#honestly the discussion has helped a lot but i do think crossing the t barrier made me feel better too

[ooglywooglies]

yknow how like months ago when i was experiencing extra puberty induced dysphoria and insecurity and stuff and i was saying "i honestly have a hard time viewing trans men and real men" well i just wanted to say ive have completely grown passed that 👍

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

Retranslation and Analysis of That Fight Scene

So firstly, I just want to say the subs are not bad and convey the general meaning very well, in a way that sounds natural in English. That being said, there's always some things that get lost in literal translation, and I really want to demonstrate how much depth the Japanese in this scene actually has for Karma and Nagisa's characters.

Basically the TLDR point here is that this fight is very much not about Korosensei. This is completely platonic, I promise I resisted making any shippy points.

Karma: Hey, Nagisa kun, aren't you getting extremely carried away?

Nagisa: Eh? (definitely surprised and bewildered)

Karma: The number one strongest assassin in Class E is Nagisa kun, isn't it? (uses yo here, which suggests confidence in the statement). Are you (very directly yourself, your own thoughts) wanting to quit assassination? Let's think about the talentless others who are desperately trying their hardest to kill him. When you put it like that, it's like a woman who 'has it' telling the ugly ones that they should honestly quit being so desperate to get a boyfriend, that kind of feeling?"

So some interesting analysis here is that Karma says "zuibun", or extremely, when the original translation is "a tad". The translation feels more natural in English, however it kind of makes me feel that Karma's trying to make more of a point. Nagisa has the right to be making suggestions and stepping up, but he's gone so far this time it's crossed a line.

I think 才能がないなり (talentless, saino ga nai nari) is also very interesting. Talent is the best translation, but if you look at the kanji very literally, there's "genius" and "ability". This specific word choice more implies that the other assassins are good, but Nagisa's just another level. Japanese grammar is confusing at best, but essentially 'nari' means become. So you take this as kind of like 'students who couldn't develop genius ability'.

The repetition of 'desperate' is also pretty interesting, linking the examples together better. It emphasises the point that they're kind of at a loss with. He also doesn't directly say attractive woman, he says "motteiru onna", which essentially means the same, but is literally "a woman who has (no object given but essentially 'it'). This more directly reflects to what he's saying about Nagisa, he HAS talent, this unspecified natural quality that makes him better than everyone else without trying.

There's also a lot more rhetorical questions in the Japanese, which got combined into single sentences in the English. The "let's think" thing is very literally what he says, like he's wanting Nagisa to actually consider his thoughts for himself.

Nagisa's original argument and intention may have been about Korosensei. Karma may be genuinely opposed to saving Korosensei. But that isn't the point of Karma's argument at all, he's making this about Nagisa because he's reached a limit with the both of them.

In order to spare you, more under the cut.

Nagisa: T-the aim wasn't... Above all, for assassination, your understanding is always better than mine

Karma: Saying that directly (take with slight pinch of salt - he could have also said "fixing your statement") is irritating. In reality, isn't it that you yourself are the most powerful, and you can't comprehend the feelings of weak humans?

Nagisa: That's wrong (also using affirmative yo here)! That's not what I said! These are my true feelings! Do you hate Korosensei? We went to see a movie together with him, didn't we have a variety of great times?!"

Karma: That's why, that octopus did his best to come and make a fun classroom every time, and didn't give up like Nagisa. Without bloodlust, this classroom wouldn't have been built. Can't you understand the effort?! It's not just your body, are you still a fresh elementary school student?

One thing to note here is that Nagisa isn't actually finishing his sentences. You can absolutely tell what he means because Japanese makes sense like that, but he's still dropping words. Or when he does say a full sentence, they're very short statements. He is desperate here, trying to prove a point he can't actually voice into words correctly.

The context here is that this is before we know their full backstory. Nagisa admired Karma, and he can't quite say it right yet. He thinks they're on different stages still, and Karma is frustrated because Nagisa doesn't see the point.

Karma, after all, does have this inhuman image of Nagisa in his head from years ago. The image of Nagisa looking like some kind of snake demon as he kills Karma in his sleep. He genuinely still, here, believes that Nagisa is purposely hiding this. That's why he keeps putting words into Nagisa's mouth. He's also cutting him off at points, not listening at all to what he's truly saying.

At the same time, Karma starts talking down to him. Instead of saying 'no' (how you'd end a sentence to a friend), he starts using 'kai', which is condescending and how you'd speak to a child. There's an argument here to be made for Karma doing this as a kind of defence mechanism too, but that's very complicated. At this point he really is just trying to get to him.

They are not arguing about killing Korosensei, not at all.

Karma: Huh?

Nagisa: *does the creepy eye thing*

Karma: Eh? What are those eyes? You with the social standing of a tiny female animal, are you defying a human?

Nagisa: I was just...

Karma: If you have a complaint, how about saying it after you win a fight for once? It's aimed at me, so come on. C'mon. C'mon. C'mon!

This is actually one of the most significant changes to the original.

This is the thing, Karma was never calling Nagisa a tiny mouse of whatever, he was just comparing him to one. Because he knows very clearly that Nagisa isn't like that. He sees that look in his eyes and it prompts him, in his frustration, to finally try and bring it out of Nagisa. He's trying to prove a point.

But then Nagisa stops himself. He lets go of his bloodlust for a moment, defaulting to Nagisa as we know and love him, literally turning his head away from Karma.

But Karma's too far gone at this point, he's dragged stuff up his past feelings about Nagisa, the ones he's been hiding for a year to be tentative friends with him, and now he can't let them go. He needs to see Nagisa's darker side plainly, no matter what that means.

It's also important that he says "it's aimed at me". I think this is a little deeper than literal. I think what he's implying here is this entire thing is somehow aimed at him, like Nagisa's trying to strip everything away just for his own perspective.

Obviously at this point Nagisa snaps and chokes him.

Nagisa internal thoughts: Even I...

Nagisa: I'm not going with half my feelings!

Karma: This guy...

This is also pretty significant. I'm surprised they cut the "even I" part because that says a lot about Nagisa's current feelings. He still doubts himself. He's aware that he's a pacifist, that he's got a lesser social standing, but Karma's put him into a position where he has to stand up for himself. And this is important to him.

Karma smiles when he says "this guy", getting ready to punch him. He feels like he's succeeded, in a way. Though at first he looked genuinely surprised Nagisa actually did it. There's a certain kind of satisfaction that finally he managed to bring Nagisa's 'true' self out.

Obviously at this point they get separated.

So what does all of this actually tell us? Well, pretty clearly here, this is just Karma's issues coming to light. But also a very helpful and useful moment for Nagisa's development as a character. Whether we agree with Karma using him as a punching bag or not, it genuinely does force Nagisa to get some self agency for once.

Karma and Nagisa will never be characters who sit around and talk honestly about their feelings. But even if they're using a whole situation to mask the fact that they very much are discussing their relationship here, it is still a significant moment where pretty much all the barriers they've been putting up against each other drop. They're just still not entirely on the same page through this scene.

Nagisa thinks Karma is just looking down on him and trying to pick a fight. He's baffled and confused as to why Karma feels so strongly against him.

Karma, on the other hand, thinks Nagisa is better than them all and is frustrated when he 'purposely' acts like he isn't. Karma still feels lied to from when they were kids. And he wants to expose it all, to get Nagisa to understand the position his skill puts him in. I honestly don't think Karma ever thought Nagisa was less than him at all, he just knew it would be an easy way to get a reaction. See how he flips tactic from "you're the best here" to "you're a tiny animal" when Nagisa just went into denial the first time?

I'm not going to go into the whole of their actual full fight, but there's some interesting points that reflect back on all of this.

Korosensei saying "your own answer is right in front of you", basically demonstrating that this entire thing really is just Karma and Nagisa

The entire point of the fight was to get one hit in with a knife, but Karma decides to just continuously beat Nagisa instead. Which yeah, is pretty ineffective. Pretty much proves again that it wasn't about just taking a victory.

Karma took Nagisa's hits on purpose, maybe it can be argued that this is trying to make things last longer, to get Nagisa to actually work for it.

Nagisa demands that he listens to what he has to say. And that's right, because Karma was cutting him off originally.

Karma is a super strategist right? And he was genuinely shocked that Nagisa didn't use his bloodlust to take him down. This is Karma. Sure, he's allowed to make mistakes. But this is odd for him. He was so caught up in his own perspective of Nagisa just having that skill that unfairly made him better. But Nagisa literally throws that skill out and beats Karma on his own level, pretty much disproving him. Maybe Nagisa has this special ability, but he's also worked just as hard as everyone else. He's trained to know what assassination means.

Beating Karma like this, on a 'human' level, was pretty much it. Karma stopped fighting back when he realised that, because he was disproven, and pretty much every wall he put up against Nagisa got literally choked out of him. Karma is already known as kind of an ass and a dirty fighter, you really think he'd worry about the others not accepting it if he stabbed Nagisa fair and square? If he cared that much about killing Korosensei, he would have just done it.

Their fight was never about Korosensei.

[master-sass-blast]

It’s Truly Magical.

IT’S HONEYMOON TIME!!!

Summary: You and Piotr enjoy your honeymoon --by going to Disneyland, no less.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader.

Rating: T for implied sex, mention of needles, and briefly referenced childhood trauma but this fic is a fluff fest I promise.

Set after “In the Dawn of a New Day.”

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @nebulous-leo

“So let’s see… a week and a half is… uh…”

“Make list.”

You stare down at your suitcase as you try to do the math in your head. You’re trying to pack for yours and Piotr’s honeymoon.

Because the two of you are married now. You, Y/N Rasputin, managed to snatch up the world’s greatest catch for yourself.

Suck it, universe.

“That’s… ten-ish days, so ten outfits –except for the nice dinner, so that’s another outfit, oh, and the plane flights…”

“Just make list.”

The two of you are going to California, courtesy of your uncle; you two get to spend the first four days of the trip at Disneyland, and then the rest of your honeymoon will be spent at a little beach house AirBNB where the two of you can just chill and enjoy the ocean.

“So that’s like… twice as much underwear? Three times as much?” You blink when you remember that this is technically your honeymoon. “Do I even need underwear?”

“This might be easier if you made list, moya lyubov’.”

“And I’ll need… uh…”

“Darling wife of mine.”

You smile bashfully, butterflies fluttering in your stomach at the reminder that you’re his wife now, and look over where Piotr’s sitting on your two’s bed.

He smiles at you, loving and endeared, and tosses a pen and notepad at you. “Just make packing list already.”

(You do, eventually, wind up making a list –though your husband does have to help you with the process.)

 ***

 The day of the flight brings its own boughs of anxiety and struggle. There’s the prospect of trying to navigate the airport properly and get through security –which promises to be a headache regardless of how much time you give yourselves—and then underlying tension that the two of you might get thrown out for being mutants—

But the unarguable worst part of the day happens before the two of you even leave home to head to the airport.

Piotr crosses his arms over his chest, face strained with worry as he stares down the small vial of yellow fluid in your hands. “I do not like this.”

You’re not cleared to fly on commercial flights –and technically won’t ever be, since the psychic scarring on your brain is permanent—without having your mutation repressed in some way, shape, or form. After an extended discussion between Hank, Professor Xavier, Alyssa, and your uncle, the four of them figured that you’d be unlikely to get a repression cuff or collar through airport security, which only left one option to keep your mutation repressed in the event –albeit unlikely—that you had an episode.

Repression serum.

The dose in the vial is only enough to get you safely to California –and you’ll have to use it all for it to work properly. Another vial will be provided before you and Piotr leave California to come back home. There’s no way for you to use it under any other circumstance or hoard it away for later, and Alyssa and Professor Xavier were both confident that you were well past the issues that led you to using it regularly that you wouldn’t be likely to relapse—

But yeah, you don’t like it either.

“It’s what we have to do, sweetheart,” you say, expression grim as you load up the syringe. “It’s for everyone else’s safety. And mine.”

“I know,” Piotr says, paling slightly as he watches you prepare the injection site on your arm. “I just… I really do not like this.”

“It’s going to be okay, honey,” you reassure him. “I’m going to be okay. I promise.”

There’s really not much else to say, considering what you have to do or your history with the repression serum, so you take a deep breath and insert the needle into your arm.

The serum hits as fast as you remember it hitting (since the dose was calibrated for your resistance to the stuff). Within about thirty seconds, you can feel your connection to the air around you being tamped down. It’s almost like someone’s put on a very thick jacket all over every inch of your body.

You grimace once you remove the needle and press a piece of gauze against the injection site. “I don’t like that.”

“Are you alright?” Piotr asks, panic evident in his voice and on his face as he kneels in front of you. “Do you feel sick? Do we need to see Hank?”

“No, no, I’m fine, I just don’t like how the serum feels,” you clarify. “I don’t like not feeling connected to the air. It doesn’t feel good.”

Piotr blinks as understanding flickers across his face, then he abruptly claps a hand over his mouth and stands, turning away from you in the process.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You quickly set the syringe and the now empty vial aside and stand, maneuvering so you’re positioned in front of your husband. “Piotr, talk to me. What’s going on?”

Piotr shakes his head as he wipes a few tears away from his eyes. “I was afraid… that you would like it. That you would miss using serum. And that you do not… it is big relief to me.”

Tears well up in your eyes as your heart tears for your mush of a man. You wrap your arms around Piotr’s waist and hold him while he takes deep, shaky breaths. “It’s okay, Piotr. I’m okay.”

And you are. You really, truly are.

 ***

 Getting through the airport is just about as much of a hassle as you anticipated. It’s confusing, it’s chaotic, there’s far too much standing in line involved, and the ratio of people to available outlets –logically—should’ve caused a bloodbath by now.

Fortunately, you and Piotr don’t get tossed out for being mutants (even though the two of you “pass” relatively well, you’re both legally required to register as mutants, which always opens up the risk of being thrown out of anywhere that checks your ID).

(Piotr also doesn’t set off the security checkpoint metal detector when he goes through it, which –while logically being a good thing—is honestly kind of disappointing.)

You opt to lean against your husband’s shoulder while the two of you wait to board, at which point you lament over having to wait even longer, to which Piotr remarks that the two of you will still get to board earlier than everyone else because you’re flying in first class, which prompts you to pull out your boarding pass and study it—

“We’re flying first class?”

Piotr chuckles as he drapes his arm over your shoulders. “You just realized this?”

“You’re the one who checked all the tickets and reservations, not me!”

The ticket does, in fact, confirm that the two of you have first class seats reserved –next to each other, too, which is a bonus.

“Why’d my uncle get us first class seats?” you ponder quietly. “It’s so expensive.”

“Probably my size,” Piotr reasons. “I have trouble fitting in smaller seats.”

You shrug, then smile up at your spouse. “Well, we can at least have fun with flying first class for the first time!”

“That we can,” he agrees before dipping his head to kiss you.

 ***

 As it is, Piotr still barely fits into the first class seat. It’s clearly better suited to accommodate him than an economy seat –but only barely.

Fortunately, you don’t need the dividing armrest down to be comfortable, and you’re more than happy to be closely snuggled against your hubby for several hours. You take the window seat so Piotr has an easier time getting in and out of your seat and nestle up against him while he scans the in-flight safety pamphlet.

“You two are absolutely adorable,” one of the flight attendants comments with a smile. “We don’t see a lot of super lovey couples on the flights.”

“I think it helps that we’re flying out for our honeymoon,” you joke; at home, it’s a well known fact that you and Piotr are a pair of regular lovebirds –though, the added buzz from the wedding and honeymoon doesn’t hurt.

The flight attendant beams when you show off your engagement ring and wedding band. “Congratulations! That’s so wonderful! We do offer complimentary beverages and snacks to our first class passengers. Maybe some sparkling wine to celebrate, or a cookie and some milk if you’re not alcohol drinkers?”

You look up at Piotr. “Cookies and milk?”

He smiles down at you, then nods at the flight attendant. “Cookies and milk would be nice.”

 ***

 Fun fact: A non-stop flight from New York to California is a little over six hours.

Additional fun fact: years of being able to fly one’s self makes travelling by plane a touch lackluster.

“We’re not even breaking the sound barrier,” you whisper to Piotr at one point. “Where’s the fun in that?”

He merely snorts and kisses the top of your head.

All in all, though, it’s a good time. The two of you snuggle against each other as the plane soars through the skies, Piotr fills you in on all things Disney, and you play games provided on the little screen interfaces on the backs of the seats in front of you.

You’re also provided a proper meal a couple hours into the flight –and, much to Piotr’s delight, it’s reasonably healthy, if not necessarily portioned out for someone of his size.

“The perks of flying first class, I guess,” you comment before starting in on your food.

 ***

 Actually arriving in California, admittedly, is a bit of a mindfuck, solely due to the time difference between the East Coast and the West Coast.

“None of this feels right,” you mumble as you try to reconcile the earlier time to your inner body clock.

“Imagine how I felt first coming from Russia,” Piotr comments as he scans the directional signs to figure out where the two of you need to pick up your luggage.

“Shit, yeah, that’d be insane.” You frown. “How does your family manage to jump between here and there, then?”

Piotr shrugs. “Lots of coffee, probably.”

 ***

 The process of getting to the famed park is far less drawn out than the flight. Once you two have your luggage, you head over to the car rental place and pick up your car –rented so the two of you have a reliable way to get around for the rest of your honeymoon—and take the half hour drive to the park.

You give Piotr a goofy smile when another motorist curses you out for abiding by the traffic laws. “It’s like we never left home.”

Piotr just tips his head back and laughs.

 ***

 To make everything extra special, your hotel reservation is at one of the hotels in the park itself –very appropriately named “Disneyland Hotel.” The two of you get checked in and head up to your room—

And it’s nice. There’s a massive king-sized bed that sits directly across from a combination dresser and TV cabinet. A desk and chair sit next to the dresser-cabinet combo, and a cushy looking armchair sits next to the bed on the far side of the room. Everything’s decorated in warm, inviting tones of brown and gold, save for a genuinely pretty blue and gold carpet. On the other side of the bed, closest to the door, is another door that leads to a bathroom.

It’s nice. Clean. It has amenities like a mini-fridge and a coffee maker and an ironing board.

It’s also like almost any other hotel you’ve ever been in.

Piotr shrugs when you remark as much. “Were you expecting something else?”

“I don’t know… mouse ears everywhere? Super bright colors and patterns?”

Piotr chuckles as he sets yours and his suitcases down. “The crucial experience is park. Rooms are supposed to promote rest and relaxation.”

“Fair enough.” You dart over to the window on the far side of the room to check out the view, then chuckle when all you can see is the parking lot. “Oh, damn, can’t get this view anywhere else.” You whip out your phone to take a Snapchat video of the view, then tuck it back in your pocket and turn around when you hear Piotr groan and the bed creak ominously.

He’s dropped face-down into the bed, arms spread out like a starfish and legs hanging haphazardly off the bed.

You cross your arms over your chest. “Feeling comfy, baby?”

“Planes do not agree with me,” he laments, voice muffled by the bed.

“I bet.” You cross over to the bed and hop up next to him. “How about this,” you suggest as you gently rub his back. “We just get some room service –because I’m hungry—and then just stretch out and rest. We’ve got four days here at the park; that’s plenty of time to check everything out.”

“Sounds wonderful.” He lifts his head and grins at you. “We are at Disneyland.”

“Yeah, we are,” you reply with a grin of your own. “Are you excited?”

He giggles and nods before dropping his head back down. “Very.”

You gently run your fingers through his hair and kiss the top of his head before turning and rummaging through the nightstand drawer for a room service menu. “You get comfortable, babe. I’ll get us some food.”

 ***

 The two of you eat and take a little nap before unpacking. Since you aren’t staying the entire duration of your trip at the park, you only unpack what you need –a few clothes, some toiletries, a couple of things to do during down time…

And, in your husband’s case, an entire pantry’s worth of healthy snacks and protein bars.

You gape as Piotr carefully tucks away a supply of unsalted veggie chips, mixes of dried fruit and nuts, crackers with “extra fiber” (whatever the fuck that means), and a couple boxes of protein bars into one of the dresser drawers. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Piotr! We are on vacation!”

“We still need to eat!” he retorts defensively.

“They have restaurants and room service here!” you argue, trying to hold back amused laughter. “And we can always buy food if we need something they don’t have!”

“It is still less expensive this way,” he reasons.

“The park expenses are on someone else’s tab, and we’ll still have to get groceries for the rest of our trip.”

The gears in Piotr’s head visibly turn while he processes your statement. He huffs –and shoots you an amused glare when you giggle—and continues unpacking his snacks. “Just wait until end of trip, when you are sick from travel food and I am not. You will eat words then.”

“The only thing I want to eat is your dick,” you fire back, snickering when the tips of Piotr’s ears go red. You pick up one of the boxes out of the dresser drawer and read the label. “‘Multi-grain Nutritional Crackers, now with Extra Fiber.’ Honestly, you are such an old man.”

Piotr shakes his head, takes the box from you and puts it back in the drawer, then lifts you up into his arms. “Not old just yet.”

You giggle and press your lips against his.

 *** 

 The following morning hosts massive bouts of excitement –Piotr—and general disgust at the existence of mornings in general –you.

Your mood does perk up, though, upon having some proper breakfasts in one of the restaurants in the hotel –accompanied by coffee and some of the park’s legendary Dole whip, no less. By the time the two of you head into the “attractions” part of the park, you’re just as pepped up as your Disney-loving hubby.

The two of you wander around a bit, getting a sense for the park and where everything is, until—

“Babe!” You point at the Alice in Wonderland spinning teacups ride. “Let’s go on that one!”

Piotr acquiesces, and the two of you get in line for the ride. It takes a fair bit of standing and waiting, but eventually the two of you are ushered onto one of the massive teacups. You both get settled, then wait for the ride to start.

“What’s this for?” you ask, tapping a stand in the middle with what looks like a steering wheel attached to the top.

“To spin ride,” Piotr explains. “It makes cup spin faster.”

Your eyes widen as you stare at the device. “I thought the ride just spun the cups on its own.”

“It does.” Piotr gestures to the frame the cups sit on. “Entire ride spins like merry-go-round. Riders can spin cups while ride spins.”

You grin, borderline maniacally. “Fuck. Yeah.”

Once the ride starts, you immediately start trying to spin the cup as fast as you can. Under any other circumstances, you suspect the cup would spin without too much resistance.

However, those circumstances don’t involve having the world’s heaviest Russian husband in the cup at the same time.

You grunt as you try to spin the cup. “Dammit! Why do you have to be so heavy?”

“It is not end of world, msyhka,” Piotr chuckles. “Just sit back and enjoy ride.”

“I want to go fast! But I can’t do that because I just happened to shack up with the one Russian juggernaut that eats lead for breakfast!”

Piotr laughs again –then grips the wheel and gives it a mighty yank.

You shriek, delighted, as the cup whips around at maximum speed. The world dissolves into a blur of color and noise as your hair whips around and smacks your face.

It’s like flying without the physical effort of flying. It’s amazing.

“That was awesome!” you giggle as you stumble off the ride. “We should go –babe?”

Piotr staggers after you, looking considerably worse for wear. He’s gone pale –paler than usual, at least—and clammy looking, and his jaw is clenched tight. “I think,” he manages in a weak, shaky voice, “that was mistake.”

You put your hands on his arms, helping steady him. “Holy shit, baby, you look awful. Come on, let’s get back to the hotel room so you can lay down.”

“Perhaps that would be for best,” Piotr agrees as you steer him in the direction of the hotel.

 ***

 “No fucking way. The Steel Boy Scout can’t handle rollercoasters. That’s incredible!”

“I mean, in his defense, it was a spin heavy ride,” you say to Wade as you stroke Piotr’s hair.

The two of you are back in your hotel room; Piotr had opted to lay face down on the bed and bury his face in a pillow, while you’d opted to call Wade and update him on how the vacation was going –or, rather, wasn’t.

“Yeah, well, still,” Wade insists in your ear. “It’s funny. He’s a superhero who battles diabolical villains on a regular basis, and he can’t handle spinning around a little.”

“I mean, you make a valid point—”

The bed lurches as Piotr shoots off it and sprints to the bathroom.

“Ah, shit. I’ve gotta go.”

“Has Chernobyl finally decided to blow?”

You wince as the sounds of Piotr emptying his stomach contents into the toilet emanate from the bathroom. “Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”

 ***

 You spend the rest of the day in the hotel room to let Piotr properly recuperate. You order room service for the two of you once Piotr’s feeling well enough to eat, and otherwise spend the day texting, scrolling through social media, or watching TV while you hold your husband and stroke his hair.

All in all, it’s a day perfectly spent.

And, fortunately, Piotr’s feeling well enough by the time the day comes to a close that the two of you can catch one of the park’s famed fireworks shows. Granted, you have to stand off to the side so Piotr doesn’t block anyone’s view, but it’s still a stunning spectacle to behold.

(It also gives Wade’s fireworks “demonstrations” a run for their money, which isn’t something you’d ever thought could be possible.)

“Are you feeling better, honey?” you ask as the two of you stroll back to the hotel, hand in hand.

“Much.” Piotr squeezes your hand gently. “Tomorrow should go much better.”

“Here’s hoping. No more spinning rides for you, mister.”

Piotr chuckles and shakes his head. “On that, we are agreed.”

 ***

 The following morning, Piotr’s in a much better state than the previous day. After a hearty breakfast at the hotel, the two of you head back into the attractions part of the park and scope out more rides to try out –with a strict emphasis on “non-spinning” for your husband’s sake.

Eventually, the two of you come across a ride called “Big Thunder” that seems promising. The two of you hop in line to get on the ride—

Except upon finally being able to get on said ride, it turns out that Piotr’s too big for the safety mechanisms to work properly.

You burst out cackling as Piotr sheepishly extricates himself from his seat and steps back onto the platform. “We can’t win with you, huh, baby?”

“It would see not.” He kisses you gently. “I’ll see you back at walkway.”

You smile at him and blow him another kiss as he heads towards the exit.

Then, an attendant comes by to check your harness and the harnesses of the other rides. There’s the sound of the motors that run the coaster coming to life and hissing –and then the ride shoots forward.

And you scream.

 ***

 “It was awesome!” you gush to Piotr once you find him outside the ride. “It’s like flying, but I get to sit down the entire time. It’s basically perfect! Although, I think we’re gonna have to skip rides while we’re here. You’re not gonna fit on… any of them, really.”

Piotr chuckles and kisses the top of your head. “You can still go on rides, myshka. This is your trip, also. And there are calmer rides and other attractions I can enjoy.”

“Alright.” You take a moment to check a map of the park that Piotr downloaded and sent to your phone. “Do you want to go find a ride we can both go on?”

“That sounds very nice.”

You smile and take his hand in yours, then the two of you head off in search of a ride that both of you can go on.

 ***

 The two of you wind up going on Astro Blasters –even though neither of you are very good at hitting any of the targets—and going on the famed Pirates of the Caribbean ride together, and you also hit Splash Mountain and the Indiana Jones rides on your own.

(Piotr pays to get pictures of you riding the rides on your own and gets a good chuckle out of your open-mouthed, exhilarated expressions.)

You also take time just to wander around the park and take everything in. You two take a selfie in front of Sleeping Beauty’s castle, spy the Mickey Mouse costume character strolling around and saying hi to kids, and generally take in the sights and sounds of the park –of which there are many.

Just like the advertising says, it’s genuinely magical.

 ***

 “Are you enjoying Disneyland?”

Piotr grins as he wipes his fingers on a napkin. “Da. I really am. Are you?”

You grin back and lean over to kiss his shoulder. “Yeah. It’s pretty awesome.”

The two of you had opted to stop for lunch after a bit, with Piotr citing that getting overtired or going too long without eating in the baking California heat would wind up doing either of you in. You’d decided to get a corndog and a soda, whereas Piotr had purchased one of the famed turkey legs and a bottle of water.

(The picture you’d taken of Piotr biting into his turkey leg was nothing short of priceless.)

“I want to get something to remember trip by,” Piotr continues as he polishes off his turkey leg (which had taken him the same time to eat as it had for you to devour your corndog). “Proper memento.”

“Well, Mikhail did give us that jar of money after the reception,” you point out. “You want to use that to get a little honeymoon treat? Maybe some matching mouse ear headbands?”

Piotr beams and nods. “That sounds wonderful.”

 ***

 The two of you resume wandering around the park after eating lunch. You briefly stop to watch a parade of characters and decorated vehicles go by, then resume the hunt for some proper mementos to commemorate your honeymoon at the park.

Which, actually, is easier said than done. The park has several shops scattered throughout it and different kiosks by rides that host specially themed mouse-eared headbands. Trying to compare all the options available, let alone narrow things down to a top pick, is almost too tall a task to handle.

(Not to mention that the headbands themselves are egregiously expensive. Holy shit.)

Eventually, though, you settle on a sequined Minnie Mouse ears headband –complete with a sequined red bow with white polka dots—while Piotr opts for a classic –sequins free—Mickey Mouse ears headband.

“I think we look pretty good!” you declare as you post one of the selfies you took of you and Piotr to Instagram.

Piotr brushes a soft kiss against your temple. “I agree –but you look best.”

You sputter and duck your head bashfully. “You’re awfully sweet, Mr. Rasputin.”

“Says person eating cotton candy.”

“Not my fault it’s good.” You split your last bite in half and offer part of it to him –then gape when he actually accepts it. “What’s this? You actually ate cotton candy!”

Piotr rolls his eyes good naturedly –though he does pull a face at how sweet the candy is. “Is my vacation. I eat treats if I want.”

You grin and giggle, then yank on his hand and head in the direction of another vendor stand. “Ooh, come on! I need to get a pretzel!”

“You just finished cotton candy.”

“Yeah, but—” you glance around and lower your voice carefully “—I need to get a Snapchat of it so I can send Wade a snap about being a ‘childless whore fucking up the pretzel line.’”

Piotr’s eyes widen and he claps a hand over his mouth to stifle a massive snort. “What?”

“Baby, please?”

He shakes his head, but ultimately acquiesces. “Lead way, myshka.”

 ***

 You wake up on the third day of your trip with sore legs and feet, a barely there stomach ache from eating too much cotton candy the day previous, and an erection pressed against your ass.

You grin when Piotr’s lips start pressing against your neck. “Morning, sweetheart. Feeling good?”

“Chrezvychayno.”

You sigh, content, when his hand latches onto your hip and his other arm presses against your chest, pulling you flush against him. “Y’know… we’ve pretty much done everything we can do in the park. We could just…” You swing one of your arms back so you can slide your hand down his side. “Stay in bed today. Order room service. Do what all honeymooners do.”

“That,” Piotr murmurs huskily, lustily. “Sounds perfect.”

 ***

 You two spend the last day of the Disney part of your trip largely lazing around. You stroll through the park to get more pictures and check out a few more rides, but other than that you two simply enjoy each other’s company until the time for your dinner reservation at the renowned Blue Bayou restaurant comes. The two of you take a few hours to get cleaned and dressed up for the dinner –a cocktail dress with blue and purple flowers for you and a suit with a blue and purple tie for him—and head over to the Blue Bayou restaurant.

The space itself is nothing short of breathtaking. There’s trees along the edge of the outdoor dining area, and lanterns and flowers are strung across the space to give it a soft, ethereal feel.

You two are seated in a quiet corner of the dining area at a sleek black table bordered by chairs with elegant backs that look like wrought iron; the waiter hands you two your menus and takes your drink orders—

And then it’s just you and Piotr.

You glance up from perusing your menu and smile at your husband. “Anything in particular looking good?”

He “hmms” thoughtfully. “Possibly lamb… or roasted chicken.”

“They both look good,” you agree. You nudge his leg under the table, then grin at him when he looks up at you. “Love you.”

Piotr beams at you. “I love you, too.”

The waiter returns a couple minutes later with your drinks, jots down your orders, then takes your menus and whisks away once more.

Piotr reaches across the table –careful not to knock into either of your glasses or the candle at the center of the table—and takes one of your hands in his. “So. We are married.”

You grin. “Hell yeah we are.”

He smiles back, then gazes thoughtfully at the engagement ring and wedding band on your left hand while rubbing circles against the back of your hand with his thumb. “What comes next?”

You let out a huff. “I mean… we have a house to furnish.”

“That we do,” Piotr chuckles. “But I meant more for us. What do you want us to do next, as couple?”

You glance around surreptitiously, then quietly suggest, “Have lots of sex?”

Piotr snorts. “Duly noted, myshka. Answer question seriously, please.”

You sit back in your seat, taking a moment to enjoy the way his thumb rubs against your hand before mulling over the question. “I don’t know. Right now, I’m kinda just content to enjoy the moment and our new life together.”

Piotr nods after a moment. “Okay. And… in future?”

“Kids, eventually,” you say, flashing a demure smile at him. “I mean, I think we should get the house furnished and functional first, but… maybe in the next year or two.”

Piotr smiles at that, eyes sparkling and face glowing. “Alright. It is your body; you set all rules.”

“I think in a year or two we can start trying,” you reiterate. “But, right now, I’m just looking to enjoy us. You.”

His smile softens, and he squeezes your hand gently. “That sounds very nice.”

You smile back, slowly getting lost in the depths of his sparkling blue eyes—

It really is magical.

[singledarkshade]

Pieces Of A Puzzle

Part Five “Rip?”

Barry’s voice made him look up from studying the information Miranda had brought them, finding the younger man standing there with a mug of tea.

“Thought you might need this,” Barry set the mug on the desk.

A small smile touched Rip’s lips at that before he nodded, “Thank you.”

Barry grabbed a seat and had a look at the screen frowning, “That looks complicated.”

“Temporal mechanics,” Rip said before shrugging, “It is.” He sipped his tea, “But also one of my favourite subjects.”

“Just to let you know, Mick contacted us,” Barry said, “He’ll be here in about three hours. Apparently, Miranda’s entry into the world has caused some issues that the Waverider needs to avoid.”

Rip nodded, “That makes sense. It gives me some more time to look over this.”

“What exactly is this?” Barry asked.

“It’s the information on Kilare,” he explained, “I’m hoping this will give me some ideas for how to stop Dobson for good without destroying the Waverider again.”

Barry grimaced, “Especially if we’re all on it.”

“With Mr Ramon then we have higher odds that we will be able to escape before dying,” Rip noted thoughtfully, “Assuming everything goes our way.”

Staring at the former Time Master, Barry mused, “You’re a glass half empty guy, aren’t you?”

Shrugging Rip sighed, “I like to be prepared.”

 Gideon returned to Star Labs with the bag she’d picked up from the apartment. Since they had a few hours before Mick could bring the Waverider to this time then she decided to pick up some things.

Reaching the small room Miranda had been given to rest in, Gideon knocked softly. The door opened and Miranda frowned slightly.

“I thought I was being left to sleep?” she demanded.

Gideon laughed, “And I know you are not managing to sleep as you are too busy thinking over everything.”

Miranda grimaced.

“You and Captain Hunter were always alike in that respect,” Gideon answered the unspoken question stepping into the room. Placing the bag on the bed, Gideon opened it and pulled out the clothes she’d brought with her, “These should fit you.”

Confused Miranda stared at her.

“Since we have some time then you should have a shower and put on some clean clothes. It will help you feel better since you will not sleep,” Gideon rolled her eyes, “Honestly, the pair of you are as bad as each other. Trust me, I spent many years looking after stubborn Time Masters.”

Miranda picked up the jeans, t-shirt and jumper smiling at the soft fabric and pastel colours, “This is kind of you. Considering I completely ruined your day.”

Gideon moved to Miranda and took her hand, “Yes, I would like to have finished our ceremony but…” she smiled with tears in her eyes, “Seeing you again alive and well is wonderful.”

Swallowing against the sudden emotion, Miranda whispered, “It’s nice to meet you like this and seeing Rip…I never got to say goodbye.”

“I promise that I will do everything I can to ensure you get the chance to say all you need to before we part,” Gideon replied with a sweet smile, “You both deserve that chance.”

Shakily Miranda forced back her tears and hugged Gideon tightly.

                                  *********************************************

  The Waverider slowly descended into the carpark of Star Labs. Rip and Gideon grimacing slightly at the way it wavered before it landed heavily. After a few minutes the cargo bay door opened, and Mick Rory walked down to greet them.

He looked at Barry who was waiting with them, “They’re in the brig,” he noted before turning to Rip, “Can’t you leave your memories alone for a few months, can you?”

“Wasn’t exactly a choice, Mr Rory,” Rip replied with a smile offering his hand, “Good to see you again.”

Mick took his hand and shook it quickly before turning to Gideon, “Is he treating you right?”

Gideon smiled at the large man, “Of course he is. Thank you for coming.”

“What the Englishman told me sounded interesting,” Mick noted, ignoring the flash of light and burst of air surrounding them as Barry moved the crew from the ship to the infirmary where Caitlin was going to check them out, before they would be put in pipeline where they would be kept unconscious until the mission was done. He patted her shoulder before heading into Star Labs leaving Rip and Gideon with the Waverider.

Stepping inside Gideon reached out and touched the bulkhead, closing her eyes with a sigh.

Rip slid his arms around her waist, resting his head against hers, “I miss being here too. Even when I don’t remember her, I still miss her.”

Taking a quick breath, Gideon turned to look at him, “This ship was my home for a long time.”

“I know,” Rip said softly, “Mine too.”

She cuddled against his shoulder, “You’re my home, Captain. Always.”

  Rip felt a calmness settle on him as they walked deeper into the ship, his home for such a long time. He thought that after the last time he’d left it that he’d never be onboard again. Glancing to his side Rip watched Gideon, the peace on her face to be on the ship made him smile.

It now made complete sense why he’d trusted her so quickly when they first met. Why her presence helped him feel calm at times he’d been overwhelmed and why when Jonas had broken his arm, Gideon’s presence was the only thing that helped soothe him.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Gideon turned, “Sorry about what?”

“That you lost your connection to the ship,” Rip explained, “You and the Waverider were linked for so long I know it must be hard.”

She stopped walking and took his hand, “It was hard to leave but I knew that it was the right choice. I wanted to be with you, to be with Jonas even if it was only watching over you with the team at Star Labs.”

Rip frowned confused, “What?”

“I had Mr Ramon remove my memories for one year only,” Gideon explained, “If we had not become friends during that time, then I was going to retain my memories and join team Flash. I would watch over you and protect you as I always have.”

Stepping into her Rip caught her lips with his in a soft kiss, Gideon sighed sliding her arms around his waist. He pulled her closer for a moment before they parted.

“We should get up to the bridge,” Rip breathed, “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

“Of course,” Gideon nodded with a smile.

As she started walking Rip tugged her back, “Then we’re getting married.”

Kissing him again Gideon held his hand tightly as they made their way to the bridge, “Yes, Captain.”

  “Alright,” Rip said as Mick, Cisco, Barry, Miranda and Gideon joined him on the bridge, “In order for us to get through the dimensional barrier then we will need to make a few adjustments to the engines, shields and ensure that the different power frequency doesn’t cause any negative issues.”

“I need to go through the AI systems,” Gideon said, “The backup will not be equipped for this trip. I need to do a full system upgrade before we can even attempt to cross the dimensional barrier.”

Miranda frowned, “Backup AI?”

“When I became human, Mr Rory helped me fix the crews memories so they believed my programme was destroyed,” Gideon explained, “Before I left I created an AI program that would be able to run the basic requirements they would need.”

Miranda nodded, “And they were told this was a backup within the system in case something happened to you.”

Mick nodded, “They had no one other than me to tell them anything else.”

“Miranda and I will go over the engines,” Rip took over again, “Between us we should be able to get them ready by the end of the day. Cisco, Barry can you go over the shields and navigation, Gideon can let you know what needs to be tested.

“Mr Rory,” Gideon spoke up, “While the systems are down please check in with Dr Snow, so we know you were not injured after your last mission. While we are reviewing the systems, the medical equipment will not work.”

Mick stared at her for a minute before nodding.

Gideon tapped an instruction onto the main console where her avatar once sat, “We do not have long to get the ship ready for our mission so we should get to work.”

At her order, they all scattered to their assigned tasks. Gideon caught Rip’s hand giving him a quick kiss, smiling as his arm slid around her waist and he pulled her close.

“I do not want to come down there and find you two arguing,” Gideon told him, “I remember how you and Miranda could disagree at times.”

“Gideon…”

“You would argue black was white just to irritate her,” Gideon rolled her eyes, “And she would do the exact same.”

Rip shrugged, “I will focus on my work and be perfectly amicable, I promise.”

Kissing him again Gideon waved him away before she headed to her own task.

  Rip grimaced as he looked at the engines for the Waverider, there was obviously no one on board who truly knew how to care for them. He had to remember to get Mick to ensure Jax came onboard to do more check-ups after this.

Glancing round he saw Miranda checking the core, Gideon had told him in excruciating details what she would do to him if he even thought about going near it, so he was working instead on the other side of the room.

“This place is a mess,” Miranda said irritation in her voice, “Who the hell is caring for the ship?”

Rip sighed but didn’t answer knowing she didn’t really want to know and it was a discussion he didn’t want to start.

Silence descended within the room as they worked. It felt strange but comfortable to be working across from her again. Even if they did argue, as much as Gideon had reminded him, he and Miranda had always been a formidable team.

“Damn it,” she snapped suddenly.

“What’s wrong?” Rip asked glancing over his shoulder.

Miranda frowned, hands on her hips in a stance he knew well. It said there was an issue that was going to be solved come hell or high water.

“I need to do a full reset,” Miranda sighed in annoyance.

Rip nodded, “Oh,” he fell silent for a moment, “Do you want a boost?”

With a soft smile she nodded, “That would be helpful.”

Moving to the right section of the bulkhead Miranda waited for him. Rip crouched, cupping his hands in a foothold for her.

“On three,” Miranda said before they silently counted in unison and Rip pushed her up.

Miranda opened the hidden compartment which held the reset sequencer for the time sphere. Only the Captain of the ship usually knew the code, but she and Rip used the same one, it had been one of their ways to be together.

“Done,” Miranda said but before Rip could lower her the entire ship shuddered. Rip stumbled which meant Miranda fell. He managed to catch her before she hit the ground but they both overbalanced and Miranda tumbled forward into Rip how stumbled into the bulkhead holding onto her.

Rip stared at the woman in his arms, her dark eyes staring into his. Without thought they moved closer to one another and their lips touched in a soft kiss. Miranda’s arms tightened around his neck as Rip pulled her closer their kiss deepening.

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Review Update 07/03/19

I am going to try to keep this short and in bullet points. I will also label it with a trigger warning (although we all know that never works) just in case. The review itself was with my consultant and T yesterday afternoon; it could have gone better but it also could have been a lot worse...

- To put it in short: things are not working as they are. - They had basically decided everything before I went in so it was more a case of “this is what is happening” rather than discussing the options with me... - I’m currently at my lowest weight, although things are now ‘stable’ in that it is not dropping anymore, my bloods are low in all expected areas but nothing terrible. I am “existing”. Barely managing to get through the days. living in a mind fog/haze. Floating. Mentally I am struggling a lot to simply function but yeah I am here. I am alive. I am not crashing and burning so I am fine. - There is apparently no point stringing out work with my T any longer as it is not proving to be helpful and might be doing more harm as I am unable to make the changes that I need to in order to engage with therapy (which yeah I get) - They concluded that there needs to be a shift in my care with the focus being put on physical health as I seem to be very stuck in a rut and the side effects/physiology of my current weight is proving to be a big barrier that I can’t push past on my own. Sadly my T cannot offer the support that I need in order to face this, so things have to change. - T thought IP might be an option for a short admission but my consultant is pretty against it and said that, from my ‘data’, it shows that I do much better in the community and that was all that was said on the matter. - Anyway, this basically means that I am losing therapy. - There is going to be a month cross-over where my care is shifted over to seeing an EDP who can hopefully help a bit more in terms of “action”. T will tie up the last bits of work we have been doing; we have my formulation and beginning of MANTRA, which will not be lost....although the EDP wasn’t there and no one knows what her case load is like/what will be possible/when so it’s all up in the air as usual. - The service is getting a load of MANTRA books ordered so they are going to give me one as soon as they arrive for my own reference and for future possible bits. - I will then be working with an EDP for a ‘couple of months’ to focus on weight/physical monitoring/action/change/meal plans/eating etc. - They have promised that they will review after a few months to see whether I would benefit from going back to seeing s psychologist (they cannot say if this will be my current one or not (cries - I am devastated to being losing her ))  - Consultant kept reiterating that no one can do it for me. That I have to do it for myself. No one is going to give me a meal plan or tell me what to do or how to add things in or increase - i have to do it myself. (well if it’s that simple then why the hell am I still stuck here x years on...ergh sorry) - I made it clear that I need to have that review after a period of work with the EDP as the last thing that I want is to go along the same road I have before in the past when the sole focus has been WG and no psychology and I “do the least that I can to keep people off my back” and then crash because I am still so stuck. She tried to reassure me and said that she is a big believer in “care pathways” being individual and that she agrees that I need that input but that right now it cant be the focus as my health is too much of a risk and barrier. She noted how “frail” I look, which I thought was a bit out of sort for her but *shrugs* - She is contacting my GP to organise a prescription for Aripiprazole to augment with my Venlafaxine. She did not want to touch the venlafaxine as apparently I am on a vv high dose for my weight.  - My parents sadly couldn’t be there but they sent a letter along and although it didn’t do much, I think it at least gave them a bit more insight into how things are beyond my usual “good girl” front.  - I am seeing her again in 2 months to see how things are going and then hopefully the next review will be to see about psychology.

I am still in such a daze and none of it has really sunk in (I think I have said everything?? tbh I can’t really remember...my mental functioning is not the greatest rn). On my way home (in the dark and cold and rain) my car had multiple malfunctions and I was honestly so close to just breaking down...but I held myself together enough to phone my parents in tears (they are having a few nights away, not planned to overlap with my review but mum had leave to use up and they need a break) and luckily it eventually came back to life and I slowly managed to make my way home. I contacted our mechanic (we knew my car needed a service as its cut out a few times recently but last night was the worst and was terrifying and really dangerous) and he is coming over this afternoon to have a look at it. We think it is the engine...sigh. Needless to say it was NOT what I needed yesterday. I was also planning to go out today to help keep myself busy as my parents aren’t back until tomorrow evening but that plan is out the window due to the car situation so it’s a day stuck at home for me. Im feeling so out of touch with reality rn and I know I am rambling on and I don’t make much sense but yeah I just wanted to update and get some things out. I feel quite, idk, not abandoned but I just get the feeling that the service is sick of me and doesn’t want to have to deal with me anymore (which I don’t blame them for) but yeah if it were as simple as “just do it for yourself” then don’t they think I would have done so before now...I have tried so hard for so long and recently I have just been feeling so deflated/lost/exhausted/tired (stuck record syndrome). My parents are at a loss. They feel completely let down by services and the support available and they don’t know what else to do or where to turn. I hate how much pain and hurt I am putting them through. I hate everything about my existence and being. I am an inherent failure. Me being around does so much more harm than good to so many people. It’s not that I don’t want to change, because I DO, but there is some barrier that is quite simply blocking everything right now and I can’t see past it. I can’t see a future. Anything. Im sorry, I don’t know what I am rambling on about anymore, and I should probably stop. This was going to be a very short update but it is now a classic essay, sorry. Im just so tired and want it all to stop. Im sorry. Thank you for reading this if you have, you deserve a medal. and again, I am sorry.

[collateralfiction]

02

Bailey

Ralph Lauren cologne is exactly what wafted through the air. The mysterious man was no longer sitting inches away from me but had now moved only mere centimeters towards me. My breathing hiked quite a bit as I struggled to keep my cool and calm composure. It hadn’t even been a full minute since he decided to be seated closer towards me and since then, I’ve been trying to figure out why – and why haven’t I moved furthermore. The last few words he had said to me had me completely on edge but as Ryan stated, I couldn’t show fear for the life of me, even though I wouldn’t to begin with. I just couldn’t quite grasp, why would I be put into the middle of things when I haven’t done a thing to anyone? Fucking with Ryan will do just that I see. Sighing loudly, the man next to me looked at me with a grin before tucking his phone away.

Not only was I concerned on being here alone with him but what the other two males were doing in the same room with Ryan. If anything, I was more scared for Ryan and what was occurring in there. As for me, I wasn’t necessarilyscared for my wellbeing because I do tend to put others before me and that’s exactly what’s happening now. I should be worrying about myself right now but I’m not. I could potentially be harmed but if I knew my love ones were alright, I would be fine with taking up the consequences. It’s something I’ve been taught from my father that I carry to this day. “You know, you’re very gorgeous,” he spoke, his voice a bit raspy.

I turned my head to look at him and as expected, he still held that grin I grew accustomed to in such a short time. His statement caught me off guard so badly, I was delayed in how to respond to such a statement. “T- thank you?” It came out more as an uncertain statement, unsure if I should have said anything to begin with, let alone accepted the compliment. He chuckled slightly and moved even closer to me. By now, multiple alarms were going off in my head and I’m sure he could tell since he was the one causing those actions to happen.

“You nervous, baby girl?” The foreign pet name had my mind stuck in translations. Words that I should have said, I didn’t. Everything I was thinking to say or do, I didn’t. I wasn’t quite grasping why I was acting like this. Any other person, I would have easily told them off.

“No,” I spoke believable. “You’re awfully close to me, sir. Why is that?”

“Sir?” he questioned. “Shit, you must be a freak. You like that S&M shit?” My cheeks immediately became hot at the mention of something like that, but I made sure my focus was on something other than him. “Besides that, I want you to hear me loud and clear, therefore, I must sit close. I’m going to assume Ryan is your man, correct?” I didn’t bother to answer. “Yeah, he is. There’s a lot of shit you don’t really know ‘bout him and I advise for you to open your ears and eye to see and understand that shit. I don’t qualify myself as a bad guy and I’m sure you don’t think Ryan is either but if we’re going to be realistic, I think you know the fearful truth. I know Ryan’s in that room and I came here to talk to him but… I see you and now my plans are altered,”

“Plans?” I mumbled.

“You need plans for everything you’re ‘bout to do, you know?” he chuckled. “It was nice meeting you though, Bailey,” he chuckled, standing tall.

“Wait! How do you know my name?!” I said frantically.

“Basic information around the hood, you know?” And with that he was back on the elevator, face planted on his smart phone. Or is it truly because everyone knows my parents one way or another? Sighing in utter frustration, I tried my best to comprehend and wrap my mind around what… I don’t even know his name but he knows mine – had said. There was only one way I would find out and I would have to go through Ryan. Removing myself from the slight distraction, my mind wandered off to Ryan and what could have possibly been occurring in there. Before I knew it, I was mere centimeters away from the door, my hand reaching to open it.

“I don’t think that’s such a smart idea, ma’am,” One of the burly security guards said causing me to pull my hand back. I bit into my bottom lip and took a couple of steps back like advised. Stuffing my hands in my back pocket, I trailed back towards the couch but instead of sitting, I decided to stand and wait for Ryan’s dumb ass to come forward. In all honesty, it seemed like forever until he finally walked out and when he did, he looked extremely pissed. I tried taking a glimpse into the room to see anything but my height was a barrier to seeing anything else. Taking a hold of my arm, he pulled me forward and into the elevator without a simple sound. His jaw remained clenched as he looked everywhere but at me, although he remained with a tight grip to my arm.

Briskly walking out of the building, I felt as if I was about to fall by the way Ryan was walking so fast while manhandling me. Having enough, I roughly pulled my arm from his grasp which caused him to stop walking immediately. “You haven’t said a single word to me since leaving this fuckin’ trap house and you honestly think you can manhandle me like I did something wrong!” I yelled, pointing my finger in his chest aggressively. “What the fuck happened up there?”

“I’ll tell you later,” he said calmly.

“No, you won’t tell me later! Instead, you’ll find some way to slip past it, leaving me in the dark once again. I’m not getting in the car with you unless you open your mouth and speak,” The way I see it, if he can withhold information from me so can I. Is it a smart idea? Not in the least bit but Ryan way of protecting me is to keep me in the dark. If he didn’t notice, people I don’t even function with will soon tell me on his behalf and I doubt he wants me to find anything out like that. I stared up at him and waited for some sort of verbal response but instead he just sucked his teeth and began to walk away. My mouth dropped at his bold actions and went after him. “I bet, if something were to happen to me, you wouldn’t give a flying fuck!” I yelled.

“Why would you say some shit like that?” he questioned harshly, backing me into a car. I crossed my arms over my chest, gaining some sort of space between us. I wasn’t the least bit surprised that we were in an argument right about now. It was something regular for us but this time, I was going to be in charge of how it ended because Ryan seemed to be unaware of what was happening right under his nose.

“Am I lying? You didn’t even care to ask if I was alright while you were in there, asshole!” I grumbled, pushing at his chest.

“Well, Bailey, are you okay? I don’t see anything apparently wrong with you besides your bitching,” I gasped, pulling my hand back and giving him a clear smack across his face. I admit that Ryan and I’s relationship has its ups but the downs only really concern what he does and nothing else that’s that significant. Ryan and a few of his friends actually work under my father as hit men and as much as I know, that’s all he does. Once my father gave Ryan the approval, they started to develop a real cool bond with one another and I thought nothing of it until I stumbled upon one of their conversations. To say the least, I wasn’t happy with finding something that dangerous out but as stated as before, who’s going to listen to me?

“Get off of me,” I gritted. “The bitching I do is for good reasons unlike you who insist on hiding information from me!”

Adrian

From the car, I was given the perfect view of the altercation that was taken place outside. The windows were rolled down just a bit to allow air to circulate the strong stench of weed. I sat in the driver seat, August sitting directly behind me with Brian on the opposite side or more so, diagonal from me. I was initially waiting for Caiden and Justin to make their way down, but they were taking longer than expected after I made my departure away. The original plan was to see Ryan since we knew he would be around and have a talk. There were things we had to discuss and sort out since we never seemed to accomplish what I, at least, set out to do. Caiden and Justin must have been doing just that which took them longer than anticipated. With me however, when I saw Bailey, a new idea formed in my head. Ryan fucked me over, so I might as well return the favor and fuck him over while fucking his bitch.

My idea for a new plan is totally improvised and might have a few kinks but as soon as I run it past Caiden, everything should be a go. It appears to me that Bailey seems to be of some importance to Ryan so that’s where I’ll aim. I’m not worried about any repercussions dealing with her father, mother, sister or Ryan. Fuck me over once and I’ll learn from that alone. No other examples needed. I shook my head as I watched Bailey and Ryan go back and forth for what seemed like forever. Since I was parked much further, I couldn’t exactly hear what they were bickering about, but it did bring some sort of amusement my way. Their arguments will only bring me one step closer to my goal. Starting the car up when I noticed Caiden and Justin approaching the car, I threw my blunt out the car window and fully rolled the window down.

“How was it up there?” I questioned, keeping my attention on the two while they continued to argue. Bailey was definitely feisty just by the way she acts. I wasn’t able to detect that when it was just her and I upstairs but right now, she was showing her ass – especially when she smacked the nigga. Now, that would have been a problem if she did that to me.

“Easy as fuck,” Justin said, leaning over to retrieve a pre rolled blunt. “We let him know what’s up and then we were out!”

“But he came out after y’all,” I said, my eyebrows furrowing together.

“We had to talk to Unc after,” Caiden said. G was actually my stepfather. However, my mother and he are no longer together, I still kept in touch with him. Not only with me keeping in touch with him, he helped strengthen what empire Caiden and I were trying to achieve. As much as he warned for me to stay away from this lifestyle, you can’t stop me from doing anything I want to do. Knowing that I wasn’t going to budge on an issue this serious, he decided to work alongside me and get me to where I needed, which ultimately led to the break between my mother and he. Either way, however the tides turn, I know he has my back. He just has to remain neutral to ensure everyone is alright. The only thing I’m unsure of was the reasoning behind Ryan’s appearance at a place he doesn’t go to, often, since his profession has nothing to do with what I do.

What I do, you might wonder?

Well, I’m involved in a lot of areas. Some more than others. Anything others can’t seem to obtain, we go up and beyond and get it. We dabble in drugs, derivatives, smuggling, and human trafficking and just like the 19th century Robber Barons, we can easily be compared to them. Nothing is too difficult for us to accomplish, especially when you run a clean business.

“Alright,” I nodded. “Let’s be out,” I mumbled, backing out of the space. Bailey and Ryan had long been gone and sooner, rather than later, they will be gone from each other. Pealing out of the lot, I zoomed through the streets of New York, heading back to our New Jersey compound. To avoid conflicts from occurring in the same place as others, we all decided that it’d be wise if we live somewhere far from NYC’s madness. New Jersey was the perfect place. It’s almost like a lost state no one remembers and to be quite honest, I like it that way. It makes it easier to conduct business when I don’t have to worry if someone is down my back, watching my every move.

It was quiet in the car for the most part until Caiden spoke up, turning the volume of the radio down. “Don’t think we didn’t notice you over there, chit chatting with Bailey. That’s what fucked you up the last time so why you doing it again?”

“What?! Nigga, it ain’t even like that this time,” I chuckled.

“You sure?” he questioned.

“What you trying to say?” I asked instead.

“Don’t let this bitch get you caught up and cause you to lose focus, that’s all,”

“Ironic enough, I thought of a new plan that involves her,” I said, rubbing my chin when we pulled up towards a stop light.

“Say word?” he inquired.

“Word,” As risky as my plan seems to be, I’m going to go through with it regardless. You can’t reach your goals without making a couple of risky decisions. When my plan goes through, I only have one intended mission to complete and nothing else. However, I will stick to my ground and promise not to become sidetracked. At least, not this soon.

Bailey

Why must he be so difficult?

I just don’t understand him. No matter how many times I try to get inside his mind and make him look at things the way he really should, he spazzes on me and pushes me away even further. I wonder why I continue to try with him anyhow. When we’re not discussing how he makes his capital, we’re fine – wonderful, in fact. But as soon as I bring up how he makes his money, I swear, World War III seems to appear out of nowhere. He knows my views on it but he acts as if I’m illiterate and don’t know what the fuck is going on. With my father having multiple doings in such a crime filled organization such as this, you would hope I learned a few things and I did. With my father, it was either be aware or endure the repercussions. Being that I was going to look out for my best interest, I stayed aware and anyone with common sense would understand how dangerous, immoral, wrong and life threating this crime filled business is.

After Ryan and I’s argument, I refused to remain within close proximity to him, so I called a cab to take me home. As much as he yelled and told me how stupid I was for doing such a thing, I still didn’t listen and went about my business. One of the major reasons I left was due to my morning classes tomorrow but other than that, I needed to calm myself down before I did something irrational. With it being near eleven, there was no way I could go for a run at this time of night. Since the eighth grade, I’ve been involved in track. I originally joined to remain healthy and fit but soon found it to be a great release for when I needed it the most.

I was a runner.            

In every sense of the word; figuratively and literally.

Anyone else’s issues, I could solve without a problem. I’d be there without a doubt with a solution to the problem. With me? It took me way more thinking and time to solve my own issues. If I could avoid it, I would. But in a time of pressure, I was swell at doing fine. Any other time, I run around in circles, procrastinating like my life didn’t depend on it. Sighing deeply, I tossed my curly locks into a sloppy bun atop my head while I stripped from my ensemble. After checking to make sure Rayne was okay, I started to put together what I would wear for school tomorrow and get ready for bed.

I was emotionally drained and tired from what occurred less than an hour ago. Being that Ryan and I are both stubborn, neither of us bothered checking to make sure the other one got home safely. My mind was urging to call and ask but I didn’t and for that, I knew I wouldn’t get a good night’s sleep. Right now, I just desired to wash away all my feelings and take a nice bubble bath with my lemon scented body wash – courtesy of Ryan of course.

__

Waking up the next morning seemed to be easier than expected due to the lack of sleep I received. When I took a look out my large window, I noticed that it had begun to rain and I’m assuming over the day, it’ll pick up. With that being said, I thought it was the perfect day for me to take a walk in the rain unless my best friend had other plans. Some might despise the rain, but I personally take a great liking to it. I’m very adventurous, I love spending time outside and most importantly, I love exotic animals. Among the plethora of things I usually find an interest in doing, researching about exotic animals are my hidden love no one seems to grasp. As some girls deemed to wanting to be a Barbie doll when they were younger or a trophy wife, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I want to care for all sorts of animals – well, the one that are deemed as dangerous more so. I just have an interest in doing everything people are scared to do that are labeled as unappealing.

Funny how that wasn’t what I studied in school no how.

I picked up my Michael Kors bag, slinging it over my shoulder. I had three morning classes to attend as a graduating senior at New York University. Originally, I was attending Stony Brook but due to events within my family, Ryan and our somewhat long-distance relationship, I was persuaded to move back home and go to a college closer. Lucky for me, I was accepted into NYU and the transfer was able to happen. While attending NYU, I also changed my major. It went from Economics to Sociology and I couldn’t have made a better decision. If only I had realized that much earlier. What’s done is done and I only have a few more weeks left of it so all in all, it was worth it.

Making sure I had everything I needed, I banged on Rayne’s door until she opened the door with a scowl on her face. “Well, what’s wrong with you?” I chuckled.

“I had a nightmare about pops,” she sighed causing me to tense. I leaned off the doorframe and trailed into her spacious room. Upon entering, the first thing you would cast your eyes on is a big portrait of our family which included our parents, Rayne, myself and our youngest cousin who my mother had formally adopted. In the world we live in, there is always a fear of your loved ones not coming back home or ending up in two places – jail or 6 feet under; neither seemed attractive. Being that she was younger, I understood her concern more than anyone else since we weren’t that far apart in age. Siting on the edge of her bed, I looked at her exhausted face and shook my head sadly.

Recently, it seemed that Rayne was getting these dreams out of the blue and for reasons I wasn’t sure of. “What happened this time?”

“I dreamed he was killed… in front of us. Mommy was crying hysterically, you ran off and I was left gluing the shattered pieces back together. It was horrible,” she sighed, rubbing her forehead.

“I’m sorry you had to dream about something like that, Rayne,” I mumbled. “But, it’s not true so stay away from thoughts like that, okay?”

“I know. Since I don’t have any plans for the day, I guess I’ll just head back to sleep,” she said, casually slipping under the duvet.

“So, you can dream again?” I questioned.

“No, I’ll listen to some music and that’ll put me to sleep and make me think of something else,” she stated.

“Are you sure? Do you need me to stay?”

“No, go to school!” she said. “I’m fine,” Standing tall, I went to give her a quick hug and left out of the apartment of ours, taking the stairs one floor down. I made a repeated beat against the slightly tan door, awaiting for my friend to make his presence known. The door swung open causing me to abruptly stop and stare at him with a small smile.

“What’s up, buddy?” I cheesed, leaning against the doorframe. He smiled and stepped out of the apartment of his. I wrapped my arms around him tightly before removing myself away from his warm embrace and readjusting my clothes. I donned a pair of tan loafers, black jeans and a crop top that showed my navel. Ryan wouldn’t have approved of me showing my stomach but he’s not around me, so he can’t say much. Ever since attending NYU, Chance and I have formed a really good friendship, especially since what we’re majoring in are in close proximity towards one another. The one thing I adore of him besides every other possible trait he has is the fact that you can talk to him about anything under the sun. There are times when we have really deep conversations about racism or sexism and times when we can talk about why we hate the sport Golf just because we can.

“I feel high as a kite,” he grumbled, walking towards the elevator. “Got no damn brain cells left,”

“Shut up,” I giggled. “Why are you smoking so early in the morning?” I questioned.

“I got my bank statement today. Shit don’t look too nice,”

“Oh, that makes sense,” I said, stepping inside. “Why don’t you look for another job?”

“I wouldn’t have the time, but I’ll figure some shit out. Maybe give this music shit a try for once,sz” he shrugged. “Who car we riding in today?”

“Mine, I guess. There’s a chance I’m going somewhere else after I’m finished with my classes today, so I need to have my car in my possession just in case,” He nodded and we both walked out of the apartment building. It was slightly drizzling so I didn’t bother to put my umbrella up. My car was parked in the same spot as before but there was an obvious difference to it. On the hood of the car were two dozen red roses causing me to abruptly stop, with Chance bumping into me from behind.

“The fuck?” he mumbled when his eyes followed what I was staring at. I stood in place as he went to retrieve the flowers. There was a card attached to it that had dropped and I went to pick it up.

Yeah, I know we not on the best of terms but that doesn’t stop me from loving you any less.

Call me when you see this.

Ryan.

The simple gesture had placed a small smile on my face but was quickly wiped away once I realized he was indeed around my neighborhood and didn’t have the decency to come up and check on me himself. “Let me guess. Ryan?” Chance said, interrupting my train of thoughts. I nodded sheepishly, grasping a hold of the pretty and probably expensive flowers. Although I know Ryan and I’s love run deep, he can’t think for a second that by buying me gifts and whatnot, will wash away all our issues, especially the one that occurred last night. That was something I just couldn’t get over no matter what you do. Both of us had brought out the worst in each other and while we had to accept we made some wrong decisions, it was going to take more than a few talks to fully get past it. I placed the flowers in the backseat and trailed towards the driver seat and slid in. Chance did the same and I caught him shaking his head repeatedly. I don’t know what it is but Chance and Ryan are like polar opposites. As a man, Chance doesn’t respect Ryan and his hustle. But seeing that he is actually a good boyfriend to me, he tolerates Ryan’s foolish behavior.

As soon as I started my car up, the sound of Trey Songz Neighbors Know My Name, blared through my stereo and poured out of the slightly cracked windows, waking up the neighborhood I was trying to drive out of. “Must you listen to this?” I turned my head and looked at the passenger side, pursing my lips together.

“I have to. His voice is so husky and deep,” I smiled.

“Ryan wouldn’t like you listening to this,” he chuckled, reaching to change the station to The Breakfast Club.

“Well, Ryan doesn’t like a lot of things, oh well,” I shrugged, turning to focus back on the road. “If that isn’t obvious, I don’t know what is,”

“Maybe you should talk to your man,” he said.

“He’s stuck in his ways. I doubt he wants me to intervene and ‘dictate’ his life for him,” I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. I’m not sure how long I can put up with that type of behavior. It won’t get us anywhere if he chooses to remain this way. He’s twenty-five, it’s about time he acts like a mature adult.

“Did I tell you what almost occurred Friday night?” I questioned, growing frustrated with just thinking about it. I did want to see Chance after I came home but I’m not sure if I mentioned what went down. As accustomed as I should be about the issue, I wasn’t. I shouldn’t have to conform and adapt to something that I wasn’t interested in doing to begin with anyhow. I started from the very beginning of the night towards the very end in which I demanded to be taken home. “The whole time Ryan is in the office or some sort, this mysterious guy is conversing with me. It felt like a fucking set up, to be honest,” But at the time, I was too slow to believe something like that.

“Did you tell Ryan that?” Biting the inside of my cheek, I slowly shook my head no. He was already worked up due to what occurred in the office and my behavior, so I didn’t want to be another burden to his growing list of problems. Besides, when he walked out, the mysterious guy who was conversing with me before, wasn’t even by my side. He had left, literally a minute before Ryan came storming out. Another reason which led me to believe that this was a set up. And to avoid further problems and hold secrets of my own too, I didn’t say anything to him about it. Sighing roughly, Chance shook his head with a chuckle. “He’s going to flip if you don’t tell him something sooner rather than later. Especially if this gets back to your pops,”

“If I’m not talking to him, no he won’t,” I said, pressing my foot on the gas a little harder.

“Let’s see how long that’s going to last,” Chance chuckled. “You can barely go a day without him. Exhibit A,” he said, pointing to the flowers in the back.

“Shut up!” I giggled.

__

Thirty minutes later, Chance and I found ourselves in one of the many parking lots in Manhattan, wasting time before we had to depart for classes. Chance and I were just casually talking and eating the Hotcakes we purchased from McDonald a few minutes earlier. “I’m kind of interested in getting a tattoo today,” Chance blurted, catching me off guard.

“Of what?” I inquired. The ideas that bounced off in his head were so creative and sometimes drastic.

“I don’t know yet,” he went on to say. “I’ve just been thinking about getting one recently and I want to get it done before I talk myself out of it, you know?” he mumbled.

“Well, what’s the purpose of it?”

“Things that are significant in my life at this point. I done seen and went through so much. It’s monumental,” he cheesed.

“I love how you’re so positive about life, regardless of the bullshit. You’re my idol,” I teased, watching as his cheeks heated up. It was so easy to either make Chance mad or somewhat embarrassed with the slightest of words. “Real shit though. You’re doing well for your life,”

“You are too, Banks,” he insisted, calling me by my last name.

“I could be doing better,” I stated truthfully. I worked at a day care owned by my mother and I was more so of the receptionist and go to girl for anything that needed to be done. With a goal of a degree sometime soon, I wanted more and felt like I deserved more as well but it’s difficult finding a job nowadays. The requirement to get a basic job in retail has rose and not to mention, they want way more than a simple degree to determine whether or not you’re certified. I love my mother and I do love working with children, but I have a bigger interest and goal which is why I’m so determined and take my education seriously.

“You’re twenty-one with a dope ass major that you actually like. How many people can you list on your fingers with the same accomplishments as you?” he inquired.

“That’s beside the point,” I tried to argue, throwing away my trash in a bag. “Anyhow, let me know if you need a ride back home,” I said, removing my keys from the engine.

“Alright,” And with that, we parted ways until we would see each other for our Sociology class.

Adrian

Biggie’s Back to Cali blasted through my all black Bentley as I cruised down the lively street of my Kingdom, New York City. I washed my hands down my face and made a sharp turn causing furious drivers to honk at me. In all honestly, is honking going to take back what I just did? So why the fuck are they honking at me like that?! Rolling down the window, I stuck my hand out and held up my middle finger to which received more honks. Chuckling a bit, I looked towards the time on my dashboard and pressed down on the gas quicker, trying to reach my destination at a reasonable time.

Rule One: Never be late to something you're dedicated to.

For anyone that I associate myself with, that was something important to me. Time is of the essence and once it's gone, it's gone forever. I would know all about that. Ridding my head of those thoughts, I pulled into the parking garage of my lot and checked my surroundings before exiting my luxury car. I made sure I had my silencer on me and grabbed my expensive MCM bag. The door slammed loudly as I cringed. I'm too rough at times. My heavy Timberland's connected with the grey pavement as I made my way towards the connecting door that was on the other side of the garage. I passed a few more cars before using my key to open the door and locked it behind me.

The smell of Weed immediately caught my attention. Walking up the three landings, I made it towards where the smell was heavily present and swung the door open. "Fuck is this shit!?" I roared. Instead of jumping like most men do, they all turned their attention to me and sat up straight around the mahogany colored desk. I looked all of them in the eyes before casting my eyes upon the reefer. In a Ziploc bag, Kush was filled to capacity with rolling paper and a lighter next to it.

A smoke session.

"Chill, nigga!" Caiden said. "We all lit up for a bit. I know you want to smoke so I got you your favorite Cuban Cigars and a girl in the back ready to get on her knees for you," he chuckled. "You welcome, nigga," he said, pushing the small box that contained the Cigars into my chest.

"What you do?" I asked immediately.

He chuckled lightly before shaking his head. "Ain't do shit but chill," he said. "Get loose. We 'bout to start this meeting," he said, bringing the blunt to his lips. I shook my head as I walked around the room, nodding at my family which most of them were and the other half, I still looked at as the same way. Besides Caiden, Justin, Brian and August, there were a few more other guys on our squad for extra help. I opened up the small closet in the room and took a look at the many black duffle bags that were stacked on top of one another. I placed my bag on the top and locked the door back up before making my way to the head of the table, my rightfully persevered spot. Regardless, nothing in life comes easy and you have to work for it. Trust, you put in the effort for it, it pays off exceptionally well.

"Let's make this short and quick. I got shit to do," I grumbled. Any serious thing we had to discuss, we met at the warehouse to do so. Safety reasons. The smoke ceased as everyone finished their blunt and placed them down on the ashtray in front of them. I leaned back against the chair and stared at my family. Usually on Saturday mornings, there was always a meeting held so everyone was on the same page. As draining and tiring as it might seem to others, this was the only thorough way of doing things. I was able to take a look at all my guys and see what the next move is and what business is looking like. I could also read their facial expressions as my right hand man, Caiden, breaks everything down. Everyone on my team had a job, if not, you were useless to me and had no real reason to be associated with myself or anything I do.

I looked towards Caiden and nodded for him to begin; he started the conversation and I ended it. "To start it off, we're gaining new business enterprises in Mexico," C stated. "You all know what that means. If not, I'll tell you. We have to find an alternative route to transport 350,000 dollars across the border without arising questions from the guards," I rubbed my chin as I listened attentively. For now, the situation with Ryan and Bailey will be put to the back burner until everything is settled.

"From a reliant source, I was able to obtain word on what guards worked each day, their family life and their role. They alternate shifts and the best way to get through is during a shift change. The guard will be disoriented and, or, just starting off for the day which means they won't remember every single thing they have to do, oppose to them being there for longer than an hour. Get it?" A round of nods from everybody circulated.

"Who's doing the exchange?" I asked, cutting Caiden off. He cut his eyes at me before smirking. "Nigga, are you insane?!" I barked. I had no problems doing exchanges and drops but it was more than that and more than what meets the eye. Caution being the first thing and it was key to tread lightly, not wanting to do any sort of major damage.

"You have to do it,"

"I ain't gotta do shit, nigga," I grumbled. "You gon' make shit hot, C," I grumbled. "Get August to do it," I smirked.

"Are you stupid?!" he yelled back. Caiden was 100% against me training up and coming rookies but in all actuality, I was training them to become Veterans like myself and him. But August particularly was very ill informed about the game. He has a lot to catch up on and sending him to do an exchange might end up costing us lost profits and a dead body. We want neither but in order for him to learn, he has to experience this regardless. It's in his and my best interest. He can't learn anything from the sidelines. August wasn't present at the meeting today due to other obligations that I learned to respect. Next meeting, he has no choice but to be here.

"He needs the personal experience of it,"

"Not by his self," he grumbled.

"Then you go with him," I said. "Matter fact, that sounds splendid. Do it for the team!" I mocked in that annoying ass Vine voice.

Sighing deeply, he nodded. Caiden knew that he was the one that came up with the plan and idea of it all, so it only made since that he would execute it to a T. The only problems would be seeing how inviting he is of August coming along. In order for this to go smoothly, he has to be neutral throughout the whole transaction. No slips up or it's our asses. "Now, I got some shit to say that can no longer be put to the back burner," I stated clearly, scooting my swivel chair up towards the table. I rested my hand on the desk and clasped my hands together. "Juelz is very well respected, very serious and knows his shit," I said, pointing to someone I've known for the past five years. "He's brought it to my attention that our fellow comrade, El Juego," I chuckled causing everyone to do the same. "Is being released soon,"

I sat back and examined everyone faces. "Question is, do we make room for him or do we go on about our business?" The Game was a resourceful guy, had everyone's best interest at times but he was a snake, not to me but everyone else. If he had the balls of being disloyal to one person, why wouldn't he do it to me?

"Nah," Justin muttered. "That's my nigga and all but he has no choice but to lay low and if he gets involved with us, it might be a done deal for this shit," he stated, standing to the soles of his brand new Jordan's. You would never catch him in the same shit twice.

"I'll think 'bout it," I said. At the end of the day, the decision remains in my possession and it'll always be like that. "How much money we made this week?"

"1 million," A wide grin crossed my face.

"See how easy that shit is?" I stated. "One Mil in a week, try to double that by the next time we see each other," With running an illegal business of this caliber, it was essential we knew how to turn our profits clean so investing in a few businesses on the side and the Stock Market did just that for us. There was a specific strategy to follow and only we knew it. No one could top us at our own game. "I got shit to do so I’ll talk to all y’all later," I smirked, standing to the soles of my boots.

I walked around the table, giving daps before making my exit and walking towards my office a few floors above. I purchased this warehouse almost three years ago, using it as a safe guard for all supplies, arms and money. The warehouse was near a river that led into the Atlantic Ocean and by a bridge that led towards and away from New Jersey. It was a quiet area and away from the city which is the main reason why I enjoy the location so much. Kicking my door open, my eyes enlarged at the sight before me. Caiden did come through for a nigga. "How long you been waiting?" I questioned, closing and locking the door behind me. I removed my Jesus piece, my silencer and shrugged out of my jean jacket.

"Only thirty minutes, papi," she purred, standing up from off of my desk. Her hips swayed towards me and when she was finally close enough, she pulled me towards her and started to unbutton my jeans.

"Is that so?" I questioned, staring down at her voluptuous frame. The little bit of sultry clothes left little to my imagination; her nipples were hard just by me taking a quick glance over her body. She quickly fell to her knees and licked her lips. Before she had a chance to do anything, I gripped a hold of her hair and forced her to look up at me. "How do I know you weren't snooping?" I chuckled.

"You'll have to trust me," she winced.

"Sadly, I don't trust anybody but God," I gritted. "But, thank God for cameras," I winked. I used my hand and gripped her forearm, picking her up. "Anyhow, some head will do just fine while I watch these videos from earlier," I told her, throwing my things to the side with her still in my grip. I dragged her towards my chair and sat down. She obediently got on her knees and finished her task of reaching for my hard dick. "No teeth," I grumbled, relaxing in my chair, New York City giving me a great view from my floor to ceiling windows.

[reasonableapproximation]

Copying over a bunch of comments I made on reddit, about Elm.

("Anyone using Elm in production?")

My team is. I have mixed feelings, along the lines of "I'm not a fan, but I wouldn't be surprised if I liked all the other options less". Being able to integrate with Haskell is very nice.

I haven't been looking forward to this release, which removes native modules (i.e. makes it much harder to interop with JavaScript; ports still exist, but they don't compare). It also removes user-defined operators, which I think is a shame.

("What parts of Elm do you like most and less?")

They're not really "parts of Elm", but...

I really like autogenerating the API. If I change my backend types, my frontend won't compile until I change that too. We've had some bugs with this (mostly in Haskell libraries), but for the most part it works fantastically. I just wish Haskell's records were as nice as Elm's.

Oh, and the timetravel debugger is super great. You can step back through the history of your page state and see exactly where things went wrong.

My list of dislikes is longer, but I should clarify that my prior frontend experience was stuck in 2012. And, well, I'm still not entirely convinced that we shouldn't all just go back to JQuery; but I can't compare Elm to any of its actual competitors. Just to my expectations, which may not be realistic.

Most concretely, there's a lot of boilerplate. If I add a new page, or a new widget, I need to edit several different places to tell them about it. There's no way to use Elm widgets like regular HTML ones, so if I have a lot of them there's just line after line of "if a message for widget1 comes through, run the widget1 update function on the widget1 model, and update my own model with the new widget1 model and whatever else it returned. If a message for widget2 comes through, run the widget2 update function..." There's no way to generate a dropdown list from a union type that doesn't involve just listing all elements of the union (and no way for the compiler to verify that you've got them all).

Less concretely, there's something of an all-or-nothing vibe. If you're writing in Elm, then either you use Elm components or you put in a bunch of effort to make it work with Javascript components. And the ecosystem isn't mature enough to reliably have great Elm components[1]. (I don't really blame Elm for this, it was probably unavoidable when writing a new language, but it's a pain.) For a while, we were using style-elements, which does the same thing again, you use components specifically written for style-elements. (You can embed elm components, but it doesn't work very well. I do somewhat blame style-elements for this.)

For the most part, I like elm. But it has enough annoyances that I wish I was using something kind-of-similar, without really knowing if that thing could exist even in theory.

And least concretely, there's also a paternalistic vibe, which I get especially strongly from this new release. Native modules are dangerous, so they're forbidden[2]. (We've been using one for handling XSRF cookies, and we have no clue how we're going to handle that now. Most of our others will just be annoying to lose, we'll rewrite with ports or pure Elm. But "annoying for no good reason" is even more annoying.) Some people wrote silly custom operators, so they got taken away. Deeply-nested records are a bad idea, so nested record updates are left super ugly. I'd like to be treated like an adult.

[1]: And I feel like in Javascript, the equivalent components would be easier to beat with a stick until they work. Elm doesn't really let you do that, once an HTML node has been generated you can't edit it, not even to add event handlers. It either goes on the page or it doesn't. That's good for making things work reliably, but sometimes you just need an ugly hack. This is related to the paternalism thing. (Not that I claim it was a deliberate choice. But I don't imagine that if someone offered a PR to add that ability to Elm, that it would be accepted.)

[2]: Honestly, I think removing native modules is the main reason I wouldn't recommend Elm to someone right now. Elm is young, it doesn't do everything yet; and that's fine, it can't be expected to. But in 0.18 it had an escape hatch, and now it doesn't, and I don't trust it not to need one.

(I just now realised that those footnotes were visible on old reddit and my mobile app, but not new reddit. Wtf, reddit.)

Some things I wish I'd mentioned here: the lack of cookie support, more explicitly than I did. And we haven't done much error handling yet, but it looks like that's going to be boilerplate up the wazoo; I wouldn't be shocked if we need to decorate every single Http requst.

(rtfeldman: "We resolved [XSRF cookies] with a few lines of back-end code - hit me up on Elm Slack and I can talk you through it!")

Thanks, I'll get in touch tomorrow.

Um, but at the risk of sounding churlish - I'll say another thing I don't really like about Elm. I get the distinct impression that a lot of discussion happens on slack instead of in public forums (like reddit or stack overflow), making it somewhat inaccessible. And then a lot of the supplementary material seems to come in the form of videos, which are also somewhat inaccessible.

I assume this works for many people, maybe even better than the forums-and-blog-posts thing that I like. But for me personally, it's just a (minor) barrier.

Still, I do appreciate your offer. If we get something that works, I hope you don't mind if I share it outside of the slack?

Update: so rtfeldman's suggestion is, in a nutshell: follow the OWASP recommendations, and instead of using a double-submit cookie (our current approach), switch to custom request headers. Elm sends content-type automatically with Http.jsonBody, and setting another custom header is also really easy.

It's a good suggestion, and we're checking whether it works with our backend auth libraries. If it does work, it'll have other advantages. I'm grateful to rtfeldman for his time and expertise.

Still, I think it reflects poorly on Elm that we're considering changing our auth mechanism because Elm can't handle cookies (at least not in a way that's at all easy to work with, without a hack that's been taken away).

I just can't get over that cookie thing. I think the reason they're not supported is that Evan decided local storage is better. I do not want Evan to make these kinds of decisions for me.

Like, if I was contemplating picking up Elm, and someone told me it couldn't handle cookies, I wouldn't even bother investigating further. Even if I didn't expect to need cookies, what else is missing?

And as it turns out, cookies are the only thing we've found that we absolutely needed Native modules for. But I still think that's a sane reaction.

("Elm's records seem to just be Haskell records with lenses built in.")

Among other problems, Haskell makes it hard to have multiple record types with the same name, hard to have one record type which is a superset of another, and hard to write functions which accept "any record type with this field". Even accessing them is a pain, you need to import everything.

It's improving, but slowly. Meanwhile, elm records have none of those problems. They're not perfect (I'd love to have shorthand syntax for a general update function), but they're miles ahead of Haskell.

(It's possible that "Haskell with a lens library" compares more favorably, but I haven't tried. My team is making tentative explorations into generic-lens, but that's it.)

In my foray on the Slack, I got nosey and seached to see if there was discussion of my comment. There was only a little. Evan recommended against people engaging with me, which I find a little annoying but I think partly because I get the vibe from that of "dismissing a troll", which is probably unfair of me. There's also a place he could be coming from of "this guy is making valid points, but yeah, Elm isn't doing what he wants and arguing about it won't help".

One thing he did say was like, «I guess that guy didn't find my points about optimising the generated code compelling. [ascii shrug]». I didn't reply on reddit because it wasn't intended for me to see, but my response might be something like:

Well yeah, when you were talking about the generated code you said it was important that there was no Javascript in the ecosystem. I don't want Javascript in the ecosystem, I want Javascript in my own codebase, like it worked in 0.18. Maybe I misinterpreted what you mean by "ecosystem", but to me that means "the packages that get shared and distributed".

Are the new optimisations incompatible with native modules? The thought never occured to me, and your comment doesn't give me a clear answer. I suppose it's possible. (But then how do the whitelisted packages handle it?.)

(Why did the thought never occur to me? Because removing native modules was never, that I saw, justified with "enables optimisations". If that was given as the reason, I would honestly find it significantly less annoying. Because then it feels like you're making difficult tradeoffs, not like you're treating me like a child.)

Still, even in that case I feel like you have a bunch of options other than removing native modules. You can say "native modules or optimization, pick one". You can say "native modules work, but optimization might fuck with them, be careful." (And probably we can find some hacks that make it work fairly reliably.) You can say "native modules work, and here are some ways to get the optimizer not to fuck with them." One of those feels like approximately no dev work, another feels like literally none.

Or maybe those solutions are all DOA, I dunno. I don't even know if there's a problem for them to solve.