#honestly without her i wouldn't even be able to open the app

[chasseusedetoiles]

2025...almost here

[thollandneedy]

Ghost face mask- Tom Holland

A/N: My friend came up with the idea and i love it. Honestly, i don't have this mask kink, but i think i turned out good. Btw, more halloween themed oneshots to come this week

Summary: Tom catches you seeing a specific tiktok video, and decides to try do the same, but on you

Warnings: Sexual activity (Fingering), and descreption

Don’t forget to share, like, comment and leave your ideas here

Bellah’s Masterlist 🪻

His slender fingers with freshly manicured black nails slid across the shiny screen of his cell phone, which was already completely addicted to TikTok. If I were to see how much time he spent on that app, it would be worrying. Y/n spent most of her time on her cell phone because of her work, but like any other drug, her cell phone also got her hooked on short videos. The days were numbered for Halloween, and most of the suggested content was on the same theme. The idea of shirtless men masquerading as Ghostface had been circulating on the app for a long time, but this was the first time she felt something different at the thought of trying something like this with her boyfriend. Even though they had been together for a long time, her shame seemed to be greater.

The girl shook her head, trying to rid herself of the idea, but every time she thought about it, she became more alive. To think that she wouldn't be able to read his expression, let alone understand his intentions with his striking brown eyes. At an unexpected ring of the doorbell, the woman left her cell phone open on the sofa in the living room and quickly got up to answer the door. Holland, at the same time as his girlfriend, went downstairs to answer the doorbell, but realized that she had already answered it. The loud ringing of his cell phone drew his attention to the device on the sofa and he was confronted with the image of a muscular man wearing the mask of the villainous assassin.

The brunette tilted his head to one side, coming closer to make sure he knew what he was looking at. Maybe it was just a coincidence, or maybe she was drawing his attention to something she wanted?

“ Honey! Your package has arrived.” The girl in the white sweater caught his eye, causing him to turn away from his cell phone, straightening his posture as he followed her sweet voice. “Why did you order a skeleton in a Captain America costume?” The girl laughs

“To decorate the house” The dark-haired man in the olive green shirt replied, taking the package from her hands.

“I thought we'd finished decorating here at home.” The girl looks around.

Holland had been a great Halloween enthusiast since he was a child because of his parents' tradition of always decorating the house with the theme, and when he grew up, that didn't change. The bedrooms were decorated with pumpkin latte scented candles, the bathrooms with mirrors decorated with spider webs, the living room with decorative cushions, and especially the entrance to the house with various images of the dead post-endgame Avengers. Although it wasn't the best idea in the world to put superheroes in pieces in the garden of his the idea was already in the actor's hands.

“Is your battlefield complete now?” Y/n asked, picking up the unprotected cell phone and stowing it in his pocket without expressing any reaction. “Almost. We just need to turn on the lights at night to see if it turns out the way I imagined.” The man crossed his arms, trying to decipher whether his girlfriend was going to say anything about the video, and he was wrong.

“Of course! We need to go to the costume store to buy my apron for my Love Quinn costume for tonight's party,” Y/n mentions, passing by her boyfriend and heading for the kitchen.

Shit

“We have several aprons in the kitchen.” The man mentions, following his girlfriend who sits on the worktop, leaning her weight on the marble of the table, following with her eyes her boyfriend who sits in front of her.

“We have three.” The girl replies. “And I'm not going to get fake blood on a good apron”

Holland kept staring at her, as if he was trying to draw something out of her that was hidden in his sweet eyes. The girl frowns, squinting in an attempt to read her boyfriend's mind, who repeats the action without breaking eye contact. Maybe she hadn't really meant it, and he was crazy, but if she wanted to, it would be hard to get the idea out of her, unless she was drinking wine or was quite comfortable sharing the idea without even thinking about the Brit's reaction.

“What are you staring at?” Y/n confronted him.

“Nothing.” He replies quickly. “Let's go and buy your apron”

(...)

The sound of keys opening at two in the morning was almost violent, given the silence of the entrance to the house. The floor of the room was cold, but the couple's bodies were warmed by the coats worn over their last-minute costumes inspired by the series they were watching together. The man opened the door for his girlfriend, who was still on edge from the party, while the actor had only had non-alcoholic drinks because he was going to drive. Y/n took off her shoes, held them with her hand and headed for the beginning of the staircase with its light wooden handrail.

“Come on, love.” The girl caught the eye of the brunette, who was wearing a dark cap and a white shirt with fake blood on it.

“I'm coming.” He says, locking the door behind him. “I'm just going to get something from the kitchen. Wait for me in the bedroom.” The Brit says.

“Take this roll to the kitchen for me and wash it. It's got red dye on it, but I think if I leave it to soak it'll come off tomorrow morning.” Y/n holds out a wooden spool that she used to make up her costume, hands it to her boyfriend who nods in agreement, then goes into the kitchen.

The lights are turned on by Alexa, and then the man prepares a mixture of soap and warm water to leave the roll resting. Scrubbing his hands in the running water in the kitchen, he wipes them against his dark-wash jeans, walking to the opposite side of the sink and fixing the worktop overlooking his backyard swimming pool, also decorated with ghost-shaped lights and a few buoys floating in his pool. Reaching out to open a drawer, he pulls out a white bag from the same costume shop he had gone to with his girlfriend. Taking a deep breath, he pulled out the mask he had seen on his girlfriend's cell phone, wondering again if it was a good idea.

The brunette tried to think of possible ideas as to why she was so attracted to the idea of not seeing his face. He didn't understand what her intention was, or even why she had never mentioned anything so different from her sexual routine.

Y/n was in the bathroom washing her face after removing her make-up with make-up remover. The girl was looking at herself in the mirror, observing her body and having a brief idealization of her boyfriend behind her, holding her waist tightly, making her feel his hardness against her perky ass. Her eyes closed briefly, allowing that fantasy to develop, and once again that mask was there.

“Fuck, Y/n. What the fuck?” The girl scolds herself, nodding and adjusting the strap of her black bra.

The girl loosens her hair into a ponytail, running her hand through the strands to get rid of the elastic mark. Taking a deep breath to herself, she made her way to the bathroom door, feeling the cold golden knob between her palms, opening it slowly and turning her back to the bed, trying not to make a sound, as she didn't know if her boyfriend would go straight to sleep due to his apparent desperation to get home soon.

Her eyes widen, allowing her lungs to lose air in a startled cry as she sees the image of the actor lying on the bed, his forearm resting against the bedspread and his muscular abdomen exposed while his waist is hugged by black sweatpants and the black and white mask of the killer character, Ghost face. The girl didn't say a word, still processing whether she was imagining too much or whether her boyfriend really was psychic. The room was dimly lit, with only a few candles to complement the mysterious, warm air.

A smile broke out on the younger woman's pink lips, still enraptured by the image of her boyfriend in bed. It was a mischievous smile, but at the same time he seemed surprised. The image of the Brit gets up from the bed, without saying a word, projecting his body forward and tapping the bed three times, like a silent request for her to obey him. The girl nodded in agreement, moving towards the masked man and sitting down in front of him, with her eyes fixed on his image. Holland wasn't quite sure what to do, or even what to say, but the one thing he did know was how to turn his girlfriend on.

In a gentle movement, one of his hands finds the cheek of the girl, who is still watching him curiously and submissive to his actions, allowing his thumb to caress it. Y/n tilts her head to the side, allowing herself to be touched gently. In a slight movement, the same hand that had been caressing her was now lightly squeezing her neck with force at the ends so that her breathing could be controlled. With the weight of the actor's body closer to his girlfriend, the girl stretched out on the bed and lay down. Thomas placed himself on top of her, on top of her legs so that she couldn't escape his movements. There was absolutely no noise, and perhaps that's what made the room warmer than usual, because it wasn't known whether he was enjoying or disapproving of her actions, and not even if she was allowed to speak.

“Spying on other people's cell phones is ugly, masked man.” Y/n says, having her covered breasts groped as a gentle caress against the bulge factory.

“And so is talking without permission.” Holland says.

Y/n smiles to herself, nodding and closing her eyes as soon as she feels the strap of her bra slide down her shoulder.

“Open your eyes.” The man orders."I know you can't see me, but I want your eyes open.” His voice sounded thicker than usual, but his accent was still strong.

The brunette pulls her up by placing one of his hands on her back, holding the weight of her exposed body and reaching into the back of her bra, removing it with a single “click”. Her breasts were exposed like a work of art, and her clitoris seemed to be swollen more than usual from the excitement that was coursing through her body like lightning. Unable to respond, the black bra is thrown across the room. Holland feels the factory of his sweatshirt getting tighter and tighter because his cock is already begging to be put inside his girlfriend.

“What were you thinking when you watched the videos, Y/n?” The voice caught her attention. “When you thought about the idea of not being able to see me?”

Y/n opened her mouth, wondering if the words she was about to say were really hers.

“I don't really know.” The girl admits, watching the older man's fingers trace a line down to the edge of her panties. The way it was touched was so careful that it even felt like a feather landing on her belly. Her hips rose, as if asking to be touched. “I couldn't see your face. Your hungry eyes when I use something you like, and especially your expression when you come. It's like you're selfish enough to let me taste it, but not see it all.”

Holland's fingers come into contact with her sensitive, throbbing spot. He didn't need to dip his fingers into his mouth to lubricate her, as her body was already doing that for itself. Her clitoris is stimulated by the actor's middle finger, which is then joined by his ring finger so that it can take up more of her hard-on. Holland had one of his hands resting on the side of the girl's head, who tilted her head to the side, getting a 4k view of his veiny arm. Her chest rose rapidly each time his movements seemed to connect with the speed of her heart, as they became strong and hurried.

“Why are you moaning quietly, hm?” The brunette asked, biting his lip behind his mask, trying to put all his sexual desire into satisfying his partner.

“Because you haven't given me a reason to moan loudly.” Y/n challenges him, receiving the same two fingers in her wet pussy.

His fingers curved in a movement as if he were calling for an orgasm to hit his girlfriend. The girl held on tightly to his wrist, letting out the pornographic sounds she had been holding in for ages, and the neighbors couldn't complain. The actor moaned quietly as he listened to his girlfriend, still wanting to get out of those clothes and put her on her back, so that he could feel her getting tighter and tighter around him. Y/n tried to move one of her arms so that it could find her breast in order to be stimulated, but a strong hand held her down, preventing her from pleasuring it.

She grunts in frustration, attracting the attention of the masked man, who immediately increases his movements, making her squeeze the pillows.

“Yes, my love. Come for me,” he ordered, and she complied.

He was majestic, brutal and thirsty.

Her fingers were squeezed by the force of her wet walls, while the man moaned to himself in approval of her attitude.

“Fuck, Y/n. You're so good at what you do, aren't you?”

Y/n agrees in a sly moan, catching her breath. The girl lifted her posture towards her boyfriend, who was now wearing only a pair of boxer shorts to show how long and thick he was. Y/n frowned, holding back her desire to attack him right there without permission. The brunette brought his cum-soaked hand up to his girlfriend's lips, which opened, sucking in the warm, sweet liquid.

“Good girl. Now get down on your knees. I want you to take care of me, darling.”

[hiccupscloud-26]

Hicvember Day 16: Self-Indulgent

Hey everyone, so I had this whole intro written, saved it, came back to it and found out it didn't save🥲. So, uhhh, I don't remember what I said, but I'm sure I mentioned that this is self-indulgent because the hiccups are based on my favorite hiccup videos.

And as usual, just Calliope and Indyko are in this story, yada yada, something about needing to write Xvari more, yada, yada

Hicvember prompts: self-indulgent/induced

CW:

-induced hiccups

-fast hiccups

-loud hiccups

-burping

-stuffing mention

Indyko walked through the bedroom door, flopping face first onto the bed. They took a deep breath and groaned exhausted.

“Rough day, babe?” Calliope asked, gently massaging their hair with her free hand.

Her other hand was scrolling through social media.

“Mmmmm,” was their only response and the younger of them chuckled quietly.

“Duly noted…why don't you just go to sleep and shower in the morning?” Calliope suggested.

“Nnngh,” Indy whined softly, turning their head to look at Calliope, “you sure?”

“Yeah, just don't make it a habit,” the woman smiled, “one night isn't going to hurt ya.”

Indyko gave a big sigh before kicking off their shoes and scooching up to their pillow like a worm. “Kay, love you.”

Calliope smiled, “love you too- and they're already gone, hehe.”

She stood from the bed and tucked her beloved under the covers. She then grabbed her phone, cut out the main light, leaving the night light on before leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind herself.

Heading down the stairs and to the kitchen, she was trying to be as quiet as possible, wanting Indy to be in full sleep mode before she even risked this. See, Calliope's been feeling this urge to induce her hiccups today, but between classes, hanging out with her best friend, and doing homework/studying, she hadn't been able to attempt it all day. She could've done so while studying, but honestly, she would never be able to focus on studying when she's enjoying a mild case of hiccups.

She opened up the refrigerator as she started her process. Quiet burps erupted from her as she pushed the air to the back of her throat and released the burps. This was only step one. She grabbed the soda that was in the back of the fridge before closing the door and heading to her office space–aka, the room farthest from the bedroom.

“Alright, we should be safe now,” she whispered and rubbed where her diaphragm was located, “let ‘em rip.”

She giggled at her goofiness before pressing record on her audio recording app and took a huge, quick swig of her soda. Instantly, she felt a silent spasm before a burp erupted out of her. Calliope smiled, knowing that if she kept burping, she'd get them for sure. She continued the pattern of releasing some strong burps, drinking more soda, silently hiccuping, and repeating. She did this for about 2 minutes before she noted her spasms happening without being prompted by soda.

“Okay, *hnkup* I think *huckuh* we're good *HU'UP!*-oh, excuse *higguh* me,” she covered her mouth as she watched her whole body jolting wildly with every hiccup.

She lifted up her pajama shirt and smiled at the sight of her big, soft, belly bouncing to the rhythm. The hiccups were coming at every breath, with no signs of stopping soon.

“*hick* *HI'uh-rrrp*” she covered her mouth at a hiccup burp combo, “oh m-*HMMP*-my *HMPK*-ooh.”

Calliope chuckled at all the different sounds that were bouncing out of her. That's one of the reasons why she loved her hiccups. Every single one was unique and had a different story to tell. She felt bittersweet about having to keep them somewhat quieter so as to not wake her partner.

“*hickuh* *KUH-rrrp*” she kept surprising herself with her hiccup burps, but they were to be expected. With hiccups caused by burping and soda and all of that air, it was bound to happen. “Shhhh *higguh-rrrp* that's be-*himpk*-better.”

She chuckled at their obedience, but she knew it wouldn't last for long. So she brought her phone closer to her mouth to enhance the volume whenever she'd listen back.

“*hmpf*-mm I've got *himguh-rrp*-mm scuse *higuh!-rrp*-mm excuse *hig-uh!‐gmp*-ah,” she whined playfully, “hiccups…*BIP!'kmp*-mm, oops that wa-*HIGGIT!*”

Calliope's eyes widened as she covered her mouth and glanced at the ceiling, listening for any movement. When she heard none, she sighed in relief, which of course was interrupted by a silent spasm, but she didn't mind at all.

“I told you *hmpmp!* to shhh,” Calliope reprimanded, “can't wake Indy *himpgm?*” She giggled at the way it sounded like her hiccups had asked a question. “You know, my beloved par-*himpGUH!*...okay, guess yo-*holp!*-ou don't really care *hickip!* huh?”

“*himpgahmp!*” the hiccups responded.

Calliope only smiled and rubbed her tummy happily. She was enjoying riding these out, the way her whole upper body would jerk uncontrollably, her stomach, gosh, the way it bounced out like a water wave and she could kind of hear the sloshing of the soda inside if she listened close enough. But she turned and looked at her soda, tempted to try to make them worse.

“*grrrrpHUP!* all these burps…*hup!kulp!*,” she squeezed her tummy at the double spasm. Huh, maybe her hiccups were trying to show off tonight. “Show offs- *hiyup**hicc'p**hip*...*ickolp!*-oh that was nice.”

She was amazed by that triple. Her body was so intriguing and held her interest. She couldn't help but feel a bit proud. She grabbed her soda, deciding to risk it. Besides, Indy hadn't budged since she'd been down here and frankly, even with the muffled and quieter spasms, she still felt like she could make them a bit faster.

“G-*guUUP!*-get ready-*ICkup-grrroolpeerrrrllllllpp-HU'UP!*-ugh go-*HU'OP*‐gosh,” her eyes widened before another, “*HIUrup!*” erupted out of her. “Excuse me, that was *huuckiiip!* a huge burp…”

She then proceeded to drink more of her soda, muffled, but loud hiccups spasming after every gulp. When she released, all at once, her body went crazy.

“*ic’KAUP!*-mm *HUIK!*- uh *HUCK!*-uh gosh *HICK!* *HIMPgm!*” she patted her chest twice, hardly able to breathe.

“*ic'KULP!* *HICK!rrrpHICK!grrrh* *HICKim*-uh” then she patted her chest once again. These hiccups were harder and faster and louder. She was in so much euphoria, she hadn't even noticed the sound of movement upstairs.

“*HIUP!*-ah *H'UMP!*-ah *hiyuck-ah!HICK!*-uh *HIMMP!* *HMK!*-uh *HUCK!*‐ah *HUWICKup!rrrrphuUCK!*” Calliope placed a hand on her tummy, rubbing it gently, as more hard hiccups didn't give her a break.

“*HU'GUCK!* *HIGCKUH!*-uh” she placed her other hand on her chest, “go-*HUCKUH!*-osh jee-*HIGguh!*‐z.”

“Callie?” Indy's sleepy voice broke through and Calliope froze, as well as her body would let her.

“In-*HMMKM!*-huff,” she bit her lip before a sharp, “*HUCK!*-ugh…*HUP!*”

She was finally able to breathe a bit, the hiccups calming down slightly, but still quite loud if “*hICG'KOLP!*” had something to say about it.

Indyko looked at her concerned, “aww, you caught the hiccups, hun?”

“Oh f-*huck*-uck,” Calliope, despite having just attempted to say their name, forgot they were here. “Indyko, I *hickuck* I can explain-*hmmMMP!*”

She blushed, embarrassed at being caught. She knew she'd be caught eventually. She should've just gone to sleep and ignored her urges.

“Explain?” Indyko tilted their head. “What is there to explain? You got the hiccups and came down here so you wouldn't disturb me. It happens to all of us. Heck, I literally had the hiccups a few weeks ago from that curry, remember?”

Of course she remembered, how could she forget the sight of her beloved hiccuping mercilessly from eating something spicy.

“Yeah, I-*hU'ULK'L*,” Calliope looked away.

“Aw love, they sound really bad. Is there anything I can do to help get rid of them?” Indy offered their help.

“No-*huuu'uuu'uuck'l* shit,” three hiccups overlapped themselves.

“No? But…they sound painful,” Indyko seemed more confused than judgy.

“They *hm'GOUP!grrrp* excuse me,” this was torture. Not the hiccups, of course, but being caught in the act. Having to explain this to Indy.

Even though they clearly thought she had randomly caught these hiccups, she couldn't lie to them. She knew she should keep her mouth shut, avoid this conversation. Indy was going to find her weird and leave her for sure after this.

After a deep breath, interrupted by a *huck!grrup!*, she attempted to explain, “please b-*BIP!gurrp*-bear with me, but…I didn't *HIP!grruup* excuse me, rando-*hhhOLP!*-fuck, randomly get these hiccups…I gave them-*h'muckEEEP!* to myself…*HU'uck*.”

She refused to make eye contact, but Indy still looked at her.

“Really? Why'd you do that?” They asked validly, curiously.

“I…” Calliope closed her eyes tightly, “have a thing for h-hiccups! Well, m-more like a feti-*hip*-ish? I like listening to them and I like having them! I'm-*mk* sorry, I know it's weird andifyouwannabreakupwithmeIdontblameyouyoucanstillliveherejustinseparateroomsand-”

“Whoa whoa whoa, Callie, sugar bear, slow down, breathe,” Indyko went over and held her hands, placing one hand to their chest and taking a deep breath in.

Calliope followed their lead, taking a deep breath in with them.

“And out, very good Callie,” they both exhaled slowly. “Now look at me please? Or in my general direction? Whichever is more comfortable for you.”

The red-eyed woman glanced in their general direction, opting to choose to look at her hand on their chest. “Y-yeah?” She stammered out.

“Thank you for being honest with me about this,” Indy squeezed her hand gently. “And everyone's got their thing…kinks and fetishes. It's a part of everyone's lives, there's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“But mines is weird…” Calliope muttered, looking away again.

“No it's not…not as weird as stuffings,” Indy blushed and it was their turn to look away.

Calliope looked back at Indy, “you…enjoy stuffing?”

Indyko nodded, “yeah, or just the tummy in general. The way it stretches and grumbles at it reaches its point of being full…” they blushed even more.

“That's not weird, Indy-”

“Well neither is yours, dear,” Indyko interrupted, making their point. “So don't be ashamed. I love every part of you, and learning this new information just makes me love you even more.”

Calliope couldn't help but jump up and hug her partner close, a few tears even breaking through. “Thank you…” she whispered as Indy hugged her even closer.

“Thank you,” Indyko added, placing a kiss on her forehead, “oh, and, uh…your hiccups are gone~”

Calliope gasped, but chuckled, “you tease…but yeah, I think I spooked them away….bummer.”

“Well, if you wanna do an encore, I'm always down for watching a soda bloat,” Indyko half-joked.

“How'd you know I used soda?” Calliope tilted her head confused.

Indyko pointed to the bottle of soda on the floor, “I used context clues.”

“Mm, but as tempting as that sounds, it's kinda late and my tummy's kinda tired,” Calliope revealed before she grabbed her phone, turning off the recording as a yawn escaped her lips, “huh, guess I'm a little tired too.”

“Then let's get to bed and we can cuddle and I'll rub your tummy til you feel better. If you're comfy with me doing so,” Indyko smiled.

“Heck yeah! You're my partner, Indy, of course I'm comfy with that,” Calliope looked up at them and returned their smile. Then she kissed their lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Indyko smiled even more before holding Calliope's hand and leading her to the bedroom.

Fin~

[sftwrmfics]

get away | 1 - first day

Pairing: Juyeon x Y/n

Genres: slightest bit of fluff

Summary: Y/n is a straight-A, honors student who has no time for a relationship. So, when Juyeon, the infamous campus player, starts going after you, you decide to act interested and play along, hoping that this will be done and over with quickly. But things don’t turn out the way you hoped they would.

Word Count: 3, 753

Warnings: some swear words and that this was quickly edited, haha.

Nobody expected it at all. Not even you.

How you were currently holding hands with Juyeon during your first date with him was beyond you. But, here you were, doing just that and laughing over the joke he made about the movie that you two were about to watch.

It all started about a week ago.

You were cooped up in the library, reviewing notes from your latest lecture while munching one of your favorite candy bars. It was the afternoon, so there were more people here than usual, studying or silently chatting with their friends. However, everyone was pretty much quiet, making it easy to get focused.

Pretty engrossed in reviewing, you slightly flinched in surprise when a group of boys had entered the library with a fit of laughter. Everyone around you, including yourself, shot the group of three boys looks of annoyance and, immediately, they quieted down, still snickering between themselves as they walked past you and took a seat a few tables behind you.

Thinking that you wouldn't be able to hear them, you relaxed in your seat. But, your eyebrow twitched when you realized that you could hear what they were talking about, even though they were loudly whispering.

"Are you still with that girl..." One boy brought up as soon as they sat down. "Uhm... what's her name? Jiyeon? Jisoo?"

Frustrated, you tried turning further away from them, but, unfortunately, you could still hear them.

Another boy hummed in thought. "Are you talking about Jiwon?" It seemed like he got a response as he amusedly replied. "Pfft, no, duh. I dumped her, I think, yesterday," the boy questioned, "because she was getting boring."

You could hear some rustling, shrinking further into the chair.

"Oooooh, Juyeon, you heartbreaker." The boys joked around and laughed as quietly as they could.

You had enough as you couldn't focus on your notes. So, you rummaged through your back for headphones and slipped them on, putting the volume up to blast your favorite study playlist, and continued to review your notes.

A couple of hours went by without you noticing until you had finished reviewing and looked out at the dark window in front of you. With a groan, you dropped your pen and stretched your arms above your head, relieving the tension of your muscles. You sighed satisfied at your hard work and relaxed in the chair while stretching your legs out underneath the table.

Picking up your phone, you paused your study playlist and slid your headphones off your ears, wrapping it around your neck as you checked your phone for the first time in hours.

Initially, not expecting much, you felt a bit surprised and concerned seeing three missed calls from Younghoon from about twenty minutes ago. You were about to call him back, but remembered when he had done the exact same thing to only tell you about this new bread that he found at the convenience store.

So, you sighed at the memory and opted to check if he had texted you first, opening the messages app. There on top were texts from him.

younghoonie :P - y/n where are you

younghoonie :P - aren’t you coming to the weekly movie night ???

younghoonie :P - i haven’t seen you in foreverrrrr

You scoffed and playfully rolled your eyes. I literally had a lecture with you today.

younghoonie :P - please get here soon

younghoonie :P - i think changmin and chanhee are going to fight again

With perfect timing, your phone buzzed twice, showing Changmin’s texts at the top of the screen.

squirrel changmin - i’m going to kill choi chanhee

squirrel changmin - audio message

You immediately straightened up in the chair, swiftly putting on the headphones while lowering the volume because you knew Changmin. Carefully, you pressed play and listened, in horror, to Chanhee’s distraught screams and pleas for help. In the background, you could hear Younghoon trying to calm them down but, to no avail, the screaming continued along with some banging and hectic footsteps.

For about thirty seconds, that was all you heard, then, suddenly, it became silent. Confused, you checked to see if it was still playing but heard the slightest, familiar, evil chuckle.

You shivered out of fear.

At that, you quickly packed your stuff into your backpack and walked as fast as you could to the entrance without a sound, calling Younghoon on the way.

When he didn’t answer, you huffed in frustration and frantically texted him to try his best to separate the two until you got there. But, before you sent it to him, you ran into something hard, causing you to fall to the ground.

Wincing, you rubbed your butt, hoping the pain would ease, and peeked up at what you ran into. The individual before you caused you to stop what you were doing and gape at him with wide, shocked eyes.

You recognized him.

His light brown hair, slightly tanned skin, and loose-fitting clothes were imprinted in your mind as Changmin and Chanhee always pointed him out and gossiped about him when they spotted him anywhere on campus.

It was Juyeon, the infamous campus player.

From your two best friends you heard that he dates all types of girls and treats them like they’re special, causing them to fall in love with him in a week or less. Then, afterward, he would toss them away like a piece of trash and, the next day, he would be found talking to some other girl.

At first, you didn’t believe anything that the two had gossiped about him being a player. You scoffed in disbelief, saying that they were just being dramatic and blowing up the rumors. But, when they pointed him out in a dining hall, you saw that he was flirting with some girl, and, when they nudged you the week after to look at him, he was flirting with another girl.

Seeing your shocked expression prompted them to continue gossiping about him to you. They informed you that he always dumped them in the worst ways possible. You heard that he would cheat right in front of them, by kissing someone or announcing it while with the other person. Or, if they came to confront him after a week was over, he would act as if he didn’t know anything about them, saying that they were crazy and delusional for thinking that they were ever in a relationship.

Changmin and Chanhee warned you to not get involved with him no matter what, but you didn’t need them to tell you that. You already felt angry and disgusted at the mere thought of him.

So, when Juyeon smiled down at you and asked if you were okay with his hand extended towards you, you gave him a wry smile and pushed yourself off the ground. Standing up on your own, you completely ignored him as you dusted yourself off.

In your hand, your phone started buzzing, averting your attention to it. Upon seeing Younghoon’s name on the screen, you remembered that there was an emergency and gasped.

Just as the boy in front of you opened his mouth to say something, you cut him off by replying to his question with that wry smile still on your face. “I’m okay, but I gotta run.”

Seeing his blanked-out expression, you calmly speed-walked past him and answered Younghoon’s call, who was frantically asking you when you’re going to be here. As you replied to his questions and tried to soothe the boy, you let out a sigh of relief when Juyeon didn’t do anything else.

Honestly, after what happened in the library, you thought that would be your first and last interaction with him. Especially since you ditched him like that, there was no way that he would try talking to you again.

A few days later, during lunch, you noticed him entering the dining hall near where your lecture was held. As if he felt your stare, he locked eyes with you which startled you in your seat, but before you could look away, he did so first.

Slowly placing your hand over your mouth, you internally screamed.

You were not expecting him to react like that.

Letting out a playful smile and feeling a surge of confidence that he won’t bother you, you went back to eating while happily scrolling through your phone.

Busy stifling laughter at a random Tiktok that Changmin had sent you, you failed to notice that someone had sat in the seat in front of you until a hand reached out into your field of vision and knocked on the table. Startled, you almost dropped your phone with a yelp but caught it on time to your relief, and you glanced up. Displeased at what you saw, you almost frowned but quickly covered it up with a small, questioning smile.

Why was Juyeon sitting in front of you?

You internally sighed. You had a feeling that this wouldn’t be any good.

Juyeon was already smiling, but it got wider when you made eye contact with him.

“Hey, I’m Juyeon,” then he asked, “Is it okay if I sit here?”

You almost gave him a sassy reply, telling him to find another girl to target. But, when you briefly looked around and saw all of the tables filled, you sighed and just shrugged in response. As he calmly unpacked his lunch with a smile, you looked away as you were having an internal battle.

In your head, you were yelling at yourself for being so stupid and reprimanding yourself for being too nice. You should have just flat out said no. Yet, in your heart, the growing feeling of guilt if you said no in this packed dining hall outweighed your thoughts, leading to your actions.

Although, now, the warning bells in your head were ringing louder than ever as everything that Changmin and Chanhee informed you about him raced through your thoughts. Amidst the panic, you came up with only one solution a second later.

You had to get the fuck away from him.

Trying to not show your shaking hands, you steadily increased the pace that you were eating, trying to finish the rest of your lunch without him noticing.

But, fate was not on your side as he started talking to you.

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Juyeon smiled and asked you all of the basic, getting-to-know-you questions, like your name, major, and year.

It might be nothing. You reassured yourself. Let’s just get through this civilly.

Reluctantly, you swallowed your food and answered him.

Sighing at your responses, he dejectedly told you that he was in a different major and a year above you. He slightly pouted and looked down at his food, playing around with it for a bit.

On the outside, you just shrugged nonchalantly, but, inside, you let out the biggest sigh of relief at the fact that the chances of you two having a lecture together were low.

Getting over the feeling, he continued chatting with you, asking you a few more questions. You gave him curt replies, not looking up at him and paying more attention to your phone. After a few answers, Juyeon picked up on your disinterest and became silent, returning to eat his food, while you did the same but continued scrolling through your phone.

This was the first time that you had acted so cold to a stranger and the feeling of guilt returned, making your stomach feel queasy, but, you remembered how he hurts girls for fun and that feeling went away quickly.

After a few moments of silence, he called out your name and you glanced at him to see that he was staring at you.

You don’t know why, but you couldn’t help but stare back.

His brown eyes were shining underneath the white light of the hall and you noticed how big they were. Even though you were probably about two feet away from him, you saw his pupils gradually grow bigger as each second passed.

It seemed like… he was looking at you as if he was in love with you.

Your heart skipped a beat.

When it dawned on you what just happened, you snapped it out of and shook your head, breaking eye contact and coming back to reality.

There was no way someone could possibly fall in love after meeting twice and one conversation, especially from a player. That ominous feeling you had earlier was getting stronger. The feeling that you would be his next target.

He then peered at you with hopeful eyes. “When I bumped into you at the library and stared into your eyes, it felt like destiny.” He looked away shyly. “I know this is a bit soon and shocking, but will you go out with me?”

You were surprised, which was evident on your face as your mouth dropped open.

This couldn’t actually be happening to you.

When you pinched yourself and it hurt, you knew that you were awake.

Obviously, you were going to say no. You didn’t want to get involved with anyone who held such a reputation, and you had no time to be in a relationship.

You opened your mouth but snapped it shut, thinking through your decision carefully.

This only happened in stories and fics that you read when you were younger. In those stories, players usually chased after girls who appeared to be innocent and had no experience in love. It was considered a bonus for them if the girl appeared uninterested, motivating them, even more, to win her over. Based on that knowledge, you knew that it could take weeks to months.

And you knew that you didn’t want that either.

So, you carefully thought this through.

Changmin and Chanhee’s warnings, how Juyeon hurts girls for fun, stereotypical players like innocent girls, chasing taking weeks to months, and how Juyeon usually dumps a girl in a week.

What should you do?

Suddenly, it dawned on you, which you excitedly fist-bumped the air in your mind.

You had a plan.

For the next week, you were going to act like an innocent girl who falls in love with him, but you were also going to try to get him to fall in love with you and break his heart.

If this plan works, you get the unasked revenge for all of those girls he hurt and feel the great success of taking down a player. However, if it doesn’t, he will dump you in a week and you’ll shed a few tears. After that, you’ll call it a day and move on, knowing that he won’t contact you ever again.

Inwardly, you smirked. This will be easy.

You shyly tuck a lock of hair behind your ear and tentatively meet his hopeful eyes before saying yes.

Which leads to where you are now.

At the movie theater, walking hand-in-hand with Juyeon as he carries a bucket of popcorn in the other on the way to see some movie. You had laughed at a joke that he had made.

It’s been ten minutes since the date started, and the plan seemed to be working perfectly.

Earlier, when you met up with Juyeon, you called out his name and ran to him, engulfing yourself in his arms. Peering at him, you took note of how his cheeks were dusted pink and the tips of his ears were slowly turning the same color.

It made you inwardly grin at the sight, but you immediately let go of him, apologizing since you were a bit excited about the date. Even without saying anything, you could tell that he was dejected that you left his arms, but he gave you an eye smile and reassured you that it was okay.

Ooh, he’s pretty good at acting too. You thought. Look at him acting all sad.

Noticing your outfit, which consisted of innocent clothes that you could find in your closet, Juyeon complimented you and you pretended to like it by smiling at him then shyly looking away. You faced him to return the compliment and purposefully messed up by repeating what he had said to you. Acting like you were embarrassed, you profusely apologized to him, muttering what you were actually going to say. With a wider smile on his face, he giggled and once again reassured you that he was fine, although you could see his cheeks turning redder.

At the sight, you slightly raised your eyebrow, not even for him to notice.

He then asked to take your hand, which you gingerly took while shyly turning away. The moment that he intertwined your hand with his, you had to mentally and physically hold yourself back from yanking it out of his grip.

As you got your tickets and food, you held his hand the entire time and threw him a soft smile every so often when you caught him looking at you. And, each time, he would either smile back and you could see his cheeks turning red, or he would look away and cover his mouth with his hand. Seeing him like that, you couldn’t help but grow in confidence that your plan was actually working.

So, now, as you two were walking around just talking a bit on the way to the theater, you did bolder things. Well, bolder for you. Like, squeeze his hand or lean against his arm when someone was walking too close to you.

You could tell that he was getting flustered by your actions as now he looked red and kept looking away when you tried to make eye contact with you. Plus, when you leaned against his arm, you felt his body tense up and go rigid, then he would visibly relax when you stepped away from him.

It made you feel more confident that you could get this guy to fall in love with you.

This was going to be easy.

On the drive back to your apartment, you and Juyeon were discussing the movie that you had watched. But, right now, you were laughing at him while he pouted at you from the wheel.

“I can’t believe you cried,” you said after laughing, hugging yourself, and wiped away a few tears.

“It was sad,” he argued. “It was really sad.”

“I mean it was pretty sad,” you paused, “I was crying a bit, but then I heard you sob and, when I looked over, I saw tears were streaming down your face.” You mentioned while stifling your laughter.

“That was the saddest part!” He pointed out. “They couldn’t make their last promise of seeing each other once again come true, and you thought that would be it. But then it cuts to their gravestones being next to each other.” Pausing, he sniffled a bit. “Seeing their names carved on them got to me.” He quietly admitted, which you heard.

You wouldn’t admit it to him, but you would have sobbed too if you didn’t notice Juyeon’s tears first. Upon seeing them, you made sure to imprint his crying face into your mind because you wanted to remember it. It was the face that you will be seeing when your plan worked.

After a few more minutes of messing around with Juyeon, you arrived at your apartment complex. Pulling into a parking spot in front of your building, he parked the car. You almost let out a sigh of relief at this night being done with, although you had to admit it was a bit fun teasing him. But, just as you were going to open the door, Juyeon held his hand in front of you.

“Wait for a moment,” he asked while he turned off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt, “stay put.”

Confused, you reluctantly did as was told, and he got out and ran to your side opening the car for you.

Actually a bit surprised, you laughed at his actions, deciding to play along once more, and curtsied, “Thank you very much, fine gentleman.”

Juyeon chuckled at that and walked you to the front of your complex with a shy smile on his face, continuing to talk with you more about the movie. You were using up a lot of your small amount of energy to laugh and talk with him. And, as you got closer to the door, you got more excited to finally get away from him.

So, when you got to the front, you turned around and stared at him with a soft smile, using the last bit of your energy.

“Goodnight Juyeon,” you tiredly said and turned around to leave, but, as you were about to bolt to the door, he stopped you by holding your arm.

What does he want?

Immediately hiding your annoyance, you innocently turned around and faced him, looking confused.

He was staring down at the ground for a few before clearing his throat and gazing into your eyes, he asked, “Is it okay if I give you a hug and a kiss on the forehead?”

Ugh. You thought. I really don’t want to.

But, you shyly nodded anyway, looking away.

He took a step closer to you and delicately wrapped you in his arms into a hug, which you timidly returned.

You two stayed in each other’s embrace for a few seconds, which felt like a lifetime to you before he pulled away and lightly brushed his lips against your forehead. That drained you of your energy.

He then smiled and pulled away, saying, "I'll text you later." Then, he turned around and was about to head over to his car.

However, your pride told you to not let him have the satisfying feeling of having the last move. So, you grabbed his arm, pulled him back, and turned him to his side, kissing him on the cheek.

Just as quickly, you released him and ran towards the door, punching in the code before running inside and around the corner of the wall. Hiding behind it, you peered out, checking to see if he was still there.

And he was. Juyeon stood there for a bit, looking dazed. His ears and cheeks tinted red, and you saw him slightly cheer by punching the air once before walking back to his car.

Once you saw him drive away, you turned around and started heading to your apartment.

This time, you didn't stop the small, confident smile growing on your face.

[lgcxnoeul]

【✖︎】 CHARACTER UPDATE — Q3 2022

WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 MOST USED APPS ON YOUR PHONE?

"Ahh..." His voice trails off, reaching for his phone inside the pocket of his leather jacket. "I don't know if I should answer this honestly, or pretend that I'm a chronic cell-phone user. Am I too boring?" He unlocks the phone screen with ease, swiping through the pages where the applications were positioned next to each other. "I had a conversation with a friend about how it's frustrating when an application accidentally moves on the screen and your mind either recalls where the application was before, or takes a bit to get used to the new placement." He presses his lips into a firm line, thumbing the power button to lock the screen. "But that happens in a while because I've been using my phone less. I would say... I use KakaoTalk the most, Melon comes second, Youtube is in third place, Naver or Google will be fourth, and sadly, my university application will be in fifth place to submit my assignments two minutes before midnight." He softly laughs, straightening his posture for a moment before relaxing once more on the stool. "I would recommend moving the applications around on your phone. It becomes apparent which applications you should start using less."

WHAT IS THE MOST RANDOM NOTE IN THE NOTES APP?

"I'm probably not the only one that opens the notes app, writes something, and then forgets about it, right?" After his facial identification declines, he unlocks the phone with the passcode, scrunching his nose slightly whilst he scrolls through the first few notes. "If I'm not carrying my journal with me, I tend to use the notes app to write ideas that come to me or unfinished lyrics." He skipped through all the late-night musings he had, especially the ones he wrote when he was barely awake. He didn't want to embarrass himself. "I have a recipe for how to make rice without a rice cooker. It's all over the place... I don't think I've ever tried to make it, and this recipe doesn't seem to be useful. Wait— did I even write this?" Maybe it was best if he deleted it unless he wanted to set his dorm on fire.

WHAT WAS THE LAST MESSAGE OR CALL YOU’VE RECEIVED AND WHO WAS IS FROM?

"The last message I received was from my father. His contact profile is saved under '사장님.' I was letting him know that I wouldn't be able to pick up any more work shifts for the rest of the year. He answered that he understood and a 'thumbs up' emoji. He is not really talkative over the phone." He nods his head, crossing his arms over his chest while he switches focus without being prompted. "My sister called me after the concert and was teasing me about being on stage for the final concert. It's her way of saying I looked cool on stage. She asked me if I could get signatures from the V&A members and I hung up the call. Sometimes, it's best to keep sibling moments sweet and short, you know?"

WHAT WERE THE LAST 5 SONGS THAT YOU’VE LISTENED TO?

Finally, a question that he would enjoy answering. His facial features brighten when he unlocks the phone to search for his newest playlist. "I have a playlist for pretty much anything, but my playlist for when I commute anywhere is my favorite. The last five songs that I listened to on my way to the company were: 'joke!' by Se So Neon, 'Diamonds + And Pearls' by Hyunbin, Shin, and Seohan, 'MIA' by Gemini, Camo, and Woodz, 'Anemone' by Lee Youngji and Layone, and the newest addition is 'Rush Hour' by Crush and J-Hope." He beams at the person in front of him, slightly tilting his head when he sways on the stool from subdued excitement. "I would recommend any of those songs if you want to spice up your playlist, especially the one by DBSD members."

WHAT WERE THE 5 MOST RECENT ONLINE SEARCHES?

"My most recent searches were: guitar lessons because I've been thinking about learning an instrument on my own, fleece jacket is self-explanatory and not exciting, LGC Family Concert—" He pauses, lifting his hand to scratch at his cheek before a soft laugh escapes past his lips. "I wanted to see if videos were uploaded of the performances I took part in. I promise that I'm not narcissistic. I was just proud." He gives the other person a one-shoulder shrug, glancing back down at the phone screen. "Also, I have searched yaksha: ruthless operations, and do mosquitos die after drawing blood. The last one is a myth, but I had a bet with my brother that they didn't die. He owes me a coffee whenever we see each other."

[realmeisstuff]

NIGHT SHIFT

(Hoshi Fanfic)

Her lids were getting heavier, but her gaze was going back and forth to the patient that she was supposedly looking after. It's not that she didn't want to do this job, it's just that the silence bores her.

Since they have fewer clients, the hospital had to lay off some employees, and luckily (unluckily) she was chosen to stay. But the downside is that she had to be on her own during night shifts.

She was actually an introvert, but right now she craves for an interesting conversation. One she wouldn't get from a confused, aphasic patient. But she didn't want to complain, afterall, she was there to work.

But then she just had to finish everything by 2am unintentionally, which left her with 6 hours time to kill, since the patient was stable.

She searched for her friends who might be awake at this hour, but there was none (obviously). Feeling daring, she tried to search for an app where she could chat someone. She really just wanted to talk to anyone, even though she knew what mostly happens in random chats, but of course she wouldn't cross that line.

First, she had to pick the gender she's interested in, then she had to click her age. Certainly, this is some dating modus that she's not looking for, but then again, she was bored. She picked Watashi wa Hana as her nickname, just because.

Most private chats would start with the usual "Hi" and "Hello", then random people with weird nicknames, would ask what country she's from. She contemplated for a bit whether to be honest, but she realized that lying would kinda be stupid.

To filter the chatboxes that kept appearing, she started the conversation with, "I'm kinda curious, why did you join this app?" As predicted, most would be so straight forward and would ask if she could send pics or do some sexy stuffs. Those private chats would automatically be deleted, she's not here for this.

TigerEyes would like to chat with you. She read. Unlike the others, he didn't start with the usual intro.

TigerEyes: r u Japanese?

WatashiWaHana: No, just got it from the lyrics of my favorite song

TigerEyes: Which is?

She immediately got that spark igniting within her, the same she got whenever she speaks to someone about her favorite music or other interests. She felt the need to promote but realized that she needed to tone it down.

WatashiWaHana: Some Japanese song. I think the title is Fallin' Flower. Sounds so catchy.

TigerEyes: Maybe I'll check it out. I'm boooooooored

That caught her attention, maybe he's just like her.

WatashiwaHana: Me too. Why did you join this app? I'm curious

TigerEyes: Hmm to have fun ofc. (Another predictable answer, she thought) Why, do you have anything else in mind?

Why does that sound so. . .provocative. Or was it just her imaginations?

WatashiwaHana:I like conversations, I just wanted someone to talk to. I'm bored

TigerEyes: okaaay, let's start a conversation then. What are your interests?

Hmmm nice, at least someone with sense, she said to herself. Maybe he'd be worth talking to.

WatashiwaHana: I like travelling, dancing, music. How 'bout u?

TigerEyes: I like dancing too, I sometimes do choreographies 😉

WH: That's impressive, you must be so creative.

TigerEyes: Yes I am, I could be sooo creative, I could fulfill your fantasies.

That was disappointing. She huffed.

She tapped her phone, while deciding whether to reply or not. It was the longest convo she had here so far, it seems like a waste to delete this chatbox.

TigerEyes: What are your fantasies?

She decided to be playful.

WH: I have lots of fantasies. In what exactly?

TigerEyes: Hmmm..What do you expect from this conversation?

He seems like a much more deeper person than she expected, but she get it that he's trying to be like everyone else who uses this app.

WH: I really just wanted to converse with someone, but I get what most people wanted to gain from this.

Most people? That didn't sound right for him, he didn't like to be like everyone else. But he gets why she thinks that way. He wanted to blame it to this stupid app, while denying his true intentions from awhile ago.

WH: It's cliche, really

TigerEyes: Fun

WH: Am I boring you already? (She laughed nervously, it's just how introverts are, she expected this already) Anyways nice chatting with you

She almost turned off her phone, when

TigerEyes: Wait. Let's make this interesting then

WH: Depends on your idea of interesting

TigerEyes: Oh no, depends on yours. What do you want? You told me you want  conversations. So let's do that 😁

WH: Do you have any acquaintances here?

TE: I'm actually new here. Honestly I had a girlfriend but we broke up. I kinda miss her especially when I needed a company

WH: Oh that sucks. Do you want to tell me about it? They say that talking 'bout it helps you move on

TE:********

WH: You don't want to? That's okay.

She's starting to like this convo. Opening up is something that truly starts real conversations, and you rarely get that from strangers especially on online dating chat apps.

TE: How about you? Do you have some fantasies? How he should be? How he should treat you?

WH: I actually don't have anyone. Maybe that's why I donloaded this app 'coz I want someone to talk to. Maybe that's my fantasy. Chilling at the house with someone special, without fearing of not being able to go home.

TE: Don't regret. I still believe that best things are waiting for us. I'm willing to listen, just be yourself and tell me things. Like...umm ...what's your ideal date? If ever you meet that someone

WH: I want something cozy. Like lots of cuddles, coffee, movies and conversations, what's yours?

TE: I would like to take her to a romantic dinner date. Enjoy a sip of wine. Dance while holding her close and looking into her eyes.

WH: Sounds romantic. Kinda reminds me of romcom movies

TE: Thanks for the compliment.

WH: Have you done that with someone?

He didn't want to remember but it's too hard to forget.

TE: Yes. I did it with her before. I like taking her on surprised trips. She likes natural and serene places.

WH: Give me a recommendation where to go then

TE: Why? I thought you're single 😂

WH: Can't I go there alone? I told you I like travelling.

TE: Maybe you'd like to travel with me then. I could be your tour guide.

WH: Hmmmmm

TE: What? I don't bite! I have tiger eyes, but believe me I'm actually a hamster at heart

That made her chuckle. This guy seems so cute. It made her wonder why his ex- girlfriend broke up with him. He seems nice.

WH: I'd like that.

Now she didn't see that coming. Never had she ever thought that being bored during night shift would lead to meeting someone. Now she just have to wait 'til the pandemic is over to finally have that trip with her newfound friend.

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

06 - Too Little Too Late

Chapters songs:

Yam Yam: No Vacation

Numb: Men I Trust

4EVER: Clairo

—

Sugawara

Hey, I won't be riding the bus this morning. My father is visiting and I have to spend the morning with him I'm guessing. I might be available after school, though. So if you wanna walk

Yeah, I'll let you know. I hope everything with your dad goes okay.

Okay. See you later then.

Yeah, you too.

—

One last message from Sugawara is received, before I close the messaging app, and turn off my phone. I wasn't quite ready for what was to occur this morning: seeing my dad. You would think I would be happy about it, or at least be a little excited. But really, I couldn't be more stressed. All my father has ever done is criticize my talents, my behavior, and almost everything that has to do with me being me. Every time he comes to Japan, which isn't a lot, it's the same lecture all over again about what I'm doing with my life, and where I'll be when I'm older.

But at least two or three more hours of sleep. Might as well take advantage of missing a day, right?

—

    As I stretch out my arms under my sheets, a knock on my door is heard, followed by my mom's soft voice. "Y/n, your father is getting you today. I'm off to work, okay? Make sure to feed Astra." Her tone is low and worry full, but I wouldn't blame her. Surely your ex-husband coming back shouldn't be so easy.

   "I know, mom. Thanks. You have a good day," I say back to her, hearing her footsteps slowly disappear. That's my queue to begin getting ready. What I wear consists of something simple: a thin white shirt, a sage green sweatshirt on top, and jeans with white sneakers, which is something safe. I wouldn't want him to begin criticizing me by starting with my outfit. And as for my hair, I wore it the way I always did.

After a few moments of getting ready, I stand up in the mirror, making sure my personality wasn't showing on the outside. I hated that this is how I had to think of myself when around my parents, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. As suspected, a few minutes later, a message from him appears informing me he had gotten here.

—

Dad

Hey! I'm outside, come quickly so we can grab something at that small cafe you love.

Okay, I'll be out there in a second.

—

Nothing baffled me as much as him being so normal about this situation did, but there wasn't much I could say to him. I could only imagine how many questions he would ask me, or if he would even care about the important things, like if I was going through anything.

Reaching for a basic shoulder bag, I say my farewell to the cat, and make my way downstairs. Once I reach the front door, I take a deep breath and open it to reveal the usual view, except an expensive car stood in the driveway, with a smiling man inside of it. I smile back, easing that he didn't look pissed as fuck. After that, I locked the front door and walked towards his car.

Hesitantly, I pull the handle and step into the front passenger seat. "Hey, Dad." I greet him, meanwhile closing the door. "How've you been?"

"Hm, I've been just fine. What about you?" He begins to pull out of the driveway, and soon enough, we're on the road. "There's much to talk about."

I nod, as he states the obvious. "Yeah, of course."

This is awkward.

My hands begin to fidget, popping and stretching my fingers while he drove on the road, saying absolutely nothing. That was until I asked something to fill the empty space between us. "How's work been? I heard you got a bunch of promotions."

"It's been like always; normal. But yes, I have gotten promotions. I guess I've exceeded the limit, though. So.. what about you? You're still on your whole band-thingy?" He clears his throat, turning into another street: the same Suga and I would walk. "Your aunt says she's excited to work with you."

My aunt, AU/N, was my blueprint. She was my father's little sister, and she had a hell of a lot of money. One time when she was younger she slipped in dog pee at Walmart and sued them 50,000$. Since she was a musician, and far more successful than my band, she decided to start her label, signing many small bands like mine. And so, since I had a connection, my friends and I decided to sign with her during the summer after we graduate. We'd have to move to New York in America, but that was just fine. Because moving meant we could establish a good career and attend college as well.

   "I'm excited too. You know, to move and all." My eyes take mental images of the portrait outside today. Trees were finally growing leaves again, and grass as well; spring was around the corner. "Why the sudden visit? Is there a conference being held in Miyagi?"

My question seems like have made him uneasy, for his fingers began making small beats on the steering wheel. In no way did I mean to be so sudden, but an answer to my asking was necessary.

Thankfully, his response isn't a shout and rude remark, but a simple explanation that frankly made me feel better about his stay. "I'm most likely not gonna be able to see you before you graduate, so I wanted to spend a day with you. I know I said I'd drop you off at school after breakfast, but I thought we could hang out longer.

Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

—

To my surprise, the drive wasn't as short as I thought. A total of thirty silent minutes felt as if it was an entire hour. Once we arrived at the small cafe in the plaza, the both of us got off the car and glanced at each other, beginning our way towards it.

    I had a certain idea of why he'd picked this spot for us to eat at. When I was younger, I'd spent lots of time here doing whatever I was up to, and usually with one of my close friends, (not that we're close anymore.) To be completely frank, it came to me as a shock my father even paid attention to how much I adored this place. The light lavender concrete walls and cutesy pots with succulents and house plants. Not to mention its colorful m decorations, far more improved than when I was a little kid. Still, it drew Moku, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Toruku to make it our number one hang-out spot from the ages of 8-14, even if it wasn't as attracting as it is now.

As we enter, the small bell at the top of the door rings, and we're greeted by a young girl at the counter that surrounded many baked goods. "Welcome!" She says, meanwhile packing up an online order. "Is there anything I could help you guys with?"

"Two coffees, please." My father replied, holding up two of his long, worn-out fingers. 'Coffee? I mean, I guess. Not that I cared or anything. I honestly preferred the tea with the little peaches in it— what was it called?' My father's voice cuts off my thoughts. "And a fruit lemonade for her. The coffees are for me; long hours!"

   'That's it!' I said to myself internally, briefly smiling at the worker while she wrote a few words down. And soon enough, we're told it'll take only a few minutes. Still, it baffled me my father even remembered such a little thing I loved when I was a child.

   What a try-hard.

   The two of us find a corner table for two, and he pulls out a chair for me to place myself. I do so, as my father does the same. Then, a long-awaited conversation begins. "How did you know I liked this place?"

   He straightens his collar, saying, "You never stopped talking about it when you were little."

  "And the drink?"

  "I just remember how many times it appeared on my taxes from this place, that's all." He chuckles, leaning onto his arm along with stroking his sharp beard. "Why do you ask?"

  Without thinking, I answer sharply, looking down at the wooden patterns on the table. "Why do you think? I didn't think you'd paid attention," I say to him, quickly looking up for a rude remark.

   He effortlessly sighs and keeps the situation unproblematic. Although, I wouldn't have minded diving deeper into the reasoning of his absence. "I did sometimes. Sorry."

  I tell myself to leave it at that, to leave it at 'sorry', but I can't. I can't not say something. "Can I ask you something? And I want a valid answer, not excuses. I know you wanted to have a nice time but this is the most I've talked to you in the past year so I'd rather get straight to it than poke around the elephant in the room."

  In the corner of my eye, I see him nod, giving me an okay that I could rant. Well, more like calmly let out my feelings. "I just— I don't understand what happened. After you and mom got busy, it was a total blur. I'm not asking for you two to get together again, and I never questioned why you split up either. I'm simply asking why you guys forgot you had a daughter, that's all."

    Not more than a split second later do I realize how rude that sounded. But too bad, I wanted to know. A few silent seconds slide by while he seems to be thinking of an answer, and explanation. Then, the sound of footsteps coming towards us, signaling our beverages had arrived.

  "Two coffees," the young lady mumbles, setting them in front of my father as he smiles. "And a fruit lemonade!" She exclaims. The pink-tinted drink makes waves in cold glass in her hand once it's set down. "All set. Is there anything else I can get for you two?"

   We shake our heads lightly.

   "Alright then! Enjoy!" She beams, then happily walks away. Ever since I was younger, I never understood why the store wonder daughter was so nice. But I'm guessing it lasted throughout the years, or else she wouldn't treat customers so gently.

Father slowly lifts the drink to his lips, and enjoys his cinnamon roast, while I feel my back aching from the perfect posture I perform around him. "Ah, carry on, Y/n. What is it that makes you so upset? The idea your mother and I did all we could to give you a better life, or is it that we picked ourselves up and became better people?" His manipulative tone comes in, sending mixed signals. But I could see where he was coming from completely.

"I just wish you two had taught me what it's like to be a proper parent. Instead, every time I would try getting your attention, you would always look away, and send me off to do something else." I feel my hands squeeze my thighs under the table, as I look up and down at my father with a silent yet harsh tone, "all I wanted was to admire you and learn what was so interesting about sitting in an office working for another person. But that's changed now, right? Because you've maxed out the level of superiority now that you've not done a single other thing."

"Y/n—"

"The fact you worked endlessly doesn't bother me as much as you criticizing me does. It truly hurts me that you attempt to steer me into another direction every time you visit when you haven't even been to at least seven of my birthdays. I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot it, either. You would judge who I hung out with, what I liked to do, everything. You even judged the way I handled my best friend dying, yet didn't think to send me to therapy. Toruku's mom is the one who took us to get help, not you. Why do you do it? Why do you think it's a good idea to bring me down? You've never been there for me, so you don't know me. You never will, father. You'll never know who I am."

A trembling hand reaches for my drink quickly, as I sip from the thin black straw in silence, taking in as much as I can. And all he can do is sit quiet, still processing my explanation.

That is until he speaks, finally. "I'm— I'm sorry."

"It's too late for that."

He nods.

The straw twirls between my fingers during the spinning memories of spending more time with my friends than my parents that ran through my mind. But it's whatever, right? I did just fine raising myself. At least that's what I told myself. Truth is, I needed people. I needed to grow with others on my side. It wasn't any wonder that I felt so lonely when I was younger. I'm dependent, yet independent.

Before getting up from my seat, I make sure to down the rest of the cold lemonade I had in my hand and grabbed both my hood and small bag. "Can we go now? Please."

"Sure. We can leave."

—

After getting home, I can't help but immediately let a few tears escape my eyes. The fact two words were all my father could say made my blood boil and my bones stiffen, especially since it was the last time I would talk with him in person before I graduate. Maybe I could meet him before he goes back to Korea, but I'd rather not. Not after leaving it at that.

The doors slam still echoed through the house, while I sat against the front door, crying in my lonely arms. No car to leave, and no one to hear me except a sleepy cat. While I do so, every thought of ever healing the hole between our relationship entered my thoughts, and the never-ending process of realizing I can't fix it hurts just as much as the pain in my chest.

Throughout the blur of water in my eyes, I make out the image of a white figure lying across my feet. I look up briefly, wipe my eyes, and stroke Astras back. Her soft, thin hair glides between my fingers, giving me a realization that I wasn't completely alone. No, I wasn't. I still had old friends and family that supported me, other than my father.

Right now, I had to think about the things that were important to me. The things that would help me grow, not look back at my regrets. Maybe the purpose of his visit was a sign from the universe, telling me to get over my past because my goals are too close for me to hesitate.

I needed a break from today. A nap, possibly. I don't think I'd be going back to school anytime soon, so I might as well rest a bit. That's exactly what I need, rest after a long week. After all, the weekend was just around the corner.

I slouch up the stairs with the chunky cat in my hand. By the time I reach my room, both my pants and shoes are in the other, and I'm ready to knock out between messy blankets.

—

'Ring!' My phone makes alarms under me, sending vibrations through the pillow my head rested on, making my eyelids quickly open. A hand snaked for the device, bringing the bright screen up to my face. It was no other than the band group chat.

Xanax sluts

Giki

Guess who just got invited to a party

Toruku

Us

Giki

No me but I asked if you guys could go and they said we can bring whoever

Toruku

Bruh

Who is hosting it

Giki

Some chick names Miya I know. She's a third-year and seems like a stuck-up little bitch but she's actually pretty cool.

Hikishi

Omg I love her she's so sweet

Me

Oh I know who you guys are talking about she's the girls' volleyball team captain

Giki

Yeah

Anyways she said you guys could go

Hikishi

When

Giki

Uhh

In like

An hour?

Me

HUH

GIRL IM NOT READY FOR A PARTY TN I JUST GOT IN THIS ARGUMENT WITH MY DAD 😟

Giki

Oh come onnn just slap on a dress or something and we can go

Hikishi

WAIT YES IM SO BORED

Toruku

Will, there be alcohol

Giki

No

Toruku

Will there be drugs

Giki

No

Toruku

Then this isn't a party-

Giki

Come on she's my friends and I promised you guys would go plus she's super popular so everyone's gonna be there AND she's rich

Toruku

And who's driving us

Hikishi

You mf who else

Me

Fine I'll go but you guys better not do anything to cause attention, if there's gonna be snobby people then we're most likely to be looked down on

Hikishi

I'm so excited yayy

Toruku

What are you excited about there's no drugs or alcohol

Hikishi

Cause this is the first party we're going to ever since last month

Toruku

Oh yeah

Giki

Mhm it's like this back to school party

Toruku

Giki if this is a kids party I'm gonna slap the lesbian out of you

Giki

ITS NOT YOU TOUCH-DEPRIVED TWINK

Me

See you guys in an hour ig

Hikishi

Oh-

—

Mom

Going out tn

Ok. Are you staying at anyone's house?

Maybe. Idk yet

How did it go with your dad

It went fine

Good baby I'm glad

Tell me when or if you get to someone's house

Ok I will love you

—

Happy that my mother didn't make an argument, I sigh, checking the time. It seemed pretty dark outside, so it had to be around eight or nine. And quickly after, I decide it's best to begin getting ready, again.

—

Please note chapters, it means a lot. I work endlessly on these making sure they're perfect for you guys. Have a good rest of your day, and I hope you take care of yourself. Love you lots!!

- estrxlar

[janadaniel4grassroots]

THE DIRTIEST DATA

TARGET FOR TORTURE

A TRUE ACCOUNT OF

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIM

September 2020

Contributor: Jana Daniel

Grassroots Guardians of Truth

UPROOT a DV Movement

The goal was to torture me through my own account that way no trace.. I did it to myself because I'm insane. Covert ops in a time where technology is impressive but vulnerable to data corruptions and lack of understanding especially in the legal arena where a firm understanding is needed the most. I was researching and running pilot programs to discover ways to truly keep women who make it out safe without cutting them off from society. This experience has proven that I'm a textbook case with tenure. Everything happens for a reason and my advocacy and philanthropy pursuits are far from over. The following is a percent of what occured and what I saw, technology throughputs allowed manipulative imagery and allowed changes to text photos before sent. The need is abundant whether we are ready or not.

Amazing what a year can do. I've learned an excessive amount of information now that I've acclimated to the happenings. By now, everyone has heard of predictive text and I'm sure it comes in handy. However, my experience was quite different. The global keyboard uploaded without my prompt, by a second individual who accessed my account on a seperate device and through the Google Play Store selected and downloaded the app. As my phone updated around 3 am the keyboard app uploaded and would change automatically while typing. I write a lot, so this became problematic and prevented me from continuing my endeavors until a solution is found. It would be another 7 months little did I know, before my life was my own again. A virtual kidnapping essentially the best way to describe this systematic, continual abuse and crime against a person. It's killing me faster than the physical abuse because I couldn't identify the perpetrators.

Deep-thinking and clear understanding of what is occuring and where protections and oversight will be needed. Automated decision making isn't a human function and nor what we're accustomed to. In less than a year due to the reality that someone or something is communicating data to me, i began to rely on the predictive guideline set before me just as an officer would be able to predictively policy enforce. But that in fact is exactly the point, there is a violation of human, civil, and individual rights to not be infringed upon. For my own pursuits in life I try to maintain a secure system and in doing so through my ordinary course of business I conduct certain procedures. One being, data mining, another being continued education, pilot programs when available, etc. I had experienced a different breach around December and I began seeking the identity of the criminal.

Initially, unsupervised or monitored only, (permission not given for either) coded script played out on my screen. After I reported, the game changed. Suddenly, an advasarial context is all that I'm receiving and I'm suddenly the victim of targeted surveillance that I'm very well aware of. Let's face it, you normally wouldn't know that you are being placed under surveillance. I now know that this in fact was, an example of Deep learning of general advasarial Neuro network a GAN with a generator and a discriminator being put against each other. Understanding that what your brain fires on it wires on as well. They fed the deepfake scenarios to me each with enough truth or probability that I had no choice but to seek the remaining info that they failed to disclose and that is described as (mask) words. It took a lot of time initially but I became more efficient as I continued to learn.

As protected individuals by order of a domestic violence protective order, to have the Thomas Co Sheriff Dept. And the Pelham PD testing my ability to decipher the information, realizing that I see what is happening and being further disrespected and even asked to park and contact an ambulance to let them know that I need help finding the right person, who at the time someone was insinuating that my deceased father was alive. The cops didn't even investigate.. couldn't get more obvious they violated my constitutional rights and mine and my children's rights as victims of DV. My children, by the way, utilize the phone as well, the constant changes to the screen and location of the apps was noticed first by my son. No matter what I did they had control of the content in the phone. Using face recognition to identify if I'm telling the truth and constantly surveilling me. My vehicle too, equiped to note my every move. Taunted by my home devices such as the ring light that would switch off when I needed the lights on. I haven't had moment's peace since the leave. I'm to blame according to the Sheriff Dept. Odd doesn't seem reasonable but okay, I have to use the healing process to investigate.

I wish I could say that is where it ended, far from it actually. Social engineered to stop trusting in everything, creating discord with people I'd just began to connect with after years of isolation. Then in state of grieving the loss only father, vulnerabilities exploited, cognitive dissonance attempted to create an unstable demeanor because who could possibly explain that cards- Google search pages- are leading to videos that contain AI image alterations so that what you see is familiar. Someone was available twenty four hours a day and when I wasn't seeking the information, someone was threatening me predictively and also implemented sounds that at first I didn't distinguish as just sounds. This would occur throughout the night sometimes. I honestly believed that we were in danger. I fell from the healthy state that I had just had a glimpse of into a sickened, deregulated state that would continue for months. Words uncommonly used by myself such as Tactically, vie, omniscient, etc. would flash and storyline would clearly be laid before me. Other tactics were used such as Fuzzing, quasi-imperceptible, emotional extortion at it's finest. It will be blamed on AI technology, but they failed to understand the identifying bits of info that I detected and categorized chronologically and per device or paper that they derived from.

I will be blamed for not seeing my children who were removed due to DV. I'll take the blame because it was a decision I was able to make due to the fact that I was being encouraged to have all four of the children together in order to get the money. Seemed like a ploy so I went alone to Rundown the people who had become increasingly more than I expected. Conspirators, bribe takers, and there's us… Collateral damage. It seemed to have turned into a game where death was the intent. I held on because I knew that someone has been made aware and I had reported to different agencies and to my trusted friends. Time lingered, and three months became six and suddenly they were threatening to arrest someone else. Realizing that they've violated our rights and worked diligently to destroy the security that I had worked so hard to establish after escaping DV with the belongings in my vehicle. They still were far from done. I had been forced to live without AC and the plumbing problematic after an attempted repair by the landlord left my room flooded. The Corona Pandemic began the same time, also the first and last time that my spouse had paid child support. After three months, they came to collect the rent. It now June, I demanded the air be fixed to no avail. I then had all repairs done myself. I spoke with him expecting a negotiation and then received an eviction notice. Upon filing a response and counterclaim, I was ordered an extra month rent above the amount petitioned for… I received no credit for the repairs that I had just had made, and I had seven days to vacate. I did not mention that the entire three months of No child support, no AC, no response from the landlord, that I had been receiving predictive context stating… “We built a prison just for you” forced to sleep with our windows open, remain outside during the day.. in a matter of no time, our happy home had become our misery. I offered the landlord the full judgement amount cash in hand, he denied to take it , he said he prefered that I move out. I didn't get my appeal in because I had confirmed that our family land has been sold under the premise of an invalid will and just as ten years before, heritage stolen from us all. Seven days came quickly and I didn't have but one who I still trusted at that point. I was granted a couple days and demeaned in the process. On that last day I left with my children who were unaware that we no longer has a home. We hadn't enjoyed any of the summer so I took my children on what they knew as a vacation. I was a nervous wreck managing them and their little hands, don't touch, don't breath, the virus! As I searched for options within my budget and tried to predict the next time that he networks and deprives. I decided that I will use the land that I own and homestead. No one can ever put us in that situation again. Now how can I make this work? I haven't built the house yet due to the lengthy divorce and the other intentionally created variables. Without revealing everything, I made it work and the house will be built soon.

After all of that, if it were a LAN network and the neighborhood and city were to blame then it's over… The worst has yet to come. My lawyer dropped the ball, so there was no contempt hearing, meaning no support from the abusive spouse. The final divorce scheduled for Monday August 24th. On Thursday prior, I advised my attorney that I wasn't a lamb being led to slaughter and neither are my children. I am not impressed with her demeanor seemingly in defense of the opposing side and reiterated that she needs to advise me of what the correspondence is rather than knowing everything they're saying and leaving me in the dark. She said that was mailing a check for $1500 of the $5k he owes. I explained how I intended on explaining everything to the judge with physical example of two clean devices in which he could type a sentence structure and I across the room could in fact with acceptable accuracy through mining relay his message… I was placed on hold, then she was going to return my call. I received an email the next day stating the hearing had been cancelled. I guess I was close enough to cause cleanup on DiVorce-20. I couldn't make up the incompetcy if I tried… it's been over a year and she let my protective order expire when she let the scheduling fail the kids and I. She's knowingly prolonged everything working an agenda.

Meanwhile, I'm mining data, and see threatening communications about my mother being the price that I will pay. For two days and there was even a signature of 4umud:\3 I had seen threatening messages all the while through, they wanted me to harm myself, so I didn't realize the gravity of the situation until the morning of August 27th, when they told me she had passed away. I am trying to hold it together, my heart is broken into pieces. In the last year and a half I lost my father, escaped DV so I thought, pandemic, bought a household full of furniture, got evicted after being tormented, burned most if the furniture that I had bought just a year ago, and then have to accept my mother's passing after being told of it prior to. How? I write sometimes into the night… Only to wake up and see everything has been deleted or modified to look like jibberish.

The plan was to make me appear alone and unstable. Then with a signature they could get the rest of what I have. The Underwoods made everyone think that I had a big check, that's so they would attack me and funny how I said to him.. your plan isn't going to work… He said they have a new one and the two days before my mom died he didn't call.. he has and did call every single day but those two days. So no, I don't believe that anyone has been here to help there is no reason that I could. The full story would take forever to explain a hundred different things … Deep learning of how sick these people are. That statement is inclusive of some judges, some lawyers, some landowner, some banker, some ex's, some banker, and some evils.

Regarding the factual basis for my findings… an advasarial context targeted at DV Victim and At some point to gain a new level of trust an observer weighed in - ALL CAPS- it appeared to be but this is stalking and Harassment using the same protocol as a guideline. Being that I worked for the Baldwin's and the quantity of equipment, servers, and technology couples with security… I'd say that BYOD could have easily attached to any device that I've had especially if someone made the mistake of hacking the email that I had as a corporate address. Quasi-imperceptible as everything in convulsion is nearly impossible to figure out. Casual reasoning nearly out the window now that I've used the Ai tech inappropriately due to the advasarial context intended to disrupt and destabilize.

Disquis was an app that he or someone loaded to my account and I did go back and test most of the apps I saw because I needed to know what info was obtained and how to prevent in the future. Red team, that's me. ResGN to reinforce the learning and GPT-2 is quickly being replaced by GPT-3 a natural language system that whether forward or back will remember the context of the usage of the specific word. Cryptography circles implemented initially to create a trustless environment. Deepfake tech that I've lived for ten years without the fancy assigned label's. Ultimately the same as always… Doubt your reality and make sure everyone doubts your capabilities because how else can they suck the soul out if you. If you see me and don't recognize me… Know it's because he is wearing my reflection… If I take it back he is the one who looks like an empty shell. I am not empty.. I have a flicker.

I hope this helps you understand that I'm capable of handling the delivery of proof and facts that will assist others to understand that this is a very sophisticated form of technology and weaponry all the same when abused and causes one to harm another or one to harm themselves then I'd say the prosecution rate will increase significantly. Once recognized for the heinous malfunctioned personality that takes the time and devotion to harm another in such a way that is worth what I just endured teaching myself because the law and legal representation failed to do anything to help ... Oh except drop the contempt, postpone the final, and my protective order expired too.

"If you really have to do something ... Go alone!" generations of wisdom... William Kirby Daniel

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie