#honestly id rather have an eating disorder and be able to work

[scr33ch1ng]

I am attempting to lose weight because of my severe chronic pain. I want to do this fast, because I am very desperate. I know it's risky. But anyways, it is pretty annoying that weight loss / calorie restriction/ed is owned by mostly girls who want to be thin and waifish and frail and all have the same aesthetic and think being fat is disgusting.

Because of my condition, I cannot do cardio or exercise constantly, as it would destroy my joints. It's very annoying! I work out as much as possible, but it is honestly not much. I also have many other things to do. I am not a high schooler.

Therefore , food reduction seems like the only effective choice, since I'm already on a gluten free, minimal dairy, plant based, no red meat diet. And I am still overweight! My weight has not changed since making these diet changes . At all. I have been doing a lot of strength/ resistance training, which my partner suggests that I have more muscle now. As far as I can observe this seems to be the case.

My joints have marginally been improved by this change, since I do not wear joint braces around the house everyday like I used to.

I actually love being fat and soft, but at this point I feel like I have no choice, and I hate the loss of autonomy. I cannot get unemployment benefits, I have only 200 dollars to my name, and I have to wait a year to hear from the disability office. I do have food stamps, which is why I haven't been starving (this would not help with weight loss, since this would make me eat whatever is cheapest, which are the least healthy options. Yay America!)

All this to say, I want to lose at least 20 pounds and see how I feel. My ultimate goal for losing weight is to see if it reduces my joint pain enough that I can work again .

So I wish I had a sort of community to help with that, but it seems that none exist that are appealing to me. I have been looking at [REDACTED] for meal ideas and a sort of motivation, but that's about it.

[strawbubbysugar]

So i know the alien au is with a plus sized y/n this time and honestly i love that it not too common is most aus. But that make me curious. About the other aus. So like soul and such would it change the dynamics at all if y/n was plus sized

And another version of this question. What if they had an eating disorder themselves (my mother is plus sized but it happened due to a surgery and she actually has an eating disorder it's not a eating to much thing but actually a not eating enough. (Not saying you can be big and not having an eating disorder and such I'm more curious about reactions then just straight up judging. I do apologize of it's offended anyone that was not.y intent)) how would they react if they had an eating disorder

It wouldnt change the dynamics at all if those characters were plus sized :) They could look like anything or anyone and the stories would still work the same. I dont like people's appearances to be deciding factors in their lives. How you look is how you look, that should be the end of it. (save for plot points about resembling family members, lmao.) When the romantic interest in these stories talk about how beautiful they are/how attractive they find them, its based on their own personal preference- not an objective beauty.

June I write to be a bit of a prettyboy, and Dahmia is also quite attractive in how I depict her, but both of them aren't attractive in the same way as a model. I want them to feel real, like people you'd meet out in your day to day life, not some unattainable god-hood status of drop your panties hot.

I'm personally not comfortable depicting eating disorders just for the sake of reactions. I dont like equating bigger people just to their size, and I wont be drawing anything or answering any asks that talk about why they're plus sized/eating disorders/etc. They just are! It isnt important to their character or to the story. At the very most, I will show sun's interest in a creature that is healthy and well fed (rather than how he is, starving) but that would be the same plus sized y/n or not

As a plus sized person, it just makes me uncomfortable when my body type is only ever talked about in relation to how the world sees me/how disordered I may be over it. I dont think the difference in how a thin person/fat person is treated should be any different than blonde vs brunette. If I were to give a character an eating disorder, I would want to handle it with a lot more depth & seriousness than id be able to provide with a little doodle of their romantic interest reacting to it. To me, that sort of thing is more important as a personal struggle & something that should be depicted thoughtfully

[tinylittlebab]

im feeling very pathetic today

my head has hurt so much today. i hate having chronic migraines:/ and what i hate most is that i gotta eat food with the ibuprofen

oh well. i went outside and exercised despite is being -8 degrees with -26 wind chill because theres something wrong with me. not even the ed stuff. i just simply cannot function if i dont go outside and skip around a daydream sometime everyday.

recalculated all my tdee stuff to check everything. 1460 for sedentary and with my usual exercise its between 2000-2100. thats about how much i eat without restricting or anything. just eating whatever i want whenever. i just exercise a whole lot.

i feel wrong for picking high numbers but i exercise far more than the average person and lower numbers are very difficult bc of that bc i will not compromise and exercise less. exercise is usually more effective anyway.

well. anyway. im going to do a gradual lowering bc i work and i dont wanna suddenly cut out a bunch of calories and have problems at work bc of it. its really not a big deal if its slow anyway. its most likely to still and be maintainable if i go slow. im trying to convince myself its ok. not like anybody is actually saying to me high res is evil. its just my own brain.

i dont understand why i so badly want to be disordered and why i have for so many years. im already underweight. its not enough though. well. i dont wanna make it about the calories i do eat. i wanna make it about the numbers i lose and the deficit.

honestly. most of my actual real care about how much i eat has always come from if other people are aware of it. otherwise its just me and to me if its just my opinion then id rather just exercise more and get the deficit that way. and i dont think theres anything bad about going slowly for myself.

but then i think about other people seeing it and like. i desperately want other people to see me as someone who barely eats. someone who lost a bunch of weight quickly. someone who they wish would stop losing weight. i want them to just be able to tell something is wrong. ofc since i only have 15 pounds to lose that wont ever happen. going below 85 is much more dangerous so im really gonna try not to let myslef want that. instead i wanna maintain 85. and i wanna be seen as that person who never eats and is super small and frail and pretty.

but i dont know anyone. im not going to know anyone. there is nobody to notice or think this. so whats the point in tryna make it happen immediately. might aswell do it the slower better way. and then i can maintain the weight easier. and its less miserable.

honestly im aiming for a below 15 bmi i should stop being mad at myself for not being anorexic enough. literally shut up stupid

[doodleybugg]

i. apologize for the inactivity guys. i had a rlly bad episode recently and although im back rn i can't promise how long i'll stay JDBDHD

ANYWAYS how about we have a little update? (triggering topics such as sh, ed, etc descriptions will be in red, bold text! i'll try to keep most of the negative stuff at the bottom but no promises :/)

so i forget how long i've been gone exactly, i remember logging in some rare occasions to like and reblog a couple posts but otherwise i've been extremely M.I.A (pun very much intended) and honestly that's been a bit stressful for me.

i've had a LOT of drama in classes. yeah that's right, ya girls in uni now! and i am failing SO BAD. it's rlly hard going to school everyday, like i hate it i just wanna go back to working at a shopping mall or smth lol. but hey the map of my cities kinda set up well, being the uni is right next to a lake, and on the other side is a parking lot w mcds, circle k, chatime, etc. and next to the parking lot, like legitimately across the street, is my house. i moved back in with my mom cuz rent was getting too steep, and honestly id rather be on the streets lol

probably the biggest update ihave; i'm a did system. i got the diagnosis early december, and with a shit ton of research and help from friends who have the disorder because the doctors are no help, i'm getting comfy with the label.

if you're not sure what did (disassociative identity disorder) is, it's basically a disorder which defines the presence of two or more different persons in your mind, alike to multiple personality disorder. again, i'm not a professional, and you'd think my doctor would have given me a run down on why it meant before he diagnosed be but here's how it went:

me: hey, so i haven't looked much into the subject, but my one friend who has did was telling me about their experiences and they lined up with a lot of mine. i think i might want to go about being tested

doc: mia. you don't need to get tested, it's already in your file. we've spoken about this before?

me: ...i don't think we have?

doc:

me: so you're saying you diagnosed me with did and didn't even tell me about it?

doc: well, at least you're aware now, right?

yeah. so that's two doctors i've gone through in the past three years. i didn't throw a stressball at this one, but fuck i wanted too!!

anyways, i guess i should introduce some of my alters :)

i'm mia (she.they.fae.), the host and little, i identify with how the body looks.

enzekai (he.they.it) is the co-host and caretaker, as well as the first alter i purposefully made. kai has many sources, but his main is actually an oc of mine, cairo!

and dwelle (it.she.boo) is our resident trauma holder and nonhuman. she formed recently while i was splitting and hasn't had much time in the front. her main sources are casper from girl in pieces and cassie from skins.

i'll give everyone a better intro but i'll save that for another post!

i have gotten absolutely zero progress done in my book, the toll it takes, and i find it harder and harder to write anything but immensely sad poetry anymore. on the rare occasions i can make up some headcanons but i don't think i'll be able to write any (good) fanfics for a while now, sorry

okay, onto the bad stuff. if anything listed is triggering or unappealing, please don't read ahead: ed (anorexia), sh (cutting, self sabatoge), anxiety and depressive thoughts, suicide mentions, death mentions, and otherwise explanations of feelings like abandonment and lonliness that while, in retrospect wasn't nearly as bad as i thought so, can still be upsetting just to read.

you've been warned

recently, as mentioned above, i've just gotten out of an episode; a bad one. by gotten out of, i mean i've attached myself to select people and depend entirely on them to keep me from self harming or starving. and that's completely unfair, so i've been trying to recover. my friend @my-elysian-love is helping me immensely to eat full meals and reminding myself that i don't deserve what i think i do. i'm so eternally grateful and i can never repay any of them back <3

before my choice to try recovering though, it was getting worse. i weighed 68 pounds at 19 years old. a couple nights ago, i've cut deeper than i ever have before, and i've been stuck with this sinking feeling in my stomach that i can't quite explain. i took out all my bad feelings on people i knew and loved, and when they finally held healthy boundaries and left me to my own devices so i couldn't hurt them, i took everything out on myself. i know, real remus lupin move haha.

but that wasn't fair. and even now i still feel bad, i still hate myself for what i said and did, for how i acted and it scares me how easily people are forgiving me. because i said some messed up shit while i was splitting, and that's not an excuse. and i just keep thinking it's only a matter of time before i blow up again, and maybe i'll be worse next time. maybe people won't come back, and i can't honestly blame them because i'm fucked. and as scared as i am, i'm grateful. or maybe it's just selfish. selfish because i just hate when nobodies around for me to love, to love me back. but i'm still terrified. it's hard to change up my thinking, but i'm trying. i'm trying rlly hard and i just hope that it's enough.

i'm a couple hours clean for self harm, and yesterday i didn't technically eat a full meal like i was supposed too (my older sister got mad at me and wouldn't let me eat anything). i had multiple cookies, a fruit roll up, two cups of tea, a packet of uncooked ramen noodles, a bite of a chicken finger and also i drank water! just water! for the first time in a while.

i hate that it took me fighting with everyone i loved to the point where i didn't even need to push them away anymore, they went willingly, and having multiple panic attacks in public restrooms to finally start on the road to recovery. it is so fucking hard, it's really hard. but fuck, it's worth it to see my friends happy. to not detect worry in their eyes and to believe it when @my-elysian-love says they love me (again i'm so sorry for spamming you aaa). it's worth it to finally eat cinnamon buns again, and drink tea with real sugar, not cal free sweetener. i get a shit ton less headaches cuz i don't constantly need to count cals anymore, and i haven't passed out of dehydration in 2 whole days. ik people without eds are probably like "wtf is this bitch on about?" and that's what i'm talking about. recovery is never the same as sobriety, but it's the next best thing. and i might still struggle with my body or cover up with baggy clothes sometimes but at least i'm alive to do so. cuz a while ago i was too close to death.

i attempted to kill myself again. this time by starving and eating a buncha pills. i'm lucky cuz it didn't work, and i'm still alive. i can only think of what would've happened if it didn't work. if the last. thing i did was tell someone i loved and cared about that i didn't care if they were dead. that the last thing i did was get mad at them for feeling for someone else the same way i felt for them. yk, bpd moments ✨. but i'm glad i lived to apologize and now i'm trying to recover. and ig that's all the updates i have rn

[deeeelightfuldee]

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? baking definitely. I want to get more comfortable cooking.

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? yes. I used to be pretty good at doing my brothers hair-- even the fading. But I’m sure I’ve forgotten it all by now.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? probably my sister or my nephews.

How many long term relationships have you been in? blegh. not many. Whenever I’d know that it didnt have long term potential, id drop it. no sense dragging out the inevitable.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? so for the longest time I kept my room super dark. I slept well. once miller died and kile broke my heart, I couldn’t sleep without the tv playing. I needed to hear something calming and voices talking so I wouldn’t be left with my thoughts. I still can’t turn it off.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? i think its easy to say “forgive and forget” but the reality is that once we have endured trauma we don’t easily forget. I think its kind of unrealistic. I’m trying to forgive kile but thats going to take.. i dont know how long. As for what it was... it was just betrayal.. lying. for six+ years. lots of laughing at me. 

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I like some of her songs.

Do you know your blood type? o+

Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. its coming up. 

Have you ever been pregnant? I dont think so. I was really late after my assault but who knows.

How old were you when you first went on a plane? like 7ish

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Yeah, student loans. 15k feels so daunting right now.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? One is. My mom.

When was the last time you went apple picking? highschool maybe?

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? money.. or a trip.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work? definitely not. 

How many bedrooms are in your house? four. 

Are you smart about computers? I know some stuff.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? oh heck’n yeah

Do you own a Xbox 360? I had one from my brother for a little while but I traded it for the gamecube since Kile was going to send me one of the 15 he had lol. That didn’t end up happening, but its OK i really dont need more gaming.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? oooooooo.. probably not.

So, do you need a nap? all day is full of naps to try and get over this.

What would you rather be doing? school

What sport are you the best at? maybe volleyball or swimming

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Nope, im the baby. 

Do you complain a lot? no, i try not to. I find complaining to be the most unattractive and yet common human trait and while there are definitely situations worthy of complaining, most of the time it just makes a situation worse than it actually was.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? temple

Do you like fruity or minty gum? definitely minty

Are you looking forward to any day of this month? i was really looking forward to Kile’s birthday on monday, but since we arent talking anymore then there is no joy in that. all the other special dates have been ruined by covid.

Have you ever gotten detention? Nope. homeschoolers and detention arent a thing. 

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? oh sure. heartbreak, deaths, assaults, etc.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? no, i can’t be super picky because not every store carries clothing long enough for me.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? i havent got a clue

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I mean I’m very fond of cats & dogs

Ever cried so much you threw up? this is what happened the whole 2-3 weeks following finding out about Kile.

Who is your best guy friend? I suppose now that would be Nathan

What do you two do when you hang out? drives, game nights, get food/drinks, or just talk.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? Her

Do you even like horror movies? not particularly. I’ll watch them if someone else wants to but its not my preference.

Do you live in the country? i live in the suburbs i suppose.

What is your favorite accent? Some southern and British accents. <same ... i have no idea how I made the font like this.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? Not that I can think of.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? diet coke

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? my family celebrated during the day and then I think nathan took me out on the town

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? nope.

Do you take a lot of pictures? man. this question is hard. I used to love taking pictures of myself. I had much more self confidence and some of it was because kile LOVED my selfies -- or so he said. and I just had so much fun doing that. Since the heartbreak, I’ve maybe taken 10 selfies. I just don’t have any self confidence in my looks anymore. its so different now. most of my pictures now are of other people or scenery.

What kind of face wash do you use? cerave when I want to. otherwise i use water and a very particular type of fabric. 

Does drama always seem to follow you? No, i dont think so.

Does anybody in your family race? like cars? running? no.

Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” I think i got it like 2x and it was a dollar.

Do you have a laptop or desktop? Laptop.

Do you like your parents? i love my mom.

Do you secretly like someone? No.

Would you ever date your best male friend? I don’t see any romantic feelings developing between nathan and I

What are you currently listening to? I have gilmore girls on.

Do you want to be single? oooof. Um. I am torn on this subject. On the one hand, i really am ready to be loved, held, protected, cared for, etc. I love the idea of building a life together with someone and us both protecting our unit. I miss supporting, cherishing, loving on someone. Yet on the other hand, im fine being single. I have so much insecurity about myself lately that I dk that anyone else needs to deal with that baggage. Idk

Did you go out or stay in last night? I stayed in. ill be staying in for some time.

Have you pretended to like someone? romantically, no. professionally, yes.

How is your heart lately? Sad. heavy. 

Are you wearing socks? not at the moment. 

What do people call you? Di, diana, dee, ana, di-nan-na, dine-uh, deenah.

Do you get stressed out easily? no, I really dont

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? yes

What is wrong with you right now? im sick. im heartbroken.

Do you own something from Hot Topic? not that I know of. if I do, it’d be from like middle school. I never shopped there but people tended to give gifts from there.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone. maybe I havent found the right sort of person to share a bed with.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Yes, several times. 

Did you get any compliments today? No.

Have you ever gone to a beach? many many many times.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? not my thing. at all.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Yes.

Do you have long nails? they are healthy length. I want to grow them out a bit more. 

Do you like the gender you are? Yeah.

Do you generally look nice in photos? Not anymore

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? no haha

What colour are your father’s eyes? Blue.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? uhhhhm, blue october

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? maybe not anymore. 

What’s your favorite hot beverage? hot chocolate from dunkin

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? i did. no comment.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? oooooohhhhhhhhh man i love both.

Do you think you’re important? I mean i offer some importance to this world but eh.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Hmm no idea.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? no

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? Nope.

What was the first thing you ate today? I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? for the longest time it was to spend the day driving aimlessly and getting food and talking about everything and nothing with Kile. now, its just.. idunno. blank.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? I’m not doing well.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? There’s a few things related to school.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back? not really, no.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? this whole covid nonsense going away, heartbreak to soothe, and my miller back.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? i dont know. 

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I just changed it up so itll be a bit.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? Fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ yes. several times.

How many drugs are in your system? lol lots of meds rn to kick this. usually none.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? the same as today.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. i dont like the idea of bite marks but hickeys were fun for a time. in not visible areas tho.

Do you call anyone baby? Not anymore.

What’s your current mood? Bleh.

What were you doing before filling out this survey? Watching gilmore girls

How late did you stay up last night? I took PM meds at i wanna say 8? maybe 7? I don’t remember.

When was the last time you cried really hard? its been a few weeks since ive cried about Kile. I’m in the numb stage.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders? hahahahahahah

[domesticangel]

That time you said you don't leave your water in the car in case it gets poisoned, made me wanna ask you this. And please ignore this if you were just joking lol But have you ever had the unhinged fear of, for example, sleeping over at a new person's house in case they stab your eyes out in your sleep, or you'd wake up in an ice tube with a kidney missing? Ik these are partly intrusive thoughts, but at the same time, people get drugged and stuff all the time, so I guess I'm just interested in your opinion on where to draw the line and tell your brain to shut the hell up

no i was not joking my brain is simply, at all times, sending me horrible what-ifs that i must respond to or i will die dkjglhdskj to be fair ive gotten better at ignoring a lot of the intrusive thoughts i get post-medication and therapy but its more like. my responses to them have changed rather than the frequency of said thoughts LOL but depending on how......triggering i guess? said thought is? influences how well im able to draw the line

like i tend to deal with just General Paranoia but my most severe obsessions and compulsions revolve around body-related ocd having to do with disordered eating, dysmorphia, body monitoring and health anxiety. so honestly the things i do in response to paranoia end up just being...idiosyncrasies at most? there are little things i do to make myself feel better (ie never leaving water in my car in case someone breaks in and poisons it, never leaving things with my full name or address in view of strangers, backing into parking spots so that my license plate is less visible to onlookers, always carrying a knife on me etc) but i personally dont believe doing these things interrupt or negatively affect my life in any way; theyre things that are just a normal part of my routine and compatible with my life as a whole

HOWEVER! my ocd in regards to my body is historically what will cause me to fall into very disruptive patterns of obsessions and compulsions, and it can be much much harder to tell my brain to shut up in these cases, but i HAVE gotten better. what ive worked on with my therapist in these cases is responding to these thoughts with a logical progression of why this thought does not make sense, is not worth my time, and can therefore be set down so i can continue on my day. and a lot of it is also just accepting that like...yeah, bad things can happen, but its a waste of time and energy to constantly ruminate on all the terrible things that could happen when that time and energy could be better spent taking things as they come, taking care of yourself, and enjoying life. like believe me i KNOW ocd brain HATES a gray area but the vast majority of life is lived in a gray area so ive found it much more helpful to like. Microdose On Gray Areas Using Logical Thought Processes

like using one of your fears as an example; im sleeping over at a new person’s house. this person is relatively new to me and i dont completely know their intentions. they could be luring me here so that they could hurt or take advantage of me while im sleeping

the thought process id then walk myself through would be something like: if this persons invited me to sleep over, its overwhelmingly most likely bc they want to hang out with me and get to know me, not because they have ulterior motives. i can never completely know another person’s intentions, so theres no point in fretting over it. however, its very unlikely that their intentions are to hurt me, as they haven't done anything to make me think they plan to hurt me. instead of fearing an unlikely scenario in which this person hurts me while im sleeping, ill instead focus on getting to know them and enjoying my time with them rather than letting my intrusive thoughts spoil our chance at a close relationship

like again I KNOWWW Uncalibrated Brains hate logic and stuff that makes sense but it has truly helped me to get in the habit of walking myself through these thoughts, even if i dont believe them at first. this got really long holy smokes but uh YEAH HOPE THAT WAS AT ALL HELPFUL

[avanneman]

Stakhanovite liberalism—It’s still a thing!

“Stakhanovite1 liberalism” was a labored term of abuse worked up by the late William F. Buckley to ridicule overproducing liberals. Coal miner Alexsei Grigoryevich Stakhanov was made a “Hero of the Soviet Union” by Joseph Stalin in recognition of his exploits with a jack hammer and his example was used to encourage others to overfulfill their quotas and stop wasting time with unproductive pursuits like eating and sleeping. Bill’s barbs, to get back to him, were often more witty than accurate,2 but we do have Stakhanovite liberals among us today, including Paul Krugman, Jonathan Chait, and Jared Bernstein and Hannah Katch, authors of recent articles protesting the Trump Administration’s decision to allow states to require able-bodied Medicaid recipients to find employment. The “argument” of all three pieces can be found in Bernstein and Katch’s opening paragraph:

“Many years ago, as a fledgling social worker in New York City, one of us (JB) helped a single mom with a young son suffering from asthma get Medicaid coverage for her son. When I told her the news, she cried with relief. As young, privileged white guy, I was surprised by her reaction. I soon came to understand it.”

So, Trump is taking Medicaid coverage from young kids with asthma? Well, strangely enough, that is one of the few crimes that Trump hasn’t committed. The new rules, which are not even “rules”, allow states to establish programs to encourage “work and community engagement among non-elderly, non-pregnant adult Medicaid beneficiaries who are eligible for Medicaid on a basis other than disability.” A footnote explains that "community engagement" includes a variety of activities in addition to employment and that “[t]hese activities include, but are not limited to, community service, caregiving, education, job training, and substance use disorder treatment.”

Not that you’d know it from reading Krugman, Chait, Bernstein, and Katch, but most Medicaid recipients are already working, and most of the rest are young people, or old people, or disabled, or pregnant. So the new rules, even if fully implemented by all the states, which is surely not going to happen, would only affect a relatively small number of people. In fact, if the new provisions had been issued by the Obama Administration, Republicans would almost surely have denounced them as lily-livered mollycoddling.

Another thing that you would not know from reading Krugman, Chait, Bernstein, and Katch is that the only way to gain real financial security in your life is to do it yourself. Shockingly enough, workforce attachment is a vital commodity, as most Medicaid recipients already know. Liberals like my four punching bags here openly long for a European welfare system that traditionally let people stay on the dole indefinitely. This is not a good thing. It’s a bad thing.

Back in the day—that is to say, the eighties and nineties—I edited several publications that covered welfare legislation in sometimes microscopic detail. I well remember the howls that came from liberals when the Reagan Administration established "workfare"—requiring adult welfare recipients to work off their cash benefits (and only their cash benefits) in public sector jobs, at the minimum wage. Welfare recipients working! That wasn't work, that was "slavery"! Then it turned out that welfare recipients liked workfare! Because they were earning their benefits!

So often, to help the poor, liberals insist on treating them like children who can't take care of themselves. But that isn't kindness, it's condescension, with a barely hidden subtext of racism. This was particularly obvious when the Clinton Administration transformed the old Aid to Families with Dependent Children (AFDC) program into the modern Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF) program. In a long, bitter article for the Atlantic, former Clinton Administration official Peter Edelman predicted disaster because, according to Edelman, welfare recipients just couldn't make it in the real world:

"Welfare is what we do when everything else fails. It is what we do for people who can't make it after a genuine attempt has been mounted to help the maximum possible number of people to make it. In fact, much of what we do in the name of welfare is more appropriately a subject for disability policy."

In fact, Edelman, who resigned in protest over the legislation,3 certainly knew that 80% of welfare recipients could, and did, "make it"—could set an alarm clock and read a bus schedule, the sorts of things they were supposedly unable to do, according to "experts" like Mr. Edelman. They went into the welfare system due to some sort of major mishap—divorce, death, desertion, or whatever—and left it in a year or two. But the remaining 20% stayed on for years and ate up 80% of the costs while doing so.

Some of the people were severely limited, but most of them, shocking to say, were simply deadbeats. They had "adjusted to chaos", as one social worker put it. For the most part, they just wanted to get high. Give them $1,000 a week and they'd get high on cocaine and Courvoisier. Cut them off entirely, and they'd get high on paint thinner. But they would get high.

These were the people that Edelman and other liberals pretended did not exist, and, rather than admit that they did exist, were willing to let the reputation of the entire welfare population be corrupted, replying to every criticism, whether valid or invalid, with unvaried cries of "racism". Because you cannot honestly defend the indefensible.

It’s true that most Republicans hate Medicaid because they hate poor people—and, most specifically, hate government for spending “their” money on the poor. But a healthcare program that emphasizes workforce attachment helps its recipients rather than harming them and furthermore strengthens its support among the non-recipients who very largely pay for it. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, total U.S. expenditures on Medicaid—federal, state, and local—amounted to $574.2 billion last year (not a misprint). The American people cannot be expected to spend half a trillion dollars a year so that people like Paul Krugman, Jonathan Chait, Jared Bernstein, and Hannah Katch can feel good about themselves.

Afterwords The editors at “Bloomberg View”, whom I had not considered as much of a playa in these things, have a nice piece praising the federal guidelines and warning of possible abuse by states who do want to throw people off Medicaid, as well as noting that a more effective way of boosting workforce attachment is boosting the earned income tax credit—because income transfer that encourages employment is a good thing. One can be a neoliberal like myself (I guess I’m pretty extreme) and still believe that the free-enterprise system, with all its myriad charms, does not lead in and of itself to an equitable distribution of wealth.

Two interesting things about “Stakhanovite”: Word can spell it, and so can I. ↩︎

Besides, is there any shame in being criticized by a racist? Even in the mid sixties, Buckley was very unenthusiastic about this whole “votes for Negroes” thing. They were supposed sing spirituals and fetch you juleps, not think. ↩︎

The legislation was scarcely perfect. Clinton, a more intelligent student of welfare than Edelman, said it was a good welfare bill wrapped with mean-spirited measures directed at immigrants. ↩︎