#honestly the whole time i was like omg same theyre so real for that

[dramaticmotionblur]

iwtv is exactly the reason why gay ppl shouldn’t become vampires cuz honestly i too would spend centuries and do anything to get back at my ex and get back WITH my ex

[powderseas]

side order is here!!! its real!!! yippee

what do you think of it so far?

ok so im just gonna spit out all my side order thoughts so far

SPOILERS FOR SIDE ORDER AHEAD!!!!!!

EDIT: I ACTUALLY FINISHED THE GAME WOOO (just one run tho lol) im gonna write my thoughts under the previous stuff

OK SO. i think im a little..? dissapointed..? abt sider order?? like im kinda conflicted abt the lore, also i suck BALLS at the game

the thing is i have done 5 runs so far AND COULDNT GET A SINGLE WIN. the most i can do is up to floor 20.... im literally so bad at this game I ONCE DIED 2 TIMES IN AN EASY LEVEL. im newgen guys.

maybe im not fit for rougelike games but like... idk. i feel like me and the fandom as a whole expected so much more from side order. i feel like if the game is gonna make you replay the same stuff over and over again it should atleast have a SOUL CRUSHING LITERARY MASTERPIECE TYPE OF LORE like OE and Alterna

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW DIRTY THEY DID FOUR???? literally called them an irrelavent loser and then sweeped them aside... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A PALETTE ICON???? theyre not even a secret boss smh.... agent 4 had so much potential I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NINTENDO FOR THIS. and like sure the parallel canon level kind of includes four but that thing is literally an npc??? like imagine what they couldve done with the story if they had included four in it:

when four is left out from the squidbeak splatoon they try to prove themselves by siding with marina with her project. it makes perfect sense. marina and four are both scared of being seperated by their loved ones. but four gets consumed by their anger and jealousy and goes full order mode LIKE DO YOU GUYS SEE MY VISION!!!! i will be forever mad that we didnt get this.

also why is murch out of all the chracters have a pallete??? why didnt they put in captain 3 or something????? sheldon i kinda understand since hes also kinda a part of the squidbeak splatoon BUT MURCH??? get the fuck out!!!

negative stuff aside tho. i love pearl and marina so much. THIS IS THE PEARLINA GAME GUYS!!!!! pearl literally mentions that marina and her sleep in the SAME BED???? marina is so autistic. my little autism creature. SHE MAKES DINO ARMS IN THE ENDING SCENE AUGHHHHHGHHH MY HEARTTT i love marina so much AND PEARL. SUCH A SILLY GOOBER. acht is so precious too... BUT I CNAT BELIEVE THAT THEY MADE THEM WHITE*??? ACHT IS NOT WHITE NINTENDO. anyways i love eight and her little found family full of lesbians. they are all lesbians your honor. we are raising lesbians in this house.

so yeah. i hope i can finish the run atleast ONCE. but like. idk i havent finished the game but side order jsut makes me feel. sad... and lonely...?? unlike octo expension where you could see more and more people using the metros and the chatrooms between marina and pearl are just AUUGGHHH OE IS A GAME. ABOUT CONNECTIONS OK. it makes me feel warm and happy and even though eight became traumatized i like to think that she healed and in the process met so many important people in her life.

in side order i dont see anything in eight*??? is she traumatized??? is she vibing??? is she happy to help??? I LITERALLY CANT TELL. side order makes me feel so cold and empty like do you guys understand what i mean. and its probably becasue it doesnt even take place in the real world. and the thing is. i understand that side order is supposed to be everything that OE couldnt be. i understand that. both games have their own quirks BUT. i just cant seem to make myself love it unlike any other story mode in splatoon...... im really trying to be not biased here but yeah. these are my opinions for side order

AFTER GAME THOUGHTS

HELLO. so yes i somehow managed to win the game. and honestly. the final boss was pretty fun and everyone was so cute at the end omg... but i still think that side order is a bit underdevloped.... i dont even know if ill try to %100 is cuz playing it makes me SO STRESSFUL im glad i get to finish a run BUT i will definetly not be touching side order atleast for a while.... but despite i had plenty of stuff i didnt like in side order the ending managed to make me forget all that haha

[yuridovewing]

My least favorite retcons include:

- whatever the hell they did to Ravenpaw in Redtail’s Debt, Redtail’s Debt as a whole

- them making Onestar, Morningflower, and Ashfoot siblings, while also confirming that Heathertail is his daughter

- the whole Hollowflight/Ivypool friendship being erased

- Sorreltail’s entire death??

- Fernsong being retroactively confirmed to have actually raised the kits when there was no mention of it/scene of him doing so in the actual books

- Goldenflower being made to be around Bluestar’s age is uncomfortable given the fact that Frostfur was left behind with the other elders despite being Bluestar’s apprentice

- Making Bluestar much younger than it’s implied she was in the main series, thinking of the line where it says something akin to “most of these cats never lived under a leader besides Bluestar”

And not necessary retcons but Frostfur and Brindleface being sisters is so bad. Lionheart being Frostfur’s mate is bad since it retroactively makes TigerDove distantly related. Hawkwing and Pebbleshine being cousins, hell just the amount of inbreeding in SkyClan despite being made up of unrelated rogues, kittypets, etc.

NO CAUSE YOURE SO RIGHT!!! no real opinion on ravenpaw’s change cause i haven’t read redtails debt, but i did hear that they just completely forgot that its a critical detail that redtail didnt kill oakheart. which is just so funny to me. good job everybody

honestly i just get the vibe that they made onestar and ashfoot siblings just to piss off the fandom. cause like theres no way in hell that they’re unaware of the incest at this point. like. idk this is on the same level to me as “omg lets make pebblehawk first cousins!”

SORRELTAIL OH MY GOD people forget that was actually a retcon. she was perfectly fine in the last hope, vicky just really really hated her and wanted her in the dirt (you may think im being hyperbolic but, like, no, vicky actually ranted about how “boring” she was when a fan asked how she felt about her parents and kids’ deaths and said ‘she isnt miserable enough shes too happy and thats stupid”. it literally is in there cause vicky put her through hell and back and couldnt get enough of that. and people think the misogyny in this series is up for debate.)

ohhhhh my god all the tpb age retcons are so frustrating. its worse cause like, why do snowfur and leopardfoot and all these cats give birth the second theyre out the warriors den? why is bluestar only about a year older than her nephew?? ive ranted about the shadowclan elders all being retconned to be super young actually, but its everywhere. (in razorverse i try to fix this by making snowfur and leopardfoot have whitekit and tigerkit wayyyyyyy later. like when theyre 4 instead of 1.)

-honestly 9/10 of the time, a family tree retcon is gonna be awful. who asked for spottedleaf to be tigerstar’s aunt. which deranged individual keeps insisting that whitestorm is ashfur and fernclouds dad.

adderswift isnt real. lets go get some ice cream

[yagamisdiary]

I have a love hate relationship with the fact that you enjoy making us suffer throughout the entirety of your books and making us think they will have a bad ending just to give us the best possible endings ever 🥲 ugh i love you so much youre my favorite author ever, while im here i apologize for the incoming paragraphs but i just need to say it:

1. Idk how you do it but the book covers you choose are always so perfect like?? Idk if im explaining myself but i feel like they capture the vibes of the books perfectly

2. Ok now this is kinda personal and i dont mean to sound like im venting, but have you ever read a fic that impacted you so much to the point where you find yourself still thinking about it to this day 😭 bc that's how i feel about both of ur books, they're so beautifully written and i'm always thinking about the characters or going back to read random parts of the books (edit: i had this paragraph written way before parasite was removed okay but i started rereading eldia yesterday because im truly heartbroken, devastated, downcast, miserable, dejected and inconsolable by the fact that its finished)

I discovered you in july-ish 2021 during parasite era but didnt actually read it until june 2022, i was devastated when i finished it but also had to cleanse my soul cause i accidentally burnt my self out during the last few chapters (i mean it in a good way lol, it was rlly hard to read the last 2 chapters 🙇‍♀️ they were written really well and i felt unsettled while reading the beginning of y/ns whole breakdown, i could feel the gloomy depressed vibe it had if you get what i mean), so anyway i moved on to Eldia. At that time, it was fairly new so there were only like 10 or 11 chapters, ive been keeping up with Eldia ever since and its truly bittersweet to see it end like i was literally full on sobbing for no reason 🥲 probably the sentiment of being a reader for 2 years idk lol. Anyway what im trying to say is that your books were one of the only things that helped me escape reality in 2022, i didnt really find joy in anything and hated my life, however ive definitely improved ever since, so im honestly rlly thankful for you Amara 💕

Edit: i just know it sounds stupid and youre probably tired of hearing the same thing over and over, but i've had this written out for like 5 months and was kinda scared to send it because i felt like it was corny, but with Eldia's resolution i felt encouraged seeing all these people tell you what they think :P so sorry for the long ass paragraph lmao, i just needed to say it because i know in 10 years ill be a grown ass woman and still thinking about these books, theyre attached to my brain forever (like a parasite, ironic)

Ok so i doubt ppl will read this (or that you'll even read all of it) so if you reached the end i must say that you actually ate with the baby names in Eldia 🤭 im saying it here to avoid accidentally spoiling anyone but Andromeda 😪 i remember in early july i sent you an anon ask saying that i pictured you as a girl mom and even listed a few names, i was gonna list Andromeda so its kinda funny to me 😭 and Elrose?? Andromeda is my fav name but Elrose grew on me and i actually rlly like it, idk why it just sounds and looks so satisfying OMG DAMN I JUST SCROLLED UP AND DID I REALLY WRITE ALL OF THAT?? IM SO SORRY AMARA 😭😭 i definitely had way more to say but i feel bad now, it was gonna be an anonymous ask but atp i'll just let it be public

to conclude i must say that whenever someone asks me what my favorite books are, i hate that im not able to say "Oh my favorite books are parasite and eldia" because they're considered fanfics and not 'real books', i think thats really stupid, not only because fanfiction is just as valid as what ppl consider 'real books' but because there are so many fanfictions turned into real books or movies?? Ok im done (for now) but as you can tell im not really good at going straight to the point sorry for writing about 10 paragraphs love you queen vivan las escritoras latinas 🤞

1. honestly i find a pic that fits the vibe i want the book to give before i even write the story then i just somehow find a way to incorporate the cover

ex) eldia’s cover is jean with wine all over him, iykyk there’s an exact scene in eldia that references the cover

2. thank u so much 🥲 the ppl who have stuck around the longest always say the most sweet stuff bc yall really have been alongside me for so many years now and were like growing together which is kinda cool

3. i wanted a name that had ambrose and elijah both in it and it was either elrose or embrose but i ended up liking elrose more, embrose was too similar to ambrose

4. i don’t mind the length of the message at all! i love love love reading all the stuff i receive and the ones that are the longest stick with me the most. 🫶🏼

[obwjam]

Legit so excited to hear your thought about the coaches and don't even get me started on NEKOMA, like so much potential with them have cat like eyes and agility and kdjcdnksjs

Am i the only one who thinks that kenma would know about a borrower in their gym, watching them all play, the entire time and just doesn't say anythign because he knows how it feels to be shorter than others, underestimated and feel looked down upon? Not only that but he is an introvert, he wouldn't want them to be put through what he deals with from Lev Haiba.

omg i have soooo many nekoma thoughts dude it's not even funny... kenma would literally be the best giant bc he doesn't ask a million questions, make height jokes or even act like anything is different lmao it's just another person, whatever, but he would have a soft spot for a tiny for the exact reasons u said. he'd find himself worrying about them bc they're so vulnerable and they dislike talking to humans as much as he does. if the whole team knew about the tiny they would NEVER leave them alone and kenma would have to step in to protect them at all times. the conversation would be like: tiny: you knew i was here??? kenma: nods tiny: how long? kenma: six months tiny: SIX MONTHS? AND YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING? kenma: /shrugs/ i didnt want to bother you

ok now let me do the coaches/managers bc i literally love them all and they'd all handle the situation in VASTLY different ways...

ukai would be really confused and he'd try to act like he doesn't care that the entire team has now adopted a tiny little human being. like they'd all be clamoring over a tiny and he'd be like what the hell is going on here?! and once he sees them he kind of freezes, looks at them really surprised but eventually goes "well as long as they're not distracting you from practicing what do i care" but he secretly like obsessively thinks about the tiny and is always trying to see what they're doing but really just has no idea where to even begin when it comes to talking to them. the tiny keeps thinking ukai hates them and is very scared of him and he legit needs to be told that the poor thing is terrified of him he's so oblivious. he feels bad and slowly starts to make amends and he would be rlly sweet with them honestly, letting them explore the store and giving them free food all the time. loves answering their volleyball questions

takeda would 1000% immediately go 🥺🥺🥺 at a tiny and just start fawning over them. like real tears in his eyes he'd think they're the cutest thing on the planet. he would obsessively ask about the things they need at all times: did you eat today? did you have enough water? have you tried this food instead? are you sure hinata's shoulder is the safest place to sit? oh please dont climb up that like that you'll hurt yourself like he is just so protective it hurts. is constantly thinking of ways to make their life easier and spoils them endlessly. always asks if they can pick them up before he even lays his hand out, and he's always offering to take them from place to place and the tiny is like it's okay i can walk and tekeda is like b-b-but that's dangerous!!! he's just the biggest sweetie. would stare at the tiny for way too long while theyre in his hand

shimizu would be so chill about it. she'd be acting like she's met a thousand tinies before. the tiny would NOT know how to read her at ALL and they wouldn't think she hates them, they'd just be like ... so what's her deal. and ofc shimizu finds them so freaking cute upon first seeing them and is so curious about them. she just doesn't really know the best way to ask them questions without feeling annoying but would always get them food, water, literally whatever they need, she just shows up with it and it's very sweet. she's like a beacon of comfort for a tiny, just reliable and would die protecting them no questions asked. accepts them as a member of the team instantly

yachi would be the same as takeda but like 100x louder because ! it's a little tiny person like !!!!!!! she would literally squeal upon meeting them and reach to pick them up before seeing they do NOT like that and she asks if she could hold them, like she would ask if she could hold a cute cat lmao she would be so obsessed with them, asking sooo many questions and being oblivious to the fact that she's huge compared to them (not a dynamic she's used to) but she's very apologetic and sincere that there's no way a tiny could ever really be scared of her aside from the sheer size difference. she would always ask so where are they? before every practice, she wants them to like her soooo bad and would become instant besties with them and would love explaining human stuff as much as she loved asking about borrower stuff

[two-sides-samecoin]

omg hi kat!!! your latest anon reminded me of something that i just kind of wanted to bring up and its that people considering interviews and like.. actor opinions as canon are honestly so bizarre to me. like the duffers can say whatever they want honestly, that doesn't make it "official" unless it's obviously stated, in my opinion. also people like to use this as a way to dismiss a lot of fans' opinions just because "duffers said so" apparently equals "infallible truth" like i understand that theyre the creators and they know more in some aspects but in others its literally just their perspectives and viewpoints vs our own and theirs arent any more "real" just because they created the show lol. like.. its not JUST their project anymore. the actors and cast and crew and viewers have all put pieces of their hearts into this and thus that obviously transforms it, in both small and big ways. idk at the end of the day i literally give zero fucks about what they say in all honesty because i dont trust them and i also secretly (not so secretly) think i could write a better version of their show so :")

yeah soo many people see actor opinions as canon which isn’t true. i just think because people see the duffers as the creators they treat creator interviews differently which like it isn’t different at all. writers have opinions of their own work all the time and what the characters do and etc doesn’t mean that the writer’s opinion is canon. especially with this because like in canon it’s clear that nancy did have feelings for jonathan even before this all happened with the halloween thing so it don’t even matter that stancy wasn’t broken up before the whole jancy having sex. cuz either way nancy cheated by knowingly staying in a relationship while bejng in love with another man. sounds like cheating to me but people will only see cheating as physical which like fuckimg yikes.

LEGIT EVERYTHING YOU SAID!! the whole ‘the duffers said so’ be wild when people legit tag other shit with ‘differ bros suck’ and etc. like how can you see what the duffers say as ‘factual’ but then be like ‘okay i’m gonna dismiss everything that they say regarding this and this and that’ LKKE PICK A LANE DOES EVERYTHING THEY CREATE ABOUT A STORYLINE AND SAY IN AN INTERVIEW SUCK OR DO YOY WORSHIP THEM? honestly same like i can give zero fucks in what they say like honestly they ain’t geniuses like some people think. i’ll give credit where credit is due but after that i could not care less about what they say

[i-sveikata]

Gabbyyyy, you really wasn't joking about them arguing almost whole chapter 🤣 When I thought, oh its ending.. nope. They still going 😂 But honestly it was very needed. They weren't this honest for a while, especially Pete. Baby is learning not run away (that much ._.) His emotions, thoughts, ah, masterpiece.

I honestly was so drained after finishing, cause I could feel this tension, seriousness of the situation and the topics. And it says a lot about good writing! Completely emersed in the moment which felt like hours 😅 (Literally it took me hours to read all of that). But don't get me wrong, I loved all of it! Like someone wrote in the comments, did you felt tired while writing? Cause all of their emotions changing, Pete overthinking, Vagas' love bombing - it was a LOT.

Seriously, Pete had so many realizations, I wouldn't be surprised if he goes to sleep with headache 😅 Adding to this Korn's "death". Or is he really dead? Maybe that's something you would like to change in your story and I wouldn't mind 😂

Considering how close we are to the end of events in the drama.. I wonder if you plan to change anything from the main story? And how about post canon? How much after it?

In the series Gun was very on for the coup because I think he believed that Korn was dead. In this case he really doesn't buy it, which is fair.

I know that it's hard not to spoil too much but maybe something ...? Like if they have at least a few days or weeks? It's hard for their development when so much is going on with the family. Time is ticking and I really don't want this fic to end with just small post credits scene 😭

So the real question is if you planned to change any major events or not? Don't need to know which yet 😅

Another thing is how I love Pete and Porsche relationship. They both need each other which I found really lacking in the series. I love how you acknowledged that Porsche relationship with Kinn wasn't so pure like many often overlook. No romanticizing rape 🙏 But still creating a story and very real characters.

I think Porsche and Vegas are right. Pete should do what his heart says. (Not only because I want him pursuing Vegas 😅). It's surprised me how healthy Vegas seems to be acting, considering him being himself. I do believe that they would make a great power couple! Vegas sees this as much as we do 😁

Really, I have so much good to say about this chapter. It was intense but worth it. So, so worth it.

Thank you again for this! I will write to you again when more thoughts come 😊

And now I go sleep 😅 Time difference is really fun when you try to be online when your favourite creators are 😅

Love you 🖤

hello hello!!! omg HAHAHAHA I REALLY WASNT like me too i was literally like okay lets wrap this up now but NOPE they clearly had way too much to say now that they floodgates had been opened and these kind of things were finally being said.

they really needed it. pete definitely need it!! omg i totally understand its such an emotionally draining moment that literally feels like it goes on forever when like it reality it would have been like ten minutes or something?!?! god i hate them hahahahhaha

no i totally was the same afterward like i was not expecting it to come out to the degree that it did, felt like it took forever for me to write and it was super heavy as a scene because they were basically running around in circles the whole time trying to figure out how they can trust each other, still trying to find a way that this could work for the both of them. its an impossible situation!!! of course it wouldnt be an easy solution. but damn at least theyre really talking.

oh yeah pete really did have a bit of reckoning this chapter, finally facing most of the things he's been ignoring or not fully understanding about himself.

oh no we are not near the end yet im going to go well past the end credits scene!!! no wasnt planning to leave it at that, they need more time to work their shit out lol. yeah theres a few things im going to tweak in the canon, but nothing too huge i think? or i guess it depends on your opinion i guess time will tell!

yeah me too they could have been a great friendship but it was so half assed in the show- we could have had so much more from them. oh of course!! that was shady as hell there was no way i was going to gloss over that not after the way we've gone into the horror of what happened to pete. honestly wouldnt have made sense NOT to include that part too. porsche and kinn honestly had an equally dubious start.

omg lol funny you say that but we're going to be seeing a bit of a backslide on vegas' part for that. its more like he can do this right, can make sure they try and communicate properly because it matters to him that this relationship will work out. that they'll last. were going to see a new side to him because of his injuries, because they put him in a very vulnerable place (one that he's been in many times before) and it brings out his 'survival mode' kind of instincts. we can definitely expect some interesting behaviour from vegas in the future.

thank you so much for your lovely comment!! and for trying to be online when i am lol that seems like fighting a losing battle when you're australian- we're like the nightbloggers for everyone else because of the time difference hahha have a nice sleep!

[fat-fem-and-asian]

The first time I watched the show I kind of faded during season two but I rewatched this summer and the dawnwickie of it all jumped out. They give best ex lovers who refuse to talk about it but still fuck sometimes and I hate that they didn’t go there because it’s so obvious. Dawn’s husband feels so extraneous and don’t even get me started on the guy they saddled Wickie with like as if. Idc how much they say so she doesn’t give a shit about him and I don’t buy it lol. Literally if s3 claimed dawnwickie was a thing this whole time and said the baby was Wickie’s (which they kinda did anyway lol) I’d have been like yeah that tracks and just accepted their secret relationship because it’s what they deserve.

i talked a lot bc i love dawnwickie <3

omg real!!!! i honestly think in my rational mind that dawnwickie is just what happens when your two female leads have great chemistry and a classic enemies to lovers type beat. it also really helps that dawn got saddled with the (sometimes boring imo) plot of being unsatisfied in her life and how well that pairs with wickie's diva energy totally acting as an antidote to that -- and the same works vice versa for wickie learning to be honest about her emotions (loving dawn tbh) and sacrificing things for what she cares about (dawn. again lmao). they are very much ex lovers who still hook up. i live in a world where they started to hook up again during tour and that's why dawn doesnt want to leave divorced dad suites. also im still reeling from the news that dawn is apparently a top? wickie power bottom of my heart <3 also we're different on one thing -- i LIKE scott!!!!! he feels like a secret freak. no normal man is that into cycling. i genuinely wouldn't have minded a poly kinda situation and it honestly feels like that with wickie still living with them at the end of s3. like MOVE OUT GIRL? their son has fully just had a live in auntie for two years. there does feel like a lot of comedic potential for wickie and scott to be besties and kinda shove dawn out of her own marriage lol. i also dont miiind the lunch lord, i think he's very much written FOR wickie, but the actor is so charismatic that like. fine. honestly for the amount that they interact you forget theyre together and not just pals. in some odd place of my brain i do wonder in a season four if they'd do an arc of someone thinking the baby is wickie's and she just runs with it? just cause the baby actor they got totally shares renee's cheeks and i'm confident wickie would call that child her (god)daughter

[arillusionist]

shadow and bone ep5 reaction its been 3 whole days since i watched this show 🤯🤯 also i started reading the s&b book!! its pretty good but obviously like the show its v predictable and definitely not on the level of the soc books

we starting off with the crows?? im being blessed omg 🥹🥹

LMAOO JESPER AND INEJ'S FACES WHEN THEY REALIZED THEY COULDNT BRING THEIR ICONIC WEAPONS

ketterdam mention (me when im insane)

also genya and alina have chemistry I CAN SEE IT theyre actually pretty cute

help not me saying this right before genyas crush comes in 💀💀 (well hes her crush in the books idk if they changed it)

oh my god alina looks so cool using her powers 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

ok yeah he definitely is her crush also not alina just rejecting the glove like that?? damn 😭

i cant take kaz seriously he looks so. stupid

honestly i kinda forgot the crows are literally trying to capture alina help

theyre giving jesper a temporary 2 second love interest because wylan isnt here

i feel so bad for inej why are they always doubting her 💔💔

i NEED some conflict in alina's plot like girl why are you always happy!!! wheres the angst!!!! 😐

IM CRYINF THEY WHITEWASHED ALINA 💀💀💀

"new guy" STOP ACTING LIKE HES ACTUALLY PART OF THE CREW BECAUSE HES NOT

he just wants him and inej to be together

everytime alina and the darkling are in the same room i feel so. ugh like GET AWAY FROM HERRR

STOP NO DONT KISS HIM 😭😭 they better reveal him as a villain fast because i cannot handle a love triangle

jesper is way out of that stable boy's league i mean cmon but his flirting is so funny

"shes suli" TELL THEM!!!!! 🔥🔥also finally zoyas here i missed her

"is it my size?" "you have to ask" STOP THEYRE LITERALLY MARRIED 😭😭 i love their banter sm im glad its not all angst

the way inej just walked away 💀💀 girl is not in the mood to listen to his blabbering

inej is so ready to prove kaz wrong

awwhjffjkg the look on inej's face 🥹🥹 i love her sm also she should punch kaz

...how long was jesper fucking that stable boy

need this old man to shut up

ughhh here comes the classic banter between the two love interests PLEASE REVEAL THE DARKLING IS A VILLAIN ALREADY 🙏🙏

yes yes i can feel the real plot finally coming

LMAO DUMBASS HE GOT THE WRONG GIRL.

i keep forgetting how fucking smart kaz is!! of course he would know there was a double

ok yes thank god he was planning to ditch that "new guy" he was annoying i didnt want him

not the darkling ruined the crows plan so he can make out with alina 💀💀

oh my god how long is the kiss scene

ok YES this is the reveal scene i have been!! waiting!! for this!!

YESSSSS 🔥 thank god i dont have to see anymore darklina makeout scenes

ok but if baghra is the darklings mother why does he keep her around?? wouldnt he know she can go around telling people his true intentions??

or maybe he doesnt know she knows his true intentions

idk tho he seems like the kind of person who would

lets be honest kaz looks so good when hes murdering people

OH MY GOD

SHE KILLED HIM??

SHE REFUSED TO KILL BUT SHE DID IT

IN A FUCKING CHURCH TOO

SHE DID IT IN A HEARTBEAT FOR KAZ 😭😭😭😭😭

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER???? LIKE SHES A SAINT OH MY GODDD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i love them so much oh my god

"you saved my life" HHDHHFGHKGHj

ALINA JUST CLIMBED INTO THE BACK JUST LIKE THAT??? HELPPP 💀💀

soo im assuming this is where it deviates from the books!! i better have time to watch the next episode tmrw

[pwnyta]

Apologies for my mistakes in advance.

Ok, so, I have a question for you.

Some time ago (honestly, it might have been kind of a long time ago) you’ve been talking about Genshin and how you prefer when the mc is not the point of view character but just someone who spectates from afar while other characters living their lives/stories. Tbh I’m not entirely sure that it was the exact thing that you said, but at the very least, that’s how I’ve remembered it xD

(Not trying to put words in your mouth btw, again, that’s just how I’ve remembered it)

So, my question is: do you not like MCs, like, in general? Like I know that it’s a strange question and that mc from Genshin feels more like a self-insert (I think they get better as the time goes on, maybe they’ll be their own characters by the end of the game lol), so it’s strange to question whether or not you like MCs just based on this one answer, but I was wondering about it so I decided to ask.

I’m not gonna lie, I am (kind of) a main character truther, they usually end up being my favorite characters, and if I don’t like mc, then I usually drop the work as a whole (because I don’t want to consume something that’s going to anger/annoy me, and bc MCs are usually a huge part of the story, I would rather just not interact with the story as a whole. Kind of unrelated, but my hatred for Bak*go forced me to drop mha bc he started to gain more and more screen time, and even though he is not THE main character, I still think that’s a good example).

Like. I hope you don’t think that I’m looking for troubles or anything, but as a person who likes MCs and as someone who would rather drop the work if I can’t emphasize with them/don’t like them/feel like they are NOT treated or behave like main characters, I’m just interested in the perspective of someone who doesn’t care for those characters/don’t like them in general.

Sorry if my message was confusing, I hope you got my point.

Well honestly I do tend to find MCs significantly less interesting than other characters. MCs tend to be the most generic character so that people can relate to them… thats just not how I read stories so it does nothing for me.

Like Naruto (& honestly the rest of his team) I found him (them) largely annoying and was always more interested in the stories of other characters with weirder powers (like Shino) & because I like more minor characters I Guess Im just more tolerable of their absence so long as the story is fun (Shino was probably THE most neglected of class but I stuck through Naruto until it wasnt fun anymore.)

But yeah especially in something like Genshin where Aether/Lumine are both the MC… and nothing really changes based on the character you pick... they arent a real character and what they do doesnt really matter because its just a stand in.

Like if you made QIQI the main character things would inherently change because she is her own character and the world would have to change based on what she might do. Her options to choose would be SO much different since shes a child and a zombie and w/e the world couldnt possibly be the same…. or CYNO would be interesting because hes got such a different temperament and also struggles with discrimination from being a desert dweller so there would even be more resistance... Hes basically got 2 personalities the quiet professional who keeps his head down and the goofy little meme boy who likes puns and YGO thats closer to who he really is and only shows to his friends (who hate it… OMG WINDBLUME IM STILL DEVASTATED LEARNING CYNO IS QUITE WHILE WORKING BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE RACIST AND HE ONLY JOKES WITH HIS FRIENDS BUT HIS FRIENDS ARE ACTIVELY ANNOYED BY IT AND DONT WANT TO HEAR IT…. IM SICK. …anyway.)

You can interchange Lumine and Aether and nothing changes because theyre not a real characters with their own personality so I just cant give a shit about them. The only thing that makes them tolerable is that its pretty clear Aether is supposed to be the main character canonically.

That said I wouldnt completely dismiss an MC just for being an MC…. some are interesting or serviceable enough to be somewhat likable. I love Luffy from One Piece, I like Tsuna from KHR and I did like Deku from MHA at first though recently he just feels like he doesnt matter at all (which normally I wouldnt mind since I usually prefer side characters stories but cutting screen time of Deku and focusing on characters who genuinely dont fucking matter or are terribly written like Endeavor or the side villains whos stories are forced and/or dont fucking MEAN anything… its frustrating. As much as I cant STAND Bakugo I actually wouldnt mind him having more screen time because he IS important to the story (or should be)… same with Todoroki but Bakugo is just a FLACCID and stagnant character and Todo was fucking wasted as Hori somehow thought itd be a better idea to build his abusive POS father without him present… DONT UNZIP ME NONNY. IM SO MAD…).

UM…. yeah. I didnt take offense or anything to the question… I actually love having an excuse to bitch about silly shit like this. Fandom discourse used to be one of my favorite pastimes before people started pretending it was serious business because theyre too lazy to do any actual social justice.

[woozi]

henlo yza beloved <33

oh my god <//3 love the way you put it honestly, the way you're so smart <3 the answer was right there and i managed to miss it 😭 i was lichrally like " ok so river dried up no thoughts head empty " and now it's as if the last missing puzzle piece finally fit itself in my mind jdjsksks that really explains whys and hows of haku ending up there, btw the importance of names and home in this movie was so heartwarming 🥺

also that's so sad to think about though, haku not having any place outside of the spirit world also means he might never get to meet chihiro 😭😭😭 ( unless he found a little something like home in chihiro ( yk home being a person instead of some house ) then idk he can become a water body anywhere she lives, if or when he decides on meeting her. like you know there is someone out there calling out his name or missing him which gives acknowledgement to his existence thus making a tiny place available somewhere where he is wanted even if as just a visiting guest) ok but honestly i'm also kind of okay with them never meeting hddjdj like even though it's sad there's still some kind of comfort in knowing the fact that some people only come into your life to help you grow in good way!/ intentionally or unintentionally helping e/o through tough times and then moving on )

also honestly same 😭😭😭🥺 i feel like we've been talking since ages, thank YOU for even taking out time to listen and reply to my nonsense fr, i'm so glad i sent that ask to tell you, your " im skydiving with vernon " tag was funny 😭🥺 i really enjoy talking to you

SPEAKING OF VERN how excited are you for his mixtape? would love to hear your thoughts!, i feel like he's gonna come out with some emo rock/grunge banger tbh, basing on the artwork and his love for avril lavigne songs hdjdjdkd whatever it is i know i'm gonna eat it up bc i live for his verses in hhu songs

hope you're doing well yza 🤍, and you too after 21st take some time out for yourself and recharge, you deserve it <333 love you 🥺 thank you for hanging out with me as always, bestie <333

(honestly had nothing extra to add 😭 dec is kicking me fr. days are just going by i have had no idea about which day it is this whole month 💀 also i haven't forgotten about the movie i'm gonna dm you details after i send this, feel free to check after 21st! )

MA CHERIEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😻😻😻😻

NAURRRRRRRRRRR i am not smart i'm just one for obsessing over details fjkfjdkfjdk AND I KNOW </3 it was such a good concept esp considering how our identities are so tied up with the names given to us by birth and the names with which we choose to present ourselves with!! AND UR MIND HELLO???????????? also agreed <33 i'm fine w the bittersweet ending (i… love them actually 😭)

ALSO PLS NOOOOOOOO i should be the one thanking u fr </3 lich rally where would i be without ur lil ask </3

AND URE SO REAL FOR THIS PLS FKJDFJFDJKFDJK i also find myself gravitating towards his verses we r besties fr 😋 and u r right once again omg it gave early 2000s <3 WHAT DO U FEEL ABT IT!!! i personally like the band ver more, it feels a lot more raw!! think the way mainstream kr companies (honestly cant be said for the indie ones theyre going IN on it there) produce rock music is so… tame for lack of better word, but the band ver ate fr tbh <33 IM KINDA SAD SOME OF THE SCENES OF HIM IN THE BLACK TANK TOP DIDNT SHOW UP ON THE MV THOUGH </3333333 HE LOOKED SO GOOD

i've been getting to rest a bit until i received an e-mail from one of my professors today 😭 now it's a sign for me to get back to work, i still have more finals and more deadlines for january, but after that i'd be FINALLY getting a real break 😋

AND NO PLS FDKJDFJ I FEEL U!! i hope ure getting to rest as well and that you've had a great time this holiday season <33 love u thank u for always being here 🥰 MWAH

[thanksfortheflaglove]

hi the girl im in love with kissed me tonight

[berlly]

my 3am thoughts on who the 4 boys wojld be if they were in modern times / as teachers...:

toichiro would be like (and i know what ur thinking, an idol? ofc not thats too cheesy) the son of a ceo. i dont like imagining them human so they'd still all be ayakashi, that or there would be no plot. idk whatd he be the ceo of, but id think he'd just be faking it. like he tricked the actual ceo (aka his "dad", not his real one) into thinking he were his son and faking a meeting in a far awat country so toichiro could do as he'd please or whatever. oh and trust hed still be wearing suits, except theyre not as tacky as the ones in his SR's....

koga would be the same pretty much, an entrepuener helping out businesses and being known by pretty much everyone. he'd probably live in some traditional home out in the woods so he'd be more secluded, bc i doubt he would want to live right on the street in a condo or something. i always liked the thought of him liking traditional japanese houses better than the modern ones.

kuya would def be the same. just sleeping around in everyones house and loitering as usual. yk that thing where ppl were smaller in the past? id expect him to be much more taller!!! id also like to think hed wear dark clothing all the time or walk around in his pajamas or something

shizuki would still be a valet and just hang around toichiro MUCH more often with the new age weaponry everywhere... also with the world being more dangerous now im sure shizuki would remind toichiro abt scammers, but knowing toichiro hed play into the games of a scammer just to scam them back.

them if they were in school ad the faculty(facolty? idk) COLLEGE TEACHERS!!! no minors aloud

toichiro: finance teacher perhaps? idk if hed actually be teaching the class or not, tbh. i know toichiro is rlly rich but idk abt him being resonsible w his money... maybe he'd be a fashion teacher instead? i feel like thatd be up his alley and also something he could actually pull off. prob just flirting with the other teachers honestly....

koga would def be an algebra or geometry teacher. THAT OR AN FOREIGN LANGUAGE TEACHER OMG STOP im so smart. he'd be such a good teacher hoky shit dont rven gte me started (giving up on correcting slelling mistakes) I could also see him beign like the hot history teacher everyone wants to get with (reminder on the college part)

kuya: librarian. prob doesnt even do his job but hey hes around books. hed be sleeping way too much to be able to physically teaching a class, and i doubt hed be good at it either. "what does this questjon mean?" "idk read it again maybe" ljke just a teacher who answers wuestions with "duh". the pro for him being librarian is hes around a lot of books to sleep around!! lots of dream inspo

shizuki: oh u can trust hed be like the most serious chemistry teacher ever. probably runs the chess club (wouldnt doubt it). But if we were to stay on track with the whole valet thing then he'd be dort of like a 2nd teacher in the class room. aka rhe person actually doing the fashion(?) or finance(?) teaching.

(BONUS!!) futaba: mythology teacher. enough said.

ok im done gn

[yozzers]

my opinions on venom #1 because I don’t have any comic friends to rlly discuss this with lol sorry fr inflicting my tumblr followers w this idk how to process all that

this is like a messy mix of a reread with just my thoughts slapped on and some opinions too idk

ok so i could honestly give less of a shit abt eddie rn idk hes not my silly little guy anymore so I just care less abt him i’m actually just waiting fr elwing to kill him off for real bcs he feels soooo soulless these days. like yes some eddie traits are still there but its not the same, so hoo keep that in mind when i talk abt this, anyway

i swear sleeper is the only reason im slugging through recent venom comics, its like (abyssmal emoji face) “venom sucks sm” --> “ :) omg sleeper!”

im going to also assume #1 takes place before extreme carnage since Sleeper is still around and in their cat form. I’m still wondering if Sleeper is going to be treated as the brock family pet or if theyve been restored to a brock family member again i cant really tell... ig ill maybe maybe not find out in the coming issues if RAM V’s apparently plans fr Sleeper are true

also i ... i like that sleeper just indulges sm in being a cat like i KNOW for a fact you arent even like a cat under there thats just a whole symbiote shaped into a cat they say shit like meow mrow bcs they want to

edit: ok i just skimmed through the 2018 run trying to find something else but found this instead... if ewing/ramv are only going by cate’s run then...ig they wont be restored to brock family member status... augeugh but whyyy im understanding why ppl were bemoaning abt dylan’s role as the “blood son” sevrely downplaying eddie’s role as a parent to sleeper im going to take this as “lol no genetically im not related to eddie like YOU are but--” kind of thing for now. im sooo upset realizing sleeper has jus stopped referring to eddie as father :( 

and its funny because it does happen out of the blue, and eddie doesnt even get the chance to really tell his loved ones goodbye or i love you before he just gets blown up

(im glad eddie’s still a little pathetic here... cmon man so much for “trying to convince the universe symbiotes arent to be feared anymore”)

THIS IS REALLY FUNNY FOR NO REASON. DAD SIGHTING, SETPEMBER, 2 AM, HOME.

1) ignore the first panel i just want u guys to know the general time thing eddies been gone fr dylan

2) sorry the way this tells us the symbiote sometimes fucks off whenever eddie goes back to space is so. the dynamic is giving very “divorce kid and their dad’s gf they dont rlly want to have a connection w and maybe even dislike” vibes

3) dylan being the technical 8th kid after sleeper... like lets just say sleeper is the “first child” in this situation bcs thats the only kid where eddie and symby finally stepped up to becoming actual parents to one of their kids and they were “overbearing as hell”, and now theyre just free-balling with the youngest child (dylan) now. it’s kind of funny if it weren’t for the fact sleeper isnt being treated like symby AND eddie’s kid anymore.

i hope sleeper talks abt their exp being raised by eddie and symby at some point i think itd be a funny contrast to give dylan a look at how eddie (and symby) did their parenting before dylan came into the picture. Like “i was kept in a fish tank and smothered with attention” , *dylan vc* “how does it feel, living MY dream (sans the fishtank part)” i also hope now that dylan will interact w the lifo symbiotes w the knowledge hes eddie’s son, that theres a werid family feud situation. lets gooo daddy issues lets goooo. think of it like this sleeper> dylan > lifo and carnage

4) IT KIND OF IMPLIES THE SYMBIOTE HASNT BEEN SEEN IN DAYS? PROBABLY? WHY DOES IT JUST UP AND LEAVE THOUGHHHH also sleeper is a little too passive in this situation fr me its never mentioned if sleeper is also disconnected from the hive so I assume theyre still sort of connected w eddie?? whyd they not realize that wasnt really eddie... huhhhh

WHY WAS SLEEPER OF ALL PPL SURPRISED ABT SEEING VENOM UD THINK THEYD BE ABLE TO SENSE THEIR PARENT BEING NEARBY AND EVERYTHING? LIKE AT FIRST I ASSUMED “OH SLEEPER IS AWARE VENOM IS BEING WEIRD AND STALKING THEM FRM A DISTANCE” NAURRR THEY DONT EVEN KNOW??? this is so...

___

final thoughts ig, i just didnt really feel much. its only issue 1 so i wasnt expecting to get blown away but it just sort of left me scratching my head. its just sort of jarring where i just finished rereading stuff like web of venom: good sons and then the costa run + first host, and im going into this issue... like i think the parenting stuff is rlly the only thing sticking in my head atm. ill probably reread frm the start when we get to issue #4 which is what im mostly anticipating (bcs im expecting to see flash, andi and or bren cameo). 

we dont get to see much on dylan and symby’s dynamic which sucks, bcs thats what i was mostly lookin gout fr in this issue. we do get some more sleeper and dylan interactions which im always happy fr tho! its... a little underwhelming though, actually super underwhelming. sleeper kind of just follows dylan around and its, fine i guess? but i just expected more quips or interjections frm sleeper.

im honestly more interested in dylan’s side of the story which surprised me like i really have 0 care left fr eddie now. which sucks bcs he endeared me sm as a character, but at least currently, he’s sort of just a husk. 

anyway my theory on the whole “dylan and symby not getting along” that keeps being teased im sure itll just be dylan’s rage “infecting” the symbiote all over again or bcs dylan decided to bond with it despite eddie’s warnings its going to go thru that thing the ringo symbiote which is just. unfortunate. im so tired.

anyway!

all of the venom symbio’s shadowed appearances bcs they look so silly:

[heyitsyn]

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

so

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over 

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

���uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend 

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away 

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen 

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time 

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost  a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside 

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that 

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back 

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy 

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him 

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up 

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry,  you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you 

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now? 

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience 

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes 

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

[soulwillower]

heather • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

[based off the song heather by conan gray]

requested:   OMG I HAVE AN IDEA IDK IF ITS GOOD AND IDK WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT CAN U DO A FIC WHERE LIKE ITS BASED OF YHE SONG HEATHER BY CONAN GRAY WHERE THE READER AND RICH HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR SO MANY YEARS AND HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACHOTHER BUT THERE BOTH SO OBLIVIOUS- SO WHEN RICHIE LIKE GETS A GF ONE DAY THE READER JUST WHSKWHDIWHWIW IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT LIKE AT THE END THEY REALIZE THEYRE IN LOVE. SORRY IF ITS TOK SPECIFIC. LOVE U. IM RUNNING OUTTA CHARACTERS 

warnings: swearing, mentions of underage drinking, themes of cheating but no actual cheating, angst, fluff at the end, unedited.

thank u guys so much for being so patient with this fic <3 love u all so much!

[losers + reader are  18+ in this.]

4.4k words

(also, this fic starts with a flashback and idk if i like this style, but lmk if it works) 

♡

the persistent beat thudding in your ears seems to do nothing more than dim your already low mood as you sip on lemonade by yourself in someone's basement bar, sitting on an uncomfortable metal barstool and leaning your head heavy against your chin.

these days, it seemed as though the world was painted in gray.

you look around almost lazily; bev and ben went outside in the snow a couple minutes ago, stan just took a girl upstairs - you're left alone now, because mike and eddie had to study for their exam and bill was feeling under the weather. and richie, as usual, was late.

there's almost twenty other people in the room right now, but you have no desire to speak to any of them. you've been trying to have fun tonight, but you're just having a hard time, feeling distracted and unable to stop thinking about wire framed glasses and a certain bright smile.

your wandering eyes halt your thoughts as a girl in your class - heather perez -  catches your eye from across the room, her hair falling in natural curls that makes you sigh in envy. she smiles and waves at you warmly, gesturing for you to come and sit with her. you swallow and look down into your cup of dreary, graying lemonade as you try not to think about how you look in comparison. she's so fucking pretty. you look back up and shake your head with a friendly smile, faker than a plastic flower, and nod to the bathroom. she shrugs and smiles, turning back around.

she was too sweet, it hurt.

her naturally dark hair, long and wavy, her smooth dark skin, her laugh.... but suddenly, your head snaps back up after recognizing a familiar sight on heather's figure.

-is that richie's sweater?

your heart thumps and churns in the most unsavory way as all the breath leaves your lungs in one swift exhale. you feel sick to your stomach and your hand falls to hit the counter to stabilize yourself, the lemonade sloshing out of the cup slightly. but you pay no mind. heather's wearing richie's sweater...

you know that sweater really well. it's definitely his, and for some reason that makes you want to cry.

you blink and force yourself to suck air into your lungs as you look around quickly, anywhere but at heather perez wearing richie tozier's sweater, with all the stripes and patterns and the rough polyester material. you're not sure why you're so caught off-guard, you knew that heather perez was maybe-kinda-sorta seeing your trashmouth. he'd mentioned it in passing a few times and you've not been able to keep it off your mind as bev and bill whisper to richie about it in the halls or during hangouts when you were laying in stan's lap pretending not to hear it.

it hurts, though. holy hell, does it hurt when richie turns the corner and the typical, 'hey, richie!' choruses through most of the people in the basement - and yet his eyes are just set on her.

it hurts even worse when you make eye contact with him and he smiles at you, nodding in greeting and calling a "hey there, toots!" over the thumping of the noise before turning back towards heather.

your heart thumps erradically as you eye him sliding an arm around her shoulders easily, pulling her into his tall lanky frame,  crushing your chest and deflating your trembling heart. heather's head falls onto richie's shoulder and you shiver, feeling colder than you've felt in so long. the lemonade you force to your lips tasting like stale water as the sight of richie pinching heather's shoulder and thumbing his own sweater on her frame make you feel empty.

even now, weeks later, you remember how it felt. you sip on the boiling tea and immediately burn your tongue, making you swear as you stare out your window, the snow falling around your house in the dark making you feel an odd, empty kind of peace. that fucking sweater.

you haven't talked to richie in almost a week and a half - he got in trouble the night after the party and his parents took his phone away - at eighteen years old, his parents took his phone - so that he could 'spend time with family' (a task that made you chuckle to yourself when bill had explained it to you about twelve days ago).

it's winter break, though, and you've been missing the last piece of your eight-person puzzle the last few times you've hung out with your friends. it feels empty without richie's boisterous shenanigans, snarky looks and goofy comebacks... you feel really embarrassed for missing him so deeply.

tears well up in your eyes as you think again about his damn sweater, the one that heather was wearing, the same one he'd given you not even three weeks prior.

"well look at you." richie says with amusement trickling through his voice like melting icewater through a calm creek.  you spin towards him with a grin eclipsing your face as you shrug around his sweater, pretending not to smell his strong scent and pretending not to feel the immediate comfort it gives you.

"you know, for as dumb as it looks, i kind of like it." you tease, brushing some hair back from your eyes as the sweater sleeves fall back down past your hands. he laughs, eyes not leaving you for a second.

"shit, doll. keep it." he says, sounding serious. it makes you pull a face at him, starting to lift it slightly over your head to return it to its rightful owner.

but he shakes his head, hands gently gripping your arms and halting your motions, subsequently setting your heart on fire. his lips are set in a gentle grin as he shakes his head again. "it looks so much better on you."

it's spoken simply, in such honestly that it makes you blush nearly immediately. in fact, you're so flustered that all you can do is shove him a bit, stuttering out a quiet, "shut up, richie, you- i - okay, whatever."

it makes him chuckle as he takes the soft blow of your hands against his shoulders, deftly running his hands through his curly locks as he shakes his head. "you're adorable, kid."

you're lucky he'd turned around to gripe around on his messy bed for his laptop, because the stupid grin you're sure is painting your face is enough to make you dig your own grave and then hand him the shovel. if only he knew how much you liked him.

you didn't keep the sweater after that night, though. at the time, you'd told him it was because it was putrid; that the colors and patterns were a sin to man and that you'd never be caught dead wearing it out. he laughed the whole time because you had literally worn it to the store with him it with him that same day. but now, you'd give anything for richie to give you that sweater again, to feel that polyester inseam fall against your stomach and your arms and chest, like a huge richie hug (without all the bones and the cologne and the caffeine-pulsing heartbeat - so not a real richie hug, but as close as you could get to the real thing without actually just having it).

god, you like him too much. you rub your face with your palm, the moisture from the tears that had accidentally escaped your eyes smudging against your face. you're tired, almost - it's like an empty, heartbroken exhaustion that sags your shoulders and chokes your throat and makes you zone out for minutes at a time. one thought overwhelms you right now, so as you see a car's headlights shine out your window through the falling snow, you don't even notice it.

you just wish you were heather.

you've tried to hate her. really, you have - you figured maybe, just maybe, if you were able to rant to bev or eddie about how much of a bitch heather is, how she's terrible to richie and how boring she was, maybe you could justify the heartbreak in your chest.

but god, she's so perfect. heather, with her shiny hair, bright smile, her flawless mind and caring heart. she's, as far as you're concerned, an angel. of course richie would choose heather, who wouldn't?

the other day at that party, you'd tried your hardest to ignore your intrusive thoughts, but you can't help feeling like it would all be better if heather didn't exist. and even that thought alone hurts your heart, because you remember the smile on richie's face when he looked at her, swathed in his sweater and floating around the room like a beacon of light.

and you could never, ever in good conscience take that from richie.

you almost laugh at how absurd it is - now you're talking to yourself while you stare out the window, half asleep, dreaming of freckles placed just like constellations and crooked noses, of jawlines that jut out and long, lanky fingers; of loud, chipping laughter and beat up high-tops with cuffed corduroy pants.

"y/n?" a voice behind your door makes you jump a bit, unsettling your already disconcerted bones. you’re imagining him, now? you laugh into your scalding mug for a second, but after a double-take at the doorway you find the angel himself to be standing there with a perplexed look.

"richie, what're you doing here?" you ask, rubbing your eye to make sure no tears are left. he looks troubled. "i knocked, but nobody answered. so..." he says with a shrug, and you ned, tucking a leg under yourself and nodding.

"what are you doing, toots?" he asks, backlit by the hallway light. and then you finally can see what he's wearing, and you almost laugh at your own misery.

but you don’t laugh, your brain short-circuiting as you feel the knife twist further into your abdomen. the stupid fucking sweater.

“-um, nothing. y- did you get that back from heather?” you try to deliver the line as smoothly as possible, but by the look on his face, you did a real shit job at that.

“what?” he asks in an exhale as he shakes snowflakes from his hair and shoulders, closing your door as he walks towards you and falls to sit next to you on your windowsill seat.

“i thought you gave her that sweater.” you say and he raises a brow, “yeah, like two weeks ago.” he says slowly, eyeing you. he adds, “she obviously didn’t need it after that.”

you frown, “did she need it then?” you didnt try to sound bitter at all, but your voice comes with more of a sting than you’d anticipated.

as always, richie meets fire with fire. “it was twenty fuckin’ degrees out, she was wearing a tank top.”

you don’t know what to say so you just stare out the window with a quick huff, crossing your arms. "why does it matter? it's a sweatshirt." he mutters. "i was just being nice to her."

you nod, pain twisting around in your stomach. he's right, it's just a sweater. but he gave it to her, because he likes heather better.

“what’s up with you, kid?” he asks, gentler this time.

“don’t call me kid, richie.” you say sharply, not meeting his eyes. “and there’s nothing up with me.” you know you’re being difficult, but you really don't have the energy to argue with him right now.

it’s quiet again, and the silence is even more awkward. you take another scalding sip of your tea. 

“um, y/n... is this because of heather?” he says after a bit. you feel the tension that the acknowledgment brings as it hits you in the thick, cold air. richie’s tapping a rhythm on his thigh, so you can tell he feels it too.

"richie." you say weakly, your voice coming out too quiet, too obviously broken and exhausted. "i cannot do this. please don't do this right now"

he blinks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "sugar, i'm so lost right now."

you decide to change the subject. "-why'd you come over?" you ask, actually looking at him then immediately regretting it. he looks hurt and confused, like a lost puppy.

"oh. um, i just need to tell you something.it's about heather, too." he sounds anxious, and you roll your eyes, looking down at the tree outside your room as wind blows powdery white mounds off its branches.

“can this just wait until tomorrow?” you whisper. doesn't he get it?

it's quiet and for a moment you believe that he's going to leave it, to not bring up the obvious jealousy brewing in your chest. but he breaks the silence too soon.

"i tried to kiss her." he says and you immediately look towards the door, the most immediate escape possible. 

your breathing gets heavy; if you have to hear this, you know you'll admit your feeling to richie, and you don't want to do that to him. but you have a suspicion that he already knows.

"richie, i'm so, so glad to see you. and that you like heather. really, i am. but- it's not a good time. i'm not- i'm not okay." you say, voice thick as tears well behind your eyes.

richie’s eyes widen almost comically as you make eye contact and his hands immediately find purchase on your arms, his thumbs rubbing in the way that he has done ever since that one foggy summer you spent in the sewers. "y/n/n, what's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, watching sadly as a tear slips from your cheek. it breaks your heart when he calls you sweetheart, and you shake your head.

you can't tell him the truth - that you love him, so instead, you mumble, "i've missed you. there's a lot going on, and i just really need you."

he looks guilty as he pulls you into a warm hug, one that takes you off guard but that you return gratefully. "you've been too busy spending time with heather and with your parents, and i understand that, i just - you know, i miss you." you say, voice muffled as your cheek is squished into his shoulder. he sighs shakily, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “i know i’ve been with her a lot, i’m sorry sugar.” he mutters. 

it feels like you’re both holding something back from the other. 

"i wish i were heather." you say against his shoulder, knowing richie’s completely unaware of the depth of your statement. but he pulls back and stares at you, an unknown look on his face. you open your mouth to say something, but you're cut off before you can get anything out.

and his lips fall against yours lightly, almost as if they’re ghosts against yours. his presence feels fleeting. 

you barely close your eyes and press closer to him before you snap out of it, jerking backwards with wide eyes.

richie’s eyes fall open too as he looks at you questioningly. your heart is thumping heavy as you shake your head, more shocked than you thought ever possible. “what?” he asks, as if he’s surprised you’re not kissing back.

you give him a sad, broken look. you think you’ll cry as you mutter, "why would you ever kiss me? i'm not - i'm not nearly as pretty as her, i'm just-"richie suddenly looks like he might get sick, his face paler than usual as the steam from your tea dwindles idly between you. he cuts you off. "-why are you - why are you saying all these things y/n/n-”

“heather. you like heather.” you say frantically, trying to remind him so you dont have to live through this fresh faced heartbreak twice as painful if he kisses you again. 

but richie shakes his head, and your confusion skyrockets just as much as your heartbeat."no. a-amy asked her out." he says breathlessly. "-she said yes."

you blink, pulling even further away as it dawns on you. "wait. so... so you only want to see me after the girl you wanted finds someone else?" you ask, watching as the smile gets smacked off of richie's face so quickly you think it may give him whiplash. "wait, no-" he starts, but you shake your head.

“richie, do you understand how hurtful that is?” you say, voice heavy as you try not to let tears fall.

he shakes his head, eyes glossing with tears as he gapes at you, “n-no, y/n-“

“fuck, richie. i know you know about my feelings for you. how could you do this? i’m not heather, i’m reminded that every time i’m in the same room as the two of you. she’s had you completely mesmerized for the last month, you can’t just use me to distract yourself.” you say, your tea completely forgotten as a tear escapes your eye.

he shakes his head, looking at you with an emotion you don’t have the energy to decipher. “leave, richie.” your voice is broken and it shakes as you look away from him.

you’re not sure what you were expecting, but when richie stands up silently you dont even look away from the window. you see him wipe his cheek in your peripheral before he sighs quietly and walks out of your room, shutting the door quietly.

you cry openly as you hear your door shut downstairs, your hands shaking as you cover your face, your shoulders shaking with sobs. you make it under your covers just as you hear a car engine sputter outside, your heart empty and lips still tingling as the feeling of richie’s lips linger on yours. you groan into your pillow and let out another sob, your eyes squeezing in agony as your heart feels like it’s ripping in two.

because even if they’re not together, richie still likes her.

why couldn’t you be heather?

you cry until you’re asleep, your now cold mug of tea resting on the windowsill as your phone charges next to you and snow swirls in the dark sky.

when you wake up the next morning, your headache is nearly blinding. you feel like crying more as you remember last night. you roll over and rub your eyes, unlocking your phone groggily.  

but you check your notifications and your heart immediately stops as you see a missed call from richie at 3:49 in the morning last night, and a voicemail left a minute later.

well, you guess he got his phone back.

your fingers tremble as they hover above the play button, feeling like you may vomit from anxiety - the message he left is two minutes long.

closing your eyes, ready for even more heartbreak, you press play and hold the speaker to your ear.

“um, y/n.” the voicemail starts off, and you’re already tearing up because richie’s voice is full to the brim with anxiety and he’s not using his usual nicknames for you. 

“uh... okay, i- i know it’s four in the morning, and you’re probably asleep - god, i hope you are, and that you’re not ignoring me. not that i dont deserve it, but i just want you to get good rest. uh, a-anyways. fuck,” there’s an awkward pause and you’re holding your breath.

“you know i’m not good with phone calls or voicemails-“ his rambling just adds to your anxious feeling, but you think if you don’t listen to this, your anxiety would eat you alive.

“- fuck, i don’t know how to say this. kind of ironic, i guess, since i’ve been thinking about saying it like every day for probably more than a year- okay, i’m... god, spit it out, trashmouth.” his voice gets thicker and you can hear the emotion as he takes a shallow breath.

“y/n/n, you make my hands shake. i swear, my heart feels like it’s going to backfire and explode when we touch... and it scares me so fucking bad.” you feel your heart halt in your chest, the air leaving your lungs.

you keep the phone pressed tightly to your ear as richie’s recorded voice goes on.

“-fuck, y/n. i’m terrified. sometimes i think.... like, whoever created me... they designed me just to be yours. and... it’s not in the same way i feel about bev, or bill, or eddie-“ his voice breaks as he sniffs on the other end and it dawns on you that he’s crying. “-you’re you. you’re y/n. i tried to like heather as more than just a friend. but...” it’s silent for a second.

“i just kept comparing her to you. i do that with everybody. i think i’m broken. i love you so much that it hurts.” he’s crying enough by now that it’s leaking into his speech; he’s hiccuping, stuttering slightly, his inflection changing as you can almost picture the tears rolling off his thick eyelashes and onto his rosy cheeks.

“-and i can’t sleep right now knowing that i hurt you like this. i can’t believe that i let you think of yourself as lesser than heather in any way-“ he sobs quietly in the recording and takes a stuttering breath. "i can’t believe i put myself before you. i’m such a shitty friend. i should’ve been giving you my stupid fucking sweaters the whole time.” 

tears are pouring out of your eyes as you sit up, ripping the comforter off your legs. you’re pulling on socks and your shoes as you continue to listen to richie’s voicemail.

“i’m sorry that i kissed you, and i’m sorry that i dragged you into this m-mess, that i used heather as an excuse to ignore my feelings for you. i-i love you so fucking much, and i’m just so scared of hurting you. i’m so sorry that i hurt you, y/n.”

you have to see him.

“-and, um, i’m sorry i left this voice message. this is probably the worst way to find this out but i figured that it would be easier for us to ignore if it wasn’t in person- y’know, because you don’t have to respond. just- now you know. that i’m sorry, and that i don’t expect you to forgive me or want to speak to me for a while. i just- i need you to know that you’re so loved, y/n. and that you deserve so much better than me.

“so, um, okay. i’ll let you sleep now. b-bye.” he whispers the end and then the line cuts dead.

you’re left with shaking breath and tears in your eyes as his voice rings in your head. you try to take in what he’s just said, but you think you’re about to pass out.

how can richie love you back?

you brush your teeth almost aggressively as your heart beats erratically in your chest and then you’re suddenly flying down the snowy road towards the tozier’s house.

you realize too late that you look completely awry, hair unbrushed, eyes puffy and swollen, shoes untied as you knock on the front door of richie's house.

went opens the door, richie’s younger sister sat on his hip as he smiles at you, "y/n! long time no see. richie's upstairs in his room."

you smile at him in thanks, too rushed to say anything to him or munch. then you’re all but sprinting up the stairs, only feeling the anxiety as you throw open the door to his bedroom. 

you're relieved that he's laying in his bed, surrounded by pillows and fluffy comforters as he jumps from the noise of your arrival.

when he sits up, neither of you say anything. his eyes are red and rimmed with tears, a heartbreaking sight as his lower lip trembles slightly. you're sure you look the same as you take a step towards his bed, your eyes not leaving each other's for a second.

he looks incredible, still. 

"y/n..." he whispers finally, his eyes wide. "did you get my message?" he says, lips tilting in a stupid, forced smile. his voice holds no humor in it's sad thickness, though, and you sigh as you look down to the carpet.

you shake your head, "can you not joke for a minute, rich?"

he laughs wetly, standing up fully and although he towers at 6'0, he looks so small. "i can try, doll, but then i'll start to cry a lot, and that's just not what anybody wants-"

"richie." you say, effectively ceasing his rambling. it's cold in his room, bright white from the snow outside, and silent. he looks at you with huge eyes and a red nose.

but you don't know what to say. you’ve spent so long wanting to be heather, but now you've found out that richie's loved you this whole time. it hurts, but you can't wait another second being away from richie. 

you launch yourself towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your mouth.

this time, the kiss is warm, unexpected again but much more loving. it's a kiss that tastes like tears and love and trust, and all you can feel is richie as his hands find purchase on your cheek and back, pulling you so close to him that you can feel is rapid heartbeat.

he pulls back to mumble against your lips, "i'm so sorry." you shake your head, pressing another kiss to his and loving the feeling of richie against you finally. "i love you." you say, feeling his grin against your mouth.

"i love you so much." he says, pulling you lightly to fall onto his bed with him and tickling your sides.

you laugh lightly, swatting at his prodding fingers. "please stop crying." he whispers, laying above you with a small smile. you roll your eyes, "you stop crying rich." you retort, and he shakes his head, one of his tears falling onto your cheek. you jump from the feeling and wipe it away, sniffling a gasp and pulling him into a tight hug, his legs tangling with yours.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles. you cup his cheeks so his lips pucker out and you smile at him, whispering, “i forgive you, rich. i love you.” and then you place a soft kiss to his lips and he kisses you back enthusiastically.  he pulls back and hugs you again, burrowing himself in your neck. 

"i didn't think i'd ever get you." he says, muffled by his face in your shoulder. "thank you for trusting me. i love you so much." he kisses your collarbone lightly and your fingers play through his curls lightly as you smile, eyes closing. you're so tired.

"i love you more, richie."

you fall asleep with richie curled up beside you, his breath light on your chest and arms clutching you against him. you fall asleep with richie’s lips on your neck, his legs entangled with yours. 

you fall asleep contently, knowing that you no longer have to wish you were heather.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings​ @stenbrozier​ @simplesammyx​   @brxken-heartsclub​ @clownsloveyou​ @moon-shine-baby​ @daughter-of-the-stars11  @trashedfortozier​ @oceandog13​ @finnskindofwoman  @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters  <33