way of speaking was giving it away big time

She would have to trick him down “well i’m going to take a nap so need someone up front” obligation seemed a good road to take

“oh well... sure i can do that i guess give me a minute to come down you just go ahead and go to bed” yeah sure and leave you like that fat chance at least he wasn’t slurring his words 

Ash had to keep this charade up so went to the bunks but stayed awake. She heard a loud crash about 2 minutes later and made her way to the bar area fists clenched. Gacen was sat there on the floor drinking from a flask “uh A---Ash um this uh where did this flask come from” he said barely comprehensible “i think it’s haunted” 

“God dammit Gacen why do you keep doing this” Ash was shouting now this was not the first time and she was really trying to help him she was furious 

“alright fine okay i can’t do it are you happy now you win I’m a drunk and you’re in control” Gacen said retreating into himself beginning to drink more from the flask

“this is not what i want Gacen i want to help you why do you want to do this to yourself” she said snatching the flask from Gacens hands

“you know damn well why, everything is garbage, everyone leaves and i’m left alone i can’t do it anymore it’s too hard” he said trying to stand up but stumbling back to his knees

“so what you’d rather just drink yourself to death” Ash was really trying she had a lot of patience for him because of all he’d done for her but she could not tolerate that

“YES i would what’s the point in not i don’t exactly have any family who would be sad about it” Gacen seemed so lost Ash had no idea what to do she was terrible at talking to people regularly how did she bring her best friend out of this

 “how do you know if there’s a point if you’re never sober hell when was the last time that you were” Ash really hoped that would it through to him

“i don’t wanna be sober because then i start thinking and when i start thinking i can’t stop and feel just as bad” Ash knew he’d been through a lot but he still hadn’t told him half of the story how was she supposed to help if he wouldn’t open up

“please tell me when was the last time that you were sober” she needed to know how long she had been lied to

“a little after we got out of Belsavis, what do you care anyway?” WHAT a little after Belsavis the whole time they’d been working together she was utterly furious she wanted to slap him so bad but contained herself 

“of course i fucking care Gacen i’m not angry at you for no reason i’m angry because you’re my friend and i want my friend back the one who could bring me out of a bad mood with his stupid jokes and show me right from wrong when i was too stubborn to understand. You’re not the only one who lost people you’re all I've got now but i don’t know if i can keep doing this if you’re always drinking trying to die of alcohol poisoning” Ash was tearing up at this point she wasn’t familiar with this sensation what do people normally do with tears where do they go?

Gacens face changed though maybe it worked “oh i...i just thought you wanted me to be better so i could help” Ash was shocked did he really not realize that she just needed her friend back “you really want me to be better for me?”

“of course i do i know i’m not good at showing it but i really care about you Gacen, please just get better for me?” Ash didn’t like admitting these sort of things but this seemed like it was worth it

“Okay Ash i’ll try i promise it’ll be a slow process and i’m still gonna drink but i won’t drink myself to death” Gacen said with a half smile that was a half victory for Ash it’s better than nothing and he at least understood now.

“okay thanks buddy i really appreciate it” Ash needed a rest after that she felt so overwhelmed.

“good now i’m gonna take a nap on this nice cold floor i’ll see you in the morning” with that his head hit the metal and he passed out

Ash picked him up and moved him too the bed, even as dead weight he was the easiest thing to carry. “good night Gacen you stupid fool” Ash said with a smile and left him...

[rydenstories]

I found a journal in my hotel room

REDDIT

My girlfriend and I are just finishing up road tripping around the US, seeing concerts, attending festivals, visiting landmarks, etc. As you can imagine, we've seen a ton. It's been great, but by the time we started our long journey back to our home state, the trip had taken a lot out of us. Not just physical exhaustion, we'd nearly drained our savings for the trip as well. The plan had always been to drive straight through, taking turns at the wheel while the other slept. With tension rising as time passed, the plan quickly changed and we looked for the cheapest (but still nicest) hotel we could find.

Later, we found ourselves pulling up to the building directly next to the highway that would be our haven for the night; a cheap chain hotel with a bright sign that read "NIGHTLY $4O, WEEKLY $200" and a giant parking lot nearly packed full of semi-trucks. There are two more hotels on the same side of the highway underpass similar to this, two gas stations, and a fast food restaurant. The crowning feature of this small area, however, is a goliath stone cross that almost looms from the other side of the highway. It towers over everything, including the church that stands behind it and is illuminated by two bright white spotlights. To be truthful with you, this SOUNDS very odd when typed out but after weeks of driving past countless places like this, it's all just something I've come to shrug off as very mid-west.

The lobby wasn't packed like the parking lot, but there were more people wandering around the main floor than I'm used to seeing in near any hotel. Mostly gentlemen, reading books, eating cup noodle, watching the news, and chatting joyfully. It actually kind of reminded me of living in the dorms during college. Very friendly environment. I found myself surprised at how just... nice everything was for how not nice you'd expect it to be, you know? Still, we didn't really pause to reflect on that before checking in and quickly rushing to our room. My girlfriend did a quick check of her side of the bed and was asleep within minutes, but even with how tired I felt, I couldn't bring myself to go to bed so early and decided to check over the entire room.

Fairly clean. Carpet was really new, too. Not bad for the price. I sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling satisfied enough. Still, I pulled out the nightstand drawer, more-so to satisfy my curiosity about hotel bibles than anything else. Instead, there is this dark blue composition notebook. I've been reading it for a little while now.

It seems to be a journal, with many of the entries summing up the mostly uneventful days of the writer, a truck driver with a wife named Lynae. The writing itself is really messy and although I can tell that the author is deeply thought and well spoken, many of the larger words are spelled phonetically; smart, just not book smart. The journal is really full and some of the earlier entries are really interesting, detailing run-ins with hitchhikers and feuds with other drivers. The entries stop very abruptly and the last few are particularly unsettling. I can't be entirely sure, but I think those were written in this room. These are the last few entries. I've copied them down and done corrections to make it overall more legible, but otherwise I haven't changed anything.

___________________________________________

July 27th The money is in and it is good! I knew Bone would come through for me on that last haul. Now I just gotta get the rig back home! I'm glad I finally have the money to stop and rest in a real bed, too. The old cabin just ain't as comfortable as it used to be. Maybe that's what I'll be fixing next! I called Lynae and let her know I was coming home and she near squealed over the phone. I'm thinking now's the time to get her that pretty ring. Anyway, I saw Monty again today and asked if he was gonna return my MP3 player but he just kind of shrugged me off. It was pretty damn rude, actually. Knew his parents didn't teach him manners. He just got up in his truck, wasn't even gonna stick around. Weird actually, he almost always sacks up for the night, doesn't like driving after dark. Oh well, hope he enjoys a nice night drive! All over nothing!

Anyway, seems time to hit the hay! I'll be headed out tomorrow morning and I'll hopefully be home for supper!

July 28th Woke up this morning with the worst kind of headache. You know the kind that stings behind the eyes, burns your nose? Awful. Soon as I got out of the bed, the nausea hits. Damn it! Happens after every long haul; I get some bug off some dirty oldie who ain't never heard of antibacterial soap and I have to sleep it off in some crummy hotel. Fucking figures. Anyway. Seems like this place is much less crowded than last night and near all of the fellas that are here are total strangers to me. I wandered around a little bit, went to the lobby and grabbed some good stuff from the snack machines. Hung out for a few minutes, too, but instead of the normal circulation of news and talk TV, the counter girl was watching some weird black and white film. I ended up just going back to my room, throwing up a little, and getting some sleep. I napped until now, which it's pretty late. I'm getting 1 AM on my room's alarm clock.

I went downstairs to grab some clean clothes from my rig and smoke a cigarette but the front and side doors of the building were locked. I didn't see any employees around though, so I figure they're on their late night break. I hung out down there for a while and waited for someone to come open it but gave up eventually. If I'm being honest, I was feeling a little uncomfortable. It was too damn quiet. Plus, that church changed the lights shining on that giant cross. They're red. What a weird color for a church to pick. I don't know, maybe the fever is just making me loopy and paranoid. I better try to get some more sleep.

July 29th When I woke up this morning, the alarm clock said it was already well past noon. I thought it couldn't have been right because it was still pitch black in my room, no light shining through the open curtains at all. I got up and sure enough, it was still pitch black outside. So I figured my clock was broken. I guess the fever's got me feeling more and more irritable since I got here, otherwise I don't think I would've even brought it up let alone complained, but I yanked the cord from the wall and left my room.

The lobby was still empty, door still locked, and no employees in sight. I rang the little bell on the counter but nobody came. Hell, I waited in that lobby for a damn hour and nobody came! I'm starting to feel worse, too. My head is pounding so hard and I can't get any damn medicine since I've searched high and low for an unlocked exit and found not a single one. I don't really have any choice except to lay down and rest. Tried to watch TV, but all it's pulling is the weather channel and black & white movies, so I guess I've been watching the weather channel for a couple hours now. I'm going to try to rest more.

Oh. By the time I turned on the weather channel, it was saying it was 2 PM. The clock for sure was not wrong, but I have yet to see any sign of the sun.

August 2nd It's still dark outside and according to the weather channel's date, I'm missing some days. My head is so foggy that if I didn't remember at least a little from the other day, I don't think I'd question the initial notion that I just... slept through it from being so damn sick! I'm not sure that's what this is anymore. I'm not sure what this is at all anymore and frankly, I'm scared as shit.

The bit I can remember is only a small sliver of time. I got up and near shit my pants when I saw that not only was the alarm clock plugged back in, the damn thing was set again. I remember checking the door to find that the privacy lock was sure enough in place. Unlocked it and I swung open the door but then it all goes blank after that. Now I'm here and it's more than a day later and there's some kind of music coming from somewhere. Searched for it but found nothing.

As for the cross, they turned the lights off all together. I went up to the fourth floor to get a good look outside. Seems like everyone just left... All the haulers.... Gas station attendants.... Highway drivers.... Everyone. My rig is the only one in the parking lot. I'm beyond scared... I could break out but I'm so weak.

Aug 3rd My door was open when I woke up. All the doors to all the rooms are open. People's things are sitting around but there are no people. I've stopped pretending that this is normal. Something is so fucking wrong here and I can't even find a single clue as to what's happening or why it's just me. I've slammed my whole body weight into doors, searched high and low for keys or any damn thing that might help me get out of here. Nothing. It doesn't even seem like there's a world out there anymore. Like something just picked the hotel up, emptied all the people out besides me, and let darkness swallow the rest of it up. I can't see anything beyond the parking lot. Somewhere out in the vastness, though, I can hear that music from yesterday. It's something low, with a lady's voice singing over a very slow and out of key piano. She sounds sad but I can't make out what she's actually saying. I think I would be more concerned if the noise itself didn't make my headache so much worse. Instead, I just feel angry.

[[The entries no longer have dates after this and I can only assume they are each separated by at least a day just due to the previous writing pattern, but who knows.]]

xxxx I've spent a lot of time wandering around the hotel. At first, I tried closing all the tenant doors again. It made me uncomfortable to see them that way, but as soon as I'd hear the latch and I'd turn away, they'd loudly swing open again. Scared me shitless, as you can imagine. Then, after a couple more times, pissed me off. Even despite my fucking throbbing headache, all of the rage within my chest spilled out of my throat in a torrent of screams. As you probably could guess. My screams haven't received a response beyond that same sad song that only gets closer. Or louder. I don't know.

I've started searching through the rooms. Going through people's things. I wonder where they are. Did they get to leave? Or did they go somewhere else? I'm still not sure. Does it even matter? Things are getting worse for me regardless what happened to them. 

xxxxx The parking lot is gone. It seems like the closer the darkness creeps towards this place, the worse my headaches get. I've tried to move to a higher room to get away from the darkness, but then I wake up back in my original room again. The weather doesn't play anymore, but the black and white film channel does. I've tried to sit down and watch it, but after a couple minutes, it ends up being far too painful. I can't... describe the pain. It's everywhere. It's in everything, god damn it.

xxxxxx First floor is gone. The cross is back though. It's illuminated in that same strange red light, taunting me from out in the darkness.

I've been through every inch of this damn place, trying to find some kind of haven away from this madness. I tried to go downstairs at one point. Into the darkness. My ears are bleeding now but I made it back to my room in one piece. 

xxxxxxx Oh god. Dear Jesus Christ. Her singing is now screaming. The piano is grating. I wanna go home.

xxxxxxxxx I think this very well might be it. If you'd believe it, the higher floors went before this one, making it damn clear that this has always been coming down to me. It's been coming for me since I got here. I think even Monty could sense it.

Despite having every light in the room on, as well as every single one I could steal from this floor, it just keeps on growing dimmer. The girl. She's not screaming anymore. She doesn't need to scream. She knows I hear her. It's like she's right over my fucking shoulder, whispering right in my ear. And just like that, someone is knocking on the door. Darkness is seeping underneath like black smoke and I know I don't need to answer. It's creeping over the pages, up my arms, shoulders, face, and into my mouth.

Lynae, I'll miss you. ___________________________________________

I'm really.... shocked. It could easily be.... anything..... but something between the too comfortable vibe in the lobby, the handwriting, and the overall feeling I've had since picking the journal up absolutely tells me that there's something to this. Now that I've got it all copied down, I'm getting my girlfriend up. We're taking this journal down to the front desk. God fucking willing, we're leaving as soon as we can.

[nhlhoser]

On The Rocks - 27

Part 26  Masterlist

NOT EDITED I WARN YOU

 Noah and Mark stop by shortly after Auston leaves- narrowly catching the hockey player in my room.  Noah's appearance is expected but Mark's is definitely a surprise and slightly jarring as he stands awkwardly at the door, waiting for Noah to finish.

 After checking my throat, limonoids and my vitals like he'd done previously.  My temperature and throat still made him frown but this time he doesn't mention the 'H' word but gives me a look and a sign.

"You're stable, to say the least,"

"So, Do you think she is well enough to fly home?" Were Marks first and only words.

   Noahs eyes were instantly wide as he waits for my reaction to flying- aware of my anxieties of flying. Outwardly I maintained my calm but my heart sank and started to pick op in rhythm.  I knew I'd be flying home eventually, it only makes sense as the team flies out tomorrow morning but I guess I wasn't prepared for the reality of it.

"Yes," Noah nodded slowly with a bit of grimace. "but she'll need some high dose anti-nauseant. Probably best administered through an injection as her throat is too sore for any type of pill,"

 Mark went onto explain that I would be flying home late tonight/ really early in the morning after the game, with Lou Lamerlo and Brandon Shannahan. It made sense as my car is still at Billy Bishop - where we flew out from.

 "As the medication will make you sleep for the duration of the flight, you will be unable to drive yourself. Noah, can you arrange a car?- or actually - Amelia, Do you think you can arrange someone to pick you up?"

"Arranging a car is not a problem," Mark interjected but Noah 'shh' him.

"Not the problem, I don't want her to be alone like this," Noah gave me a look.

"I can try," I rasped.

 Noah collected his thing quickly as Mark went over the details for tonight before leaving, Noah giving the usual farewell.

'Call me if you need me'

***

So, here I am now waiting for Ricky to answer his damn phone.

"Hello?"

"Ricky?" My voice is just as or even raspier as it was earlier and it hurt to talk at length so hopefully this won't be long.

"Yeah?" He responded confused.

"It's Amelia, I'm trying to make this quick as my throat is killing me. Do you think you could pick me at Billy Bishop around 4 am?" I loaded the plead in my voice as I wait anxiously for his reply.

"You're really bad aren't you? I guess so. I'm at dads right now but I'll be at my mom's later which is close,"

"Thank you!" I push my vocal chords a little too which hurt my throat. "I owe you," My voice cracking slightly.

"Yeah, host my birthday and we'll call it even," I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Deal,"

  Ended the call after a little more planning and out goodbye's, promising to text Ricky the details and where to go.

Laying back into the pillows  I feel exhausted all over again. It's almost like the nap never happened. The thought of flying gave me butterflies and not the good ones either but as Noah mentioned, he'd be giving me the good stuff that will knock me out and the flight will probably feel like nothing which is some relief.

   On the brink of falling back asleep for the third time today, there's a loud knock at my door.

Groaning  I force my emotionally and physically drain body from the bed. Practically limping to the door, I could already hear the energetic chatter of what sounds like Mitch bickering with someone.

 Opening the door revealed 2 happy smiles and 1 bored face.

"Hi?" Confused by the visit of the 3 hockey players.

"We were just following him," Mitch pointed his thumb over his shoulder at a slightly pinker Auston. "Are you surprised?" Will chirped.

I blinked at the smartly dressed hockey players, my brain too drained respond.

"I heard Noah and Mark talking about the plans for you to fly out and wanted to know if you needed anything?" Auston slightly rambled yet maintained his cool composure.  

 There are a lot of things I need right now;  to cry is one of them but I can't at this moment.

"Nothing I can think of and since you mention it. I should wish you guys Good luck tonight as I won't be seeing any of you until we're back in Toronto," Too many works- TOO MANY WORDS I clear my throat but my throat still feel likes fire.

  Leaving the players at my door, I practically dive into the fridge for a water bottle to soothe my throat.

 "Are you going to watch or sleep?" Mitch came into the room chirping.

"Sleep," I shrugged off the chirp sitting on the bed, watching the 2 remaining boys enter the room. Auston rolling his eyes at his teammate and William pouts.

"What time are you leaving?" William asked sadly.

"I leave the hotel at 1 am," I pause to clear my throat and sip my water. "The plane leaves 2 am,"

Mitch makes a face as does Will.

"Fine, you can sleep," Mitch whined childishly.

  Both Williams and Mitch's phone go off simultaneously with text notifications stopping the conversation.

"Well, it looks like I gotta go. Kappy is having a meltdown," William sighs and clearly can feel for his teammate. The memory of William staying over at my apartment to escape hockey comes to mind.

So does the little kiss.

 Pushing the memory into the back of my head I grimace.

"Yeah, me too. Marty is having tie issues," Mitch is a lighter tone and another funny face.

"Aw, well I'll see you guys," I got up and gave each a hug.

   Alone with Auston, his face changes from a passive one to a concerned one as he watches me with calculating eyes. Leaning against the door I close my eyes and sigh.

"I can't wait to go home," I mumbled gruffly.

"I bet," He joked approaching me in a couple of his long strides and pulls me into a need hug. Relaxing into his warmth, I rest my head the crook of his neck.

"Wow, you're hot," He pressed a hand through my hair- which seems to become a thing.

"Are I always?" I mutter barely above a whisper but being close to his ear he hears me. He stiffens a little but I'm too tired to care.  A large yawn sneaks up on me and I relax more of my weight on Auston.

Feeling safe.

"Okay, back into bed," Auston guides/carries back to the bed and helps me in. Flipping all the pillows to the cool side because he's a saint and fluffing them a little. I fight the sleep a little, pushing my eyes open.

"Good luck," my eyes closed again.

"Thank you," A soft press of something on my forehead and fingers combing through my hair are the last things I remember before drifting off again.

***

 For the first time this trip, I wake up on my own terms.

No alarm.

No puking.

No trying to be helpful goalies.

  It's dark out now, meaning it much be late. Taking a glance at the clock it reads 7:30 pm. Meaning the game already started.

'I was half joking, Mitch,'

  My stomach grumbled in hunger for once but was still viciously sore and upset. Calling to room service I'm able to order the chicken noodle soup and ginger-mint tea. I'm surprised the lady on the other end could even understand me as my voice is practically gone.

   I groan when the food arrives because I have to leave the bed to answer the door. The waiter rolls in the cart holding my soup and tea, he takes in my sickly face and offers sympathetic smile before leaving just as quick.

 Now standing the need to pee hits hard.

 Catching my reflection as I wash my hands, my face is so pale I look gray,  my cheeks are flushed slightly from the fever but barely, my eyes are dull and tired with dark bags.

      I look like shit.

***

          The soup is barely touched when I roll the cart out of the room the leave it by the door. My tea is still going stilling on the table beside the bed.

          It's the start of the 3rd and so far the boys in blue are winning. I had to stop myself from cheering loudly when Kappy scored but I fisted bumped the air repeatedly in joy.

  It's going great until the Caps tie it up and I again have to stop myself- this time from swearing.

   As the period goes on I can feel my eyes start to droop again.

Setting an alarm for 12 am on my phone, I slip back to sleep.

***

The alarm wakes me at 12 and to my surprise, the game is still on.

Double over-time- halfway through double over-time.

Blinking at the TV there are less than 9 minutes left and it's clear both teams are feeling exhausted. The Leafs go on the rush and the puck is in the back of the net via  Kasperi Fucking Kapanen. His teammates flood the ice, gluing him to the boards in celebration.

 I do cheer a little too hard for my condition but they won! I spring off the bed to do a jig.

THEY WON!

Time seems to fly because the next thing I know its 12:30 am I need to get my things together.

All 1 shopping bag of things.

Folding the clothes properly to fit in the shopping bag, hiding the underwear at the bottom. I grab the things Auston brought in and shove it into my purse along with his charger, that looks like he won't get back until I see him in Toronto.

 ***

 Dressed in my oversized hoodie over Auston shirt, I wait in the lobby as Mark instructed earlier. I type out a couple 'Congratulation' Text messages and sending them off to whatever Leafs in my contacts and snap chat.

   Mark comes into the lobby looking around and spots me before ushering me out of the hotel clearly in a rush as they are running late.

 Noah is in the SUV looking close to sleep.

As soon as I am buckled in, the SUV is off to the airport.

***

Everyone gets out of the SUV but Noah and I as he has to give me the needle of drugs.

"I want you to go see you family doctor tomorrow," Noah left no room for argument before his whipping my bare shoulder with an alcohol wipe and injecting the medicine.

 He hands me a neck pillow and a medical mask will a smile smirk before kicking me out of the car, where Mark is waiting to guide me into the plane and into my seat. The medicine working fast into my system.

 I am out before we even take off.

***

"Amelia?"

"We're back in Toronto," Opening my eyes, I felt sluggish as Noach warned. I nodded at the voice and gather my purse and bag, following everyone off the plane. Someone guides me to where I am being picked up.

 Leaning against the car waiting for me is not my brother but my dad.

Face marred by deep concern and worry. He quickly pushed off the car and gathering me into arms.

"Everything will be okay," He soothed hugging me tightly. Every guard breaks as my dad takes my things and drop them into the back seat. Guiding me into a better hug, tucking my face into his chest- him being 6'5".

I cried as hard as my body could let me.

My anxieties calming.

"Grazie papa," I broke down.

 ***

My dad carries me out of the car, I am in and out of sleep.

 Being placed into my own bed is magic on my body release all tension and relaxes.

"I called Dr. Z and Dr.Lambardi. We'll have everything handled when you wake,"

NEXT

[juzt-peachy]

Back to School Tips

for the ADHD student 

just a list of things that have helped me while struggling at community college:) hopefully these will apply for high school ADHDers too!

- don’t choose classes that you don’t love, unless absolutely necessary. uninteresting classes will kill your motivation so fast guys.

- when scheduling classes, DO NOT sign up for a class before 8am!! or even 9!! you’ll think you can do these things, but you just can’t, Nemo. 

- take it easy on the redbull. energy drinks, sugar, and any other processed foods and/or drugs isn’t the best for concentration or memory or functioning in general.

- speaking of memory, it is very important to get enough sleep, because that is when memories are consolidated. specifically, get enough deep (NREM) sleep; deep sleep is when explicit and factual memories are established, while REM sleep only consolidates procedural and emotional memories. Basically, if you’re gonna skip sleep and do homework, wake up early to study, don’t stay up late.

- and while we’re talking of sleep, keep in mind a couple things: 1) yes, sleep is important but 2) you will undoubtedly not get enough so don’t cry over it and 3) this is when coffee comes in.

- and i don’t mean Starbucks, because that heavenly, fantastic shit is for much richer people. get used to strong, black coffee because it’s cheap and works better and it’s cheap.

- make friends with your professors at the BEGINNING of the term. sometimes all you gotta do is start the conversation and your grade will magically become better.

- always have a healthy snack on hand, like almonds or dried fruit.

- find yourself a sanctuary. THIS MIGHT BE MY MOST IMPORTANT TIP. on campus, things are gonna be overwhelming and hard and tiring, and you’re gonna need something or someplace to return to, where you can study, cry, get shit done, nap, stair into the endless void call Life, etc. I usually find myself a hidden corner or table or couch in each hall to claim as my territory, then camp out in in it between (and sometimes during) classes.

- always have your earbuds.

- find a study partner, not a study group.

- don’t be afraid to ask for help from tudors, peers, professors or Student Disability services. I got SSD accommodations finally after 8 terms and it SAVED MY LIFE. usually, services for students with disabilities can get you extra time on tests, note taking help, and other stuff specific to your school.

- bring a fiddle toy, coloring sheets, chewing gun, or anything else to help you sit through class. and if someone comments on your fidget cube, glare or slap them or stab their eyes out. this is college, bitch. survival of the dog-eat-dog. or something.

- on that note, do whatever you need to get through class. and i don’t mean blackmail your professor. i do mean show up to class in pajamas, or create a crazy wall with tacked-up papers and red string and crossed-out codes, or bring a pot of tea to morning yoga. usually people don’t actually care about what you do or say or look like, so just be.

- yes, color-coding + sticky notes are always a good idea.

- take your notes on paper! we all know that computer note-taking is a gateway to distraction which leads to online impulse buys and obsessive research about probably time travel. or penguin migration habits. or what colors go best with your skin tones. just, write notes in a notebook.

- last tip! have a pre-game playlist. get hyped. energize yourself so you can make through the class, the day, the week, the term, the Life. find what inspires you and don’t forget it. 

Anyways, that’s all. this got a lot longer then i had planned. hope this is helpful to at least one person!! if you have any tips you wanna add, feel free:) good luck this year, my dudes. 

p.s. if you find this post helpful but you don’t have adhd but you wanna reblog anyway, chill. it’s okay. reblog anyway. just everyone be respectful and fucking nice and tag correctly. i really don’t care❤️❤️❤️

[inexchangeforyoursoul]

.... I never put chapter 20 on here, did I. Double chapters it is. (20. Katja & 21. Once upon a dream)

this time with AN included as-is, I’m too lazy to rewrite this shit for the tumbler

(who even reads fanfics on here...? fanfiction.net AO3)

20. Katja

As he arrives in his room, Law takes a quick look at his alarm clock, then a deep, ragged breath immediately after... she's out loafing around again, isn't she. He's a little ticked off, not gonna lie; first of all, because of... this. She just keeps doing this. Which would be less of a problem if she'd show any progress, but she's not. Second, he's tired, terribly so. All sleep he's had today was the unplanned nap in the canteen early morning, and the ounce of patience he's gained from that has ran out. He's just about to leave the indifferent coma period behind where you can just keep going and going, until your emotions start to get hard to control. Even later, you become an actual zombie and eventually black out. In his own body, that would happen in about 24 hours from now, but in this one? Already there.

And the underlying source of it is that he's grown totally paranoid.

That's why he hasn't managed to get any shuteye. Or get anything else done. His own shadow spooked him once, for fuck's sake... and it's all because of that godforsaken alleyway adventure, which really drove home how utterly helpless and vulnerable he is at the moment. Deer in the fucking headlights. He's straight-up disgusted with himself.

He stomps up to the surface; anyone noticing him remains silent and makes sure to keep out. His crew knows this way of walking... and are not eager to provoke his thinly veiled ire.

He just came from the dining hall, she won't be there. On deck of the Polar Tang, nothing except so much light that his tired eyes may as well go blind right now. The dull headache that missed its appointment the other day just arrived uninvited, too... all it took was some natural light and fresh air. Glorious.

He climbs the rope ladder to the Sunny; noone's around the steering wheel, but he can hear, and see some people around; he goes straight up to them.

“Nico-ya,” he calls out from afar; “do you know where the hell she's at?”

“I'm... in heaven,” he hears right next to him as soon as he's finished talking. He stops in his tracks, looks, and sees... quite something, he supposes. It's throwing him for enough a loop to be more dumbfounded than pissed for the time being.

The bottom of the pile is a knocked-out Bepo; leaning onto him are Carrot, who's also out cold, and Kat, who has a very relaxed, leg-swinging Chopper in her lap. They all have a cup in their hand or lying around, just like Nami, Robin and his good-for-nothing crewmates a bit further away.

As he doesn't react fast enough past getting worked up again over them hogging his personal couch and a mouthed 'what the hell,' she speaks up again. “It's nice, warm and fluffy here~ Wanna join?”

… she's taunting him. Kat has no idea, but she's fucking taunting him right fucking now. Any other day or time, he'd gladly lean onto Bepo and have a damn good early afternoon nap, or any other kind of nap, really. But today is not the day. He'd love to, yes; it's the best fucking quality sleep he has access to. Usually. But because Bepo is wide awake from around 6pm to 7am, he can't use him as a pillow at all while rotting in his room, keeping one eye on this girl during the time he actually could be doing that. Just... take a deep, deep breath. Stay calm, man. Stay. Calm.

He sighs, clenching his fists, and now that Kat's actually looked at him, he can already see from her mildly worried expression that she's catching onto his current mood. “... Kat-ya... I swear to god...”

Hearing that changes her reaction with some delay, however... the smallest smile appears on her face which she tries to suppress; she locks her hands and takes a long sniff of air while looking skyward. Soon, she gives up on hiding her glee, and a shit eating grin appears on her face and she just looks very, very pleased with herself. “... I've been waiting for this.”

“... what?!” Law frowns, having no idea what got into her. Was it something he said? It has to be.

She doesn't seem fazed and keeps giggling to herself while lifting a just as confused Chopper from her lap and slowly standing up.

“Oh, oh!! I understand!” speaks up the reindeer snickering soon after as he comes to the solution; “That's your name, it was on the tag at the coffee shop! Katja! Ha ha ha!”

… oh. Oh. Jesus, really? Law lifts his hands to his chin as if praying instead of giving into his initial urge to smack himself on the temples; he knew that it's an abbreviation, but he'd have never thought that the original was that of all things... and she's been fucking waiting for him to accidentally pun on it. And, on top of it all, this might be... no, it certainly is the very first time he called her by name, too. Why him... and why now. … he could cry if it weren't for his pride. So instead he squeezes his eyes shut and is furrowing his brows really, really hard to keep it together.

He can hear her stop in front of him, then, after a few seconds, he feels the most delicate  little tap-tap of four fingers on his shoulder; cracking an eye open, he can see Kat holding out a half empty cup of coffee. Is... she offering this...?

“I suppose you need this more than I do,” she says. It could be just his imagination, but it certainly sounds like her voice is softer than usual. Considering the vague throbs of his head, this is lowkey appreciated.

“Um...” As he's vacillating how to handle this development, a half-conscious Bepo woken by the racket trots over and pulls both of them into a literal, but way gentler bear hug than what other people have been experiencing that day. The content of the cup survives this, somehow, and Kat is holding it out to the side.

“I miss captain,” the mink mumbles, then probably falls back asleep on his feet. At least he doesn't really move for a solid minute afterwards and is just rocking a bit to keep some kind of balance.

Peeking up towards Bepo, a sad smile appears on Kat's face. She reaches over with her free hand along the orange-clad pelt with a sigh and gives Law an awkward hug of her own, then breathes a 'garchu' into his hat. He can't help being startled and shrink a bit in surprise at this; hopefully the others don't notice anything of that past the tic of his shoulders.

“Sorry, didn't mean to stay out for long,” she says then; “I can see you are not up for bullshit today.”

Sometimes... she's as giggly as Carrot. At others, almost as apologetic as Bepo. She also tends to be physical, even if for split seconds... uses people as hunting targets, and now she's picked up mink-brand hospitality both in theory and practice. This girl must have been one of them, or some animal, in a previous life.

He groan-sighs; that spark of patience? These two just managed to raise it from the dead. Somehow. The mood swings devoured his energy to try and push away, though, or to just get worked up again about the affection of a still-kind-of-a-stranger. Now, hold on, my dude... try to not embarrass yourself by falling the fuck asleep in this incredibly comfortable and safe-feeling hug roll right now.

“... let go of me, knuckleheads,” he grunts, nestling around after the short pause he needed to pull himself together. From the corner of his eye, he can see a very pleased Robin. And Penguin and Shachi slurping away at their own coffee in unison at an incredibly slow pace while staring at him specifically. At least that's what Nami does, who's likely sporting the very same expression as the other two, after all.

They all look so infuriatingly smug.

“So, what I wanted to say... I've just had two cups, but thanks,” he addresses Kat a second later as Bepo shambles back to his previous location with an 'aye aye;' the semi-wake Carrot appreciates this and doesn't hesitate to hog double the space than before she got knocked off as soon as he lies down. Chopper sips from his extra sweet mocaccino while also settling back down, and is silently wondering why she even asked for coffee if she was about to take a nap.

Suppressing a yawn with all his might, Law continues; “... and I think I've mentioned it already, but don't do that. The touching.” … yeah, he did mention it, albeit offhandedly. Occasional pats and pokes are okay, but he's not gonna list an entire 'Trafalgar D. Water Law's Personal Space: A Rule Book' right now. Or ever, really. People either know their shit or they don't, and get away with shit or they don't.

“Oh, right... sorry,” Kat mumbles nervously as she recalls the vague memory. Never mind, she definitely is as apologetic as his navigator. As she prepares to gulp the rest of her drink down in one go, she stops; “You sure you don't want any?”

He raises an eyebrow. “I am... why do you keep asking?”

“I helped make it,” she says, lightening up a bit; “it's vanilla and almond flavored.”

Honestly... he keeps forgetting that she actually works in a place where stuff like this is made. All despite having called her 'cafe girl' for the longest time before, and even after their... accident. Then it became just girl, woman, or simply she-slash-her, which did cause the rare confusion when Ikkaku was around or involved in a matter. Anyway, sharing is caring and all that, but that thing there sounds like a sugar bomb. Which may help him, because his blood sugar levels are not that great at the moment, but at the same time he's not big on vanilla, so... once again, no, thanks.

“I like my coffee black, K...at.” Okay, he almost did it again... and why? Good fucking question. Why call her Kat more than once today, when he was perfectly fine with some variation or combination of the previously mentioned things thus far? He's just been over this, too... Must be exhaustion. And hormones, perhaps. Will have to watch his mouth a lot for the few hours left of this shitty day.

She bites down on her lip to try and hold back the chuckle. “Just say it... say the thing you wanted to say,” she smiles, downing the brew.

“Not in a million years.”

***

*insert Twilight parody line at the end*

Me, looking at my imaginary bullet point table: “You know what would be a good idea? Have a chapter that doesn't have Kat's PoV at all... and name it after her... Yeah.”

(Note: as I REEEALLY need to start working on my BA thesis due around the end of April, this project will likely get totally sidelined. Or speed up because of my procrastination skills. We'll see. After all, I have like 5x0.5 chapters lying around (and about 2 that are finished) and just need to add pacing fillers and patch things up.)

21. Once upon a dream

Kat takes a quick look at the underwater window; it's already nighttime. She should pull herself together soon and stand up, no matter how comfortable the edge of the bed is right now. The room's also perfectly cozy in this rare moment, she could nod off if she doesn't watch herself... especially since she's actually lying across the thing. Don't fall asleep again, man. Put that watch down for a sec, if you have to, and three, two, one, sit. I said three... two... theeere you go.

As she scoots to the side, she peeks at Law for a sec, too. Apart from one round for a glass of water, he's been perfectly silent and still in his chair all afternoon. From what she sees, he's barely keeping his head up, literally nodding off himself, if he'd allow that. He also had a couple of suppressed yawns earlier. Sympathizing with him here... though she's not exactly tired, it's more of the empty feeling one gets after a long, busy day. Still, her body feels heavy and her head light since she herself was in a limbo a minute ago; Kat gives her cheeks a good slap. How long must it have been, the last time she peeked out the window and it was still kind of evening? Fifteen minutes? Thirty...? Definitely not an hour, that cannot be.

“Just go if you're already this dull,” Law moans from over his notebook that hasn't had any new information written into it for a while, then he turns outward. He might have been waiting for her to leave so he can just fall like a log...

“You're one to talk...” She yawns. “Y'ere tired enough yesterday, but today you've been lookin'... really bad.” Like, really bad. Now that Kat can take a good look, he's... indeed in a very rough shape. Maybe she shouldn't have mentioned it at all, but she's getting worried, especially now that she's seen his face. Man, it's been a while since she last had bags under the eyes… If she ever pulled an all-nighter, this is probably what it would look like. He looks two minutes from collapsing on the spot...

He sighs, rubbing his temples. “No shit... I wake up frequently in the first place, but today was especially bad. Your body really is not big on these temperatures.” It's either that or the 'new' environment, can't blame anything else. Honestly, he may be a rather restless sleeper in the first place, but this extra disturbance really throws a wrench into his routine. The best rest he's had this week was that almost-hour in the hall this morning... partly because it was a dreamless one.

“I also had some shitty dream that just kept going every time I managed to fall asleep?” he groans, having reminded himself of that, too. It was all kinds of annoying. “That the alleyway was in it is one thing... but running late for college? On a tram of all things...? Fuck me, I never even finished school, save used one of those things.” Huffing, he closes the book on the desk; he can feel at least four joints in his hand pop at that. His back hurts, too... there's no way he'll get anything else done today, provided he did anything noteworthy at all. At this point, he's just pissed at himself. He leans onto one arm to rest his head, that weighs more and more with every passing minute, on.

Kat, meanwhile... is very much alert, and concerned, to say the least. Because she knows that specific dream pretty damn well. Been a few months, and she thought it might be over already... yet Law did just describe that recurring, anxiety-induced semi-nightmare right now. All of this is looking just as she imagined... oh boy.

“Um... Law?” She blinks over to her bag, then back at him, before reaching inside after short consideration.

He sighs, trying his best to keep his eyelids from closing before being anywhere near the bed. “No need to look at me as if I needed a straitjacket, okay...? I need some rest, is all.”

“I know, it's just... I've been having... unusual dreams, too,” she says standing up, fiddling a little with the board facing her; he looks up with tired eyes. She's... unsure whether it's an appropriate time to show this to him... Following some hesitation, she does turn it around.

Law squints a little to see the thin-lined doodles better, also getting up from his chair. As he steps forward, his frown quickly changes from general irritation and vague anger into worry, confusion, and maybe discomfort... he almost looks scared. Kat can't help but avert her eyes and stare at his feet instead while fighting the urge to do anything with her fingers that itch for fiddling with stuff; she's feeling very out of place right now.

He reaches out to hold the drawings pinned to the corkwood; as soon as she feels the smallest tug, the object is released and she peeks back up at him.

Most of the wrinkles have disappeared, and he's taking in the little details, as few as there are, one by one. His fingers trace down the paper with a gentleness that she has never seen from him before, or even imagined him being capable of. He seems to mouth a word or two... it's as if she's handed him an old, lost photo instead of a couple of rough sketches, really. The way he looks at them, too... there is... a desolate feeling about it. Longing.

He blinks.

“... you couldn't fake this if you wanted to...”

That voice is also new. She's heard him talk calmly, but this is way softer than that. Thinking about it, this might be the first time she's heard him whisper, isn't it? However, it also feels wrong. Sad... He's hurt, seemingly on the verge of tears. But... she doesn't want to see this person sad... and especially not make him sad. Oh no... oh no...

Getting to the bare-bones stick doodle of the gates, he closes his eyes. “... since when?”

While it's nearly the usual tone, it also sounds as if it could break any time... All she can do right now is to enter default anxiety mode and just... spill it. “I saw the first one... when I fell asleep down here.”

“How much... did you see?” Good lord, how much could it be...

That question sounds as if she was eavesdropping on purpose or something... Considering that this seems to be very personal and a sensitive issue to Law, it certainly feels like it. “There were... three dreams, I think. I don't remember a lot from the first two, but... today I hung out with that man, in a bright town. Later the buildings turned into white sand... and we played in it.”

A bitter smile appears on his face. Of all things... building something like sand castles with him. In that rubble... on that rubble. “A white city, eh...?” Don't cry... barely awake or not, don't you dare fucking cry, shithead.

“... yes. And, uh...” This information... might not even be relevant, but she might as well mention the other... characters? People? “some children joined, too. Most of them had a uniform. First was a little dark blonde girl, with pigtails...” She doesn't remember anything noteworthy about the others...

While generally avoiding to look at his face right now, it's obvious that this bit was indeed important, and must have hit him pretty hard; he hugs the paper support and lowers his head, resting his chin against the drawing board.

“... that went on for a bit, until a man and woman came, to...” She stops. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Can't just finish the sentence like that, what if they were his parents?! Wait, she thought the man looked like Law. They absolutely were his parents and whatever has happened he's super upset about this already. FUCK. How the hell can she continue now, if a couple of vague descriptions, about ten lines of a building and the mention of a white... a White...

The scorching coals of distress turn to ice in her chest, and she dares a short look back at him, then stares at her hands that kind of feel as cold as if they were her own. Her thoughts take a quick detour to do simple math, then from one old memory scrap to another, followed by some anecdote fragments in a collection she read that was not for her age at the time.

She doesn't like the idea. It's not her place to inquire about this, if true. Think anything about this, if true. Maybe, just maybe, it's not the truth at all. It's so extremely unlikely, after all. It still does feel like she stumbled upon a terrible secret. Forbidden knowledge. Because... she knows why that place was familiar. And it would just make perfect sense, if, by chance...

“I remember... the newspaper from that day,” she says finally after swallowing hard, squeezing out the words one by one, feeling their weight. It's one of those memories that just flash in front of her from time to time; when she's sitting in the kitchen in the golden hour, or having apricot jam on bread, like back then. In this one, she's barely eight... looking at pictures in a paper. The old, crackling denden mushi is receiving the only radio signal available, the news are just about over. They repeated something that's been a topic for a week or so. There's... an image of a town, labeled as an archive photograph...

“It was headlines. I didn't read the article, wouldn't have really understood anyway, but... I remember the photo... of a big building. And the fence in front. That's what it is... that's the place I've been seeing... right?”

He's as still as a statue. There's some noise, something between a hum and a whimper, hard to decide... he nods after some delay. Kat is at a loss as to how she could proceed, if at all... saying more would be awkward; leaving would be even more so… doing anything, even existing, is awkward. In the end, Law's the one to break the silence.

“I was sick… with nowhere to run. Didn't even know who to blame, I just wanted to take revenge on anything... and everything.” After the hastily uttered train of thought gets out, he takes a deep, shaky breath. Fuck it, she already knows. He gave away the missing critical pieces to an incomplete puzzle, like the utter tool he is. Most he can do right now is to tell her whatever seems... safe. Just enough to satisfy her questions, barely enough to let this issue die right here. It's just...

Putting an end to that a few months ago is still so fresh in his mind. It made him rethink a lot of things, and just generally think of that godforsaken day a lot again... old wounds were ripped open, and they are not done healing, not at all. He's been trying to just cover it all up until this alliance business dies down for good, and right now there is only a mess of strong feelings with no coherent thoughts attached. It's hard... finding words for it right now is just too damn hard.

Law reaches out; Kat is too puzzled figure out what to do, or how she should interpret the gesture, so she doesn't stop the unsure, icy fingers from barely tapping her chest.

“He was the one... who saved me,” Law breathes, lowering the drawing board in his other hand.

It takes Kat a second to remember that right under the T-shirt is the center of his big tattoo, pretty much the image of the Heart Pirates' jolly roger. The only 'he' she can think of... and that's kind of like that one smile she saw today, isn't it. And there's the heart motive, buried under either smoke or fire... “... the man in the feather coat...”

He hums; he's not touching her anymore, but his hand hovers over the spot for another moment.

Kat meanwhile regrets not waiting with her dumb question until a more suitable time a lot... and is also getting choked up. It's not even because of an episode after a long time spent in comfortable numbness, or that seeing sad or miserable people makes her restless, especially if she's attached to them... it's rather that, if nothing else in particular stuck with her from that frigid, snowy dream, she remembers the feeling very well. It was a lot like the one she had as a little girl, of her mother being hypnotized and abandoning her. Never saw the end of that recurring nightmare. She always woke up after the person responsible, -the local shopkeeper, for some reason,- just laughed and laughed at her misery... All in all, it felt like shit. This man also must have died, or else Law wouldn't be like... this. Quite frankly, just remembering the name of Flevance and connecting it to the crumbling sand town caused a visceral reaction she cannot put anywhere. This body never really let go of Law, did it...?

As his hand starts to slip away, she reaches for it intuitively; it just seems... the logical thing to do? Except it's not, not really. He doesn't even like things like this... God, she's also been exhausted mentally with all these people around, and even wasted more energy on this silly hug business, zeroing her leftover sense of self-awareness. Oh well... if she's already at it, and thinking about it, there's one semi-logical step left. It's normal to do that in these situations anyway, so...

Kat takes a hesitant step ahead, and pulls him once again into a gentle one-armed hug: just a bit tighter, and a bit less awkward than the previous one. The hand she took a second ago is raised back up to roughly where Law's own heart would be and she holds it so carefully as if it were made of something really brittle, like an actual shard of thin ice. Also can't help but note that her body is exactly a head shorter than his... will have to resist the temptation to lean into the curly hair, even if it's inconveniently tickling her neck right now.

Law really wants to be angry, or anything other than tired and empty, really, but the half-hearted attempt is a complete failure. Instead, the only emotion he can muster is deepest shame; normally, he'd just brood down here alone, maybe cry into his pillow, but... he's not alone right now, and needs this. Really badly. Someone to latch onto, like a gross attention leech... And it feels so damn great. She's also rubbing his back a little, and may or may not have just lowered her chin onto his head. This is nice, so, if only for a little while… okay, this should do it... the three to five seconds of self-indulgent cuddling are over. He takes a deep breath to calm down and try to pull himself together as she mumbles something into his hair that he can barely make out.

“You are such a brave and smart boy...”

His heart swells upon hearing that, and he feels the first tear break free from under strict supervision; she probably didn't even mean to say it out loud, and the rather infantilizing nature of the statement aside... although it's part of the problem, really... her soft-spoken demeanor just makes that voice sound a lot like his father's. A little too much. There comes the first hiccup, soon followed by many more...

Kat drifts back to reality upon hearing the first sob, and finds herself unsure what to do again; she has no idea how to handle a situation like this. Did she ever have a crying person around when she did something past just... standing in a corner and feeling bad herself? At any time? What did... what did her parents do, how did they calm her down? They... what they did was... there's... nothing. They humored her for a minute, maybe. When it was just a scratch, told her that it's no big deal. All she remembers are the times they made her cry over something stupid instead... being straight-out terrified at times, going as far as hiding the shards of a broken vase or mug in the cluttered backyard. Even when she stepped into an old nail, she didn't tell a thing, although she was old enough to know that she ought to get tetanus vaccination afterwards.

She can feel anger boil its way up her throat; god, just... in how many ways did growing up with those people fuck her over...? No... no, no, no. No thinking about that, she has someone else here, and they need some kind of help or support. But she's so useless... augh, maybe she shouldn't be here at all right now...

“Law... do you want me to leave?” At least she can't do any harm with that...

The answer is not exactly direct, but a whimper like that sounds like a 'no' in any situation. If that wouldn't be enough, his hand also curls around a wrinkle of the tee.

Kat sighs, releasing his hand and wrapping her now free arm around him instead; she also takes the board before he drops it, and tosses the thing on the corner of the bed, near where the wobbly book pile is. What else could she do now, though...? She doesn't really have a sure means to calm him down... maybe... maybe she could sing, or rather hum something, stay until he falls asleep. Let's see, it has to be something soft... and preferably not holiday-related. There's not a lot that she knows perfectly by heart, though. Oh god... um, maybe that one, the one her mother sang to her and her brothers after going to bed, until she just stopped doing it one day. Which was quite a shame, really; she loved it a lot. Seems like she can still remember the tune, too... alright.

While she was contemplating, her right hand wandered up to his scalp and is absentmindedly scratching away at his nape ever so softly. She stops for a split second upon noticing, but resumes just as quickly- he hasn't said anything, nor reacted, so it should be okay. In fact, it seems to be doing a pretty good job... Law's less tense, and his breathing less erratic already. Alright, he should be fine in a few more minutes; shushing will be fine for now. As soon as he's down to sniffling, she leads him to the bed to sit.

Since he doesn't seem to be letting go of the t-shirt any time soon, she joins him with one hand still on his back. Maybe five motionless minutes pass before she takes a look at him; he's barely conscious leaning against her, isn't he... whether it's just to avoid stressful dreams or being on autopilot, he's still not willing to let himself fall asleep. What a stubborn oaf.

She sighs a little, and concentrates on a single note before humming the old song, after all. The last thing she kind of remembers before drifting off is thinking about how to lay him down without waking him up.

***

Today's #mood be like mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=005143

I'll try to churn out one more before I go on a forced hiatus, just so it stops on a less depressing note... that aside, story time!

So... I have zero connection to America. Live in the area where West and East Europe meet, in the middle of nowhere basically. And yet, I remember coming home when I was 10, and the TV showing some 3-hour news special on 9/11. The single suspended mental image of the television showing one of the planes before impact as I throw my backpack down before I go eat just stuck with me. There are many other little things, like the marzipan lion from my brother's first birthday cake hanging out in the kitchen window for months (I was barely 2 then, like? holy shit); seeing the few drops of blood on the concrete after a kid named Márk hit someone in the face in kindergarten as they cry in the background; the moment I saw a thick snake slither at my feet as I wanted to go down to the cellar outdoors around 4th grade (I've felt uneasy down there ever since, was a favorite before)... They are 3D photographs of minuscule length if any... as a visual type, I might have more of these than the average, but it's amazing that billions of people, if not everyone, has these lying around in their brains. Humans are wild, man.

Anyway, I remembered that, and decided to put something similar in here. Same for the song, which is the main motif of “Esti Dal” aka Evening Song. (quote-unquote best version I could find rn was this flash mob /watch?v=b055cHvLgtk) Kat's a semi-self-insert, after all.

ps.: The universe is a cold, uncaring place, and remembering is the most powerful FUCK YOU at your disposal, and erasing memories of someone or something is the most cruel punishment you can impose- all I'm saying is, that the least you can do is share these memories in some way or form. Go write something, you tool. And me, too. Yes you, I know you'll be reading this in a few weeks again to check where you left off when you last were unmotivated to continue. And yes, you did indeed write the commentary for... whatever chapter this is before finishing 19, bitch. I see you. Shia LaBeouf that shit. JUST. DO IT.

[philsdrill]

Chapter 26: Little Chats and Big Tears

Fic Summary: “Everyone had a link with their soulmates, some could hear some of their partners thoughts, some had a tattoo that would appear with their partners name; for me, I knew when they got sick.” For a while Phil has thought that his soulmate might have an eating disorder and doesn’t expect to meet him in the restaurant where he works.

Genre: a lot of fluff, recovery, really fucking domestic, waiter!Phil

Warnings: eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, hospitals, panic attacks, references to past abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of self-harm, a lot of awkwardness, small amounts of smut. This is potentially triggering so for your own sake, please think twice about reading if anything this might affect you.

Disclaimer: I don’t have personal experience with eating disorders, but have done some research. If I have anything about them wrong, feel free to send me an ask and I’ll sort it out.

Word Count (for this part): 5.6k

[Uploads will be hopefully every couple of weeks! (follow @philsdrill-updates to hear when I post)]

A/N: I’m getting this up now as I’m moving into uni on Saturday and don’t really know what sort of time I’m going to have. The next chapter is in progress, so hopefully I’ll manage to get it done within two weeks, but I have no idea.

MASTERPOST

<= Previous Chapter

Dan’s POV:

When we got up in the morning, everything was quite peaceful. Phil and I got up just before ten and had our breakfast, leaving Adam and Ethan to wake up by themselves. I’d checked up on them and they were both still fast asleep, cuddled up together in the middle of the double bed.

I expected them to appear together, but as Phil and I were loading our breakfast dishes into the dishwasher, Adam came into the room, “I did try to wait for Ethan but I was too hungry and didn’t have the heart to wake him.”

“Ahh, well help yourself to breakfast,” Phil said, gesturing to two places still set at the table, “There’s cereal on the table and if you want toast, the bread’s in the fridge.”

“Thanks,” Adam said, heading to sit down at the table.

Ethan still wasn’t up by the time Adam had finished his breakfast, so he decided he would give in and wake him up. Apparently it was a struggle to get him out of bed, but fifteen minutes later, the two of them were at the table, Adam keeping Ethan company as he ate.

The two of them had a bit of a rush to get dressed before my parents arrived at eleven. We had some further discussion about Ethan’s living situation; they would need to drive home in the evening for work tomorrow, but would leave Adam here. They hoped to get things sorted out in under a week, so Adam wasn’t missing too much school. Clearly, Ethan would still have to agree to the whole plan, but we were all pretty confident he would.

The six of us headed out to a little sandwich shop for lunch, where my parents took it into their minds to pay for everyone’s lunch. Phil tried to politely refuse, but they wouldn’t let him have his way.

When we got home, a yawning Ethan excused himself to go for a nap, “I’m so tired. I’m going to go take a nap for a bit if that’s okay?”

“Of course it’s okay,” Phil told him, giving him an encouraging smile, “D’you need anything? A glass of water? Some more painkillers?”

“Those would be good,” he nodded tiredly, slowly heading for his room.

“Okay, you go and get comfortable, I’ll bring them through,” Phil told him.

I watched as Phil headed for the kitchen and my brother guided a sleepy-looking Ethan along to their room. I took my parents to the living room and kept them entertained until Phil returned.

“Adam’ll be through in five minutes once Ethan’s asleep,” Phil told us, “He looked like he was about to pass out so I’m sure Adam won’t be long.”

“You think he’s feeling okay?” I asked Phil, wanting his view as I felt something wasn’t quite right.

“I don’t know,” Phil said, “It might very well be that he’s just tired, but he’s been a bit quiet today; we’ll see what Adam says when he comes through.”

As Phil had predicted, it was only a few minutes before Adam appeared, “Ethan fell asleep pretty quickly.”

“D’you know if he’s feeling okay?” I asked him, “Like Phil and I are both thinking he seemed a little off.”

“I don’t know,” Adam said, “Like he’s definitely tired but I don’t know why; I think he slept pretty well last night. I think I would know if he was feeling ill or anything, but all I’m getting is a sad, kinda foggy feeling.”

“Let him sleep, but you should go in and check on him every so often, in case he’s woken up,” I said, sliding up closer to Phil to make a little space for Adam on the sofa.

My parents would be leaving in a hour or two, so things turned to a more casual conversation. We’d gone over most of the important things already, at least, all that we could think of. My parents brought up the question of whether Phil and I were going to get married anytime soon.

“Someday, Mum,” I told her, Phil nodding along, “I don’t think we’re going to make a big thing about it, but we’ll do it at some point and maybe invite you along if you want. It’s really just a formality, and clearly a name change, but being soulmates means more.”

“It does, you’re right,” she nodded, patting my dad’s knee, “And Adam, I’m so glad you and Ethan have each other now.”

“Me too,” Adam nodded, “He’s still hurting a lot with everything that’s happened, but it’s so much easier when I can be there with him.”

Thinking back to what Ethan had told me yesterday, about his parents not being soulmates, I wondered if he had told Adam. If he’d told me, he probably wouldn’t mind Adam knowing, so I might as well ask.

“Adam, has Ethan told you… that, umm, his parents aren’t soulmates?” I asked him, hesitating a little about how I was asking.

“Yeah, he has,” Adam nodded, “I think he’s a bit weird about telling people because he feels it's almost like admitting you’re inbred, something that shouldn’t really have happened. When did he tell you? How come?”

“Yesterday. We were talking about soulmates and marriage and he didn’t know whether soulmates usually got married or about the naming conventions or anything,” I explained, “I asked how he didn’t know all that from his parents and he told me.”

“Adam, there might be a lot of things that Ethan doesn’t know in terms of how soulmates work… so just be patient with him and give him any explanations and support he needs,” my mum said to Adam.

“Yeah, there’s a lot of things he needs some help with,” Adam nodded, “It isn’t easy for him, but I’m trying to encourage him to talk to me about anything that’s wrong, rather than bottling it all up.”

Nodding, I decided to mention the conversation Ethan and I had had yesterday, “I answered a couple of his questions about soulmate stuff yesterday, like who takes whose name in marriage, whether there’s an expectation to have sex within a certain period of time after meeting…”

“Is there?” Adam butted in suddenly, sounding concerned.

“No, no, you’ve got all the time in the world,” I assured him, “You need to wait until you’re both ready, that’s the important thing.”

“If you don’t mind me asking… how soon did you guys…umm..?” Adam asked, looking a bit pink as he turned to look at me and Phil.

“A couple of months,” I said honestly, “I had a lot of body issues that held me back… and not just mental too, like I was so umm… undernourished I guess… that I couldn’t get physically up for it either.”

I felt a bit embarrassed detailing an aspect of mine and Phil’s sex life in front of my parents, but Adam had asked. After taking a moment or two to think through what I had said, I continued. “Wait until you’re ready, but if that’s next week, then by all means go for it.”

“And remember to use protection,” my mum butted in, eliciting groans from both Adam and I, him turning bright red and hiding his face in his hands.”

“Mum, stop right there, let me talk to him about all that,” I interrupted her, wanting to save Adam from further embarrassment.

“Sorry, it’s just he’s so young, I don’t want to leave him here with his soulmate if he doesn’t know how to be safe or whatever,” my mum said, trying to defend herself.

“I understand,” I told her, trying to make some peace, as Adam was shooting daggers at her while she looked hopefully at me. I decided Adam and I might as well have this chat now, so I got up and gestured for him to follow me, “Right, Adam, let’s go away and have this discussion now.”

I left Phil with my parents, having the confidence that he would know just how to keep them entertained. On my way past, I let him know that I’d be taking Adam to our room. It was a bit untidy, but we ran less risk of waking Ethan.

“I told mum I’d talk to you about this so she didn’t have to embarrass you,” I complained to him as we walked along the hallway, “In all honesty, it’s good to talk about it, but with someone who actually has some idea what they’re talking about; c’mon.”

I sat down cross-legged on the bed and encouraged Adam to do the same. He looked a bit nervous, but when I launched into the conversation without so much as a second thought, he visibly relaxed a little.

“So have you and Ethan talked about sex?” I asked, wanting to know whether they were at that stage yet.

“A little yeah,” Adam nodded, “Like not just yet obviously, because I’m not sixteen for another few days and he’s got a lot going on… but other than that we’re both more or less ready.”

“Have you discussed who’ll top and bottom?” I asked, “You don’t need to tell me which if you have… just have you discussed it?”

“Yeah, Ethan’s probably going to bottom,” Adam told me, “I don’t mind telling you; I just can’t face talking to mum about any of this.”

“Me neither,” I admitted, “She knows like nothing about gay sex, which is funny as both of us have ended up with men, but I don’t have the patience to teach her.”

“D’you mind me asking… out of you and Phil, who bottoms?” Adam asked, looking at me a little nervously.

“Me,” I said, laughing to make him feel more comfortable, “We’ve never tried it the other way around, but that’s not to say we won’t someday.”

“Does it hurt?” Adam asked, hands fidgeting, still clearly a little uncomfortable.

“If you’re not careful, yes it can, but the most I get usually is muscle cramps or the odd ache,” I explained, “The first time might hurt a bit afterwards as its all new, but it’s not a bad pain.”

“How do I be careful and make sure I don’t hurt him then?” Adam asked, “Like I know you use lube and should start with fingers but…”

“You’re most of the way there,” I nodded, “Umm… d’you know if Ethan’s fingered himself before?”

I felt rather invasive with what I’d just asked, but I was hoping he had; it would make things easier for both of them when they had their first time.

“Yeah, he has,” Adam nodded, sure of himself.

“Good, good,” I said, “He probably knows what he’s doing then and’ll be able to guide you through it. Important thing is you take it really slow at first and always make sure he’s ready before you add another finger or do anything different.”

“Does poop ever like get in the way?” Adam asked, finally shedding some of his embarrassment.

“It shouldn’t do, as long as the bottom’s been to the bathroom properly and had a little clean down there,” I explained, “That’ll really be Ethan’s department; it's healthy to talk about it, but I get if that’s difficult at first. Phil and I have to talk about it sometimes, like everyone has days things are less good down there and sometimes I don’t feel like anal is the best idea.”

“Mmm, yeah, I get that,” Adam nodded.

“Especially for your first time, you should make sure he knows he can tell you to stop at any point if something doesn’t feel right,” I said, “Just like reinforce that because some people get in their head that once they’ve started there’s no going back.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or hurt him or anything,” Adam nodded, “I’m a bit nervous about actually doing it, but other than the nerves, I think we’re about ready.”

“You don’t need to go all the way to full on sex at first, like once you’ve got some lube maybe experiment a little and try out just fingering first,” I suggested, “I think that would help you both feel more comfortable about things.”  

“Oh yeah, that would be an idea,” Adam nodded, looking thoughtful.

“So I’m going to suggest tomorrow we go shopping and get you some condoms and lube,” I suggested, knowing that it would be a good idea for him to get what he needed now, so that they would be ready when the time comes. “Not saying you need to use them anytime soon, but I want to make sure you’re prepared for when it happens.”

“Okay,” Adam agreed, looking a little worried.

“Its nothing to worry about, no one’s gonna judge us, people buy this stuff all the time,” I told him.

“Just like how will I know what ones to choose?” Adam asked, getting across that it was choosing the right thing that he was worried about.

“I’m going to help you, okay. That’s why I’m taking you shopping and not sending you off on your own. I’ll point you in the direction of some decent condoms, nothing fancy to start with, and as for lube… hold on…” I paused, reaching over and opening my bedside drawer to pull a bottle out, “This one’s the sort of basic thing you’ll want to start with.”

“Can I see?” Adam asked, gesturing to the bottle of lube I was holding.

“Sure,” I said, passing it over to him, understanding he was the inquisitive type and he probably hadn’t seen any lube in person before.

I watched as Adam studied the lube bottle, then ‘okay’ed him when he asked if it was okay to squeeze a little out and see what it felt like. He rubbed it between his fingers, closely studying the consistency and how it coated them.

“Hmm okay, I think this one’ll do,” he said positively, handing me the bottle back.

“I think that’ll do as a sex chat for now,” I concluded, “Unless you have any more questions.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Adam nodded, “And yeah I think that’ll keep mum happy now that we’ve talked about it.”

“Well if you do come up with any more questions, you can come to me and I’ll try my best to answer them for you,” I said, wanting to let him know that we could continue this conversation another time, “Equally, if Ethan’s got any questions that you can’t answer, I don’t mind talking to either of you about this.”

“Okay, thanks,” Adam said, smiling, “That wasn’t actually as bad as I thought; I’m so glad it wasn’t Mum or Dad trying to do that.”

“Yeah,” I laughed, cringing as I imagined how awkward that would be, “Right, you go wash your hands and then we can head back to the living room. I’ll let mum know that you’re sufficiently educated now.”

Adam ducked into mine and Phil’s ensuite for a moment to wash his hands. I returned the lube to my bedside drawer; Phil and I had put anything remotely sex related away out of sight in case either of my parents were to walk in here.

We headed back to the living room, to our parents and Phil. My mum looked up at us expectantly, as if she wished us to share what we’d been talking about.

“Okay, we’ve had a little chat and we’re going condom shopping tomorrow so he’s prepared to be safe when the time comes,” I told her, hoping that knowing her son would be safe would satisfy her.

“Okay,” she nodded, looking a tad mortified that I was talking about condoms so openly.

Mum must have been satisfied, because she changed the topic of conversation very quickly.

Around five o’clock, my parents left to head home. They had work in the morning so they needed to get back tonight. Everyone, well apart from Ethan who was still asleep, gathered at the door to wish them a good journey home.

A sense of peace descended on our home once my parents had left. Having them had been nice, but a little bit stressful. Phil and I weren’t used to having so many extra people in our space; I think we could manage four, but six seemed to many for our small flat.

Adam went to check on Ethan and it appeared that the noise of their departure and all of our goodbyes had woken him up. Adam managed to conjure him out of their room, but he still seemed tired and a little out of it.

He was dressed in his pyjama bottoms and Adam’s hoodie and once settled on the sofa, he pulled a blanket up around himself. He looked miserable; I could see that Adam was trying his best to comfort him, but I wasn’t sure he was having much luck.

Phil had dinner about five-thirty, then left for work just after six. I was in charge of cooking for Adam and Ethan tonight, so they would be getting kind of average chicken goujons and oven chips. Although Phil was slowly teaching me things, cooking wasn’t really my forté and it was easier to just put things in the oven.

The three of us sat down at the table to eat; I’d provided optional condiments of barbeque sauce, cranberry sauce, tomato ketchup and salt in hopes that at least one of them could improve the meal a little.

Adam certainly seemed to have no problem with the food, clearing his plate in no time, but Ethan was left picking at his miserably, even well after I had finished.

“Ethan, you don’t really look like you’re enjoying those. Are you feeling okay? Or d’you want something else instead?” I asked, not entirely sure whether I should ask him, but doing so anyway.

Ethan shook his head rubbed his hand across his face, bringing my attention to the tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. Almost instantly, the tears were running down his face and he began to sob gently into his hands.

Adam shuffled his chair closer and put his arms around Ethan, pulling him into a hug. With Ethan’s head on his chest, Adam bent his head down a little and mumbled things to him. It took about ten minutes to calm him a little, in which time I put mine and Adam’s dishes into the dishwasher. I returned to Adam feeding Ethan chips, who’s crying had reduced to just the occasional sniffle.

Adam picked up a piece of chicken and tried to feed this to Ethan, but he kept his mouth shut and turned his head away from it.

“Don’t force him,” I butted in to their moment, “Ethan do you want any more chicken?”

Ethan shook his head, making a small sobbing sound.

Adam apologised and laid the chicken back down to comfort him some more.

“Adam, I’m going to go chuck the chicken in the bin, unless you want it that is?” I said, hand hovering, ready to take Ethan’s plate away.

“Actually,” Adam started, “I think I will have it. I’m not going to let a perfectly good piece of chicken go to waste.”

As Adam turned his attention away for a couple of moments, I took a seat and got down to Ethan’s level. I probably understood how he was feeling to some extent, so I was going to talk to him and see whether there was anything we could do.

“D’you want anything else to eat at all?” I asked softly, not wanting to sound forceful.

Ethan shook his head, rested his elbows on the table and sank his head into his hands.

“Are you feeling okay?” I asked, again keeping my tone of voice as gentle as I could.

Ethan lifted his head up from his hands to shake his head again, before instantly sinking his face back into them.

“Can you tell us what’s wrong?” I asked, wondering if he would feel up to telling us what was the matter.

Again, he responded with a shake of his head. I wished he would tell us, but I understood that sometimes admitting what’s wrong is harder than it sounds.

“Okay,” I nodded, “Speak up if you feel you can, but there’s no pressure. Is there anything Adam or I can do to make you feel better? Anything you’d like?”

After looking thoughtful for a few moments, Ethan replied, “Some paracetamol and a hug?”

“Okay, I’ll get the paracetamol,” I said, getting to my feet, “Adam?”

Adam moved to hug him as I headed off to the kitchen. He brought him into a tighter hug than he had earlier to comfort him, both arms secured around Ethan’s back as he held him close. I was guessing it was the chest pain bothering Ethan again, but the tight hug didn’t seem to be giving him any obvious discomfort, so I couldn’t be sure.

I filled a big glass of water and grabbed the packet of paracetamol from the cupboard. We were starting to run low on them, but I could pick up some more tomorrow, when I was shopping with Adam.

After Ethan had taken his dose of the medicine, I returned them to the cupboard and suggested that they headed over to the sofas to be a bit more comfortable. I finished clearing the table and then joined them over there, bringing some of Phil’s baking with me in case either of them decided that they wanted something else to eat.

Ethan, again was wrapped in one of our blankets, looking quite miserable. Adam cuddling up with him seemed to cheer him up a little bit, but I could tell that things weren’t good. I didn’t question it, knowing he was in too sensitive a state to answer, but I was guessing it would be the combination of being kicked out of his family and his home, the abuse from his father and his depression.

--

I was looking through the TV guide, seeing if there was anything that would be worth putting on, when a ringtone started to blare loudly from Adam and Ethan’s direction. Adam looked to Ethan, who looked like he’d just had the fright of his life. Shuffling around a bit to get into his pockets beneath the blanket, he pulled his phone out. Instantly, he looked like he’d just seen a ghost and rejected the call, starting to shake violently.

“Ethan who was that?” I asked very softly, seeing the panic in his eyes.

“M-my mum… she keeps… keeps calling me and texting me to ask if I'm alright and I don't know what to say,” he said, continuing to shake, with tears starting to leak from his eyes.

I nodded, giving him a minute as Adam smothered him with love and affection, telling him to take deep breaths and wiping the tears from his cheeks. As far as I knew, he wasn’t prone to panic attacks, but this seemed not unlike one and Adam was doing a good job of helping him. I felt a little bit sick at seeing Ethan reacting this, seeing so much anxiety, so much of myself. I tried not to let it bother me and instead focused on thinking about what he should do.

When Ethan had calmed down enough to get a couple of words out he asked, “What should I do? Like d’you think I should text or keep ignoring her as she’s still with my dad and didn’t really try to stand up for me? I just don’t know what to say…”

“I think you should text her and let her know that you're okay and you've got a roof over your head at least,” I suggested, “Maybe say you're not really ready to talk about things yet but emphasise you’re safe because it sounds like she’s at least worried about you.”

With a lot of input from Adam and I, and copious amounts of re-reading and editing, Ethan eventually had a text to send off to his mum. It read:

Mum, I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm staying with my soulmates brother who is very kindly putting me up. I've known my soulmate two weeks and he's here with me now. I'm sorry I haven't been answering your calls but I'm not ready to talk about things yet. Hope things aren't too bad at home, but I couldn’t stay there with how dad took it. - Ethan

Okay, the message did seem quite formal, but Ethan had an important message to get across and he didn’t want to confuse his mum with any of the texting shorthand which she didn’t quite always understand. He sat back nervously and waited for a reply. It was a couple of minutes before his phone pinged with a new message.

Oh thank god, I’m so glad you’re safe. Things aren’t good with dad and I at the moment, so it’s probably best you’re out of the way - I’ll let you know if anything changes. Also, I’m glad you’ve found your soulmate - I think that should be good for you

I wouldn’t go as far as to say he looked happy, but after hearing back from his mum, I would say Ethan looked a little less sad. Once everyone had settled down again, I suggested we watched a film.

“I’ll leave you guys to pick one out,” I told them, “I’m going to make some hot chocolate, either of you want one?”

Both Adam and Ethan accepted the offer, which pleased me. It suggested Ethan was feeling a bit better that he was at dinner time. I disappeared for five minutes to make the drinks, but when I returned, I found Adam and Ethan had a film picked out and loaded into the DVD player. It was one of Phil’s that I hadn’t actually watched, but I’d heard good things about it so I was happy to go with their choice.

“Looks good,” I said, commenting on their choice as I laid the hot chocolates down on the table in front of them.

I’d brought through some of Phil’s baking, which I also set down on the table. I felt a wave of relief when I saw Ethan happily tucking in; he must be feeling okay. We all settled into the seats to watch the film; Ethan and Adam were all cuddled up, which made me miss Phil a little, but I knew I’d see him soon.

The film finished around eleven o’clock. After the credits had rolled and the DVD whirred to a stop, I suggested that Adam and Ethan go and get ready for bed. Phil would be finishing up at work and would be home in about fifteen minutes. Adam groaned at my suggested, while Ethan yawned sleepily and stretched his arms out, getting ready to get up.

“Adam, at least go get you pjs on so you’re comfy,” I suggested, seeing that it was him who needed the encouragement, “Maybe brush your teeth, get into bed and cuddle for a while. That’s a kinda therapeutic way to end the day.”

With my convincing and a pleading look from Ethan, Adam got up and the two of them headed off to their room. Ethan seemed to be needing a lot of sleep so I was glad he was getting to bed before midnight. I saw them each disappearing in and out the bathroom a couple of times, but then things went fairly quiet and I presumed they were probably in bed.

When Phil got in, he looked so tired and I knew he’d just want to head straight to bed. I nudged him in the direction of our bedroom and encouraged him to go and get his pyjamas on and brush his teeth. I made sure everything that needed to be was turned off or locked up, then caught up with him.

I was surprised Phil didn’t fall asleep straight away, but as he tossed and turned uncomfortably, I could tell there was something on his mind.

“Phil?” I mumbled into the darkness, snuggling up a little closer to him, “Is something bothering you?”

“Mmm,” Phil mumbled, rolling over to face me, “I had a couple of difficult customers tonight and I just feel like I got all my words in a jumble and embarrassed myself more than sorting out the situation.”

“What happened?” I asked softly, knowing it would be good for him to get it off his chest.

“There was a man who ordered a slow cooked beef with red wine gravy, then complained the mash was contaminated when the menu clearly stated it was meant to have pancetta ham through it,” Phil explained, sounding drained, “I tried to explain to him, but he started an argument and raised his voice at me and I had to go and get the manager.”

“Aww,” I mumbled, slipping my hand up inside Phil’s pyjama top and gently rubbing his back, “It’s not your fault though; the man shouldn’t have shouted at you.”

“I don’t feel like I handled it very well though… I just stumbled over my words and made a fool of myself,” Phil said, starting to sound like he was tearing up.

“Hey, I’m sure you did great. It’s always difficult to respond to someone who’s attacking you with no reason,” I said, trying to comfort him, pressing a couple of kisses to his forehead.

After sniffing pitifully for a minute or two, Phil continued, “Th-there was another customer… she wanted to send a dish back back because it wasn’t as hot as she wanted, then she got in a huff because the beans had been missed out in trying to get a replacement as quickly as possible.”

I could see that Phil had been feeling quite attacked this evening, so I continued to hold him close and give him little kisses, hoping to help him feel at least a little better, “You don’t deserve what any of these mean people were saying to you; you were doing your best.”

I felt Phil’s body shake as a little sob escaped him. He brought his knees up to his chest and I knew he was trying to curl up as small as he could get. It broke my heart to see Phil so broken, so affected by the words of these strangers. I shuffled as close as I could and made sure the duvet was tucked well around him.

As Phil sobbed into my chest, I stilled my hands on his back and just held him, my lips pressed to the top of his head. I would give him a minute or two to cry before I tried to get him to stop. I knew that for Phil, it was the best way to get his emotions out.

When his sobs started to slow down a little, I knew that was my time to intervene, “Phil?”

“Yeah?��� he mumbled, his voice rough.

“I’m going to pop into the bathroom for thirty seconds and grab you some loo roll for your nose,” I told him, “I’ll be right back, okay.”

I unwound a fair length of toilet roll, then made a spur of the moment decision to fill the bathroom glass up with water. I returned to Phil, who had sat up, ready to take the toilet paper and deal with his snotty nose. I turned my lamp on so he could see and sat down next to him, handing him the tissues, but holding onto the water until he was ready.

As I passed Phil the glass of water, he reached for it with his left hand, which struck me as a bit odd. In looking over at his other hand, I noticed he had blue plasters wrapped around two of his fingers. Something must’ve happened at work; the restaurant only had blue ones which met the regulations.

“What happened to your hand?” I asked, reaching over and taking it in my hand. In doing this I noticed he had a third plaster spread across his palm, “Ouch.”

“I dropped a plate and cut myself trying to clear it up. I was rushing because I had an impatient customer and I just wasn’t careful enough and one of the pieces slipped,” Phil rambled, his eyes threatening to spill more tears.

“You really didn’t have a good evening, did you?” I commented, putting an arm around him, while keeping his injured hand in mine.

Phil sniffled, but managed to resist crying again. After slowly sipping the water for a while, he laid it to the side and curled more into me.

“I’ll take a look at your hand in the morning,” I told him, “At the moment, I think you need some sleep.”

“Mmm,” Phil nodded.

“C’mon, let’s lay down again,” I said, gently encouraging Phil back down under the covers with me.

As we got settled, Phil snuggled up next to me and I curled around him, slinging an arm over him and being the cuddler for the night. Phil needed the comfort. Everyone has bad days at work sometimes, but I hated how much some of these strangers affected Phil. He didn’t deserve it. I was angry at them for hurting him, so for now I was taking on a protective role as his soulmate and looking after him. It took a while before Phil’s breathing turned into soft snores; he didn’t get to sleep easily, but I kept myself awake until then in case he needed me again.

Next Chapter =>