#hope that man crashes all his three stupid bmws

[binch-i-might-be]

my hitherto temporary work contract has now become permanent. yaaaay.

[daybreakx]

✑ pairing: bodyguard! hwiyoung x fem! reader. 

✑ genre: enemies to lovers, angst, fluff, slow burn.

✑ warnings for this part: minor car accident, blood, mentions of murder, fighting, break ups, guns, politics(?). lmk if i missed any! hyphens (–) and asterisks (✳︎) are used to separate paragraphs since tumblr won’t let me add the proper space.

✑ word count: 5.6k (sorryyy I won’t make the next parts this long)

✑ a/n: i know this is a very long shot, but i hope you enjoy this fic as much as i am enjoying writing it. very special thanks  to @itsjeonghananon who puts up with me, my rambles, and my google docs shenanigans and read this before anyone else!♡ also please spare a reblog for this poor content creator. thanks!

membership holders: @milkybonya @pinutbutterjelly @kristyxoxo @naminalati @lolalee24​♡

ALL IT TOOK to get Hwiyoung in your life was a dent in your car. Well, to be fair it was a little bit more than a dent in your car, but at least it hadn’t been totaled. 

And it hadn’t been your fault. 

Some ass ran the red light, crashed into the passenger side of your beautiful BMW, dragging you to the other side of the street and then, had the audacity to run away. It sounds worse than it was, really. Of course your dad obsessed about it though, thinking someone had done it on purpose because you were his daughter. 

Senator y/ln’s—and future Governor y/ln— daughter, had obviously become a target. Took long enough, a couple months of campaign and a few years being a Senator. It didn’t matter how many times you told him it had been an accident. It was raining and the stupid driver hadn’t seen the light changing to red, they’d gotten scared once they realized what type of car was now embedded in the opposite corner of the street and therefore, ran away so as to not to pay for the damage. 

You didn’t need a bodyguard, or more like a babysitter. You were old enough to take care of yourself and it had been one accident. 

But no, since a few days ago and probably until forever, you were stuck with Hwiyoung 24/7. 

“Please do not take that with you,” you requested, trying to input as much authority as you could muster into your voice while giving a pointed look to Hwiyoung’s gun holster, under his suit jacket.

“I have to.” Hwiyoung replied, in that it’s-so-obvious tone he gave you almost every time he talked to you. Which wasn’t very often. 

From the moment he met you, Hwiyoung seemed to have already made up his mind about you. So all he’d said was his name and how he would take ‘really good care’ of you, this being mostly directed at your dad, because he gave him the job and it was Hwiyoung’s duty to keep it now. 

“No, you don’t,” you insisted, pointing to the gun directly with your right hand. The one that wasn’t wrapped up in a black brace, still from the car thing. “Leave it.”

“No.” Hwiyoung’s upper lip twitched slightly in annoyance. You two held this discussion every single day before you left the house. “Are you ready to go–” he seemed to dig the word out of the depths of his throat before letting it out. “Miss?”

Hwiyoung had taken the job because he needed it, not because he wanted it. He needed to get out of Chanhee’s apartment, to stop sleeping on his couch and taking on the underground fighting challenges anyone threw his way just to be able to ‘help a little’ with the rent. 

He’d hit rock bottom six months before. Lost his job, his girlfriend and his pride. Former detective Kim Hwiyoung had fucked up, after the system let one of the animals he took so much pride in chasing, walk free after murdering his whole family. Hwiyoung had lost it although it wasn’t the first time it happened, that they let a man live without consequence. But he’d almost jumped the accused in court, it had taken three officials to hold him back and then he’d been suspended. 

Hwiyoung became angry, disobedient and to be honest, slightly violent. And after three reports for insubordination, a gunshot wound that kept him in the hospital for two weeks and his partner begging for another person—anyone really— to take Hwiyoung’s place, they gave him the boot.

Iseul left him when the underground fighting started. She couldn’t and didn’t have to put up with him. Yes, she loved him and she’d said so even as she left the promise ring he gifted her on their third anniversary on the kitchen table. No screaming, no fighting, nothing from either side. 

Hwiyoung sometimes thought he should have fought. Or better yet, begged. Begged her not to leave him, promised that he would change and stop coming home with bloody knuckles, slashed eyebrows and busted lips. But he didn’t, because he knew he wouldn't keep the promise longer than a week.

–

“Not until you leave that,” you pressed. “Now.”

“I’ve already said no,” he ran two fingers through his black hair, something he did every time he was starting to get pissed. Opening the SUV’s door, he signaled inside. “You don’t want to be late.”

You didn’t want to be late, no. But you didn’t want him carrying a gun around not ever. It made you anxious and frankly, he wouldn’t need it. What exactly was he keeping you safe from? Nothing suspicious had happened to you before the car accident, so Hwiyoung’s presence was useless. It would have sufficed with a chauffeur, not a bodyguard.

You cringed to yourself the moment the thought crossed your mind. 

Spoiled brat.

Not that you acted like that usually, but you knew it still would come across wrong. 

Hwiyoung looked at you through the rearview mirror, like he’d guessed what you thought and agreed with you. So you looked away, emphasizing the scowl on your lips as he left the house’s garage. 

_

“Oh, he’s so handsome!” your friend gushed, leaning over the mimosa on her side of the table one inch away from spilling it all over.

“Eh,” you replied, shrugging. You knew exactly what she was looking at, or who. Hwiyoung a few tables away, already on his fourth cup of coffee, looking around the restaurant and letting his gaze fall over the two of you exactly every two minutes. “I guess so.”

“You guess so?” Aya raised her eyebrows, grabbing the mimosa and sipping it. “Girl he’s literally—”

“Don’t, please.”

You’d heard it once, so you heard it a thousand times. Every place you went to, everyone spoke about how tall and handsome Hwiyoung had to watch your back, and that had to be some sort of lucky strike. Having to hang out with someone like that must be amazing.

Only it wasn’t. But it didn’t matter that you said Hwiyoung was bitter and lowkey rude, everyone in their right mind could overlook that, focusing only on the stray strand of black hair that fell in the middle of his forehead, his dark eyes and broad shoulders, his figure accentuated by the black suit he wore per your father’s orders. 

“Fine,” Aya made a scene of capturing her lower lip as she pronounced the ‘f’. “But he is.”

A glare from you and a laugh on her part and Hwiyoung was back at staring at the two of you.

“Whatever, really.” you sipped your own mimosa, glad that since the weekend was approaching Hwiyoung and you could take a break from each other. Or as much a break that living in the same property allowed. 

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

Hwiyoung was back on Chanhee’s couch on Friday night. At least this time it wasn’t out of need, he just wanted to hang out with his friend. Okay, honestly he needed to hang out with his best friend. 

“So,” Chanhee started, leaving a newly opened bottle of beer right next to the one Hwiyoung had just emptied. “Tough week at work?”

Hwiyoung groaned, his lips on the new brown bottle already.

“I’ll take that as a yes,”

“She’s a princess. It’s—” gross? exhausting? his only damned chance at getting back on his feet and that’s why he hated it?

But there was also the fact that he did think of you as a princess. All he’d done all week was follow you around brunch dates with noisy—and nosy— friends, shopping, public events where your main task was to smile and wave and pose for photographs next to your father. 

At least now he had a house, or something like it. A one-bedroom-and-kitchen-mini-thing on the oh so prestigious y/ln realm. At least he had a salary which he got paid by the week, meaning he paid off his debt to Chanhee the moment he showed up at the apartment that night. 

So yeah, after being a Homicides Detective he was taking care of a spoiled brat, Iseul wouldn’t talk to him and he still felt like he would go crazy from time to time. But at least he wasn’t sleeping on a couch anymore. 

And the fighting had stopped. Although he didn’t want it to, it was a release every time he was in that filthy, illegal ring. But he couldn’t afford to go to work looking like he’d taken (and given) a beating.

“They’re the new royalty, that family,” Chani said plopping down next to him on the couch. “But at least you’re getting paid.”

Hwiyoung rolled his eyes. It was true, his boss was the soon to be king of the city and of course the daughter would be the princess. Both of them already believed themselves in that role, what could be different once it was made official? Senator y/ln had everyone in his pocket already. 

“Not enough,” he said bitterly, gulping the beer down and suddenly really, really missing being in the ring, getting his hands dirty. 

THE DINNER PARTY was going to take place at the Crown Hotel’s main ballroom. One of the last ones your dad offered as the campaign closing approached. Everything and anything to thank his team and supporters.  And of course you had to attend. Because voters loved seeing a happy family and a faithful daughter supporting her father on his way to (even greater) success. So there you were on a  warm Friday night, in a dress far more expensive than needed be, sitting next to your father while he spoke to whomever he deemed important to assure him a win in the election. 

Your father was a good person, and he loved you, of course. Otherwise he wouldn’t have forced you to keep Hwiyoung by your side for two months now. Hwiyoung, who looked bored out of his mind as he stood in the corners of the room, switching positions with the rest of the security team every few minutes so they all could have a look around and probably not fall asleep on the post.

But your father was also ambitious and sometimes appearances mattered to him more than they should. And he didn’t care that sometimes instead of his daughter, you were his tool. Because young people could feel related to you, and you looked delighted in every picture the press took of you and the way you looked didn’t hurt either. It was a running joke—one you abhorred—that you were the visual attraction of the campaign, and that your father got requests for your hand in marriage very often. 

You could only hope that his ambition didn’t cloud his judgment enough to actually sell his own daughter out.

“I think I should go home,” you whispered to your father, as the ballroom started to clear out. Only the very important people would remain behind and the politics discussions that would take place were not of your interest. Plus, you had to be up early the next day.

Your father squeezed your arm gently, thanking you for joining him before placing a kiss on your cheek. “Make sure Kim calls when you get home safely,”

You nodded. “Good luck.”

A signal from your father’s hand and Hwiyoung was on the move, ready to escort you back to the car. He didn’t say a word, but that wasn’t unusual. After two months on the job, you were used to him only speaking when necessary, his range going from ‘yes, miss’ ‘no, miss’ and ‘ok’. 

You walked behind Hwiyoung to the underground parking lot, holding the lower part of your dress so as not to trip while the voices of your father’s team became more distorted with the distance. Arriving at the lobby, you were met by a crowd of photographers, the hotel’s security struggling to make them leave and stop disturbing the rest of the guests. 

You smiled at them politely as Hwiyoung parted the crowd, lips curling when reporters got too close or too loud, shouting questions on what you were going to do if your father became the Governor, or how you were going to spend his (and the city’s) money. You made no reply, there had been worse things shouted at you and written about you in the papers. Including the exaggeration of the accident where they said you totaled the BMW, but didn’t care because daddy would buy you a new one in the blink of an eye.

Finally, you got rid of them as you took the elevator to the parking lot. Sighing you let yourself rest against the cool railing in the back of the cube, you were exhausted. Hwiyoung looked at you over his shoulder, his eyes becoming smaller as he took in your tiredness, he was judging you. 

“Did I do something to offend you?” you questioned as he opened the door of the SUV. Your BMW was good as new now, but on nights like these you still used the SUVs for security reasons. “Hwiyoung?”

His eyes, lost somewhere behind you as he held the door open, focused on you. “Why would you ask that, miss?”

“Well, you seem to dislike me more than usual tonight. Did I do something to offend you on this fine, and extremely busy workday?” you made sure your words dripped sarcasm, and remained with your feet on the greasy parking lot floor.

“Is this fun for you? Provoking your employees?” Hwiyoung scowled.

“Only when my employees hate their job yet for some reason won’t quit.” 

Hwiyoung was losing his patience, and it was very likely that, if he hadn't been interrupted by the car that was directing its headlights at the two of you, you would have kicked him out of the job. He bit the words threatening to spill back, squinting at the car to get a look at the driver, but it was impossible.

“Please get in,” he said then, not liking the way the lights were still focused on you. 

“Fine.”

You’re both inside in ten seconds, Hwiyoung turned the car on, its own headlights making it impossible to distinguish the car that was watching you as it leaves the parking lot before you.

“I can tell that you hate me,” you were watching him through the rearview mirror, noticing his grip on the steering wheel tightening at your words. “Your mind was made up even before your first day in this job, and I guess mine is made up now. So just do your job and try not to look so fucking bitter to have me around.”

Hwiyoung didn’t talk back, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. The metallic taste was the only thing that kept him focused on the way to your house as he avoided meeting your penetrating gaze in the mirror. 

“You’re spoiled,” he said after you had descended from the van and he’d shut the door with enough force to make the windows rumble. “You act like your life is difficult when all you have to do is smile and wave while looking pretty.”

“You’re right, I look damn good doing it,” you retorted, a dismissive gesture from your hand accompanying your words as you walked to the exit of the garage. “It’s kind of disappointing you couldn’t find a more original reason to hate me, Hwiyoung. I guess you’re as bright as they come.”

The insult stung, but he didn’t want to dig his grave deeper, so Hwiyoung gritted his teeth and stalked on the opposite direction you did, towards his stupid guest house.

IT WAS THE MONEY. It was obvious now, the reason Hwiyoung stayed under your father’s orders and in charge of your protection was the money. Once you realized that, it would be easier to deal with him, or so you thought. 

“We’re not going to have this discussion again,” Hwiyoung warned the moment he noticed the way you were eyeing the gun on his side. 

“Leave it,” you said all the same. 

“No,” 

You took a deep breath, looking at your watch. “I’ll double this week’s payment if you leave the gun today.”

Hwiyoung stopped to consider. Well, money was never enough. He could eventually use it to, what? Move away? Get a motorcycle? He wasn’t stupid enough to think money would bring Iseul back.

Iseul whom he missed most in the world and—

“Yes or no,” you stopped his train of thought in a second, making his attention return fully. “Simple question.”

“Fine,” Hwiyoung unfastened the holster tightened in the middle of his abdomen, before running back to his room to put it in the safe. All he would probably have to deal with were nosy reporters and your equally rich friends, he wouldn’t need the gun, and he was able to handle himself pretty well without it either way.

You were already inside the van when he came back, pressuring him to hurry up the moment he opened the driver’s door. 

Hwiyoung took a deep breath. Maybe if he had enough money he wouldn’t move away. He would just quit, like you’d suggested the night at the hotel, a couple weeks back.

“Please follow the GPS route I sent to your cell,” you indicated, your mood completely shifted due the lack of argument. See, things could go peacefully with Hwiyoung if he just listened.

“Sure, miss.” he replied, not even bothering to stare at you from the mirror this time. 

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

You stared at Hwiyoung for a long moment once you got out of the car. The BMW obviously stood out in the street, but you knew it was safe to leave it there, you’d come here a hundred times before.

“What?” he asked, opening his jacket to show you once again he wasn’t carrying a weapon. Which, to be honest was a lie, he had a pocket knife on the inside of the jacket. 

“Nothing. Let’s go,” you signaled the gray building down the street where you’d parked, making your way towards it without making sure Hwiyoung followed. 

Hwiyoung looked around, already expecting the reporters around. He had figured since he saw the address on his phone that this was another one of your incredibly important PR stunts where the princess of the city needed to be accessible and a saint at the same time. 

You glanced at him one last time before knocking on the door of the orphanage. Hwiyoung rolled his eyes behind you, if you asked him to take pictures of you himself… 

“Oh, hi y/n!” a woman in her late forties chirped as soon as she opened the door, “It’s great to see you.”

“Hi,” you smiled gently at her too, “I’m sorry for taking so long to come back, I had a couple issues and… well, nevermind.” 

“We still got everything you sent, thank you,” the woman squeezed your shoulder in a friendly gesture before fixing her eyes on your companion. “Hwang Narae,” she offered her hand.

Hwiyoung looked at you first but since you didn’t immediately say he was your employee, he took the woman’s hand. “Hwiyoung.”

A little girl popped her head from behind the woman’s legs, looking at Hwiyoung first since they were still shaking hands and then at you. “y/n!” her scream was piercing as she pushed both Narae and Hwiyoung out of the way to hug your legs.

“Hi Bora!”

Hwiyoung couldn’t help but frown as you lifted the small girl in your arms, her already speaking about everything you had missed in the month you hadn’t visited the place. Everyone seemed so familiar with you, it was strange. They all seemed to ignore your last name. He looked around again, expecting the reporters to come walking down the street already taking pictures before you disappeared inside. But they never came. 

You spent the morning reading to kids who stared at him suspiciously, before whispering in your ear and asking who he was. Your answer every time being ‘a friend who watches my back’. 

Hwiyoung stood back most of the time, only moving when a new volunteer arrived. He stared at them from afar and then returned his attention back to you as you let kids braid your hair and show you drawings. 

“Would it bother you to read for them with me?” you asked, showing him a book with a couple of bears on the cover. “They want a boy in the boy voice, I am offended, to be honest.”

Hwiyoung suppressed a smile as the kids looked at the both of you. “Why don’t you ask another volunteer? I have to keep my attention on–”

You frowned, there was only one other male volunteer and he honestly gave you the creeps a lot of the time. But Narae said he was good at fixing broken things, that's why he kept coming. “It will take ten minutes, Hwiyoung. And I really don’t want to ask someone else.”

“Fine,” he eyed the kids and nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Hwiyoung and you read some stories to the kids, taking turns at making the voices. Hwiyoung was trying his best not to burst out laughing every time you exaggerated your voice and kids asked him several times to read his with more enthusiasm, but in the end it turned out well. 

It was a brief moment as you closed the book and sent the kids to get ready for their lunch, that Hwiyoung thought you weren’t that bad. Everyone knew you and appreciated you, knowing you were there to help without looking for anything in return, not even publicity. You were still stuck-up, annoying and spoiled, but maybe not all of you was like that.

Narae approached quickly, a hand to her mouth while another volunteer led the kids to the dining room. 

“What’s wrong?” Hwiyoung asked, noticing the tension in her demeanor. 

“Um, something happened— the car—”

Hwiyoung told you to wait inside while he ran out to the street. He could hear the alarm as he ran to the car, and for a moment, he really wished he had a gun. Someone had tried and practically succeeded to destroy your precious BMW. All the windows were broken, the windshield caved towards the inside and the headlights completely shattered. But not even that was the worst part. 

The worst part was the word ‘WHORE’ keyed on the driver’s door. 

IT WAS USELESS to try and convince your father that nothing was happening. Especially when Narae had called the police before you could advise her against it and Hwiyoung needed to call the rest of the security team to pick you up, and they had realized he didn’t have his gun. 

So all hell broke loose in 20 minutes and it continued on to the evening, when your father losing his mind again, yelled at everyone on sight, taking a great amount of time on Hwiyoung himself. 

“What if the freak had still been around huh?” your father’s hand came down on the table, hard enough to make you flinch, even as you listened from upstairs. But Hwiyoung didn’t even flinch, he had been on your father’s side of the table countless times before at his old job. He wasn’t easily intimidated. “You couldn’t have done anything to protect my daughter, because you thought it a good a idea to leave your fucking gun!”

You had explained it had been your idea the moment the rest of the security team realized Hwiyoung was unarmed. You didn’t want a gun around children, this wasn’t supposed to happen and Hwiyoung didn’t have to take the blame for anything. 

But everyone refused to listen to you. 

“I should fire you right now!” another hit on the table, “You can’t even do your job right!”

Hwiyoung remained silent. He had given his version too, saying you were absolutely right about not wanting a weapon in the orphanage and added that he had a pocket knife anyway, but it didn’t matter. According to everyone you could have gotten killed and he was useless. 

“Get out of my sight,” your father finally lowered his voice, “I don’t have time to deal with you right now. But don’t get too comfortable, you might still be out of here by tomorrow.”

Hwiyoung nodded calmly, yet as he kept his hands inside his pockets, they turned into fists. 

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

HWIYOUNG TOOK THE hit directly to the jaw, his bare back hitting the dirt with a thud. One side of the crowd cheered while the other half booed, a few voices louder than the rest encouraged him to get up. They had bet a lot of money on him, and he was letting them down. 

Spitting blood to the dirt, he got up. The guy, his nickname was ‘Brick’ or something like that, was already smiling in triumph. Hwiyoung inhaled sharply, shaking the remnants of his dizziness.

What did it matter if it looked like he’d taken a beating at this point? Mr. y/ln had said he could still be out of the house by the next morning. Which brought him back to the exact place he’d tried to escape in the past months: rock bottom. 

No job.

He took a hit to the ribs, not without sinking his own fist in Brick’s stomach’s tender flesh. 

No girlfriend.

He wasn’t an idiot, he knew money wouldn’t bring Iseul back. But the day he went to see her, when he needed to be reminded that Iseul was completely different from you, that he dealt with you to get back on his feet. To show Iseul he was coming back from whatever dark place he’d fallen and they could rebuild what was between them. 

Hwiyoung never thought that it wouldn’t be Iseul who opened the apartment that they used to share, but an incredibly tall guy who stood there awkwardly as he looked at Hwiyoung in his work suit before Iseul came to the door and told Hwiyoung they couldn’t talk, not right then and apparently, not ever again.

Sweat dripped from his temple and covered the rest of his body by then. What did anything matter anymore? He slid away from the guy’s grip, turning around in the same fluid movement ready to meet him when he came back, his leg meeting Brick’s middle once again. 

The crowd cheered for Hwiyoung again when he elbowed the guy in the back and booed when he got brought to the ground again as Brick hugged his legs, and he kicked and kicked, finally making contact with his knee onto this night’s enemy’s nose with a gruesome crack. 

“You’re done!” The poor excuse of a referee this place had helped Brick up, blood, snot and tears already staining the rest of his face and down his bare chest.

Hwiyoung spat again, cracking his neck once he was back on his feet. His left eye was already swelling and he was sure the thing running down his temple wasn’t just sweat. But he’d won, he could afford a new week on Chani’s couch. 

“I need my money,” he said, throwing his shirt on.

The guy, still attending to Brick’s broken nose, threw him a bunch of bills tied together by a rubber band. “You should go missing again if you’re going to play like this,” he spat. 

Hwiyoung snorted. He wasn’t even the dirtiest player in the ring. “Or he should learn not to celebrate beforehand,” and anyway, he’d brought Hwiyoung to the ground dirty. Not that there were many rules in this fighting ring anyway.

“Get out of here,” the referee growled. It wasn’t just Hwiyoung that made him furious, he had to pay all of those who’d bet on him too.

“Gladly.”

YOU RAN OUT of the house as soon as you saw the lights on Hwiyoung’s guest house on. Although you were curious about where the hell he’d been all evening after the argument with your father, what was driving you to meet him was paying off your debt. And letting him know your father was not going to fire him, you had talked him down a few hours before, when he finally decided to listen to reason.

“I am telling you, dad,” you said, arms crossed above your chest. “It was not his fault. I did not want a gun around children, and I stand by it. When I go back to the orphanage he will be unarmed again.”

“You could have been seriously hurt,” your father didn’t raise his voice the way he’d done with Hwiyoung. Instead, he sounded exhausted. “And he wouldn’t have been able to do anything in case whoever did that to your car…”

“Dad, you didn’t hire him just because he could fire a gun, did you?”

To be honest, you had absolutely no idea what Hwiyoung used to do before he took this job. However, you knew your dad had seen something in him and whatever qualifications he had to hire him to take care of you, his precious daughter. 

“No but—”

“It would be unfair if you fired him, I’m just saying.”

“He cannot put you in danger again—”

“No one could have known what was going to happen, please dad. I believe I need him now, okay? I will stop complaining about having a bodyguard if Hwiyoung can keep his job.” you were surprised by your own words, but you felt guilty about getting him fired when a big part of the trouble had been caused by your coercing. 

Plus, what if the next bodyguard your father got you hated you more than Hwiyoung? You couldn’t go through the whole issue again. You had reached a certain level of understanding with Hwiyoung, you would rather keep it that way.

“Fine. But this is the last time.” your father agreed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

✳︎ ✳︎ ✳︎

You knocked on Hwiyoung’s door twice. Tapping your door against the entryway as you heard shuffling inside. 

“What?” Hwiyoung opened the door, clearly expecting someone else.

“What the hell happened to you?” you gasped, pushing the door open before he could shut it on your face.

“Are you here to tell me I’m fired?” Hwiyoung asked, his gaze following you as you made your way to the small bathroom. Probably checking he hadn’t left bloodstains that wouldn’t come off.

“Shut up,” you said, opening the bathroom cabinet. “Who did that to you?”

“Myself,” Hwiyoung held the door open, “You know, firing someone doesn’t usually take long. You can get started now.”

“You’re not fired,” you scoffed, grabbing bandages and antiseptic, both packaged unopened. “Yet.”

Hwiyoung tried to smile with irony, but winced. “You know, I was about to go to bed so it would be great if—”

“Sit down Hwiyoung,” you said, getting out of the bathroom. “You’re going to get an infection or something. Where the hell were you?”

“I can do this myself,” he said, still standing by the doorway. “I do not need you to play nurse.”

“Were you going to do it?” you raised an eyebrow at him, “You would have started by now.”

“I can do it now.”

“You know what? I’d like to play nurse and fire you at the same time. Humor me.” you pointed at the kitchen chairs and Hwiyoung finally shut the door. It was clear you weren’t leaving.

“Who taught you to fight?” you kicked his leg softly, standing between them as he spread on the chair reluctantly. 

Hwiyoung snorted, regretting it immediately as you dabbed a cotton ball against the cut on his forehead. “Are you seeing me? What makes you think I can fight?”

Dropping the cotton ball, you grabbed his hand. There was dried blood on his knuckles, indication that he’d gotten at least a few punches in.

“Lucky strikes,” he muttered, in a slight mocking tone. “We all have them.”

“Oh, so we should tell the police you got assaulted then?”

Hwiyoung took his hand back, like you’d burnt him. “No.”

“I have a feeling the other guy ended up worse, didn’t he?” you pointed at the knee of his pants, where Brick’s blood had dried up. “So you know how to fight.”

Hwiyoung rolled his eyes. “And?”

“And you’re going to teach me,” you moved on to clean the trail of blood from the corner of his mouth to his jaw. 

This time, Hwiyoung laughed audibly, grabbing his ribs when pain shot through them. 

“I’m not joking,” you poked his swollen cheekbone and he winced. “After today it’s clear I’m in danger. You’re keeping your job and this proves even more useful,”

“Seriously?” he questioned, although he wasn’t sure if he meant that he was keeping his job or that you really wanted to learn how to throw punches. 

“You cannot go back to wherever you did this,” you warned, shaking your head. “Do you understand?”

“What makes you think I’ll accept to stay?” 

You had walked away, opening the small fridge to try and find something he could put on his closing eye. “Because you still need the money, don’t you?”

Hwiyoung bit his tongue as you returned with a frozen package of vegetables he’d never gotten around to cook.

“Yes or no, simple question,” you said like you’d done hours prior. 

“Yes.”

“Then it’s settled. Put this on and tomorrow, when everyone notices you look like shit, say you broke up a bar fight.”

“Of course, boss,” the fact that you helped him didn’t mean he’d lose his sarcasm. 

You looked at the mess around the kitchen and shook your head. He could at least clean up after you had patched him. 

“And take a shower, you stink.” you conveyed, scowling.

Hwiyoung watched you leave, holding the vegetables against his face. He didn’t notice the money you left on the kitchen table until the next morning, inside a white envelope with his name on it in your handwriting.

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[baekchelor]

ａｓｈｏｒｅ[ii]

pairing: bodevan cash x reader genre: Doctor! AU, Romance, Angst summary: After a fall out with your fianceé, and an opportunity to chase your dreams, you embark into a medical mission trip to Namibia where you run into self-taught doctor Bodevan Cash. Love ensues. word count: 3.1k

❝how  foolish  to  believe  we  are  more  powerful  than  the  sea  or  the  sky. ❞                                                                                                         ― ruta  spetys

ONE ｓｅｖｅｎ ｄａｙｓ

◄ ｐｒｅｖ

You really, really hope some patient shows up today. That the doorbell announces the arrival of a doctor seeker. That you will be able to aid someone apart from the hangover teen (also staying at the Shipwreck Lodge Hotel, three cabins left from yours) who came looking for aspirins and serum. That you didn't cross the ocean on a medical mission trip only to crawl back into Ethan's arms drown-and-out —no adventures, no anecdotes, no experiences or anything for the matter.

You groan out loud, a stream of curses following shortly after. It's been seven days since your arrival to Möwe Bay, Namibia. Seven days of only you, your self-destructive mind and Guns N' Roses playing on the stereo (the single thing that has kept you sane).

"This trip was supposed to take my attention away from you," the words are purled and aimed to the exquisite ring around your finger. At the sight of it, your heart drops lower into your stomach. This been useless. You're trapped with your thoughts in the middle of nowhere. The sand dunes were chosen for their location, there was supposed to be no hospitals, no dispensaries, no medical aid...Nothing! Apparently, there's also no patients. Hence, no distractions. Which means? More time to stare at your flipping engagement ring.

Frustrated, you close your eyes and, confirming your hypothesis, the immediate image that triumphs the darkness is Ethan's blue eyes lighting up as you gasped —amidst weeps— at the ring. The one nowadays, you tend to resent.

The memory sends your stomach into knots. How are you supposed to make amends with Ethan's hidden truth if you can't bring your mind elsewhere? Far, far away from the burn around your knuckles each time the ring appears on your range of vision.

Ethan supported your decision to embark on a trip alone. He knows joining Doctors Without Borders was a dream of yours, and that marrying a Surgeon Chief would make it unreachable. The main reason you asked and he agreed, however, was that you went hysterical when Ethan's soon-to-be ex-wife surprised both of you at the hospital, your hospital—the hospital you worked at.

In a couple months, you will take Ethan Gandy as your husband, and he completely forgot to mention he has been married before. Worse than that, really. He didn't think of sharing with you that he still is married.

Ethan and Harper have been separated for six years, way before you came into the picture, and she knew about your existence all along. The divorce has been in the works since your very first date —or so Ethan says —,and Harper doesn't love Ethan anymore, Ethan loves you and not Harper, and by the time you return to Manhattan, their marriage would've seen its last dawn. Nevertheless, you have yet to make amends with it, chew it the enough to swallow it down your throat until you make sure it will settle in your gut and that you won't throw it up.

You need to. Because you love him.

When Ethan proposed, kneeled beside the fireplace at his hometown in Alaska, not once you considered saying no. It felt meant to be. Both valued your career, both spent more hours at the hospital than at home, but both were willing to make it work. You could handle it, you could make love at the examination rooms, most importantly, you wanted to spend the rest life with him, no matter the sacrifices. Because the truth is, before Ethan, you have only fallen in love with medicine, and he quickly became your very own McDreamy.

You met him during your first year as a Resident. He moved to New York for a fellowship in surgery, and he was brilliant, in every way. You admired him from afar, heard all the wonders he pulled on the O.R until one day you diagnosed a weird case of sudden onset of total vision loss that required urgent surgery. You worked together on the case, medical talk evolved into personal questions, winks, shy smiles on the halls up till Ethan stopped the elevator, cupped both sides of your face, and kissed you. He was ten years older than you, and the age difference didn't prevent him from becoming your very own definition of love. If looks could kill, his would make love to you. Ethan yearned for you, you yearned for him —every day, every hour, every minute. From your skin to your bones, you were his.

Ethan was a goodbye you couldn't say, and you feared —especially when he got promoted to Chief— that at some point your busy schedules would force a breakup, a disagreement, or maybe a stupid fight over a toaster. But then one snowy night, he soothed the worries away when he popped the question at a cabin in the middle of the woods, over a cup of Rioja and the most endearing words. The ring was a dream, with engraved diamonds around a sapphire, because several times during your relationship, you would look up at him with stars in your eyes, and whisper how much you treasure the sapphire blue of his orbs.

It is that shade of blue that ascertained you belong wherever he breathed, but the colour turned grey when his wife —ex-wife— came into your life.

Ah, Ethan has a wife.

You force yourself to neglect the ideas aside, though you can't seem to do so. Ethan doesn't love her, he didn't cheat on her with you, yet... it is hard to acknowledge the man you will marry already waited for a bride to walk down the aisle. Ethan promised to spend the rest of his life with another girl, and he did not fulfil that promise once... What makes you think he will keep his vows to you?

"So much for that," you curse again.

"So much for what?" comes a voice behind you, "I'm plainly in urgent need of Corticosteroids."

You turn on your heels, Guns N' Roses play This I Love, and you face a worried looking man. He has long, brown hair, and the bags under his eyes are a shade of plum. Is he an addict? The perspiration over his forehead and anxiety might be symptoms of withdrawal...He isn't puking, though, and he isn't trembling either. In fact, he seems worried, but he is patiently standing at the doorframe, waiting for your response.  

A response you don't seem to form. It could be the song, the waves crashing on the shore, or the fact you only had an Americano as breakfast, but the words have died in your throat, and you're entirely at a loss of action. This weird-looking boy feels magnetic, your body seems made of metal, and there's a force attracting you towards him. Maybe is because he looks out of a movie, with his psychedelic 70's style and the evident social awkwardness aura, but then Axl Rose sings about how he searched the universe and found himself within' her eyes and you realise that the magnet comes from his eyes. They're blue, not sapphire blue, ocean blue and they call to you.

After a second, you clear your throat, "I cannot hand you a drug without a prescription, sir. I need to examine you first."

"The patient isn't myself," he stutters. Hurriedly, he extends a hand your way, "Bodevan Cash."

As soon as your hand gets trapped in his, electricity jolts inside you. To your relief, he cuts it short, shaking your hand briefly. "What are the Corticosteroids for, Mr Cash?"

"Bo. You can call me Bo," right after he finishes, he drags his gaze away from yours. "Shortcut for B-Bodevan." His left foot bounces, anxious, and he's brought up his bottom lip between his teeth. He babbles, and it makes you nervous as well, "Eighteen Year-old. Preeclamptic toxaemia. Twenty weeks of gestation."

You abruptly realise the stethoscope around his neck. Right. He is a doctor.  

"How serious?" you blurt. This is your chance to practice medicine. Finally. "I-I'm an internist. I might be of help."

Bodevan glances at you, questioningly, then he returns his attention to the floor, "Are you a Christian?"

For the first time in seven days, you laugh, "No. I am not." The laughter is a gruff, gravelly thing, the kind of chortle you would have expected from an old man, a lifetime smoker, not a successful young doctor who is about to marry the love of her life.

Bo's face pinched up in a crooked smile, "Good." He grabs your coffee cup, takes a big slurp and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he is out.

Unsure of what is meant to be your next move, you don't follow him outdoor. Not until he asks you to hasten in a very weirdly-worded polite way.

Bodevan is waiting for you beside his combi, which is parked on a parch of grass beside your cabin. When he spots you, medical kit tightly clasped, he runs around to open the passenger door for you. Once you're close by, he offers a hand to help you up. You ignore if the source of the live wires across your bloodstream is the gentle touch of his calloused fingers or the insides of the van. Your jaw drops. It is dramatically different from Ethan's BMW but in a better way. Bodevan adapted the vehicle into an Examination Room, and the work is so well done and complete it even has a couch so the patients can sit at the reception. <<A reception. Inside. A. Combi.>>

The doctor is now at the drivers-side of the van, the window rolled down. He reaches inside and flips the lock. It takes Bodevan less than a minute to hop inside, and even less to ignite the combi and speed across the sand-path highway.

"Moharerwa. Our Patient," he speaks. "She refuses the induced labour procedure."

It all makes sense now.

"You want the Corticosteroids to buy her time," that's why Bo is in such a hurry, probably also why he is anxious. He needs to medicate her corticosteroid to prolong her pregnancy and help the baby's lungs become more mature in little time to prepare it for life outside the womb. And Bo needs to do it fast, or else Moharerwa's preeclampsia will evolve into eclampsia, and she'll perish.

"The baby's life is the priority?" If she's 20 weeks pregnant, there's no other reason why she isn't on an O.R at this very moment, than to gain more time for her premature baby.

"For her," Bo says, his voice an octave lower. "For me, they both are."

You lean against the hood of the truck, not knowing what to say back, and allowing the classical music blasting from the speakers to continue their excellent job of keeping your thoughts away from Ethan Gandy.

And near the possibilities to save lives today.

Twenty minutes later, Bodevan murmurs —you're having a hard time deciphering if he's mumbling things to himself or to you—, that you've reached the destination. Eyebrows knitted, you wonder if the giant teepee in front of you hides a clinic instead of fancy carpets for a picnic at the Skeleton Coast.

"Let's go," he says, briefly meeting your eyes. As soon as you nod, Bo rushes out of the vehicle and into the teepee. You follow suit, every bit of amazed by your discovers. At least ten people are laying on cots, covered by colourful blankets in tribal patterns, and other five people have beelined at the couch inside Bo's combi. There's a wall with porcelain jars labelled with medicine and herbs names, a chest of drawers with mortars and pestles on its surface, and a portrait of Mao Zedong in the middle of it all.

The weirdness of the surroundings amazes you, but your attention is consumed by Bodevan Cash wearing a white coat, concerned eyes as he exchanges words with a red-skinned pretty girl. She must belong to the Himbas. You've read about the tradition of the Himba women apply red ochre butter to their skin and hair each morning. She is gorgeous, and so is the pregnant girl (Moharerwa, you assume) laying on the cot, where Bodevan is leaned into as he continues talking in an unknown language.

The concern in his gaze is familiar. You've seen it in Ethan's features when his patients are on a thin line against the veil of death.

"Tell Rellian to prepare," he instructs, getting rid of his white coat. You don't know if it's a good idea to chase his trace outside, but your feet didn't wait for your decision.

Bodevan takes his tank-top off, brings his hair into a bun and carefully lays down on the sand. He stares at the ocean as if the motion of the waves would induce the same rhythm to his heart. Then he brings his tighs, arms and palms into a lotus position as the salty-foam of the sea kisses his toes.

The last thing you want to do is disturb him, especially now that he's about to go on surgery, but your subconscious has a different plan, and she's made sure to glue your eyes at the muscles of his back, shifting each time he breathes in and out. He utters two words in a language you can't understand and ends his meditation by getting on his feet. Bodevan's palms are pressed together, thumbs close to his chest, and fingers pointing upwards when he slightly bows at the ocean, "Namaste."

He hesitates at your figure waiting for him, and for the tenth time today, he avoids your gaze, this time by looking down at his footprints on the wet sand, the ones that lead straight to you. Bodevan grabs his stethoscope and places it over the left side of his chest. He still neglects your stare, blue eyes dancing from one side to another, as his lips count his heartbeats. Satisfied by the cadence, he nods to himself.

Finally, Bodevan approaches you, "I need to scrub in. Moharerwa has signs of Fetal Distress and Placental Abruption." The sound of his voice is careful, laced with concern, but you're unsure if he's worried about you peace of mind, or his upcoming surgery. "Could you take over the clinic for me? I've rounds to make and six patients waiting to be examined. Peraa will help you out. She's kind of -the n-nurse here."

Kind of?

What he means with kind of?

Each word coming out of Bodavan's pretty lips increase your questions about the workflow in this clinic. He's got a kind-of-a-nurse, and he will scrub in with only his brother to assist him. No anesthesiologists, no scrub tech, no circulating tech, no nurses —because apparently, he's got any, just one that kind of is.

Bo notices your worrisome instantly. "Let me check your heart rate," he untangles the stethoscope from around his neck and places it over the skin of your chest. He explains his modus-operandi, the charts you will take over, and how Peraa can be of help.

Afterwards —and you don't know if he's doing for you or for himself— he goes over the surgery procedure. You swallow, trying to even your heart rate because the number of contractions per minute has increased considerably. Maybe it is rushing out because Bodevan is shirtless, acting all doctor like, and he seems like a flipping genius. He's an expert on anaesthesia, he's memorised the surgery, and diagnosed Moharerwa in a heartbeat. Most importantly, he comprehends the importance of engaging with a fresh mind and spirit, which lots of doctors doesn't. 

Bodevan bites his lower lip, considering for a while, and that's when you know you're doomed.

"It's… faster than average…" slowly, Bo averts his eyes to find yours, lips stretching into a crooked smirk. You, on the other hand, flush a beet red. Saving you from your embarrassment is the fact that he seems as nervous as you (Thank the heavens!). He moves closer, ear tips removed, and his index and middle finger rest over your neck, at the side of your windpipe.

For the first time since you met him, he is gazing down directly at you. There's not a shy look-away, or discomfort present on his body language, quite the contrary. He's grabbed your shaky hands and entwine them with his. But you're no fool, you distinguish what the shape of his mouth is silently counting. You know he's trying to ease his heart rate as well. Bodevan rests his forehead against yours, "Close your eyes, please. A little while."

"Okay," you murmur shyly, casting your eyes downward to the sight of your intertwined palms before allowing your lids to flutter shut.

"Even your pulse, cool down your breathing," he murmurs, but nonetheless shrugs nonchalantly. His hands have freed yours only to travel upside to reach your shoulders, where they hold reassuringly. "There's no pressure, we do what we can, we try, we try hard, but we are not overpowered by the pressure."

Of course, you know that, and you're thankful for his kind words. Moreover, you are grateful because he thinks that's the cause of your uneven heart rate when, in reality, he is the one rushing it. He makes you nervous. Really flipping nervous.

When you open up your eyes to meet his, he's staring intently at you, with the same wildness you've grown accustomed in the few hours you've met him. His eyes are blue like the ocean, blue like a sunless sky. You met a sky without a sun, and a man without floor — a doctor who's clinic is a teepee, who meditates before surgery, who seems to be every medical specialist. And know, although is weird and you don't know what the hell is wrong with you, something in your inside squirms and yells today you found a pair of eyes you cannot live without.

Bodavan intrigues you, out of extent. You've crossed the globe, travelled from New York to Namibia, have a fianceé, and yet, you've never encounter eyes like his.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Your eyes look like the morning sky," you mumble, every inch a fool. He smiles.

"And yours look like chocolate."  

A pinch of guilt turns your throat into knots. The last thing you want is to "feel you belong" in the reflection of Bodevan's eyes. You don't belong in África, miles away from everything you're close of. You belong with your family, your friends, people you know how they're really like, not someone you've just met. You belong with Ethan. You still had no idea what you were doing here, other than hiding out very temporarily while Ethan took care of his… divorce. After that, you were going to take a plane back home.

Right?

[parabuttai]

In All Things

aka the coffee shop, jurdan au I wrote in a hungover haze 

It’s a muggy, autumn day when their parents die. Jude didn’t see it happen, she was in the café playing hide and seek behind the sofa with her twin sister Taryn while Vivi, the oldest, painstakingly painted her nails a brilliant shade of red and kept a lenient eye on the pair of them.  The café was her parents pride and Jude loved everything about it, from the red, leather chairs smattered comfortably around the room, to the whipped cream covered hot chocolate her dad snuck to her and sisters when he thought mum wasn’t looking. She didn’t it happen, but she does see the tall man, in a black suit with a red pocket square enter, disregarding the “closed” sign on the door entirely.  His name is Madoc and he’s a lawyer.  Jude doesn’t really know what a lawyer is.  The one time she asked her mum left her know clearer.  What she does know is that he is also Vivi’s birth father, although her sister has only ever called their dad by that term.  They see him every so often at Christmas and Thanksgiving with his wife, Oriana. Today, he tells them that their parents are dead, and then he takes everything.

She can’t even hate him for it, not really.  Legally the rights to all the recipes, all the protocols, even the deal of the day sign, which Jude’s mother painstakingly painted belong to the Greenbriar’s and their lawyer Madoc is simply the tool by which they have claimed them.  The Greenbriar family owns the Greenbriar franchise which stretches across America in a multitude of coffee shops and cosy cafes, just like the one lovingly owned by their parents.  As soon as her parents are dead Madoc swoops in with a team of lawyers to reclaim the property and get it up and running under new management.   As well as taking the café he takes all the children in, his heir and her scrawny half- siblings.  Vivi sits in the front of his black BMW sober faced and silent but Jude and Taryn cry the whole way to their new home.  That night, when Jude’s curled up in bed, listening to the even sound of Taryn’s breathing from the twin bed across the room she imagines the crash, imagines Madoc’s face behind the wheel of the oncoming vehicle.   In her heart of hearts she knows that he wasn’t the one responsible for the crash, that he wasn’t anywhere near the intersection of the day a stupid kid was too busy looking at his phone to realise that he had swerved into the oncoming traffic.  Still, that didn’t make the sight of the heavy metal lettering spelling out “Duarte’s Café”, lovingly carved by her father’s hand being unceremoniously ripped from the space above the café and replaced by the cold, corporate logo of Greenbriar an any less bitter pill to swallow.  Nor does it make the big, busy town house feel any more like a home.  Slowly though, Jude adjusts to her new life.  Madoc and his pale wife Oriana are kind in their own stilted way and their son Oak has such a boundless enthusiasm for the arrival of three, new sisters that it makes it hard for Jude to resent the willingness with which she was taken into their family.

Vivi, however, finds no such peace.  She is a thundering torrent of range and resentment and as the years past her anger hones itself into something sharp and brutal. She screams and throws things, delighting in smashing whatever she can lay her hands on.  In desperation Madoc and Oriana send her to a fancy boarding school in the hopes that a new scene will assuage her anger but it takes only a month before she is sent home from the prestigious school and asked never to return there again.  Over the years her screams quieten and she stops smashing things, but Jude can sense the anger in her, bottled tight just beneath the surface.  It’s something of a relief when she arrives at dinner one evening, suitcase in hand, and announces she’s moving across town to live with her girlfriend Heather.  Taryn cries herself to sleep that night, rocked in Jude’s embrace until she falls into a fitful sleep.  It’s only her twin’s tears that stain Jude’s skin that night though, although she feel’s Vivi’s absence like the loss of a limb. The next morning she goes to Madoc and requests a job in the café.  He is inscrutable as he looks at her and although she gazes calmly back at him she wonders if he can sense the loss, the panic that crawls beneath her skin like a living breathing thing. Whether he can sense that she is unravelling like so many threads from a worn tapestry and she has no way to stitch herself back together. That is he says no it is she who will be lost next.   He says yes.

He puts her to work scrubbing dishes in the back with water so hot it scalds her hands and leaves her nails cracked and peeling. But although her hands are sore her heart is lighter than it’s been for several years and soon he is showing her how to balance multiple cups on her arm and the best way to tell when the milk is sufficiently heated to pour into a cappuccino. He has one of the chefs teach her how to make scones so soft they melt in your mouth and allows her to try her hand at painting the day’s deals onto the sign.  Her breathing is shaky, but her hand is steady and when she wipes a paint, splattered hand across her forehead and surveys her work she thinks that this might be enough.

However, although the work sooths her heart and sooths her soul, her colleagues do not.  Their waitress, Nicasia is a vain, self-absorbed girl with a tongue as sharp as the fresh marmalade they serve with the butter biscuits. Her mother is a world famous beautician who has little time for her only daughter apart from to offer criticisms disguised as complements, an art that Nicasia has also perfected.  She is accompanied by thuggish Valerian, who delights in violence and makes a habit of pinching at Jude when she’s carrying plates causing her to smash them on the ground until Jude viciously salts every meal he brings to work and he is forced to halt his campaign or go permanently hungry.  Worst of all is the manager, Cardan, a younger son of the Greenbriar family and is in charge of overseeing the establishment.  Cardan delights in sly taunts and makes it his mission to make Jude’s time there as miserable as possible.   He sneers as she makes cups of coffee and carries plates and does nothing to stop the constant digs that Nicasia and Valerian send her way.  He is not violent towards her like they are, preferring to make her uncomfortable by pinning her with his disconcerting gaze when she is working or giving her cups of coffee with insults scrawled on the takeaway cups. “Excruciating, alarming distressing,” each one an intelligent protest at her presence.  She smiles and drinks the coffee anyway and doesn’t let herself show the shame she feels.  He smiles a knowing smile, as though its written on her face anyway.

She doesn’t know what she’s done to earn his wrath, but he makes it clear that her very presence is an offence to him.

“You don’t belong here, Jude” he tells her pleasantly one day as though remarking on the weather.  “I don’t know why you don’t just give it up and go somewhere else.”  Jude stops still as though he has slapped her and at once, she is eight again and her parents are dead, and the café they made is dead with them.  

“I belong here every bit as much as you,” she hisses with as much venom as she can muster and Cardan blinks once, before grinning a lazy, cat like smile and sauntering off to take a waiting customer’s order.

She hates him.

Then they get a new recruit and she thinks her luck might be changing.  Locke is charming and handsome and seems genuinely interested in her. He makes her feel like a character from a story book, showering her with complements.  They stay up late together one night, drinking a cheap bottle of wine she borrows from Vivi and watching the stars.  Locke tells her the stories of the constellations, some so outlandish Jude is half sure he is making them up.  His lips are stained dark purple when he kisses her and she almost thinks she’s in love.  Turns out it’s not her he wants, but her sister.  They have been seeing each other too, Taryn confesses tearfully one day. She stands before the counter in the café, holding hands with Locke who is smirking while Valerian and Nicasia howl with laughter.  Jude’s eyes stare numbly at their intertwined hands and thinks of wine stains and stars and the memory turns to ash in her mouth.  Before she can lose any more of her dignity she sinks into one of the stools at the counter, pointedly ignoring Taryn until she finally leaves.  Strangely, Cardan has been strangely silent as the pantomime plays itself out.  A large group enters and he sends Nicasia to take their drink orders uttering his first words since Taryn had burst through the door with Locke in tow.  Valerian is summoned to fix an order that should have been tuna salad, but somehow ended up with cheese and then she is alone with Cardan. She cannot look at him, but she also cannot summon the energy to move.  Maybe if she sits there long enough she’ll be left alone until the end of her shift.  Maybe she’ll be fired.  She cannot bring herself to care.

 “Here.” It’s Cardan, he’s standing on the other side of the counter from her, cup of coffee in hand.  She can see the grinds at the bottom of the coffee machine and knows he has made it fresh.  Carefully, he slides the takeaway cup across the counter towards where she is slumped. The rich scent of coffee drifts pleasantly from inside. “I don’t need a cup of coffee,” Jude snaps angrily, shoving it roughly back towards him, unable to care about the dark scowl she can feel forming on her own face.  “What does it say this time, huh?  Disturbing, warped, fucking awful? ��I’m not in the mood for any of your crap at the moment.”

“Just take it, little ant” sighs Cardan.  His face is carefully unreadable as he reaches across the counter and puts his hand on her clenched fist, pressing against where her fingers curled tightly around her thumb.  She is so startled by the touch of his hand on hers that she jerks back, fingers spreading as she recoils away from the warmth of his skin.  Before she can fully process what was happening he had placed the coffee cup into her hands, squeezing securely on top of her own hands as though he is afraid if he lets go she might hurl the cup back across the counter top like some insolent goblin.  Jude feels herself swallowing the insult on the tip of her tongue as the weight of those hands settle over her, almost like a comforting hug and for a moment she feels that small, bitter part of her heart that has been rising up as she thinks of Locke and Taryn twists.  Just as suddenly, his hands are gone, leaving her feeling cold despite the heating that warms the room.  “Take it and go home, Jude.” He says, his tone bored.  

“I can’t go home, I’ve still got another four hours left before I clock out.” She retorts, feeling unsettled at his sudden change in tone and manner.

“I’m the manager, remember?” He says archly, tapping on the badge affixed just under his right shirt collar.  “Get out of here.  I don’t need you in here snapping at the customers and driving off business with your star crossed woes.”

“Like you need any help scaring off customers with your attitude,” says Jude with a role of her eyes, relieved to find that she sounds harsh rather than sad. But she can’t stand the thought of finishing off the shift while Nicasia and Valerian titter over her pathetic love life so the offer is too good to be rejected, even if it has come from him.  “Thanks,” she mutters awkwardly at last, scuffing the tip of one of her converses on the floor as she hops down from the stool, adjusting her skirt with one hand while the other twisted the cup around to read the word “unique” scrawled in a familiar hand over the list of allergens.  She imagines him saying it, imagines his mouth drawing out each syllable but her body does not fill with the familiar flush of shame that normally accompanies his reminders that she doesn’t belong here.  “A little out of tune with your other jabs?” She says with her eyebrows raised.

Cardan does not deign to reply.  He has already turned his back to her to wipe down the nozzle of the steamer and acts as though the whole interaction hasn’t taken place, isn’t still taking place. Taking the hint, Jude strides towards the exit, cupping the drink tightly in her hands as she steps outside into the bite of the cold, winter air.  And if she tells herself the tingling in her hands is from the warmth of the coffee, nothing more, then that’s that.  There’s nothing more to it. Unconsciously, she lets her fingers trace the fine cursive lettering which runs down the side of the cup all the way home.  

Jude doesn’t see much of Cardan over the next few days.  She’s not scheduled to work at the café over the weekend so she spends most of her time avoiding Taryn, a job made easier by the fact that Taryn seems determined to avoid her too.  But eventually, it’s time for her to return to work.  She spends the day studiously avoiding Cardan’s gaze, determined When her back is turned she can feel dark eyes watching her.  The day is slow, and when night falls Cardan dismisses the rest of the staff claiming that he can deal with the last few customers on his own.  Jude is the last to leave, the sleeve of her coat is trapped in the locker and she is still struggling to remove it when Cardan comes in to the small cloakroom.

“Jude!” He exclaims. His eyes are wide and he looks briefly childlike in the half dark room as he stares at her in surprise.  Then, he gathers himself and the look is gone. She can almost see the shutters falling in his eyes.  “I thought you had left.” He says and it’s a statement, but it’s also a question and Jude finds herself wanting to answer even though she’s not sure what he’s really asking.  

She settles for “my coat’s stuck.”  Gesturing lamely to where the offending item of clothing is hanging limply.  He looks at her blankly.  

“Well then get it out,” he says as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world.  “I’ve never known you to be set back by something as trivial as a stuck piece of cloakroom equipment.  Are you sick?”  Jude rolls her eyes but at the same time she feels something warm settle in her stomach. Although his tone is acerbic Cardan has as good as offered her a complement.  

“I’m getting to it, your majesty.” She shrugs sarcastically.  She realises she’s made a mistake at once when he grins.

“Your majesty,” he pretends to ponder it, eyes glittering wickedly in the dim light.  “I like it.  I think I’ll make it my official title.  Much more fitting than manager.”

“I agree,” she snipes. “Manager implies you actually manage things here. Majesty is much more fitting for someone who sits around all day letting others do all the work.”

“Why would I want to manage anything when I’ve got you rushing around and making sure nothing falls apart?” He laughs.  “Far more entertaining for me to sit around and gossip with the regulars, although I don’t know why you put so much work into this place, you’re the only person here who cares about this dump.”

Jude bristles.  “This dump,” she snarls, “used to be something great, something precious, and I don’t want to see that go just because some spoilt brat can’t be bothered to manage it properly.”  She is so incensed she has her hand half raised to slap him before she regains control of herself.  He is staring at her, eyes wide at the outburst and his eyes flicker to her hand. She realises he is afraid she is going to hit him and she lets it drop limply to the side.   She’s better than that.  

To her surprise Cardan doesn’t start shouting, doesn’t leave.  He runs his hand through his dark hair, letting out a huff of air.

“I’m sorry,” he says and she feels her jaw drop.  “I always do this with you.  I can’t say the right thing, be nice, be better and so I say the worst possible thing instead.”  Jude regards him wearily but he continues.  

“I meant that you’re a great employee the place would be falling apart without you.”  The words fall heavily from his lips and he is staring at her, his eyes dark, and normally she would resent that stare but it feels different now.  She can tell it has cost him greatly to admit this to her, can see in his eyes that he is waiting for her to strike back now he has laid this out for her, now he has made himself vulnerable.  But she is no longer angry, and he seems to be able to read that in her face as the tension flows out of him.  

“You mean you think I’m better than Nicasia and Valerian?” She is unable to stop the question from flowing from her lips but he doesn’t pounce on it the way she expects.  Instead he shakes his head, laughter in his eyes and she imagines him sneering “you, better?  You barely belong.”

Instead he surprises her again by saying “you’re the best employee here.”  She looks at him suspiciously, but he seems sincere. Rather than push the cat and mouse game any further she returns to the loosening of her coat, deciding to ignore Cardan completely.  However, he stretches up his arms and his shirt, loose from the day’s work, rides up out of his pants revealing the hint of a tattoo on his left hipbone.

“Is that, a tail?” Jude gasps, reaching unthinkingly out to run her fingers over the sinuous, dark shape she can see peeking out over the top of his waistband.  

“It’s not a tail.” Cardan drawls, making no move to push her away.  “It’s an ouroboros, a symbol that dates back to the ancient Egyptians.”  

“You have a tail!” Crows Jude delightedly, ignoring his explanation in favour of examining the tattoo in more detail.  At a distance it looks a little like a circle but as she bends her head to inspect it more closely she can make out the fine, scaled pattern that runs through the length of it.  “I always said you were beastly, now I have the proof!”  As she speaks, she prods him firmly in the chest and turns to look at his face.  Her laughter stops abruptly.  Suddenly she realises just how close she has come, realises that her hand still lingers on his bare chest, how close they are together.   His eyes, always dark, are like pools of midnight as he stares down at her and she barely managed to supress a shiver. If Cardan is a beast, then he was one with sharp claws and wicked teeth and he wants to swallow her whole.

“By all means, continue your molestations,” he smirks “don’t mind me.  I’ll just stand here while you accost my personage.”  

“I’d like to see you spell personage,” mutters Jude, withdrawing her hand reluctantly from his firm chest.

“What was that, dearest one?” Cardan’s grin is mischievous as he continues to lean rakishly across the wall of lockers so that his stomach remains exposed.  He carelessly unbuttons one cuff, deliberately leaving the front of the shirt untucked as he continues to smile wolfishly at Jude.  Jude stares back, determined not to let him see how flustered she is by his naked flesh or the moment of intimacy they had just shared. She is satisfied to see him blink at her own, pointed look and he shuffles slightly on his feet, his abdomen tensing as he moves.  He doesn’t look away from her though, even as he starts to slowly tuck the shirt back into his pants.

“Don’t.”  For a split second Jude wonders if perhaps someone else has entered the small storage space and spoken.  Maybe Taryn has come to find her and has wondered in after them. Maybe she is going mad and have started to hallucinate.  Then the realisation that it was her own, treacherous mouth which had uttered the word sinks in.  She is startled to realise she doesn’t regret it.  That she is relieved she had said it.  The magnetic force that draws them together is pulling her down and there was only one way to assuage its demanding pressure.

“Don’t what, exactly?” Cardan asks and Jude is relieved to see that despite the levity in his tone his grin falters briefly at her word.  It is that, perhaps, more than anything else that gives her the courage to step forward and place her hands over his own, stilling them over his belt.

“I said,” she murmurs, leaning in so close that she can feel the force of his breath against her cheek. “Don’t, do that.” Her heart is pounding fast in her chest and she imagines that, if only she listened closely enough, she might hear Cardan’s heart beating ferociously in a matching, unrelenting rhythm with her own.  

“Jude.”  He whispers her name so quietly, so reverently that she isn’t sure she heard him.  Isn’t sure he’d even meant to say it aloud. There is something so heavy in the word that for a moment she feels her bravado fading leaving behind a crushing shyness that makes her want to flee, but even as her name falls from Cardan’s lips, he is lowering his face towards her and carefully, pointedly, pressing his lips to hers in a searing kiss.  Any thought of flight flees from her mind after that.  Despite his harshness, his kiss is soft, softer even than the sound of her name on his tongue and it is all Jude can do to stop herself from sinking into the feeling of him kissing her.  All thoughts of the Locke, of her sister’s betrayal leave her mind as he tentatively cups her face in his hands, deepening the kiss until the only thing she can do with any sense of certainty is kiss him back.  She does just that, snaking her hands under the bottom of his shirt to feel the heat radiating through his body as she offers hungry, greedy kisses of her own.  Finally, when she thought she was ready to burst from the lush, heady sensation of kiss he pulls back, lips swollen and eyes wine dark.

“What was that you said before about molesting?” She gasps and he lets out a sharp bark of laughter. He is breathing heavily against her and he grins broadly so the tips of his teeth glint in the light.

“That was hardly molestation, my little ant.  That was a full on debauching.” Cardan stretches out his arm and pulls her in an unwieldly motion so that she staggers to rest fully atop him.  If he releases her she will fall.  “I am a branch, swaying in the wake of your storm.  Have mercy, or I will be felled beneath your tempestuous whims.”  Jude laughs at the ridiculousness of the statement, at the ridiculousness of them. But as he kisses her again in the cloakroom of her parent’s café, she can’t help feeling like perhaps, just maybe she is home.

[kf14wxbw-blog]

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