#honestly he's the first and only psychologist i've been to but he's Brilliant

[gender-euphowrya]

huge dev update my grandma is gonna see a psychologist

[the-dread-hand]

OMG everyone, Today was such a really great day!

It started out a little stressful. I haven't been able to sleep since the new job started. I even tried sleeping with the dogs, how sad is that? It's sad, I know it's sad. I'm just used to sleeping with Hanni Gustav.

The bed feels so cold and empty and awful, like a grave.

Like my grave. *Sigh*

So someone snuck in to give me a little night cap that first night, just so I could sleep. What can I say? He loves me. I'm spoiled, I'm ok with that.

I'm supposed to be emotionally honest here so I'm just gonna say, I miss him so much my soul feels out of alignment. Have you ever been in love like that? I didn't think it was possible until I was. So here I am! *Unenthusiastic yay*

I'm not brooding, ok hon? I can feel your professional psychologist face from here.

Like I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by my own imagination, last night I had to sleep in a motel, and don't get me wrong. I knew that was coming but fuck me, maybe it's less that I miss my husband, and more that I miss our fancy sheets ok? If you tell anyone I said that I'll eat you deny it. The flannel sheets at Wolf trap my new house are ok. But these institutional industrial quality shitty motel sheets? I can feel every strand. I might as well be sleeping on fucking sand paper.

So I was grumpy this morning, my skin was raw from tossing and turning, I didn't have coffee or food or anything. Then here comes my knight in garish plaid armor, with coffee and a protein scramble.

When I was a kid I always got in trouble because I didn't like adults hugging me. It made me feel to crowded. Getting that close to people meant knowing things about them I didn't want to know, things they wouldn't want me to know. I never thought I could be touchy until I met Gustav. When he touches me, I feel so peaceful and rooted, like an old oak tree. I want to know his whole soul, his everything. He never feels oppressive or overbearing.

I've never wanted a hug so bad in my life. I might have disassociated into his chest hair for five minutes or five days *so close, so far away*

But the breakfast, was made from ingredients we picked together, it was as close to a hug as I could have just then, like a hug from the inside... Yeah I said that. fuck it. I'm leaving it.

So now we get to the fun part!

It was take your secret spouse to work day. I honestly don't know how I got through so many years of not taking my secret spouse to work with me. Work is so much better with my secret spouse.

secret spouse

secret spouse

secret spouse

Fuck, I gotta stop saying SECRET SPOUSE

Ok I think I have it out of my system.

So first we were doing some boring paperwork and that was whatever but then we got to do a... Let's call it a field exercise, together. For very valid professional reasons I have to be very vague about that. But it was so exciting.

And Gustav was so... Perfect, beautiful, graceful. Fellas is it gay to be hot for your husband when he's cool, calm, collected, and covered in blood brilliant under pressure? Asking for a friend...

So this was the first actionable step of the final phase of our plan & we did it! Together! God I'm so excited and relieved.

So this is it. We're doing it.

Now if only I could sleep in that GAWDAMN cold bed. I would feel perfect.

Wish me luck everyone, or don't Because we don't need luck. We have each other.