#hopefully i can finish this before the excitement/hyperfixation wears out of

[how-did-i-get-to-here]

okay y'all, i've never actually done something like this but i decided on a whim the other day to start a sewing project, and i'm gonna do my best to document it here just for my own enjoyment lol!

the goal is basically to take this jacket (pictured below) that I bought on amazon for a kotlc halloween costume a few years ago and spruce it up a bit

the current plans are to:

reinforce the bottom edge of the skirt part so it has a little more structure

replace the buttons with ones that a) look nicer and b) are more durable (right now they're plastic and also have this crown/crest design that almost feels like it belongs on a flag or something??? idk I just don't like them very much and wanna have different ones)

maybe do some embroidery on the bottom edge of the skirt (and potentially other areas as well)??? i haven't fully decided yet but leaning towards yes if I can manage to teach myself embroidery before my interest in this project disappears lol

(i might also do something with the zipper pull, i can't really decide if i fully like it as is but that's a thing for future me to worry about haha)

but yeah i think the vision is mostly just fun jacket with vaguely steampunk-space-pirate vibes (à la the mechs lol) so we'll see what happens!

[ace-in-a-shopping-cart]

Director’s Cut Chapter 10: ... Now That I See You

Director’s cut chapter 9

Logan loved their debates, going into the late hours of the night. They never made it to midnight as Virgil always fell asleep before then. Logan assumed it was due to either his wounds needing a lot of sleep to heal properly or his circadian rhythm. Whichever one it was was fine with him as it meant he could spend time along in his room, winding down from the flurry of excitement that always came with the debates. 

He enjoyed the times where Virgil would seek him out for the pre bed debates. Once, he had forgotten that he was wearing glasses. It seemed Virgil’s amnesia had caused him to forget about contacts so he had to explain that he had to forgo wearing his contacts the night before he changed them. Many times, their debates were carried from the library to Virgil’s room as it was closer to the stairs. These were times Virgil was most likely to fall asleep mid debate. Logan just tucked him under his covers and turned the lights off as he left.

Once, when Logan was looking for a quiet place that wasn’t his office, hoping the change in scenery would produce idea flow, he came across Virgil in the alcove he’d found when he was seven. They bantered for a few minutes while Logan set up his things. As he took his mind off his work for a few minutes, he was better able to focus when he turned his attention back to it. 

Soon, he’d dissolved into his usual muttering and hair pulling while dealing with the papers in front of him. He was trying to understand the reports he was getting from his men but many of them contradicted others and Logan had no idea which were the right ones. He hadn’t realized he’d growled until Virgil had closed his book and was looking over his shoulder. “What are you looking at?”

Logan looked up at him from his seat on the floor. “I’m just trying to deal with the reports coming in from the coast guard.”

“About the pirates?” Virgil marked his place in his book before giving his full attention to Logan.

“Yes, about those. I’m just having a hard time getting people to believe the pirates were even there to begin with.” They were no longer at the beach near the cliff. This probably accounted for the conflicting reports. People were being lazy and not investigating, simply making something up instead.

Virgil’s hand in his hair brought him back to the here and now. “You’ll figure it out eventually. How about you tell me what the problem is. Sometimes, just going through it out loud helps.”

So, Logan talked about it to Virgil. He talked about the lazy people he had to deal with, about his personal research, about anything that came to mind as Virgil looked at him like he’d hung the moon and stars.

Sometimes, when it was clear that Logan needed the distraction, Virgil would go on about the books he was reading. He’d tell Logan about the interesting parts of the history books, the amazing amount of creatures he’d read about recently. He was always rewarded with a smile and full attention, as he’d succeeded in taking Logan’s mind off work long enough for him to relax. Logan loved when Virgil would seek him out, somehow knowing when he needed the distraction the most. Logan lets Virgil talk about his hyperfixations, which can be an ADHDer’s love language. Virgil is telling Logan he means enough to him that he’s willing to talk about his hyperfiations without getting bullied.

There were times when they both needed to get outside for some sun. Those were days filled with bird watching, Virgil making up a narrative to explain why the birds were acting a certain way and giving each of them a unique voice. Logan would have to remember to ask him to read a book to him as his voice was incredibly relaxing. Many times, Roman would come over and lay his head on Logan’s leg, occasionally falling asleep to Virgil’s stories but most times he would beg Logan to come and play with him. Unable to resist, Logan would usually acquiesce. He hadn’t even noticed that a month and a half had passed. 

One day, Logan decided he and Virgil could both use a break from the castle. Realizing that he viewed Virgil as his best friend, he decided to take him to his favorite spot in the world: the cliff he’d been going to when he’d first found Virgil. When they got there, Virgil went to admire the view while Logan unloaded the picnic and set it up. He set up his easel and painting supplies close by, wanting to do that after eating. 

Once everything was set up, he went and sat by Virgil. He took a deep breath of the sea air he could never get enough of before speaking. “It’s a nice view.”

Virgil smiled, nodding. “That it is.”

They sat there for a few more minutes. Looking over at Virgil, he had a hunger in his eyes that Logan had seldom seen in many faces. It wasn’t a hunger for food, but more of a hunger for home, for comfort. There was a sadness mixed with the hunger, as if he deeply missed something. Glancing out at the water, he wondered what Virgil saw when he looked at it. He thought about this for a few seconds before slapping his knees and standing, holding his hands out to help Virgil to his feet. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, a little bit.” Virgil responded as they walked over and sat on the blanket. Logan brought up the subject of their last debate and that was all the prompting Virgil needed to pick up where he’d left off. Logan admired the fire in his voice and determination in his eyes as he spoke of a subject he’d obviously been researching recently.

Once the meal was over, Virgil helped Logan pack up the trash and found the book Logan had put in the basket for Virgil to read throughout the afternoon. He went back to the edge to sit and read. Logan was planning on painting the sea again as it was an interesting color today but found his eye drawn to the way Virgil was sitting. No regard for the large drop, fully absorbed in his book, he had one leg dangling over the edge and the other pulled up. His fingers gripped the pages, one arm looping around the drawn up leg, while his eyes danced across the page. He had a faraway look in his eye that told Logan he was lost in the story being spun inside his brain. Grabbing his purple paints, Logan started to mix up something that would match the exact colors of Virgil’s plaid shirt. 

While painting, the thought crossed Logan’s mind that he loved Virgil. He didn’t know where the emotion came from but it was there, sitting in his heart like there was a seat made just for it there. He paused, his brush poised above the paint tray as he tried to pinpoint the exact moment the feeling started. Was it when they’d first met and Logan had felt fiercely protective of him? Was it the first time he’d seen that gorgeous dark purple hair dry and known that it was purple and not black? Was it the first time Virgil had laughed, the hours of debating, the hours of venting and problem solving? Was it the first time he’d heard him narrate a story and known he could get lost in that voice? He found that there was no one instance where he’d fallen in love but rather a slow descent he hadn’t noticed until he was at the bottom looking up. Even so, he didn’t regret the descent in the slightest.

He finished his painting, Virgil hunched over a book framed by the sea and sky behind him, and moved to sit next to its subject. Turning, he smiled and pretended his thoughts weren’t roiling like a sea in a storm. He focused on the main reason he’d brought Virgil here in the first place, deciding to sort through the emotions later. 

“You seem to be healing well.” He said as an opening.

Virgil nodded, eyes focused on the book in his lap, hands fiddling with the bookmark Logan had bought for him. “Yeah, I think I’ll be able to leave soon.”

Logan smiled, drawing his gaze back up to him. “Hopefully not too soon. My father and younger brother are coming home. My brother has said he will be bringing a bride back to present to the family. I would like to have you there for that. Would you like to be my plus one?”

Virgil frowned, a line appearing between his eyebrows. “What’s a ‘plus one’?”

“A guest of a guest. I am an invited guest who is allowed to invite another guest.”

“I don’t know what I’d have to wear.”

“I have some of my father’s old suits that might fit you. They’re good quality and you seem to be around the right size for them. If nothing else, we can always commission the royal seamstresses for something. Is that alright with you?” Virgil nodded as they both smiled and enjoyed the sunset before traveling home. Just as on the way there, Virgil’s head was placed between Logan’s shoulder blades. He decided he liked that. Not part of the actual commentary but I wanted to make the note that I just really love how simple the line ‘he decided he liked that’ is but how cute it is as well.

Director’s cut chapter 11

[a-calm-night]

MY BREAST REDUCTION 2017

INTRODUCTION: One of the first things I did when I began considering surgery was google other people’s experiences. It was instrumental in deciding that it something I wanted to do, and took away a lot of the fear and uncertainty out of the decision. If those people hadn’t taken the time to put their experiences into written words I may not be where I am now, so hopefully by doing this I can help another big-boobed individual take their first step to a more comfortable life. 

I was totally flat-chested until I was about 14-years-old, and then in the span of 6 months shot through the ranks until I could no longer accurately determine my size. I knew one thing though, because every fucking person who laid eyes on me felt the need to tell me: they were big. I’ve had a lot of shitty experiences because of my body; from being referred to as ‘Tits’ by boys I thought I had become familiar enough with that they would bother to remember my name, to being called a slut on multiple occasions by a friend’s mother all because I dared to show a little cleavage (which is hard not to do when they’re that size. Now that I’m older I can’t believe that an adult would say that to a young teenager. Seriously disgusting behaviour). I know that in their own convoluted way most of the time when people made comments they meant it as some sort of compliment but by the 500th time you hear that shit its like, look, I KNOW they’re big, okay? I LIVE WITH THEM. I KNOW THEY’RE BIG. STOP. TELLING. ME. 

Then there’s the physical aspect of it all where everything hurts all the time and you can’t run or jump around or dare to move too quickly. Theres’s the back issues and the shoulder issues and the neck issues and all the rest of it. That sucked too, but to be honest it was always the mental and social side of things that bothered me the most. 

I’d say I was around 17 when I first started looking into surgery. I kept telling myself that I wanted to do it and that I would do it but just kept putting it off out of fear and aversion to being cut open. I’m 21 now, and it was in January this year that I kicked myself into gear and started making actual moves towards it. I’d started taking anti-depressants a few months before that time and I think that having that extra motivation, confidence and energy was a huge catalyst. 

THE SET UP: I went to my GP and asked for a referral. The GP asked me some question re: why I wanted a reduction, why I thought I needed one etc and once she was satisfied asked me if there were any surgeons I had in mind. I’d done some research and picked out a surgeon in my city that I liked the look of. She was one of the only Docs in Adelaide that actually had a gallery of her surgeries on her site to look at, and she had over 10 years experience specialising in breast augmentation - you can look at her website >here< if you want. The GP recommended another local surgeon who I had also already looked into, but a lot of her reviews said she had an attitude problem and as someone who has difficulty even making eye contact with people I really didn’t think I could handle that, so I asked for a referral for my pick instead. 

Dr. Anderson had gone away for the new year, so it wasn’t until March that I was able to get in to see her (or February, or maybe April? My memory is really fuzzy on that for some reason). Anyway, when I had my appointment with her she took a look at my breasts. Her thoughts were that they were too large for my frame, with quite a lot of asymmetry (which is correct, I’d say my left side was a good 2 or 3 cups smaller), and that genetically they’d grown more on the top that the bottom which had resulted in a saggier appearance (also true, my nipples were far too low). Then she sat down with me and explained what the procedure would be and how she would do it. She asked me some questions about my health and family history, and gave me some information sheets. It was quite fast-paced but not in a rude way - it was just another rodeo for her while for me it was something life changing. After we were finished I went out to the front desk and the receptionist lady asked me if I wanted to book my surgery there and then, or take some time to think about it. I’d liked Dr. Anderson and was already set on my course of action so I decided to book my surgery date on the spot. Originally I was set for the 16th of May but due to some education I was fulfilling at the time I later had to move it to September the 18th. The suspense was maddening, I just wanted to get it over and done with.

THE SURGERY: Dr. Anderson decided to go with an ‘Anchor’ incision for my surgery, with some liposuction on the right-hand-side where I had some excess fat on the connection from my armpit to my breast. The anchor incision is described as:

The “anchor” breast reduction incision pattern follows around the perimeter of the areola, moving to a vertical line from the areola down to the breast crease, and then horizontally along the breast crease.

But how I would describe it is that she cuts underneath the boob fold, then in a line up and around the nipple. Y’know, like an anchor shape. She then takes out the excess breast tissue, and brings the nipple upwards to a more aesthetically balanced area before sewing everything back together. Then everything gets taped up with hyperfix dressings. Drains are inserted to take away the excess fluid your body produces to replace what is lost, and are removed 24 - 48 hours after surgery. 

THE ACTUAL SURGERY: I was told to check into the hospital 6.30am. I woke up at 2.30 that morning freaking the fuck out. I was determined and excited, but still scared. Of course I’d entertained the thought that everything could go horribly wrong and was getting flashbacks to the unhealthy amount of ‘Botched’ episodes I’d been watching leading up to The Big Day.

This next section is very long so I’m going to do dot points to seperate it out a bit.

- Check into hospital. Sign in at desk, fill out some paper work. I’d had to fill out and send in a booklet of admittance information detailing things like my height, weight, current medication, living address, next of kin etc so they already had most of my information. 

- Nurse comes to take me up to the second waiting area, where I sat for maybe 10 minutes before a different nurse took me into the pre-operative area. She took my weight and then we went into a curtained-off room where she went through and confirmed the information I’d given them and had me sign some consent forms. She gave me my hospital gown to change into and one of those towel-fabric dressings gowns, and a blanket. I also had to wear these super sexy surgery stockings that went up to my groin and were very tight, to stop blood clots from forming during surgery. Then she painted me up with this detol-like disinfectant and left to let it dry. 

- Dr. Anderson comes in a draws up her incision patterns. The anaesthesiologist also came in and asked a few questions like when I’d last eaten and if I was a smoker, confirmed my weight and height and some other details. Dr. Anderson took a ‘before’ photo and left to get scrubbed in. - Man comes in and gets me set up in a wheelchair and a heated blanket before rolling me across the hospital to the room where they’d be performing the surgery. There was a little room with a bed that I got into and was introduced to one of the nurses who’d be assisting, and she confirmed my info again before I was taken into the operating theatre. 

- Lay down on the operating table and meet the other guy who’s assisting. At my initial appointment with Dr. Anderson after I decided to book my surgery with her they had me fitted with a post-operative surgery bra, which they now laid underneath me so they could easily do up after they were done. 

- The anaesthesiologist put an IV in my arm and put a mask up to my face and told me I would fall asleep in a few seconds. That was a strange experience. I was totally awake one second and then I tasted this awful acidic taste, was hit with a brief but blinding headache and then boom... gone. 

- Next thing I know I’m waking up and there’s this absolute angel of a nurse (who I never actually saw ‘cause I had my eyes closed the whole time but her voice became my crutch in that first post-op hour) asking me if I wanted some water and showing me where my pain relief button is. Apparently I had a lot of pink surgery paint on my face which she made a valiant effort to remove and put some lip balm on my lips because they were super dry and I was really dehydrated, not having had any food or liquid since the day before (gotta fast before surgery so that you don’t choke on your vomit while your under anaesthetic).

- I was in that post-op area for maybe an hour? I was drifting in and out of unconsciousness and doped up so my perception of time was pretty screwy.  I just remember angel-nurse telling me my room was ready and that she would be guiding the bed there. Apparently the beds have sensors or something that follow marks on the floor so all the nurses have to do is press a button and the bed drives itself, thought that was pretty cool.

- They took me into my room and I fell asleep again until I hear my mum’s voice asking the nurse how I was doing. It was a few hours later and she’d come in to visit. The hospital staff were doing their afternoon tea round so I had a coffee and some cake, and more water. I literally cannot describe how thirsty I was, even hooked up to an IV drip. Mum sat with me for like an hour but I kept passing out on her so we decided there wasn’t much point in her hanging around. 

- The nurses came in once every hour to take my blood pressure, temperature, and oxygen levels. I had an IV in my left arm and another tube I think was probably the pain relief. The drains were coming out from both sides just underneath my armpits but they were really thin and I didn’t even realise they were there until I went to the toilet later and had to hold onto the collection bags. I had a blood-pressure cuff wrapped around my other arm so that they didn’t have to bother me to connect it every time they came in, and an oxygen reader clipped to my finger, and I had a vice grip on my pain relief remote. I didn’t actually use it all that much but it was comforting knowing that it was there. I also had these weird massage things connected to my legs to keep the blood flowing. 

- I pretty much slept for the first 6 hours or so, drifting in and out and waking when the nurses came to check all my stats. The lady I was sharing a room with was watching the news, I had a TV too but I didn’t want to turn it on and have the sounds clashing together so I just listened to hers mostly. I had my phone on the table connected to my bed but I felt to groggy to really use it. They brought in some dinner (tomato pasta and mash) I thought it tasted pretty good. I’m not sure if hospital food just has a bad rap or if it was because I was SO hungry.

- My roomie left around 7pm and I had the room to myself after that. One of the nurses came in and folded back the room dividers and curtains so I could see out the windows, which was a nice thought. The hospital is up on a hill so you get a view of the highway and the city in the distance so it was nice to have something to look at. I didn’t sleep much that night but I’d been sleeping all day anyway and was still kind of dopey so I wasn’t that bothered. 

- Morning eventually came around and I had some breakfast and the nurses came in and asked if I was feeling up to going home. I had the option to stay another night but I was feeling pretty good and just wanted to go home to my own bed. Dr. Anderson came in checked everything out, and the nurses got me set up with my prescribed pain killers. They took out the drains, which didn’t hurt nearly as much as I’d been dreading. It was more of a strange and uncomfortable pulling sensation. The lady taking them out had me take a deep breath and exhale as she pulled them out, which is a technique I would highly recommend. 

- I was discharged around 10:30am, went home to bed, had some lunch, and slept a lot. You’re supposed to sleep sitting somewhat upright which was a lot easier in hospital with the adjustable bed, but at home I had to prop myself up with pillows which was pretty uncomfortable but for the first day or two I was too tired to really care. Later, I ended up sleeping on a beanbag but this post is long enough already so I’ll make a seperate one detailing the recovery so far.

THE PAYMENT: I live in South Australia so my experience with this is probably vastly different from someone who lives in another country, or even another state. I’m lucky enough to have private health insurance which means that I didn‘t have to pay for the hospital stay itself, and was able to get some of the other fees at a lower rate. 

There were three categories of payment: The Surgeon, the anaesthesiologist, and the assistance fee.

In my case, the surgeon was owed $5000, the anaesthetic was $500, and the assistance fee was $750. I’ll be getting some money back from the Private Health fund from the assistance, but I’m not sure how much. $5000 for the surgeon is a bit more expensive than some of the others I looked into considering I can’t claim that payment with the PH, but I knew I wanted Dr.Anderson so I was willing to pay. Surgery... is expensive. I’m lucky enough to live at home with my parents who charge me only a pittance to live with them, and have a relatively stable income as an aged care worker. I’ve always been a hardcore money-hoarder (AKA, a cheapskate), and knowing that surgery was something I wanted gave me the extra motivation to save enough to pay for it all. 

That being said, if you live in Australia you can go through this procedure under medicare! The reason I chose not to do this is because I wanted to choose my surgeon myself, choose which hospital the procedure was done in, and choose when the surgery itself would be performed. I don’t have all the info on this but its my understanding that through medicare you don’t have much of say in who, where, or when its done. One of my coworkers is getting her mammoplasty done through medicare so if anyone wants more info regarding this, I can ask her no worries :) 

This is all a lot longer than I had intended for it to be and I’ve been writing for hours so I’ll stop myself here. I am almost at the one-month post-op milestone so I’ll write a seperate post detailing my recovery in a few days.

If anyone has any questions regarding this surgery please, please, feel free to ask. It makes it so much less scary and easier if you have someone you can grill for info, and I’m happy to be that person for anyone considering surgery no matter what stage you’re in. Having this surgery is honestly the best thing I have ever done for myself and I really encourage anyone who wants it to look at all their options, because now that its done I cant imagine having to carry that weight around for the rest of my life. 

Before I forget, I was somewhere around a 12E before have come down to a 10DD at this stage. Doesn’t seem like that big of a difference but they will likely go down again as the swelling reduces. They took 400~ grams from my left and 600~ from my right. I feel fantastic :)