#hope you love this chapter! plz let me know your thoughts/feelings! :)

[kirkycurls]

You Jump, I Jump, Jack

When a gorgeous metalhead and his band move into town, your dreary summer pouring coffees is turned on its head—for the better.

Chapter Two

CW for this chapter: Mentions of alcoholism/mean drunk father, bullying, anxiety attack.

Flinging your house keys and some other bits into your handbag, you practically ripped your hair out of its ponytail as you held the wardrobe door open with your foot, eyes erratically scanning your array of neutrals and old tees for something a bit more glam.

You were getting worked up. Accosted by your elderly next door neighbour on your way home from work, you’d ended up with your head under her sink for the best part of an hour in an attempt to “knock some sense into that damn leaky pipe”. She knew you were good at fixing things and had used and abused that knowledge at least three times since the start of the year.

Eventually you’d escaped, explaining with a wave that you had to get an early night because you had jury duty the next day—a bold-faced lie you usually saved for only the most dire circumstances, which this was turning out to be. Margaret could, respectfully, screw herself. There was a cute guy waiting for you downtown and you were not going to be late.

You shot a glance at the alarm clock on your bedside table: 7.48 pm.

Okay, you breathed. You still had twenty minutes or so to get dressed and head out. It was only a fifteen minute walk from your house to work—ten if you power walked. But you didn’t want to get to Metallica HQ too early.

Pizza and beer. It would be nice. A chance to meet Kirk’s friends and see him again in a casual setting, sans coffee-stained apron and awkward customer service persona. And you really wanted to see him again.

You’d parted ways that afternoon with easy smiles on your faces and his hand falling a little too close to your waist as he’d thanked you for “showing me a hoppin’ time at Yvette’s coffee shop”. You’d snorted at that and blushed hard, your thoughts immediately jumping back to the cringeworthy drinks spillage. Something was definitely in the air between the pair of you and it was more than the electricity of the stormy weather.

As the thought of your last interaction with Kirk faded from your mind, your faint smile slowly succumbed to the weight of a familiar dread that had quietly invited itself into your bedroom and settled, heavy and grey, above your head. You’d known it would be paying a visit at some time this evening, but you’d so far held off its approach.

Pizza…and beer. If there were two things you didn’t like mixed, it was men and alcohol. In fact, you barely touched the stuff yourself, only giving in for special occasions.

It was your father’s fault. Night after night you’d lay in bed as a kid, eyes aching to close but knowing that at 2am on the dot he would explode through the front door after hours necking spirits at various bars with his friends.

You never knew what mood he’d be in. If his favourite team had lost a game, he’d return fuming, an active volcano slamming doors and swearing so loud it made you cringe with embarrassment that the neighbours would hear. On his happier nights he would be eerily quiet, but you could feel his fee fi fo fum energy coming up the stairs…alcohol running like a current through his veins, just one irritated moment away from getting nasty. 

That’s how your mother described those nighttime hours fraught with paranoia and anxiety… “Keep your door closed sweetie or your dad might get nasty”. And yet she’d stayed with him all these years, too in love; too far into a deep hole of denial.  

The relief you’d felt when you moved to college was unparalleled. You felt like a wave far out at sea, lapping and crashing undisturbed in a space that was entirely yours. A letter from your mother had arrived one day not long before graduation, letting you know she’d got the promotion she’d been chasing and would be working at a fancy bank closer to the city.

Your heart had leapt. You knew exactly what that meant—you’d been dreaming about it for months. Your now unemployed drunken Da would be upping sticks with her to a new house far away from you. You’d miss your mother of course, but if weeks at a time away from her meant exorcising your childhood home of him, you’d suffer the pain. She’d promised it would be your place anyway and you'd intended to make it perfect.

And perfect you’d made it. You'd spent the last few years ripping out the old kitchen, bathroom, master bedroom—anything permanent that served as a reminder of your father's leering presence. Long weekends spent in Yvette's rooms above the cafe embroidering cushions, painting landscapes and abstract nonsense to line the staircase, even testing out recipes from far-flung corners of the globe so that home cooking made your space smell like yours and yours alone. So much hard work, but it was empowering and proved you could take care of yourself; proved you could hold your own hand as a grown up, just like you'd had to all those years with the beast prowling around.

Yet all that focus on you and your haven had taken its toll on every serious attempt at a relationship since leaving college. Accusations of not wanting to commit, seeing someone else, even being too far up your own ass had followed you to mens' bedrooms (never yours) time and again. The last one had made you laugh. By that point you'd accepted you simply weren't ready for a boyfriend. You just couldn't let yourself trust that the next long-term male presence in your life would be safe. That was what it all boiled down to. You were still that frightened child, trembling under pretty pink covers, soothing whisky-stench nightmares by tending to her doll's house. Forever playing pretend. And none of the boys could see.

Except, maybe...

You sighed, refocusing on the task at hand. Drifting into a fantasy world was the last thing you needed right now.

7.54 pm.

The closet rail screeched as you gave in trying to be original and selected your outfit for the night.

It won’t be that bad, you thought. It’s going to be fine.

A little black dress sliding off its hanger.

So long as you keep it together.

And the sweet kitten heels.

It’s going to be fine…

✵

The temperature was comfortable as you made your way towards town, heels tapping rhythmically on the concrete and a gentle breeze whispering through your loose hair.

It was still light out, although the birds were calming and there were less people around than when you'd walked home after your shift. Nonetheless, you spotted a few stragglers here and there doing their best to clean up as much of the fallout from the last deluge before the next working day. It hadn't rained since lunch time, which at this point was nothing short of a miracle.

You'd caught the weather report before leaving for the night: clear this evening; clear tomorrow.

Wow, you'd thought. Could this actually be the start of summer?

Turning onto the street housing your journey's end, you peered up at Yvette's window. Her curtains were closed. You smiled to yourself. She was always back the night before. Never late. She loved her customers and her cafe too much to stay away for long, and lateness was practically immoral. No, she would be tucked up in bed watching Poirot until around 9, complete with a hot chocolate and a slice of leftover carrot cake Steven had saved for her. After that it was lights out. Many accidental sleepovers with paint up to your elbows and the soporific aroma of her vanilla-spiced perfume had taught you that.

You were in a better mood than before. In fact, you'd almost forgotten what you were worrying about as the thumping of a stereo to your left brought you to your senses.

But don't push me to the maximum

Shut your mouth and take it home

Cause I decide the way things gonna be

Okay, now you were excited.

Taking the steps to the main doors of the old Sunday school two at a time, you were met with the back of a delivery guy's head. Judging by the tower of boxes in his arms and, ugh, heavenly smell, the pizzas had arrived. You clutched your gurgling stomach, realising you hadn't eaten since the peanut butter sandwich you'd swallowed in a girlish daze after Kirk had left.

Hands fussing nervously up your torso to fiddle with the straps of your dress, you took comfort in the spare seconds you had unseen to make sure everything was in place. It wasn’t often you got dressed up, never mind agreed to hang out with a guy you actually liked, and there was no turning back now. 

“Whewwww, that’s what I like to see.”

You looked up to see the delivery guy staring anywhere but your face. His arms were now empty and reaching out as if to pull you into a bear hug.

“You don’t wanna hang out with these losers do you, hon?”

Behind him, the guy who’d accepted the pizzas cleared his throat territorially. 

“These losers are paying your wage tonight, buddy. Why don’t you get back on your bike and do your job.”

He placed the pizzas down on the ground beside him and straightened, arms crossed. 

The delivery guy stiffened, your radar for conflict responding in kind. Your muscles locked in anticipation of an argument.

“Or shall I tell Ricky you’re shorting people their change again?”

The delivery guy ignored him. He shot a smug smile in your direction and swaggered around you, painfully slow, taking his time down the steps and back to his bike. He said nothing.

You watched him sidelong before returning your attention to the disgruntled customer, satisfied there would be no fight. 

“You okay?”, he smiled, pure warmth bottled in his eyes. 

Something told you this was Jason. 

“Yeah”, you replied, tension melting from your limbs. “Um, Kirk said to meet him here ton—.”

“Oh it’s you!”, he interrupted. “Sorry, I didn’t know you’d be here so early. Didn’t Kirk tell you he usually turns up late to these things?”

Early?? So much for your plan to be fashionably late. You felt like an eager schoolgirl now. And dressed like a hooker... And why did you wear your hair down? They were all going to think you were—

“Oh no it’s fine, you’re welcome to come in”, he laughed, no doubt noticing the checked out look on your face that usually indicated panic beneath the surface. “I’m Jason”.

Bingo. Kirk was good at describing people’s energy, that’s for sure. Another point in your book. Perceptive. Attentive. You’d be in love with him by the end of the night at this rate.

You shook off your prior anxiety and returned a laugh.

“Hey Jason. I’m sure I’ll survive a while without him. You want some help with these?”

Nodding to the stack of pizzas at Jason’s feet, an image of lunch time lit up your mind momentarily, fizzling out again like a sparkler. You smiled.

Assuming this was due to any receding awkwardness, Jason smiled even bigger, which made you smile even more, until you were both grinning as he thanked you and agreed to split the boxes, although he took more than half. 

✵

Jason offered multiple apologies for various damp spots, cans of paint and trip hazards as you made your way in. The air was getting closer and almost sticky the further you went into the foyer, the music now thumping in your chest. Girlish giggles pierced the heavy bass at regular intervals and the smell of alcohol stung the inside of your nose. You shuddered, an all too familiar response. Then, as if passing the infernal gates and arriving straight into heavy metal heaven, the entrance area opened out into the main room you remembered from childhood. 

Your jaw dropped. Strung from every available fixture were wrinkled clothes and sagging travel bags; six mid-sized tables had been pushed to the left wall and were currently littered with old takeout packaging and empty beer cans; instruments were somewhat more carefully propped up beyond them in the far corner against a small army of equipment trolleys, a shelving unit above stocked with possibly the most extensive record collection you’d ever seen. The carpet had been ripped up and a few windows sat propped open using piles of newspapers. (You silently thanked the guys’ common sense, as the breeze that entered provided a pleasant respite from the fuggy air just outside the doors. You didn’t think you’d have survived the evening without fainting had you been forced to suffer it all night.) 

Kirk was right about removing the old furniture; the hundred or so chairs that used to fill the space like an assembly hall had dwindled to a dozen dotted here and there, mainly replaced by three leather sofas on your immediate left that were pulled in tight around a chipped coffee table you were pretty sure had been stolen from the staff kitchen. The right of the space was fairly empty, drawing attention to the expanse of flaking paint practically hanging off the wall. Tomorrow's job. You guessed this area would eventually become the studio setup. 

Finally, straight ahead at the back of the room were the stage and heavy blue velvet curtains you’d hidden behind with friends as a kid, giggling and making undeserved jokes about the nuns while you waited your call to stride out stony faced and depict various scenes from the Bible. It was smaller than you remembered and untouched by the band. Above it, a pint-sized figurine of the Virgin Mary hung demure and unspoiled. It was the only unmoving, peaceful spot left in this now chaotic place. 

Your reverie was interrupted as the evening’s cargo was lifted from your grip and set down on the coffee table. A grabbing frenzy started up as what seemed like a hundred pairs of hands tore the lids from the boxes and swooped in to claim a slice.   

“Dive in”, Jason said to the group sarcastically, turning to you and rolling his eyes with a look that said what can you do. 

“Five minutes and it’ll be gone, promise. You want a slice, you got to fight for it ‘round here.” 

He smirked and jumped over the back of one of the sofas, landing next to a waifish girl who promptly snuggled into his chest, content with her slice. Your eyes roamed the mess of tangled limbs flung in various positions across the sofas. Another two girls, who looked like twins but realistically had just gone for the exact same look, had a band member each to themselves. Lars (head thrown back in laughter, just like the first time you saw him), held two slices one on top of the other while a red-taloned hand gently stroked and tugged the lengths of his hair. Across the table, James sat the other girl in his lap, laughing through a mouthful of pizza and holding her tight by the waist. 

This girl you locked eyes with, and boy did she look like every Little Miss Popular you’d ever had the misfortune of crossing a school corridor with. Your throat tightened. She had a fiendish glint in her eye. She was about to make a comment—you could feel it. 

Mary, help me…

“How you doin’ pretty girl?", she shouted over the music. "Someone made an effort tonight. You hopin’ to get lucky?”

The noise died down the slightest amount as heads slowly turned to face you. A tiny flicker of anger nudged you in the gut—how could she possibly know whether or not this was you making an effort—but you ignored it and returned a warm smile. 

“Just dressed for a party, that’s all. Nothing special.”

“I’ll bet”, she replied, well-hidden poison nevertheless leaking from every fine line in her makeup; every crease she’d gained from snide smiles and viperous remarks over the years.

"Can it, Marth'", James squeezed the girl's waist, squeezing a horribly over the top giggle out of her at the same time. He met your eyes briefly with a faint look of camaraderie, jerking his head in greeting before turning back to his conversation with Lars. Marth shot you another snotty look and buried her face into the crook of James's neck. You had a feeling she wasn't done with you.

Luckily, the girl who sat with Jason was a friendlier sort. She called you over, grabbing your hand as you passed behind her and pulling you down onto the couch.

"Ignore her", she whispered in your ear. "She's only jealous 'cos she knows you're here with Kirk."

"But I—." She shushed you, eyeing Marth sideways with a look of tense worry, as if expecting her to produce snakes from her hair at any moment.

"She wanted him first. Got rejected. Very politely but rejected nonetheless."

Interesting. You'd never gotten a chance to get your own back on the cruel girls in high school, and despite your generally even-tempered, kind nature, you had to admit this was a confidence boost. Kirk had standards. And taste.

The girl cut in again before you could share your confession.

"I'm Claire by the way. You wanna beer?"

Crap, you thought. Here we go. You usually had a response planned based on the situation: I'm PMSing; I can't handle my drink in the heat—but tonight you came up short.

Claire was smiling at you expectantly. Little did she know there was a knot in your stomach growing tighter by the second. You wiped your sweaty palms on your legs and donned your best, most capable, carefree smile.

"Oh uh, no thanks. I don't really drink."

Motörhead, remember me now

Motörhead, it's only you now

Motörhead, only you, babe

Motörhead, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Silence.

You couldn't believe it. The song that had been bouncing full volume off the walls mere seconds ago had closed out right as you opened your mouth.

The air felt like it had been sucked out of the room.

Of course Marth heard immediately and let out the most condescendingly pitiful laugh.

"Oh sweetheart, how'd you expect to be a groupie if you won't drink a little?"

"Or a lot...", her ghoulish friend chimed in, both of them descending into a fit of laughter.

Lars was reclining with an amused smile. James was rubbing his temples like he'd heard all this before.

"I'm not a groupie and I have no intentions of becoming one tonight or ever, thanks." you shot back, glaring like something feral.

"Sure babe", Marth rolled her eyes. "Dressed like that and hanging out with a band on a work night? All for Kirk no doubt." Laughter again.

"Martha, enough!", James boomed.

You jumped, a lightning bolt of panic overriding your senses. Even Claire flinched. Men and alcohol. It was men and alcohol. Him. Again. Always and again.

Despite your best efforts to stay in control, you could feel yourself spiralling. A door banged somewhere. Someone entered or left. Had the windows been closed? It was so hot. Raised voices...

The ensuing argument was probably nothing more than a tiff, but your hearing was tinny and the edges of your vision were quickly turning black.

Everything muffled. Gasping for breath.

Thirty seconds felt like thirty minutes as you sat caged inside sensory overwhelm punctured with jolts of anxiety. To anyone else you likely appeared a little stunned and upset, oblivious to the chaos within.

More seconds passed. Sounds that might have been voices but could easily have been your own brain hummed and buzzed somewhere beyond your helpless body, which felt like it was shrinking to the head of a pin.

As you tried to steady your breathing, you calmed a fraction, staying earth-side long enough to notice a dark shadow crouched before you. It was barely recognisable through your swimming eyes as it placed a hand on your leg; then, a hand in yours. Warm, strong, grounding. You blinked the wetness away, now doing your very best to breathe normally and come back into the room.

“…over there?”

Definitely a voice. 

“…to sit over there?”, it said again.

Breathe.

Your vision was clearing. You glanced at the hands gently squeezing your forearms and up past a Night of the Living Dead tee tickled at the shoulders by a familiar mass of dark, curly hair. Then, ahh. Those comforting brown eyes. Now your cage was for two, but the bars were melting and a cool mist settled in tiny stars on your face. You turned to see Claire, perfume bottle in hand, spraying what could only be tap water on every bare patch of visible skin she could find and watching you like Bambi.

You swallowed. A sorry laugh cracked your dry throat.

"I'm fine, Claire."

Suddenly, smothered. Man was this girl a tight hugger.

"Are you sure?", she asked, pulling away only to play with the ends of your hair. "God you looked so pale. You wouldn't reply or anything it was like you were d—."

"Claire", Jason stopped her. "C'mon, let's go for a smoke. Kirk's got her." He mouthed a sorry as he prised the bottle from his girlfriend's hand and set it on the table, steering her towards the door by the shoulders.

Kirk.

You turned to him, feeling vulnerable and worn out. His gaze was sincere, roaming, protective. You couldn't hold it. Right now you were eleven and wounded. And he could see it. You knew he could. Something connected you both and it was sending coded messages back and forth in the jumping air between you. A different song was playing.

You opened your mouth to speak and he shook his head. It's okay.

All the energy drained out of you then and he hoisted you up, kicking beer cans out of your path and smacking the head of a joking Lars with a curse and an admonishing glare as he moved you away from the scene. Lars swore back then quickly returned to the group banter. Nobody seemed to have noticed your mini meltdown; they were too tipsy to clock such fine details.

✵

Sat on the stage on some cushions Kirk had propped up for you, you watched him empty the contents of a duffel onto the ground near Lars's drum kit and rummage around. He retrieved a heavy jacket from the pile and jogged over to the others to grab a miraculously still full box of pizza. Both arms full, he returned, disappearing from view momentarily as he took the creaking wooden stairs back up onto the stage, handing you the pizza and muttering under his breath as he emptied a random assortment of stuff from the pockets of his jacket. Once satisfied, he slung it round your shoulders and pulled it tight at the front, practically tucking you in like a baby bird.

It was far from cold enough to warrant such a thick layer, even with the open windows and sitting up here on the draughty stage. But Kirk had mistook your post-anxiety shakes for shivering and leapt into action. Besides, the look on his face as he'd noticed had warmed you more than any jacket could.

"Kirk", you said softly. No response.

You grabbed his hands, forcing him to stop.

"It's okay," you smiled. "I'm comfy."

He examined you for a moment, then released his hands and threw himself down to your right, punching the cushions into a comfortable position and crossing his legs to face you.

"You sure you're okay?" His eyes again roamed yours intently, scanning for any signs of distress.

"Yeah I am now", you replied, tucking your hair behind one ear. "Thanks for this." It was a small lie but you'd survived worse panic sessions than that and wanted to forget about it.

Kirk nodded with a smile, somewhat reassured.

"So, what was going on over there?", he asked tentatively. "You looked pretty wiped out."

"Oh", you managed, clambering for an explanation that wouldn't lead to that topic. You didn't realise he hadn't heard your tee-total confession. The door you heard must have been him arriving.

"It was nothing, um. I dunno I just felt a bit faint. Hungry I guess. Need to get some of this in me." You laughed, flinging open the pizza box.

Kirk eyed you suspiciously, your attempts to cover up your discomfort too stilted to come off natural. The corner of his mouth quirked into a sympathetic smile but he said nothing. He didn't know you well enough to poke about for more info.

You silently thanked his perceptiveness.

He was quiet for a short time, tearing a slice for himself and rotating the pizza to leave the cheesiest side with you. A butterfly stretched its wings in your chest.

"Aw, the heart attack side for me?" You batted your lashes cartoonishly, confidence returning as your meal became the focal point instead of you.

Kirk's hand clutched his chest in mock offence.

"Excuse me Miss Picky, I went to culinary school I know what I'm doing."

Show off. "Oh really?"

"Yep, can make you anything your heart desires, just say the word."

"Hmm, ham and pineapple? Can you make that work?"

"Sure can."

You scrunched your nose.

"Umm potato salad? That's so bad, bleurgh."

"I could make you a potato salad so freakin' mind blowing you'd eat it for a year and thank me." He threw his head back, arms wide open and shaking like a man possessed.

"Oh Kirk, god of potato salad, more, more!"

You didn't care if you scared the roosting birds into tomorrow with the banshee laugh that pulled out of you, he was just so... You couldn't explain it. He was just so him. And the ache you usually carried with you, of an empty space beside you, was almost undetectable as you sat up here with him now on this dusty stage and laughed and joked.

Talk carried on in that fashion for a while, debating about what made a stellar grilled cheese and Michelin-standard spaghetti, you boasting with none too feminine glee how your breakfast muffins were the talk of the town and even your black coffees had men lovestruck at your feet.

Kirk's gaze stilled on your lips at that, rich pools shaded by those lovely curls.

"They sure do."

Your fingers grazed the dusty stage floor absentmindedly, pricks of static adding a pleasant thrill to the memory of this morning. You knew Kirk was thinking of it too. You'd been stealing glances at each other since he'd arranged the cushions for you; drawing freckles and dimples, jawlines and lashes in your minds' eyes to pull out later and colour in with imagined touches when you were both alone.

An hour or more passed much the same as you dove into each other's hobbies and interests, Kirk lighting up as he spoke at length about his guitar and the band's upcoming gigs, offering recommendation after recommendation of horror films, comics, and kickass albums; meanwhile you shared stories of your amateur art, not-so-amateur house renovations, and hilarious mishaps at Yvette's.

Listener gazed intently at speaker, hooked on the most mundane anecdotes like a sugar rush. The pizza was quickly demolished, Kirk kicking the box off the stage with the force of an Olympic curler once you'd plucked out the last crust, sending you both into fits of laughter. The cushions were rearranged, then your bodies, as you moved from crossed legs to laying on your elbows facing each other, closer in the absence of the pizza.

One song faded out and another started, both of you taking a minute to sit and enjoy the silence and nurse your ringing ears. You were lost in a joyful daydream about a disastrous performance of Jonah and the Whale about fifteen years ago, the nuns frozen in abject horror as they watched a group of nine year olds pull water pistols out of their tunics mid-song and announce war on the "watery beast", nevermind that it was a life-saving gift from God.

You smiled, intending to share the tale with Kirk. He was chewing his lip and watching Martha follow James to the window, now as many drinks deep as there were cans of Aqua Net in her crispy hair. He looked troubled. You waited, still buoyed up by your daydream and the night's conversation, and were about to touch his arm when he spoke.

"Hey look, I know Martha probably started all that before."

His focus was still on the others, where an intense make-out session was currently underway between Lars and Martha's friend on the sofa where you'd previously sat. James and Martha were engaged in a tense bickering session, Martha's beer spraying the window as her arms flailed. James looked wild eyed and under the influence. You looked away. That image was too close for comfort.

Jason and Claire stood in a drunken embrace in the middle of the floor, laughing with their heads thrown back as they pointed at the dusty chandelier bolted high above. They were slow dancing to the current track—a crooning metal song that sounded weirdly romantic, even if the opening line was there's fifty-two ways to murder anyone.

A slight smile touched your lips.

"Don't let her get under your skin, okay? Cos' I'm glad you're here. I mean, not as a groupie or anything..." A tinge of pink coloured his cheekbones. You caught a view of his long, dark lashes as his interest was briefly held by a speck of lint on his shirt.

You mirrored this action, suddenly shy yourself.

"Thanks", you mumbled. "I'm glad you invited me. And I...I don't want to be a groupie anyway."

Now he was interested. "No? Why not?"

A breathy laugh escaped your lips as you considered.

Yeah, why not? You'd be good at it after all. Can't keep a guy. Always hopping from one to the next. You may as well just own—

You pushed the intrusive voice into the recesses of your brain and let your eyes wander Kirk's patient face. You knew he wasn't going to judge you. Even so, it was an intimate topic...

"Well, I uh", an awkward laugh. "I don't think I'd be first pick looking like this". You hadn't seen yourself in a mirror since your anxiety attack and assumed there were muddy rivulets of mascara crusting your cheeks. Not to mention your hair felt distinctly frizzier on one side due to Claire's perfume baptism and you probably had tomato sauce around your mouth. The chances you looked like a swamp monster were high.

Kirk appeared not to concur with this negative self-assessment.

"C'mon", he challenged, his expression screaming seriously?

You blinked. Seeing your blank face, he propped himself higher on his elbow with a disbelieving laugh and crinkled brow. You looked away, spotlight burning your face.

"Sorry", he laughed again, gently. "But you're crazy." You scoffed. You were self-conscious and yet desperate to hear his opinion.

Kirk continued, "If that lot cleared out", he said, pointing lazily to indicate the other girls—though you were sure he wasn't including Claire—"the guys'd be all over you. I'd have to fight them off." He hooked the fingers of his free hand into a claw and pulled a face like one of the creatures on his shirt, eliciting another, albeit more restrained, giggle from you.

Calming, you locked eyes with him again. Your cheeks warmed. He was nodding, brows arched and lips pursed, enjoying the effect this revelation was having on you.

"Yep. It's not every day a girl with class turns up at these things you know. Even got here almost on time just for you." He winked.

"Class, huh?" You pumped your eyebrows suggestively, biting your lip and hamming up the Martha act.

He rolled his eyes and waved a hand dismissively, shy once more.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry", you laughed, tugging on his sleeve.

"I just... I don't think any of the guys I've dated would describe me that way."

A pensive gaze. Gears ticking in his brain.

"Yeah well, they clearly weren't seeing straight. Probably be bled dry on groupies if they were 'round here." A look of discontent hovered in his features for a second. Seconds ticked by as you considered him.

"You're really not into the groupies are you?"

He shrugged as best he could on one arm.

"I was, it's just...I mean some of them are great girls, like—not just sex, it's...". You let him think.

"It just wears out after a while, I dunno. It's not sustainable."

You nodded, sending him a comforting smile.

"Is that what you want then? Something, you know, long term?" A flash of possibility zipped through your brain; a picture of years from now. Who you might be. Who he might be. Who you might be together. You shook it from your mind. Not even twenty-four hours.

He closed up then, suddenly distant. You didn't think you'd said anything out of line.

"It's hard...trying to hold down something normal when you're in a band." He sounded so small. So young. You longed to reach out and comfort him with more than words.

"You gotta balance things. Make time for other stuff. I can't be here twenty-four seven."

Your stomach tilted, a wave of empathy for the sweet creature lay next to you. You didn't know what hidden things he was thinking about but you were grateful he was sharing all this. It was clearly personal.

You decided to push a little further, curiosity winning out.

"Is that why you were kinda late tonight?"

He looked at you, conflicted, as though urging you to keep pressing but simultaneously let him keep his privacy. You certainly knew that look. It eclipsed your features every time a guy asked why he couldn't stay over. Why it was always his place. You never told them. You let them try, then tire, then get frustrated and finally, leave.

"Just that Jason said you usually turn up late to these things. I thought—"

SMASH!

Sh-t.

The pair of you shot up. The ancient clock that had hung over the door to the foyer since the fifties was on the ground in pieces, chunks of yellowed glass standing to attention like stalagmites, others fallen chess pieces scattered in a radius of at least six feet.

Jason and Claire were nowhere to be seen and the girls were flat out on one couch, too much drink and too little pizza.

"You were meant to get a new nail for that, Laaaars", James staggered up from the adjacent sofa to inspect the mess.

"Was busy nailin' chicks, HA", Lars fired back, both of them absolutely wasted.

You erased the sight immediately. You didn't want nightmares after the best night you'd had in ages.

You hoped the death of the clock was your fairy godmother across the street defending the importance of an early night from her current jaunt in dreamland, rather than a bad omen, but luck hadn't been your destined bedfellow so far in life.

You brushed the crumbs from your dress with a sigh and stretched, standing up to collect your heels from where you'd tossed them a while ago and handing Kirk back his jacket. He followed your lead, shucking himself into the leather and rubbing the back of his head awkwardly as he waited for you to be done so he could focus on your face instead of your cleavage.

You straightened, the conversation of a few moments ago quickly receding into unreachable waters and remnants of the night's jovial tone returning to view.

"Guess that's a sign to head home", you shrugged, a nervous laugh overwhelming any other words. You didn't want to leave. You could sit on this stage all night with the boy stood before you until the stars twinkled and faded and a new day blossomed on the horizon.

But you also felt like a teen on her first date, overtly aware of your arms and legs, feelings and desires. How you were standing; what form the goodbyes would take. The things you'd said and everything you hadn't.

What were you now? Still acquaintances; friends; flirting partners? Would you still be welcome tomorrow? How were you gonna navigate the topic of your sobriety and the distress that came with it, should it re-emerge? You pushed it out of your mind. A task for another day.

Kirk kicked his cushions out of the way and offered a hand to walk you down the stairs.

"Yeah I might go soon too. Should probably clean that up so those assholes don't accidentally impale themselves." He rolled his eyes jokingly.

"Sorry that was your first impression of them. They're not all bad. Hope I left a better mark at least."

"You did", you replied, too eager.

He nodded, sucking his lip, a glint in his eye.

Outside on the steps he discretely pushed the offer to walk you home, eyes raking up and down the street for any signs of drunken idiots like the two inside. You declined with gratitude, taking a deep breath of the night air. It was fully dark now and the heat had broken. You felt refreshed, despite the nag of the goosebumps littering your arms and legs. Kirk noticed.

"Oh hey, keep this", he insisted, removing his jacket and draping it once more around your shivering frame.

"Thanks", you smiled, lashes downcast in anticipation of something more.

Would it happen?

Seconds passed on the concrete as two pairs of eyes glossed over the other's hair and cheeks, landing on yearning lips and drifting up again. Kirk took a half-step forward, the magnet in your sternum pulling you an inch closer, followed slowly by—

"Kirk!"

A sharp breath.

You both turned in the direction of the voice.

"Kirk! You gonna help or what cuz I c-can't hardly walk haha."

James was hanging off the doorframe and swaying like a tree in a tornado. You sighed, running a hand through your hair and taking a step backwards to leave. You finally felt tired.

You heard Kirk swear under his breath.

"Yeah James, f-ck. Just don't touch it. I'll be there in a minute."

He turned, the sight of you leaving knocking him into action. You felt an arm shoot around your elbow, balance nearly lost as you pressed your heels firmly into the ground.

You turned, smiling.

"Nine o'clock tomorrow. Don't worry, I know."

You pulled away from Kirk's tender grip and descended the rest of the steps, the smile never leaving your lips. The feel of his protective gaze resting softly on your back as you walked away never left until you were down the street and around the corner, out of sight.

[yooniivrse]

subtle changes | myg

summary. your carefully structured mornings takes a heartwarming turn when yoongi becomes a welcome part of your days, leaving you unexpectedly craving more.

────

pairing: yoongi x f!reader

word count: 3.9k

warnings: none :3 (i think, plz tell me if i missed something)

a/n: the end of summer hit me like a truck, which is why this took super long 😭 i'll try my best and have an update schedule to keep me on track, but no promises! idk how i feel about this chapter but you guys have been waiting for too long lol. i hope you enjoy <333

!!! this is the second part of a mini-series. you can read this as a stand alone, but things make more sense if you read the first part !!!

────

< prev • next > | series masterlist | main masterlist

────

You were very fond of routines.

You liked knowing what would happen next; liked being able to go into auto pilot as your body steered you through the morning, liked leaving it up to your routine to anchor you back to reality whenever life took a toll on you.

Usually, you hated change. You hated its unpredictability; hated the way it slapped at you abruptly like a whip, hated the queasy feeling that bubbled in your stomach whenever it occurred.

But the change that snaked into your strict routine was welcomed with warm, open arms. He slotted into your mornings and evenings with ease, like a jigsaw piece that fits perfectly into the space in a puzzle. A puzzle that happens to be your life.

Yoongi was the first person you greeted every morning before leaving for work or classes. He left his home at the same time as you—something you only noticed in the last fortnight—and would wave at you from his door. You returned the gesture with a bright smile, one that was starting to feel almost too natural.

He waited for you every day without fail, with hands shoved deep into his pockets as he leaned against the wall. When you finally managed to reach his door, he would make small talk with you as you descended the elevator.

You’ve always hated the awkwardness that lingered with small talk but those feelings dissipated when it came to Yoongi. He always listened attentively when talked, chuckling whenever you complained about the lady living opposite you as he agreed. It made you feel comfortable about rambling on about whatever it was that swam through your mind, leaving no space for awkwardness to bubble.

Today, your topic of conversation was the music he claimed to make.

“At this point, I’m starting to think you’re a fraud,” you said.

You both stood outside the elevator of your apartment complex. Yoongi leaned in front of you to press the bottom button, and a ring of red light awoke along the sides of it.

Yoongi’s music has always been a topic of mystery. You’ve practically begged him to share a snippet of his songs with you ever since he mentioned being in a band, and each time he has refused. Though your words were playful, you had no idea if he made music at all. You recently realised how little you knew of him as a person too.

“And why would I lie to you about making music?” he asked.

You shrugged your shoulders. “I dunno. You could’ve been using it to make me fall in love with you or something. Pretending to be some cool, mysterious person in a band when you’re actually the opposite.”

“Well, did it work? Are you in love with me yet?”

You turned to look at him, narrowing your eyes as if to analyse him.

“Nope. You’ve got to try harder than buying me food and walking me to the lobby every morning.”

Yoongi let out a sigh, feigning disappointment. His lips pressed into a thin line that did little to hide the growing smile on his face. “Damn, I really thought I’d have you by now.”

A giggle escaped your lips just as the elevator doors slid open with a ding. You stepped in and returned to your position beside Yoongi, who clicked the second last button. Faint music played in the background, a soft ballad that you instantly recognised.

“I love this song,” you said. Yoongi turned his head to look at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“You do?”

You nodded. “Mhm. I’ve been having it on repeat for the last week.”

“Oh- I love this song too. Well- I’ve only listened to it once or twice whenever my friend plays it, but it’s really good.”

“I know right!” You were grinning as you looked at Yoongi, enthusiasm spilling from your tone, eyes wide with excitement. “It’s so- like- cosy? I don’t know.” A laughing breath escaped you.

“No, you’re right. It has that nice, cosy feel to it.”

You gesticulated wildly as you rambled on about the song and why you loved it so much, while Yoongi watched you with a wide smile. It was nice seeing you talk so passionately about something so mundane, how a simple song could brighten your entire day.

Yoongi didn’t interrupt you once, listening to your every word attentively. He wished he could stay with you, maybe even walk you to your college, just to hear your pleasant voice. There was just something about the smile on your face that made his heart beat a little faster.

But alas, he was forced to part ways with you as you reached the lobby doors. You waved goodbye and walked down the pathway. Instead of going his own way, Yoongi stayed as you grew smaller in his view.

Just before turning a corner, you looked back at him. You threw your head back as what Yoongi assumed to be a giggle—he was too far away to hear—left you. You brought your hands up and swatted them in his direction as if to shoo him away. He moved his hands to rest over his heart, feigning a hurt expression. He failed miserably, earning more laughter from you.

He liked making you laugh. It made his skin feel warm, the mere sound of it causing butterflies to erupt in his stomach.

It was stupid how much of an effect you had on him. He was absurdly comfortable around you, something he found difficult to accomplish around people he’s known for the better half of his life, let alone less than a month.

You lit up his day, your everyday routine giving him a reason to get up and be productive each morning. He never woke up before noon; there was simply no need to because anything to do with the band was held in the afternoon, and he usually did the night shift at his part-time job.

So why was he sacrificing the comfort of his blankets just to see you for ten minutes? Why was he debating on whether to change to a day shift because he didn’t even have anything to do in the morning other than seeing you? Why was he smiling to himself as he walked down the street, earning looks from passersby? And why didn’t he care, all because you were the only thing on his mind?

Honestly, he didn’t have an answer. It was too soon to conclude that he liked you. You were just a genuine friend, someone he happened to click with.

Right?

────

“I wrote a new song. I need you guys to sing it.”

Yoongi threw a leather notebook to the side, where it landed on the brunette who lay sprawled across the couch.

“Ow! Hyung, what the fuck?”

Taehyung plucked out his wired earphones, eyebrows furrowed in exaggerated pain as he took the notebook into his hands. He flicked through the pages meaninglessly before landing on the newly written pages.

On the couch opposite him sat Jungkook and Seokjin, completely immersed in some sort of game they played together. They yelled out profanities and shared movements intended to sabotage the other’s gameplay. Yoongi sighed.

Calling the room a mess was an understatement. A multitude of empty energy drinks, a few random sticky notes—reminders from the members to each other that would end up being forgotten anyway—and a stack of empty plates littered the coffee table. A hill of clothes sat neglected in the space beside Jungkook and Seokjin, and Yoongi automatically crinkled his nose despite the lack of any unpleasant odour.

He would have attempted to tidy up the room, but the long day weighed down on his shoulders. He moved Taehyung’s legs off the couch and slumped down beside him.

“Since when did you write love songs?” Taehyung asked. It was comical how fast Jungkook and Seokjin’s attention turned to Yoongi.

“It’s not a love song, it’s a ballad, idiot,” Yoongi mumbled.

“Same thing,” Taehyung replied, rolling his eyes as he flicked to the next page.

“Aw, Yoongi’s in love,” Seokjin piped up, feigning a sympathetic expression. He brought his hand up and added with a whisper, “Don’t worry, it’ll go away soon.”

“Fuck off, hyung.” Yoongi flipped him off and Jungkook chuckled at the exaggerated gasp that fell from Seokjin’s lips. Before he could start rambling on about how you should respect your elders, the youngest spoke up.

“So, who’s the girl, hyung?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“I told you, it’s not a love song. There’s isn’t any girl.”

“Yeah, right. Just tell us wh—.”

“Is she the one that lives a few doors down?” The new voice emerged from the side of the room, and everyone’s heads snapped up in its direction.

Jimin shut the bathroom door softly as he vigorously rubbed a towel over his hair. The ink tattooed under his chest was displayed in his shirtless form, grey sweatbands lying low on his waist.

“Who?”

“Why was I not told about this?”

“Yoongi has a girlfriend?!”

“She’s not my girlfr—.”

“No, she’s just the only reason you wake up at ass o’clock to see for like- ten minutes.” A teasing smile played at the corners of Jimin’s lips as he propped down between Seokjin and Jungkook. Yoongi shot him a glare.

“She’s a nice person. So what if I wake up a little earlier to see her? I’d do the same for you guys if we didn’t live together.”

Everyone in the room turned to look at him with a deadpan expression.

“Okay, maybe I wouldn’t, but it’s not that big of a deal!”

“Clearly is if you’re writing love songs about her,” Taehyung added. He threw the book over to the three who sat on the opposite couch, and Jungkook caught it with ease before eagerly flicking to the page with the lyrics.

“I’m not writing love songs about her! It’s not even a love song, it’s a ballad!”

“Okay, maybe you’re right. But there’s no way she’s not even a tiny bit of the reason why you wrote this,” Jimin said.

Seokjin nodded in agreement. “You’ve been struggling with writer’s block for like- the past week. And now you’re suddenly writing a song that’s a complete 180 of everything we’ve made so far?”

All four of their beady eyes stared at Yoongi, waiting for an answer. It felt like an interrogation.

“This isn’t fair, this is bullying. If Namjoon was here, he would’ve stuck up for me.”

“Yeah, cuz you’re a big baby that can’t even stick up for himself,” Taehyung mumbled, though Yoongi heard him loud and clear. He opened his mouth to curse at the younger when Jimin interrupted him.

“Uhm, no he wouldn’t. How’d you think I knew about the girl?”

“Asshole,” Yoongi muttered under his breath.

He told Namjoon about you around a week ago. How it had slipped into the conversation, Yoongi didn’t know. But his mind had been foggy from his intoxication that he found himself eventually telling Namjoon everything; about how you met, how you helped him, the dinner you shared. He didn’t even spare the details; how he thought you’re eyes were the most beautiful things he’d ever seen, how your laugh made his heart leap, how he hadn’t felt like this is years—if ever—and it was scaring him how fast he was falling for you.

Yoongi was frustrated at Namjoon but was also grateful that he didn’t reveal everything he had told him that night. If he had, the members wouldn’t be questioning him right now because they would already have a clear answer.

Yoongi sighed, leaning back his head.

“I- Last week, she mentioned this song that she loved ‘cause it was playing in the elevator. And- I don’t know- I don’t think our usual music is her taste. She’s been asking me to play her some of our songs for weeks and I’ve just avoided the subject. I just- I want her to listen to something that I know she’ll love.”

Because he loved seeing you happy. He loved the way you’re face lit up and he wanted you to have the same reaction when you listened to his songs. But he didn’t say that, of course. Just treasured the thoughts deep in his mind because he hated the truth they carried.

“That’s so cute, hyung,” Jungkook said.

“Whatever,” Yoongi mumbled, becoming more aware of the warmth spreading across his ears. “So, will you guys sing the song? I don’t think any rap verses would fit it, so it’s completely up to you.”

“I don’t think we’ll be able to get it finished fast enou–,” Jimin started, but was abruptly cut off.

“Of course, we will,” Taehyung said, throwing a hand over Yoongi’s shoulder. “When you guys get married, tell her that we’re the only reason she fell for you. You know, with our angelic voices an-.”

“Taehyung, I swear to fucking God-.”

────

Snowflakes poured from the sky, clinging to your clothes for a brief second before disappearing into the fabric. The cold air bit into your skin, slowly seeping into your bones and numbing your face.

You were delighted when the snowfall first began a few weeks ago. It had been the only thing that marked the start of the holiday season, and you found yourself giving into the festivities of it all despite the reminders of your finals looming over you like an angry, dark cloud.

Now that your exams were buried in the past, you realised what a hassle the weather was when it wasn’t the only thing cheering you up.

Your nose was stuffy and an angry shade of red. Your limbs ached, weighing down on you. It took you double the time it usually took for you to walk home due to the black ice that coated the sidewalks. You made the mistake of trudging through it carelessly once, and that ended up with a sprained ankle and complete humiliation. No way would you let that happen again.

No one would willingly go out in such weather.

So why was there someone standing outside your apartment? Why was he choosing the bitter cold instead of the heated lobby that stood a mere three steps away? And why was it Yoongi?

A thick scarf hung around his neck, obscuring most of his face with it’s deep, red fabric. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his black jacket, his head turned down to the floor.

He didn’t notice you as you approached his figure.

“Are you trying to freeze to death?”

His head snapped up. He stared at you blankly for a second before his cheeks rose up ever so slightly, the signs of his rare smile that always made your heart flutter.

“Hi. No—.” He chuckled softly, the sound quickly lost to the busy city. “—I was waiting for you. Didn’t know what time you came back, so...” His voice got quieter as he spoke, trailing off into a mumble.

“Oh, that’s so sweet.” Your words brought a smile to his face, his expression no longer holding a sense of hesitancy. “Why were you waiting for me though?”

“Right. I had to give you this.” He rummaged through his pockets and pulled out a square-shaped envelope. Sensing your confusion from your puzzled expression, he added, “It’s a CD. You wanted to hear some of our songs, so I put together my personal favourites.”

All the words of thanks and appreciation died on your tongue as you took the cover from his hands. It was incredibly light, and you could trace the circular outline of the CD that lay inside.

“Yoongi, I– you really didn’t have to,” you finally managed.

“I wanted to.”

Your eyes crinkled to accommodate the smile growing across your face. “This is literally the best thing anyone has ever gotten me. You could’ve sent me a playlist online, y’know, instead of putting so much effort into it.”

Yoongi hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“I thought you’d like a CD more.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, of course I love the CD. I was just wondering why you chose the harder way.”

“I thought you deserved something more than just a few texts.”

You hoped that Yoongi would overlook the heat crawling across your skin as a result of the cold instead of his words.

“I- Thank you. Seriously, thank you so much.”

He nodded. “You do have something to play it on, right? I actually didn’t think about whe–.”

“Oh yeah, no don’t worry. I have an old laptop that I can put these into.”

Another nod. Yoongi’s eyes darted away as soon as they met yours, glancing around everywhere but you.

“Do you wanna go inside and not risk hypothermia?” you said with a small laugh.

“Uh– I actually have to visit a friend today.”

“Oh, okay.” Had he noticed the way your shoulders deflated at his answer? You hoped not. “I’ll see you around then?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

You stepped past him and fished out your keys from your pockets. By the time you opened the door and turned back to wave goodbye, he had already walked away.

────

Click.

The CD slid into the side of the laptop with ease. Files popped up on the screen, casting shadows across your skin. You could feel the quiet hum of the machine beneath your fingertips, a steady, calming rhythm that contrasted with the sudden quickening of your heartbeat.

Your eyes wandered over it, soaking in the half a dozen songs Yoongi had chosen. You’d already listened to them all once, but you wanted to hear them again.

There was something about the way they played in your ears, something almost magical in the way the melodies intertwined with your thoughts. Each note seemed to resonate with a different part of you as if Yoongi had handpicked them to speak to your soul.

The songs were beautiful. Despite it not being your usual choice of music, you found yourself treasuring each song close to your heart. You hadn’t expected to feel this way, hadn’t anticipated how deeply you’d connect with the music that was so different from what you normally listened to. But here you were, replaying them over and over, savouring each lyric like a secret only you and Yoongi shared.

Maybe it was because you got to see a new side of Yoongi in his music. A confident, almost arrogant version of him that sang each lyric with pure passion. You could feel the intensity in every word, every note as if they were laced with emotions he could never quite express in person.

Or maybe he just knew you well enough to pick out songs he knew that you would like. Songs that would make you think of him, songs that would linger in your mind long after the last note faded away.

Whatever it was, it failed to stop the giddy feeling that enveloped your skin. A warmth that spread from your chest to the tips of your fingers, leaving you lightheaded and dizzy with emotions you weren’t quite ready to name. You couldn’t remember the last time something—or someone—had made you feel this way.

Your fingers scrolled down on the mouse, a habit that had formed ever since you first got the laptop. You hadn’t expected the screen to move. But it did. A subtle movement that caught you off guard, your breath hitching slightly as you leaned closer to the screen.

A seventh file revealed itself at the bottom of the screen. It didn’t have a name. Just a small, blank icon that seemed to stare back at you, as if daring you to click on it.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Yoongi had probably added it by mistake, but you couldn’t help but wonder if this was something he had intended to keep hidden, something private that you weren’t meant to see. You clicked into it.

Someone cleared their throat.

“Uh, hi. I don’t know if you’ll see this or not, but I hope you do.”

Yoongi’s voice was low and smooth, just like you’ve always known it. But nervousness curled around his words, the hesitance before each one clear as day. It was a stark contrast to the confident, almost cocky tone in which he carried himself within all his other songs.

It made your heart flutter in a way you hadn’t anticipated.

“This is a cover.” He chuckled softly before his voice turned to a mumble. “God this is mortifying.”

You didn’t even realise that you were smiling. The corners of your lips had curled up almost involuntarily. There was something incredibly endearing about the way he sounded so vulnerable, so unsure of himself, and it only made you want to hear more.

“So–uhm. I hope you enjoy, ___.”

Oh, how you loved the way he said your name. The way the word fell from his tongue; like he was born to utter your name over and over again. It felt like a caress, soft and gentle, wrapping around you like a blanket on a cold winter night. You could almost see him there, sitting in front of his microphone, his eyes closed as he let your name slip past his lips.

He plucked the string of a guitar, the high-pitched sound quickly lost to his voice as he began to sing.

The familiarity of the song washed over you, a wave of nostalgia that tugged at your heartstrings. It was a cover of the same song you heard in the elevator a few days ago. The same one you had mentioned to him in passing. The same one he remembered to be your favourite.

He remembered, and it was almost pathetic how such a simple gesture had you feeling things that hadn’t been awakened in your heart for a dreadfully long time.

His voice filled the space with a melodic warmth that seemed to wrap around you like a comforting embrace. You leaned into the embrace—leaned in closer to the laptop in an attempt to be as close to him as you could so that you wouldn’t miss a single word. It felt as if he were singing directly to you as if every note was meant for your ears only.

His voice reminded you of honey; smooth, sweet, clear, and so fucking addicting. You could feel yourself getting lost in it, letting it seep into your very being, soothing parts of you that you didn’t even realise needed healing.

Unfortunately, the song was short. He had only sung half of it, lasting only around a minute and a half. But the enchanting melody lingered in the air long after he finished. You found yourself replaying it in your mind, trying to hold on to the feeling it gave you, not wanting it to fade away too soon.

“I hope I did the song justice.” A breathy laugh. “If I ended up ruining it for you forever, I’m sorry.”

If only he knew how much you would treasure his cover of the song in your heart, or how you would play the CD almost every day because you liked listening to his voice. How you would wake up every morning and–for the first time in a long while–would find yourself looking forward to change.

Looking forward to him.

[chansbabygirlsstuff]

Just a bet Chapter 9

hey, love here is chapter 9 plz enjoy!

Warning: abuse, slut shaming, and Fluff

"hey thanks for the notes" My body jumped, surprised looking at him sitting next to me, as I was  looking everywhere for Lia

"Where did Lia go?" I asked him, my face probably looked squash as I pressed my face against my arms

"she sat with Mina since class started" I see everyone get up and pack their stuff

"did class already finish?" I ask and he nods

"shit I missed everything" You rub your good eye 

"don't worry I took notes for you, I guessed you were tired, so don't worry about it" he smiles cutely at you 

"Thanks," you say grabbing the book he is handing you

"Let's  go get lunch" he moves from the desk next to you so you can get out of yours, you nod as you still feel sleepy

you pull your hoodie up trying to cover the mess on your face 

"How is your eye doing?" he asked about you 

"It's doing better, the pain is reduced and it's less swollen" You smile at him happy that he remembered 

"I'm glad" he smiles as silence reaches your conversation 

"would you like to go to a restaurant near campus?" he asks you breaking the silence that lasted 10 seconds but felt like 10 minutes 

"Sure" you try to act cool trying to ignore the hotness in your ears 

we walk to the restaurant talking about a movie that is going to stream on the movie theater soon, hoping he will ask you out to the movies 

"but yeah, the trailer was not that interesting and my sister is going to take me with some of her friends, but I hope is not bait and gets boring" he sighs seeming not to want to go with his sisters's friends 

"well at least you have someone that is going with you" he nods not being convinced you try to be positive, feeling disappointed that it was not you going with him  

"'We're here" he steps inside the restaurant opening the door for you, you bow a little thanking him for his nice gesture 

"what would you like to order?" he asks you as we see the big menu on the TV in front of us 

" a ham and cheese on a roll and an orange drink please" (I'm sorry I had to) you said, if you know you know (I apologize again)

"I will have a double chicken burger and a pineapple shake please," he says as he takes his wallet out, but I make my way to the cashier and pay 

"Wait-no I was going to pay," he says but I swipe my card 

"you already paid for me many times, let me return the favor" You smile kindly to him, feeding your ego that you won your war for once

"You are a menace, I invited you here so I was supposed to pay," he says as he picks up our food and I walk towards a table 

"oh it's fine, you already did so much for me so let me return my gratefulness" You shyly smile at him as he returns you a nice smile with a chuckle feeling beaten at the war

we make our way towards a table and start to enjoy our food 

"Did something happen earlier?" he asked me sipping his shake

"what do you mean" you ask opening your orange drink 

"well I thought you were kind of mad in the morning when you gave the notes, so I don't know what happened " he awkwardly bites into his burger as I remember the feeling of jealousy that went through me earlier 

"Ohh...that, well I just received some information earlier that I didn't like, but don't worry about it" you giggle internally cringing at yourself about your attitude toward him.

"oh ok, I thought something happened to you" he smiles at looks back at his food 

"so how is everything in life going?" you try to make conversation to not sit in an uncomfortable situation 

"well as always drama, work, and school" he chuckles rolling his eyes 

"You?" he asks me trying to switch the conversation toward me 

"Well... it's been fine, I've been watching movies, and reading, that's practically it" You shrug at your routine

"Talking about movies, so you know what movie I would love to see?" you recall your old conversation 

he looks at you with intrigue "Which one?" he cleans his lips with his napkin putting his attention on you 

"Renaissance Beyonce movie" you nod proudly as a beehive 

"You like Beyonce?" he asks me with a smile

"yes I love her, do you?" he nods as I get excited to see another fan 

"We should go and see her movie coming up" he suggests 

"yes, that would be fun" You sip your drink, knowing these plans are never going to become true 

you two finish your lunches and start packing up to go back to school 

as you guys walk towards your class he gets near your shoulders almost touching 

"Are you free later?" he asks you "Yeah" you confirm fastly  then thinking "Why?..." you try to  cover your error by acting cool about him, but he chuckles, "I just wanted to take you out for some late-night tacos and ice cream" he smiles shyly 

"of course, I would love to" You look at the floor getting shy at his proposal 

but your conversation comes to an end when you see the school gate in front of you 

"well I guess this is it" he smiles shyly

"Should I pick you up at 6?" 

"Sure" You nod and start walking waving back at him he waves back and you feel your cheeks getting hot, but now the difficult part is having patience and waiting until 6 pm.

                                           5 pm

You get home and start dinner for your father, not forgetting what happened last week I make sure to do everything for him not to be mad.

I change into a loose black sweater with grey sweatpants to get the cleaning started, but I hear the door open, and I hear my father's footsteps getting closer, he  shouldn't be here until 7... that weird

I listen to him drag his feet from the door to the kitchen where I am right now mopping the floor, our eyes connect and I can see how drunk he is, a beer bottle hanging in his hand and his scent reeking of a cheap rum.

"It's all your fault" he slurs at me

"If it weren't because of you I wouldn't gotten fired" his voice gets louder as he makes his way forward over to me 

"If you weren't born your mother wouldn't have that illness and she would've still been alive" 

"ALL MY MISERY IS YOUR FAULT YOU BITCH!" he screams at me and holds his hand high

but all I felt was a sharp pain in my mouth 

slap.

hey cuties thank you for reading the tag list is open please fill in the link in my pin post to be in it

tag list: @stayceebs97 @foivestarrsketchez @salfetkablog @strayywayy

[justallihere]

When I tell you that I SPRINT when I receive a notification about a new chapter being posted!!!! Twas a hard week, and this was the perfect surprise!!

Some of my favs

Violets comment about Liam holding her hand 😂, honestly, I was dying at the thought of her letting Liam touch her, and not Xaden, and how absolutely he'd lose his shit.

Not me also forgetting that Jack Barlowe existed and when he came in, I was like…”oooohhh brother THIS GUY STINKS”

THE CONVERSATIONS THEY HAVE IN THE DARK. 👏🏻 Like these moments are seriously my favorite from this fic, I get literal chills whenever I read them. The tension, the rhythms, the SHARED INTIMACY they don’t want to admit. FW and IF fell flat for me in these types of important moments for relational connection, and you write them so beautifully. It’s in these dialogues you can feel how well they know each other deeper than either of them imagined, and while there’s still some denial, it will make that moment when they finally admit their feelings SO MUCH BETTERRRR. (imgonnaweep)

Okaaaay BOHDI!!? Why am I obsessed with him?? Bodhi is a seriously underrated hottie imo, and I need someone to love him. (let it be me). It’s also so obvious he’s so about Xaden and Violet being married now and i love it.

“Good morning, my beautiful, patient wife,” Xaden said obediently. “What the fuck?” I literally LAUGHED OUT LOUD at this, like snorted my orange juice, this line was ✨perfection✨ like I wish I could erase my memory so I could read it again for the first time

“Wait until I come back here to do it. So I can be with you.” 🥹 the healthy communication, him supporting her choice, her willingness to compromise, him once again basically saying "I need you so bad, plz let me come with you." THIS is what I go feral for...

As always, ur amazing. I hope you have the best weekendddd!!

Ahhh thank you, sorry you had a hard week, hope the weekend is going better for you 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Can you imagine Violet and Liam showing up to Aretia holding hands and Xaden just going “take your hands off my wife, Mairi” and Liam is all “no thanks some of us are still allowed to touch her” 😭

I will actually never stop writing Violet and Xaden and their vulnerable moments and conversations in the dark and you can pry those scenes from my cold dead hands

BODHI!!! The people have been begging me for more Bodhi and I had to oblige 🫡🫡

If Violet asks for something, Violet gets it. And Xaden loves an excuse to call her beautiful. Married couple Riorgail is the only Riorgail

Thank you, have a good weekend!!! 🩷

[plasticfangtastic]

American royalty Ch. 11

A Homelander x F! reader/dadlander fic

A/N I really have no excuse for such delay but I hope y'all like this chapter, i'm really sorry for the delay, there's only 2 chapters left + the epilogue-- if y'all like to get in the taglist plz drop a request.

tags: mild gore, angst, slow burn, fluff, oc characthers, child neglect, dadlander, romance.

Chapter Eleven

Planning

The cameras were everywhere, there wouldn’t be a second of this wedding that wasn’t being immortalized, every moment under intense scrutiny and bright lights, a trio of stylists following your every step, to ensure your hair, make-up and dress were in perfect condition at all times.

As you caught a breather you thought back to the build-up and the nonsense as you hid from a steamer.

The wedding planning had been an interesting endeavor from which you were almost entirely removed from the equation. 

From the second he’d made his plans known to Ashley and the board, he had taken complete control of planning, there wasn’t an aspect of the early wedding stages that you took charge of… heck you hadn’t even been aware such plans were in motion even after moving in together, until a wedding planner’s assistant came over after being unable to get in contact with Homelander– He didn’t apologize, brushing it off as your failure to pay attention, as if he had mentioned it at all. 

“I love you but you don’t have the best taste… and I can’t risk bad decisions ruining my wedding! What if your wine choice doesn't match the amuse-bouche? I can’t risk a disaster!”

“YOU DON’T EVEN DRINK!!” You shouted– and excuse me… why would you pick the menu!? I’m a chef! You barely eat!”

“I was gonna hire a sommelier… but… you can take care of the menu if it means so much to you” He says bitterly, trying to not sook– "I’ll pick the cake.”

“It’s my wedding too. We pick the cake, John.” You argued back.

“Our fake wedding.” He raised his eyebrow– "Why should you stress yourself…?”

“You…!” You bit your lip until it almost tore– whatever… I don’t want to talk about it today.”

He watched you walk out the terrace, angry at himself for wanting to chase after you but to him you were in the wrong and he had no need to apologize.

That night he woke you up– not that you had been sleeping much.

“Are you still mad at me?”

His weight sunk heavily on the soft mattress, you turned around slightly to meet his featureless shape.

“You have this incredible superpower to piss me off whenever things are going smoothly between us.” You growled almost– go back to bed, John. I don’t want to talk ‘bout it today.”

“It's tomorrow.”

You sighed loudly.

“You should’ve told me you were doing this… fake or not… is still my wedding too.”

“I’m sorry…” He sank next to you wrapping his thin arms around you– marrying you means more than you can ever imagine… is all I ever wanted… getting married… so I want it to be perfect.”

He mumbles against your back, god knows if he heard your heart rate spike and you don’t want him to tell you, if he heard the blood rushing towards your face as your whole body began to boil around him.

You let him hold you even after dawn came.

He promised to include you from that point on but from venues, to flowers, to the guess he continued to make most decisions without you.

This was his wedding and everything had to be perfect. 

Leaving you feeling like you were gonna be just a special guest on his day.

Admittedly you’d never imagined you would get the opportunity to see him grieve over various shades of off-white, china plates and glassware that weren’t perfect but almost perfect so they were the worst thing on the whole planet– there was some karma in the universe left after all.

It’d taken a couple hours for the three wedding planners and Ashley when this whole thing began to accept that you might be the ‘bride’ but if he could be the one walking down the aisle– he fucking would.  They almost felt sorry he hadn’t told you, but they had their hands fuller than yours… it had been a mercy to have been spared as much as you did, they thought. 

Cursing as you came to inspect the tenth different flower arrangement suggestion for the ceremony seats on the table, a whole team of graphic designers were tasked with the wedding cards and such based on the spread around you– god knew how painful it was to look at the budget for wedding favors… now you wished he had been the one doing this whole thing alone, it was exhausting… more than anticipated.

Thank god Ashley had to arrange the televising… the words pay-per-view thrown out a couple times had you on edge…certainly people wouldn’t pay to watch you get married… well see Homelander get married, right?

During your contributions you learned jokes were deadly in this department, a single joke about getting japanese wagyu had him snapping his fingers to get Ashley to source enough of it for the rather extensive list of guests.

“Why is Prince William and Kate on the list?” You said rather bemused.

The wedding planners and other suits looked away from you, the Seven’s table was filled with pictures of guests and silverware samples.

“Same reason the president was invited.” He fiddled with some demitasse spoon samples.

“That answers nothing.” you looked at your side, it was small, just coworkers and the few friends that had clung past your misfortune, your parents had called you wishing to reconcile and meet the granddaughter they’ve abandoned, something you shut down quite easily– I understand why you would invite the president… but please tell me you’re joking about the Kardashian’s… Celine Dion…? What’s next, Blackpink?”

“Why don’t you give me some suggestions? Not that I can invite Jisoo… she would take the spotlight from me.” Between the politicians, A-list celebs and business men invited, you did come short, so he raised his eyebrow daring you to affect the feng-shui as you wrote down a name– William.”

Homelander grinded his teeth– It didn't sound like a joke.

“He’s not going to show up” You said casually trying to calm him down as he twisted a nice silver fork into a twig.

He expected you not to joke about it at all.

It hadn’t been difficult for Butcher to find Ryan… it was already online for the whole world to know– he watched the kid from afar showing up randomly after school to watch Ryan be picked up by his personal driver and security guard, somedays Ryan looked mopey, some others he looked cheery. He was alive and healthy, acting like any other kid as he always should’ve had, it would be for short minutes, but Butcher needed to make sure he was alright… that he was still that same sweet kid from before.

Driving back home, he moved to change the station, his mind thinking of his former stepson as he talked to a girl while waiting to be picked up, proud of the little guy.

“Are you a pedo?”

Butcher almost swerved into a group of pedestrians.

Helena snickered as the car steadied itself, she put her seatbelt as the man forced his breath still.

“Why do you like staring at little kids? Or are you staring at one kid in particular… a little boy called Ryan Gillman, perhaps?”

“Who the fuck are you!?” He screamed with an extra gruff voice, his car still moving– slower than his heartbeat.

“Helena. Nice to meet ya– now if you go down that street and then take a left we can go get something to eat– it’ll be a nice thing to do after all you kidnapped me.” 

“Get out of my car!? How did you get in!?” Butcher stopped his car by the nearest sidewalk, as he reached for the door his hand clashed against a rippling pale blue wall.

“I could crush your skull against that window before you managed to open that door.” Her eyes glistened as the wall narrowed, she watched him with the same intensity a child sees an ant under a magnifying glass– now let’s talk ‘Candlestick maker’ preferably over a milkshake… I love me some malt vanilla.”

Butcher gasped as he felt the wind saturate his lungs, the kid watched him with detachment, briefly considering smashing his car and risking it but this was a little child, a little child asking about Ryan… not just any kid… as he had a clear look at her– this was Helena. The Homelander’s daughter. He swallowed, awaiting the familiar sonic boom to rock his car that never came.

“I thought you were a pedophile but I dunno if working for the feds is any better.” Her emotionless voice said as she dipped her chips on the ice cream– really creepy to be staring at school kids, dontcha think?”

Butcher had no appetite, just watching the kid trying to see if there were any blond threats lurking.

“I want to get rid of Ryan Butcher, or Ryan Gillman, who knows what to call him– you see he’s a bump in the road for me and the more I think about it… the more inconvenient he becomes. Honestly I can figure out a way to kill him and make it look like an accident (even if it takes me some time) and I got no qualms in doing so. If anything, the more time I spend with him the more I want to murder him… I understand that he’s your stepson, that he has an aunt named Racheal and two grandparents: Sam and Imogen Saunders… for all intents and purposes” She settles in her seat after taking a messy bite of her burger, wiping her cheeks as she spoke– he has options outside of Homelander… so killing him isn’t my only avenue of disposing of the worthless idiot.”

“Don’t think I won’t crush your head in this restaurant because they’re people ‘ere. What are you anyways… wha you did in the car was not something Homelander or Soldier Boy ev’r did”

“I’m just a super-abled kid…” She throws a chip at him– so threatening– go for it, murder me in broad daylight but I don’t think you’ll want that. I wanna help you Mr. Butcher… I need to monopolize my father’s affections in order for him to entrust the company to me– his shares, my future position set in stone, my inheritance… you know how much money we are talking about here? Enough to motivate a murder or a hundred.”

Butcher stared at the girl, dumbfounded, he could find very physical resemblance between the two but they sure had a way of talking.

“Look if you want the job… text me… no calls… don’t want Homelander to catch me lacking.”

“I don’t think you want to kill him… youse playing tough for somebody, otherwise you wouldn’t have come to me?” Butcher asked, killing the tense silence.

“Ryan's continuous existence is a direct threat to my future. I cannot afford to have the lingering notion that he would one day hold a higher position within the company than I do by virtue of being both male and the first born. I want him dead. But I’m merciful.”

Butcher was slid a sticky note with a phone number.

“So if you’re really his kid and not some weird PR… where the fuck did he kept you hidden?”

“I’m not privy to my parents' relationship history but I can tell you one thing and that’s that he didn’t know me by choice.” The kid pushed her food away, clearly losing appetite– by the way when you get around killing my old man please do so after we sort out the will situation… lots of paperwork y’know” She smiles with a playful tilt and a sudden glow in her eyes as he takes the note– "am not a very patient child, Mister Serial Killer.”

Butcher could only muster a dried disenhearted chuckle, thinking just how ridiculous this situation was.

“What do I get out of this?”

“It’s Ryan not enough?” She says with a puzzled look.

“It’s a lot of risk considering your old man it’s around.”

“If money it’s what you need… give me a couple days to sort that out… just give me a number… whatever might help you become somebody else… I dunno move to fucking New Zealand for all I care.”

“How much money can you steal without him noticing, little miss genius?”

“How much do you think a vial of compound V costs?” She took another bored bite of her meal– am sure that somebody with your reputation might find a buyer… they have already started some international distribution… Russia, China, Saudi, Turkey are not on the list tho– get creative. I’ll give you a dozen if you like… save me having to blackmail one of those lab rats to help me sell it.”

He smiled at the brat.

You on the other hand learned of her shenanigans after being inadvertently kidnapped while leaving work, after the initial trauma and shock dispelled– meeting these people after the posters with your face began circulating shouldn’t have surprised you, after all you had been panicking about this brit stealing your kids before you had the pleasure to meet him, never considering it be you.

“He isn’t going to rescue me… if anything if I die it's better for him” you remarked but they were confident this would work.

Homelander wouldn’t ‘rescue’ you until four days later when he just knocked on the hideout door– Butcher had had enough of you, exasperated by your terrible personality. 

If somebody was going to kidnap you were under no obligation to let yourself be pleasant, so you let them know.

“You deserve each other. I hope you never divorce because living with her will be a nightmare.” Butcher dragged him inside the dingy hideout, growling and grumbling.

“What did she do?” Homelander scratched his hair, finding the whole scene rather awkward.

“She bit me!” He screamed towards the back- fucking psycho bitch!”

“Black eye too?” He grimaced at the wound– why didn’t you” He gestured a stabbing motion.

“You deserve her.” He snarled.

Between your busted lips and bruises, you had bitten a fair amount of people as payback, you had been kicking and screaming none stop, your thumbs broken as you used them to escape from the first pair of cuff they forced on you– you had nothing of use, whatever trap they had for Homelander was rendered pointless as they just wanted you out of the blacksite more than anything.

“Four days!!!?” Your raspy voice roared the moment he stepped in your sight.

“Maybe next time don’t hit me with a toilet plunger. '' before you could rip your chains off on your own to kill him– it's a blacksite baby… I couldn’t find you! We assume you ran away but after two days the kids did got worried. We thought you ran away… Helena was certain.” he mumbled.

“It was clean!!” you spat dried blood– you bastard!”

Your ears hadn’t picked up much of what he was saying after being a smartass– you only wanted him to take these chains off and go home, you wanted him to be a hero for once.

“Y/N please...” He moved behind you, pulverizing the three sets of chains holding you together in one swift swipe– lordy lord, what did you do for them to get this dramatic? She’s human you know, William?”

“She nearly ate my fucking finger, putain.” Hughie had to hold back the Frenchman as he came with a knife from the kitchen.

“I spat it back didn’t I?” You might as well been cursing– and I gave you my marinara recipe so I think we’re even– you bitch!”

“Calm down, honey.” He said with his nicest voice, stroking your bruised wrist– Why don’t we go get you a nice warm bath and some gelato, after we get a doctor.”

“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down!!!” You screamed, ripping your hands away from him– I haven’t showered in 3 days!! They electrocuted me, hit me, called me ugly! and made me listen to shit 80’s music!!”

“Just take her!” Starlight shouted from the bathroom.

“It's a good recipe.” Frenchie said as he calmed down.    

“What’s wrong with her?” He looked at Starlight’s direction, catching her reeking in the bathroom.

At this point you cried and clung to him, your arms wrapped around his shoulder babbling about ice creams, gelato and your kids, his cautious expression painted with anxiety, not knowing if you welcomed him, but as your legs gave up and you cried he gave himself permission to embrace you.

“She spat a loogie in Annie’s mouth.” Butcher said, handing Homelander your work bag, the Supe had lifted you and cradled you as you cried– "I better not see you ever again.” he hissed.

“…next time I’ll pick her up the same day.”

He looked embarrassed as a light blush creeped on his face, hearing the signs of relief as the group saw them leave.

Flying home with a bit of pride in his chest as he simmered on the sight– the destruction and wounds you left, his lips shivered at the sight of your fear and anguish laden tears slowly being made those of relief. He was proud of you, he was proud that you never gave up, that you didn’t let him think he could beat you… how strange that you were always so perfect for him, almost as strong as him– he thought.

Helena would apologize thinking the man wouldn’t kidnap you over their deal but you were too busy soaking in the bath while you waited for Homelander to bring a couple pints of gelato from italy, you told her not to tell you anything further until you had the energy to handle it, obviously she had been swindle by the brit… thinking of him a savage hooligan and not a smart devil.

“Please don’t tell anything that can be used against you, Helena… I don’t know why you decided to interact with that man– anybody who decides to make their life mission to destroy your father and other supes… is not some patsy you can use.”

“I… I don’t know what to say…” she said unable to stop crying.

“Why you thought I’d run away?” You pressed sinking into the bathtub covering your ears in warm water.

Her lips moved but you heard very little, looking at her face resting on the bathtub rim, she left as Homelander came back they left to have a talk re-entering a few minutes later.

For the first time since this whole thing began you found yourself letting him pamper you without complaint as he fed you gelato, both entertaining a sense of normalcy for your relationship despite everything, his touch more welcomed than those abusive gruff hands. 

That night as you entered the bedchambers you asked him to move the beds together, something a light kick achieved. Homelander didn’t sleep much that night as he kept checking to see if you were still asleep, if you were okay, ogling with wet eyes the wounds of your hands– one dislocated and the other fractured, leaving you unable to work for at least 6 weeks.

“I thought you ran away… that I scared you away… I’ve been so manic lately.” he whispered close to you, his body just an inch away from feeling yours.

“The only way am running away from you guys is when I shoot my brains off… never… ever think I’ll leave where I can’t take my children.” Your voice almost broke as you tried to speak.

“Don’t leave me…” He sniffed loudly– Y/N please…”

“We’re stuck with each other, John… if anybody is gonna leave– it's you.”

He spoke very little after that, unsure if you were still upset, all he knew was that he wanted you to stay where he could see you, fearful that Butcher or some other force would tear you away from him once more– yet as you slept restlessly he found comfort on those wayward fingers clinging to his shirt.

You wrote the name down.

In return for the sick joke he turned your home into a bridal shop. The family room was stuffed to the brim with gowns of all shades of white and modernist choices– pale yellows and pinks, even daring blacks. Every shape of wedding dress available from exceedingly revealing and form fitting to something only an amish might wear.

“Homelander said if nothing here is up to standard he had a list of designers waiting for your call” Ashley muttered sipping on the champagne, you didn’t give her any grief for it despite being 10 am, Chrissie, Alessia and an old friend joined in the bubbly testing– he does want an answer by the end of the day.” She pressed.

“There’s like a thousand frocks in here.” You muttered– I might need a day.”

“This is what passed the first 3 rounds” She snorted looking at the lines and lines of stuff extending all the way into the hallway– "He has such good taste.”

You stared at her wondering if she was being sarcastic but it was hard to read her.

“With his ass he could wear these better than me” You chuckle.

Even she gave it a thought without disagreeing.

He would show up five hours in to check if you’ve made a decision, normal people would’ve asked him to leave but Ashley dragged your human friends out to safety instead.

You sat slouched on the arm chair wearing a dress worth two whole monthly paycheck, your back sore from looking at dresses and veils, foot throbbing from all the shoes and your eyes aching from staring at catalogs.

“You aren’t supposed to be here for this…” You said cracking your toes as you stretched your aching limbs.

“The lawyers said they had the prenup readied… as well as Ryan’s papers.”

He purposefully avoided gazing at your direction, his throat stuffed with cotton, he could hardly muster to swallow, his mouth arid as his eyes became red and wet.

“You could’ve texted me.”

He was more than jittery in his boots, you studied his posture trying to analyze him, rolling your eyes as you wrote your lines.

“John, do you want to help me pick the dress?” You relented standing up trying to flatten the newly form creases off the satin gown– I’ll be nice and not peek at your suit… altho there’s this really nice pantsuit over there—

“You don’t look good in tea-length” His words stiff, moving towards one of the racks to pick a pale mauve tulle gown– try this.

“Daring. I like it.” You humor him.

“I think if anybody is going to pull off a mauve and plum wedding dress that’s going to be you” the way he moved across those racks he might give Helena and run for her money in speed but instead of books it was silk and chiffon– this one is so pretty… vintage Dior… and this is a copy of Grace Kelly’s wedding dress.”

Decisions were made by day 2.

He was giddy and jovial, his mood only soured if things weren’t going smoothly with the wedding planning, hero work was secondary and Vought was even less important but overall he was happier, and the company could tell– this was him in his 20s before losing his mind. 

He would come home and respect your boundaries avoid touching you without permission, hovering around in the kitchen with the sudden interested in learning how to make omelets, seeing him make and fail doing breakfast just so you could sleep-in was a rewarding experience, he liked being led by you even if there was no kink involved this time– you were afterall now stuck at home… you blushed as he asked you how to make those jiggly pancakes Ryan had seen online, he seemed so normal as he asked for your help to follow the youtube video while you made a strawberry compote by his side, he talked to you as if he was that young man once again so chirpy and friendly as he asked about your thoughts on an old TV show that he had started watching after an off-handed comment he overheard from Helena’s assistant, or discussed some old missing person’s case that came on his youtube feed– it was nice to talk like normal people.

While injured he had hired a private driver for you, to save you the stress on your hands not wanting your injuries to worsen before you could return to work, hiring a nanny to help you with the kids and an extra maid to help at home, while he spared no expenses making sure you were truly unburdened.

It made you feel as if you were some Victorian lady of high society with how little you had to do.

You blushed as you watched him slip into human clothes as he forced himself to unwind for the day, leaving the superhero drama behind as he tucked his suit in the closet– You must have been feeding him well for he seemed to look healthier, his body bigger and glowy, you thought.

You certainly liked looking at his thighs.

“I still don’t know why Elmo likes these…” Helena snuggled at her father’s side, she was cuddly on purpose but her feet were still touching you as you stretched on the couch, Ryan snuggling on the other side of him.

“I like the talking blue cat.” He says as a hand mindlessly plays with her hair– he’s funny.”

“I like the banana guy” Said Ryan, which made his dad giggled in agreement.

He seemed like the John you fell in love with a decade ago, like a weird dream playing live– just you four laughing at some kids cartoons.

Whatever sweetness you’d gathered since your kidnapping was now twisting the knife in your gut just to remind you it was there.

It went back to zero as you sat in a boardroom filled with heartless bastards.

It started easy enough– you been informed Rebecca Saunders-Butcher was declared legally dead before she was found by Homelander, no birth registration had ever been made for Ryan, as during Edgar’s tenure Ryan was categorized as a company asset, giving him the same legal rights as a beagle, it had been a hassle to have him recognize as a human being once he came out to the public… but it provided the opportunity of your name being put on his new birth certification– in the eyes of the law you would be Ryan’s biological mother. At first you assumed they were adoption papers until your eyes started swimming thru the lines, you could feel your whole body trembling, unable to muster a word as you tried to remain calm, this felt ludicrous, the idea of adopting Ryan didn’t bother you– it came off as sensible even.

But this felt dangerous, Homelander could smell the intoxicating and repulsive cocktail of visceral functions and hormones, he lifted his hand demanding the room to be cleared.

“Do you know what you’re asking me here?” Your voice was a nervous squeak as you pushed the paper towards his direction.

Homelander watches you shake like a leaf, offended at your sudden rejection his lip raised just enough for you to see some teeth.

“Suddenly getting cold feet after I spend all this money on you?”

Your brows crease.

“I never said I wasn’t going to be his mother… You’re asking me to lie about being pregnant 10 years ago, You’re asking me to pretend we share DNA! I’ll adopt him but this is– illegal… is amoral. What would he think if he ever finds this!?” You cried.

“He won’t.”

“What if he needs his birth certificate to get a driver's license!?”

“He can fly!” He argued back.

“Maybe his future wife would like him to drive her places! I dunno!” Glozing over the rest wasn’t any better– look… let’s think about this… this’s a lot and this… this shit isn’t helping.”

The calendar in front of you had only one thing written in it and that was Homelander’s birthday.

“I want you to have custody of Ryan.” He took the small calendar away, you froze watching him shrivel as he bit and chewed at his lips– if I die… Ryan has nobody to protect him. The government or Vought are no places for him… they’ll use him, abuse him, neglect him and he will come out of it broken– he isn’t strong like me. He’s my baby, but he’s delicate… he used to have people who cared about him but now he only has me. Nobody else in the whole world actually cares for him! But… but you’re his sister’s mother and his stepmother, you are family. The only one he has… so if I died then I’d rather my son stay with his only other family– than end up in a cell or a freezer…” He squeezed at his cape– I rather you have him than him ending up suffering like I did.” He let a couple tears fall, ashamed of his own reaction.

Whatever was happening outside your house, had him anxious, no doubt something involving Vought, Butcher or the FBSA.

“John. John… just give me a day… I’d rather adopt him… but if this is the best way to protect him…” Your stood up moving towards him to place a callous hand on his shoulder, you could tell this wasn’t easy to ask, it was definitely not timed correctly as the calendar you two had been fighting about twenty minutes ago was still in the room but here he was hurting– I just worry that he’ll hate me. That he’ll feel as if I erased his mother and forced myself into his life… we’re still a little awkward around each other.”

“He’ll understand when he’s older.” He said firmly but gently.

He kissed your knuckle, stroking your wrist looking up.

“I think before we do this together… we should ask Ryan if he wants to be adopted– then we can bring this up again.” You placed your spare hand atop of his, squeezing his fingers as you spoke– Ryan has gone through so much, and I don’t blame you for being nervous… you should… you have a tough job… and I’ve already been kidnapped… I’m just saying I don’t want to frighten him.”

“You mean that?” He asked, trying to rest his cheek on you, your hand lifting just before he could to grab him, not letting him rest on your hand but pushing his forehead onto your stomach, he turned limp, wrapping his arms around your legs once the blood returned to his brain, inhaling deeply– you would take good care of him.”

“I like the idea of him calling me ‘mom’ one day.” 

You twisted the knife right back in.

He catches his reflection on the steel and the other one simply stares at him with a hint of doubt in his eyes.

taglist-- @fromforeigntofamiliarity @demodemo909 @immyowndefender @ghqstfqce

[sonicpilled]

Pull You From Your Guilt (Zombic AU)

Chapter Three

content warnings: detailed sh description (flashback all in italics, if you’d like to skip the graphicness that’s alright bc it is still understandable when skipped)

word count ≈ 4005

sonic+shadow angst an hurt/comfort

“He was happy he could be with Sonic again. There were so many things he had been dying to talk to him about. An apology was at the top of his list, but he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. For those three months without him, all he’d do was dwell on the fact that if he stayed on the phone, he would have never gone. Those quiet mornings where he stayed in bed and mourned, all he thought was I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.”

Erm sorry this took longer i got erm erm busy! because it took like a bit More than ch1 & 2 it is a bit longer. As a treat. But idk if that is awesome or annoying. hope u guys’d like it ….. Hope it is not too slowpaced too' plz give feedback i always love tha comments and critique and ya. ooc maybe more this time

It was noon now, as he woke up. He really didn’t get that much rest, but it’s not like it was a surprise. For those three months, Shadow’s sleep schedule was shit, anyways.

The rain hadn’t stopped, but was now a light sprinkle. The weather forecast had said it would get worse later in the day, though.

Shadow rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, yawning as he sat up in his bed. He glanced around his room, until his eyes stopped at the sleeping hedgehog in his bed. He stared a bit, watching his chest rise and fall. He sighed a little in relief, not knowing what he wanted to see or believe. Part of him wanted to see nothing there, like it had been for months. It wasn’t that he wasn’t relieved he could see Sonic again.

It was just the fact that none of this seemed real to him. He didn’t like this feeling of uncertainty. He hated being unsure of things.

He was happy he could be with Sonic again. There were so many things he had been dying to talk to him about. An apology was at the top of his list, but he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it. For those three months without him, all he’d do was dwell on the fact that if he stayed on the phone, he would have never gone. Those quiet mornings where he stayed in bed and mourned, all he thought was I’m sorry I couldn’t stay.

Now, Shadow stayed there in bed, staring at him as he thought and absentmindedly pet his now muted blue quills. He thought Sonic would be upset with him for leaving him alone that night, but it was him apologizing for committing suicide. It didn’t make much sense to him.

Sonic woke up, slowly. He yawned, looking around the room as he stretched. He looked around the slightly messy bedroom, the closet disorganized and the papers all over the desk. Shadow was usually so tidy. He sighed, as he glanced at Shadow.

“…G’morning.” Sonic spoke quietly, mostly tired and still a bit confused. it seemed this wasn’t a dream or coma or whatever. He died, yet he's still here. He’ll shrug it off for now, even if it irked him.

“Good morning,” Shadow whispered softly with tired eyes. “I’m… glad you’re still here.”

A pang of guilt hit Sonic when he heard those words, for some reason. He frowned a bit, before fixing his face to a small smile. Of course his boyfriend would want him to return from the dead. He pushed the strange feelings of resentment deep down inside him, he’ll ignore it like he always does. He’ll focus on Shadow, for now. “Yeah, eheh… Me too.”

The ringing of Shadow’s phone stopped the both of them, Sonic letting out a little sigh as the other reached for the device. A total of 15 missed calls from Rouge, Amy, and Tails. Jeez, what happened? Shadow stared at the screen, as he answered the call.

“Hey, hon. I’m not going to yell at you for sleeping late again,” Rouge spoke gently from the other line. Various conversations could be heard from where she was, Shadow raised the phone to his ear, staring at the ground as she continued on. “You probably heard, but someone dug up Sonic’s grave. I’d tell you to not worry about it, but that's what we’re all doing as of right now.”

“…Ah. I see.” Shadow replied quietly. He tried to convey his surprise, but he obviously already knew this, as he glanced behind him at the said hedgehog. Rouge didn’t think much of his nonchalance, Shadow wasn’t always the type to ‘properly’ show how he felt.

“Everyones over here at Amy’s place, we’re thinking of what we could do. It’d be safe to assume this was Eggman’s doing, or atleast any other guy who hates that hedgehog,” Rouge talked less carefully now, now that Shadow seemed to be calm.

“Right. Hm. I’ll be right over,” The other spoke, looking away from Sonic and back at the wood flooring. He’d better go and console the others. Shadow didn't have to go and he certainly didn’t feel like it, as selfish as that might have sounded, but it would be… suspicious if he didn’t show up. Besides, the idea that this whole ordeal could be Robotnik’s doing isn't an outlandish assumption.

The phone clicked, and Shadow got up from the bed and opened his dresser drawer. He pulled some socks out, and put them on. “I need to go. I’ll be back.”

“Wha- You’re leaving now? well, where are you goin?” Sonic stood up from the unmade bed, watching Shadow start to put his shoes on.

Shadow paused. “Your… how do i put this… ‘return’ was on the news. The police believe your grave has been defiled. I'm going to meet with the others, they think Eggman has something to do with it.” He spoke with only a hint of uneasiness, walking over to his desk.

“Oh! Well, cant i come with? I mean, surely I can help with the confusion.” Sonic excitedly followed, the idea of seeing everyone again making him smile. He fidgeted with his hands, tilting his head as he waited for a response.

“No. You have to stay here.” Shadow spoke sternly, narrowing his eyes at his desk as he searched for something. He tried his best not to sound demanding, even if he was making a demand.

“…What?” Sonic started, a small awkward laugh coming from him as he watched Shadow find and grab his keys off the dark wooden desk. A little dark chao charm hung from the keyring. “Are you trying to tell me I can't see my friends again? That I can't see my brother again?”

“They wouldn’t get it, Sonic. You need to stay here,” Shadow spoke a bit less gently this time, crossing his arms. He turned to Sonic, his expression unreadable but clear he was going to stand his ground. “I just want to protect you.”

“Protect me? Chaos, Shadow, It’ll be fine. If you could understand this,” He gestured to himself as he spoke, “then surely everyone else can, right?”

“No, Sonic,” Shadow sighed, narrowing his eyes to the ground. “Have you ever considered what would happen to you when the public finds out a zombie rose from the grave? What the government would do to you?”

Sonic rolled his eyes. “Since when were you worried about the government? We’ve both escaped them a buncha times before,” he tried to persuade, as he went over to the slightly taller hedgehog. He waved his hands around as he talked, like he always did. Sonic hated feeling like he was being treated as if he was some fragile flower. His patience was wearing thin, but so was Shadow’s. “I’m not a little kid, y’know …I can take care of myself.”

“Clearly not,” Shadow replied harshly with a scowl on his face, slipping from the cool and collected tone he tried to keep going. He didn’t want to say what he was thinking, even if he already let something blunt come out. He didn’t want to be mean, even if they've had heated fights like this before. He didn’t want to say it, because he knew Sonic would hate it. “You've never shown that you could. You wouldn’t be able to prove it to me or anyone else, not even yourself, Sonic.”

“What?” Sonic took a step back, a hurt frown on his face. How the hell could he just say that? The rain outside was much more than a scattered sprinkle now, heavy raindrops making thuds against the roof of the apartment complex. His ears wilted, as he returned the angry expression. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Shadow took in a deep breath, seeing Sonic’s reaction. He shouldn’t have said that. “You… You're reckless. I know you know that. I'm just trying to tell you that-“

“Save it. Just- Save it. I don’t know what the fuck you want from me, dude. I just- I need to get out of here. Right now,” Sonic interrupted gratingly, his quills raised as he clenched his fists to shut himself up. He felt like he was going to cry, and he didn’t want to cry again in front of Shadow. Sonic didn't want to feel weak, not in front of him, not now. Especially after Shadow had said the truth.

Sonic took another step back, shaking his head. He headed towards the door, scrambling to undo all the locks. Every little thing was starting to piss him off, as he swung the door open, and ran off.

Shadow sighed bitterly when he heard the door slam, pulling his jacket on as he headed out of his apartment. He wasn’t going to chase after him. Not after that. Shadow knew better. He took his motorcycle off the bike rack, then looked up at the gloomy sky. The heavy rain was loud, but Shadow didn’t care. His gaze was fixated on the wet road, as his mind wandered. He could only think about Sonic. He hadn’t meant to snap like that, yet he knew he couldn’t just keep those words in forever, even if it was harsh. Shadow hadn’t even noticed his heavy breathing, the rain muffling everything and becoming the perfect white noise.

He made his way to Amy’s house, outside of the city. The outside of her home was cutely decorated, the garden full of pink and red roses. Shadow left his bike against the cherry wood fence, walking up the stone path and knocked on the pink painted door. ‘Welcome!’ read the enthusiastic doormat, little hearts scattered along the border.

“Ah! Hi Shadow, glad you showed up,” the cheerful pink hedgehog greeted, opening the door wide before gasping at the other, who’s fur dripped from the rain. “Eek, I'll get you a towel so you don't catch a cold!”

Shadow nodded briefly, staring ahead as he stepped into the warm house. He glanced around, at the worried and confused voices scattered around the cozy living room. He spotted Rouge first, as she talked with Knuckles. Vector, Espio, and Charmy seemed to be in their own detective-like conversation. Tails was alone as he paced around, seemingly deep in thought, until he went into another room.

It wasn’t very likely Shadow would have to engage in much conversation. What would he even talk about? He knew where Sonic was, and he didn’t feel like lying his way through a dull conversation. He walked over to an empty seat on the couch, and sat there alone. Amy handed him a fluffy pink towel, and walked away. He sat there, his fur dripping wet as he slightly dabbed himself with the towel.

“To dig up Sonic’s grave, how horrible, even for Robotnik!” Someone gasped.

“He must be planning something, right?” Another questioned.

“Well, we should do all we can to get him back to his casket,” Someone else reasoned.

He sat there listening to everyone's different conversations, even if they were all almost the same. He couldn’t care less on the subject, he only cared about one thing right now. It's raining pretty hard, Shadow thought to himself, He must be freezing. He wished he didn’t say what he did , even if it was what he was thinking. He knew Sonic was strong, but his health was declining for a long time. He just didn’t want to lose another person.

The rest of the room turned to static to him, as he stared at the ground. He spaced out, for a bit, as he was deep in thought. He had no use there, at that place. They… didn’t need him there. So, he stood up, getting off of the couch he had sunken into. Blending into the walls, unseen as he stepped out of the house without a goodbye.

//

Sonic ran and ran, the rain pouring onto him and dampening his fur. He tried not to care about it , but he really did hate it. The rainwater ruining his fur, the loudness of the droplets hitting the ground, everything was overwhelming him. He hadn't cared to go and find his ripped gloves and shoes, only the bandages on his wrists stayed on.

But he had nowhere to go, now. He couldn't get shelter at anybody's home or anything, he was alone. He couldn't just show up after they've all been to his funeral, just for some protection from the rain. He didn’t have anyone else to go to for comfort.

He ran onto a hill, under a tree for some protection from the wet water. He threw himself onto the wet grass, squeezing his eyes shut. He laid there, hyperventilating as he started to cry. Shadow was right. Sonic couldn’t take care of himself. He never could. All the time he'd run and run away, and isolate himself whenever he was hurting. He could have gotten help whenever he wanted, he just never seemed to care about himself enough to take it.

All he did was make people worry about his health, and push them away whenever they’d try to help.

A few months before Sonic’s suicide, he was in his home. In the bathroom, the bottom drawer opened again, like it had been many times. It became a morbid routine of some sort, if that's what you could call an act that would be performed that often. Over the sink, as the water dripped and dripped, he held his arm over the ceramic bowl. Like the leaky faucet, he let the gentle red streaks drip from his wrist and down into the drain.

It was something he was ashamed of doing, because it eventually became an addiction. Something he relied on when he was feeling down. Something that eventually took his life.

Sonic took in a deep breath, staring at the bloody water in the ceramic sink. He glanced up at himself in the mirror, with a little sigh. He hated that he was still doing this, but how could he stop now? He held the gillette razor blade up to his worn out wrist once again, until he heard the jangle of keys, and the sound of unlocking, and he paused. He had forgotten. He had forgotten that Tails was supposed to stop by.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hearing the footsteps down the hall. When Sonic was in danger, real danger, he never froze. Why now? Carefully, he set the blade down on the counter. Now rushed, he bandaged his arm with a wince. Mentally scolding himself, as he heard those words that he had already heard before.

“Sonic… What did you do to yourself?” His brother spoke fearfully, his footsteps stopping as he stood in the doorway. Shocked, yet knowingly, as if he was aware of the fact that Sonic had been cutting himself. Sonic huffed, opening his eyes carefully as he glanced at the small fox. Bandages in hand, his arm messily wrapped up.

“Hey, bud,” Sonic spoke carefully, gripping his bandaged arm to halt the blood. His tone was one of consolation, even if he was the one hurting himself. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do this, look-“

“Sonic, No,” his brother interrupted, an uneasy frown on his face as he stepped into the bathroom. Tails was young, but he wasn’t stupid. He shook his head silently, carefully grabbing Sonic's arm and inspecting the injury.

“Promise me you won’t do this anymore,” Tails spoke quietly. Sonic replied with a silent nod, though he’d break this promise because he had no self control whatsoever.

He was ashamed of himself. He was grown, too old now to have his little sibling worrying about him. How could he take care of his brother when he couldn’t even take care of himself? And besides, what good was it to bum out his friends? He was fine, what he was doing was under control. He didn’t want to be treated like he wasn’t okay. Saying he was fine and that he’ll stop would get rid of that treatment, so he did just that. He didn’t want to be pitied.

He also didn't want to think about any of this much longer. The past was the past. He’s dead, and there's nothing he could do now but cry about his wrongdoings. Sonic sat up, shivering slightly from the feeling of the cold rain. Sniffling, picking at the skin of his gloveless hands in distress until he bled. The rain was loud, he could barely hear his sobbing, let alone his own thoughts.

Just then, a gentle hand came onto his shoulder.

Sonic glanced over, looking up at the dark hedgehog standing over him. He kneeled down, a little frown of worry on his face. Carefully, he wiped the mixture of rain and tears away from Sonic’s face. Of course Shadow would know where he ran off to. He always knew. At this spot, on this grassy hill with the old tree. It was usually warm, the perfect place to get away from everyone. It was different now. Sonic looked up at Shadow with tired eyes, as the latter took off his leather jacket and wrapped the former in it, protecting him from the upsetting sensation of the rain. Shadow sat down on the grass with his hedgehog, as he thought hard about what to say.

“…I’m sorry, Sonic. Truly, I apologize,” He began, his tone soft and genuine as he ran his fingers through that damp blue fur. Sonic took in a deep breath, the jacket not being very warm, but the gesture calmed him a bit. “I shouldn’t have said what I said. I could have acted differently, I should have been more calm towards you rather than harsh.”

Sonic nodded, staying quiet as he leaned his head against Shadow’s shoulder. He understood him, in a way. You can't hold in all your emotions now, can you? Shadow sighed, continuing to pet Sonic as he spoke, “I suppose I’ve just become worried about you. I’m sure that's not,, unreasonable, no? I feel as if… what happened to you… that I was at fault.”

Sonic frowned deeply, gently shaking his head. He pulled the black leather jacket tighter around himself, even if the rain was starting to die down. “…I see how you were thinking that. I’m really sorry. For leaving you to think something like that.”

Shadow softly kissed his head, his heart heavy. He didn’t want an apology, no, that was the last thing he wanted from Sonic. “Please don't say sorry for that. I just… I don't want to lose another person I love due to my actions. You're very dear to me, I don't want to lose you. Not a second time.”

“…I’m not her, Shadow.” Sonic spoke softly, a statement he thought he should make clear. He didn’t mean any malicious intent with his words, and Shadow knew that, as he nodded.

“I know. This is different. You’re different. It’s… It’s all different now,” Shadow replied, his voice soft. The sky was lightly speckled with gray clouds, and the grass was left with dewey remains from the rain, as they sat there together. The dead leaves now orange and red, as autumn started to come. They both have been in a derealized state for the past twenty four hours, though they've started to come to terms with what's happened. A second chance. Sonic looked up at him, accepting this as reality. Shadow glanced at his love, before leaning down to gently kiss him.

Sonic returned the kiss with little hesitation although he was drained, burned out, and still a little upset. He forgave Shadow, he did, yet couldn’t let go of the feeling that he’d be ‘protected’ by him a lot more later on. It did bother him, but he’ll leave it for another time. He… understood this treatment. It's not like he had anyone else now, it seems Shadow would be the only person that could understand his half-revival. He had died before too, to be fair.

It also seemed that Shadow was as messed up as Sonic was, now more than ever.

Eventually, they got out of there, running together back to Amy’s for the sole purpose of retrieving Shadow’s motorcycle. Running past the city, the city that seemed to be full of people in the streets and the sidewalks. Usually aware of their surroundings, but quick to ignore them when together. There was no plan, they both assumed they could just hide the fact that Shadow had a living corpse wandering around with him.

The two hedgehogs got to the cozy home, Sonic following close as Shadow did a quick check on his bike. Sonic gave only a quick glance towards Amy’s home, sighing a little. He pulled the slightly big jacket more around himself, hoping he wouldn’t be noticed, as he stayed close behind Shadow. He stepped along the trail of fallen leaves on the ground, frowning a little when none of them made a sound. Shadow watched him for a bit, until he looked back at the house, and gasped slightly.

It became obvious something had happened in that building. A window or two, shattered and cracked. The floral garden ruined, the petals of the roses trampled. The front door was wide open, and from what Shadow could see, the interior told a similar story. He took a cautious step forward, keeping Sonic behind him.

As he peered into the seemingly broken into house, Shadow narrowed his eyes. Sonic, equally as skeptical, looked around as well. Shadow glanced over his shoulder, to the hedgehog wearing his jacket as he carefully whispered, “Hey, stay here.”

Sonic frowned, watching as Shadow took a step closer to the doorway. To put it lightly, the once decorated and lively home was trashed. Paintings and photos that were hung up were either crooked or shattered completely on the ground, lamps broken and stains, or splatters, of crimson red on the carpet and wall. Shadow’s eyes darted around the place, completely confused. He had hoped the liquid wasn’t what he thought it was, as he took one step back. From what Shadow could see, there seemed to be nobody in the house, except for a couple of figures behind the sofa that he couldn’t quite make out.

Then, Shadow squinted, as his fur became bristled. Now, he saw. Now, he saw the twitching thing hunched over a pink hedgehog that laid still, as it looked up at him with her blood on its face. As soon as he made eye contact with that thing, he picked Sonic up bridal style with one swift move, and rushed out of there. Sonic, who yelped in surprise, looked over at the house behind them as they got farther and farther away. Bewildered, he held onto Shadow tightly as their surroundings became a messy blur.

“Shadow, wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on!” Sonic spoke hurriedly, watching the evacuating crowd in the street. His eyes wide, as the people of Westopolis were fleeing away from the direction of the cemetery. Things that looked to be corpses followed after. Shadow zig-zagged through the chaos, holding Sonic close. He didn’t like his silence, especially now. “What happened? Shadow?“

“…Something you wouldn’t have wanted to see,” He replied softly, a frown on his face as he skated past it all. Ambulance sirens, screaming, and the clamoring sound of panicked running. The gray sky that was still miserable long after the rain, the smoke seeping into the air from the car wrecks, and the bodies of those who weren’t fast enough that laid lifeless along the sidewalks. He ran through it all, because for that moment, he only cared about the hedgehog in his arms.

Sonic’s ear flicked, turning his gaze from the panicked pedestrians to Shadow, who was staring straight ahead. “Shadow… Who?” he asked softly, yet received no response. Shadow’s silence only induced his anxiety. “Who?”

Shadow only held him tighter.

weel tats all… hope the projection isn’t too real here and err… ya! Now it’s getting to the early middle sooo! yay!

[acourtofquestions]

EMPIRE OF STORMS :

— Chapter 65 - 75 —

10 Chapters left (either a little less or more than 100 pages)

*post to be added onto as I read*

Binge-reading-day-time (to finish it off😭) Tower of Dawn at the ready, bonus chapter saved & on hand

… and whatever the heck this post template is 🤷‍♀️ to add onto with rambling & insanity & quotes & emotions so we shall see what happens… this post shall live update (idk if that works here… we’ll find out… I may also just go read in a cave for a week, grieve & wear all black, & them come out eventually… mostly it’s here because I don’t want to post 80 times & flood the feed for historical fangirl purposes (if you wanna know follow this post if not skip it :-) & more so I’m too tired (it’s been a LONG week) & too far into fangirling & feels mode to edit lol) 🤦‍♀️🙃

(of course spoiler warnings cause these 10 chapters & earlier books are on the table for discussion if not already specifically the discussion itself) & of course please be aware or give spoiler warnings for me too within interactions of this post (I am only to EoS Ch. 65 rn) and now *drumroll please* the spoiler “more” bar of safety & feed spam semi-prevention🤞

Final warning: this post will probably be ridiculously long!!! So… read at your own risk… it may be rambling, artsy, incoherent, boring, filled with nothing, or like 75 pages😅 — I mostly make these posts cause it’s fun for me to look back & see when & what I thought on a first read; I love talking fandoms with y’all about it, but like plz skip these posts if you don’t like them😂 not even I know what this will be🤣

Current Pre-Read RAMBLE:

I NEED MY BRAIN TO STOP HUMMING “HOW DID IT END”😭 — It is also replaying the John Mulaney quote: “I try to stay optimistic, even though I must admit things are getting pretty sticky.”🤣 … legit don’t think any other series has had so many problems at once, like maybe the final scenes of Deathly Hallows, but I’ve still got two more VERY (thankfully) long books… so…

Current theories (just finished Chapter 64, as previous post addressed): I think Aelin & Rowan may have had a secret wedding, both based on SJM style, the fact Rowan feels like King & Aelin will not leave him (I still don’t know why the “spark died”), and random fandom knowledge that isn’t clear but has led me to believe it. I think Elena may be Manon’s ancestor as well as Aelin’s both due to the moon white hair descriptions, Yen/Yang yet the same “dyad” vibe they have, & the eye belonging to both. I’m really hopeful that everyone’s side plots will come in handy, Aelin while lost seems to have something, Rowan’s calling all his cousins, Aedion is ready for war, we have Lysandra who’s a friggin dragon, and maybe Abraxos will show up with all the 13 and Petrah’s clan and I’m going with that because I refuse to accept any other answer. I am concerned there is going to be a betrayal of some sort, a revealing of info from long ago, and some possible faked deaths. I’m intrigued by repeating lines like the terms “endure”, “yield”, “live”, “hold the line”, or plots like “time” “ash” etc.

What the heck does Maeve want (worried about the way she gets revenge), definitely don’t trust the keys or the lock (though I’ve got faith in Manon & Aelin as a team + Dorian’s smarts), & don’t trust any of these plots. Or any of their self-sacrificial tendencies. Also I need everyone to admit there mates/soulmates already because it’s pretty dang clear *coughs* I’m looking at you Elorcan, Manorian, Lysaedion (ok I’ll give yall some credit for going slow), & ROWAELIN (my gods how have you not yet?). Also Aedion dude I love you but why are you being like this but also mood. And Rowan’s sad eyes could kill me. COME ON ELIDE SMARTS SAVE US! Let’s go team, we’ve got Ansel, let’s go Grettles SOMEONE SHOW UP AND SAVE THE DAY replenish the power LETS GO!!!

Quotes I think are about to come full circle: The Queen Who Was Promised … The Threads of Fate — hoping? Nameless is my price. — I am terrified of this one … And I’ve got a feeling the answer to your first question (ghost-Queen Elena Galathynius) is no, I don’t think I’m going to be able to forgive you for whatever you’re about to do😅😂.

Wondering?: what is Maeve’s power (I think I forgot), I still wanna know more about Fenrys & how his powers work (I’m worried about his twin), trying to remember what the stone from Kaltain is & how many Wyrdkeys we have? … why do I feel like someone’s gonna break out shadow fire… or Aelin’s water powers… just something!

Worried: it’s the Valg, and they haven’t been doing their posses/mind-trip thing (did Lysandra go through it) and with Maeve I don’t see her not having some connection to Erawan & I’m worried over all of it. Also Lorcan as a character (because this entire book he’s been under a death sentence & he would die for Elide). Rowan & Aelin because they are always ready to die together. Slightly less for Aedion cause he’s determined to fight for a life with Lysandra, hoping Lysandra shares that instead of “save my friends even if I have to die for it”. Still crying over Dorian’s line & simultaneously holding onto THE FEAR OF LOSS quote cause IT IS DESTROYING ME JUST AS MUCH so I can try to take Ardions advice and hope that’s enough torture for Maas to leave my bb’s be😂

Hoping for: that⬆️ they’ll be fine (I know it won’t be but I need this) & maybe some more throwbacks LETS GET SOME SPIDERSILK GUYS

But I’m loving the character growth, interactions, and friendships; and in a small way am stupidly optimistic (because I need them to be okay) & I know-I know, something happens I just don’t know what & don’t want to but have to & aghhhhh time to read

Chapter 65:

this is giving MAJOR NIGHTFALL vibes (with a minor in HoF Aelin’s past paralells/vibes). LETS GO FIREHEART, SHOW UP ELENA, ITS GOTTA BE EROWAN IN THE TOMB—THATS GOTTA BE GOOD—WHY DOES EVERYTHING SEEM LIKE DOOM?

I can summarize this chapter by saying the tears have begun.

LOST MEMORIES… okay this is really feeling like deathly hallows

They talk about the lock like it’s a living thing?

I’ve been watching too much TVD & now I’m scared of everyone getting trapped in coffins/sarcophagi

ALWAYS WITH “THE PRICE”

Ten years

Always that word “fool”

Wait Elena was Demi-fae? — did I miss or forget this?

Anything… but not that.

The three goddesses… wait… was one Maeve??? was one hella or annieth?? too many questions!!! too much information!!! MY SOUL HURTS! AGH!

“They were as mighty and vast and eternal as a human was to a mayfly” — how does Maas make everything so poetic

So you’re telling me Erowan is one of them too — shit — why couldn’t we have killed the duke like chapter one?😭

HOLY SHIT — Did ELENA kill Aelin’s parents?? — How many plots have been running? The world’s longest long game… this is seriously… I don’t know rather to curse say wow cry or reevaluate my life and I’m only barely in… HERE WE GO INDEED

As mad as I am at Elena I kinda think this is the worst punishment, one that isn’t yours… like… I almost pity Elena. Knowing her children were raised to die. Watching for hundreds of years as everything she loved died and fell to ruin. All because she was foolish because she wanted to save them.

She and Aelin are far more alike than I knew… but she shaped Aelin to be different… to listen… those edges have been taken off by tragedy… that Elena caused…

It’s Dorian or Aelin. It has always been one or the other. Aelin the Queen they need. Or Dorian the witches soulmate. Lambs to slaughter. — MOTHERFU-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-No-NONONO-NOPE!☠️ I WILL NOT LOSE EITHER OF THEM — ARE YOU KIDDING ME (this isn’t the cauldron😭) … wait but is Amren one of them😅🤣? But NO! These are THE MAIN characters! We are not losing them. No. No way. Nope! — IF ROWAELIN PULLS A ROMEO & JULIET I WILL LOSE IT

Nehemia knew and that’s why she made Aelin promise😭…

Also RHIANNON CROCHAN!!! — BESTIES???

Guess I’m gonna need these rants for any chance at keeping my sanity & breathing while reading😅😂

CHAPTER 66:

YES COURT OF TERRASEN — This is all there is to say.

Why is the mention on Rhoe and Evelin getting me all emotional?

“His real father” — oh that’s why — crap does that mean Gavriels gonna die?

Okay so egging on is Aedion’s style maybe that’s what’s been going on a little bit too

Also Rowan using a flair of white light? Did he pick up some Aelin tricks?

“To alter what the gods had made to her own liking” — my gods I love her GENIUS

SHE CAN TURN HERSELF INTO SPIDERSILK — HOLY WOW — okay so can she just become anything now?

“The court that could change the world” — I don’t know whether to laugh cry scream or all of the above

A promise to Aedion🥹

I LOVE LYSANDRA — this isn’t new it’s just EVERY CHAPTER👏🫰👑

Things are going so well it’s scaring me — Oh yeah I just remembered we still don’t know how to wield the locks, only that you have to die for it (so cool, no worries, only hope is the amulet still kinda worked after… but haha… yeah that’s gonna be a problem…) thanks brain for reminding me

Rowan knows how to use the rage THAT’S how he taught Aelin

“Ice coated his veins his heart” — I think it’s also cause there’s no Manon… but we knew Rowan’s training would come in handy

What is Aedion trying to say? Die so she’s pissed and kills everyone? I’m confused… like I think I get it I think he’s saying trust in her let the others fear don’t let fear get you killed but it also doesn’t quite add up to me

She might very well end the world for rage — an ongoing one that she fears… perhaps it’s just saying how powerful she and her love and consequential rage are? At least it’s not judgement cause he does say — Maybe she should. Maybe the world deserved it.

“Maybe Manon Blackbeak would help her do it. Maybe they’d rule over the ruins together.” — what was that vision again… wait where’s Dorian in it?

Dorian is giving Cassian vibes of I only regret not having more time with you

COME ON MAELIN (whatever Manon + Aelin friendship is named) I KNOW THIS WONT END WELL BUT COME ON… I get more nervous the more Maas warns

DORIAN HAS FIRE POWER??? — Will they mistake it for Aelin?

I’ve been worried/wondering this for a while but how does magic affect the humans? Like Aelin never burns herself… maybe cause she’s fae? But she has almost cooked from the inside out… what about Dorian? Does being human mean the flame could kill him?

Still they held the line

Dorian you didn’t fail😭

“BUT ROWAN WHITETHORN HAD NOT.” — oh HECK YES — REBELLION!!! BETRAY MAEVE!!! LETS GO! WAIT WHY ARE THINGS GOING THIS WELL

A SILVER BANNER WITH A SCREAMING HAWK — trade in the owls y’all — THE WHITETHORN HOUSE — YES finally not the betrayal I feared but the one I needed YES

And now we know what he meant by he knew the flags!!!

CHAPTER 67:

ROWAN LOVES AELIN AELIN LOVES ROWAN Time to go dig up the quote I keep pondering about him looking back and laughing at what that hawk watching the drunk brawling woman would think to know she became his world and happiness and changed everything: “He knew the house flags that flew beneath Maeve's own crest. Had counted and cataloged them all day, sorting through the catacombs of his memory. Rowan slid into his clothes and waited until he'd crept into the hall before buckling his sword belt. Still gripping the doorknob, he allowed himself one last look at her. For a moment, the past snared him--for a moment, he saw her as he'd first spied her on the rooftops of Varese, drunk and battered. He'd been in hawk form, assessing his new charge, and she'd noticed him--broken and reeling, she had still spotted him there. And stuck out her tongue at him. If someone had told him that the drunken, brawling, bitter woman would become the one thing he could not live without ... Rowan shut the door.”

I can summarize this chapter with the update that I have now begun to cry happy tears

… which is also scaring me … but YAY

Rowan had told Enda of Aelin🥹 he told them all… an army of ship protection squad in every sense of the words…

He had gotten on his knees to beg for her… the only man foolish/hopeful enough to beg the gods to let him stay with the woman he loves😭 MY SOULLLLLLL

“He had told his cousin about the woman he loved, the queen whose heart burned with wildfire. He had told Enda about Erawan, and the threat of the keys, and Maeve's own desire for them.” — he had hoped

ONE chance at peace

Darkness from Morath or Maeve or both??? — also like is Morath the same as (I want to say Gannan lol why do I keep thinking Zelda) Erawan! — like all these lines about the mountain alive and all that is it actually him — cause SJM loves a good creepy mountain plot

“To fight not for the queen who had enslaved him, but the one who had saved him.”

I will consider it

MY GODS THIS MAN (male? Fae? Idk just HIM)

TERRASEN CAN BECOME THE HOME FOR ALL THE LOST WONDERFUL TRAITORS

“EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. As if they had all met, all decided to risk ruination together.”

“Rowan had not possessed an army of his own to give to Aelin. To give to Terrasen. So he had won an army for her. Through the only things Aelin had claimed were all she wanted from him. His heart. His loyalty. His friendship. And Rowan wished his Fireheart were there to see it as the House of Whitethorn slammed into Maeve's fleet, and ice and wind exploded across the waves.” — I wish Aelin could see this too😭 UR HONOR — THEM!!! His Fireheart🥹😭 — So does power run in family’s? All whitethorns possess ice & wind??? — Yeah okay Maasverse I agree Rowan wins boyfriend of the verse/century/every fandom — Like talk about a testament of character they all would for him and even Lorcan knew it and I’m taking so much time cause I am shook cause wow wow wow WOW — “Whitethorn had done it for her. All of it, for Aelin.” — is this the first time Lorcan has called her by her name (and not his “nickname”)😂

Aedion shouting for his brother😭. A true king even if he’s just boyfriend consort👏. A good man, they did it for him, he did it for her🥹. And Maeve that’s called Karma🫰 — now I’m crying happy tears

“For a heartbeat, Lorcan allowed himself to ponder it — the power of the thing that had compelled Rowan to risk it all. And Lorcan wondered if it would perhaps be the one force that Maeve, that Erawan, would not see coming.” — LOVE TRUE LOVE MORE POWERFUL…

STOP REMINDING ME OF MAEVE AND SUFFERING SARAH😅😭 WHYYYYYYY — I wish the answer was sorry Maeve can’t come to the phone right now why because she’s dead but I guess we’ve got to have more books but like can’t we get down to one villain only huh?

Yay team bro! Go Dorian and Rowan! Go Aedion! MY COURT OF TERRASEN!!! (Just imagine them + the night court *👌👌) — DONT ANYONE DIE AND RUIN THIS FOR ME

Can Maeve just summon them? How? NO! — what price does Gavriel pay? — she didn’t even show COWARD!!! — NO MAEVE IS ON THE BEACH NO NO NOOO—

Yeah actually I’m with Lorcan GO TO ELIDE NOW “He had made a promise to her first.” 🥹😭🫶 finally the love she deserves but F-WHY-MAEVE-AGH-DAMMIT-WHY — the soldiers weren’t stupid enough and I actually think both Aedion and Rowan would back him up and say GO GET ELIDE NOW… wait… is that Maeve’s plan? WAS GAVRIEL TRICKING? AGHHHHHHHHH

Maeve is far from Lorcan… but not you… Elide darling please RUN or SEE or SOMETHING — I can’t have another Elain kidnapping style situation

Who are the eight guards?

Why would a goddess have to flee from a fae queen? SOMETHING IS UP WITH MAEVE

— WHAT THE —

CHAPTER 68:

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ELIDE I SWEAR — Calling this chapter before even starting: I feel more fear right now. — OH WAIT IT STARTED OW AGONY NEHEMIA OW — well… this is gonna be a mess!

Better yet it’s opening line: It was AGONY!

Final update on this chapter before the book ends I want to call this one: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME CAUSE REALLY LIKE ARE YOU

HERE COMES THE PAIN THERE GOES THE SUN DODODODO

“Elena had laid these plans a thousand years ago.”

“To break her, so she could walk away from the assassin and ascend her throne.”

Worse that she would go so far into the pit of rage and despair that she wouldn’t be able to get out. Not as Celaena. Nehemia had been right.

Okay so she does have a body… that’s answered😂 — “Aelin was shaking shaking in her half-invisible body, shaking so badly she thought her skin would ripple off her bones. Manon stepped closer, perhaps the only comfort the witch knew how to offer: solidarity.” — Even Manon comforting… she knows… OW!!! Trying to picture Gilmore girls haha solidarity sister for comfort but it’s not working cause — This chapter is everything not everything like EVERYTHING but everything like EVERY PIECE OF AGONY BEHIND THE SCENES. Every scene. All at once. — ONLY ONCE — I can’t even note just gotta read cause I can’t function

Well I guess I know what I’ll be talking about in therapy this week cause I am triggered and healed and crying and shocked all in one fucking hot mess of good writing and cruel plots

The only coherent note I made was Maeve you bitch😂 so there we are this is gonna take days to process onto chapter 69

Gonna go update one of my incorrect quote posts on getting stabbed cause honestly I think my reaction would be it hurts less than Empire of Storms SOOO

Yeah had to stop typing time #1 (finished the book) resuming note updates but this THIS is when I broke (the first time) 😅

“Aelin wasn't sure she could stomach another truth. Another revelation of just how thoroughly Elena had sold her and Dorian to the gods, for the fool's mistake she'd made, not understanding the Lock's true purpose, to seal Erawan in his tomb rather than let Brannon finally end it—and send the gods to wherever they called home, dragging Erawan with them.” — Yeah I don’t think I can handle another truth either … or forgive you Elena Galathynius

THIS ISNT THE FRIGGIN CAULDRON WHY MUST THEY DIE TO UNIFY — why can’t like Dorian & Aelin go halvesies??? — maybe she just has to be willing to die NOT actually — can we just resuscitate? COME ON GUYS WE HAVE IMMORTAL HEALING MAGIC

Why is the lock JUST ONCE?

NAMELESS IS MY PRICE

“The face ... it was the same. Manon's face, and Rhiannon Crochan's. The last Crochan Queens—of two separate eras.” — I think this means a lot more — maybe the gold eyes? Which btw still have the no Valg possession theory for that

“As he forged the Amulet of Orynth. As he placed a sliver of black stone within either side, then sealed it, defiance written in every line of his body.”

“For her. For his true heir, should Elena's punishment and promise to the gods hold true. The punishment and promise that had cleaved them. That Brannon could not and would not accept. Not while he had strength left. Nameless is my price. Written right there in Wyrdmarks. The one who bore Brannon's mark, the mark of the bastard-born nameless … She would be the cost to end this. The message on the back of the Amulet of Orynth was the only warning he could offer, the only apology for what his daughter had done, even as it contained a secret inside so deadly no one must know, no one could ever be told. But there would be clues. For her. To finish what they'd started. Brannon built Elena's tomb with his own hands. Carved the messages in there for Aelin, too. The riddles and the clues. The best he could offer to explain the truth while keeping those keys hidden from the world, from powers who would use them to rule, to destroy.”

I feel sorry for Brannon… he sacrificed everything, his wife, watched his daughter fade, knowing his descendants would face a horrible death for a price he cannot pay — DON’T GO SHOWING ME A MORTAL IMMORTAL COUPLE THAT ENDS LIKE THIS — Okay do we have each of these Wyrdkeys? — THE QUEEN WAS AN ALLY? Intrigue for this witch & queen combo! — She cried for him even knowing what she knew she cried too —we all feel sorry … why can’t these “gods” deal with their own problems? — “For the mortal king he hated and had barely tolerated, but he had leashed that loathing for his daughter's sake. Even if Gavin had taken his daughter, the daughter of his soul, away from him.” — he had loved his daughter & all of his children, ever “bastard” born heir was loved… but he couldn’t save them — You don’t understand Manon… but she does… She knew SHE HAD KNOWN and she couldn’t tell him😭— “It was where he had wanted to end this all along anyway.” — THIS BETTER NOT BE FORSHADOWING — Only his heir would be able to do that. Or whoever held another key. … and Maeve wants to be that…no.No.NO. — “And then he walked into that molten river, into the burning heart of his beloved. And Brannon, King of Terrasen, Lord of Fire, did not emerge again.”

Elena’s sorry & she meant it & I’m sorry too even for her

The sapphire eyes😭 … Dorian wasn’t ready …

thieving and cowardice

“I did not know darkness would fall. I did not know that your land would suffer. Suffer as I tried to keep mine from suffering. And there were so many voices ... so many voices even before Adarlan conquered. It was those voices that woke me. The voices of those wishing for an answer, for help." Elena's eyes slid to Manon, then back to hers. "They were from all kingdoms, all races. Human, witch-kind, Fae ... But they wove a tapestry of dreams, all begging for that one thing ... A better world.” — WAIT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE WITCH WAR TOO???

This is one of the most telling chapters of the series like HoF half truths chapter level… also one of the best written ones… like as much as it broke my heart this right here was writing at its best, emotions I haven’t felt since deathly hallows, things I haven’t seen done so well in a long long time.

The courts of dreamers…

“"Then you were born. And you were an answer to the gathering darkness, with that flame. My father's flame, my mother's might-reborn at last. — she had been watching her that long — And you were strong, Aelin. So strong, and so vulnerable. Not to outside threats, but the threat of your own heart, the isolation of your power. — and yet she knew love, she had the world fall in love over and over and it broke her heart over and over yet there she was resilient — But there were those who knew you for what you were, what you could offer. Your parents, — did they know? — their court, your great-uncle ... and Aedion. Aedion knew you were the Queen Who Was Promised without knowing what it meant, without knowing anything about you, or me, or what I did to spare my own people." — Aedion had loved her for her alone even then — The words hit her like stones. "The Queen Who Was Promised," Aelin said. "But not to the world. To the gods—to the keys." To pay the price. To be their sacrifice in order to seal the keys in the gate at last.” Deanna's appearance hadn't been only to tell her how to use the mirror, but to remind her that she belonged to them. Had a debt owed to them.” — … It is not fair that Aelin has never been free… always being reminded whether Arobynn or Maeve or the gods that she is not her own… it’s cruel to never allow such a wild soul to be truly free for even a moment. She almost has been so many times. But there’s always a catch. A clause. A horrid reminder.

Elena… what happened that night??? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THAT NIGHT?!

“Aelin made herself stand still when that familiar, frozen wood appeared, exactly as she remembered it. — literally having to live it again what a nightmare — As she appeared, so small and young, — so young, so wild, so broken — white nightgown torn and muddy, hair wild, eyes bright with terror and grief so profound it had broken her entirely. — she’s breaking again & it’s breaking me — Frantic to reach the roaring river beyond, the bridge. There were the posts, and the forest on the other side.-Her sanctuary- EVEN MANON SWORE AT THE HORROR — She had forgotten how far that fall was. — There was so much death," Elena whispered — "So much death, and so many lights extinguished," Elena said, voice breaking. "You were so small. And you fought ... you fought so hard." "You clung to that log with all your strength. Everything had been taken from you—everything—and yet you still fought. You did not yield. And they told me to hurry, because even then their power to hold me in that solid body was fading. They said to just take you and go, but ... I hesitated. I waited until you got to that riverbank." — WHAT — WHAT —

"You died," Elena whispered. "Right there, you died. You had fought so hard, and I failed you. And in that moment, I didn't care that I'd again failed the gods, or my promise to make it right, or any of it. "All I could think was how unfair it was. You had not even lived, you had not even been given a chance ... And all those people, who had wished and waited for a better world ... You would not be there to give it to them." Oh gods. "Elena," — ELENA! — SARAH — WHAT — SOBBING

"I could not allow it. I could not endure it. Not for the gods' sake, but —but for your own." — "And then I defied them."

SHE GAVE HER TO AROBYNN — her parents had known? — he lived in Terrasen??? — but who killed them — WHAT?! — “Only a few years older than she was now.”

"I knew what he was, what he'd likely do with you. What training you would receive. But 1t was better than dead. And if you could survive, if you could grow up strong, if you had the chance to reach adulthood, I thought perhaps you could give those people who had wished and dreamed of a better world ... at least give them a chance. Help them—before the debt was called in again." — WHAT. The.

"You were so young," Elena said again. "And more than the dreamers, more than the debt ... I wanted to give you time. To at least know what it was to live.

"What was the price, Elena? What did they do to you for this?" Elena wrapped her arms around herself as the image faded, Arobynn mounting his horse, Aelin in his arms. Mist swirled again. "When it is done," Elena managed to say, "I go, too. For the time I bought you, when this game is finished, my soul will be melted back into the darkness. I will not see Gavin, or my children, or my friends ... I will be gone. Forever." "Did you know that before you—" "Yes. They told me, over and over. But ... couldn't. I couldn't do it." Aelin slid to her knees before the queen. Took Elena's tearstained face between her hands. "Nameless is my price," Aelin said, her voice breaking. Elena nodded. — OH MY GODS

A mark glowed on Aelin's brow, heating her skin. The bastard mark of Brannon. The mark of the nameless. "Mala's blood must be spent-your power must be spent. Every drop, of magic, of blood. You are the cost—to make a new Lock, and seal the keys into the gate. To make the Wyrdgate whole. — NO — Aelin said softly, "I know." She had known for some time now. Had been preparing for it as best she could. Preparing things for the others. — NO —

“Will you come with me? Help me end it once and for all?" Will you come with me, so I will not be alone? Elena nodded, but whispered, "I'm sorry." — to whatever end.

"You were barely climbing out of slavery," Elena said. "Hardly holding yourself together, trying so hard to pretend that you were still strong and whole. — OW!!!

Glacier-blue eyes met hers at last. "I know. Maeve has long wished to regain possession of the keys. My father believed it was for something other than conquest. Something darker, worse. I don't know why she only began hunting for them once you arrived. — WHAT — But I sent you to Wendlyn for the healing. — WHAT — And so you — OH MY WYRD — would ... find him. — SHE SENT HER TO HEAL; with him

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“The one who had been waiting so long for you."

“Aelin's heart cracked. "Rowan." — mine too😭

"He was a voice in the void, a secret, silent dreamer. And so were his companions. But the Fae Prince, he was .. Aelin reined in her sob. "I know. I've known for a long time." "I wanted you to know that joy, too," Elena whispered. "However briefly." "I did," Aelin managed to say. "Thank you." … the dreamers😭😭😭 — STAB ME WHY DON’T YOU

“I will be with you. Until the very end, every step of the way, I will be with you.” — BUT WILL YOU PAY FOR THE THERAPY I NOW NEED???

And now… now I truly do feel sorry for Elena… I can forgive her for what she did… it really wasn’t, I mean it isn’t her fault? — She was young. She was trying to end a war. She didn’t know. And I think Aelin and many of them may have made the same mistakes had they not known. … And she had to live losing everything, knowing everything she loves will lose, a child would have to die for her mistake, I think she got the worst punishment one that doesn’t fit the crime. I think she almost got the truest tragedy of anyone… next to Aelin of course; the lamb to the slaughter, beautiful Aelin; honestly this chapter broke my heart the most because it is the heart of why you love Aelin. She is the beautiful bright force of light and life and you love her for it in all her fiery brutal hilarious lovely strong brave ways.

“But Aelin did not fight it as Elena leaned in to kiss her brow, where that damning mark had been her whole life. A bit of chattel, branded for the slaughterhouse. Brannon's mark. The mark of the bastard-born ... the Nameless. Nameless is my price. To buy them a future, she'd pay it.” — oh hell no to the last part

“It was the only thing she could give them, her last gift to Terrasen.” — WHAT KINDA ROWAN WHITETHORN BS IS THAT — YOU WAIT TILL HE GETS WORD OF THAT — NO WE GONNA SHUT THAT ISH DOWN

“To those she loved with her heart of wildfire.” — tattooing this on my soul

Aelin knew that laugh. And knew that somehow, perhaps they had not traveled through the mists ... But they had been placed here. By whatever forces were at work, whatever gods watching. To stand in the sandy field before the turquoise sea, dead guards in Briarcliff armor slaughtered upon the nearby dunes, still bleeding out. To stand before Queen Maeve of the Fae. Elide Lochan on her knees before her-with a Fae warrior's blade at her throat. — OH MY FUCKING GODS YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME — IF ITS LORCAN BEING CONTROLLED IM GONNA BECOME A FERAL WRAITH

CHAPTER 69:

HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO ENDURE SIX MORE CHAPTERS AND A WORSE CLIFFHANGER *apologies in advance people the language is about to get rough😂 because legit WHAT THE FUCK* … is there a word for both triggered, healed, confused, personally offended, and impressed all by one passage of writing?

Me curled up in a corner rocking back and fourth and laughing about “how sad” I thought the first ACOTAR UTM passages were THEY FEEL LIKE A SITCOM NOW and I haven’t even read the final book of TOG/KoA! But I’m scared to cause I don’t think I’m gonna get so lucky that all the (🚨 SPOILER for WINGS AND RUIN🚨 Rhys & Amrens of the world get resurrected… no this series is gonna break me isn’t it HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH) *hysterics*

HERE WE GO AGAIN *sobbing to Mamma Mia!* Alternative titles currently ranked at: AND THE PAIN CONTINUES, SURE LETS SEE HOW MUCH WORSE IT CAN GET, EVEN MY DOG IS CONCERNED NOW, HOW ARE THERE FIVE MORE CHAPTERS OF THIS AND HOW WILL ANYTHING BE OKAY, I CANT DO MATH ANYMORE HOW MANY PAGES UNTIL EVERYTHINGS OKAY, I AM DEAD INSIDE

MAASVERSE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE AN ENTERANCE

My THIRTEEN THE WITCHY ANGELS YES

Okay legit stopped typing notes because 68 broke me and they were my only solace so I just just read, have finished and now am adding notes while in shock… so… HERE WE GO AGAIN… AGAIN…

Gavriel protecting his son😭 with Golden magic again Aelin?? AND PROTECTING LYSANDRA BECAUSE THAT IS PROTECTING HIS SON

Outgunned WHAT outmanned WHAT outnumbered WHAT… come on Aelin Mastermind & Rowan!!! Don’t let us be outplanned😅😅😬🫥🫡

I wish that bitch wasn’t about to be all y’all’s problem

Why does his sword arm hurt sound so funny in the midst of chaos or am I just in hysterics

Aedion used the reprieve to whirl to Lysandra. Blood from his own wounds and ones he'd inflicted covered him, mixing with the sweat running down his skin. He said to the shifter, "I want you to run." Lysandra turned a fuzzy head toward him, pale green eyes narrowing slightly. — everytime they describe her in a different form I can’t help but giggle and feel happy, also I love her mannerisms — Aedion held that gaze. "You turn into a bird or a moth or a fish-I don't rutting care-and you go. If we're about to fall, you run. That's an order." She hissed, as if to say, You don't give me orders. "I technically outrank you," he said, slashing his sword down his shield to clear it of two protruding arrows as they again swung in toward another ship crammed full of well-rested Fae warriors. "So you'll run. Or I'll kick your ass in the Afterworld." — it’s giving my ghost won’t associate with your ghost/I’ll kill you if you die vibes 😂 — Lysandra stalked up to him. A lesser man — so a greater woman wouldn’t beg but a lesser man would’ve backed awary cool thanks Taylor & Sarah I made a note😂 — might have backed away from a predator that big prowling close. Some of his own soldiers did. But Aedion held his ground as she rose on her back legs, those huge paws settling on his shoulders, and brought her bloodied feline face up to his. Her wet whiskers twitched. Lysandra leaned in and nuzzled his cheek, his neck. Then she trotted back to her place, blood splashing beneath her silent paws. When she deigned to glance his way, spitting blood onto the deck, Aedion said softly, "The next time, do that in your human form." — HE USED THE REPRIEVE TO ASK HER TO RUN (Aedion you always make any small temporary idiocy up) also cackling that last line GLORIOUS😂

“It was the last mistake the male made.” — yeah girl (she put the grrr in girl?😂 I LOST IT OKAY)

Okay well that’s a description when you say killing THREE TIMES

The fact Dorian thinks Aedion is hurt (which btw bro why did you give me a heart attack) but because he hears Lysandra roar for him

WHEN I TELL YOU I STARTED CACKLING KICKING SCREAMING AND CRYING I AM NOT KIDDING — A wivern with shimmering wings — MY BABY — MAASVERSE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE A ENTRANCE AND I JUST KNEW IT — wicked delight — !!!

CHAPTER 70:

“I think I can finally breathe” — BECAUSE THANK GODS THE THIRTEEN AND ABRAXOS AND ASTERIN ARE OKAY

The last time I said that while reading probably😂

I CAN FINALLY BREATHE ITS ASTERIN OH THANK GODS ITS ASTERIN AND ABRAXOS AND THE TWELEVE FOR MY THRITEEN I CANT SPELL OR TYPE OR MATH JUST AGHHHH

Lysandra knowing Abraxos roar… I love her animal buddies

TWELVE RIDERS AND THE WIVERNS AND A PALE BLUE ONE AND GOLDEN HAIRED WITCH

I KNEW ABRAXOS WOULD GO GET HELP

“Then we shall clear the field for you.” — OH HELL YES

I wish I could fly with them into glorious chaos too Lysandra

HELLO LYSAEDION ;-)

Let’s just be glad the coven is on our side and not think about it😅😅

REALLY ITS NAME IS THE NIGHTINGALE REALLY

Thanks the gods Rowan knows Maeve’s style cause umm YEAH GO NOW

FIND HER

“Flame and shadow and death” FUCK NO

Rowan choosing her best chance at survival even as it’s the most triggering thing for him and going with the team but oh gods hindsight and ugh whyyyyyy

LETS GO WIVERNS! COME ON ABRAXOS!!

Hehe yeah now the rain is pouring down… did not age well!

CHAPTER 71:

“Dreams and nightmares given form.”

Yep… opening quotes said it all…

“No crown adorned her head, for all who breathed, even the dead who slumbered, would know her for what she was. Dreams and nightmares given form; the dark face of the moon.”

Ugh she reminds me of Amarantha & it’s nauseating

What does Maeve even want/need to conquer for — WHATS THE DARKER UNDERCURRENT PLOT???

Okay so it’s just some random sentry???

Manon had gone still as death at the sight of Elide, her iron nails sliding free. — thank you, they’ve got her,

“Aelin forced a half smile to her mouth, shoved her raw, bleeding heart into a box deep inside her chest.” — & somehow that line ripped mine out

And the snark shall buy time & save the day! Hooray!

"What a joy, to learn that your usual good spirits remain undimmed in such dark days." "How could they not, when so many of your pretty males are in my company?" — nice one, point Aelin for the burn (she is the heir/queen of fire after all)

How does Maeve know her face? She was there then?? What is going on with her??? THERE IS MORE THERE!!!

"Claimed by queen, and witch, and … my Second, it seems." — for once Elide is not Malone, she has people that will look out for her, she deserves to be loved so well with protective sisters (minus the horror of the situation) I just appreciate that everyone can agree to protect the precious cinnamon roll

AELIN KNEW

Does Elide know it’s beyond Lorcan’s control? Oh OW!

Graceful as a moonbeam… do you mean Fenrys because I need some comedic relief and I’m gonna believe that

OKAY BUT LORCAN ANSWERED THAT VERY SMART he says “she has them” not Elide, not Aelin, “she” because then he doesn’t have to specify which has which while still telling the truth and not clearly masking it, and yes he does give Aelin up BUT Maeve already knew it bought some trust and time and I give him points for that smart quick response/work-around

Elide does the mind reading notes of reading people so well (autocorrect her name is not Elise!)

She had been draining her for weeks… oh gods…

Hope soared in Elide's chest. — mine too

“To sacrifice her own fleet—or part of it—to gain one prize ... This was madness. The queen was utterly insane.”

DO SOMETHING — AGREED

You can tell that Elide is an innocent among madness, she doesn’t understand, she can’t, she’s not a monster, she’s in a long-game of good players, and right here it’s heartbreaking

The fact Maeve didn’t want to kill Aelin is even more terrifying

The impact shook the world — not just like Lorcan & Rowan fighting… no this is bigger

But that means Maeve knows Aelin could beat her

“fire flickering like dying embers around her” — NONONONONONONO okay but like really gods anyone do something you want the one to wield the lock STOP IT — DO SOMETHING — NOW!

Fenrys defending her🥹😭

the young QUEEN OF FIRE (the new title)

DAMN SHE KNOWS ABOUT AEDION

Can Fenrys please get to destroy Maeve like Leah with Jane in Twilight?

“No fire left in the queen. Not one ember. And the only way Aelin could face this, accept this, was to go down swinging. Like Marion had.” — OW… ya know that part of HoF when Aelin says hitting her would hurt less… YEAH that line I feel like that

Why does Maeve not want to quarrel with witches? Perhaps the gold eyes? Perhaps the fact she could beat her?? Hmm???

Please tell me Rowan can’t feel all of this

No

NO

NOOOOO

“Get up”😭😭😭 nonononononono … she’s trying and she can’t & I’m sobbing … I DID NOT NEED THIS FULL CIRCLE

An assassin, Elide reminded herself. Aelin was an assassin, and if Maeve got close enough But Maeve didn't. — DAMMIT — And those invisible hands cut the tethers on Aelin's sword belts. Goldryn thunked to the ground. — Okay so the invisible hands trick is a raw magic thing?

Gathering her strength. For one last strike. One last stand. Let the queen believe her broken. "Why?" Aelin rasped. Buying herself time… — hope, no. She’s out. No. Rowan’s coming. What will Maeve do? Be fast enough! AGH! Something is wrong & unplanned something very bad.

“Because I can't very well let you sacrifice yourself to forge a new Lock, can I? Not when you already have what I want. And I have known for a very, very long time that you would give me what I seek, Aelin Galathynius, and have taken the steps toward ensuring that.” — WHAT?! She knows??? CAN WE GET ONE BREAK?!

“But all bloodlines fade. And I knew a time would come when Brannon's flames would dim to a flicker, and I'd be poised to strike.” — what *said in lethal calm voice.

No.

ONLY YOU

WHAT

NO!

“And I saw who you were, what you were. I saw who you loved I saw your mate.”

What did she do?

WHAT DID SHE DO?

"What a powerhouse you two would be you and Prince Rowan. And any offspring of that union ..." A vicious smirk. "You and Rowan could rule this continent if you wished. But your children ... your children would be powerful enough to rule an empire that could sweep the world." Aelin closed her eyes. The Fae males were shaking their heads slowly—not believing it. "I didn't know when you would be born, but when Prince Rowan Whitethorn came into this world, when he came of age and was the strongest purebred Fae male in my realm ... you were still not there. And I knew what I would have to do. To leash you. To break you to my will, to hand over those keys without thought once you were strong and trained enough to acquire them." Aelin's shoulders shook. Tears slid out past her closed eyes. "It was so easy to tug on the right psychic thread that day Rowan saw Lyria at the market. To shove him down that other path, to trick those instincts. A slight altering of fate." "Oh, gods," Fenrys breathed.” — unpopular opinion I wish they had just allowed him to have had two mates, instead of making it so singular, allowing there to be love after death, more than one love of one’s life (she still could’ve been the cause) I just personally would’ve liked it more but why it does make Maeve really crazy SO SHIT that’s REALLL BAD and I didn’t know anyone could do that so now we’ve got some new concerns also the fact Aelin’s heart broke FOR Rowan right then

“So your mate was given to another. And I let him fall in love, let him get her with child. And then I broke him. No one ever asked how those enemy forces came to pass by his mountain home." Aelin's knees gave out completely. Only the invisible hands kept her upright as she wept. "He took the blood oath without question. And I knew that whenever you were born, whenever you'd come of age ... I'd ensure that your paths crossed, and you'd take one look at each other and I'd have you by the throat. Anything I asked for, you'd give to me. Even the keys. For your mate, you could do no less. You almost did that day in Doranelle." Slowly, Aelin slid her feet under herself again, the movement so pained that Elide cringed. But Aelin lifted her head,” — this may be the worst villain confession I’ve read… this is next level evil… there are no words.

"I will kill you," Aelin snarled at the Fae Queen. — get in line sister

"That's what you said to Rowan after you met him, wasn't it?" Maeve's faint smile lingered. — UM—OW—F-YOU-MAEVE!

"I'd pushed and pushed your mother to bring you to me, so you could meet him, so I could have you at last when Rowan felt the bond, but she refused. And we know how well that turned out for her. And during those ten years afterward, I knew you were alive. Somewhere. But when you came to me ... when you and your mate looked at each other with only hate in your eyes ... I'll admit I did not anticipate it. That I had broken Rowan Whitethorn so thoroughly that he did not recognize his own mate that you were so broken by your own pain you didn't notice, either. And when the signs appeared, the carranam bond washed away any suspicion on his part that you might be his. But not you. How long has it been, Aelin, since you realized he was your mate?" — MY FUCKING SOUL — THE ROMAN EMPIRE IS FALLING — OWOWOW — I mean I knew Aelin knew, I knew why Rowan kinda-didn’t, but Maeve… she’s a monster. Also dude what was the plan? Get Evelin to bring an 8 year old for some 200 year old guy? CREEPY!!!

Aelin said nothing, her eyes churning with rage and grief and despair. Elide whispered, "Leave her alone." — THANK YOU ELIDE FOR REPRESENTING US ALL IN REACTION AND REASON —Maeve ignored her.— RUDE! And dumb… Elide is very wise, you would do well to LISTEN!

Also having Elide’s perspective is super interesting because to her Aelin’s fight was brutal where Aelin might have thought of it as minor or Manon like a warrior it’s more of a fan perspective and you feel it all in shock even more while also thankfully not having to hear what poor Fenrys is thinking etc.

“When did you know?" — THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED THIS TALK TO GO OR WHO I WANTED IT WITH — "At Temis's temple," Aelin admitted glancing to Manon. "The moment the arrow went through his shoulder. Months ago. — NO THAT LINE, Asterin, OW — "And you've hidden it from him, no doubt to save him from any guilt regarding Lyria, any sort of emotional distress ..." Maeve clicked her tongue. "What a noble little liar you are." — she loves him so much😭 — Aelin stared at nothing, her eyes going blank. — me too — "I had planned for him to be here," Maeve said, frowning at the horizon. — I wish he was here to help or protect or fight… but I’m kinda glad he isn’t… I don’t want to see him see this… also glad this is Elide’s perspective, Aelin’s would hurt too much (though Manon WHATS THE PLAN? Come on man-on with the plan-on?) — "Since letting you two go that day in Doranelle was so that you could lead me to the keys again. I even let you think you'd gotten away with it, by freeing him. — hey, we know, but hey! Let us have hope for one ding dang second! — Maeve shrugged. "If it's any consolation, Aelin, you would have had a thousand years with Prince Rowan. Longer." — OWWWWWWWW, okay it’s fine it just means when she gets out they’re both immortal, it’s fine IT WILL ALL BE JUST FINE! — "My sister Mab's line ran true. The full powers, shifting abilities, and the immortality of the Fae. You're likely about five years away from Settling." Aelin's face crumpled. This was not a draining of magic and physical strength, but of spirit. — NOPE NOT FINE NOT FINE NOT FINE

NO. Not Cairn. Not a whip. Not Elide. No.

MAEVE I BEG YOU TOO — AND HOW DARE YOU SILENCE FENRYS

CHAPTER 72:

I can’t keep calm if Aelin doesn’t have a plan

SARAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING AGAIN

Lorcan speaking softly is even more terrifying than I thought because it isn’t the lethal calm it’s a true beg and plead

“Good—Manon would get Elide out. The witch had been waiting for Aelin to make a move, not realizing that ... she had nothing left. There was no power left for a final strike.” — even Manon is worried — Aelin has no plan, so what do I keep calm in??? MANON GET THE GIRL AND RUN RIGHT NOW

They just compared him to Rourke Farran and I want to throw up because Aelin made the connection and that hurts even more

Okay yes I’m mad at Lorcan but also I really think he’s playing the long-game and trying to save Elide who he loves… I guess I’m not surprise he’d betray Aelin & I’m glad he isn’t betraying Elide (even though betraying Aelin betrayed Elide) I just am not surprised? Frustrated? But not quite furious I guess?

"She belongs to the Ironteeth. If you have no quarrel with me, then you have no quarrel with her. Leave Elide Lochan out of it." — THANK YOU MANON

FIGHT IT!

Aelin knew Elide would fight. Would not understand that Maeve had been playing this game for centuries, and had waited until this moment, until the trap was perfect, to seize her. Aelin found Maeve smiling at her. She had played, and gambled, and lost. Maeve nodded as if to say yes. — That doesn’t mean Aelin deserves this either, it’s almost worse because she knows, she knows.

The witch knew her orders. Her task. — she’d get Elide out… but the fact that’s all Aelin is thinking about NO😭

"I will bear the keys in one hand, and Aelin Fire-Bringer in the other." — No you will not — She'd have to break her first. Kill her or break…” — this is sick, legit nauseous

Why does Cairn have to sound like Cain

"I'll go with you, I'll come with you-The girl would. The girl would face Cairn, and Maeve ... But Terrasen would need that sort of courage. If it was to survive, if it was to heal, Terrasen would need Elide Lochan. — and once again this is where I began weeping and also heard Gwyn in ACOSF all over again… and Elide had feared not being needed or wanted… their sisterhood 😭 Oh sweet Elide & Aelin WHY MAEVE WHY SARAH WHY — and I would scold Manon but she’s got a hand she’s not playing I just know it she is too uncomfortable too aware not to want to help Aelin

"Tell the others," Aelin breathed, trying to find the right words. — NO. I will not listen. Don’t you dare give a final speech Aelin Galathynius. DONT YOU DO IT! ELIDE DOES NOT NEED TO CARRY LAST WORDS FOR TEN YEARS! NOPE. NOT HAPPENINGx NOT AGAIN. NOT A CHANCE! COME ON — SOMEONE — THIS CANNOT BE THE WARNINGS I WAS GIVEN! No!

“Tell the others that I am sorry. Tell Lysandra to remember her promise, and that I will never stop being grateful.” — WHAT PROMISE?! WHAT TALK DID THEY HAVE AFTER NAMELESS

Tell Aedion ... Tell him it is not his fault, — NO TOO SOON TOO CLOSE TO HOME — and that " Her voice cracked. "I wish he'd been able to take the oath, but Terrasen will look to him now, and the lines must not break." — No! She . Did. Not. — WHATS WITH THE “LINES MUST NOT BREAK & HOLD THE LINE” LINES?

And tell Rowan… — I’m gonna need 30 minutes before I finish this sentence —

"And tell Rowan," Aelin said, fighting her own sob, "that I'm sorry I lied. But tell him it was all borrowed time anyway. Even before today, I knew it was all just borrowed time, but I still wish we'd had more of it." She fought past her trembling mouth. "Tell him he has to fight. He must save Terrasen, and remember the vows he made to me. And tell him ... tell him thank you-for walking that dark path with me back to the light."

“Aelin glanced at Lorcan, whose dark eyes were fixed on her own. And gratitude shone there. For sparing the young woman he'd given his heart to, whether he knew it or not.”

"I'm glad we met. I'm proud to know you. And I think your mother would have been proud of you, too, Elide." — somebody come zap my memory

AELIN YOUR IN THE NEVER LIST TOO

No… not the tattoo… wait is there a new add on? “Rowan’s loving words, written in the Old Language.” (Hindsight: Did they get wedding tattoos? The 15 minutes😅😂😭😂)

My god it’s more than Endovier… I don’t think books have legitimately made me cry this much in a long time

TIME COME ON BE ONE HER SIDE MOVE FASTER COME ON

Manon is telling Aelin “good luck” not Maeve isn’t she?

“Time she was grateful Elena had given her that stolen time. Grateful she had met them all, that she had seen some small part of the world, had heard such lovely music, had danced and laughed and known true friendship. Grateful that she had found Rowan. She was grateful. So Aelin Galathynius dried her tears And did not fight when Maeve strapped that beautiful iron mask over her face.” — worst Aelin Galathynius ending line yet… I’m out of words… just the quote… the quote that ruined everything 10 times over again SORRY IF YOUR READING THESE CHAPTER REVIEWS TOO OR THIS BOOK CAUSE OW THE FEELS HIT DIFFERENT

CHAPTER 73:

I don’t even know what I want from the book ending… I don’t want more Aelin… I don’t want to see Rowan find out… just show me Asterin and Abraxos with Manon & then sedate me?

SHE HAS THE KEYS — I KNEW IT! YES MANON PLAN

Let that be the cost — Oh, sweet Manon😭🖤

Come on… let that be hope; they had to forge a box to contain her that’s her power level, she’ll find a way out (so many were coming for her even in Endovier) there’s no way, now. not with Rowan. not with Manon. and Elide. and Lorcan. they’ll get to her… just go fast please

Okay good Manon’s on the lookout

Same Elide Same

Pretty sure Lorcan is lying and yeah he did this for you TO DESTROY YOU

What. A. Bitch.

ABRAXOS!!! — I needed that thank you wivern bb🥹😭 — Her heart thundered in her chest, joy sparking, but—

“For her sanity, Manon prayed that Aelin wouldn't be awake the entire time she was inside. And for the sake of their world, Manon prayed the Queen of Terrasen could survive it. If only so Aelin could then die for them all.” — WHAT KIND OF LINE IS THAT

AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ TWO MORE CHAPTERS WITHOUT ANSWERS HOPE AND IDK IT WAS ALL A DREAM

CHAPTER 74:

THERES A HOLE IN ALL OF OUR SOULS NOW

Time loop? We’re repeating phrases? None of it’s real! Let’s go with that!!

Wait THE THIRTEEN ARE TOGETHER SAFE AND SOUND WITH ELIDE AND ABRAXOS AND MANON OH THANK THE WYRD MY GIRLS I NEEDED THAT OKAY THERE OKAY THEY CAN GO GET HER ITLL ALL BE FINE

“Where is Aelin.” — no. DONT MAKE ME READ THAT SARAH — NO! Why is it not even a question😭

That better not be one of Rowan’s shirts that she stole cause again OW

What. the. FUCK?! YOU. DID. NOT. JUST. SAY. WIFE. YOU ARE NOT DOING THAT TO ME?! WHAT?! THE ACTUAL?! WHAT!

“Where is Aelin. What had he done, what had he done. Rowan hissed, "Where is my wife?" Lorcan swayed where he knelt. Wife. Wife. "Oh, gods," Elide sobbed as she overheard, the words carrying the sound of Lorcan's own fractured heart. "Oh, gods..." And for the first time in centuries, Lorcan wept. Rowan dug the dagger deeper into Lorcan's neck, even as tears slid down Lorcan's face. What that woman had done ... Aelin had known. That Lorcan had betrayed her and summoned Maeve here. That she had been living on borrowed time. And she had married Whitethorn... so Terrasen could have a king. Perhaps had been spurred into action because she knew Lorcan had already betrayed her, that Maeve was coming ... And Lorcan had not helped her. Whitethorn's wife. His mate. Aelin had let them whip and chain her, had gone willingly with Maeve, so Elide didn't enter Cairn's clutches. And it had been just as much a sacrifice for Elide as it had been a gift to him. She had bowed to Maeve. For Elide. "Please," Rowan begged, his voice breaking as that calm fury fractured.” — the fact that Rowan probably knows and can smell the blood and still begs to know because he didn’t want to believe it the fact he says please — and there is no way that that is the only reason she married him — it wasn’t the lack of time it was the level of love

“Lorcan had been wrong. He had been so wrong. And he could not entirely regret it, not if Elide was safe, but ... Aelin had refused to count. Cairn had unleashed his full strength on her with that whip, and she had refused to give them the satisfaction of counting.” — I can’t tell if Lorcan admires her strength or fears it fears how far Maeve will go

Aedion trying to clean her sword 😭

When did Dorian learn to heal?

Manon told them everything (as she should) but I didn’t think she would… and now they had to hear it… from her

“But it was Elide who then took up the thread, leaning against Lysandra, who was staring at that blood and that shirt as if it were a corpse, telling them what had happened on these dunes. What Aelin had sacrificed She told Rowan that he was Aelin's mate. Told him about Lyria. She told them about the whipping, and the mask, and the box. When Elide finished, they were silent.” — I MEAN WHAT IS THERE TO SAY — something about Elide taking up the thread — and no Aedion not what you said… man Ashryvers have TEMPERS (but fair😅)

Lysandra was going to play as Aelin… that’s what the vision told her… did she think she could trick Rowan into believing she never died? — Aedion she obviously loves you that’s not the reason why — Okay fair point bro — Even fairer point girlie — "I will not apologize to you. I serve her. And I am willing to spend the rest of my life pretending to be her so that her sacrifice isn't in vain- — WOAH REACTION UNCALLED FOR but except under the circumstances (child’s play back in school is forgiven under my rule cause ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE)

It’s hurting her changing her it’s uncaged — Endure — like lines like that that I must … how did so much change in one book… that’s part of the sad part I know they’ll get Aelin back but things won’t ever be the same

“entering a sanctuary of wings and claws and teeth.” — oh how I missed and needed them back

“I will never forget that” — no one will unfortunately, not even Lorcan… yet once again if Aelin can forgive why can’t we? It’s like Feyre with fam stuff…

Umm can someone go check on Rowan please

Asterin was alive. The Thirteen were alive. And it was joy in Manon's heart—joy, she realized, as she beheld those smiling faces and smiled back. — so happy like this is the last shred of sanity

But Abraxos found us and seemed to know where you were, so we followed him." She scratched at some dried blood on her cheek. "And saved your ass, apparently." I KNEW HE WOULD — he’s the bestest boy (is what I would say, but he feels smarter than your average pet sidekick and would probably hate that, so let’s just wish him a vacation in flower fields while manon tans and everyone’s happy for once and Aelin is not in a coffin cool? Cool. Ps oh Asterin how I missed you, man if only Fenrys and the 13 could hang out more

Not soon enough to stop this. To save Aelin Galathynius. — BUT YOU WILL

They all looked to Manon … still …

A child not of war ... but of peace.

"And will you follow me?" Manon asked them quietly. "To do what needs to be done before we can return to the Wastes?" Aelin Galathynius had not beseeched Elena for another fate. She had only asked for one thing, one request of the ancient queen: Will you come with me? For the same reason Manon had now asked them. As one, the Thirteen lifted their fingers to their brows. As one, they lowered them. Manon looked toward the sea, her throat tight. — YEAH IM NOT CRYING EITHER TOTALLY JUST THE SALT WATER (legit I don’t know at this point what’s joy sadness fear anger sleep deprivation etc. lol)

GO SAVE THE QUEEN YALL

"Aelin Galathynius willingly handed over her freedom (she did give up her freedom😭) so an Ironteeth witch could walk free," Manon said. Elide straightened, pulling from Asterin's arms. — she’s one of them🥹 — But Manon continued, "We owe her a life debt. And more than that ... It is time that we became better than our foremothers. — YAS QUEEN — We are all children of this land." — why can’t more people be like Manon — no longer just dealing in life debts but honor — "What are you going to do?" Asterin breathed, her eyes so bright. Manon looked behind them. To the north. "I am going to find the Crochans. — like the opposite same of past centuries so she’s good at it I guess — And I am going to raise an army with them. For Aelin Galathynius. And her people. And for ours." "They'll never trust us," Sorrel said. Asterin drawled, "Then we'll have to just be our charming selves." Some of them smirked; some of them shifted on their feet. Manon said again to her Thirteen, "Will you follow me?" And when they all touched their fingers to their brows again, Manon returned the gesture.”

“What Aelin had done ... what she'd lied about … Some of the blood on the ground had dried. If Aelin was gone, if her life would indeed be the cost if she ever got free …Oh, Aelin. Aelin. She'd worked Maeve into such a frenzy, made the queen so focused on capturing her that she hadn't thought to confirm if Aelin held the keys before she vanished. She'd been dealt such a wicked, impossible hand-and yet Aelin had made it count. One last time, she'd made it count.” “I am sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't help.”— the way Aedion is speaking oh beautiful buddies and Aelin oh and ugh it just feels so trapping with fate but at least we know Manon has wanted to help (as I knew she would have) but also this won’t be the last — now Dorian trust yourself as she trusts you (but ugh both houses NEITHER OF YOU DIE) but she knew but aww he would for her but good he’s got Manon protection — "Elena said Mala's bloodline can stop this. It runs in both your houses." — I like that Manon gives options not just her wishes but the full truth to decide — The golden eyes were weary-heavy. He realized what Manon was asking.

Aelin had never planned to see Terrasen again. She had married Rowan knowing she would have months at best, days at the worst, with him. But she would give Terrasen a legal king. To hold her territory together. She had made plans for all of them—and none for herself. "The quest does not end here," Dorian said softly. Manon shook her head. And he knew she meant more than the keys, than the war, as she said, "No, it does not." He took the keys from her. They throbbed and flickered, warming his palm. A foreign, horrible presence, and yet ... all that stood between them and destruction. No, the quest did not end here. Not even close. Dorian slid the keys into his pocket. And the road that now sprawled away before him, curving into unknown, awaiting shadow ... it did not frighten him. — here we go then … I mean she had to know they wouldn’t be that smart lol

I can’t even edit this post or work on autocorrects. How does this always happen? How? BREAK PART I LOST COUNT NO MORE MATH OR BRAIN CELLS TO GIVE

… *2 hours later voice* I feel like a mother-in-law learning her child eloped in Vegas and didn’t invite her for the second time

CHAPTER 75:

“Rowan had married Aelin before dawn barely two days ago.” — The first time we hear Rowan and it absolutely gutted me the hardest it could

“Rowan had known. Part of him had known that Aelin was his mate. And had turned away from that knowledge, again and again, out of respect for Lyria, out of terror for what it'd mean. He'd leapt in front of her at Skull's Bay knowing it, deep down. Knowing mates aware of the bond could not bear to harm each other, and that it might be the only force to compel her to regain control from Deanna. And even when she had proved him right ... He had turned from that”— my heart — she’d proved him right — he know AHHHH — it just hurts more — she’d known too though Ro — “Proof, still unready, pushing it from his mind even as he claimed her in every other way. Aelin had known, though. That he was her mate. And she had not pushed it, or demanded he face it, because she loved him, and he knew she'd rather carve out her own heart than cause him pain or distress.”

His Fireheart.

His equal, his friend, his lover. His wife.

His mate.

That gods-damned bitch had put her in an iron box. — yep that’s how I feel too

“His Fireheart, locked in the dark.” — NO NOT THAT LINE LIKE THIS OH OH NO😭

He’d known she was trying to tell him💔

Her IMMORTAL life (what about the mortal one?)

“It was all borrowed time anyway. Aelin did not expect them to come for her. She, who had come for them, who had found them all. She had arranged for everything to fall into place when she yielded her life. When she gave up a thousand years to save them. And Rowan knew she believed they'd make the right choice, the wise choice, and remain here. Lead their armies to victory-the armies she'd secured for them, guessing that she wouldn't be there to see it through. She did not think she'd ever see him again.” — the fact she doesn’t, she doesn’t want them to, even now she’s surprised to learn people tried on Endovier but hon they are coming just hold on and what was that final parting and the next line same dude same UTTERLY UNNACEPTABLE

“He did not accept that. He would not accept that. And he would not accept that he had found her, and she had found him, and they had survived such sorrow and pain and despair together, only to be cleaved apart. He would not accept the fate that had been dealt to her, would not accept that her life was the asking price for saving this world. Her life, or Dorian's. He would not accept it for one heartbeat.” — then don’t. Go get her. ALSO props for having Dorian on there this isn’t a kill one for the other no it’s a save both THANK YOU

Him and his cadre now… and hers…

“The sea rolled away, undulating under the clearing blue sky. He speared that bond into the world, casting it wide as a net. Flinging it out with his magic, his soul, his cracked heart. Searching for her. Fight it, he willed her, sending the words down the bond—the mating bond, which perhaps had settled into place that first moment they'd become carranam, hidden beneath flame and ice and hope for a better future. Fight her. I am coming for you. Even if it takes me thousand years. I will find you, I will find you, will find you. Only salt and wind and water answered him.” — A THOUSAND YEARS, their heart I WILL RESCUE YOU till the stars are dust

Memory? HE KNOWS EVERY STORY

Their all so numb😭

Where is she? THEY HAD COME (they didn’t abandon Terrasen) all her plans — But the young man was now close enough that Rowan could see the color of his eyes. Turquoise with a core of gold. Aedion breathed as if in a trance, "Galan." Galan Ashryver, Crown Prince of Wendlyn. The young man's eyes widened as he took in the warrior-prince. "Aedion," he said hoarsely, something like awe and grief in his face. But he blinked it away, self-assured and steady, and again asked, "Where is she?" None of them answered. Aedion demanded, "What are you doing here?" — those too telling eyes

It still smells like her😭 — OH MY WORD THE LETTER — TERRASEN REMEMBERS EVALIN ASHRYVER. DO YOU? I FOUGHT AT MISTWARD FOR YOUR PEOPLE. RETURN THE GODS-DAMNED FAVOR. — I FUCKING LOVE HER — Clever girl she knew when and who to ask

Lysandra has her MY HEART

ROWAN KNEW CAUSE HE KNEW HER TALE

Okay but legit how long can Lysandra fake it was she told all the stories

The fact he chose to be quiet like his dad I love the irony of knowing and all of them every thing she called in for them for him

WHY IS ILIAS MAKING ME CRY SO MUCH (also is it Ilias like “Iliad” with an s & no d or or like ELLE-EYE-Az or like Ill-eee—iss?)

“The Queen of the Wastes whispered, "Ilias." Ilias, son of the Mute Master of the Silent Assassins, gaped at Ansel, his back stiffening. But Rowan stepped toward the man, drawing his attention. Ilias's eyes narrowed in assessment. And he, like Galan, scanned them all, searching for a golden-haired woman who was not there. His eyes returned to Rowan as if he'd marked him as the axis of this group. In a voice hoarse from disuse, Ilias asked him, "We have come to fulfill our life debt to Celaena Sardothien—to Aelin Galathynius. "Where is she?" "You are the sessiz suikast," Dorian said, shaking his head. "The Silent Assassins of the Red Desert." Ilias nodded. And glanced at Ansel, who still seemed near vomiting, before saying to Rowan, "It seems my friend has called in many debts in addition to ours." As if the words themselves were a signal, more white-clad figures filled the dunes behind them. Dozens. Hundreds. Rowan wondered if every single assassin from that desert Keep had come to honor their debt to the young woman. A lethal legion in themselves. — They knew Rowan was the closest to her and how did Dorian know who they were

“"Tell Aelin Galathynius that Wendlyn has never forgotten Evalin Ashryver," Galan said to him, to Aedion. "Or Terrasen." I promise you that no matter how far I go, no matter the cost, when you call for my aid, I will come, Aelin had told him she'd sworn to Darrow. I'm going to call in old debts and promises. To raise an army of assassins and thieves and exiles and commoners. And she had. She had meant and accomplished every word of it.” — she doesn’t break her word… their are still many wars left

“Tears slid down Aedion's face as he silently sobbed. Where are our allies, Aelin? Where are our armies? She had taken the criticism-taken it, because he knew she hadn't wanted to disappoint them if she failed. Rowan put a hand on Aedion's shoulder.” — good job Rowan, Aedion it’s not your fault… both oh sweet AELIN😭 YALL I will defend this woman at all costs lol

“For Terrasen. For them. For a better world. Aelin Galathynius had raised an army not just to challenge Morath ... but to rattle the stars.” — now I’m sobbing on my metaphorical knees with very real non metaphor tears — if only you dared — what is it with Maas and good star quotes?

“She'd known that she would not get to lead it. But she would still hold true to her promise to Darrow: I promise you on my blood, on my family's name, that I will not turn my back on Terrasen as you have turned your back on me. And the last piece of it ... if Chaol Westfall and Nesryn Faliq could rally forces from the southern continent ... Aedion at last looked up at him, eyes wide as he came to the same realization. A chance. His wife, his mate, had bought them a fool's shot at this war. And she did not believe that they would come for her.” — they are coming, but my heart is breaking (come on Chaol, especially as I keep thinking it’s you😂or Yrene… this list is already long and that’s without all those lol) also I keep hearing Kingsley “they are coming” lol and also EVERY-TIME HE SAYS HIS WIFE

That smile ... It punched a hole through his heart. Lysandra had taught herself Aelin's smile, that bit of wickedness and delight, honed with that razor edge of cruelty. Lysandra's acting, honed in the same hellhole Aelin had learned hers, was flawless as she spoke to Galan.

“Their allies, their enemies, could not know that the immortal fire of Mala had been stolen. Leashed.”

She kept her word, FIND HER, king consort, give them a chance, TOO MUCH HAPPENING

Good job Lorcan. I love you Elide. — Healing therapy boat time! —

"I will go with you. I will help you get her back." — "Together. We'll go together."

To WHATEVER end😭

I love when they call her “Lady of Perranth”

HE CALLED HIM BROTHER🥹😭

“eyes burning bright. Rowan knew how much it killed him. But if the world believed Aelin was returning north, then one of her generals had to be at her side to lead her armies. And since Aedion commanded the loyalty of the Bane ... "Bring her back, Prince," Aedion said, voice cracking. "Bring her home." Rowan held his brother's stare and nodded. "We will see you again. All of you." — everyone come home plus ships gotta sail plus the home part ow okay and let’s take the promise as foreshadowing

Hopefully they knew in the plan Rowan would notice😅 but yeah you were probably king

"The witches fly north," Dorian said. "And I will go with them. To see if I can do what needs to be done." "Stay with us," Rowan offered. "We'll find a way to deal with the keys and the Lock and the gods—all of it." Dorian shook his head. "If you go after Maeve, the keys should be kept far away. If I can help by doing this, by finding the third will serve you better that way." — he will help … and stay with his Witchling

Rally like Aelin had said

Dorian again looked to Manon, who now smiled faintly at him. It was a smile that softened her face, made it come alive. "He won't die if I can help it," the witch said, then surveyed them all.

Hope-precious, fragile hope—stirred in Rowan's blood. — I feel it too.

BOTH of you

And then Aedion forgave him😭

THE SWORD

And we get more Sorrel and Asterin time!

THANK MANON

Red haired queen with a wolf’s smile

“Felt something stir in him-felt the bond flicker. He let the shirt drop, let the wind carry it far out to sea, far away from this blood-drenched place that reeked of pain. I will find you.” — the bond is STILL there

Chaining the wind to him, swiftly catching up with his companions now flying down the coast, he committed her scent to memory, committed that flicker in the bond to memory.

Is this the first time she hasn’t ended the book?And in paralell it’s still her but his lens? Ow?

HIS WIFE & War cry time & HER last name

“That flicker he could have sworn he felt in answer, like the fluttering heart of an ember. Unleashing a cry that set the world trembling, Prince Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, Consort of the Queen of Terrasen, began the hunt to find his wife.”

Hope? & I WILL FIND YOU …

Final weird opinion: this was somehow both worse and better than I thought it would be? Like no one died. And there’s hope. And so many awesome things. But also Ow! Why? wtf? It made sense but also it didn’t? And WHAT?! But also it was so well done? I don’t know… perhaps pondering is needed.

Bonus chapter then back to life for me! With ToD.

(possible) BONUS chapter(s?):

Bonus Chapter 1. “Aelin & magic in Terrasen in EoS Beginning:

Why are the pages always so pretty?😂

Nice to see everyone together again for one moment (esp. now😅😬)

So was this cut cause they don’t go to Orynth?🤷‍♀️

I thought only Ellywe was burning?

Are the scars a reference to Evangeline?

So two days isn’t the book like three so this is right beginning or pre-begining? Is that what the ToD one is then too? Also any KoA?

I WANNA SEE SQUIRREL STEALING SUPPLIES LYSANDRA

“Aelin stuck out her tongue at the Fae Prince. Evangeline giggled— then quickly hid the grin when Rowan shot a look at her. The girl darted to Lysandra-wholly missing the crinkling in Rowan's eyes as she took over pampering Fleetfoot. Something tightened in Aelin's chest at Rowan's quiet amusement. He and Aedion had both been kind to the girl-knowing when to tease, when to comfort. Two bossy, overbearing older brothers-and trained, lethal killers. Gods help Evangeline when she was old enough to be interested in anyone romantically.” — why do they delete this stuff it tends to be my favorite🥹

I LOVE THEIR LITTLE FAMILY

Represent!!

Oh Aelin jsur wait till you meet Elide & you and Manon try to out-big-sister each other

“They’d have a fire-breathing bitch-queen and a shape-shifter capable of turning into the face of their nightmares waiting to have a little chat.”

“If you turn into a squirrel," Evangeline said into Lysandra's road-dusty white shirt, "will you travel on my shoulder and let me make an acorn hat for you to wear?" Aelin bit her lip, striding toward Rowan and the water before she could make the mistake of meeting Lysandra's gaze and howling. Rowan was indeed clamping his lips together, eyes dazzlingly bright.” — His eyes are so happy for once in these moments😭

Off to the woods again

Oh Oakwald

WAIT THIS SCENE😂

“Indeed, they all were inclined to make the girl happy. Evangeline had suffered enough-seen far more than a child should ever witness. Aelin and Lysandra had as well. As had Aedion, she supposed. But out of all of them... "You had a fairly happy childhood," she said, more musing than question. Rowan nodded nonetheless. "Yes— my parents faded when I was still young. But in all honesty, my uncle's house was much more... fun.” — I can appreciate the cousins more now too … so did Elena fade or is that different?

So can all Whitethorns fly? — Would that mean Aedion can shift? — okay wait it’s being addressed and the golden eagle is cool

"Would they have sided with you—against her?" "It's been so long since I bothered to spend more than a few minutes with them that I honestly don't know. I was not kind to them for a great while. I was worried that they might add more obstacles for you and me." — FORSHADOWING

That explains the cadre even more

Even with Lyria as not his mate he still loved her as did she him (she might not even have felt the bond… it explains disagreements) and the grief is still heavy … he very well might have found her anyway since so long passed and finding mates is so rare

I’d love to see the Whitethorns places like let’s see where he grew up and the houses and stuff… or just build a home together

SHE MADE A BIRD JOKE

When did he officially get banished?

"If I weren't banished from Doranelle for the rest of eternity, I'd invite you to come play house. And I'd give you two days before you were bored out of your mind and grousing to me about it." "I happen to love playing house. Nesting is an art form for me." Her lips twitched. "Don't you dare turn that into some joke about birds."

Ah yes Lysandra & Aedion’s many odd strolls😂

"You looked at me while we were running through the trees, and you smiled." She swallowed. "And you looked... you looked so alive, so wild and alive, and." She traced the contours of his mouth. "I think that was the moment when I began to want you. I didn't know it at the time, but ....I think it was then. You were real and wicked and as savage as I was, and when you saw my speed and the Fae heritage and you didn't balk ... When you only smiled at me... No one had ever done that before. You saw all of me, yet you still smiled." Rowan brushed her unbound hair out of her face. "I think we both tried for a damn long time to convince ourselves of our ... neutrality." He kissed one of her cheekbones, then the other. "I find I prefer this much more." Her toes curled inside her boots. "Likewise, Prince," — why do they cut these moments I’m so glad they at least have bonus chapter

How Rowan had wandered the wilds for ten years ... Aelin didn't like to think about it. Him alone for that long, or the grief and guilt and rage that had thrown him so far into that abyss. That even when he'd returned to civilization a decade later, he hadn't really ... lived. Yes, he'd gone off to war, gone on a thousand adventures, but ... Aelin kept close to Rowan as they made their way into the little village, hooded and cloaked.

So the king had ordered the executions even if he was trying to stop Valg he still did it

That’s why she was learning how to make water butterflies

Same age as Aelin was

Rowan really is a good magic teacher

“A laugh of joy lodged in Aelin's throat as she surveyed the fine details up close. The girl wasn't just strong. She was creative. She'd used different currents to shape patterns into the wings, the entire butterfly in constant motion within its form.” — this is just lovely, Aelin so happy, just a moment of peace

"You're like me?" The accent—the Terrasen accent, the lilt to the words ... She had not spoken to one of her people, in her own land, in ... a very long time. — once again I wish we knew the accent but I’m starting to think Scottish? Irish?

"Not as talented, but yes." And the sound of her accent, the mix of Terrasen and Adarlan... The girls chin lifted. Mistrust—a bit of fear. But courage. A great well of cour-age. The girl did not back down.

So can water magic always heal?

Aelin knew who she meant, but she still looked over her shoulder to Evangeline, who stood between Aedion and Rowan, each warrior with a hand on her shoulder. — protecting her — In the bright sun, the girl's scars were stark—-brutal. "Bad people tried to hurt her," Aelin said. "Mama says that with my magic, I could be a great healer." "You indeed could," Aelin replied, flicking her attention over to where the woman now monitored them with a stone face. "I could heal her scars one day, maybe." Aelin considered. "That is very generous of you. I suppose it would be up to my friend, though—whether she wishes to remove them." With magic-based healing, it'd still be a brutal process, but ... perhaps it was possible. "I could fix yours, too." Clever-eyed little thing. "You could do that, and a great many more things," Aelin said. She went on a bit louder, just so the adults could hear, "You could ensure your fields and farms get proper water. You could keep the fountain's well safe. And yes, you could learn to heal and tend to the sick and injured." "Where?" said a low female voice. Aelin looked to the older woman seated on the cracked fountain lip-the town's matron. "Where does she learn such things?" the woman pushed. Aelin paused. She didn't know. Had no idea. "They burned the magic academy," the woman said. "There's no place left to learn." "I know," Aelin said. "Then don't put dreams in her head," the woman snapped. Aelin's cheeks heated. But Aedion said behind her, still hidden beneath his hood, "Terrasen will be rebuilt. Give it a few years, and there will be a place."

"If war comes, if we survive, wait a year after it ends. Then come to Orynth, and find Celaena Sardothien. Go to the castle and tell them you're looking for her, and have come at last for magic lessons." — I really want this full circle (and ugh that means Aelin still believed she’d see it back then) and also so many peoples she’s helped and then all showing up in EoS

"Do not be afraid of what makes you shine brightly." — how in the world did that line get cut?

The double sided gold coin (is her head/picture on it)

Eyes so bright from Fireheart

The water butterfly followed🥹

Is the next day where we resume then?

"There is nothing to fix"

I wish they all blamed themselves less

"You don't need it, Evangeline. You're perfect as you are." — reason 5013 why I love Aedion — Lysandra was just staring at her young ward, devastation in those pale green eyes. Devastation and yet... Lysandra glanced at Aedion, who had moved to sit beside Evangeline and was showing her how to make a proper daisy chain. Aelin didn't miss the change in Lysandra's expression, even in ghost leopard form, as she took in the warrior.

Rowan knew she told the girl

“The pride in his eyes made her throat tighten. "It is an honor to serve you.” — yeah I needed that chapter after this cliffhanger ending — “But Aelin shook her head, looking at him, at Aedion, at Evangeline, and Lysandra, watching over them all. "The honor is all mine," she said softly.”

AHHHH ITS SQUIRREL LYSANDRA I AM LIVING FOR THIS — Lysandra remained in squirrel form throughout the day, and the next one after that, and wore her acorn hat as proudly as any fine lady while she rode atop Evangeline's shoulder.

Bonus Chapter 2: Chaol & Nesryn travel (pre ToD)

Actually looking forward to this I needed it and I missed them

Well I had notes but tumblr deleted them and now I’m just disappointed

Where’s the fan art and how to tell special editions / get them?

It’s chaol all in one, every side, the one I loved, the one I hated, the one he was, the one he will be

SARTAQ sounds familiar

Brutal upbringing by the sounds of that cheery deacription

Can’t wait for the map; please tell me there’s a new one

Even he knew about Rowan; that they were soulmates

Needing an additional Aedion your not style broken moment

Adventure to save and risk what they love most

She on fleek

Terrin please be in terrasin

Someone please tell them so they don’t worry when they hear and actually have letters this time pre Rifthold falls so they don’t see all that

So do they already know then about the witches?

Endure — that word again!

Old king hatred line sneak peek for tower of dawn my how much has changed

Aelin’s negotiations lol yeah it fits her vibe

He tried everyday CHAOL WESTFALL YALL

Dorian sent them with books🥹

From the moment Nehemia died OW AGAIN NO WHY AN I ALREADY CRYING

This is the HoF for Chaol? isn’t it? His healing? Taking me back to Chaolaena to break me again? — cause I’m back there again

No verbal wars😭 I miss the days of sparring and no one dying

He would beat this he would fight it YES HE WOULD

Come on with the army HURRY NOW PLEASE

How about empress??? Hmm??

Oh wait yeah!!!

Oh noooooo

How do you solve a problem like Maria but it’s Aelin lol how to describe her well maybe try 9 books

She does fall for the world, in love & apart

She’s a storm; that much is true

Empire you say??? Perhaps one of storms

Assassin queen YES

She was always her but yes it did change — He calls her Aelin now And is harsh again — then the name mix back to Celaena Aa I FELL IN LOVE WITH A FACET… so much was just said — crying again — Nesryn says Aelin’s because he knows what she meant the respect or whatever it is living there

Unfaltering THATS NESRYN

What’s her connection to SARTAQ??? Could we get a queen ally? Maybe Yrene is one of the kids of the secret assassin? Some kinda connection?

Oh Nesryn

Oh chaol

Oh the feels

Yet also needed after that ending back to the good old days and a story and I’m already hooked But also the timeline I MUSR KNOW But also so SO much and legit I’m ready to start the series now

Together.

Thank you Nesryn for that speech!!!

What conclusions? Chaol??

He’d yet to find the one that makes him want to live again 😭

See Aelin has Rowan Dorian has Chaol neither will die great we’re good then

More random thoughts out of order: so you would say he is NOT the captain now? Yay therapy ship? Did she steal another of Rolfe’s?

Quotes time cause I’m lazy & remixing:

“The beginnings of an adventure that may doom or save those they love most ...” — well that’s not concerning after this last book

“Wind Cuttor”

He wouldn't have put it past either of them to have bribed or bullied the ship's captain into yielding the room- but from the polite, cool distance with which the captain treated him and Nesryn, Chaol suspected that the Queen of Terrasen had made a point of visiting the ship before departing for her own kingdom. A suspicion that was only solidified by the handprint burned into the desk across the room.

He tried. Every day he tried to get just one of his toes to move. The empty silence that greeted him was more terrifying than those moments facing the king. — so did the king not trying to kill him?

Has a very “she never talked” “he never asked” vibe

Everything with her had been out of order from the very start. They hadn't even really become proper friends until this spring. And they certainly weren't lovers now.

“They'd vanished the moment Nehemia Ytger had died,”

Dorian appointed him the King's Hand, he was still no better than an oath-breaker, a liar, a traitor. — join the club kid

It’s interesting that Chaol’s starts acknowledging mercy as the term and Nesryn starts with merciless

"It will only get worse," — I don’t care if your talking about the sun stop it and knock on wood right this second before it comes true

“Peacefully- calmly. Not at all like the verbal sparring that had always accompanied sessions with Aelin. He wondered if it made him a bastard for not knowing what he preferred.”

“He would beat this; he would fight this.” — there’s the foreshadowing I need/want

Is there a possibility Khagan have to do with silent assassins?

Maybe Maeve’s far away place will be this continent and they can help?

The last khagan had been female a mighty empress who had made slavery illegal, paid good money to bring in artists of all kinds to enrich her cities, and opened trade routes with previous enemies, filling her empire's coffers to the point of overflowing.

Chaol wondered what it had been like to grow up in that household-to be a potential khagan heir and know your siblings might one day kill you. Though Chaol supposed it wouldn't be too different from his own upbringing. — ow lol

"How do I explain Aelin Galathynius?"

“do you still hold hope for her?" "No," he said, his voice flat and hollow. "She changed her mind; she changed—as a person. And even if she had wanted to be with me, I would not have left Dorian, and she would have gone to Terrasen, and it would never have worked. And perhaps we would have been a bit shattered by it, but whether in a year, or ten... Rowan would have been there. Waiting for her, all that time." — It’s romantic but it’s true — "That's a rather romantic view of it." But her gaze rose to his face—to the scar along his cheek, courtesy of Aelin. "She's allowed to fall in and out of love as she chooses." "And have you fallen out of love with her?" "This spring and summer was a maelstrom," he said tightly, glancing at the burned handprint peeking from beneath a stack of papers across the desk. "Between Dorian, and all that happened ... Everything fell apart. If the price of getting Dorian back was losing her, then so be it."

"Am I supposed to lie in bed and weep over it? That I was not the man she wanted? Am I supposed to mourn the fact that the dreams I had, the plans I made, were all for a woman who did not exist? Loving an assassin with no responsibilities is completely different from loving a queen with a kingdom and a world to look after. Would I have loved her if I had known from the start what she is?" He shook his head. "If I had met her now... my first instinct would have been to protect Dorian from her. I expect the hagan to feel the same." His words sank in, one by one. He added more calmly, running a hand over his face

"That's the difference. Celaena was a fraction of Aelin- both good and bad. But Aelin... She is Celaena, and she is queen, and she is the Fire-Bringer. I fell in love with a facet, and I panicked when I realized it was a fraction of the whole— when I saw that power, that heritage, and... It was not a part of my plans." He looked to the sea gleaming behind her, the wind whipping the waves. "Rowan Whitethorn saw every-thing. From the moment he met her, he saw all of Aelin. And he was not afraid. I don't blame either of them for falling in love. I don't blame her." He loosed a shuddering breath. "I was what Celaena needed after Endovier. But Rowan is who Aelin needs— forever."

"And what about what you need?" "I have never been in a position to demand the things I need. This trip... is the first." "You give and give and give," she murmured. "When will it be enough?" "It is my honor to serve." "I don't mean in that way. When have you ever been selfish?" "Stop trying to make me out to be something I'm not." She lowered her hand from his hair, the corner of her mouth tugging upward. "And what is that? A good man?" "People died because of me." — I’m glad he has her looking out for him & there it is starting weight the weight of Cain to now

“He met those dark eyes. Unfaltering will glimmered in them.” — I love that THIS is how he describes her

"You will walk again," Nesryn repeated. "And you will remember that you are a good man regardless, a brave and selfless man. You will remember that you may not have magic, but there is mighty power in the strength of ordinary people. You will remember that..." Her chest heaved, and she steadied herself with a long breath. "You will remember, Chaol," she said, "that the world needs men like you. In war, and after it. Especially after it." — well said… remembering why I fell for him & Apart over it in the first place

"I will go where I am needed most." "And if that is at my side?" "Then that is where I shall be." Her dark eyes flickered. "But I hold you to no promises, Chaol. I expect nothing." "Why?" "Because I know who I am-what I am. You turned to me last summer, after Lithaen left you for Lord Roland. You turned to me again this spring, after Aelin. I am not the first choice. But for now, it suits my own interests to be here. I enjoy your company— enjoy you." He wasn't sure how the conversation had shifted toward this. "You-you aren't some sort of consolation prize." She let out a low laugh and leaned in to kiss the top of his head. "Would you have picked me if Aelin had come running back to you? Would you have noticed my existence?" — you are NOT an eternal consolation prize Nesryn you are MORE and ooh my word Not the flashbacks, oh my old Chaolaena heart😭 — He hated words, had always preferred action. And this ... He still had nothing to say as she shut the door behind herself. — Time to learn to communicate

"You can't stop fighting. You can't stop living. Or you will never survive what's ahead."

"Says the woman who barely smiles and laughs." "Do not mistake my reserve for lack of feeling. Do not think that because I don't flash my emotions around it means that I do not have them. That I do not have hopes and fears and desires. I have had to learn to be calm, to be quiet and aloof- because growing up in a city where most people were predisposed to dislike me for my heritage, I had to be those things. And now that we are headed into war, I find that those things are gifts. But I do not shut out the world. I do not shut out life. And I think you were doing that for a long, long time before your spine was broken. Before even Aelin came along." — before celeana too — & Like Lysandra and Aelin Nesryn is always right

And he would fight like hell to keep Dorian from that fate, to save Adarlan, but ... he didn't really see the point in bothering to fall in love with the world. Not when it could be taken from him. Not with so many dangers waiting to rip them apart.

“Even with the words between them, when he awoke at dawn, Nesryn was nestled against him, her hand curled against his bare chest. Right over his heart—as if she held it gently in her palm. Chaol laid his hand over hers, listening to her steady, unfaltering breathing. He would fight-but... he wasn't quite sure how to even begin this business of living.”

Also are there any half finished or cut ones to look up? — think I got em all?

Then onto my next read ⬇️

(possible) Tower of Dawn pre-read/first start thoughts: 4 later!

Okay now it’s officially time Road here I come bright & early (hopefully) yay

[godwithinself]

BLUE VELVET

(Elvis x Reader)

summary: After a heated argument with Elvis you hand his engagement ring back and head to Vegas where he finds you once again though this time it's followed by an overwhelming rollercoaster of events as you live on to tell your story with the king

A/N: Hii This is my first fic and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing this first part. I have ideas flowing through my head DAILY so I was like why not get into writing yk? I wanna be able to write more of this story because I just have so much to think about it. This part is a bit boring but plz bare with me because the next chapter will be so much better I swear! I plan to have smut in this story so look out for that?!? but yeah enjoy!!!

Fandom/character - ELVIS

Fem!Reader, NOTPROOF READ

TW: Cursing, Brief Mentions of alcohol/Drinking, Brief mention of death (kinda?), typical Elvis things ofc , LET ME KNOW IF MORE

If you want a better view of how the reader is I recommand listening !!!

Vegas, 1969

Click, and The flash goes off on the camera that's shooting you getting every angle Click and again. You like to make sure the photographer gets every piece of you to show off the gorgeous curves you have been saving.

After handing back an engagement ring from Elvis Presley you left and became a serious actress in Las Vegas you have made it your Home. You made yourself a home in the biggest suite at the only international hotel. You were quite a big deal here. You decided it was time to make a name for yourself instead of just being Elvis’ girl and being no one. You thought acting would do you well for now since you were only starting. It's been only a year since you started but you already have your face plastered on magazines and movie posters. It would be overwhelming at times but you learned to enjoy it quickly with all the gifts and treatment you would give yourself.

The fame has indeed made you happy until the storm of loneliness hits you like a truck. Money can buy you happiness but only temporarily, you’ve been missing the touch and feel of a man since your last love. You’re starved for affection really, as dumb as it sounds all you craved was the potential marriage you had left behind.

Your thoughts cave into you at once hitting you fast. The bright studio lights feel as if they are 10x brighter than before hitting you in all directions. You then hear your photographer shout and your photoshoot is all wrapped up in seconds “Alright we’re all set for today Ms. Y/L/N” your photographer says while putting his camera to the side. “Thank you” You flash him a quick smile not being a big talker even though you're an actress. You wrap yourself up with the robe left for you and walk toward your dressing room.

Once you reached your dressing room you walk in with a cold breeze of air hitting you like you just walked into heaven itself. You race for your chair that's waiting for you by your giant vanity and are in a rush to take off your heels that have been killing you all day you just could not stand heels anymore. Now that they were finally off you reach for the box of makeup wipes that were sitting by the gigantic vanity mirror next to all your essentials.

You grab a small wipe and gently start rubbing your face off any unnecessary makeup that was needed for the shoot, but you leave your eyeliner untouched. You were quite known for having eyeliner most of the time you were just so fascinated by the way it was worn. Elvis had taught you how to do eyeliner when you first met him and have been doing it ever since, it was just so beautiful to you.

After wiping away almost any makeup left you grabbed the closest wine glass you could find which was by the mini wine fridge you had installed yourself under your vanity dresser. You were quite proud of yourself for that! You reached down to grab the glass and the old wine bottle almost empty sitting on the floor and poured yourself what was left. You made your way to a black velvet couch that was sitting in the middle of the room and made yourself comfortable. You flicked on the television and flickered through the channels til you found a soothing romance movie that was playing, you decided to just go with that. You managed to finish the wine after the first 10 minutes of watching and placed your empty glass on the black marble coffee table.

After a couple of hours had gone by you were awakened by a loud knock on your door “Who is it?” you shouted “Its me Y/N, now open this gawd damn door!” hearing the voice you knew exactly who it was

You got up from the couch and ran over to the door to open it and see it was your best friend Ana.

You and Ana became friends way before you and Elvis got engaged, she actually was a wife of jerry schilling a member of the Memphis mafia, she eventually helped you move to Vegas and get yourself involved in the movie industry.

“Whats brings you to this fine place of mine, Princess Ana” you say twirling around showing her your dressing room

“Well, I came here to invite ya to a show tonight!” Ana said with a smile poking through her

“Oh, really, and who could possibly be performing” you say turning around to grab yourself a snack of a banana with a nice whip of peanut butter.

“Egh-uh- Just a local band, they were invited by the international!” Ana spat out with a stutter

You turned back around to her with a small side eye

“hmm alright, ill go, under one condition!”

“Anythin’ Darlin” Ana shook her head and through her hands up in a pleading pose

“Drinks on you” you took a bit of your banana

“Oh I knew you were going to say that, don’t worry it's all on international tonight” she gave you a wink and quickly made her way out

“Oh and don’t forget, the shows are at 7:30!” and she was gone

A couple of hours had gone by since

Realizing the time, you dropped peanut butter on your gorgeous robe “Shiet” you whispered shuffling into your closet. You shift through your hangers and the many costumes that just stayed there hanging.

After a few minutes of shifting back and forth you landed on a blue velvet mini-dress it was strapless and perfect for the night it came with a pair of blue velvet gloves. You quickly grabbed them and rushed out of your closet to get dressed and ready, you slipped on the mini dress, it fit perfectly around your curves and complemented your breasts.

You went to your vanity and added a beautiful dark red lip and enhanced your black mole above your lip, you decided to add a small lash to be just a bit dramatic, and you then went to fix your hair that sat in a long bouffant on your head. After adding the finishing touches you slipped on your blue gloves and grabbed your clutch and headed out the door. It was already 7:00 pm by the time you were done getting ready, the show started at 7:30 so you felt in no rush. For now at least.

Walking through the studio you headed out the front and there was a black Cadillac waiting for you to take you back to the international.

Press was already swarmed by ur side trying to get every angle of you, FLASH CLICK FLASH CLICK you hear as you walk through smiling and waving as a driver opens your door for you. Grabbing onto the handle you pushed yourself inside and landed on the tan seats of the Cadillac then giving the press a blown kiss and closed the door. The driver sped away into the next lane and on the road to the hotel.

You stare out the window watching the lights pass in streams, this was one thing you loved about being in Vegas, the lights were something to absolutely die for.

While pulling to the front of the hotel the sign of the international hotel beams in front of you...

‘INTERNATIONAL bill miller presents… ELVIS’

The driver finally made it to the hotel and opened your door, you placed one foot on the floor and hopped out, you grabbed your clutch that was sitting right next to you. You started making your way toward the front while the press was forming once again, you were smiling and waving while people were handing you pictures of yourself to sign.

While signing pictures you landed on a picture of you and Elvis together next to his pink Cadillac, he had his hand wrapped around your waist and a cigar in another, both of you smiling. You felt as though people still considered you together. You quickly signed it and handed it back to whoever it came from, you rushed inside and made your little way to the showroom where every wall had a picture of Elvis plastered on it.

Walking into the room it was already very dim since it was mere minutes before the man of the hour would appear, the room was filled with many small tables and booths for its size. The tables were covered in a white satin tablecloth and had small candles with bowls of champagne submerged in ice, the tables were set for a big night ahead of them.

You were already late so you tiptoed through the crowd that was already in place, you saw Ana sitting at one of the booths straight in the middle with the best view of the small stage. Slowly making your way to the table you rushed to take your seat next to her.

“Thought you stood me up sugar,” Ana said with a side eye followed by a smirk “Oh me? Never dear,” you said while grabbing the champagne out of the ice.

“A band Ana? I didn’t know the Band was ELVIS!?” you said while facing Ana nursing her drink

“Listen Y/N it's been years you’re in the clear trust me,” she said with a smile plastered across her face excited to see the show that was about to take place

You hadn't seen Elvis since the night you two got into a fight and you handed his ring back to him. You felt all the feelings you could feel run straight through you, you were about to see the man whose heart you shattered and never saw again.

You couldn’t help but feel guilty, what he thinks of you if he saw you? All the feelings that had rushed through you when he appeared.

There he was, the beautiful man you once loved and would’ve just about anything for. Elvis walked onto the stage greeting the crowd, he was dressed in a black herringbone suit with a dark blue satin scarf tied around his neck. He walked out holding his signature guitar and a beautiful smile on his face.

Due to your best friend's horrible choice of seating, it wasn’t long before Elvis looked your way and quickly recognized who you were.

You gave him a warm smile and a little wave hoping he wouldn’t hate you, but you saw his nervousness fade away when a smile started to appear across his lips. You felt a small relief in your chest as you saw the light in his eyes twinkle while looking in your direction, you shifted in your seat getting yourself comfortable for the show

He started the show with introductions then slowly made his way into suspicious minds, you could tell this was his favorite by the way he was moving, he was so charismatic and you could feel yourself falling in love with him once again. After a couple more songs Love me tender finally started to play, surprisingly you saw Elvis starting to kiss every fan in the front row of the stage.

Love me tender

Love me sweet

Never let me go

You have made my life complete

And I love you so

While singing Elvis walked down the steps to the side of the stage and made his way to the line of booths that you were sitting at, he started to kiss every girl that was within them.

Love me tender

Love me true

All my dreams fulfilled

For my darlin' I love you

And I always will

Elvis quickly approaching your booth would every so often pick his head up and check to see if you were still in the seat he saw you in or even if he was even dreaming.

You felt your body go hot, your hands were gathering sweat in them as you were watching him approach you. Your heart was galloping as fast as a horse in a derby race, waiting for his touch.

He finally reached your table and slowly lowered the microphone he was holding singing the end of love me tender, he bent over the large round table and quickly latched his lips on yours. The feel of his pillow lips was so warming, he kissed you as if you were engaged again.

He finally pulled away and with the microphone low he whispered a small request that you couldn’t quite hear after having the beating of your heart ringing in your ears.

He walked his way back towards the stage turning back around to give you a small smile.

After another hour the end of the show finally arrived, and you were quite tired and ready to leave.

Slowly sliding out of the booth you grabbed your clutch and stood to face Ana.

“You’re not leavin’ are ya?” Ana says with a frustrated tone in her voice

“I'm a bit worn out Ana and it's late,” you said rubbing your head a bit

“Oh don’t say that! You can't tell me that kiss from Elvis didn’t wake ya?! I saw you turn redder than a tomato” Ana chuckles at you “ooo redder than a tomato” mocking Ana's voice

“c’mon now we're invited to the after party!” she says as she grabs your arm guiding you out of the showroom...

Your heart flutters at the fact you might see Elvis again, but you're truly scared to talk to him. Your mind turns into a little schoolgirl when you think of him but you can't help it.

After Ana had led you into the main hall of the hotel you see the showroom start to slowly empty out and into a backroom full of actors and actresses to see their king

You and Ana follow the crowd into the back which its crowded and full of people, the room has a large bar on the side and a large red curved couch taking up most of the space.

“Now this is what I call a show Y/N!” Ana shouts before vanishing into the crowd.

‘What a crook, guess ill have to keep me busy’ you think

Only a few minutes in and you have already lost your talkative and only friend, you head straight to the bar in hopes to cheer yourself up from the night you have encountered already.

“ ‘scuse me?” you says waving your hand to the bartender “Hi, May I please have a whiskey, on the rocks”

“Of Course Ms. Y/L/N” the bartender says spinning around to get to work

You turn back around facing the crowd crossing your legs to keep decency, you peer around to make sure no Elvis Presley is in your sight.

Elvis, just hearing or thinking of his name sent a lump in your throat, almost as if someone was choking you to death.

The love you felt for Elvis was almost... Unreal? It would hurt then times it felt good, he was the love of your life but you weren’t ready to face him not just yet...

Lost in thought you hadn't even noticed the bartender trying to get your attention, “Ms. Y/L/N? Ms. Y/L/N?” the bartender repeated.

Looking over your shoulder “Oh my goodness I apologize I was completely lost in thought”

“No problem it's normal for me almost every day!” the bartender said with a chuckle

You giggle as you grabbed the glass and turned back around but as soon as you turn you are met with a chest directly in front of you

“Ugh-” you let out a small yelp “I'm so sorry I can't seem to get myself together toda-” you stop dead in your sentence to look up and see Elvis towering directly in front of you

“Hello, Honeybee”

[aajjks]

The Conqueror (XIII)

Synopsis: He had conquered everything, anything but your heart.

Pairings: Yandere!King Jungkook x Commoner!servant Reader (FT SANA from Twice and Cha Eunwoo From ASTRO.)

warnings: MAJOR CHARACTER D*ATH, OBSESSION, POSESSIVENESS, lots of bl**d, fighti*g, go*e, etc, DARK THEMES AHEAD. CRAZY JUNGKOOK!

note. *crying noises* this chapter is just SAD. ENJOY! share feedback plz I beg. I hope this chapter shows up in the tags… plz show support and love…

series masterlist.

taglist: @mageprincess7 @starsggukk @sprinkleoftee @koremis @minshookie29 @sana-b @bangtannoonalvg @oonaaurora @jeonsweetpea @sugaslittlekookies @outro-kook @kthyg @lunaashes @debicaptain-saturn @laurynne5 @captainsjoongs @myblackconfessions @lanalanexpjm @namjooncrabs @shadowmoon21 @kookunot @natalie-rdr @angelicasdre @iwasfuckinginnocentonce @mermaidtea @foulnightharmony @ungodlyjoon @quechulitaaa @telepathytae @silversparkles11 @j3alous-ang3l @bunzom @1-in-abillion @breadgeniedope @jiminie-08 @artgukk @lovesthetword @bunijmin @pinkcherrybombs @afangirllikeme-blog @twilight-love-nochu-main @wedarkacademia @hollxe1 @bighitfics @darkuni63 @golden-thv @investedreader @sweetempathprunetree @koocreampie (I can’t tag anymore people, it’s full 😭😭)

Jaehyun and you walked in the cold breeze together, his hand gripped yours as your feet worked in harmony. Jaehyun couldn’t believe that he had found you. “Ahhh yoon-ho? You can let go of my hand… I promise I won’t run haha…” The man blinked twice at your words, his cheeks heated as he passed you an awkward smile, loosening his grip on your hand, “yeah… we’re almost here…” he replied, immediately changing the subject. He glanced at your face once as his thoughts began to run through his mind.

Should he let you really know how he found you?

There was a guilt in his heart. “Y/N? I think there’s something you should know…” he stopped walking, glancing at the wooden house in front of you.

Jaehyun tries to avoid eye contact, but the way your innocent glance falls on him, he opens his mouth. “I-I needed to let you know something.” He stuttered. As he guided you inside his home, the atmosphere inside felt cold but tolerable as you followed behind him, his words confused you. Your eyebrows furrowed together as you nodded at him, “hey, where is samchon?” You asked Jaehyun about his father, while he guided you to a spare room.

The one you were so familiar with, as you walked inside, you’d forgotten that he has something to tell you, that is until you sit down on the wooden bed with a not so soft feeling of the mattress,

A feeling of relief washed over you as your gaze followed the room.

You were home.

“Would you like some water? What am I asking, of course you’d like water…” Jaehyun slapped his forehead as a small laugh left your lips. He looked at you once as he walked away to fetch some water for you.

You watched as he excused himself and observed the familiar room, a bunch of your childhood memories hit you.

A smile found its way on your lips.

“Y/N! We will be together forever right?” A child pouted as he played with your pigtails, his high pitched voice made you giggle.

“I don’t think so… Jaehyunnie…. I know that I’m going to marry a king when I grow up!” You covered your mouth as you teased your friend, you got up from his tiny lap to watch his reaction.

As you sat up you heard Jaehyun gasp as if he was offended, the little boy’s nose scrunched in disappointment. His gaze turned shiny as tears welled up in them.

Your giggles only got louder and louder. “W-Why! Why not me! I’m so much better than a king! I-I could b-be a King for you!” The boy stuttered. Your eyebrows knitted together, as a smirk painted on your lips. “Silly…. If you become a king? You can marry me! My grandma used to say that I’m destined to be a queen of a King.” You took your tongue out and blew raspberries at him.

“Okay then! D-Don’t come crying to me if you never find one!” He huffs in annoyance, turning his head away from you.

“I will! And he will steal me away from you!”

You only kept laughing like an innocent little girl.

But if only you had known before…

Dongmin coughed brutally as Jungkook’s sword never left his neck, his maniac gaze only made it harder for Dongmin to breathe. “Both of you siblings will die! Your psycho sister and you stupid little bastard!” Jungkook’s jaw clenched in anger, “I knew about every little plan of your sister’s… she always hated my Y/N..” Jungkook gritted his teeth, growing angered. “God she is so so dumb! So fucking easy to manipulate! Can you believe that I got her to spill all of her plans?!?” Jungkook removed the sword from Dongmin’s neck, setting him free. “And I even convinced her to follow Y/N when she escaped!” Jungkook grabbed his stomach to stop himself from laughing too hard as he saw the shocked expression on the sweating man’s face.

Dongmin’s heart dropped to his stomach at Jungkook’s other confession.

His sister was a skilled spy. There was absolutely no way you could be safe from him anymore… “w-why Jungkook..WHY!” Dongmin had enough.

You were in danger. He screamed at Jungkook who only charged towards him, and punched him in the face. Dongmin’s head almost rolled back at the force. Jungkook fully attacked the man now, throwing another punch to the man, resulting in him falling down to the cold hard floor. Jungkook marched towards him punching him repeatedly, the King gritted his teeth, his jaw clenched in anger and immense jealousy.

Jungkook’s punches were brutal, his knuckles were quick to become bloody as he kept his pace up.

“WHY?!? BECAUSE SHE IS MINE! Y/N WAS ALWAYS MINE! MINE MINE MINE! AND YOU TRIED TO STEAL HER AWAY FROM ME! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!” Jungkook growled as he threw one last hard punch to Dongmin’s face.

Knocking him out.

Jungkook finally stopped himself, he got up, his face had some drops of blood splattered as he glared at the unconscious bloody face of Dongmin.

“Pathetic!” He spat. “No one can take Y/N from me. I’ll kill you all!” Jungkook picked up his sword as he got prepared for the other step.

And as expected, the throne room’s door knocked.

“COME IN!” Jungkook replied as he kicked Dongmin’s half alive body to the side. And walked to his throne, “m-my king.” Jungkook smirked as he heard a familiar voice stutter.

“Consort sana! Welcome back!” Jungkook’s tone was awfully happy, as he turned around to look at the female.

“So… what did you bring for me!?” He quickly asked her, who looked confused as to why there was blood splattered on Jungkook’s face, and on the empty floor.

But she didn’t ask, instead she looked at Jungkook’s face.

And her heart swelled with love. He looked so happy to see her. “My king…” she bowed down. “I found where Y/N went…” she informed, her tongue turned sour. “Chief consort Y/N.” Jungkook’s authoritative voice corrected the girl. Sana raised her eyebrows at Jungkook's angry tone and quickly nodded. “I’m sorry my king… c-chief consort Y-Y/N… she is in gagyeong…” she spoke once again. “That’s all I know..” she bowed down again.

Jungkook’s heart stopped, his eyes widened as a huge smile took over his lips. “Really??!” He couldn’t believe it,

He had found you. “Come here, sana..” Jungkook called out to the awaiting woman, as he walked towards her. The girl’s steps were fast as she obeyed his command a little too eagerly.

Maybe he was going to kiss her.

The two people stood incredibly close to each other. Jungkook’s eyes set on her as sana couldn’t help but blush.

“Thank you… so much.” He spoke to her. Taking her face in his hands. She only leaned into his touch. Jungkook’s other hand was behind his back.

Clenching onto his sword. “Anything you want, my king…” she smiled.

Jungkook forced out a smile, “okay, now die!” His smile faltered as he whipped out his sword and didn’t give sana a chance to respond as he pierced it right through her chest.

A choked noise left her as her blood oozed out, her eyes turning lifeless as her sprayed into his already bloodied face.

Her lifeless glossy eyes staring at his face.

[scmg11]

hiii! Hope ur exams are going well! When you get the time, could u plz write a Hailee Steinfeld X Fem!Reader smut fic. R is an actress like Hailee and they play mentor/mentee roles on set, (Haliee being thementor & R being thementee) but irl they r friends (secretly crushing on each other). After a scene where Hailee has to fight R, (R's character is reckless getting her in trouble). Anyway the 2 end up confessing with some smut @ the end, H calls R 'little one' just like her character does) ty

HAILEE STEINFELD x READER

LITTLE ONE

A/N: LOOK WHO'S BACK?! HELLO PEOLE!! I am truly sorry for being M.I.A. for so long but I had been so busy I was too exhausted to write more than a few phrases at night lol.

But here I am with another Tumblr request. I honestly LOVED writing this chapter and I hope you guys will like it too!

As always, thank you so so so so so much for reading, liking and commenting my stories, it makes me so happy!

Sending love ❤️

-

Summary: Hailee and Y/N are in the middle of shooting a brand new season for Hawkeye. They are best friend that are secretly in love with the other. After a particularly hectic day on set, they confess their feelings and act on their desires.

Warnings: smut.

Word counting: 8385 words.

-

"Okay, Megs now remember what I taught you. Try to stay focused on the target, this is just a reckon mission. We hide and take as much intel as we can. Nothing too much dang- Megs?! Megs?" Hailee hastily turned her head around to locate the girl her character thought was dutifully listening to her tips for a stakeout, but she was nowhere to be found, already knowing where she was by their script. "Megan! What are you doing?" Hailee yelled as planned when she let her eyes fall on the girl crossing the street and strolling towards the warehouse their characters had to observe in this scene. Even if they were 2 feet apart, the editing of this scene will make it look like Kate was standing from a building not too far from the warehouse that she carefully choose, like her mentor Clint taught her to, to have the best view to watch whatever sketchy things were doing the drug dealers they were keeping an eye on. She let a grimace on her face to make it look like Kate just realized her mistake and almost blew their safe cover in order to screech at Megan across the street when she could’ve used the intercoms they had on. "What are you doing?" She repeated in a quieter, hushed tone as she ducked down acting like Kate was shielding herself from anyone who might’ve heard her.

"I’m taking matters into my own hands. I’m just going to take a closer look around and get the informations we need."

"Are you insane?! They could shoot you as soon as you step into that warehouse!" Hailee countered back in an hushed tone, following the script to desperately try to convince the annoying girl to backtrack and come back to her.

"Relax granny. Jeez, since you became my mentor you completely lost your coolness." Y/N quipped with a smug smirk as she walked closer to the warehouse backdoor.

"What?! That’s not true!"

"You’re starting to sound a lot like Clint. Uh, growing older is the real deal." Y/N kept on acting, her character continuing to mock Kate as she now stood in front of the warehouse rusted door blocked by a bolt she already started to pick to open it. The camera pan in on her hands to show the lockpicking tools in her palm to point out she pulled them out of the black haired girl’s suit when she was distracted and then on her face where she put on a smug smirk.

Hailee huffed out in frustration to show her character realized Y/N’s one wasn’t going to give up in entering the building, then grabbed the bow and sprinted down the stairs to catch up on the girl, the camera following her down in front of her. As she descended the stairs she murmured grumpily, "I’m not turning into Clint." Then she raised her voice to be heard by the supposed girl across the street. "I’m not a granny and I’m not loosing my coolness, missy. We will have a chat after this. Oh no, now I definitely sound like Clint. Damn it!" Hailee stretched a flabbergasted expression on her face as she lashed out in frustration to sound like Kate realized what she said while opened the building door and run towards the girl kneeling on the floor to pick at the lock.

"AND CUT! Hailee, Y/N that was great. Go get ready with make up. It’s already pretty late, so we’re just gonna shoot the scene of the girls fighting about Y/N’s reckless decision. And we’re done for the day." The director instructed shortly at the two, both nodding and making their way to the makeup trailer.

"I can’t wait to go to bed, ugh- I’m exhausted." Y/N groaned out in pain as she massaged her neck to release some of its tension. Hailee gulped imperceptibly at the sound, clearly throwing away the feeling it aroused and tried to act normal by letting a groan of agreement herself.

"Me too. It’s already midnight. We will probably finish shooting around 2 a.m., if we’re lucky. I’m just glad tomorrow is my day off. I need sleep."

"I have the day off too tomorrow and I plan to just do that, sleep my tiredness away." Y/N rubbed her cold hands together to try to warm them up just a bit, but the cold winter of New York was proving that task to be completely useless. She gave up after a few seconds and opted to warm herself up in a more successful way, slotting her arm between Hailee’s side and her own and hugging the singer enough to warm themselves up a tad without making them stumble in their walk. It seemed it helped a lot because as soon as their bodies were in a close proximity their bodies temperature immediately rose up, enough to let a blush burn their cold cheeks. Having a crush on your co-star and being best friends with that said co-stair, both expressing affection through physical contact, which means cuddling, hugging, holding hands every time they have the chance to, tends to make your body temperature be extremely high and to your cheeks and neck to be more often than not tinted with a crimson color. They reached the makeup trailer and walked inside, both sighing at the warmth that immediately engulfed them and warmed them up from the cold outside.

"Are you thinking what I am thinking?" Hailee asked excitedly as she took a seat on her chair closer to the door while Y/N sat on the chair beside hers on her left, their makeup artists immediately starting their works - both wanting to speed up the process to call it quits and go take some well needed rest, it was very late after all - to make their faces look up like they just had a big, badass fight with drug dealers.

"That alligators have a permanent erection? Or that kangaroos have three vaginas?" Y/N asked Hailee in confusion, mischievous swimming in her eyes as she took the brunette’s, now wearing Kate’s black hair, open-mouthed, shocked expression on her face while their makeup artists snorted at her funny questions.

"That’s not… exactly what I was thinking." Hailee drawled her words in confusion, looking at the wall behind Y/N completely lost before meeting the girl’s Y/E/C hues and asking bemused, "why the fuck are you thinking about that?"

"I wasn’t, it’s just funny teasing you." Y/N snickered loudly when Hailee graciously slapped her knee, trying to be careful and to not move too much to let her makeup artist keep doing her work. "Anyway, what were you thinking?"

"Sleepover? Mine or yours?" Hailee eagerly asked, her big grin so shiny it could oveeshadow the bright lights surrounding the big mirrors in front of them.

"Well last time we slept at your trailer, so I guess we can stay at mine tonight." Y/N pondered out loud while watching the girl sitting beside her through the mirror in front of her and smiled back when Hailee flashed her an excited grin followed by a gentle squeal of approval.

It was well known the girls’ habit of having sleepovers almost every night to spend as much time as they could on set. They had met five years ago at the Vanity Fair Oscars after party and they had been best friends since then, so imagine their reaction when one day Y/N, hanging out at Hailee’s house at the time, received the call she landed the role of Megan, Kate’s protégé, for the brand new season of Hawkeye. They both screamed in excitement for 10 minutes straight, almost losing their voices in the process. The fact that they both developed a tiny, insignificant crush on each other was just a plus, however they both were slowly losing their minds due to the fact they were always reaching for the other out to seek some physical contact and it drove them crazy for always wanting to take that small step to change their friendship for good but always chickening out the second after, afraid the other wouldn’t reciprocate the feeling.

After they were done with makeup, both admiring the great job the two makeup artists did, they were ushered back on set. The cameras and the crew moved in the building where Kate’s apartment was assembled to shoot the scene of the fight Kate and Megan have after escaping from the drug dealer’s hideout where they fought against 40 people at least.

"Okay girls, whenever you’re ready. Remember this is a really heavy scene, Kate’s and Megan’s raw emotions come out causing them they argue before making up." Their director instructed before going behind the camera and signaled at them to get into position.

"Ready?" The two girls spoke up at the same time after opening their eyes and taking a big, grounding, deep breath to get into character.

"And… ACTION!"

"Kate I still don’t get why you are making this a big deal." Y/N opened the door and walked into what the set had been assembled to be Kate’s apartment, turning around as she leaned her butt on the kitchen counter, "I got everything we needed on the thumb drive. I had everything under control." She turned around to open a cabinet and retrieved a glass to fill it with water and taking a sip. She set the glass down with a roll of her eyes following the script when Hailee’s character countered back.

"Oh yeah, you were clearly fine with 43 thugs ready to kill you. You were supposed to stay by my side and let me explain what to do." Hailee crossed her arms angrily and stared at her friend with anger burning in her blue eyes thanks to the contacts her makeup artist put on.

"I could have handled them."

"No! You could’ve not! You started your training only 6 months ago."

"Pft, I’m a pro. I can-"

"You’re not listening to me! The most important part of our mentor/mentee relationship is listening and communicating and you didn’t follow through neither of them." Hailee punctuated her listing by counting it on her fingers, her character trying to make Y/N’s one to understand the great risk she took by acting so reckless.

"Your plan wasn’t great-"

Hailee rolled her eyes according to the script and wrinkling her face to make it look like Kate was loosing it, Y/N’s character’s stubbornness was really testing Kate limits, then she walked quickly towards the girl and stood in front of her, now both were face to face staring in anger at each other. "MY PLAN WAS GREAT! YOU RUINED IT!" Hailee stressed the word ‘you’ out by pressing her finger harshly on Y/N’s chest, "you acted like a child. Your recklessness was dangerous, it could have put you in trouble."

"I had everything under-"

"No! Don’t say that. After I knocked two men down, I turned around and saw one of them pointing a gun at your back while you were beating another one up. If I wasn’t there-" Hailee stopped abruptly when her voice cracked, closing her eyes to stop her tears from spilling out of them and taking a deep breath to calm her nerves before taking a step back, but a hand on her bicep stopped her. She was really shocked how easily it came acting with Y/N, but this scene so full of anger was really testing herself. She never fought with Y/N and the words Kate says to Y/N felt so real to Hailee. Y/N was her world, she wanted to protect her at all costs and she couldn’t imagine a world without her.

"Kate look at me." When Hailee acted like Kate didn’t listen to Megan’s request, the girl tightened her grasp while taking a step closer, "Kate please, look at me." Hailee merely shook her head with her lip slightly quivering and her expression full of pure sorrow. "I’m here Kate. I’m okay. Thanks to you. Listen-" Y/N sighed out loudly, collecting her thought to explain to Hailee’s character what pushed her to act so recklessly, "I just wanted to look cool, okay? I-" Y/N hesitated as scripted, giving Hailee her cue to open her eyes to meet hers, "for all my life I’ve been judged. My parents abandoned me when I was born. I never stayed more than an year in a foster family. I was always the weird kid, the lonely one, the one everyone avoided. And when my powers showed up when I was 15?" Y/N used the ability she perfected over the years to let a few tears roll down her cheeks, even tho Megan’s story was so painful she felt sorry for her, so crying on cue was easier, "it was hard. But then you saved me in Portland and took me under your wing. I never felt special. I’ve always been nothing, a freak. But you made me feel special. You trained me, you helped me control my powers, you gave me a purpose. And I wanted to look cool in front of your eyes, okay? That’s why I acted that way." Even if Megan’s story was far from Y/N’s one, there was something they had in common. They always felt like they weren’t enough. Before becoming famous, Y/N had to endure a lot of doors in her face, then she got a part on a small Netflix tv show and she only grew from there. But she was always putting herself down, not really feeling like she was good enough. Then she met Hailee. She was nothing but sweet and gentle the first night they met and when they grew closer and closer, for the first time Y/N felt like she was more than enough each time Hailee regarded her with a look of pride whenever she did anything at all. And falling for her was even easier. She just wished Hailee felt the same.

Hailee wiped away the tears she let roll down her cheeks before hugging Y/N tightly, "you never told me that. Now I understand why you always changed the subject when I asked about your parents. I’m sorry if I pushed you on this subject."

"You didn’t. I wanted to share my past with you but I wanted to look cool so I dodged your questions." Y/N gave Hailee another heartfelt hug, letting out a not scripted sigh when the brunettes heat warmed her whole body up, "I’m sorry for my behavior. I promise you I won’t do that again."

"You better." Hailee slapped the back of Y/N’s head playfully, snickering softly when the girl let out a gentle, unscripted ‘ouch’, "y’know, I always thought you were cool, you didn’t need to pull all that off for me to think that."

"Really?"

"Yes. For starters, I’m your favorite Avenger." Hailee pushed her hair over her shoulder as she gloated with a big smile on her lips, causing Y/N to smile warmly at her. "But seriously, you held yourself so high, emanating this cool aura while pride shined brightly in your eyes doing what you were born to do. Save the world from darkness. And now that I know you had a really shitty youth, it makes you cooler." Hailee let herself get carried away as she added a line that wasn’t scripted, something that the two of them did often since they shared such a deep chemistry, "you didn’t let your past define your future and I find it mesmerizing." Y/N let tears roll down her eyes once again and shivered wildly when Hailee’s hand caressed her skin to wipe them away, "you remind me of myself when I was Clint’s protégé."

Y/N looked at Hailee confused and furrowed her eyebrows in question, "really?"

"Yep." Hailee popped the ‘p’ for more effect and continued with a smile, "I was desperately trying to make myself look cool when I was doing the opposite. Once I tried to look cool by saving his ass, it didn’t go smoothly. I feel from a window on the roof and crashed right in front of him, tied up on a chair, while 6 guns were pointing at me." Hailee laughed to make it look like Kate was laughing at the fond memory, her stomach filling up with butterflies when Y/N’s giggle reached her ears, "you are brave, little one. Don’t ever lose that beautiful light you have here." Hailee lifted her hand up to point at Y/N’s chest right were her heart was, before gulping imperceptibly at her gesture.

"AND CUT! GIRLS THAT WAS ASTOUNDING!" Their director congratulated them and both smiled in appreciation at him.

Hailee pulled her hand away from Y/N’s body and cleared her throat while her eyes looked down at her feet taking a few steps back, "that was my boob Steinfeld, not my heart."

"Shut up. It was a movement not executed correctly." Hailee pushed Y/N away from herself when she tried to hug her, "and don’t try to look that smug. You enjoyed my finger there." Hailee teased back, not noticing the blush now adorning her best friend’s cheeks as she chuckled under her breath and pulled her into her body in a side hug. "Let’s go take our makeup off and go to bed. I’m exhausted."

"Yeah, me too. Bickering with you is tiring." Hailee shook her head at the teasing words Y/N just threw at her before pushing them out of the building and towards the makeup trailer.

-

"Ugh, ordering pizza was a great idea." Hailee groaned in satisfaction when she took the last bite of her second slice, already stretching her hand to grab a third one.

"And whose this idea was?" Y/N asked rhetorically, throwing her rolled napkin in Hailee’s direction, who was too busy enjoying her pizza to dodge it, letting it just roll off her forehead.

"Whatever." They were now seated in Y/N’s trailer, both too tired to shower so they just plainly changed into comfy sweats and hoodies and were now chilling on Y/N’s couch, facing each other with their legs crossed under their bodies. "I’m so glad we have the day off tomorrow. Shooting at night it’s pretty demanding and I really need sleep." Hailee took a big gulp of water after finishing her fourth slice of pizza, cleaning her greasy hands on a napkin before slumping her body unceremoniously on Y/N’s one, the girl already laid out on the couch comfortably.

Y/N grunted at the sudden weight falling on her body, "get off, you’re heavy." Her words didn’t follow her actions because as soon as she finished speaking, her hands sneaked around Hailee’s waist and hugged her, the singer cuddling into her friend right away. "Want to go to bed?"

"Yes please." Hailee shifted her body to pull up from Y/N’s lean one, the girl doing just the same alongside her, her movements causing her to sit up and straddle Y/N’s lap and shivered at the intimate position she found herself in, before squealing in surprise when Y/N prevented her to stand on her feet by sneaking her left arm under her legs while the other grasped her mid-torso and jumped quickly on her feet and carried Hailee in her bedroom. "Y/N!" Hailee screeched loudly, amused laughs following soon after at their playful banter, while knots filled the singer’s stomach at the show of strength and the almost intimate gesture. "Y/N I swear, if you drop mE! Y/N NO!" Y/N faked loosening her grip on the girl and making her believe she was gonna drop her, laughing heartily at the squeals leaving Hailee’s mouth as she tightened the grip on the girl neck, before continuing her walk towards her bedroom.

"Okay, now I’m gonna throw you on the bed. On three. Ready?"

"You’re not gonna throw me on the bed. You’re gonna put me down gently." Hailee countered back with a serious expression but the devilish smirk plastered on the Y/H/C girl and the mischievous glint sparkling in her Y/E/C eyes told the singer Y/N was definitely going to throw her on the bed and not in a delicate way. "Y/N I swear to god, don’t even think aBOUT IT!" Hailee screamed in fear when she felt Y/N having momentum before pushing her out of her grip, but Hailee’s arms tightened around Y/N’s neck and caused both of them to fall on the bed in a loud thud, mixed with the loud squeak of the bed springs. They shared a great, loud belly laugh at their childish behavior, Hailee clutching Y/N’s t-shirt as she hid her smiling face into Y/N’s neck while their laughs dwindled, feeling her pulse quickening as soon her nose came in contact with Y/N’s skin, her perfume invading every cell of her body, and her right leg slid over her hips to cuddle as closer as she could while they came down from laughing care-freely. Their moment was interrupted with Y/N’s phone, that was charging on the nightstand, beeping loudly, signaling she got a new notification. When the phone beeped once again, the Y/H/C girl sighed out and stretched her arm over the nightstand to grab it. "Who is it?"

"Oh it’s just Twitter." Y/N answered briefly after taking a quick look on the bright screen in a strained tone and a clearly fake smile that Hailee saw through right away.

"Yeah, it definitely is just Twitter." Hailee’s sarcastic tone was clear in her statement as her eyes rolled half-heartedly, before laying a soft hand on Y/N’s stomach to grab her attention. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, a lot of fans tagged me in a video of my ex talking shit about me. Nothing new." Y/N tried to downplay the situation as she always did, but Hailee shook her head firmly, wrapping her hand, previously caressing her stomach, around Y/N’s hand clutching her phone and staring at her with her eyes full of affection and sympathy.

"Can I?" Y/N was torn for just a millisecond before sighing loudly and nodding slowly at her friend, letting her take the phone form her hand and open the video attached to an article talking about Y/N’s ex boyfriend making fun of their past relationship on a radio interview. "Oh so he just plainly avoided talking how shitty he made you feel? How poorly he treated you? How he forgot your anniversary because he was too busy partying with his own friends?" Y/N just stared on the ceiling, not finding in herself enough voice to answer Hailee’s questions without her voice cracking from the emotions boiling up in her chest. A silent tear fell down the side of her head but a hand prevented it to continue its journey down and hit the pillow, caressing her skin softly in a comforting manner. "He is an asshole that didn’t deserve your love in the first place. And you were kind enough to not show the world what a dick he really is by just avoiding talking about your relationship. He is just doing it for a bit of fame. Your fans will shut him up in seconds. I’m sure they already did!" Hailee chuckled under her breath at the image of Y/N’s fans already lashing out at him, causing a small but significant smile to roll over Y/N’s lips previously curled in a pout. During Hailee’s speech Y/N’s eyes strayed from the ceiling and met Hailee’s fierce gaze, conveying as much love as she could through her brown irises, and grounded Y/N into them and ignited a fire whining her. "You are amazing Y/N. Never forget that."

"You’re just saying it because I’m your best friend." Y/N tried to crack a joke to light up the heavy conversation lingering in the air and to stop Hailee from looking at her like that. It was really testing her willpower, wanting at all costs to close that excruciating gap between them and to let her lips express every single emotion she had been repressing since her feelings for the brunette changed.

"I’m not. Y/N-" Hailee sighed loudly and let go of the phone in her hand, laying it beside Y/N’s torso, to grasp the girl’s cheek and caress it tenderly. "I’m talking from the bottom of my heart. You are special, you are kind, passionate, nice, polite, smart and just the most talented person I’ve ever known. You are just so full of love and unfortunately you gave it to the wrong person, that will never love anyone beside himself. You deserve to be treated like a fucking queen. I don’t know what I would do to be that person, to give you the world, to personally go to space and give you the moon. To shower you with love and affection." Hailee at this point just let her heart do the talking, not really planning to confess her feelings but, atlas, that’s what just Y/N did to her. She fueled a fire that she couldn’t control anymore, so she just let it take over and do the talking. Meanwhile Y/N just stared aghast at Hailee’s words, not exactly believing what she was hearing. Maybe I just fell asleep and I’m dreaming those words all over again. She bittersweetly thought, blinking repeatedly to force herself out of her slumber but when she noticed she was very much awake and those were words Hailee was really speaking, she forced her body to fucking do something, like talk. But nothing came out of her, her mouth plainly opening and closing in a fun way, making her look like she was a fish underwater staring dumbly back at her. Hailee sighed loudly at Y/N’s reaction and broke their intense staring contest to look down at her arm outstretched in front of her, "I know it’s a lot and I know my feelings may be unrequited, but I’m so tired to pretend I don’t have them, to push them into the deepest part of my brain every time we spend time together, to repress my desire to kiss you and show you how being loved really feels. I hope I didn’t make it awkward and that we can overcome this and keep being friends-" Hailee’s words were abruptly cut short by a pair of lips pushing on hers aggressively, wrapping their mouths in an eager, passionate and loving dance once the brunette overcame her initial shock and reciprocated with just as much enthusiasm at the long-awaited kiss. "Does it mean mean something or did you just kiss me to shut me up? Because people do that." Hailee asked dazedly, opening her eyes slowly and meeting a pair of sparkling Y/E/C ones staring back at her.

"I like you, so fucking much Hailee Steinfeld. I would deliver another heartfelt speech about my feelings for you and how tired I am for hiding them from you, but my mind is actually pretty much a heap of mush from that talented mouth of yours. Besides, I would love nothing more than to use our lips to do something different from talking." Y/N seductively whispered on Hailee’s mouth, letting her tongue out to lick teasingly the seam of Hailee’s plump, slightly red lips and ripping a soft moan out of Hailee’s throat at the sensual gesture. "I have a feeling you want that too."

Hailee groaned out as she moved her hand from Y/N’s left cheek to tangle it between Y/N’s Y/H/C locks and slip her tongue between Y/N’s lips, curled in a smug smirk. It was now the other girl’s time to moan out at the pleasure spreading throughout her body from the sexual action but eagerly kissed Hailee back while their tongues dancing together between their parted mouths. "I want to do more than just kiss you." Hailee admitted boldly on Y/N’s lips once they pull away to take some needed breath, their lungs burning wildly at the lack of air and their hearts bumping loudly in their heaving chests. Y/N’s jaw went slack at the admission and just stared at Hailee with a mix of shock, bewilderment and arousal swimming in her Y/E/C eyes, her irises searching desperately a sign Hailee was joking or something like that, but finding in her brown hues nothing but love, affection and pure lust. "If you want that too, of course."

Y/N’s lips immediately connected with Hailee’s ones again instead of answering, kissing her passionately, her tongue licking every inch of the singer’s mouth as she reveled in the amazing minty taste and something uniquely Hailee while her hands caressed all over her body, filling her palms with the singer’s amazing curves and lean figure, feeling her strong back muscles stand up under her pads at the attention when her fingers raked up and down her spine. "I don’t want to sound like an horny teenager but I want to feel you around my fingers so badly." Hailee moaned lowly at the image immediately forming in her mind, shockwaves traveling from her spine straight down her core, drenching more and more her already ruined panties in less than a second. "But I don’t want to sound like I just want sex from you, because, god, Hailee, I don’t. I want everything from you. And I want to give you just as much, if not more." Y/N laid a long, affectionate peck on Hailee’s lips before continuing, "I just- I’ve wanted you for a very long time and just kissing you turned me on, like- a lot- by the way you’re an amazing kisser- I just-" it was now Y/N’s time to be cut short by a pair of soft lips, Hailee effectively shutting Y/N’s ramble up with a fierce kiss while her hands boldly reached up and cupped Y/N’s right breast through her shirt, whining gently between their mouths at the pleasant discovery of the girl not wearing a bra under her oversized, worn out black t-shirt when she felt her nipple under her palm stand up at the attention.

"I want you. So badly." Hailee murmured between kisses, moving her lips then between the hollow of Y/N’s neck and where it meets with her clavicle, focusing on a few seconds there to leave a faint mark there that would disappear in a few hours - she didn’t want to gain Y/N’s make up artist attention - and smirking on the skin there when she felt more than heard the hoarse, low moan that vibrated through Y/N’s throat.

"I want you too Haiz. I’ve been wanting you for a while-shit!" Y/N cursed under her breath when Hailee’s hand slipped under her shirt and finally came in contact with her breast greedy for Hailee’s fingers attention without restraint, alternating between squeezing the firm mound hard and softly before she rolled the pebbled nipple between her thumb and index finger, sending shock waves directly into Y/N’s aching core.

"You can touch too, y’know." Hailee encouraged Y/N when she noticed her hands stayed at her side, grasping the hem of her shirt hard from the pleasure building up within her and from unconsciously hesitating with letting her hands roam around Hailee’s marvelous body. At that Y/N noticed her frozen hands and immediately did what she was craving to do since she met Hailee years ago, grasping her magnificent ass to knead it eagerly, smirking triumphantly when she got a high-pitched whine as a response to her actions. "Fuck, your hands feels so good on me."

"And wait till I start touching more." Y/N murmured sultrily on Hailee’s parted mouth, biting on her bottom lip gently as her hands slipped under the girl’s grey sweatpants and panties and grasped her ass without pieces of clothing in the way. She didn’t know where this boost of confidence came from, but she was definitely riding this wave to make the most of it. Hailee arched her back in response to push her ass more into those amazing hands worshipping her butt in a heavenly way, but she needed more. Now. So with a disgruntled groan, she slipped her hand out of Y/N’s shirt and immediately discarded the piece of clothing on the trailer’s floor, before doing the same with her own shirt, pushing her bare chest out just for Y/N.

Y/N’s eyes devoured every inch of her scorching hot skin, feeling her hands on her ass twitch lightly before pushing on it and making her fall on Y/N’s body gently to let her connect their lips back together in a heavy kiss with their tongues dancing between their mouths while their naked torso sliding over each other made them shiver in arousal. Hailee’s shifting body caused a leg to slot perfectly between Y/N’s ones, the sudden impact of a strong thigh hitting her clothed clit made her interrupt abruptly their kisses and moan lewdly in Hailee’s mouth, before unconsciously sliding her own leg up to also brush it on Hailee’s center, eliciting the same reaction from the singer. Hailee’s loud moan did nothing more than completely ruin her panties for good as the fire burning deep in her stomach was becoming almost unbearable. They set a steady rhythm, both starting rubbing involuntarily on the other’s thigh as they resumed their hot kisses, but the motions quickly became greedy movements to chase an orgasm that was building fast in their lower stomaches. "Shit Y/N, I- am- fuck- close."

"Yeah, me too babe." Y/N smiled warmly at the singer having some troubles talking coherently as her pleasure hazed her mind, so she spurred the girl to chase her orgasm down as she gripped impossibly hard on the girl’s ass and helped her ride her thigh in a fast pace, instantly matching her rhythm, wanting to flip over the edge alongside Hailee. They continued to dry hump for a bit more, by now they both stopped their kisses to plainly pant and moan into each other’s mouths when their clits rubbed particularly hard on the other’s thigh, their frenzy movements causing the bedrest to slam steadily on the trailer’s wall, the sounds mixing with their own tumbling out of their throats and creating a perfect melody that ended with a long, breathy moan and a gentle, high-pitched whine blending together when their climaxes crushed over them. They slowed their movements to ride their highs as much as possible before stopping altogether, Hailee’s body immediately slumping over Y/N’s one before connecting their lips in a languid, sweet kiss as they both regained their breaths.

"Wow." Y/N murmured after their lips pulled away gently with a soft pop to take some needed breath back in their burning lungs from lack of air.

"Yeah, wow." Hailee smiled brightly down at Y/N before hiding her face in the crook of Y/N’s neck when a blush started to form on her face at the intense, fond look Y/N was regarding her with.

"If someone told me this morning I would have had confessed my feelings for you after you did the same and then we would have had sex, I would have laughed in their faces. But here we are." Y/N chuckled softly to cover up her flushed state when her stomach erupted in wild butterflies at her own words.

"Yeah, me too. Even if, y’know, it’s been a current dream to me. You don’t even know how many times I’ve dreamed about confessing my feelings and finding myself in this very position after. Well, with much less clothes, you know what I’m saying." Hailee snickered while her eyes fell down on their entwined, clothed legs, and moved them involuntarily. The motion made her very much aware of the fact that her panties were completely drenched and it created an instant pressure between her thighs, a clear sign that she was turned on once again.

"Well, I can easily make that dream come true." Y/N countered back with a quirky smirk on her lips and Hailee didn’t have enough time to wrap her still a bit hazy brain around Y/N’s words because the Y/E/C girl swiftly switched their position and pushed her on her back and got rid of her pants and panties within a second. Hailee shifted her eyes from her bare, lower half, to Y/N’s straddling her thighs and wearing an hungry glint in her eyes as they drank her now naked body in quickly, shivering wildly at the attention she was receiving.

"Take a picture, it’ll last longer." Hailee quipped to try to get Y/N’s attention, now focused intently on her breasts moving up and down every time she took a breath, succeeding right after her joke. She swallowed loudly to get rid of the instant lump in her throat when her brown irises met Y/N’s Y/E/C ones now almost completely black from lust.

"Y’know, maybe I will. After I worship you the way you deserve to be worshipped." Y/N leaned down and laid gently on Hailee’s body to whisper those words in a low, raspy tone on the singer’s lips, her pants’ fabric caressing the singer’s hot skin in a delightful way that set every single nerve ending in her body alight, before connecting their mouths in a languid but fierce kiss, enhancing their senses ten fold and making them feel each other more.

"Fuck." Hailee wailed when a hand skid up and down her side, brushing each time the side of her boob but not giving it the attention it needed. "But first, I want to get rid of those pants first." Hailee pushed Y/N gently up to let her take off her pants in a few, quick motions before focusing her attention on Y/N’s panties. "Would you look at that? This mess is because of me?" Hailee caressed Y/N’s entrance through the completely wet fabric of her panties, causing the Y/H/C girl to mewl pitifully at the new, amazing stimulation her throbbing center was receiving and buckle her hips down Hailee’s fingers desperately. "Answer me little one." Hailee knew she was playing dirty now. She knew how the nickname effected the girl. She started using the same nickname Kate use to call Megan in the show and Y/N quite liked it. Kate was 3 years older than Megan, but Hailee was just 11 months older than Y/N, however she liked calling her like that and Y/N enjoyed it just as much if not more. It gave them more closure to their characters. Hailee knew the nickname sparked the desired effect when she felt a gush of Y/N’s juices leave her core and increase the already copious amount of wetness collecting there, causing a big smile to form on the singer’s lips.

"Yes. All for you." Y/N answered under her breath, a whine leaving her lips right after when Hailee’s pointer and middle finger started rolling around her clothed clit.

Hailee let out a grunt of satisfaction and ripped the girl’s panties apart, throwing the shredded undergarment on the floor and instantly connecting her fingers with Y/N wet center, reveling in the groan of satisfaction leaving the Y/H/C girl at the touch. Seeing Y/N with her eyes closed, completely naked on top of her and her face contorted in pleasure as her hips buckled down to cease a little more contact, gave her an idea that covered her entire body in excited goosebumps. "Ride my fingers."

"W-what?" Y/N stuttered in shock at Hailee’s command, asking her to repeat herself because there was no way she asked her that.

"You heard me. Ride my fingers, babe. I wanna watch you while you come on my fingers." Hailee answered boldly while she pointed her words out with her fingers teasing Y/N’s entrance. Y/N let out a breathy moan and involuntarily pushed her hips down, the motion causing Hailee’s pointer and middle fingers to enter her just a bit and ripping a moan out of both of their throats at the new sensation Y/N’s movements triggered. Y/N then spurred into action by grabbing Hailee’s wrist and pushing her hips down more to let Hailee’s two fingers enter her completely, wailing pitifully at the feeling of finally being filled by the singer and shivered at the thought.

"Fuck Hailee, you feel so good babe."

"Shit, you feel amazing wrapped around my fingers." Hailee’s words prompted Y/N’s stilled hips to move around tentatively slow, adjusting to the brunette’s fingers before speeding up gradually their pace, the Y/H/C girl savoring this new wave of pleasure crashing over her as she chased her climax down, trying to keep her eyes open as much as she could to look into those mesmerizing brown irises.

"You’re even more beautiful looked from this angle." Hailee whispered sweetly on Y/N’s mouth after she wrapped her hands around the side of her neck and her thumbs started caressing the base of her jaw, then sunk her teeth on the brunette’s plump and soft bottom lip, causing a low whine to leave Hailee’s throat while her free hand instinctively gripped the girl’s left buttcheek to increase her hips’ speed before adding a third finger to enhance the girl’s pleasure.

"Look who’s talking. Babe you’re breathtaking from every angle. I can’t believe this is happening." Y/N’s truthful words and honesty swimming around her sparkling Y/E/C hues made the singer’s stomach knot over itself as a wail of pure pleasure and love thundered from Y/N’s throat and found it’s way out to reverberate on the trailer’s walls and her hips’ movements quickened while her movements became more sloppy and rushed as she neared the edge but she wasn’t caring about that when she had the most beautiful and caring girl in the world looking up at her like she put the stars in the sky. Hailee noticed the changed tempo of Y/N’s motions and helped her to reach her climax sooner by massaging carefully her clit with her thumb while meeting her movements by pushing her fingers up and slipping them in deeper.

"Holy shit- Hailee!" Hailee’s last hard thrust hit something deep within her that made her see stars through her hooded eyes as she came all over the singer’s fingers that slowed increasingly their movements down to prolong her pleasure as much as she could.

"How are you feeling, cutie?" Hailee whispered sweetly when Y/N’s tense body, finally slumped down on her own and nuzzled her nose on her jaw as she regained her breath.

The term of endearment instantly dusted a scorching blush on her cheeks that Y/N promptly hid with slotting her face in Hailee’s neck to prevent her from noticing her face getting red from a stupid nickname. "Good. Amazing." Y/N murmured almost unintelligibly and the brunette smiled fondly at the girl’s shyness, her fingers tangling in those soft, silky Y/H/C tresses to massage her head, comfort instantly flowing in her body and lighting it up. They stayed like that for a few more seconds, soaking up in each other perfume and molding their bodies like they were meant to be just one. When Y/N’s breath became steady again and her body rested enough to let her move freely, she resumed her previous position on top of Hailee as she wrapped her lips around Hailee’s still a bit red ones from their kisses in a slow, sensual kiss while her hands took their time to caress and explore Hailee’s marvelous body some more.

"Fuck, Y/N." Hailee interrupted just a second their kisses, becoming needier and more lustful, to moan in Y/N’s mouth when the Y/H/C girl’s hand stopped its skidding all over her skin and grasped the brunette’s soft, right boob and kneaded it greedily.

"Mh, you like that baby?" Y/N murmured gently on Hailee’s parted lips, before slipping her tongue between them to lick inside the girl’s mouth and eliciting another loud whine that she promptly swallowed.

"Yes, so so much."

"Well, then you’re gonna love what’s next." Y/N pulled away to whisper out sensually, winking right after placing a sweet peck on the brunette’s addicting mouth, before descending her lips down the hollow of the girl’s neck, focusing a few moments on the bumps of her collarbones, peppering her upper chest with soft, gentle kisses before finally suckling a waiting nipple in her mouth. She smirked in satisfaction when Hailee arched her back to push her chest more into her mouth while letting out a long moan at the new sensations sending shock waves down her spine and right between her legs.

"Y/N/N, please."

"Please what?" Y/N teased, slipping her lips off the now sensitive nipple, to focus her attention on the other one, tapping her tongue on it and when it immediately stood more still at the attentions her tongue was paying to it she smirked triumphantly for sparkling such reactions from the Y/H/C girl.

"Please I need you."

"Where my sweet baby?" Y/N murmured, wanting to tease the girl just a little bit more, even if her begging for release sent shivers all over her skin.

"Y/N, I know what you’re doing. Normally I would play along, but I’m so turned on I could just come by you staring at me like that."

"Like what?"

"So innocent while you have my nipple in your mouth." Those words caused Y/N’s mind to turn into mush while her center clenched over nothing. She was shocked and extremely impressed from the fact that a few simple words turned her on that much in mere seconds. She wasn’t complaining one bit. "So now, little one, please fuck me." Hailee stated simply, using once again Y/N’s favorite nickname, but those straightforward words were enough to spur her into action. She reluctantly let go of the pebbled nipple to reach her previous target, showering Hailee’s stomach with open mouthed kisses, stopping on her left hip just a second to tease her some more, before slipping her tongue between her wet folds without warning. The loud sound that came next was a mix between Hailee’s moan of pure pleasure at the attention her needy, throbbing center was receiving and Y/N’s gentle wail at the inebriating, salty but sweet taste that was uniquely Hailee. "Yes!"

Y/N slipped just the tip of her tongue in before slipping it out and sucking thoroughly on the singer’s clit as a bunch of profanities mixed with Y/N’s name echoed around the room and instantly invaded Y/N’s body with pride for providing so much pleasure to Hailee. She stayed there, lapping up at the brown eyed girl’s clit, alternating between drawing idle circles to sucking on it hard to increase her pleasure, but when the girl started to trash around uncontrollably she new she was near the edge but needed her to tip over it. So she laid a sweet kiss there while she simultaneously slipped two fingers in, drawing a loud mewl from the welcomed intrusion from the singer under her and causing a satisfied smile to roll over her lips wrapped around Hailee’s throbbing bundle of nerves. She used her left hand to push Hailee’s hips down on the bed when she started to buckle them wildly to chase down her release while the right one took her tongue place on the girl’s clit to intensify her pleasure. "Fuck, you’re taking my fingers so good." Y/N whispered in awe as she watched Hailee’s body tremble uncontrollably with her back arched and her head leaning on the pillow under it with her mouth open in a silent moan.

"Holy- Y/N-" Hailee moved her head down after hearing Y/N’s voice and almost came on the spot when Y/N’s now almost black hues were staring up at her from between her legs with so much affection, love and lust. "I take that back. This is the best view I’ve ever had the pleasure to see." Hailee’s hand slipped down cling on the Y/H/C girl’s hair when the girl’s moan that followed at those words, reverberated through her body, and pushed her more into her aching center while moans slipped out of her mouth.

Y/N smirked in satisfaction at that and got back to work, adding another finger and speeding up her movements, desperately wanting the girl to come so she could drink her up like she had been dreaming since she started having feelings for her. Not too much longer a particular hard thrust, followed by Y/N’s teeth scraping Hailee’s clit gently, made the brown eyed girl tumble over the edge with a loud moan of the Y/E/C girl’s name leaving her lips. Y/N slowed her fingers’ movements and slipped them out to replace them with her tongue, lapping up till the girl’s last drop of juices spilled out of her core, almost melting right there and then when Hailee’s other hand intertwined with her own placed on her hips. The gesture was so intimate and loving that both of them felt butterflies fly wildly around their stomaches and her hearts almost bursting from happiness. When Hailee stopped trembling and whined to signal Y/N she was a bit sensitive, Y/N laid another sweet peck on the girl’s clit before sliding up the singer’s lean body and smiling down at an equally grinning Hailee when they were face to face once again. "Can I-?" Y/N asked gently as her eyes flashed down at Hailee lips, watching a loving smile unravel on those addicting lips at the shy question, knowing really well Y/N asked for permission to kiss her just because she had her lips and tongue in her center moments before and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, before Hailee grasped the back of her neck and pulled her down to let their mouths meet halfway in a slow, languid kiss, silently answering the girl’s question. Hailee whined at her own taste on Y/N’s tongue and shivered at the memory of Y/N making her come with her fingers and that very tongue.

"You are amazing, miss Y/N Y/L/N."

"Just like you, Hailee Steinfeld." They shared a few more loving pecks, now fatigue from their activities and from a full day of shooting making itself known, so they switched position, once again to allow Hailee to lay her thigh over Y/N’s hips while her hand clutched her torso, before nuzzling her nose under Y/N’s jaw, both of them cuddling each other tightly as they let their bodies take their needed rest while soaking up in their loving bubble a few more minutes before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

[wclovewhatismortal]

I just binged Love What is Mortal in two days and I just want to say - you're an amazing writer, the way you were able to weave a story that not only fits into the warriors universe, but expands on things we'll probably never learn in canon in a way that makes sense (also it was definitely better written than any of the newer books, plz take over for the Erins) is amazing. I really hope we get more warriors content from you in the future!

I do have a couple of questions though if that's ok?

Generally speaking, what's the time frame of Love What is Mortal? If I recall correctly Leafpool mentioned the flooding from Bramblestar's Storm in one of the earlier chapters and it ends with Juniperkit and Dandelionkit meeting Hollyleaf so I'm guessing it ends right at the beginning of AVoS or a little before the beginning?

I feel like it was heavily hinted that Ashfur either went to the mortal realm and started the whole Bramble possession arc, or went to whatever exists outside of starclans itself (likely the place where Jake resides.) I did see in one of the asks you answered that Mudclaw would still be hunting Ashfur down, so I'm just curious if we'd ever get maybe a novella or a snippet of that scenario depending on where Ashfur went exactly? Or maybe if not a fic to read, would you be willing to explain what might have occurred?

The last thing I'll ask right now is about Patchkit and Larchkit, are they still with Appledusk? Or was Petalkit implying they faded away? I thought it was probable it was the former, but reading about how many kits get left without families or kin around because they are still waiting for closure or something that will help them move on, made me think perhaps those two were able to move on after spending time with their father whereas Petalkit chose not to stay with him.

Again, I really love your work!! You deserve a good break and some good food. Make sure to drink water and rest! Sorry if all these questions have been answered or are a bit much, feel free to not answer them if you don't want to!

You binged it in TWO DAYS? I'm impressed! LWIM is 226,638 words, which according to the website Wordcounter is the equivalent of 503 pages. You're freaking awesome!

Thank you for the nice words! LWIM really was a passion project for me. It's fun to take the afterlife of warrior cats and expand on it, seeing as it's so ripe with potential. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I'd be happy to answer your questions!

You're right as to the timing: it ends a little bit before the beginning of AVoS.

You might be wondering how Ashfur's shenanigans factor into that timeline. As of the end of LWIM, he escaped from Starclan. Now, he's out galavanting somewhere in the greater afterlife. Neither Sorreltail nor Mudclaw are particularly interested in letting him get away, but I think they'll meet some resistance from some of Starclan on that.

As for Ashfur, he's going to try to stir up trouble for Starclan. He knows what he wants to do, he just has to figure out how. In one of the latter chapters, he taunted to Hollyleaf about the plans he has for Squirrelflight and Bramblestar.

If I were to write a sequel or short story, it would probably take place not long after LWIM, and follow all the way through into TBC. Sorreltail would be the POV character, on a quest to track down her half-brother. Mudlcaw would undoubtably be involved, but as to what capacity, I'm not sure. If they can get along, a Mudclaw & Sorreltail dual-investigation might be fun. I think Sparrowfeather would make an appearance in this, as location-wise he would probably be somewhere in the broken remnants of the PONS.

You're right on the money with Patchkit and Larchkit. They stayed with Appledusk until they were able to make peace with their own lives and with what happened with Mapleshade. They have long since faded away. On the other hand, Petalkit disliked Appledusk so much that she ran away and never found closure with him or herself. She's not in a great place at the end of LWIM. For all intents and purposes, she feels abandoned by pretty much everyone: Mapleshade, for making reckless choices that bound her for an eternity to the PONS instead of Starclan; Appledusk, for his presumed infidelity and perceived lack of interest in being a parent to her in the mortal realm; Patchkit and Larchkit, for not agreeing with her revulsion of Appledusk and finding peace without her; and Snowfur, who she has a lot of mixed feelings for. THAT one is a whole can of worms that she'll have to sort through.

Now Petalkit is with Hollyleaf. It's what Mapleshade would've wanted: someone trustworthy watching over her.

Perhaps, Mapleshade wouldn't have had qualms with Sorreltail watching over her too, but that might be a little too painful for our calico protagonist. The death of Honeyfern is very fresh for her, and after all, she still has work to do.

Thank you SO much for reading my story, and for sending an ask!

[eureka-its-zico]

Irrevocably Yours

Request: hey! can i request a scenario of jungkook being a rich kid who has ome of his legs is leg failure , basically can't walk without a cane , And he falls in love with a normal girl , and they end up running away , happy ending plz , also if u can , LIT IT Up with smut ' thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A/N: So. This request was sent to me a long ass time ago. I mean a LONG time ago, and I spent so much time working on it...it became too long. So I broke it up in half. Just to see if anyone actually becomes interested in how this ends. Just to see if anyone still reads anything I write. So if you end up enjoying this, please let me know and I’ll post the last of this. I have so many things buried inside my google docs that need to be set free from hibernation. 

Also, I’m sorry if this isn’t any good. I’ve rewritten this a thousand times trying to fix it, and I’ve done all I can for now. I hope someone out there enjoyed this craziness. And to the original person who asked for this, if you ever see this, I’m sorry it took so long. P.s. I also took creative liberties and changed it up a little. Much love, Jenn

Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 13,756 (yeah I know, it was longer before I halved it. Sorry!)

Genre: fluffy/Smutty(later)/First Love drama sorts mess

A part of you would always remember the first day you’d met Jeon Jungkook. His presence standing in the doorway to the classroom held every single one of your classmate's attention along with yours. Jungkook silently demanded to be noticed, even though in a way he wanted no one to notice him at all. The classroom felt louder than usual, or maybe that was just how you recalled it. Maybe it's what caused the ringing in your ears when the room was swallowed up in silence. The sound of his cane hitting the stained linoleum; ticking like a time bomb with every step. 

At first you couldn't see why he necessarily needed it. Jungkook was a master of hiding things. Even pain. It wasn’t until he’d reached the teachers desk, his hip moving to rest against it to ease the extra strain off his good leg, that the stories of his accident became true.  Not one of you were willing to look too long at the challenge in his face. Defiance turning his soft features bitter as he glanced out across the room. Jungkook wanted to appear strong; to dare anyone to mutter even a word that he wasn’t. That he wasn’t the same person he was before the accident. 

He must have been able to fool your home room teacher into forgetting. His eagerness to introduce Jungkook only caused him to accidentally come too close to his legs in passing. The teachers’ waist moved and harmlessly bump against Jungkook’s bad leg. A small movement that was enough to change Jungkook’s entire demeanor for just a second. 

The whole room collectively took a breath; waiting for him to scream out in pain. To turn savage and yell or curse at the stupidity of the teacher. Jungkook did none of it. He continued to look out into the room with his chin held high. 

You could see, however, through the crinkle by his eyes and how heavily he now leaned on his cane that it’s caused him a great deal of pain. A brief moment in showing what he tried to hide and if you weren’t staring so hard at him, you were sure you would’ve missed it.

An infamous legend among other schools as his face showed up on Sports articles that featured proud features of parents beaming excitedly at cameras. Taekwondo and track metal’s around his neck by the dozens. Grades to match the intensity of his athletic drive with a rumor that if he tried something for the first time, Jungkook would still be phenomenal at whatever it was. 

Even without ever actually meeting him - everyone in that classroom knew who he was. Jeon Jungkook was a hard man not to hear about. 

In the beginning of the year there’d been a different headline for him, however. He’d been the passenger in a friend's car that was struck by a drunk driver. The ferocity of the impact leaving the car looking like a bow. Jungkook lost a friend that night, and part of the mobility in his left leg. The driver himself died instantly and you weren't sure if that was justice enough for the two boys who’d lost so much in a matter of three seconds. 

And with so much, yet so little known about him you found yourself unable to join the others in measuring up the boy in front of you. 

Jungkook was taller than you thought he would be, or maybe you’d silently been hoping the universe wouldn’t be so cruel to give someone talent and every single attractive feature known to man. He’d been played up like he was a god among the rest of you feeble mortals. You figure’d girls were overacting, I mean it happens. Imagining after listening to all their swooning, you’d somehow shockingly find out he was nothing more than your average - ordinary - boy. 

Jungkook was anything but ordinary. 

His lean frame still retained years of training that wasn't so easily hidden, even under the layers of the school uniform. You could see the care he still placed on his outward appearance. The rising star who was still handsome, even underneath all his brooding. His school uniform strained against tight muscles in his arms and, worse, was his legs. Your cheeks heating into an embarrassed blush as his eyes landed on what seemed like your desk. It was silly to think he’d caught you gawking. Everyone was gawking at him, but even a millisecond of his gaze made your cheeks light up with embarrassment at the idea of being caught. 

There was gossip of him not wanting to go back to his old school; his old life. You didn't really blame him. Why be stuck in a place where there were millions of memories of a time you had with a close friend? Of having the ability to walk down the halls without everyone looking at you like you were damaged goods. 

“Everyone pay attention!” Mr. Choi shouted. 

It all seemed unnecessary. Your attention was already on him whether he wanted it or not. 

“I’d like to welcome our transfer student, Jeon Jungkook. I expect you all to be on your best behavior.”

“I don't need you to defend me,” he snapped. 

He started moving his way down the aisle towards the only empty seat in the room: the one next to you. 

You quickly turned away from him and started cleaning up your space. Jungkook got to the desk faster than you thought and dropped his backpack down on top of the desk. His long body slumped down into the seat, placing his cane next to the window seal. 

“We’re going to continue with our previous lecture from yesterday. You can share with Y/N until you get your own books.”

You flipped to chapter eighteen with your many notes scattered inside. Your eyes giving him a sidelong glance before sliding the book neatly between the desks. Jungkook didn't bother to look at the pages: his gaze was locked elsewhere. Somewhere outside the window with the freedom far beyond the gates of the school. 

The enter class you’d spun a hundred different sentences in your mind. Each one playing out in your head as pure idiotic or unnecessary. You just couldn’t shake the feeling that it felt wrong letting him sit there like no one cares. To be a part of the prying gazes of the class; to know his name and him not knowing yours in return. You weren't sure why you gave a shit so much, anyways, but you did. 

At the sound of the bell he was the first one to hop back onto his feet. His hand instinctively taking hold of the cane to keep him propped up as he moved to situate his backpack over his shoulders. You’d followed close behind him and gathered up your things. 

You didn't see him again until fifth period. His brooding presence in the back of the class hung like a dark cloud you couldn't shake. You knew you weren't necessarily the most cheerful person in the room, but even Jungkook’s sour puss attitude was making you want to throw glitter at him. 

He didn't acknowledge you when you came to your usual seat at the window, and it didn't bother you. No one usually acknowledged you anyways. What did bother you was that he was sitting in your window seat. Statistics was by far your least favorite subject this year, and the one thing that kept you sane was that window seat.

“That's my spot.”

Your voice didn't hold any hint of malice. It was just definitive: you wanted your seat. Jungkook didn't look at you straight away. His eyes still daydreaming through the window and the world beyond. When he did finally look at you, you were sure the annoyance in his face was meant to send you packing. Too bad for him you’d seen worse. 

“Is that look supposed to scare me? It doesn't change the fact you're in my spot.”

“I don't see your name on it.”

Your laughter turned to a scoff; cut short by your disbelief. 

“What are we in middle school? If you want to get technical, it was assigned by the teacher aka my name is theoretically on that seat. So -” 

You acted like he was a pet you could shoo off your bed. The hand motion earning you his brow to raise in return. 

“You’d really make a cripple get up?”

“Is that what we’re calling you? A cripple? Because it looks to me like you’re still capable of doing things, oh say, a paraplegic can't.”

The anger rolled through him suddenly like storm clouds. All the possibilities of playful mischief disappeared as he regarded you with so much hate, it was as if he’d struck you. 

“Oh, really? I didn't realize that they were giving away M.D titles in high schools now.”

Your mouth opened to - to what? Apologize? The sensitive part of you told you that you should. His accident hadn't been a full year yet, and here you were badgering him. Yet, you knew if you continuously babied him like everyone else it was only going to do more harm than good. Your next choice of words were cut short when your teacher walked in and asked why you were still standing. 

“He’s in my spot.”

God, now who sounded like they were in middle school? Your teacher seemed to draw a blank. His gaze moving from you to Jungkook then back to you. 

“Just sit down, Y/N.”

You did so with a huff. Your arms pulling your backpack you’d sat down on the desk closer to you like a pillow. Just so you could rest your chin on top of it and tried to ignore the smirk that was now on Jungkook’s face. 

After you’d gone to your next class you couldn't stop thinking about your exchange. It  turned your mood sour the rest of the day, and you couldn't understand why. A part of you wondering if it was because of your choice of words or the defeat that shown all too bright in his doe eyes. 

The end of the day couldn't have come fast enough. You just wanted to get home and out of your uniform and maybe get a chance to go take some photos before your parents got home. You were too preoccupied with thoughts of where you wanted to go, and what coffee shop you wanted to stop at, when you collided into the back of someone else. A loud curse followed suit of the sound of a cane dropping on pavement making your eyes shut tight and your throat constrict around a groan. 

“Jesus, can't you watch where you’re goi- oh, it's you. Enjoy attacking cripples, do we?”

You opened your eyes to see a less than amused smile on his face. He acted more like a judge at your hearing and whatever sentencing he was giving out, it wasn’t in your favor. 

“I’m sorry I wasn't paying attention.”

You moved to pick up his cane for him when his hand angrily swatted yours away making you jump back a step. 

“I don't need your charity. I can do it myself!”

“No one said you couldn’t! I was only trying to be nice.”

“Yeah, well, go and be nice somewhere else.”

He situated his weight on his good leg and bent at the knee low enough for his hand to reach out and grab his second form of support. The movement so graceful that it left you stunned, but not as much as his words did. 

“You know, just because something bad happened to you, it doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. You aren't the only person to lose someone or something important. Get over yourself.”

With your hands latched underneath the straps of your backpack you stomped around him. Not caring that you left him standing stone still. His mouth slightly agape as he watched you take your exit. 

During your walk home, somehow, Jungkook plagued your thoughts. Your mind unable to comprehend why you were still thinking about him. It was the first time you’d met, and yet, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. If you were being honest with yourself you knew from replaying the last thing you said to him.The look on his face saying plainly that you were an asshole.

Everyone’s pain mattered. Grief and loss wasn’t measured by anyone else’s pain but the person who experienced it, and to diminish it in any way was unfair. Regret was building inside your chest and it was all you could do to keep your feet from sprinting back in his direction. 

When you got home you went directly to your room, throwing your bag on the bed, and sulked to your desk. You had more pressing matters to attend to than a boys’ possible hurt feelings. No matter how many times you tried, however, you weren’t able to write out theories on government history or explain anatomical questions.

The only thing your brain appeared to focus on was how to apologize. 

You thought about Jungkook while you showered and brushed your teeth. You thought of him when you laid in bed and struggled to find a way to sleep. Your mind playing out the million different possibilities of how your apology would be taken from him. You didn't necessarily understand what it felt like to have your dreams stolen from you. To be forced to cope with a new life you hadn’t asked for and the emptiness of losing someone you loved all in one go. 

If the tables were turned and it was you, wouldn’t you feel equally as bitter? 

The following morning in between toaster cooked waffles and fixing your uniform in the mirror, you’d resigned to apologizing to him. No matter how much thinking of it made your teeth grind and a growl rise in your chest at the thought. You imagined him sneering and replying with smart remarks and it caused your mind to waver, but you were better than the pettiness swelling in your chest. You were okay with knowing his prickled exterior came from something you couldn't ever understand. 

You made sure all the time you had while you walked to school was used up by mumbling the speech you’d made up the night before. At crosswalks practicing the best stance that didn't appear threatening, was friendly, but wouldn't be misconstrued as flirting. 

That was by far the last thing you wanted to happen in his eyes. Sure, Jungkook was undeniably attractive...as much as you would've loved to laugh sarcastically in his perfectly sculpted face that his obviously very masculine features did nothing to make you weak in the knees. That you hadn’t noticed when his elbows, still clad in his jacket, moved to rest on the desk it’d caused his biceps and shoulders to equally fight for whatever was left of the fabric. Or that small scar on his cheek caught your attention when he became annoyed; his tongue poking out at the side of his jaw. 

No, you hadn't been paying an embarrassing amount of attention to him at all (or at the ridiculous outline of his thigh muscles in his school uniform)  with every step he took. 

So, since you hadn't personally taken notice of any of physically appealing traits, why would you flirt? You were well aware of the vast difference of not only your social scale, but also of your class ranking, and looks overall. You were lightyears away from ever being able to consider being more than a female acquaintance he happened to get stuck next to at school. He wasn't the first boy who was out of your league, and Jungkook wouldn't be the last. Why it bothered you so much was a child's thought you refused to entertain. 

When you finally got to school you hurried up the steps and briskly made your way down the hall. Not stopping even after Jenny cursed after you for nudging her as you went by. As soon as you swung open the door for homeroom, your eyes landed on Jungkook’s position. His cane leaning against the desk, hands tucked inside the pockets of his uniform slacks as he leaned back against the chair. 

His gaze was focused somewhere outside the window, completely blank and motionless, and you wondered if he could've been having a thought at all. He was close to being marked as unreal in your book when he blinked and turned his gaze towards you.

You hadn't realized you’d been staring until that moment. Your gaze dropping to the worn linoleum as you briskly made your way down to your desk. A mumbled, “Good morning,” falling like a bad habit from your lips while you came around the side to slid into the desk chair. Nervous hands clutching tightly to your bag as you stared straight ahead, unwilling to glance in his direction. 

Somewhere between cursing your awkwardness and staring out the window like an escape hatch your teacher started the lecture. None of it to which you were paying attention too, which was probably why you heard him call your name. You jerked in your seat as he yelled it a second time. Your eyes no doubt wide from giggles that sounded around the room. 

“Y/N, since you're listening, you can go ahead and answer number forty-seven in the workbook.”

Panic sent your eyes wide as you stared back at his expectant face: waiting for you to fail. You hadn't even taken your book out since you’d sat down, finally moving to do so, when you felt a light tap against your bag. It was enough to jerk your gaze away from the teacher and down to a completed book of all the problems done by Jungkook. 

He cleared his throat and tucked his hands back inside the pockets of his trousers easily not understanding the severity of how his actions had left you wide-eyed in surprise. You were still taking too long, causing your teacher to prompt you with a grunt and Jungkook to casually reach out and tap the answer again. Your eyes trailing over the written answer before standing up and clearing your throat. The answer rolling off your tongue as easy as breathing; as if you didn't just steal it from a notebook. 

You made a silent prayer the teacher didn't notice the sweat threatening to break at your temple. The nervous ticking of your feet tilting from spot to spot. A rush of relief escaping your lips when his response to your answer was to continue class. 

You took your seat next to Jungkook; unable to acknowledge him just yet for saving you from whatever punishment your teacher would've no doubt thought of. The realization that Jungkook himself was the reason for your lack of concentration making your cheeks flush an embarrassing pink making your arms wrap protectively around your backpack. 

You’d never even brought out your textbook. Never dropped your bag from your desk and no doubt Mr. Choi knew you were given the answer. You buried your mouth against the coarse nylon in a weak attempt to stifle your embarrassment. 

“Thank you.”

Your eyes caught the soft tilt of his brow as it rose at the muffled words. You could make out his left shoulder leaning him down towards your huddled position, making your hands involuntarily tighten into your backpack. 

“What was that?”

The husky whisper of his words weren't anything you’d heard before, and they resonated up your spine to leave you staring starry-eyed.

“Th-thank you. For giving me the answer.”

He didn't respond. His gaze fixed solely on your face until you forcibly struggled to keep from fidgeting under its weight. After what felt like a small eternity, Jungkook nodded his head and faced forward. The sudden ghost of the death of your conversation causing you to blink at his profile. 

The rest of the class was spent with your focus lacking on taking notes. How could you focus with his presence commanding your attention? A small army of ants creeping along your nerves demanding to acknowledge him. It was so strong, when the bell rang you jumped up from your seat to try and escape into the freedom of the school’s hallway, only to end up with your knee connecting straight into the hardwood of the desk. Jungkook’s snort at your misfortune was enough to remind you how much of an arrogant pain in the ass he could be. 

“Wow - good job doofus.”

Your head snapped back in his direction; tongue rolling in your cheek as he hopped up from his seat. A hand snaking out to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder as the other reached for his cane. You held your head high despite how awful your knee was stinging, and stood up adjusting your bag. 

“Seriously? That's all you've got? Doofus? Next time let’s try harder.”

Jungkook didn't seemed miffed by your retort, actually seeming more amused than anything, and for some reason it only bugged you more. Did you really want to get into another argument like you were in primary school with him? You discarded the thought as you tightened the strings on your backpack and decided to take the mature route and leave him behind. 

The hallways mass of bodies rushing to get to their next period giving you comfort; until you remembered you shared the same economics class. Today was also a field trip to a farm to learn the process of making soy products. It would take up the last few classes of the day. You’d been excited to spend the day out of class and enjoy the rustic scenery out of town. Your only hope was that he hadn't been able to get his parental slip signed; he’d just started the day before. How could he?

When the teacher walked in and asked Jungkook for his permission slip you wanted to howl. Why was the universe so cruel? But why did you care so much? 

It was a question you didn't bother to think about; you just grumbled the whole way to the bus. Your teacher standing at its entrance to put a check by your names every time one of your classmates passed him by like lined up cattle. You were the last checkmark: the last person to find an available seat. You rounded the final step and your stomach sank down into your shoes. The universe seeming to play a sick joke of musical chairs; your only options being Jungkook or Amber, the girl who actively struggled to make sure your life was a living hell. 

You’d rather be eaten by dogs than even attempt to sit with her. Jungkook it was, then.

Your hand clasped tighter around the strap of your bag as you moved it farther up your shoulder. A large sigh accommodating your steps as you side-stepped down the aisle ending with you in front of his seat. His cane taking up what was left of it. 

Jungkook didn't seem to register your presence or he just decided to pretend you weren't there. Either way you felt your annoyance grow as you cleared your throat to grab his attention. His chin barely leaving the perch of his fist as his head turned; gaze intimidating in a way that left your fingers pinching the fabric of yours clothes just to make sure they were still there and he hadn't stared straight through them. 

“Can I help you?”

“I need a seat.”

He looked back and no doubt noticed the open spot next to Amber. Jungkook’s giving the slightest nod as he retorted, “There’s one right back there.”

“Come on, Jungkook. What do you want?”

“You're bribing me now?” 

His smile was so bright, borderline adorable, and you hated how it threatened to make you retaliate with your own. 

“Stop being a brat and just tell me,” you snapped instead. 

Jungkook shot a quick glance back at Amber’s giggling figure. You were sure most people thought she sounded like wind chimes or something else cute and feminine, but to you it just sounded like a cat dying. When he looked back at you, Jungkook checked you out one last time. His eyes stopping at the lone earbud that sat against your chest. For a moment, you thought he was actually staring at your breasts making your cheeks burn and your gaze to look anywhere else but at his smug face. 

“Let me listen to your iPod there and back on this trip, and I'll let you sit with me.”

“What am I supposed to do?”  

Jungkook did a lavish hand sweep at the window. The motion reminding you of the showgirls on The Price is Right, making you believe maybe he’d somehow watched it, and one too many times. 

“You get to use your imagination while you look out the window.”

“No way. Joint custody.”

“Fine. Joint custody, but I get to pick the music the whole way. If you have shitty taste the deal's off.”

He stuck out his hand for you to shake and there was a moment, a minor second, that it felt like you were making a deal with the devil. However, the sound of Amber’s laughter practically had your hand bolting into Jungkook’s. You shook it harder than was necessary before dropping it and shooing him to move. 

Jungkook removed his bag and cane from the seat. Your legs giving out moments later so you could plop down in it, only to be greeted by his outstretched hand. The smile that spread across his lips shining brighter than the mischief in his eyes. 

“As per our agreement: the iPod.”

He wiggles his fingers and you wanted to smack him. Your own squeezing tighter against the metal until, reluctantly, you chose your fate by placing it into his hand. Jungkook didn’t seem to mind your current look of displeasure while you watched him begin to scroll through your assorted music collection. 

At least the seat was warm. 

The first few seconds were somehow more awkward than you thought possible. Eyes locked in a fifty-yard stare so intense a soldier would’ve been envious. The only movement you caught of him was from your peripherals. Jungkook’s thumbs picking up speed from the leisurely way he scanned through the artists you’d offered. And no you did not, whatsoever, happen to notice the way his bottom lip would dart inside his mouth just to be held gently between his teeth. All the while his eyes focused on the task in front of him.

Nope. You weren’t paying attention to him. Not even a little bit. So how he was able to make you jump twelve inches out of your skin, while you were most definitely not embarrassing yourself by gawking over a beautiful man, was beyond you.

“Ya!” Jungkook clicked his tongue in distaste. His hand wiggling the ipod in your direction, as if it had caused some great offense. “What is this?”

Your neck tiled as you regarded him like he’d grown two heads. You were also positive if your eyebrows knitted together any harder you’d end up with a unibrow. 

“Ugh, a mystical device that plays music.”

The look on Jungkook’s face faltered from frustration to annoyance. It was so sudden it ended up sending a bark of laughter in his direction. And just like that, the annoyed look was back again. 

“I mean, what the hell do you have on this thing. Who is The Dead Weather? City and Colour? Joji?”

“They are artists I enjoy.”

“They’re shit.”

You rushed to try and snatch it back from him. Jungkook’s reflexes proving to be faster than your growing urge to smack him.

“Excuse me, little miss,” he began. “What do you think you’re doing?”

He used his index finger to push gently against your forehead, but with the current level of irritation, he still proved faster than you. Your failed attempt to swat his hand away meeting only empty air. Earning you a smirk of smug satisfaction. 

“I’m trying to get my things back.”

“That wasn’t part of our agreement.”

You tried one last time to take him by surprise. Your right hand shot out too hard to grab at the object clasped in his large hands. The momentum carried you forward to land shoulder first against his chest. Leg nudging against his with enough force that it caused his cane to move an inch. It took everything you had to keep your head down to hide your flaming cheeks. 

“And now you’re assaulting me.”

If your eyes were capable of rolling back any father you might've seen brain cells.

“I was only trying to get my property back. Since the only thing that’s coming out of you is complaining.”

“I’m not complaining,” he snapped. “You’re acting like an Indian giver.”

“Is that all you know how to do: complain?” You continued, completely ignoring him. A slight smirk now etching your lips. Jungkook’s eyes flicking down to notice your amusement at his expense. “I believe they call it, ‘trying something new.’” 

His eyes narrowed on you and for a split second your pulse began to race. Sure, the agitation on his face at your teasing was obvious, but you could’ve sworn...maybe...just maybe he was smirking. Could you have possibly been able to make him smile? 

“I should make you go sit with Amber.”

The smugness in his voice and the cocky smile that joined it instantly made whatever fun you were having come to a complete halt. Jungkook was so pleased with himself he had the audacity to shimmy his shoulders like he’d already won. The rolls had reversed. It was your eyes turn to throw daggers in his direction. 

“Now who's the Indian giver.”

Even though he played up on what he felt like was a win, you could tell he was not as amused. His non-injured leg bounced to an incredible rhythm that he could only hear. Probably a furious count to a hundred to keep himself from saying anything else to continue your usual thrilling conversations. So when he handed over one earbud, and the iPod, but placed the other into his ear, it was fair to say it left you baffled. 

You were waiting so long for him to give an explanation, but all he did was continue to stare at you. It was starting to make your pulse race again. Why did he constantly have to feel so intense? Everything about him. Not even his current state made him seem any less notable. It just didn’t seem fair. 

It wasn’t until he cleared his throat did you realize you’d been staring. For god knows how damn long. 

“You gonna play something or not?” he asked. 

His hand motioned towards the music while his fingers adjusted the earbud he’d kept. 

“I’m so confused.”

“You look it,” he retorted, causing your earlier thoughts to remember, although handsome, he was an incredible pain in the ass. 

“Ten seconds ago you complained about my music. Now you want me to play it for you.”

Jungkook turned his gaze away, his body relaxing back against the hard foam of the seat. His eyes still cast outside the window as if he was trying to find some way to escape. 

“Either I can spend the next couple hours listening to you talk, or “try” out some new music. If I have a choice, I’ll pick the music please and thank you.”

Oh, how you wish you could’ve shoved him out that tiny window. But as much as you hated to admit it, Jungkook was right. Music was the only reasonable escape from possibly having either of you commit murder. 

It was your turn to try and get comfortable. This time your thumb scanning down the list of artists until your eyes caught sight of one he’d mentioned. Without giving him warning you pressed play. The haunting melody of Joji’s “Dancing in the Dark,” flooded the earbuds. His voice melancholic as he began to sing a sad tale of not wanting to be the hidden second option. 

The song choice was enough to finally get Jungkook to look back at you. Somehow already having enough with the song choice before it’d barely even reached the chorus. 

“Just listen.”

It was the only advice you could give him, and hopefully the reassurance you’d tried to ease into your tone was enough. Whether it was or not, by the time the chorus began he seemingly relaxed again into the seat. His arms moving to cross lazily against his chest. He seemed to actually be taking in the song while he watched out the window. The passing of the steel and concrete that was Seoul into the rural areas of green and forest. 

The music itself was calming. It was enough to let yourself fully relax back against it and close your eyes. With your eyes closed you could easily fade out the sounds of the sporadic conversations on the bus. Even though you only had one ear bud, all you needed was to concentrate on the music to drown out the world. 

It took a few seconds for you to be pulled into a Joji’s song about terrible longing and being left behind by a lover. I mean, you didn’t really know too much about the latter, but hey, a girl could daydream. His voice was seconds away from heading into the second verse of the chorus, when you heard the sound of the melody being lightly sung beside you. 

The voice was beautiful. The most startling part, not the fact of its softness, or the way it swelled in perfect harmony with the song, was that it came from Jungkook. Your eyes flung open with your head snapping to gaze at his serene expression. He continued to face the window, daylight playing along the profile of his face, and his gentle voice singing perfectly in tune. 

It wasn’t loud enough that anyone else could’ve heard it over the dozens of bursting conversations being spoken throughout the bus. That the only conclusion you could come up with to why he would be singing at all. He thought no one would be able to pay attention. You probably would’ve stayed gawking at him if his eyes fluttering open didn’t send you crashing back against the seat and clutching your eyes shut. You needed to pretend you hadn’t noticed. Or else he would stop. He would hide this part of himself that showed he was more than what he tried to portray. 

You didn’t have to open your eyes to know he was glancing in your direction. To see his eyes gaze over you with suspicion before settling back and listening to the next track. Khalid’s intro of “Talk,” beginning to play into your earbud. 

You spent the rest of the trip staying beside him, close as you could get without looking creepy, just to hear him gently sing. He breathed a gentle version of each one he knew, or came to like, and made it his own. Even being a few times were his nerves got the better of him. His voice rising ever slightly when he drew too deep into the song. He would quiet after each outburst, but to your pleasure Jungkook would start back up moments later. 

After all the bickering, you could definitely say the trade was worth it. You were so taken with listening to him that when the bus came to a stop, you didn’t realize it until your earbud was yanked from your ears. Your eyes heavy from sleep fluttered open and closed a few times before they focused on Jungkook’s face. 

“Ya, didn’t you hear them call us off the bus?”

Your response came in the form of slow blinks and a mouth half-hung open. You wished more for a nap than going out to explore a farm, but your limbs were screaming to be stretched. You went to answer him when, instead, Jungkook grabbed his bag, cane, and started to try and scoot over you.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Trying to get by! So excuse me!”

His backside rubbed against your arms and, to your horror, your chest. Without thinking, your hand lashed out to smack across his bottom causing both of you to go as still as the dead. Your heart was thundering as you looked at your hand like it’d just finished committing murder. Maybe it had. But the only person it’d murdered was you with your eyes roaming up to see a shocked Jungkook gawking down at you over his shoulder. 

“Did you really just smack my ass.”

“It was an accident!”

“An accident?” He questioned.

“Self-defense!”

Jungkook tried to hide the amusement your no doubt panicking was causing him. His mouth struggling to keep the frown that was tilting ever so slightly at the top of his lips. 

“If anything needed to be defended, it was my honor. Over here just smacking people’s ass’s without a warning.”

You knew by now your face looked like a fire hydrant. 

“Self-defense from you dragging your ass all over me! I’m not a seat, ya know.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

This time Jungkook didn’t try to hide his smile. To your surprise, it wasn’t a malicious one that showed he enjoyed your embarrassment. No. This one decorated his face in something softer that made your heart thunder to a different rhythm entirely. 

“Oh, look you guys. Shit Stain and The Cripple are flirting.”

Amber’s grating voice was one you’d grown painstakingly accustomed too. The sinister way she spoke impossibly loud just so everyone was forced to hear her. Whether they wanted to or not. You were used to her coldness and the constant way she harassed you. What you weren’t so used to, was having Jungkook as part of the punchline. 

Immediately, you felt his legs tense where they touched you. The muscles ramrod straight and flexing under the skin. The lighthearted tone you’d heard seconds before in your banter was now replaced with an aloofness that made you stiffen in your seat. Jungkook’s jaw held tight as he regarded Amber as if she were no more than a pest buzzing at his ear.

“Ya, fix your nose before you bother talking to me. I can see half the planet up there.”

Amber’s eyes flashed hellfire as she glowered over her shoulders to stop the giggling that ensued. When all grew quiet enough to where she felt like she would be heard, a harsh smile spread her lips. Her legs began to take a step to move away from the two peasants who’d held enough of her attention. 

“Whatever, Cripple. Try not to get your stick in any holes.”

She was passing the front of your shared seat when, suddenly, Amber’s legs gave way. A tumbling mess of shrieks, bleached hair, and her arms flapping rapidly a solid indication of her mysterious attempt at taking flight. The only thing that moved to catch her was her face. The minute the laughter began to bubble up inside you, you quickly placed a hand over your mouth. Least the she-devil hear it escape. 

You took a second to inspect what could’ve possibly taken down the ice queen. Even when she wore ridiculously high heels, Amber walked with a grace you knew you’d never pull off. Not without looking like a newborn giraffe, that is. Glancing down you noticed Jungkook’s cane strategically placed right where her foot would’ve landed. The culprit in making Amber a freshly minted carpet on the bus’s floor. Somewhere on the bus you knew she was up from her tumble and huffing a few choice words. You were sure she knew, just like you did, that Jungkook was the one who’d done it. You paid no attention to her tantrum and kept a transfixed gaze on him. 

He’d finished scooting the rest of the way to get to the middle of the bus and was situating his cane and shoulder bag. His hand suddenly reaching down into view and patiently waiting for you to take it. 

“Come on, Y/N. Let’s go.”

You knew you looked like a fool. Your eyes mirroring the thousands of silent questions that threatened to make you ill. A part of you hoping he understood your dumbfounded look simply begged him to find some way to answer you. You’d stared starry-eyed up at him for so long you half expected the patience of Jungkook’s open hand to fall flat. Instead, he continued to surprise you. His gaze gentle, and hand openly waiting for you to take it when you were ready. 

With eyes wide and mouth agape, your body rejected your stunned silence and placed a small hand in his. His own quickly enveloped yours perfectly and gave you the added support you needed to find stable footing beside him. Jungkook finally looked away from you to stare at the remaining goons. 

The moment you stood beside him you became painfully aware of the noticeable height difference. Your gaze moving up inch-by-inch until your eyes were locked onto his face. The stubbornness of a hard set jaw and eyes that dared anyone to speak enough to make your heartbeat pick up in your chest. When he appeared to be finished making sure his presence was known, Jungkook’s eyes turned back to you. A silent request of reassurance to know you were alright making you answer with a quick nod. 

Your cheeks blushed furiously as you struggled to look away from his gaze. No longer were you so worried about Amber; your mind trapped on a repeat of questions. Did Jungkook always smell like Calvin Klein cologne? Could it be considered weird how you felt undeniable comfort pressed up against him? Or really weird if in your head you suddenly imagined recreating this scene a million times later with you being braver beside him, instead of being the damsel in distress.

He didn’t seem at all perplexed with your case of sudden shyness. His strong legs pulling you both forward and past the horde of Amber and her lackeys without missing a step. His head held high while the other hand helped him keep his balance without using his cane. For the small world that was high school, Jungkook showed them he was still that once popular boy who was known for not taking shit from no one. A demi-god amongst mere mortals that were somehow honored by his presence. 

And here you were. So close to the orbit of his sun and walking away unscathed.

Your train of rushing thoughts kept you from paying attention. It was something you soon were going to regret when he led you off the steps of the bus and onto the dirt road. Jungkook’s exit was obviously graceful while yours in comparison was a train wreck. Instead of your feet stepping off the last step and landing like a normal person, you lost your footing. Your clumsy feet sending you struggling to find a balance with the earth before you crash landed on the floor. Luckily, Jungkook’s back was there to catch you. 

The momentum of your fall sent his feet skittering to correct you both before you fell into the dirt. A few choice cuss words leaving his lips and crimson flaring up on your cheeks to make the dance of falling even more entertaining. You could practically hear the cackling of the witches echoing out of the bus like a cave. 

Jungkook made quick work of righting you both; his good leg furiously hoping to support the weak one. His cane dug into the earth a good inch to add some more stabilization. You let go of his hand and moved away from his side where you’d previously been planted. You weren’t worthy of being there. This boy who saw your distress and helped you. Only for you to ruin it in the process. 

“Well that’s one way to ruin an exit,” he huffed. 

He glanced in your direction and you could’ve sworn he was smiling. Or was that a smirk? Whatever it was, it was quickly washed away as his eyes took you in. “You okay?”

“I’m sorry!”

Your words rushed from your lips with your back snapping to bow a perfect ninety-degrees. Your hair a curtain to try and hide your embarrassment. 

“Ugh...for what?”

“For bumping into you like that. I should’ve been paying attention.”

A soft laugh bounced from between his lips and you were willing to beat his face lit up like pure sunshine. You moved to stand upright just in time to see you were right. Jungkook was either oblivious to the way you were looking at him, or was simply unfazed. His shoulder hiking the backpack where it’d begun to fall as he adjusted himself to get ready to move to join the rest of the class up ahead. 

“You did ruin one hell of a stylish exit.”

“I don’t know how stylish you can be stepping off of a school bus, but...thank you.” 

The both of you locked eyes with one another. A large part of you hoped Jungkook was able to see the sincerity or at least hear it. Maybe he wasn’t that much of a pain in the ass after all. That soft smirk you’d grown accustomed to etched back on his lips as he took the first step towards your waiting classmates.

“No problem. Plus, I figured I owed you for letting me listen to your music.”

You felt your brow shoot up in mock surprise. Your legs falling into step beside him. 

“I thought you said I had terrible taste.”

“I never said terrible,” Jungkook corrected. His eyes danced with a playfulness that lifted a smile to your lips

“You could’ve fooled me.”

“Well, it wasn’t the greatest, but thank you. I actually ended up liking most of it, at least.”

“Oh, what a sweet way of insulting my musical taste.”

“Hey! I said I liked most of it. It’s like a win-win. Kinda.”

You wanted to be snappy. Give him some more hell for always playing up on being a condescending moody jerk. In reality, walking next to Jungkook while the silence swelled around you without the awkward pressure; you knew that wasn’t all of him. He’d proven how sweet he could be at the memory of how easily you’d felt protected by a simple stretch of a hand. The look in his eyes while he waited for you to take his extended hand a plea to know you could trust him. Strangely, a part of you already felt like you could. 

You snuck a look over in Jungkook’s direction, and felt a smile begin to sweep up the corners of your lips. It was a different, but nice, change to have someone come to your defense. Yeah, most of the time you wanted to throttle him for seeming like he could care less. In that moment, however, he cared enough to help. That had to mean something.

“You’re welcome.”

You hoped your words conveyed the gratitude you felt in that moment. Prayed that Jungkook could hear it. When he looked at you, you made sure to give him a quick smile before you looked away. Your eyes struggled not to look back at him; to tell him all the things that were racing through your head. It took every ounce of your will to stay focused on the group of classmates that were growing closer. Somewhere along the way, you’d hoped Jungkook would’ve replied with his usual smart ass remarks. It worried you how sad a small part of you felt at his silence. 

Now, you worried maybe you were going a little nuts.

Instead, you came to the edge of the group in silence. Your ears struggling to grasp on to the middle of what your teacher gave out for instructions for the day. 

So what if that insane part of you didn’t receive a smart ass remark in return for your gratitude. You were more than happy with the fact Jungkook stayed by your side. The close proximity just enough to convey what you were both feeling without unnecessary words.

______________

For the past hour the farmer -Kim Sejung - had shown the class around his vast property. The beginning of this magical tour starting with where he manufactured the tofu once it was fermented then sent down to be processed for packaging. He was a man who took immense pride in his work. The next room where the fermentation took place and, his overeager explanation, spelled out how devoted he was to his craft. 

The whole entire backwards presentation was something your teacher decided became a chance for everyone to write down everything you���d been shown. A punishment you knew was coming when Kim Sejung lost half the class to their own conversations long before you’d hit the second part of his speech. 

Now, anyone could be wondering why all of you were taking the longest stroll of your life out in the middle of the farm. A fair question you’d been asking yourself since you realized your shoes were completely covered in mud. You’d been trying to understand why this hadn’t been the first place Kim Sejung would’ve taken all of you. Your only guess being he just enjoyed showing the process backwards. Or maybe he was secretly a  mastermind at torture. It was the only logical conclusion you could come up with at having the entire class now out in the muddy acres of his farm.

And sure, maybe your attention was being sent over your shoulder every five seconds. A certain boy with exhaustion creased in his brow making it harder for you to ignore. You were looking back so often you felt like you’d end up with whiplash at any minute. Really, it was all Jungkook’ fault for causing you to worry; becoming painfully aware with each glance at Jungkook’s struggling frame. 

How Sejung -, or anyone else for that matter, hadn’t noticed he was falling further behind the group with every step left you completely perplexed. You’d gave up listening to whatever the farmer or teacher talked about or what questions they were throwing around. You could bet it had to do about soil. 

If everyone else could ignore him why couldn’t you? It’s not that you hadn’t tried, cause of course you’d done exactly that. Your bottom lip now held a semi-permanent indent from your teeth. Whenever you felt that tick in your neck to look back to check on him: you bit down. When you felt like drawing attention to him by saying something: you bit down. A part of you willing to bet Jungkook would never forgive you if you did. 

Your solution? It was ingenious, really. 

You fell back behind every classmate. Patiently, you waited for everyone to pass you up. Your feet dragging in the muddy dirt until you were sure no one would notice when you inevitably stopped. 

With a soft count of three under your breath, you came to a halt at the back of the group. Your small count continued for another round before you were comfortable with the distance it’d placed between the group, Jungkook, and yourself.

You let out a huff of satisfaction as you turned around to give Jungkook your complete attention. Your neck thanking you for the small favor. What you found, however, greeting you was far from what you’d hoped to find. 

Jungkook’s current location became a solid five feet behind the group. His feet finally coming to the large puddle of mud that you and the class had easily maneuvered Jungkook had not. His struggle coming to a standstill at the muddy puddles edge. Jungkook’s face etched itself in harsh determination to no doubt allow him from moving forward. You told yourself you would stay back and wait for him. 

Just wait, You kept telling yourself over and over. A broken record having nothing on what you felt capable of standing there. Your pulse bonding in your veins and feet bouncing with anxiety as he assessed his options. All you were supposed to do was hang back to walk with him. That was it. You weren’t his nanny. You knew how he felt about being pitied, and yet, when he took his first tentative step out into the mud and his cane sunk deep and his bad leg followed suit, your feet deceived you. 

It appeared Mother Nature had her own way of pushing you past your reserved good intentions. Your feet sprinted forward fast enough that you were embarrassed at their quickness. The expected movement bringing Jungkook’s frustrated gaze up from his current dilemma to you.

“What are you doing here, Y/N?”

The annoyance held in his question didn’t go unnoticed by you. If it was you in his position, you’d be annoyed seeing you standing there too and not offering to help. 

“I came to help you.”

The words just streamed out with your running thoughts. Your feet willing to move forward back into the mud to help him. Jungkook noticeably began to struggle to remove his foot that submerged quickly underneath. 

“I didn’t ask for your help.”

“You didn’t have too, Jungkook. I want to help.”

“Let me rephrase myself.” His irritation was pure fire in his eyes as his words hurled in your direction. “I didn’t ask for it and I don’t want it.”

You wish you could say you handled his dismissal with grace. That you understood he was only being a jerk because he was embarrassed and angry at his current predicament. You really wanted to be that bigger person. Well...that most definitely wasn’t what happened. 

Your eyes narrowed in on him. Your previous desire to help evaporated as you watched his leg sink deeper. His other foot soon joined the first in a poorly calculated attempt to release the other. Your arms crossed over your chest as you took in the scene before you. 

“Well, Jungkook, I’m not sure if you noticed but you’re slowly heading towards being buried under that mud.”

“Thank you for that astute observation. Anything else you’d like to add?”

“Why are you being such an asshole?!” you snapped.

Your arms came loose down at your side and turned to clenched fists. You weren’t exactly sure what you expected his reaction to be. You knew Jungkook held a hatred for being pitied. Hell, you would too if it was the other way around. You knew he wasn’t helpless, but you also knew he couldn’t do everything alone. No one could. So what was so wrong with offering to help him?

You weren’t sure how you looked. Maybe crazy? Or did the desperation of not knowing how to handle the situation have you appear sad? Whatever it was Jungkook saw, it was enough to look away. His eyes dropping down to his covered feet. 

The space between the two of you swelled with tension. His hair perfectly covering his face, and kept you from being able to steal any glance. It was enough to make you unsure if you should prepare yourself for a verbal battle with him or if you should simply walk away. What if you’d made a mistake thinking Jungkook would want to be bothered at all with help. Especially from you. 

“God, this is embarrassing.”

His words were so light you weren’t sure at first if he’d spoken. A part of you wondering if you’d made up the sound of his voice as Jungkook’s face continued to be hidden by layers of hair. But, lord help you, you knew you weren’t imagining things. The sound of his voice is something you’d come to recognize with ease. You knew without a doubt it most definitely was him. And the sadness that reverberated from his words made your anger dissipate instantly. 

“What?”

Could you have picked a stupider response? When Jungkook lifted his head up to look at you, you knew he silently agreed.

“It’s embarrassing!” His hands motioned to take in his current predicament. The hurt shown on his proud features made your heart ache to comfort him. “How pitiful can I get? It’s so damn frustrating! The cripple unable to get himself out of some stupid mud.”

“Jungkook, you are literally the least pitiful person I’ve ever met.”

“And yet, it doesn’t make me any less stuck.”

You took a step forward and began to try and edge around what you could of the puddle. You knew there was no way you weren’t getting more mud on your shoes, but the purpose was worth it. 

“Why didn’t you just go around it?” Your question earned you a dead stare. One that reminded you of your mother when she felt like you’d asked the silliest question. You held your hands up in surrender and said, “Hey. It’s a fair question.”

“If I just go around it, it proves that I can’t do the simplest thing, Y/N. It proves…”

“That you aren’t like everybody else,” you finished for him.

You could’ve kicked yourself. How could you not have noticed it sooner. Jungkook just wanted to prove to himself that he could still do things like he did before his accident. Because even though he showed people bringing up his disability didn’t bother him, it did. He still hadn’t come to terms with what happened, and believed the current state of his leg deemed him less worthy. 

He looked away from whatever he saw in your eyes. His own fighting not to show the sadness that threatened to spill down his cheeks. 

“You aren’t like everyone else, Jungkook.” Your words tore his head back in your direction. His shoulders quickly squared up to take whatever verbal blow you were about to hurl in his direction. You were happy to convince him otherwise.

“You don’t need to prove anything to a single person. Yeah, you aren’t a hundred percent who you used to be, but it doesn’t make you any less you. You aren’t defined by a damn leg and if another human being does treat you differently because of it: fuck’em. Now, get your shit together and hand me the end of your cane.”

The both of you stared at one another for what felt like an eternity. Jungkook’s face unreadable as his eyes took you in making you squirm just the slightest bit. Whether he was looking for a hint that you were deceiving him; that something hurtful laid underneath, he wouldn’t find it. You made sure with your hand this time open and waiting for him, that he could see just how much you meant what you said. 

After what felt like a baby size eternity, Jungkook answered you in a way you’d grown to expect. In one swift motion, he picked his cane out from the mud and placed it, dirty end first into your waiting hand. Your face scrunched up in disgust, as the leftover mud squished between your fingers. The action enough to break the coldness of Jungkook’s blank expression into the smirk that was all too familiar. 

“Oh my god! You would do that.”

The amusement on his face was enough to tell you he’d most definitely done it on purpose. Of course, you’d already known that. You didn’t need his raised eyebrow or that devilish smirk to inform you of that.

“Oh, so you think you know me now.”

“I know enough to know, without a doubt, this is something you’d do. Brat.”

You saved the last word for good measure and it was met with a bark of surprise laughter. His reaction was not something you’d expected, but a welcomed one as his face instantly lit up brighter than you’d ever seen. Jungkook’s laughter and smile was genuine and good god, was it breathtakingly adorable. 

Who knew calling him a brat led to so many heart stopping possibilities? Like no longer having a permanent scowl. 

“Alright smart ass, how about we settle this for when I’m not stuck in the mud.”

“You got yourself a deal. Only if you stop pouting.”

“I was not pouting!”

It was your turn to laugh wholeheartedly while your other hand moved to secure itself to his cane. There was no way you’d be letting it slip free from you. Mud or no mud. 

“Tomato potato: pouting is pouting.”

Jungkook’s head tilted to the side. His brain noticeably trying to comprehend what it was you just said.

“That makes absolutely no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense, Jungkook now grab a hold of yo-“

Honestly, you should’ve seen this coming. He’d already given you a muddy end of a cane. It was the perfect foreshadowing moment that was leading up to this, and yet, somehow you were surprised when he pulled with full force. You figured he was strong - not freakishly. Not enough to send you flying face first toward the large mud puddle with the sound of a squeaking bird of surprise that you could only assume was yourself. 

The only thing that kept you from going face first was a split second decision to ruin just the lower half of your outfit. 

The impact with the mud was squishy and came with the weirdest sound effects that reminded you of pushing your hand into a container of slim. God, was it squishy. An immediate, “Ewww,” dragging out from your lips as your hands lifted up from where they’d been buried. Your eyes taking in the full extent of your lower half now resembles the Swamp Thing. 

Jungkook’s laughter brought you back to reality and flinging what was left of the mud on your hands in his direction. It only earned you another bark of laughter. 

“What in the hell was that for?!”

“Now whose pouting?” He teased.

You wanted to hit him but you knew you couldn’t reach. So you settled for flinging another round of mud. 

“Are you kidding me? You pulled me in here cause I said you were pouting!”

“Yup.”

“Unbelievable. You’re a child.”

“I thought you said brat?”

“That too! Ugh! Jungkook! You’re such a pain in the ass. I’m not helping you anymore.”

You moved to try and pull up one leg and found it way more difficult than you’d imagined. Seriously, was this shit superglue? No matter how many times you struggled to pull up either leg it wouldn’t budge; producing an agitated groan to seep from your body. 

You wanted to murder him. 

When you glanced up at him at least Jungkook had the decency to appear worried.

“Do you need help? I didn’t think it’d be so hard for you to pull yourself up.”

“Oh, so you’re worried about me not being able to pull myself up, but not about me covered in mud.”

The shrug Jungkook gave as an answer made you want to throttle him. You wanted to tell him to shove his help up his ass. Realistically, however, you knew there was no way you were getting unstuck without getting dirtier from crawling around. For a second time, his hand appeared, like magic, in front of you. 

Your eyes trailed up his hand to that devilish grin of his and found your earlier agitation disintegrate. What you hated the most, was how his eyes lit up to match his smile. This warm version of Jungkook wasn’t someone you were used to. You’d seen the cocky jock who knew he was good at everything. Experienced the real asshole Jungkook that made you want to rip out chunks of hair. But this side of him...was worth a heartache or two. 

Without another thought you reached out and took his hand and allowed him to start lifting you up. It wasn’t until you were half way you came up with your own plan. A devilish grin of your own spreading your lips wide as the idea grew into something worth doing . 

Jungkook had a moment to be confused before your free hand shot out and took fierce hold of his forearm. You made sure it was locked in place before your body went completely limp, and sent his body into an unbalanced mess. 

“The fu-!”

Jungkook’s descent, at first, made you feel like you’d accomplished a victory. One you didn’t get to relish in for long. Jungkook may not have been able to finish his earlier sentence, but you easily made up for it. A softened, “Fuck!” came pressed from your chest as he landed sideways on top of you. The angle reminded you of an awkward pair of scissors: if one part of the scissors was ridiculously muscled for a student. 

You’d had little time to move your hands up to brace yourself against his weight. The air from your lungs whooshing out in laughter with your body struggling to recover from underneath him. And no, no you weren’t painfully aware that your hands could feel every well lined muscle under the fabric of his t-shirt. And no, you were not blushing. Not even a little. 

You were sure when Jungkook lifted his head up to look in your direction, he’d see the sinful glee you took in your awkward positioning. Instead, your lungs erupted into laughter. One side of his face perfectly smeared with mud making one eye remain closed and his right doing most of the work. He looked ridiculous...and cute. 

“You think this is funny?”

“I think-I think it’s the best thing I’m going to see all day.”

It took a few tries to speak through your laughter, but when you finally got the words out you couldn’t have been more proud. Jungkook on the other hand, seemed to struggle to keep the annoyance on his face. The first sign of a smile cracking into the mud that began to dry on his face. 

Jungkook moved to prop himself up - the action giving you the room you needed to wiggle out from underneath him. You were about to call it a success, a retort to an unspoken comment he’d yet to make. All of it came crashing down, however, when Jungkook’s mud covered hand rose from the depths and placed a long streak down your nose with his thumb giving an artistic sweep across your cheek. 

The marks he gave reminded you of those old western movies you’d seen. Warpaint covered faces of men getting ready to square off to defend their home from invaders. The thought seemed to match perfectly with the beat of your heart thundering like a drum inside your chest.

It wasn’t just because Jungkook touched you - on purpose - in a playful way. It had nothing to do with the fact his muddy hand was currently resting against your cheek. Or from the denial that it brought out a spark of mischievous happiness to ignite inside you as your mouth fell open to expose the sound of laughter. No, your heart pounded against your chest purely for the look that passed behind chocolate eyes and the soft smile that followed close behind. 

So, sure. In that instance it could’ve just been a plan old look. You weren’t a hundred percent sure it wasn’t more than just a look though, either. There was that one boy in first grade, however, who did give you an aggressive teeth-clacking peck on the lips during recess, but this was completely different. 

And because you were so uncertain of what it all meant, your only reaction was to lift your hand up from beside you and slam it palm first against his face. 

Jungkook’s face lit up in shock and you couldn’t stop the eruption of laughter that spilled from your lips. It was an immediate rush of joy at seeing his handsome face marked by your small muddy handprint that streaked itself across the plains of his face. Normally, you’d be mortified: waiting patiently to be scolded and made to feel small. Instead, the shock wore off his face in an instant. Jungkook’s eyes lighting up with childlike excitement as a giddy, “Oh yeah?” rushed between his lips. 

You didn’t have a chance to wonder what he meant before he reached into the mud and brought up a snowball version of the earth. 

“Oh, no you don’t!” 

Your eyes went wide and frantic giggles exploded free as your body struggled in vain to get out from under him. The previous joy of being pinned by his weight dissipating when that large mud ball found its new home smeared on top of your head. 

“Jungkook-ah!”

His own laughter rose up around you as your body began to move in earnest to get out from under him. When you finally realized it was pointless, another bright idea overtook you. If Jungkook noticed the renewed mischievous glint in your eye, he didn’t show it. 

He continued to smile obliviously down at you until the two fist fulls of mud you’d taken in both hands came crashing down on top of his head. It didn’t matter that your face caught some of the aftermath: the face he made was priceless. 

You didn’t get a chance to enjoy your tiny victory before the two of you were a mess of arms and limbs rolling feverishly around; the two of you playfully wrestling for dominance. The mixture of your laughter rising up until you weren’t sure where Jungkook’s ended and yours began. By the end of it, you were both resembling the pigs you’d seen earlier on the farm. Bodies fully covered in wet earth and lounging beside each other in exhaustion. Every few moments random fits of giggles overtaking the two of you until you realized you both needed to get back. 

This time, instead of the two of you refusing help from the other, you eagerly took it. The both of you worked together to reach the edge of the mud pit and, without further incident, pulled each other out. 

The walk back to the main barn was done in silence. In other circumstances, you would’ve been consumed with a need to fill it. The impending weight of anxiety would’ve flared across your skin until you would’ve blurted out anything. Small talk was never one of your strong suits, but a comfortable banter had somehow formed between the two of you. You knew if you started talking, Jungkook would respond. It was still a fifty-fifty on whether or not it would be a smart ass response or a real one, but a response nonetheless. 

You didn’t try to start a conversation. You chose to enjoy the reassurance that he was beside you. Your mind running through what exactly just happened and how you both ended up looking like bad impression art. You’d spent so much time stealing glances in his direction that you could’ve sworn you caught him doing the same. But who were you kidding. No one had stolen glances at you since middle school, and that was only to steal the answers off tests. 

There was no way Jeon Jungkook would be the one to break that trend. No matter how flattering the thought. So when you felt that knowable itch of being watched you found yourself surprised that Jungkook was indeed staring at you. 

“Are you cold?”

Jungkook’s question jolted you from your train of thought and sent you reeling into another. He was closer to you now. Close like you’d been while sitting on the bus with your shoulders brushing with every movement. Every bump helplessly sending you lightly banging into the other. 

On the bus you could easily play it off as something out of your control. But now? Now there was no good explanation that you could find to why Jungkook decided to walk so closely beside you. There was no way to explain away the way his gaze drew across your face like he’d save it to memory. 

“Well I am covered in freezing mud water.” 

You’d tried for sarcasm but your voice barely carried over a whisper. It made Jungkook’s head subconsciously dip lower just to hear you. The devilish smirk he was infamous for spread like wildfire across his lips. 

“I would offer you my jacket, since it’s the gentlemanly thing to do, but you see some crazy person pushed me into the mud.”

A scoff escaped you as your hand playfully whipped out to slap his shoulder. 

“Ya, Jungkook! You? A gentleman? That’s funny. What is also funny is the fact you got yourself stuck in the mud first. I just came to rescue you.”

“Rescue me?” He asked with an eyebrow coyly cocked. 

“I’m like your knight in shining armor.”

A throaty laugh came from between his lips; sending his head back exposing his face to the sun. You were mesmerized watching him as the sun kissed down across his face and weren’t at all ashamed at being caught watching as he brought his attention back to you. A smile of your own growing to match the one he wore along with your mind fluttering in wonder of how he was even real. 

“If you’re my knight, Y/N I’m in a lot of trouble.”

You feigned hurt but couldn’t hide the grin happily splayed on your face and, crazy thing was, you didn’t want to. It felt impossible that the two of you were so giddy with each other. A strange familiarity brewed heavily between you to the point it felt like the two of you joked like this for years. 

Jungkook’s own smile enough to warm the chill that began to creep up your arms to expose goosebumps on your skin. The two of you fell into a shroud of companionable silence and continued to make your way back to the main entrance of the farm. Your heart skipping a helpless beat every time you feel Jungkook’s fingers graze across yours. Your mind hopelessly wanting to believe maybe, just maybe, he was tempted to reach out and hold it. 

You came back to the main farm and found your teacher and classmates impatiently waiting. The immediate shock your teacher showed at your appearance seemed to grow more intense until he came storming over: hysterical at your current condition. 

“What on earth have the two of you been doing?!” 

“They’ve been rolling around with pigs.”

You knew that tart voice anywhere and wasn’t surprised it was Amber that spoke. What did surprise you was how much you didn’t care with Jungkook standing like an equally filthy calm current by your side. 

“We’re sorry, seonsaegnim,” Jungkook began coolly with a bow. When he realized you were still standing a hand shot out to the back of your head to bring it down. You quickly slapped it away but kept yourself in a bow. “We got lost from the group and found ourselves stuck in a giant mud pit.” 

“It seems to me like you were playing in it,” the farmer chuckled. “I could hose them off before they get back on the bus.” 

His offer left heat rising to your cheeks. The sound of a sea of giggles making your stomach ache in embarrassment. You used the curtain of your hair to hide and hoped they’d come up with a different suggestion, but with a small shrug of his shoulder, Jungkook brought your heated attention back to him. A soft smile cracking the now dry handprint you’d left across his cheek. 

It was ridiculous. You both looked ridiculous, and yet, he was still handsome. You probably looked like a troll. 

“Hey Knight in shining armor,” he whispered. “It seems we get to take a bath together.” 

The sun couldn’t be anywhere near as hot as your face felt. The heat spread from red cheeks and down your neck until the butterflies in your stomach were out of control. Jungkook knew what he had done. He could see it plainly on your face and he loved it. 

You, on the other hand, wanted to hit him. 

And just like divine intervention your teacher did it for you. His curled up pamphlet struck down on top of Jungkook’s head, but it only made his smile grow impossibly larger.

“Ya! I don’t think so! We’ll have you go one at a time to clean up. I’ll look for something for you both to change into.”

Jungkook went first to be hosed down. The farmer actually allowed him to have his privacy so he could get into his more...private areas in peace. The clothes that were found for both of you to wear were old gym clothes thrown in a box in the storage bay at the bottom of the bus. You imagined they must have been thrown there for a reason. The colors were sad and faded down to a color that resembled the mud you’d fallen in. An even sadder rim of yellow wrapped around the sleeves the only hope of color in the terrible outfit you were now forced to wear. At least it was warm with the added bonus Jungkook somehow ended up with the shortest shorts in the box. 

After the two of you dried off and changed you were shepherded onto the bus. The place that held Amber and her minions now vacant due to the teacher demanding you sit exactly in the far back in their spot. He must have imagined it would be like putting two naughty kids in time out. The only effect it really had was giving you the chance to breathe and enjoy the solitude. 

Jungkook dug around for your earbuds inside your bag. Finally finding the small container and lifting it open. His fingers pulling out the left and surprising you by placing it gently in your ear. Your face must have shown this but Jungkook paid you no mind. He was busy placing the other bud into his ear; flipping the case shut and throwing it back inside to forever be lost until you practically tipped out your bag to locate it again. Oh well. A problem for another time. 

“Put on something for the ride home, Y/N. I trust you to be dj again.”

You wanted to tease him. To joke about putting on the YMCA or Macarena . The only thing that stopped you was the relaxed features of Jungkook’s face. The lazy way his neck rested back against the seat and his head languidly gazing in your direction. You tried to squish back all the butterflies that look gave you and a hushed, “Alright. Lady Marmalade it is,” embarrassingly came from between your lips. 

Your eyes were too focused on your music list. You didn’t allow them to look as he chuckled beside you. The sound light and rough all at once - demanding you give it attention. 

“Don’t make me regret it,” he joked. 

You kept scrolling until you found Deans’ “D (Half Moon)”. The soft piano and tone of his voice quickly filled the ear buds and by the soft hum of the voice beside you, you knew you’d pick a good one. 

You allowed yourself to relax beside him. Your right hand placing the playlist down between the two of you. Your body was so relaxed you didn’t think about moving your hand anywhere else. Your eyes falling comfortably closed as you continue to listen to the acoustics of the song and the even softer, and equally pleasurable, song of Jungkook singing along. 

When his left hand found its way down beside yours, you didn’t question his reasoning. The music held between the two of you and maybe he wanted to change the playlist. You let your mind continue to think that even after his finger gingerly grazed yours and found a home beside them. Both of your hands stayed this way the entire ride back to campus. Neither of you moved to change positions; lost to the sounds of the melodies of the playlist.

[kovjiro]

Out of My League - an Aran Ojiro x chubby female reader SMAU - College!AU

Synopsis: Commitment can be scary, especially when the only taste of actual commitment has come through your three best friends. An absentee father and cruel classmates can do that to you - no foundational trust in men, only sustained by male counterparts continually making fun of you for your size and weight. You’re ready for change, though, and maybe change will come; as you set out for university in a new city miles away from your horrid adolescence, change is inevitable. A chance at growth, at love, and new adventures await you in this new part of your life but, really, you’d never think to find this all with the upperclassmen you’d deemed out of your league.

Warnings(for this chapter): written chapter, self-deprecating thoughts, underage alcohol consumption, explicit depictions of being drunk, very much angst, reader is big sad (Refer to masterlist for complete list of warnings for this SMAU

Masterlist | Prev. | Chapter Four: friend | Next

“It’s Kiyoko and Yachi, right?” you call out over the heavy base and electronic beats blasting throughout the room.

Earlier that evening you made your way to Aran’s dorm, along with Suna, Osamu, and Atsumu. Upon arriving Aran announced to all of you that a few friends would be coming along, two members of his frat and their first-year friend. Aran had seen the worry on your face, however, and didn’t hesitate to come up to you and reassure you of your worries. “They’ll love you, hun, I promise.”

His words eased your nerves a bit but meeting new people isn’t always a fun experience - there is no telling when someone will judge you because of what they see. They had been nice enough at first meet so now, here at the party a couple of shots in and one drink down, you have the confidence to let loose.

“That’s us,” the tall one with black hair says, who you deduce is Kiyoko. She’s insanely attractive in a mature and sophisticated sense, her aura demanding respect yet offering a sense of comfort as well. Beside her stands a small blonde girl, who you’ve been informed is the first-year friend and her underclassmen from high school. Yachi’s demeanor is completely different from that of Kiyoko, looking almost out of place with her uncapped drink in her hand. Regardless, there is no ignoring how breathtaking they both are in their own right.

“Y/n, yeah?” Kiyoko counters before taking a sip of her drink. “Aran has told me a lot about you.”

“Really?” Don’t get your hopes up, for the love of all things sacred and holy, don’t break your own heart. “All good things I hope.” Kiyoko fervently nods as if to relieve you of any fear, saying, “Aran always speaks highly of his friends back home.”

Oh yeah, friend. It’s not like every time he’s come to your aid, every time he’s offered words of praise or encouragement, every time he’s held you close to his chest with your heart beats seemingly syncing together ever meant anything more to him - you’re just his friend, just like the many other friends he apparently talks so highly of. You’ve known this for years so why does it hurt so much?

Just as you’re about to respond, someone comes bounding up to the three of you. “They’re doing jaegerbombs over at the bar, you girls coming?” Speak of the devil… “C’mon, y/n, i know you can down those like a champ,” Aran pushes, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you to his side.

Maybe it’s the atmosphere of the cramped party filled to the brim with sweaty bodies bouncing and yelling, maybe it's the alcohol beginning to get to your head, or maybe it’s both and then some, but Aran’s presence is overwhelming and not in the good way. Where you’d usually feel over the moon to be near him you now find yourself feeling… annoyed? Upset? Absolutely devastated? In reality, though, you brought this on yourself because who could ever like you, the fat friend? Definitely not someone like Aran.

“Yup, that’s right, friend,” you say, mustering as convincing a laugh as you can. Not convincing enough because Aran cautiously chuckles all while squinting questioningly at you. “Yeah… friend.”

An awkward beat passes amongst the four of you but Kiyoko is quick to act, grasping your hand in one of hers and grabbing Yachi with the other. “Let’s get this party rolling, shall we?” she exclaims as she pulls you both to the make-shift bar the frat boys put together. As soon as she’s pulled you out of hearing range, Kiyoko leans closer to ask, “You good?” Her eyes convey just how much she’s gathered - you’re hurting.

What a horrible situation to be in - finding out your long-term crush only thinks of you as a friend in the midst of a night out. How will you get over this hurt, this heartbreak? Probably never. There is no cure for a broken heart.

But wait. There is. And you’re walking towards it right now.

“I will be,” you conclude.

In no time you’re standing in between Kiyoko and Yachi at the bar and what happens after is too much of a blur to make out. The first shot the three of you take together, the mixture of liquor and redbull hitting you in an instant. Your mind is running a mile a minute but it seems to be working - you’re numb. And so you have another, whatever it takes to forget why you were so upset a few moments ago. Two quickly becomes three, the same way three eventually becomes four then five then six.

In the haze that comes with being drunk you live the next moments oblivious to your surroundings. You miss when the twins and Suna join you guys right after Aran, you miss when Aran’s frat brother Sugawara appears and takes a shot with all of you, you miss - or perhaps ignore - when Osamu tells you to chill on the drinking. “You trying to die or something?” is what he says verbatim but his words don’t register in your imbibed brain.

What you don’t miss is Aran talking to a girl at the end of the bar and suddenly everything hits you tenfold - the hurt, the ache, the alcohol. Maybe if you weren’t so inebriated you would have noticed that he was only trying to help her out - apparently you aren’t the only person drunk off their ass at this party, who would have thought? All your mind can comprehend is that Aran is talking to someone other than you, a harsh reminder that you are - and probably always will be - the ‘friend.’

He comes to you then, speaking words you understand yet cannot comprehend, head spinning and vision blurring - maybe you should have listened to Osamu. He leaves you there at the bar and it crushes your heart all over again - didn’t he promise to be there for you? The alcohol has complete control of your body as you take a step in his direction but it’s as if the ground has moved out from underneath you. Two people are quick to your sides though and manage to keep you from hitting the ground. Who is that?

“Samu? Suna?” you manage to gurgle out, tongue feeling heavy and lips completely senseless. “No, honey, it’s Kiyoko and Suga. I think you’ve had enough for tonight, think it’s time to head home. Can you tell me where your dorm is?”

You know what she’s saying but your thoughts are jumbled, your dorm be damned. Where’s Aran? “I-I need to go- go see him,” you blurt out as you attempt to get out of their hold. You lose your balance as you take a step forward but they’re there to keep you from collapsing. They begin to drag you along to who-knows-where and you have no choice but to let yourself be carried, mumbling about how you need to see him and it hurts. It has to be the alcohol that’s making you spew nonsense, more so when you start crying because how could he only think of you as a friend, just a friend? Had it all meant nothing to him? Maybe you just misread everything, but you had been sure there was something there.

Or you’re the one in the wrong this time around, obviously, to even begin thinking Aran would be different. Every person you meet is unable to get past what’s on the exterior so why would this be any different? The idea of Aran reciprocating such feelings is an act of projection, simply put.

Your mind is a dark and negative spiral of harmful thoughts, reminding you of all that you’re not and why that is just not enough for Aran - for anyone, even. Yachi attempts to console you as Kiyoko and Suga place you on your bed? No, definitely not your bed. You may be wasted out of your mind but you’re cognizant to your surroundings that are in no way familiar at the moment. The three of them are able to reduce you from loud cries to soft whimpers in some time and eventually you’re all off to bed but you know deep inside of you everything will be different come tomorrow. How long would you continue being alright with being just a friend?

Credits:

raise your hand if you, too, have drunk your feelings and ended up crying

you've always held on to the hope that aran liked you too

he had always treated you differently than other guys

kiyoko, suga, and yachi>>>

taglist: OPEN! send an ask to be added :) AGE IN BIO PLZ

@szeonn @thatnikkixx @slutkags @roselleviennesstuff @bookiedoll @kris-1 @lucacangettathisass @serostapesweat @kiyokoism @ctrlaprilx @fantasycantasy

a/n: LONG overdue but here it is! i'm finally all moved in and got my wifi setup so ta-da :) i should go back to updating daily like i had been. i'm excited, it's about to get good >:) let me know your thoughts so far!!

[forbidding-souda]

How about Mikan, Kirumi, Mahiru, Sayaka and Celestia with male S/O, who is secretly a demon, who went to Earth to explore it?

Mikan Tsumiki, Kirurmi Toujou, Mahiru Koizumi, Sayaka Maizono, and Celestia Ludenberg with a male S/O who is secretly a demon

hai omg I just finished the new yttd chapter LOLZ that shit was cray anyways I love this ask so so so much you don't even know. also hai my first day at work is tomorrow very cool I hope it is and I didn't just make up the time in my head but mm let's see how it goes.

if this feels rushed it's because it is.

anon I think we are very alike

also okay honestly samiam is such a good band if any of you are punk or something then listen to them they're kinda good ngl. (changed playlist now I'm just listening to their albums while writing) I don't even like pop punk but someting about this gots me

currently listening: this will make you love again by iamx

-Mod Souda

Mikan Tsumiki (cw self harm?)

❤ You had found yourself lurking around hospitals. No matte what you were doing, your studies found yourself there.

❤ So many different types of people. Everything is so frantic and passionate.

❤ And amidst the panicked people was a little anxious nurse. She took her passion in helping people. You noticed this immediately.

❤ "Sir, you can't be back here." A voice says to you. Still, outside one of the rooms, you watch through the window as she starts bandaging someone. Her hands are so wise.

❤ You've noticed her every time you enter this building. It's as if God is ordering you to do something.

❤ You wave off the doctor that interrupted your thoughts.

❤ That girl... you'll find a way to get to her.

❤ You started to fake being injured. Nothing hurt you. Nothing ever did, so inflicting stab wounds or gunshots was easy.

❤ And you'd walk right into her arms.

❤ With that, you got to know her better. You spent time in her care, asking her millions of questions about herself.

❤ You always made her blush. The charming smile you gave her was unbelievable. You made her feel so... special.

❤ She started to look forward to seeing you, sickly enough. She enjoyed the way you needed her and the way you entertained her.

❤ This is completely off topic but I can imagine like the way you propose to her is hiding a ring in your like shoulder or something and be like "omg there's something inside idk what it is plz get it out."

Kirumi Toujou

♥ You wore a suit and tie when you first met with the prime minister of Japan.

♥ What you didn't expect, however, was the gorgeous lady who stood in its place.

♥ You just felt happy that you dressed all nice.

♥ Getting her to like you back was difficult. She hardly told you anything about her life unless you demanded it from her. She seemed so stuck to the idea of being a servant to people, even as busy as she was.

♥ You started bringing her gifts. Places like Italy, Egyst and Vietnam were easy to get to. All the while, you brought small trinkets and clothing items for her to keep.

♥ Her favorite was an umbrella with a woven design in purple, green, and yellow that you stripped from New Orleans. All these places looked marvelous. She kept the postcards you'd send her, too. Neatly stacked.

♥ She found herself getting excited whenever your ID card scanned through the entry door. Her heart associated you with the feeling of happiness.

♥ Realizing that made her blush.

♥ Look at her, falling for someone.

♥ "That's not very professional," she whispers to herself.

♥ You becoming her boyfriend was the quickest way that you could study human life. She was easy to win over. At least now, you have Japan under your control and a gorgeous lady to go with it.

Mahiru Koizumi

♡ "It's so weird - every time I take a photo of you, your eyes get all blotted out." She sighs while waving the prints in the air.

♡ "Maybe it has something to do with your camera." You laugh before ruffling up her hair. She stomps her foot at you and pokes your chest.

♡ "Don't do that!"

♡ She's not going to stay convinced for long. You know that much. But for her to assume you're a demon? It shouldn't go that far. You hope.

♡ You like the normal human life, a lot more than you thought you would.

♡ Every day you make her lunch and make the bed and things like that. When she goes off to school - or whatever photography project she's taken up - you stay home to research more. You prefer it like this.

♡ It's simple. It's sweet.

♡ And it means you get to stay here with her.

♡ When you first came to Earth, you were terribly unemotional. Humans were like test rats. You wanted to see what would make them happy, sad, angry, frustrated, and what would make them break.

♡ It's just... her. She ruined everything for you. And at the same time, she made everything better.

♡ Maybe you can be a good malewife or however the light music club girl described you. It doesn't matter. As long as your little Mahiru is happy.

Sayaka Maizono

❥ One of your demon friends won tickets. When he first approached you with them, you asked how he got them.

❥ "I don't know - some announcer was giving away phone numbers on that report system in their cars. I got some of these tickets. Did you know they pay to watch people sing?"

❥ And that's how a handful of demon boys wounded up at a Maizono concert.

❥ One of them definitely tried to eat the glow stick.

❥ After the opener, she came on. Her and her group. They looked beautiful in their pink dresses with the matching bows in their hair. You were starstruck. Now you can see why people pay for this - it's absolutely breathtaking. You couldn't even believe what was happening.

❥ You clench onto your chest, trying to breathe. She's gorgeous and... she is a human.

❥ After that, she was all you could think about. You'd listen to her music in stolen headphones. You'd watch all of her music videos on stolen phones.

❥ You stole bought all of her posters and shirts. You even sent her letters.

❥ Said letters were filled with humbo jumbo about humanity but they were romantic nonetheless.

❥ You finally met her when you snuck into the backrooms and pretended to be security. She came out from the stage, sweaty and still smiling, greeting you before going on with her way.

❥ Even with the butterflies in your stomach, you still managed to catch her hand and stop her from leaving.

❥ "I will always protect you." Are the words that leave your mouth.

❥ And afterwards, when she nods and looks away with a confused face, you can't help but shake your head. Gosh I just embarrassed myself.

Celestia Ludenberg

❣ She thinks of you as her pride and joy. The gorgeous demonic boy to be by her side.

❣ She uses you as a guard dog to walk alone at night.

❣ Making her love you was the easy part. You are perfectly unique - just for her.

❣ To be honest, she makes you feel like you are home. Though the idea that she is just using you as an accessory doesn't ache you in any way. It's not as if you could truly love a human.

❣ Being around her is the sense of familiarity in their foreign world.

❣ Watching her snake her way out of failures reminds you of your own youthful days.

❣ She meets a load of different people, enough for you to analyze.

❣ Watching the way she can break people down is the best thing for your studies. Useful and brilliant.

❣ She figured out you were a demon quickly. I mean, it was just a fantasy-based guess, but she was right anyway.

❣ And it made her happy. If you are a demon then that means she really can get a manor filled with creepy crawlies to serve her as queen.

❣ If giving you good morning and good night kisses is the way to her goal, then so be it.

❣ She enjoys it anyway.

[sunaswife]

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

note from denise: hi hii 🥺 I’m so happy and i love this chapter even though it’s all over the place so I’m sorry plz forgive me 🙇‍♀️

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter eight

You heard Hana and Jamie bickering in the living room as you took the burnt part off of the bell peppers you roasted. You were looking out the window in front of the sink every once in a while to check up on the kids. They were having fun playing with their father and uncles. You’ve never seen them smile brighter.

You were happy that they finally had their father, Tobio was a good figure but obviously not their real father. Earlier Rin gave his first scolding to your son for shoving Akira and he also told Akira that calling people idiot wasn’t nice. You couldn’t help but snicker behind your cardigan since he was obviously nervous and a bit awkward but it all worked out in the end. The twins and your best friends were peering through the door at the scene and they were in awe.

It just looked so natural. You, Rin and the kids. All that’s missing is a pet dog or cat. Jamie thought if you and Rin really try then you both could fall in love again and be a nice family all together. She grew up with divorced parents so she knew how tough it could be. She doesn’t want to hear you and Rin fighting in the future about upcoming holidays. Or maybe eventually having to separate the twins.

“Hana do you think you could ask the guys if they want to stay for dinner?” You said from the kitchen. “Oka-“ “No y/n, I think you should do it.” Jamie popped in. “Huh? I’m literally cooking.” You said as you reached into the bag of roasted peppers. Your fingers were stuck onto the black crisps. “You’re trying to avoid them.” She squinted and you rolled your eyes. “No I’m not.” You defended yourself. “Yes you are.” She deadpanned. “You never say no to setting for your kids. Even if you’re busy you tell them to give you five or ten minutes but when Rini asked you straight up said no since you needed to cook. I think that stung him a bit. He probably wanted to show off his skills to his dad.” She said and you frowned slightly. “I mean it’s fine, she’s probably uncomfortable which makes sense. The worst people in the world are just chilling in her house. It makes sense that she’s on edge.” The familiar voice said and you turned to see Atsumu leaning against the breakfast bar between your kitchen and living room. You didn’t want to say he’s right..but I mean..he’s right.

“...would you like to stay for dinner?” You asked awkwardly as Jaime sighed and walked away. “Mmm depends, what are you making?” He teased to try to help you ease up. “Food, either take it or leave it.” You said plainly as you flipped the pepper on the stove. “I miss your cooking so I think I’ll stay. Let me call Osamu so he can help.” He said and you immediately protested. “No it’s fine, you guys are the guests. I’ll feel bad.” You said and he chuckled. “Y/N-Chan..” he started, “Osamu owns his own restaurant, all he does is eat, cook, and work out. He would want nothing more than to help you cook. It’s in his DNA.” He said and you rolled your eyes. “Fine ask Rin if he wants to stay too.” You said. “Oh he’ll want to stay, plus we all carpooled together.” He said and you nodded and he left.

“Yo, we gotta go.” Jamie said from the doorway. “Did you say bye to the kids?” You asked and she nodded. “Sorry Y/N, we have a doctors appointment.” Jamie frowned slightly. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll call you later.” You smiled and she nodded sadly. After a quick goodbye hug they were out the door and Osamu was waiting in the kitchen to help you cook.

“Alright boss, let’s get started.” He said as he washed his hands and you chuckled.

Dinner went good, the kids mainly talked and were the stars of the show. After dinner they wanted to show their uncles and dad their Minecraft worlds on their tablets, courtesy of Tobio.

Suna offered to help clean up but you insisted it was fine and to spend as much time with the kids and he reluctantly agreed and you were left alone.

Your phone buzz after you sat on the breakfast bar to enjoy yet another cup of tea and you almost spilled it when you saw who was calling. “Holy shit, holy shit.” You muttered and the guys immediately turned to you from their spots on the couch. “I’m going to take this phone call I’ll be right back.” You said leaving Rin in charge and you answered while you made your way down the hall.

“Hello?” “Hi is this Y/N? This is Natsuo, the songwriter and director for the soundtrack for Kimetsu No Yaiba. From my understanding you are voicing Nezuko and Shinobu, correct?” “That is correct, sir.” You replied, “Well I stumbled across your portfolio and resume and I phone called your old vocal coach and he said some things about you.” He said. “Well I hope they’re all good.” You chuckled nervously.

“Yes they’re more than good actually and I wanted to offer you the opportunity of singing the opening for the anime, if not then maybe the outro. Would you be interested? Of course you’d have to come to the studio and sing for us and we’ll decide but I wanted to ask first since I know you also work as a volleyball commentator as well.” He said and you gasped.

“Yes sir of course, I would be honored...” you said happily. “Great! I see that you come in the studio on Monday for the read through of the script. Can you come earlier to audition?” He asked and you agreed and set up a time.

Normally any other person would want to audition after but if it’s singing, you can’t eat or drink sweet stuff before because it messes up your throat and you can accidentally burp and embarrass yourself. So you’d rather do the singing audition before and eat whatever is at the snack bar during the read through.

When you hung up the phone you squealed and did a little happy dance. You quickly took a deep breath and you made your way out of your office back to the living room. “Um...where are the twins? The Miya’s I mean.” You asked when you saw that only Suna was chilling with a kid on each side of him. “Osamu needed to check up on his shop and Atsumu had to go to the gym. I decided to stay behind because I didn’t know how long you would take.” He replied.

“But didn’t you all carpool?” You asked and he nodded. “I can Uber. Don’t worry.” He said and you nodded and sat next to Rini. “Kids guess what.” You said happily and they both looked up from their tablets. “I go to the studio on monday—“ “THE STUDIO CAN WE GO?!” They immediately asked with bright eyes. “Uh—I don’t know guys, I’m working and Jamie has work too i don’t know if someone can watch you guys at the studio.” You said. “What time and I’ll go. I can keep them entertained.” Suna spoke up.

“I’m gonna be there for a few hours..I’ll have a read through of the script and a song audition before that..” you told him. “Wait what do you do anyways?” He asked curiously and the kids gasped. “You don’t know what mommy does for a living?! She’s the coolest mom in the world.” Rini exclaimed with extended arms to emphasize the world. “Listen to the voice of the narrator.“ Akira said and shoved the tablet in his hands. It was Peppa pig. Honestly they couldn’t find a cooler role you played in? Even the side characters were fine, but Akira had to choose peppa pig.

Rin listened to peppa as she scolded her little brother Georgie. And finally he heard your voice narrate what happened and his eyes widened. “No way, you’re a voice actor?” He asked and you nodded. “Wow imagine that. You were always so shy and now your voice is heard by millions across the world.” He teased and your face tinted.

“Well when you put it like that it freaks me out!” You snatched the tablet from his hands and the kids looked at each other with raised brows. “I’m only kidding. But it’s pretty amazing that you do that. Any big roles you’re playing soon?” He asked. “I may or may not be acting in Kimetsu No Yaiba.” You said which was a manga series you both were obsessed with when you were together. “Say sike right now.” He gasped and you gave him that I’m serious face.

“Congrats Y/N. That’s freaking amazing. May i ask who you’re voicing?” He asked and you shook your head. “That’s a secret.” You said and he sighed. “Man got my hopes up for nothing.” He muttered causing your kids to giggle.

“Momma we invited dad to the field trip tomorrow he said yes.” Akira spoke up and your eyes widened. “Wait what—“ “I didn’t necessarily say yes. I wanted to make sure it was cool with you, first. They told me that they were homeschooled and you take them to different places for field trips all the time.” He tried to correct Akira and you nodded.

“Well...I mean..if you want to go then it’s fine. We’re going to an aquarium.” You said and the kids gave him puppy dog eyes. “Alright I’ll go then. It’ll be fun and you guys can show me what you’ve learned.” He smiled softly and the kids cheered. Is this really a good idea? You don’t know. But if your kids are happy, then you’re happy.

“Rin It’s getting late they have bath time and then they need to sleep.” You told him as the kids ran up and down the hall racing with Rini’s toy cars. “Alright then I’ll leave.” “I’m not kicking you out of anything-“ “No it’s fine I get it. I’ve intruded in your territory long enough.” He chuckled and you nodded. “Children of the corn! I’m leaving.” He called and immediately the kids emerged from the hallway and began whining and protesting. “You need to take a bath then go to bed. It’s late. I’m seeing you tomorrow anyways.” He knelt down on his knee to be of eye level with the kids.

“But we don’t want you to leave. I won’t sleep if you don’t read me a story.” Rini pouted and Akira nodded and you both sighed. “Fine, I’ll read you a bed time story and you will go sleep.” He told them and they nodded.

You rounded up the kids for a bubble bath and Rin was sitting on the counter as you explained what kind of kids soap you use and such. But he was mostly watching the kids play with the bubbles. “Hey Akira do you think I’ll look cool with my hair like this?” Rini asked with his messy wannable mohawk, he looked more like the grinch. Akira looked at her brother and snorted. “You look like a troll.” She muttered causing Rini to pout. “You’re so mean.” He mumbled. You got the shower head and told Akira to close her eyes as you finished washing her hair and body and she was finished. “Do you wanna try to finish Rini while I change Akira?” You asked Suna and his eyes widened. “I only know how to bathe my dog, I don’t know how to bathe a kid.” He protested. “Weren’t you watching me?” You asked. “I was distracted with the bubbles, okay.” He deadpanned and you sighed. “Rini help your dad.” You said plainly and left despite Suna’s protests.

“Alright princess, let’s get you dried up and ready for bed, yeah?” You asked the shivering girl in your arms and she nodded. You placed her on the bed and dried her hair a bit and you began to put on her lotion. You helped her into her underwear and she wanted to wear her fox onzie so you began helping her feet in when Rini stumbled in naked with Rin chasing after him with a towel. They were both soaking wet.

“Oh my god.” You sighed. “Boys.” Akira mumbled and you nodded. “You’re worse than washing a dog.” He said as he held him and dried his hair. “Woof.” Rini snickered and Suna flicked his forehead. “I’m soaking wet now.” He deadpanned to his son. You zipped up Akira after successfully placing her in her onzie and you moved on to your son. “Stop giving your dad such a hard time, he’s new to this whole parenting thing ya know?” You told him as you began to rub his face with lotion. “Akira go brush your teeth.” You told her and she pulled her dad along with her. “What do you want to wear to sleep?” You asked. “Can I wear my Fox onzie too?” He asked and you nodded. “Of course.” You replied and helped him into it too.

Rini went on his way to brush his teeth and you were met with the view of Rin helping his daughter floss and you just wanted to melt. This was so freaking cute. You don’t know if your heart could handle the cuteness. “Alrighty next victim!” Rin said and picked up Rini. He began to help him brush his teeth. You helped Akira down from the counter and she went off to look for a good book. You decided it was best to get one of Tobio’s shirts and shorts he had lying around for Rin so he wouldn’t get sick.

When Rini finished brushing his teeth, he went out to help Akira search for a book. “Are you still soaked?” You asked and Suna nodded. “Here wear this so you won’t get sick.” You tossed him some gym shorts and a random T-shirt. He gave a small thanks and you closed the bathroom door to leave him to change. “Alright where are my little foxes?” You hummed and you found your little demons kids jumping on your bed and patiently waiting to read. “Why aren’t you both in bed?” You asked and they stopped jumping and turned to you. “We wanna sleep here with you and daddy!” Rini said and you almost choked on air.

WITH RIN?! ARE THEY CRAZY OR CRAZY?

“Baby he’s not spending the night. He’s only going to read you a bedtime story then leave. You’ll see him tomorrow when you wake up.” You told them and they both had the saddest look on their faces. “But we wanna sleep with you and daddy. Please can he spend the night. Please please please!” Akira begged.

“I don’t mind if you don’t. It’s only for the night.” Rin almost whispered in your ear and you turned your head to him. “Are you sure? What about tomorrow? What are you going to wear?” You asked, “We can stop by my apartment in the morning before we head out.” He said and you raised a brow and turned back to your kids they were already comfy on the middle of your bed and you released your nth sigh of the day. “Fine, one night.” You answered and grabbed your pajamas and left to the bathroom to change.

When you returned Rin was on the left side of the bed with Rini right next to him. Akira patted your spot on the right side and you sat against the headboard of the bed. The twins had two books they wanted you both to read but they all fell asleep while you read the second one. You looked to see Rin, Rini and Akira sleeping and you can never get over how similar they looked like Rin. You quietly hopped out of bed and put the books away and turned off the lights.

You woke up to the sun shining on your face and arms around your waist. You felt a weight on your chest and you sighed and opened your eyes. You blinked a few times to make sure you weren’t seeing things but sure enough, Rin was sleeping on your chest. Just like old times and you tried to control your breathing. You don’t want to be the type of ex who yells and they fall off the bed. You realized the kids were not on the bed too and if Rin was cuddling you, then they must have been gone for a while.

“Rintarou—the kids—WAKE UP!” You quickly shook him and he opened his eyes and quickly moved away. He felt around him and he noticed the kids weren’t there. You both paused in silence to see if you can hear them but when you didn’t you quickly yeeted yourself off the bed with Rin following right at your tail. You opened the door to the twins room and you saw them in their own bed hugging their plushies. You held a hand over your chest and you leaned against the doorframe. “My heart literally dropped.” You turned to Rin.

“Mine did too. Do they usually do that?” He asked. “No, never.” You sighed and closed the door.

The twins opened their eyes and they looked at eachother from across the room. “I told you mom would get a heart attack. We’re lucky she didn’t cry.” Akira whispered. “Whatever at least they cuddled together like a nice married couple.” Rini whispered back and Akira nodded. “I hope mommy and daddy get back together.” Akira said. “They will, our plan is perfect.” Rini whispered mischievously and Akira smiled.

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime69 @tpwkatsumu @ohshirabu @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

[jbbarnesandnoble]

Hearts In Secret: Part Five

Pairing: King!Bucky Barnes x Princess!Reader

Series Summary: People always assume that princesses are free to do as they wish, to dress and act how they want to. In fact, it’s actually quiet the opposite

Chapter Summary: The time comes to announce the royal engagement. 

Warning(s): fluff, soft moments between my favorite idiots, one (1) creep you, bucky and the princess wanna deck  

Word Count: 4,456

Prompt: “Do you even know my name, screw boy?”

Series Masterlist

A/N: im alive! barely! i hope you enjoy this :) idk how i feel about it, it feels wrong to me somehow but i had no idea how to fix it so i posted instead of waiting 187 years to get 3 seconds of inspiration. let me know what you thought! plz! i love yall and im sorry for not posting things more often! i hope you all are doing well :) please note that the picture is used is not how i imagined the princess, her dress, or bucky's suit. i only used the picture because i love that movie and got a lot of inspiration from it for this fic

(not my picture)

Three Weeks Later

Y/n skips down the vast halls of the palace she grew up in. As she makes her way towards the dining room. A huge grin painted on her beautiful features. After months of not seeing her brother, he'll finally return home from his travels in seven day’s time. He won’t be home in time for the extravagant ball their father is throwing for y/n and James engagement. But as sad as she is, she is simply happy to have him home. 

"Everything has to be perfect!" She skids to a halt when she hears her father's voice booming through the castle. She pities the poor souls who are having plates thrown at their heads today. Over the past week, there has been a thick tension in the air. To her surprise, it has been from her dad who has been barking out orders left and right, instead of her mom. He wants every detail to be perfect, it isn’t every day your daughter gets engaged. Y/n can only imagine how he'll act during the wedding planning. She winces at the thought.

Warmth blossoms inside of her chest. Soon the wedding planning will start. The thought makes her even more anxious to see James tonight. He left for his Kingdom a week after she found out Bucky's true identity. He had proposed the night before he left. He did it in the Queen's greenhouse, which had been filled with all of the princess’s favorite flowers. 

Some say that proposing after two weeks is too soon. But neither of them cared (and as far as arranged marriages go, It was either get engaged or find another suitor. Which neither of them wanted) Y/n liked James, a lot. She can even picture herself falling in love with him -if she hasn't started to already- Which is more than she ever thought she would get in an arranged marriage. She would be lying if she said she did not miss him every day. The past two weeks without him have felt like an eternity. She has missed him more than she expected to. 

A squeal echoes through the room as she notices a tall blond man standing next to her dad. “Stevie!” her brother turns around, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth when he sees his little sister. “Y/n.” she ran over to him, he pulled her into a tight embrace. He picks her up off of the ground and spins her around.

"You are home earlier than you said you would be." She hits his arm when he puts her down. "Liar. You said you would not be home until after the ball has started." A laugh escapes his mouth. "How am I the liar? You somehow failed to mention getting engaged to James." He ruffled her hair. Teasing her as a big brother should do. She opens and closes her mouth a few times before biting her bottom lip. "What happened to you thinking he was a… what words did you use again?" He looks at her expectant. An amused look slides on his face, she hides her face as she speaks. "A pompous know it all."

"In my defense, he was a jerk when we were kids." she pouts. Crossing her arms across her chest. "You never knew him as a kid," he says between bits of laughter. 

“One meeting was more than enough for me.” She defends.

“The one where you did not speak to him?” 

She opens her mouth to protest. Only to close it again. She pouts. Mumbling under her breath and rolling her eyes. She chooses to ignore the annoying smirk that takes place on Steve's face.

Someone clears their throat before speaking. "Are the two of you going to stand there and bicker like children? Or shall we eat?" Their mother’s firm yet gentle voice, says. Steve struggles to hide a snicker behind his hand while y/n sticks her tongue out at him. Without her parents noticing, of course. Then she smiles. Happy to have her brother home for her special night. 

______

She is sure the hours could not have passed by slower. Steve said she was just being impatient; acting like a lovesick child. His exact words. He said in his usual taunting way and she gagged as soon as the words left his lips.

The truth is that she is being a lovesick child. All she wants is to be near James. She's never missed anyone, besides her brother, as much as she is missing the King. It's killing her. 

"You look beautiful." Wanda's soft voice pulls y/n from her thoughts as it fills her room. There's a soft smile on the redhead’s lips. "That's all your doing, Wanda." The princess smiles at the woman behind her through the large mirror. "It did not take much effort on my part, dear." A light blush creeps it's way onto the princess's face. She never has known how to take a compliment without getting flustered. 

"I'm terrified." She admits, a bit reluctant. Using it as a way to subtly change the subject. Wanda notices anyway, but chooses not to say anything -this time- instead she focuses on putting the finishing touches on y/n's hair. Allowing the princess to share her well guarded feelings. 

"What…" she starts quietly. Clearing her throat, she takes a deep breath. "What if he doesn't like me now that he knows who I am?" Her voice is still small despite her efforts.

The room is deathly quiet. y/n is sure Wanda can hear her pounding heart and ragged breaths. When a surprising noise rips through the room. Causing y/n to turn around on her bench to make sure she isn't imagining things. But she isn't, Wanda is laughing, it is a lighthearted sound that is incredibly infectious.

"Have you seen the way that the King looks at you?" y/n opens her mouth to answer, but Wanda doesn't give her the opportunity. She needs the princess to hear this. "He looks at you like you are his entire world. As though nothing else matters in life as long as he has you." She pauses, making sure the princess is paying attention. "Never once, have I seen a man as taken by any maiden, as King James is with you." She says her words carefully. So y/n understands the meaning of each one.

The princess holds her hands to her cheeks, trying her best to hide her embarrassment. "You think so?" Her question is hesitant, unsure, and full of nervousness. Wanda smirks. "I know so." And y/n is biting her bottom lip trying -and failing- to hide the huge smile on her face. Soon enough she loses the battle and her cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. She's positive she has never felt so giddy in her life. She feels as though she might explode from excitement and nerves alone. Wanda's words play over and over in her mind. 

"Thank you, Wanda." Y/n’s smile is directed towards the redhead who now stands in front of her. And she chuckles. "Don't sit there and thank me, go get your prince..." 

"Or should I say your King?" She corrects herself as she nods her head towards the door. Her green eyes shimmying in the dull lighting of the princess room. "Thank you."

"Go." Wanda's laugh fills the room as the princess -not so gracefully- runs outside.

______

Sucking in a sharp breath, y/n counts down from 10. Another one of Lady Natalia's lessons. 'Should you ever feel nervous, countdown from 10.' Her words ring loud in y/n's ears. Of course, her being nervous rarely ever happens. In fact, this is one of the few times she has had to use it. She blames a certain blue-eyed, brown-haired king for all of her recent nervousness. Not that she would dare admit that to anyone. Especially not him. She would never live it down. 

From under the large oak doors, the ones keeping her from a room full of hundreds of people -keeping her from him- she hears the master of ceremonies announcing her name. Her title first, followed by her full name. She has to fight to urge to bite on her painted lips. She would hate to ruin Wanda's hard work. Snapping her eyes shut, she sucks in a deep breath. Wishing some of her nerves away. Her eyes fly open as the guards pull open the large doors that were once keeping her safe from view. 

She steps through the threshold, looking as elegant as ever. Just like Natalia had taught her to do. 

Looking around the beautifully decorated ballroom, a stunning smile paints her features. Everyone is showing their respect with their heads bowed; though she would much rather they not. 

Her forced smile stops when she's met with familiar, warm, piercing blue eyes. This time a genuine smile paints her face, and her heart skips a beat. A soft smile takes over his once bored expression when their eyes meet. All she wants to do is run to him. Being wrapped up in his arms, breathing in his scent. It is her new favorite thing. It is her safe place.

Hours later, the princess is done with the formalities. She makes a straight line for her soon-to-be husband, her fake smile replaced with a real one. She is stopped when a hand wraps around her arm, the sensation of the other person's touch sends a chill down her spine. She has to resist the urge to shove them off of her. They spin her around so she's face to face with the person keeping her from Bucky. Another chill runs down her back and she has to resist the urge to vomit this time.

"Prince Brock." She says through gritted teeth. The name and title tastes like poison in her mouth. She meets his cold, brown eyes with a cold stare of her own. Their smiles, they might look pleasant to others. But to each other, they are threatening to rip one another apart. Strong hatred for each other radiates off of them. 

The pair have always hated each other. Their feelings sprouted upon the first meeting. Which, to say the least, did not go well for either of them. 

The princess considers him a spoiled, pompous jerk, who gets whatever he wants. She isn't wrong. Even her mother agrees with her. Though she refrains from using such words. Her hatred for the prince grew stronger a few months ago when he tried for her hand in marriage. His reason for the proposal, not being for love -though arranged marriages rarely ever are- but for sport. He figured if he could win the hand of the untamable, free-spirited princess Y/n Rogers. Then he could add another victory to add to his list. 

As a bonus, he would have the pleasure of making her life miserable. She resents him for the attempt. Lucky for her, her parents saw through his shallow lies and played along with him until they finally sent him away. To put it lightly, he was not pleased to be rejected. But there was little he could do as a Prince. 

"Princess y/n." A disturbing smile spreads across his face. "You look beautiful this evening." Rather than feeling sick, she has to fight the urge to slap him. Though she does admit the idea sounds tempting. She can only imagine the lecture her mother would have for her if she did. And, this is neither the time nor the place for such foolish behavior. Nat taught her better than that. 

_______

"Princess Y/n Rogers." As soon as Bucky hears her name, his head snaps up to the large wooden doors keeping him from seeing her. His heart pounds and butterflies flutter in his stomach. 

It hasn't been all that long since the last time he saw a certain h/c haired, e/c eyed princess. He would be a liar if he said he didn't miss y/n like crazy. He felt like he might die without her by his side. Without hearing her intoxicating laugh, or seeing that adventurous sparkle in her eye. The one he loves so much. He felt anxious to see her. Anxious in a good, exciting way. In fact, for the majority of the day. He was having trouble holding still. The only thing, or person. On his mind was the princess. 

As soon as he looks up his eyes find her and the air is knocked out of his lungs. Stunning, gorgeous, no breathtaking. No, she was more than all of those words combined. There was not a word that could even begin to explain how she looks. How he feels. How she makes him feel. She could be covered in hay and wearing a potato sack and he would find her the most beautiful maiden in all of the kingdoms. 

He takes in her entire appearance, from the brightest diamond to the smallest baby’s breath resting daintily in her h/c hair. Her dress is the most striking shade of royal blue that brings out her eyes so perfectly. It's silky fabric cascading down the princess's torso into a long, poufy skirt. Though the dress is nothing compared to the woman wearing it.

Bucky stares at her like a lovesick puppy and he doesn't care who sees. At that very moment. Y/n's bright eyes meet his and his heart skips a beat. Her once fake -yet still manages to be elegant- smile turns to something warm and true. For the first time, that evening Bucky's face splits into the biggest smile at the sight of his future wife. 

Her eyes never leaving him, she descends down the longest staircase Bucky is sure he's ever seen. Which only makes him more impatient. He loses sight of her when she makes her way through the large, crowded ballroom. He spends the majority of two hours watching his fiancé greeting people and putting on fake smiles. Every once in a while they'll find each other's eyes. And break into wide, goofy grins. 

He breaks out into another huge smile when he spots her baby’s breath covered hair in the sea of people. His heart jumps inside of his chest. Then he sees it, his affection and happiness turns to something darker, it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. Brock Rumlow. Not only is that disgusting creep talking to y/n, but he is also touching her with his filthy hands. A low growl rumbled deep in his throat. He's livid. How could someone so despicable, be at an event such as this one? He can't stand it. 

Marching over to where she stands. He's unaffected by the gasps and grumbles he receives from the other guests, as he pushes past them. The urge to rip Brock off of y/n overtakes him. He tries his best to push down his rage of emotions. He would hate to make a scene on their night. 

"Dance with me," Brock says, as a command more than a request. Despite her best efforts, Bucky can see the disgust in her eyes. Which only angers Bucky even more. Before he can reach her side and save her from any more of Brock's torment, a hand clamped on his shoulder. 

"Hey Buck." A familiar voice, one he has not heard in what feels like forever, fills his ears and he softens a bit. But not enough. "What?" A hint of annoyance slips past the little composure he has left. When he turns he's met with blue eyes and sandy blond hair.

"Is that how you greet your best friend after not seeing him in over a year?" His voice is serious with a hint of sarcasm. But Steve's blue eyes tell Bucky he's concerned for whoever it is Bucky has it in for. "Not now Steve." Bucky glances back towards y/n, of course, Steve doesn't miss the small action. 

Worry fills the blond man, then he sighs. "She can take care of herself. I thought you of all people would know that." Steve's tone is stern, but there's a hidden worry behind it. Only one y/n or Bucky could pick up on. 

Bucky sneaks another glance her way before turning some of his attention to Steve. "You may be right, but that does not mean I cannot have him thrown in jail." He says through gritted teeth. Steve laughs despite Bucky being completely serious. "I think she is about to do much worse than have him thrown in jail." Steve nods towards the glare his younger sister seems to have saved for the man before her. 

"But… I don't think she would mind if you requested a dance." The brunette hears what Steve is saying loud and clear. He thanks his friend with a smirk before disappearing into a sea of people. 

_______

"You are far too good of a dancer than I. I would only step on your feet." Y/n uses another lame excuse, trying her best to get out of dancing with the creep. Even his hand, which is still on her arm, is making her cringe. She can only imagine how dancing with him would make her feel. 

"May I have this dance?" Her heart warms despite the clammy hand still around her arm. A smile takes place on her face before she even turns around and she is sure she saw Brock's eyes roll. Wearing a serious expression on her face, she turns on her heel. Finally ripping herself free from Brocks hold.

"As I was explaining to Prince Brock, I am a dreadful dancer. It is inevitable that I will step on your poor toes." She fights a smile by biting her bottom lip. Though of course he can see right through her. He has to fight a smile of his own, as soon as he takes notice of the way her eyes shine when she looks at him. It causes his heart to stall. Just for a moment. 

Never in his life did King James anticipate a woman to have such a strong hold on his heart. That is until he met a certain, care free, free spirited girl in the middle of the woods. At that very moment, his life changed forever. 

Taking her hand in his, ever so gentle. He brings it up to his lips with the slightest of bows. "For you princess, I will risk my toes if it means a dance." Who knew that a few simple words could break what little composure she had left. She beamed at him. Her entire face lighting up in a girlish grin. "Then what are you waiting for?" 

The slightest of smirks resides on his lips. "The right partner." His voice is low and smooth. She giggles. "I believe I just found her." She wonders how she is still alive with how charming this man is being. 

Entirely forgetting Brock is there, y/n does not hesitate to pull Bucky to the dance floor; being too impatient to be proper and wait for him to lead her out. The closer they get to the floor, and the farther from Brock, any violent urges Bucky once had faded away as laughter, fondness, and the smell of roses wash over him. 

"Teach me!" Y/n asks nearly breathless from her own excitement. Her eyes sparkle in a way Bucky has never seen before. His heart jumps. There is no way he would ever be able to deny any of her requests, no matter how large. Not when she looks at him the way she does. She does not even realize how dangerous it is to have such a hold on a king's heart. Not that she would ever request anything awful of him. No, she is far too good for that. Too pure, too kind, too caring. She could never use his feelings for her in such a way. Though there is not a doubt in Bucky's mind that if she were to request all the gold in the kingdom, he would give it to her. Without question. Even if it were as simple as running away, abandoning their responsibilities. He would leave, for her and her alone. 

"Anything for you m'lady." He smiles softly at her. She returns her affection with a soft kiss on his cheek, catching him off guard. The wind is knocked out of his lungs. She lingers for a moment longer than necessary before removing her painted lips from his cheek. A soft smile of her own pulls at the corners of her mouth. 

"I believe you lied to me," Bucky whispers in her ear after a few moments of dancing. Forgetting his height, she has to bend her neck to meet his blue eyes. "Excuse me?" She asks, truly confused. They dance mindlessly around the room to the tune of the music. "You happen to be a much better dancer than you said you were." She snorts. Causing the people around them to turn their heads. "Nosey," Y/n mutters under her breath. 

An amused snicker escapes Bucky's lips and y/n wrinkles her nose at him. Which is quite possibly the cutest thing Bucky has ever seen. "It must have slipped my mind." She says, shrugging her shoulders. "To think I trusted you." He jokes. 

"It really is foolish of you to trust someone who hid their identity upon first meeting." She states, pretending to sound disinterested. He hangs his head in defeat, playing along with her. "You make a fair argument m'lady." He smirks. She blushes.

For the most part of the evening. They spend their time dancing, talking, and somehow finding out more about one another (which is surprising considering all that they know already) and falling in love. 

By the end of the night their feet hurt. But neither of them care enough to stop. They would much rather spend time together, dancing in their personal bubble, the one they spent most of the night in than anything else. At some point at the end of the night, they found their way to the garden.

By the time everyone has been sent home to their respective kingdoms, y/n's feet hurt from dancing and cheeks from smiling too hard. Not that it bothers her in the slightest. With James, nothing can phase her. 

"M'lady."

"Yes Buck?"

Her voice is full of exhaustion, though she tries her best to hide it. She forces her eyes to stay open. She would hate to miss a single moment with him. 

"It seems that it is time for me to go." His voice is low enough for her ears alone. He says it with such gentleness though she can see in his blue eyes he is just as disappointed as she. It is a strange look on him. The sadness in his gentle, caring eyes and the small frown tugging at the corners of his lips don't seem to fit his usual happy carefree personality. 

Though y/n knows better, he has to keep up the act of always being happy. As king, he has to be a strong leader for his people. Or so he thinks. So he keeps to himself. That is until he met y/n. Who, upon first meeting, could see right through his happy go lucky facade. She was the first person, aside from Steve, to read him so easily. It must run in the family. 

She turns to face Bucky, fully this time. E/c eyes searching his. His usual bright eyes seem duller, a combination of exhaustion and sadness. 

Upon instinct, she wraps her hand around his own. Mindlessly rubbing the back of it with her thumb. "What is wrong my love?" Though she knows the answer; she asks anyway. 

Despite her seriousness, his reaction is quite the opposite. His intoxicating laugh echoes through the cold night air. She looks at him, puzzled. She raises an eyebrow at him. Silently asking her question. 

"My love? I thought you said you hated terms of endearment." He continues chuckling to himself. Enjoying the way she rolls her eyes at him. "I never said I hated them." She pouts, though it is more for show.

"Well, I suppose if you are not going to behave seriously, you may leave. You have a long trip ahead of you." As graceful as when she first walked through the large oak doors. She walked over to the gazebo in the palace garden. The cold night wind blows peacefully through the tall trees, causing them to dance. She envies them for a moment. She envies their freedom. 

Lost in her thoughts she does not notice when Bucky sits next to her on the bench. Leaning into his side she suddenly forgets all about the trees and their freedom. Closing her eyes, she is content. Her feelings for Bucky outweigh those thoughts of freedom. The one that she has had for most of her life.

"I am sorry m'lady." A smile replaces his frown. 

"Are you going to tell me what has been bothering you?" 

His facade falls as he looks away from the princess. Finding the flowers around them quite interesting. She cannot help but feel concern flood her chest. Giving his hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze he wraps a protective arm around her pulling her closer to himself. Then his usual smile takes resistance on his face once more.

"I am going to miss you tremendously." He says far too casual for the weight his words hold. She cannot seem to recall the last time someone was so sincere, so forward with her. Someone that was not related to her. Then she chuckles, leaning her head on his shoulder. 

"I will miss you too." She breaths in the chilly breeze which sways her royal blue ball gown. They sit there for what feels like forever. Not once in her life has she wished for time to stop right then. Not even when she was out in the grassy field riding. Or under a certain oak tree with a charming stranger. No moment has been more perfect than this. 

Later that night; once Bucky left for his own kingdom. Y/n falls asleep faster than she has in a long while. Her heart fuller and her chest lighter than ever. A small smile resting on her face as she is lulled to sleep by the sound of rain falling peacefully upon her kingdom. For the first time in a long time, she falls asleep feeling free.

_____

Part Four - Epilogue