#honestly this blog make me very concerned about how long the artists and editors get to work on comics before they hit their deadline

[icey-likes-stuff]

Me when my boss asks where the finished panel is

what.... is happening here? she's supposed to be in the back of a car so is it meant to be a reflection? I feel like some major layers are missing here but even still that angle makes no sense, clearly just something else they had drawn that they just slapped on there

Waller Vs. Wildstorm #4 (2024)

[astorytellerforthatgirl]

Dei’s Treasured Trophy

Author’s Note: This is my entry to the English Division and Short Story Category of the 68th Don Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature. This is a draft story years ago but I cannot proceed with it yet because I am looking for a strong character profile. Until this early 2018, I decided Maine is the fitting inspiration for that character. She knew I will join Palanca as I told her the first time we met. Afterwards in our second meeting, I showed her the receiving copy of my submitted entry. I now wholeheartedly share this story to you after the committee announce the winners. Enjoy reading! - RJ T. Vargas

Synopsis

          To describe Dei, she is a hardworking freelance worker, responsible student, and loving daughter and sister. She balances her time between her all responsibilities no matter how busy she is. Out of all her priorities, taking care of Rionne, her younger sister, is the most important one for her,

           A memory from last year still haunts Dei for the fear it may happen again. She does everything she can to prevent it. She shall do whatever it takes to protect everyone she cares for, most especially her sister.

           Fear is a deceptive emotion Dei has to deal with. Either it may immobilize her from carrying out the things she must accomplish, or it can turn into a driving force for her to gain the strength she needs to overcome the challenges.

          This short story is an attempt to raise more awareness and fight against the stigma about an issue. Dei’s Treasured Trophy shares values about resilience, self-love, friendship, family ties, and faith in God.

Dei’s Treasured Trophy

           “CONGRATS for your great performance in Olympics Ann! Ibang level ka na talaga!!!!THAT’S MY BESTFRIEND!!!!Share your stories about your games and experiences sa bonding natin ha. I miiiiiss youuuu! Let’s catch up soon please!”

           Dei types her message and presses the enter button. Last time she saw her was a week before her month-long training in South Korea then Ann flew to Hong Kong for the competition. Her best friend replies, “As soon as we get back home, promise! See you soon Dei! (^_^)”. It’s amusing how Ann still adds emoticon even when most online users choose emoji nowadays.

           She switches the tab from Facebook to a WordPress login page. She finishes her deadline for one of her regular freelance projects. Her blog posts about the top 10 most romantic Coldplay songs is due tonight. Dei transfers her revised draft and saves it there for pending review of her editor. It was hard for her choosing her top 10, as she loves all their songs. Also, she is a huge fangirl of Chris Martin. ”Iba talaga feels ng mga kanta nila!Oh I hope Coldplay comes back here…” she mutters to herself.

           She then opens Audacity and polishes an audio file by reducing the noise background and adding more echo. No matter how confusing the uploaded files are in the track control panel, she handles everything like a pro. She saves and sends the audio file to a client who hired her as a voice-over talent.

           Her spare time for this month is more than what she scheduled first. Dei wonders if she can do an additional freelance project. She opens her Facebook and scrolls down to see posts in a group of local freelance talents searching for auditions and casting. She finds a workshop offered by an entertainment agency. A director Dei will never forget in her life will conduct it. She has been a talent appearing in commercials and TV shows. Several months has passed but she still remembers his response after she told that director she is just an extra in those projects.

           He asked her experiences because he mentioned her familiarity despite her lack of self-confidence. The director likes her wit and spontaneity in an impromptu comedic act she did for her audition.

           “Anak, support ang tawag sayo, hindi extra.Those scenes need your role as a support to be complete. I see a future phenomenal star in you. We can further improve your talents once you believe more in yourself.”

           He was willing to train her under his talent pool. Dei wanted to say yes and commit that time because it is one of her dreams to enter the showbiz industry. However, she is still an incoming fourth year student in college that time around. She cannot afford to fill her schedule more than what she can do and what her time allows.

            “Well, I cannot get sad over a missed opportunity. Priorities first!”She browses her own YouTube channel. It is one of her so-called happy distraction when she feels down or is about to feel that way.It has been a long time since her last posted video.

             “I miss sharing more videos to my ten supporters.” She laughs loudly.

             Dei positions her camera with the tripod. She acts like a model in front of the mirror. Her full bangs almost covers her expressive dark brown eyes. Her black hair is an inch past her shoulders. She thinks of dropping by a salon to trim her hair next week. Her brown and fair complexion epitomizes a morena Filipina beauty. Her sunshine smile shows her excitement for her next video.

             She tries to mimic first different artists’ voices and body languages. Then, she impersonates Jessa Zaragosa, Shakira, and Jaya as she sings their songs. Next, she records herself dubsmashing to Kris Aquino’s lines. She gets distracted whenever she laughs hard so she pauses first the recording. Dei decides to record everything in one go for each personality. It takes a longer time for her editing the raw videos because she finds herself funny for her all out on-cam performances. Indeed, she loves making people happy and this is one of her unique ways to do so.

             In the middle of uploading her newest video in YouTube, Skype notifies an incoming call.Their parents calling her. Dei expects this call as their parents do it every day.

             She answers the call and she’s thrilled to tell them a good news. Her parents are smiling as she sees them on her laptop screen despite of their tired and drowsy eyes. She kisses and touches them through the screen. “Hello po Ma! Pa! I love you so much! I miss you po!” She wishes to take away their tiredness with her simple gestures.

            “Dei, how is our ever responsible daughter? Do you even have enough hours of sleep? Do you rest between your busy schedule? Sobrang dami mo kasing ginagawa.” Her mother cannot hide her concerns.

             “Of course po Ma! I need my beauty rest so I should not be stressed with school and my freelance projects.Di po ako pwede magmukhang haggard!”

              Her father laughs as if he did not laugh for a long time. “We feel like we are with you whenever we video call. By the way Dei, what is the good news you want share? You chat about it last time.”

              She tells them to wait for a minute. Returning with a small trophy, she exclaims “Here it is Pa, Ma! This is from our college department. I can’t believe I am one of the three President’s Lister! They gave a trophy to each of us. Umaasenso di ba? Di na lang po sila pa-certificate.They said not every semester they have President’s Lister so this is how they celebrate it with us. This is my treasured trophy!”

             “We are so proud of you sweetie! Keep up the good work! This is why we support your freelance projects. You know your priorities well, Dei. You told us before about how difficult are your school works. Here you are now! Your sacrifices are rewarded! Ang galing at sipag mo talaga!” her father beams with much pride.

             “Thank you po, Ma!Pa!Uhmmm…May I…May I ask something?”

           “What is it?”

           “I know I asked this last time but…when will you come back home? If only Dubai is just a tricycle away, I and Rionne will visit you there every day.”

           “Dei…” her mother tries to smile as she holds back her tears. If only they have a choice, the couple will stay with their two daughters. “Dei, we love to be there with you and Rionne but we still need to save more. We used almost all our savings for the medical bill of your sister last year. We want to go home too, believe us…but I hope you will understand.”

           “How is your little sister doing recently? Do not forget her medicines. Ask her if she feels anything wrong and tell us if you need more help. We will do everything to prevent what happened last year, whatever it takes.” Her father gives her assurance.

           “I always take care of Rionne, Ma, Pa. Don’t worry about her. She knows when she must take her medicines. I don’t even need to remind her about it. She is doing well in school. Her grades are within line of nine. Her weekends are filled with either her extra-curricular activities or bonding with her friends or with me. She enjoys doing everything! I’m happy hearing stories of how her day went. If she feels bad about something, she opens up to me. She fulfills her promise of not keeping any secret from me. If only she knows you will call this time, she will not attend her meeting in Student Supreme Council. She misses you too so much! ”She tells them honestly about her sister’s current situation.

           “Thank you for taking care of her Dei no matter how busy you are. You always make time for people you love. We are so blessed to have you and Rionne as our daughters.”

           They talk for hours until she did not notice her video is uploaded in YouTube.

                                                          ***

           “Every time you look at that trophy, Ate, you’re very proud of that achievement and clean the dusts off every week. Ang cute mo! Hahahaha!” She teases her Ate Dei when she sees her cleaning in their living room. She offers to help her but her older sister just requested her to wash the dishes, into which she follows. Rionne enters her room after her sister cleaned their entire house. She wants to finish her school works and other tasks in her extra-curricular activities.

           After Dei cleaned, she knocks at her sister’s room. Rionne says she can come in. She sees her sister with her books, handouts, and other paperwork while she keeps away the seven book-series about themagical journey of the chosen boy to defeat a dark lord. Her Ate Dei gave that book set.

           Rionne sits down and focuses on her laptop. Maybe she is finishing a schoolwork, as Dei thought. She bought the book set last week and her sister already told her the summary of every book this morning. Her sister even delivered lines, word by word, from her favorite scenes and characters.

            “How did she finish it all? Didn’t she just prepared and competed for her inter-school general knowledge quiz bee last week?” Dei cannot imagine how her sister, a junior highschool student, balances her time as if she is a working adult.  Then, she recalls Rionne’s doctor told her before it is normal for her to excel in multitasking, a common ground of those with her medical condition. Dr. Mejia even emphasized they are natural achievers and majority of them have high IQ but they need to improve more their EQ.

             Suddenly, A loud hit distracts Dei.

             Rionne hits her table hard with her first that it surprises them both. She is used seeing her sister blaming herself with her mistakes but the pains never lessen every time it happens. When things do not go well according to what she expects, she do things impulsively which she regrets later on. Dei wishes her words and hugs are more than enough to remind her sister that her worth is more than all her achievements combined and every setbacks she encountered. Deiloves Rionne so much for who her sister is.

             Dei puts away her other books. Her sister’s collection includes fictions from contemporary Filipino writers like Grace Chong, Merlinda Bobis, Miguel Syjuco, Cristina Pantoja-Hidalgo, Dean Francis Alfar and from Filipino classic writers such as Jose Garcia Villa, Nick Joaquin, Liwayway Arceo, and Lualhati Bautista. She also has non-fiction books about self-help and financial literacy from Bro. Bo Sanchez and Chinkee Tan, respectively.

           Dei scans her sister’s laptop and notices she just posted a question in a Facebook group about photography and another opened tab is Venus Raj’s testimonial about her Christian faith. Her sister is very open to her after what happened last year. It was her doctor’s advice to read her online posts. It was their parents’ request to see her browsing history given if her sister shows unusual behavior. She opens a recently closed tab, sees an email, asks permission if she can read it. Her sister nods. The email is a short notice of thanking Rionne for her participation but they regret to say her sister did not make it in the cut-off for their school’s final selection of their debate team. Now she understands what made her hit her fist so hard on the table.

            Dei looks over the room trying to find anything, which can help her, to make her sister feel better. She stops at the books she bought for Rionne. It is her sister’s first set of books from a foreign author. Her sister placed them at the center space of the cabinet turned to a mini-library. She can’t forget how much her sister loves to have it but the complete set is too expensive for her. It was just like yesterday when her sister jumped out of joy when she gave it on her birthday.

             For Rionne, she saw again how generous and thoughtful her Ate Dei is. For Dei, she bought the books not only because her sister wants it but because she always sees the magic in her as she excels in things she does because of her passion. She sees the magic in her heart because she never loses her sincerity, goodness, and faith in God…despite of everything that happened last year. 

             “Last year? Why am I still thinking about it Wala na yun! Rionne is okay now. We are happy now...”she tries to pacify her own fears.

              She approaches her sister slowly. She needs to make sure first her sister wants to be hugged. At times, Rionne pushes her away not because her sister likes to do it but because it is one of the impulsive reactions of her extreme mood swings brought by her medical condition.

              Dei shakes her head and reminds herself,“I must pull myself together! This is not the time to be scared! Rionne needs me more now!”

               She needs to be strong for her because they do not have anyone with them. She needs to be strong because the situation will get worse if she gives up. She needs to be strong because she loves her so much, she cannot bear to see her sister getting more hurt and angry.

              She pats her sister’s head gently. Her sister looks at her and hugs her so tight. Rionne cries on her older sister’s shoulder. That is her haven and refuge. It is and always her Ate Dei who comforts her immediately in times she crashes down in her own thoughts and feelings. She keeps on reminding her sister she is doing her best. She is very gentle to Rionne. Slowly, her sister calms down and stops overthinking.

              Unexpectedly, her sister breaks the silence and changes her tone. “You are so sweet and kind Ate! Whoever you choose among those guys who tries to win your heart, he’s such a lucky one!”

              Dei laughs and pinches her sister’s cheek. “Dear, your Ate Dei has a lot of priorities and lovelife is not included in it! Hahahaha! Pinapamigay mo na ba ako? I am happy with my life now and I do not need a guy to complete me. Bonus na lang pag may ibigay si Lord.I am happy chasing my dreams. I am happy with our family. I am happy you are here with me, Rionne.”

              “The way you call my name is my favorite unlike how everyone else calls me, Ate. It rhymes with lion and your pronunciation feels like I am a royalty.” her sister chuckles.

              “Out of everything I said, that’s the only thing you heard? Hahaha!” Dei giggles and hugs her sister. She loves her so much. She realizes she loves her more after she wasn’t home last year for two months. Her giggles and smiles turned to a neutral expression. Fear crawls in her heart. If only it was that easy to forget why Rionne was away from them for two months... She will make sure it will not happen again. She will cross all the oceans just for her sister. 

              “Lord, please make that the last time…Do not ever let it happen again…”Dei prays as she pleads in her deepest thoughts.

                                                        ****

           “That is the end of my report. Do you have questions? Any clarification?” Dei tries to stand confidently in front of their class. Her blockmates do not have a single clue about her cold and uneasy hands. She prepared enough for this report but she is not sure if she did well. She believes she gave her best but this report is different because their professor has a higher standard compared to what she was used to with her other subjects.

           Dei feels awkward with the deafening silence in their room that she can hear the AC unit and ticking of the room’s clock. Her blockmates are active participants but she feels they are too timid now to share their ideas. She clears her throat and asks instead about their personal goal in relation to self-actualization according to Abraham Maslow’s theory, which was about her report. One of them raises his hand and shares his ultimate dream to serve his hometown by becoming a successful businessman. She nods and smiles as he answers because she admires his generosity.

           ”Parang autistic talaga yang nagmamarunong na yan. Ang bipolar ng mood.”Dei hears someone from the front row whispers to his seatmate. It gets into her nerve but she maintains her composure. She says thank you to her classmate who shared his personal goal.

           “Guys, I want to share you one of my personal goals. I want to be a vocal and active mental health advocate with my own foundation to raise awareness about this issue and fight the stigma in our country. I dream that one day, no one will be scared to consult experts as people might say they are going crazy. I want to see that day we will validate everyone’s feelings to prevent triggering them. We may start doing this by avoid using words like autistic and bipolar to mock and insult those we don’t like.Please, let’s be more sensible in our words.” She says it all firmly without mentioning about her blockmates whom she heard those words from.

           “Ms. Dei Archangel, I like how you delivered your report even if you did not discuss further the other details. Nevertheless, what I like most from what I heard today is your mental health advocacy. Make that dream of having your own foundation into a reality.”their professor commends Dei.

                                                        ****

              Rionne storms in their living room as soon as she comes home from school. Dei hears her ranting about the periodical exam she failed in the subject she struggles most after her adviser talks to her privately. Her sister expects a low score but not below the passing mark. In her entire student life, that is her first time to fail an exam. It shocks Rionne because she did not see it coming.

              She sees her sister’s eyes turn berserk, as if this is another person and not her sister at all.She recalls all the painful words she heard long before. Her sister curses her classmates and yells angrily how insensitive they are for smart-shaming her and calling her names.

               Rionne becomes hysterical and impulsive. Dei sees how she grabs that trophy and flower vase. She tries to stop her but her sister throws both on the wall. Its sharp pieces scratches and wounds her. She runs toward her sister to prevent hurting herself more. Her sister shouts the words she is scared to hear the most.

              “I AM A FAILURE!!!! I AM USELESS!!!!! I WANT TO DIE!!!!!”

              Rionne becomes uncontrollable. Dei did not feel her tears flowing when she sees her sister gets hurt, scared, confused, and mad at herself.She wipes her tears and tries to calm down her sister in her arms. She hugs her tightly even if her sister pushes her away. She remains strong even if she is hurting, physically, emotionally, and mentally. She endures it all rather than not to see her sister again in their home for two months.This is the non-negotiable promise she plants in her heart and she will never compromise it no matter what happens.

              In the middle of pacifying Rionne, painful memories last year floods back in Dei’s mind. It was as if everything happened yesterday. She remembers clearly how her sister broke down because a friend she trusts backstabbed her. They cannot calm her down easily.

              She started to hurt herself. Minutes later, she punches her parents and Dei. For the next hours, she tried to rush out of their front door. She keeps on shouting she wants to die. She wanted to end it all by running towards a fast moving car. Their father hugged her tight despite all the struggles she is doing to fight against him.

              For Dei, it felt like an eternal torture to see her family that way until her sister tires herself. Their mother caresses her hair and hugs her until she calms down. Dei kisses her on the forehead and says, “Everything will be alright dear Rionne. Sleep and rest first.”

              Their parents contacted her psychiatrist. Dei saw how her parents cried and hugged each other as if the world turned its back on them. She asked why and what did he said, but they did not answer her.

              “Dei, we will go to Dr. Mejia. He wants to see Rionne as soon as possible.” Endless questions and thoughts run across Dei’s mind but she cannot do anything except to oblige to her parents’ instruction.They waited for her to wake up and give her the first aid medication the psychiatrist recommended to help stabilize her mood in a breakdown episode.

              Inside the clinic of Dr. Mejia, he talked first to her sister. It went for more than 30 minutes perhaps, as Dei estimated. She was outside and became more impatient while waiting. She stood up and walked back and forth in the hallway. She got more anxious because the regular check-ups with Rionne’s psychiatrist do not usually take this long.He then asked for their parents in the clinic. Dei wanted to barge in that door separating her and her sister whom she feels is terrified silently. She wanted to know everything. What treatment will the psychiatrist give her this time around?

              At last, after more than an hour of waiting, Dr. Mejia asked Dei to be inside the clinic and sit beside Rionne. Her sister hugged her, turned to her doctor, and said, “Can my Ate be with me there? If she is not allowed to stay with me, then please let her visit me at least every week…” Tears formed in her sister’s eyes.

              Confusion, shock, fear, and betrayal---Dei does not know what exactly she feels at that moment or if she feels everything at once.She loses her temper and firmly said, “Where will you bring her??!! What is going here??!! CAN YOU JUST PLEASE TELL ME EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW??!!” Her emotions took its toll on Dei. If there is something worst to happen, then she needs to know it right at that moment.

              Dr. Mejia waited for her to calm down. When she came back to her senses, he explained in details. “Dei, we need to treat Rionne in a psychiatric facility. Her bipolar disorder becomes full blown with the recent event that triggered her. I cannot guarantee how long she must stay there because it will depend if she responds better to the treatments we will give. We need to do this to observe her round the clock to provide her immediate attention. Do not worry, the facility has trained and kind staffs. They have different worthwhile activities on a daily, weekly, and monthly routine. Your family can visit her regularly within the hours they allow. If you have questions and concerns, you may ask now or contact me in the mobile number I gave your parents.”

              Dei’s heart sank. The thought of not seeing Rionne for a day already worried and scared her to death. Who will take care of her? Can they handle her if she has her episodes of breaking down and impulsiveness? Will they know if she is depressed like how she feels her sister just by looking at her in one glance? Do they have the patience to comfort her in her worst and darkest days? She wanted to refuse. She wanted to shout and say they will just bring her home.

              However, the harsh reality slapped her in that moment---their family cannot take care of Rionne’s worsening mental health condition. That was why her psychiatrist recommended admitting her there as the best or probably the only option left for them.

              Dr. Mejia continued, “People with bipolar disorder are a gift for everyone but they see themselves as a curse for themselves. Their extreme mood swings can affect their normal lives which is why we need to balance it. They love sharing their time and efforts doing things they love and for the people they love.” He looked at her sister and smiled, “In most cases, those diagnosed like Rionne are achievers. They want to aim high every time and make people happy. Failing on that exam hurts her so much and triggers her condition, so she feels it is the end for her. The bright side though is even if there is no known and proven cure yet for bipolar disorder, treatments are available for them to live a normal and productive life. Stories of successful personalities with bipolar disorder such as Demi Lovato inspires her.

              “Dei, Rionne aims to have a balance life. She believes she will overcome her mental health challenges. Let us give your sister a fighting chance.” Dr. Mejia said those words as if it was so easy for her to just let go of her sister and allow other people to take care of her. It did not sit well with her. She wants to refuse but she cannot think of a better way to treat her sister.

              Rionne hits her chest lighty with her fist. “Ako pa! I can do that Ate Dei! Don’t worry about me. I will behave there so I can go home soon and we can bond again!”

              Dei did not hold back her tears anymore. She cried while smiling and hugged her sister. She feels ashamed of herself for not trusting Rionne enough. If her sister is this strong, then she needs to be stronger too for her. She agreed to the option after seeing the courage in her sister’s eyes.

              For the following days, it has been a regular routine for their family to visit her every day. On weekdays, they went there together in the psychiatric facility. Their parents wanted to see her every single day but their free time is only after their office hours. The visiting hours in the psychiatric facility only allow from morning to afternoon.

              On weekdays, Dei went there after her classes. On other days, she was too busy with her school works but she still found ways to visit even if she needs to leave earlier from the psychiatric facility.

              Rionne shared different stories based on what happened that day. She told Dei excitedly how it was easy to be friends with most of the patients in the psychiatric facility. She hated how she must drink her medicines every morning, lunch, and night. She enjoyed the activities too like outdoor and board games, arts and crafts sessions, acting workshop, dancing lessons. On some days, she ran towards Dei crying because she said other patients inside shouted at her and they want to pick a fight against her. There are times too when she apologized to her Ate Dei for not behaving well that is why the staff need to isolate her from the other patients until she calms down.

              “When will I come home Ate? I miss papa, mama, and of course, I miss you so much!” Not a single day that passed whenever Dei visits, Rionne asked this question with much longing and impatience.

              “Soon…just promise me you are behaving every day here so Dr. Mejia can see you are ready to come home soon.” Dei smiled at her with much love and assurance.

              In all her visits to Rionne, she was all smiles in listening to her story. She was thrilled too sharing her own experiences, as if catching up with a friend she did not see for years even if she visits her sister every day. Whenever the staff reminded them visiting hours is over, her sister always asked for just few seconds to hug her and tell her she loves her Ate Dei so much. She hugs her back and sees her going inside. A thick metal door closed wherein she feels the patients are like are prisoners. One of the staff explained to her psychiatric facilities need that design for the doors in case anyone breaks down and tries to escape. The staff lets visitors watch the patients through the CCTV monitor. Dei refused to look at it because she does not want to have a memory of her sister inside the psychiatric facility.

              As soon as she left the main gate of the psychiatric facility, she cried silently. She failed containing those overwhelming emotions even if she was already used to that exhausting set-up. She did not know anymore at that moment if those tears are out of longing, pain, regret, or hatred at herself for not protecting her sister enough. What she was sure of is she will never give up because Rionne herself is fighting with all she got. Indeed, Dei is the greatest pretender whenever she visits her sister.

              This routine went on for days, weeks, and two months.

              Finally, Dr. Mejia called them. He called them every week to give update about their youngest daughter’s progress and lapses. That time though, was a different phone call. “Mr. and Mrs. Archangel, Rionne responded positively to the treatments we gave her. In fact, I earlier estimated she might stay for at least six months. Her determination to be well and desire to come back home sped up her treatment. You may settle her bill in the psychiatric facility so she will be discharged within this day.”

              Their family went hurriedly to the psychiatric facility to tell the good news to Rionne. Their parents went to the billing department. Few minutes later, they came out with worried look on their faces. The bill cost nearly half a million pesos. They can pay for the amount but that means they have to sell their hard-earned property in the province of their parents and use their savings. Without any hesitation, they started calling their friends who said before they wanted to buy that property.

              “Dei, please stay here first. We will find means to get Rionne out and bring her home within this day.” Their parents gave her assurance.

              Dei went to her sister first while waiting for their parents. “Uuwi na tayo mamaya! You are brave and strong Rionne! Dr. Mejia said many good things about you. Ate is so proud of you, dear!”

              “What did I tell you Ate! Ako pa! At last, I can come home!! Yaaaay!! We will watch movies, cook meals, bike around the village, or just sleep all day long! Hahaha!” Her sister hugged her so tight she felt she was about to be squeezed.

              “I promise you Ate Dei, I won’t come back here again as patient. If I will return here, I want to help others enduring bipolar disorder too like me.” Rionne beamed with much confidence.

              “Yes, you will not come back in a psychiatric facility again…”

              The medical bill almost left their family with nothing in their finances. This pushed her parents to accept the offer to work in Dubai so they won’t struggle in their everyday needs. This is also the same reason Dei works as a freelancer in her spare time from school. Despite all the challenges they experienced last year, it made their family ties closer. She loves the improvements from her sister after the treatments inside the psychiatric facility.

              Never did Dei anticipate her sister might have another breakdown.

              She continues to pacify her sister after she shakes off those memories she do not want to happen again.“Sssshhhh, everything will be alright dear Rionne. You promised me something last year…You will not come back there again. You can cry. You can tell me everything. Just ple--- just please don’t hurt yourself. I love you…Ate Dei loves you so much and I will do everything to take care and protect you…even from yourself.” She whispered lovingly to her while her voice cracks.

              Dei starts humming Rionne’s favorite song. It was from a popular animated movie about a Greek demigod’s journey as he believes he can go far in reaching his dreams.Few minutes later, her sister stops struggling. She gives her the medicine into which she takes in. She sings the lyrics and she looks at her.Her sister hugs her and cries in her shoulder. She is too tired so they sat on the couch as she continues to singing. After the song, Rionne sleeps comfortably in her Ate Dei’s caring hug. She wraps her sister’s right arm on her shoulder and supports her upper body. She brings her sister to her room in that position and tucks her to bed.

              “I love you talaga Ate Dei...”Rionne murmurs in her sleep.

              Dei brushes her hair and sings her a lullaby. “Thank God she calms down.”She thought. She treats her sister’s scratches and tiny wounds from breaking the vase and trophy with their first aid kit. Her mother reminds her to prepare that in case something happens. She wishes before she will only use it on herself, and not on her sister.She is too tired as well so she tucks herself beside her sister in bed, hugs Rionne gently, and closes her eyes to rest.

              It has been a long day for Dei.

                                                           *****

              “I always need to be strong enough for them but I feel like I am about to give up soon…” Dei types these words and clicks the tweet button.

              21 people follows her private account. All of them are her close friends. She trust them with her life. Although, most of them are inactive in Twitter so Dei finds it more comfortable releasing her thoughts in that social media platform.

              What Dei doesn’t know is Ann sees that tweet after 5 hours. Her bestfriend replies to her tweet and sends her a direct message in Twitter. Ann feels anxious just waiting for her to reply to she calls her through mobile phone. Dei stares blankly at her phone. Her athletic best friend has fast reflexes in sports and sharp intuition in connecting to friends. She knows at that point Ann would want to ask if she is okay and what is happening. She wants to pick up her phone and talk to her but she does not know what to say at all. She just turns off her phone and stares blankly at the ceiling of her room, contemplating about her thoughts and emotions.

              Suddenly, she feels her tears flowing but she is not sobbing. Her neutral expression seems to show her mind and heart made her numb.

              Did she become too strong that she did not notice her tears anymore? She doesn’t know but she is certain she wants to fight more.

              She needs this time all alone for herself, even just for while. She does not track of the time because at this moment, she wants to clear her mind to gather her strength and focus again.

              When her emotions subside a bit, Dei comes out of her room to prepare their dinner. She likes cooking more than Rionne does. Even though her sister does not cook much, she always help her in kitchen. She checks the ingredients. Some are not enough so she sends her sister to an errand to buy some ingredients for their meal.

              Not long after her sister went out, she hears repeated doorbells. She thinks may be Rionne gets confuse with the list she gave and will ask about it.

              She opens the gate and sees Ann. “We are supposed to meet next week with our catch-up lunch but you made me so worried today! You aren’t replying to my texts and chats. You didn’t answer my calls until your phone becomes attended. I called your landline and it was Rionne who answered. She said you were in your room this whole afternoon. I told her not to mention to you I will visit tonight.” Ann catches her breath after talking too fast.“We’re best friends! Why did you not tell it to me? Since when did you start feeling that way…I mean like what you tweeted?” Ann motions they enter their home to talk about it. Her best friend lets her sit on the couch first.

              Ann softens her voice and with a more gentle tone, she says, “Ano bang nangyari? How can I help you? I know there is something wrong the moment I saw your tweet…If you are not yet ready to share it now, we can watch movies here with these DVD copies I bought.”

              Dei sighs and turns to her. Her best friend sees her gloomy eyes. “I need to fight back. I must be stronger but it feels like I am running out of strength to fight anymore. Nakakapagod pala.It feels like I am about to lose myself even if I still want to fight.” She admits.

              She badly wants to cry but she feels her heart toughened from everything she went through especially in taking care of Rionne. It is nearly a year now since she looks after her sister all by herself. Their parents hesitated to go to Dubai but she assured them she could protect her sister.

              Ann lets her best friend vent out all her thoughts to her. They are childhood friends and they went to the same school until they graduated from high school. Dei’s university gave her a 50% scholarship. Ann chose her current university because the table tennis and other sports programs impressed her. Even if they are not from the same university now in college, their friendship remains strong as ever. They even consider themselves twin sisters by heart. Ann knows something is bothering her best friend even before she posted that tweet. She listens intently to her. Her best friend looks at her as if Dei is waiting to hear an advice or words of encouragement.

              “Before I reached my dream of playing in Olympics, I experienced failures, rejections, disappointments, and setbacks.” Ann clears her throat as she feels her voice becomes shaky.“I even questioned myself that even I love playing table tennis, can I still continue? I realize Dei you cannot really stop from doing what you love. You just need to rest first, gather strength, and pray every day to focus on your goals.”

              Ann sees the photo of their family beside their landline phone. She takes it and shows to her best friend. “I know how much you love you love your family. Let that love become the driving force for you to continue whatever happens. All of us, your friends, are always here to remind you how strong you are but sometimes you need to take a break and rest first. I cannot imagine how difficult your responsibilities are but I know you can do them all.

              “I believe in you. God trusts you so much and He never gives more than what you can bear.” Ann smiles and gives her the photo. Dei hugs her and smiles. No need for her to cry more after she feels lighter in her heart.

              “Thank you Ann for always telling me the words I need to hear at the most crucial times. Para kang si Doc Gia na level kung makapag-advice.” Dei laughs heartily. Thank God, she has Ann as her best friend.

                                                        ****

              Dei is uncomfortable with Rionne’s silence. Her sister seems to be thinking too much again. She calls her attention.

              “Dear, what’s wrong? I know when you are overthinking. I know when you are uncomfortable with anything. What is our promise? No secrets, right?”

              “I can’t really hide anything from you Ate…I am sorry for breaking your favorite trophy when I---“

              Dei is relieved. At least, Rionne worries over a less important thing. She stops what her sister is saying as she pulls her closer and looks into her eyes.

              “That trophy is nothing compared to the treasured trophy I have. Do you know what it is?” Rionne shakes her head gesturing no as a response. Dei smiles widely, pats her head, and hugs her tightly.

              “Seeing you live your life in the best way you can. You accept your flaws and turn it into your strength. That is Ate Dei’s treasured trophy, Rionne. That is my true trophy. I couldn’t be more proud of you!”

              “I will fulfill all my dreams and I will always say thank you for everything Ate Dei. Watch me shine and fly!”

                                                                  ****

[sleepykichii]

11 Questions Tag

i was tagged by @pinkheichou @tiny-heichou and @salbelni so that's uh...that's 33 questions holy shit this is gonna be forever long lmaoo

Rules: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

idk if it’ll tag you guys if i put them under the cut so! i tag: @tokyo-ghouls-eat-rawmen @kingtatsunari @bertoltssweat @sluttttysurveycorps @piningmarco @lesliebruhleria @iviarka @softymir @dallyingdivergent @levi-nyanchou @noodlesforlyfe  don’t feel obligated to do this!! 

1. Is there a book/movie that you’ve read/watched many times? Which one? i usually dont like rewatching/rereading things but my guilty pleasure is snk, i love to watch the dubbed episodes and compare it to the subbed episodes, i love going back and noticing details i couldnt bc i was reading subtitles, comparing manga panels to anime scenes, yknow, lil things like that 2. What do you love most about your friends? they try their best to cheer me up when they know i'm feeling down~ 3. Ever been a witness to someone doing something hella embarrassing? (You don’t have to tell anything about it) uh yeah, my best friend irl fell and literally slid down her stairs when she was drunk after prom last year and wanted to do it again 4. A fandom you didn’t think you would ever be a part of? tbh danganronpa. on my old blog, before i got back into watching anime, i thought their hair was rly...unique, to say the least, and didn't think i would ever give it the time of day 5. Do you have a “trash character” you like? komaeda :') and ouma, i know a lot of ppl rly don't like him lmao 6. Pastel or Black? black, i love pastels but i look rly good in black lmao 7. Pet peeves? when ppl ignore/interrupt me, unneccesary loud noises, lack of privacy, AND WHEN PPL CHEW WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN OH MY GOD 8. If you had one free wish what would it be? (Wishing for xx/endless wishes is not allowed) i would wish to bring immense joy to myself and every person i crossed paths with! 9. What are your favourite tropes/AUs for your ships? holy SHIT im a slut for AUs. i lovelovelove actor AUs, zombie/post apocalyptic AUs, high school/boarding school AUs, college AUs, summercamp AUs, band AUs, coffee shop AUs, apartment AUs...i could rly go on but i'll stop lmaooo 10. Are you an emotional person? VERY 11. Are you more attracted to popular ships or rare pairs? i dont rly have a preference, if i see a ship i like, it's popularity doesn't concern me c:

1. Whats your favorite book? i rly don't know, i haven't read a book in forever fml i've already read all the books on my shelf and they're like...8th grade reading level :-// my most recent read was more than this by patrick ness and it was pretty good! 2. Do you collect anything? stickers!! i love stickers so much lmao what else...cute pins, and i'm slowly building a collection i call 'roadside paintings' where -- you guessed it -- i pick up deserted paintings on the side on the road. i currently have two hanging up in my room! 3. The last Song you listened to? sir sly - high 4. Do you like Tea? If yes whats your favorite kind of tea? fuck yeah!! tea > coffee, all day every day. i rly love blueberry acai green tea and papaya passionfruit black tea!! 5. Whats the first Anime/Manga you ever watched/read? if u wanna get technical, sailor moon was the first ever, but naruto is the first one i went out of my way to watch. the first manga was shugo chara! i would probably still read it bc the characters are adorable and the plot is interesting! 6. Whats your favorite childhood movie? pokemon 2000!! 7. Your favorite poem? the universe took its time on you crafted you precisely so you could offer the world something distinct from everyone else so when you doubt how you were created you doubt an energy greater than us both -rupi kaur 8. Your favorite Painting? i don't rly have one!! 9. Whats the most amazing thing that happened to you? still somehow being alive right this very second 10. Whats the Title of the last Fanfiction you have read? i wanna say it was something simple like 'roommates' or along those lines, i honestly haven't read fanfiction in a couple weeks;; 11. Write 3 Book, Fanfic and Manga Title that you totally recommend! i have the comprehension skills of a potato so idk if you mean three of each or three total so i'm just gonna do three total book: more than this - patrick ness (rly good, rly weird. makes you think about our reality a little more. worth a reread when you're finished so you can piece all the information together) fanfic: blue bear - afishoutofwater (snk/eremin - i was in tears by the end of this, it's so sad but very well written. major character death & angst, just a heads up!) manga: killing stalking (hoo boy. this isnt for the faint of heart, lots of dark themes along the lines of torture and murder. not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay!! <3)

① What are you most proud of? this is probably stupid to be proud of but it's the first thing that came to mind even though i wasnt that good, i made it into my eighth grade talent show playing the keyboard i got up there in front of the entire middle school and fucked up tremendously BUT I DIDNT CHICKEN OUT! so!! +1 point for tay woohoo ② Have you ever been so impressed you were left speechless? if you mean impressed by someone's level of stupidity, yeah lmaooo, otherwise not rly ③ What’s your favorite time of day? 10AM - 2-3PM, i'm the only one awake during these hours (unless my mom has work) and the house is completely silent for once ④ Is there a certain song that gives you goosebumps everytime you hear it? history maker from yoi gave me goosebumps for a while but no song has consistently given me goosebumps lmao ⑤ Is there something, let it be a hobby/food/movie/book/song/etc., from your childhood that you still love today? i still collect stickers and i still rly love beanie babies...i also don't mind watching the berenstein bears/dragon tales with my niece bc those were my faves when i was a kid ⑥ What never fails to make you happy? my morning solitude and fluffy art/fanfics of my otps!! ⑦ Do you dream? If so, which one was most memorable? i dream sometimes, but my fave reccurring dream is where everything is neon, like the saturation has been yanked up 100%, and i'm just walking down a sidewalk minding my own business, and then it starts raining acid and everything starts melting away until i'm just kinda floating in the void lmao i usually wake up right after everything disappears ⑧ Who’s your favorite tumblr artist/writer/editor/etc.? Feel free to name/tag more than one! the first one that came to mind was @glassesgirl0401, rarepair mom for life ; v ; ⑨ What’s your favorite fanart? Could you please link to its source? omg i love every piece of fanart tht i reblog i cant pick just one!! i rly love how everyone has their own art style and ways of drawing certain things differently, the individuality is what makes art so amazing! ⑩ What’s your headcanoned sexuality/gender identity/romantic orientation of your favorite SNK character? omg there's so many tht i like aaaaa if i had to pick just one, it would be armin and he's hella gay :3 ⑪ ^May I draw them with their pride flag’s colors for you? AAAAAA PLEASE?? that would be so great?! thank you!!! <3

here are my questions, i tried to make them interesting! 1.) If you had one, what was your 'stereotype' in school? (jock, nerd, goth, etc) 2.) What are your favorite and least favorite foods? 3.) Who is your favorite character from your current fandom and why? 4.) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 5.) What are your favorite hobbies? 6.) Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter? 7.) What's one obstacle you've overcome recently? 8.) Yes or no: Pineapple on pizza? Fries dipped in mayonnaise? Ketchup on eggs? 9.) What is your most resourceful skill? 10.) If you could pick three fictional characters to bring to life, who would they be and why? 11.) What is the end-goal for you; What do you want to do with your life?

thanks for reading this far lmao sorry that took a lot longer than i thought it would

[swipestream]

Duel Visions

Tomorrow, Duel Visions, a  weird fiction / horror collaboration by two veterans of those genres, Louise Sorrensen and Misha Burnett will be released. For the title think dueling banjos. The authors went into this collaboration thinking it would be one of contrasting styles but found the end effect was one of synchronicity .

Reading Misha’s and Louise’s alternate stories (10 total), involves some shifting of mental gears as the reader moves from one to the next. I’m really not a horror fan so Misha caught me out, as his first story, We Pass From View is a thoughtful piece on life after death but his next offering, The Silk Of Yesterday’s Gown, turns the Clive Barker dial past ten with a story concerning control,  and masochistic sexual fetishes gone wrong.  For those into that sort of story, Misha assures me the Duel Visions version is toned down and you can read the original in All These Shiny Worlds II.  Silk is definitely not my cup of tea so I was glad that his next story, The Summer of Love, turned out to be Misha’s version of Bring the Jubilee.  Misha has never read Ward Moore’s book he uses the same concept to good effect.

Louise’s Ragged Angels was influenced by a trip she took to Vancouver in May 2017 and her shock at seeing the drug problem there first hand. She quickly thought of the story’s concept but couldn’t start on it until 3 months later. Immediately after she found time to start writing, she was called away to help on the farm and bring the hay in. Unable to write, she “started to write it in my head” and put herself to sleep at night figuring out what happened next. Three days later, the haying was finished, she had the story down and only needed to put it on paper. A few days after finishing typing, she walked past the barn and the title, Ragged Angels “just popped into my head”. I mention all that as she may have come across an extremely effective method for idea generation.  Who knows what the combination was? Hard work which by its nature allowed her to think about the story, pondering the story as she went to sleep and deep sleep brought on by hard work combined in her subconscious to make the idea generation and development process easier.  Something must have been at work in her subconsciousness as the reminder provided by walking past the barn a few days later delivered the perfect title.  We didn’t explore this in the Q&A as it was the first and so far, only time she wrote a story in this way.  I hope she lets us know if she tries that again next harvest.

And, by the way, Ragged Angels is a good vampire story. Sinker, Sailor will be enjoyed by Lovecraft fans and The Green Truck is definitely weird fiction and a good take on the aftermath of suicide, complimenting Misha’s Black Dog.

Q&A on the next page is not to be missed. One of the reasons I jumped at the chance to review this book is I enjoyed interviewing Misha the first time around and the thoughts behind his answers do not disappoint, while Louise proves she is one to keep on eye on going forward. We discuss the merits of short fiction, their writing styles and preferences and how their collaboration on Duel Visions came about.

    Interview

Scott Cole: Louise, please let the CH blog readers know about your new anthology, ‘Duel Visions’ with Misha Burnett.

Louise Sorensen: Collaborating on an anthology was a new experience for me. I did a lot of the editing and proofreading, and there was a lot of back and forth on the cover until we decided on the final one. As the deadlines were pretty close, it was intense. We finished about a month ago. Winter socked in, and I went back to editing other pieces, and revising two fantasy and one scifi short story I’d been working on. I’m looking forward to the publication.

  Scott Cole: Misha, has Duel Visions taken up most your time or have you been busy with other projects?

Misha Burnett: Honestly, aside from writing the stories themselves, I probably did the least amount of work in putting the book together. Louise is a very skilled editor and did proofs on all of our stories. She and Alex put the book together, I just said, “Oh, yes, that looks fine” a lot.

So I did a lot of writing. I published eight stories last year; “mDNA” in Superversive’s Planetary Mercury, “Black Dog” (which will also be in Duel Visions) in Sins Of The Gods, “The Happiest Place On Earth” in Superversive’s Planetary Venus, “Dead Man’s Chest” in Millhaven’s Tales Of Terror, “Nox Invictus” in Millhaven’s Fierce Tales: Savage Lands, “An Interrupted Scandal” in Cirsova #10, “Endless Summer” in Utopia Pending, and “Grand Theft: Nightmare” in Lagrange Books’ Ye Olde Magick Shoppe.

I also completed Bad Dreams & Broken Hearts, which I posted on Steemit. I am not entirely happy with that project, nor with the publishing platform. It was a learning experience. I have used the setting that I created for that novel for other stories (“An Interrupted Scandal” and “Grand Theft: Nightmare”.)

If I had to sum up my career since we last spoke, I’d say that I have come to terms with being a short fiction author. It’s taken me a long time to get past my own internal prejudice against short fiction and really embrace that identity.

  SC: Louise, how do you feel about short fiction?

LS: I’ve read anthologies since I could pick up a book, so I love short stories. I wasn’t a born writer, I was a visual artist. A painter. A severe ice storm in January 1998 and nine days without electricity left me with a mental block against painting. So I started writing with poetry courses, and then creative writing courses. I followed Chuck Wendig on Twitter, did his flash fiction prompts for two years, and wrote about forty stories. Many of those had a thousand word limit. Along with Twitter’s 140 character limit and a love affair with Elmore Leonard’s books, I learned to be succinct. I had no thought of being published until about five years ago, when I realized that my stories were as good as many that were published. And as a writer, you start to edit everything you read. It takes away some of the enjoyment, but there’s also satisfaction in that improving the clarity of the writing, makes the story better.

I wrote two novels. One I finished and got professionally edited, the other I didn’t finish but could. After that, I had a short story published in an ASMSG Romance anthology. My story was a satirical SciFi romantic parody called Fizzlesnitch. It didn’t really fit the genre, but the editor liked it, and got the humor. So I started submitting stories and had a few published over the last three years. And I discovered that I like writing short stories and I don’t like writing novels.

A short story has to create a convincing world, story line, and believable characters, in few words. It must be polished to a lesser extent than a poem, but a greater extent than a novel. Each word must have a purpose. To me, poems are the jewels of the writing kingdom, novels are the gold bars, and short stories are the pearls.

I realize that some people think short stories aren’t real writing, but they were the foundation for episodes of the Twilight Zone, The Outer Limits, and more recently the TV series Electric Dreams, based on Phillip K. Dick’s short stories.

And Alice Munro, the renowned Canadian short-story writer, won the 2013 Nobel Prize for Literature.

You can’t get more legitimate than that.

  SC: Misha, what was your internal prejudice against short fiction?

MB: The idea that short fiction is just practice for writing novels. That it’s not serious writing. I think that attitude is very prevalent in the publishing world today. It’s certainly true that it is much harder to make money writing short fiction. Writers today have a lot of pressure to produce novels, particularly long novels that are part of multi-volume epics.

And I think that’s a shame. There are writers today who are capable of producing phenomenal short fiction who are writing novels instead. William Gibson, for example–as much I enjoyed Neuromancer, I think it lacks the punch of “The Winter Market” or “Fragments Of A Hologram Rose” or “New Rose Hotel”. He himself said as much in the introduction to his collection Burning Chrome. Clive Barker is another author who I felt took a step backwards in switching from short stories to novels. I love Imagica and Weaveworld, but they don’t have the rawness and vitality of, say, “The Body Politic” or “In The Hills, The Cities” or “The Last Illusion”.

And then you have Orson Scott Card, who has essentially made a career out of expanding great short stories into mediocre novels. I always tell people who like the novel of Ender’s Game that they should read the original short story–in fact, get a copy of his first collection, Unaccompanied Sonata, if you can find it.

  SC: Misha, do you have basic rules of thumb as to what makes good long or short fiction?

MB: I’d paraphrase Fight Club’s rule #7–stories go on as long as they have to. The second hardest part of writing fiction is saying what you need to say. The hardest part of writing fiction is knowing when you’ve said it and then shutting up. We’re writers because we love prose, we love the sound of our voice. It’s a necessary part of being a writer, but it’s also a critical weakness and the good writers see it as a weakness. Everyone likes to talk about writer’s block, and, sure, it’s tough when you can’t find the right words, but a bigger problem is filling the page with wrong words because you think that producing verbiage is the same thing as producing story.

A good novel is a good story that takes a novel to tell. Sadly, a lot of authors have a short story idea, but think that if they want to be a “real writer” they have to pad it out to novel length.

  SC: Louise, what are your personal guidelines to writing a good story?

LS: The story is as long as it has to be until it’s over. Then you’ve reached the end. I don’t worry about word count, unless there’s a limit in submission requirements. And that’s also the reason I haven’t published as much as I might, because if your story doesn’t fit an arbitrary submission word count, and you have to pad it to extend it, or carve it to reduce it, it won’t be as good as it should have. I write and edit mercilessly. That is, I aim to be honest and write the story, the whole story, and nothing but the story. So help me Heinlein.

Unlike Misha and many other writers, I don’t love prose, or the written word. I don’t like long descriptions. The story is what stirs me. When I read, I’m analyzing the writing as I go along, but with the best stories, I’m drawn so deeply in that I don’t notice the writing.  Misha’s stories are pithy and succinct. He doesn’t let the prose get in his way.

For me, the story is the thing. Every word in the piece must be the foundation for and support the story.

  SC: Misha, you mention authors that were excellent short fiction writers but had less than stellar results when transitioning to long fiction. Do you think there are stylistic or even temperamental differences that make an author excel in one or other length of stories?  

MB: Yes.

Do I know what those differences are? Not so much. For my own part, if I just write the story until it is done, without worrying about word count, I tend to end up around 7500 words. I find it very difficult to keep a story–any story–under 5000 words (which is a pity, because there are markets that have an upper limit of 5k for submissions) and over 10,000 words I start losing focus and am just rambling.

Why this is, I’m not sure. Maybe I just have a short attention span compared to novelists.

  SC: Louise, how do you feel about that?

LS: Stylistic or temperamental differences in writers who transition from short stories to novels … I think there must be. I definitely like to get in, tell the story, and get out. One of the authors I can think of who does both lengths well is Stephen King. Another is Heinlein.

But I’ve read many novels that were extremely padded. One novel that stands out in memory, spent the first six hundred pages describing the architecture of Atlanta, Georgia. Although the writing was beautiful and well edited, I kept waiting for something to happen. As I did in those days, I kept reading to find out the merit of the book. The writer finally got around to the action of the story in about the final hundred pages. It was basically a short story tacked onto the end of a long historical travelogue. I wondered how it ever got published. It was even made into a movie. Although I’ve never seen it, I suspect it was based on the short story, and not the architecture.

So I believe that not every can author do it.

  SC: Misha. Do you know any authors that mastered both formats?

MB:  The first name that comes to mind is Larry Niven. He seems to be able to operate at two different speeds. His short fiction has a different voice than his novels–they have a minimum of description and are usually based around one single, easy to formulate, premise. A lot of them are also very funny. For novels, Niven seems to be able to drop into a lower gear and spend more time fleshing out the world and the characters.

Roger Zelazny is another one. You can see that clearly in My Name Is Legion. The first two sections were written as short stories, while the third, “Home Is The Hangman”, is clearly written as the last half of a novel. It works, the stories hang together and the narrator is consistent, but there is a definite shift in voice.

But then, Zelazny was an experimental formalist and enjoyed playing with the structure of prose for its own sake. (cf Doorways In The Sand, which has the unique (so far as I know) structure of beginning each chapter with a cliffhanger and then going back to explain how the character got into that position. It’s done so skillfully that it takes several chapters for the reader to catch on to the game.) I expect he understood the nuts and bolts of fiction better than anyone else working in the English language. I still mourn his loss.

  SC: Misha, when we last spoke, we discussed New Wave fiction (focused character psychology with an emphasis of poetic language over scientific accuracy). Has your writing continued along that path?

MB: I call my work New Wave. I’m not sure what other people would call it. From my perspective my work follows a clear trajectory. I’m getting better at doing the stuff that I like and learning how to cut out the parts that I don’t like.

But I would say that my understanding of what “New Wave” means–at least in terms of my own work–has undergone some changes since last we discussed it. Recently I watched The Departed by Martin Scorsese and was struck all over again by what a brilliant visual storyteller the man is. His films are a series of shots that flow from one to the next and you almost don’t need the dialogue–it’s the images that drive the story.

Directors who really understand the art of film–and I’d add John Carpenter, John Sayles, Hitchcock (of course), Brian DePalma, just to name a few–know how to operate the visual grammar of the medium. Picture, picture, picture, (now everybody’s dead) final picture, closing credits.

Filmmaking is telling a story with pictures. So what is fiction, telling a story with words? Not at all. The word is not the unit of narration in the sense that the shot is the unit of narration in a film. Individual words are like individual frames in a film–if you notice they are there something’s wrong with the mechanism.

Fiction is telling a story with concepts. Ideas. Images, not in the visual sense, but in the emotional sense. It’s a unique art form because what matters is what you can’t see or hear or touch.

The hero of Dune is the ideal of ecology as an existential science–you can only understand an ecology by becoming part of the ecology. The death of Liet-Kynes in the desert is the culmination of his life’s work–he has become the desert.

The hero of Starship Troopers is the ideal of courage. Johnny Rico is the conduit by which courage, as an abstract, becomes concrete, the voice with which it speaks. The paragraph that opens the novel (“I always get the shakes before a drop…”) is courage coming up and introducing itself to the reader.

I could speak in terms of “conceit” or “theme”, but I think I mean hero. Fiction is the arena in which ideas battle it out. This can be done badly (Ayn Rand, I’m looking at you now) and fiction becomes polemic. But I think it’s always there, just by virtue of the medium of language and the human animal’s multivalent use of it.

If I say, for example, “Sherlock Holmes vs. James Bond” the phrase suggests a clash of methodologies, of philosophical approaches to a problem. The difference in the biographical details of the characters is irrelevant. You could set that story in a milieu alien to both of them, say, 13th Century Rome, and give them both new names. Make Bond a soldier of Frederick II and Holmes a priest of Gregory IX, and make them be forced to work together to find the poisoner of a bishop.

One could write that story with no reference to the original characters, but readers would still think, “Oh, this is Sherlock Holmes vs James Bond” (if one did her or his work well). Because those characters are ideals, not individuals.

I’ve gotten rather far afield from your original question, which was I am still working in New Wave. Yes. However, I also find myself drawn to a simplification of story, a paring down to the essentials. What does the reader absolutely need to know in order for the story to work?

And that streamlining of fiction is antithetical to the spirit of some of the classics of New Wave. Books like VALIS, Dhalgren, Gravity’s Rainbow, Infinite Jest, are ox-stunning bricks of words. Beautiful words, no doubt about it, but they are like driving across New Mexico. The scenery is magnificent, but basically there is nothing there.

I want my stories to be more like running down to Home Depot to get a replacement faucet before your bathtub overflows and floods the basement. In, out, this is what I need to get the job done, and get your ass back home. Scenery is reduced to things you need to drive around and stuff you can ram right through.

  SC: Louise, what’s your take on this?

LS: Hmm. Scott, you define New Wave as ‘Focused character psychology with an emphasis of poetic language over scientific accuracy.’ I googled it, and found it was a literary movement in the 1960s and 1970s, that rejected the simplistic action-adventure of the earlier ’Golden Age’ of SciFi and Fantasy, in favour of more literary and experimental forms, with more emphasis on writing and creativity, and less on hard science and plot. Misha’s comment that some of the stories are ‘ox-stunning bricks of words’ is a good description of some of the experimental works. I never liked Silverberg’s writing. Too much experimental, too little story.

I don’t know that my writing is New Wave. I’d call it Weird. Surreal. I like to think I write like Heinlein, in that I always tell a story. I don’t experiment, unless it’s to follow the rabbit down the rabbit hole. In my SciFi, I stick to hard science. I always have a logical rational backstory for whatever happens, but I don’t always explain it. In my Fantasy, I allow the fantastic, but there must be some logical explanation behind it; another dimension, a parallel universe, different laws of physics.

Like a filmmaker, because my storytelling is visually based, not word based, I tell the story in pictures. I go in knowing the bones of the story, picture the scene in my mind, and write it down to the best of my ability. I don’t try to be poetic. But sometimes I am. As I started out writing poetry, sometimes a line of poetry will pop into my head as I’m writing a scene, and I’ll include that.

  SC: Misha. Please tell readers what to expect with Duel Visions.

MB: It’s a collaborative anthology, with five stories each from myself and five from Louise. Off the top of my head I can’t think of any examples of similar anthologies. Generally you either have every story by a different author, or all of them by one author.

So the feel of this book is a bit unusual. We also alternate stories, one from me, one from Louise, which involves some shifting of mental gears as you move from one to the next. That’s a risk, but I think it pays off.

We have different styles and I think (I hope) the cumulative effect is like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups–two great tastes that taste great together.

As for the stories themselves, I think Weird Fiction is probably the best description. There are some Science Fiction elements–genetic engineering in Louise’s “Sinker, Sailor”, time travel and alternate history in my “The Summer Of Love”. Other stories have traditional fantasy elements–sidhe, magic statues, and figures from different classical mythologies.

I explore one of my favorite urban legends in “We Pass From View” and Louise has a modern take on the vampire legend.

So in terms of genre we’re all over the board. My favorite story in the book, Louise’s “The Green Truck” simply resists classification altogether. I don’t know how to describe it, you just have to read it for yourself.

Despite all this–or perhaps because of it–there is an overall theme to the collection that I suppose could be summed with J. B. S. Haldane’s remark, “Now, my own suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.”

  SC: Louise?

LS: I love Misha’s quote of Haldane!

What can readers expect with Duel Visions?

I was very surprised when I noticed on the second proofreading of the whole work that Misha and I had written stories with similar themes. What was most surprising was that I had been over all the stories many many times with editing and never noticed the similarities before. So although our stories are very different, his anchored in dirt and dust and reality, mine in weird and what? and unbelievable, we are both curious about the same things. It’s almost as though we explore these ideas in different mediums.

I found out yesterday the Misha is working on a story about alien invasion. I am too! Synchronicity? Quantum Entanglement? You can be sure that my take will be much different than Misha’s.

So readers can expect thoughtful, interesting stories crafted mercilessly with love and blood.

  SC: Misha. How did the collaborative concept with Louise come about?

MB:  Impatience, mostly.

About a year ago I started considering publishing a collection of short fiction. I had a few stories that I had previously published that I wanted to present for a wider audience, and a couple that I’d written for anthologies that hadn’t panned out.

The problem was that I didn’t have enough stories for a full book. So I wanted to find another author to do a collection with.

I had worked with Louise on my 21st Century Pulp anthology (one of the ones that didn’t pan out–our publisher backed out) and I was very impressed with her story “Ragged Angels”. So I asked her if she had any more like that one, and it turned out she did.

Once we started passing stories back and forth the collection kind of took off. It kind of surprised me how the stories and our voices played off each other. And even though we didn’t plan it that way, there are some strong parallels between some of the stories. We each have one that deals with the transformation of a human into an animal, for example, and we each have one in which Death is personified in animal form.

Louise came up with the title Duel Visions, and I thought it was perfect. It’s kind of like Dueling Banjos, but with stories. Not so much fighting as presenting different variations on a theme.

  SC: Louise? What did you think when Misha approached you about the collaboration?

LS: I was delighted!

I’ve admired Misha’s talent since I read his series ‘The Book of Doors.’ I looked him up on Twitter and followed him, then followed him on Facebook, and read every story of his I could find. They’re brilliant. One of my favourite stories of his is, ‘The Happiest Place on Earth.’ Another is ‘In the Gloaming O My Darling.’ He’s one of my favourite writers, along with Heinlein, Phillip K. Dick, and Elmore Leonard. Never disappointed.

I hope that readers see this too and are happy with ‘Duel Visions.’

Duel Visions published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[thedeadshotnetwork]

To Save 'LA Weekly,' Journalists Want to Destroy It The funeral was held last Friday on the sidewalk in front of the LA Weekly offices in Culver City. Black-clad mourners gathered around a shiny white casket to read eulogies through a megaphone, the smell of smoke from nearby fires hanging in the air. The crowd of about two-dozen, many of them former freelancers or staffers for the LA Weekly —myself included—had gathered to pay our respects not to a person, but to a newspaper we once loved. “ LA Weekly is a place that gave people a chance,” Jeff Weiss, a former music columnist who contributed to the paper for a decade, told the crowd. “It gave artists a chance that might not have been heard. It gave a voice to the voiceless, not a voice to power.” Like Weiss, I also got my start at the LA Weekly , where I was hired as an editorial assistant in January 2013. Reporting was not in my job description, but I eventually bugged my editors enough that they gave me a chance to write. Maybe it was because I wanted to do the kinds of assignments nobody else would: Waking up at 5 AM to go to a sober rave, Biking 17 miles to the Emmys, getting drunk and then sticking an IV in my arm the next morning to cure a hangover. I was happy to be a guinea pig in the name of journalism if it meant landing a byline. By the end of 2014, I had my first cover story. For me and countless others, writing for the LA Weekly wasn’t just a dream job or a professional launching pad, but a civic duty that gave us unparalleled access to just about anything and anyone we could think to write about. Weiss was one of the organizers of the mock funeral, which was held in response to the sale of the LA Weekly to a mysterious shell company called Semanal Media, which two weeks ago laid off nine of the paper’s 13 editorial employees (I was no longer with the company, but the layoffs did include my former editors). The new company did not fully disclose its investors’ identities or lay out a plan for the future of the newspaper, which led to speculation that it was either highly incompetent, part of a larger plot to use the historically left-leaning paper as a conservative mouthpiece—several of the new owners have donated money to the Republican party—or some combination of both. “The LA Weekly as we know it is dead,” Katie Bain, a former senior music writer who I’d met years ago while working at the paper, told me. “I think it died last Wednesday with the layoffs. Not only because nine people lost their jobs, but because 40 years of direction and ideas and reputation were suddenly shifted, and that to me, means the paper is over as we knew it.” To Bain and Weiss, LA Weekly ’s death isn’t just speculative or metaphorical. Rather, they and the other writers who organized the funeral want to make certain of it. It may seem counterintuitive, but in order to save the publication that helped launch their careers, they believe they’ve first got to kill it. They’re aiming to do that through an aggressive boycott campaign that seeks to tank the paper before it has a chance to survive under its new ownership. The vengeance plot has them targeting individual advertisers and pressuring them to withdraw their business from the newspaper. So far, the tactic seems to be working: Last week, the paper canceled its annual Sips Sweets event, just days after vendors including Amoeba Music and Angel City Brewery and restaurants such as Otium, The Pikey, and The Roger Room pulled out. “The goal is to make it so toxic for them here that they have no choice but to sell it back. We want to basically take their legs out from under them,” said Bain. “Obviously we’re dealing with businessmen. The swiftest way to hit them is with money and that's the language they understand.” Of course, the organizers of the boycott can’t take all of the credit for alienating readers, advertisers, and freelancers—the new owners of LA Weekly have done plenty of that on their own. Statements they made to the LA Times , in which they disparaged LA’s cultural scene and a tweet in which they suggested they planned to use unpaid contributors, drew outrage on social media. It wasn't just that they botched interviews with other media outlets, but apparently also didn’t know how to manage their own website and Facebook page, both of which have been hijacked by former staffers: The funeral was live-streamed on LA Weekly ’s Facebook page and a blog post pointing fingers at the new owners is still featured on the site today. (Semanal Media’s operations manager Brian Calle did not respond to my request for comment.) “It’s really hard to tell how evil they are,” former food editor Katherine Spiers, who was laid off last month and supports the boycott, told me at the funeral. “How evil can you be when you’re fumbling at every turn?” Watch: Adding to the massive clusterfuck, Hillel Aron, the only staff writer who was spared from the layoffs, was promoted to interim editor in chief on Friday—and then abruptly suspended from his post on Tuesday, when Spin dug up and published some of his offensive tweets. When I talked to him on the phone on Sunday morning, before he was suspended, he was the first to admit that his new bosses badly botched the transition, creating a PR nightmare in which he’s become a primary target. “I think they've made numerous mistakes and were very naive in doing what they did and thinking that we could actually function with that few employees,” he said. To him, like many outsiders looking in, the mass layoffs “didn't make any sense. There’s no excuse for it.” (The backlash from the sale of the paper has been so messy—complete with a frantic, typo-laden email that was widely mocked after being leaked to a reporter—that I can’t help but imagine it’s the kind of story Aron would go after, were he not personally living it.) “Honestly, I’m impressed at how effective the boycott has been. I think they’ve done a really great job,” said Aron. He added that he believes the outrage of former writers and laid-off staffers would be better spent on a more outwardly political cause. “I wonder if they could maybe put this energy into getting rid of [Orange County Republican Representative] Darrell Issa or organizing voters.” But to many of the organizers and supporters of the boycott, fighting to save—by way of killing—an alternative weekly is inherently political, particularly at a time when the media is under attack. While President Trump leads a national crusade against so-called “fake news,” conservative billionaires like the Koch brothers—who last month invested in Meredith Corp. , which owns Time magazine—have been quietly taking stake in media properties and consolidating them. Last month, Gothamist owner Joe Ricketts—a conservative Trump donor—abruptly shuttered the entire chain of local blogs in a move that was largely viewed as retaliation for unionizing . (I’d been working for LAist at the time.) “It’s this concerning aspect of what we’re seeing with a few other media companies right now is that we don't actually know where the money’s coming from. There’s not much transparency,” April Wolfe, the former film critic for the LA Weekly who was laid off last month, told me in a phone call. “The boycott campaign for me specifically, and this might be different for Jeff [Weiss], is to get people to pay attention to their local media and what is happening to it and to be their own media watchdogs,” Wolfe said. “Because journalists have been sounding the alarms for a very long time and it’s hard to get people to care about things.” Wolfe hopes the #BoycottLAWeekly hashtag, which has already been retweeted by the likes of Mark Ruffalo and Ava Duvernay, whom Wolfe profiled in an LA Weekly cover story last year, will help mobilize people for an admittedly unsexy cause. But not every former LA Weekly contributor is down with the boycott, and particularly not those who have watched layoffs, cutbacks, and ownership changes at the newspaper for decades. Jonny Whiteside, a former calendar editor who was laid off in 2009 and has been contributing to the paper’s music and calendar sections for longer than I’ve been alive, says the paper is no worse now than it was under previous owners. He sees the boycott as a grossly naive and hypocritical form of overreaction. “In journalism, you know how it works: they clean house, it’s routine,” he told me in a phone call, identifying himself as “a freaking anarchist” without a political bent. “You can’t rail against the ownership. It’s just stupid because, yeah, they’re all bastards. This is America. Your corporate parent is a bastard,” he said. “You can either exist and, you know, try to further your career or spin your wheels and make a jerk of yourself.” Whiteside, like several other veteran LA Weekly Writers including Lina Lecaro , has no plans to stop writing for the paper under its new ownership—which is a key demand of the boycott. I get why Whiteside is jaded. I survived a round of LA Weekly layoffs during what couldn't have been more than my second week on the job. There’s something about watching people who are twice your age, have double the experience, and kids at home to feed, get canned that feels like a punch to the gut. The blow came even harder when, not even a year after that, the writer whose work I most admired was let go. The position, one I had wondered if I might someday get to fill, was eliminated. But what happened at LA Weekly two weeks ago—wiping out nearly every editorial staffer with no transition team in place—feels entirely different and wholly unprecedented. Based on what we know (and still don’t) about the new owners, including that head honcho Calle formerly led a right wing think tank and once appeared in what may have been a Russian propaganda film , I think we have every right to question their motives—not just as former contributors or laid-off staffers, but as people who care about what happens to our city, who reports on it, and why. While the boycott appears to be picking up steam on social media, it remains to be seen what its organizers will do if they actually succeed at convincing the new owners to sell the paper back to them. At that point, will their boycott efforts have sabotaged their own master plan to revive the paper under new ownership? “I actually had this thought,” Rebecca Haithcoat, a former LA Weekly music writer and one of the boycott’s organizers, told me. “I was like, what’s going to happen if we do get it back and people are like, ‘Wait, we took [out] our advertising, so wait, now we should do it again?’” Weiss is ready to cross that bridge when he gets to it. For now, he’s got LA Weekly advertisers to call. “We have to keep going, and we will. And we we will win. I promise you we will win because I’m crazier than they are and you guys care more than everyone else does and we will win this shit,” he said, standing in front of the open casket at the funeral. “I will never stop.” December 13, 2017 at 11:35AM