#honestly if you ask me for advice I'm just going to seize your shoulders stare you square in the eyes and say

[stucknthemiddleff]

Jealousy 1.18

Put It Up - Chris Brown Ft. Rihanna

Advice - Kehlani

See Through - Chris Brown

Rock Bottom - Pleasure P Ft. Lil Wayne

Kiss It Better - Rihanna

Stuck N The Middle

July•

Dana

The sun sat perfectly on the horizon of the ocean, all the while everyone sat on the deck just enjoying the view. The light warm winds were perfect all day. Music played from the radio adding to the calming vibe. I got a tan, as so did Cari seeing her bikini line when she moved it a bit off her shoulder.

The turkey bacon sandwiches Cassie had made for lunch were the most delicious I had ever had. It mentally made me note on why Cari was such a good cook. She may not have always got along with her mother, but she picked up a good few traits.

Cooper and Cari played cards with Clay and it seemed every moment Calen got a chance, he eye raped me in only the cover up showing my bikini.

The funny thing is he did it so trained, like he's done it before. It had to be one of his secrets of using those seducing brown piercing eyes of his. My libido was on one hundred percent because of his lustful stares.

"So Dana, do you date like Cari here that I didn't even know had a boyfriend." Cassie spoke up making the comfortable vibe shift a bit.

"Um, yes I-"

"Calen, why can't you keep your big ass mouth shut?" Cari yelled over the wind that picked up a bit on the boat.

"Man, you the one acting like she wasn't going to find out anyways. Should of brought the nigga." Calen laughed making Cooper join in.

"Yo, stop talking about my nigga like that, he cool." Cooper tried defending Bryson. I just shook my head since I still hadn't been able to answer Cassie's question.

"Can y'all please stop saying that derogatory language please." Cassie asked looking over at Calen and Cooper. With with a smile she looked back my way waiting for her answer.

"To answer your question Cassie, yeah I do. Women." I answered honestly, feeling Calen's eyes grill me all humor gone.

"Oh alright, I don't discriminate with that. Just as long as you let me know you're trying to date my daughter or not." Cassie laughed.

"Oh no, Cari and I are like sisters." I smiled, even though I've thought about it in the past. That is until Calen Rodriguez sat next to me in a club one night.

"More like your son." Calen muttered making my heart drop. Cari snickered.

"What was that Calen?" Cassie asked from across the boat.

"Nothing, I'm just talking to myself." He blinked his squinty eyes at me, letting me know he was high and trying to be an ass.

"Well, we should be heading back before it gets too dark. I am wore out." Clay announced standing to his feet.

"Yeah, I'll go up with you babe." Cassie offered standing with him, they departed to the upper deck.

Cari and Cooper seized playing cards, while Calen took something white from behind his ear. Taking a little black lighter out of his shorts pocket, he lit the spliff taking a pull.

It never amazed me more with anyone else than it did when he smoked, he made it look so sexy. Catching me stare at him, he turned his head to the side winking at me.

Fighting the smile that wanted to come upon my lips I stood with Cari, needing to get as far from him as I could on this boat.

"Ready to change out of these bathing suits?" She asked while I nodded. We went down to the lower deck, I entered into the room where I had left my clothes earlier. Slowly I changed back into my white shirt and black shorts that stopped at the space of my upper thighs.

Pulling my hair into a messy bun, I couldn't wait to take a shower. Opening the door again, I was glad that Calen wasn't surprisingly standing outside the room waiting for me like earlier.

I could feel the boat starting to move again, letting me know we were going back to land. My first boat experience wasn't all that bad and I wouldn't mind doing it again. Mostly because I knew how to swim thanks to Calen now.

It infatuated me at how many firsts I had experienced with him that I never thought I would. Somewhere inside me, I knew there would be more. But before there would be, I needed to tell him and ask of my curiousness on what took place while we were apart.

It mattered to me, and if he was done with lying about something that should be small, he would have no problem with telling me. Thinking about him holding that gun still made me shiver.

Staying quiet would be done, as much as I wanted him. He still needed to know how much of a wreck he made me. I couldn't just forget the pain, it was still there.

Once docked everyone started taking things back to the house, I being last out the cabin behind Cari I grabbed my book bag. My arm was pulled instantly back into the cabin once everyone was off.

It was Calen.

"There's lights that lead to the guesthouse on the sand, come tonight."

"I don't know." I sighed looking up at him, he did a small conniving smile stretching his freckles a bit exiting out the boat.

"Why?" He asked with urgency slowing his feet a little to walk alongside me to the house.

"Because we have things to discuss." I told him, my eyes darted over to see his reaction. Remaining silent he had a confused look on his face.

"Like what?" He finally asked, "We already talked."

"Calen for one-"

"I'm done with you rejecting me, I'm not about to be so lenient this time." He growled clenching his jaw, still keeping his eyes towards the house.

"Calen-"

"No, why you denying us, tell me?" He cut me off again, I walked a little slower becoming aggravated with him. Like what happened to respecting my wishes?

Following behind him, he stopped blocking the way inside the back patio doors.

"Calen." I groaned, irritated by how he was acting. I really wanted to shower and get the saltwater off my body.

"What?" He asked clad in a thin white t shirt, his tattooed torso could be seen through it. Leaning against the door frame he acted like he was picking something off his arm.

"Move." I ordered wide eyed at him.

"Make me." He challenged, I smirked at him seeing Cassie standing behind him with a look of disapproval on her face.

"Calen Antoine-Ruiz Rodriguez, stop being rude and go get the rest of the stuff off the boat." She ordered as he just looked at me with an evil grin moving to go back to the boat. What the hell was up with him?

"I am so sorry, he has his moments where he's-"

"Bipolar, yeah I know he....I mean Cari told me." I blinked catching myself. Cassie smiled with a small nod. That was close.

"Yeah." She did a soft chuckle, not noticing I was screaming on the inside.

"I'm going to go hit the shower, thank you again for a beautiful day Ms. Rodriguez." I smiled at her beginning to move my feet, knowing I needed to get away before something I said messed up everything.

"Please call me Cassie, Dana. Plus it was a pleasure to go out on the water today it has been some time." She rubbed my arm beginning to walk in the kitchen. Probably to get dinner started I noticed Cassie liked to cook like all her children weren't grown.

Giving her one last nod I made my way to the stairs. Back to the guest room I finally was actually comfortable to sleep in. It made me see with Cassie just how much she missed everyone being all home together again.

I couldn't bring my drama here with me between Calen and I when she was just so happy. He was being weird anyways, I wish he would just chill out. It's like my bikini turned him into the cocky arrogant guy I first met months ago.

"Hey, I'll be in my room so just come over when you finish." Cari popped her head in my door that I hadn't locked.

"Okay, yeah." I nodded at her and she stared at me up and down.

"Did you take the pill?" She asked me.

"Yes, I took it." I sighed looking away from her searching with my eyes and hands for my pajamas. Didn't matter, Calen still wasn't getting none as long as I wasn't alone with him. I honestly didn't know what guards he would make come down without question if we were alone.

"Good, even though I would love to be an auntie." She laughed at me, I could feel myself blushing.

"Cari!" I yelled at her as she shut the door back. Having a kid with Calen, it never dawned upon me. But we had a lot to work on before we even get to the point of creating life.

After showering, I put on a black tshirt and some matching pajama shorts. My phone that Cari let me borrow until I got another vibrated on the bed while I brushed out my hair a bit. Picking it up, I saw it was a text. I didn't even give him this number, I don't know how he had it.

Calen: You still coming tonight????? (Sat, 8:31PM)

Putting my phone back down, I decided to ignore him. All he wanted was some ass and I wanted answers. Until he would give me what I wanted he wasn't getting shit from me, not this time.

Exiting out the guest room I smelled food in the hall, but decided not to go downstairs without Cari. My stomach roared from the smell and couldn't wait to go eat. Going to Cari's room, I opened the door to see her fully naked sitting on her bed having a video chat with Bryson.

"Oh my gosh!" I yelled closing the door back, they were so nasty. Standing in the hall with my back against the door, I could hear Cari laughing and I just shook my head.

"Are you done?" I asked after somewhat five minutes had went by.

"I am now." She answered like she was more relieved. Goodness my best friend was a freak with her boyfriend. Opening the door again, she had a sports bra on and boy shorts.

"Why didn't you have your door locked?" I asked closing it back once I stepped all the way in her room.

"Everyone usually knocks in this house." She told me going into her closet, her laptop on her bed was closed thankfully.

"Wow, my bad then." I spoke sarcastically sitting on her bed.

"So tell me what's up with you and Calen. Y'all beefing?" She asked coming back in her room with a shirt on, some shorts in her hand.

"He just for some reason thinks everything is suppose to go back to normal, after half explaining why he just left." I told her watching while she put one leg in after the other in her shorts.

"So he didn't he give you a full explanation, because Dana you were like a fucking ghost for the past three months." She told me, being the only real eye witness of the depression Calen put me through.

"Yep, didn't get the whole thing." I told her.

"Well why the fuck did he just up and leave?" She asked me in annoyance. To protect you, and the rest of your family from my crazy ass ex, or so he says.

"Shit that he had no control of, came into his life and he just had to leave." I spoke with half truths. Cari would probably just think I was lying if I told her the truth. It was just something that was incomprehensible unless you saw the truth.

I knew Calen didn't want his sister or any of his family to know the danger he felt he put them in, all over loving me. Shit I didn't even want them to know.

"That's what he won't tell you, what the shit was?" She asked sitting on the bed with me.

"Yeah, part of it." I did a half smile looking down at her bed.

"Well, he shouldn't get nothing until he tells you all. I know you already know what to do, so I won't say no more." She shrugged her shoulders, I did a quick nod with a shrug.

Cari was so understanding, and she already half knew how her brother was so she could understand what I was going through with him. His mysteriousness and charm.

"Only thing I will say, is I can tell he still is in love with you so be careful." She warned me, "I've never seen an in-love-Calen, and he has it bad for you Dana."

"Thanks Car." I smiled at her, made me wonder if her mother noticed too.

"Anytime." She smiled back, "Sorry about the video chat thing."

"Let's just go eat and not even talk about that please." I laughed standing up off her bed, she followed suit.

"Okay." She laughed turning the lights off in her room, and we headed downstairs to eat. I was certain after all the shit I've been through, I could take Calen. I hoped.

~

Calen

Leaning up against the railing of the patio outside, I pulled from my blunt wondering what the fuck was taking her so long to respond back to my text. Letting the purple kush leave my lungs, I closed my eyes feeling so wound up.

I needed her touch, the smell of her on me, I wanted it all. No matter what I've done since being here the itch just wouldn't go away. Didn't know how much longer I could hold out.

"Calen, what did you do?" My mothers voice came from behind. Fuck.

"What are you talking about ma?" I asked not looking back towards her.

"I talked to Zeus." She told me.

"That's nice, how's my uncle doing?" I asked nonchalantly. Old ass just couldn't keep his mouth closed about our business.

"Calen, tell me what the fuck happened that you needed weaponry from my brother." She seethed, making me glad I was somewhat past my usual high.

"A problem, that I took care of." I told her, turning towards her she gave me a cold hard stare of ice, "Nothing for you to worry about."

"Bullshit, tell me right now." She demanded, "Who helped you take care of this problem?"

"Mother, everything is alright." I tried persuading her.

"Ahora mismo!" She screeched at me.

"Family, in New York." I huffed putting out my blunt, I was hungry and done talking about this.

"The Latin Kings, you're back with them now aren't you?" She asked me, heart break in her eyes, "They are not your family."

"No ma." I groaned in irritation, "Come on I'm hungry can we go eat?"

"They always want a debt repaid for something, yes you are!" She yelled while I walked past her, she grabbed my arm stopping me.

"I don't want to lose you to that fuckin' gang Calen." She told me in anger.

"You're not." I told her, pulling her into a hug she held me tightly. Closing my eyes, I didn't think she would let our talk the other day go. But honestly I didn't care about none of that shit right now.

When I eventually got back to the states I would have to link back up with Lupe. But for now my only focus was Dana, and I needed her. I went into the dirty of my past life to have her here with me, and I'll be damned if I let her slip through my fingers again.

She was the only link that would keep me from sinking back into that life, and she needed to know that. I just needed the chance to get her alone.

~

Dana

Everyone sat around the table in the kitchen eating burgers and hot dogs along with barbecued chicken that Clay put on his grill for dinner. It was all delicious, including the salad that Cassie prepared. I was glad she didn't have to do as much cooking.

The table was cherry every now and then, but the only non cherry part was Calen's absence from the table. No one spoke on it and I felt somewhat responsible. After dinner, Clay and Cassie said their goodnights.

Cari and I headed back into her room just to chill and probably watch a movie or something. There was a knock at her door before Cooper popped his head inside.

"See, Cooper knocked." Cari laughed and I gave her the middle finger.

"Nope, I have a boyfriend for that," She smirked at my hand, "He's just so far away." Cari complained in a whine laying on her side.

"Ew, um, if ma and dad ask I went out okay?" He muttered, having both of us sit up from his words.

"Where you going?" Cari asked, exactly the question in my mind. This nigga was trying to sneak off to probably go see a female.

"To a party, if y'all must know, and no y'all can't come." He told us, Cari scoffed at him.

"Bullshit we going nigga, where the hell the party even at?" She asked.

"The Hernandez estate." He huffed shaking his head.

"Wait, the twins are having their summer party tonite?" Cari asked. Twins?

"Cari, come on I'm already late." Cooper complained watching her get out of bed skipping to her closet.

"Cooper it is only ten thirty, you aren't missing shit." She yelled walking back out of her closet with an outfit she looked down at me, "You in the mood for partying?"

"It's been a while since I've had a-"

"It's settled we going!" She shouted, "Cooper don't you try and leave either or ma and pa will know you took the boat."

"Fuck man, this is why I don't tell y'all shit." He grumbled at us, and we laughed at him as he shut the bedroom door back.

"Let's get ready shall we?" She smiled pulling me up from my seat on the bed.

When Cari was talking about the boat I thought she meant the yacht but I was wrong, there was another small boat that we took. In the night it went fast down the coast. I wondered why they didn't tell Calen anything but he probably didn't want to go.

Coming to a small dock, it was the back of a huge, and I mean huge estate. Bodies danced back and forth while music blasted from speakers on the pool deck.

Some girls only walked around in bikinis while others were fully dressed. I was glad I kept it simple with my outfit. Cari took my hand leading me with Cooper in front deeper towards the house.

"Who are all these people?" I shouted to Cari over the music.

"Only the rich kids of the island that are somebody's really." She told me, her smile was an elite one. It dawned on me that the Rodriguez family must had a high reputation if Cooper was invited here.

"What's up nigga!" Cooper yelled embracing some guy who had pretty light brown eyes.

"Coop! Was good and I see you brought Cari, it's always good to see you hun." The pretty browned eyed guy spoke, then his eyes shifted to me.

"Yeah, they caught me before I could sneak away." Cooper muttered to the guy.

"Hello Chance, good to see you again. This is just my friend Dana." Cari introduced me to the tall skinny guy that must have been the host of the huge party.

"Pleasures all mine. Caliente." He spoke taking my right hand he kissed the back of it with warm lips.

"Um, yeah nice to meet you." I spoke with a light chuckle at him, slipping my hand out his grip.

"Oh and from the U.K. Well, well, you have definitely out did yourself Coop." Chance smiled with pretty white teeth at me.

"Yeah, anyways where's the fuckin' drinks man?" Cooper asked.

"Yeah, follow me. You ladies want a drink?" Chance asked us and Cari nodded along with me in unison.

"Follow me." He nodded, walking through the crowds of bodies enjoying themselves.

~

Calen

Laying on my bed, I stared up at the ceiling wishing she would just answer her phone. Tapping my hand on my knee, I tried to just call Dana but her phone just kept ringing. She was seriously just ignoring my ass.

"Fuck." I groaned sitting up in my bed. I scanned through my endless thread of messages on my phone and saw one from Coop I must have ignored.

Coop: going to the Hernandez party, know you might not go with the funk yo ass been in. but it would mean a lot if your ass showed up. (Sat, 10:45PM)

That was thirty minutes ago, and I didn't really want to go. My ass wasn't in the mood for partying I wanted to be laid up with my girl.

Being desperate, I called Cari's phone just to see if Dana was just sleep or some shit. It rung like three times before her ass answered. Immediately I heard loud ass music in the background.

"Hello?" She answered sounding confused.

"Cari, where the hell you at?" I asked and she laughed in my ear. Some nerve she got.

"Calen you are not my dad, what the hell you want?" She asked me, and I was already getting annoyed with her.

"You at the Hernandez party?" I asked her hoping she was anywhere else.

"Yeah and I'm not alone." She spoke sing songy, "Need to get your shit together Calen."

Then she hung up, in my face.

Get my shit together huh?

Guess I'm going to a party.

~

Dana

I sat on a stool by the huge bar with Cari that looked like it belonged in a club. Wrapping my lips on a cup of sex on the beach, it made my front lobe fuzzy way too soon. It was my first cup and I probably had about three more sips in it.

"Want another babe?" Cari asked me and i cheesed nodding at her. She chuckled at my tipsy ass before turning towards the bar, telling the bad female that was making drinks for another order.

"This wasn't a bad idea, even though Cooper was against it." I mumbled in her ear since the music was more louder in the section of the estate we were in than outside.

"Nah, it wasn't. But anyways, Cooper was nothing compared to how Calen will react." She laughed making me confused.

"What you mean?" I asked her, how would Calen would know we were here.

"His party pooping ass called me like ten minutes ago, he's probably not going anywhere anyways." Cari shrugged sipping from a clear straw in her glass.

She was right, I wasn't going to let the fear of Calen coming trying to start some shit get to me. Just enjoy myself like how I should. I was on vacation dammit.

Some guy came out of nowhere drunk as hell obviously and walked right into me with his drink. It was like I didn't even have time to react.

"Shit!" I groaned standing up out the stool, what mad it worse was the twins; Chance and his brother Chris was standing by us talking to Cari and Cooper.

The coincidence that they had names starting with a C also was weird, but I paid it no mind.

"Oh, well damn ain't you wearing your drink." Some girl laughed, I felt so embarrassed.

"Where's the bathroom?!" I yelled, ignoring Cari trying to wipe me with napkins.

"Um, you can use the one upstairs, third door on the right." Chance told me with a smile like he was trying to stifle his laugh.

Everyone was on the liq, and probably wouldn't remember this but it didn't make me feel any less humiliated. Storming off I went upstairs and by the time I got up there, automatically forgot what door Chance told me.

"Fuck." I mumbled, leaning up against the wall in the barely lit hallway. My flip flops padded gently on the hardwood floors, and I tried the first door. But it was just a linen closet, with only sheets and blankets.

"Oh my gosh!" I groaned going to the next door and taken aback, no horrified, embarrassed more by what I saw.

In the lightly lit room, a very tall light brown skinned guy stood, getting head from two different females. My mouth formed a huge O in embarrassment, his low sleepy eyes made eye contact with mine, not one hint of shock on his face.

"I am so sorry." I yelled immediately closing the door back, leaning against it with my back. Calming my heart I leaned up off the door going to the next finding the bathroom finally.

Closing the door behind me, I got a towel sitting on the toilet. The one exclusive high society party of this island and I was soon to be the laughing stock of it. I dabbed the wet spot on my shirt a few more times, looking myself in the mirror.

"You're supposed to be having fun Dana." I breathed and looked over myself once more. Being satisfied with my shirt and whole look I decided to exit the bathroom.

Opening the door I was met with those sleepy eyes again on the tall guy, who I walked in on. Shit, he's going to banish me from the house.

"Um...." I didn't know what to say looking up at him, he blew smoke from his full lips just staring down at me a dark look in his eyes.

"Do you need to use the bathroom or something?" I asked him and he shook his head at me.

"No." He spoke, "Never seen you before around here."

"Oh, yeah I'm not from here." I nodded sounding like an idiot.

"That's obvious." He muttered taking a pull from his blunt, "Who you here with?"

"Um, Cooper and Cari." I told him, like he knew who that was. Probably didn't even live here. He analyzed me once in confusion.

"Rodriguez." I continued and then he did a slow nod.

"Oh...he's back then." The guy spoke confusing me.

"Whose back?" I asked him, he leaned back on the opposite wall from me. A door down the hall opened, and the two females that I walked in earlier with the guy went down the hall.

"I'm August." He spoke to me pulling my attention back on him, "Hernandez."

"Dana, Ross." I smiled and he cracked one too. It was beautiful, I forgot a moment that I was in an awkward moment with him a while ago.

"Nice to meet you Dana." He spoke taking another pull from his blunt, "You smoke?"

"Oh, nah I drink. But someone spilled their drink on me thinking I wear it too." I spoke in annoyance, August did a small chuckle.

"Sorry about my rude guests, you want another outfit to change into?" He asked me, I had to admit it surprised me.

"Oh no, I'm fine. Being in your house is enough for me, it's beautiful by the way." I told him in honesty.

"Thank you, and I like your voice it's beautiful too." He told me, "Nah, more like sexy."

"Uh, thank you." I could feel myself blushing in front of this guy that was more than intimidating in his own way. He was handsome I had to admit.

"Dana!" A familiar voice yelled from down the hall, I turned towards the sound along with August. Calen walked down the hall quickly looking me up and down then put his sights on August.

"Hernandez." Calen muttered lowly towards August, he took another pull from his blunt staring back at Calen.

"Rodriguez." August spoke squinting his eyes at him.

"Dana, it's time to go, now." Calen told me still looking at August, they must have a very bad history.

"You're serious right now? All I was doing was using the bathroom." I huffed looking up at him, he was doing too much.

"Well are you done?" He asked looking down at me.

"Yeah." I breathed, feeling him grab my hand, and I waved bye at August. He nodded at me with a wave of his own, watching us walk off.

~

Calen never let my hand go even when we got to outside of the estate, he chirped an all black car. It was a BMW that I didn't even think came out yet.

"I'm not ready to leave yet." I told him, he looked angry at me clenching his jaw. He looked sexy when he was mad. Maybe it was the liquor in me, but I didn't even realize how long I had even been talking to August.

It seemed like it had only been barely five minutes. But it was longer than that, probably why Calen came upstairs looking for me.

"Dana, please get in the car or I'll make you." He threatened me. How dare he?

"Are you serious right now, I'll just go find Cari and leave with her." I told him beginning to walk away, and I was swept off my feet after only two steps. His Armani cologne invaded my nostrils deeply making me weaker than usual to fight him off.

"Calen!" I yelled while he put me in his car, he closed the door. Locked it with his key button every time I tried to unlock the door.

Getting in the drivers side, he pushed started the car driving off from the estate. I folded my arms over my chest, angry that he was trying to treat me like a child or something.

"So you're kidnapping me now, very mature." I scrunched my eyebrows in anger.

"I've been calling your damn phone all night, why you ignoring me?" He asked, thinking his question justified his actions obviously.

Low key his bold act did turn me on as much as I wanted to be mad at him.

"Until you were ready to just talk about stuff, I didn't want to hear nothing else." I told him, looking over he had his free hand holding his chin.

"We've talked Dana, I just wanted to-"

"Have sex, yeah I'm sure." I cut him off looking away from him.

He scoffed having me looking back over at him, "Believe me I want to do more than that to your ass."

"Calen!" I yelled not believing he was trying to joke around right now.

"What? I'm at least being honest, your ass act like you don't want me but I know better."

He drove down the road, turning on the overhead light to look for something.

"Don't try and tell me what I want." I spoke looking in his face and he smoothly made eye contact with me doing a squint of his eyes.

"Stop fronting with me Dana." He spoke softly, my heart skipped a beat as we kept eye contact, I looked away from him.

"That's what the fuck I thought."

"Swear you make me sick." I huffed looking away from him while he turned off the overhead light putting his spliff between his lips.

"I don't understand, how we got here." He muttered lighting a spliff, I looked over at him.

"You stopped loving me, that's how!" I yelled at him, taking another pull he put his blunt out, parking the car on the side of the road. Letting down his window he blew the smoke and turned towards me.

"I've never stopped fuckin' loving you!" He yelled at me clenching his jaw, "Everything I've done has been for you!"

"No, it's been for your family." I sniffled, "And I don't blame you for picking them over me I would've done the same."

"Fuck Dana, no, that's not how it is." He leaned closer to me, placing his right hand on my bare left thigh that my skirt didn't cover, "If you just give me the chance I'll tell you whatever you want, and you're all that matters to me."

"Well talk. Right now." I demanded in a softer tone looking over at him and I wish I hadn't. His brown eyes looked like fire staring me down. His warm right hand clenched my thigh gently.

"You switching our chains, that was strike one. I just felt my guards to respect what you want come down." He started, licking over his full pink lips slowly. It made me throb in hearing him bearing his thoughts, showing his sweet vulnerability.

His eyes analyzed me slowly, before he just moved the center down in the car so that he could move closer to me, this isn't going how I wanted in no way at all...but it just felt. Right.

"That fucking bikini was strike two, and then you rejected me in the boat..." He breathed moving his adam's apple while he talked and swallowed.

I couldn't talk, just get sucked up into him, fuck.

"Then seeing you talking to some other dude in the hall set me on fire, and I'm sorry for how I acted." He apologized in a soft tone, I felt his hand move further between my inner thighs.

"Calen." I groaned in frustration and want fearing for this to happen, he had me where I didn't need to be with him, we hadn't even talked yet.

"What?" He asked, his hand moving further he kept eye contact with me while cars passed us on the street.

"Can you please.." I breathed grabbing his tattooed diamond chained wrist feeling his fingertips reach the cloth of my panties.

"Stop?" He asked in a whispering purr, "Why when you know you don't fuckin' want me to baby?"

"Because we need to talk." I gasped taking in his fingers, after so long back where they were supposed to be.

"But, you dripping for me Dae." He whispered biting his bottom lip, his fingers slid left to right on my sensitive nub.

In little circles he rubbed up and down my center leaning more on my side of the car. Using his free hand he gripped my right thigh pulling my legs towards his side of the car.

"No, we need to-"

"We don't need to talk about shit." He looked into my eyes, throwing my shoes out the window pulling my hips closer to him. My head laid on the passenger seat I closed my eyes knowing I wasn't going to win, his soft hand gripped my body like I was his most prized possession.

Pushing my skirt up he ripped my panties in one swift move, I heard them tear slowly seeing he threw them out the car too. Then he kissed my left inner thigh with such gentle ease.

I gasped as he began to blow on me, reaching up his hand he moved my shirt up moving my bra out the way. Slowly his fingertips began to play with my left nipple.

"I fuckin' love you Dana, and I want you." Was his last words before he dived into my pearl like it had been centuries.

Slurping, sucking, moaning and groaning is all he put me through in eternal bliss his mouth made love to me, and he wasn't finished there.

"I don't want you to come like this, baby let me..." He trailed off softly grabbing my hips he stopped before I hit my peak, pulling me on top of him.

"Calen, we can't I-"

He pressed his mouth softly to mine kissing slow letting me taste myself, plunging his tongue down my throat. Tasting like sugar I indulged in his lips pulling away so I can breathe. Going for the sensitive spot on the right side of my neck next he bit, only to softly glide against the spot putting a hickie.

"Not like this, I don't want to lose my virginity like this!" I yelled at him, he had my nerves and emotions all over the place.

"Dana-"

"Just, lets go back to the house Calen. Now!" I yelled, glad he had stopped his attack on me before it went too far. I moved back over to my side of the car, feeling like an idiot that I went back on my word and promise to myself.

Fuck.

~~~

Thanks For Reading!😍

[aguydrawsgames]

I'm considering doing commissions, but I'm a little worried about it. I'm definitely not as good of an artist as a lot of the people I follow. You seem like you do a lot of commissions and I was hoping I could ask about it. Do you have any advice?

Oh boy okay long post incoming. Let me first apologize in advance for what may just end up sounding like dad-brand pragmatism, but I’ve done them off-and-on again for long enough to learn that honestly, commissions can be hard. Very rewarding sometimes, but hard. So here’s just what I, personally, have learned from my brushes with freelance commission work.

-Draw a lot and promote the holy hell out of it

I can’t judge whether anyone’s Good Enough to do commissions, but you lose nothing by trying! There’s a lot of skill out there; focus on yours. Post regularly, use the right tags (#commissions, #artists on tumblr, etc), and get used to reblogging yourself. Adding your information to as much of your own content as you can means that someone who hasn’t necessarily seen your formal commission page may see something else you’ve done, know you’re open, and can easily find out more.

-Simple, easy to digest pricing

This one might just be personal preference, actually. A simple, interesting commission page with a modest amount of clear-cut options is WAY more appealing to me (and easier to read) than something all over the place that requires me to do all my own math to figure out what the hell I’d be paying for what specific cocktail of services.

-Know what your time is worth

Commissioners come to you for a unique skill you can provide them, not the other way around. You’re not doing anyone a favor, you’re being compensated for your time and effort. It’s hard to balance prices that people will actually pay and a wage you deserve to be making (and we’re all underpaid here on tungle dot com, we just ARE), but charging

-Keep correspondence professional

Professional, not friendly. This is rrreallly important, especially if you hit it off and end up doing commission work long-term. Commissions are work and too few people recognize that. Establish professional boundaries with people right from the get-go, and stand by them. You owe as much as what the commissioner has paid for, and nothing else, and you’re gonna burn out real fast offering extra time and effort you’re not being compensated for, just to be Nice. DO be approachable, reasonable, and polite, but remember to protect yourself. ‘Specially if you’re a people-pleaser, like yours truly. Know the difference between making a small edit because you didn’t realize just how pointy a character’s nose was supposed to be, and revising 50% of your image for free because the commissioner changed their mind and expects the extra labor at no extra cost because “””it’s just art”””. And honestly? If that scares people off, fuck em. You don’t want to end up learning to tolerate that. It is an extremely difficult mindset to break once it sets in.

-Keep your expectations realistic

Maybe it won’t be an instant success. Every time is a gamble, yknow? Sometimes you get a lot of bites, then sometimes nothing at all. It’s normal. Commissions are not guaranteed, not for anyone, no matter how good they are, and if you can learn to go with the flow instead of getting too discouraged to keep promoting yourself, you’ll probably see more success. If the first time doesn’t work out, keep at it. Keep drawing, keep improving, keep putting yourself out there. There’s a lot of people who could be looking for exactly what you offer.

[naokow]

Get Free

 summary:  I want to get off, but I keep riding the ride, I never really noticed that I had to decide, to play someone's game, or live my own life.

warnings: angst, manipulating behaviour from eren, female reader (i’m sorry i didn’t make the reader genderless), cursing, smoking, drinking. let me know if i should add something else.

word count: 2.8k

A/N: so let me know if it sucked, pls, thank you. also, English is not my first language, so there can be mistakes pls tell me where my dumb ass was wrong

The hand on the waist was the final nail in the coffin for you.

How dare he dance with another girl. How dare he smile at her, how dare he ignore you and act like you weren't there, too.

"This is just pitiful," Marleen snorted, finishing half of her drink in a sip as she watched the same scene unfolding in the living room, those two uncaring of everyone else, like they were throwing it in your face.

You hummed, not really in the mood for taunts and half assed advices. "Which part?"

Marleen finished her drink and threw the cup over her shoulder, over the improvised bar the frat boys did last year with wood panels and boxes. It landed in the kitchen, someone yelling at the brunette as it nearly missed him.

 "You. Honestly, for the last time, you need to—"

Frowning, you tensed and turned to glare at her, only to stop staring at the dance floor. "Honestly, Marleen, for the last time, I'm not fucking Jean to get over Eren."

She raised her hands in mock surrender, taking the half empty bottle of beer from your loosened grasp. "Doesn't have to be Jean, pal."

Groaning, throwing your head back dramatically, you couldn't find it in yourself to debate this subject, again.

Not that it mattered. Not like it was supposed to be a fun night at a frat house. Not like you made a fuss about it, dressed in your best leather pants and top, tattoos on display.

Not like you actually tried a bolder look with the cat like eyeliner and actually put on lip gloss, because you knew Eren liked those, said once your lips were pretty like that, coated with too much cherry glitter—

No, it didn't matter, not even as you sat there, feeling stupid as you pulled at your snake bites, wondering if you should get drunk or just go back to your dorm and complain to Annie.

But the blonde was at the party, too, somewhere among the crowd and probably sulking just as you, if you were to guess after seeing Armin with some junior chick an hour ago.

Marleen pushed herself away from the counter, losing her balance as she fell from the chair, but you saw it coming. Rolling your eyes, you caught her arm and steadied her.

Marleen grinned as you let her go, and seized your bicep, squeezing it three times, like a grandmother would with her grandchildren's cheeks.

"God, I love your muscles."

You loved them, too, but often found yourself wondering if Eren would pick you if you looked different, like the pretty, thin brunette wrapped around him on the dance floor.

God, how much can someone dance?

"Anyway," Marleen sighed, fake annoyance and all that, "Someone has to fuck Jean."

You snorted, "Poor you, volunteering like that for society."

She waved you off, pushing your now empty beer bottle into your chest as she left your side with her arms in the air, waving franatically to catch Jean's attention from his seat on the couch, where Connie was trying to explain something with his fingers.

Putting the bottle behind you on the counter, you tried to stop yourself from looking at him. What good did it do to—

He was gripping her waist, his large hands, clad in rings you got for his last birthday, covering her exposed skin. Her arms were in his hair as he bent to say something in her ear—

No, you noticed, he was kissing her neck and she was grinning sideways at Eren.

Scoffing, you tugged at one of the pierces in your nose. You should know better by now, Marleen once chided after cleaning your face off, ruined make up almost dried on your cheeks.

He knows, Annie scolded from beside you two in the small public bathroom after Eren ruined karaoke night and brought his new girlfriend.

He knows you love him and doesn't care. So do yourself a favour and move on.

Yeah, you watch Eren laugh at something the girl said, move on from the crush you had on him since you were sixteen and his hair was still short and he was crying over his parents' divorce.

Sure, move on and forget all the times you helped him, picked the pieces and put him first. Like he did, all those years going down the drain ever since the school year started and he barely acknowledged you.

"You look like shit," someone took the seat next to you, and you sighed before accepting the offered red solo cup.

"Feel like it, too," you looked at Levi snorting as he sipped on his beer. He looked like he just got out of bed.

Right, you scowled at yourself. You've been so busy preparing to let Eren walk all over you, that you forgot that Levi lived in the frat house that hosted the party.

Hange was talking Erwin's ears off, but he smiled and waved at you from where he stood close to the oven, once you looked over your shoulder to inspect who was there. Hange imitated his gesture without turning to see who, exactly, they were saluting.

Levi ignored them altogether, hair disheveled from his twitching fingers. He probably had a nap, you guessed, from the simple black shirt and jeans. Most likely got dragged down from his room by Zeke, or someone.

You knew him well enough, since he bumped into you almost one year ago, in the parking lot where you were smoking, asking for a lighter. Sure, he ignored your bad mood since you walked over to class when Eren forgot to pick you up.

It was just one time.

It wasn't until many months later that he picked a habit of ditching you and your plans together.

Levi was older by two years, and so were his friends, but they took you under their wing almost immediately.

They were protective of you, especially Hange, but no one came close to Levi anytime Eren made you cry or upset you with anything.

Like now, as he glared at the place where you already knew Eren was having fun with the girl. But you chose to look at Levi, chin in the palm of your hand.

Finally, he turned to take you in, his eyes catching onto the fact that you wore the rings and choker he got for you over the last year, then the many earrings Hange and Erwin got you anytime you wanted another pierce.

"Well, you sure look worse than me," you smirked, but Levi frowned at your attempt.

"He did it again?"

You couldn't find it in yourself to get mad at his words, "He just forgot, is all."

Levi snorted, "He should get checked for that Alzheimer he's been sporting for the last months."

You hit his arm, barely touching him, and huffed. "Play nice."

To his credit, he left it at that and let the noise of the party fall over you, both nursing your drinks.

You pondered going to Hange to ask if you could crash over the night with them, knowing Marleen was busy and Annie probably left by now.

"Want to dance?"

Well, then.

Your eyebrows almost reached your hairline as your eyes found Levi's, "Huh?"

He didn't shrug, or rolled his eyes, simply putting down his bottle and staring at you. You didn't want to look over at the dance floor, or be near that sexual tension, but—

But Levi was trying, and you knew how much he despised the parties, or having to interact, or, God Almighty forbid, dance.

And he was asking if you wanted to, because he knew you liked the song that was playing before you even realized what song it was or that you've been moving your head along with the beat for the last minute.

But Eren was th—

You jumped from the bar stool, "Sure."

You were taller than Levi by some good inches, but that didn't bother him. It never did, not even when you made fun of it at game nights or that one time at the carnival when he was the only one to join you in the big rides.

It didn't bother him, not even now, as you let him put his hands on your bare waist and slightly gaze up at you.

Hands around his neck, you let your chin rest near his ear, "You dance like someone's grandpa."

You could only assume he scoffed as he moved his arms around and pushed you closer to his chest.

"That's how you're grandpa danced?"

You shrugged and let him move your hips to the beat, fingers lost in his hair. "Wouldn't know. He died before I was out, kicking and screaming for the last time in my life at my mom."

Levi shook his head at your words, used to your humour and thankful you couldn't see his smile as he put his forehead on your bare shoulder.

You found yourself forgetting about Eren for a while as Levi danced with you and touched your skin, fingers grazing sometimes over your back or spine.

Then he was lost to your mind altogether when Levi caught your eye and you tried to make sense of the look he was giving you.

Marleen said something about his stares, when you couldn't see him watching.

You wet your lips, and he watched your tongue swipe over the pierces. "What, Ackerman?"

He shrugged, "You hate lip glosses."

It was barely there after all the drinks, but the thin, shiny coat with that stupid glitter was noticable enough for Levi to glare at.

And you did, you did hate lip glosses when Levi's arms were around you like that and his hands didn't shy away at the feeling of your muscles like Eren once did, because, damn, what chick wants those abs?

"'m stupid, I know," you mumbled, head titled close to his ear, but he turned to look at you, not even dancing anymore as his mouth was so damn close to yours.

"Want me to buy you another lipstick? What was it, again? R—"

You laughed, and Levi smelt the juice and whiskey on your breath. "Red, yeah. Still don't know how you found that shade, it was so nice, and I finished it too fast."

Levi smirked a little, "Told you, it's a secret. How else am I gonna surprise you?"

You felt him around you, too real, too much, it consumed you, steadily, as his eyes wondered around on your features.

"You surprise me anyway, Ackerman."

He wet his lips, then frowned, having to remind himself you weren't there for him, that you were in that position only because you were hurting again and because he was stupid and reckless and—

"Take it off, please?"

Levi searched your eyes, "What?"

"The gloss crap. Take it off, please."

Levi's breath hitched. "Are you sure?"

You looked down at his lips, "Help me a little, Levi."

Damn you. Damn you and your beautiful face, that irresistible body and that personality and the fact that it made him fall hard. So hard he couldn't deny you, even if it hurt him.

Because you were still hang on Eren, waiting and suffering, uselessly prolonging the inevitable everyone knew its end, but you. 

But now you were in his arms and looking at him like he put the stars that formed those constellations you adored so much, on the sky.

Damn you, da—

He would never admit it hurt to press your lips to yours, to feel that cherry lip gloss first, then the punch as he probed at your mouth to get rid of that crap as you so nicely asked him to.

He hardly noticed how the pierces felt against his tongue, all lost to his mind as he gripped your hips tighter.

He would never admit it bothered him how your fingers played with his hair as you moved your face down and kissed him too roughly for his taste.

But it brought some satisfaction to glance over your shoulder at the shocked, angered Eren, his dance partner forgotten as he stared at his hands on your skin.

Good, it felt good. Even when Levi knew you would regret it the next day and go back to sulking over Eren.

But you brought his mouth back to yours and kept his face in your hands and made him ignore how much it hurt while he bruised your lips with too many kisses.

Levi tried to convince himself that things would finally be better, that it was the right move and he wasn't just a rebound. Maybe, if he kept telling himself that, he would believe it, too.

Even as you pecked his lips once, twice, stopped to gulp down breaths of air, like you just surfaced from water, like you've been drowning and finally, finally, you were free now.

But you stayed close, foreheads pressed against each other's while some stupid disco song started playing and Connie's excited yells surpassed even the stereo system.

You opened your mouth, and Levi wondered if he should be the first to say sorry.

"This is nice."

Flinching, you furrowed your brow and turned to look at Hange. They grinned, inches away from your face. Levi scoffed, and took one, two, fuck it—

He almost jumped away from you, putting space, almost making a statement. He glared at Hange.

"Is this our new secret handshake? I have to tell Erwin," they didn't wait, and you sighed as Hange bounced away to annoy Erwin for the millionth time that night.

You clicked your tongue, Hange forgot to tell you why they interrupted... Whatever that was with Levi, who was now rubbing his face in what you knew was annoyance.

Wetting your lips, and feeling no trace of cherry, made you feel worse than before.

"Right, I'm—"

Levi scoffed, hands back into his pockets as he already moved to walk past you. "Don't. I'm sure Jean would like to continue this."

You wondered why his words stung that much, because you were supposed to feel better after kissing someone. Because it was supposed to make you feel something else than sadness and constant self hatred.

Because—

Eren was making his way towards you, and Levi was already lost in the crowd before you could try to mend things. And say what, exactly? Nothing made sense anymore, your thoughts scattered all over the place because—

"What was that about?"

He was asking you, talking to you, and it didn't feel as good as you thought it would. Neither could bother to step aside, talk somewhere private, people still drinking and dancing around.

But why would Eren go somewhere private with you? It wasn't right. Nothing was feeling right as he glared down at you, at your swollen lips and flushed cheeks, that even the low light of the Christmas lights hanged around the walls couldn't hide.

"What?"

Sure, you were broken. Mind blank and fingers twitching to hold onto something.

Eren frowned, "What was that about, with Ackerman?"

You blinked at him. "I'm sorry?"

It wasn't the apology you almost shot at Levi earlier. You sounded too confused and shocked, even for you.

But nothing made sense and Eren was now fuming.

"Listen—"

And you were all years for him, straining yourself to hear him over the music and the crowd that pushed your bodies closer. All because you were used to this, dropping all doubts and latching onto Eren. Honestly, you couldn’t remember the last time he was that close to you, couldn’t comprehend the harsh reality. 

He was there because it bothered him to lose his play toy, and you were too blind to see it, or anything else beside his eyes as he talked. Blinking, you allowed Eren to take you to the kitchen, something about another drink. 

Levi was lost to you as Eren put his arm around your shoulders, barely keeping it there as he started talking about his classes and something his colleagues. You granted him your attention, all of it, never half hearted like he was with you most of the time.

Try all the time.

Because you were better, always so caring and welcoming for Eren to just pick and take whenever he pleased. But he was your friend, you cared too much about him to just let him go or ignore his needs. And he even left that pretty girl to talk with you. Surely, that must count as something. 

“Where’s your lip gloss, hm?” Eren inquired, watching you over the rim of his cup as you blinked, head titled to actually think about what he asked. Then,

“Oh, sorry. must’ve worn off,” you struggled to articulate the words, barely thinking them through, feeling small, almost lost under his stare for a moment. Eren smiled down at you, almost cynically, as he put his cup down and took your hand in his. 

“Want to dance?”

You nodded, faster than before, with—

It didn’t matter, not in that moment.

Assuring him it was alright, because every little thing was alright to you as long as it was Eren and his hand was taking yours, even if the hold was loose, barely there, like he was seconds away from letting it go.