#honestly i could write settings for the rest of my life i love describing setup

[archaeval]

ooc. i'm sorry for the ooc spam i'm just goin thru some of my writing and god...what if i just waved a magic wand and it wrote itself look at this

RHOAN

The wind bit at his skin like a wolf, frost clinging to his lashes and burning with every breath. It had taken him two days to get this far up the mountain, and there was another half day’s travel still to go. Rhoan was no true knight, but the pay was too great not to do all that was asked of him. At the summit lay the ruins of a university, a once-grand palace of science and learning. Now it was nothing but a monster’s keep.

Only a sliver of moonlight lit his path, the last day before a new moon. Though his pack was laden with any number of candles and a hundred other gifts alongside, nothing of it could be touched. Not by him. She’d know if he skimmed off her gifts, even to survive this miserable trek.

The black spires and buttresses loomed above him as they had since coming to this miserable part of the world, like a thousand knives waiting to fall on unsuspecting throats. The witchwife in town told him of beautiful stained-glass windows, depicting cosmological maps. Tapestries of biology. Staircases cut into perfect angles. Art and science melded here, a place of study and learning.

She came to this place nearly one hundred years ago -- a great, wretched beast with eight legs and eight eyes. A terrible spider with moon-like eyes, who hoarded knowledge as jealously as any wyrm. Oh yes, she gave some of it back now and then, but monsters, as a rule, did not tend to be the generous type. Everything had a price, no matter how small the inquiry or noble the quest. There were a great many stories of her bargaining, and a great deal more about her cruelty. Nothing would move her once a price was named, and so one had to pack wisely when making their way to her door.

(i stopped writing here but i have a long plot written out.)

CYRIL

The boy had deserved better from the start. Cyril was half dead from frost by the time he made it to her door, sword poorly hidden behind his back and pack overstuffed with gods knew what.  There was so much iron on him that she smelled him a mile away, even with the storm and her. He shook not from cold but fear the moment he stepped out of the wind and into her shadowed foyer. Ruby almost laughed, shaking so hard that his plate mail rattled. He was a poor excuse for a knight, and she almost pitied him for being here at all. 

“What's this?” Her voice  crooned from the shadows, dripping with venom and delight. “A knight come to cut off my head?” Her eyes flashed in the dark, there and gone just as quick.The boy drew his sword in a panic, but ruby could see clearly that he held it all wrong. 

She chuckled, low and deep, and tutted him like she might a child. “I hope your princess is beautiful as the sun. She’d have to be, for you to come to this.”

Ruby did not care to play games tonight. She was hungry and there was a pheasant waiting for her back behind the veil. She descended on him in an instant, pinning him with the rough wool of his pack, the weight of his secondhand armor doing more to hinder than help. “I am feeling generous, little knight, and I’ll let you pick your death.” 

He struggled beneath her, a helpless mouse under the claws of a barn cat. 

“Shall I hold you here in your iron tomb until the frost takes you? Or shall we make things quick? All you’ll have to do is remove your helmet and let me tear out your throat. I’ll even send your skull back down the mountain, so your pretty dear princess may mourn.”

“… no princess.” His voice was so frail she could barely make out the words.

“What was that?” She asked, leaning in closer. 

He blanched at the sight of her, catching a glimpse of her many eyes beneath her mask. And yet, somehow, he managed to speak again. “There’s no princess…”

At this, Ruby paused. 

That’s not how things went. There was always a princess, a true love, something. Knights like this one didn’t wander up here seeking glory if love wasn’t involved.

“What then? A prince? Glory? You’d not have come encased in iron if you did not want my head.”

He went silent. The smell of urine mingled with the iron burning her nose, and the trembling came to a stop. 

Gods’ teeth. The boy had fainted. Ruby hissed and scoffed, and lifted her hands from his pack. When he did not move, she paced. There was a story here — a new one that didn’t quite fit the rest. And [something something something. ]. She was a creature made of story, woven out of a fairy tale.

Eventually, curiosity won out. With another sigh, Ruby took hold of the pack once more and dragged the boy down into the castle depths. .

#

When Cyril finally came to, he found himself in a bed. It was a half rotted thing and he fancied that he could feel the wood creaking under his pitiful weight. But despite the stale air and moth worn pillow beneath his head, a feather crackled, hot and familiar. 

He sat up with a groan, unsure of where he was. Beyond the veil, maybe? This was a strange entry to the afterlife, smelling of dust and iron and piss, and yet he couldn’t imagine the Spider would have ever left him alive. 

The helmet was suffocating. Cyril sat up with a grunt to rip it off — and froze as a deep, feminine voice greeted him. 

“So you’re awake, little knight. Took you long enough.” 

He flinched, whirling towards the Spider, lurking in the shadowed corner of the room. She was no less terrifying, and his breath caught in his throat as he scrambled for something — anything to defend himself with. 

“Enough of that, boy.”

He froze. It sounded too much like one of his tutors not to obey. 

She, however, seemed calm if not a little irritated. The Spider spoke to him like she had gotten a stain on her coat. “I spared your life for now. The least you could do is ______.”

He trembled, and couldn’t find his voice before her patience ran out again. 

“And take that off. I’ll see the face of my prisoner, if I’m going to treat him like a guest.”

This time Cyril rushed to comply. 

The air rushed out of her lungs

Ruby looked on in well concealed but deeply felt horror. He was a child. No older than sixteen, with hollow cheeks and dark shadows under his watery eyes. Gaunt and underfed as he was, there was no mistaking his youth.

 With a practiced calm, she asked, “How old are you, little knight?” Ruby dreaded the answer. 

“Twenty.”

“No you’re not. I have no patience for poor liars.”

He shrank, dropping his gaze. His shaggy hair fell in his face. Who had been cutting it for him?

Instead of answering however he asked her a question. “Will you eat me for lying?”

She all but laughed. Was that tale still going around? Ruby hadn’t meant to start the rumors, but she had to admit it served her well over the years. 

[he has to give her something for an answer. All questions need payment. ]

She could see him calculating, a quiet intelligence behind those sunken eyes. 

“tell me the truth and you won’t have to find out.”

He hesitated before answering. Ruby had to admit he was a smart boy, despite everything. 

s., (and needs to retrieve his glasses from the pack.)

“May i get my glasses from the bag?” He asked. 

(I want your story if I tell you. He nods and she says yes get your glasses. )

“They didn’t fit beneath the visor,” he explained, putting them on. They were thick lenses, magnifying his eyes until he looked almost owlish. 

Ice cold rage rose up in her again. “They sent you to kill me when you could hardly even see.”

He makes excuses says the armor would be better. She scoffs and shakes her head. “Little boy knight you could never win against me, even well fed and enchanted.”

He flinched again and looked down at his gloved hands. “I'm not a knight,” he mumbled and she didn’t doubt it for a second. 

“What then? Tell me your story. I have spared your life for the night and given you shelter for the wind. If you have no candles for me, you will give me that much at least.”

Oh -! A spot of color rose to his pale cheeks and the boy bent over into the pack once more, rummaging past iron and metal and wood, to produce a carefully wrapped parcel wrapped in a stained kerchief.

“For you, Lady,” he said and held it out. 

“What’s this?” She didn’t trust it. Couldn’t tell what it was below the iron making her eyes all but water. 

“Candles, maam. For shelter from the wind. They’re…” he swallowed, and she swore he wore guilt on his sunken face. (He stole the candles in the dead of night, stubs and broken things that he used to read books and things when nobody was looking but now he fathered them all up for her.)

I'm sorry. I have no proper payment for you but I…” 

He swallowed. 

“You like to follow the rules,” she said. 

(He bravely tells her he thought she might help him. Find a way to cure him. He brought all his belongings hoping they might be enough. A threadbare moth worn blanket. His spare set of glasses, long since cracked. A bar of soap and an empty bottle of perfume that an astronomer made to Toss but he likes to smell flowers now and then)

.

[popculturebuffet]

Don Rosa: “The Magnificent Seven (Minus 4) Caballeros!” or City Slickers 3: The Crystal City

Saludos Amigos, the Ride of the Three Caballeros returns! After some time off to take care of other seasonal commissions and to finally get the life and times fo scrooge mcduck back on a steady pace, everyone’s three favorite chappies in snappy serapes are back for another go round.  This time i’ts back to comics one last time as we take a look at “The Magnificent Seven (Minus 4) Caballeros: which was the penultimate story from Duck Maestro Don Rosa, and as a result the final one set in present day, as while the next one would have a wraparound segment, it’s a flashback tiding up the one last bit of Scrooge’s past Rosa hadn’t clicked into place yet, and thus we’ll get to that eventually as part of life and times. And honestly it serves as a fittng and satisfying conclusion to Donald’s story. 

The geneisis of this one is rather simple in comparison to “The Three Caballeros Ride Again!”. Don Rosa REALLY enjoyed writing TTCRA, wanted to have another adventure with Donaldo and his boys, and given the previous story was a huge hit likely had no trouble convincing his publisher. And since he set the first story in Panchito’s home country of mexico, it only made sense to have the next story in Jose’s home country of Brazil. Adding to it Rosa specifically wanted to avoid using the amazon rainforest this go round, as to him pretty much every story involving Brazil focused on the massive and wonderful rainforest. And while a great setting, Rosa knew there was much more to the country and wanted to show it off. And to his credit.. he’s 100% right as i’ve seen dozens upon dozens of stories set in the rainforest but not nearly as many set ANYWHERE ELSE IN BRAZIL. If their lucky we get to see Rio, but that’s about it. So kudos to Rosa for wanting to display more of a beautiful country and show it had more to offer than merely it’s biggest attraction. As for what treasure they’d be after, the lost city of crystal stuck out to him, having been described in a goverment document that was so degraded when it was found there wasn’t much left to go on and searched for by a famous explorer who was the basis for indiana jones whose name I forgot but we’ll run into his name again later. So yeah not as much setup here and what tiny bit is left can be covered when we get to our villian. So with all that out of the way, let’s ride on!

We open with Scrooge firing Donald and throwing his ass out on the street, berating him for screwing up and then telling him to be back early tommorow to make up for his firing. Then Gladstone literally walks all over him becausae he’s a jackass, and Daisy then shrieks at donald for you know, being stuck on the floor, having messed up the shirt she ironed for him without.. actually you know asking for context, HITTING HIM, then telling him to pick her up for dinner at the ritz. 

It’s like this intro was perfectly designed in a lab to piss me off. All three of the characters who on a good day ar excellent but on a bad are outright monsters, at their worst, treating Donald like crap, i.e. the reason to call them monsters, and generally abusing him for flimsy reasons. And again Daisy HIT DONALD. No that’s not right, she shoryukened his ass! She upercutted him! God damn. And her just casually doing that is played for laughs. In a lesser Rosa story this would only get worst and be “oh haw haw”.. instead... to my delighted suprise.. this is all treated seriously. Yeah really. Instead of being treated for laughs like normal, and not being a dark enough work comedically to make it work like say It’s Always Sunny, Donald is seriously depressed, beaten down phsycially and mentlaly and when the boys, who’ve been present for all of this and tried to help him up off the ground, ask why he takes this.. the answer is pretty damn bleak. 

Just.. holy shit that’s dark.. and I applaud Rosa for not only recognizing this isn’t always funny, but for actually tackling it. And I will grant Donald being a butt monkey CAN be funny, especially when it’s caused by his own ego. It’s the basis of his entire career. It’s good stuff. My issue has been more that Rosa sometimes dosen’t get that either some aspects have aged poorly, even by the 90′s, and thus dosen’t adjust them or play them more for drama, sprinkling a bit of that in with the comedy. So to see him do that HERE, to acknowledge in some way his own faults and do something with them.. i’m very proud of him and it warms my heart that he could do something like this that shows he could grow and change, even SECONDS from the end of his career, but with no intention of ending his career at that point or even after finishing his next and last story. It just ended up happening that way and as such this story carries even more weight as for all intensive purposes, this is the final tale of Donald Duck for Don Rosa’s Barksian universe. This is the last big tale before whatever triggers Scrooge’s retirement, the last tale he wrote in the here and now. And while not perfect for some reasons we’ll get to from a character perspective? It’s a pretty good note to go out on. 

Anyways Donald somehow makes this SADDER by mentoing, when Huey, Dewey or Louie tries to make him smile that he hasn’t smiled in some time before sadly loping off to make their dinner before buying daisy’s. 

Yeah... I just.. I need a moment.... Here’s my asistant iwth an important message

Okay i’ve regained my composuer.. and yes I will be shwoing that off at every opportunity. I have generous friends. Now where were we? Ah yes with their uncle in a depression hole, can relate, they figure he needs a nice gift to get him out of it. The boys think he needs friends.. and of course the boys come to mind, though the fact their on the other end of the contient proves a problem.. but Huey, Dewey or Louie has a solution and takes the boys to the Woodchucks because of course they do> Their primary go to for anything is the guide which to be fair contains the entire sum of the world’s knowledge in a guidebook. 

So the boys, with the other two likely filled in on the way, plan becomes clear when they stop by Woodchuck HQ and talk to the guy in charge of the badge department, which ahs a fun acronym because of course it does, this is one of Rosa’s faviorite running gags and mine as well.. I just don’t have it in me stamina wise to type the whole thing out. Point is the boys ask that Donald be used as courier for a special shipment of badge’s to Rio. The authority guy is understandably a bit reluctant to give a non-woodchuck this duty, but the boys remind him that in a previous story, not sure if it’s barks or rosa’s, Donald apparently not only found the last remaning pieces of fort duckberg but saved them from the mill. As a result the Fort, which was the original HQ of the woodchucks until Scrooge threw them out, was apparently rebuilt. So the guy in charge is more than willing to not only give donald the duty, but an open ended plain ticket, i.e a vacation. The Nephews do have to guilt him a bit more to get donald a condsensed pamphlet based on the brazil chapter of the guidebook which at this point seems like overkill. Just.. buy him a guidebook boys. IT’s a bit much to ask that a portion of your heavily guarded and protected text be given to your uncle for a vacation and seems like a tad of a stretch but the gag, including the boys getting badges in guilt and convincing, makes it work. 

So after the boys set off to telegram the rest of the Cabs, we cut to donald arriving in rio, passing christ the redeemer on the way

The Rio Woodchucks greet donald and take the package for him, giving him new orders to go by cable car to the observation deck atop Sugar Loaf Mountain. This is a real mountain in Brazil and frustrated Rosa because he couldn’t find any pictures of what the station looked like in the 1950′s, despite as he put in his notes having eager fans from the region, researchers and other contacts try to find it, settling for having vintage cable cars pulling into modern stations he got from photos from said contacts. If I hadn’t said it before i’ll say it now the man is a BEAST when it comes to getting things acurate, only bending it if it helsp the story and still making sure his drawings are as accurate as possible. It’s one of Rosa’s most adimirable traits. 

Donald took a Donde, some form of streetcar there, hanging on the back and .. uh I have no words for this..

Donald Duck ran into a horse and it farted in his face. Just... why though. This horse naturally is Senior Marteniz, with Panchito currently being thrown out of a cable car for trying to put his horse in there which is fair. What isn’t is people having an issue with his hat. I mean.. people wear hats. I know it’s a bit big for the tight fit of the cable car but still it’s a bit weird to throw a strop about anywhere outside a theater or sports place where he’d be actively obstructing people’s view. And it appears to be the same weirdly crazy asshole.. Imean again the horse thing is resonable but calling it a “crazy hat” I mean yes it’s a big hat.. but ... you you do know mexico exists right? And sombreros? or other cultures at all you weirdly specific douche? 

At the top, after a quick and funny hat swap gag, Panchito reveals the triplets called him here.. as did Jose who assuemd it was  lovely senorita.. who uppercuts him. And it’s STILL more reasonable to uppercut some rando hitting on you, if not by much, than Daisy’s Domestic Abuse. Anyways the three put things together and Donald realizes via flashback the boys hoped his smile would return and said he’d have help. 

Donald, being utterly beaten down by life, apologizes.. but it turns out the boys needed this as much as he did. Jose’s night club career is flopping hard, with his agent unable to get him bookings and Panchito has barely scraped any money together for his ranch dream from last time. It’s a nice touch: That the boys , while having more exciting careers have just as much strife as Donald does and as much problem. It helps make them feel as real as donald, as characters with their own lives and adventures outside of him and their own wants and needs and it really helps the story come alive. Jose however has some suggestions to escape their blues. 

But Panchito suggests instead they go for some adventure and go diamond hunting in the plains of brazil, which the two agree to.. and Donald’s a big gung hoe about carving his way through human flesh.. just jesus man.. get a therapist. Your Ducktales counterpart did and he seems mildly well adjusted. So the adventure is on.. and they all toss their hats.. off a mountain. First thing on the provisoins list hats.  Before we head on I just wanted to point out even though most of my audience here is likely unaware the movie exists that this Comic honestly reminds me of the 1991 comedy City Slickers starring Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern and Bruno Kirby. If your struggling on the name Daniel Stern, think Marv from Home Alone. 

No.. the RIGHT marv. I may not be a huge fan of Home Alone but we respect Daniel sterns in this house. And yes if you didn’t know French Stewart played Marv in one of the sequels now you do. And i’m sorry you know that. 

There we go. Right Marv and Wrong Dad from Christmas story. Back on point City Slickers is a terrific comedy I finally saw a few weeks back about three friends all facing mid life crisises, with Billy Crystal being unsatisfied with his career and undsure WHY he does, Daniel Sterns having cheated on his shrewish wife with one of his employees whose also now pregnant, and Bruno Kirby being a ladies man whose faced with the prosepct of settling down, go for a weeks vacation to a cattle drive, as Brunos character tends to set up these trips but this time they actually need it. They encounter cows, assholes and a cowpoke named Curly. It’s pretty good. 

But yeah they both feel kinda similar, if with far less drama and crumbling marraiges on the cabs end because you know, this is for children. I’m pretty sure it’s just a concidence but given Rosa’s love of film, even if it’s more 30′s and 40′s films, and how the City Slickers seems right up his alley, I wouldn’t he suprised if he saw it and simply took some slight inspiration from it. Either way the similarity makes me giggle a bit. Again the plots aren’t all the same but the basic setup is about the same, complete with the main character’s family making sure he goes. It’s a bit of a stretch but I thought it was pointing out and while this review is comissioned, how I go about it isn’t so if I want to take a few paragraphs to compare this to an excellent comedy you should defintely see with two underated actors, maybe three i know nothing of bruno kirby other than the man had horse allergies and thus had to take heavy medication every day so good on him, and a lot of fun. 

So our premise and pastiche firmly in place, our heroes fly out to the frontier to adventure and Donald even thought ahead on them needing two more mounts and bought them from the local farmer for 100 bucks: It turns out their a llama, who jose takes and an old ox which donald reluctantly takes and wonders how to steer.. which I just got the double pun. Nice touch.

So our heroes head on with Donald expressing suprise they aren’t in the jungle like the movies, Jose correcting him, you get the bit he’s going for. But as they travel Donald not only breaks out the pamphlet but also , once jose mentions finding el dorado, casually mentions he and Scrooge already found it in columbia, and when Jose incrediously mentions that maybe he also already found the lost mines of the incas.. turns out yeah they did that too. Dont’ know if it was a barks or rosa story for either, since I didn’t check that part of Rosa’s notes, but it brings the scene into greatness as the boys not only belivie donald and figure he’s not pulling their legs.. but marvel at his life. And it’s here Donald smiles a bit.. he’s already got his smile back realizing that as miserable as his life can be.. he’s still seen and done things no man, even his globetrotting pals, has sever done before or sense. Found long lost places, solved mysteries and rewrote history.. sometimes literally sometimes in the “found things that changed historical knowledge” sense. Point is.. he realizes he has more to his life than he thought and maybe it isn’t so miserable after all. 

Donald also mentions the local waters are filled with stuff and the other Cabs mounts quickly climb on his continuting the gag of the Cabs assuming donald’s some big expert by accident. For me personally it varies in how funny it is, sometimes it’s grating othertimes it’s genuinelly pretty good, your mileage will vary. We then get a page and a half of slapstick with various animals and this gag repeated and it’s eh. Not bad, and there’s a REALLY great visual bit where donald gets squeezed by an anaconda and not only is he comically and tightly squeezeled, but it takes a few panels for it to wear off. Other than that not bad stuff but nothing especially new or really that funny. 

Our heroes soon find a pit trap.. and a capybara in said pit trap.. which I also give myself credit for recognizing on sight. Who dosen’t like a good capybara? Their basically a large brazillian rodent if you were curious. Donald asks what can they do and hte boys take it as a secret test of character, and not just donald being kind of lost and decide to help free trapped animals instead of treasure hunt which Donald, much like his entire life, just reacts to with “what what are we doing now?”. But they manage to free the greatful Capybara and we get this inspired bit. 

Naturally the sheer confusion of seeing this as well as being confronted with the relaly bizzare nature of his world, i.e. having both a rodent whose an old friend and one that’s clearly just a regular animal causes Donald to fall into the hole. He’s soon found by the natives.. and here we get one of the worst aspects of this story and one I honestly didn’t expect to encounter given Rosa’s research: Calling these indgeinous people’s.. “indians”. Yes really. 

We were in 2004 by this point, and even in the cultural cesspool of the early 2000′s, a time where micheal jacksons actions towards children were used for reams of jokes and where R.Kelly got off for the same just because “he makes the good musics”. What i’m saying is even in this time in history, we knew better than to use the term indian and I remember distinctily the term native american being in my text books even at this point as a kid. So Rosa, a world traveled knowledgable adult.. has no excuse for this, not even “It was the 50′s when this was set and they’d used this” as while he had Scrooge being mildly racist in “The Empire Builder from Callisota”, he didn’t you know, have scrooge use the fucking n word or other slurs during the story because you know that’s racist and he knows it’s racist. I’m coming down so hard on him because I expect BETTER. I can, even if it bothers me and I will give out about it, KINDA ignore the daisy stuff because domestic violence against men wasn’t as wellk nown, so while it dosen’t play well and I won’t pretend to enjoy it I can at least understand why rosa thought this was funny when it isn’t> This? The man clearly should know better, should know to use correct terms, and is usually better about this, but just isn’t here and for one of his last stories it’s REALLY depressing to see a man I have a ton of respect for fail this badly. It’s just a small element of hte story but it really sticks out badly and says bad things about an otherwise good man. Even a good man can really fuck up and Don.. honestly really fucked up even when, normally his portryal of indigneous people’s is really good.. and is for the rest of the story. This is just a really bad if really easy to miss bit I feel he deserves some flak over it. He knew better. This story proves he knows better in other ways and knows indgenous people deserve resepect. He just dosen’t show it in his laungauge and it’s disheartaning. 

Anyways, the Natives drop donald off with their cheif.. who turns out to not only speak perfect english, but has a rather nice modern setup and clothes. He’s the son of the former cheif whose dad, using a secret crystal city with a rich mine, paid for his son to go get an education in the US and hopefully bring back knowledge for his people. Instead all he learned was to be a greedy selfish asshat who calls his own people “savages”. This is what i’m talking about: While the indian thing is bad and Rosa should feel bad.. the rest of the story does treat these tribal peoples with genuine grace and care, as our main villian is shown as one partly because rather than respect his culture and simply use thenew knowledge of the outside world to help his people by educating them, bringing back new techniques and medcidnes while mixing it with thier old culture, the bastard prince simply wrote them off as savages and used his new learnings to rule them and get them into trapping, a buisness i’ts later made clear at the end of hte story they don’t like and only followed him because he’s their chief. And it dosen’t even come off as them following him as chief because their stupid, mainly just because of tradition and knowing they can’t escape him and he’d just find htem and find some way to cowtow them. The tribe here are innocent victimes forced into a life they don’t want by an asshole who became a colonizer instead of a hero and leader to his people and simply wants to sell them out as soon as possible to fiance a fancy and comfy life for himself.  The bad guy here is recycled from Rosa’s pre scrooge work, and works well here and honestly.. is a good villian and a good antagonist, something Rosa struggled with sometimes when not just using what barks made. He’s a chillingly realistic villian: someone who would step on where he came from instead of helping it and again treats these people as simple victims forced to be minons by circumstance and as the end of the story shows, and we’ll get to that, not nearly as stupid or “savage” as this cruel bastard thinks. And naturally being a cruel bastard, Chief, since his name isn’t given, plans to ransom donald as he naturally has no hangups about selling people AND rare animals. Thankfully Donald’s only a prisoner for a bit as Donald’s ox makes a back door and with the help of their mounts the boys free all the trapped animals and escape.. with Senior Martinez accidently taking the Chief’s necklace. Turns out that’s the sigal that signals his right to rule, so he figures if the tribe finds out it’s missing they’ll rightfully dump his ass and tells them to give chase, which the cabs find out about via a wild parrot. It’s better not to ask. 

So our heroes head into the wilderness to loose them and find a rocky slope, making their way up to some more plains. They now have both a high vantage, and a place to set up camp so do so. They also found out Martinez took the necklace, and now know why the chief is after them, but Panchito decides to keep it for now till they can figure out what to do with it. SO over the camp fire Donald decides that if they can find this lost mine that the Cheif’s dad used to go to,  they won’t need to look for diamonds the hard way and Jose’s skepticism is rebuffed by the fact that Donald’s found plenty of lost cities with scrooge.  So donald brings up the legend of the crystal city, with the guy who found it being colonel percy fawceet, and brings up more adventures you get the bit by now. Point is he mentions a crystal arch lighting up at night to ward off intruders.. and sure enough our heroes happen to be right by it, complete with a crystal road that simply had been covered by shale over the years. Donald decides to get some rest and head out in the morning, with a valid explination as to why not to worry about hteir perusers till then: It’s so dark that even if they left a trail, they can’t follow.. which the evil cheif agrees to though he finds the trail they dug up, pointing as an arrow and now realizing his dad’s treasure was real, plans to naturally exploit the hell out of it.  So the next morning, bright and early, our heroes have built a raft, and are greatful they looked in first as the waters are stalked with dangerous predatory creatures. How htey haven’t all killed each other, I do not no, but it looks cool so i’ll shut up now. So our heroes leave their mounts behind and head in up the stream via the raft and find the massvie and awe inspiring lost city.. as for why it hasnt’ been found they soon figure out why: THe stream in is dangerous, and jose figures it was delebratly packed with dangerous animals, and thus few would think to go in there, and the only ohter way up is scaling the cliffs it’s build into, but as the cities built into the sides of said cliffs, no one can see it from a distance. It’s a birlliant way to justify just WHY something remained lost and somthing barks is tremendous at. Our heroes soon find though that the canal go deeper and approaches a water fall.. and thus jump off loosing their only way back and thus heading in deeper to see if they can find another way out. Meanwhile the Cheif has found the swamp and recongizes his dad mentoning it and being a greedy jackass, and suddenly realizing that maybe his people won’t want to loot the city their swarn to protect, tells them to guard the Cabs mounts while he goes on ahead. 

Our heroes journey deeper into the unknown and after coming across pick axes mine carts and the like find the mines of fear.. lit with crystals and with wall to wall gems. So they’ve sucessful founds the lost minds of ophir, set up by one of king solomon’s realtiives. The actual King Solomons Mines had been found in a barks story, naturally and is also likely the basis for the african mines level in the ducktales game. 

Donald being donald.. ends up sitting on a giant anaconda who swallows him whole as he dosen’t realize just how big the thing is when his pals mention it to him, and only escapes through Dumb Luck, as is the duck family way, lighting a match and causing the Anadonda to spit him out and run... unfortunately not only does Panchtio loudley announce he dosen’t have his pistols, The Chief shows up with a gun. Naturally he intends to plunder, because jackass you see, and intends to leave the cabs stranded, with the anaconda picking them off one by one when they inevitibly have to sleep while he’ll come back with inflatable rafts and boats to loot the rest. The cabs bemoan the fact that their fucked.. and then this happens. 

So with that Donald FINALLY snaps, tired of taking the world’s shit and determined not to be the looser everyone around him but his boys clearly think he is. Seriously Donald.. dump. her. ass. It’d also tell you to dump gladstone in a shallow ditch but given your love for hacking through human flesh and his luck I don’t want you to impale yourself. So thus.. Donald stops getting polite and starts getting badass.. shouting THAT’S THE LAST STRAW BEFORE.. .. welll...

Bad. Ass. Also who knew Donald was part Kree? Wait .. how though? Questions for later. So as Donald gives the asshole his RICHELY deserved asshole a beat down, the anaconda pops up and grabs the boat.. with Donald STILL fighting the Chief the whole time. Holy shit. If this is your last time writing a character in a lead role what a note to go out on holy jesus. The cabs however show their CLOSE to as badass with Panchito roping the anconda and Jose attacking it once it curls around.. and unlike last time where his umbrella was quickly disarmed, here the Anaconda eats the tip.. only for Jose to expand it and on Panchito’s command, hook the damn thing. I didn’t relaize till writing this up just HOW badass this story’s climax is.. just holy shit this is awesome incarnate. 

Donald ends up loosing the fight eventually as asshole whomps him on the head with the gems.. and sends donald flying, destroying the gate regulating the water thanks to freeing the anaconda. As a result asshole escapes.. for about five seconds till he drops over the falls, presumibly to his MUCH deserved death and even if he surivives, likely wont’ for long without anything to defend himself. Goodbye asshole, you were a good villian but you’ll be better tarantula chow. 

Our heroes are still stranded.. but Panchito notices the Anadconda escaping and well... he decides to equal donald in badassery. Again..words do not do this justice. 

Our heroes disembark, and find that the tribe has been held at bay by the noble steeds, and as I mentioned earlier, and why despite the frequent use of .. that word i’ve said enough already, this story isn’t too bad. The tribe, once free.. are perfectly intellegent and nice, only in the game because of tradition that asshole abused. Their going to head deeper into the valley on the offchance asshole makes it back so he can’t find them. So the tribe is free and seeing the emblem as the symbol of their opressor and not wanting it, they can likely make a new necklace honestly just without the gems, Panchito gets to keep it. So our heroes won, the adventure is over and our heroes head back to rio

In our final scene we get our wrap up with our heroes back in Rio to enjoy what’s left of their vacation.. which given the scope of events only two days of it have passed so far, so it’s nicely implied they have a day or two before Donald has to go back where he can just.. enjoy himself. Have an actual vacation now his soul is whole again. Our heroes went to the authorities, and it turns out the Chief was one of the most infamous trappers in Brazil, and is now again either dead or in no way shape or form easily able to come back into the country.. and when he does, he’ll now have every officer in the country on his ass.So in short he’s pretty fucked and i’m pretty happy about that.  Naturally our heroes dont’ get to keep the mines, because well... it belongs ina museum.. or to become a museum and cultural landmark and the boys know and respect that. But Jose and Panchito both still got something out of the deal: for starters they have their confidence back, as seeing tthey could keep up with donald after realizing what a legend their friend is restored their own weary souls. Meanwhile, Jose’s newfound fame as the man who found a new brazilian cultural touchstone means his agent was able to get him booked up for a year, while Panchito , after consulting with the good senior martenez, decided ot keep the broach, and use it to get their ranch. And Donald? What did he find?

Donald found his smile again. He’s found himself again. After letting life beat him to near death, to just a souless shell. he’s found the real Donald. He’s realized that despite Scrooge’s finaical abuses he lives a rich full life. It’s part of why I compared the story to city slickers. While Donald’s life is far worse off than Billys, like him he finds himself again after the rousing adventure. And who knows what his future holds? Given Scrooge’s grave picture, yes Rosa drew that, he probably does marry daisy and work for the old bat.. but maybe now he can fight back, refuse to let htem walk all over him and actually find a healthy relationship with daisy and with his uncle before his uncle finally retires to Goldie’s loving arms. I could be wrong, it could be same as it ever was just he gets angry again.. but I like to think of something better for our boy. A better life and one more fufilled and more happy and one where he finally finds his pot of gold. He may not of found it yet but well.. there’s always another rainbow and he realizes that now just as his uncle did years ago. Donald is finally whole again to find his hapniess and a better life. Maybe with daisy, maybe with scrooge, maybe without them. Probably without Gladstone because he needs to cut that tumor out of his life, but still, he’s found himself and sometimes that’s all you need to find your purpose. So with that warm thought in my head our heroes play us out one last time. Well not for the restrospective obviously but still. 

Final Thoughts; While I do prefer the previous story, on going through this again for the review, I did find this story utterly charming and a great way to send off our boys and Donald for Rosa’s work. While again that one word is very unfortunate and Rosa should’ve known better, otherwise the story is pretty imaculate, using history to build a thrilling story with tons of character and a tremendous arc for Donald. And as I said the villian is excellent and overally the story is pretty great. Maybe held back a bit by the racisim, but the rest of the story is so joyous, badass and well crafted, it’s easy enough to override the less savory aspects. Dosen’t mean they didn’t need to be noted it just means this story is magificent and as usual for Rosa’s work I recommend it. 

Next time on the Ride of the Three Cablleros: We go to Disney Juinor for Mickey’s Perfecto Day! ..... whelp at least it’s a short one. 

And if you’d like to comission your own review, their just five bucks, jsut direct message me, tell me what you’d like, and I will send you the link on my paypal and get to it asap. Thank you so much for reading and have a happy holiday. 

[acescreations]

Person A goes above and beyond for a valentine's day celebration, but person B completely forgot Valentine's Day was a thing

Ship(s): Royality

Warnings: None, it’s all just fluff

Word Count: 1452

Read on AO3

Buy me a Ko-Fi

A/N: This is far from my best writing, but of the mometn that I am publishing this, it is three in the morning and I need sleep.

Patton grumbled a little when he suddenly awoke to sunlight on his face, hearing quiet singing nearby. He rubbed his eyes as the blurry, singing figure walked over to his bed, sitting down beside him.

“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? If I can’t help falling in love with you?” Patton’s glasses were placed on his face, and the figure placing them there suddenly came into focus to be Roman, who was giving Patton a soft smile. “Good morning, my prince,” Roman quietly told Patton, lightly kissing the side of his head. Patton smiled sleepily at him, cuddling into him a little.

“G’ morning,” he mumbled back.

“I’ve made you breakfast,” Roman told him, before lifting him bridal style and carrying him downstairs. Patton could smell pancakes and strawberries even before they reached the bottom step.

Patton looked up at Roman. “You made pancakes?”

Roman set him down with a smile. “I did learn from the best, after all,” he said, taking Patton’s hand and leading him the rest of the way into the dining room, where he already had the entire table set up with a frilly red tablecloth and pink table runner, both decorated with white hearts, and a bouquet set inside a crystal vase on the center of the table. At the two seats on opposite ends of the table, Roman had already put down plates with heart-shaped pancakes with strawberry glaze and cups of hot chocolate, along with a second cup of coffee on its own serving plate with sugar and cream.

Patton took in the fancy breakfast, which he was certain Roman had put a lot of time into, before turning to his boyfriend with a smile. “How long did you spend on this?” he asked, wrapping his arms around Roman’s neck in a loose hug. “You know you could’ve woken me up to help you out.”

“Well why would I do that when I could surprise you with this instead?” Roman told him, before guiding him over to sit down at the table. “And anyway, this isn’t all I have planned for today.”

“Really?”

“You are going to adore it, believe me,” Roman told him. “I have the Imagination already set up.”

The breakfast continued with the two exchanging lighthearted conversation while they ate. Roman regularly asked Patton if he was needing anything, getting up to get anything Patton asked for. A few times Patton had told Roman that he could get whatever he needed for himself.

“I’m happy to assist, darling,” Roman had told him. “I want this day to be about you, okay?”

After breakfast was over, Roman led Patton into the Imagination, where, like he had said, Roman had already set up a bright and colorful scene with a sunny meadow filled with flowers of all colors, butterflies and birds fluttering around the couple as Roman walked with Patton through the field. Patton excitedly picked several of the flowers, carrying them around in his hands. Eventually, the butterflies began gathering around Patton and settling on his arms and in his hair. 

Patton noticed Roman smiling at him out of the corner of his eye and turned to face him. “Did you plan for them to do this?”

Roman shrug with elaborate casualness. “Well, the flowers are certainly making my part in it easier,” he said, leaning over to kiss Patton on the cheek. “I wish you could see how magical you look right now,” Roman told him.

The date later continued to include a picnic in the meadow, during which Roman made Patton a flower crown, leading Patton to insist on making one for Roman as well. Then, after asking Patton what he wanted to do that day, Roman conjured a ukulele for Patton to play, Roman doing vocals for him.

Once the afternoon was beginning to end, the two went back inside, still wearing their flower crowns. 

Patton pulled Roman into the living room, the energy of the day so far making his head feel all fuzzy in a way he couldn’t quite describe but loved nonetheless. “Come dance with me.”

“Your wish is my command,” Roman responded, wrapping one arm around Patton’s waist and holding his hand with the other. The two began spinning around the room, their feet fluttering across the floor even without any music playing.

Eventually their movement slowed until they finally spinned to a stop, gazing into each other’s eyes. Roman’s hand disconnected with Patton’s and instead went up to cup his cheek, pulling Patton into a kiss that he was happy to lean into.

Roman reached up to brush Patton’s hair back once he pulled away from the kiss, sighing contentedly as he stared into Patton’s eyes. “I love you. Truly, I love more than anything in this life or the next.”

“I love you too, Roman.” Patton rested his arms on Roman’s shoulders. “I do wanna know, though, what’s the occasion?”

Roman blinked at him in confusion. “I’m… not sure what you mean?”

“Just, all this.” Patton gestured to the flower crowns and to the door to the Imagination. “I mean, I know you like romantic gestures and all that, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t make an entire day out of it without a reason to.”

Roman stared at Patton in surprise for a moment before began to laugh quietly. “Reason? Patton, it’s Valentine’s Day. Didn’t you know that?”

“It’s-” Hold on, was that really what day it was? Patton had honestly not noticed the date. “Roman, I completely forgot.”

Roman laughed, leaning his forehead against Patton’s. “Puppy, I made heart-shaped pancakes. The tablecloth had hearts on it. Did you really not realize?”

“N-no.” Patton’s face heated up with embarrassment.

“No worries,” Roman told him. “I am glad you did ask eventually. Imagine!” Roman pulled Patton against his chest, wrapping his arms around Patton’s waist. “I plan out the perfect Valentine’s date for us without you ever realizing the occasion! Well, at least you can now enjoy the rest of our date while knowing what we’re celebrating.” 

“You still have more planned?”

“Of course.” Roman pulled one arm from Patton to lead him back into the dining room. “After all, what’s a Valentine’s Day date,” Roman waved a hand with a flourish, and the dining room table automatically changed, a candle now resting in the middle of the table with two dinner plates on either end, “without a candlelit dinner?”

Patton looked at the table setup before turning to look at Roman. “Roman, I love it,” he said fondly. 

Roman smiled with pride. “Then come take a seat,” he said, guiding Patton over to sit down.

The dinner passed much like breakfast had, although the conversation was generally quieter, followed by a dessert that was also much of the same.Once that was done and Roman had cleared the table, he walked over to Patton’s seat, holding an arm out for him to take. “Shall we go on to the next part of the night?”

Patton took Roman’s arm as he stood up from the table, eager to see what else Roman had planned for the day. Roman led him through the house to the hallway that led to the bathroom, where Patton saw Rose petals scattered along the ground. Roman took him down the hallway to the bathroom, which Roman had evidently set up with several candles and plenty of rose petals. The room was filled with a soothing smell, and Patton sighed as they entered, relaxing against Roman’s arm.

“I was hoping you’d like it,” Roman said, releasing Patton’s arm. “You get comfortable, and I’ll be right back.” Roman then walked back out of the bathroom, leaving Patton to lie down in the bathtub, which had already been filled with warm water, flower blossoms floating on its surface.

Roman later rentered, carrying with him a warm towel, which he laid over the top of Patton’s head, causing him to relax further, and massage lotion, which Roman rubbed into Patton’s shoulders before working his way down each of his arms and then hands. Roman then helped Patton into a bathrobe once he was done soaking in the tub, and proceeded to carry him bridal style back to his bedroom. Roman then continued the massage with Patton’s back. Patton was half-asleep by the time he was done. He sighed happily when Roman ran his fingers through Patton’s hair. 

“Did you have a nice day?” Roman purred.

Patton hummed in affirmation, nodding a bit. “You’re really wonderful,” Patton mumbled sleepily. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, darling.” Roman kissed Patton’s head, stroking his hair affectionately. “Good night, sweet dreams,” he said quietly, beginning to hum quietly until Patton eventually fell asleep completely.

[imaginationintowords]

Falling

Harry Styles x Famous!Reader angst

[Plot: inspired/loosely based on Harry’s song Falling. Harry and his famous ex sit down to talk, for the first time since their breakup years prior.]

[hope you guys like this. Started drafting this last month after I first heard Falling. Let me know what you think!]

To support my ko-fi

When Y/n was approached to do this interview she had agreed to do so, with an open mind. She was finally in a place where she could talk about what had happened without breaking down or feeling any kind of negative reaction. She had finally healed, properly in private over the past few years. She had finally moved on, found someone who treats her as their equal. But something stilled seemed off, it wasn't until her therapist brought up the idea of finally getting closure. Closure. She would finally be able to ask the questions she had let go, the insecurities that sometimes still loomed over her current relationship. So she agreed to do this artist on artist interview when approached by Variety.

Yes it was a way to promote the new movie that she is not only staring in, but co-wrote with one of her best friends. A movie inspired by heartbreak. She didn't do it for the promo though, the movie was already generating Oscar buzz. She is doing it for herself, to finally close this chapter once and for all. Once it was closed for good, everyone would stop hounding her about what had happened, and if there was any hope for reconciliation, even though she herself has been in a committed two year relationship. She needed to do this to show the world that she is more than just this person's ex.

She was more surprised to hear that he had agreed to do it. There was no one more private than Harry Styles.

This would be the first time they have seen and talked to each other since their breakup in December of 2015. The producers had asked if she wanted to meet him before they started shooting, she declined. If she was going to do this she was going to do this all the way.

The producers decided on having Harry waiting on set in front of the cameras, then Y/n would walk in and greet him. They wanted to keep it as natural as they possibly can in a room filled with cameras and people. The setup was perfect for an intimate one on one. No one off camera was going to be allowed to give any input. It was all on Harry and Y/n to keep the conversation going. Last minute they decided to only have a limited of people in the room, to respect the two artists who were about to bare it all out. So in the end it would be two camera guys, the director, one producer, Harry and Y/n's manager, Harry's mum Anne, who had decided to come last minute, and the two main acts.

"You ready?" Cat, Y/n's manager, asked her as the sound guy finished putting her mic on.

"Yeah. I am." Y/n nodded, looking at herself one final time, before they began the short walk to set.

When Y/n walked in she was greeted by the director and producer, politely shaking their hands. She immediately felt his eyes on her from where he sat in front of the cameras, patiently waiting for her. For once in her life she actually wasn't nervous, she had been nervous the last couple of weeks leading up to this, but right now as she listens to the director explaining what's going to happen, she feels a sense of relief, to finally get the closure she deserves.

Harry on the other hand was a bundle of nerves, he hasn't been able to sleep properly since he agreed to do this. He had only agreed because he wasn't expecting Y/n to agree to do it. She had kept his name out of her mouth in the media since the day they broke up. He had a feeling she and her team also had him blacklisted, any media outlet forbidden to ask Y/n questions about him and their failed relationship.

When he had heard she agreed to do it, he could have sworn his heart stopped for a second. He was actually going to have to do this. That scared the shit out of him. He would have to be vulnerable in front of not just the world, but the girl that he had broken. The girl that still to this day occupied his mind from time to time. The girl that he couldn’t help but compare all the other girls after to. The girl that he still wrote songs about to this day. The girl that just by being in the same room as her had him falling in love all over again. 

The second he saw her enter the room, his heart stopped, his breath got caught in his throat. Everything just stood still. She had always had that affect on him. Making him fall just by the sight of her. He was finally able to see her beauty again in person, photos online didn't do her any justice. She was what the media called, "the girl next door" beautiful, everyone adored her, everyone wanted a chance to be with her, and yet she was oblivious to it all. Never truly believing she was as beautiful as everyone made it seem, and in some way that was probably his fault, for not making her believe she was truly that beautiful.

It took everything in his power not to go over to her and embrace her. He had to will himself to stay in his seat, until she approached him.

She finally made her way over to him, well more to her seat across from him.

Harry had started to get up, until he realized he wouldn't be getting the same greeting that everyone else got, so he sat back down, slightly embarrassed.

"Hi." She softly greeted him, as she sat in her seat.

"Hi." Now that she was in front of him, he had no idea what to say or how to begin all of this.

"Nervous?" She asked him.

She always did know him so well.

"Very. You?" He lightly laughed, making eye contact with her for the first time in years. Just like that he can’t help himself but to fall for her 

"A little. More curious than anything." She honestly answered, willing herself to forget about the cameras around.

"Really? Why so?" Harry asked, taken back by her answer.

"There's a lot of unanswered questions between us and I think we owe it to each other to find those out. So I'm curious to see what your take was on everything."

"Right." He started to get more nervous.

This was going to be a very emotional hour, for the both of them.

There was a beat of silence, then Y/n took a deep breath and began.

"How about we start easy then. How have you been? And don't give me that politically correct Harry Styles bullshit. Truthfully how have you been?" She asks, which causes Harry to let out a snort laugh.

"I've actually been good. Finishing up this new album. Working my ass on it. But I'm very proud of it. Really let my guard down this time."

"Difficult isn't it? Having to let your guard down, afraid of what everyone is going to make of it. But I guess that's why we do it, huh." She states.

"Exactly. I mean an album is nothing compared to writing a whole feature film. Talk about being vulnerable. I can't imagine doing that." Harry praises her. He remembers when she had told him years ago, during the first year of their relationship, that she and her best friend were writing a movie together.

"Yeah. That wasn't easy. We went through many, many drafts. Originally we wanted to write a romantic comedy. It wasn't until-" She stops herself, forgetting for a second who she was talking to.

"Until?" he presses her to continue, having a feeling of what her answer was going to be.

"It wasn't until we broke up that we decided a romantic comedy wasn't what we needed to write. I couldn't write one, not after that." She honestly answered.

"Why is that?"

"Because after our break up, the only thing I could write about was heartbreak. And not that cheesy sugarcoated shit, the real honest truth heartbreak. It just started to flow out of me, as soon as I started to type, that's what came out. So that's when we decided to change the idea of the movie. If we were going to put out a movie about breakups, it was going to be about great big breakups. Not just the bad ones. Not just the good ones, if those even exist. The ones that change a person. The ones that shake you to your core. The ones that don't seem possible to recover from. The ones that have you questioning, how can you ever fall out of love with someone you had planned to spend the rest of your life with. Those kinds of breakups. The everlasting ones." Y/n felt her eyes began to tear up as she described her inspiration. She took a breath to calm her nerves.

"Wow." Harry responded, feeling himself get choked up.

"I'm sorry." he apologized.

"For what?" Y/n asked, taken back by his apology. His long overdue apology.

"For the way our relationship ended. I'm sorry." He tearfully apologized.

"Our relationship was long over before we ended it. We should've ended our relationship before it got bad, but I think we were both holding onto something we both thought we could salvage. But we were just too far gone. We were just too young. I loved you, I was scared."

"Selfishly I didn't want to let you go, because I couldn't bare the thought of you loving someone else. Selfishly, I still can't bare the thought of you loving someone else." He truthfully tells her.

"That's unfair of you."

"Do you hate me?" Harry asked, the one question he's been dying to ask. If he didn't ask it now, he wouldn't have the guts to ask it later on. Better to just rip the band-aid off.

"Hate is such a powerful word. Small, but powerful. But I did. Not anymore. But yeah, I hated you. I think you know, slash, knew that. I wanted nothing to do with you. The way we ended, it shattered me. Then to see the pictures of you with another girl less than a month later. I wanted nothing but to hate you."

The answer knocked the wind out of him a little, he always assumed she hated him, but the confirmation just broke him.

"In the past almost four years, I've learned a lot about myself. Who I am without you. Who I was with you. Looking back on it, I didn't like who I was with you. I loved you so much, that I would do whatever you asked of me. Looking back, I don't even know who that girl was. I can't even fathom that i was like that. I was more mad that I had let myself become like that. I had always prided myself in being an independent woman, especially back then. But that definitely wasn't the case. I had lost myself to you.

Looking back on it now, it wasn't real. Who we were in public versus who we were behind closed doors.  We would be all happy out in the world but the second we got home, and those doors closed behind us, we just shut each other out. You shut me out. You were seeking comfort from other. When I should have been the one you ran to. You had written songs about being able to run to me for anything, but that wasn't the truth. It became pretty clear that we weren't happy anymore. That you weren't happy anymore in the relationship."

"I was." Harry retorted, feeling upset that that's how she felt.

"No you weren't. If you were, you wouldn't have done what you did. You wouldn't have said what you said. I wouldn't have left in such a haste that final night. You weren't happy. Neither was I. And it's okay to admit that." She calmly said.

Her calm demeanor was starting to make him a bit uncomfortable. He definitely wasn't expecting her to be so calm about this all. Especially since the last time they talked was a screaming match. But then looking back on it now, it was just a one person screaming match, and that ball laid on his court.

"You don't talk about me." He states, trying to regain his composure.

"No, I don't. I couldn't because it was too hard. Especially at the beginning. So I just had any talk of you blacklisted. It was better that way. It isn't the world's business to know what happened. At least not then." she softly laughs signaling to the cameras.

"It's what I needed to heal. Now if someone mentions you, I don't feel the same as I once did. It doesn't break me. Truthfully, until someone mentions you, I kind of forget."

"Sorry." she apologizes, when she sees his reaction to her answer.

"Have you listened to any of my solo stuff?"

"No. I couldn't. And as time went by I didn't feel the need to. I think it's better that way."

"Didn't you ever get curious?"

"No. My friends told me about it. Even said you slipped my name in one of the songs. Which I think, at the time, just added more fuel to the fire."

"Really?"

"Not everyone is going to find that endearing, Harry. Especially not with the way we ended. I didn't want to hear you playing the victim." She explains to him, a little offended by his reaction.

"I wasn't." He defended himself.

"Right. We were both at fault, but last time I checked you were the one moving on after a few short weeks. At that moment, when I heard you name dropping me, and then to see the comments online, it made me so mad. And it was a set back to my own healing. Here you are telling the world how heartbroken you are, but then you are just out in the open with a new girl, no worries on how that would make me feel." she emotionally tells him, with tears in her eyes.

"Which took me some time to realize that you didn't owe me anything. We were no longer together. You were free to do whatever you pleased, with whoever you pleased. I had to accept that I had no right in the decisions that you made post-us." she calms down.

"We were never meant to last forever. I see that now." she expresses what she had learned years ago, the revelation that finally allowed her to move on.

“You’re going to need to stop doing that.” she tells him, he could feel the pity.

“Stop what?”

“Writing songs about me. You need to let me go.” she informs him.

"Do you ever regret our relationship?" he bluntly inquires.

"No. It taught me some valuable things about myself, and about relationships. Do you?" she asks back.

"Never." He says.

There was a moment of silence. No one sure if the conversation is over, as it had already been an hour since they began. The director was about to call cut, when Harry spoke up.

"I'm scared that you'll never need me again." he truthfully says, tears brimming his eyes.

"That shouldn't scare you. You should want nothing but the best for me, like I wish nothing but the best for you." she explains, her eyes matching the same emotion as him, feeling the end of the conversation close by.

"Are you happy?"

"Truthfully? Yes."

"Do you see us ever getting back together?" his bottom lip trembles a bit.

"No." She truthfully answers, a few tears escaping.

"Does he make you happy?"

"Yes." she smiles, at the mention of her current partner.

"Is he the one?" he asks as the tears fall down his cheeks, afraid of the answer that's about to come out of her mouth.

"Yes. He's the one." she bites down on her bottom lip to keep herself from crying out.

"I still love you." he confesses, crying.

"I know." she bittersweetly discloses.

She gives him one final smile, before she gets up and gives his hand a comforting pat, as she makes her final exit out of his life for good.

[Permanent tagged: Permanent tagged: @definitelynotafangirl @1awesomeash @princess-evans-addict @geeksareunique @sebbbystaaan if you’d like to be removed just ask and I’d be happy to do so]

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 2 of 26

Title: City of Saints and Madmen (Ambergris #1) (2002)

Author: Jeff VanderMeer

Genre/Tags: Weird, Short Story Collection (kinda), Horror, Fantasy, Metafiction, Mushroompunk (yeah), LGBT Protagonist, First Person, Second Person (sort of), Third Person, Unreliable Narrator.

Rating: 8/10 

Date Began: 1/7/2020

Date Finished: 1/17/2020

This edition of City of Saints and Madmen is a collection of 4 short stories and a massive “appendiX” of other stories/notable worldbuilding pieces, all of which explore a fictional city called Ambergris. Ambergris’ world is not unlike our own, with technology that somewhat mirrors ours, but is nevertheless distinctly surreal and fantastical. One Ambergris’ most notable elements are creatures called the gray caps (or “mushroom dwellers”), who are basically humanoid mushroom people that play a role in each of the stories. 

More details and a look at each of the stories under the cut. 

Surely, after all, it is more comforting to believe that the sources on which this account is based are truthful, that this has not all, in fact, been one huge, monstrous lie? And with that pleasant thought, O Tourist, I take my leave for good. 

I’ve read VanderMeer before-- the Southern Reach trilogy (which he’s most well known for) is one of my favorite series of all time. While I haven’t seen it yet, the film Annihilation is loosely based on the first book, and I hear it’s quite good as well. This will be my first foray into other stuff he’s written.

While this may put some people off, one thing I really liked about this book was it DIDN’T paint a clear picture of Ambergris. Each of the stories focus on particular details their respective protagonists find important, so the view we have of the city is always incomplete. There are tenuous and sometimes contradictory connections between the stories that often made me wonder what’s true/real, a recurring theme throughout the stories. Several of the stories are works of fiction within Ambergris, which skews perceptions even further. To me, all of this made the setting much more interesting, and the actual revelations more rewarding.

My personal favorite stories were The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris, The Transformation of Martin Lake, King Squid, and The Cage. I’ll go into more detail on all the individual pieces under the cut, but rating them individually doesn’t much sense due to the weird format.

The Main 4 Stories 

Dradin, In Love 

An unsuccessful missionary priest named Dradin comes to Ambergris to plead assistance from a former mentor. However, when he spots an unknown woman through the window of a shop, he becomes convinced he is in love and becomes obsessed with her. As an event called the Festival of the Freshwater Squid looms, the city itself begins to change in startling ways. 

From what I can tell skimming other reviews, this one trips people up because Dradin is just... a piece of shit. He’s terrible. There are some sympathetic traits to him -- he’s a fish out of water with no one to help him, he had a traumatic childhood, etc. But the more you learn about him the worse he becomes. He believes he’s superior to pretty much everyone he meets, has committed various atrocities you gradually learn about in the story, and he believes he’s in love with someone he’s never met and spends a great deal of the story fantasizing about her and their future relationship. It’s pathetic-- but it seemed pretty clear to me I’m not supposed to like him, so I read the story knowing that. 

Anyway, this wasn’t my favorite, but it is an interesting introduction to Ambergris. It’s from the perspective of an outsider, so alongside Dradin you learn things about the city such as the various religious sects, the gray caps, and the Festival. It is jarring when the Festival starts out as this whimsical parade and then goes full Purge for the rest of the story. That feeling pretty much lasts the rest of the book. 

The Hoegbotton Guide to the Early History of Ambergris 

The conceit of this one is that it’s a travel pamphlet written for tourists to provide a quick rundown of Ambergris’ early history. But the writer Duncan Shriek is so obsessed and passionate about the subject that he goes into way more detail than necessary. He also makes extensive use of the footnotes (often longer than the actual page) to (1) insult the reader, who he assumes is a stupid tourist who will skip them, (2) go on long rants about various other historians, and (3) go into intricate, intense detail or speculation about seemingly innocuous things in the main text. Honestly relatable. 

Personally, I love a good history text, so a well-done fictional one is lots of fun. The stylistic choices are engaging and a great characterization tool. The “story” really came together for me in the third act. Super eerie and surreal, and a lot of details about the gray caps and a vast underground kingdom-- but there’s still a sense of unreality, because the account exploring this may or may not be a fake. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one. 

The Transformation of Martin Lake

This one is technically two stories at once. Martin Lake is an unknown painter looking to make his big break in Ambergris, when he receives an anonymous letter inviting him to a beheading. Alternating with these novel sections are excerpts written by art critic Janice Shriek (recognize the name?) which analyze the creepy and grotesque paintings made by Martin Lake-- Ambergris’ most famous artist. 

This piece was by far my favorite of the main four. Janice evaluates various paintings created by Lake and speculates on the meanings behind them. The Gothic horror story sections star Martin, and the events within reveal the true origins of each painting. The horror story is very creepy and well written, and I really like Martin more than most of the protagonists. It’s also amusing to see just how incorrect Janice’s analyses are. Overall this was a very well structured and entertaining read. (Side note: to whom it may concern, this is where the LGBT Protagonist tag comes from.)

Also, Janice and her brother are apparently the central characters in the next book? I enjoyed both of them so I'm excited for that.

The Strange Case of X

A psychiatrist interviews a mental patient known simply as X, who believes he has invented the world of Ambergris, and he’s actually from a place called Chicago. 

I'm torn on this one because I feel I accidentally ruined it for myself. The premise sounds like a pretty cliche setup, but there's a  twist at the end that keeps it interesting. The only problem is I went into the story assuming that twist was the case. It's not even like I guessed it or picked up on hints or whatever... I just assumed the twist for whatever reason, so I got to the reveal and was just like "...yeah?" 

Anyway, this one’s a good read, just not my favorite. X is obviously a fictionalized version of VanderMeer. I didn’t find him as important in the context of this story, but notes found in his cell make up the appendiX. I *did* really enjoy the story excerpt within this one that starts like a children’s book with very simple sentences, then slowly evolves into more complex language over time until it’s like the rest of the book. The swap between third and first-person in the story, then the narrator commending himself on how clever he is, was pretty funny and good characterization. 

The appendiX 

Dr V’s Note + X’s Notes 

Technically this is 2 “stories” but they’re presented together. Dr V’s note is just an outline of the stories in the appendiX, which are apparently various notes, pamphlets, writing journal excerpts, and pieces of paper he found in X’s cell. He speculates on the meaning behind some of them. It’s a handy reference that I turned back to a few times. X’s Notes are literally just some misc author’s notes/ideas. The final note, though, draws back to the surreal scene I mentioned from The Hoegbotton Guide, which implies it is in fact real. 

The Release of Belacqua 

This one is about an actor named Belacqua who’s been typecast into a specific role, which he plays every single day. One evening at his hotel room home, he gets a super weird phone call from a woman looking for someone named Henry. Based on what happens in the story, I’m guessing Belacqua was probably supposed to be a character in one of the stories but got scrapped, and this story is literally about scrapping him. It was kinda meh for me. 

King Squid 

No, I’m not transcribing the entire title of this one -- it’s, uh, quite long. This one is sort of like The Hoegbotton Guide, except it’s a biological treatise written by a man named Frederick Madnok about the King Squid, which is Ambergris’ main economic staple. Like The Hoegbotton Guide, the author goes into intricate detail on what he considers important and makes extensive use of footnotes. The thing is, Madnok is clearly going through a nervous breakdown as he writes, and the footnotes and tangents grow weirder over time, often delving into vague memories and details about his home life as a child. 

I think this one really shines when you get to the bibliography and notice it’s longer than the rest of the story and seems to list every single book Madnok has ever read. Personally I found a lot of the titles funny, but you could be forgiven for skipping them. However, certain titles have side notes, supposedly to point out notable things about them. Some of these, however, are disturbing and clearly unrelated to the title. Eventually, Madnok goes into a full breakdown and starts to describe himself transforming into a squid -- a phenomenon he described earlier in the text. His breakdown, juxtaposed with the absolutely immaculate formatting of the story, really made this one stand out to me. 

The Hoegbotton Family History

The Hoegbottons are a merchant family. Their company Hoegbotton & Sons is basically the Wal-Mart of Ambergris and is present through multiple stories. This text is interesting for some context for the next story, but not particularly notable on its own. V’s notes at the beginning say as much. 

The Cage

One of the early Hoegbottons visits a mansion which has been condemned after an attack by the gray caps to purchase the remaining assets to resell. Among the items he finds a strange, seemingly empty birdcage which he can’t stop obsessing over. 

This was my favorite story by a long shot. It was insanely creepy and surreal with the best visuals in the book. There are references everywhere to fungi and decay, and there’s something very odd going on with Hoegbotton’s blind wife that defies explanation. And obviously, the cage itself and what’s going on with it is very disturbing. Contains very very very good body horror which is apparently just A Thing for me. Of all the stories this one had the most Southern Reach-y vibe. 

In The Hours After Death 

This one describes what happens to a man after he dies, and it’s not quite what you think. It’s a short piece and I liked the writing; very melancholy and surreal. It’s one of those stories that just incidentally takes place in Ambergris, but would be a good story outside of it, too. Until the end, that is, which ties it back to the gray caps in another creepy way. Thanks. 

The Man Who Had No Eyes 

This one is notable because apparently, in the original release, it was written entirely in code. You had to use page numbers, paragraph numbers, and lines in the rest of the book to decode it. Because this edition is an updated re-release which shifted the pages and format around, it doesn’t work anymore. Instead Dr. V provides a decoded version. However, some of the words are wrong, and the final paragraph is still in code (supposedly because V was afraid to keep going). I had to look up the story online to get the full picture. 

Anyway, I suspect this story is foreshadowing for stuff that’s going to happen in future installments. It describes the gray caps taking the city back over and flooding it, and how they mutilate a writer living in the city so he has to find alternative ways to keep writing. It mentions the goddamn cage again. It’s kind of fever-dream creepy. 

The Exchange 

Depicts a short story about the Festival of the Freshwater Squid (remember that?). Apparently this story is provided by Hoegbotton & Sons for people who purchase a safe house to avoid getting straight-up murdered during the Festival. The story itself is entertaining and has a great twist at the end, but what’s interesting is someone’s made extensive annotations to the piece describing the fallout between the author and illustrator. I found it most fun to read the base story, then go back and read the annotations-- it felt like I was seeing the same story from very different perspectives. 

Learning to Leave the Flesh 

This one’s referenced in The Strange Case of X. Unlike every other story, this actually doesn’t take place in Ambergris, but our world. However, like The Strange Case of X mentions, details and names from Ambergris seemingly appeared in the story even though he had no recollection of putting them there. 

Honestly, it’s an OK work of fiction but was probably my least favorite. Mostly it felt like lengthy flavor text for a story I’d already read. The ending was pretty good, though. 

The Ambergris Glossary + A Note on Fonts  

Putting these two together. The Glossary actually answered a lot of questions I had and clarified some events from the various stories. (”What the fuck is with the Living Saints. What the absolute fuck-- oh.”) It’s implied that some of the entries are written by Duncan Shriek. Hi, again. 

A Note on Fonts describes the various fonts from different stories as if it’s a wine tasting, which was hilarious. 

[probably-writing-x]

Dressing Room Daydream (Part 10)

(So I'm bringing this back for one final chapter! I'm so proud of this series and I hope you like this ending❤️ If you have any questions or comments, please let me know x)

~~Twelve Months Later~~

"Haz! We're going to be late!" You call, shoving on your shoes and checking yourself in the mirror once again.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming," He replies, hurrying out of your bedroom and rushing across the lounge, opting to leap over the couch to get there quicker.

He stumbles forward as his shoe catches on the back and almost falls flat on his face.

"Was that really necessary?" You shake your head, opening the door for the two of you to head out.

"It's always necessary, saved me time didn't it?" He grins, a little breathless from his hurry as he follows behind you.

Your hand reaches out and laces with his, pulling him to keep up with your pace, "A whole two seconds,"

"Two seconds that I can now spend-" He begins, spinning you so that you come face to face with him against his chest, "Doing this,"

As he finishes, his lips press against yours, lasting a lot longer than two seconds but feeling far too perfect to complain.

"Come on, lover boy," You roll your eyes, dragging him towards the elevator, "We have a press day to get to,"

~~~

To say the last twelve months had been crazy was a complete understatement. You and Harrison had completed the show and were quickly recruited for the production of a romantic drama TV show that you two were casted in as main roles. It still felt like a whirlwind but you were happy to run with it - every so often pinching yourself when you were certain it was too good to be true.

But it always was.

You'd now been with Haz for over a year, having lived together for that whole time in his flat with Tom. It was a little unconventional when, a lot of the time, there were Tom's brothers there too and certainly not the living space for all of you but perfectly imperfectly, it worked.

And, now, you and your boyfriend were on your way to a press event solely focused on the two of you as you spoke on the upcoming release of your new show 'Like to be Loved'.

It was all a dream you were glad you weren't waking up from.

~~~

Amongst a busy morning of preparations, you and Haz were now seated to await your first interview of the day. The canvas chairs felt far too fragile after you'd seen what happened to Tom on his panel and you held onto the armrest a little fearfully.

"It's not going to break," Harrison laughs, hand resting atop yours to squeeze it a little.

"Come on, with my luck? I'm definitely falling," You shake your head, glancing around at the setup around you and questioning whether they'd really got the right people to be here. This was far too much of a big deal for you and your boyfriend... Right?

But, as if someone had just voiced your thoughts, the first interviewer arrives and introduces themselves, commencing the first of many.

"So I'm really excited to hear how you would describe this show to people that don't know much about it," The girl smiles, legs crossed and echoing all shades of confidence.

You glance to Harrison for reassurance and he nods encouragingly.

"Well, I-" You start cautiously before finding your feet, "Like to be loved is a depiction of two young people living in the midst of their past. Both of them are plagued by what has happened to them previously and it stops them from seeing what they have in the present. There are a lot of really poignant and valid themes included and, honestly, it's something we've both just fallen in love with,"

Harrison watches you intently as you speak, a light smile of pride kissing his lips, "Yeah, we're really proud of this project,"

The interviewer nods, "So, one of those themes, as you mentioned, is domestic violence and the effects that that has on victims. Would you be comfortable to talk to me a little about that?"

You visibly swallow the lump in your throat and your boyfriend is quick to answer in your place.

"Yeah, so that's the storyline mainly surrounding my character and it's about him escaping the confines of a relationship like that and really coming to terms with living outside of what, really, has consumed him for so long," Harrison explains, "It was a really powerful and important issue for us to convey and so it was really necessary to me that we did it well,"

"How do you begin to get into the headspace of a story like that? I imagine it must be very difficult,"

It is in that next question that you take yourself out of your body and look down on exactly where you were. The last twelve months had completely flipped your life around. You went from being in the darkest place, accompanied only by a man who terrified you, to now being here - with the most supportive boyfriend and friends you could ask for. It felt surreal. So much had changed in what felt like such little time.

And you felt strong now.

"Um, well it's actually something that's quite personal to me," You admit and Harrison's lips part a little in the shock of your statement.

"I'm really sorry to hear that," The interviewer frowns.

"No, no, it was a while ago now and a lot has happened since then. But, when we were creating this show, it became so important to us that the experiences that Harrison's character was having were really authentic and true to experience," You force a smile and feel your whole body tense at what felt like the big reveal.

In your daze, Harrison's hand finds yours over the armrest and it settles there as he continues to chat away in the interview - not quite sure what had just happened.

~~~

Once a few interviews are over, you and Harrison are allowed to reside to your dressing rooms for a while. Oddly, they'd given you separate ones - a trait that didn't particularly suit the past of your relationship.

But, as if he couldn't keep away, there's a signature knock at the door of your room before Harrison enters.

"Hey, babe, can we talk?" He begins, glancing over to where you sat in front of the mirror and pulling up a chair to sit beside you.

You swallow the lump that had reformed in your throat and wait for him to look at you through the reflection in front of you.

"You said you didn't want to mention anything about-" Harrison stops himself, "What changed?"

You take a deep breath and clench your hands like it would stabilise you as you proceeded, "When I started going to therapy, it was a really rocky start. I hated it and all I wanted to do was get back outside to where this blue eyed boy was pacing back and forth waiting for me," You smirk a little to ease the tension, "But, after that, it started working and I started seeing sense in the things he was telling me. One of the things he told me to do was start this,"

You rummage through your bag and pull out a small, leather-look, bounded notebook.

"You have a diary?" Harrison raises his brows, "Am I in it?"

You let out a soft chuckle, "It's not a diary. I don't write in it everyday but it's just there for when I have something I want to say. It's just like a little release. And, when I was waiting for you this morning, I read one of the inserts from it,"

He frowns and waits expectantly for you to continue, never wanting to push you when it came to things like this.

Taking another breath, you start to read.

One day, I'll be able to say that I've healed from everything that has happened in the past. There'll be a day where I'll truly understand that Alex is gone and he's not going to hurt me. I'll know that this can be my life now and I deserve to be happy. But that day hasn't come yet. I still wake up and check that it's Harrison's arm that's around me and not the face I still get sick at the thought of. I still flinch at loud noises or when the boys shout at something in a rugby match. Because I'm still tainted by what he did to me. I'm still bruised by it and it will take a while for that to go away. Sometimes I question whether it's all worth it for Haz - he doesn't deserve to be in love with a broken heart. But I'll get there one day. And I hope he will be too.

The book closes and you set it back down onto the vanity, awaiting any sort of response. Nonetheless, you proceed.

"You see, I read that and I realised how much has changed. A year ago, I was scared of leaving the house and scared of staying in it. I was constantly re-thinking everything I did even though I knew it wouldn't make a difference to how he responded. I was forcing myself to say I loved a guy that I can't imagine loving anyone in the right way. I was terrified every single day, H," Your voice trembles but you let it happen, "And then you promised me in that dressing room you told me one thing. You told me that you'd take the risk of getting hurt if it meant I could get away from him. And it made me realise that I needed to take that risk too,"

Harrison lets the tiniest of smiles onto his lips as he takes your hand into his and presses a soft kiss to your knuckles.

"It's been a rough year. But I couldn't have made it through a full year without you," Your voice cracks and a single tear stains your cheek, "And, God, that's terrifying, but I know who I am now because of you. And I know I deserve to be loved,"

When you look back at Harrison, he's crying too. It's not out of sorrow like people usually would if you told them what you went through. This was sheer adoration. He'd seen how much you'd changed over the past twelve months. How you'd grown into yourself again. He started to pick up on how you'd kiss him first rather than waiting for him to kiss you. How confident you seemed after the two of you finally slept together - Harrison promising you he didn't care how long you had to wait - but you felt worthy, he made you feel worshipped. He noticed how, eventually, you didn't bother to look over your shoulder when you were walking down the street - no longer fearing the chance that you'd be met with Alex right behind you.

"(Y/n) I-" Harrison begins, sniffing away his tears, "I'm so proud of you,"

You shake your head and silence him with a kiss, "Doesn't need to be said,"

You still got those butterflies whenever his lips were on yours but they no longer moved in panicked flight.

"Come on, you're making me look like a mess!" He chuckles, settling his head onto your shoulder and looking at the two of you in the mirrored reflection.

~~~

After a long day of press, you two finally reside back to the flat where you're met with the Holland brothers - having ordered enough pizza to fill the flat and certainly your empty stomachs.

"Did you think we were bringing back the whole cast?!" You laugh as you open yet another box of pizza onto the counter.

"Are you kidding?" Sam scoffs, "This is all just Harry's order,"

Harry rolls his eyes and hits his brother over the back of the head.

"But, seriously, how did it go today guys?" Paddy asks as he hops up onto one of the chairs at the kitchen island.

You and Harrison smile to each other.

"Really good thank you," You nod, "All of the interviewers were lovely and they all seemed to like the show,"

The boys continue to chatter about how excited they were to watch it whilst Harrison makes his way over to your side.

"Hey, babe, you got a text from your therapist," He comments, going to hand you your phone.

You nod as you take another bite of the pizza, "Okay, thanks, just tell him I'll call tomorrow and sort out a date,"

"You still want to go?" Harrison asks as he types out the message.

You take a deep breath, "I don't think I'm ready to give it up just yet, it helps,"

"And I'm quite enjoying the walks around the gardens," Harrison grins, setting your phone back down.

"You don't have to wait every time, honey," You chuckle.

He shrugs and kisses you quickly on the cheek, "I know,"

As he settles into the seat beside you, you glance around at the group and let a smile dance onto your face. They're arguing about the best song from an album and Tom already has pizza sauce on his top and Harry's already got two slices of two different pizzas sandwiched together. It's this weirdly perfect depiction of messy and you're grateful for your place in it.

You hadn't recovered from what you'd been through. It would take a lot more of the bad days and a bunch more of the good. It would take patience and understanding and commitment. And it would take you learning to love again - starting with yourself. But, damn, you'd made it far already. And, for that, you could be proud.

The playlist changes song and 'Come Alive' blasts through the speakers.

Back to your beginnings - this time having come full circle across a crazy rollercoaster past.

~~~

(Alright, that's it for this series! Thank you for allowing me to write about such a sensitive issue and for reading and supporting it so much❤️ All my love to every single one of you x)

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @bringmethehorizonandpizza @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @spiderrpcrker @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee @darlingtholland @fanficparker @xxtomxo @httpfandxms

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do This Weekend? 11/2-11/3

What a wild and wacky weekend of wonderful comedy!!! We had a twofer on Friday in Petersburg, and then a bit of a road trip for a shit show at Smith Mt. Lake on Saturday!!!

I love a twofer. Two sets in one night. It’s especially rare when the show isn’t in a huge city. The fact that Petersburg had two shows on Friday is kind of ridiculous, but I am definitely not complaining.

The first was the Off The Rip Improv Showcase at Plaza Mexico Bar and Grill run/hosted by my buddy Mu Cuzzo. I think it was Mu’s first time running a show like this which is pretty neat. I hit him up before the show and asked for a spot. He put me on and let me go first so I could make my second show.

I get there early and get to hang with Mu, his dope girlfriend Paula, and Bryan Williams. I knew Paula before I knew Mu. She used to come out and support a bunch of comedy shows. She’s a pretty dope artist as well. She is a poet, a writer, she makes jewelry, and there’s probably a lot more I’m missing as well. She’s a good influence on Mu, and supportive af. I always enjoy talking to her!

Mu is in a super good mood, because his mom is coming to watch him perform for the first time. This is a super dope moment to watch. When his mother gets there Mu hands her a bouquet of flowers (it’s her birthday) and gives her a huge hug. Shit like this gets me teary eyed. Small stuff like that really touches me in a crazy kind of way.

Mu’s mother is a pretty strong, and awesome woman. Mu told me she’s on city council and when city council tried to knock down city worker’s pay by 10% she told them to take all of her pay. This is a bad ass move. It show’s she gives af about the community, which is rare as hell nowadays.

Had to talk to Bryan about staying in his lane. Bryan is a good dude who means well, but he sometimes gets involved in some stuff on fb he really shouldn’t. I think arguing about stuff on FB is super annoying and pointless (even though I’ve done it.) I just advised him it’d be best to mind his own business and keep his head down and just write/tell jokes. He’s so new he doesn’t need the reputation of a White Knight or argumentative dude on FB. It was about some personal stuff going on in the comedy scene rn so I don’t want to go into it, but it was a good talk.

The room itself is pretty big and spacious. There is a weird divider in the middle of the room. The DJ is set up on one side, and the comics perform on the other. There is a pretty good crowd there, but because the room is so big it doesn’t feel super intimate. Also there's a table of about 11 people behind us that you have to turn around to see. It’s an odd setup, but it works.

Mu went up first and did a good job getting the room ready for comedy. Since the microphone was wireless and he knew a lot of the audience he walked out into them a little bit and did his thing. He got his mom involved a bit, and warmed up the room nicely.

I go up first and have a pretty solid set. I only did crowd work. It did not have the vibe of a crowd that would be into my material. I only did about 5 minutes since I was a guest, but I got his mom involved and his cousin. I had some pretty good lines, and got some big laughs. 

All in all I’m glad I went to the show. I’d give my set a B-. After the set I hopped in my car and drove straight to Wabi Sabi.

Wabi Sabi is one of my favorite comedy rooms. It is usually hosted/run by Jason Klingman. Tonight Kenny Wingle was hosting since Jason was at the Brian Wilson concert in Richmond. 

This is a room set up for comedy. It is in a basement, has low ceilings, tight seating, brick wall backdrop, separated from rest of the restaurant, and usually has a good crowd. This is not an easy room by any means, but they do reward funny. You have to be willing to work for your laughs. They like jokes and crowd work. 

I’ve had some of the best sets of my life at Wabi and I honestly think it’s a room that has made me into the comic I am now. I’m not afraid of any room, and it really helped me build my confidence while doing material or crowd work. 

When I got to the show Alex Castagne was on stage and he had a hot one. The room was full, and he was slaughtering. Alex is a funny dude, and a good friend. A real fine jew of a boy.

 He gets off and Joshua Horsford goes up. Joshua has been in and out of the comedy scene for a long time. He started well before me, but he also writes/acts so there are times where he is absent from the scene for months. He had a pretty good set and Kenny went back up and did some crowd work in-between him and the next comic.

Next up is Patrick Nowaczyk one of the members of Rich Girls comedy. A comedy troupe that isn’t really doing anything anymore but was full of some of my favorite comics when I started. Pat started out super strong. He was really killing up top, but then he got into some of his longer jokes and they either didn't get them or just didn’t have the attention span for them (which sucks because he did two of my favorite bits he does). 

He gets off stage and since it is late about two tables get up to leave. Which is always disconcerting as a comic who is going last on a show. 

Bryan showed up to hang out after his set at Mu’s show. When he got there he asked for a guest spot. Kenny came up and asked if it was ok if he went in front of me.  I didn’t give a shit. Bryan’s five minutes aren’t going to affect me. 

Bryan goes up and really does not have a good set. He caught them when he got on stage, but after that he really let their lack of laughs get to him and he got more and more timid. He just had no confidence and they just weren’t his crowd. After his set about half of the remaining tables leave. 

Kenny goes back up and does a little more crowd work to get the crowd back and excited again. Luckily the tables that were left were great audience members. 

I go up and just go right into crowd work. They are vibing with me and my energy right away. I do about 25 minutes and I can honestly say I did one joke in the middle (and it worked).

The audience members left were amazing. I had one of the best sets I’ve had in a while. I was jumping back and forth between two large tables of guests, calling back to crowd work, and really getting weird and intimate.

Talked about sex with a mom/dad in front of her daughter who was celebrating her birthday. Talked to another lady about how much she loved to be choked. I had a lot of lines I can’t even remember, but it was a super fun and hot set.

I’d give it an A- and maybe even bump it up to an A. 

It was so much fun, and really glad I was booked on this show. After the show I hung with the guys a bit, and then Klingman showed up. We talked about the Brian Wilson show, and I asked to be on next month’s Wabi show (it is the 9th year anniversary and I didn’t want to miss it.) Afterwards I headed home.

Saturday was a fun day. I got to wake up late, and hang out with my niece which is one of my favorite things to do. I also knew I had a good hang on the horizon because I was driving to Lynchburg to meet up with my dude Jake Snyder and ride with him and Paige Campbell to the comedy competition at Heath’s Waterfront Grill at Smith Mtn. Lake. 

Once I get to Jake’s we got and grab a bit to eat at Wendy’s next to his house. Someone asks him how tall he is (6′7) and they then reply with, “that ain’t too bad”. I don’t even begin to know wtf that even means. 

Paige gets to his apartment and then we hit the road. We are jamming to older metal on the radio, and it legit feels like we are comics in the 80s. Three dudes crammed into a car, driving into the middle of nowhere for some dogshit show and a chance at $250. 

We have done this show before, and it actually wasn’t bad. I had a super hot set and won some money. They had us on a real stage, and it was pretty packed out. Definitely more fun that it had any right to be.

This time we show up. The sound system is shit, there is no stage (they have moved us to the corner), very little audience, and the energy is weak af in the room. We all know it is going to suck.

The good thing is there are definitely some folks I love to hang with here. Johnny Camacho (Roanoke comic), Kristinia Montouri (Roanoke comic), Colby Knight (lynchburg/charlottesville guy), Zach Webb (lynchburg comic), and a few others idk at all. 

The host Phil Hogan goes first and he just gobbles dick for like 15 minutes. Like it is brutal. Barely any laughs at all, and really isn’t vibing with the crowd. After him he brings up a comic Ron Hebert who also bombs. The next comic is Melissa Douty. I have never seen her before, but her reputation precedes her. She is a local headliner/touring comic. Super likeable and a good joke writer. She has what I consider the best set of the night. 

I go up next and in my opinion bomb. I got some good pops, and about 3/4 of my jokes work. I try to engage the crowd, but they aren’t having it at all. I also keep stepping out of the light because it is poorly placed and bright af (I get points deducted because of this). 

The best part was in the middle of a setup to one of my jokes that needs people to pay attention a man who has to be 80 rolls in on his mechanical wheelchair. He is making what I can only describe as a comical amount of noise. He is knocking his wheelchair into tables, and the hostess is talking so loud asking him where he is going to sit. The whole time I am just on stage delivering a joke people don’t want to hear just trying my best not to yell at this old dude. HE WHEELS ALL THE WAY TO THE FRONT!!! On the inside I am dying laughing. It felt like it was out of a tv show.

I’d give my set a C-. I just didn’t have it that night.

Melissa Douty comes over and we both compliment each others sets. I definitely respect her as a comic. Super funny lady check her out. 

Everybody else goes up and honestly it feels like everybody is bombing. Paige and Jake didn’t do great but also the crowd was shit. Johnny Camacho goes up and does a German Psychic character (that I enjoy) and gets a few good laughs. Lastly a 16 year old kid goes up with a notebook and he does ok. Not bad for a first set ever, and he had a few good ideas.

They are adding up the scores at the end of the show while the host goes back up and plays guitar for an obscene amount of time. We are hanging out in the back and 16 year old is one cocky dude. You can tell he thinks he is a comedic genius. He is trying to bust balls, and be goofy. He asks me if my legs are ok because my jeans are too tight (brilliant roast). A little later he says he’s a bit sleepy because he did a bunch of heroin, so I responded with, “yea and after your set I just wish you had Od’d.” He heard me, but he didn’t respond. He also quit busting balls after that. He did have some funny shit so I hope he continues to go out and work on new stuff. His parents were there, so it was cool to see them support his dream.

They announced Johnny Camacho as the winner. Which blew me away. Not because he isn’t funny, but just because Mellissa Douty got more laughs than all of the other comics combined. I’m happy for Johnny because at least a hack didn’t win, but I felt bad for Melissa because for that room she kind of freaking crushed.

We head back and stop at Sheetz to grab some food. We park back at Jake’s place and start doing our favorite street jokes. Then we all go our separate ways. I head home and start playing tf out of Red Dead Redemption 2! Which is how I spent the rest of my weekend.

WHAT AN AMAZING TIME BAYBEES AND LAYDEES!!! I love you a lot and will catch up with you soon. Keep on trucking everybody! xoxoxo LOVE YOU!!!