#honestly. shua deserves all tbe hugs in the entire world and deeksy deserves to be told 1000000 times a day how beautiful he is

[diorkyeom]

‘✷’ : CHAPTER NINE “venus and sun”

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chapter word count: 6k+ (ur welcome)

chapter warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption

summary: "lately, seokmin had come to a realisation. joshua hong, seokmin thought, was a little bit of an enigma." - in which seokmin has known joshua for years, but he's always been a bit of a mystery to him. and as the days go by, he finds himself falling further and further for the enigmatic man, wanting to find out who the real Joshua Hong is behind his polite smiles and warm eyes and sweet words.

notes: this chapter is sooo fun everyone :DD also heads up that the first scene is kinda flashback-esque!

Joshua wanted to go home.

He didn’t even know why he’d been invited to this party in the first place. It was a birthday celebration for someone he’d never met, a celebration choked full of drunk young adults, giddy on freedom and eager to finally rebel. 

But all Joshua could think about was how much he wanted to go home.

Truly home.

The air was chilling against his skin, goosebumps raising on his forearms as he wrapped his arms around his knees, shoes scraping awkwardly against the roof tiles. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable here, out on the roof of this person’s house, but it was where the noise was the most muffled, and Joshua wasn’t surrounded by the sharp smell of alcohol and sick.

And as he looked up at the clouded sky, tears blurring his sight as he watched the moon glow gently above him, he could almost imagine he was home.

Abruptly, there was a scuffling sound coming to his left, and Joshua whipped his head around to see someone pop their head through the open skyline window that he’d climbed through a few minutes earlier.

He and the person locked eyes, and Joshua floundered a little, panicked at having been caught in such a vulnerable state, torn between dredging up a polite smile or simply turning away and ignoring them and hoping that they’d go away without noticing the tears spilling out of his eyes.

“Oh! Goodness, are you alright?”

Joshua didn’t have time to make a choice before the boy scrambled through the window frame, banging his knee against the tiles as he pulled himself upwards, letting out a small “oh, shit” before somehow managing to kneel right in front of him, cupping Joshua’s face so suddenly that he gasped, tears welling up further.

The boy’s brow was furrowed in worry, big eyes darting back and forth between Joshua’s, glowing with such earnest concern, hands warm around Joshua’s face, his right thumb gently rubbing circles against his cheekbone.

He was beautiful.

“Don’t cry,” the boy said softly, his voice such a dizzying cerulean blue while his thumb continued to paint peach coloured stains into Joshua’s cheek. “Whatever you’re crying about, I’m sure it’s not worth your tears.”

Joshua's lips quivered, unable to stop the way his eyes blurred even more, filled to the brim with liquid silver, threatening to spill over at the gentleness with which this boy handled him.

“No, no, don’t cry,” the boy said again, almost panicked. “Don’t cry! Please don’t cry, my roommate is going to murder me if he finds out I snuck out to another college’s party and made the prettiest boy there cry.”

It was such an absurd statement, and probably not the most comforting one, but the oddity of it made Joshua blink, laughing a little, and the boy’s eyes positively lit up at the sound.

“You laughed! Oh, good, that’s good. Please don’t cry anymore. My roommate says that I’m stupidly empathetic so if I see someone cry then I’m gonna cry too, and then he’s gonna murder me again because not only did I sneak out and make a pretty boy cry, I’m also gonna embarrass myself in front of that pretty boy by crying too.”

The boy spoke so seriously, like he really was going to get murdered, and it made Joshua laugh again, and he couldn’t tell whether it was just his tear-blurred eyes or if it was actually the boy himself, but for a moment, the world blinded him with gold as the boy beamed.

“If you don’t tell your roommate, then I won’t either,” Joshua said, smiling, and the boy’s eyes widened before he beamed even brighter. “That way, you won’t be murdered.”

That made the boy laugh, a full and bright sound as he tilted his head back, warm hands falling away from Joshua’s face as he sat back on his heels. “Let’s do that,” he said, eyes crinkling. “Thanks for helping save my life.”

He crawled a little clumsily across the tiles until he was sitting next to Joshua, shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the sky.

“I’m glad you’re not crying anymore,” he said after a moment, and Joshua, wiping his eyes, turned his head to look at him. “I don’t know if you were crying over someone or just in general, but I’m sure that whatever it was, it really wasn’t worth your tears.”

Joshua sat silently for a moment, rubbing away the last of the tears from his cheeks. He thought of his home, of his mother sitting in a house all by herself, thousands of miles away, and swallowed down the uncomfortable lump that rose in his throat.

He looked down. “I miss my home.”

There was a beat.

“Oh,” the boy said quietly. 

Joshua could feel him looking over at him, his gaze oozing something painfully like pity, and for a moment, he contemplated pulling up a mask and just smiling and waving this whole conversation off. It would be so easy: painting a gentle pink over his lips, crinkling his eyes just so, making sure his voice came off smooth and unaffected, like a pane of glass.

But for some reason, he just couldn’t.

“I’m guessing this isn’t just some early-semester homesickness,” the boy said, his words still bleeding bright and gentle blues into the air. “You know, one of my best friends came here all by himself without his parents last year, because he wanted to make them proud.” He swallowed. “For seven months, he cried himself to sleep. I heard him across the dorms every night. But he never told them anything about it, because he didn’t want to worry them. And then, he and I finally met, and we became friends, and he no longer felt so homesick anymore.”

Joshua bit his lip, breathing in deeply and then slowly exhaling. 

“That’s the kind of thing you’re going through, right?” the boy asked softly.

Without saying a word, Joshua nodded, and then looked up at the sky. The moon was covered, no longer glowing silver down at him, but there was something strangely comforting about the shoulder pressed against his, a coppery warm glow of a presence that made him relax.

“I’ve been in Korea for quite a while, though,” he said, chuckling a little. “Guess that’s just how pathetic I am. It’s just… it’s so hard to show people who I really am. Everyone already has their own preconceived idea of what you should be like based on how you look, you know? And it’s just easier to play into that. To be who they think you are.”

The boy hummed contemplatively. “I don’t know. That sounds more difficult to me. To be someone who isn’t me…” He shook his head. “I can’t do it.”

Joshua smiled. “You’re a better person than me, then. But also it just makes me feel so lonely. I mean, all these different ways that I talk to people… they’re all still me, but still. No one really knows me. And I know it’s of my own making, but it still makes me feel alone.”

“No, no, I get it,” the boy said. “It’s okay. But I think it might be good to talk to people about this. Find someone, and make yourself lower your defences. Get rid of the mask. Find someone you truly love and trust, and just talk to them as yourself. It’ll help you feel less alone.”

“Hm. Maybe.” Joshua sighed, looking over at the boy only to find him already looking at him, and quickly lowered his gaze. “Who’d want to talk to the real me, though?”

The wind whistled, cold and biting, ruffling Joshua’s hair and stinging his eyes a little as he looked up, the boy suddenly scrambling around next to him so he could face him properly. His eyes were wide, honest, as he stuck his hand out in Joshua’s direction.

“My name’s Seokmin,” he said, and then grinned, a brilliant flash of sunshine bright warmth. “I go to a different college in the area, and while I’ve never met you before, I'm someone who wants to get to know the real you. You don’t need to put up a mask around me.” 

Joshua looked down at the outstretched hand, and then up at the boy—Seokmin, and found himself almost to be melting into his gaze, so wide and open and welcoming, looking at Joshua like he was the prettiest, most incredible thing that Seokmin had ever seen. 

And that was when Joshua fell. 

He smiled, and even though the angle was weird since they were sitting so close together, he grasped Seokmin's hand and shook it firmly. And he realised, then, that he didn't have a mask on at all at that moment. He'd been talking to Seokmin as his real self this entire time. 

Before he had a chance to open his mouth and return Seokmin's greeting, however, there came a screech from down below. 

"Lee Seokmin!" a voice screamed, sounding incredibly exasperated. 

And then, a moment later, a louder voice boomed, "Lee Seokmin! Where the fuck are you?"

Seokmin flinched, letting out an adorable, surprised squeak and immediately let go of Joshua's hand, shuffling backwards towards the window. 

"I gotta go," he said regretfully. "That's Minghao and Mingyu. They're gonna murder me if they don't find me within the next thirty seconds."

Joshua blinked, and then pouted a little, not attempting to mask his disappointment at Seokmin's abrupt departure. "Your friends sure do sound like they love murdering you."

"Yeah," Seokmin said with a laugh, all glistening ivory and sunny skies. "Maybe I need new friends."

He swung his legs over the window frame, ready to descend, before he looked back at Joshua again. They stared at each other for a long moment, before suddenly Seokmin was scrambling back over to him, reaching into his pockets and fishing out his phone, kneeling in front of Joshua with the device unlocked. 

Joshua blinked down at the open phone, and then up at Seokmin. "What?"

"I need to go now before I get my ass beat, and to be really honest, I'm a little too drunk right now to remember if you just told me your email or your number or anything at all, so…" Seokmin nudged the phone in Joshua's direction again, smiling all shy and sweet. "Could I have your number instead? Maybe?"

Behind Seokmin's head, the moon had reappeared from behind the clouds, but all Joshua could focus on were the golden rays of sunshine right in front of him.

"Yeah, of course," he breathed out, inputting the digits into a blank contact and, after a moment's hesitation, put a pink heart in as the contact name. "Of course you can."

Seokmin looked down at the contact once Joshua had finished, and smiled so heart-flutteringly wide that Joshua had to blink rapidly and breathe shallowly in an attempt to slow down his rapid pulse. 

"Lee Seokmin! If you don't appear within the next ten seconds, I'm telling Seungkwan where you are right this second!"

That made Seokmin grimace, and he pocketed his phone, immediately shuffling back towards the window once again. "That's my cue to leave. Knowing Minghao, he'll probably carry through with his threats."

"I’ll pray for your life," Joshua says solemnly, watching as Seokmin lowered himself through the window until only his head and shoulders were visible. "Hopefully you'll still live to see another day."

Seokmin laughed again, ripples of blue velvet and golden threads intertwining together. "Hopefully." He gave Joshua a little salute, beaming. "I'll text you."

And with that, he was gone. 

Joshua stared at the open window for a moment longer, before turning back to the sky. Everything felt a lot colder all of a sudden, but he just exhaled slowly, mulling over Seokmin and his words. 

Maybe it was time for him to text Jeonghan again. See how his old friend was doing after so long. 

Seokmin never did text him. 

Joshua smiled a little, mind drifting to the boy's last words, an inexplicable warmth spreading through his chest as he remembered his smile. He looked forward to that text from Seokmin. 

───────────── ‘✷,

After three weeks, Joshua gave up waiting, and did his best to forget about him entirely. He had Jeonghan now, anyway, his recently reconnected friend, and Jeonghan wouldn't allow Joshua to be anyone other than himself around him. 

He'd known Joshua back when they were small, after all. Before Joshua moved to the States. Joshua didn’t need another person to lower his mask around. He already had Jeonghan, and that was all he needed.

He was fine. Joshua was fine.

Every night, he tried not to think about sunshine smiles and cerulean blue voices, and gradually, the ache in his chest eased.

And then, Jeonghan had introduced Joshua to the rest of his (weirdly huge) friend group at their housewarming party a few months after graduation, and he'd been stunned at the sight of Seokmin, smiling and laughing and entering their house with his arm slung over a taller man with glasses. 

They shook hands, as Joshua had done with all of Jeonghan's friends, and he'd waited for that spark of recognition in Seokmin's eyes, for his sunshine smile to turn sky blue, but none came. 

So Joshua pursed his lips, and gave a smile, and buried his real self away. The one that Seokmin had inadvertently helped create, where Joshua laughed brightly and freely with a golden sort of openness that Seokmin's own warm earnestness had somehow influenced. He buried it away, and hid behind something softer, gentler. More distant. Something that was almost his real self, but wasn’t. 

Because Seokmin didn't seem to remember. 

"Myungho-ya," Seokmin cried, distressed, the moment he burst through the man's apartment door. He stopped for a moment, took off his shoes and put on the slippers by the front door, before carrying on his frantic journey across the hallway until he flung open the door to Minghao’s studio, breathing heavily. “Myungho!”

And there was nothing that Joshua could do. 

───────────── ‘✷,

Minghao didn’t even flinch, continuing to frown down sceptically at his canvas before squinting at his reference photo again. “What’s up,” he said, completely monotone.

“Myungho,” Seokmin whined, and ran his hands through his hair again. It was practically standing on end at this point, due to the amount of times he’d run his fingers through it. “I have a dilemma.”

“You always do.” Minghao didn’t look up, and pointed his pencil at the couch pushed against one wall of the room. “Have your meltdown over there. Close the door, too, you’re making the room cold.”

Seokmin dutifully closed the door, and then strode across the room to fling himself dramatically onto the couch, flailing around. “Did you know? That— that—” He squirmed a little, and then managed to haul himself upright, eyes wild. “Myungho.”

“Seokmin.”

“Remember that house party you, Mingyu and I snuck into once? During our second year?”

“Of course I do,” Minghao said dryly. He carefully continued sketching lines on his canvas. “Mingyu busted us into some random college party, and you managed to get so drunk that you threw up into three different plant pots. Then I forced you to drink water, and without even thanking me, you disappeared.”

“I did thank you!” Seokmin argued. And then he shook his head, waving his hands. “That’s not the point. I told you about the really pretty boy that I met at that party, right?”

Minghao squinted down at his canvas, pursing his lips and then huffing, grabbing his eraser. “The pretty boy that had your drunk ass rambling about pink and silk and colours and shit the entire way home?”

“Yeah! Him!” Seokmin pointed a finger excitedly. “I wasn’t that drunk. I was rather sober, actually! Especially since you gave me water.”

“No you weren’t,” Minghao said, dusting rubber crumbs from his canvas. “You didn’t even remember who gave you their number and made the contact name a pink heart.”

The mention of the contact had Seokmin’s eyes lighting up impossibly bright and then he deflated, groaning and curling up into a ball on the couch, tugging at his hair so hard that he was practically tearing it all out.

“That was Shua hyung,” he cried, impossibly distressed once more. “Shua hyung gave me his number, all those years ago, and I forgot about it! How could I have forgotten? This is horrible!”

Minghao laughed a little. “Wow, I would have been so hurt if I was Joshua hyung.”

Seokmin didn’t even seem to hear him, groaning again. He remembered seeing Joshua during Jeonghan’s housewarming party and just thinking that the man was so pretty and how did it not click in his head that Joshua and the pretty boy that he met on the roof were the same person?

This was awful. Utterly awful. Seokmin was such an awful person.

“There, there,” Minghao said, in what was truly a terrible attempt at comfort. He still wasn’t even looking in Seokmin’s direction. “Don’t worry. Knowing that hyung, he’s probably forgiven you already.”

Seokmin settled on the couch on his stomach, head on the armrest, slippered feet dangling off the other. “He was chill with it,” he admitted. “But I still feel so bad.”

Last night, when Joshua had told Seokmin that he already had the elder’s number, Seokmin’s eyes had widened and he’d scrolled through his contacts, trying to find what Joshua meant before landing on the only unnamed contact that he had.

The pink heart.

Seokmin’s memory of that party was spotty at best (maybe Minghao was right and he had been incredibly drunk) but the moment he saw the contact again, his entire conversation with Joshua came flooding back suddenly, so pristine and so sharp it was like it had happened yesterday.

“It’s okay,” Joshua said, smiling, but the colours in his eyes were wavering, floating between something candyfloss pink and celestial gold. “You did say you were rather drunk that night. I probably should have put my name, rather than that heart.”

Seokmin blinked rapidly, his heart racing fast for some unfathomable reason. “No, no, it’s my fault. I should’ve— I don’t even know how I forgot.” He looked down at his phone for a long moment, before up at Joshua again, holding his hand out. “This won’t do. Hyung, let me give you my number too. This way, if I forget again, you can be the one to pester me.”

Joshua had looked down at his outstretched hand, before his eyes crinkled and he’d beamed, bright and pearlescent and reminding Seokmin of something so rose gold in happiness. He set down the guitar and handed his own phone to Seokmin, smiling all the while, and Seokmin was sure that it was the happiest he’d ever seen Joshua look.

“Well, good for you,” Minghao said. “I’m very, very glad that Joshua hyung has your number, and you have his too. It’s the best thing in the entire world.”

Seokmin pouted, ruffling his hair and burying himself into his arms, eyes peeking out. “You and your sarcasm are gonna get you into trouble one day, you know.”

“It’s okay, Junhui hyung will bail me out,” Minghao said, beginning to draw the finishing touches to his sketch layer again. 

“He really would,” Seokmin huffed. “I wish I had a boyfriend to bail me out whenever I mess up.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Sure.” Seokmin dangled his feet, watching Minghao sketch before shaking his head in disbelief. “Wow. I still can’t believe it was actually Shua hyung.” He lifted his head slightly, resting his chin on his arms. “After we exchanged numbers, he made me go back to bed, but the entire time, I was just internally tearing my hair out because I just couldn’t believe it.”

Minghao hummed, looking down at his reference and then up at his canvas again.

“And I feel so terrible that I didn’t recognise him,” Seokmin continued, whining. “How did I even forget I had his number in the first place? How did I not remember anything?”

The pencil stilled across the canvas, and Minghao set his things down, finally standing up from his stool to fetch his paints, looking over at Seokmin. “I think you should stop wallowing in your past regrets and make use of the gifts that the present has given you,” he said. “You thought you’d never see that boy again. And now he’s your friend. Just be grateful that the gods seem to love you so much.”

Seokmin thought for a moment, before grinning, rolling over onto his back. “They really do seem to love me, don’t they?” He sat up, leaning forward conspiratorially while Minghao reached for his paint tubes. “You know, a while ago, I asked the gods if they could help me see more of Shua hyung, because I realised I didn’t know anything about him and I wanted to get to know him better.”

“Let me guess, you suddenly started seeing him everywhere?” Minghao asked amusedly.

“I did!” Seokmin said, eyes wide. “It was—It was insane.”

The other laughed, shaking his head. “Your life is like a kdrama, Seokmin.”

“I dunno what kind of kdrama has the main character forget their first encounter with their prettiest friend,” Seokmin sulked. “A trash drama, maybe. Besides, don’t you think that Seungkwan would make a better main character than me?”

“No. He’s too bossy.”

Seokmin chuckled at that, tapping his chin. “Okay, how about Junhui hyung? The funny, awkward, handsome guy who’s pining over his best friend and roommate who won’t admit that he likes him back.”

Minghao was silent for a moment. “I think I’d be a better main character,” he said finally, standing up and walking over to the couch, pinching Seokmin’s cheek. “The long-suffering artist with a chaotic friend group who plots his friend’s deaths in his spare time.”

Seokmin had feared that, after that, his relationship with Joshua would change for the worse, but quite the opposite happened.

“Hey!” Seokmin laughed, swatting Minghao’s hand away. “That’s a terrible kdrama plot!”

───────────── ‘✷,

Seokmin still felt incredibly apologetic for forgetting their first encounter, but Joshua just smiled and waved off his apologies, saying that it didn’t matter and he was just happy to have Seokmin as a friend, right now.

They still saw each other at school, and accidentally mixed up their stationary with one another’s, and went home together at the end of each day. They still met each other at night, except now the encounters were all planned, with one of them texting the other ‘wanna meet up?’ whenever they couldn’t sleep. 

Sometimes, Joshua would bring his guitar, and he’d sing for Seokmin, all dizzying soft melodies that made Seokmin’s head spin and he promised himself every time that one day, he’d sing for Joshua too.

Everything was as comfortable and relaxing as before. Seokmin made nonsensical jokes and Joshua laughed all the same, and Joshua would do something totally unexpected and Seokmin would find himself grinning in disbelief. 

It was nice.

More than nice, actually. Everything with Joshua was always more than nice, more than just good, and things now were… were something, something that Seokmin couldn’t quite explain. Every time he looked at Joshua, or made the elder laugh, there was this thing, these words, this feeling just on the tip of his tongue, butterfly-light and sugary and soft, but he didn’t know what it was. 

He wanted to, though. It felt important.

“Remember that time I gave you flowers and then ran away?” Seokmin asked abruptly, and Joshua stopped mindlessly strumming his guitar to look at him, eyes twinkling even in the darkness.

“I do,” Joshua said, his voice ruby-coloured with amusement. “I asked if you were okay, and you just shoved flowers into my arms and sped off.”

Seokmin laughed as Joshua acted out the brief scenario, exaggerating his own confusion as he pretended to watch an imaginary Seokmin zoom away after giving him a bouquet of flowers. “Ah, those were the days. I don’t even know why I did that. I just panicked, I guess.”

“Aw,” Joshua said, pretending to be dejected, “did you just give me flowers in a panic? Were they not originally for me?”

That made Seokmin grin, and he bumped his shoulder against Joshua’s playfully. “No, no, of course! You’re totally right, hyung. I bought them for you. I know how much you love flowers, you know?”

Joshua laughed at that, tilting his head back and covering his mouth with his hand, eyes crinkled so that they were nothing more than delighted crescents, and Seokmin watched him, slightly amazed. They were squished together on the bench, Joshua’s side warm against his, and it made him smile even wider. 

Honestly, it was kind of incredible how much they’d changed since that Game Night many months ago, where Seokmin had first wondered at how much of an enigma their Joshua hyung was. 

Joshua had been totally elusive, then, with his cotton kindness and gentleness that felt real but also reserved, like he was holding back something. He’d been constantly hiding, albeit very well, but Seokmin had somehow known all the same, and slowly, slowly, as they grew more comfortable with one another, Joshua smiled more and talked more and the cotton melted into gentle, beautiful rose gold.

It was kind of incredible how Joshua had gone from being ‘Jeonghan’s pretty housemate’ to one of Seokmin’s closest friends.

“Oh, Seokmin,” Joshua said, setting his guitar down as a thought occurred to him, “you saw the music video for ‘To You’, didn’t you?”

Seokmin smiled. “I did.”

Seungkwan had burst into his and Soonyoung’s apartment the day it was released, insisting that they watch the MV premiere all together, before promptly dissolving into tears once the video had ended.

“It’s such a good song,” Joshua said. “Jihoon really outdid himself this time.” He smiled a little. “It still didn’t sound half as good as when you sang it.”

That made Seokmin scrunch his shoulders, ears pinkening in shy. “Oh, I don’t know. These guys are professional singers, you know? I could never beat them.”

Joshua smiled wider. “I wouldn’t be too sure. Anyways,” he hefted his guitar, strumming a familiar-sounding opening chord, “I learnt it.”

“No way,” Seokmin said, mouth falling open. “Already?”

“Already,” Joshua confirmed. “I wanted to play it for you.” He smiled at Seokmin again, this time a little softer, shyer, and Seokmin watched him attentively, eager, and so he took a deep breath and began to play.

The melody had already sounded gorgeous, courtesy of Jihoon’s genius, but sung in Joshua’s voice, it was something else entirely.

Seokmin’s mouth fell open as Joshua sang the first two verses, his voice a twinkling array of tiny glass crystals in the air. It was a slower tempo than the original song, and it sounded almost like some sort of romantic serenade, making Seokmin’s heart thump even harder in his chest.

And then Joshua looked up at Seokmin as he neared the second verse, almost at the chorus, and time seemed to slow down as his eyes crinkled, warm and patient and waiting to see if Seokmin wanted to join in, and without even realising what he was doing, Seokmin opened his mouth and sang along too.

Joshua’s smile only widened, and Seokmin found himself beaming too as their voices blended together in the night air, silver and gold, crystals and velvet. 

The harmonies, amazingly, seemed to come easily to them, and Seokmin laughed a little in disbelief at how in sync they were, how they glided across the pearlescent melody effortlessly, Joshua’s guitar a beautiful, ringing sound between them, and for as long as the song continued, Seokmin felt like they were being encased in their own, delicate bubble, with rainbow walls and muffling the sounds of the rest of the world.

“If an eternal love exists, then that is what you are,” Seokmin sang softly, and Joshua let the last chord unfurl itself in the air, threading pale violet and ivory into the night before eventually dissipating into nothingness.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment, too afraid to shatter the sacred, tranquil atmosphere between them. And then Joshua lowered his guitar, letting it rest comfortably in his lap, and leaned back against the bench with a sigh.

“Beautiful,” he said simply, turning to look at Seokmin, and Seokmin was reminded of when Joshua first heard his recording, and the only thing he’d said had been ‘pretty’. “That was beautiful.”

“I know right,” Seokmin said, his voice still hushed with wonder. “You played so well, hyung.”

Joshua chuckled, and his eyes were bright. “I meant your singing.”

Seokmin’s eyes widened. “Me? Oh, hyung, what about you? Your voice was just so…” He clasped his hands together. “It just fits the gentleness of the song so well. Your voice is so pretty. You’re so pretty.”

He blinked in surprise at his own words, but Joshua didn’t seem to mind, simply laughing and looking down.

“Thank you,” he said, and then nudged Seokmin gently. “You’re so pretty too. You and your voice.”

Seokmin stuttered, a flush instantly dusting his cheekbones and he looked out at the river, unable to even glance in Joshua’s direction. “Um. Thank you.”

Joshua chuckled, and the sound was endlessly fond, even to Seokmin’s own ears, and he wondered what could have evoked such an endeared laugh from him. He breathed in slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on the darkened river, and after a moment, Joshua looked away from Seokmin to look out at the river too. 

The wind was still, almost hushed, and there was no sound, save for the rushing of the water. It was quiet, and for once, Seokmin’s own mind was quiet too, and it was gloriously calm in his brain, so beautifully calm that he looked over at Joshua, and beamed.

"Shua hyung," Seokmin said, and Joshua turned to look at him, his gaze all open and golden, "you really are so pretty."

Joshua tilted his head, and then laughed. "Thank you, Seokmin."

Seokmin frowned. Joshua didn't sound like he understood. "No, really," he insisted. "You're so, so, pretty. Pretty like Aphrodite, you know?"

“Aphrodite?” Joshua was still smiling, like Seokmin had told him a joke.

“Like Aphrodite,” Seokmin confirmed. “I think you have the kind of prettiness that would make people want to start wars over you.”

Joshua hummed thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t that make me Helen, rather than Aphrodite?”

Seokmin blinked. “Oh! You’re right. It would.” For some reason, he felt strangely… touched, that Joshua knew exactly what he was referring to, and was able to make his own links to the Iliad that Seokmin was studying for work. “It still applies, though. You have the kind of prettiness that makes the gods fight over you too.”

“Do I?” Joshua said, and his fingertips lightly traced along the face of his guitar. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m all that special.”

Seokmin clicked his fingers, leaning into Joshua’s space. “See, that makes you even more like Aphrodite. Or, love. Because you’re really pretty, hyung. Like, objectively pretty. But you kind of downplay it? You don’t seem to realise how pretty you are. You’re soft and bashful but also also undeniably pretty, and don’t you think that that’s what love is?”

Joshua blinked, Seokmin’s fingers inches from his nose. He smiled a little, relaxing. “Love is something soft and gentle and pretty, huh?” he said, and Seokmin beamed, leaning back.

“Exactly! That makes you exactly like the god of love, then. Because you’re the epitome of that.”

That made Joshua’s eyes widen slightly, and he looked at the river for a moment before eventually turning his gaze back to Seokmin, face softening.

“Perhaps you’d be Apollo, then. Multi-talented, as bright as the sun, and incredibly beautiful too.”

“Me? No way,” Seokmin pffted, waving a hand. It did remind him of what Jeonghan had said once, and he paused, thinking. “Though, Jeonghan hyung said a similar thing.”

“What did he say?”

“That I’m a Sun,” he said, pointing a finger at himself, looking thoughtfully out at the river, “and I ought to be loved gently. By a Venus.”

He turned to Joshua, and in the low light, he saw the way the elder’s eyelashes fluttered as he looked down, casting soft smudges against his cheeks. Neither of them said anything for a moment, but then Joshua looked up, and the smile was back on his face.

“Did he really? That’s so interesting,” Joshua said. “Do you agree with Jeonghan, though?”

“I think I do,” Seokmin said after thinking a little. “It would be nice to have someone treat me like I’m precious. Like I really, really matter.” He chuckled a little. “But then again, I guess everyone wants that, you know?”

Joshua’s lips curled upwards weakly. “Yeah.”

“But I think I want to love a Venus too,” Seokmin carried on, still talking to the river, and he missed the way Joshua’s eyes widened. “I want to love someone… greatly, you know? I want to give them all my love, give them an eternal love. A Venus, as the being of love, would be shy and soft and bashful, a little reluctant to let themselves be loved, because they’re meant to simply observe and guide others who fall in love, right? They don’t think that they should be loved.”

Seokmin nodded his head resolutely, turning his gaze back to Joshua again, eyes wide and earnest.

“I would love them, though. I’d give them all the love in the entire world.”

Joshua looked at him for a long moment, and for a moment, there appeared to be a thousand stars sparkling in his irises as he gazed at Seokmin, before he blinked and the stars were gone. “I think the Venus would be endlessly grateful to be loved by you.”

Seokmin laughed. “I’d be endlessly grateful to be loved by that Venus too, you know.” He pouted a little. “I wanna be treated gently like that. I’m a mess, though. I’m too noisy to be loved like that.”

“No you’re not,” Joshua said softly. “Your heart is the softest and most precious thing ever.” Then abruptly, he leaned over, taking Seokmin’s frozen hands in his own, tucking one into his coat pocket and the other kept interlaced with his own fingers. When Seokmin blinked at him, he just shrugged. “You called me Aphrodite, didn’t you? I’ll treat you gently, Seokmin. I’ll be your Aphrodite until you meet your Venus.”

Seokmin leaned his head against Joshua’s shoulder, melting into him with a laugh. “Aphrodite and Venus are basically the same thing, hyung.”

“Are they?” Joshua hummed. “Well.”

And then he didn’t say anything after that.

Seokmin waited, seeing if Joshua would elaborate, but when he didn’t he simply snuggled further into the elder’s side, making sure not to jostle the guitar on Joshua’s lap. He was always so, so warm. Seokmin thought it was kind of unfair. His own hands became so cold so, so quickly.

But then again, now that the weather had gotten colder during the nights, Joshua had always been quick to hold Seokmin’s hands and warm up his frozen fingers. It was sweet.

Joshua was sweet.

Instantly, Seokmin’s eyebrows shot up as he found the perfect word to describe Joshua. He was sweet: not just nice, not just kind, but sweet. He was always so, so lovely and sweet with everyone he met, and especially with Seokmin, and it made him feel all fuzzy and warm.

It would be so, so easy to fall in love with someone like Joshua. 

Seokmin paused, eyes wide. He glanced up at Joshua before averting his gaze forward once more, trying to pretend like he wasn't having a crisis while the elder stared out at the river contentedly. 

But he couldn't help his eyes wandering back up to Joshua once more, the thought that he'd just had ringing around in his head. 

It would be so easy to fall in love with someone like Joshua. 

Seokmin's stomach dropped. 

Shit. 

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