#honestly we all kept saying as kids “i wish there was a minecraft movie” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

naatsuuki-chr · 2 years ago

Text

i hate this

I doubt I’ll ever go through with it but decided I should write this in case. I don’t know how much more I can take but I hope venting it out will take the edge off or something rather than drive me to doing something irrational. Everyone gives me different advice but none of it helps. All my friends are sick of me constantly fucking being sad and bringing it up and I wish I could stop but it just comes in waves and they keep getting higher and higher. It’s like if in a water park the wave machine broke and just kept pushing them higher and higher and I’m just a small kid being drowned and pulled in. One friend in particular is fucking sick of me like this and just wants me to take action but I’ve tried and it doesn’t help and I can’t make myself heal faster. Another one of my friends gave good advice but it’s just not helpful in how to cope when I still enjoy them so much. Another friend just doesn’t get it at all and tried to help but for once his comfort doesn’t actuslly help. One friend was probably the best person to talk to about it but it’s all just about how I didn’t fuck it up when I did and I know I did. My parents just want me to let it go and live my life but it’s not that simple and even they are sick of it and just don’t understand it. The person from underscord helped in the moment but their advices help faded as I kept trying it because I can’t make myself believe that I don’t love them even if I need to. Id put it into music but even that I’ve lost motivation for and really can’t force myself to make it to get shit out because then I create shitty music and hurt myself worse by forcing myself. It’s just an endless, meaningless, and painful cycle of waking up crying, showering, going to classes, coming back, crying, doing things so the RAs don’t worry and check on me, coming back, crying again, watching YouTube to try and distract myself, and then cry to sleep. I have nobody left to vent to and I don’t want a fucking therapist or meds because I don’t want to live like that paying to speak to someone and paying for pills for relief. I deleted most of my shit from social media even though I still lurk around it but I want it to be empty with only what I’m proud of if I end up going down. I have to deal with one friend all the time just saying shit like “shut up” and being passive aggressive saying I don’t take anyone’s advice and honestly I’m sick of it and if anything I think that mixed with being heartbroken over someone I still love so much is gonna be my tipping point. Everyone’s support seems so shallow because yeah they care but only for so long and eventually everyone gets sick of me. Everyone either hates me, gets sick of me, or is disappointed by me and it’s just fucking devastating to live knowing that. If I didn’t have parents and family I’d be gone right now and sometimes I wish I didn’t have them so I could just finally be free of all this pain. Luckily I’m so much of a coward that it’s keeping me alive but it’s just tiring. I’m so tired of living in this sick twisted paradox that life is putting me in. I have to live without the person I love so much but I have to constantly yearn for them. I have to want them to be happy but also inside kind of want them to be unhappy with him or for him to fuck up or fall in love with someone else. I want her more than anything in the universe but I can’t have her but I can’t want anyone else. Hearing her new boyfriend’s name makes me so sad but angry but happy he treats them right. I’m so fucking upset that he gets everything I dreamt of and still dream about but now I can’t have even though now I know I would be the best, better than I ever have. All the things I wanted and still want to do like play skylanders with her, play fossil fighters with her, cosplay cool characters we like, do couples costumes and shit, play other fun games together, build minecraft homes together, cuddle and watch movies we like, stare into their pretty eyes and tell them how much I love and adore them, own a snake or a lizard with them, own a sphinx cat, own a bunny, own a purple 1970s dodge challenger, take rides in the 1950 ford, go watch movies at a drive in theater in the ford or my jeep, invite them to my college on a weekend and hold hands as I show them around campus, cuddle in my dorm room, talk for hours about all the things we like, talk about our childhoods, kiss and feel their warm soft hugs, hear their little cute squeaks when they’re tired, rub their back, bring them things when they are on their period or just in pain in general, take care of them when they get sick, make omlettes for breakfast for them and surprise them with it, take them to heids and eat grilled cheese hoping that a train goes by, walking next to Onondaga lake with them, taking them around Ithaca to see the pretty hills and gorges and forests, take them to beaver lake and carve our names into a bench or tree, take them to the state fair, introduce them to the people at tie dye rose I’ve known since I was a kid, poke bunny butts and pet cows with them, own a pretty house in the woods, buy them random things just because I think they’d like it, take them to concerts for artists we like like tøp, underscores, or Jane Remover, play music together and do cool artistic shit on stage, do awesome photoshoots with cool premises like jester idea I had, have a perfect kid and name her Blaire, make cool clothes, take them when the animatronic dinosaur thing was in town, take them to the record store, watch battlebots, call eachother cute nicknames, sing love songs to them at random, watch The Shining or Hot Fuzz together, share pokemon cards, and now it’s all gone and I cant see that with anyone else. I hate this empty feeling of love that isn’t returned anymore especially when I still see my life with them even when I try to see it with someone else. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying my best to just live my life but it’s so hard knowing the one pwrson I love is out there and most painfully has probably forgotten me or doesnt like me or even care Anymore. It hurts to go to bed and dream of them and see their smile only to wake up and realize I lost it. I never had any problems until now and it’s the worst fucking feeling. I wish there was an easy way out but the worst part is nobody would notice or care except my family and even they probably wouldn’t know for a day or two or even more. I just don’t know how much more of this I can take it’s fucking killing me and if I don’t end up killing myself ill just be a mess for the rest of my life. Everyone keeps telling me it isn’t going to last forever but that it will take a long time to heal but I don’t think I can take anymore. I’ve written poems, I’ve talked to people, I’ve written so many songs I cant anymore, and I lost the girl I wanted my life with, there’s nothing left for me if my music can’t make me happy and the person who made me happy is gone I can’t see a purpose on this cruel fucking earth. If I don’t end it I know I’ll just be praying and mourning and loving for the rest of my life hoping I can try again but knowing ill never get that and being cursed by seeing their perfect smile next to me on a pretty winter morning is so fu king painful. It hurts so bad feeling like they don’t even think of me or that they hate me even if it’s not true because it’s how I feel but then immediately that being followed by the exact opposite feeling. I just wanna get so drunk I get alcohol poisoning or something because at least that would be fun until the end but I can’t even drink without it being so shitty and my brain keeps ripping itself apart. No matter how much I try, if I try to convince myself ill never be with them again it drives me to this and if I try to convince myself I will be with them it drives me to this. I’m sick of shaking and crying and being a snotty drooling mess. I lost the prettiest angel and I can’t fucking take it. I keep having a dream that keeps repeating where we make up and cuddle and shit but it hurts so much to wake up and realize that it may never even happen. I’m writing this just in case I lose this battle. It’s not anyone’s fault. If she finds out I would like her to know it isn’t her fault. I just wasn’t strong enough and I want them to live a happy life with him and not throw it out for their shitty ex even if i still adore them. I want everyone to know it isn’t their fault and ultimately if I have decided to do it which I doubt I will, it was my decision and it was the best for me I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I don’t think I can take anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to do so I’ll just put this somewhere in case it’s my last day or i just randomly decide to do something drastic but I doubt it. Ill probably put myself through another year of suffering before I even have the guts to end this miserable fucking life and even then ill still be scared and still love them.

0 notes

xurkitips · 7 years ago

Text

On Writing Child Characters

So someone in a Discord chat I’m in asked for some advice on how they could get more in character when writing a young child.

A lot of media tends to depict children as either really obnoxious, or basically just small, slightly less mature adults, and neither is really completely right. While there’s really no specifically right way to write a child character, I have some things I always keep in mind whenever I sprinkle children in my own written works that I feel may be helpful to other people.

How did they grown up?

Just like with any character, considering their home life, family, and friends will tell you a lot about how they may act and where their behavior comes from. A child from a loving/open home that nurtures their personality and allows them to grow will probably be more outgoing. A child raised by strict, cold, or even abusive parents may opt for being quieter, shy, more dependent on their parents. The behavior of the parents or guardian will definitely reflect in the child’s personality, as children look to their parents as role models.

Did they have a lot of childhood playmates? Pets? Or did they have to resort to things like movies/TV and books to make up for feeling alone or for having few friends? Friends or pets from childhood may bring happy memories and further promote their growth, while the lack thereof might promote a more distant or lonely personality, or even a child who is obnoxious in an attempt to draw attention to themself.

What makes them happy?

Legit, every single kid has Their Thing, no matter how old they are. They are ALWAYS happy to talk about it, play pretend with it, draw, write, etc. Some kids are more shy about showing it if they've been dismissed by a friend or family member, but others are open with it to the point where everyone knows it.

I personally have a cousin, who's twelve, and she talks on and on about Minecraft. She’s a budding artist who draws pictures of the game's animals/characters, often adding her own personal touches to them. My other cousin originally loved angry birds, but has now he's moved onto the Detroit Lions. He collects merchandise, catches every game, and knows every scrap of sports terminology to the point where when he talks about it, it sounds like another language.

What do they dislike?

Everyone has something they seriously cannot stand, whether it's a fear or just "Ew, Brussels sprouts!" While an adult would say, "I don't like that," kids tend to be more expressive and vocal about their distastes. Depending on the kid’s personality, they'll react differently and it’s something I think it's important to consider.

One might stomp or yell or scream and run away, another will be polite about it or very matter-of-fact in how much they don’t like it. Others may brag about how terrible or gross something is, or hide the thing they hate.

Please Don't Do The "What's Sex?" Joke Thing

I really wish people would stop doing this.

I see this a lot in writing and roleplay, and it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. If you’ve never seen it or aren’t sure what I mean, I’m talking the moment where the eight year old walks in on their parents, who are talking about sexual innuendos, and asks what they’re talking about. 99% of younger children genuinely don't care or just think the names of bits are funny ("Haha you said boobies" "Haha butts").

Think back to your own childhood. There's a reason all those adult jokes in movies and TV soared over our heads when we were younger. We didn't understand them nor care and just kept going. We pick up on them heavily as adults, as we’re more familiar with them and more, but we simply don’t focus on them in our younger years since we ignore the confusing line for what we found funny. It's adult stuff and boring and what we like/want to do matters more than that.

What makes them laugh?

If anyone else has been around kids extensively, you’ve probably noticed that they bond so easily to you if you do things that they find funny (or exciting, fun, or cool. It's not difficult to make friends with kids if you respect them, but I digress).

A lot of simple, quick-witted or blunt jokes from come off as absolutely hysterical, and will stick like glue. Some things I personally found exceptionally funny were slapstick, silly things you wouldn’t expect to happen in the situation, and toilet jokes (because haha poop).

It's pretty easy to make kids laugh, all in all. They might recite a joke they found funny to many, many other people because it makes them laugh so much. They may try to surf off the hilarity of the joke and make a similar, but ultimately failure copy as the process of why it’s funny is often lost. Kids tend to be not very good at making their own jokes from scratch, or at least they aren’t often funny in the way they meant them to be.

(That said I want this one to hang immortalized on my wall.)

If a child has been abused or treated badly, they may not recognize it as such

There's a surprising amount of people (myself included, unfortunately) who only just realized as they became adults that how they grew up was not normal, and that how their caretaker or friend or family member treated them wasn't okay.

Children growing up typically look to their parents for guidance on how the world works. Normally this is fine. But when you were born and raised in a more hostile environment, you straight up don't realize that your situation is not the way other kids live. You normalize it because, well, you don't know better by no fault of your own.

It feels like a pretty common thing on the Tumbles to see abused children in roleplay or writing immediately going, "My parent is abusive and I hate them," and perhaps in some cases that happens. But it seems to be more common for children to be willing to forgive their family because they're family. As they age it might become vastly different as they process what's happened to them.

However, the younger they are, the higher the likelihood that they don't want to leave the people they grew up with. It's a familiar environment and they love their family despite everything. That, and new people, places, and things can be scary to a younger child.

How do they express themself and their passion?

Looping back to likes and dislikes again:

Kids are often way, WAY more expressive than any adult. Usually because they've been allowed to roam free with their imaginations and their freedom of expression. They love a wide variety of things, but they express them in often more vibrant ways.

For example, when asked why they like dragons, an adult might respond, "They're elegant, scary, metaphorical, the designs are beautiful, etc."

A kid who loves dragons might pretend to be one, making sound effects while they stomp around flapping their arms. When asked why they like dragons, they might say, "They blow fire and they eat people and they're green and this one time i was watching The Hobbit and Smaug was like--"

A high energy kid may love sports or running, might be a bed jumper or love to play pretend. A quiet kid may love reading or writing and be great at reciting facts about what they read.

(Kids seem to love reciting facts in general, honestly. It’s fun to show off knowledge.)

One who likes bugs or frogs might collect them in containers to play with, or gross out their friends with a surprise frog in their hands because they think it's hilarious. One who loves singing may be into musicals/plays and performing arts, and may straight up sing or hum whenever they please.

Kids are so morbid

Listen, I know everyone loves to be like, "Kids are so pure and must be protected," but when I was growing up there were at least three different Barney murder songs (among other horrible rhymes and tunes) that would cycle through out ears and out our mouths. Haha, Barney is for babies and he gets dead.

Honestly it was hilarious. It’s still hilarious.

My guess is that kids are curious about things we think of as "unsavory" topics; death, violence, gross-out stuff, war, predatory animals hunting down their prey, natural disasters, all that good stuff.

Adults often try to not bring up these particular topics, whether because it’s sensitive, heavy, or they don’t know how to answer it. Which...only makes the taste of forbidden knowledge that much sweeter. You're not supposed to talk about it, so of course they're all gonna talk about it when the adults aren't watching.

Late night Llamas With Hats. Haha, he got stabbed 37 times in the chest.

Kids are spontaneous and goofy

One of the things about "lol randoom XD tacos" humor that draws in the younger crowd is that you don't expect what's coming next. The protagonist shouldn’t be stepping on ducks. The situation doesn’t call for a musical number, but there it is.

It's always good to consider how playful and silly your child character is, especially if they're on the younger side, since that tends to be when most kids are filled with that boundless energy to do things. They’re are louder than they intend to be, love games and play pretend (which I mention a lot but I've never met a kid who didn't love pretending to be giant monsters or superheroes. My cousins loved Horrible Water Zombies: The Revenge).

Me personally, I used to keep notebooks and draw really weird things. When I was thirteen I had a character whose favorite pastimes were, and I quote, “smashing watermelons on the mayor’s house and falling off cliffs.”

One of my cousins will literally walk up to me and say the most off the wall things. On one occasion, he just walked up, looked at me, then squatted while making some weird mumbling noise. When I asked him what he was doing, he told me, "Bulgarian Spit-Squats," and did that for like twenty minutes straight.

Acceptance and learning with kids

I think a lot of people write children off as "dumb kids" but they will take a surprising amount in their stride and learn ridiculously quick.

True, children can also be cruel if they don't know any different. Like all people can succumb to mob mentality, not know to pull their punches, or know what words or actions have serious consequences. Most kids politely told right from wrong or talked to with respect instead of being just yelled at do change their behavior. Often quicker and easier than adults do.

When spoken to calmly and patiently and a good explanation of disability, disfigurement, why someone looks or acts the way they do, or why they have this tool or that tool to get around, kids will just accept it for what it is. And after learning about it, they might even start fact parroting, telling others what they've learned or telling them off when an adult says something bad.

"No, Mom. It's because they have [disability] and that's why they [thing]."

I've heard lots of stories of kids doing this when told someone is gay or trans too, where they're quick to tell off adults who get nasty with those topics or correct them on someone's pronouns. Society has yet to imprint on them that these things are bad.

What do they want to be when they grow up?

Lots of kids are excited to grow up and do the cool job they really really like. Doctor and policeman and firefighter seem to be the "common" responses since those are obligatory "helps people" and "exciting hero".

But a child with a passion for something specific may be like, "I wanna be a marine biologist," "I want to be a painter," "I want to be like the guy on TV who talks about wildlife." It's also not uncommon to hear about a really specific or little known job that they've spent hours reading about. Oftentimes when sharing this info with adults they share it proudly and with enthusiasm, because at that point kids don't realize the misery of jobs they can't wait to walk in the footsteps of their heroes who are doing these cool things.

There's also the kids who answer that with, "I'm gonna be a dinosaur," which sounds like a joke to us, but most of them truly believe if they work harder at pretending to be a dinosaur, they can achieve that. Later on those kids end up discouraged by learning that’s not possible.

(I’m still disappointed.)

#writing advice #writing #milo's writing advice #hi guys

9 notes · View notes