#honestly very happy to see he's sticking around during the bye week

[cementcornfield]

Jermaine's first snow day ❄️🩵

[imagines-r-s]

sticking it - j. farabee

chapter 6

a/n: now you’ll all see why i said be excited for ch. 6 lmao. (also, with ch. 5 not showing up in the tags for a minute, some might not have seen it, so i’ll link it here) but anyways, this chapter was difficult to write bc i’m not used to writing anything but angst lmao. and huge shoutout to my baby gracie for helping me out with this chapter. please enjoy and i’d love to hear feedback

also, like i told an anon, this is in memory of bee’s hair :((  (he still looks good with the new hair, don’t get me wrong)

taglist: @butgilinsky @barbienoturbby @sunsetholland​ @lovenhlboys @sortagaysortahigh @hockey-racing-fubol @oopsiedoopsie23 @iwantahockeyhimbo @dreamsndior

warnings: (2) your mom jokes, jealous!joel?, once again simp nation for the both of them, swearing (it’s a problem ngl), idiocy 

sticking it masterlist

wc: 4.1k

(gif not mine)

When you told Marcus and Michelle that you had to be out for a month, they advised you to only come to the gym three times a week for two hours for the first two weeks and you’d figure out a plan for the two weeks after, that way you could take a much needed break out of the gym. The thing stressing you out the most was gym and they obviously realized it, so they were hopeful it would give you a chance to breathe. 

You planned to go to the gym Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays from 6-8am and then you would spend the rest of your day at home doing whatever you needed to do that day. The first Monday you spent those two hours doing ab workouts and helping the other girls around the gym, then you went home and stayed in your room for the rest of the day. You put your phone on do not disturb, so no one heard from you, which caused Kevin to come to your apartment to make sure you were okay. 

Tuesday played out the exact same way, early practice, then going home and staying in bed, and Kevin coming to make sure you were alright. Kevin even invited you to come out with him and some of the boys, which you politely declined saying they should have their time together. Wednesday, you simply stayed in bed, choosing to actually keep your phone on today, you were just tired and felt drained from everything going on right now that you couldn’t really muster up the energy to talk to anyone. 

Wednesday night, as you were rewatching Marvel movies, your phone started ringing with a call from Ryanne. Quickly answering it, “hey Ry.”

“Hey babes, how’re you doing?”

“I’ve been better, I’ve also been worse, so.”

“Me and Claude were wondering if you’d want to come over and hang out with us and Gav for some of the day, we’ll provide food and such, but we miss you, babe. So, we figured we’d ask while you have a chance.” 

In reality, Ryanne had heard from Claude that you wouldn’t be able to do extensive training for at least a month. She might not have known much about gymnastics, but she knew you well enough to know that you were always constantly training - she was well aware that if that ever got taken from Claude that he would be devastated if he was out for that long and with two weeks to prepare for a big game.

She had checked in to see how you were with Kevin one day after practice and when he mentioned everything that was going on, she was worried about you. She knew that she likely wouldn’t be able to help much, but she did know that there was one part of the equation she could help. Knowing that she already had a plan to have a send off party before the boys went on a roadie and also knowing that everyone on the team would be there, she somehow conveniently planned to invite you over a few hours before it started. 

“Oh, yeah, I’d love to, honestly. What time do you want me over?”

“Anytime after three is fine. I’ll see you then, hun. Oh, and wear something cute.”

“Why exactly?”

“Just do it,” Ryanne said, not having time to think of an excuse, “bye.”

As you were about to say something else, the ring that told you she had hung up rang out. 

…..

Joel wasn’t doing as good as he wanted to be recently and with an upcoming roadie, he knew he needed to spend more time on the ice before the game. Having asked a few of the guys to work with him during an unscheduled morning skate, he was able to work on what he needed to. 

“Wait, so she’s out how long?” Joel overheard Travis ask Kevin as he made his way into the locker room. 

“Like four weeks, but two weeks with the brace and basically no training, then two weeks with athletic tape on her knee and no hard landings. But she’ll only have two weeks before Championships, so she's not feeling too great about it. Plus, she has to use her brace and crutches again and she didn’t enjoy that the first time,” Kevin replied. 

“Is she going to be okay?” Joel hadn’t meant to ask his question aloud, but as soon as Kevin heard his voice a smile grew on his face. 

“Yeah, Lover Boy, she’ll be fine. She hasn’t really been up to do anything recently, but other than that I think she’ll be okay. She has to use her crutches again, which is honestly very entertaining,” Kevin stated before turning to leave the locker room, turning right as he got to the doorway, “random question, are you planning on going to G’s for the send off party tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Just wondering,” and with that Kevin was gone, leaving a confused Joel behind. 

Kevin knew that you had a lot on your plate right now and that you wouldn’t want to go to anyone about your problems. He also knew that the both you and Joel, were simply too stubborn to fix the problem going on between you on your own, hence why he had mentioned something to Ryanne. He knew that Ryanne would jump at the chance to be able to help you feel better and as soon as she mentioned the party set-up idea, he was in. The plan was then mentioned to most of the team, knowing that the help of many was needed in order to help the two idiots. 

….. 

After sending Kevin a quick text that you were leaving, you left your apartment and made your way to Ryanne and Claude’s house. Gently knocking on the door, you smiled when Ryanne opened the door, “awe, babe, I’m so happy you’re here, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too. Not to be rude, but where is the tiny human?” you asked, looking past Ryanne to see Gavin walking towards you, “hi, bub. Oh my god, you’re getting so big.” 

“Well if you came around more often, you’d get to see him more,” Ryanne mumbled, watching you play with the boy in front of you. 

“I heard that,” you said, in a sing-song voice.

“You were supposed to,” she replied, mocking your tone, “anyways, Claude is on his way back from the store, so he’ll be here soon, but I haven’t talked to you in forever, how’s everything? How’s gym?”

“Oh, well. I’ve been better, this last meet definitely wasn’t all that great and not being able to train doesn’t really help my case either, but I’m making the most of it,” you said, shrugging. 

“And you’re actually having to listen to Adrian this time around?” she said, pointedly, causing you to chuckle. 

“Yeah, I have to actually listen to Adrian this time,” you smiled, “I hate that I have to actually wear my knee brace, though. And I have to use crutches. Can you believe that?”

“Considering it’s you, I’m more shocked that you’re actually using them.” 

“Ry, shh, let’s not call me out too much today,” you replied. 

It wasn’t too long before you heard the front door open, Claude walking in a few seconds later, “awe, it’s my favorite babysitter. Come on, babe, let’s leave while we can.”

“Haha, I almost forgot how funny you are, G,” you said, sarcastically. 

“I’m sure, I’m sure. You know what would be nice though?”

“What?”

“Helping me put the groceries up,” he said, smiling sweetly causing you to groan. 

“Are chores and babysitting all I’m good for to you?”

“Well,” he looked up to the ceiling, as if he were thinking for another answer,”hm, nothing comes to mind, y/n/n.”

“Oh, that was mean,” Ryanne said, playfully elbowing Claude. 

“Thank-”

“She’ll never babysit again if we’re mean to her,” Ryanne smirked. 

“Oh, wow, I see how it is, don’t worry,” you said, the three of you laughing. 

As the three of you were setting out groceries - you mostly sitting on the kitchen island, taking things out of the bag - the three of you caught up. Claude talking about his hopes for these next few games, Ryanne talking about how Gavin was doing - not missing the few times Gav ran through the kitchen -, and you talking about whatever you could. 

“Ok, so we haven’t brought this up yet, but I was just wondering if you had any idea what’s going on with Beezer? I know you guys had gotten closer recently and he’s just not himself, so I’m asking if you know anything,” Claude asked, closing the fridge before turning back to you. Both him and Ryanne had a pretty good idea of what happened, but if they were missing something, they wanted to know. 

“Oh, um, well, about that one,” you sighed, gathering your thoughts, “me and him kinda haven’t talked since I told him I only wanted to be friends.” 

“Ok, but from the looks of it, it looked like both of you wanted to be more than friends?” 

“Yeah, but, there’s a lot more to it, you know.”

“No, actually, I’m a tad bit lost, y/n/n.”

“Look, I can’t have any distractions right now and I was worried about it affecting gymnastics, so I told him I only want to be friends.”

“That’s dumb,” Claude replied, quickly.

“Thank you, many people have mentioned that.”

“He has no place to talk in a situation like this,” Ryanne finally spoke up, causing you to look between the pair confused, “when his life was just hockey, hockey, and hockey, nothing could fill those spots. So, when our relationship was first starting he did the same thing to me that you’re doing to Bee.”

“This was supposed to be a philosophical moment and you messed it up,” Claude replied. 

“I didn’t mess it up, you’re just mad because you basically called yourself dumb. But pushing him away isn’t a smart option and it just hurts both of you in the process,” Ryanne said before walking back to where Gavin was. 

“Look, I know you said you didn’t want distractions, but this seems to be having a worse effect on you than you hoped. From the looks of it, when you started pushing him away, it affected your performance. Just pointing that out for you.”

“Yeah, I know. You didn’t have to point it out, you know.”

“Yeah, but you would have continued to ignore the obvious fact that you were just scared of a relationship in general,” he shrugged.

“I don’t even know how to talk to him about it or at least how to start the conversation.”

“Well, lucky for you,” he looked down to check his watch, “the guys are all coming over in like 10 minutes, so you’ll see him then.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a send off party for the roadie this weekend, why do you think we got so many groceries?” and with that he left you in the kitchen by yourself. 

…..

Joel sat in the backseat of Kevin’s car, Nolan in the passenger seat, as they made their way to G’s house. By the time they got there, most of the guys had already gotten there, seeing a few familiar cars in the driveway, but one stood out in particular. He knew that it was yours from some of the times he had seen you driving, “what’s y/n/n doing here?”

Nolan and Kevin both chuckled at that, “she came over here earlier to watch Gavin, I think,” Kevin said. 

“Oh, cool,” Joel replied, attempting to sound nonchalant as possible 

“Don’t try to act like you’re not freaking out. You aren’t slick, dude,” Nolan added, shaking his head, “you two better talk, too. Because everyone is tired of the two of you being idiots and not talking shit out.” 

“We’re not idiots.”

“You are,” the other two said in unison. Joel didn’t try to argue as he followed the pair inside their captain’s house. 

As soon as he entered the house, he took note that almost all the team was here, most of the team was outside, but he immediately found you sitting on one of the barstools with Gavin sitting on your lap as you talked with Ryanne. “Go talk to her,” Nolan whispered, causing him to jump. 

“God, Pat. What the fuck?” Joel said turning around. 

“I said what I said. You’ll have to talk at some point, might as well just do it. Plus, she’s on crutches, so like, if she wants to run away it will take her a while.”

“Um, that’s- I mean, that’s valid, but-”

“At some point today, you should talk to her. I obviously can’t make you and it’s up to you, but I think it would help fix things,” Nolan said, shrugging.

“Yeah, I know, I know. I plan on it.” 

You and Ryanne had stayed inside with Gav since the boys were grilling outside, so when Nolan, Kevin, and Joel walked in, you were one of the first people to notice. Kevin made his way over to you almost as soon as he came in, “so, you enjoying the party?”

“Considering I didn’t know it was happening, sure I’m having a great time, Kev.”

“Well, I guess it’s a surprise party then,” you quickly shot him a glare, “surprise.” 

As you heard the back door open, you looked up to see Joel already looking at you, shooting you a quick smile as he followed his teammate to go outside. “I swear, if all you guys do tonight is spare glances at each other and don’t talk, I’m going to lose it,” Ryanne said from beside you. 

“I think everyone will, to be honest,” Kevin added, “well, I’m going outside. If you need any help, just let me know.” 

The boys had a few different plans in place to get the two of you to talk; conveniently sending Joel in to help while you were inside, telling Joel to go help out inside, asking Joel to get Gavin, and as a last resort, make Joel jealous. 

When everyone had been done eating, Claude asked some of the younger guys to help him clean up and bring out the cooler with drinks that was still inside. Joel had somehow conveniently avoided going inside while helping and when he did, he went straight to the kitchen and right back out. He wasn’t wanting to avoid you all night, but he didn’t know what to do. Shortly after, Claude had asked Joel to go in and get Gavin, somehow right as you had left Gavin with Ryanne, which also ruined that plan. 

Ryanne knew that it would be suspicious if they kept trying those same plans. So instead, she basically forced you to go outside with her. She helped you get outside, Kevin shooting up from his chair to help you get down the stairs of the deck, “you don’t have to help me out, Kev.”

“Knowing you, you would trip and break something. You’re already hurt enough,” he said, causing you to roll your eyes. As Kevin looked up, he didn’t miss the way Joel lit up as he saw you, “hey, your boy is looking over here.”

Looking up, your eyes once again met his, to which you sent him a light smile, “yeah, he’s been watching me since I stepped out here.”

“y/n/n, you would only know that if you were looking at him, too.”

“Yeah, I never said that I wasn’t though.” 

“You know, it’s obvious the two of you aren’t mad at each other or anything like that. So, why the fuck haven’t you talked yet?”

“Oh, um. Words are hard,” you said, walking away towards Travis and Nolan on your crutches. 

“You’re literally on crutches, you aren’t moving that fast.”

“You know who else isn’t moving that fast?”

“y/n. I swear, if this is another your-”

“Your mom,” you yelled back to him. 

“What is up with you and making your mom jokes?” Nolan asked as you got closer to them. 

“They’re funny?” 

“y/n/n just has the sense of humor of a middle school boy, that’s why her and Beezer got along so well,” Travis added, helping you move your crutches so you could sit down at the table they were at, “how are the crutches?”

“How’s your mom?” you laughed, causing the two of them to groan, “nah, they’re not fun. In any way shape or form.”

As you were talking to Nolan and Teeks, Kevin and Ryanne realized that none of the plans they had tried were working. Both of them knew that the only plan that would probably work was to make Joel jealous, so Kevin texted Carter, Morgan, Nolan, and Teeks to let them know that was the plan that they were going with. 

“y/n looks really good today,” Carter said, causing Joel to spit out his drink. 

“Better watch yourself, Hartsy,” Joel replied, shooting a glare towards his friend. 

“I was just being honest, she really does. There’s nothing going on between you guys anymore, right?” Carter watched as Joel visibly tensed at the mention of what was happening between the two of you, knowing that the plan was working he continued, “I mean, if nothings going on between you two, then she’s single, right?”

“Well, I mean-” Joel stuttered out, “we haven’t talked in a while, but that doesn’t mean-”

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Carter said, making his way over to the table you were at, causing Nolan and TK to chuckle as they saw Joel’s face drop, “hey, y/n/n.”

“Hey, Hartsy, it’s been a minute. How is everything?” you smiled. You kept talking to the group around you for a while, not noticing the way Joel was becoming visibly angry. He didn’t want to seem jealous, but he assumed that Carter had been flirting with you this whole time, so he made the executive decision to talk to you now. 

Since your back was facing him, you didn’t see him coming, but the three boys around you did, only trying to hide their smiles since the plan was actually working. “Hey y/n, can we talk?” he asked. 

You turned around to finally face the boy you had been avoiding, “yeah, hold on a sec.” As you continued some of your conversation, Joel was getting more and more irritated, mostly because Carter was sending looks his way that he couldn’t exactly read. Joel, being the impatient person he was, pulled the chair you were sitting at away from the table, pulling you up to stand before lifting you up over his shoulder, “Bee, what the fuck?”

He simply ignored you as he carried you up the stairs and back inside his captain’s house. You tried pushing yourself off as he made his way up the stairs, but it was deemed useless when he just tightened his grip, “Farabee, I swear to god. I will hurt you.”

Eventually, he opened the door to the guest bathroom and gently set you down on the counter before locking the door, “what the fuck was that for? If you want to talk, you could have just waited a second. But no, you had to be all dramatic about it,” you said, rolling your eyes. 

“Are you done?” Joel asked, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door.  

“I mean, yeah. Are you?” 

“Yeah, but I’m tired of us ignoring each other and I miss you, so we need to figure stuff out.”

“Awe, you miss me? That’s cute,” you smiled. 

“y/n/n, I swear, now is not the time for that one.”

“Ok, sorry. I’ll be serious now,” you said, crossing your arms to mock him. 

“I just want to know what happened at the lake?” 

“Oh, we’re going straight to the point, alright,” you sighed, “look, what I said at the lake wasn’t true. I got this idea in my head that if you were in my life, you were a distraction from what I wanted.”

“How’d that work out for you?” he said, smirking. 

“Oh, no, see that’s what we’re not going to do. No need for the attitude. Anyways, I had this idea that if anything happened between us, that I would mess it up and it would mess everything in my life up. So, pushing you away was the safest option.”

Joel took a moment to gather his thoughts before pushing himself off the door and made his way closer to you, ending up standing between your legs with his hands on either side of you, “look, I’m saying this and I mean it. I understand where you’re coming from with the fear of distractions thing, but I want you to know that I would never intentionally keep you from your goals and dreams. I’m just extra support, you know.”

“Yeah, I realized that after you ran from the lake house. We could have had this figured out by now, if you had stayed,” you said, sarcastically. Rolling your eyes for added dramatic effect. 

“Oh, shut up. You have no place to talk, babe,” he said, smiling when he heard you giggle, “what was that for?”

“I kinda missed you calling me babe, I guess. Kinda crazy, dude.”

“Awe, so you did miss me?”

“I never said I didn’t,” you said, quietly reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck. You saw the way that his eyes went from your eyes to your lips, “I also missed this,” and with that you pulled him closer until your lips met in a long awaited kiss. 

As the two of you broke away, your foreheads were still together, “hey, Bee?”

“Yeah?”

“You know who else I missed? Your mom,” you laughed. 

“Way to ruin the moment, babe,” he smiled, “That was funny though, so I respect it.”

“Dude, I’m so funny sometimes.”

“Looks aren’t everything, babe,” he said, laughing at the gasp you responded with. 

“Oh, that was rude. I’ll get you back one day though,” you watched as he went to leave the bathroom, “hey, Bee. I’m not supposed to walk without crutches, hate to break it to you.”

Rolling his eyes, he made his way back to you, turning around right in front of you, “here.” You leaned a little bit forward, wrapping your arms around his neck once again as he readjusted his grip on the back of your legs, so he could give you a piggyback ride on the way back outside. 

“You know, they didn’t tell me there was a party,” you spoke as he made his way back towards the door. 

“Oh, they said it was teammates only and then I saw your car,” he replied, pausing a moment as the two of you realized what had happened at the same time, “so, this was-”

“Yep.” 

“And Hartsy saying he was going to ask you out was part of it?”

“Hartsy said he was going to do that,” you started cackling. “Wait, were you jealous of him?” you asked laughing even harder. 

“It’s not funny.”

“Oh, yeah. I know, it’s hilarious.” 

“I will drop you right now,” he said, as he opened the door for outside, “and you’ll stuck right here, Ms. ‘I can’t walk down stairs right now’.”

“That’s a low blow,” you said, as the two of you made your way back to the table you were at. 

“Oops, sorry, babe,” he set you down close to your chair, but sat down before you could.

“Oh, so now you steal my chair, too?”

“Oh, shut up, you’re fine,” he said, pulling you to sit in his lap, “there you go.”

“So, I see the two of you made up?” Nolan asked, pointing at the two of you. 

“We also made out, in case you were wondering,” Joel replied, earning an elbow to the stomach, “ow, that hurt.”

“Sucks to suck, babe,” you replied, causing the smile on his face to grow even more. 

When Kevin and Ryanne watched the two of you walk back outside, they were happy to see that the plan worked. Ryanne simply laughed and shook her head as she heard the exchange between the two of you, “they are so in love and I don’t even think they realize it.”

“Ryanne, that is a big word, that I’m not prepared for. So, please, let’s not do that today,” Kevin replied, earning a laugh from Ryanne, “they’re happy though, that’s all that matters to me.”

[tony-is-my-daddy]

Hi guys! So this is my 1000th post on this blog. I cannot express how thankful I am to all of you who have followed me and still read and see and like all of my stupid posts. I see all of your likes and reblogs and tags and comments, it fills my heart with such great happiness, you all are awesome! I'm so glad I get to be in this amazing fandom, it kinda feels like a second family at this point.

Anyway, tumblr freaked out when I wanted to post the whole thing in one, so I will separate it into two parts. Enjoy part one.

Dream a little dream of me

Peter loved his job more than anything. Being a kindergarten teacher was great, he loved being around kids and he knew the feeling was mutual, most of his kids said he was their favorite teacher. He had so many of their drawings and crafts, he kept them in a special folder in his desk at home. It warmed his heart and made a huge smile stretch over his face when he saw another drawing made for him. He loved all of his students equally. Okay, that's what he told everyone, because he wasn't supposed to say the truth. He couldn't tell people he had a favorite, that was rude and Peter wasn't gonna disappoint his kids. But truth be told, the little girl with the chestnut hair and the sparkly brown eyes and pretty smile was his favorite one of them all.

Morgan Stark, the daughter of a single mother, famous CEO's of Stark Industries and ex-lovers, Pepper Potts and Tony Stark. Morgan had only been Peter's student for a month and she already managed to get into Peter's heart with her charm and her smile. During those first four weeks of the school year, he hadn't had a chance to meet the girl's father. Obviously, he knew who it was. Everyone did. But Peter was so excited to see the man because honestly, Tony Stark had been his biggest celebrity crush for as long as he could remember. The thirty-five years old genius was not just smart and rich, he was also very handsome.

So it was understandable if he forgot how to breathe for a second when he was just reading something while the kids played around, waiting for their parents, and Morgan suddenly yelled out in that angeling voice of hers, "Daddy!"

Peter's head snapped up. He looked at the man at the door as he leaned down and picked up the small girl, kissing her forehead before he sat her on his hip. Peter's jaw dropped and he just stared. Tony was... wow. He was so hot, even more so up close than he did in all those pictures and interviews Peter had seen him in.

"Daddy, look, there's Mr. Parker. He's the nicest teacher ever!" Peter had no idea how to react. He moved to stand up, but then sat back down again, thinking it would be too much. But when the older man approaced him, he stood up anyway.

"So you're the teacher this little one has been telling me about lately. Hello, I'm Tony Stark," the man said with a smile - wow, so that's where Morgan got her smile from - and reached out a hand for Peter. It took a moment for him to process what was going on, but then he shook Tony's hand with an awkward laugh.

"I know, sir. I'm Peter. Parker."

Tony smiled and let the handshake last for a second or two longer than a normal handshake would, but Peter didn't mind.

"Go collect your stuff, babygirl," Tony said and set Morgan down to run back to her classmates and collect her backpack. Then, his attention turned back to Peter, he was now smirking. "Well, Mr. Parker, my daughter seems to love you very much."

"Oh yes, I love her too, you know. She's such a sweet little girl. She became my favorite student recently." He added that last thing quietly so that the rest of the class didn't hear it.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, of course! She's very nice and smart, she probably got that from her dad."

Peter only realized what slipped from his mouth when he saw Tony's lips stretch into a grin. "You think I'm smart, Mr. Parker?"

"Obviously, you're a literal genius, sir. The smartest person of our generation."

"That's very flattering, Mr. Parker. Thank you."

"Please, call me Peter, sir."

"Then you should call me Tony."

Was this flirting? No, there was no way. Right? Tony Stark could've got anyone, lingerie models would hang off his shoulders if he just asked them to do so, so many people wanted to get him and out of them all, why oh why would he choose Peter Parker?

"O-okay. Tony," Peter said, his voice a bit shaky, unsure. Just then, Morgan appeared next to her father, clutching the straps of her Iron Man backpack with her little hands.

"Can we go now," she asked.

"Of course munchkin. Give daddy that backpack, there you go. Say goodbye to Mr. Parker."

"Bye Mr. Parker," she waved as they walked towards the door hand in hand.

"Bye Morgan," he waved as well with a smile. That little girl was so adorable.

The next day, Peter was not expecting Tony again to come collect Morgan, but it looked like neither did Morgan.

They were outside on the playground when Tony walked through the gates and Morgan frowned at her from the sandbox. "Daddy? Why are you here? Where's mommy?"

"Mommy's busy, Morguna. But I'm here, aren't you happy?"

"I am!"

Tony laughed, oh, what a sound. "Alright then, little bug, go get your backpack."

"Yes daddy!"

She was up soon, running through the playground to go back in the building, both Tony and Peter yelling after her to slow down. They looked at each other and laughed.

"We meet again," Tony said, taking a few steps closer towards Peter.

"Looks like it," he said, still smiling.

"How was she today?"

"Oh amazing, just like always. There was a little misunderstanding when Lori over there tried to take one of her toys, but we worked that out eventually."

"Great to hear that," Tony said. He took another step forward. They were now a bit closer than Peter should've been with one of his students' father. "I've wanted to ask, by the way, how old are you, Peter?"

It caught him off-guard a little, usually his kids' parents didn't ask how old he was. They asked about how their children behaved, obviously, but never about Peter. Why would he care about Peter?

"Oh I'm twenty-five, sir. Tony, sorry. Um... why are you asking?"

"I was just curious." Another step forward. Peter's heart was now starting to beat a little faster. "Are you, by any chance, interested in men? Because... I'd like to grab a coffee with you sometime, of course, only if you'd like that."

Well, if the age question caught him off-guard then imagine Peter after that. His eyes widened and he crossed his arms so he could pinch the skin on his upper arm unnoticeably, just to see if he was really not dreaming. But no, Tony Stark still stood in front of him, expecting an answer from him.

Peter swallowed, suddenly noticing how dry his mouth was, before he cleared his throat to speak up. "Like- like on a date?"

"Yes, pretty much. I don't really know if there's a rule against that but... I'd like to take you out sometime. If you want to, that is."

"Well, yeah, yes, sure," he said after a little hesitation. What the hell was he hestitating for? This was Tony fucking Stark himself! "When?"

"Well, here's my number," the billionaire said as he fished his phone out from his pocket, and so did Peter. His hand was shaking a little from how excited he was, which he hoped Tony didn't see. They looked at each other, Tony smirking a little when he asked if he can say it. Peter nodded and the older man told him his number and Peter wrote it in his contact list, naming him Tony Stark with all caps because how crazy was that?!

"Daddy, look, I drew something for mommy!" Morgan's voice startled them again and Peter put his phone away quickly.

"Very beautiful baby, she'll love it."

"I didn't draw anything for you," she said with a little pout.

"That's okay, my love, you'll draw something tomorrow," Tony said with a fond smile as he took ahold of Morgan's little hand.

"But mommy said he'd come for me tomorrow."

"Oh honey, I think mommy will be busy tomorrow as well." Tony glanced at Peter and winked before they turned around and walked through the gates, getting into a black car right outside. As they drove off, Peter's finger started to itch for his phone right away.

He didn't see Tony for a few days after that, even though he said he'd come for Morgan the day he gave him his number. Peter started to worry, thinking it was his fault, that he scared him off. It's been four days, including the weekend, and the older man didn't even try to call him.

Fuck, he didn't even get Peter's number! What if he was waiting for a text? Oh God, Peter was so dumb!

He then and there stopped planning tomorrow's classes and he grabbed his phone, opening the chat with Tony. His thumb danced over the screen for a few minutes, trying to decide what to write, trying to think of something nice and sweet, maybe a bit cheeky to make Tony smile. He wrote and deleted. Wrote and then deleted. Until he decided to just stick with the essentials, and he wrote a //very original// text.

Peter: Hi, it's Peter.

Peter: Parker.

He waited for a few minutes, anxiously staring at his screen for a while before he put it down and decided to make himself a tea to distract himself. He walked into his kitchen, filling the kettle with hot water and putting it on the stove to boil. And while his hands were occupied, his mind could do nothing but wander back to that man. He thought back to that day when he asked him out, when he stepped closer and closer to Peter, close enough to touch but he never did. He was too scared he'd come off as weird or eager if he touched him. After all, what kind of teacher touches his students' parents a day after meeting for the first time?

The water boiled soon and Peter poured some in his huge, colorful mug, placing the tea filter in it, a teaspoon of sugar and then he was back in his living room, grabbing his phone from his desk before he sat down on the couch. He checked if he got any messages. And in that very minute, his phone buzzed, making Peter jump and his phone almost fell out of his hand.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Tony: Well hello Peter, you almost made me think you changed your mind about that date

Peter: No, of course not! I'd still very much like to go out with you

Oh wow, that seemed eager as hell. It dawned on Peter that maybe he should've waited at least a couple minutes before texting back, he now probably seemed so pathetic, like he waited for ten minutes staring at his phone and waiting for Tony to write back. He didn't have too much time to worry about that, because another text from Tony came through.

Tony: That's very good to hear, darling. So when are you free?

It was just as quick as Peter's response. Maybe Tony didn't care about how fast Peter texted back to him, maybe he just wanted to talk...

Peter: I'm free this weekend, Saturday if that's ok with you

Tony: That would be good for me too. Around 9 maybe?

Peter: Sounds perfect

Perfect? Why did he say perfect? "That's good," "that'll be nice," "okay," something simpler like that didn't go through your mind, Parker?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Tony: Then I'll see you in four days, Peter x

Peter: See you x

They really did that. They really just sent each other x's. Peter squealed a little as he put his phone down, jumping on his seat in excitement. He took a sip of the hot tea that's been resting on his coffee table since he made it, and turned on the TV. A silly romcom was playing, The ugly truth. Peter had seen it before, he liked it, mostly because he found Gerard Butler hot. What? He had a thing for older men.

So he settled down on the comfy couch, a blanket over him and the hot tea warming his icy fingertips as he watched the movie. And while he did, he still thought about Tony, and mentally, he was choosing an outfit for the occasion.

Two days later, on a rainy Wednesday when all of the kids were in the room, playing by themselves during the afternoon, Morgan walked up to Peter as he was talking to another student. She pulled him away and then showed him a drawing of hers.

"Wow, Morgan, that's so pretty! Who are these people," he asked, pointing at the stick figures on the paper.

"That's mommy, that's me, and that's you and daddy."

Peter's eyes widened. "Why me and daddy?"

"Because," she started fiddling with her hands dancing from side to side, "I told daddy I like you very much and he said he likes you too and he said he will take you on a date but I can't tell anyone but I wanted to tell you so please don't tell daddy I told you but he wants to take you on a date."

Peter chuckled, ruffling her brown hair. She looked so much like Tony. "It's okay, little one, I'm sure daddy won't be mad you told me. But don't tell anyone else if he doesn't want you to, okay?"

"Otay!"

"Will you go back to playing now?"

"Yes but I want you to have the drawing."

"I'll keep the drawing," he said with a warm smile and Morgan giggled happily before skipping away, back to her friends. Peter looked at the drawing for quite a while as he walked back to his desk, sitting on top of it. It was like any drawing done by a small child, but this was... somehow different. His kids often drew him and then gave the drawing to him, but this wasn't like that. Morgan drew her father, her mother, herself and Peter. She drew her family... and Peter.

"Hey," he heard a voice next to him and he looked up from the drawing in his hand. It was Tony. "I came for Morgan."

He came in so quietly, not even Morgan was aware that her dad walked into the room. She was playing along with her friends, her back turned to Tony and Peter.

"Hi," Peter greeted when he looked back at Tony.

"What are you looking at?"

"It's a- uh... Morgan drew this for me today." He put the drawing down on the desk facing downwards so that Tony didn't see it. "So you're taking dad duty today?"

"Sort of. Can I see the drawing?"

"Sort of? So you're just picking her up and then dropping her at her mom's house?"

"No, I'm taking her for dinner as well, but full dad duty is when she sleeps at mine. So the drawing-"

"How often does she sleep at yours?"

"Every second week, except for when I have busieness trips."

"I didn't see you last month at all, though."

"No, we left out a month, I had lots of things to do. I've missed her so much."

"I bet you did. I'd miss her too if I didn't get to see her for a month."

"So... can I see the drawing," he asked again.

"Morgan, look who it is!"

"Daddyyy!"

Tony tried to look at Peter angrily, but a smile spread over his face. "Cheeky," he said before turning around and crouching down in front of his daughter. "What's up Morguna? Are you ready for a fun afternoon?"

"Yeees!"

"Grab your jacket and your backpack and we can go." As Morgan ran away, he straightened up again and looked at Peter. "And you... I'll pick you up at 8:30 on Saturday, send me your address."

"Gladly," Peter chuckled.

After the Starks left, Peter turned the drawing up again and stared at it for a couple more minutes until another parent arrived to pick up their kid. He had no idea how to feel about being a part of their family just yet... but he very much liked the idea of Tony Stark.

A few days later, Peter was up at 7am, trying to choose between three outfits for his date that morning. The night before, he went through two facemasks, a hairwash and shaving as well (no, he wasn't about to get to business on the first date, but better be safe than sorry), so for the morning, all he had to do was get dressed and do his hair.

He may or may not had a little breakdown while trying to decide which outfit he wanted to wear, but that's normal, and at the end, he chose a V-neck burgundi shirt with jeans and a jacket. He styled his hair perfectly (thank the hair gods for that, he had never managed to do that before), and panicked when his doorbell buzzed.

"Parker, who is this?"

"Tony."

"You said you'd text before you left and called when you got here!"

"Wanted to surprise you."

"Oh my God, be glad I'm ready anyways, otherwise you'd be in trouble."

Tony laughed. "Alright, Cinderella, come down and show me yourself."

Peter smiled and grabbed his keys and wallet from the kitchen counter before heading out.

"Wow," Tony mumbled when they finally met in front of the building. "Didn't think you could look better."

Peter blushed. "Thank you." The man in front of him was wearing a button up and black jeans, a jacket casually thrown over his shoulders. He looked so effortlessly good, the kind that would get up from bed and just look sexy as ever. "You look great, too."

"Why thank you, angel. Shall we go?"

"Oh yes, of course! Where are we going?"

"I wanted to take you somewhere further away but I saw a very cute café not far away, we could walk there," Tony said as he took ahold of Peter's hand and wrapped it around his arm to lead him. Wow, no one has ever done that to Peter before.

"That's my favorite place!"

"I assumed," Tony commented with a triumphant smirk.

"Since when do you teach kindergarteners?"

"I started about three years ago, I graduated early."

"And why this career?"

Peter chuckled. He often got that question. "I think it's one of the most important jobs, to raise the next generation well. If you don't do it right then humanity will just get more and more screwed up."

"Fair point."

Peter then turned the question around. "And why guns?"

Tony sighed. "It was my dad's legacy. He wanted me to carry on with it, so I did, and I didn't see anything wrong with it until..."

He knew Tony was talking about the time he got kidnapped by the Ten Rings and became Iron Man. That was when Peter really started looking up to the man, he thought it was a very heroic move and he wasn't sure if he'd have had the balls to give up his job to be a superhero and fight people.

"I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"No, it's okay, I just don't talk about this on the first date," he dodged with a joke. Peter laughed and happily changed the subject before it got too much for Tony.

After the short walk, they entered the café and ordered two coffees and pastries for each of them. As they had their breakfasts (at least that's what it was for Peter), they talked about movies, and turns out they were both huge fans of retro sci-fis and action movies. Peter also mentioned that he liked romcoms and after a while, Tony admitted that he "kinda likes them" as well. It was sweet to see this man, a billionaire genius superhero, open up and show Peter his soft side.

But the softest side of Tony came through when Peter asked about Morgan.

"Me and my back then secretary, Pepper had this crazy night. We were both drunk and somehow she just got pregnant. At first we really panicked, but now, we wouldn't have in otherwise. This little sunshine is really the highlight of our lives, she's so chatty and so cute. And I hate watching Disney movies every single night when she's over, but that would be the smallest sacrifice if it meant I could have her over all the time." He showed Peter hundreds of images of her on his phone and Peter's heart melted more and more from every picture. The drawing that the little girl gave him on Wednesday popped into his mind again and now he saw it from a slightly different perspective...

They didn't even notice how quick the time went as they talked, it was like they'd only just met up in front of Peter's building, but when he caught a glimpse of Tony's Rolex, he saw that they've been there for over two hours. He mentioned it to Tony, who laughed and offered Peter a walk home, which he gladly accepted. The older man didn't let him pay the bill either, even though Peter said multiple times that he doesn't expect Tony to buy everything for him. He just insisted.

"I had a lot of fun today, Peter," Tony said as they were heading back to Peter's apartment, this time with not only their arms wrapped around the other's, but holding hands. It felt so natural to hold the man's hand, it made Peter feel somehow... safe.

"So did I. Maybe we could do it again sometime?"

"Oh yeah, I'd like that a lot. Maybe a proper dinner next time?"

Peter raised an eyebrow. "Will you let me pay for at least half of the bill?"

"You're going out with a billionaire and you seriously want to pay the bill?"

"Yes! I'm not going out with you for your money, Tony. I want you to know that. So next time, you'll let me pay."

"If that's what you really want then okay."

When they got back to Peter's apartment, Tony took the younger man's chin between his fingers and tilted it to the side so he could kiss his cheek. Peter blushed deeply and smiled awkwardly. "Thank you so much for today, Peter. I'll see you later."

"Thank you as well. See you."

He watched Tony get in his car before he opened the door, getting in as he heard the engine start. He waved through the window at Tony as he drove away before twirling around twice. Something so unlike life just happened to him and if he was dreaming, he'd give everything for it to never end.

@staticwhispersinthedark wanted to be tagged so here you go!

[modern-fae-female]

Words of Enchantment

Hello! So this is a Lucien x OC story, since I am practically in love with him. Any other stories I have written are discontinued as I do not like them and didn’t have time to finish them. Now that I am on summer I hope to finish this one! Eleanor dearly loved her grandfather, so when she opened up her shop, she made sure it had all of the little things he loved. The little bits of his soul. Books for his love of reading, a small bakery that had his favorite treats, maps hung up to show his yearn for travel, pins from his collection, and crystals from the stories he told Eleanor growing up about their healing powers. Eleanor was much like her grandfather, in the sense that she loved these things as well, but none as much as her grandfather himself.

 When he was killed due to a rade from Amarantha’s soldiers, Eleanor was heartbroken. They lived more on the outskirts of the city, where they believed would be safer during her reign. Sadly her army still traveled and raided their town, causing many deaths including her grandfather. Eleanor was heartbroken, moved through life as a ghost for months, and didn't know how to live without him. Finally when Amarantha’s reign was over, and the Day Court was being restored back to its glory, Eleanor decided to open her  shop in honor of him. People who went there often didn’t know it was based on her grandfather, but she didn’t need them to. She knew and that was enough.

  Eleanor often prided herself on knowing exactly what her customers needed. Whether it was a type of book, a pastry to lift up their mood, a map to help them travel, a pin as a present to someone, or a crystal to help them heal. Eleanor seemed to know exactly what they needed, that was until a man with fiery red hair walked into her store.  Eleanor’s shop, Words of Enchantment, was never very busy, much to her content. She preferred to have her peace and calm and not deal with chaos. That was why she loved to live out here with her grandfather. 

The town was fairly small, most people knew one another and would keep to themselves, that was except her best friend Winnie. Winnie had a talent for getting into other people's business and reporting it all back to Eleanor. That’s why she wasn’t surprised when Winnie was the first to tell her about High Lord Helion naming Lucien Vanserra his heir to the throne. Eleanor was surprised to hear that the son of Autumn was actually Helion’s son and would be training there at the Day Court to one day take over the throne. To Eleanor, Helion seemed like a great leader to them, and she could only believe that Lucien would too. Nothing changed in their town after the announcement. Fae continued to live their lives, coming in and shopping at Worlds of Enchantment.

 “Eleanor, Eleanor, you will never believe what I just found out!” Winnie came yelling into Eleanor’s apartment above the shop. This was a common occurrence for her to break in to tell her news. 

“Yes Winnie, what is happening in the world now.”

 “Lord Lucien and some members of the Day Court are traveling around the outskirts of the court and are going to stop by our town!” This perked up Eleanor’s attention. Since they never had trouble and were far away from the main cities, people from the court never came here. Why were they now?

“Really, what for?”

“Apparently Lord Lucien wanted to ensure towns like ours on the outskirts were doing ok after Amarantha’s reign and is making a point to stop into towns like ours and check in.” 

“He is probably trying to get good with us so we will like him when he is named High Lord.”

 “Do you always have to think so logically? Yes he probably is, but still. We never get Lords here. Can you imagine how handsome he is. I mean coming from the Autumn and Day court, wow.” Eleanor chuckled at this, Winnie often liked to be the romance in everything. Eleanor preferred to read it in her books. 

“Well, when will they be arriving?”

“I don’t know the exact day, but I believe it will be sometime next week. Oh, we have so much to prepare to make the town look good. We need to look good as well. We need to spiffy up the shops, buy new outfits, maybe try a new hairstyle, and-”

“Winnie, why do we need to look good. Yes I will touch up the shop and talk to my neighbors about doing the same, but why do we need a touch up?”

“I honestly don’t know how I can be friends with you sometimes. Eleanor, these are some of the highest ranking fae in the court, we need to look good for them. Who knows, maybe you will turn the eye of one.”

“Ha, you honestly think I could do that. Have you seen me? I’m barely 5’3”, my crazy frizzy hair, I am nowhere near as skinny as you are thanks to my many stomach rolls and big thighs. So you can go spiffy up, but I will stick in here with my pants and sweaters. Thank you very much.”Winnie signed at her best friend, judging herself as she so often did.

 “You are still beautiful Eleanor. Come on, if you at least come with me pick out one dress for yourself, help me with some outfits, I will buy you a new sweater and you can pick the place for dinner on Friday.” Eleanor did want a new sweater and wanted to go anywhere but a bar on Friday

. “Ugh, fine. One dress.”

“Yay,” Winnie ran over to hug her best friend, “I love you!” 

“Love you to Winn, but I have to finish getting ready so I can open the shop.”

“Ok, bye!” Winnie ran out, probably to tell anyone and everyone about the visitors.

 Growing up Eleanor would wear pants and sweaters, much like her grandfather. She especially did now, since he wasn’t here to joke about how they matched. The rest of the week went mostly as usual. Eleanor did get some paint and touched up the shop, as did most store owners. There was a slight buzz in the air in anticipation for the Lords. Winnie did pick out a dress for Eleanor that wasn’t horrible and bought 3 more for herself. Eleanor was just happy to have a new sweater and have soup for dinner that night. 

As the days blurred into the next week, the Fae in their town grew more and more anxious for their arrival. Finally on Tuesday afternoon, Winnie came running into the store to tell her of their arrival. 

“Eleanor!!!! They're here! Come on, come on, let's go see them!” Before Eleanor had time to argue Winnie grabbed her hand and was dragging her out of the store and through the streets. 

 Soon they reached a crowd of people around a carriage and some horses which Eleanor could only assume it was the Lords. 

 “There is the third in command of the court, and there is the head cartographer, and there is..” Winnie went on to point out several more high ranking Fae, but they didn’t see Lord Lucien anywhere.  “Hmm, I wonder where Lord Lucien is. Maybe they put him in a more secure location in town,” Winnie said as practically reading her mind. 

“Hello everyone. As you know we are traveling to see what towns need help as we are now free from Amarantha’s reign. We will be here for 3 days, going around and seeing if anyone needs help. Please do not let us disturb your routine. Thank you for your hospitality,” said a man who Eleanor remembered Winnie saying was third in command. People cheered at the end of his words. 

Since their town was not hit hard Eleanor hardly expected people to really need anything from them, she certainly didn’t. As Winnie and a few others went up to them to ask God knows what, Eleanor made her way back to her shop, getting away from the crowd. Soon she reached her store, and made her way back in and over to the register, though the doubted anyone would come in today.

 “Hello.” Eleanor jumped at the sound of a male voice coming from one of the aisles. She quickly turned to find a tall male there. He had fiery red hair, likely from the autumn court. That could only mean one thing. Heir to the throne, Lord Lucien Vanserra was here, in her store. Oh fuck.

 “Oh, Lord Lucien, hello.” Eleanor started to make her way down to bow but was quickly stopped. 

“Oh please you do not need to bow, and it’s just Lucien.” Eleanor nodded, not quite knowing what to say or do. She was rather shy in general, and had one of the most important people in the court in her store who, much to her demise, was well gorgeous. Damn Winnie for being right. 

“Is this your store?” Eleanor was pulled out of her thoughts at the sound of his voice, which was just as beautiful as him. Damn Winnie.

 “Uh, yes. I own it and run it,” said Eleanor, trying to muster up a bit of confidence in her. 

“Well it's a beautiful store, has a little bit of everything. Can I look around some more?” He is asking her to look around some more? He was the lord!

“Of course, look around as long as you want,” He nodded and went back down the aisle to the back of the store. Eleanor made her way to the register and tried to calm herself down. She made her way over the pins and crystals and started to reorganize them, hoping it would take her mind off of the male in the store. 

“I think I would like to purchase these books and a pastry if I may.” He just has to be such a nice gentleman?!

“Of course,” Eleanor grabbed the books as he handed them to her,”Which pastry would you like?” 

“Which one is your favorite?” 

“Oh uh, I really like the raspberry and chocolate tart, but you can get whatever you want.”

 “Well then I will take one raspberry and chocolate tart.” Eleanor nodded and got it out for him along with wrapping up his books. 

“Here,” Lucien said while handing her money. Way too much money.

 “Oh, this is too much. Here,” she said, giving him back his change.

 “No please, keep it. Thank you for your pastry advice,” and he started to make his way out of the store, but not before taking a bite of it. “Wow, this is delicious. Thank you again,” and he left the store. 

As he was leaving Eleanor could see Winnie making her way back to the store and Lucien leaving. He gave her a smile and made his way back into town. 

“Was that Lord Lucien leaving the store!!?” Winnie practically yelled as they got inside. 

“Yes it was, and he liked my pastry,” Eleanor replied, not believing she just said that. 

[kerikaaria]

If I Never Met You: Chapter 20

(??? X Reader) Idol!AU, Manager!Reader

DISCLAIMER: Since this fic is very similar to real life BTS I think I should probably say this. While the member in this chapter has admitted to struggling with eating disorders during his time as a celebrity, I DO NOT claim to understand what goes on in his head or how he personally feels, nor do I intend to make light of the situation. I hope the way I wrote this chapter makes it obvious that I treat these issues very seriously. 

Genre: (PG13) fluff, angst

WC: 4.6k

Warnings: Mentions and discussions of eating disorders and body dysmorphia. I did my best to turn it positive, but if these things bother you it may be better to skip this chapter.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21

A/N - If you are having a difficult time, whether it be about the issues discussed in this chapter or other emotional distress and you are finding it difficult to cope with on your own, please don't be afraid to seek help. Either through friends/family or professional help - it is not shameful. Mental health is just as important as physical health, so please everyone take care of yourselves.

I stood in the hallway outside of the dance studio with Sejin and a few other staff, including one who was holding a camera. The boys were practicing, but we had a surprise planned for one member in particular. We lit the candles after one of the boys turned off the lights in the room, signaling for us to enter.

We entered the room singing happy birthday and I turned the lights back on to see Jimin smiling and clapping along to everyone’s singing. After he blew out the candles, Sejin handed him the bags full of fried chicken that we bought for all of them to enjoy and take a break from their hard practice. Jimin started to look like he was getting emotional so the others teased him, playfully hitting him and telling him to cry.

“It’s kind of expected that we prepare a secret camera, isn’t it?” Suga said to the Bangtan Bomb camera while Tae hugged Jimin from behind.

“How could I have not realized it was a secret camera?” Jimin asked as the woman holding the cake handed it to Jimin for him to hold. “The cake is pretty!” he said with a smile.

Even though he looked perfect anyway, Jimin got embarrassed in front of the Bangtan Bomb camera because his face was bare. I rolled my eyes when he started covering his face with one hand while balancing the cake with the other while thanking us for the cake and the surprise.

Jin took notice of Jimin hiding behind his hand. “You don’t have confidence in your bare face?” he asked. Meanwhile, Tae was focused on removing the candles from the cake.

“No, I don’t. I’m shy, but really thankful!” he addressed the camera.

As soon as he finished talking, Jungkook took some of the icing with his finger to smear on Jimin’s face. Jin, Hobi, and Tae quickly followed suit, laughing while Jimin deadpanned at everyone for giving him the unwanted facial. Although, Tae was the one doing most of it, nearly covering half of his friend’s face on his own. Even Joon came over and added to the masterpiece.

Soon enough, Jimin got back at Taehyung, swiping a long trail of icing down the side of his face and neck just before all the boys came together for us to take some pictures. Seeing them joke and play around like this was one of my favorite things. Even if the moments didn’t last long, they were much needed and well deserved in between all the practicing and schedules.

The staff filming for the Bangtan Bomb continued to film when they opened up the fried chicken to finally dig in. Everyone except for Jungkook sat on the floor around the food. For some reason, Jungkook thought he needed to lose weight, so he didn’t want to eat the fried food.

After the camera was shut off and the other staff were leaving, Jin asked me and Sejin, “Are you going to eat with us?” Sejin said he had something to do before saying bye and leaving the room.

“No, I don’t think so. We’ll let you guys hang out and relax.” I offered them a smile before turning to walk away. To tell the truth, I wanted to stay – partially because Korean fried chicken was just so good, and also of course because I love to hang out with my boys. But I have honestly been getting worried that I hang around them too much and didn’t want to overstay my welcome.

“Are you busy, noona?” Jimin asked.

“Not really,” I responded. “Why?”

He got up and shuffled over to me, pulling on my arm to bring me back towards them. “Then why not stay? This is for my birthday, and I want you to stay with us,” he said with a pout. “If you want to, of course.”

I smiled. “Of course I would like to, Jimin-ah.”

“Then please?” He said as he gently pushed on my shoulders to urge me to sit and Hoseok moved over to make room for me.

I laughed. “Okay, I guess I’ll hang out for a little bit then.” I sat down next to Hobi while Jimin reclaimed his spot to my left.

“We haven’t gotten to see you that much outside of work the past few weeks,” Namjoon said in between taking bites out of a wing.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, grabbing the piece that Jimin offered me. I smiled at him as a silent thank you. “I’ve either had other stuff to do for work or was trying to spend some time to myself. You know I love you guys, but sometimes I like my alone time.” That wasn’t a complete lie. Even if I did start to prefer spending more time with them rather than being alone, I still needed to have some time just for myself. Who didn’t?

But I definitely wasn’t going to tell them that I was also becoming scared of being too clingy.

“That’s understandable,” Jin said. “But it’s still nice to spend time with you, especially moments like this.”

We continued to chat while finishing up the chicken. Between seven people and how delicious it was, it was done in no time. I noticed that Jimin only grabbed two or three pieces, spending the time to just nibble on them, but I figured he may have just not been particularly hungry so I didn’t think too much about it and set the observation aside.

After we finished, I volunteered to clean everything up and stuck around for just a little bit longer. Right now they were mostly learning and practicing the performance for one of the end of the year awards shows, which would be starting next month. They were up for Best New Artist awards at a few shows, and would be performing at some of them as well. It was a small performance, but we were excited to be able to have the opportunity nonetheless.

I stayed only for a little bit before heading home. While walking home, I suddenly realized that Jimin’s was the first birthday that was celebrated after I had started working at Big Hit and all seven of those wonderful boys walked into my life. I couldn’t believe that it had already been a year since then. Time had just been flying by, it seemed. I guessed that was what happened when you were so busy you practically eat, breathe and sleep your work.

I’d been living in South Korea for more than a year, and it had been that long since I saw my family. I missed them sorely, but I was also very happy with the life I was making for myself here too. I was even paying my own rent now, after swearing up and down to Bang PD that I wouldn’t be scraping by if I did, telling him if he really could afford to keep spending the money that went toward my rent it should go to the boys for some extra pocket money.

It was already pretty late when I heard shuffling footsteps make their way to the apartment across the hall from mine, and I opened my door to offer a greeting to the boys and make sure they were doing okay.

“Hey, noona,” Namjoon said, holding back a yawn.

“Hey,” I responded. “You guys are getting back late. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, we’re fine,” Hoseok responded.

I nodded and was about to retreat back into my house before I realized something. There weren’t seven people standing in the hallway. “Wait. Where’s Jimin?” I asked.

“He said he wanted to practice a little longer,” Tae said, frowning.

“Ah okay,” I responded, nodding slowly. “Well, get some rest guys. You need it.” I smiled before they waved and said good night, entering their home.

I quickly changed out of my pajamas, thinking to grab some leftover food I had in my fridge before putting on a jacket and leaving the apartment. I started walking quickly toward the company building. I normally didn’t like to be out at this time by myself if I could help it, even if these streets were significantly safer than what I was used to, but I felt like I had to check on Jimin.

I carefully approached the room to the dance studio, its light spilling into the dark hallway. I peered through the window, and sure enough Jimin was in there, dancing really hard. I almost never saw him get as exhausted as he looked right now, with beads of sweat sticking to his skin and making his hair wet. I frowned at the sight, worried for my friend.

When Jimin finished his dance, he collapsed on the floor, spreading his legs out and holding his upper body up with his hands on either side of him. He then pulled his legs close to his chest, resting his elbows on his knees and pressed his palms onto his face. I carefully opened the door and slowly walked in.

He didn’t seem to notice my presence when he said, “Gotta keep going. Not good enough yet.”

I waited another moment before deciding to alert him to my existence. “Jimin-ah, you look so tired.”

He quickly turned around in shock, eyeing me closely. “Noona, when did you get here?” he asked, still pretty breathless from his dance workout.

“Just a minute ago,” I said as I walked over and sat in front of him. He lowered his knees into a cross-legged position. “They told me you decided to stay to practice more, and I was worried that you might be hungry. I noticed you didn’t eat much of the chicken earlier.”

He smiled slightly. “I’m fine, noona. No need to worry about me.”

I looked closely at his face, his smile not convincing me. “You looked like you were working yourself way too hard, Jimin. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” He held my gaze and even though I could see there was something there he wouldn’t tell me, I decided not to press any further.

I sighed. “Well, you should at least eat something. I brought some food with me.” I pulled the container out of my bag.

“Okay, I’ll have a little bit,” Jimin said, knowing I was going to be stubborn about this and not let him say no.

“And we should really get back to the dorm afterward too. You looked like you could barely stand up.”

“Okay, okay,” he said as he took the chopsticks I offered him. “Manager-nim knows best.” He lightly chuckled.

“I’m not being your manager right now Jimin,” I said, sliding on the floor to move next to him and resting my head on his shoulder. “I’m being your friend.”

He ate about half of the food I brought with me. Although I was hoping he’d eat the whole thing, I decided to take it as a win. After that, he gathered his things so we could walk home together.

In the hallway outside our apartments, I gave him a hug. “Good night. And don’t forget to take care of yourself. We don’t want our precious Jimin to get hurt.”

He squeezed me a bit tighter, replying “I will. Don’t worry about me.”

Even though I still didn’t spend all my free time with the boys, I started to pay close attention to Jimin whenever I was with them. Something about that day made me feel worried for him. I saw certain mannerisms that were scarily similar to something I was all too familiar with.

I didn’t make a habit of addressing it when I saw something unusual because I didn’t want to push him away, but I started taking mental notes. How he would deny eating food when everyone sat down to eat, or at the very least he’d nibble on a few pieces to make it look like he was eating a full meal when he didn’t. When he’d stay late after practice to either keep going or just exercise, even if he exercised earlier that day too. And his members weren’t blind, I know they saw it too. But approaching someone about these kinds of things wasn’t easy to do.

On a day when the boys got to relax a bit at home, I decided to stop by to chill, having spent a good amount of time by myself recently and was feeling a tad lonely. Jimin was sitting in the living room, browsing through the internet on his phone and I sat next to him. I pulled out my own phone, but glanced at what Jimin was looking at before getting lost in my own device. He didn’t notice me looking as I watched him read comments.

But not just regular comments. Hate comments.

He somehow found a coal mine of comments all about his body and figure. People who were saying that Jimin was only good for his abs. I even saw one or two comments turning the nickname of Mochi some Armys had given him because of his cute cheeks into an insult, saying it meant he was fat. He must have been reading a blog created by antis to find such concentrated hate comments.

I diverted my attention before he realized I was looking at what he was doing. As much as I wanted to tear the phone out of his hands and yell at him for paying attention to people who don’t know what they’re talking about, I thought better of it. These things needed to be handled delicately. No wonder he’d been acting so unhealthy lately.

Then later that same week, we were all at the company. The boys were working on choreography, either for their upcoming performance or for their next comeback and I was in my office, figuring out their schedules for a few weeks from now. I was concentrating on figuring out how to untangle some conflicts when my phone started ringing.

Checking the caller ID, I saw it was Jungkook. That kid rarely used his phone to actually contact people, so it shocked me for a moment. “Hello?” I answered.

“Noona!” I could hear the urgency in his voice. “Jimin hyung’s passed out!”

“What?!” I yelled into the phone, abruptly standing up. “Where are you?”

“In the dance studio,” he responded, his breathing very unsteady. “We were in the middle of the choreography when he just fainted. Noona, what do we do?”

“Is he breathing? Is he hurt anywhere?” I asked.

“Yes he’s breathing, that was the first thing Namjoon hyung checked. And I don’t think he’s hurt. There’s no bleeding or anything like that.”

“Okay, good.” I looked through my purse for the snack bar I always kept just in case I got hungry in between meals before hurrying out of my office. “Don’t worry too much. Just make sure that he’s in a position that should make it easy for him to breath. He’ll probably wake up any minute and he’ll be okay. I’m on my way.”

We hung up the call and less than a minute later I walked through the door to the studio. They all looked up at me, concern in their eyes.

“Shouldn’t we call an ambulance?” Taehyung asked. He looked on the verge of tears.

“As long as he wakes up shortly, there shouldn’t be a need for that,” I said. I was remaining calm on the outside because the last thing any of them needed was for me to be freaking out. While I was pretty sure what had caused this, that didn’t mean it made me any less concerned for him. It was still something that needed to be taken care of.

“What if something’s really wrong, though?” Hoseok asked.

“He’s still been exercising and practicing way longer and not eating as much as he used to right?” I asked, looking at Namjoon who sat right next to Jimin. He slowly nodded in response. “Then I’m sure any of us can guess what happened.”

“What do we do?” Namjoon asked. “We’ve tried telling him to stop overworking himself and to eat more but he won’t listen to us.”

I sighed. “These things aren’t as easy to deal with as just telling someone they’re doing wrong. He can feel how his body is reacting to it, he knows what he’s doing isn’t good. But that’s not going to stop him unless he decides on his own that he really wants to.”

I grabbed a bottle of water and sat down next to Jimin on the floor. Some of my concern relaxed when I saw his chest rising and falling with my own eyes. “When he wakes up, don’t jostle or move him. He’s probably going to feel dizzy and take a moment to readjust to what’s going on around him. So keep calm, too. We don’t want to freak him out.”

“You sound like you know from experience,” Jin commented.

“I do,” was all I said.

Just a moment later, Jimin’s eyes slowly opened.

“Jimin-ah,” Namjoon gently said. “Jimin, can you hear me?”

It took him a second, but Jimin grumbled a response. Then he quickly sat up, probably shocked and trying to remember what happened. I grabbed his arms to keep him steady. “Wait, what happened?” he asked.

“You fainted,” Yoongi almost whispered and Jimin slowly nodded in response.

I took the snack bar out of my jacket pocket and tore the package open before holding it out for Jimin. “Eat this, Jimin,” I said.

He shook his head and went to push it away, but I grabbed his wrist, placed it in his palm, and wrapped his fingers around it.

“I’m not asking, Jimin,” I said sternly. “I’m telling you, you need to eat it. And drink some water, too.”

Both Jimin and Joon looked at me in surprise at my tone, as I was sure the others were as well. Even when we were working and I was really in “manager mode” with them, I made it an effort to not be authoritative or assertive with them. I was sure they didn’t expect me to talk like this to someone who was obviously sick at the moment.

Jimin nodded and took a small bite of the bar, knowing now was not the time to argue with me.

“How are you feeling?” I ask after he took a couple of bites, my voice back to my normal tone.

“I’m feeling okay,” he quietly responded. “I’ll probably be good to get back to practicing in a little bit.”

“No, you’re not practicing anymore today,” I said. “You need to rest.”

“I’m pretty sure I just did,” Jimin chuckled, trying to make light of the situation. I heard a sigh somewhere in the room.

“Do you know how worried we are about you?” Seokjin asked. “You’re not taking care of yourself, and now it’s so bad that your body can’t even handle it.”

“You can’t keep doing this,” Taehyung said, clasping one of Jimin’s hands in his own. “You need to take care of yourself.”

“I am taking care of myself,” Jimin said. “I need to stay in shape, need to stay thin. I weigh too much, and I can’t keep looking like this in front of Army.”

I stood up and turned around, running my hand through my hair. “Those people online who are judging your looks are not Army, Jimin,” I said. “And their opinions are absolutely worthless.”

“It’s not just those comments, noona,” Jimin said. “I see it when I look in the mirror, too.”

I felt tears stinging at my eyes. If that was how he thought, then it was definitely worse than I imagined. “Jimin.” I turned back around and knelt down to look him in the face. “Your weight is considered healthy. Any doctor would tell you that.”

“And doing what you’ve been doing isn’t going to do anything but make you less healthy,” Hobi added.

“You really need to stop, hyung,” Jungkook said. “We’re all so worried about you.”

“But I need to lose weight so my cheeks aren’t chubby anymore,” Jimin said.

“Fans love your cheeks, Jimin,” Tae said. “They call you Mochi because of them, don’t they?”

“I don’t like that nickname,” he quickly responded. “It means I’m fat.”

“You’re not fat because you still have those cheeks,” I said. “First, you’re 18 years old, you’re still growing into your face. And also, you’re perfect the way you are.”

Jimin sighed. I knew this was hard for him. He already trained his mind to think one way, so while he listened and wanted to believe what we were saying he already had his mind made up.

“How can we get you to start taking better care of yourself, Jimin-ah?” Yoongi asked.

“You can’t force him,” I answered for him when he didn’t respond. “It’s up to him and his own willpower to believe our words and take them to heart. But it’s not easy to do. It’s not easy at all.” I took Jimin’s hand that wasn’t still occupied by Tae’s and squeezed it. “It was a bad idea to ask you to show your abs in the debut songs. Maybe if we didn’t tell you to do that, things may not have gotten this bad for you.”

We were all silent for a moment before I decided I needed to tell him. I steeled myself before letting go of Jimin’s hand to pull out my phone. I scrolled through my photo gallery to find what I was looking for, finding the perfect picture and clicking on it before turning my phone around for Jimin to see.

“What is this, noona?” he asked.

“It’s a picture of me,” I said. “From a few years ago.”

The others looked over his shoulder, trying to take a look as well. I saw them trying to hide their shocked reactions as they looked back and forth between the past me and present me.

“I never had high self-esteem, and as I continued to gain weight, it definitely kept getting worse,” I said. “That picture was when I was about the highest I ever weighed. I wanted to be thinner, but finding the motivation to lose weight was incredibly difficult. Negative thoughts feed into more negative thoughts, and when your brain has made a habit of trailing down that thought path it’s painfully hard to make it turn the other way around. To make it switch to the path of wanting to make a positive change instead of just hating yourself.”

Jimin handed my phone back to me, listening intently. “Before doing it properly, I first started trying to make changes in a very destructive way. I lacked motivation in general, especially to exercise and be active. So finding the lack of motivation to eat wasn’t hard to manage. I felt like I was torturing myself. I already had issues with blood sugar so when I would eat almost nothing for days or weeks, I found myself very weak and it started to become less uncommon for me to faint.”

Jungkook sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me as they listened to my story. “That’s why I made you eat once you came to. I had a feeling your blood sugar was low from the lack of nutrition and it was important for you to eat something so your body could stabilize a bit. And that’s why it hurts me so, so much to see you like this, Jimin. I know that our concerns are probably not going to make you change, and you’re definitely not going to be able to suddenly flip a switch and go back to before you felt the way you do now. But we’re all here for you, and we all want you to be better. So please, Jimin, trust us and lean on us, okay? We’ll support you through this until we remind you of how amazing you are.”

I saw tears in Jimin’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m worrying you all. I don’t mean to. I just don’t know what else to do. I feel like I’m doing what I have to, and I don’t know if I can make myself stop.”

“I know,” I said as I placed my hand on his cheek and wiped away a tear.

“So, what can we do?” Jin asked, looking at me.

“Be there for him,” I said, keeping my eyes locked on Jimin’s. “Try to get him to eat at every meal. Try to get him to take it easy when he’s overworking himself. Don’t push too hard, but don’t give up on him. And hopefully, our Jiminie will eventually remember how wonderful and perfect he is.”

“Okay,” Namjoon said. “We’re here for you, Jimin. We always are.” He draped his arm around his younger brother’s shoulders and gave him a light squeeze.

“I love you, my friend,” Tae said, wrapping himself around Jimin in a hug, forcing him to fall to the floor from the force of it.

“Yah, you didn’t need to knock me over,” Jimin said, laughing.

Jungkook left my side to join the other two on the floor. “I’m not missing out on this,” he said as he wrapped himself around both of them to make a little cuddle pile.

I smiled at the touching scene, happy the mood in the room was becoming a little lighter. It hurt me that Jimin was going through this, but he had six wonderful brothers to help him, and that was the important thing. Having a support system, having people who will be the voice of reason for you when you couldn’t, that was one of the best things for someone to have during times like these.

Hobi came to sit next to me. “Thank you, noona,” he said. “But are you okay?”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine,” I said as I lay my head on his shoulder.

“You stopped starving yourself, right?” he asked, and I nodded. “How did you get yourself to stop?”

I hummed while thinking of a response. “I don’t know, I just realized one day that what I was doing was wrong and I had to stop. As far as I could tell, there wasn’t really a magic fix or anything in particular that made me stop. But once I did, I managed to get the motivation to be healthy, not just with food but also with exercise. And now I’m a lot happier with myself. But Jimin’s different. He’s not actually overweight, he is making himself believe he is.”

“Yeah, that’s what worries me,” Hoseok replied. “Thank you for telling us your story, noona. That was brave of you. And I think all of us are seeing what Jimin is going through a little differently now because of it.”

“I have faith that he’ll be able to turn it around. We’ll just have to wait to see when that’ll be.”

The maknaes were now standing, no longer in a pile on the floor. And to everyone’s surprise, Yoongi walked right up to Jimin and pulled him into his arms. He didn’t say anything, but we knew exactly what he was trying to tell him. Jimin wrapped his arms around his hyung’s waist before the rest of them added themselves into the hug one by one and made one big group hug.

I stayed back but Jin, who was the closest one to me after they all piled in, reached out to grab my arm and pull me into the ball of love as well. “What were you doing just standing there, (Y/n)? You need this too.”

I relaxed into the embraces, feeling their warmth. It may end up being a long journey for Jimin, but at least it wouldn’t be a lonely one.

“I love you all,” Jimin said from the middle of the pile. “So much.”

A/N - I feel this is important to say: Jimin disliking the Mochi nickname is actually a true fact. After the “Papa Mochi/Baby Mochi” thing I’m not sure if it’s helped him like the nickname better or not, but I’d rather be safe. As I portrayed here, while it started as endearing, antis picked it up as a way to call him fat and body shame him, so he really doesn't like the nickname :( Please be respectful of our lovely Jimin and not use this name. We have so many other sweet nicknames to call him that he can appreciate!

And, as I said last chapter, think twice before spreading hate or posting hate comments. It's so easy to forget when we're behind our screens that the person on the other side is a real person just like you, and words can hurt much more than you think. Even our lovely, handsome Jimin is insecure about his looks because of thoughtless people telling him he needs to change, and the amount of pain it's caused him over the years isn't acceptable or excusable. Like BTS does, we should be doing our best to spread love and not hate.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21

Tags: @calling-dips-on-j-hope​ @misohime​ @netflix-batman-sleep​ @smallbaby-cat​ @leitholdwithlove​ @ramyagovindraj​ @leesalts​ @rjsmochii​

Send me a message or ask if you want tagged! And also feel free to leave comments or send asks to just talk to me!

[howtodisassembleyourdeviant]

Quarantine Pt.1

I did it! I posted it "today" (at least in my timezone)! Unfortunately, I don't know how to SHUT THE F*** UP, so this will need to be two parts. I'm sorry about that, but I hope you still enjoy!

Warm. He felt too warm, kicking off the blankets, panting as he tried to cool down. A function he rarely uses activates, water coating his skin, sweating. The heat was the least of his problems. Every joint, synthetic muscle, even every wire that compiled his nervous system hurt. A throbbing pain that won't leave him alone. 

He was a fool.

Connor should have stayed home. Fowler had even offered him paid leave until a firewall or antivirus was created, but he was an advanced android. He had far more advanced security measures than the average android. Only Nines could match it. So many androids are under a Stay-At-Home order, but both RKs are considered essential workers, and they were happy to continue to keep the peace. He was so sure he couldn't be infected.

Two rookies had gone to break up a public meeting of androids at a park. They ended up arresting one on assault of an officer. What the rookies failed to do was announce that they had an android in custody. The virus spreads by forcing wireless connection, passing it when an infected android comes within 10ft of another android. For this reason, any androids brought into custody needed to be announced so any android personnel could vacate to the area.

 Connor, both unfortunate and fortunate, was the only android in the bullpen when they walked by. A flash of code, followed by a buzzing sensation was his only warning, which was more warning than any other android received. When the rookies locked the android in a quarantine cell downstairs, Connor reprimanded the two officers, writing them up and sending the information for Capt. Fowler to review, along with a note that he needed to enter quarantine himself, as a precaution. He still believed that he would be fine. His programming will destroy it.

Fowler agreed, allowing him to go home once he was tested positive by the technician on duty, aka you. He immediately headed to the android repair ward, which you deemed a "glorified nurse's office". Before he entered, he informed you he was on his way, receiving the go-ahead that no other androids were there.

"Oh my god, Connor! Not you too!" You exclaimed. You were moving frantically, your hair out of place. With three of the five technicians working in the precinct being androids, you have been kept exceedingly busy, sleeping in shifts with the other technician, Cleon, on the small couch in your office. You've been pressing the department to hire more help, but they are slow-moving with your requests. 

He watched as you sent a report, grabbed a device, answered a call, jotted down an address, before moving back to him.

"Open up, " you requested, and he revealed the port on the nape of his neck. You hastily shoved the wire from the appliance in your hand into his port, making him wince. You didn't notice as you shoved the device in his hands and went about re-filling an emergency repair bag, adding cold compresses and thirium you had stored in a freezer. After a few minutes, the device beeped twice and you yanked the cord out of his neck. He grunted, rubbing at his poor, abused port. You looked at the screen and finally froze. You read over the data several times, hoping you were reading it wrong.

"Shit... Dammit! Fuck!" You cursed. Connor surmised that it was not good, but you have yet to address him. Instead, you took the note and the bag, going into your office and tossing the bag on Cleon's stomach, making him jump. "Take care of this, please, " you call to him before grabbing a stack of papers from your desk and leaving the office and the repair ward completely.

 Connor got up and went to the door, watching you march into Fowler's office. Cleon squeezed past him, still very much asleep and probably cursing the fact that he is low man on the totem pole. In Fowler's office, things were getting heated based on your body language, but he couldn't see your lips to determine what you were saying. Eventually, you dropped the stack of papers on his desk, jabbing at them before storming out.

"Come on, Connor, you're coming with me, " you demanded, giving him no choice but to follow you out. You were kind of freaking him out. He already knew he was positive, but his systems will take care of it. You have yet to say anything about it though, going to the car and pulling out your phone. You switched it to auto-drive as Connor sat in the passenger seat. He preferred to drive, enjoying the simple tasks. Why can't he drive while you make your phone calls?

"Hey, Hank, " you called Hank? That makes sense. He was out to lunch when the incident happened, "Connor tested positive." He could hear the lieutenant cursing and shouting into the phone.

"I don't fucking know! I'm taking him home now and we'll be out for the next two weeks, " two weeks? He can't be out that long! Especially during a crisis! You must know he isn't the average android! He'll be fine by tomorrow!

 "Yes, I already talked to Fowler... I gave him a stack of applications! I warned him that if Connor or Nines got it, I'd need to be their primary, so he can fuck off!" When did you do that? "Yeah, I'll talk to him next... No, it doesn't work like that. Alright, bye." Connor thought you were done and he'd get some answers, but instead, you called someone else.

"Hey, I just wanted to let you know, Connor tested positive, " heat settled in his cheeks. Were you telling everyone? "No, you are going to stay away.... Don't give me that bullshit! It works faster on advanced firewalls! That's why we haven't been able to stop it yet!" What? That's it. Connor wanted answers and he wanted them now. He grabbed your phone, briefly seeing the image of his stoic brother holding Gavin in a headlock before he hung up and tossed the phone in the backseat. You only stared at him, dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about?" He bared down on you. You were scaring him. He thought he was going to be fine, that it wouldn't affect him. 

"This virus is designed for military-grade androids, which regularly upgrade their security programs. Your advanced programming makes you an easier target."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He felt a bit betrayed. You withheld that important information from him, you, who he trusts more than anyone.

"I'm sorry! Honestly, I thought I did!" You tried to think back, but your mind was a scrambled mess with how exhausted you are. You were lucky If you got 8 hours for the whole week. Connor noticed how distressed you were, so certain that you had told him.

"What... What's going to happen to me?" The car pulled up into the driveway, but neither moved to get out. He knew some of the symptoms, but believing he was safe, he didn't study it extensively.

"It's similar to a really bad flu in humans. Fever, body aches, coughing, and the like. Symptoms will probably start appearing over the next couple days, " you take his hand, "don't worry, I'm going to take care of you." He gently pulled his hand away and got out of the car. He knew you meant well and you didn't mean to forget to inform him, but he still felt hurt, and he was dreading what the following days are going to be like. 

He unlocks the door of his shared house, SJ waiting at the doorway already. Connor reached up and grabbed his leash. A walk should calm his mind.

"Connor? Connor, wait!" You called out to him and he realized why. He can't walk SJ. He's infectious, and it's his responsibility to keep others safe. Reluctantly, he hands you the leash, bending down to pet SJ, then mopes back into the house.

Seeing him like this broke your heart, and knowing you neglected to tell him of his vulnerability filled you with guilt.

"SJ, what am I going to do?" You whine at the oversized pup. He looked up at the mention of his name and snorted before returning to smelling a lamppost. Well, that was useless. If Connor was human, you would make him his favorite meal as an apology, but that wasn't an option. You didn't mean to forget! There were so many things going on, and you had reminded yourself so many times, you legitimately thought you told him. Now, he is sick and it's all your fault. How do you even begin to apologize for that? 

Then there was the virus itself. It was a terrorist act, and the FBI was already investigating it. Someone or some group had created this virus with the intent to take out as many military-grade androids as possible, so as to weaken the USA's army. What they didn't anticipate was how it spread. All androids could be affected by it, even foreign-built ones, and while it wasn't as deadly as they probably would have liked, without proper care, some androids have shut down from it. While it originated in the Artics, it has since traveled globally, resulting in a halting of the economy worse than even the Android revolution caused. 

SJ finished his business and when you were done cleaning up after him, you both made the trek back home. Connor might not be able to leave the house, but he can still play fetch in the backyard. At least until he starts showing symptoms, you thought gloomily. Once you get home, you're gonna need to do a run-down of what you have and will need for the next two weeks. You know you'll need to stick some thirium in the freezer for when his fever spikes. Maybe you should pick up some fruit-flavored popsicles. Connor usually enjoys them, since it's one of the few food items he can eat without affecting his systems. 

"I'm back, " you called out. Connor was still pouting, sitting on the couch. He didn't even bother turning on the tv, preferring to ruminate in his depression. Unclipping SJ, you moved to behind the couch, throwing your arms around the pouty deviant. SJ settled in his bed, ready for an undeserved nap.

"I really am sorry I didn't tell you, " you mumbled against him. He sighed, long and heavy before relaxing into your grasp.

"I can't fault you completely. You've been overworked, and you are not an android with perfect recollection, " he spoke lowly.

"Rub it in, why don't ya?" You joke, earning a small laugh.

"I've never been sick before, " you could hear the worry in his voice.

"I know. I'll take care of you, I promise."

"You should be at work. Mr. Sunderland can't handle it by himself."

"Who?" Who the fuck is Mr. Sunderland?

"You don't know Cleon's last name?" Connor asked incredulously, "wasn't he your trainee?"

"He was, but I just called him either 'trainee' or Cleon. In any case, this is just what the precinct needed to "inspire" them to bring on some extra help. I already did the interviews and checked credentials. I literally did all the work for them!" You kissed his temple, right where his LED is, watching it flicker, "I swore if something happened to you or Nines, I would take care of you both. I'm registered to care for both models. If I didn't, you would have to go to the hospital to receive treatment." Both androids hate the hospital, Nines especially. You don't know why, but it seems to be the only thing he fears. 

"But, if Nines gets sick now-"

"I will travel between here and his place to check on him. I've also discussed this with Gavin, even giving him a run-down on the basics. Nines would be fine. You are my concern right now, so if you start to feel odd, even if you think it's not a big deal, I need you to tell me, okay?"

"Okay, " Connor agreed. You settled back against him, but he wasn't satisfied. Turning slightly, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you over, onto his lap. You laughed as he snuggled against you, peppering you with kisses. The android had no intention of letting you go anytime soon, not that you really minded. You'll just have to make the list of things you need in your head.

"I have at least 24 hours, correct? Might I make a final request?" He murmured against your cheek.

"You're not dying, you know that right?" You giggled.

"Is that a no?" He gazed at you, pouting his lip, pulling off his trademark puppy dog face.

"As if that's ever an option, " you purred, kissing his nose, then his cheek, down his jaw before teasing him with a peck next to his lips. When you went to do it again, he turned his head and caught your lips.

"You're right, " he speaks against you, "it's not."

...........

You weren't able to escape his grasp until almost 3 am, body aching and satiated. Connor was in stasis, lying on his side in bed, blanket draped over his hips. It isn't common for you to be awake while he sleeps, but usually you try to soak up every second. He looks so peaceful, relaxed, and nothing like the relentless hunter he is at work. You had an obligation, however, and you weren't going to fail him again. Carefully, you pull the blanket up over his shoulders, his LED flickering a few times before slowing once again.

Taking one last look, you begrudgingly head into the kitchen, taking a couple of bottles and pouches of thirium from the fridge and sticking them into the freezer. Next, you headed for your emergency kit, checking for your iv needles and how much numbing lotion you had. Satisfied, you looked for your Liquid Ice. You looked all throughout your bag, even dumping the contents on the floor, but you could not find it.

"Shit, " you mumbled under your breath. Cyberlife stores are having trouble keeping it in stock. If they're out, you might need to sneak into work and grab a bottle, or message Hank. He'd do it for you. You take the time to organize your bag while picking up the spilled contents. A nose blocks your hand from grabbing your tube of liquid rubber-stoppers. 

"SJ, shoo!" You whisper yelled, "I don't need help." SJ looked at you and snorted, right in your face. Disgusted, you wipe your face on the sleeve of your robe, "you really are your daddy's child, aren't you." Grabbing the last items, you push on his head to stand back up, patting his head, "I need to run to the store real quick to help Con. Think you can keep an eye on him for me until I get back?"

SJ let out a low borf, "good boy!" You patted his head once more before going into the bedroom to get dressed. Connor was still asleep, so you quickly found some clothes and started to put them on. The dog, though, saw the vacant spot in bed. With the same amount of grace Hank has after a few drinks, SJ scrambled into the bed. 'Wow, just dance all over my grave, why don't you,' you thought.

Connor stirred, opening his eyes and expecting to see his enchanting lover, he is instead met with a hairy beast looking down at him. SJ leaned down and gave him a lick on the cheek.

You come around to his side of the bed, hand on his shoulder as he tries to get up.

"Where are you going?" He asks, voice heavy with sleep. A simple stasis update, but boy, could that voice get you going. 

"I gotta run to the store. I'll be right back, " you murmur.

"It's 3:42 in the morning."

"Which means no crowds. Store down the road is still doing three shifts. I wanna get supplies before you start showing symptoms. Just go back to sleep, ok? and I'll be back before you know it."

Usually, Connor would fight you on it, insisting it can wait or wanting to come with you. This time, he simply nods, laying his head back on the pillow. He felt... tired. It probably is a good idea, that way you'll be here when he needs you. He felt your lips on his temple, along with a whispered 'I love you'.

"I love you, too, " he hums, slipping back into stasis. 

............

When he woke up again, he wished he never did. Now, he was lying in bed, drenched in artificial sweat, body aching. When he tried to turn off his sensors, the program immediately kicked back on, an instant of excruciating pain before dropping back down. He looked over, praying you would be there, but even SJ had left when the deviant started tossing in his sleep, leaving your side vacant. He tried calling for you, but his throat burned. The action triggered a coughing fit, which made everything so much worse. When it subsided, he pulled his hand away, seeing blue blood dotting his palm. 

You rushed in when you heard the coughing, having been putting up groceries. One look told you how miserable he felt, the virus starting to run its course. Grabbing a tissue from your nightstand, you sat next to him and wiped his hand.

"Don't worry, that's normal, " you spoke, tossing the used tissue in the trash before feeling his forehead, as if it wasn't obvious he was overheating, "you're really warm." 

"I know, " he rasped. 

"Come on, I've already ran you a cool bath, " you helped Connor to his feet, guiding him to the bathroom. His vision kept swimming, and his gyroscope was malfunctioning, making the room spin. You tried to keep a firm grasp on the disoriented deviant, despite how slick his skin is. After a few failed attempts, he managed to step into the tub, relying heavily on you as you eased him down, letting him lie back against the wall.

 The water was cool, but not cold. Pleasant. You took a small pitcher and filled it with water, tipping his head back and pouring it over his scalp. He sighed at the small relief, enjoying the cooling sensation. You did it a couple more times, until some of the color left his face.

"I'm gonna go switch the sheets and find you some shorts to wear, okay?" 

He hummed, sinking down further into the tub, nose just above the water.

"Please, don't drown." 

He hummed again, making no moves to sit up higher. It didn't put your mind at ease, but you'll only be a moment. You shot Hank a text, asking if he could swipe a can of Liquid Ice for you, then you pulled the blankets off the bed, sheets soaked from Connor's feeble attempts to keep cool. You peered into the bathroom as you walked to the laundry room, making sure he didn't sink any lower. You started the wash and grabbed fresh linens, checking on Connor, making the bed, checking on Connor, grabbing some supplies, then grabbing him a pair of basketball shorts and re-entering the bathroom. 

The water was starting to warm, which you figured was going to happen. Connor was simply sitting there, eyes half-lidded but unblinking, his LED in a constant state of yellow. He focused on the cooling water, trying to forget his aches and pains. Was this how you felt last year, when you caught the flu? It's no wonder your mood had been so volatile.

"You ready to get out?" his eyes slowly landed on you before he started to stand, bracing himself against the wall. You immediately reached out, ready to help. He managed to get out of the tub before being hit with another coughing fit, crumpling to the floor and taking you with him. The violent fit triggered a gag reflex, body trying to clear his airways and cool down. Thirium poured from his mouth, staining the floor blue. You rubbed his back, comforting him until his breathing evened out. He tried to grab a hand towel from the tub to clean it up, but you stopped him.

"I got it. Let's get you back in bed, " easing him up, you moved around the mess, grabbing a towel and walking him to the bedroom.

"Sorry, " Connor huffed while you helped him into his shorts. He sat down, legs aching so much more just by standing. 

"Don't be. You're sick, and I'm partially to blame, " you took the towel and gently ruffled his hair, "I told you I'm here to take care of you and that's exactly what I'm going to do." You had grabbed some extra pillows, so when he laid back he was gently propped up. You took some adhesive ice packs and stuck one on the base of his neck, one on his forehead, and one on his chest, right over his thirium pump. 

"How do you feel?" You ask.

"Everything... hurts, " he manages to answer. You grab a bottle of lotion and start rubbing it all over him. Instantly, he could feel his body go numb.

"This stuff disrupts the impulses to your sensors. It won't work if the pain is too strong, but it's good for minor aches." In a way, you were envious. Any pain relief you want, you have to wait to kick in, "how's your thirium level?"

"92%." Too early to fill. If you want his body to cool down, it would need to be below 80%.

"Well, there is something I got for you that I think you might like, " you smile down at him before pulling out a jar and a spoon, "lucky for you, raw honey is safe for you to consume even with a fever and it should help your throat." You took a spoonful and put it to his lips. He happily took it, letting it coat his mouth and drip down his throat. Connor loves honey. He could feel it soothing the burn. You gave him two more spoonfuls before setting it aside. 

"You should get some rest while you can, love, " you stroke his cheek.

"Stay with me?" He now understands why you don't want to be alone when you're sick, "at least until I enter stasis?" You move to lay on his other side, so he can reach the trash can if need be.

"Sure."

[moonbeambucky]

Winter WonderLance

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Reader Word Count: 2354 Warnings: fluff

Summary: The Tuckers are in for a beautiful sight as they spend winter in the glistening snow of New York

“Bye bye Florida!” 

You waved your hands at the small window of the airplane as your children excitedly copied you.

Warm weather and palm trees would soon be traded for the bitter chill of barren, snow-covered branches that line the busy streets of New York. Ariel and Theodore were eager to go on their first airplane ride. Unfortunately, the real experience was less than exciting.

Despite pre-boarding bathroom visits Ariel needed to go again just as the plane was navigating towards the runaway. She bounced in her seat as you begged for her to hold it, hoping for a quick take off so you could fly towards the bathroom. 

It didn’t help that she insisted her mommy take her, despite your focus on attempting to try and calm a very upset Theo.

In all your travels you never gave much thought to parents flying with children. Noise blocking headphones were a lifesaver as you worked on your laptop, unaware of the frustration they were going through. 

“It’s okay Theo. Yawn, like this.”

You tried to show him how in an effort to help with the pressure in his ears but he wasn’t having it. Trying to reason with an agitated near-three year old was futile.

Over your shoulder you turned your head towards Lance, sitting in the aisle seat beside you. You couldn’t help the pout your lips formed, an expression of the mental exhaustion to come considering you had barely left Florida. 

Your hands swept across Theo’s hair as you tried to get him to lean into you but he was not having it, frustratedly kicking his legs against the back of the seat in front of him. You offered an apology to the young man that turned around glaring at your son, fighting back your urge to punch his childless self in the face. Now you had all the sympathy in the world for what parents go through.

When the plane had finally evened out its course you asked Lance to sit beside Theo as you took Ariel. 

“C’mere buddy.” Lance tried his best to hold a very fussy Theo against him and rocking to soothe the discomfort in his ears.

Obviously it didn’t work as you heard Theo’s cries from inside the cramped bathroom. 

Running your hands down your face you let out a frustrated sigh. In another week you would be returning home and you were already worrying about how Theo would handle the flight. But you know you shouldn’t be thinking about this. Your vacation has barely begun and you want to focus on all the fun the kids would be having instead. 

You hadn’t been back to New York in a few years. Amidst your previous travels you had dropped by once or twice but they were quick visits, to say hello to colleagues or sign new employment contracts. When you and Lance were deciding on where you should travel during the winter break you wanted to go all out and give the kids a new experience, and snow was certainly something new!

After washing your hands along with Ariel, you found your way back to your row, guided by the sound of Theo’s sobs. 

“I think he wants you,” Lance sighed, upset he hadn’t been able to make progress in calming Theodore.

“Daddy sit next to me!” Ariel exclaimed, bouncing as she squeezed past him to get to her seat by the window.

After a bit of musical chairs, with Lance now sitting in between you and Ariel, and Theo back in your arms, you sat up a little straighter, determined to at least stop Theo from crying. 

Lance’s attention was taken by Ariel who pulled out her bright LeapFrog learning tablet from your bag so they could read together. Sticking out from the corner of your bag was something you had forgotten about, the most beautiful sight that would help save you and Theo for the rest of the flight, goldfish crackers.

Asking Ariel to get them for you, Lance opened the package and suddenly a tiny smile pulled at the corner of Theo’s mouth as you offered one to him. Whether it was the crunching that helped or Theo was distracted by food you really didn’t care but thankfully the crying stopped.

Finally, Theo was calm as he picked goldfish out of your palm. With Lance’s assistance you were able to find a movie for Theo to watch, an animated one you could recite by heart thanks to the amount of times the kids have watched it. 

The rest of the ride went mostly smooth until it was time to prepare for landing. Ariel whined, wanting her dad to still sit next to her. Theo whined when you put him back in his seat, wanting to stay on your lap, and you and Lance smiled exhaustedly, holding back your own whines because you really want to take a nap. 

Juggling two young children was a hassle, especially trying to keep their hats and scarves bundled on, and making sure Ariel didn’t forget Teddy in the taxi because she insisted on bringing him along. 

“Teddy will be sad if we left him home alone.” You tried to reason that Teddy needed to stay home so he could watch the house while you were gone. “But that’s Oinky’s job.” Oh, of course, your mistake. 

By the time you reached your hotel you got your wish. Theo went down easy after the cry he had and Ariel tried to fight the way her lids were shutting; for your own sake you were happy she lost. 

Nuzzled against Lance’s chest, you felt his lips against your forehead before you fell asleep, waking up reenergizing to really begin your vacation. 

“Mmmm how I missed you,” you purred sensually, gently caressing the thing you longed for the most in your hand, opening your mouth with wanton need.

Lance chuckled, shaking his head. “Mommy’s silly, right?” he said to Ariel and Theo as you bit into your slice of pizza.

Maybe your kids can’t appreciate just how delicious New York pizza is compared to what’s available at home but you can and will, savoring every bite as if it was the last time you would taste the magical combination of cheese, sauce and dough.

Your phone buzzed on the table and quickly moving your half chewed food to the other side of your mouth you answered the call. 

“Hi! Yes. Okay, we’ll see you soon.”

Your boss Sue was stopping by, coming from the ESPN offices a few blocks away. She wanted to say hello while you were in town and meet the kids for the first time as she had only seen them in the pictures you’ve sent. Despite loving your job you were not going to parade the kids and Lance around the office in front of eager reporters hungry for any story. 

A tingle of bad memories ran down your spine but you quickly brushed it off, focusing instead on the happily smiles surrounding you.

“Daddy, ca’ I have a napkin?” Theo asked, placing the large slice down on his plate.

While watching the meticulous way his little hands worked to clean off sauce you heard an enthusiastic voice call your name out. Standing up, you turned to face Sue, wrapping your arms around the heavy coat that seemed to swallow her up. 

Lance greeted her as well, pulling up a chair at the end of the booth for her to join. 

Sue placed her hands against her cheeks as she smiled at your children. “Look at how big they’ve gotten!”

“Ariel, Theodore, this is my friend Susan. Do you want to say hi?”

“Hi!” Theo said with a mouthful of food. Ariel’s greeting was a bit softer as she nuzzled against her Dad feeling a little shy.

“They’re beautiful,” she said, shrugging off her coat. She wasn’t going to stay long but the heavy material was too much to bear indoors.

With some coaxing from you and Lance, Ariel opened up a bit as she and Theo told Sue all the things they’ve done so far on their vacation.

“And we saw a big tree!” Ariel stretched her arms high above her head. “It had pretty lights and a really pretty star.”

“And it was bigger than the whole world!” Theo exclaimed.

Sue’s mouth dropped open in shock. “No way! Bigger than the whole world!?” Theo nodded as he used both hands to grab his drink.

“What was your favorite thing you’ve seen so far?” Sue asked.

“Ummm, I liked the carousel!” Ariel beamed. The SeaGlass carousel in Battery Park was a favorite of yours as well.

“And who did we wave to that was near the carousel?” Lance asked, testing his children’s memory. 

Ariel concentrated as she thought and Theo honestly didn’t bother to think but you snuck him the answer anyway.

“Sta-choot of Liberty!” he giggled.

You and Lance also took the kids to a children’s museum, to the top of the Empire State Building and tonight you were surprising them with tickets to see The Lion King on Broadway.

After saying goodbye to Sue and finishing lunch, you stopped in at FAO Schwarz. The kids were mesmerized by the toy store and the giant plush animals that surrounded them but secretly Lance had been dying to visit so he could play on the giant floor piano from Big.

It wasn’t much of a secret, not by the way he practically ran towards the line that was formed beside it. Twenty long minutes were spent waiting and during that time you had to convince Lance that he needed to share the piano with Ariel and Theo.

Your phone recorded every moment of giggling joy as Lance bounced on the keys that lit with bright colors as he played “Chopsticks” accompanied by random musical notes as Ariel and Theo ran across the piano.

“You were amazing!” you said, planting a kiss on Ariel and Theo’s cheeks as you and Lance helped them back into their winter coats. “And you were adorable,” you cooed, pressing a sweet kiss on Lance’s lips, feeling him smile against you.

Central Park was covered in a blanket of white, a crystalline landscape of snow that glittered in the sunlight.

It was the day before you had to leave and you wanted to make the most of the freshly fallen weather. Bundled in layers, wrapped with scarves and thick gloves, you ventured out to play in the winter wonderland. 

“Let’s make a snowman!” Ariel declared.

You helped her gather the soft powder snow in a ball, rolling it along the unblemished landscape for it to grow larger. Lance and Theo were doing the same, sort of. 

Theo scooped up as much snow as his gloves could carry and he dropped them down onto the base Lance was attempting to form. Theo smiled as the soft flurries sprinkled to the ground. Lance crouched down, trying to show him a better way to do it as he attempted to pack more snow into the pile but Theo didn’t care.

“No, it’s this way,” he insisted, looking for the perfect patch of snow to scoop up and bring over.

His excitement may have gotten the best of him as Theo threw the snow down haphazardly, getting more than half on his dad. Lance wiped the wetness of his face against the sleeve of his coat. Another shock of cold came as Theo did it again happily “building” his snowman.

“Daddy look how big we made it!” Ariel huffed as the both of you rolled the large ball of snow back towards Lance and Theo.

“Wow Starfish that’s grea– ” Lance muffled his words as Theo excitedly threw down another pile of snow, doing so once again with terrible aim.

“Theo! Did you just throw snow at your daddy?” 

He froze, cautiously shaking his head back and forth in case you were upset. 

“C’mere Pumpkin,” you called to him.

You scooped up a small handful of snow, pressing it together into a ball and placing it in Theo’s palm. Quickly you scooped another ball for yourself. 

“This is how you throw a snowball.”

Winding your arm back, you aimed and threw the ball hitting Lance in the back as he was working on the snowman. 

“Hey!” he yelped in surprise. 

Theo threw his that hit Lance’s leg. Ariel abandoned her snowman in favor of joining the snowball fight. 

“Three against one isn’t fair!” he shouted, trying to dodge the attack.

Lance retaliated, mainly aiming for you as you laughed, running around with Ariel and Theo beside you. His cheeks were bright red as he chased you, blowing visible breaths while playfully yelling, “I’m gonna get you!”

Taking cover behind a tree you quickly bent down to make snowballs for Theo as Ariel made her own, slowly creeping around the tree to throw them at Lance but he wasn’t there. Then you felt it; the close range hit of a snowball on your backside.

The shock made you scream, and a few more rapid fire hits had you stumbling. Reaching your arm back to rub your icy buns you called for a truce and Lance dropped his frozen ammo. Ariel and Theo threw their remaining snowballs at their dad, ignoring the armistice. 

“Ow!” you laughed, still rubbing your backside. Lance offered a hand for you to stand up. “I’m definitely going to have a bruise thanks to you.”

“I’ll be happy to kiss it better,” he smirked. “Now, who wants to make snow angels?!”

“Me! Me! Me!” came the chorus of excited squeals. 

The rest of the day was spent inside the hotel, warm and snuggled together while watching movies and having hot chocolate with marshmallows. With Ariel and Theo asleep at your sides Lance leaned down to caress your lips with his in a languid articulation of love.

When he pulled away he smiled, a soft mirror of your own expression. It’s an appreciation for all the memories you’ve made on this trip that now share space in your heart with every moment of your lives together.

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

Goodnight, Aaron (Aaron Hotchner x OC) Chapter 5

Summary: After being grilled about his ex-girlfriend on what is meant to be a fun birthday outing, Sebastian gets some new information dropped on him by a worn-out Jack.

AN: Sorry I haven't posted in a while! Been a bit busy with job and family stuff. Hope you enjoy this chapter. This chapter is mostly unedited sorry!

Tagging: @sunlight-moonrise, @clean-bands-dirty-stories, @genevievedarcygranger, and @davidrossi-ismydad

Chapter 4 // Masterlist // AO3 Link

“They asked you to coach?”

Sebastian watched Jack run off to warm up with his team, then he turned back to Hotch who clicked the car keys to lock, “Do they know what you do for a living? And they’ve asked you to coach before? Mental.”

Hotch let out a chuckle at how utterly ridiculous Sebastian made it sound. And, truth be told, it was “mental” that Hotch was still coaching his son and their team when he still had to wrangle together his own team back at the BAU.

Sebastian adjusted his bag strap, “You need to learn to say ‘no’ to some people, Aaron.”

Hotch shook his head, playing into that teasing tone that had worked its way ito the conversation, “Well I don’t suppose you would be up for it?”

“I know nothing about football.”

“Soccer.”

“Soccer,” and Hotch laughed at the way Sebastian’s nose wrinkled as he mimicked the accent – albeit with heavy exaggeration on the vowels.

“Dave!”

Hotch’s hand raised into the air, catching the attention of his co-worker. Sebastian felt the pressure crank up to eleven as David Rossi sauntered over. He did not look like he was about to coach little league. He looked like he was about to go to one of his many villas in Europe and lounge around there for two weeks drinking wine.

 “David Rossi, this is Sebastian Porter.”

“Jack’s nanny, of course,” Rossi shook his hand heartily. Sebastian immediately wanted Rossi to be the cool uncle he never had.

He couldn’t think of anything wittier to say than this: “And you work with Aaron. On and off the pitch.”

“Couldn’t let him do it alone,”

“My ride’s here, so I’ll see you this evening. Nice meeting you, David.”

Though Sebastian was already behind schedule, he spared himself the embarrassment of his boss watching him lightly jogging over to his companions - and said companions clowning him for said light jogging.

“Aww, a lil peewee match?” Bellamy teased loudly, though not loud enough for the team to hear her.

Sebastian wanted to give her a playful shove, but he didn’t trust that she wouldn’t slide off her rollerblades deliberately, so instead he retorted, “Bullying kids, Bellamy? I thought you couldn’t stoop any lower.”

Klaus stopped rolling back and forth on his BMX, “Which one’s the boss then?”

“Wearing the white polo and shorts, not holding the clipboard.”

Klaus squinted behind his par of wholly unnecessary sunglasses, “Hmm, both are fit.”

“Come on, you’re staring,” and Sebastian twisted Klaus’ baseball cap around backwards before climbing onto the back of the bike.

As Klaus gave an indignant retort, he pushed off and began to cycle away. Sebastian’s hands gripped his shoulders tight and he opted to send a smile in his boss’ direction as opposed to a wave. Bellamy, the embarrassing mom type that she was, waved with both hands and skated backwards as she went.

Their afternoon sesh was off to a rocking start when Sebastian refused even one drink – sticking instead to a diet soda – while Bellamy and Klaus went for bottomless Bellini’s.

Bellamy discussed what children the new term had brought her. A short summary was that they were all little shits whom she adored and would protect with her life. That had been her track record for the part three years she had taught at this high school. The trio clinked glasses in celebration to her track record.

“Honestly, they’re so ready to get to using the Bunsen burners. It’s gonna be bonkers,” She beamed as a server brought her a refilled glass, “Can’t wait to bust out the copper.”

“As much as I love you talking science to me,” Klaus paused to put on a solemn mask that was cracked from the triumph he was wearing beneath, “We have to talk about Pippa while I’m still partially sober.”

When both his friends zeroed in on him whilst sipping their Bellini’s through straws, Sebastian all but exploded with excuses, “Oh my god, I get it! You told me so! It’s been a month! Can we drop it?”

“You went back to her!” Klaus ignored Sebastian’s “I know’s” with his head craning to reach over his friend’s voice, “After everything she did to you! You that desperate for attention?”

“Yeah!”

Both Bellamy and Klaus ceased their teasing, Klaus dropping back into his chair as he said, “Woah, ok, sorry dude.”

“It’s ok.”

Bellamy took Sebastian’s glass away, “Babe, that’s really depressing, you sure you haven’t been drinking?” She took a long sniff, her nose twirling around the rim before sliding it back to Sebastian, “No, he really is that deep.”

“Ha ha.”

Both Bellamy and Klaus sobered up considerably, the tone of their voices shifting into quiet support as Bellamy draped her arm around Sebastian’s shoulders, “I’m glad you got out of it, Bash.”

“Me too. And Rachael.”

“Ooo, how is Rachael?” Klaus pushed his sunglasses up his nose. How he looked like such a douchebag, shades on indoors, yet so happy with that status, Sebastian didn’t care to think about right now.

“She’s got a job in a firm now, big proper one.”

“Oooh! Can she get me out of my parking tickets?”

Suddenly the lights dimmed and Bellamy whipped out her phone, grinning behind it as Klaus looked up and around with a baby’s curiosity.

A troop of servers marched over with the birthday cake Bellamy had dropped off earlier that day. Its bright red buttercream icing Klaus went very quiet, a bashful smile glowing in the candlelight as the restaurant turned its attention to sing “Happy Birthday” to him.

“Happy Birthday, Klaus.” Bellamy and Sebastian kissed both his cheeks at the same time, a perfect photo op that one of the servers took for them.

The birthday boy was gracious enough to share his cake and give Sebastian a ride home after a few more drinks. Of water, Sebastian insisted that Klaus sober up a little so they weren’t going to crash the bike before his night out.

At the crossroads, Bellamy turned left when they went right, her arm stretching out to them like she was watching her loved one get shipped off to war. Sebastian was dropped off shortly after, just outside the block of flats, and Klaus was already off before Sebastian could tackle him with a hug. So he shouted after him. Nothing expletive, but it was enough for Klaus to look over his shoulder and smirk, swerving not a second later to avoid an incoming pedestrian.

When Sebastian entered the flat, Hotch and Rossi were in the sitting room, lounging in the settee over a bottle of whiskey artistically placed on the coffee table.

“Hey, how was the training?”

“Tough, but those kids are tougher.” Rossi raised his drink to his statement, and Sebastian thought about how he could subtly slide some adoption papers across the coffee table.

“Do you want a drink?” Hotch asked.

Already going to the kitchen, Sebastian checked in the stew he’d prepped that morning in the slow cooker, “I’m good, thanks.” He was a little peeved that he’d spent the afternoon sober, especially during the bashing of the ex-girlfriend, but he could always grab a nightcap later on. “Where’s Jack?”

“I SCORED A GOAL!”

Sebastian smile strained as he saw the state of Jack’s shorts once he rounded the corner to the kitchen. His shirt was off; clearly he was in the middle of getting changed.

“That’s brilliant, but if you come at me with them muddy keks, I’ll score a goal with you! Come back in your jammies and we’ll celebrate properly.” And he shooed Jack away to the bathroom. The star striker to be disappeared, his muddy rear skidding into his bedroom with the door closing quick behind him.

“‘Keks’?” Rossi repeated with an eyebrow raised.

So Sebastian clarified, “Trousers.”

“You mean pants.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Hotch’s so-called correction before saying again, “No, keks.”

Thankfully they saw the funny side of it, allowing a hint of strain to drop from Sebastian’s shoulders just in time for Jack to come running back in. This time, he was wearing pyjamas.

Sebastian caught him neatly and plonked him on the countertop, “Tell me all about practice!”

As Sebastian prepared the rest of dinner, Jack babbled away about the training and his teammates. His energy by comparison to the other conversation between Hotch and Rossi caused theirs to stagnate in favour of joining in. Sebastian carried Jack across to the other counters without impeding his speech, keeping an eye on him and the food, while Hotch and Rossi joined in the storytelling.

At Jack’s description of Hotch and Rossi’s demonstration of a paired-up passing game, Sebastian’s abandoned phone began to buzz.

“Sorry Jack, I gotta get this. But why don’t you set the table?” Sebastian took him back down to Earth and shuffled him in the direction of the cutlery drawer before he picked up his mobile, “Hey, what are you doing up? Go to bed, young lady.”

Rachael replied with a heftier helping of snarkasm, “I’m in bed at the moment actually. Have you rung Mum and Dad yet?”

“I have, don’t worry,”

“Ok. Just checking.”

“Texting exists, you know? Not that I don’t delight at the sound of your grumpiness.”

“Yeah, well, you’re starting to sound more American.”

Casting an eye over to see Jack was nattering away to Hotch and Rossi, Sebastian whispered, “Shut your goddamn mouth.”

“I’ll call you after work. Love you, bye.”

“Bye.”

Sebastian hung up then slapped his free palm against his face.

Hotch caught his attention, leaning ever so slightly into his range of vision with concern, “Are you alright?”

“Forgot to say I love you, she’s gonna hold that against me for five years at least.”

As the person dishing up and the last to get to the table, Sebastian sat beside Rossi with Jack opposite him and Hotch diagonally across. There was a tautness in Sebastian’s back as he tried desperately not to gauge Rossi’s reaction to his food.

Instead Rossi reminded him of their meeting earlier, “Interesting choice in mode of transport today.”

Like a deer in the headlights, Sebastian tripped his way through his explanation, “Thanks, we’re desperately trying to reclaim our youth.” Then he popped a forkful of meat into his mouth to excuse him from further conversation.

Except Jack didn’t get the memo. “Who were you talking to on the phone?”

“My sister, Rachael, she’s got a big case on tomorrow.”

“She’s a lawyer,” Rossi pointed across the table with his fork, “Hotch was a defence attorney.”

The information was so shiny and new to Sebastian, that he forgot to implement his “you’re my boss” filter and he said, “You look for ‘intimidating’ in your job descriptions?”

No time for regret, Jack once against filled the space. “Intimidating?”

“Yeah, intimidating, big into justice, likes his suit,” and instead of back down, Sebastian leant over his plate as if to tell a secret, and Jack opposite him leant close too as Sebastian said, “Your dad’s basically Batman.”

Jack’s face lit up at the comparison, one he had made in the past, and he continued to grin as he ate his stew.

“Anyway, our kid’s following up on some advice about getting my deposit back from my bedsit. Landlord’s being an absolute bad word.”

“If you want, I can take a look at it,” Hotch offered.

Sebastian looked back at Jack with fond bemusement, “Told you, your dad’s Batman, just no billions minus the brutality.”

Hotch’s cutlery slipped and collided loudly with his plate as Sebastian said, “It’s all good, thank you. I just sent him some photos of what the mattress looked like when I first moved in, should get him to give up.”

The conversation stagnated from Sebastian, still worn out word-wise from his afternoon drinking non-drinking outing, so he was grateful for the fact he finished first and Jack finished second.

“We can leave the grown-ups now,” he said in a loud whisper, already walking off with Jack to his bedroom.

Over his shoulder, he heard Rossi say not so quietly an I-told-you-so about how “men can be nannies” and that Sebastian was a good choice. While Sebastian was relieved at he had made a good impression on Rossi, he was not so much feeling the inferred sexism his boss held. Still, he was hired now. Microaggressions could be tackled when he got to them.

Cross-legged on the carpet, Jack set about demolishing the rocket. Bricks flew across his little zone of construction. One stray red brick hit Sebastian right between his sock and his cuffed jeans.

“What are we on today, bud? Pirate ship?”

But Jack was quiet. His energy levels were definitely crashing after such a big day. Sebastian gave him space to answer if he wanted, taking charge of organising the bricks into sizes for Jack to pick from.

When there was no reply for a solid minute, Sebastian asked, “You ok?”

For a while, Jack continued his silence. He was busy looking for a very specific shape of brick. His fingers searched over the top of the pile then dove into it, fishing out the perfect piece. Then he spoke.

“Batman beats up the bad guys,” Jack said, his voice hushed, “But so does Daddy.”

Sebastian blinked then recovered just as quick, “Oh I’m not sure about that.”

But Jack shook his head with his eyes still on assembling his boat, “He beat up the man who killed Mommy. Don’t tell him, it’s a secret.”

“A secret from him?” Sebastian didn’t know he was whispering too until he had already spoken.

“He doesn’t know we know. Can you make the mast please?”

And Jack held out a square block. Sebastian blinked again and accepted the piece. Clearly Jack thought this was a very casual conversation, something that Sebastian should keep from Hotch very easily. And he was making a ship.

“Jack, have you told that to anyone else?”

“No.”

“How tall do you want the mast?”

Jack measured with the space between his hands. Taking note, Sebastian continued to stack bricks until the desired height was reached, and Jack took it off his hands, placing it in the middle of the boat.

“I’m gonna get a drink. Do you want anything?”

The little guy shook his head, now completely absorbed in his construction projects. With a pat on his head, Sebastian twisted his legs around to stand and went to stand in the hallway. The door closed behind him and he pressed his forehead against the wall. He took a deep breath, rolling his head to the left, and pushed back his shoulders. A crack from his neck introduced him to the kitchen, where he tossed a half smile at Hotch and Rossi. Then he busied himself with getting that drink. A few drops of water splashed against his wrist.

“Hey Sebastian?”

Said person looked around to see Rossi rocking on the back legs of his chair, “I don’t suppose Hotch ever told you that, when you were taking your trial day, he nearly called you every hour to see how you were doing?”

“Dave,” Hotch said with something that was clearly intended to be a warning tone. The smile he was fighting to keep off his face betrayed him.

“No, he didn’t.” He hid his smirk in his glass. It dropped fast though. The Batman comments were still heavy in his mind, and now with Jack’s context on the brutality aspect, he wasn’t really jazzed to crack another joke lest he stumble across some more unfortunate information.

Rossi didn’t seem to care about that so much, “I had to micromanage his micromanaging.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t’ve minded that.” Sebastian’s foot idly dragged across the tile in front of him, “I’m sure Jack wouldn’t’ve either. And speaking of-” He pulled out his phone and pulled up the website he and Jack had browsed during breakfast, “I have a very important question for you: can we get this bouncy castle for Jack’s birthday?”

He showed the photo of the dream castle to the two men.

“You mean a ‘bounce house’?”

“No, I mean bouncy castle. He was telling me all about wanting a slide one, he’d be over the moon if he got to bring his classmates around to go on one!”

“I suppose if we removed all my furniture and knocked down the walls, we could fit it in here,” Hotch said smartly. His eyebrows were raised as he looked away from the screen at Sebastian, who snorted. God, it wasn’t even that funny.

Once again, Rossi chimed in with his brilliant contributions, saving Sebastian from utter shame, “You know, we could have the party at my home.”

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Twenty

Next Update: ~December 29, 2020

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas, Mark, Jaemin, Johnny) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Author’s Note: Hello! Sorry I’m a few days late -- was doing some finishing touches. Also, instead of having a regular update schedule, I think I’ll be sticking with letting you know when you can expect the next update!

Before I Met You Masterlist

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“Where are you going?” Jia asks as soon as she sees me putting on my boots.

I glance up at her as I zip up my right boot. “Grocery store.”

“Oh… by yourself?”

I’m not sure why Jia suddenly decided to ask today who I’m going to the grocery store with. Perhaps because I went last Saturday morning, never go in consecutive weeks, and certainly never go at two o’clock in the afternoon. Or she senses that I’m sneaking around her and avoiding questions like I was with Jaemin.

“No, Johnny asked me to go with him.”

“Johnny?!” she exclaims. “Why does Johnny want to go to the grocery store with you?! He seems to want to hang out with you a lot, huh?”

“I don’t know. I mean, we just played card games and talked yesterday.”

Jia’s eyes widen. “What if he likes you?!”

I shrug.

That is a good question though. What if he does like me? Then what am I supposed to do? I would go out with him, but—

“Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?” she asks. “I saw a girl here like a month ago with him. I didn’t recognize her.”

“I don’t know. He’s never mentioned any—

Shit. No. That’s what Jaemin did. Please do not let this be a repeat of Jaemin. I don’t have time for that kind of shit again.

Jia quirks her eyebrow, wondering why I suddenly stopped midsentence. “Any… what? What are you thinking?”

“Uh, he’s never mentioned anything about it. Have you ever seen her around here after that?”

“No, I don’t think so…”

I press my lips together. “Maybe they broke up.”

“What if he does like you?!” she asks excitedly. “Would you go out with him?” I blink a few times and shrug. “I guess so.”

“So you’re from Medford? That’s cool. My family drove through there once on our way to Portland. It’s nice.”

“Yeah, I like it there. You grew up in San Jose, right?”

Johnny and I walk up the hill towards a local grocery store a few blocks north from where we live. My face feels cold from the end of fall chill, but I feel strangely happy. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that I sort of have a crush on Johnny because I think he’s cute and we’re hanging out.

I’ve been asking him questions. Trying to figure out what he’s like. Trying to figure out whether he has a girlfriend... I know I could just be direct about it and ask, but it seems kind of random to suddenly say, “So, do you have a girlfriend?” when I barely know him.

We obviously know that we can’t just default to, “Oh, if he has a girlfriend, he wouldn’t be trying to hit on someone else” and immediately assume he has morals because apparently that’s not always true.

But aside from that issue, Johnny is nice and in the “getting to know you” stage, he’s decently interesting.

“Yeah. My parents and my sister moved to California a few months after I was born. So I lived with my grandparents in Korea until my parents came back to pick me up after settling down to bring me here,” he says.  

“Do you speak Korean?”

“Yeah, but it’s not very good. I can get around though.”

“I’ve been trying to learn Korean,” I say. “I can read the alphabet and say a few phrases!”

“Oh really? I could help you out sometime.”

Johnny is a year younger than me and he has a sister that’s a year older than me that goes to school in San Francisco. His dad is often traveling for work, so Johnny doesn’t see him as often when he goes home to visit his mom every few weeks. Since she’s home by herself often, she spends a lot of her time volunteering at her church, though sometimes she’ll buy a plane ticket and meet Johnny’s dad wherever he traveled for work.

It seems… lonely.

We arrive at the grocery store and I follow him around, watching him pick out his groceries and making casual small talk about our classes, our interests, and what food to buy.

I can’t help but feel flirtatious. And that’s a weird feeling to me because I never feel flirtatious. Friendly and shy, sure. But flirtatious has only ever really occurred once and I’ll never forget that feeling. I clearly like Johnny, but I’m not trying to give it away. But he asked me to go grocery shopping so that has to count for something.

“Do you want some tea?” Johnny asks, pointing to a colorful display of canned teas.

I blink several times. “Uh, sure? I can Venmo you.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he says. “Which one do you want?”

I spot my favorite flavor near the top and without saying a word, walk over to the display and get on my tippy toes in an attempt to reach the peach tea. My fingers are just a few inches shy of reaching it. Johnny chuckles and I keep my back to him to hide my frown. He walks up behind me and easily reaches over my hand to grab the can and place it in his cart.

“You could’ve just told me which one you wanted. That’s the benefit of being short with tall friends,” he teases.

“Hey! I’m not short!”

“You’re shorter than me.”

“Everyone is shorter than you!” I retort.

He chuckles again. “Yeah, that’s true. Is there anything you need? I’m done.”

I shake my head and turn to head towards the checkout line. An Oreo display case catches my eye and my expression morphs into one of disgust.

“Cherry cola Oreos?” I say in disbelief. “That sounds gross.”

“Hey, they’re probably good,” he responds, pulling out his phone.

I shrug. “I guess they had to pass the taste test before production.”

He doesn’t respond, engrossed in whatever is on his phone. My curiosity gets to the best of me and I begin peering over. He’s looking at an ad for Muji and in the top left corner are the Facebook chat bubbles. Mine is the only one on the screen and he doesn’t appear to have any other notifications. I don’t know what this would tell me. I figure if he had a girlfriend, she would message him while he was on his excursion. Actually, wouldn’t he ask her to accompany him? Unless…?

“Hey,” I greet, placing a glass of water and a plate of sliced fruit on the table. “How’s the studying going?”

Jaehyun lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s all right. A lot of terms to remember. Strategic risk, credit risk, call-options, price insurance… hard to keep them straight sometimes.”

“Do you have any flash cards? I can help test you if you want.”

He shakes his head. “That’s okay. Maybe a little later. I’m doing some practice questions now.” He looks at the plate, grabs an apple slice, and takes a bite. “Thanks.”

“You’ve taken and passed a couple exams already. I know you’ll do great on this one,” I say, taking a seat in the chair across from him.  

“Yeah, but I had to take one of those exams multiple times.”

“So? You still passed. That’s all that matters. And now you’re on your way to becoming a certified financial planner! You’re doing great!”

Jaehyun smiles a bit. “I’d really like to pass this one the first time…”

“I’m sure with all the studying you’re doing, you’ll be fine. You still have a few weeks to get it down.”

“Yeah, but I have to work too…”

I chuckle lightly. “I don’t know how you do it. But you amaze me every day. Work, study, and pass these exams.”

“Honestly, I don’t really know either.” Jaehyun leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “We should take a vacation after this.”  

I clap my hands together. “Let’s go somewhere warm after I finish finals! Last vacation during law school because next semester it’s finals and then the bar exam.” I press my lips together and frown. “Tests. Always another test!”

“Are you coming in here to study?”

“Hm? Oh, I need to make a call to Siwon first. Why? Do you need something?”

Jaehyun smiles and shakes his head. “No.”

“Oh, okay,” I say as I get up from my seat. “Then I’ll—

“I just like it when you’re with me.”

I started spending more time downstairs with Chaeyoung and Shotaro. We’d sit in a comfortable silence to study and then chat over dinner. Occasionally Johnny would come down to join us. Though recently, he had been cooped up in his room trying to finish the last CS projects of the semester with Hendery. So we didn’t see each other as much, but he did message me frequently to see how I was doing and ate dinner downstairs with the rest of us.

Within a matter of weeks, classes ended and dead week was upon us. Now it was a week of intense cramming and poor diet followed by finals and then a few weeks to relax before doing it all over again. It’s like a hamster wheel… constantly running, only to find out you receive a piece of paper for your endeavors.

After finishing lunch in the dining room, I pack up my laptop and notebooks to set out for a psych review session and a few hours of library study for genetics. Johnny walks in and sits down at the neighboring table, thoughtfully watching me as I place my belongings into my bag.

“Where you going?” he finally asks.

“I have a review session for my psych class at two and then I’m going to study in the library until five or so.”

“Oh, where is it?

“In the life sciences building.”

“Oh.” He shifts around in his chair a bit and begins biting the inside of his lip. “Are you staying in the life science building after that?”

“Yeah, that’s the library I like.”

“Oh, okay. Maybe I should check it out.”

“It’s nice. It’s smaller and they usually have space.”

I glance at him, expecting him to ask to join me in the library, but when he doesn’t, I mentally shrug and throw my backpack over my shoulder.

“See you later,” I say, heading towards the door.

“Bye.”

At the review session, I scan the room and sit down next to an old dorm floormate. She doesn’t notice when I sit down, furiously texting someone with a furrowed brow.

“Ugh!” she groans.

“Everything okay?” I ask out of obligation.

“My boyfriend is being stupid.” She puts her phone back in her pocket. “I kinda think he’s cheating on me.”  

I bite my lip and nod in acknowledgement. “Boys suck.”

“Tell me about it.”

I pull out my own phone to avoid any further divulgence and see a message notification.

Johnny: you said youre gonna study at the library after your review session right?

Heh. It sounds like someone’s too afraid to ask in person.

Me: Yeah

J: when does it end? can I join you? I wanna go study at the library but I don’t wanna get lost lol

My forehead creases in confusion upon reading Johnny’s reasoning. Get lost? How would you get lost?

Me: It’s over at 3 and yeah

Me: Just meet me in front of the library at 3

I’m holding back a smile. I wanted to go to the library with Johnny, but I also didn’t want to be the one to ask. To some extent, this was a test for him. To test his attraction? I like being chased just as much as the next person and if the opportunity presents itself to spend time with Johnny, then all the better.

J: ok! See u then! 

An hour later, I exit the lecture hall and start walking to the other side of the building towards the library. Johnny’s tall figure is leaning against the railing in front of the entrance. He’s wearing a gray baseball cap and holding a textbook against his left thigh while using his other hand to scroll through something on his phone. I walk up to him and looks up from his phone.

“Hey!” he greets. “How was the review session?”

I shrug. “It was all right.” I gesture my head towards the library. “Ready to go in?”

He nods and I start walking into the library with him following slightly behind.

“Whoa,” he whispers, lightly grabbing onto the dangling strap of my backpack. “I’d definitely get lost in here. Make sure I don’t get lost.”

I turn my head slightly to look at him over my shoulder. Gawking at him, he smiles widely back at me. I blink at him a few times and turn back around, continuing on towards the tables in the back and pretending like I’m not leading a child with one of those backpack leashes.

Okay… maybe he’s just really, really weird.

God, this looks so stupid.

I stop in front of an empty table with two high chairs. Johnny lets go of the strap when he sees me move to take off my backpack and then follows suit. I place my belongings on the table and immediately immerse myself in reviewing for my genetics exam. I occasionally take glances over at Johnny who is diligently reading the textbook he was holding and taking notes. Normally, I’d pay a little more attention, but that’s not really my priority right now. However, I won’t deny that there’s this annoying voice in my head that’s asking, “What in the world is Johnny doing? He must like you, right? But what if he has a girlfriend that you don’t know about? Those pictures of him with that girl are still on his Instagram page, but some people leave all of those photos up even after they break up. I don’t have a gauge on what he’s like and whether he’d do that.”

Later that evening, while trying to finish a bioethics paper in bed, I receive a message from Johnny.

J: what are you doing?

Me: I’m trying to write this damn paper and it’s pissing me off

J: you want some cookies?

J: maybe it’ll help you write your paper

Me: Mm okay. I’ll be downstairs in a few

“Are you going downstairs?” Jia asks as I begin shuffling around and grabbing my backpack and a small blanket.

“Yeah.”

“Did you go to the library with Johnny earlier?”

I freeze in place and slowly turn around. How did she know about that?

“I saw you guys walking back together when I was coming back from my review session,” she continues, answering my question without her knowledge. 

“Oh, yeah. He asked to meet me there.”

“Oooh!” She cracks into a wide, shit-eating grin. “He likes you! Are you meeting him downstairs too?!”

“Yeah, he said he had cookies. I want some.”

“Oh my gosh… do you like him?!”

I feel the heat rise up into my cheeks. “I mean, I think he’s cute and he’s fun to hang around with, but I don’t think I like him like that.”

“Oh yeah… if he has a girlfriend, you probably shouldn’t.” She ponders for a few seconds and her eyes shoot open. “Do you think his girlfriend knows he’s hanging out with you?!”

I mentally scoff. If Johnny is actually interested in me like that, I bet he’s conveniently left it out of any conversations with his girlfriend that he’s hanging around another girl and grabbing onto her backpack strap so that he doesn’t get “lost” in the library.

“My guess is probably not.”

I quickly leave and consider the conversation I had had with my dad earlier. I called to tell him about Johnny asking to meet at the library, grabbing onto my backpack, his various offers of cookies and what not. Basically, dad thinks that Johnny probably likes me. His opinion on the girlfriend thing? He’s not sure since we don’t know whether or not Johnny actually has one. It’s strange that she showed up once and then never again and that he’s never mentioned her. This is starting to sound eerily familiar. It’s a problem for later. I need to focus on finals for now.

There is one thing that I hadn’t realized until now though.

Jaemin hasn’t come to mind as frequently.

Perhaps I was finally getting over him.

“What’s the paper for?” Johnny asks as I set my things down at the table on his left.

“It’s for some bioethics class. I’m doing research on pesticides and lymphoma. Not exactly a happy topic.”

He pushes the cookies over to me, gesturing with his left hand for me to take some. My brow raises in curiosity when a piece of jewelry on his wrist catches my eye. It’s a thin, black band with a circular charm hanging off it. It looks like there’s something engraved on it, but I can’t tell because the backside is facing up.

“What’s the bracelet for?”

“Hm?” Johnny raises his left arm and runs his hand through his hair. “Which one?”

I raise my brow at him. “The only black one around your wrist…”

“Oh.” He lowers his hand and looks at his wrist. “Um, it’s a bracelet from my girlfriend.”

I deadpan for a few seconds before quickly remarking, “Oh. Nice!” and following with forced smile.

I turn back to my laptop, trying to pretend to read through my essay. Though, if my facial expression clearly conveys annoyance, I wouldn’t be surprised.

See! This is exactly what I meant about not being able to assume anyone has morals. Interested in Johnny, Y/N? Not anymore. Never mind.

Oh well. It’s not like I got that far with this anyway.

There’s a quick motion coming from my right and suddenly the room becomes dimmer as a baseball cap is placed on my head. I slowly turn to look at Johnny, still slightly miffed at the revelation from seconds earlier. He smiles warmly at me.

“Do you want to go to the library tomorrow?” he asks.

“Why did you do that?” I ask without answering his question.

“What?” He shrugs. “So do you want to go? We should wake up really early in the morning to go so that we can get a head start on studying!”

I nod my head. “Okay.”

What are you doing? There should be some blaring siren going off in your head, but there isn’t. Oh, that’s right. It’s because you’re still attracted to him.

I grab the hat on my head and place it back on his.

“You don’t like it?”

“It’s too big for me.”

“It’s a thinking cap. It’ll help you with your essay.”

“If only it were that easy.”

Johnny chuckles and then opens Facebook on his laptop. He has two messages: one from Hendery and another from someone with the nickname “Boo boo.” It’s times like these where I’m glad I have good control over my facial expressions and can easily type out an essay while reading over someone’s shoulder.

Boo boo’s profile picture is clearly of a girl and when Johnny opens her chat box, I see that boo boo sent a bunch of heart stickers. He follows by responding with a few hearts and a “hiii boo boo!! i love youuuuuu soooo much!!!” It goes back and forth like that a few more times.

I have to try not to gag. Is this what people are like with their boyfriends and girlfriends? Am I going to be like that? Oh gross.

Maybe I just don’t understand what love is. Who am I to question their love? However, if Johnny is “soooo in looooove” with his girlfriend, why is he acting like this with me?

If this is a repeat of Jaemin, I’m walking right into a trap. 

The rest of dead week played out the same way. Wake up in the morning, go to the library with Johnny, watch Johnny send “I looovvee youuu” messages to boo boo, study in the evening with Johnny, grab a study snack with Johnny, spend time with Chaeyoung and Hendery while with Johnny.

My whole study life started revolving around Johnny. And really, it was simply having someone to spend time with. Johnny and I could sit in a comfortable silence and study for our own classes, occasionally taking breaks to eat or show each other videos. It was a good arrangement and I liked my new friend.

But the sad truth was, I liked my new friend a little too much and I had a feeling that nothing good was going to come of it.

Johnny had a girlfriend and he knew that I knew he had a girlfriend. I’ve never been interested in home wrecking and I certainly wasn’t saying anything or doing anything other than spending time with him, to indicate that I had a crush on him. But here we are a year later with the same problem: is it morally wrong for me to be spending time with this guy when I have a crush on him while fairly certain that his behavior was indicative that he liked me? Isn’t he technically emotionally cheating on his girlfriend?

I think the way I tried to justify this was by telling myself that I wasn’t the one initiating the hang outs or study sessions. Johnny would ask and I had the option of agreeing or declining. And sincerely, since I was just trying to study, I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

On the last day of finals, I joined Johnny, Chaeyoung, Jia, Shotaro, Hendery, Sungchan, and a few others in the dining room, celebrating over a box of donuts and cups of hot chocolate. We were exchanging social media accounts to keep up with each other over the break.

“Hey,” Johnny greets as he grabs the empty seat next to me. “Are you going home tomorrow?”

I shake my head. “No, the day after.”

“Do you wanna grab lunch together tomorrow? Hendery is leaving and I’m also not leaving until Sunday.”

“Oh, sure! That would be fun!”

“Cool!”

He throws his baseball cap on top of my head and suddenly the room is quiet. I can tell that everyone is looking at me. I keep my gaze down on the table and take a few seconds to respond with a laugh.

“I don’t want your hat!” I exclaim playfully, pulling it off and trying to put it back on him.

He lightly shoves my arm away. “It looks better on you.”

I ignore him and put the hat down on the table and move to grab another donut from the box, silently praying everyone will stop watching and pretend like nothing happened.

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Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist

[fmdminheearchive]

hello everyone! finals + anxiety are totally beating my ass right now, but i still want to do some stuff for the event!! so, this post is a plot call!! i’m going to describe what my three kids’ll be up to during the event/some thread ideas, and if you see anything in particular you’d like to snatch up, just let me know via dms or replies! and if you’d like me to come to you, please hit the like button! i know i’ve been slacking on plotting with new people over the last couple of weeks, but i’d love to, so :pleading_face: maybe this event is a good spot to start. also, if you want my d!scord, hmu for it! i find it a little easier to reply on there through my anxiety.

minhee

minhee is so pleased about this whole thing!! she hate hate hates her mother’s stupid christmas and new year events, but this year! she won’t even be in seoul!! suck on that, mom! a little sad that she won’t be with mouse because she got her a really cute cat christmas present stocking ):

dec 25th: concert day! minhee is excited for it. she always loves concerts!! excited to be performing little touch. not much else to say here, but come hang out with her backstage!

dec 26th: minhee needs a roommate so! if your muse is looking for a roommate who probably won’t be spending that much time in the suite, then minhee is your gal! 

her randomized drawn card was yellow!! dance machine minhee is in her element! genuinely just there to enjoy herself and do some dancing! flash mobs are meant to be fun, right?

during the afternoon, she’ll probably hit up the italian restaurant, and then head off for a spa day, to be finished off soaking in a hot tub!! someone please join her <3 

holiday ball!! she’s excited to go to an event like this with co-workers and friends instead of her parents and their high society frenemies. someone come drink and decorate cookies with her, it’ll be so fun, i promise!!

dec 27th: she’ll probably spend her free day in the pool and the hot tubs again, and eat at the korean / american bbq grill restaurant! after docking, she’ll definitely be going out to visit taipei! she’ll do some shopping, drop her bags off at her suite, and then head back out to take in some nightlife. if anyone’s muses are interested in partying with minhee during their free night, hmu!

dec 28th: today.... will be minhee’s own personal hell. she drew the red card, which means she’s going to... have ... she’s... going to... have to cook. on top of that, she’ll probably be hungover too. somebody please help her and stick her on like washing up duty or something.

she’ll be back to her regular self by the time they’re backstage at the concert again though, don’t worry!

dec 29th: on the 29th, minhee is gonna treat herself to an all she can eat meal at the sushi restaurant! but otherwise, today she’s just going to be exploring all the different parts of the ship she hasn’t been to yet so there’s nothing there!!

dec 30th: she drew blue, finally! minhee is always down for more spa time. i think she’ll go for the free mani-pedi, so if anyone wants to chat shit with minhee over getting their nails done, now is your chance! 

her free time this evening will be spent... in the bar again, but also in the game room maybe!! she’s shitty at card games and always tries to cheat, so if anyone wants to hang out or tell her off for cheating, come on downnn.

dec 31st: concert will go well, as per usual!!

new year’s party!! minhee will be very drunk ringing in the new year, v excited for the fireworks, and probably in search of someone to kith at midnight. 

jan 1st: luckily, lipstick’s fansign isn’t until the afternoon, and... that’s the first time anyone will see minhee that day. she’ll be sleeping off the results of the previous night for as long as she can get away with. lipstick members, fuse members and gal.actic members, i’m sorry for her crankiness already.

eunah

the christmas season this year is a pretty big deal for eunah, even though she’ll be spending it like this. it marks the one year anniversary of her starting to get help for her eating disorder, so she’ll probably be in a kind of funny mood as she thinks back on the year and how far she’s come.

dec 25th: excited for the concert, especially since 7rophy’s set is over pretty early in the show. she’s hoping to just relax backstage for the rest of the show.

dec 26th: eunah’s going to room with lux because... why wouldn’t she. her having a roommate doesn’t really matter too much though because she’ll just sleep, wake up, leave for the day, repeat. she won’t be spending any time in the room anyways.

she drew red for her card for the 26th!! eunah actually likes decorating, so she’ll probably be enjoying herself well enough. unfortunately she’s tiny so if anyone tall would please help her reach some stuff, that would be much appreciated.

she probably won’t spend the whole time at the holiday ball!! she’ll mingle around for a couple of hours and then dip out to rack up charges on her bill as she sets about calling her family back home. 

dec 27th: i think eunah’s going to spend the 27th curled up in the library for the most part!! she’ll probably duck out to go for sushi if anyone wants to join her, but mostly she’s just going to relax, read, and maybe work on some lyrics.

she’ll probably head out to taipei during the evening though to do some light shopping, but that’s about it there! (unless anyone wants to drag her along to anything.) 

dec 28th: on the 28th, eunah is very happy that she hardly bought anything the prior evening, because she drew the blue card! she does really love shopping, so someone come with eunah for a treat yourself moment! 

same as the previous concert, she’ll get 7rophy’s set out of the way and spend the rest of the time relaxing.

dec 29th: eunah will be spending the 29th moving between the library, the games room, the observation lounge, and, of course, the sushi restaurant. just a chill day!! maybe she’ll go to the spa for a massage, if anyone would like to join her. she’s always apprehensive going for one, but they help her a lot. 

dec 30th: eunah drew red, so that means she’ll be cleaning! she’s surprisingly hardy when it comes to cleaning, so she won’t be shying away from anything. maybe she’ll convince your muse to scrub a bit harder? or... once again... she’ll probably need help reaching some shit. 

dec 31st: you guys know her concert routine by now.

i think!! eunah will actually allow herself to have some fun and get drunk at the new year’s party! she’s a big lightweight, so it won’t take much. does anyone wanna come to the theatre with her?? preferably any other musical kid?? so they can drunkenly sing theatre duets together!!

jan 1st: she’ll put on her best smile for 7rophy’s fan sign, but she’ll probably not be in the most... energetic mood. or whatever eunah’s version of energetic is. she’ll be amicable though, as per usual!! wish, 7rophy or silhouette members please come get a coffee with her while they’re waiting around.

dowoon

dowoon is pretty neutral about the whole thing!! as per usual, he’s just vibing. he doesn’t really care about christmas. can’t help but cringe at some of the spectacle people get up to when it comes to like extreme amounts of lights, so he’s happy enough to be somewhere that at least feels like it has a right to be decorated.

dec 25th: dowoon will put his best foot forward at the concert, like he always does! after charm’s set, you can probably find him facetiming his dog. 

dec 26th: dowoon is rooming with yeonggi because they are bffs!! stan dogi <3 

after that dowoon is headed to the pool, courtesy of the blue card he drew! kinda wishes he drew yellow instead but he likes swimming well enough, and will probably enjoy playing games!! someone come race in the pool w/ him maybe. 

he’s honestly most excited to try all the different restaurants, and will be starting with the french fine dining one because he thinks he’ll like it the least. 

doesn’t really care much about the holiday ball, but a party’s a party, he supposes, so whatever. 

dec 27th: today dowoon is checking out the sushi restaurant!! 

aside from that, he’s just relaxing in his suite LOL

will go out to get something to eat and maybe a couple of drinks in taipei in the evening though, if anyone wants to join him. 

dec 28th: dowoon drew blue again!! he’s not big into shopping for himself (at all), so i think he’s going to use the money to pick out some nice gifts for his parents and his dog, and maybe something small for himself.  

then it’s concert time! dowoon does his dance, he’s great, that’s all there is to know. 

dec 29th: the next restaurant on dowoon’s list is the italian place!! again looking for a food critic partner in crime xoxo

otherwise, dowoon will probably just be vibing in various places around the ship. god, he is so boring. 

dec 30th: dowoon drew yellow, and he’ll be sneaking off to join the red team to clean! he’s a decent actor and is known to work by himself a lot, so i don’t think he’ll be that suspicious. 

last restaurant today!! the korean and american bbq grill. he left it for last because he knew he was guaranteed to enjoy it. 

dec 31st: concert. hit hit hit hit sound.

new year’s party!! omg i am opening the floor to something inch resting if anyone has even read this far........ who wants to kith at midnight? but like not in the fun minhee way, maybe in a kind of emo we drank together for the last couple of hours on the observatory deck way and now we are kissing because it’s the new year. but like also dowoon does not like to Feel so he’ll probably be like “bye” and just fucking leave right after. nice one bro this is why you don’t get any.

jan 1st: dowoon holds his alcohol pretty well, so he’ll be fine for the fan sign, but if any of the members from charm, origin or mars need a pick me up, he doesn’t mind giving them some painkillers or whatever.

[fortunatelylori]

Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love now and then

Thoughts on Sanditon finale

It is a truth universally acknowledged that you should never blog in anger. Last night’s Sanditon episode left the entire fandom in a state of uproar. Cancelations have been issued. Curses have been cast and tears have been shed … those were mostly mine, to be fair.

For once I decided not to start furiously typing just as the episode ended but wait out the inevitable momentary fury and return to the episode tonight for a second viewing. I have to thank @and-holly-goes-lightly and @kitten1618x for putting up with my temper tantrums late last night on private chat so all of you nice people wouldn’t have to endure my more volcanic outbursts. Being far more reasonable people than I, they pointed out the grayness in a sea of black and white and made me reconsider the episode.

In addition I would advise anyone to do a second viewing of the episode if you haven’t done so yet. Reason being that your first viewing of something that you are so deeply invested in will always be heated. I could hardly pay attention last night to the scenes I was watching because I was so desperate to get to the ending. On top of that, the reality of what you see on screen will fight with the theory you’ve already made in your head and more often than not you end up disliking canon not because it’s bad but because it’s not what you thought you were going to see.

That being said, after a thorough rewatch, I have to declare this episode as one of the finest finales to a season I’ve seen. I say finale to the season, not the series because as a series finale it would be more than a little disappointing. But if there is one silver lining to take from this episode is that we are getting a season 2. I just can’t see how we wouldn’t.

Now, nothing in life, has any business being perfect and this episode wasn’t either. So I will quickly list what I felt were the major flaws so we can proceed to the good stuff of which there is plenty.

Not sparkers of joy

The pacing and structure

It was somewhat rushed. Scenes jumped from one to the other without much preparation (particularly in the first half) and several things were not addressed. People have pointed to the fact that they did not include a Charlotte/Georgiana good-bye scene which I agree was a mistake. In addition, we were presented with a Georgiana and Arthur that were the best of friends even though in episode 7, Georgiana couldn’t stand him. That’s not to say they couldn’t reach this point but I expected to see that journey, not skip it.

Georgiana, on the whole, was odd. Aside from her rebuke of Sidney and conversation with Charlotte which were keeping in line with what she did in episode 7, the rest of her time on screen was perplexing. She was lively, dancing with everyone, huge smile on her face … this being the girl that refused to leave her bedroom a few days before. Again, not saying she couldn’t get to this stage but where did I see how she did that?!?

The whole Sidney/Eliza situation was resolved off screen which … why?!? First we weren’t given the scene of him sending her packing in ep 7 and now we have no idea how he turned that around to the extent that he got himself engaged to her and with the money to save Sanditon, all in a week.

I mean ok, I get that he’s got but ... OK, OK! He’s THAT hot!

There were other examples of shoddy storytelling but those stick out in my mind the most.

The sudden tone shift

The reason why I reacted so badly to the episode to start with was because for 7 hours I was led to believe this was a fluffy, cozy regency romance in the vein of Northanger Abbey or Emma. Sure, things happen to cause momentary sadness but it all gets resolved in the best way by the end of the episode.

Instead the Sanditon finale marked the tone shift from the fluffy to the angst. We are now firmly in Persuasion/Sense&Sensibility territory. It’s still Austen as I will explain below in more detail but I would have appreciated some warning that this is where we were heading.

The specifics of the cliffhanger

Now this is obviously personal preferences but I do have some issues with the manner in which they chose to separate Sidney and Charlotte. Having Sidney propose to Eliza in order to get the money to save Tom from prison does resolve several issues in a very expedient way: it forces the two young lovers apart; it creates angst and anticipation for the next season; it also allows for Charlotte and Sidney to both be victims of the separation and still desperately in love with each other and wanting to get married.

However, the cost is that Sidney is now in the position of doing to Charlotte exactly what Willoughby did to Marianne in Sense and Sensibility. Sidney is obviously not Willoughby and his motives are selfless. But his actions are a play by play of Willoughby’s betrayal: he pursues Charlotte, kisses her on the cliffs (substitute that for Willoughby taking a lock of Marianne’s hair), means to propose to her and then disappears, only to return engaged when a lack of money force him to choose between love and a fortune. 

He even makes a “I don’t love her” confession, similar to Willoughby’s scene with Eleanor. Of course, Sidney tells Charlotte that not to victimize himself like Willoughby but rather because he can’t bare the thought that Charlotte might think he’s done this because he doesn’t love her. But you can see how this kind of narrative choice can really negatively impact Sidney’s character. 

It’s sad that they chose this cliffhanger, particularly since they didn’t need to. I firmly believe that had they ended on a more hopefully note for Charlotte and Sidney we would have tuned in anyway for season 2. I wish they had had more confidence in their story and in their viewers.

But enough of the negative!

Sparks joy

Theme

I have to say that thematically, they hit this finale out of the park. The most important piece of dialogue in this whole episode occurs between Esther and Lady Denham:

Lady Denham: It is infinitely better to be loved than to love. Especially in a marriage.

Esther: You’re speaking from your own experience or someone else’s?

Lady Denham: My own. Not with my husband, of course. It was long before that. A man called Rowley. Some people said he was the handsomest man in all of Somerset. But to me he was the handsomest in the world. And he knew it!

Esther: What happened?

Lady Denham: He kept me dangling for a while. Trembling. Waiting for a look, for a smile, for a tender word … like one of his dogs. And then he up and married a girl from Gloucestershire, with 50.000. He had debts, of course. Couldn’t have afforded to marry me. Should have been obvious to me at the time but … you know what girls are.

May I just say that Anne Ried’s performance in this scene is a treasure trove of skill and emotion? You can just feel the longing and the sadness this story can still elicit from this seemingly cold matriarch. Lady Denham, like all our characters, is more than she seems. She starts off as a Lady Catherine de Bourgh clone and develops into one of the wisest, mot rational people in the show.

She gives Esther excellent advice and is compassionate when she realizes what Edward has been doing to her.

She also gives us our theme for the finale of Sanditon and perhaps of the whole show. Because her speech doesn’t just apply to Esther and her relationship to Edward. It applies to Georgiana’s heartbreak over Otis and Charlotte’s impeding heartbreak at the hands of Sidney. In even more general terms, it speaks to the heartbreak most Austen heroines experience at some point during her novels: 

Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed in love a little now and then. It is something to think of, and gives her a sort of distinction among her companions - Pride and Prejudice

Her whole speech reminded me of what my mother told me the first time I broke up with someone I loved. She said: “No girl can pass through life without having her heart broken”.

The show telegraphs this home by having the Sidney/Charlotte cliff walk follow immediately after this scene.

We are so distracted by the innocent beauty of Sidney and Charlotte being in love and so mesmerized by their first kiss:

That we fail to take Lady Denham’s warning seriously. And, just like Charlotte, we end up paying the price for it

The Austenverse

Lady Denham also clues us in to where exactly we are within the Austenverse. Many people have claimed that episode 8 marked the moment this stopped being an Austen story because Austen novels always have happy endings:

My characters shall have, after a little trouble, all that they desire.

Did you think we were just going to skip the “little trouble”part? Sweet summer children! We’re at the moment where Elizabeth finds out Lydia has run off with Wickham and thinks she’s lost Darcy for good. We’re at the moment where Knightly reprimands Emma for treating Miss Bates poorly and leaves for London. We’re at the moment where Anne is forced to join her father in Bath and believes Fredrick will soon marry Louisa Musgrove.

And finally, and most pertinently since this is what Sanditon is trying to emulate, we’re at the moment where Edward’s engagement to Lucy Steele is made public and he and Eleanor say their final good-byes (supposedly).

Austen heroines are never spared heartache. But it is a depiction of heartache that is not gratuitous. It allows the characters to grow, to understand the true depth of their feelings and eventually to value the good fortune they have when it all turns out for the best in the end.

And no novel drives that point home more than Sense and Sensibility and Austen’s Eleanor character, the suffer in silence heroine who pretends she is fine, all the meanwhile dying on the inside. Kind of like this:

Honestly it shouldn’t surprise me that we’ve ended the season on this somber note. Sanditon visually owes a great deal to Davies’ Sense and Sensibility 2008 adaptation. That mini-series had a somewhat different feel to usual Austen productions, particularly in comparison to the 1995 Ang Lee film. It was darker, grittier and had a bit of a western feel to it than Sanditon reproduces to great effect, I think.

So it’s quite understandable, in retrospect, that Charlotte’s character arc would see her start off as a Marianne type character (open, romantic and impulsive) and slowly turn her into Eleanor by the end of the season.

In order to make that transition complete, a lot was asked of Rose Williams and she manages to convey the transformation in one breathtaking shot:

I am deeply, deeply impressed with her acting in this episode, and particularly in this scene. You can literally feel her heart breaking and see the mask that will dominate in the church scene fall into place.

Which brings us to Sidney …

I’ve said it a million times and I can’t help but say it again: Theo James OWNS this character. I don’t know if he simply hasn’t gotten the proper material in his career until now or if there’s something special about Sidney that resonates with him but his acting is so spot on that even when Sidney breaks Charlotte’s heart, behaving like Willoughby as I’ve said, you can’t hate him.

Not when he is the same man who gets chocked up as he tries to propose to Charlotte:

Not when he’s the man who tells her this:

Sidney: I have never wanted to put myself in someone else’s power before. I never wanted to care for anyone but myself.

And not when, with just one look, Theo James is able to convey Sidney’s despair and pain. How can you hate him when he’s clearly breaking himself into tiny pieces over giving Charlotte up?

And how the hell can you hate him when you can hate … this clown instead?

Oh, sorry I meant …

Words cannot describe how much I loathe Tom Parker. Well actually, my new fictional mum comes close to enunciating our common and general distaste:

Lady Denham: I will see you in the debtors prison! I will see you in the poor house! Where are your promises now? Dust and ashes! You might as well have lost my money at the gaming tables! You despicable man!

If only Lady D would have been allowed to go forth with her threat and hand Tom over to the debt collectors. How much happier everyone would be right now!

Unfortunately the Parkers are far too nice for their own good. They all jump in head first, trying to save this sorry excuse for a man. Arthur even offers up his entire inheritance. Tom refuses … Not because he thinks it’s not right for his youngest brother to risk his entire life’s comfort for his unworthy clown’s ass but because … IT’S NOT ENOUGH MONEY!

Tom Parker has amassed 80.000 pounds worth of debts. Luckily Google allows me to illustrate to you exactly what 80.000 pounds meant in 1820s era England:

80.000 pounds could have paid the wages of an immortal skilled worker in perpetuity!!!! And this MORON decided not to ensure it … Apparently, Kris Marshall has said that Tom is the Regency’s version of Steve Jobs … I assume Steve Jobs too let his younger brother prostitute himself for his benefit, after already taking a 3000 pounds “loan” from him and thinking up ways of spending his baby  brother’s inheritance on top of that … Oh, wait! Steve Jobs was a visionary who died a billionaire. Take several sits, Kris!

What really irritates me is that everyone is very quick to absolve Tom of any blame, jump to his defense and in due course Tom, himself, decides he should not be so hard on himself, which is why he is ecstatic when Sidney returns to Sanditon, with the news of his engagement. This is what comes out of Tom Parker’s mouth:

Tom Parker: This is excellent news! Oh, Charlotte, glorious news! Sanditon is saved!

So he knows full well that Sidney has asked Mrs. Campion to marry him in order to save him and he is perfectly willing to let him go through with ruining his life. The saddest part is that the rest of the Parker family goes along with this lunacy.

That includes Mary who already knows that Sidney and Charlotte are in love. Kind and sensible as she might be, Mary decides to turn a blind eye to Sidney’s sacrifice and Charlotte’s pain in order to have her husband safe. And it shouldn’t come as a surprise since she’s the one that told Sidney this back in episode 1:

Sidney: And tomorrow is the famous ball, is it not?

Mary: Tom has been in such a state about it! You will do all you can to help him, won’t you?

I thought I’d mention this since everyone seems to be under the impression that Sidney sacrificing himself for Tom now is a sign of the growth of character Charlotte inspired in him. But it actually isn’t.

Both Tom and Mary make it very clear early on that they relay on Sidney’s help. He’s sort of the third member of their marriage (they do have a painting of him in their entryway) who is there to ensure Tom’s ass is saved from the fire of his own making. And both Tom and Mary are complacent in this.

Sidney choosing to marry Mrs. Campion over Charlotte isn’t a new development in his dedication to his family. It is the end result of years of emotional blackmail and dependency Tom has dished out, and Mary has, most likely unconsciously, supported.

And all of that spells disaster for Sidney who is left closing the door to the coach that will take the love of his life away from him:

I know we are all commiserating with Charlotte over what happened. But I think we should spare Sidney a thought as well. He is ruining his life, his integrity and his happiness for someone who will most likely waste his sacrifice in a matter of months. Add to that Eliza’s behavior at the wedding and it’s pretty safe to say Sidney will pay for the money he will give Tom in every which way possible.

The only glimmer of light in all this unbearable darkness is that Lord Babington (he still doesn’t have a first name … :( ) and Esther are now married. Their wedding is actually very much a visual representation of Austen type country weddings, down to everyone smiling and throwing petals at them:

However even in their case, there are still clouds on the horizon since Esther was pretty clear about not being in love with her husband. She took Lady D’s advice that “ being loved is better than loving: and season 2 will show us if that is enough for her or indeed her husband.

Unfortunately, our two protagonists weren’t as lucky as Lord and Lady Babington. The road ahead for them is hard and filled with angst. There’s bound to be a lot of darkness before the dawn. However, do not despair and listen to the only voice that matters:

Lady Denham: Well, Miss Heywood? You’re still proclaiming your independence? Or is it that none of our young men have taken your fancy? I’ll wager we’ll see you walk down the aisle very soon. What do you say, Mr. Parker?

My fictional mummy is never wrong!

[foxgloveinspace]

YouTubers AU Part One

Also On Ao3

Ed didn't want to be YouTube famous across three channels, but here he is. In a crappy little apartment, with great sound proofing, an amazing view and access to the roof from his bedroom window.

Yeah, that was the good parts.

The bad parts where Al yelling at him cause he killed the cat in their current Minecraft Hard Mode playthrough. They where on their second one, after the first was a whopping 7 episodes long, and honestly, he didn't mean to.

He really didn't mean to bring his wolf in their house, and then have said wolf kill the cat when he went to eat and then accidentally hit the cat. That Al had spent about half an hour trying, and some how succeeding, to herd into their house without fish, cause 'I don't have a fish right now brother, and if I go to get one, she will be gone before I get back!' While Al was currently going to get the fish to tame it.

So yeah, this playthrough has ended with Ed dead, cause Al killed him and Al getting sad that Ed was dead even though "You deserve this Brother!" and then Al dying because of creepers, which "This wouldn't be a problem is you hadn't killed my cat!"

Again.

Well, not exactly, but it's very similar to how the first one went, which is very weird!

At least they made more progress this time, making it to a total of 9 episodes. And also filling their quota of Minecraft for three months. All in one recording session!

But that was earlier today. At the moment he was trying to find all the ingredients to try and make Al's favorite dinner, to appease him of said earlier cat incident.

"Al, we're out of... well everything!"

Maybe he would get away with making it this weekend, when it wasn't almost nine at night, and all he wanted to do was put a frozen pizza in the oven.

Instead he heard the jingle of keys from the kitchen door way. Turning he saw Al, already in his shoes, tucking his wallet into his back pocket.

Ed groaned.

"Fuck, ok."

Al smiled big.

"I love you"

Ed rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, you better. Love you too."

----

They heard the baby crying way before they got to the isle the baby was in. Al making a little grimace at him when they first heard it. They both love kids a lot, and hearing any baby cry makes them want to find the baby and cheer it up.

They have gotten good at ignoring that instinct since they reached their late teens, and now that they are adults it's very easy to ignore.

But then they are down the same isle as the crying baby, and her (if the flower headband and frilly dress are anything to go by, you never know these days, and honestly does it fucking matter?) almost equally in tears father. He's holder her on his shoulder and trying to bounce her while hes looking at the frozen empty ravioli. Which is right where they need to be.

The dad kinda looks familiar, if Ed stops to think about it, maybe they shop at the same time a lot? But he doesn't stop to think about, just hands the basket with their other groceries in it to Al, and gets to work. Smiling, puffing up his cheeks and then pressing on them while crossing his eyes, sticking out his tongue, and then playing peak-a-boo by hiding behind Al and speaking up over his shoulders (the only time he will admit being shorter than Al is a good thing).

Slowly the baby stops crying, and then starts smiling, and then she starts giggling like crazy!

That's when her dad turns around with his pick of frozen ravioli and stops short as he sees two young men, one of which pops up from behind the other.

" Uh. Hello there?"

Oh! Ed did know him! But he didn't. He was one Al and his' current favorite YouTube channel.

"Hello! Please don't mind my brother."

Hughes (that's his name, fuck isn't that weird, they know his name but he might not know theirs) just laughs.

"That's fine, I think he got Elicia to calm down, so thank you"

Ed smiled big at him

"No problem! Happy to help."

Hughes just smiles at them.

Ed takes the basket back from Al while Hughes put the now calm baby (Elicia), into the buggy, he also hands her a set of baby keys, which she happily shakes and then starts chewing on.

"Ah, I know this might be sudden, but we really like your dnd channel."

Ed elbows him in the side. What is he thinking! They hate being recognized, why would they-

Hughes was staring at them, kind of in a weird way.

"You watch our channel? Well, its Roy's channel, but you watch it?? What do you think, do you like it? Of course you like it, you just said that."

Elicia threw her keys. Hughes just sighs and picks them up as she giggles. He scoots down the isle a little as he does, and Ed goes to get the frozen ravioli, he knows exactly which ones, cause they are the only ones Al will eat, and hes done in two seconds. He also grabs pizza rolls, cause they are right there, and Al isn't looking. He's talking with Hughes.

"Yes! We are big fans, Ed has been binge watching the first campaign again, cause he always loses it laughing when-"

Ed tunes it out. He has gotten too used to Al trying to embarrass him like this. He cringes as he remembers the last youtube meet up they went to. He is never going to be able to interact with some of those other creators ever again. Not like he really wanted to they where all mostly assholes in real life, but gosh did Al have to tell them about how they 'inspired them' or some shit? Fuck, its silent. Ed looks up to see them both staring.

"Uhh."

Good job Ed.

"Mr. Hughes just asked what our opinions on them switching dms is."

Oh.

"Oh. Well, I think Sheska does a good job! Not as good as you, you put more personality into it, but I think shes gotten better. More lose in her story telling I guess."

He's rambling, fuck.

Hughes just smiles at him though, so he guesses he didn't fuck up too much.

"Yeah. I didn't really want to stop, but my beautiful daughter was born! And it was hard to go from work, straight to Roy's and then not see her at night during the week. But that was before they decided on the new film schedule, I could come back now anytime I want to, but I'm waiting til this campaign ends."

Ed and Al nodded. They didn't exactly understand, cause they had no prior knowledge of their film schedule, but they decided it was ok, since he was a tired father.

"Well. What brings you two here so late at night?"

They start walking, looks like they are all done and headed to the check outs.

"Oh, Brother killed my cat in Minecraft earlier, and now he's making me ricotta stuffed ravioli. But we didn't have ricotta. Or ravioli."

Hughes looks at them funny for a second, and then looks at Ed with an eyebrow raised.

Ed shrugs.

"What Al wants, Al gets"

Al just nods.

Hughes pauses, and then looks at Elicia, and gives an understanding nod.

They get to the check outs, and part ways, Ed and Al waving goodbye to Elicia, which she gives a cute little wave back, then said bye to Hughes before going to the 15 items or less self check out.

They are walking back to the car when Al starts talking.

"Well that was nice."

"That was awkward."

"Brother! We made his first fan experience nice! We could have been rude! Remember that girl from last month! That was awful!"

Ed just sighed. That was awful. Nothing like some random chick insisting you and your brother do... stuff, for you to never want to do any fan meets every again.

They climb in the car, and promptly Al starts talking about how excited he is for ravioli, even though it's almost ten thirty.

---

He doesn't really think about it again until two days later during their next recording session.

They are just grinding levels, and talking about random shit, when Ed remembers.

"Oh, hey, you guys are never gonna believe it! We randomly meet one of our own favorite YouTubers! Hughes from TeamMustangAdventures. He was super nice even though we meet at a Walmart, not sponsored, at like 10 pm, it was great!"

Wow, Ed didn't really think about saying that.

He also didn't think it would turn into a long conversation where him and Al talked about their favorite episodes.

He really forgets sometimes that his voice has impacts on things, mainly that by the next week, after the episode goes up, TMA would have almost a million subs, when the night before they had about two hundred thousand. He also didn't expect all their fans to comment "Ed&AlPlayGames sent us here!" He really didn't expect the request for a Twitter conversation from one Roy Mustang to be in their inbox that night.

Oh boy.

[viltrumitesuperboy]

Better (Bucky x Male Reader)

Your typical cheesy fic of the avengers still living in the Stark tower like everything is fine. You have been warned.

Soulmate AU.

Word count: about 2950

You found out about HYDRA when they killed your parents. They left you a small box of their possessions. On a flash drive, it held everything you needed to know about their work in S.H.I.E.L.D. You found a few contacts in their files, calling them and informing them that your parents had been killed. Natasha never picked up, but a week later, she answered and told you she wanted to meet with you.

You met at a baseball field, sitting in the stands to pretend to watch them. She informed you that you were going to train to join her in S.H.I.E.L.D., and you agreed without a second thought. She trained you herself in gyms in areas the next town over, never staying somewhere more than 3 times to keep both of you safe.

As soon as you beat her in a fight three times in a row, she smiled and informed you that she would call to get you into the organisation that would honour your parents. You quickly worked your way up the ladder because of your skills with probably every weapon they'd ever known, thanks to Natasha.

During a mission, you had a major spinal injury that required months of rest, and you were forced to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. Two years later, after learning to walk again and training the moment you could run, you were in a better position than before.

Like anyone else in this world, that also meant two more years of not being able to find your soulmate. Not everyone found their soulmates in life, but they would still find someone to love. Luckily for people like Tony Stark and Steve Rogers, they found their soulmates and were happy with their fates.

Years of hardships and bitterness led to your choice of refusing to touch someone you didn't know well. At some point, it became enough for you to shy away the moment someone got close to you. If you were fighting them, you were sure they wouldn't have been your soulmate anyway. Surely fate wouldn't allow you to suffer with someone who should be your enemy.

In those two years, you seemed to have missed quite a bit, but you knew you couldn't face any of the agents at your lowest. Some new guy had joined the team, and he had a vibranium arm, the same material as the Captain's shield. Turns out they were friends in the 40's.

Your best friend approached the Avengers tower with you in tow, your hesitant behaviour evidently showing your nervousness.

"Come on," they said. "You know that your very famous Avenger friend would like to see you again."

You bit your lip before following them into the building, allowing yourself to examine the familiar lobby.

"It really hasn't changed too much," you chuckled, following them into the elevator and riding it up.

You both made some small talk and commented on the view. The doors opened and you turned back around to face the people you once worked with.

The second you were out of the elevator, a body slammed into yours from the side in a hug.

"Smallest Avenger! It's good to see you again," Thor said, ruffling your hair with a wide smile. "And your friend!"

"I missed you too, and you know I'm not an Avenger," you laughed, returning the hug.

"Hey, I believe you both owe all of us at least a handshake."

You turned to look at Tony, a wide smile growing on your face. Thor went behind you to greet your best friend, and they ended up giving everybody a hug in record time, even the two men standing on the side. You gave Tony a handshake, which he turned into a pat on the back with his other hand. Steve gave a wave, and you did the same. You and Bruce gave each other a high-five. You asked for Clint, but he had gone out for groceries, of all things he could be doing. You turned to Natasha, unsure of how to greet her. You held your hand out, and she pushed it aside to put her arms around you, and you could feel her slight laughter from her body.

"I wish you'd contacted us sooner. I've missed you," she said quietly.

"I missed you too," you sighed, pressing your lips to her cheek before pulling back.

"And this is Bucky and Sam!" Steve announced.

You turned to see a man with wavy brown hair framing his face and a vibranium arm, along with someone who looked much more friendlier with a... not vibranium arm.

"I'm Sam Wilson," the friendlier-looking one said, holding out his hand, which you responded with a wave.

"James. Everyone calls me Bucky," the one with the metal arm said, waving his other hand when he realised you weren't going to shake it.

"(Y/N)," you greeted simply. "I can still be in S.H.I.E.L.D., right?"

The others laughed and Nat grabbed your forearm, bringing you to the elevator. You waved goodbye to your best friend, and they shot you a thumbs up. It probably wasn't a great idea to leave all those wild people with your equally wild best friend, but you knew they were in good hands.

One of the hardest things for Bucky was accepting himself. He knew that it was that shithole of an organisation HYDRA that brainwashed him to hurt people, but he hated knowing that he was the one to do it. The fact that he was able to heal and regrow his relationships helped him a little bit, but his world of black and white seemed to be the only constant his entire life.

He'd met many people, but every single one he'd met, which he'd at least put his hand on their shoulder or had them touch him, didn't give him the change in his world that he wanted to see. So he gave up, but deep inside there was hope of finding love.

The first time he saw you train blew his mind. He had also gone to train, but hadn't expected anyone else to be there. When he saw you, he figured you would leave soon after he did because you were only human who had recently had an accident. Instead, he stayed there for at least an hour, and you were still there.

"How long have you been here?" Bucky said between punches on a punching bag.

"I don't know. I just keep going until I forget," you answered, punching the bag harder than he'd seen any person hit.

"And do you?" he asked.

"No."

"...I'm sorry. I understand."

"I'm sure. Read your file. I don't think even I have it as bad as you. You ever find your soulmate? It doesn't mention it."

"No."

"Same."

He chuckled, grabbing a towel and dropping onto a bench. He pat the spot next to you and you dropped down next to him.

"Sometimes you just need to rest," Bucky explained. "And don't act like your problems are less important than someone else's. I might have issues to work out, but everyone else who deals with grief needs to go through the same process. I find meditation helps a lot. Putting all your anger into training leaves you drained, so hold some of that back because you never know when you need those repressed memories. It's like that big boss that comes at the end of every movie or video game after the little guys."

"So you joke to hide your pain too, huh? Nice to know. I think we can get along," you said, turning your head just slightly to look at him. "I'll definitely try meditating. If you don't mind me joining you, I'd be glad to do so."

"Of course. Wanna get back to training?"

"Yeah."

You have never been so infuriated in your life.

First, Thor had woken you up by taking your blankets and running off with them, hiding them in someone else's room, which was the only hint he gave you. Then, when you went to eat breakfast, someone (you weren't sure who) had cooked for everyone, but Tony snatched it away just as you placed your fork onto it. You were the last to cook for yourself, which meant you had to wash the dishes because Tony was being a dick. Then you remembered that you had to go find your blankets. You took the stairs down two steps at a time to each floor.

Eventually, the only person's room you hadn't visited was Bucky's. You went to his floor and knocked on his door, which he swung open in seconds. He was only wearing a tank top and sweatpants like he did when he trained, but he looked really attractive just standing there so casually with no goal in mind.

"Uh, hey. Why are you here?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What, I can't visit my closest friend here outside of meditation hours? Well I guess I'll just have to leave," you sighed, turning to the elevator.

"No I didn't mean it like that," he laughed. "Come in."

You went in and immediately spotted your blankets sticking out of a shelf.

"There they are!" you exclaimed in relief, grabbing the sheets and hugging them to your chest. "Okay, bye."

"Wait, why was that there? I didn't even notice," Bucky said.

"I mean, hidden in plain sight, right? Thor stole my sheets to wake me up and some of the others are ganging up on me. I don't know why," you explained, putting the blankets around your shoulders and wrapping them tightly around yourself.

"If you want, we can just chill until the afternoon."

"Any good movies or shows you like to watch?"

"Honestly? Disney movies."

"Hell yeah."

He motioned for you to sit on his bed as he put in a movie. You snuggled further into your blankets as you sat back against his headboard, with him joining and sitting next to you. Sometimes you would quietly sing along to lyrics you liked (which was a lot of them) and Bucky watched you do so with the smallest smile on his face.

He had been waiting forever to let you know he was romantically interested in you. So of course, he used what he knew was a classic in this century: A Whole New World from Aladdin. Honestly, he didn't know what was running through his head. Just as he turned to look at you, you turned to him and began singing to him jokingly. He laughed as you sang the first verse, and joined in when it was Jasmine's part. At some point, it got kind of serious, and you could feel your hand inching towards his on the bed.

"A thrilling chase..."

"A wondrous place..."

"For you and-"

You and Bucky jumped apart so quickly that your elbow slammed into the headboard behind you just as the door slammed open. You let out a yelp as you held it quickly, glaring at the now open door.

"Tony! You scared me!" you complained, grabbing the blankets and hopping off the bed.

"Just needed to talk to you about something real quick."

You huffed and stood up, bunching up the blankets into your arm.

"Okay, what's up?" you asked as Tony invited himself into your room.

"Well first, thanks for letting me have your breakfast," Tony began.

"I didn't give you shit," you growled.

"Wait, I made breakfast," Bucky said.

"We have a problem. So I'm gonna need you two lovebirds to gear up. And save the kissing for later," Tony said.

"I- we weren't kissing!" you exclaimed.

"Let's go."

You waved bye to Bucky, who was standing up as well, and you left to grab your things.

Of course it was aliens. It was always aliens.

There seemed to be no end to the dozens of aliens coming out of the very large ship. Luckily it was far from human civilisation, so it was basically the Avengers' playground.

You reloaded your gun as you continued to shoot at the aliens with impeccable aim. One of them came at your left with sharp teeth ready to attack you, and you swung your arm to stab a dagger into its neck.

"Ew, this blood is like jelly."

"Hey, at least you're not covered in it," Steve said through the earpiece, and you heard a distant screech from an alien whose head he had cut off.

Your area was cleared and you quickly looked around to see if anything else was coming. Just a few trees away, you saw Bucky in close combat with one of the larger aliens. Another one was approaching behind him, and you ran to shoot at it. It dodged the bullet and snarled, reaching Bucky and raising its arm to swipe at him.

"Bucky!" you shouted.

You shoved him out of the way and took the blow on the side, crying out and falling to your knees. He grabbed its head and smashed it into the other's, shoving them to the side with his superhuman force.

"(Y/N)'s down," he said shakily. "Hey, what... is that... blood?"

He had you roll over to your side to prevent more bleeding and inspected the wounds. It seemed different, and when he glanced around quickly, everything else had changed from its original black and white, as others called it. Thor shouted something to everyone else and covered for both of you.

"(Y/N)? Stay with me. I don't want to lose you and I just found out you're my soulmate. Please, please," he said quietly. "Can you hear me?"

Your eyes darted to his and you nodded, the smallest movement. He picked you up from the side that wasn't hurt and began to run to the jet they came on.

"I'm taking him back to the jet."

"Noted," Tony said.

Once he reached the jet, you were breathing heavily as he placed you down. He took some cloth and wrapped it around your body where your wounds were, pulling just a little tighter to stop the blood.

"You know, I hate being trained to not be in shock. I just feel so much pain right now," you tried to joke but panted when you tried laughing.

"Hey, stop that. You'll be fine. Steve said we're almost done, so they wouldn't mind if we stayed here. Just hang in there, okay? Bruce will look at you and you'll be fine," Bucky rushed out, holding onto the hand you held out to him.

"That was probably the worst way to find out we were soulmates, huh?" you asked.

"Better late than never. You'll be okay. Just stick with me."

After a few moments of him trying to talk to you and you just nodding or shaking your head or smiling, the Avengers got into the jet, Bruce quickly taking a look at you as Tony began to fly back to the Avengers Tower. You started to close your eyes, the voices of the others and Bucky shaking your arm lulling you to sleep.

When you opened your eyes, it was just a little too bright and you shut your eyes again. You opened them when you felt your eyes had adjusted. You looked down at your body, then to a hand grasping yours.

"Buck," you said quietly, and his head shot up from his other arm.

"Oh my god. Hey, how are you feeling, any pain still? They stitched you up," he mumbled, his hand reaching for a glass of water to give you.

"Just a little bit. Thank you, Bucky," you said, giving him a small smile and taking a long sip. "And how are you doing? You probably look worse than I do."

His red eyes and nose, his messy hair, and the bags under his eyes gave it away.

"How long have I been here?" you asked him. "How long have you been here?"

"Ever since after the surgery like two days ago," he admitted, looking away because he knew you wouldn't have wanted that.

"Bucky."

"I know, I just wanted you to be safe. I'll go back to taking care of myself or whatever after this, okay? But you need rest and you need to be safe, so I had to stay until you were awake."

"Thank you, Bucky. You mean so much to me, so I'm just glad you're safe."

"You do too, shut up."

You both chuckled, yours much weaker than his. You lifted the arm that wasn't hurt and cupped his face with it.

"Would it be bad to ask you for a kiss?"

He smiled, standing up and leaning over to give you a peck on the forehead.

"You missed, Buck."

"I didn't. Maybe we can kiss when you're better. I don't want our first kiss to be in a hospital bed."

Your smile widened in humour and you nodded.

"Okay. Go tell the others I'm awake and then I'm gonna go back to sleep," you told him.

"They're already on their way," he said. "We have an AI for a reason."

"You go take a shower and eat something first. You can come back in time," you said, holding his hand and squeezing just a little. "And I'm glad you're my soulmate. Really. I wouldn't have anyone else."

"Me too. We can learn the names of colours together later. I'll be back soon."

He gave you a kiss on your knuckles and left the room, allowing two of the Avengers in. The first thing they did, of course, was ask if you guys were dating, and you smiled, excited for what would come.

[thehollywoodluna-blog]

April

05/16/17

Memoir.

I used to think death was just something you would forget easily. I used to think that you’d only cry and be sad for about a week. But the second I found out I lost someone who was much more than a mom to me, that whole perspective changed. 

April 6, 2017

This day really didn’t feel like much. I didn’t think about whether today was going to be a good day or not or if the test I took in science class the day before was going to be given back to me today. My mind was empty. It was 7:15 and I was honestly no where near ready. I left my hair down because I had no time to make a bun or anything big. Either way my hair didn’t look too bad that day. Before I left the room to leave the house and start my day, I knew I was forgetting something. I turned around and saw the messy bed that stood there before me. Little did I know that last night was the last time i’d ever sleep in that bed. Who knew that that morning was the last morning i’d get ready for school in that house. I decided to finally clean the bed just in case my Grandma would come home today. I just wanted to make sure the room was clean enough so she wouldn’t get mad about it. 

As the day went on I started to think of my Grandma’s food.It’s been a week since I ate her food, little did I know once again that those seven days would turn into months. I missed her food. I craved her food. She always made the type of food that would make you want to eat more and more until you felt sick. Her food always carried a scent that made you grateful that you have the ability to smell things. My mouth tingled and got watery just at the thought of her food. 

As the day went on my day was finally almost coming to an end. I was pretty excited to go home, I’m not sure if it was because I thought my Grandma would be home and her food would be waiting there like it would always be everyday.

“Bye, I’ll text you when I get home!” I yelled to someone as I got onto the bus. 

I looked down on my phone and saw a message that made me absolutely happy. It was from my dad. “Grandma is out the hospital”. That message will always stick to me. I hate myself for being happy about a message which led to my Grandma’s death. I’m full of regret and anger because I was happy about something that led to one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life.

I finally got home, and still my Grandma wasn’t there. I was very bummed out because I actually thought she’d be there. But then I remembered as long as she is out the hospital then I can care less whether she is here or at my aunt’s house.

A few hours passed and still everything was fine. Everything was fine until my aunt called my sister.

“Hello?” my sister answered.

I can hear the loud, fast, almost panicky voice of my aunt. I couldn’t do nothing but stare at my sister and the phone. 

“Wait, what? Titi I don’t understand what you’re saying.” My sister sounded scared. She sounded concerned, her reactions worried me and made me think of the worst. 

My aunt’s voice got louder and she began to speak faster. Then the call ended. I sat there looking at my sister waiting for a response. Whether it was good or bad, I needed a response.

“Hurry up and get ready, we’re going to titi’s house.” my sister finally said as she got up.

“What? Why?” I was confused. I was worried.

During the walk to my aunt’s house I was quiet. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling too many emotions or no emotion at all. Halfway there a loud beep startled me as I was walking. It was my cousin, by the way she was shaking and the way her eyes were watery and as red as the blood that came out of me when the doctors were doing my blood work a few weeks ago, I knew something was very wrong. 

“Come in!” she yelled. 

I banged on the car window so she can unlock the doors. I didn’t even have the chance to close the car door so she can continue driving to my aunt’s house. My heart was beating so quickly. I was shaking so much and can barely think straight. 

“You know Grandma just died, right?” she said numbly.

Right then and there my heart shattered like the glass cup that broke when it fell off my mom’s kitchen table. It felt as if the world just stopped moving and everything was slowly just revolving around me. 

“Wait, what?” I replied quietly. I did know what my cousin had just said, but it just couldn’t be right. Those words scarred me for the rest of my life. It will always stick to me like the scar I have on the right side of my lips from stitches. I will always carry it with me through life.

“That surgery fu**ed her up,yo,” she said angrily as she hit her steering wheel. 

When we arrived at my aunt’s house the ambulance was already there. The bright lights reminded me of the nights where  my Grandma would turn on the lights in the middle of the night to take her medicine. 

I looked up at my aunt’s house while the cold rain mixed with my tears that were falling down my soft, brown cheeks. 

“They’re bringing her out right now” my uncle said with tears in his eyes.

I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t think. It felt like I couldn’t do anything at all. It felt like my heart was beating very slowly but I knew it was beating as fast as a hummingbird flapping its wings. Then finally the paramedics took her out. There she was. My grandmother. My mother. My everything.

The minute she was on the flat ground the paramedics did CPR on her. There was no movement, no nothing. The only movement that was going on was the forced pressure from the CPR that was being pressed onto my grandma’s chest.

“1..2..3..4..5..6..7..” I was counting and counting and still my Grandma was unresponsive. I need her to come back. But still, there was no response. Every break they’d take to check if she has a pulse i’d hope for the best and every time they’d do that i’d hear “No pulse”. All I needed and wanted was to see her eyes open one last time. But I couldn’t get that, even if it was the most biggest but simplest thing someone can ask for. 

“Come on! We need to bring her in” one of the paramedics yelled with some type of red and black machine in her hand. Then right away they brought her in and roamed away. 

Everyone got in the car and followed the ambulance. My uncle walked slowly to his car with his head looking down. My two aunts followed the ambulance while my other aunt was crying on the wet stairs. My sister, cousin and I got in the car and went home.

My dad texted me on the way home and told me to shower and that he will stay in touch with me. The minute I got home I slowly walked to my uncle’s room and closed the door. My aunt went to my Grandma’s room, the room my sister was currently in. I immediately heard my sister crying. I held onto the corner of the bed to stop myself from crying or to at least make sure no one heard me crying. My heart hurt. Everything was hurting. 

A few minutes passed and I decided to shower and let all my emotions out in there. I was confused. I didn’t understand why this had to happen so soon. I knew this day would come eventually, but I didn’t realize it would happen like this. 

The minute I shut the door to take a shower the tears came rolling down. My heart screamed in pain and my throat tightened to the point where it felt like I couldn’t breath anymore. 

A couple hours after I got out the shower I was downstairs waiting for my dad to come pick me and my sister up so we can go to his house. Finally he came, his eyes were red and he was so quiet and shaky. I knew what he was going to say but I just really didn’t want to hear it.

“Okay so unfortunately, Grandma didn’t make it. You guys are going to be spending the night with me and we’ll figure out the whole plan tomorrow or something”. I started crying right away. I got up so I wouldn’t make things worse. I didn’t want to make anyone feel much worse than they already felt. Knowing that I will never see my grandma ever again was the worst feeling. It felt as if my heart was being ripped out my chest then stomped on till it had no meaning. My throat tightened and burned the same way it did when I was running a mile without stopping. My chest felt  heavy but yet felt so empty on the same time. I was hoping this was all just all a nightmare, but deep down I knew it wasn’t. I knew this was all real but I didn’t want to believe it.

I was quiet the whole time we were all in the car. I wanted to be held,  I didn’t want to be held by just anyone I wanted to be held by my Grandma. I wanted to feel her warmth one last time. I wanted to be with her one last time.

“I’m going to stop by the hospital to see how things are. You can come in and see Grandma if you want but I’m just warning you there’s a bunch of wires and tubes on her and everything,” my dad said as he waited at the red light.

I replied yes without any type of hesitation. I needed to see her one last time. I just needed to.

When we got to the hospital I was still keeping myself together. But I just couldn’t do that for so long. Before I entered the room I heard my aunt crying. I saw other people in the hallways talking to paramedics,I smiled a little knowing that their mom or dad or any family member didn’t have to deal with death. They just would deal with happiness because their child is okay.

When we entered the room I couldn’t stop myself from crying anymore. My aunt looked at me with guilt in her eyes. Her cries gave out pain. She was begging for forgiveness, she was begging that my Grandmother would come back. She was begging god, the man who did all good, for once last chance with my Grandmother. She kept repeating the words “sorry, yo no saber. Yo no pensar”. My heart was breaking between every cry. I looked around and saw the sad faces of a few of my family members. Before I can even sit down I was handed a tissue.  I rubbed this tissue as if it was the most treasurous object someone can have.My Grandma laid there. She looked peaceful, but now that she was finally peaceful no one else wasn’t. 

My sister’s cries filled the room and combined with my aunts as if it was a chorus. My heart screamed with agony as my tears rolled down my cheeks like a bowling ball going down the aisle. I knew that from then on things will never be the same. I will never go straight home to food on the stove waiting for me. I will never get ready each morning and see my Grandma in bed sleeping still. I will never have the chance to feel, see and hear her. I will never have the chance to physically be with her. 

“Are you okay?” my aunt said from behind me as she massaged my shoulders. I shook my head up and down as if I was actually okay. I wanted to be okay, but I knew it’d be a while before I can truly be okay. I thank my aunt for asking me if I was okay, because out of the whole five to six days of all this sadness she was one of the three people that made sure I was okay.

About an hour passed my dad decided that we go home and get some rest. I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want to leave my Grandma. I was very drained from all this sadness and crying that the minute I got home I went to my dad’s bed and fell into a deep sleep. Before I fell asleep I prayed to God that I would wake up with some good news. I prayed to God that a miracle would fall upon my Grandma. I prayed for the best.

April 7th, 2017

*DING DING DING..DING DING DING..DING DING DING*

My alarm startled me awake. It was 6:30 a.m. I looked around and decided to fall back asleep since my sister was still sound asleep next to me. My eyes burnt and my throat itched from the long night I had last night, but still I fell back asleep.

*DING DING DING..DING DING DING..DING DING DING*

It was 7:00 a.m and my last alarm went off. I looked around and saw my dad in the bathroom brushing his teeth. I smiled a little because his beer belly was the only thing that made me know that it was my dad.

“You want to go to school? You don’t have to it’s up to you.” my dad said with the toothbrush hanging out his mouth.

“Yeah, I’ll just go. I have this essay to do and I don’t want to miss that. You can dismiss me after 12:30 though.”

He shook his head the same way my grandma would do every time I said something smart to her. I got up and got ready to distract me from crying again. Before I got in the shower I checked the messages with my Grandma to see what we had last talked about. As I was scrolling my hand started to shake because I knew that I would never be able to call or message her ever again. My heart was breaking more and more at just the thought of her. 

When we arrived at my school I was very quiet. A big heavy load of drowsiness took over me as I walked up the stairs to my homeroom. I went into my homeroom to give her my late pass so she would know I was not absent, I was trying to get perfect attendance but unfortunately that didn’t go to well. When I sat down I felt people looking at me. I saw heads turned my way in the corner of my eye.

My teacher was talking and giving out instructions but everything she was saying was going in one ear then coming out the other. When she was done I looked down at my paper as if I had no idea how to read. By the way my teacher looked at me she can tell I was completely lost.

“If you need any help just raise your hand,” she reminded the class.

I was the first and only student to raise their hand. I looked at her as if I came from a whole other dimension and everything here was brand new.

“Are you okay?” she asked. I started crying for some reason. Something triggered me and I’m not sure what it was. I walked to the bathroom to cool down a bit. I took a deep breath, looked up and closed my eyes then took  a deep breath out. I told myself to get myself together and try to continue on the day. I knew I can do it, I just needed to try my hardest. When I got back to class I felt more people looking at me. It made me a little uncomfortable but I had no choice but to continue on with my day.

Then allied arts came. My eyes and throat burned and my chest was tight because I was trying so hard not to cry. The people at the table knew something was wrong but didn’t want to ask because they knew it would just make matters worse. They knew i’d most likely break down if they ask if i’m okay. The pain and sadness that was taking control of me was unexplainable. I pulled myself together because I knew I had the whole day ahead of me so I had no choice but to. The afternoon finally comes and I get dismissed. My dad picks me up then we go straight to St.Joseph Cemetery to meet up with everyone else. My aunt’s eyes were red and under her eyes were dark. My uncles, cousins,aunts, dad, and I all walked as a group to find a spot to bury my Grandmother. I hated it very much. I stood over the spot we chose and thought about all the moments I had with my Grandma. I hated the fact that in three days I was  going to be in the same exact spot staring down at her casket while gloomy faces did the same.

After we figured out the price of the whole funeral we went to my aunt’s house. My cousins were in the room my Grandma stayed in. I felt uncomfortable being in the same house my grandma died in. My aunt started crying, then my cousin started crying next thing you know I was in the bathroom trying to calm myself down as tears formed. A few minutes passed and it was just getting worse. I was in the laundry room playing a game on my phone so I wouldn’t cry. I really didn’t want to cry but the pain was so big. My cousin came over and hugged me and said it’s okay. I started crying knowing that my grandma isn’t there to say that to me anymore when things are wrong. Even though I stopped crying after a few minutes I still wanted to cry more and let it all out.

I asked my uncle if I can go to grandma’s house and get some clothes for the weekend and for the funeral. He said yes with hesitation which made me want to wait a while before I go. On the way there I thought about all the times I would walk to my aunt’s house from my Grandma’s house because there wasn’t much room in the car. I thought about all the times I would walk from  my mom’s house to my grandma’s house and I would pass by my aunt’s and stop for a drink. Although it wasn’t even a full 24 hours since she passed it still felt like weeks has just gone by.

When I arrived the house was quiet. It was still. It felt like every single memory in this house left with my Grandma. It felt like all the positive energy that once took over this house left with my grandma. It was almost like she took almost everything that made me happy with her.I stared at the bed and looked at the mess from the night before. Next to it was her pill bottles and the metal water bottle. Every night she would send me to get a water bottle and a few ice cubes to put in the water bottle for the night. I got my clothes for the day and got in the shower. I enjoyed the shower, I knew that that shower was the last shower I’d have in my Grandma’s house. I felt the need to enjoy it, so I stayed in the shower for as long as I could. When I got out my sister was downstairs in the kitchen making some soup. It made me think of the days where my grandma wouldn’t cook so she would make some soup for my sister, herself and me, her soup was probably the best soup I’ll ever have.

When I was done getting ready and doing whatever I had to do I sat down on her bed and looked at all her belongings that stood before me. Her little glass cup that was designed with an angel that wore this very light pink that reminded me of my baby cousin’s baby shower was the first thing I noticed. Then next to it was the clear, glass bowl that had a simple design but still looked as beautiful as the perfect sunset view I had seen back in Puerto Rico. Seeing all her belongings made my eyes water and redden, I decided to leave just before I started crying again.

When I got back to my aunt’s house I decided to take a nap and just get my mind off of everything for a while. Unfortunately, the loud laughter of my dad woke me up from my nap. I will never forget that nap, I felt like I was back at my Grandma’s house sleeping on her bed. When I woke up my dad told me to eat but I really really didn’t want to. I haven’t eaten for two days and honestly I was not hungry at all. Everything I ate was gross and I just couldn’t eat it no matter how hard I tried. If I did eat I’d feel sick after and if you know me well you’d know I hate feeling sick or being sick.

A few hours passed and finally my day has ended. It was another night without my grandma. It was another step to getting used to not being with her anymore. I called a friend of mine, I was very close to him so there was not a moment where he didn’t make me unhappy. He was always filled my smile with love and filled my heart with joy.

April 8th, 2017

Today was the day. Today was the day I see my Grandma in a coffin. I woke up in tears because I knew that this would be the first time I see her in a way I never wanted to see her. I had about five hours to get ready but still it felt like it was only an hour till i’ll be standing in front of a coffin.

It was 3:30 p.m and it was finally time to go. We got to the church much more quicker than I thought. When I saw her coffin I fell in love with it the same way I fell in love with her. Her coffin was as white as the snow that you’d wake up to see after a blizzard. The corners were shiny and caught your reflection. In shorter words, the coffin was absolutely beautiful. The flowers that surrounded her reminded me of all the plants she had in almost every corner of her house. Then there she was. Her head was laid on a white pinkish powdery pillow laced with a silky cloth. The coffin was beautiful but my Grandma made it magnificent. 

When I sat down the tears began to roll down my eyes. Everyone was giving each other hugs and saying hi while I was waiting for a hug and hi. A few minutes passed and still I hadn’t gotten what I needed and wanted the most at the moment. 

I was in so much pain. My chest was sharp and tight and my throat was burning, same thing with my eyes. I looked down and kind of hugged myself for some comfort and warmth. I was still waiting for a hug and a hi, and still I hadn’t got it. I didn’t want to look up. I wanted to be next to my Grandma but I wanted her to be alive not in the position she was now in. I wanted to feel her warm arms around me. I just wanted her back, and me looking up at her coffin was showing me that I will never get that back. 

After about an hour of crying and sitting down waiting for more people to come for her wake, the pastor which is my aunt started talking. My family and a few of my Grandma’s friends went up to the platform and spoke about how great she was. I was happy for those about three hours of people talking because I knew at the end of the day she gave us happiness to start our lives with now we cannot let that happiness die. The only thing that led me on to not breaking down was the fact that she is now peaceful and she will not be suffering from medicines and asthma and all that. 

At the very end when it was almost time to leave I finally got the time to sit with my sisters and got the time to chat with them and catch up on things we couldn’t really catch up on with because we all don’t live with each other. I missed the days we’d get yelled at by our mom because we were all being too loud late at night. I missed how things used to be, but I knew it was for the best.

April 9th,2017 

Today was the very last day. Today is the day I say my final goodbyes before they bury her. I wish this day went by slower. I wish I spent more time standing by her side at her coffin. Those beautiful flowers that surrounded her white, glossy coffin always caught my eye. It caught everyone’s eyes and made them go “wow” and “aahh” right away. 

I will never forget the time I went up to her casket and saw how her makeup was nicely done on her. She didn’t like makeup or nail polish or anything like that on her, but still I didn’t know it would look this beautiful on her. I was okay for the first few seconds I stood by her but when I noticed she didn’t open her eyes when I touched her the same way she did when I touched her while she was sleeping I knew this was it. I started crying uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop myself from crying, I couldn’t control the great amount of pain and stress I was feeling. When I looked away to go sit back down it felt like my heart was coming out my throat and I just couldn’t breath. When I sat down I took a deep breath and put my head down. My sister was shouting for my Grandma back in the front of the church, and it broke my heart because I knew she wouldn’t get what she wanted the most this time. She got tons of hugs and “it’s okay”s that she calmed down a little. But still there was me in the corner,sitting down, crying uncontrollably and still all I needed was a hug and an “it’s okay” but still I couldn’t get that one thing. 

It was almost time to leave and still the tears were running down. The people that run this whole funeral thing were preparing everyone to step away from the coffin so they can close it. I didn’t want them to but I knew it was what had to be done. When they closed it my heart dropped. I will never forget the sound it made when it closed, it sounded like a big, heavy cardboard box that fell down the stairs. I will never forget the way the flowers that were laid in top of the coffin shook when it closed. I will never forget the way my family jumped a little and let out a big, final cry when it closed. I will never forget all the moments I had with my Grandmother who was also my mother and my everything. 

I was the first one out of my family that remained in the church to leave the church. I was crying quietly and looking down while I walked out the church. Everyone stared at me walking down the stairs with sadness in their face and tears rolling down their cheeks. I stood to the right of the church where no one was and waiting for the rest of the family to come out the church. 

Finally everyone was out and it was time to bring out the coffin. My aunt stood by my corner in tears staring at my uncles and cousin as they brought out my Grandma. My aunt looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry. You were alone this whole time and no one even said hi to you or nothing. Your dad and I were talking about it and felt sorry for you, but just remember i’m always going to be here for you. I’m always going to be here if you’re hungry or need somewhere to stay. If Grandma was her she wouldn’t have left you out like this” she said as she tried to keep herself together.

I cried softly as she said this to me. I looked up and noticed that the coffin was half way into the car. I walked away because I really didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to feel any type of pain anymore. I didn’t want to see someone who was like a mother to me be taken away from me anymore. When we got in the car to drive to the cemetery I looked out the window and realized how beautiful things were. I realized how grateful I was for everything else I had in life, even though I lost someone who was like my mother, I knew I had to go on with life and make her happy. I knew that is what she would want and expect from me. 

When we got to the cemetery I was the last person to get to the spot where she was getting buried, but still I was one of the first to get out the car. When I got there I couldn’t do much but stare. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling no emotion or too many emotions at the moment. I just know I wasn’t okay, I didn’t feel okay but I really wanted to be okay. 

I got a flower and placed it on her coffin before they lowered it. I wanted a balloon so I can let it go just like everyone else was doing, but they kind of forgot about me like always. I said my goodbyes and went to the car before anyone else can. I wanted to be alone and just pull myself together,which I ended up doing at some point before we left. 

When we got home I took a shower because I didn’t feel too good and I hadn’t showered that day because I was in a rush. As I was in the shower I realized a lot of things. I realized that you truly need to spend time with your loved ones because you just never know. I realized that death isn’t as easy as you think. Me thinking that death was easy is something I will always regret. 

May 6th, 2017

It’s been a month since I lost my Grandmother. Still I cry at night and in the showers because of the life I now have. I still miss her very much but I know she’s doing better and she is now much more peaceful. She gave everyone the key to happiness and now we should never lose that key. She died happy with the family and happy with all those memories she had with my family and I and now as the family’s job we should NEVER let those memories day and keep the family together just the way she did.

May 14th, 2017

It’s mother’s day. It’s honestly so sad and quiet now that I won’t be able to say happy mother’s day to Grandma in person. This is the first mother’s day without her and I know I  have many more to go. I cried this morning because this was the day the family would gather at her house and celebrate with food and gifts for all the mothers. But I know it won’t ever be like that but it’s just something I have to get used to.

May 18th, 2017

Today is her birthday. She would have been 67 years old today. It’s sad that I won’t be able to give her hugs and annoy her by saying “Happy Birthday Veija” tons of times. 

Later that day, my cousin bought a cake so my family and I can go to her grave and sing happy birthday and eat some cake. As we sung happy birthday I cried a little because I realized I couldn’t hear her voice or see her smiling as we sung. But I knew that she was looking down at us smiling and laughing with joy and maybe even singing along, so I went on with my day.

  June 6th, 2017

Today marks two months she has been gone. I’m sitting in a classroom smiling and thinking of all the happy moments I had with my Grandma but also on the same time keeping myself from crying. I’m proud of myself for keeping myself together these past two months, I honestly have no idea how I did it but I know my Grandma is most likely proud also. I miss her and love her with my everything and there will never be a day where I don’t think about her. 

I used to think death was easy. But now that I have been through it I know that death is one out of the many things someone should never go through. My grandmother, my mother, my world and my everything passed away exactly two months ago around 6:00 p.m and there has not been a day where I did not think about her. 

September 12, 2019

I wrote this over two years ago. I was in my last year of middle school and still maturing and learning my rights and wrongs but in a much more broader perspective. It’s been two years, five months and six days since she passed. I still think about her a lot but I’ve forgotten moments and feelings that I didn’t want to forget. I forgot what her food taste like and what her hands felt like. I’ve forgotten what she sounds like and what her laugh sounded like. As much it hurts to admit that to myself, I know it’s one of those things where I just have to tell myself “it’s okay, that’s okay.”. I’ve built a new world around her death because it felt almost impossible to simply move on from memories that stuck to me like a band aid, but at some point I realized that forgetting certain moments are okay. I forgot some memories but I will never forget her and how much she meant to me. As much as I want to remember every single memory I’ve had with her because they’re just so valuable to me, I know that it’s okay not to. It’s okay to forget what her hands and hair felt like or what her voice sounded like, it’s been two years and a half, so it’s okay. 

[tangyyyy]

Lucille and Eliott met when they were both very young, here is a piece of their love story. They truly loved each other, maybe in a wrong way, but love isn’t always an easy thing to live and to do. From 2014 to 2019. From Lucille to Lucas, with a lot of Eliott in the middle. 

Skids I

Friday, July 8, 2016, 8:12 AM To celebrate the end of school year, Lucille, Eliott and three of their friends had decided to go on holidays together on the île de Ré. The small amount of money they have saved during the year combined with some helps from their parents allowed them to book a small camping site for a week. Joyfully, they took the train then went to the island by bus. The first day was devoted to the build up of their small camp. They stayed awake until a very late hour, all being euphoric to live their first holidays just between friends with no parents to watch on them.

In the tent, Lucille had fallen asleep quickly, curled up in her comfy sleeping bag. Eliott, not feeling the slightest sign of tiredness, took his sketchbook and started drawing frantically.

The next day, awakened by the already bright light of the morning sun, Lucille opened her eyes. At her side, Eliott was sitting cross-legged, his body quite leaning on his notebook. Around him were piled many pieces of papers, some crumpled others intact, all covered with different black and white drawings. "Hello..." Lucille said in a voice still clouded with sleep. Eliott, visibly too focused on his drawings, didn't answer. Stretching, she straightened hard and was quickly hit by a vague feeling of fog. Looking around, she saw the remains of a joint in a shell beside Eliott. "Have you smoked in the tent?” She asked with frowning brows, her eyes struggling to stay open. "Oh hi.” He said, finally noticing her. Suddenly he leaned toward her and came to crush, more than to put, his lips on hers. "Yeah, just a small stick, for inspiration." A bad smell of old smoke floated into the whole tent. Lucille put her hand on her forehead, her head was hurting bad. So he had smoked in it? Was it too hard to go out, to get away from just two meters? Despite the growing anger, the girl made the choice to say nothing, preferring to avoid any early argument. "My head hurts..." She whispered. "I took some pills.” The young man answered quickly, distractedly. "Look!" With a sudden gesture he held out his skechbook under Lucille's eyes. The latter grabbed it and went through the many pages covered with many sketches. Everything seemed to follow a thread that clearly escaped the misty mind of the girl. While some drawings followed logically, others seemed to have fallen randomly on the paper. Sentences and simple words punctuated the story rather randomly as well. If the drawings were as usual, very well done, the organisation of them all was obviously more than wobbly.

"Have you done this all night long? -Yeah. -You didn't sleep? -No. So? That's good huh?!" Lucille looked up. It was obvious that the boy hadn't closed his eyes of all night. He had drawn features and his eyes were red and puffy. He watched her, waiting for an answer from her, unable to hide his excitation. "Yes. Yes... It's nice.” She answered, unwilling to honestly share her real thoughts. He seemed so happy, she didn't want to dissapoint him. "I'm sure it could be a huge success. -What? -I will publish it. I just have to finish it and that's it. -The... Publish it? But how?” Lucille had a hard time holding a so... surprising talk. Moreover at her wake up, in such a small tent, her mind misted with the vapors of cannabis. "I'll find a publisher in Paris! Fuck, it's gonna be awesome..." For a moment, Eliott appeared to pause, he inhaled a great breath of air and then slammed his thighs. "Well! I'm hungry, let's go to the bakery! See ya'!” As soon as he said it, he pulled on the zippers of the tent and stormed out. Enjoying a little fresh air from outside, Lucille took a deep breath and dropped back onto the thin mattress. Eliott's mind was filled with dreams and different plans, among others, that's what Lucille loved so much about him.

Friday, July 29, 2016, 9:36 pm Lucile was comfortably seated in her living room, playing a board game with her mother and younger brother. It had been an eternity that the girl hadn't spend a nice family evening, without tv or stupid fights. The window opened on the street let the noises of the terraces and the singing of the starlings in the plane trees of the little square be heard. While Lucille was about to throw the dice on the game board, a knock was heard at the front door. Mrs Guisez was about to get up when Eliott came into the apartment with a quick step. When he knew that Lucille wasn't alone at home, he used to wait for someone to come and open the door, he never came inside on his own. Surprised, the girl got up and went to meet him. "Hi.” Eliott kissed her longer than necessary in front of her family then shifted to greet them. "What's up?” He asked Lucille's mother. Since when did he talked to her mother in a so familiar way? It didn't bother the young girl but it was... New. Mrs Guisez had no time to answer that Eliott was already focusing all his attention to Lucille. "Look what I did this afternoon!” He lifted his T-shirt and showed her his bare torso. Lucille, astonished and a little ashamed of such a weird behaviour in front of her mother, didn't immediately see the little inscription on Eliott's heart. "It's... A tattoo? -Yeah." The boy replied proudly. Under a small patch of cellophane paper and covered with a thick layer of moisturizing cream, was engraved in the skin of Eliott the word "life" in black ink. The calligraphy was pretty. "Nice huh?" Lucille would have preferred to be alone with him in her room but the boy didn't seem determined to move. "Well... Yeah, yes it's nice. But... Did you do it straight out, on a whim? You never told me about it before. -I had the idea yesterday. "Life" is for Ali, for us, for everyone actually, to not forget to live, to live wildly, to do what we love, to do what we want. -But... -See, it's on my heart, I think it's cool to know that where it beats there's always life. As long as it works, there's hope. I couldn't be there for Ali so I wanted to pay tribute to him. Now I always have him with me." Eliott spoke quickly without taking the time to breathe, still shirtless, a bright smile hanging on his face.

Lucille turned towards her mother and her little brother and blushed at their lost looks. "You... Don't you think you'll regret it?" Eliott's eyes darkened, his face closed. "No. Why would you want me to regret? -I don't know... A... a tattoo is for life. -Well no, I won't regret it. -You... Your parents know?" At this last question, Eliott abruptly lowered his shirt. His eyes were now angry and expressed only contempt about the girl. "You're pissing me off.” Lucille froze, astonished by such a violence. Feeling the accusing look of her mother on her boyfriend, Lucille remained speechless for a moment. "I show you something that makes me happy, which is important to me and you breaking my balls with your fucking stupid questions! -Ellio... -Forget it, bye.” The young man turned around and got out of the apartment, slamming the door. Struggling to realise what just had happened, Lucille remained motionless for a few long seconds. She finally turned and walked slowly back to the table. "Is averything allright?” Her mother asked worriedly. "Yeah, yeah, it's just that he's a bit sensitive at the moment..." Lucille answered, minimising the whole situation. "It's not a reason to talk to you this way." The teenage girl brushed her mother's worries aside, trying to shut her own growing doubts in her mind.

[ilovemygaydad]

Dance, Dance

Part Three: Fairy God-Patton

Based off this post that you really need to read for context!

Pairings: Analogical and Royality (past sleeplogical)

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Sleep/Remy, Deceit/Dominic, October/Toby, September/Ember

Warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, sexual humor, crude comments, bullying, making out, abusive deceit, mentions of vomiting (just one word), step parents, food mentions, and possibly something else

A/N: hey so i just wrote a ton on this bus ride to a comp so that’s fun so here have some stuff

Tags: @adultmorelikeadolt​ @disneyfanatic77​ @logan-smarter-than-you-sanders​ @punsterterry​ @mycatshuman​ @fluidityandgiggles @sadpunkrat @theunoriginaldaisy

Masterlist | Ask Blog | READ ON AO3

“Patton, I don’t think I’m going to go to the ball...” Virgil didn’t dare look up from where he was picking away at his nylon tights. He already knew the look that Patton was giving him; he didn’t need to see it.

“What?! Virge, I’ve been working on our dresses for two weeks! You can’t cancel on me the day of!”

“I know, but come on, Pat. It’s Valentine’s day, and we don’t even have dates. It would just be miserable. Guys don’t even know that I exist. At least you’re cute!”

The glare that Patton gave Virgil was hot enough to melt steel. He pushed himself off of his elbows and into a sitting position on Virgil’s bed. “It’s a masquerade! Nobody will know who you are, and you can just flirt with cute guys.”

“Oh my god,” Virgil sighed. “It’s even worse because it’s a masquerade! First of all, you can’t even tell which guys are cute because they’re, you know, wearing a mask.”

“Hush. Let me tell you how this will go. We go to the masquerade ball, and you’ll be able to just be you instead of a fabrication of yourself made by this lame-ass high school hierarchy! Not to mention that you don’t even have to worry about making a fool of yourself because no one will know who you are if you don’t want to reveal your identity. You’ll find some guy who can dance well and looks super hot, and it’ll be--”

Virgil cut him off with a laugh. “Patton, dude, we have got to practice you breathing during rants.”

“Don’t distract me. You’re going to the ball, and that’s final, kiddo.”

“Yeah, righ--shit! I forgot to start cleaning!” Virgil jumped up from his chair and ran out the door.

“Bye!”

“Daddy!” Toby screeched, walking into where Dominic was getting a massage. “We were on our way to get manicures--you know, for the ball?”

“And?”

“And I heard Virgl talking about going to the ball!”

Dominic pushed himself up slightly, looking at his twins. “Oh, no… That won’t do at all.”

“Make him clean my room!” Ember said.

“And my closet! I think something died in there,” added Toby.

“Oh, no. I have a very special place for him to clean…”

“Virgil!”

With a muted groan, Virgil glanced up at Dominic. He was dressed in that stupid yellow bathrobe that he wore after massages, and he had equally ugly slippers on his feet. Virgil fought the urge to roll his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Next week is the twins’ sixteenth birthday--”

“Wait, didn’t they turn sixteen last year?”

Dominic pursed his lips. “Yes, and they will continue to turn sixteen until I tell them to stop. Anyway, you need to have the menu in order by tomorrow so that I can approve it. Oh, and I’m going out clubbing with what’s-his-face tonight, and it’s my turn to throw the afterparty. We will be back by midnight, so I expect that this house will be absolutely spotless upon my return.”

“Dominic, I’ve cleaned every inch of this place.”

“Oh, no, you haven’t.” Dominic smirked. “You’re going to clean my bedroom. Follow me.”

If he hadn’t promised Patton that he’d stay alive through senior year, Virgil probably would have dropped dead that instant from sheer horror. Slowly, he pushed himself up; his feet numbly moved to follow Dominic up the stairs. In the ten years that he’d been living with Dominic, there hadn’t been a single instance where Virgil had gone into Dominic’s room. This was completely uncharted territory.

And, holy shit, it was awful.

Mounds of clothes in all shapes, sizes, and colors were scattered around the room. Old pizza boxes and take-out containers littered every surface, and, god, there was rancid food just laying on the floor. Natural light wouldn’t even filter through the blinds because they were so coated in dust, and the overhead lamp was barely any better. Virgil didn’t even know if this could be classified as a bedroom--it looked and smelled more like a dump.

“Dominic.” Virgil winced as his voice squeaked. “I’d need heavy equipment to clean this place. For example, a flamethrower and thirty gallons of bleach.”

“Don’t sass me, smarty pants! I can still take away your school privileges, too. You can say goodbye to those trendy little friends of yours. Or, should I say, friend, Mr. Not-So-Popular.” Dominic laughed at his joke and turned to leave, but he slipped on something and stumbled. A fucking fish stick. “Oh, and clean up these fish sticks. They’ve been here since Lent.” The door shut as he exited so violently that dust fluttered down from the ceiling fan like gray snow. Virgil sneezed.

“Gross.” While picking his way to the bed, Virgil examined the room. It was so much more disgusting up close than it was from the doorway. Gingerly, so that he wouldn’t accidentally touch anything that had the possibility of killing him, he sat down and picked up the phone, dialing Patton’s number.

“Hey, kiddo! How’s it going?”

“Pat, I can’t go to the ball. Dominic’s making me clean his room tonight, and there’s no way I’ll get done in time.”

“Oh my god,” Patton’s words were slightly jumbled, and Virgil was pretty sure that he was eating a cookie. “You’re in his lair?!”

“Dude, there are species of bugs in here still unknown to science. It’ll take me days to get this done--not even including whatever hell Dominic puts me through for not getting it all clean tonight.”

“I think I have an idea--” Patton was cut off by a click.

“Hello? Virgil, when I said no phone, I meant the landline, too!”

Virgil panicked, not wanting to bear any more punishment. “Sorry! Pat, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you on Monday.”

The phone slammed down on the dock with far more force than Virgil expected, and he flinched back. Something sticky and wet was suddenly under his hand. Gulping, he looked back and saw melted chocolate all over the silk sheets. Virgil felt lucky that it wasn’t some expired pizza, but it was still not ideal.

With a sigh, Virgil stood up to gather an entire cleaning service worth of supplies.

The doorbell rang at around nine thirty. Virgil had barely made a dent in the mess, and he’d honestly resorted to just throwing everything into garbage bins to burn. Eight of them were full already. Eight.

Virgil opened the door. “Patton! Hey, how are--Patton, please don’t tell me that those are our dresses.”

“Sorry. They are!” Patton smiled unapologetically.

“Dude, I can’t go. End of story.”

“What if I could tell you that you could go to the ball, and the room would be completely clean when you get back?”

Virgil paused, looking quizzically at Patton. “I’d say that you’re amazing, but, Pat, you can’t stay here and clean alone. That wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Patton’s grin widened. “Who said that I was alone?” He stepped out of the way, and three adults came into view. One was tall with purple hair similar to Virgil’s, the next was slightly shorter with a bright orange beanie, and the last was adorably short with colorful hair. “Virgil, meet my cousin’s boyfriend and his friends. They own a cleaning company, and were nice enough to help. Guys, meet Virgil.”

The tall one spoke up, smiling sweetly. “Oh, you’re going to the ball? That’s awesome!”

Virgil nodded as Patton spoke again. “We sure are! Thomas, Joan, and Talyn are going to clean for you. They’re the sweetest, really. Well, they’re super weird, but they’re nice, too.”

The one in the beanie scoffed. “Yeah, as if you aren’t any better! Plus, Thomas is pretty normal.” They nudged the smaller one. “Talyn is pretty weird, though. They don’t really have anything to say otherwise.” Talyn punched Joan on the shoulder in retaliation, but they both laughed.

Virgil smiled as he watched what was happening. As much as it hurt to see such a healthy, family-like dynamic, he was really happy that Patton had such wonderful people in his life. As soon as the bantering died off, he showed the cleaning crew upstairs. Just before he opened the doors to the bedroom, Virgil glanced back. “It’s a mess in there. I’m just warning you now.”

“Oh, that’s alright!” Thomas said. “Our motto is ‘there’s no mess that’s too messy!’”

Virgil shrugged and opened the doors. Bins lined the walls, and most of the mountains of dirty clothes still remained. It looked the same--if not worse--as it did when Virgil had started six hours earlier.

“Holy shmokes. That… That’s too messy, Patton.”

“Thomas, you promised!” Patton threw on his best puppy eyes, and Thomas all but groaned in complacency. “Thanks! I love you!” In a flash, he grabbed Virgil’s hand and sprinted out of the bedroom to Virgil’s room in the pool house.

“Geez, Pat, slow down!”

“I can’t! We’ve got to get ready!” The door to Virgil’s room slammed shut behind them, and with shining eyes, Patton held out one of the clothes bags. “Get dressed. We’re going to that ball.”

Part Four