#honestly that shouldn't stop you from having depth in your work

[urban-hart]

The more I think about it, the whole concept of Saporia was a huge worldbuilding opportunity that was just. Completely missed?? Granted, given the way the Separatists were ultimately handled, I don't think I would entirely...trust?? the Tts writers with the cultural themes that I feel would've been natural to explore anyhow.

[eww-y-tho]

Colin VS Toxic Masculinity and Why Penelope Had to Reveal Herself as LW

I made a previous post with my two cents on why the idea of them both figuring out a solution to LW was an inferior concept to just Penelope figuring it out on her own, but it was small and I want to go more in-depth.

So, in order to grasp ✨my perspective✨ of the story, we first need to talk about Colin's struggles with toxic masculinity and his inferiority complex.

Naturally, Colin is a hopeless romantic with demisexual tendencies and a more prominent softness compared to other male leads. He's a bit dense (I say with love) until he figures out what he wants and how he's going to get it, and then he is a man of frankly ridiculous action. He's a sensitive boi who has a difficult time fitting in with the other men in his life and being taken seriously by his family, as he puts it himself. An empath, lol.

Honestly, Colin being a "rake" was an integral point of his character arc, and if you haven't picked up on that text by now, I would ask where your media literacy is. Violet put it best, he's putting on armour to protect himself from the way that society treats his character, and naturally, he develops a small, albeit persistent inferiority complex because of this. He doesn't feel like he's providing enough to the people around him because of toxic masculine standards.

I honestly think it's been with him since s1, and Pen is the only person who could bring these thoughts to the surface, which is why it comes to a head in s3 p2.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In his efforts to fit in, he does some questionable things, such as the 2x8 comment, which he regrets as soon as he realizes how much damage it has done to his relationship with Pen. He hangs around with douchebags that he can't stand because he feels a need to conform and "be the kind of man society expects him to be."

But he also absorbs toxic masculine tendencies in the process. His gut instinct of general envy that a woman, Pen, is more successful than him (I hate to put it that bluntly, but that's how I took it), asking for her to quit LW because of these reasons, completely disregarding Pen's autonomy and her perspective by blindly charging forward to stop Cressida's blackmail, among other smaller things.

It's kind of ✨subtle✨, but I know it's there.

Pair that with his inferiority complex and you have a man who is trying to put down Penelope to his level, if that makes sense. By this point, he's already conquered the idea that he needs to conform by the way he cuts off his toxic friend group, but he isn't completely free from the systemic perspective.

Therefore, the idea that Pen would need him in order to find a solution to her problem confirms that toxic masculine trait. Let's be real, Penelope didn't and doesn't need Colin in order to help with LW's problems. She's managed without him before and will continue to manage it by herself. This is not to say that Penelope doesn't have an issue with accepting help from others and feeling the need to handle her problems alone because of her old situation, but she takes the emotionally intelligent move by LITERALLY voicing what she needs from Colin and their relationship.

She needs his companionship, she needs his love, she needs a rock she can come to at the end of the day and be able to depend on. She does not need him to do anything for LW, as it is a part of her identity and an accomplishment that she is proud of and will not let go of. Colin cannot make the demand that she drop everything she's worked for for him.

And that's how relationships work in the real world. You have things you are willing to let go of, and some things you are not. Your partner has to accept those boundaries you have set or leave the relationship, and you shouldn't have to abandon those things in order to get the person of your dreams, because that would make it a toxic relationship from the start and will most likely end in you losing parts of yourself in your partner.

Anyway, all this is to say that Penelope had to get out of her situation by her own means and with full autonomy on what she wanted to do to finish off her character arc.

And Colin needed to realize that his envy is a baseless emotion that simply has no value compared to the woman he knows her as. A strong, independent woman who doesn't need him to do things for her. He also needed to humble himself and see the way that LW is not competing with him, but a part of her. They both demonstrate that what they need from the relationship is not transactional in nature, but rather a shared bond powered by love.

I understand the idea of wanting them to both find a way out of the blackmail as a team, but again, that's explicitly not what they need from each other, and why I think this perspective is again a misunderstanding of their character arcs.

I think I've articulated this the best way I can, but I do know I wanted to say some other things. I'm tired tho, so yeah, ending it here.

Hopefully, this made sense.

Bai!

[le-panda-chocovore]

I think the reason for all that discourse in the JJK fandom is that we had some expectations about what this story would be about, and we were wrong. I'd say it was our fault for having them, because Gege had his own story in mind and it isn't our role to tell him what to write/draw. But I'd also say that we were misled into having those expectations and then being deceived, because shock value is fun.

(I'm not in the AOT fandom so maybe I'm 100% wrong, in which case don't pay attention to me. I'm just rambling I'm not trying to make a point)

See there's not such a thing in Attack On Titans. I mean I know people are arguing whether a decision was good or bad or a character development was positive or negative, but no one is rioting the way JJK readers are even when someone dies, kills, or does worse (they do start a genocide lol). Because in AOT you know since the beginning what this story is about : surviving, war, and liberty. With time you learn that it's also about racism, destiny and injustice. But the story starts with death and blood and it never calms down, characters keep dying or getting hurt and no one's safe all along the story. So you just know it'd end the same way, you know what to expect, that power of friendship won't save anyone here.

But Jujutsu Kaisen is different, because it has all the codes of a basic Shonen. Everyone was comparing it to Naruto during the 1st season so you would believe it'd follow the same path. Of course there's fights and fails and suffering and death, because it's necessary for the growth of the protagonist. He'd learn he's not strong enough and he'd try harder and mature more and be better. Jujutsu Kaisen makes you think it's your One Piece-type manga where 1 person dies every 4 arcs and the main team survives everything, even when it looks impossible.

And then Shibuya happens and you're shocked because it's way to early to kill so many valuable characters in a row. Usually that kind of massacre happens during Big War arcs like in MHA. At first you think it's an interesting writing choice because it changes from other mangas, and you wonder how the main character will evolve from that. But then the training arc never happens, because shit keeps falling on them and there's a pile of deads and you start to wonder when it'd stop. Spoilers : it doesn't.

So at some point you realize it. This isn't a classical shonen. This isn't an happy-ending after a hard fight kind of story. There's no power of friendship to save them, there's no important moral path to keep following no matter what (like "I won't do to you what you did to me because it'd mean that I'm the same" no it doesn't work here), and there's not even a chance to run away from that cursed role no one wants to bear. There's no one protecting the kids anymore. The MC isn't strong enough and the mentors are dead and close friends are off-fight and the one person able to end this has to make the horrendous choice to give up his humanity.

In AOT, you were shocked, but it felt logical in the sense of where the story was leading you from the beginning. In JJK, you feel betrayed and manipulated because everything made you think about those other mangas where people ended up fine, but it was just a cover.

Honestly you COULD have guessed it'd end that way. Many people did. You just ignored it.

You thought Junpei's death was an exception, the Major Point for Yuuji's development, the Shock Value Kill to put some depth nuance in the story. But in reality it was a warning, a taste of the future. There WERE signs after all, and Gege never pretended to write another Naruto. You were so used to the classical shonen that you read the signs and fell for the trick.

JJK has never been a nice story from the beginning, Sukuna was at the center of every event since the beginning. You can dislike what is happening but you cannot say it's bad, as in a scenaristic choice. Gege is a writing genius and unfortunately he's also pure evil.

You shouldn't have trusted a one-eyed cat after all.

[nkn0va]

Bit of a sad one: Mituru, Yukari, and Fuuka comforting Minako's S/O after the end of Persona 3.

God damn it, toku, I was doing so well with my depression before now lmao

-After you all see Minako one last time at graduation day, you decide to move out of the dorms. It simply brought too much pain being there now.

-Mitsuru had to move out too due to graduating, but she soon hears from everyone else still there that you had moved out too despite not having graduated yet.

-She's rather confused at first but after a few seconds it clicks in her head. It was where you'd met Minako, shared so many memories with her.

-Using her position, it's not hard for Mitsuru to find your address. Your parent(s)/guardian(s) recognize her, naturally, and gladly let her in, telling her you've been locking yourself in your room much more than usual.

-She knocks gently on your door before asking to come in. Recognizing who it is you let her in Her eyes immediately soften upon seeing you. You had...well, you'd definitely seen better days, to put it politely.

-Your eyes were red from crying and sunken from not being able to sleep, your hair was a mess, and your room in general was starting to look closer to Junpei's than she would've liked.

-It immediately sets in just how delicate of a situation this truly is. Mitsuru gently, and with some hesitation takes a seat next to you on your bed, settling a hand on your shoulder.

-Minako was incredibly important to her too and she feels bad enough as it is. She can't imagine just how awful you have it as her S/O.

-Her words are soft and gentle, trying to come up with anything that could help soothe the pain deep in the depths of your soul. Minako knew what she was doing when she sacrificed herself, she did it for the good of the world, and so that the people she loved could live their lives to the fullest, even if it was without her.

-She's confident in saying you of all people were at the forefront of her mind when she made her choice, that it was for you more than anybody else. You shouldn't take the gift she'd given you for granted, and do what you wish to do with the time you have.

-She also says she's had an idea. a way to honor what Minako did, to continue the work of S.E.E.S where she'd left off, and she'd really appreciate it if you'd join. She's certain Minako would as well. Having said everything she wanted to say, she takes her leave and gives you some privacy and space to mull over everything she's told you, letting you know that now matter how busy she is, she'll be free to talk anytime.

-Yukari notices a rather drastic change in you after Mitsuru and Akihiko's graduation. You're a lot more melancholy in mood overall and far less talkative.

-Hell, she barely even sees you. You spend most of your time in Minako's dorm nowadays, only coming out to eat and use the bathroom. If you're a guy she'd normally be the first to chase you out of a girl's dorm, but considering the circumstances she doesn't have the heart to do it.

-Eventually she's had enough of this. She enters the room herself and stops in her tracks. If she were to say honestly you looked awful. Thankfully she had the tact to not actually say that to your face.

-Yukari doesn't really know what to do to comfort someone grieving over their dead girlfriend, so she decides to keep it honest.

-She's pretty fed up wit seeing you like this, she'll say that much to you. This wasn't what Minako died for, for you to mope about in regret and not get over a decision that she made for herself.

-If this was really how you wanted to spend your time, then you weren't making the best of your life, and by extension you weren't honoring what Minako wanted you and everyone else to do, to make the most out of the gift of life they were lucky to have.

-Yukari's words are a bit on the harsher side, but they're a much needed wake-up slap. You realize she's right, Minako didn't die so you could spend the rest of your days wasting away.

-With a deep sigh, you take your first real steps out of Minako's dorm in a while, much to Yukari's satisfaction. You're now on the first real steps to recovery.

-It's not going to be an easy road, and probably one you'll never fully complete in your lifetime, but she'll be there with you every step of the way, even if she isn't Minako.

-After the graduation event at Gekkoukan, Fuuka started seeing you far less than before. You'd avoid everyone in class after the new year started, barely talked, and as soon as school was over you'd head straight back to your dorm.

-Of course even for her it was easy to understand. Minako was your girlfriend. She'd meant more to you than she did to everyone else, realistically speaking.

-That being said, she really hated seeing you like this. It reminded her all too much of herself before she joined S.E.E.S. She didn't know what, but she had to do something.

-Just from the way she knocked on the door gently and shyly, you immediately knew who it was, telling her to come in. You didn't have the heart to chase her away.

-Honestly Fuuka hadn't thought she'd get this far, so she doesn't really know what to do. Once she opens the door she sees you laying down in your bed looking at something on your phone.

-Taking a quick peek at the screen she's met with a picture of you and Minako together, smiling without a care in the world. You seemed to be going through the seemingly hundreds of pictures of you two together, and there was no mistaking the tear tracks on your face.

-Fuuka was never really the best with words, but she knew she had to at least try. The best she had was to speak honestly about the situation.

-She gets how you feel, she really does. Minako was the one to give her the confidence she does now. Losing someone who did so much for you wasn't easy on either of you, or anyone else on the team.

-Fuuka didn't want you to fall into the same old habits she did. Instead of mourning over the fact she's gone while you waste your life away, she encourages you to instead remember the good times you had, those better days together where just being with her was enough to put a smile on your face and lift your spirits.

-It's a simple message, but you can feel how heartfelt and earnest she is, and you figure she as a point. Minako wanted you to be happy, even if she wasn't there with you anymore. You should go do what you'd wanted to do with her, knowing she'd be there to watch you all the way.

-Fuuka's just glad she was able to do at least something for you. Maybe by doing this she repaid the debt she felt she owed to Minako in cheering up her S/O, at least a little bit.

[compassionatereminders]

So I'm wondering if you have any advice for this kind of situation I've been kinda stuck in.... so I'm autistic (so is my partner) and I don't have the best communication skills or hearing. I've been working on it, and I often use apps or DBT skills. It is very hard to misunderstand templates to get info across to people in my life because otherwise, I struggle. A lot. So, my partner and I have a lot of communication issues due to that, and we downloaded a communication app made for partners with all kinds of quizzes and prompts as well as ways to mark significant events in our relationship. It was my suggestion and we've both loved it a lot so far because it really does help usually, but lately we've been having relationship issues due to his mindset that every emotion I feel towards him due to his actions is debatable enough to argue with me about and then he'll mansplain effective communication to me, it's like his new favorite thing, so yesterday he sent me a prompt about expressing our emotions (that tbh I knew was going to bring up issues) that was meant to help us both express ourselves more clearly and give us time to think about what we're going to say since we can't see each other's answers before we submit our own. His was short and mostly pertained to our financial struggles, his career, and how our dog's misbehavior has been making everything difficult lately. Mine, however, was so much more in-depth and displayed a lot of emotions (not aggressively from my standpoint) that discussed all of the issues I've had lately (mainly that due to how hard our situation is currently, my ADHD has been sending curveball after curveball to my ability to function and because I'm depressed about how much I have to do, I've also been dissociating with no ways that have worked to stop it so far. Especially since he keeps on adding more tasks to my list of things to do while all he does is work, eat, sleep, and do maybe one chore a week (which upsets him a lot to do because that's apparently my job even though he wants me to also get employment on top of doing all of the housework and taking care of the animals and myself). Also, the fact that he yells at me for little mistakes all the time, which only makes me create more mistakes and continues the cycle of yelling and messing up...) I sent it last night right before bed, hoping to get through to him, but it really didn't. Instead, he sent me an itemized list with a screenshot that highlighted every single part of my vent that he either didn't agree with or thought was invalid and decided to debate me on my feelings. Now I should mention that I don't have an easy way to live elsewhere (and I've debated doing that for a bit just to get some space and figure things out for myself and see if things improve), but I'm wondering (just to get a consensus) what kind of advice you'd give me? Like maybe resources or something potentially?

I don't write or collect resources as stated in my pinned post, but it honestly sounds like your partner is deliberately utilizing "therapy speech" as a tool to manipulate and dismiss you, which is the opposite of "effective communication" and not constructive at all. It sounds like he's manipulating and gaslighting you into feeling like you can't and shouldn't voice your concerns, and that's both worrying, toxic and not at all constructive - no matter how much fancy terminology he learns

[peyton-warren]

Fanfic Writers: Director’s Cut:

I'd love to know more about what Sy is thinking after reader practically ran away from him in 'Blinded by the Fog' chapter 5

Only took 4 months, hon. I just hope it was worth the wait. I decided to write a new chapter just from Sy's perpective of the time leading up to Chapter 5, and whats going on before he shows up for dinner at Cougar's mom's. And somehow that turned into over 5k words....

Thank you for hand holding while i worked through my writer's block.

Without further ado here it is.

Blinded by the Fog Behind the Scenes I

Characters: Captain Syverson and Reader. Mention of Jake Jensen and Cougar Pairings: Jake Jensen x Reader, Syverson x reader

Word count: 5012 Type: angst and fluff Warning: 18+. Minors DNI. Loss of spouse and found family. drinking, swearing. Grief. Therpy/ emotional baggage type language. Vague mention of shitty childhood for reader.

Summary: An in depth look at what is going on in Sy's head in Blinded by The Fog Chapters 4, 5 and 6.

Author's Note: Thank you to @adulting-sucks for her continued support, especially when I want to chuck this whole thing in the trash and never look at it again. Sy's Running Play list: Here

Ask Box: Open

Series Masterlist Masterlist

Sy couldn't believe his heart was almost pounding as you walked into his living room dressed in his clothes.  He had it bad he realized, not for the first time in even the last 10 minutes.  He took you in from head to toe, you were effortlessly sexy in his clothes, and God how much he wanted to grab you and make you his own, crushing you under his weight, pinning you to this couch, carrying you off to his bedroom, making you forget your heartache, your sorrows, your troubles.  Instead he held out an open beer as you settled on the opposite end of the couch, curling your legs under you.  

“Feel better?” he asked even though that was a loaded question.  He knew it was tempting fate that you might fall back down into the spiral of mourning, but he honestly wanted to know if you felt more comfortable than you had, if he, his favorite comfortable clothes and his home made you feel better. It was selfish of him, he knew that, but right now he couldn’t help it.  He wanted nothing in this world more than to make you feel something more than just the sadness that seemed to consume you these past few months.  

“A little bit,” you had admitted to him as you put the bottle to your lips.  “So what are we watching?” He had to pull his eyes away from yours, forcing himself to grab the remote from the coffee table and gesturing at the TV.  “Figured I’d go with a classic.  Big Trouble in Little China.”

The light that sprung up in your face, in your eyes, was addicting, he realized.  “I haven’t seen that in ages,” you had told him, as you sat up, reaching over him for a slice of pizza.  Sy inhaled your soft smell.  He didn’t do it with any intention, it was instinctual when he caught a small whiff of you so close he couldn't stop himself from drawing a deeper breath.  Embarrassed by his own action, he pressed play, dropping the remote, and hoped you did not notice.  

You didn’t seem to as you settled back into the arm of the sofa, your eyes trained on the screen as you munched on your pizza, beer tucked between your thighs as you stretched out your legs, napkin on your thigh.  He really shouldn’t be noting that you seemed to relax more as you ate another slice, and finished off your beer.  He shouldn't have been pleased by your small smile when he first quoted Burton.  And he definitely should not be happy by your adorable little snort as he quoted Burton the second time.  “The check is in the mail.”

After you had your fill of the pizza and the movie progressed, Sy watched as you tucked your feet under your thighs, your hands wrapping around your toes.  “Cold?” he asked, his hand hovering over yours.  When you nodded cautiously, he gently pushed your hands aside and wrapped his fingers around the arch of your foot, pulling it from under you.  “Been told I’m like a furnace,” he admitted, tucking your toes under his thigh, encouraging you to wiggle both feet under his leg.  Grabbing the throw off the back of the sofa, he laid it over your legs, basically tucking them in as you hummed happily. “Thank you,” you whispered softly, giving him that smile he longed to see.  “That is much better.”

Sy simply slipped his hand under the blanket and wrapped his fingers around your ankles, squeezing gently, trying to look as casual as possible, forcing his eyes to watch the screen instead of you scooting down further into the couch, under his favorite blanket, looking like you belonged there.  It really wasn't long after that you fought your eyes from closing, and you finally lost that battle, falling quickly into sleep's embrace.  Soft snores came from the other end of the couch, and Sy couldn't stop from staring at you, watching you snooze like a complete creeper.  With every twitch, he scolded himself he should watch the movie, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from your sleeping form, happy you were comfortable enough, safe enough here with him to sleep. He expected you didn’t sleep well on your own based on the constant tired eyes you sported in the few months he had known you.  

He realized as Jack Burton praddled on in the basement of the warehouse in San Francisco’s Chinatown, that he felt like he had known you his whole life, that the connection the two of you had forged felt like one that would last the rest of his days on this earth.  And that scared him, scared him so much.  

Gently squeezing your ankles again, he forced himself to watch the movie, emptying his beer, leaving the bottle resting against his other leg. As much as he’d like another, he didn’t want to move, didn’t want to wake you, didn't want to take that chance.  Instead he settled for running his thumb over your ankle bone, as he watched the rest of the movie.

After it ended, Sy sat there for a bit longer in the silence of his home. Enjoying it.  He didn’t realize how much he missed having someone else in his space until you appeared. Yes he missed Aika and was counting down until she was released from quarantine since their last deployment.  But it had been even longer since he had another human, a woman, in his space.  Having someone who understood his work, at least at the surface level.  Though after Jake and the Losers’ demise would you be willing to get involved with another military man?   

Sy rubbed his free hand over his face and beard.  Fuck.  He knew he was jumping the gun more than a hair.  You were still fresh in your grief over your husband and friends' deaths.  Why would he be thinking about making this anything more than ‘just friends’ at this point?  That wasn’t fair to you.  You were so vulnerable and trying hard to be the strong woman you expected yourself to be.  He couldn’t hope for anything from you more than just friendship.  And he was happy with that.  He really was.  He’d take you in his life anyway you were willing to give. 

With a deep sigh, he rose from the couch, watching as your legs stretched out, your feet rubbing together and settling in the warm spot he left behind as you continued to slumber.   As cozy as you looked, he couldn’t leave you here.  The bed in the guest room had become a makeshift laundry sorting and pile spot, despite how clean he kept the rest of the house.  That left his bed as the only other option.   He’d deposit you there and then come back and sleep on the couch himself. He’d napped on it plenty over the years. He’d manage just fine for a full night.  Hell, he’d slept in way worst places thanks to the US Army.  

Pulling the throw his great aunt made for him before he left for the military off of you, Sy carefully picked you up, pulling you close, cradling you in his arms.  Instinctually, you curled into him, seeking his warmth, pressing your face to his chest.  Smiling, he headed down the hall, gently kicking the door open.  He felt your fingers tangle in his shirt as he shifted you, your fingers catching a hair or two off of his belly in the t-shirt he was wearing.  As he walked to the side of the bed, you seemed to burrow further into his arms, as if you sensed he was trying to separate the two of you, and you didn’t want that to happen.  Aaran didn’t want that to happen.  He wanted to crawl into this bed with you, his bed, but that wasn’t fair to you, nor to him.  Especially when you muttered a soft “I love you” to your deceased husband.

Instead he laid you on the bed, and pulled your hand from his shirt by distracting you with soft kisses across your forehead. Laying the blanket around you and standing to leave.  From the doorway, he looked back, watching you seem to effortlessly settle into his bed, and into his heart.

“Ni-night, baby.”

Sy woke the next morning on the couch, curled on his side, his head resting on the throw pillow, a blanket pulled over him.  His arms were crossed tight across his chest, the couch giving him so little space for his appendages.  But as he sat up with a crick in his neck, he remembered why he had slept out here as he pulled the blanket into his lap, your soft smell filling his nose.  A small smile crossed his face as he folded the soft fleece and laid it across the back of the sofa.  

Glancing at his watch, he recognized the super early hour and figured as tired as you had been lately he could get a decent run in before you were up this morning.  Stretching his back, he headed towards the laundry room, knowing he had just washed some shorts and old t-shirts yesterday, certain he could use them for his morning exercise without needing to bug you.  

It was after he donned the soft well loved clothes that he realized he had cast his running shoes into a corner of his bathroom the other day when he was too lazy to take them off by the door, in too much of a hurry to get to the shower. 

“Fuck.”  Quietly he opened the door to the bedroom, praying the usually squeaky hinges were quiet,  his sight immediately falling on you, looking for any sign that he had woken you.  Finding none, he quickly shuffled to the bathroom, snagging the pair of shoes off the floor, before turning to escape.  Before he could, you moved, your legs shuffled under the blanket maybe, or you drew a deeper breath, or maybe your pinky flexed, and it drew his attention to the bed.  He forbade himself from moving any closer to you than where he was.  He also forbade himself from thinking how right you looked curled up in the bed, his bed.  He felt his body react at the thought of forgetting all about his morning run for a different form of exercise he possibly could get in if he slipped into the bed with you.  Instead he reminded himself again that you were newly widowed, and the last thing you needed right now was someone fucking with you, literally.  He had no right to try to act on the feelings that were growing with each passing day, passing hour, passing second.  

With a rueful sigh, he let himself out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.  After slipping his shoes on, he set up the ancient coffee maker to begin brewing, knowing at the very least he would appreciate the warm beverage when he returned.  By the look of the sky outside, Sy would be lucky if he came home dry let alone warm.  

GrabbIng an empty envelope from a pile of mail on his counter, he quickly wrote you a note to inform you of his intent to return shortly which he propped up on a clean mug.  Grabbing his ear buds off the counter, he headed out, hoping a hard run would chase the impure thoughts about you out of his head. 

Instead his iPod had other plans.  Sy hit skip as soon as A.D.I.D.A.S appeared on the screen as he hit play, swearing for not the first time that he needed to take that song off of his iPod all together.  A couple blocks away he realized just how inappropriate the lyrics to Black Dog actually were.  He skipped through almost half of his playlist, realizing how dirty many of the lyrics were, even songs he thought were harmless like Brown Sugar. Even that one Katy Perry guilty pleasure song made a maddening appearance in his ears. 

He was glad it started to rain as he hit the halfway point of his long run, realizing the run itself was doing little to kill his inappropriate thoughts about you.  When his shuffled playlist threw back to back songs Pearl Necklace and Relax by Frankie goes to Hollywood in his brain, Sy yanked the earbuds out and stuffed them in his pocket.  He picked up the pace to make it home before he was soaked to the bone, though the thought of taking a shower was glorious at this point, and even that brought thoughts of you to his brain.  He couldn’t win, he decided, and slowed his pace, letting the cold of the rain soak into his skin.  

His blood ran cold to match the weather as he saw you sitting curled up on his porch, still dressed in his shirt and sweats, but now they were wet.  Why were you outside? Why weren’t you inside?  What had happened?  His feet splashed through the puddles in his yard as he raced to you.  You didn’t even flinch as he jogged up the steps, the dread in his chest sinking into his gut.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, kneeling in front of you, a hand on your knee.  With a violent swipe, you pushed his hand away, revealing your face to him, both causing his heart to fracture.  “What happened, baby?” he tried again, settling his own knees beside you.  

“Don’t call me that,” you growled, using the sleeve of his shirt you had slept in to wipe at the snot and tears that accumulated on your face. 

Sitting back, Sy looked at you, trying to assess what had happened, but his brain didn’t come up with much outside of his ogling of you earlier, did you catch him?  Did he do something else that you deemed inappropriate? What the hell happened in the hour or so since he had left for his run?  With a deep breath to center himself, he focused on what he could do for you now.  “Let’s get you inside,” he said, grabbing for your arm which you ripped from his grip.  

“Lemme go.”

Putting his hands up in surrender, he got your message you didn't want to be touched, and he stood and reached for the door, finding it locked.  Silently, he slipped from the porch back out into the rain to go grab the spare key he kept hidden in the shed.  He returned to find you curled back in on yourself.  He opened the door, turning to tell you, but found you getting to your feet.  He quickly stepped back as you pushed through the door, ripping your bag and clothes from the hook as your wet bare feet slapped against the wood floors.  How you did not slip he didn’t have any clue, which only made you more impressive than you already were in his opinion.  

“I need you to take me to my car,” you said, your voice rough and haggard, snapping him out of his thoughts as you retreated to the bathroom, the door slamming making him wince.  

“Well fuck me,” he muttered, suddenly catching up that he had no idea what had happened to make  you go from the sweet girl cuddled into his couch last night to this thunder cloud and it didn’t seem like you were willing to tell him what had happened .  Pulling the wet shirt from his frame, he grabbed a hoodie from a hook, switching their places as he reached for his truck keys and headed out the door.  His running shorts weren’t as soaked as the shirt and he figured he didn’t have time to change them anyway.  Instead he turned the truck on, cranking the heat, hoping it was a hair warmer than the damp air outside by the time you two climbed in.  

He stepped back into his foyer as you reemerged from the guest bathroom, your bag slung over your shoulder.  “Let’s go,” you snapped, grabbing your work shoes as you headed out the door.  

“Alright.”  He followed you out, half noticing you pause on the porch as he locked the door behind you.  He didn’t think too much of it as you stalked towards the truck, not even trying to get in front of you to grab the door, uncharacteristically letting you climb in for yourself.  

Putting the truck into drive after you had snapped your seat belt on, Sy noted you checking your phone that had been sitting on the seat when you climbed in.  Suddenly things started to make a little more sense; you had lost your phone, you were worried about Jolene because you were certain you were going to let the other woman down.  You were always too fucking hard on yourself, and he wished he could make you stop.  You needed to stop.  You were doing all you could for Jolene, and Madre, and he imagined Aubrey too though he hadn’t seen the girl since the accident. He made a mental note to check in on her soon.  But not now.  “Fuck,” you softly swore, as you cradled your head, your voice suddenly so tired and worn. 

“Gonna tell me what's got you so wound up?” Sy tried again,  

“Nope,” you replied, letting the P pop loudly in the cab.  “Just need to go home.”

He may be a man, but he knew when to take a hint.  He wasn’t going to get anywhere with you right now by pushing.  He let it go. For now.  “A’ight.”

He noticed you gathering your things tighter in your fists as you neared the parking lot, and your car.  He would have snorted that you looked like one of his seasoned men about to tuck and roll out of a military vehicle if he wasn't so pissed off and confused at the moment.  He couldn't believe his ears when he heard the door open before he even came to a complete stop.  You were gonna hurt yourself.   

“Sugar, wait-” He threw the truck into park and grabbed for your elbow, trying to slow you down but you were gone before he could get a solid hold on you.  He silently cursed himself for having parked with your car next to your door, he should have thought that one through a little more as he dropped to the ground and rounded the front of the truck to see you peel out of the lot without a glance at him.  

“Goddamnit.”

He sucked in a deep breath before dropping his hands from his hips, and climbed back into the truck.  He stared at the entrance that you had just left from, pondering for a moment if he should follow you and try to make you talk to him or if he should just let you go.  You did seem to deflate some after you checked your phone.  Maybe it was just that you had been worried about Jolene, and nothing more.  

Dropping the truck into drive, he headed for home, giving you space you clearly wanted right now.  There was nothing he could do for you if you didn’t let him in.  As soon as he got there, he grabbed his phone from where he left it during his run, on the charger in the kitchen, and sent you a text asking if you got home ok.  With no more than that, he tossed it aside and strode to his bathroom, making himself to ignore where you had slept last night.  He was going to take this forced separation from you to get his head back on straight, taking the time to remind himself the only reason he had even met you was because of your husband’s recent accident.  So very recent, way too recent for him to be thinking you would want anything with anyone else.  

Angrily he stripped off his hoodie, tossing it and his shorts in the hamper in the corner of the bathroom. Turning the water on to warm up, he stripped the rest of his clothes before stepping under the spray trying to wipe you from his brain as he felt his body stir at that barest of thought of you.  Using all countless tactics he had used while sharing space with other men in the barracks earlier in his career, Sy willed himself to calm down, his hardon subsiding for the time being.  Touching himself at the thought of you was not going to solve anything.  If nothing else, it would make things worse for him, of that he was certain. Flipping the hot off completely at the end of the shower, he stood under the cold spray to the count of 60.  

With a shiver he cut the water and grabbed for his towel, searching his brain for what he was going to do with his Saturday.  He had spent the past few with you, and he was certain he had left things unattended to, though he currently couldn't think of anything outside of checking on you.  Wrapping the towel around his waist, he headed to the kitchen, grabbing the phone to find the super unpersonal thumbs up from you.  “Fuck you too,” he muttered under his breath, tossing the phone aside again.  He swept your coffee cup off the table, emptying it and the coffee pot in the sink.

Monday morning came with little fanfare for Aaran Syverson.  He had spent the weekend finding all manner of things to wipe you off of his brain, knowing he couldn’t do anything about you or this growing feeling until you worked out whatever happened on Saturday morning.  He hit the gym on base, pressing himself to his limits, driving the unwelcome thoughts of what you were going through without him from his brain.  Sunday he was paying for it, though he would never admit it to anyone else, his joints aching, his muscles just this side of painful.  What he also wouldn't admit to anyone else was that his phone was always just an arms reach away, all day Sunday as he mowed his meticulously already mowed lawn on Thursday evening.  Once that was done, he tried to banish you by binging on some tv show a station was playing back to back to back.  But all he accomplished there was demolishing a six pack.  

Checking his phone when he woke on the couch Monday, he let out a pained exhale and bit the bullet, sending a text asking if you were ok and if he could come over after work so you two could talk.  “Whatever this is isn't good for either of us any more,” he reasoned out loud to himself.   

He arrived early that morning to work, beating everyone else by almost 45 minutes.  He spent the time going through the mound of paperwork in his inbox, administrative stuff he hated about being the leader of a team and had pushed aside to deal with another day.  The fact that “another day” arrived should have told anyone around him something was wrong, but his team didn’t seem to notice.  Or did notice and chose not to say anything.   

Ten minutes before it was time to meet his men to start their day, his superior officer walked into his office, informing Sy that he and his team were to be in the debrief room at quarter after the hour, giving him little else to go on.  And maybe that’s why his men didn’t notice anything was going on with him, they too didn’t expect a mission briefing first thing on Monday morning. The rest of the day was spent prepping equipment and themselves to go out first thing Tuesday morning.

Syverson spent Monday night laying on the couch staring at the darkened living room ceiling.  He didn’t allow himself to even think about the reasoning why he hadn’t slept in his own bed the past 3 nights.  His only hope -that clearly had absolutely no bearing on why he was on the couch again- was that your scent will have completely disappeared from his bed linens by the time he returned, whenever that was.  

As soon as he got to base the next morning, he sent you a text informing you of his departure.  “I got your message that you don’t want to talk to me loud and clear.  I just wanted to let you know that I’m heading out on a mission, and I do not know how long I’ll be gone.  If when I return I have not heard from you, I promise I will respect your wishes and refrain from contacting you again.”

With one last disappointing look at his messages, he shut down his phone, throwing it into the glove box of his truck.  Biting the inside of his cheek, he opened the door and dropped his booted feet to the ground, grabbing his go bag out of the back seat before slamming the door.  With a deep grounding breath, and another one following it, Sy tried to shift his focus from you to the mission.  He had to or he would compromise the lives of his men.  The intel they had on this was limited, and if he didn’t get his brain in line, someone was going to get hurt or worse.  The teams, all of them really,  were already reeling from Clay and the others’ accident and even though the US Army denied any involvement of their actions, that was to be expected in the world of the Special Forces.  Though they were all elte trained,  they all knew they could wing up just escape goats for the US government if it was needed. Sy and other officers who had been close to any of the members in Clay’s team knew in their heart of hearts that’s what had happened, that The Losers did nothing wrong.  They had seen other teams take the fall for US military failures.  

If Sy wanted to keep his own men safe and from seeing the others too soon, he needed to drop you from his mind and focus on the task at hand.  

Roughly four days later, though Sy wasn’t even sure how many days they truly were gone with the time zone changes and copious amount of flight time, he was back on the ground in North Carolina.  After the team was debriefed and released, Sy and a couple of the guys were walking to their vehicles, packs slung over their shoulders, chatting about their plans for the weekend.

“Hey Captain,” Anthony called as Sy unlocked his truck, his fingers itching to grab his phone and see if he’s heard anything from you.   

With an unsteady exhale, Sy turns his head to his second.  “Yeah?”   

Anthony stopped at the front fender of the truck, glancing to see if the other men were out of ear shot before he continued.  “Do me a favor, man?” the slighter man asked.  

“What’s that?” Sy questioned, truly unaware of what was about to be asked of him.  

“Can you figure out your pussy problem this weekend?” 

Sy’s eyes narrowed and he saw red, his fist curling around the door frame.  That was the last thing he expected from Anthony.  Yeah, you were never very far from the forefront of Sy’s brain the last few days but outside of one slip up that got no one even hurt let alone killed, Sy thought he had it under wraps.  

“Next time we get called, it may not be a drill, it may wind up being the real deal, ya know?” the younger man said.  “Whoever this new chick is, she’s got your brain messed up, man.  Others may not see it, or may be too scared of you to say shit, but I see you are not firing on all cylinders.  Gotta be cuz of a woman. You don’t get like this often.  Last time was what’s her face, Sh-“

“I don’t need to be reminded of her name, Lieutenant,” Sy snapped.  He remembered the last woman that had his brain in a twist.  The one he was sweet on before they deployed to Baqubah, the one who promised to wait for him.  The one who waited all of 2 weeks before sending the Dear John letter. Shit the way the mail system worked when they were deployed, it was likely she dropped it in the mail box on her way home from saying goodbye to him before his flight.

You were nothing like her.  You were leagues beyond her, better than her.   You had more heart in your little finger than Sy’s ex had in her uncaring whole body.  

The other officer stood staring at Sy, waiting for an answer.   He hated that Anthony knew him so well as to know when his brain was elsewhere. He guessed that’s why they worked so well together.  Also explained why Anthony picked up some slack on the training op.  

“I’ll get it together,” Sy promised, if for no other reason then to make the man back the fuck off and go home.  “I’ll see you on Monday.”  Sy slammed the truck door after tossing his pack into the back seat.  Cranking the key in the ignition, Sy dropped his truck into reverse, throwing his wrap-around sunglasses on his face as he sped off towards home, needing a shower and to check his phone.   

Before he even got out of the truck in his driveway, he booted up his phone.  His heart pounded as he saw a notification of a voice mail message.  Clicking play, Sy was as damn near to tears as he had been in a long time.  It was Cougar’s mom inviting him for dinner tonight.  It wasn’t you offering a single hint of what was going on in your head. 

Sy vowed then and there to let you go. He was far too wrapped up in you and your heartache to be healthy for himself.  He needed to think about himself for once. Your silence told him to back off, and he had no choice to do it, for both of you. 

General Tag List: @littleone65, @mysweetlittledesire @jvanilly

BBTF Tag List: @mis-lil-red @sconnie-doesnt-know, @ronearoundlightly

HC Tag LIst: @m07belzen, @used-to-be-bourbonwithice, @hawklin, @geralts-yenn @summersong69

Syverson tag list: @mrsevans90

if you wish to be added or removed from tag lists let me know.

[umemiyan]

Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?

hi romy!!!! ❤️

tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!

i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol

there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.

i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof

toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.

i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.

suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao

katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad

ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are

[nightcall99]

Dream from 4.4.24

I was shopping at a huge department store, like an office supplies shop, because I had been thinking about my childhood friend, AT. I was trying to find a way to apologise to her, since irl, I stopped talking to her out of the blue. I used the printing service to print various things to put together as part of my apology. Maybe a collage of photos, and a letter. However, I had left behind in the shop, things I did not end up using. Not realising that she worked there. Instead of discarding what I had not put to use, I put the printed photos back into the printer, as if the paper could be re-used somehow. Later that day during her shift, she opened the paper tray of the printer, probably because it was jammed, and saw them. The pictures of her.

But I hadn't said anything to her yet, hadn't let on in anyway that I was thinking of her. She messaged me about the photos she saw, having realised what they meant, and said, Thank you. But the situation felt insidious. I had fallen into this somehow, talking to her. Even though I'd meant it to happen all along. And like a switch was flipped, she went from thanking me to becoming extremely angry. At that moment I knew she truly resented me. I was shocked, I have never heard her talk in this manner, never witnessed her energy turn forceful. She is usually a timid and shy person, hesitant to ever express her true feelings. I said something like, I'm sorry I stopped talking to you, I was going through a deep depression etc. It did nothing. She cracked. She unleashed her fury onto me. It turned out she'd been going through it too. She mocked my excuses, not believing me. Making light of them. She said, Oh you've been free every single day for 8 months, you've had a roof over your head and your meals made for you, and by all accounts everything has been just fine. That's hardly suffering. And me, what about me?

Judging from the sheer force of her emotional eruption, it did seem like she'd had it worse than I had. She proceed to express how dark her thoughts had gotten. How black, how painful, how alone. I honestly had no idea she could even feel things to such depths, she'd never let it on. She kept revealing truth after truth, everything she had kept inside. She said her parents had become scared for her, and they had told my parents, Didn't I know? Shouldn't I have known? She felt that I had known and left her there, by herself. But all along, I thought she was happy with her new relationship, that milestone of marriage and kids within her grasp. How else was I supposed to interpret those happy photos posted on social media? She hadn't needed me anymore. And I hadn't needed her, I was for a different path. I wasn't sure how to respond to her fury, but honestly somehow I didn't care. I felt bad for her, obviously, but mostly I felt bad for me. There was no way to explain all of this to someone like her, no way to make my experiences seem valid, real. It would be like explaining figure skating to a plumber, a koala trying to talk to a fish. And I'm tired of explaining myself. I was angry too, I felt that she needed to accept that this is the way things are. They weren't going to change between us. I had apologised and however weak and unoccupied that apology was, that was all she could have from me. I did not have to catch what she was flinging out to me, I did not even have to look it. I am rigid now, only my perspective matters.

Then this other scene, of a lady, who I think was my friend. She was pregnant for the second time. She hadn't told anybody, and was quite far along now. I see her holding up some kind of object to hide her baby bump, and then taking it away, like a surprise, for the camera.

[murfeelee]

I love that developers are finally coming for EA's necks and putting more Life Simulation games out there! 😭💀

For me, the editor/modding tools and scripts are by far the most interesting thing about Life by You. I LOVE the idea of having the same scripts and tools as the developers-- DUH, EA! That's what a SANDBOX is supposed to allow us to do! So many mods are just us trying to break the LIMITS that EA keeps putting on the game, controlling what we can and can't do, like wtF. 😡 I want to PLAY the game, not fight it at every turn! 😤 The popularity of Nraas' Debug Enabler and Master Controller, and even the Transmogrifier mod alone shows you how badly simmers want the freedom to play with life, OUR way, and have more options and INTERACTIONS with objects in the game, not just efftons of useless clutter and decor (*cough* TS4 Kits *cough* TS3 SPs). The lack of gameplay/depth is TS4's biggest problem, and EA seems to be getting stingier with this in every iteration. TS5's summit video ticked me off, that the only thing they showed was Build Mode, when we already know EA's great with giving us nice lots. We just can't do EFF ALL in them! 🙄

As such, ironically, I am most worried about what LbY showed (or didn't show) from Build Mode. 😅🤭 I like that we can easily scoop up whole lots and move them around with the Region Editor, but TS4 (and Paralives) have seriously raised the bar on how we can shape and create the lots themselves (I prefer the push/pull effect on lots' walls and windows and furniture etc than on sims, where I find sliders to be more comfortable/precise). I am a builder at heart--that's what first got me playing TS1--and there's nothing I enjoy more than creating my own lots in TS3 (CASt is essential for me). So Imma need Life by You to pull out all the stops and show us more features.

Them killing off rabbitholes and having career editors sounds GREAT. More spawnables/collectibles--archaeology, you say? 👀

An in-engine Time mod, yaaas!

And don't act like I didn't see a bus drive past that skateboarder--if we can't ride public transportation imma be pissed. Stop raising my hopes in these effing trailers! Me having to manually drive sounds so tedious though--I just want to point and click.

The Live Mode animations--and the models themselves--are giving me HEAVY Sims 1 (circa 2008 remastered) vibes, which honestly...needs work. 😰 This game overall looks very much still in its early stages, but as long as the bones are good, and the gameplay/engine is robust, the cosmetics and graphics shouldn't be a problem as they keep going. Paralives' models looked hella busted when they were first announced, too. But LbY's CAS doesn't inspire any excitement in me just yet, so we'll see.

But yeah, this is looking quite interesting so far! 👍 I effing hate early access games though, me having to pay you to be your guinea pig beta tester. But I'll definitely be keeping tabs on Life by You, for sure!

LIFE BY YOU …

So Paradox Software announced today its new simulation life game : Life by you …

Impressively Open World with a new kind of dialogue interaction engine full of possibilities, the return of the “Create a Style” ( such as the Sims 3  ) in a more modern style, quite many transportation ways including the possibility to drive a car by yourself, freedom to explore, freedom to place a house almost anywhere you want in the landscape … well interesting stuff indeed.

As a non native english speaker, I shall having to rewatch the presentation video of course …

Tools for modders will be quickly available. It seems the moto of this new game will be freedom of the gameplay. Which is excellent !

We didn’t see much construction abilities, almost nothing in fact … But I’m pretty sure there will be soon many pictures and videos about Life By You.

I don’t know if it’s because the alpha stage or Real Engine or something else but the light of the demo is quite horrible : far far too much contrast, tiring for the eyes indeed !

I hope the UI design will more harmonious colored that shown in the first pictures …

It will be available next September and for Windows ONLY : which is for now a bad point to me. More specifications on Paradox website …

There is much more to say but better to discover it by yourself ;)

Quite interesting to watch the presentation : here

[fgfluidity]

sweater engie x reader oh please fg

you got it uwu

from my fall prompts sale

sun’s out, guns out

Summary: Why doesn’t he have sleeves?

Pairings: Engineer x Captain if you want

Warnings: none

my ko-fi for memberships, comms, and tips!

Scout shuttle to quadrant three, building supplies to initial touchdown site. First priority is food and water, deploy biologists and chemists to Station Prime for testing as soon as possible.

No, we're not naming it Seminal. We've been through too much for sophomoric jokes.

Been through hell.

When your head starts to twinge, a pained voice ringing in your ears, you sigh and take a sip of your cooling coffee. It's bitter-- apparently, it's much better that way than with any milk or sugar, if you even had any onboard the ship.

Something about it exacerbating the symptoms of cryosleep. Honestly, it couldn't be that terrible, comparably.

You lift your eyes from the console before you, hoping to give them a break and take stock of your crew. Everyone's bustling around, getting supplies and colonists ready for their first steps onto their new home; crates going one way, people going another, and everyone chattering with excitement.

Save Mark.

He doesn't look so somber, not anymore. Just focused, reaching into the depths of some machine of which you can't discern the purpose, muttering to himself.

You've seen it before. It's not out of the ordinary for something or other to get bumped or need recalibration after such a jump. Every engineer you've ever worked with is busy putting out fires when you land in your final destination.

It's only...

"Where did your sleeves go?"

"Huh?" Mark looks up, tongue darting back into his mouth once he looks to you. "What'd you say, Captain?"

You smile despite yourself. A grown man sticking his tongue out to concentrate shouldn't bo so endearing, and yet... "Your sleeves. Why'd you get rid of them?"

Mark glances down to his bare shoulder, then back. "Oh-- well, I don't really need them if I'm going to have my coveralls, right? The ship might be climate controlled but I'm not going to bundle up if I'm running around."

"Sure, but why a turtleneck, then?" You tilt your head, leaning onto the edge of the console. "Why not just a tank like most of the crew?"

After a moment, and a strange look, his eyes widen in realization. “Oh— you never actually… well, I’ve worked with some of the crew before, and they had a big fit about it. So to get around it, it’s not a sweater. Not really.”

You stare at him. He stares back. “It looks like a sweater, though.”

“But it’s not one. They never said I couldn’t have a sleeveless shirt that looks like one.” He grins. “I get my comfy knit and they can’t throw a single bitch fit about it. Problems, meet solutions.”

You sigh wearily, though not in a way that at all denies your fondness. “Why did they have a problem with it?”

Mark just shrugs. “I dunno. Celci probably didn’t want me showing her up. I make it look good, what can I say?”

“I’m sure she has a different version of that story,” you reply, but with a grin. “I’ll let you get to it. There’ll be a place for you when you finally get around to the surface, just don’t…”

The memory of pain stops you, a dozen Marks working towards an end goal they never saw. From the crease in his brow, Mark remembers it, too.

You swallow hard. “… don’t work too hard. We’ll see you down there, okay, Mark?”

He quirks a smile, less enthusiastic. “Sure thing, Captain.”

You send off the orders through the console pad, but the thought of the sweater sticks with you long after you’ve checked in with the surface patrol.

Why would any of them throw a fit over some sweater?

--

“Oh, God, here we go.”

You look up from your plate of rations. They aren’t wonderful, but you’ve had much worse in much more dire situations. Some powdered gravy isn’t going to kill you. “Dr. Kelvina?”

With the campfire playing gold and orange over her face, the deep shadows emphasize her annoyed expression. “Mark. I thought we told him to get rid of them.”

“Oh, no,” you say. “I asked him, he— I know it’s ridiculous, but they don’t have sleeves. It just looks like a sweater. But I would like to ask—“

“No, it has sleeves.” She sighs. “I’ll go see if we have an extinguisher. Maybe.”

She dumps her plate to the ground with a clatter and stalks off, hair swishing behind her like an agitated cat’s tail. Curious, you look behind you.

“Hey, Captain!” Mark, in full sweater glory, grins down at you. “You don’t mind if I sit, do you? I’m dead tired.”

You just look at him.

He just looks… soft. It’s a soft knit, just a little bulky in the arms but fitting over his frame. Without the jacket of his coveralls, he doesn’t look like much of a head engineer.

He kind of looks like a dog, all ruffled hair and warm eyes. You want to pet, and you catch yourself before you even try. “Oh— yes, Dr. Kelvina went off to… she didn’t like your sweater.”

He rolls his eyes as he takes the spot beside you. “Of course not. Can’t keep up, I guess.”

“Uh-huh.” You eye him, his half-lidded eyes and how he slumps into himself. “You feeling alright?”

“Oh, yeah.” He yawns, crossing his arms against his chest and tucking his chin to the collar. “Just… cozy. Might… might take a rest. Repairs have me beat.”

God knows he deserves a rest, after everything. If not body, then mind. Something itches in the back of your mind, though, looking at him. “… Do regular sweaters make you sleepy, Mark?”

“Hm?” He cracks open one drowsy eye. “Yeah. Why?”

“… no reason. You can sleep here for a bit, I’m not done yet.” You lift your plate, indicating the still-present portion of unidentified meat-like product and gravy.

You don’t let him fall into the fire, even when Celci comes back— a very long time later— with a fire extinguisher. If she has anything to say about his head on your shoulder, and yours on his, she doesn’t mention it.

[lucy-and-rebecca]

Traveler

So...

I play Genshin Impact. This game has become a sort of obsession for me. There are a lot of lovable and interesting characters in it and I want to discuss my favourite one. The character that to me is the most fascinating among them all.

I'm of course talking about the traveler.

Just hear me out okay.

Before continuing I just wanna note that I play as Lumine and it's obvious that Hoyoverse has a favourite child and it's definitely not Lumine. So to restore balance in the universe I'm going to be referring to the traveler as Lumine.

A lot of people who think about the story critically tend to have a negative reaction to the traveler. A lot of people seem to believe that traveler is an asshole despite what the game tries to tell us.

So is traveler a good person? I don't know and honestly I don't care. If you hate the traveler that's fine. I'm not gonna defend her. Personally I do think she's not selfish exactly but self centred. You could say that makes her a bad person. But regardless of whether or not she's a bad person, I don't think she's a bad character.

Traveler and her brother are these two seemingly immortal beings that has seen stars born and die. They have been to many worlds, met people there and then completely left those worlds and people behind never to be mentioned again. Through these worlds there is only one person who was with the Traveler. Her brother.

Traveler is not big on found family. She is loyal to her brother and she will put him before everything else. She values her relationship with him over everything else. That doesn't really work well with our idea of a fantasy/isekai protagonist. But it makes sense for the Traveler. Because any and all relationships she makes are doomed to end and the one and only person who will be by her side is her brother.

In 'we will be reunited' when Lumine finds out her brother is the prince of the abyss order, she didn't really seem bothered by it. She just wanted to be with her brother. When Aether tells her that the people from Khaenri'ah were turned into monsters her response is "you can tell her all about it once they leave the world." At no point in the story she thought of him as evil.

In the first act of the sumeru quest when she's tripping and we end up fighting an abyss lector, the abyss lector basically tells her that her brother doesn't love her anymore. That's her fear. Traveler in her voice lines has talked about having a recurring nightmare where her brother is walking away from her and no matter what she can't reach him. In 'Requiem of the Echoing Depth' the chasm quest with Dainsleaf she sees Aether making his plan to basically kill all the hillichurl in an extremely painful way and tries to reach out to him as his past self walked past her. She heard his plan and she didn't care.

I won't say the Traveler doesn't care about the world or the people in it but rather she cares about it in a way that one might care about a stray cat. Traveler will help out if something horrible is happening right in front of her or if someone she cares about is in trouble. But she has no values, no beliefs, no real sense of right and wrong. I mean yeah Traveler would probably agree that you shouldn't blow up puppies for fun but it doesn't go beyond that. Traveler sometimes gets attached to the people in the world and will help them. If someone is throwing rocks at her favourite stray cat she will stop them. But her connection to this world don't go deeper than that.

One thing that I notice over and over again is that the traveler feels like an outsider. So many characters in this story have deep, meaningful and complicated relationships with each other and travels feels like they are just lurking on the sidelines. In 'Inversion of Genesis', the recent interlude quest, Nahida straight up says "There is a corner of your heart reserved for an intense longing... A feeling of a being all alone in the dark, searching for the one candle whose light still burns" which is a very convoluted way of saying you miss your brother.

That's the thing though, the Traveler isn't just missing her brother. It goes deeper than that. Their relationship goes beyond familial relationship. It's honestly very creepy.

It's interesting to see the twin's attack animations side by side. They are not identical but they compliment each other. They cover each other's blind spots. Even when all alone and while using abilities they didn't have previously their animations compliment each other. I wouldn't have paid attention to it they were identical but they aren't. Both of them still move as if the other is by their side.

The Traveler is not a person as much as they are one half of a pair and she is incomplete without her brother. Eventually everyone in this world and then the world itself will come to an end and the traveler will outlive it all. Eventually with time she will forget everyone she has ever met (as there is absolutely nothing to indicate traveler's memory is more powerful than your average human). The only person who will be with her and the only person she will remember is her brother. I think her brother's actions doesn't matter to her because what's the point? When all of this is over he's all she will have left.

I absolutely love it. I think traveler as a character is sad more than anything. We witness this world from her point of view and it will leave an impact on her as it will for most people. But we will move on. This game and these characters will eventually fade from our mind just like it would from the Traveler's mind. I will move on and so will Lumine. So in that way Traveler is the perfect stand in for the player.

I'm well aware that I'm quite possibly reading too much into things but that's the fun in consuming fictional media. I do genuinely like Lumine and I like the idea of an immortal being who is doomed to lose everyone and everything over and over again slowly becoming more and more apathetic towards the world and I think or rather wish that's what the Traveler is.

[ironbonds]

❛  when was the last time you ate something?  ❜ amy to tails! || @badnikbreaker || angsty questions prompt

Oh... that was what he'd forgotten.

It wasn't like he was normally one to forgo food for working on something, he'd been homeless and starving for too long to actually let himself fall back into old habits. But this had been something far more important than eating. He'd noticed during everything with the War and everything after that her primary hammer ( it had a different shade of red and yellow than the others, something clearly given regular care ) was showing it's age and the abuse it had been taking.

He couldn't take care of it immediately, everything with Kit and Surge and then Starfall Islands, not to mention his own newest additions... When everything had finally calmed down, he'd thrown himself into making her a new one with the normal gusto that he approached all projects for his friends.

With single minded purpose that couldn't be broken even by silly things like biological needs. At least he'd finished not an hour earlier.

" Honestly I have no idea. I was too busy trying to make you a new hammer. Which honestly, it was way harder than I thought it would be. " Tails didn't quite have enough self preservation instincts at the moment to understand he shouldn't be giving her a sales pitch right now. " You'll be mad, I had to study you a little, and the damage you can make with your current one, because I wasn't going to ask you to take yours for a bit so I could weigh it. "

If Tails was anemic or had low blood sugar from his unintentional fasting, it didn't show. It took him hardly a moment to get up and pull Amy over to his workshop so that he could have her try out his present. All it would take was a trip down into the depths of his workshop, because of course everything reinforced enough to withstand her strength would be underground.

" I had to watch a whole bunch of videos of you, and do calculations based on your height, the size of whatever craters or impact marks you've left with your current hammer. I added some weight because I'd rather it be something you can work up to than something too light and not do the damage you'd expect... "

His chattering would continue on his way down, barely breathing long enough to continue regaling her about how he'd managed to create something similar if not identical to what she was already using. It was only once the door opened again that he would stop talking, pushing her into the room and up to her present.

" You can try it down here if you want, it's plenty safe to let loose. I test weapons and Sonic down here, so I'm sure it will be ok! "

[enjeolmii]

10 questions - p.sh

synopsis: to ask questions isn't too bad. but to end up doing something you never expected from the intention behind every question? way better!

genre: fluff, slightly suggestive

word count: 2.4k

warnings: make out sesh (not written in depth), lots of teasing but it’s all playful you nasty

"Next question! Did you like anyon-"

"Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? I'm supposed to go next." Sunghoon blocks you with an audible tap on the soft mattress, tsk-ing at your smooth but not slick enough scheme to get more answers from him.

It's a Saturday - the day of the week when assignments, works, chores, and duties are temporarily thrown down the window. On these days, you and Sunghoon go on a carefree date. It's a routine you made once a week to maintain your relationship amidst the setback caused by lockdown, and it was going great.

At a time when real interactions between people became an inappropriate thing to do, and everyone turned to technology as a resolution, you made sure that everything is done by Friday, despite it being so dreading, just so that procrastinating wouldn't be a problem dragged over the next day. And when those pressuring times occur to you, you would send each other texts, exhorting to go easy on yourselves. That's why Saturdays are the only thing you wait for every week. You weigh it up as a chance to see the only light that keeps you going, the one that helps you see clearly the path you are taking in this obscure world.

So here you are with Sunghoon in your bedroom, sitting on the bed and leaning on the wall beside it, covered in your blanket as you cuddle under the warm, comfy covers. The day has been an uneventful one. If not for him reminding you of the conversation you had prior in the week, where you asked him to gather questions he had for you, you would have slept the whole day over without accomplishing anything.

"Fine, what's your eighth question?" You admit, frowning at his attentive remark, and he snickers.

He lifts his phone and scrolls through the questions he has saved in his notes. "Have you ever had a dream about me?"

Your eyes roll around with a finger on your chin, recalling the scenarios you had of him. There were many, some surrounding the time when he decided to confess to you, and most of them came from the fantasies you had of him. Those dreams scare you more than the stare of a fiery lion. It almost even feels illegal to think about it because you aren't well over twenty. Though they were just outlines of you and him kissing innocently, you always end up making out at the end of the story.

You weren't one of those twelve-year-olds who've had their first kisses already. Your mother kept a close eye on you in situations like this, so you would rather make out with your pillow than hear her nagging your ears off. Because of that, you grew up as a child unbothered by her love life, and the mere thought of kissing someone in real life makes your hair stand up. That's when you knew he brought out a lot of changes in you.

You swallow the lump of saliva in your throat. "Yeah, I have." You answer truthfully but still cautious of the words you put out.

"Really?" His head perks in your direction. "What did I do?"

You got a little nervous knowing he would undoubtedly interrogate you on this. But thankfully, you were prepared with a streamlined answer. "That's three questions, genius," You say, reaching for his head to give it a light smack, from which earns you a groan. "Save your chances for better questions."

"What do you mean? It's a good one. What did you dream about? I want to know."

"Okayy~ Next question. Where is that..." You switch the topic hastily, hands occupied with finding the question you were waiting to ask him through your notes. "Found it. Did you like anyone before me? If so, who are they?"

"That's two questions, though?"

"Nope. Not if you put them together." You smile at him cheekily, and he throws his head back in astonishment, mouth wide open, spewing out breathy wow's.

"You're playing it dirty, I see. Well, I had two other girlfriends before you." He brings his pinky finger out. "One was my sixth-grade classmate, and the other one was my best friend from the rink." He shoots his mouth off to chaff at you yet again.

A stiff frown crawls on your face as you nod at him sarcastically. "Oh, wow. Impressive." You hum in wonderment, silence unfurling in the suddenly insipid room.

Sunghoon knew you weren't easily irritated by these circumstances. If he were talking to a random girl on the street, more often than not, you would only think of them as one of his fans from the arena, nothing more. Even if he had to accomplish things with a girl in his class, you trusted him very much with your relationship to doubt him in his actions. And so, seeing you hush after a talk like this...

Of course, he would take it as a chance to play with you.

"Aww, is my precious little y/n jealous?" His voice sharpened one octave higher as he pats your head with a pout and mock sadness in his eyes. "What do I do? I kissed them, too."

You were okay with him having two other ones before you, but at the mention of a kiss, your figure skews his way. You weren't sure if he was hoaxing you or not, but to say so honestly, it troubled you. This wasn't the intention you had with your question. All you wanted to get out of it was something to tease him about when he says he has none, yet it was still you who got ragged of your own query.

However, that's beside the point. Was it necessary to point out those last words? It wasn't you to be agitated over something as dispensable as this, but of all things, why did he have to attack your weakness?

Sunghoon's sounds of laughter tear you away from your thoughts. "Got 'em~" He pulls a finger at you in another fit of laughter, seeing you in a state of total shock.

"What the heck? It was a lie?" You pull away firmly from his body, hitting him on the shoulder with force enough to make him wobble on the bed.

"You fell for it." He provokes you, head bouncing up and down in silent titters, and you smack his hand away, leaning back down on his shoulder.

"No, I didn't," You feel him nod abut your head, seeing mentally what teasing expression he has plastered on his face this time, but you only shrug it off. "Which part was the lie, though? You kissing them or being with them?"

"Can't answer that. Save your chances for better questions, cutie."

"Touché," You scoff. "What's the next question?"

"Well, since we came to the topic of kissing... When was your first kiss?" He converts his stare to a peer of glistening fervour. Though not as subtle as he would have probably wished it to be, you could sense the perceptive intent he was hiding behind his tone.

You render motionless. Never did you tell him anything about your dreams, nor would you ever have plans to tell him. It's a product of your wildest imaginations to feed your untold desires. It's what helps restrain the ungodly in you, but it also fuels you with the need to see what it actually is like. It's a continuous internal war going on in you, its purpose being to stop you from creating trouble for yourself. And now that you finally have him here, not going to lie, it's kind of embarrassing to acknowledge the profuse amount of dreams you had of him, moreover that he stole your first kiss... Except it was in your dreams, literally.

"I never had any," You answer, trying to stay as cool as possible. "I'm a good child who listens well to her mother, so don't think no one tried to hit on me once. I turned a lot of them down." A small smile trudges its way onto his face, but the way his eyes were fixated on you remained untypically the same.

"I don't know if I should be happy that you picked me out of all of them or be sad for those 'poor hearts' you broke." He draws an air quote along with his words, and you shake your head at him. "Don't worry. I won't tease you on this one. I just wanted to know." He mumbles quietly through a simper, moving to rest his head on yours.

Hearing that he'll cut you some slack relieved you, but one thing about his utterance caught you off guard. "Why do you want to know that?"

"That's the only way I'll get to know you deeper, Einstein," He retracts his head and nudges you on his shoulder, causing you to bump your head against its edge, a grunt following you. However, while you were still in the midst of justifying the whack he did on your head, he spins his vision to you in an adventitious celebration. "Oh- that's your tenth question, then!"

"Wait, hold on!" You haul over to straighten your posture, the creaking of the bed barely audible from the loudness of your opposition.

"It's my turn again." His eyes grow invisible from his cheeks, pushing it up into a smile. He just never gets tired of making fun of you. How you wish you could do the same to him. If only punching someone straight in the face denotes no wrongdoing, you would have done that ages ago.

"Bitch, why did you answer that?" You call him, blaming him with the irritation that you weren't able to control yourself.

"You ask, I answer. Isn't that how it goes?" He grins at you matter-of-factly, and you tousle your hair around in frustration.

"Ugh, you're crazy," You send glares up his way. "Whatever. Your last question, throw."

As if that was a signal he has been waiting for, Sunghoon shuts his phone and tucks it in his pocket. "How does it feel to kiss someone?"

You were confused. You just said you've never kissed anyone before.

A dry giggle leaves your mouth after much processing. You knew you shouldn't have trusted his words. No matter what you do, he'll find the cracks and holes to slip in his every jest. "I think you got the wrong person, kid. How do you think I'd know?"

"Hmm..." He drones, the ticking sound of the clock suddenly increasing in volume with every minute passing by. "Should we try it, then?" He suggests.

"What?" You were taken aback, a sudden chill sweeping through your body like a surge of cool air gashing through the enclosed room. What is he going on about?

Inch by inch, you feel him gravitate towards you, your torso backing up from his inclining frame until the warmth you caused on the cold wall completely presses against your back. Like the fire of a gun's bullet on a steady path, your heartbeat raced in a trice. His eyes stared at yours, tracing down to your parted lips as he led his other hand across your body, trailing up your arms to your shoulders, just until it reaches your jaw. Your breath hitched, lips shutting tightly as you gulp down at the presence of his queer boldness.

It's like the scenarios you formed in your head where he pins you against the wall, lips hovering yours with soft breaths that tickle your skin. Him studying your face with obstinacy to make you his, doing whatever it is that would make you happy. Nevertheless, he made sure to be cautious of things you wouldn't want him to do. He still respected you.

He's doing just the same thing, and it's getting you set on thinking whether this is all a dream taking too long to reach its climax or if your dreams are miraculously made into reality. But his next set of words were enough to tell you the clarification to your uncertainties.

"Please don't be mad." Without warning, his lips found their place on your light, pillowy ones. It felt like he was pouring out all emotions he's been holding in until now. He always controlled himself whenever you're around because he didn't want to disappoint your mother. But with this instance is a chance to do something he has long been dreaming of. He wasn't about to lose it.

The way his head tilts to the side to get a more comfortable position, eyes closing and immersed in the pleasure of your lips against his, got you clasping onto your blanket to ease the havoc he's causing in your guts. You froze at the contact. As if time had halted and the world stopped spinning, everything seemed to slow down at that moment. Maybe it was the sweet scent of his bergamot fragrance. Maybe it was the tightening of his grip on your jaw, or perhaps the longing you had for him that's enticing you in this position.

It's not every day that we get to see our dreams come true, and for one, it's a matchless feeling, especially when the dream is worthwhile. Slowly, you give in and close your eyes in the warmth of his touch. His lips parted to bite at your lower lip, and you overtly open your mouth to let him in.

"Do you think you could answer it now?" He questions you, but you couldn't comprehend what he was saying. You were too caught up in your own feelings during the whole session; you almost forgot what happened before it was done. Just when you thought he’d stop pulling out all the hidden quirks of yours, he caught you once again. And it didn't take long enough before you recollected yourself.

"Right. It's way better than I could have ever imagined." You smile at him, giving rise to the same smile as you.

"If this is how it will usually end, maybe I should start gathering more questions for you." He proposes, his head wheeling over to you with sheer excitement.

"Uh-huh... Just make sure you don't catch anything from the streets before you come over." You reply with a cackle, getting off his lap and sitting back down on the soft mattress.

It was supposed to be a dull and boring day. But with another chance that you two meet comes another something to remember forever. And you can't help but grin from ear to ear.

[ilyamatic]

Would You Like Us To Wave Off Every Battle?

Caviar by Dance Gavin Dance

This is a reworking of a fic I did ages ago. Now updated to fit Andrico's Arcanaverse canon as it stands now.

CW: Mentions of war typical violence, death, and a phrase you shouldn't say around Haitians unless you are ready to face the consequences.

"Would you like to say something? To your people? To those you have wronged? After all, this will be your last chance."

Andrico stared straight ahead. To look at the crowd was to risk seeing his mother. To see his mother was to see her grief. To see her grief was to remind him of his position. Shackled, forced to his knees. About to be branded like a cow for all of Port Joyeuse to see. Ah, well. At least let him go out with a bang.

He took a deep breath. 

"To my people," he began, "I have nothing to say. All the love I have I showed through my actions."

Murmurs rippled through the crowd. Behind Ayiti’s newly elected president stood the (former?) love of his life, Madeleine, face forced into stoicism. 

Eyes trained on the man before him, Andrico smirked. "To you, venerated Prezidan DuPont I say, and I mean it from the depths of my heart…"

He paused for effect.

"Kolan gét manman'w."

The crowd's response was immediate. Gasps, cheers, and insults rang up in a riotous chorus. Madeleine flinched. A few guards began to move towards him, but Prezidan DuPont gestured for them to stop. A tired smile played on his lips, not unlike those his father gave him while he was being rambunctious as a child. He hated it.

"Andrico-Nasir El-Saieh," Prezidan DuPont said with a shake of her head.

His voice was calm, a gentle scolding in his tone like he was speaking to his son . It made Andrico sick.

“For your crimes against the state, you are hereby banished from Ayiti and all Ayitian territories. You shall never step foot in the land of your ancestors as long as you draw breath. To return here is to return to certain death. Do you understand?”

Some small part of him wanted to say no, just to see what would happen. But a larger part of him was too tired to be contrary, so he nodded his head once. Realizing that was all the answer he would get from him, Prezidan DuPont motioned to the man holding the branding iron. Moving closer, the man bent down slightly to speak to him.

"Count backwards from ten," he whispered gently.

Andrico grunted in acknowledgement. He took another deep breath.

Dis.

She smiled at him like he hung the sun in the sky. He still wasn't quite sure what he did to deserve it but he'll keep doing it.

"When this is all over, I want to get married."

Andrico chuckled as he ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"You're sure your parents would be happy with you bringing yon nég andeyó into your family?"

She twined their fingers together against his chest.

"Oh Nas, they will love you because I do."

Néf.

Killing didn't get easier. Marvin was a liar and probably just a sociopath.

But, he reasoned, it was all for a good cause right?

His eyes travelled across the battlefield.

It had to be for a good cause.

Uit.

"I mean, I know things are bad right now..  fucked up if we're going to be frank, but joining a revolution?"

Brown eyes followed Madeleine as she paced the small hut.

"What other choice do we have? The government is corrupt and the people are suffering Nas! Do you not remember what happened at Carrefour d'Orchidées?"

He did. Of course he did. A party turned protest turned government-sanctioned massacre. One of many government-sanctioned massacres. And yet…

"Do you think it would work?"

Madeleine turned to him. "Maybe, maybe not. Can't be worse than how we're living now."

If she only knew.

Sèt.

"How much do you love me?" 

She asked this as they basked naked under the stars. Honestly, this woman.

"Enough to get mosquito bites on my ballsack that's for sure."

She swatted his shoulder, hard.

Andrico sucked his teeth.

"What do you want me to say? That I would die for you? That I would bring you the stars if you asked?"

Madeleine hid her smirk in the crook of  his shoulder.

"Maybe."

He huffed in frustration. 

"That I would follow you anywhere? Even to the depths of the grave?"

She hummed in a noncommittal tone.

"That I would do anything for you?"

She looked at him then. "Anything?"

"Yes woman, anything. Didn't I say I would die for you and bring you the stars? Now can we please put on some clothes? I felt a tickle near my backdoor and I'm not entirely sure it was grass."

Madeleine's laughter rang bright through the darkness.

Sis.

Andrico never had the pleasure of smelling charred human flesh before, but he was sure he was never going to forget it.

He retched violently into the bushes.

Senk.

"What about Pascal? That's a nice name."

His face contorted in disgust.

"Okay, fine. What about Franz?

"That's even worse."

"Michel?"

"Ehn."

"...Émile?"

Andrico thought for a moment. “ Émile isn’t that bad.”

Delicate fingers laced through his.

“Okay, Madeleine said. “Our first born will be Émile."

Kat.

He didn't think he could bear to look at her.

"Andrico-Nasir. I asked you a question: how much do you love me?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Yes, yes. You love me enough to die for me, to bring me the stars, to follow me to the grave. Fine and dandy. Do you love me enough to trust me, though?"

Andrico stared into coffee-black eyes.

"I don't know anymore." 

Twa.

A child's hand poked out from the pile of bodies.

A child's.

A heavy hand rested on his shoulder.

"Sometimes evil must be done for the greater good," Marvin said quietly.

Andrico didn't even flinch as they lit the pyre.

De.

"So this is how it's going to be huh? You're just going to throw me to the sharks."

He didn't even bother to hide his tears, his heartbreak. 

"You think I want to do this?!"

"At this point, yes!"

Madeleine looked as though she was ready to tear through her intricately placed braids.

"I told you Andrico, I have no choice! Our victory is tentative at best. If the defectors get a foothold- "

“Fuck the defectors!”

“-then they could elect a carbon copy of Augustine and we would be back to square one!”

Coffee-black met brown. 

"They want you dead Andrico," Madeleine said matter-of-factly. "And DuPont was willing to give in. I fought for you. This is as lenient the defectors would go. This is the lesser evil to keep our victory. Do you want all your sacrifices to go to waste?"

He stared back at her coolly. At this point what he wanted didn't matter. 

He was starting to think it never did.

Youn.

He should help her. He really should help her. But seeing the frustration on her face as she tried to catch that chicken was too cute.

She tripped and fell into the mud. Okay, fine. He guessed it was time to help.

"You have to sing to her."

His breath caught in his throat when she turned to face him fully. Even covered in filth, he could see that she was beautiful. Long lashes, full lips, and skin that reminded him of his grandmother's lacquered jewelry box. And those eyes…

Oh but praise to the All Mothers, he thinks he may be in love!

She threw him an incredulous look.

"What?"

"You have to sing to her."

He gestured towards the finicky chicken.

"Just watch."

Hopping over to their side of the fence, he began to croon at the chicken. Soon enough the chicken began to waddle over to him. Sure, the song was about stewing her and serving her with a side of rice, but hey. It's not like chickens spoke Kréyol anyway.

"That was amazing," she said as he bundled the chicken into her arms.

"Not really. Madame Poulet is just a lady of refined tastes."

His heart swelled as he heard her giggle. Suddenly she blinked up at him in realization.

"Oh my, where are my manners! My name is Madeleine."

He grabbed her outstretched hand.

"Andrico."

"Well Monsieur Andrico, want to walk me back to my host's home? I'm sure they'll be ecstatic to know that you helped me find their chicken."

"If you're staying with Matant Yvonne, gladly. She always has the best sweets."

Though if he were honest, he'd probably follow her anywhere.

Zewo.

Andrico was numb enough at that point he didn't feel the hot iron meet his skin. Ah, just as well. Nothing could possibly hurt as much as heartbreak could it?

As he watched a single tear fall from Madeleine's eye, he realized that maybe some things could.

[neptunes-sol-angel]

Feedback: First off thank you for your time and energy for the reading! So generous of you with the coupon code for your site after participating in a giveaway. I didn't win personally but still feel like a winner. Congratulations to the winners and everyone participated as well getting the code you provided. I didn't expect that but very sweet soul you are! The reading was The Andromeda. It called out to me and I knew I wanna hear what you have to say. I like the picture you added and how it was send through my email and pdf form. I saved your reading cause it made me feel better about myself. You sounded very sincere and such kind words! This means alot to me especially now I've been having a tough time. Growing up I've been builled and I have a toxic realtionship with my parents. I wonder what girl would fall for me? Don't got much on real good friends so I'm a lone wolf. I don't have the best self esteem either so I'm working on myself. I have never been described the way you did! It definitely made me smile through the whole 3 pages! You went on what should I recognize and love myself. It resonated heavily very in depth and so much details about me that I can say is true. I honestly didn't know people around me pay attention and like you say I inspired them. I apperciate to anyone who view me that way cause I always have people that don't like me straight up. I learn to stand up for myself after years of being put down. I hope I can help people who are like me. I genuinely want to be the voice, an advocate and have followers. I know I can be a leader cause it takes one to be one who went through what I gone. I shouldn't care cause i do have my purpose just like you and everyone else. I thought badly of me like I'm a freak. I wanna stop forgive myself and love me more. It was an eye opener I understand about myself. I'm a very active person with so much energy. I'm like how? I actually have alot fire along with air in my chart! I'm a proud masc woman there anit alot of Earth or water within me. It makes alot of sense why I'm such a badass hahaha. Life hasn't been easy on me unfortunately so I toughen up. My Cap ascendant is the reason why I'm always describe as a hardworker. Coworkers have even called me a boss a few times I found it funny. I know one day imma step in and have the power and respect as a boss babe. I will achieve the life I deserve. It's great you do success and I can't wait to truely feel. Thank you again so much on the reading! It made me happy to know what I know now. 11/10 you're amazing and recommend your followers get a reading from you have a great day and weekend 💖

Omg YOU are amazing 😭 this is exactly what I was picking up when I meant your strength and definitely don't doubt yourself because you've inspired me right now with how resilient you are and able ground in the belief that you're worthy despite what anyone else says, it takes so much power to keep pushing against the odds and still grasp a better life for yourself because believe it or not, a lot of people rob themselves of continuing to keep on going because of how much they've been kicked down, I'm proud of you, sending you so much love and encouragement to keep up with the direction that you're going in, you're unstoppable!

[bookwyrminspiration]

is it still council-hating hours? even if not, this is something that's been bothering me for....so long. and i am going to explode if i don't say it right now. (In fact i actually have a doc titled "council incompetence rant" that is. getting a little long.)

One of the things that annoys me the most in Keeper is how utterly incompetent the Council is. They are shit at their jobs! They don't make sense! And that would be fine if that was something that was explored and talked about in the story, but it's not?

Like, sure, it's brushed on a little, but Keeper never goes in-depth in order to explain just how flawed and corrupt the system is! We have no idea how far the rot goes because we haven't been given a chance to see how far it goes, and despite the earlier books being really great setup for all kinds of plots and discussions surrounding the Council, it feels like Messenger is completely dropping that in favor of..."Neverseen Bad, Council + Black Swan Good". Which I call fucking bullshit on, by the way, because this series has gone to pretty decent lengths before to show that it's not the case! So WHY are we getting to that now?

Well, I think all of this is the symptom of a bigger problem.

Note: I don't want to be mean, and please tell me if I'm being too critical here, but this series has some serious problems actually delivering on what it's saying.

Like, it's trying to tell us that Sophie shouldn't be doing all this because she's a kid, but then it treats her very own existence as a project as background information when that should absolutely be at the forefront (like it was in earlier books)!

It's trying to tell us that discrimination against the Talentless is bad, but then every single member of it's cast has an ability, has a strong ability, and regularly uses their ability! Even Dex, who could have easily been talentless and good with tech, gets to be a Super Good Gadget Person thanks to his ability as opposed to his own creativity and ingenuity.

It's trying to tell us that maybe banishing children is bad, but also tells us that Exillium is now """fixed""" because Oralie gave them...better tents? Food? And never touches on the fact that children are still. getting. banished. It doesn't explore Tam's anger in detail, Linh is only there to be the token asian girl, it does nothing to fully dispel any thought of the Council being alright.

And it's trying to tell us that the Council fucks up, it's showing us that Councillors have no problem being incredibly selfish and violent and so many other terrible things, but that never changes. Nothing in Keeper is changing. It is only maintaining the status quo!

I'm confused as to what Messenger is trying to tell her readers! Are the Council good or bad? Is working with the Council good or bad? Are the Black Swan and Neverseen actually morally grey? Should I be angry at what's happening in these books? Am I meant to look at all the rot and shrug because "that's just how it is"?

And like...I wouldn't be mad if Keeper was just...bad! I mean, I would, but I wouldn't be as distraught! What really grinds my gears is that Keeper has the chance to be good. It has the chance to do great things - and at times it absolutely does! - but it keeps reinforcing belief in a deeply flawed and broken system that is regularly hurting people. And those examples were just off the top of my head!

And again, if this was explored within the series, that would be amazing, but the problem is that it's...not. And that's just...a real fuckin' shame, honestly.

- pyro

(sorry if this was like...too angry? i started and then kinda just...couldn't stop. i should probably get a hobby that's not tearing a middle grade series apart. oops.)

it may have been over a week since you sent this (thank you for being patient with me!!), but fuck yes it is still council hating hours. it is always council hating hours in this household that is not actually a house. (also that incompetence rant sounds intriguing)

yes! you are right! they are so bad at what they're supposed to be doing it's like they're just figures for people to look to and say "yea they'll take care of it" to keep everyone else from acting out! but it's really interesting to see a government so awful and incompetent be such an integral and influential part of the story...without acknowledging that they're actually really bad? I know in Unlocked there's a line where Shannon says something like "Sophie had to figure out who the bad guys were: the black swan? the council? someone else entirely?" but then it's never touched on again that I can remember. Thinking through the series, I honestly can't think of a situation that the council, of their own volition, saw was an issue and corrected in a way that was beneficial to those who needed it. Like yea, Oralie gave money to Exillium, but that was after Sophie chewed her out about it. I think i've said it before but in case not: it feels like they've taken the "for the good of the many over the good of the few" ideology too far in a society that doesn't work for. If someone threatens the majority (and often that's just in appearance only) they get rid of them to preserve the image of the rest. It doesn't care about their people, it cares about the majority of people feeling undisturbed.

considering Sophie is part of a huge organization created literally because their society, led by that system, isn't working for a lot of people, they (the Black Swan) sure do go along with the council a whole lot. I think one of the linked posts in one of my masterposts is specifically about how making the Black Swan work so closely with the council screwed them over and completely undermined everything they were working towards. I'm going to make a very vague comparison here, but the Black Swan feel like "we need to fix the system" while the Neverseen are "the system is broken lets start over" (except the Neverseen added a lot more violence into the mix). It's absolutely infuriating to have them working side by side: one, because the Black Swan aren't accomplishing any of their goals and should cut their losses and go back to being mysterious underground groups with more freedom to move (in my opinion), but two, because it makes the council seem like it's trying to fix things when really it feels like a publicity thing to make the public think they're addressing the rebel issue while they're really just showing up in places and causing problems. And!! that's another thing! it feels like their collaboration with the Black Swan is to address the problem of having rebels, not the problems these rebels have identified and are trying to fix. Unfortunately, it seems the council is getting their way more than the Black Swan, getting them to act more legally and work closer with less room for working outside the system. if that makes sense.

considering it's literally stated in unlocked that there is no "good" and "bad," there does seem to be a lot of focus on associating the Black Swan with being Right, and the Neverseen with being Wrong. I can hope that it's the outward reactions to the Black Swan realizing they've done some fucked up stuff (Sophie) and are now overcompensating and trying to make sure their every move is the correct one. But I do think it will be interesting to see if Sophie makes the connection in canon (as she's already started to) that there isn't always a right option, there's just the best you can do with a situation and the Black Swan's insistence that she was "in the wrong" (a summary) helps her realize her own values and think through their decisions with her own perspective instead of just trusting them

response to your note: you're fine! you bring up a good point that this book sounds like it wanted to be a unique perspective (by having the "good guys" also be questionable and give the "bad guys" reasonable motives) but the execution misses the mark for a lot of us. so you're qualms and observations are entirely valid and I don't think you're being mean at all! I think you're expressing a frustration you have with something, which I support and encourage.

at times it feels like Shannon bit off more than she could chew in terms of all the complicated things she could get into when it comes to this series. not saying she's doing a bad job or a horrible author or anything, just that there are some things she introduced that kind of get left behind or unexplored because there's so much else going on. I think we can see that in the whole being experiment part of Sophie life. we saw sophie was uncomfortable with it in the first few books and would sometimes bring it up, but I personally would've been more satisfied if she'd either taken the time to process it (opposed to her think about that later strategy) or come to the realization that no, she isn't okay with it and she deserves to have her thoughts on the matter heard. she was literally created to serve someone elses purpose, and brought into the fight too early at that. and yet it's treated like an "oopsie, guess we just gotta go with it" thing, like this minor part of her story when I bet her thinking about it for more than a minute at a time would absolutely wreck her. but I'm getting caught up in this, so moving on!

I think we can see it in the talentless too, as it's treated like a "that doesn't affect me" thing for Sophie. because she doesn't have any friends that are talentless right now--the closest she's got is Marella, who I think is still legally considered talentless with her pyrokinesis. it's been acknowledged that she doesn't think the way talentless are treated is right, but it doesn't impact her right now so she's not really doing anything about it. maybe if this was brought back later with someone like Jensi, then that would be a satisfying conclusion to this issue (not a conclusion, but it wouldn't be left hanging, if that makes sense). And I can understand the benefit of leaving things open to go back and explore later from a writers perspective, but at a certain point it becomes more of a hindrance to the story than anything else.

and exillium! I have so many thoughts on Exillium that I actually started talking about it earlier in this post. They're not doing anything unless prompted and what they do is the bare minimum. With the tents and the food, they aren't fixing Exillium, they're making it into what it should've been at the very least were they going to actually go down that route. So I can't praise them for it when it's just basic decency to provide literal children with food and shelter when you force them to be somewhere they don't want to. But all this doesn't fix Exillium, because the problem is that it exists in the first place. The problem is that the council saw children who were struggling, and decided the best thing to do with them was to just get them out of the way for everyone else. Three coaches total for leadership? yeah, there's no way that place was ever supposed to be "alternate learning" or however Oralie phrased it, that was just so you could say you hadn't completely abandoned them in the middle of nowhere.

you're so right about the council fucks up bit--I think the most obvious example of this is with Sophie's ability restrictor. Yea, she's not wearing it anymore, but that's not because the council changed their minds. It's because she broke the law and the didn't punish her for it. this is a great example of how things keep trying to move forward, but the council isn't doing anything to stay up with it. "they are selfish and violent[...] but that never changes." yes!! this!! you put it so well! the council is still the same old council that we saw in book one, concerned with their own interests and their own views, just trying to mitigate the damage Sophie and her friends are capable of doing to their system. Note: the fact that a handful of teenagers who haven't even graduated can do this much damage might be telling of the structural integrity of their system. Bronte and Terik did a little flip, and Alina replaced the Now Crispy Kenric, but aside from that nothing has changed.

I will say, I personally don't want it to be clear who the good guys and bad guys are. (not saying that's what you're asking for! just piggybacking off your comment on the confusion). I'm glad that the characters make me think and I'm grateful there isn't just the "we're good and they're bad" element you see in other stories. not that that's bad, i just think realistically they'd be more complex and their simplicity grows repetitive after a while. But like I said, at times it feels like there's too much going on for there to be a clear message, which in and of itself could be the message. i could be seeing something where there's nothing, though. I think part of it might be Shannon trying to take on all these complex narratives and perspectives with a limited perspective (as in she only has Sophie to tell the story through), while also needing to make it enjoyable and palletable to a young audience.

and I agree with you! I think it's a lot of the potential we see not being used that makes us so infuriated (or me at least). Because there are some stories yo uread where you're like "ah. it's just one of those stories. cool." and you move past it. Because you know it's going to have a set perspective and you know it's going to accomplish what it wants, but Keeper seems to have so many possibilities and Shannon's getting stuck in this rut of good and bad after so long. maybe we'll get out of it in the next book with sophie thinking the Black Swan was in the wrong, but I also wouldn't be surprised if that Didn't Happen.

it's just like what i was saying about Ro! There's all these opportunities for these characters and this world to be really explored and fleshed out and complex, but we've gotten stuck in this romance drama and loosing fights again and again with little progress. All their actions are undoing the Neverseen's actions and counting it a victory because no one is dead. I just think there could be so much more that we're not getting because the story tried to go too broad when it wasn't ready for it.

this response got very long but in essence: I agree with your assessment of the story. is frustrating to see so many of the details and paths we'd like to see explored that often aren't in fiction just pass us by.

there is a special place for keeper in my heart and I will always appreciate it for that, but I also mourn what it could've been.

(also: you are not too angry! you have genuine thoughts about this series and they deserve to be heard! we are allowed to have complaints, even about the things we like. we don't have to appreciate every single aspect and we're allowed to be mad at the things we don't like.)