#honestly probably my most flattering statistic

[sinni-ok-sessi]

sometimes I look at the (frankly absurd) number of people who have subscribed to Me, Specifically on AO3 and wonder if they feel like they're getting what they signed up for. Apologies to everyone who signed up in my TMA days, I guess? though I suppose I am still delivering on sad, ace-flavoured protagonists ┐⁠(⁠ ⁠˘⁠_⁠˘⁠)⁠┌

[being-of-rain]

A torrent of random thoughts from my Classic Who watch, this time the first half of season 20.

I don’t know what fandom wisdom says abut Arc of Infinity (fandom wisdom isn’t something I give a lot of credit to anyway), but I’m not really a bit fan. The story structure is so weird, having a plot going on in Amsterdam and the Gallifreyan Capitol that don’t converge apart from the odd phone call until the final part. That said, the scene were the attack on the Tardis is intercut with the boys sleeping uneasily in a crypt was delightfully gothic. But apart from the production team once again taking as many opportunities as possible to show off their overseas location filming, most of the story was some rather dull Gallifreyan politics. It definitely felt like the Doctor should’ve ended up on Earth sooner. Nyssa almost feels like a new character with all the focus she’s forced to get when she’s the Doctor’s only companion. I don’t think she was written or acted as emotionally before she is when the Doctor is in danger on Gallifrey. Plus, it was cool to see her go on a killing spree (or stunning spree, whatever), which is a visual which sticks out in my mind when I think about this story. It’s cool to see Tegan investigating things on her own too, and cute to see the two companions happy to meet up at the end, even if the Doctor is hilariously but obviously annoyed at her rejoining them. That adds to my theory that he kinda left Tegan behind on purpose last story, an action that for some reason goes unaddressed and unexplained, but honestly it was probably good for Tegan to get some time to grieve Adric without the Doctor forcing her to repress everything. Do I just not like the Fifth Doctor? No, I think I just don’t like it when main characters have flaws that go so blatantly ignored. It’s nice to get a Leela reference and a Romana reference! I know the Doctor must have friends on Gallifrey, but it feels weird that Damon and Hedin are treated almost like characters we should know. Maybe it feels particularly weird because the story goes so unnecessarily hard on the ‘good guys are actually the bad guys’ fake-out. Also, some truly weird and unbelievable statistics are pulled out about the Time Lords. I know it feels extra weird now with all the EU content out there, but even for just the show thus far they felt silly. A Tardis recall circuit has apparently only been used twice before in Time Lord history. A Time Lord has only been destroyed (legally executed, presumably?) once before. And Borusa says “You know that capital punishment has long been abolished here in Gallifrey.” Didn’t the Doctor literally get put on death row previously in The Deadly Assassin?? Any other random points? Well, I don’t like to nitpick- no that’s not true, everyone likes to nitpick. I don’t like to let nickpicking ruin my enjoyment, but if a story brings up so many small points that it doesn’t satisfactorily answer, it starts to weigh it down. What exactly is the Ergon? How does the Doctor know about it and its name? What does the Ergon’s gun do to Tegan- teleport her dramatically? If so, why doesn’t it do the same to the Ergon later? The Ergon in general just looked funny enough to kind of ruin the aesthetic of the crypt scenes, sorry, which is a shame because the crypt aesthetic was one of the only things the story had going for it for me. I don’t know where ‘the spacetime element’ is an interesting or bad name for a piece of the Tardis console. Similarly, I don’t know whether I like the title Arc of Infinity- it’s a good title, but the arc is something that isn’t explained very well and doesn’t really have a large part in the story. Is there a little cafe on a walkway of the Capitol? Fun. And everyone talks about “No not the mind probe,” but nobody talks about the even flatter delivery of “Impulse laser?” near the start of this story from a guy who is about to be shot by an impulse laser. Finally, Omega himself looks great when he takes off his mask- gotta love Peter Davison in a black turtleneck. But things take such a turn in the last 10 minutes of the story. Omega has a quick scene where he simply enjoys some organ music and the view of a canal. It adds such a (sudden) tragic element to him, of a man who just wants to live in the real world again. Which is amplified when his final scene is played (again suddenly) extremely gritty, with the Doctor having to shoot him and cause his apparently agonising death. The last-minute tone shift is even more jarring when the show feels like it immediately chickens out on it, with the Doctor almost immediately after saying Omega might not be dead then ending the episode on a light-hearted note. I don’t often criticise the genius of author Nev Fountain, but I can’t help but feel he missed some obvious hooks there in his sequel audio Omega, in which Omega suddenly wants to return to his antimatter universe and leave the real one behind.

Snakedance! I think it’s not quite as good as Kinda, but it’s still really good! The way it creates a very believable and relatable world is so neat (maybe helped by my own interest in archaeology and ancient history studies which is represented in this). There’s always very realistic dialogue and acting. The plot is a little slower and more meandering than Kinda, and it’s a shame Tegan isn’t in it more (a downside Kinda shared). I don’t really have as much to say about the themes of this one like I did with the previous Mara story, though I’m sure they’re there. I’m left with just things to list off that I liked about the story. Part one has another fantastic cliffhanger, made better by the Fifth Doctor theme tune. Some of the Mara moments are genuinely unnerving, like Lon talking with Tegan’s voice. Lon is a great character, and I wish he was in more of it without being possessed tbh. But I did like how sometimes the Mara possessed people, and sometimes it likes to play on the temptations of people in order to manipulate them. I also liked the creepy moment that the carnival man is standing still in the dark cave to surprise someone, with the added irony that that’s what he suggested Tegan do at his hall of mirrors earlier. There’s a lot of altered states in this one; dreams, the sound machine, the snake poison, possession. And the use of sound could be very striking. The cutting between the noise of the ceremony and the calm of the Doctor meditating with Dojjen is very striking. And the same things with the fucking killer ending which goes from the intensity of the Mara trying to manifest to the silent horror of everyone recovering from it, followed by the end credits screaming in before you barely get a moment to process it all. I’m still not sure if I love it or not, but it sure as heck leaves an impression.

I spent ages looking for Mawdryn Undead and Terminus without the optional CGI special effects that were included on the DVD, because for some reason they’re hard to find online. I don’t know why people would prefer those versions: to me the old practical methods and less sophisticated special effects are not only part of the charm, but part of the original production and storytelling. It’s the same reason I enjoy the original versions of the Star Wars films rather than the many re-edits. Not so much because I’m a purist (at least I hope not), but because I like watching these things as products of their historical times as well as for their stories. Besides, the added CGI effects can often break my suspension of disbelief more than bad practical effects (even if it’s good CGI, which is not guaranteed) because it simply doesn’t look like it fits with the rest of the show. Also, literally who would want to watch Mawdryn Undead without the eye-wateringly horrendous original ‘80s training video effect behind Turlough and the Black Guardian when they make their dark deal. The new effect is the most boring thing ever and actually looks halfway good. Get that shit outtahere.

ANYWAY. Mawdryn Undead is a story of many different tones for me. This bit will mostly be me listing off random things in the story in roughly chronological order. The first episode almost felt like it could be a pantomime, though that’s probably mostly because of the Black Guardian in all his crow-headed glory, and the sometimes hysterical background music. If you haven’t watched the scene in the first few minutes when Turlough steals and then crashes the Brigadier’s car, please god look it up. Bloody iconic. It’s hilarious watching how quickly and thoroughly Turlough throws Hippo under the bus for stealing the car, but very satisfying for me personally who wants more deeply flawed and antagonistic companions. Also, my longest-running DnD character is called Hippo, so hearing the name bandied about felt so weird jsldkfj. It was kind of surprising how rude the Brig could be to students, but maybe that’s just what you’d expect to hear at a British public school. Considering how the Black Guardian pretended to have pure intentions, it was also kind of surprising to hear him shout “In the name of all that is evil!” at the end of the episode, but again maybe that’s just what you’d expect to hear at a British public school. I started vibing with the story way more than I expected when it became the Brigadier recounting to the Doctor the events of 6 years ago, which was when the Doctor’s present companions met him, and for the audience both plots were unwinding simultaneously. I love that kind of plotting in a time travel story. Makes it extremely satisfying to follow when the plots effect each other and weave together (eg when the Brigadier says he remembers the Tardis leaving without him, when actually his past self didn’t see that happen until part four). I also liked how the Doctor figures out something’s up with Turlough very quickly and takes a moment to show that he disapproves, but still keeps him around anyway. I imagine it’s a mix of wanting Turlough where he can see him, and wanting to help him. Speaking of what Turlough has going on, is it just me who thought it wasn’t made very clear that he’s an alien in his first story? There’s maybe a few lines that suggest it, and it was obviously the plan from the beginning since the following stories reference it, but honestly if I went into this not knowing he was an alien I’m not sure I would’ve figured it out by the end of this one. Why would Tegan and Nyssa assume that the burnt figure they find is the Doctor? It’s a kinda fun mistaken identity plot that adds to the many moving parts of this story, but obviously the burnt figure was imagined to be a lot harder to identify in the script. But I don’t mind too much when it’s followed up by Tegan’s healthy scepticism in the face of Nyssa’s panicked belief, and the Brigadier’s hesitant attempts to keep both sides happy. Tegan’s honestly very on point in this story. Watching through her episodes make me feel like she gets flanderised a bit in the audios as an argumentative woman who can’t follow a sci-fi plot. As time goes on, she’s shown a lot to be an extremely competent companion in the face of the Doctor’s adventures: see also Earthshock. The backhalf of the story gets a bit bogged down with everyone wandering around Mawdryn’s spaceship. Makes me feel like this would’ve been a very tight three-parter. But it is hilarious that there’s like half a dozen different factions with their own goals, and literally all of them want the past Brigadier to leave. So he spends ages getting shuffled round and out of the way, but he still ends up doing exactly what nobody wanted him to do at the end. The brigadiers creating their own temporal energy is a clever way to end the plot, but the fact that they coincidentally do it at the exact microsecond they needed to feels a bit too contrived. It feels like this could’ve been one of the best plots in Classic Who with just a few tweaks. Finally, the moral dilemma in this story is very interesting, but the Doctor’s response to it is even more so. It’s never brought up that killing Mawdryn’s crew is what he objects to, only that he doesn’t want to sacrifice his own future regenerations. He repeatedly objects to that aspect, and specifically phrases it as the end of him as a Time Lord. Could you say something about the Doctor preaching against the superiority of his people but then hesitating to give up their benefits? Maybe link it to this Doctor’s rather old world British aesthetic? I’m sure there’s other ways you could look at this situation too, since it’s such a complex moral issue.

[shortcrust]

Fic Writer Questions!

Thank you for tagging me @theburialofstrawberries​, here’s the fic equivalent of me talking like a food blogger before the recipe.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

21, presently!

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

105,246, but I am the first to own that this in inflated a bit by works using in-line HTML, and includes that which I’m only a co-creator on. 

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I think it’s very sexy of me that I keep dropping 1-2 fics into a fandom tag then vanishing into the night never to be seen again. The Terror is an outlier though. It just keeps happening!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The four instalments of my goofy Witcher AU, which are beating out my Cobra Kai fic by what one might call a substantial margin. 

Bonus! Split by hits, the four instalments of my goofy Witcher AU, which are beating out my Dirk Gently fic by what one might call a substantial margin. ‘‘like’ it or not’, the first one in the series, has 42,000 hits and hovers roughly at the 40th most kudos’d work in the tag. I sometimes think about that number in comparison to the population of the town I grew up in and feel very unwell.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

With the caveat that I just could not keep up with it for the aforementioned Witcher series; yes, always. Sometimes I need to sit on a comment and digest it a bit, but someone has gone the effort of forming what they liked about my words into their own words, and I want to honour that. Particularly how fandom operates nowadays, where it feels like one has to go out of one’s way to obtain the community aspect of fandom, I really adore being able to back and forward with other people who just like to create, and share, and enthuse about creating and sharing. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

My Terror ‘Orpheus and Eurydice’ fic, for obvious reasons.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

That outlier aside, everything runs the gamut between ‘that’s nice :)’ and ‘tooth rotting’. A few contenders here, but I think the Brokeback Mountain fic has to win for the extent that the depicted happiness is contrasted against the source material.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Watch this space! Coming soon to a cinema near you!

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Only recently! And, turns out, it’s really fun! Who knew! I’m still not convinced that anything I’m doing is hot, but it’s pleasing to me, personally, and that is both enough reason to do it and, statistically speaking, an indicator that someone else out there likes it too, probably. 

In the spirit of more data viz, here’s a graph that roughly charts my consumption and production of erotic fanfiction over my lifetime:

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope!

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not quite, but I’ve had the absolutely bonkers privilege to have some of my works podfic’d! I’ve received the gift of a beautiful reading of my Ghosts story, as well as a number of treatments of the instalments from my Witcher series, including this podvid, which I think works particularly well given the visuals of the story! It really reflects the fun I had putting that series together. One day I’d love to do a reading for someone’s fic, because I’ve never felt more honoured and flattered in all my fandom days than hearing someone use their real time and real voice to read my works!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@theburialofstrawberries, tell me a time and place.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Too fickle to commit one to paper, but I will say that nothing has cooked my brain matter and rewritten my synapses quite so bad as the poly marriage I imagine the chief, his wife, and the marine biologist from Jaws having. Genuinely forget sometimes that didn’t actually happen.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Pour one out for the 15k gen Venom WIP that sits in my Notes app. Love you buddy. Sometimes open that note just to give it some fresh air

16) What are your writing strengths?

Vignettes, embedding character voices into the prose itself, the occasional turn of phrase that I will credit myself with being pretty snappy.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Long scenes! I became so used to vignette-style writing that I intentionally wrote a one-scene story as a challenge to myself and writing the glue between all the interesting bits was like sticking my hands in an oven.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m glad we’re moving away from the default ‘italicisation to show different language’, which can be othering; I think different ways of depicting language have a place depending on what you want to achieve. Does the POV character know what is being said? Is it important that we, the reader, in said character, presumably do not? I’ve learned a lot about portraying sign languages in my time learning BSL recently, which I’d be keen to put into practice one day.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I cannot recall which was first, but it was either the A:TLA fic where Katara helps Toph get made up all pretty for a party, the Teen Titans songfic where they were on an X Factor-style singing competition and people who commented got to vote people out each update, or, if it counts, Warriors roleplay. It all comes back to Warriors roleplay boards. Know your herstory

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t love all my children equally, but I do love them all in different ways. I have a lot of affection for It’s An Institute You Can’t Disparage for being the thing that got me writing fic after a very long time just consuming it, but honestly, my recent self indulgent Terror affairs have just delighted me so much. I’m having so much just plain fun, again, and writing for a crackship is really putting one’s money where one’s mouth is about whole ‘I’m doing this for me’ thing. 

Tagging @ellisbarrow @anne-with-an-evangelion​ and @boilyerheid​, if you fancy it!

[mkyujji]

I’m a security guard at a fairly busy tribal casino in the US.  One of my most consistent tasks is checking IDs.  Some tribal casinos - including ours - allow people 18-21 in to gamble or eat, but not to drink alcohol, so it’s not a surprise really.  The 18-21 set have to wear a wristband that marks them as such for easy identification.

The rule of thumb is that if a person looks under the age of 35, you’re supposed to card them just in case.  It’s not uncommon for police agencies to find the oldest looking minor they can, just to see if you’ll bother carding them or just sell them alcohol regardless.  

My first day I was regaled by horror stories of such things happening very recently, my mother ran afoul of this at the small store she worked at back home in Texas, and I myself had a group of very obvious minors slip in past me while I was dealing with a group of abrasive military dudes who were offended I was carding them and was personally called to task over letting the kids through after the little shits (who did not, at least, try to get alcohol) stole energy drinks in the deli and got caught.

So I definitely take it more seriously and with more paranoia than a lot of my other co-workers...  My supervisor even suggested that to avoid getting in trouble over potential minors again, I should card everyone who looks younger than my mother who is 65, but looks like she’s 100 and mostly dead.

The number of people who come in and get downright irate that they’re being asked to show ID before they enter a casino with five bars is so f*ing ridiculous.

Mind you, this is almost exclusively a white reaction.  Like, how dare we question their right to be there! *eye roll*

I card based on what appears to be physical age and honestly, I prefer catching the shifty, shitty little white frat boys that make our jobs hell than the perfectly polite and reasonable folks.  (srsly, it’s almost always the 18-21 white frat boys causing problems... or the military ones.)

If you look under 50, I’m probably going to card you if you come to our casino.  And if you’re rude about me asking for your ID?  No way you’re moving past me without showing it, no matter how embarrassing or aggravating you find it.

The exceptions to the 50 thing are 1 -  employees, and 2 - regulars that I see often enough to know that they’re both def over 21 and more than likely carrying their ID.  I have a friend that comes in that I card religiously because I know that she’s 19 and I know she has a habit of forgetting her ID.

One of my co-workers made comment recently that it seemed like I carded minorities more.  I haven’t kept track of the statistics to see if it’s true, but if it is, it’s not on purpose.

I’m frequently shocked that some of the minorities I card are as old as they are. There was this truly love African American woman that came in with this older gentlemen and I stopped her because she looked to be in that indeterminate 20-25 range, though she carried herself with enough grace that I figured probably closer to 25.  The man with her, snickered and elbowed her in the side with a comment of “wow, talk about flattering, eh honey?”.  She was born in 1969.  The woman was fifty years old.  I was both kind of mortified and also totally blown away by this beautiful, elegant woman.  While she was definitely the biggest discrepancy between age and appearance, it happens a lot with both men and women who are of African, Asian, Islander, Latinx, or Native descent.  

I’ve had a similar incident with one caucasian woman.  She was 47, but I was carding her because she appeared to be mid-late 20s, which falls into the “rule of thumb” category.  But she’s been the only one.

One.

Look, it’s not my fault that white people age like milk instead of wine.

We curdle, okay.  

We curdle like a gallon of whole milk left in the car on a summer week in Texas.  It’s not pretty, but it’s damned obvious.

[sapphirebluestars]

50 q’s

Thank you @imdifferentshadesofpurple for the tag, i enjoyed reading yours so i hope you get to learn some stuff about me too hehe

1. What takes too much of your time?

honestly...tik tok...nuff said 

2. What makes your day better?

boba, always boba. but also seeing my dog after a long day or getting random messages from my friends saying they were thinking of me :3 

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

i got to sit down with a really good friend and we talked for like 2 hours but i also skipped my last 2 classes bc of it? whoops sorry not sorry

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

i don’t know why but the first place that popped into my head was the future from Meet the Robinsons LOL, tbh though any fic that’s been written where i get to be y/n would also be nice

5. Are you good at giving advice?

yes, but i can also be really mean about it :(

6. Do you have any mental illness?

undiagnosed, but i have bad test anxiety 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Y E S lemme tell you, weirdest feeling on the planet

8. What musician inspired you the most?

tbh i don’t think any musician has ever inspired me like that? the closest person i can think of is maybe Charice Pempengco? her voice is lovely and she’s honestly the sweetest

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

yes i have

10. What’s your dream date?

an amusement park!!! but honestly any date that leaves me thinking “i can’t wait  to see this guy again” is also a dream date

11. What do others notice about you?

first thing is usually how small i am despite being average sized for an asian girl

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

i talk a lot and when i do talk it’s usually ranting LOL

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

no, i would rather sit here and individually pluck all my eyelash extensions out

14. How many ex’s do you have?

2 and a half? i don’t really count the third one bc it was so short but i was still pretty upset when it ended

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

in total like a little over 1200 i think?

16. What instruments can you play?

i played the piano since i was 6 but quit when i was 13 :( one of the biggest regrets of my life

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

probably my puppy wuppy if not then my family in general?

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

if only 1 place then the motherland, Vietnam, however i would like to go everywhere

19. What is your zodiac?

libra!!!

20. Do you relate to it?

i’m really about to get a tattoo of the libra alignment on my hip so i’d say yes 

21. What is happiness to you?

feeling at peace with myself and everyone/everything going on around me

22. Are you going through anything right now?

unfortunately, but it’s kind of subsided i think? (psa boys are dumb and don’t know how to respect girls)

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

continuing a friendship that was very draining for me, luckily this has just ended (refer to #22) either that or dating my best friend (refer to #13)

24. What’s your favourite store?

Royal Tea LOL the best boba place ever 

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

to keep it short and simple i think it should be your choice, but personally i’m pro-life 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

not really? more just like a bucket list of places i wanna eat at before i die, does that count???

27. Do you have a favourite album?

not really, i gravitate back towards regular-irregular by NCT and I am: WHO by stray kids though

28. What do you want for your birthday?

an apple watch or like a boyfriend...either or LOOOOL

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

i’m pretty outgoing and don’t find myself feeling too awkward unless it’s a rather large crowd of people in which case i get overwhelmed. but i think generally people think i’m talkative and bubbly?

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

WELL i got ID’d for trying to buy cough syrup in january despite having just turned 21 so people either usually guess right around my age or they assume i’m like 17/18 which don’t get me wrong, is flattering, but no one wants to try to pick up the 17/18 year old at the bars smh

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

on my nightstand if it’s charging or if it’s not then tucked under my pillows somewhere on the bed

32. what word do you say the most?

“listen linda” based off that one little boy on vine or something like that LOL

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

probably 5 years? maybe? i don’t really know tbh older boys intimidate me and i don’t usually gravitate towards them

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

i feel like only a year younger, anything more just makes me feel like ahhhh bc i have a younger sister who is a 2000 liner

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

people see me in education but let me tell you, i have zero patience for the disrespect kids have nowadays so i feel like i would hate myself if i pursued teaching

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

kpop or edm for sure

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

i actually have no idea...maybe the UK? 

38. What is your current favourite song?

everytime we touch by cascada (hardwell & maurice west remix) LOL or no longer by nct 127???

39. How long have you had this blog for?

since like...march/april of 2017 so almost 2 years!!!

40. What are you excited for?

I GOT P1 TICKETS TO NCT IN DALLAS BOYS AND GIRLS HEHE

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

i can be both!

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

i sat down for a few hours to finish up a group business statistics assignment yesterday hehe

43. What do you want for Christmas?

a golden retriever, apple watch if i didn’t get one for my birthday, a boyfriend if i don’t have one in september you know its chill its whatever i guess 

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

currently anything online lul, i excel in english classes though writing and reading are my forte

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

probably like a 5? im kind of tired and feel bad for skipping literally my entire day

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

i’ll be 32 geez, i hope i have a home, a husband, a kid or 2, and a job i love?

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

i was 16, this heartbreak led me into what would be the worst 3 years of my life 

48. At what age do you want to get married?

26/27? i don’t want kids until i’m like 29/30 though

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

a teacher or an author

50. What do you crave right now?

boba, always boba hehe (my go-to drinks are lychee green tea or jasmine green milk tea hehe) 

Tagging you my friends! @saltee-alice @kpophappened-be @defskookie @cosmicxwoobear @felixsaussieaccent @real-kpoptrash @meatmeinthemiddle-mark @galaxyknj

[trulycertain]

All right, so I’ve had a couple of people come to me asking if I can beta for them, which is one part terrifying to one part flattering, and I’ve had several conversations this week with followers about writing stuff. And about writing improvement.

I think I have some Thoughts.

Look, in my opinion, I'm quite often a terrible writer. I’m self-taught, I’ve picked up some bad habits, and my grammar is... um. Let’s just ignore my grammar. I need to refresh several things. (Where the hell does a semi-colon go in a list? Please. Help. Also, I need someone to surgically extract about half my adverbs.)

But I see so many people ripping into new ficwriters with that old-school LJ "sporking" mindset and crying "MARY SUE!!!" and... honestly?

That's not criticism, that's... shiticism. Excuse my French.

Yes, sometimes someone has a bit of an ego on them, especially if they’re new to a skill. That might grate on you. Fair enough. But if they’re not hurting anyone or forcing you to read, ripping into a new writer teaches them nothing except to shut up and be afraid. If someone's actually willing to learn and put the effort in and this matters to them, why crap on something they've put their heart into? Especially if one doesn't have to read it or pay for it.

I see so many self-conscious ficwriters who either don't dare write anything or define themselves entirely by "Look! I'm so much better than those self-insert/Sue/[whatever's out of vogue now] writers!" and... that doesn't always teach you to get out of negative patterns. Often it just inculcates you into different negative patterns, and a crab-bucket mentality where you and your feedbackers are so busy panicking and dragging each other down you don't get anything written.

I'll be honest, overpowered OCs are usually not my cup of tea as a reader. But I'm not going to wander in and tear someone's fic apart, and if someone comes to me for help, I am certainly not going to take that trust and hurt them with it.  I see a lot of nicely done OCs because of being in RPG fandoms. I love watching people build protags with distinct voices and backstories they've put a lot of heart into. And statistically, yeah, sometimes you get stuff old-school fandom would call Sue-ish, but I don't think a beginner story where someone feels out the ropes and is proud of themselves for writing is going to ruin my day or destroy the world. Why bother being a jerk about it? And how does that ever teach someone to write?

Five times now, from different followers, I’ve heard things like, "A commenter tore my story apart, and I still remember it, and I cried but it was such good constructive criticism." And it might just have been a bad day, but if someone made you cry? That’s... probably not constructive criticism.

If people had treated me when I started drawing the way a lot of people treat new writers in fandom - 

Actually, no, scratch that. Some people in real life did treat me like that when I picked up a pencil. That meant I put it down again pretty fast as a kid and didn't even try to draw until adulthood, when I was scared stiff and fought the impulse to hide everything I was working on. And I didn’t start again because of tough love, I started because people encouraged me.

Everyone goes, "Those poor kids!" but I don't really care if a writer's six or sixty, the principle of "be a decent teacher" applies.

Silencing is not teaching. If someone’s left scared and despairing and stops writing, you have taught them nothing. You’ve failed.

Random anecdote:

When I was looking at going semi-pro (long time ago, and bluntly put, I wasn’t brave enough at that point), I used to be on a writing forum. They prided themselves on their merciless criticism and their “I’m just being honest!” 

And you know what happened? Crab bucket.

No-one ever tried to get anything published or optioned, no-one ever went to go and try and find an agent, because they were all too busy tearing each other's stuff down to feel better. They might have had some good points, once, but it got buried in the echo chamber and the self-importance.

I went in expecting pros to be brutal, to have to gird myself all the time. And they... weren't. Because I'd learned to write partly in crab buckets. And the pros, the real pros, know well enough not to do that. Because they’ve got less to prove, and a lot of them are readers themselves, or were fans themselves once. They want new stuff in the field, not to scare someone off writing forever, because then they'll have no new colleagues and nothing to read. 

The worst that'll happen is the slush pile, and that just means hearing nothing or a form letter. (Very few pub houses do bit-by-bit critique rejection letters these days, and if they do, the good side of it is you've caught an editor or an intern's attention and they cared enough to go through it. And they may remember your name next time.) I got rejected by Clarkesworld. And I had the shakes sending my stuff in, but when I got the rejection? It actually... didn't hurt. Because I was so proud of myself for even trying and being brave enough to do it, and hell, getting seen by a slush pile intern in the same magazine that published Alastair Reynolds and Neil Gaiman. Because it was proof I'd tried and once I'd done the big scary thing, I could do all the smaller magazines and the anon stuff.

"Tearing someone's fic apart" is not criticism, it's fuckwittedness, and if someone knows how to be a decent beta, they don’t do it. A good reader recognises their own bias and realises that they’re coming in with subjective thoughts and skewed views of their own, and doesn’t represent themself as the only authority. 

If you’re here for actual writing advice and not just a rant (I am so sorry), here’s some advice I’ve given a couple of mutuals. This is what works for me, and it might not work for everyone else. I tried?

I had to stop associating feedback/concrit with personal validation, because that made writing an emotionally fraught activity rather than something safe. So I never have friends beta read or edit my work, because I want a professional boundary or a common goal there. I let myself make mistakes and grin at "This is awesome!" comments with fic, because it's a practice ground where I'm just doing my best, rather than trying to ask for money with it or make a career out of it. It lets me relax. I definitely don't mind concrit and rather like it; it's not the thing itself, it's having a pseudonymous boundary. For that reason, I still don't have friends beta read me. Strangers, fine, friends, no.

A lot of people tell me "bloody hell you're prolific." Well, that one's partly unemployment, can't lie. But before that, when I was working and studying...  Learning to write aimlessly changed everything. Doesn't have to be big, doesn't have to be your next novel or a completed short story. I drabbled, focused on 4/500-word snippets and just capturing a mood/place/concept or building the start of a character, whatever took my fancy. Hell, for six months I took phrases I'd read on billboards as daily prompts. Basically, the aim is to start associating writing with fun and relaxation rather than pressure, and to get into the habit of sitting and doing it. 

I tend to write longhand (for original, not for fic; it's how I keep the mental lines drawn). That sounds like a helluva lot of work, I know, but it also lets you see your progress so it's not just some... theoretical thing in cyberspace that you can’t quantify. (God, now I sound like I'm from 1995.)

I still am absolute shite at outlining when it's for fic. I'm too relaxed, but I try my best. What got me learning to do it for original and completely changed my process was Scrivener. (Also very good for essays!)

Relatedly, the final thing that made me get into a consistent writing habit was NaNoWriMo. It forced me into it because bluntly, I really wanted half-price Scrivener. And it never wore off. Three years later, I'm here. You might be too busy, too ill or too tired for it, and just not be into it, and that's OK, but a challenge like that can be fun.

If concrit and idea exchange are important to you, it may seriously be worth looking into writing groups, in real life and online. Absolutewrite, for instance, is very publishing-focused and a really good group.

And, most importantly of all:

Don’t give up. It gets easier.

[jasonhaw]

Life in Ghana 7 (9/13 - 22): The Unwavering Kindness of Ghanaians

It has been seven weeks since I have arrived here and I have probably talked to dozens of Ghanaians by this point. Every single one of them has been extremely kind and generous and hospitable. I borrow some words in Filipino: Wala akong masabi (I have nothing [ill] to say). This week I share about 5 little acts of kindness over the past week.

1. Tuesday (Sep 12): We visited the District Health Office of the neighboring Ningo-Prampram district (Dodowa is in Shai-Osudoku, and both Ningo-Prampram and Shai-Osudoku used to be part of the same district, Dangme West). We were welcomed by Dr. Gifty Ofori-Ansah, who welcomed us with kind words and a comprehensive presentation on the health status of the district. From the moment I talked to her, I can tell that she is a very smart, decisive, and open-minded woman, and she was kind enough to offer her input to the research topics of Natalie and Allie, who are still in the process of writing their proposal. We also met some of the supervisors managing the different health programs like family planning and infectious disease control. 

What I admired about her was her humility and dedication as a public servant when she was talking about the issues that plagued her district - teenage pregnancy, quack doctors (and its relationship with religious faith), and the rising burden of non-communicable diseases. She reminded me of the hardworking municipal health officers that I have met so far in the Philippines. It is people like her that continue to give me hope about public health - that most of us have good, wonderful hearts always ready to help those in need.

2. Monday (Sep 18): I presented my initial results to the staff of the research center and the room was packed. Days leading up to the presentation, I felt a bit uncomfortable because I did not want to feel like a foreigner telling them what their health system is like given that these are researchers who have spent their careers understanding their own health system. After I presented, my colleagues gave wonderful and helpful remarks on how to improve my paper. One thing I appreciate about Ghanaians is that they always have a sense of humor even in the driest of things, such as presenting something as technical as statistical analysis. After that presentation, I am more confident in finishing my presentation.  

3. Tuesday (Sep 19): I had two tasks that day: go to immigration and extend my visa stay, and visit a professor over at the University of Ghana who has written extensively on the topic of quality of care perceptions, which you may recall is also my topic for my scholarly paper. The Ghana Immigration Service is the first government office I have transacted since arriving here, and while the office is a bit chaotic, it is miles and miles better from the Bureau of Immigration back home. First of all, there are no fixers! Fixers, as officially defined by law in the Philippines, are "any individual whether or not officially involved in the operation of a government office or agency who has access to people working therein, and whether or not in collusion with them, facilitates speedy completion of transactions for pecuniary gain or any other advantage or consideration." We have a law that explicitly bans fixers in government offices (Republic Act 9485) but of course, just like most laws in the Philippines, no one implements them. Second, the immigration officers have been extremely helpful, unlike the ones in the Philippines where a lot of them are snarky and powertrip foreigners.

After that trip to immigration, I visited a professor at the University of Ghana Business School and an expert on quality of care perceptions in hospitals. We had a very fun and fruitful discussion on his papers, and I also consulted with him on my method. He was very honored that someone read his 400 page dissertation on the topic, and I told him that I love doing research so 400 pages is a breezy read to me. At the end of the meeting, he agreed to review my paper and comment on it. I am so honored to have someone so knowledgeable on the topic review my work.  

4. Wednesday (Sep 20): I left early again to visit another professor who is currently based in the University of Health and Allied Sciences at Ho, the capital of Volta Region, which is east of Greater Accra Region. The ride took almost three hours getting there - mostly because Ghanaian roads are not paved (which makes me carsick most of the time). The trip was definitely, definitely worth it. I cannot stress how engaging and fruitful our discussion was. He has written a lot of papers on the topic of health care quality, as he also did his dissertation on it. What particularly interested me was how he ended up doing his PhD program, which I hope I will have the opportunity to have in the future when I finally study for my PhD. In short, he was my #PhDGoals. In summary (and if I understood it correctly): The National Health Insurance Agency (= PhilHealth in the Philippines) asked help from the Dutch government to solve their issue of low population coverage/ enrollment into the scheme. The Dutch government gave them a grant, and allowed three PhD students (one from Ghana Health Service, one from the Netherlands, and one from the school where Prof Kaba was affiliated at that time), and one postdoc (who is now head of research at the insurance agency) to be principal investigators in distinct but interrated parts of the project grant. Prof Kaba was primarily responsible for doing the quantitative work in assessing the impact of the project, which was a community trial that used community engagement as a tool to improve insurance enrollment. Since then, he has written 9 published papers on the topic (in very reputable journals like PLoS One)! 

What particularly impressed me with his PhD journey was that: (1) he was involved with the insurance agency the entire time - and some of his recommendations have been turned to policy, such as the issuance of the cards on the same day, and the shift to biometric insurance cards, and (2) the PhD students leading the studies had a lot of freedom with their paper, with national implications. I have never seen anything as seamless and empowering as his PhD program, and all I could think about during that meeting was how we should emulate this in the Philippines. Like this was my lightbulb moment for my PhD program - I want my PhD program to be structured like this. I will not settle for anything less. 

But going back this professor, he was so, so kind. First of all, he saw my undergraduate thesis online (which is published in a Scopus-indexed journal) and was very interested with the findings we had on family planning in urban poor communities in the Philippines. I was so flattered someone actually read our paper. Second, he wanted me to invite for lunch but I had to decline as I had matters to attend back at the research center before office closes (remember the journey back is 3 hours!). Finally, he was just a guy who had a lot of good vibes, showed love for his country, and is very intelligent. I am so grateful to have met someone as inspiring as him.

5. Thursday (Sep 22): I will post more about this in my next post next week, but we went to a nature reserve in nearby Shai Hills. But going back to the overall theme of kindness of Ghanaians, I just want to remark how everyone has been so kind to us whenever we ride the tro-tro. As lost foreigners (oburonis), we would not have known where to go, but someone - either the mate (conductor) or a kind passenger - always tells us where to alight and what to ride. Even the taxi driver that took us home from the reserve did not scam us (or at least based from our computations as we spent around 30 cedis in tro-tros coming there, and the taxi home was just 50 cedis).   

Honestly, this country is just oozing with kindness, and I am starting to regret that I only have four weeks remaining here. I honestly want to extend but matters at home are more pressing at the end of the year. Ghana's tourism slogan should be, "Visit Ghana for good vibes."

[thehalfbreednation]

Rape Culture, U.S.A.

I’m. Fucking. Mad.

This is not the original idea I had for my second piece, but as life so often does when you make plans, certain events have unfolded to make anything I meant to say before seem pretty fucking irrelevant. I’m hurting. I am hurting to the point where I can barely see straight or think past my next move, because if I let my guard down for even a minute, I think I’ll probably lose any semblance of control I have gained on my emotions. I’m done. I am done pretending to be OK.

Rape Culture USA

Show of hands how many women currently reading this have been raped or sexually assaulted? Probably quite a few of you. I have. I have been molested, I have been taken advantage of when I was too drunk to see straight, and I have been coerced into consent for fear of my safety. In fact, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center 1 in 5 women have reported being the victim of some sort of sexual assault. That’s 20% of the women you know. Twenty fucking percent.

We live in what is affectionately known as a “rape culture.” What does that mean exactly? According to the Marshall’s Women Center rape culture can be defined as:

An environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.

Flattering description, huh? But all too accurate. All over the country we learn about different college campus scandals, from MSU to Penn State. Coaches and students who are successful or have high potential get their transgressions swept under the rug in order for a winning season. Brock Turner was given a light sentence for intentional drugging and raping an unconscious girl because he had “an outstanding previous record, and a very bright future.” Our teen movies and dramas highlight partying in excess as the golden rule of youth and acceptance. The idea that “boys will be boys” is overused and often oversimplifies the things we let our young men get away with. Our concern in society is not for the trauma of the women and victims, but for the young men who were swayed to act so foolishly out of ignorant adolescence.

And it doesn’t end there. Did you know the average woman who goes on a first date plans it with coordinated precision of a black ops mission? It’s not about the date. We could care less where you take us, we just want to get home alive. Someone knows when I arrive, will check in through out to make sure I’m still breathing, and I will text again when I leave and finally when I arrive home and have locked the door. These are the precautions the AVERAGE American female has to take to protect herself. All over the US bars have secret menu’s for women in distress, so that they can ask for help without alerting their would-be attacker.

Is it any wonder the president of the United States of America has been elected despite his obvious lack of respect and objectification of women? He is the walking validation every man needs to believe he is well within his right to use and abuse a woman without a thought to the potential consequences.

Victim Shaming

I recently had a friend end up in a date rape situation. While out with friends, and under the influence, she was taken advantage of. What’s sad is, that even as I write this, I can think of multiple women I’ve met who this story applies to. Myself, among them.

The first thing out of her mouth was, “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have put myself in that situation.”

Fuck. That.

No. No. No. I should be able to get drunk off my ass and do the Macarena naked while walking backwards in the middle of street without having to worry about getting assaulted. Is that behavior appropriate? Of course not. But does that behavior give anyone the right to put their hands on me in a way that I don’t consent to? Absolutely fucking not. But we hear it. Every. Day.

“She obviously wants that attention if she’s dressed like that.”

“She was all over him, how did you think he would react?”

“She was asking for it.”

“Who would honestly put themselves into the position for her.”

And my personal favorite, “If it was so bad, why didn’t you leave?”

Until recently in Washington state you could use fear and disgust as a defense to get out of killing a trans-person. In most of these cases, the trans-person who was murdered was transitioning from male to female. I often wonder, how many of these women, after being violated question their transition? It’s hard enough to live in this world as transgender, without realizing as a woman you are subjected to a whole different subset of violations and rules for safety.

Doctors offices have coded pens for women who are doing urine samples. If you are in a domestic violence situation, and your partner is present, you can use a different color pen to quietly alert the staff. Recently a woman in Florida was being held hostage by her boyfriend and was only able to get help by convincing him to take their dog to the vet. While checking in, she slipped the receptionist a note asking her to the call the cops and explaining that her boyfriend was armed.

And why do we have to go through all this secrecy? Why do we have to have a secret network of friends and/or entrust our safety to strangers? Because we live in a rape culture, women are guilty until proven innocent. From Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh to the teacher in the Midwest who mentally and emotionally abused his victim by placing love notes in her dogeared version of Twilight, again and again we watch society tear apart these women before thinking twice about the transgressions of the men involved. Again, and again we see these women’s character put under the microscope even more so then the accused. And for what? A slap on the wrist if there is a conviction? The humiliation of being dragged through court process and potential media attacks, regardless if you see justice or not.

Is it any wonder so many women remain silent?

And please don’t forget the men and children, too

Currently the Epstein story is getting rave reviews on Netflix. There’s also a current movement to get MAP’s, or Minor Attracted Persons, added to the list of different sexual orientations. The same 2010 study that found 20% of women had been victims of sexual assault also found that 1 in 71 men are also victims. Again, with children and men, these cases are often not reported. Not only because children have so few people to turn to, but in culture that shames victims of rape both children and men are often too afraid to speak up. Too ashamed. It is not just women who are victims of abuse and sexual violence, we’re just the most common.

Change must come. NOW

All around us groups are uniting to fight the systematic racism and oppression of different minority groups and classes in the U.S. In order for us to reach a state of true equality, WOMEN MUST HAVE A VOICE IN THIS FIGHT. Not just for our protection and safety, but also for the rights to our bodies. For the right to speak and be heard when we are victimized. To rid this country of the idea that a woman is only worth what her body has to offer, not her mind or her character.

There can be no equality, unless we are all equal. That includes ALL women, regardless of how you were born or the color of your skin; the size of your dress or the years you have earned through your willingness to survive in this hateful world. I see you, beautiful. I hear you, and I fight for us, too

No Justice. No Peace.

End Violence Against Women Now.

 Domestic violence and sexual assault are not OK, and it’s not your fault. Free resources for those of you so desperately needing help:

https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline

https://www.nsvrc.org/organizations

https://www.thehotline.org/

 Major Sources Cited:

Three Women, Book by Lisa Taddeo

https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minor-attracted_person

https://www.marshall.edu/wcenter/sexual-assault/rape-culture/

https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/27/us/florida-woman-escape-note-trnd/index.html#:~:text=Woman%20slips%20note%20to%20veterinary,rescue%20from%20boyfriend%2C%20police%20say&text=A%20woman%20in%20Florida%20is,staff%20at%20an%20animal%20hospital.&text=The%20note%20that%20Carolyn%20Reichle,read%3A%20%22Call%20the%20cops.

[russellthornton]

How to Take a Good Selfie: The Must-Know Selfie-Ready Guide for Men

As a woman who’s spent a good deal of time swiping through dating apps, I can honestly say most men do not know how to take a good selfie.

With just a few minutes of swiping through a dating app, it is painfully clear that men do not know how to take a good selfie or feel natural doing it. Now, I don’t blame you. Taking a photo of yourself can feel awkward and shallow.

But, a selfie is no more than any other photo and should be treated as such. With selfies being what draws people into our social networks or even into our romantic lives, they are a small window into who we are.

That is a lot of pressure for one photo. Once you pick up on how to take a good selfie, it won’t be so terrifying. [Read: A photographer’s guide to taking a sexy picture]

Why men don’t know how to take a good selfie

When I say men, I, of course, do not mean all men. Have you seen Will Smith’s Instagram?

But, there is a reason you came looking for this post. Whether you feel weird taking selfies or think your selfies always come out wrong, you are probably right. Sorry, but it is true. I do not want to judge men or anyone on a simple selfie, but with the way online dating and social media are nowadays, selfies say a lot.

So, why do men not know how to take a good selfie? My opinion is that you are trying too hard. Do you pose and make serious faces when your mom takes a photo of you and your sister? No, but that is your most flattering photo.

From what I have seen, men put on a persona or give off a vibe in selfies. It seems like men are try to impress other men with their selfies. They don’t want to be seen as feminine or vain so they make a face that says “cool” rather than “happy.”

Sure, not all selfies men take are to attract someone romantically. Even your aunt and grandma will prefer to see your next selfie looking like you and not like a version of you trying too hard to impress. [Read: The best and worst ways to present yourself online]

The idea behind how to take a good selfie

When you are about to take a selfie, what are you thinking about? How your hair looks or how the lighting is?

Before getting into the nitty-gritty, think about the selfies you see. Statistically, selfies that show someone smiling are swiped right *liked* about two times more than selfies making any other face. When you see a girl on Instagram post a selfie smiling, that smile affects you more than a duck face or a serious look.

Even if you don’t think so, it is proven. Smiles are contagious. They are responded to more positively. So, go into your next selfie happy and having fun rather than putting on a show or acting a certain way that just doesn’t feel like you.

A selfie should look how you look. It should feel like someone is looking at a still of how you are, not how you want to appear or think you should appear. [Read: 30 effective tips to help you win at online dating]

How to take a good selfie for someone

Who is your selfie for? All your Instagram followers? A dating app? Your girlfriend? When taking a selfie, the recipient it is important.

And I am sorry to say I have received too many less than flattering selfies from guys on Snapchat. Not to mention the many bad selfies on Bumble and Tinder. This may be too much information, but if you look constipated, it is not a good look.

I cannot tell you how many times I received a selfie from a man on Snapchat and actually closed it before the 10 seconds were up. It made me uncomfortable. You should not look serious. Nothing about a selfie is serious. You should not look like you are struggling to make a bowel movement or mimicking the Zoolander pose.

You should have fun with it. Funny faces, smiles, even weird and embarrassing filters are the way to go. And to be brutally honest, sometimes no selfie is better than a bad one. A bad selfie can actually be a major turn off. And it isn’t about your ability to take a good photo, but about the vibe that you’re giving off. [Read: What makes a man sexy – 15 desirable traits that make you hot AF]

An example of how to take a good selfie

As I swipe through a dating app, I am bombarded with photos of guys standing in front of cars I know and care nothing about. I see selfies of guys trying their best to look serious when in fact they look unattractive and creepy.

The rare selfie of a guy smiling or making a funny face is refreshing, intriguing, and attractive. This may just be me, but I feel that women would rather see a guy being himself and having fun rather than trying to impress.

And when guys do post those serious selfies and pictures in front of cars, it seems like they are trying to impress other guys rather than a potential love interest. Are you asking your guy friends’ help to pick dating app photos? Next time, ask a female friend for her advice. [Read: Why a girl best friend is a real gem]

The do’s and don’ts of how to take a good selfie

Hopefully, you see where I’m coming from when I say the best way for a man to take a good selfie is to be comfortable and avoid trying too hard. But along with those tips, here are some more helpful hints to guarantee your next selfie will get all the Instagram likes and the right swipes when online dating.

#1 Do practice. This does not mean you take 200 selfies before finding a good one. It means you should get used to seeing yourself on camera. You can find your lighting, sure, but also get used to the idea that you are taking a selfie and own that.

Once you are comfortable with taking a photo of yourself, the whole thing will feel a lot more normal.

#2 Don’t show off. Don’t be cocky. I said be comfortable and own the fact that you are taking a selfie, but trying to look “cool” or impressive is not the way to go about it. Making a connection is how you get someone’s attention in person, so keep that as the goal when taking a selfie.

You want to connect with people who see this photo, not intimidate them. [Read: How to make a girl like you without even telling her you like her]

#3 Do smile. Not as if you are taking your third-grade school photo, but as if you are just happy and in a good mood. Smiling does not mean you say cheese and show your teeth from ear to ear.

Just look how you would if you saw someone you were attracted to, came across an adorable puppy, or spent the day with your grandma.

#4 Don’t wear sunglasses. I cannot tell you how many guys on dating apps have five selfies of them in sunglasses. Does this make any sense? The whole point of a photo is to see what someone looks like.

If your end game is to meet someone, they will see what you actually look like eventually. At least have one selfie of your face. Sure if you are at the beach or posting for your friend on your Instagram story show off those Ray-Bans, but not when it comes to dating apps. [Read: 15 things guys do that are a big turn off for girls]

#5 Do be in the light. There is zero point of a selfie when you can barely see an outline of your face. Maybe you are not the most confident in your looks, I get it. But posting a selfie in the dark only magnifies those self-doubts.

You might be scared of rejection or that someone may not be attracted to you, but you put your face out into the world every day. It is your face and you have to own it. The whole purpose of a selfie is to show yourself. So stand in front of a window. Let the sun shine. Natural daylight or evening light is the most flattering.

Posting a selfie that is bright shows that you are comfortable and not ashamed of your looks which is much more attractive.

#6 Don’t be creepy. I am not sure if guys know they look creepy in their selfies or think they look sexy, but either way, stop with those serious faces. You either look creepy or like you have a stomach ache. Trying to look sexy in a selfie is like trying to smell good at the gym, not possible.

Just be you. Your selfie should look how you look. You should look at it and think, “yup that is me.” You should not look like you are making a face. If you feel uncomfortable snapping that picture, people will feel uncomfortable looking at it. [Read: How to not come across as creepy to a girl]

#7 Do have decent quality. With iPhones, there is no excuse for a blurry or pixelated photo. If your selfie is so blurry that I cannot tell what you look like, there is no point in using that photo. It is not artsy or mysterious. Posting a selfie where someone cannot see you makes it look like you are hiding something.

The only other explanation is that you are taking selfies on a flip phone. Get with the times, seriously!

#8 Don’t selfie and drive. This should be obvious and I should not have to say it. But I still see countless men *or should I say boys?* posting selfies while they are driving, and on highways no less. Not only is this insanely dangerous and stupid, but anyone with any sense that sees it will not find you attractive or clever.

#9 Do own it. You are taking a selfie. Sure, it is silly. Sure, it is super millennial. And sure it is a tad shallow. But if you are ashamed of the fact that you are taking a selfie, that vibe is going to come through in a photo.

You know what people say about a photo being worth a thousand words? Well, you want those words to be positive, not second-guessing and uncomfortable. [Read: How to be comfortable with yourself and not give a f*ck]

#10 Don’t overedit. I know, you see people do it all the time. Instagram is full of selfies so overly edited that the subject looks more like a doll than a human.  But just because it is common practice does not mean you should follow.

Sure, you can enhance the lighting and blur a major zit, but you have pores, so don’t blur them into nothingness. The whole point of Photoshop and Facetune is to make it look like you didn’t edit it, not like you have poreless china doll skin. Own how you look and share that with the world.

[Read: 20 hot guy rules for men that will guarantee instant hotness!]

Men, if you take one thing from this list of do’s and don’ts for how to take a selfie, it should be, be you. Your selfie should show yourself, not anyone or anything else.

The post How to Take a Good Selfie: The Must-Know Selfie-Ready Guide for Men is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Puck Daddy Countdown: Boeser's bonuses and Eugene's letter

Brock Boeser’s bonuses mean what for the Vancouver Canucks? (Getty)

7. The Leafs

“Losers of four straight,” doesn’t exactly flatter them, though two were in overtime and all were on the road.

The good enws is the Leafs’ old problems — i.e. giving up 40 shots every night, maybe taking some nights off — aren’t really an issue any more. They only did it once, in Tampa, and hey, Tampa’s really good.

But regardless, this isn’t the time of year you want to be losing four straight, even if Auston Matthews is still out. The good news, I guess, is that the cushion the top-three in the Atlantic is such that even with the Leafs slumping and the Panthers getting insanely hot, they still ended that Sabres loss with a FIFTEEN-point lead for third in the division.

We’ve known it was gonna be a Leafs/Bruins series in the first round since, what, November? Now it increasingly looks like the Bruins are gonna have home ice in it, even despite their injury situation, which we’ll get to in a minute.

I mean, that series is gonna be great. Sign me up for it. But still, this is maybe a bigger point of concern. Something to monitor anyway.

6. Cap management

How about this one: Brock Boeser is probably done for the year, meaning it will be virtually impossible for him not to max out his bonuses this season.

But I mean, who cares? This is a rebuilding team that doesn’t have to worry about salary cap issues and…. what’s that? Boeser hitting these bonuses is for-sure going to push them over the salary cap? And that means they’ll carry a cap penalty into next season of whatever the overage is? And the Canucks are only eight points up on the worst team in the league this season?

Pretty cool. I would love to be a Canucks fan, for sure. But hey, maybe the Sedins will retire and it really and truly won’t matter. That, in turn, might actually kickstart the rebuild in earnest. And only three years too late!

5. A letter from Eugene

I mentioned this in the Power Feelings yesterday and got a couple emails about it, so here are the highlights from Eugene Melnyk’s open letter to the fans, who he 100000 percent thinks are dumbasses and suckers who don’t see through him.

You can tell because in the letters opening like, he calls the fans “valued,” which is what some ghoulish telecom calls you when you’ve been on hold for 45 minutes when the repairman didn’t show up to fix your cable during the six-hour window you had to be home on a Tuesday afternoon.

Then he was like “sure our team sucks, but remember when we almost made it to the Cup Final? Pretty cool, huh?”

But this line is totally baffling: “We have had Canada’s most successful NHL on-ice performance over the past 15 years.” I immediately wondered, by what metric could this possibly be true? Ottawa’s record in the past 15 years — which, I guess what happened in 2002-03 matters? — is 11th in the NHL. But they’re behind the ninth-place Canucks by 12 wins.

They’ve certainly played the most playoff games of any Canadian team in that stretch (107), which also gives them the most wins (55), but that also only puts them three games above .500. This has to be what Melnyk is talking about, but like, the reason he said “15 years” is because if you go back “14 years,” oops, they get passed by Montreal in playoff games played. And that’s also true if you go back “12 years” to the start of the cap era.

The general thrust of the letter was something along the lines of “We’re looking to rebuild, but not to the point that you won’t still want me as an owner or to the point that it would endanger my chances of building an arena downtown so I can cash out big time when I finally sell this team.”

I will say this for Melnyk, though: “I have demonstrated my commitment to giving you the best possible team over and over again,” is the funniest sentence ever written.

4. Goalless streaks

Milan Lucic scored on Monday. First time since before Christmas. That’s a 29-game goalless streak for a guy who was brought in at the same salary as Taylor Hall, and who is signed for a few years to come and only going to get worse.

In the same game, Oscar Klefbom also scored, ending his 33-game goalless drought. But that left two more defensemen with futile streaks of 33 and 32 games (Matt Benning and Andrej Sekera, respectively). Plus Mike Cammalleri is at 28 games without a goal, Pontus Aberg hasn’t scored since Dec. 14 when he was still a Predator (22 games), and Darnell Nurse hasn’t scored in 20.

It’s almost unbelievable that a team would have so many guys go so long without scoring, but this is what happens when you trade almost all your good forwards I guess.

3. Trading Pacioretty

Speaking of which, I guess there’s some question as to whether the Habs will trade Max Pacioretty this summer if they can find the right price (I bet they could if they lowered their ask). And honestly I think they should do it, because that would mean they’ve changed their GM, which is what they really need to do.

Pacioretty can play, obviously, but few on this team also fall into that category. Getting out from under any expensive long-term contracts would be a good idea since they need to have an actual rebuild. I get the argument that you gotta pay someone to hit the cap floor, but that’s what Carey Price and Shea Weber are for, is it not?

Anyway, trade him at the draft. Preferably to Nashville after they make PK Subban the captain.

2. Charlie and Patrice?

The fact that the Bruins’ No. 1 center and No. 1 defenseman are now both officially out weeks is scary, and might be something that keeps the Leafs in the race for a first-round home ice slot for longer than they should.

But honestly, the way these guys are playing, you might really only start to see deterioration of their game toward the end of this run. Man, this team has a lot of guys who can flat-out play. It’s crazy.

1. Taylor Hall?

Yeah he’s scoring a lot, but the team is losing almost as much. Doesn’t seem very valuable to me!!!

Nathan MacKinnon, on the other hand……..

(Not ranked this week: Goalie interference.

I saw where the NHL is gonna try to fix goalie interference rules before the start of the playoffs. Is there any other league that enacts rule changes midseason this regularly? The NHL changed goalie pad dimensions in like January last year. Everyone hates all this stuff. How does it keep happening? Amazing.)

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All statistics via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)