#honestly its probably because the book was the inspiration for silent hill that i like it so much but shhh dw abt that 🤭

[fallowfield]

"i hate monster movies if they have climactic buildup" We Would Not Get Along In Real Life But I Respect Your Decision

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Last Demos

Yeah, I skipped a movie, but this title makes more sense given that these are the last of the Steam Next Fest demos I picked up.

Artist Life Simulator - This is a card game in the style of Book of Hours, sort of. You're building a reputation as a painter, with all sorts of various cards to denote feelings, actions, inspirations, etc. It's not exactly Zen, since it requires a fair bit of thought to figure out next steps, but it's definitely interesting.

30 Birds - This one's a little hard to describe. It's sort of a puzzler, sort of a rhythm game, sort of interactive story... The art style is gorgeous and they took a very unique approach to area traversal and ... I guess background is the way to put it. It's another one where I got to the end of the demo and was very disappointed because I wanted more game, and honestly, any game that does anything that unique probably deserves to be talked up.

Death and Taxes - basically, take Papers, Please, and make it both more and less grim at the same time? Also easier to figure out what you're doing, and at least in the early stages of the demo, no time limit. You're basically a Grim Reaper who's deciding who lives and who dies based on dossiers that get faxed to you. There are obviously consequences for not fulfilling quota, or not fulfilling it properly (or just going berserk and marking everyone for death), and getting those updates on your phone at the start of a new day is interesting.

Hollow Cocoon - Yeah, I had a feeling this one was going to be a nope right away. Got mentioned because Silent Hill 2, but is first person and there's a lot of bounce when you walk (worse yet when you run) and I had to turn it off after several seconds. Which is a shame, because gaki felt like my jam, but ... eh. The number of games I had to skip demos for because first person or roguelike or ARPG was staggering. You think I have a lot of demos now? Imagine if I wasn't disabled. Anyway, probably worth checking out but I cannot.

Plot Twist - I was doing these in more or less alphabetical order, but this demo has been updated three times today so I figured I'd get it done now because the updating is just getting annoying. It's an interesting sort of writing-career simulator, and I like it more than I expected to. Another one where I got to the end and went, "Nooooooo!" So I guess it goes high up on the wishlist. Amazing the demo's getting that many updates when its release date is Q1 2025...

LightBreak - Musical puzzle game ... and not-so-musical puzzle game. Fair bit of messing with the set dressing. It's a "Coming Soon", and looks like a nice little Zen thing, but not a priority the way some of the others are.

Lore Restore - Another code-words thing in the style of Prose and Codes, but you can never have too many of those.

Magic Inn - Looks cute, as another eatery management sim, but the keyboard refused to work. Soooooo I can probably live without it, given how many games like that I already have on the wishlist, and I liked Critter Cafe better anyway.

Pilo and the Holobook - This one's more my jam than I thought. I'm a sucker for games where I can collect stuff, and this one's all about that. Basically you're this adorable little fox dude who's apprenticing for a scientist, scanning things in a holobook to get stickers as a research aid. And of course its release date is To Be Announced, even if I kind of want it now. Then again, there are enough games that I want Right This Second Now that come out in November that I should probably be grateful.

A Stranded Spark - Well, if the person who made this game wanted it to be played, maybe they should have had the demo actually do something other than talk to people who are not interested in talking back and attempting to interact with things that do nothing. I don't know what this game is about beyond being cute and some wonky-ass camera angles, but I think I'll pass.

Sword and Seek - Hidden object game with added "messing with the set dressing" mechanics. That's another one where I got to the end of the demo and went, "Noooooooooooooo!" I seem to have saved the best ones for last.

Welp, that's the autumn Next Fest for this year, anyway. Surprisingly few duds - but then, I've generally got a good grasp of what I shouldn't even be trying to download or demo at this point. I'm definitely going to have to whittle down the wish list, though, because that list is nuts. I mean, okay, about 70 of them aren't even out yet, and a few are DLC, but still.

Right. This has been a moderately relaxing day. I do love the Next Fest, I have to say. Not that I don't excavate demos from Steam normally. Just having that focus on them makes it easier. Now I should contemplate dinner and probably descale the kettle. You know, adulting stuff. To make up for the fact that I spent a fair bit of the day asleep and then more of it playing video game demos in my pyjamas.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #392

“l.a. is where stars come to die”

Do you think there’s anything you did better when you were younger? I think I was a better writer, honestly. Like I've developed in some areas, like being less over-dramatic, but I just think my creativity in wording and such has dulled down. Who was the craziest teacher you’ve ever had? I've never had a "crazy" teacher, honestly. What’s the last thing you got paid to do? Take pictures. What’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever done for someone else? How should I know? Ask either Jason or Sara. Have you ever wanted to model? No. Have you ever seen someone have a seizure? I THINK my sister? Teddy had seizures in his old age, too. What’s your favorite car? I don't have one, really. Do you know any HTML or CSS? If yes, how much? I know veeeeery little basics. LIke, I can change the color of shit and that's about it lmao. Do you tend to care about the lives of celebrities? Why or why not? Only celebrities I really really care about, like Mark. What do you think of the scene style? #aesthetic and I will ALWAYS be envious of the hair. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke? Oh god, I remember one. What is the highest you have been up, other than in an airplane? On a certain faire ride, I wanna say. Is there any hope of you ever seeing your favorite band in concert? Ozzy does want to do another tour at some point, but he's fighting Parkinson's currently, so it's not guaranteed it will happen. Mom and I planned on going to his last one that was scheduled, but the diagnosis cancelled it. :( What is your favorite non-green vegetable? Uhhhhh I guess potatoes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? I don't think I've even had a non-traditional fruit. Just basic stuff. Have you ever had Swedish Fish? Yeah, I'm not a fan. What is your favorite origami shape? Birds, I guess. Do you usually take the stairs or the elevator? I pretty much always take an elevator if one's available because my legs can barely handle stairs at all. It's agonizing for me. Do you need a key card to get into the building you live in? No. What was the last takeout food you had? I had a burger from McDonald's a few days ago. Do you take the pickle off your burgers? No, I love pickles on burgers. Do you share a bed with anyone? Just my cat. If you’ve read or watched Harry Potter, which book/movie is your favorite? I haven't. What’s the last app you downloaded on your phone? I re-installed DragonVale. What do you know the most about? Meerkats, Markiplier, and Silent Hill, probably. What TV shows can you not stand? What's that stupid show on Adult Swim, Rooster Teeth or something like that? That shit was so dumb. Have you ever tasted your own tears? I mean not intentionally. Sometimes tears just fall down a spot where it happens. Are your legs hairy? I can almost guarantee to you that I probably have the hairiest legs of any woman you've ever met. Do you like Cheese-Itz? I love them! We don't really buy them though because both Mom and I can destroy a box of them. Have you ever built a sandcastle? I have. Did you ever watch Barney as a child? Yeah, I loved Barney, but not as much as my older sister. She literally "married" him, haha. Have you ever had a pet rabbit? No, but my older sis did as a kid. That poor thing died and Ashley didn't know for THREE DAYS. Mom took it out earlier and I guess she wanted to see how long it took Ash to notice? She didn't take great care of it, so. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? Yes, my friendship ring with Sara. To you, what is especially distracting? Tapping noises. When was the last time you did some major cleaning? MAJOR cleaning? Good question. How do you feel about people who neglect their pets? It sickens me. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Nope. When are you likely to lie? Probably when I don't want to seriously hurt someone. What is a personality type that you do not like? I hate people who think they know everything, are unwilling to acknowledge their flaws and work on them, feel they're better than others, are closed-minded, sexist, bigoted, racist... What is a personality type that you DO like? I am drawn to people who are empathetic and try to understand and consider more than just themselves, are caring and genuine, philosophical and think deeply, are calm, friendly, good listeners, and have a light sense of humor. Which of your friends is the least like you? In what way? I actually don't know. MAYBE Mini with her being extremely conservative to a frustrating degree and overwhelmingly religious. We diverge pretty strongly in beliefs that are important to me. How about the most like you? In what way? Sara! We have incredibly similar interests and morals, and we both are wild over animals. When was the last time you felt under-appreciated? I'm gonna be completely transparent here, even though it's uncomfortable to admit. I was very unhappy with the literally two interactions a poem I was really proud of got on dA. Like it was one I was trying to get published prior to just posting it there, so it was really disappointing to feel so overlooked when you worked hard on something you felt came out great. Does anyone take advantage of you or take you for granted? No. Are you taking anyone for granted? I sure as hell hope no one feels like I do. I definitely try to appreciate those I have to the utmost. What is one selfish thing that you do? I prioritize my alone time probably too much. How about something selfless? I'm pretty much always willing to listen to people's hardships and comfort them even if my own mental health is in poor condition. What do you like to do on your favorite holiday? Just be with family and really focus on how lucky I am to have them. What helps you fall asleep? I guess really paying attention to slowing my breathing, but that doesn't always work. It takes me at LEAST half an hour to fall asleep, so I struggle no matter what. Is there anyone you wish you were still friends with now? Megan. I really, really miss her. What is a fear you want to overcome? SOCIAL ANXIETY. UGH. What is something you do not like about yourself, with good reason? I'm lazy. What do you usually cry about? PTSD. Do you like pizza better on the second day? No. What do you like on your pancakes? Butter and normal syrup. Have you ever made up your own emoticon? I don't think so. How do you generally meet people? Online in one way or another. Have you ever seen a Broadway show in New York? No. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, "God Hates Your Outfit" by Jeffree Star lmao. Look, it's catchy. Can anyone in your immediate family play the guitar? No. Have you ever wished to be an internet celebrity? How about a ‘real’ one? No. Like I've actually *loosely* considered trying to be a let's player with my love of games, but I don't even want to *risk* popularity; not that I think I'd get to that point, but still, I don't like the chance. Have you ever been kayaking? No. Do you still live with your parents? Yes. Do you believe you will never get over someone? I think Jason will always occupy at the very least a small corner of my mind. I just deal with loss so poorly in general, but that... that breakup was something. What do you order at Burger King? I don't like BK. Have you ever lived by yourself? No. Pretty sure I never could with my depression. What brand cell phone do you have? It's just a Tracfone, lol. Did you ever have a ‘security blanket’ when you were younger? Yes, my stuffed moose. What is your lucky charm? I don’t have one. Have you ever been in a wedding? Yeah, I was a bridesmaid in my sister's. Do you believe in yourself? ehhhhhh What time does your dad usually wake up in the morning? I don't live with him, so I can't say for sure. He's a mailman though, so he gets up early, I know. Who was the last person/people you were in a car with? Mom. What movie do you plan on watching next? I've been meaning to watch Jacob's Ladder for like... over a year, lmao. It served as an inspirational work for Silent Hill, and I know its reputation is brilliant, so I really want to see it. I just... don't really watch movies unless I'm in the theater. When something really scares you, what’s your immediate reaction? Gasp or go "what the fuck" or something along those lines. I can almost promise a curse word is coming out of my mouth, lol. Using song lyrics, say something to your most recent ex: I don't wanna get emotional digging through the songs that remind me of her, so pass, lol. You can only watch 4 TV shows for the rest of your life. What are they? Meerkat Manor, That '70s Show, maybe Pokemon even if I don't watch it anymore (it could be like a comfort show if I'm limited to four), aaaaand I think Ginga Densetsu Weed. Do you think it’s possible for a rap song to make you cry? ... Yes??? There are a couple that have for me. Does the idea of having a baby at your age scare you? I'm not having kids, sooo I don't have to worry about this. What band has the power to make you cry by splitting up? None. I'd be really upset if some did, but I wouldn't cry. Who is your favourite famous person who isn’t a singer, actor, or athlete? Well, I WOULD say Mark, but considering he's officially an actor now... guess not, haha. Uhhhh. Put him aside and I guess maybe Bindi Irwin. I'm not sure.

[221bdisneystreet]

klancemonth2018 film week prompt #2: whisper of the heart au

here’s my second prompt for @klancemonth2018: a whisper of the heart au! lance gets an unexpected visit from keith, who’s returned to their hometown and has some things to say... :3c

The first thing that Lance saw when he woke up were plastic stars, their dull neon-green glow fading away, glued to the ceiling.

The muted, foggy hues of an indigo dawn poured into the bedroom, the light of an impending morning peeking through the wide cracks of the window blinds. With a yawn, Lance rubbed his groggy eyes and slowly lifted himself out of his bed. The atmosphere was exceptionally silent, the only noises being the sluggish, spring-like creaks of the mattress. Lance glanced down at himself, realizing he was still in his T-shirt and jeans. What was he even doing last night that made him forget to change into his more comfortable pajamas? He glimpsed at the clock on his phone. 6:24 AM.

An internal groan echoed in Lance’s tired mind, yet despite his desire to fall back onto his soft mattress and return to deep slumber, his body only forced him to trudge out of his bed and towards the window. Spending weeks of sleepless nights writing a full-length novel and ultimately screwing up his internal clock was starting to catch up to him.

Lance pulled the blinds up and pulled the window open. Outside, the chilly and crisp November breeze tickled his cheeks, and clouds rolled along the vast sky. In the distance, a few horns and car engines punctured the overall stillness of the environment. Lance leaned out and inhaled the autumn air, the pleasant scents of fresh dewdrops and fallen leaves filling his chest. When he exhaled, a puff of cold air left his lips, and he could feel a slight shudder travel down his spine. He glanced down at the streets. The curbs were lined with parked cars and the street lamps still flickered faintly with their golden light, but other than that, the roads and sidewalks were lifeless and quiet, completely devoid of movement.

That is, except a boy riding a red motorcycle, its engine sputtering noisily, up to Lance’s driveway. Lance squinted and craned his neck a little further out to get a clearer look at the unexpected visitor. The boy was dressed in a red leather jacket and black jeans, complete with a crimson scarf, cherry-red sneakers, and black gloves. He removed his helmet and waved at Lance with an excited expression on his face, the morning wind ruffling that jet-black mullet of his––

Lance gasped, his eyes so wide with shock that he felt they were about to bulge out of his sockets. He nearly thought he was going to fall out of the window that very second.

“Keith?!”

His voice echoed so loudly that he swore he must have woken up the entire apartment complex. With a grin, Keith nodded excitedly at hearing Lance’s recognition and gestured him to come downstairs.

“Uhh, umm,” Lance stuttered, hurriedly looked around as he struggled to recover from his surprise and gather up his composure, “I-I’ll be down in a second!”

Without any hesitation, he slammed the window shut and ran out of the bedroom, nearly stumbling on his way to the front entrance. After hastily slipping his shoes on, he rushed outside, the front door closing with a loud thud. As he raced down the steps of the building, he could feel his heartbeat speeding up and his head spinning so fast that he wasn’t sure if he was walking on air or earth.

“Keith, what are you doing here?!” Lance asked, shivering in the frigid air and huffing out shallow breaths in between his words. “Am I still dreaming? I thought you were––”

“I’ll explain everything later,” Keith interrupted. “But I want to show you something first! Hop on!” He motioned towards the open backseat of his motorcycle. Lance gaped at him and wrapped his arms around himself. Was this all real? He still had to be sleeping and imagining things, right? Maybe waking up at the crack of dawn or stepping out into the cold was making him delusional or something.

“Oh wait!” Keith quickly took off his jacket. “You’re gonna freeze out here just wearing that. Here.” He draped the jacket around Lance’s shoulders, his fingers brushing against Lance’s neck for a fleeting second. At that moment, a tender warmth bloomed within Lance’s cheeks, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the jacket or because of that weird feeling that fluttered in his stomach whenever Keith even made the slightest contact with his skin. Lance clutched the jacket close to his body before he noticed Keith was wearing a T-shirt.

“Wait, what about you? You’re gonna be cold, though.”

“Ehh, don’t worry about it.” Keith waved off any concerns. “Come on, we have to hurry!” He held out an extra helmet towards Lance.

Despite Lance’s still-persistent worry over Keith and his lack of protection against the cold early morning, he didn’t want to pry and keep him waiting. Not when Keith was way too eager than usual. Without another word, Lance quickly slipped his arms into the jacket sleeves, grabbed the helmet and put it on, and took his seat behind Keith, who put his own helmet back on and started firing up the engine again.

Once Lance wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist, they began to speed down the road.

Traffic was relatively calm and light, with only a few cars and trucks and a public bus or two populating the road. Almost all of the stores and local businesses that flanked the streets were still desolate and dark, not yet ready to wake up to a brand new day. A sparse number of pedestrians roamed the sidewalks.

Lance’s heart was pounding. He still wasn’t sure if he could believe it, and he could feel his grip on Keith tightening a little more, just to convince himself that this was all real. Keith actually was here in the flesh, sitting right there, and Lance really was holding onto him. But how was that even possible?

“Shiro said my technical abilities are unlike any other student he’s ever mentored, but he feels that I could still use some major improvement in my art,” Keith explained over the roar of the engine, as if Lance actually asked the question out loud. “He said there’s still something vital that I’m missing in my inspiration. He wanted me to discover it on my own before he can take me in as his pupil, so I decided to come back here and finish high school first. I think...I already realize what he means...”

When they stopped at the next red light, Keith briefly glanced over his shoulder, his gaze directed at Lance. The corners of his lips curved up into a gentle smile.

“And I wanted you to be there to realize it with me.”

When the light changed to green, Keith turned back to the road and continued driving up an incoming slope.

“Anyways, I managed to book a flight back home a day earlier than expected, and I wanted to surprise you once I returned. Honestly, I was really nervous you weren’t gonna be awake at this hour, and deep down, I didn’t even expect you to be. But when I came to your apartment, there you were looking outside your window!” Keith let out an amazed but relieved and joyful laugh. “Isn’t it crazy? It’s like...it was meant to be!”

Lance’s breath nearly caught in his throat. Meant to be…

Was it really?

Lance leaned closer, resting his chin on Keith’s shoulder and closing his eyes. His mouth drew up into a soft smile.

...maybe it really was.

“I still can’t believe this is actually happening…it’s like a dream come true or something.”

And if this dream truly was reality...well, he never wanted reality to end.

Lance wasn’t sure how much time had passed now. How long he was nestled against Keith’s back, how long he was bathing in Keith’s warmth and breathing in his scent, how long he was getting lost in Keith––

The drone of the engine cut off as the motorcycle came to a halt.

“Hey, Lance. We’re here.”

At the sound of Keith’s soothing voice, Lance slowly lifted his head and opened his eyes. They were at the foot of a grassy hill, the motorcycle parked at the beginning of a hiking trail. Keith took his helmet off, smoothing his hair down. As he removed his own helmet, Lance had to suppress a giggle at how messy Keith’s helmet hair was. It was...cute, for sure.

“Come on! It won’t take too long to get to the peak.” Keith began to run up the path, and Lance quickly followed right behind him. Sure enough, they reached the top of the hill in probably about ten minutes, Lance roughly estimated. Keith bent over, trying to catch his breath.

“Whew, we made it just in time,” Keith said before taking another deep inhale.

Gulping in as much air as he could, Lance ran his fingers through his hair, his eyes wide with awe as he gazed out at the horizon. The hill was overlooking the city, the roofs of buildings and skyscrapers visible yet distant. The clouds were becoming more scattered, and the horizon was beginning to glow a brilliant orange against the light blues and grays of a clearer sky.

“Why’d you bring me here, Keith?”

“Whenever I want to feel inspired, I always come up here with my sketchbook, right before sunrise. Once I catch the first glimpse of sunlight, I just...wanna start drawing. It’s kind of become my sort of special place.”

Just then, Keith took Lance’s hand, carefully weaving his fingers in between Lance’s own, and smiled gently.

“And I wanted to share my special place with you.”

The warmth in Lance’s cheeks had now returned with full force, skyrocketing like a firework exploding in dazzling colors and booming volume.

“Keith…”

“Hey, Lance. Look.”

Keith pointed straight ahead, and Lance looked out over the hill. Just then, the orange hues of the horizon became brighter than ever as the first rays of sunlight peeked out. As the sun slowly rose up from the horizon, it dabbled the sky and painted the city streets with an inviting, golden glow. The hilltop was not exempt from being washed over with the first signs of daylight.

“Oh my god…” Lance whispered, a smile lighting up his face and a sense of astoundment sparking in his chest. He never thought he would be this high up to see a sight this beautiful for the first time in his life...and right next to the person most special to him.

Being on top of the world, when it was awakening to a new day, with Keith by his side...it was perfect.

“Keith, I haven’t seen anything this beautiful in a long time,” Lance said, letting out a quick laugh. “I’ve been missing out…”

“My mom told me that you finished your first story while I was gone. She was really happy with what she read, and she’s really proud of you for not giving up for one second.” Keith gave Lance’s hand a quick but tight squeeze. “And...I’m really proud of you, too. I knew you could do it.”

Lance could feel his heart singing with delight. No, with immense euphoria. Just hearing Keith saying that he always believed in Lance, even when Lance didn’t believe in himself...it felt reassuring to know that Keith never ever wanted to give up on him.

“T-thanks, Keith…”

Lance took a deep breath, keeping his gaze at the sunlit landscape.

“I’m...I’m really happy that you and your mom have been a support system for me. I’ve spent so much of my life wandering around aimlessly, trying to figure out what direction to go in with my future. But I finally realized what exactly I want to do. I’ve set myself down a path where I can be satisfied and happy in the end.”

“...hey, Lance?”

Lance turned to Keith, who now looked oddly nervous.

“This might sound weird but…” A deep redness blossomed in Keith’s cheeks as he hesitated. “Do you see the two of us spending the rest of our lives together?”

The question nearly sucked out the air from Lance’s lungs, and his eyes grew wide with surprise. The heat in his cheeks burned even more than before.

“I-I could be a famous painter, and you can be a novelist,” Keith stammered. “And we can live together and work alongside each other and have our own place and, umm, all of that cool stuff. But yeah...d-do you see ourselves doing that? Please be honest.”

Lance sucked in a slow but quiet breath. Once he let it out, though, he smiled softly and nodded. He absolutely could see themselves doing all of that. It’s what he wanted for so long.

“I-I’m sorry, that was really awkward.” Keith rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Did that sound corny?”

“It was pretty corny and awkward,” Lance giggled. “But you’re more of a painter and not as much of a writer, so it’s cool.”

“That’s true,” Keith said with a relieved smile. He burst out into an excitable laugh. “Oh man, this is great!”

Then, Lance shrugged off Keith’s jacket, keeping one half draped over his own shoulder.

“Here, you must be getting cold.” Lance started to wrap the other half of the jacket around Keith’s body, enveloping him in a shared warmth.

Suddenly, Lance gasped as Keith abruptly pulled him into a hug and shouted those four words.

“Lance, I love you!”

[ruminativerabbi]

Learning to Listen

The Israeli-Palestinian dispute has many unique features, by which I mean qualities that it specifically does not share with similar geo-political disputes and which are features particularly of the parties to it. But there are other features that it does share with other disputes between nations or peoples, into which category I would put those aspects of the problem that are specifically not especially unique to the players involved. I suppose there are probably many different aspects to the endless sikhsukh between Arab and Jew in the Holy Land that could be included in that second category, but I think probably the most prominent of them all—and paradoxically both the most difficult to resolve and, in other ways, also the simplest—is the inability both sides show with remarkable regularity to see the people on the other side of the fence at all clearly. Or to hear them when they speak. Or to listen without prejudice to what they wish to say.

There are circles, as I am well aware, in which even the suggestion that the responsibility for the situation as it has evolved to date could or, worse, should be shared by the involved parties is anathema. I have fallen prey to that line of thinking myself. And although I find some scant comfort in the fact that I was in excellent (and famous) company in that regard, the reality of the situation no longer affords anyone who longs for peace in the region the luxury of listening only to his or her own voice. To describe those willing to listen to dissenting opinions as terminally gullible seems beyond childish at this point: it seems counterproductive and morally indefensible to imagine that peace can ever be made between people who are not prepared even formally, let alone intently, to listen to each other and to respond honestly and genuinely to what the other party has to say. It is certainly so that lots of what people say about the Middle East is nonsense, their arguments baseless blather and their positions intellectually and morally indefensible. The problem is that there’s no way to weigh the worth of other people’s opinions without listening to them carefully, and doing so generously and without prejudice. To do that, however, requires that you at least occasionally stop talking yourself. But that inability to fall silent with someone else speaks turns out, more than slightly paradoxically, to be one of the major things Israelis and Palestinians actually do have in common.

All this by way of introducing to you a very interesting book I finished reading earlier this week, Yossi Klein Halevi’s Letters to My Palestinian Neighbor. Published just last month by HarperCollins, the book is remarkable in several different ways and I would like to recommend it as serious, thoughtful summer reading for anyone who wants to understand—and on a particularly intelligent, reasonable plain—the underlying reasons that the Israeli-Palestinian dispute seems so intractable.

Halevi has framed his book as a series of letters to an unidentified neighbor living in Iswiya, the Arab town on the other side of the separation fence that blocks access to French Hill, the modern Israeli neighborhood adjacent to the Mount Scopus campus of the Hebrew University in which Halevi lives. For readers unfamiliar with the geography of Jerusalem, the basic principle is that, with certain famous exceptions, most Arab villages—including ones inside the municipal boundaries of Jerusalem—and the Jewish communities almost adjacent to them are sealed off from each other, if not precisely by law, then by custom: my own apartment in Arnona is not half a mile from the Arab village of Jabel Mukaber, but I’ve never been there and wouldn’t think of going there—it would be unsafe and unwise—and neither do I know anyone who has ever gone there. That’s just how it is. Yet I see Arab families all the time in the shopping malls in Talpiyot, the neighborhood directly to our west, and no one seems to notice or care. It’s all a little hard to explain, but Halevi’s idea—which I think he manages to carry through successfully—is both to notice and to care…and also to imagine that where people shop contiguously and eat at adjacent tables in restaurants, they could also speak to each other honestly and from the heart…if they felt that there was someone actually listening. A little bit, he’s tilting at windmills. But he’s also taken the remarkable step of having his entire book—this book that I’m writing to you about—translated into Arabic and posted for free download on a website that should be easily accessible to all Israeli and Palestinian Arabs.

The author writes frankly and from the heart. To the Palestinians, he offers the clear message that they are doing themselves a disservice and more or less guaranteeing that almost no Israelis will listen seriously (or even at all, really), when they speak as though the Jewish connection to the Land of Israel began in the nineteenth century and refuse on principle to take the preceding millennia into account, millennia which included centuries of Jewish autonomy in that place and of ongoing spiritual, emotional, and intellectual attachment to it. Indeed, when Palestinian leaders insist—passionately but ridiculously—that the entire Bible is a falsification of history, that there never was a Temple on the Temple Mount, that the Davidic kingdom never existed, that all the archeological evidence that ties the Jewish people to the Land of Israel is bogus and phony, they are more or less guaranteeing that no Israeli with any sense of pride in his or her nation will still be listening after the first sentence or two. But when Israelis, and particularly religious Israelis, wave away the Palestinians as mere interlopers because their ancestors only arrived on the scene a mere twelve centuries ago, they are guaranteeing no less surely that no thoughtful Palestinian born in that place and whose whole sense of identity is tied to his or her national sense of self is going to continue listening after the first few words either.

In other words, what both sides have accomplished magnificently is the discovery and honing of precisely the right kind of code words to use so as to be able to guarantee that no one will actually be listening when you finally do stand up to speak.

Halevi addresses painful, difficult topics in the course of his letters to his unidentified neighbor across the security fence. He talks openly—and passionately—about the way that terrorism has taken its toll not only on the specific individuals who have died as the result of Palestinian terror attacks, but on the national consciousness of Israelis as well. And he also writes, in my opinion remarkably openly, about the specific reasons so many Israelis do not feel themselves able to believe truly that their Palestinian neighbors wish to live in peace. Indeed, when he asks, not guilelessly but sharply and acidulously, why the Palestinians have turned down so many different offers of statehood—at Camp David and at Oslo, but also on other occasions as well—if they truly wish to negotiate a settlement and get on with the work of nation building, he is merely doing his part to hold up his end of the dialogue honestly and candidly.

One review I read suggested that the best way to read this book would be first to read an entirely different one: Hillel Halkin’s Letters to an American Jewish Friend, published in 1977 and still in print. I was in my final year at JTS when that book came out and I remember reading it and feeling both inspired by its argument, yet unjustly marginalized by its conclusions. The book angered me—which I’m sure was exactly the response the author hoped to provoke—but also challenged me to revisit my feelings about living in the diaspora and about my personal relationship to Israel. I recommend the book highly to all my readers, however: here is a truly passionate argument for aliyah that all who wish truly honestly to engage with the Zionist ideal should read.  

For most, it will not be pleasant reading. But political writing at its best is not meant to soothe, but to irritate—somewhat in the way sand irritates oysters into producing pearls—and to allow readers to confront their complacency and address the logical flaws or moral sloppiness in the way they approach the philosophical or political issues that engage them the most passionately. I see that reviewer’s point and second the motion: to read those two books, one after the other, would truly to engage with the twin axes of Israel life: the x-axis of Jewishness which connects Israelis with Jews in all the lands of our dispersion, and the y-axis of rootedness in the land which ties Israelis, whether they like it or not, to the Palestinians who self-define in terms of their own rootedness in that same soil. And for those of us whose hearts beat with Israel, that kind of engagement with the grid can only produce insight into what we all understand is a very complicated situation.  Anna Porter, who wrote a very intelligent review of Halevi’s book for the Toronto newspaper, The Globe and Mail (click here to read it), wraps up her appraisal by noting that “Israel is a very complicated country.” That, surely, we can all agree is true. But books like Halevi’s are attempts to shed more light than heat on the precise issues that make life in the Holy Land so complicated…and to inspire a dialogue, for once, that is rooted in reality rather than rhetoric.

Since I am not a Palestinian, I am presumably not the intended audience for a book entitled “Letters to My Palestinian Neighbor.” Nor will the large majority of people reading this be. Nonetheless, I recommend this to you all wholeheartedly as an opportunity to look out at the world, and the Middle East in particular, through Yossi Klein Halevi’s eyes. Particularly for young people eager to understand their parents’ deep commitment to Israel but unsure of where they personally stand, this book will be an eye-opening, inspiring read.

[nautilusopus]

4, 28, 39

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

40 (because I keep fucking adding to the list like a moron. All of them will be written, but I don’t want to start more than one multi-chapter thing in case it tempts me to slack off on my current project. 

I’m not counting one-shots because the ETA on those is “whenever I’m in the mood to put something up and don’t have any chapters to write”. So longfics only, but these are the current active projects that all have a chance of being the next thing I work on (after The Pale Man which is a oneshot but something I really should have done by now):

Diaspora: Me making Advent Children not suck. The end product will only bear a superficial resemblance to Advent Children, but I think that’s for the best. Strong case for this one being next, just so people will know what I consider “baseline canon” more or less (starting with an AU was a mistake). Also I really really really want to write a thing where Cloud interacts with a whole lot of kids because I think he’d be great with them, and The Number I lends itself very poorly to that despite the hints of it that I managed to cram in. Motorcycles and Jenova cults and Reunion, oh my.

She That Waits: Better title pending. Silent Hill and It – two great tastes that taste great together. What’s Dead And Buried (aka that time I just posted chapter 18 of The Number I as its own story to see how many random passersby would be interested in it on its own merits) was actually me focus testing some things for this story. People seem to have responded positively, and this is officially the next thing on the list, so there is a strong case for it being the next main project. 

BORD SHILLING. I LIKE BORB. [Better Title Pending]: Me yelling at Square for throwing around buzzwords. ANGEL WINGS DREAMS HONOUR DARKNESS SEE LOOK I CAN DO IT TOO. Postgame. For @limbostratus. Very sad, very sweet (I hope). Also probably kinda weird. Has priority due to being physically higher on the list and also for a friend. Also lower stakes than The Number I (though hopefully just as upsetting), which I think I might need.

Meddling Kids: Also high on the queue, also lower stakes, and probably a bit more lighthearted than some of the other stuff here. Modern Day AU. I’ve been enthusiastic about this idea for a while but just don’t have much of a plot for it yet. Pretty gay. Involves me printing out that one picture of Aeris wearing the skate-punk shorts and sneakers, grinding it into powder, and doing the entire rail off a picture of Bill Murray.  

A Symphony For Crows [Better Title Pending, god that one’s pretentious]: Me scraping up the remains of a novel I once wanted to write ever since I was like ten before I realised I didn’t give a rat’s ass about the characters I created and was a thousand times more invested in the cast of some RPG from the nineties and threw out the whole thing. Original setting. High fantasy. Oldschool faeries. Probably very flowery. Inspired by The Snow Queen a bit. Potentially the longest fic on here, apart from…

[Title Pending]: Me violently spewing hatred at the VII fanbase via allegory. That’s not what this started out as, honestly, but I noticed after a while that that’s sure what was sneaking in as unintentional subtext, so I just decided to roll with it. Partially the remains of several scrapped RP campaigns, partially some headcanons that I have kicking around that I realised could form a coherent story. Will not be published without at least getting Diaspora out of the way first. It’ll be tricky to pull off, due to its length, due to the fact that half of it is very OC heavy apart from Zack as the narrative shifts around, and due to the sheer scale of the fucking thing. I don’t know what order most of these are going to be in (and am accepting feedback on what you guys want to see first), but this one is definitely lower.

Dollhouse: Another story lower on the queue. Given that said queue is 40 fucking stories, “low” in this context means like… ten or eleven at most? but it’s not getting immediately published. Probably the darkest thing on this list, apart from maybe ^that one, and even then I think this one might be a little more upsetting. Won’t be published for a while because it’s the most OC-heavy story I have, and because I need to firmly establish myself as Not Crazy I Promise before I put it up. Thriller/psychological horror. 

[Title Pending] but I’ve been calling it Dumpsterman Roadtrip in my head: Cloud and Sephiroth and me examining their dynamic properly since no one else seems to be doing that. Not necessarily a redemption fic. I don’t know yet. Still a bit fuzzy, I haven’t done much concrete planning with it yet. It’s infuriating to me that there are a thousand million fics focusing on Cloud and Sephiroth’s relationship, and not a damn one of them does it properly despite being handed this great dichotomy on a silver platter. I get “OMG WHAT A SADIST THAT LIVES TO TORTURE THIS ONE MAN” is easier to write, but that doesn’t make it even remotely better. 

FROG ADVENTURE [Better Title Pending]: Cloud gets turned into a frog, separated from the group before anyone can realise what’s happened, spends like a year as a frog trying not to get eaten. The only G-rated one on the pending-projects list, I think. Still working out how I’m gonna handle this considering it’s also going to be either very OC-heavy or Cloud will be the only character saying anything throughout the entire thing. Either could be an interesting experiment. Classic sixties children’s book vibes for this one. 

The Doublemint Twins Visit the Kierkegaard Retrospective [Better Title Pending but I think this one is pretty good]: This fic used to be way different in the planning stages! In fact it was originally for sure going to be the next thing I wrote, but as I expanded the outline more and more everything just kept getting darker and darker and eventually I couldn’t figure out a single conceivable way there could be a happy ending. I consider happy (or at least bittersweet) endings mandatory for everything I write, so in the end I wound up scrapping it for a while until I picked up the bits I could still work with and rearranged them a little. This one’s still pretty existentialist, I think, but nowhere near as grim. I have no idea how to end this one either, but at least it doesn’t seem as grim as the last one did, which originally involved Cloud finding a lot of the clones (as in actual clones, not the way the story uses the term) Hojo made of him for the sake of backup organ harvesting still alive, and it turns out he’s also a clone, and the whole thing kind of devolved from there as I struggled to figure out what the fuck to do with like ten different Clouds that would end even remotely well. Also, I feel like a lot of people have done clones and siblings or whatever, but I have yet to see anyone that’s done this. 

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

@cateringisalie, @auncyen, and @farfromdaylight are like the only people I read anyway. I can’t answer this question without my very very obvious bias showing. They have an actual understanding of the characters and don’t write the same fucking thing over and over again and that’s already more than anyone else is doing. 

39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

Only the weird one that called me double reverse racist against myself and also Christians. 

I thrive off of negativity and the knowledge of how terrible everyone’s tastes are is enough to give me the inspiration to write entire goddamn novels, as you can see. 

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Season Finale Recap: Just Put Me Out of My Goddamn Misery (PART TWO)

Since everyone bitches and whines about how long my recaps are, I separated them into two parts. Pick up a book, you lazy pieces of shit and read part 1 here >>

Chuck is like, were not going to win so next match ceremony Im picking Britni and everyone is like Chuck and Alec start yelling at each other and having a food fight, which pisses off Alec more because hes a firm believer that you should never waste food.

Alec: WE SHOULD NEVER QUIT Chuck: Eat a dick dude

Chuck goes up to push Alec, which is a huge mistake surfer brah, and Alec shoves Chuck to the ground like hes made of paper. Alec, congrats, your ovaries have officially transformed into a small chode of a penis. Gotta start somewhere.

Britni is like You would shove Chuck, who btw looks like a Ken doll version of the lead singer of AFI, for money?! Thats some shit ONLY poor people would say. Britni, people have done way worse shit for way less money. Read a book, tune into the news, watch Empire (or read my recaps).

Rashida and Devin are like And I agree. I did not sit through 10 weeks of this retarded shit to watch yall give up.

Devin is like If I can get this fresh batch of mentally incapable humans to win this stupid fucking reality show, it would be equivalent to the greatest feat in sports history. Which sport? Speed walking? Turn on ESPN Devin, I fucking dare you.

Zak and Hannah are mourning the fact that they arent a match, and tbh, I am too.

Cheyenne is talking to Devin about how he is disrespectful and is like

Devin: (actual quote) Im a shit head, but not a total shit head. – I honestly dont even need to try and be funny for these recaps, they all say enough stupid shit where I dont even have to try.

THE GAME

Chuck is like, I was hammered last night and said dumb shit and Im going to actually play this thing. Thank god Chuck, otherwise I seriously would have cunt punted you, and your little dog too! (Britni)

The game is the easiest one of the season: its an obstacle course with girls sitting on their back. There is a true/false section, where if the team guesses it right, then they get 30 seconds off their time.

Zak and Kayla are in first, which is crazy because Zak might be the smallest out of all of them. Alec is terrible with this shit and is back to being a giant bitch.

Melanie and Tyler go to the true or false thing, where Mel admits she offered Chuck a threesome, which is a new low.

Kayla and Zak win, being the Italian stallions. Rashida and Devin get second and Mel/Tyler get third because they answered the question right- aka, Mel is a closeted freak.

Stacey is talking to Nelson about how she has no idea who her match is and shes talking so fast I could have sworn it was a Gilmore Girls episode. You can def tell Stacey is fucking hammered in this, but its cool. I love Stacey. And apparently so does Nelson. Okay whatever.

Meanwhile, Alec is flirting with Amanda and Kiki is like WTF. Which is literally her reaction to everything- WTF.

THE DATE

Theyre hanging out on fucking boat that doesnt even have a bar. That sounds like some Life of Pi shit.

Devin and Rashida are flirting and shes like except this shitty white guy with a butt chin.

Zak and Kayla are like you remind me of my family so they must be a match- some fucking Freudian shit right there. Chelsey the aspiring psychologist is probably fucking creaming her pants somewhere in the distance.

Tyler and Melanie are like, were besties and Tyler thinks thats code for match but Mel was like,

THE TRUTH BOOTH

The group makes a smart decision for once ,(they probably all broke out in hives afterwards because we all know they are allergic to brainpower), and send Zak and Kayla to the truth booth. Hannah is like Hannah save the stupid lines for Hunter please, babe.

Zak and Kayla make their way to the truth booth, looking like a set of fraternal twins walking into their grandmas 90th birthday. Not gonna lie, Im stressed right now. Im on bottle number 2 of wine, and shit is REAL rn.

Results are in and- THEYRE A PERFECT MATCH! YAAAAAAASSSS.

Everyone is screaming and jumping while Hannah is like, . Its okay Hanz, its not like these matches are real. Those rules arent even real! They were real that day I wore a vest!

Alec and Kiki are flirting and they are drunk AF and Kiki is like Shes talking about how she got stupid fucking matching bracelets for her perfect match and Im like

Devin is doing his shit math again using red solo cups, I feel like an algebra class is being taught in a frat house. Aka this shit is dumb AF.

They determine there are two scenarios- one where Kiki mtches with Alec, and one where she doesnt. Guess which one best friends forever bracelet Kiki wants?

The decide to use deductive reasoning and rationality.

Jk, they decide to flip a fucking coin. I CANT RIGHT NOW WITH YOU PEOPLE. Hunter is like Here is a quarter and ew, I dont trust anyone who has change offhand like that. Get a fucking debit card, you hillbilly fuck.

Kiki is upset because they get scenario one, but you know if the coin flipped for the scenario she wanted shed be like PERFECT! ITS ALL SETTLED, THIS COIN IS HOLY.

Tyler is like, Fuck your heart Tyler, fuck it. Austin is like WOAH you need to figure this shit out. Like I dont mean to sound aggressive, but if you fuck us all over were probs gonna stab you.

Never did I ever think that the game would rest in Tylers hands. Take a drink to that.

THE FINAL MATCH UP CEREMONY

Devin is like, there is a high possibility we lose- not high, almost definite. But he thinks they chose scenario one for a reason, that reason being a coin flip.

Ryan gives some speech about love and how they need it and its like, save it Ryan. Empire comes on in 20 minutes and I need to get this show on the road.

Austin is first and he picks Britni– basing it off the fact that he wanted a girlfriend who would be a ghost for most of their relationship and they would get together eventually when it was convenient. You know what thats called? A fuckbuddy. You came on a reality show to find a fuckbuddy. May I suggest Tinder next time?

Hunter is next, and Ryan is like, do you all have a strategy? And hes like clearly fate isnt on our side, so we decided to do a coin flip. So, fates not on your side, and you decided to rely on it again? Seems legit.

Ryan is like, And Connor and Chelsey are like

Hunter picks Hannah, which is a weird match but whatever I dont care anymore. Im gonna be honest, this whole season I thought Hunter was secretly gay.

Devin is up next and he picks Rashida. Rashida, girl, I have been praying for you. Clearly I am a sinner because my prayers have not been well received. My b.

Tyler is up next and were all on edge. Hes like I think Melanie is my match truly and this is the biggest plotline he has had all season, so hes rollin with it. Tyler ends up picking Cheyenne, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Alec picks Amanda, and Kiki is like WTF (again). What is she gonna do with her bracelet?!!!!

Nelson picks Stacey and RyDev is like, And shes like, Okay, thatll work. Cant wait for an invite to the wedding.

Chuck is up next and gives an inspiring speech. Well, it would be inspiring if he wasnt talking to a band of idiots who put their fate in a coin toss and if he didnt look like a homeless folk singer.

Chuck picks Melanie. Shes like, well this sucks because well never date because hes still fucking Brittni. Maybe you can get that threesome you wanted, skank.

Kiki is last, and ends up alone, well, because her match is Mike. #tbt to Mike. LOL. She shows those bracelets to Ryan and Ryan tries so hard not to fucking vomit on her. Kiki is like I am not confident at all Mike is my match and honestly, ditto.

The beams and RyDevs dramatic hand motions begin. They get 4 beams, which they have never gotten before, so #progress..They get a 5th, then a 6th, then a 7th. Everyone is on edge as fuck, and I am stunned into complete silence at home. Even my boyfriend, who has migrated out of the room is whispering no fucking way to himself. Idk if he is saying that because hes surprised Im silent for once, or surprised that they just might actually win.

They get 8 OMG, They literally need one more to win the fucking game. Im shaking.

THEY GOT TEN BEAMS! THEY WIN THE FUCKING GAME.

MIRACLES HAPPEN (queue song from The Princess Diaries)

MTV IS THE LAND OF DREAMS

IM CRYING

IM SCREAMING, I FEEL THINGS

Okay, Im back. Wow Im hammered. So its made clear- either MTV is a magical place where miracles prevail, or this shit is staged AF. I mean, we all saw The Hills.

Wow, thats it for this season and this truly unique group of escaped mental patents. Thanks for reading, even though, lets be honest- I made your shitty Thursdays infinitely better. And to the cast who read and tweeted me, thanks for having a thick skin. Low key surprised I havent received a death threat from Britni by now. Good luck existing in the real world, you all are sure gonna need it. And if youre ever in California, come buy me a beer, because god knows I deserve one for putting up with your shit.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-season-finale-recap-just-put-me-out-of-my-goddamn-misery-part-two/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178560286887