#honestly haven’t had as much motivation for full pieces

[addamii]

Practicing shape language and stylization with these three :)

[ripeteeth]

Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Thanks, @danpuff-ao3! You’re always a treat to see on the dash and I hope you’ve been having a lovely break <3.

I’m always a bit awkward with these, both from an itching sort of discomfort with staring my own artwork in the face, and I think from a lifetime habit of denying compliments out of a feeling of guilt or fear. So! I’ve had a glass of wine (and an edible) and I’m going to try to kinder to myself. I might be in the mood to talk right now. (Honestly, that’s a good sign. One of the big elements of my recent writer’s block has been an inability to express myself in any written way, even tumblr posts and comments. Maybe this is why I hit twitter so hard.)

My five favorite fics. Not my five best fics. Not my five most popular fics. My favorites. Hmm.

5. blood, bones, and butter | MDZS/The Untamed] SongXueXiao | E, 12,443

“A relationship, deconstructed. Served three ways.”

Ah, Yi City, that deliciously painful Shakespearean tragedy echoing Wangxian’s romance. The specific notes of obsession, revenge, love, and grief that run through these three make me completely unhinged. I love the quiet service and stoic devotion of Song Lan, the otherworldliness and power of Xiao Xingchen, the unchecked brilliance and cruelty that fill up Xue Yang. The Yi City fandom is easily one of the most incredible fandoms I’ve ever been a part of, full of uniquely talented and deranged writers and artists who love to really explore the dark edges and nitty-gritty of these character and let them be their fucked-up selves. The appeal of SongXueXiao isn’t to make it better for them, it’s to see how much you can make it worse.

It’s two pretty classic tropes: a first time after meeting at a bar, and also a story told from alternating POVs. I really wanted to focus on trying to carve out distinctive interiorities, like their motivations, their assumptions, their fears, their memories, and allow the reader to draw their own conclusions without spelling these all out outright. I’d recently rewatched Rashomon, and I love how the understanding of an event can be so differently shaped by each person’s POV and I wanted to show their first night together in that way, moving the lens over the night a few times, before it gets clear. It was a really fun process to focus on and I think it’s one of my best pieces of recent writing.

4. in search of the wind | Good Omens | Crowley/Aziraphale | E, 27,112

After the World Doesn't End, Aziraphale is not returned to his body. Crowley tries to find a way to get to Heaven's fast-shut gates. Aziraphale tries to find his way back from the sky (and back in time).

I remember writing this almost immediately after the show aired, in that heady summer of 2019, when I feel head over sweaty heels for that charming demon and his delicious epicure of an angel. This is essentially how I saw canon going on, this is the headcanon of my soul. Maybe that’s why I haven’t seen season 2 yet? It was a pleasure to write, almost like knitting together different scenes, different pieces of history, like an extended version of the s1s3 cold open. It’s Aziraphale without a body, unmoored in time, turning up at different points along his and Crowley’s history, and realizing that his friend is in love with him. That his friend is heartrendingly in love with him. I love stories that play with structure, striking different chords each time.

I couldn’t write this kind of story again. This belongs to a very specific time.

3. White Light, White Heat | Harry Potter | Snape/Harry | E, 32,107

“In 1347, Benedictine monk and scholar Severus Snape goes to fetch a young man joining the abbey. In 1347, rumors come of a strange and unrelenting plague from the east.”

An AU set in a fourteenth-century Benedictine monastery in Britain during the period of the Black Death where the two men develop a bond through a special sort of crucible. Snape, as always, falls in love with all the grace of a cat being given a bath. As dark as the material is, this was a pleasure to write. I had so much fun describing the setting, peppering fun little facts like a Pop Up Video of Medieval History. I wrote this in a fever-fueled three weeks, absolutely obsessed with getting it down exactly as it was in my head. I loved writing the monster theme and using it as almost a leitmotif for Snape. There’s probably a literary term for that. Is there? Anyway.

2. the body as anagram | The Terror | Crozier/Fitzjames, Crozier/Ross] | E, 3090

“In the dark, it doesn't matter which James is in his bed. As long as Ross doesn't speak, the illusion holds true.”

I took the title from a passage on J.G. Ballard’s Crash by Baudrillard in Simulacra and Simulation: “Technology is never grasped except in the (automobile) accident, that is to say in the violence done to technology itself and in the violence done to the body. It is the same: any shock, any blow, any impact, all the metallurgy of the accident can be read in the semiurgy of the body — neither an anatomy nor a physiology, but a semiurgy of contusions, scars, mutilations, wounds that are so many new sexual organs opened on the body. In this way, gathering the body as labor in the order of production is opposed to the dispersion of the body as anagram in the order of mutilation.”

There’s something a bit haunting about the parallels of the two men who held the intimacy of Francis Crozier’s friendship. The name. The confidence. The bravery. The charming manner and handsome face. I love the idea of a Francis who sails out pining for one man and returns home loving another, switching between true love and placeholder. And I’m notoriously a slut for both proxyfucking and Gremlin!Francis, who just can’t stop pressing on the wound of his grief. It’s not the drink but it may as well be, for all this is good for either he or Ross, but Francis is a fool in love with a dead man and he does what he does to get by.

Something about this came together, from concept to finish, in a way I’m quite happy with. It was fun to play with concepts and free associate from them, focusing less on plot, but more on the vast empty grief in Francis’ chest. Everyone here knows this is a bad idea. No one is having a good time.

1. Revachol Calling | Disco Elysium | Karry/Kim | E, 35,321 [WIP]

“Somewhere in Jamrock, a church burns. A study in Kim Kitsuragi.”

Sometimes you just feel the next part of the story in your bones. When I first played Disco Elysium in 2021 it hit me in an incredibly familiar, emotional way. There’s something somber and hopeful about it. The writing is sardonic, dark and humorous. It’s nearly cynical but it’s cynical with a sad old smile, because cynicism is born through disappointment, and through not quite being ready to give up. I think we can all find ourselves in it, in one way or another and, like many, I’m hopelessly in love with Kim Kitsuragi, a wild creature who’s built himself within thousands of rules. I can’t play the game without craving his side of the story, his interiority, his history, so I grab at the little crystals of information, such as his secret love of Speedfreaks FM and his past with Eyes, and I try to imagine it might go. This is my sequel to the game and, more than anything, this is my love song to Revachol, a character of a city, and one that echoes vastly in all those of post-Communist country and family.

For some reason, this fic is extremely visual for me and usually in a Wong Kar-Wai sort of fashion. Think the saturated aquamarines of a neon diner sign. Think a studio apartment with cheap wallpaper and the yellow-orange flicker of sodium lights. It comes alive at night, when Kim is left alone with his thoughts, running out of rules to keep him safely in. I love that Disco Elysium has such a vast world to explore. It’s an endless playbox.

And this is also, in a way, a bit of an elegy to a belief I’d once held in a motherland, and do not anymore.

I’m almost done with Chapter 8, so hopefully it will be up soon <3

Tagging! @jaggededges123 @soft-october-night @wildcard47 @rcmclachlan @brawlite @zaxal @pearwaldorf @kiingbooooo @darcylindbergh @et-in-arkadia @itsevidentvery @iodhadh @iamwestiec @mia-ugly @laurashapiro-noreally @pinehutch and anyone else who wishes to!

[ateezivy]

without you

( 2023 )

warning ! mentions of eating disorder, lots of crying, all i can think of, lmk if i missed anything.

Tour without Ivy has been weird. There is a missing piece in the puzzle. And while all the boys have been having fun on tour, it’s still not the same. And it’s evident to people everywhere. However, tonight’s the night. They get their girl back.

She called them a few weeks ago with the news that she would be in the audience in Berlin, and then she would join them again on tour. They screamed at this news. like actually screamed. But honestly, who wouldn’t, Ateez is going to be a full nine again. The boys got all hyped on the way to the arena. Jumping around, singing, yelling, a lot of yelling. Soon, they were all backstage chilling while the staff set everything up before rehearsal. 

“Boys,” their manager calls for them. They all look up and see him standing there staring at them. He didn’t say anything, earning a confused look from Hongjoong. They all watch as he walks over to the door and opens it. And in walks Ivy. 

Mingi was of course the first to jump off the couch and run over to her, hugging her tightly, and kissing her softly. The boys all piled over to her, suffocating her in a group hug. 

“Make sure to let her breathe,” the manager said before walking out laughing. 

“Okay, he’s right, let me breathe” she giggled as all the boys backed away, taking a look at her. She was planning on getting ready in the dressing room before she had to go out into the crowd, not wanting to be in her planned outfit longer than she had to. So she had on a pair of mom jeans and one of Mingi’s many tour hoodies. She looked so much healthier and happier. You can only see some much on a FaceTime call. She also cut her hair short with some bangs, that one they haven’t seen. 

“You cut your hair!” Wooyoung pointed out

“Yeah! You like it?” She asked, messing with the ends of her hair

“Love it” Hongjoong smiled. 

Everyone sat down, Mingi has not let go of her since she walked in, he needs to make sure she was there. “So, how was your hiatus?” Jongho asked, watching her sigh a snuggle closer to her boyfriend

“Hell,” she commented “There was nothing to do, I had too much free time. And you know they didn’t even let me drive for the first few weeks?” She scoffed. 

“Yeah, they wanted you to have that time to yourself Livvy, that’s what it’s for” Seonghwa chuckled and ruffled her hair. 

“Don’t care, torture” 

“How dare they make sure you’re safe,” Hongjoong said sarcastically 

“See you get it” Ivy joked along and walked around the room looking for something. 

“What’re you looking for?” Mingi asked, getting up to help her 

“Something to eat” The boys all smiled, it was clear that the hiatus helped. Of course, she’s been through this before, she understood the steps to get through it, and because she was away from her family, and her life, she was more motivated to get better.

“How long did it take?” Yunho asked her. She knew what he meant. How long did it take her to eat a full meal without throwing it up? 

“Not too long, just have to eat foods I’m comfortable with for right now, My therapist told me to eat a new fear food once a week, so I ate a burger yesterday,” She said “I feel like the only thing I can eat without wanting to vomit is salad, fruit, and that’s like it.” 

It’s sad, her once favorite foods have become the foods she fears. She may be back from hiatus, but she is still forever healing. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” one of the stylists came in, smiling when she saw Ivy, “But you guys have to get ready for soundcheck, Ivy, honey, you’re always welcome to join” 

Ivy jumped up and ran over to the stylist, hugging her and filling her in on everything she did and didn’t do over break. The boys all laughed as they followed the girls. They put their earpieces in and get their mics, Ivy looks over and sees her purple mic untouched next to Jongho’s before he picks it up. 

“You wanna come out?” He asked, pointing to her microphone, he hopes she says yes. “There’s Atiny out there, but it’s not a lot” 

“Sure” She smiles and has Mingi help her with her earpieces quickly as she picks her mic up. Mingi slips the mic pack into her back pocket, giving her butt a tap, which would be more surprising if he didn’t do that. He then feeds the attached ear-pieces through her hoodie, letting her catch them from over her shoulders, she lets them dangle there as she turns her mic on. 

“Okay, c’mon.” their manager smiles. The boys rush up to the stage, Mingi holds his girlfriend's waist from behind as he kisses her on the cheek before they follow behind the others. As she went out behind the others, the VIP’s immediately recognized her and started greeting her. She assumed Hongjoong asked them to stay calm, or Atiny was just that brilliant to stay calm in that moment. She felt fairly anxious singing in front of fans again, the last time she did she sounded horrible and then fainted.

“Don’t dance with us, you haven’t stretched and I’m not letting you when you just ate” Hongjoong said sternly, giving her a stool that was set on stage for her. While she was gone, Wooyoung normally took her lines, and she’s excited to hear him sing her lines tonight too. But right now, her lines are hers again. Some staff set some water beside her as the music started. As her lines in New World came up, she felt nerves and excitement build up in her chest. As soon as she started singing, the boys all smiled so brightly while dancing, the VIP fans cheered her on, singing along, and the fans outside started screaming loud enough for her to hear. She chuckled out of disbelief through her lines. After New World, Hongjoong and Seonghwa ran off stage quickly. “What’re they doing?” She asked San who grabbed himself water. The sweat from his forehead dripped onto the stage floor as he looked at her. He shrugged, but it was obvious he knew. 

“What are you guys up to” She giggled as Yeosang and Mingi walk over right as San left. “You’ll see, be patient” Mingi smiled and rubbed her thigh. The stool she sat on was getting uncomfortable, there was no backrest and she just now realized she was slouching. She fixed her posture, showing a face of pain, Yeosang noticed and rubbed her back for a second before she heard a familiar melody play through the speakers. Her song It Will Stop started playing. 

Fans outside started screaming like crazy, and the fans in the arena started freaking out as well. Hongjoong and Seonghwa ran back up on stage, ushering her to sing her lyrics. This song was special to her. It was the first song she wrote for herself. It was the easiest, yet most difficult thing to write. She put all her emotions into the song, knowing that one day, she would relate to it again. 

She sang the song without struggle, her boys watching and singing along with pride. After it ended they all cheered for her. The boys, the fans, the staff, everyone. She felt herself getting shy, smiling with her face hidden in her hands. Yunho jumped over and picked her up over his shoulder, making her squeal and almost drop her mic. Somehow, Mingi and Yunho managed to sit her on both of their shoulders for some pictures. There have been so many pictures and videos taken from this moment. She can’t wait to go home and frame them all.

After a small amount of time, Ivy sat on the edge of the stage to talk to the fans while the boys calmed down. “Hi” she smiled and the Atiny’s greeted her back. “How are you Ivy?” A fan with a deep accent asked. “I’m good how are you guys?” She smiled as a chorus of ‘good’ and ‘great’ was said amongst the small crowd. She felt a hand on her back, making her turn and see Mingi sitting on her left and Wooyoung on her right. They talked to the fans for sometime, avoiding questions of Ivy’s return with simple shrugs and changes of questions.

After soundcheck, they all walked back to the dressing room. Ivy had grabbed her bag full of a change of clothes for the concert from the ‘hangout room’, as they called it. Mingi went in with her, just to have a minute alone. “You sure you don’t want to stay back here and watch?” He asked, hugging her. There was everything she needed in that room, a TV to watch the concert from, a bathroom, food, water, and outlets. Everything. It’s also 10 times safer back here than in the crowd. 

“I’m sure, I got a good spot, the bodyguards will be with me.” There was a spot right behind the pit where staff usually stayed, it was a spot for people to walk through before, after, and during the show. 

“Okay,” he nodded, not arguing with it because he knew she would be in good hands. The two shared a few kisses and giggles before they had to go and get ready. Ivy went into the bathroom to change before everyone else. She walked out wearing a red bodycon dress, a black oversized leather jacket, and some Prada boots. 

“Ah, you look so good!” The stylists all cheered, making the boys all turn and look at her. The dress showed off her figure, she had gotten so much healthier already. 

“This jacket might piss me off three songs in, so if you see me throw this back on, shut your mouth.” She held up the hoodie she was just wearing, making everyone chuckle. 

“You’re so cute” San chuckled and hugged her. 

“How long are you staying back?” Seonghwa questioned

“Right before you guys go on they’re gonna sneak me out” She stated with a smile 

“Good, cause you’re matching the first outfits, it will look good for pictures” Wooyoung clapped.

The time went by, the boys got everything they needed to do done, and finally, they hear the fans piling in and singing as they all got ready. “Ah, handsome” she dramatically sighed and gushed over her boys. They all rolled their eyes as they got ready to take pictures with their girl. The pictures were perfect and so cute, they would more than likely post them that night. 

“Okay, you guys go on here soon, get mic’d up, let's go” Their manager clapped, rushing everyone over to the mics, “I gotta go,” Ivy told them as they put their pic packs back in.

“Just a second Livvy” Hongjoong made her freeze. “Everyone ready?” He looked around, seeing all of them placing their earpieces around their neck. They nod and bundle up in a circle, wrapping their arms around each other as the staff flashes their lights and takes videos. The girl happily dances and jumps next to Mingi and Jongho. “Okay, let’s go out there, perform with our best. We got Ivy with us tonight, so we have to do our absolute best.” Hongjoong goes on with his usual speech and praises “Ivy?”

“Oh, uh, don’t fuck up, I love you guys”

The boys all protested against her ‘speech’ and laughed

“Okay, okay. Just perform like you guys always do, with or without me, I want you guys to do your best, and have so much fun out there.” Mingi smiles and kisses her forehead. 

“Okay, 1,2,3…”

“Nine makes one team!” As a full nine again.

“I love you guys,” she hugged them all individually “I’ll be out there, look for me” 

When she got to Mingi, he wasted no time in giving her a deep kiss, bending himself forward and her into a damn-near backbend. The boys cheered them on as she laughed into the kiss.

She was soon rushed out into the audience, bodyguards circling her, yelling at people to move out of the way. She reached the back of the pit where security and other staff stayed to make sure there were no audience members out of place. 

She smiled and waved at fans who saw her and cheered for her. 

The concert went on amazingly, Ivy sang along with every word. It didn’t take long for Mingi to find her first, after that all the boys would check on her at least 10 times each song. It soon got to that time when the boys all stand there and interact with the fans. 

“And tonight, we have the most special guest” Wooyoung yelled and the crowd screamed. At this point Ivy still didn’t change into her hoodie, the boy assumed she was fairly comfortable in that new jacket. She had her lightstick and phone in hand. The camera panned to her, showing her on the big screen as she laughed and waved at the boys. 

“IVY-AHHHH” San yelled and Yunho clapped with Hongjoong. “She looks amazing doesn’t she Atiny?” 

Ivy continued laughing and covering her face so she didn’t show off her blush. The fans screamed in agreement. “Ivy, I think we all have some things to say,” Hongjoong started “Should I go first? Anyone else wants to go?” 

Yunho and Yeosang shook their heads as the others gestured that he could go first. 

“Since Ivy first came to the company, I knew she was something so special. What I didn’t know were the amazing effects she has had on Ateez.” Atiny cheered after the translator spoke before he continued. “It’s incredible how much you have impacted so many people's life. You make Ateez special Jisoo-ah. And during this hiatus, it’s been hard on us, but we are so glad you took your time to heal. We love you, Ivy, and I think everyone can agree when I say we are glad to have you back home.” 

Ivy was tearing up, mouthing “I love you” to Hongjoong. 

Wooyoung nodded and brought his mic to his lip. Oh god, she thought to herself, this could either embarrass the living fuck out of her or make her bawl her eyes out. “I’m not sure if many people know, but Ivy and I used to not get along,” Ivy laughed at his start off “But now I would say we are the closest we have ever been. Through the years, I’ve got to learn so much about you. I know when you’re upset, happy, or mad. I’ve had the pleasure to watch how much you’ve grown over the years. And I just know how proud your family is of you. And I know you’re dad would be so beyond proud” Oh god, she’s crying. She misses her daddy, so dearly. She hopes he’s proud of her. “I wish you came to me. Or any of us when you were struggling,” now Wooyoung was crying “I love you Jisoo-ah, and I would do anything to see you happy and healthy all the time…” They both bawled as Yunho walked over to Wooyoung, hugging him. Mingi turned away from the crowd as he cried, Jongho tearing up in the corner. The fans all cried and called out. 

Seonghwa sniffed before he spoke up, “Being able to be someone you feel safe around has been such an honor. My number one goal is to always make sure my members are safe and happy, and sometimes, I feel like I fail at that. I know there’s only so much I can do Ivy, I know. Please call me more, please tell me when you need help. Come to me more often. I want to help Olivia. Please let me help” Seonghwa sobbed, begging. Ivy wanted nothing more than to run up on stage and hold every single one of them. 

Yeosang prepared himself for whatever words came out of his mouth when he spoke “I didn’t know you were hurting until it was too late. And, I can’t help but feel I could’ve done more for you. I can’t lose you Ivy-ah, none of us can. We love you, and it hurts going on stage and not having you here. I’m begging you to focus on yourself more.”

Between each speech was a moment of cries. Each member would take their time to prepare themselves, make sure they can say what they need. And a couple times they couldn’t. their speeches would fall short because they can’t say what they need to say like this.

San was next “Atiny and Ateez have been waiting for you, we will always wait for you. You always have support by your side at all times Livvy. We’ve been hoping that you recover well and on your own time, and your being here tonight shows us how well you have been doing. And now you’re home, and we can help you. And be up your butt 24/7” He ends his speech with a slight giggling, hoping to bring light to such an emotional moment. Ivy chuckled through her tears and shook her head. 

“Well, I don’t know about you, Ivy, but I had trouble sleeping last night because I was so excited to see you again. And I think I even texted you” Yunho laughed, tears streaming down “You’ve always supported us when we need you, you’ve always been here for us. You’re probably the most kind and most empathetic person any of us have ever met Jisoo-ah. And even in times when I didn’t think I needed support, you were still there, whether I wanted it or not, you were there. You’ve always been there. And I just can’t believe I let you struggle for so long. Ivy, you deserve everything good in the world. I wish I could just give you the earth” He smiles with the tears falling down his shirt. Jongho nodded to himself, knowing he had to go next. He didn’t have to, but he wanted to and needed to for himself and Ivy. 

“When I first met everyone I kind of felt like the odd one in the group. And then you came in and you had to feel like the odd one,” The crowd laughs along with Ivy as he continued “but I never really knew what it was like to be so close to someone. And ever since you joined our family, I never felt alone. I never felt like I didn’t fit in. You always made sure I got to bond with everyone, and that we made the steps we needed to take to be able to become a family. And now, I look at all of us, and, I can’t even imagine Ateez without Ivy. Ateez wouldn’t be Ateez without any of us, especially you.”

Jongho wasn’t the kind of guy to open up like this, and Ivy never knew these things, she never knew Jongho felt this way…

And finally, Mingi. Ivy couldn’t even prepare herself for Mingi’s speech… her chest tightened, and tears fell as she watched her boyfriend wipe his tears away. 

“Without you, I don’t think I would be the person I am now. Without you, Ateez wouldn’t be Ateez. I’ve always wanted to just feel loved and cared about. And being with you, it’s taught me so much about myself. I just- I can’t believe how far all of us have gone. I can’t believe this is my life. And it’s thanks to you Jisoo-ah. Watching you grow and become the woman you are, it’s incredible. And I always think about all the times we’ve stayed up later writing songs, or just talking because we couldn’t sleep. Our Facetime calls, our late night snack time. All of it is so special to me. I love you so much, Olivia. I’m nothing without you.” 

They all cried and hugged, wishing they could have Ivy up there, but they had to move on before things got caught up. The concert went on and ended after a few more songs. She would’ve loved to stay in the audience for the encore, but she had to run backstage before then so she didn’t get lost in a moving crowd. She ran through the halls once the manager told her they were out there, Mingi was of course the first she reached. He lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his. She cried into his shoulder, mumbling ‘I love you’s into his shirt. Mingi continued walking with her like that, rubbing her back before placing her on the ground once reaching the dressing room. The other boys all got to hug her and cry with her at last. 

She’s home. And they weren’t a complete home without her.

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon @txt-yaomi @starmaniic

[annalu86]

Motivation

Tim could hear the key in the doorway, Lucy would be walking through the door to her apartment any second and would immediately see all his hard work and he was, honestly, super excited.

He had spent his entire day off running round the city picking up bits and pieces, he’d even been to a stationery store to print and laminate things.

And it was time to see if all his hard work would pay off.

On the kitchen island Tim had placed 2 large boxes and a large glass jar. One box was label ‘Taste’, the other ‘Have’ and the jar was labelled ‘Time’. The boxes were full of a variety of parcels, wrapped as neatly as Tim was capable and the jar was full of brightly coloured, miniature envelopes.

Tim stood proudly behind them, nervously shifting his weight from foot to foot as he waited for his girlfriend to push open the door.

She stopped instantly, not even halfway through the door, as she spotted him and his unusual set up.

“Hey” Lucy said slowly popping her keys on the little table next to the door “you ok there Babe?”

“I’ve got a surprise for you!” The nervous excitement bursting out of him, coming out from behind the counter and taking her hands.

“I see that!” Lucy’s smile brightened instantly to match his. Tim gets Lucy to sit on a stool facing his surprise.

“So, you remember we talked about me helping you study? For the detectives exam” Lucy nodded, eyes not leaving the boxes and jar in front of her. “Well you both know I wouldn’t be much help with the actual studying” Lucy opened her mouth to protest but Tim silenced her, holding his hand up “it’s ok, but I thought there would be something I would be good at.” He paused, for dramatic effect.

“Go on” impatience pouring out of her as she reached her finger tips towards one of the boxes, clearly intrigued.

“During my time as your TO” Lucy’s face shot round to look at him, an appalled expression on her face and tim couldn’t help but laugh “during my time as your TO I became very good at motivating you to do your best”

“Through fear and humiliation!” Lucy wailed and Tim couldn’t help feeling a little smug

“No. Well maybe, sometimes” he conceded “but it worked didn’t it”

“Hmmmm”

“Well I’m not your TO anymore. I’m your boyfriend so I thought maybe I could try some more Lucy friendly methods of motivation” he finished with a flourish, indicating to the items in front of them.

“Babe” Lucy signed, she stood up and raised herself onto her tiptoes. Her hands slid up his chest and round his neck as she pulled him the final few inches into a slow and tender kiss. “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me”

“You haven’t seen what’s in them yet!” He joked earning himself a smack on the shoulder for ruining the moment.

“Well? What’s in them!” She let him go and started pulling one of the boxes towards her.

“Hold on, hold on!” He said placing a hand on each of her shoulders and lowing her back on to the stool “so first I thought ‘what motivates Lucy’ and that wasn’t hard. Food” he placed the ‘taste’ box so the label was facing her, followed by the ‘have’ box “��cute things’ and last but probably most obviously ‘attention’” he said bringing the jar to the front.

At the last one Lucy laughed and swatted at his arm again “I’m not attention seeking!”

“I don’t mean like that” and he leaned forward to take the jar, kissing her forehead as he moved passed her quickly. He opened the jar and took out one a bright green envelope, opening it and pulling out a little laminated card. After reading it himself he turned it to face Lucy.

‘20 minute foot rub’

It said in bold letters across the middle. Underneath in much smaller letters:

(You can tell me all about the true crime podcast you’re listening to)

Tim was busying himself with sliding the little card back into the envelope and popping it back in the jar so he was slightly taken a back when Lucy launched herself at him, flinging her arms around his neck and burying her damp eyes into the side of his face.

“I figure you can choose something from one of the boxes or jar for every hour of studying you get done but that’s up to you. Some of the food for the ‘taste’ box is in the refrigerator so it doesn’t go bad” he wasn’t sure she was really listening as he wrapped his arms around her waist and then placed a series of kisses up her neck.

“This is just so thoughtful” she pulled away to look him in the eye “it must have taken you all day”

“Probably not as long as reading that book!” Tim laughed “so do you want to earn that first one now?”

Tim came home from work the following evening to Lucy sitting at the kitchen island, the same place she been when he left her that morning. He grinned as he took in all the little gifts and envelopes that surrounded the work station she had set up.

The last few bites of her favourite candy bar, a new picture frame that perfectly matched the colour of her sofa, a zesty smelling candle in a beautiful glass jar. The stack of 5 or 6 laminated cards made his stomach flutter, she had picked those over the more immediate rewards far more often. Picked time with him.

“Right” he said, rubbing his hands together, a huge smile on his face. “Let’s make a start on those cards!”

[lauvra]

I have a journal document specifically to complain and write my worst thoughts and feelings in childish angsty language and I have copied the first few lines from most of them here because why shouldn't we all suffer? Even sharing a single line from these massive lengthy sook sessions are way too revealing of how SHIT THINGS HAVE BEEN FOR SO LONG NOW. We endure. 7/05/2022 Saturday. My chest hurts, my first feeling every day when I wake up is fear...

20-05-2022 All I want is cosmetic surgery to fix my appearance...

21-05-2022 ... which leaves me with $5 to my name until Thursday. That’s five days, no money. I want to work myself up to going to a pawn shop today...

18/06/2022 11:39AM. ...typical for me to smoke three on the way to work, a quick forth in the back dock, one on my tea, two on my meal, another one on my second tea and then three again on the walk home. Those don’t even mention the many had at home while preparing for work and the many many had once I reach home... ...began as a rebellious expression of freedom... ...has become a full blown addiction that runs my life...

12/07/2022 ...I don’t even want to talk to Ben anymore because he’s so much better than I am or ever will be and...

26/07/22 The way my mood fluctuates so much in a day breeds a sort of magnificent denial which helps me in the short term. Just now my intention was to document how well I’ve been doing, to note my lack of suffering... forgetting entirely that I’ve been consistently late for work, neglected my finances and rarely eat during the day. Forgot about how hard it was to leave the house yesterday because I felt hideous enough the whole community would notice if I did... 25-08-22 Mostly I think about him and money... 7/09/2022 When I’m in the shower I write the best journal entries then I sit down to relay it but it’s garbage... 9/09/2022 It’s Friday, 12:30pm. I texted into work sick again, they were cool about it... 14/09/22 ...I haven’t occupied a moment in his mind and it would be easy to fall into a shame spiral about how much space he has taken in mine… ...I’m in bed and tired but wanted to make sure I vented even badly so that I could wake up with a little more of myself chiselled out. I want simple things, I want grand things. I want to write every single day until something good comes out. I want to paint every day until something good comes out. I don’t want to need some adversarial motivation to take risks or succeed but maybe there will always be a little piece of me that wants to say ‘oh yeah?'...

22/09/22 There’s this tangible feeling out there today of togetherness, the people in the streets reach out to one another. There’s potential...

29/09/2022 I thought I was going to work today. I had planned to, or no plan not to. But I slept in, then slept instead. The longer I did the worse I felt. Heavy. An unmovable object in my bed. Penny pecked and licked her sandpaper tongue over my cheek, nipped then scratched and dug in deep and still I laid...

1/10/2022 ... Why does painting feel so empty? Why does the music feel so empty? Why does writing feel so empty? 16/10/22 I had my first session with the psychologist yesterday... 8/11/22 I know I’m not ‘too far gone’, but I worry... 24/11/2022 The past makes me feel pretty stupid, but more than that, addressing the fact I spent two years of my life getting over one relationship is seriously disturbing to me... 29/11/2022 D messaged me yesterday saying that I treat him like dog shit, that he’s done and doesn’t want to be friends anymore. It honestly felt like a relief... 1/12/22 I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable journaling hand-written into books again... 24/02/2023 I still don’t feel comfortable journaling traditionally... 28/03/2023 6:58PM My work contract is now to start at 10am and finish at 6pm... 8/09/2023 My chest hurts...

16/09/2023 ...I need to change because I can’t think or write or translate what’s in my head, and that’s what’s important to me... 21/09/2023 I decided to move back home to the sunshine coast today. I’ve had complete decision paralysis for a long time, the longest time... 25/09/2023 Nevermind, lol. God it’s humiliating to be a person. Forget everything I said about moving ‘home’; there’s no home...

22/02/2024 If I died today, then I died speaking only my native language...

5/03/2024 I’ve written or brain-dumped in some form every single day since 2021...

10/04/2024 “Money always removes the charge of insanity.” ...

[chonidale]

Thank you for the fic recs. I adore their relationship and (most of) their storylines, and I apologize for implying otherwise. As I said, season 7 is everything.

Apparently I still have some frustrations bubbling under the surface. I just mainlined all 7 seasons in an embarrassingly short time, so I haven’t waded through my thoughts on it fully. I’m glad I watched from the start and I can see how things were set up even if there wasn’t always follow through. With the full story out, I possibly had a different perspective going into S5/S6 so I enjoyed the early angst after the jump and the Abigail shenanigans. While their breakup wasn’t handled perfectly, it was clear to me Toni was looking for stability post time jump. And I recognize the attempt the writers made to show one of these things is not like the other regarding Choni and the other relationship. All that to say, I see what the writers did or tried to do in some instances. There were some others that fell a little flat for me. I prefer motivation beyond servicing a throwaway plot when a character regresses or at least to have the moment addressed again, but I recognize they were balancing a lot of different story threads and they did address some character regressions in later seasons. Overall, it’s a very human trait to fall into old patterns that was not my issue.

Ultimately I’m just trying to get a sense of the characters, so certainly some fault is mine with not grasping narrative pieces. I’m working on coming to terms with the missed potential, which is where the fic writing comes in I suppose.

I honestly didn’t mean for my frustrations to bleed through, or for you to rehash aspects that you’ve probably discussed to death over the course of the show’s run. I could have praised the performances without denigrating other aspects and I am sorry for that. The truth is I watched every episode because I found Cheryl and Toni’s stories compelling in every timeline.

no, i get it. trust, you won't find a single choni fan that hasn't expressed their frustrations for every aspect of their story or all the missed opportunities and wasted potential. this blog is full of mine. but with the story over, it all turned out happily and we got the best end of all the ships (which nobody would have ever expected), and since you didn't have to live through the gutter years live, you can't quite understand what the final season and its contents and just that picture perfect ending means for us. i just think you have to adjust expectations and standards to the show and judge it according to that and compare it to the other stories on the show instead of expecting the same thing you expect from other shows. and yeah, there were the usual tv double standards even all the way to the end, but at the end of the day, the riverdale writers are who they are and they have their strengths and weaknesses and habits and we all knew what all those were by the end, and you just kinda have to take them or leave them. it's obviously different for someone that just binged the whole show at once, but for me, i'm just over focusing on the negative and complaining about what could have been because i've done it to death and it's not changing anything and they got a happy ending and i thought their story was beautiful. and despite all the ugliness of the time jump, it added a huge layer of depth to their story so i wouldn't change it, really. i'll forever be bummed about the things we didn't get or the potential they squandered but they also got so much more than i ever thought they'd get so i choose to focus on that, i guess.

[mmvalentine]

Lover Like Me pt 3 | Feysand

Part 1 Part 2 ** Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14

It's Sunday, it's update day x

A few weeks later, Rhys and the gang organise a beach day.

It’s been surprisingly easy to settle in here, but that might be because Rhys pops round every other day and makes sure I’m alright. I would have thought I’d hate that, after the way Tamlin used to hover. But it’s not like that. Tamlin would comment on the way I dressed, or what I ate, or whether I was keeping the place clean. Rhys just wants to feed me tea and biscuits.

He has a ridiculous sweet tooth, and always has different biscuits. Loves biscuits. Chocolate, cream filled, iced, you name it. He’s like a middle-aged lady stuffed into the body of a young Greek god, and so even though he’s covered in tattoos, he’s quickly established as the least threatening person I know. I don't know how he brews it differently to the way anyone else does, but I find that his cups of tea warm my insides so well that they stay warm long after the mugs are empty and for a while after he leaves.

I think he feels a little protective of me because of his history with Tamlin. I haven’t probed, but every time his name comes up, the corners of Rhys’s mouth turn down. Mor tells me they’ve had it out for each other since childhood, and I’m not sure I want to open that decades-deep can of worms. And besides, I know Tamlin. It’s not a stretch of the imagination to guess at why someone might not like him.

We pile into Cassian’s pick up truck, Azriel in the front seat and me wedged in the back between Rhys and Mor. I hadn’t wanted to come at first, the group in full force can still be a little overwhelming, but Mor said it was exhausting being one of the boys and that if I came she’d get to be a girl. I didn’t quite follow that logic, but Rhys said he’d buy me fish and chips and honestly, I’ve always been motivated by free food.

After an hour’s drive, of Cassian singing along loudly and badly to the radio, we get out of the car and everyone starts immediately pulling their clothes off. I’m not quite prepared for this, and not for the first time I’m slightly scandalised by the raw confidence that steams off these people. In fairness to them, maybe I’d be like that if I looked like them. Mor is in a one-piece swimsuit, which sounds innocent except that nothing is ever innocent on Mor. It’s red, and if it wasn’t already low-cut it’s got a zipper down the front which is currently pulled only half way up. She looks like she’s about to step onto Bay Watch.

Azriel and Cassian are in wetsuits, but the shirt halves are peeled down to the waist and hanging low about their hips. Rhys is in shorts and has just discarded his t-shirt. I decide to keep my loose shirt-dress on until we hit the sand.

It’s early in the Summer and the sun is out but the water is freezing. Azriel and Cassian disappear beyond the waves with surfboards pretty quickly, Mor has struck up a conversation with a nearby volley-ball team, and Rhys is sitting on a towel next to me applying sunscreen. I watch Mor start to toss the ball, and am jealous of how easily she makes friends.

“The sun is the worst thing for tattoos,” he tells me. I notice that he’s paying much more attention to his ink than his face or anything, and wonder if his dark skin means he doesn’t burn easily. I wriggle out of my dress and start applying the lotion everywhere, since I do not have the luxury of differentiating between tattoo-sensitive skin and white-girl-sensitive skin.

“Hey, would you do my back?”

I look up and Rhys is already turning his broad shoulders to me. He’s got dark, curving tattoos down his scapulae, like wings.

“Sure.” I force my casualness into my voice, but I suddenly realise that although he’s around my place all the time, he rarely initiates physical contact. The last time he touched me was when he was applying salve to my arm, but since then he’s kept his distance.

I squirt a good-sized amount of lotion into my palm and then start rubbing him down. It is impossible not to notice the bulk of his muscle under my hands, and I blush a little before remembering he can’t see me. I try to stay professional, giving good SPF coverage, going back for a second squirt after underestimating the size of him, and wonder if Rhys knows his tattoo well enough to know if my fingers slip beyond the borders of the ink. I tell myself I can’t help it, I’m an artist and I like beautiful things. I tear my hands away. “All done,” I say, perhaps a little too brightly.

“Thanks.” Rhys turns. “Now you.”

I hand the tube back to him and spin obediently. He lifts the length of my hair over my shoulder, before I hear the squelch of lotion, and then he touches me.

Rhys’s hands are enormous. I can feel him all the way across the span of my shoulders, and when he squeezes a little it’s everywhere. His touch is slightly rough where his hands are calloused, and warmer than the sun. Incongrouously, an involuntary shiver runs through me and I hope Rhys doesn't notice.

It’s over and soon as it’s started.

“Thank you,” I tell him. Rhys just winks at me, and then walks down to the water. “You know if you don’t wait a while you’re just washing it all off,” I call after him. He doesn’t stop though.

I lie back on my towel and fish my book out of my bag. For the next little while, time loses meaning.

At a guess it’s about an hour and a half later that the group returns. I’ve stayed with everyone’s bags and towels, and I don’t know how they coordinated to come back together but my attention is snagged when when a shadow falls over my page and I look up and there they all are. Mor is slightly sweaty from her game, but somehow instead of gross she’s just flushed and glowing. She’s pulled her blonde hair back into a pony tail and is talking to Azriel. Cassian and Rhys have come up on the other side. Rhys is dripping on me a little. His hair is slicked back, apart from a rogue curl at the front, and I catch one glimpse of the way his wet shorts are clinging to him before I pointedly return to my book. Cassian sits down next to me.

“Have you been in the water yet, Feyre?” he asks me. “Come for a surf. You can take Az’s board, he’s going to look for some food.”

“I don’t know how,” I tell him, closing my book before it gets soaked.

“Well that’s no problem, I can teach you.”

“Isn’t it freezing?”

“It’s not too bad if you’re in a wetsuit. You can wear Rhys’s, it’s in the car.”

“It’ll be huge on me,” I argue.

“It’ll do fine for now.”

“I’m extraordinarily uncoordinated.”

“You can swim, can’t you?”

“Yeah I can swim…”

“Well then let’s go!”

I run out of arguments. Saying no to Cassian is like saying no to a golden retriever, and I can’t quite manage it.

“Okay?” I give him a weird grimace and I guess the pleased look on his face is worth it.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Rhys says.

“I… no I want to try.”

“Yeah Rhys she wants to try,” Cassian says. He puts his arm around my shoulders and frowns at Rhys as he leads me away.

“Look after her,” Rhys just says mildly.

“Of course I’m gonna look after her.” Cassian's annoyance grows. His eyebrows go up when he turns back to me. “I’m gonna look after you,” he reassures me.

So I let him put me into Rhys’s oversized suit, talk me through the motions on the sand and then tow me out into the ocean.

I’m not convinced my efforts are worth recounting, seeing as it involved a lot of me getting dumped and struggling to remember which way is up. I scramble onto the board, get knocked off by a wave with a right hook, drown for a minute, and then emerge above the fray to the sounds of Cassian’s whooped encouragements. I repeat this process so many times my throat is raw and burning with salt, and my eyes are stinging and puffy. I’m bruised from bumping the board wrong, attached as it is to my ankle. I croak my defeat to Cassian after what feels like an hour, and he helps guide me back to shore, where I struggle back to the group like a wet cat and land in a heap on my towel.

“So surfing, probably not for me,” I rasp.

“What are you talking about, you did great!” Cassian says. I squint up at his face and am not sure whether to be surprised that he is being completely genuine. “First day, baby,” he says. “It can only get better from here.”

“Yeah Cassian was shit his first day, don’t worry about it,” Mor says.

“Still is shit,” Azriel adds. He gives me his towel to wrap around my shoulders, since I am sitting on mine. Mor hands me a bottle of water, and it tastes strangely sweet on my sea-savaged lips.

And despite myself I laugh and agree to try again, because although I am exhausted and bedraggled and sore, I do feel like I accomplished something, and I feel a little more at ease with these guys than I did before.

Rhys arrives then, with the promised fish and chips and I realise I’m starving. The steaming hot, battered fish is everything I need, and I am content with filling my stomach while Cassian regales Rhys with the tales of my valiant attempt. He acts all impressed and gives me the rest of his chips.

“Oh I ran into Cress and Tarquin,” Rhys says, while helping me out of his wetsuit. The words don’t mean anything to me, but the others all react positively. “They said they’ll be around our area next week so might try to organise something.”

“Sounds good, I haven’t seen those guys in forever,” Cassian says.

“Beach people,” Mor shrugs, looking toward me. “Pretty but boring.”

“Helion’s coming down too,” Rhys tells her. She immediately lights up.

“Oh then I’ll be there!”

“She and Helion used to have a thing,” Azriel fills me in. Mor sighs fondly.

“The last dude I ever banged,” she sighs. “He’s almost as good in bed as a woman.”

“Hey,” Cassian pouts. Mor ignores him and closes one eye at Rhys.

“Didn’t you go out with Helion at some stage?” she asks him.

“No, he dated Cress,” Azriel says. Rhys just clears his throat and starts packing things up.

“Okay time to go everyone,” he says, dodging the question. Mor rolls her eyes and loops her arm through mine, telling me how they had met the group when they had come up stay at the beach after high school graduation. From what I gather, unsupervised teenage shenanigans ensued.

Later, we are back in the car and this time Rhys is driving. Azriel went off to visit a girl in town and did not return home with us, Cassian and Mor are snoozing in the back seat, and I am sitting in the passenger side in my swimsuit, with my towel folded under me and Rhys’s sweater over the top. I feel like maybe I should be embarrassed that my bikini top is making two wet patches in the front of his shirt, but I’m too tired to worry about it. I just lean back in my seat, with my legs folded under me and my dark glasses cutting the glare of the setting sun, and peek at Rhys in profile.

He’s driving with one hand on the wheel and the other resting on his open window. His hair is drying in the wind, the salt curling the ends, and his violet eyes are warm in the orange light. He glances at me, and winks when he catches me staring, before turning back to the road.

I drag my gaze away too, and watch the trees blur beside me. I wonder how I ended up here, how I came so far from where I was a month ago, and how I got so lucky as to find these people.

And I make myself a promise that I’m not going to screw up these friendships. Not with Mor and not with Cassian, not with Azriel and I’m not sure if Azriel’s my friend yet but I decide that he will be. And especially not with Rhys, because I’m pretty sure he’s saved me in more ways than he knows.

***

I feel the need to put out a warning that this is a thing i plan to start fluffy and turn dark and i dont want to be misleading (but also i'm fairly sure y'all are a bunch of kinky shits soooo should be fine right) Also idk what the fuck is happening with this taglist but some of them dont work and the editor is making it extremely difficult for some reason so I'm very sorry for that. Also also if you don't want to be on the taglist just let me know, it's been about a year since some of you have been on here and I haven't checked in!

MASTERLIST

TAGLIST: @ghostlyrose2 @highladysith @stardelia @feysand-loml @tillyrubes10 @ratabrasileira @live-the-fangirl-life @maybekindasortaace @annejulianneh111 @thebonecarver @rowaelinismyotp @loosingdreams @pitrsattabhaadmeinjao @achernarlight @swankii-art-teacher @sjmships @courtofjurdan @teddytdr @positivewitch @thalia-2-rose @darling-archeron @rapunzel1523 @fairchildjace @hopefulacademia @story-scribbler @fandomstalker27 @realbookloverproblems @dealfea @s-tormwitch @cretaceous-therapod @whenyadoesntcutit @scatterbrainedgirl @whoever-you-choose-to-love @endlessdaydream @themoonthestarsthesuriel @rarephloxes @timesconvert

[captainkurosolaire]

~ Update ~

When the heart yearns does it ever burn. It’s most certainly back, after nearly a year dimming out. Last year I put everything I had into punching holes through my limits and barriers.I am without mistaken proud of what I accomplished and the tribute I laid out that I wholeheartedly dealt. But of course. That’s never enough for me. I still feel as I’ve only put scratches of what I’m capable to do-- no, what I want to do. With that being said I’ll be back soon in full might, undoubtedly with another consistent flood-wave of flowing content and ink to canvases, soul sweating every fiber I got to unlock and breathe again. Cause it’s only when I’m truly back to creating, do I breakout and feel oh so alive! It’s a ventilation and my own personal oxygen supply that nulls any health issue, disease and as it’s tried for over a decade now to try redefining my approach to live. It’s been unsuccessful in taking me out for the long haul. I will go further in details of what has transpired in my absence gone below the cut. But a month is my goal date. I’ve already began lining up some content and I definitely have some swelling ideas but I am taking a new charge in this upcoming voyage so I can be with all intent more longevity my fully functional state. Cheers until then hearties.

Awhile ago, I wrote a piece about how doubt can poison us and ground. With that said the manifestation was festering me. Wasn’t certain If I’d ever be able to get drawn or motivated enough to trigger that awakening I held that same energy, drive, heart and determination I unleashed the after-mention year. That’s most likely a scenario occurs a lot after a stellar year in any sort of thing many factors, fear for future events, uncertainty if a prime was hit. Although I can’t deny the creeping shadows of that engulfing can’t be an issue. Things beyond control putting effort in that it’s much more damaging. And I honestly don’t feel that is a web of truth for me. As I stated, know there’s more to grow in me. That haven’t properly been nurtured yet is all. The season hasn’t dried away all the cold, it’s all still fresh. Sometimes changing fighting stances results in better yields, and I think mentally there’s guard changes, stand swaps in those too. I no longer think on what dwells. Instead there’s a starving in my belly and itch that needs a fill and relieve. A viscous passion consumes me and I’m taking it to pampering it up nice and taking it to prom and we’ll see where that night gets me. Envisioned many arcs and sagas so much unfilled but I was always daunted with the notion that it had a standard I needed to commit. Not just for the sake of others but for my own personal, self-improvement. Perfection isn’t my cup. I’ve got my damages, the trauma and a plethora of flaws. They make up me and give me abundance of ideas, to twist and warp something authentic and throw it into fantasy. I have rode out the physical and mental rehabilitation and it’s an exhausting card every time. It’s a grueling tradition at this point. But the only weakness isn’t giving it all out and launching yourself to get an extra step, pushing it to get a sprint out again before anything catastrophic hit. Turned into a very ghostly figure, closed in and put myself in a box, unable to confront or muster any more energy to give to the people that matter or the closest to me and there’s never an easy way to leave things like that, can make others ponder if they did stuff wrong or blame themselves, however isn’t a -them- issue. Isn’t even something personally another did just an old vehicle with some shitty mileage rates, the gas tank leaks, the entire motor is shot and barely worthy of getting to a trusted destination. But when the ignition works, it purrs with a classic thrill. That’s a lot how as a system I operate. I’m a doomed situation to repair, the price runs beyond the budget. But I’m get a destination out more than ever expected and fill that ride with memories and songs to last until I work again. This time, I get my motor running early for a change, spend an entire month, challenge myself to put stuff to paper. Build up the entire thing and stockpile, then whatever I have, I unleash in whatever state of quality when I return. Then while that occurs, I take myself and do the sightseeing, do the things I’ve wanted. Return and be more proactive about attending events, try stirring up some threads, and things I always wanted too. But be uninterrupted by all the deterrence or feeling like I need to puncture something forcefully in. Let things hit me and still go, then start stockpiling in the background and continue the pace, staying a whole ten miles ahead. Try making this joy ride last as long as possible, surpassing all that stuff I did before. Giving myself a month of wiggle room to fuel up. For now got Budokai 3 a showdown with some unique astrology and lore-twisting usages to make a deathmatch out. Just need to polish that up and I’ll have that done. But that water doesn’t end I got some skit ideas, some concepts I never once had in my head for years that came organically that’ll follow the aftermath of the results of that gruesome battle, that’ll be even more in-depth filling, I got that a lot from the last XIV Challenge. Then if I can get to it, I have a major arc with a very ambitious idea. Try getting a whole crew vs crew showdown going into something. There’s a literal ‘giant’ undertaking I want this year and a whole War/Saga point that’ll just endlessly and abundantly unlock so much stuff and I want that initial thing at the very least. I said and set that last year and nothing has changed. If anything I’ve got a chip on my shoulder to get to it fairly. But if anyone out there ever want to chat on here or discord or something about OC or story stuff, or plot ideas, pre-establish stuff, or intrigue in joining Crew and huge arc or anything I’m going to do my best to be even more accommodating. - Try upping my gif and screen-set stuff, cosplay things too when I get myself in the forefront of this. Stay worldly ye treasures.

[riainceol]

Kemrit - Track by Track

Deeply concerned that the amount my Id runs my music is going to be unavoidable if i write in depth about it but let’s talk about my debut EP.

First off we’re gonna define an EP, what makes an EP different to an album? For me there’s generally two things. Length and cohesion. Kemrit is not a cohesive record, so it’s not really a representative of what I’m writing. It’s a collection of moods and vibes, basically. It’s also less than 7 tracks. 7 tracks is iffy but if it’s 8 or more, by my standards we’re veering into album territory. I know that traditionally an EP was made for a 6” or somewhere between rather than a 12” but honestly… it’s 2022.

The artwork is a photo of the inside of my jeans pocket that my phone took by accident, but I thought it would be funny to use it as artwork, I also thought it would be funny to name it Kemrit. “Hello, Kemrit thee forg here!”.

I’m giving away all my secrets.

The idea was basically, I’ve written this stuff and I need to get it out. So it was a very soft release. But I’m still happy with it.

In the Bleak Midwinter.

I wanted to write a song that was about the White Wall of Whale. I love Moby Dick, the idea that Melville tries to push in the book, that not only is Ahab’s revenge ultimately destructive, of himself and his crew, but is also pointless, as all creatures are equal and nature doesn’t care one way or the other because we’re part of it, had a big impact on me. The motive behind this track was, let’s write a song about dying in the snow. It interpolates Carol of The Bells and it’s just good riffage, but very simple.

I tend to want to do more. You don’t have to, it’s kinda better to be more quick, centred and simple with music but I have these stupid fucking standards for my own stuff. This song kills live though so my standards are clearly wrong.

Uisce (Water)

A lot of my inspiration is from nature. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Ireland is a fucking beautiful place. I’ve grown up not far from the coast, and have always loved the sea. Uisce was inspired by the push and pull of the waves on the shore. I deliberately kept this simple, along with the other more atmospheric track on this EP. I was having an issue about trying to force it, lyrically. Thankfully that’s not as much of a problem, especially when I write heavier stuff. But I wanted to make a mood more than write songs.

The Hound

This is the weakest song on the record, I’ll hold my hands up and admit it. I got too in the weeds, I didn’t do a good enough job with the vocals and the production and I got too enamoured with the lead lines but this is a LEARNING exercise. We’re gonna fuck it, it’s okay to fuck it.

I wanted to write a one note riff like Lamb of God and ended up writing a fucking weird abnormal time sig Tool style riff instead. That should have been my first clue. I like wolves, I like the idea of wolves as both an animal and as a metaphor for dissidence. We used to have wolves in Ireland, we kept them as pets the same as dogs. In part of Cromwell’s efforts to “tame” Ireland he killed them all.

I don’t think I would play this one without some major rewriting.

Oíche Maith (Good Night)

This was the first full piece of original music I’d written in 8 years. I wrote this piece of music looking out the window at nature and the sunset, and decided I was going to just do my own music again.

So here’s the thing, I WAS recording covers. Here’s one of them.

https://on.soundcloud.com/LVLA6S9rZ9cgawsD7

I had been playing covers in 2019 acoustically and I wanted to have some recordings I could point to and say “hey this is how I am, these are the kinds of versions I do” but then the pandemic happened. And it was like, “you can make music, it doesn’t have to be songs, it could be a mood, something as simple as this.”

And so I did.

I’ve never played this out but it’s only because I haven’t got the right setup for it. I love this piece.

Ashes.

I never got to learn Irish in school. Due to circumstance and stuff like that. I grew up in the north, then the nature of my schooling kept me from having lessons (there are plenty of people in the North who learned Irish in school). I have always been bitter about that. You might have noticed that I’ve been working on that somewhat. But this song is about my anger and my impotence about my native language.

My native language is an unfamiliar tongue. As it is for anyone who doesn’t come from a native family or was raised and schooled in Irish. That shit fucks you up so bad.

I could never write verses so I ended up butchering the Our Father as Gailege, and drowning it in effects to represent the distance to the language I felt. That might change in the future, both the way the song is written and my relationship to my language. But this was a big cathartic song for me and it’s the one I’m most proud of on the EP. Even if it’s not where I’d want it to be now.

That’s a track by track on my first EP. It’s been fun looking back at these with a bit of distance, thanks for coming along with me for the ride.

[jinkicake]

You Call Him Daddy?!

You accidentally call them daddy in front of the team.

Kageyama Tobio x Reader

Sugawara Koushi x Reader

Tsukishima Kei x Reader

For the anons who requested these characters!! Here you go~~ I combined them and put them on one page, the Karasuno boys. (*・∀-)☆ Pls omg Kageyama and Tsukki are aged up to 18, they’re third years in this. Don’t be gross and think they’re tiny first years, I wouldn’t be able to handle it TT

This is complete and utter filth, I have no idea what possessed me to write this. Please..... read this at your own caution TT SMUT

WC- 2,208

~~~

Kageyama Tobio

Kageyama would pass away on the spot, he would stop functioning

Honestly though, it was his fault he got caught, he was too distracted to even catch his mistake

It was tournament season and you were going to watch some of his games

Sadly though you had to babysit your neighbor’s daughter, who happened to be the child of Aoba’s assistant coach, and with her parent’s permission you brought her to the arena

It was so crowded as you held her to your chest, you frantically looked around for any members of your boyfriend’s team

You couldn’t see where you were going and bumped into a familiar player, their large hands bracing your shoulders and your eyes widen at the turquoise in your vision

“Oh, Kindaichi I’m sorry, are you okay?” You smile politely at your boyfriend’s old teammate, much to Kageyama’s dismay, you actually liked the onion head and Kunimi

“I’m fine, it’s good to see you. Hi Natsumi.” He pats the little girls head and she squeals in delight at the familiar boy

“Where’s daddy, huh?” You coo and lift her up so she can find her father

“Daddy! Daddy!” The little girl calls out to her father and you hand her over to the assistant coach before waving at Kunimi

“(Y/N).” Kageyama calls from behind you, you can’t keep the wide smile off of your face when you see him “What’s wrong?” His concern sends your heart into a frenzy

“Oh, nothing! I’m just letting Natsumi see her dad before we head up to the bleachers, I was looking for you!” You tell him and he flicks your forehead, disappointment heavy in his features

“So you weren’t calling for me?” His flirty tone causes your face to heat up and you thought no one had heard due to the mass amount of people in the hallway

You were wrong…

“Gross.” Kunimi rolls his eyes as he passes his old teammate “That’s nasty, even for you Kageyama.” He tosses his nose high into the air and a bright red Kindaichi follows behind him

You can only gape and blink before clutching your boyfriend’s shoulders and laughing loudly into his chest

Kageyama seriously stopped working, his face turned bright red and he was trying to hide his face behind his thick hair

“Ah you’re so cute Kageyama!” You cup his cheek and smile sweetly, in an effort trying to bring his spirits up after the humiliation he brought on

“You look so cute with kids.” Kageyama praises, his face resting in the crook of your neck as he slowly thrusts into you. You tilt your head back against the pillow at the intensity of each stroke, your back arches into the air and Kageyama smirks before wrapping his lips around your nipple. 

“F-fuck,” You sigh loudly, your voice breaking off into a moan when his teeth bite down on the small nub. Your hands quickly find his hair and roughly pull on the strands, you’re really being worked with each of his thrusts.

“I should fuck a baby into you, shouldn’t I? You would look so nice with my cum spilling out of you, don’t you think?” When Kageyama asks questions he always expects an answer, but right now it’s so hard to give him one. It’s so hard to focus between his pelvis rubbing against your clit and the overall feeling of being so full.

“Yes,” Your word stretches with a whine and you press your lips together to hold back another. “I would like it so much daddy.” Your begs make Kageyama want to pick up the pace but he continues to thrust into you slowly while one of his hands gently slaps your other breast.

“Is that any way to ask, petal?” His eyes are so commanding as he looks at you, almost as if he is testing you to reject his motives. The natural dominance, the need to be in charge, radiating off of him makes you feel so small under him. So protected in his care that you want to give your all to him. 

“Please ruin me, I won’t waste a single drop daddy.” You promise and Kageyama breaks into a wide grin, his hips pick up the pace to fuck you into the sheets.

“That’s it sweet girl, you better keep your words.”

Sugawara Koushi

Listen nobody thinks Sugawara is nasty

But let’s be real, we have all seen him angry! That bitch is crazy!

We call Daichi the ‘dad’ but honestly,,,, Sugawara could make everyone his bitch without lifting a finger

Daddy!Sugawara periodt, that’s all I want to say

After practice one day you agreed to help some of the first years with their Japanese literature class, it went by slow and you mainly just proofread their writing to make sure it was all correct

As you continue to read through Hinata’s paper, your brows furrow together when you try to piece together the word he had written

It doesn’t look like it belongs there and you can’t figure out what it could possibly be

“Umm Hinata what is this word? It looks like you wrote ‘daddy’ but that doesn’t fit there?” You lightly point at the smudged pencil and the small boy squeaks before trying to piece it together himself

“Daddy? Hinata you’re an idiot!” Kageyama insults as he continues to write his own paper

“Daddy? I love that word!” Sugawara pops up from behind you and squats down to kiss your cheek before running back to the court

The two first years look at each other before looking at you, confusion painted on their faces before going back to their work

“Is no one going to say anything about that?” Tsukishima looks around with a mild disgust before shrugging his shoulders and serving to Yamaguchi

“You didn’t mean it like that right Sugawara?” Daichi smiles at his friend, his smile faltering when his friend doesn’t confirm his statement

“No I like being called daddy.” The refreshing setter sends an innocent smile back before grabbing a ball, ignoring the stunned look on his captain's face

“S-Sugawara-“ Asahi starts but can’t find the words to figure out what the hell to say

Kiyoko looks up from her clipboard and sends you an approving nod, hiding her face behind the object just as quickly as she looked up

“Hey! Let’s not be so surprised! We’ve all seen him angry before!” Nishinoya defends, standing tall next to his setter “Good for you Sugawara, daddys for life!” He gives him a slap on the back as praise and you simply watch the entire thing with a deep embarrassment

“Am I really that innocent to them? Do I not look like I would be into freaky shit, should I be offended?” Sugawara continues to ask you, knowing damn well you won’t be able to answer him back with the makeshift gag in your mouth. “Your panties work so well, don’t they angel? You look so utterly delectable.” He pushes the material deeper into your mouth with two fingers before going back to check each of the soft silk ties holding your arms and legs apart. “As if none of them want to be called daddy, and they look at me like I’m the weird one?” He continues to rant, gently running his finger up and down your naked body. “What do you think, sweetheart?”

You try to talk around the soaked material but it only comes out like complete nonsense, Sugawara nods as if he understands it anyway.

“What can I do to show them I’m not the vanilla player they think I am? I’ve already ruined you beyond repair, haven’t I?” He cups your cheek lovingly, his words are added with extra fluff that hold nothing but lies. “Maybe I just need to push your beautiful body further. Would you like that angel?” He continues to ask and you nod frantically. “Ah, of course you would.” Sugawara dips his fingers between your thighs, spreading your folds apart to tap at your clit. Even the small action makes you release a muffled cry.

“Daddy is going to take such good care of you tonight.”

Tsukishima Kei

I don’t know who Tsukishima would throw off a building first, you or himself

It would be just his luck that the first time you call him daddy, someone overhears it and can’t keep their mouth shut

Spoiler alert : said person is Hinata

It’s after school before practice and Tsukishima has you cornered against the wall in an abandoned hallway

One of his long legs rest between your own and his hands are pressed flat on either side of your head

Yes you had been teasing him in class, sending him filthy text messages to the point that you could see the familiar tent rising in his slacks but, did you stop there?

Nope

Seeing him so turned on in such a public setting only made you hotter and the sticky summer humidity wasn’t helping you either

But your boyfriend knows discipline and was able to control himself…. well until the bell rang

Now you’re his for a short time before he has to get to the gym

Two of Tsukishima’s fingers pinch your chin and force you to look up at him, his narrowed eyes glare down at you and it should make you feel nervous

… it doesn’t

The irritation radiating off of him in waves only makes you pout larger, purposely you push your lip out just to spite him

“What was that in there?” Tsukishima spits out in a hushed whisper, heavily referring to the last period when you sent him text after text of all the things you want him to do to you

“It was just a little teasing.” Your words fuel him to grab your wrist and place your hand flush against his crotch, the contact causes your thighs to clench around his leg 

“Little? What about this is little?” He sneered and you could feel yourself going light headed

“I-I’m sorry” Your apology is still not enough for him

“You’re sorry? Who are you apologizing to?”

“You, daddy” The words slip out of your mouth, fumble out so smoothly that you don’t even realize what you said until he stopped moving

At this Tsukishima’s glasses fog over, it’s like he stopped functioning and you fear that you may have broken him

Fuck, you can’t think it had gotten any worse….

It had

“T-Tsukishima practice started five minutes ago…” Hinata calls from around the corner and from where you are, you could have sworn you saw blood trickle out of his nose

“Come on daddy” Kageyama tries to tease but ends up gagging on the last word, covering his mouth to shield his laughter

The two third years walk off while they try to hold back their amusement, unable to look their teammate in the eye

By the looks of it…. You can’t handle looking your boyfriend in the face either

“Fucking brat.” Tsukishima rolls his eyes as you lay on your stomach, your hands tied to the bedpost with your ass high in the air. He continues to glare down at you and as much as you want to look back at him, you know better not to. You feel the bed dip and you nearly moan when his large hands grip at your inner thighs, spreading your legs apart so that he can touch your delicate slit. He flicks your clit and you bite the pillow beneath you. “Good girl.” Tsukishima praises, moving to rub three of his fingers along your soaked entrance, occasionally dipping his fingers to rub along your walls. You nearly whine when he removes his fingers and you can’t stop the moan that slips from your lips when he finally lays a brutal slap against your ass.

“Oh?” You can’t see his face but you know exactly what he looks like. In your head you can see the mild irritation covering his face as he stares down at you amusedly, you know how badly his cock is aching in his shorts at the redness covering your ass. “You like that, don’t you?” He sneers, smacking your behind a few times before going back down to rub your slit. He toys with your clit too much, giving you too much attention that you can’t hold any noises back. “What can I expect from such a dirty girl? Are you going to call me daddy again?”

You can hear him laughing and his words do nothing but make you clench around nothing, you push your ass higher into the air and moan loudly.

“Yes daddy, please.” You beg and nearly faint at how quiet the room gets. You’re almost afraid that you went too far, that he wasn’t ready for this just yet, but all your fears disappear when you feel his nimble length between your lower lips. Tsukishima preps himself in your natural lubricant as he tries not to cum from your words alone.

“Scream for daddy.” He chuckles darkly before entering you in one swift movement, his chest presses against your back and you see his hands on either side of your head. “So fucking tight.” Tsukishima grunts and pauses, trying to ignore how tightly you’re clenching around him. 

“Stop, if I fucking cum you’re cleaning it up.”  

[engekihaikyuu]

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu - The View from the Top 2

2.5D Interview Translation with Asuma Kousuke

======

Since the show “The Strongest Team,” it’s been about two and a half years since you last played Oikawa. How did you feel when your casting for this show was decided? I really didn’t think the day would come when I’d get to return to Engeki Haikyuu. So when my casting my was set, I was so incredibly happy. This time I will be the only one appearing from Aoba Johsai. So that makes me a little sad, and I also feel some pressure since I’m responsible for representing everyone from Aoba Johsai and I carry the weight of all of their emotions. That’s the main challenge I want to overcome.  

=====

Full interview and more photos under the Read More! Please do not repost my translations

Asuma-san, your debut was with Engeki Haikyuu. And now this will be your final time portraying Oikawa, so please give us an insight into your state of mind. I’m only here because of Engeki Haikyuu, so I really am very grateful. I’ve never been able to play the same character for this long, so it’s the character I’m most attached to, and I feel like I understand Oikawa better than anyone else. This is going to be the grand culmination of eleven shows, and I want to make it the best production yet, full of all of the emotions of everyone in the cast and crew. That’s the “Summit” that everyone in this company is aiming for, and I will be only one portion of that.  

Asuma-san, you will be the only one appearing from Aoba Johsai, so is there anything in particular you’re conscientious of?   Even with only Oikawa on the stage, I think the atmosphere changes. And because I will be alone, I want to be even more unrestrained in how I present Oikawa. Even at rehearsals, I want to be calling so much attention to Oikawa that even the director will stop me. (laughs) I haven’t been able to join the others at rehearsals yet, but I’ll be the only one there who’s been a part of this from the very beginning, so I think everyone will come to me with their questions. Like, “Show us how you did this in previous shows” or “Show us an example of how to do that.” Although I’m not sure I even could... (laughs) I’m sure there will be times when people tease me like, “That’s no good!” but if I can make rehearsals lively with that, I’m fine. Also in terms of age, I’m somewhere in the middle of the group, and this is my first time in that situation. Normally I’m always teased by my senpai, but since I’ve been here since the very first show and I’ve been able to see and experience a lot, I hope that I’ll be able to give some advice to others. 

Are there any parts of your personality that you think resemble Oikawa? A lot of people around me say that I'm like him, but I don’t really think so. At first I thought we might be similar, but as I’ve gotten deeper into this role, I’ve become less able to say that. Right now, I can only say that I respect him. Oikawa has this one line that I like, which goes, “Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish!!!” In this world, there aren’t that many people you can call prodigies. Oikawa rose to the top with hard work, and I think it’s just too cool that I got to say that line! Even when I rewatch that DVD, I often feel like, “Wow I got a really cool line...”   Even Iwa-chan says to him, “Even when you’ve become an old man, you probably won’t be happy. Even if you won some big tournament, you wouldn’t be completely satisfied, because you’re an annoying guy who’s going to chase volleyball for his entire life.” Oikawa loves volleyball, he’s obsessed with it, and I have nothing but respect for that.  

Do you normally rewatch the shows you’ve starred in? It is embarrassing, so I don’t often rewatch things. There are things where if I watched them now, I’d think, “Man I sucked.” But when it comes to “Winners and Losers” or “The Strongest Team,” those are different and I used to rewatch them often even back then. I think to myself, “I haven’t done any other plays that are this rough. So I can do this!” They’re encouraging that way. Also I’m good friends with everyone in those casts. The sense of teamwork and friendship is very strong.  

Speaking of your teammates, you spent a long time together with the Aoba Johsai cast. Please tell us about a time during a past tour when you felt strongly about your connection with them.   There are a lot of things I can only talk about now. Everyone was my senpai, but at the time, we would argue a lot. Because we didn’t want to give in to one another. For the duration of the tour, we agreed that we wouldn’t have that kind of pecking order, and that’s how we were able to create those shows. There’s a scene in “The Strongest Team” when Oikawa says, “Thank you for the past three years!!!”, and when I saw everyone’s faces in that moment, I couldn’t stop myself from bursting into tears. I was just so glad that we really had become such a great team by that point.

Within the entire Engeki Haikyuu series, please tell us what you think is Oikawa’s best scene. The first is the opening sequence for the very first show. Because I was good at the count, I deviated from it to do a little double peace sign. And also that’s my very first scene as an actor. At the time, I was really nervous about even doing that one jump, but I’ll never be able to forget the view while facing the front of that stage. We don’t have any lines there, but it’s a scene that I have a very strong emotional attachment to.   The other one is from “the Strongest Team” when Kyoutani gets over himself and really becomes part of Seijoh. Oikawa has continued to trust in Kyoutani, and he continues to grind that gear into place. The result is a unified Seijoh to oppose Karasuno. When I rewatched that moment on DVD, I have this really great smile on my face. I’d kept such a serious expression up to that point, so I really enjoy that shift in expression.  

Tell us something we should look forward to for this show’s Oikawa. I think fundamentally he’s the same as when he was a high school student, so I think the highlight will be to see the parts of him that have changed with age. There’s a lot that wasn’t portrayed in the manga, so I’m personally looking forward to seeing how I can craft those portions on my own on-stage. I’m going to be fairly conscious of my manner and behavior, not just my lines. It'd be great if I can show his difference in age with how I carry myself. I also want to polish my jump serve more. My jump serve right now is the high school version, so I want people to see the change in form and power.  

Earlier you mentioned the line, “Talent is something you make bloom, instinct is something you polish.” What are the things that you will continue to make bloom or polish from here on? Tell us your vision of yourself as an actor. I honestly don’t know if I have any real talents. But for now I’ve continued to get work in this field, so someday I’d like to be able find my specialties while focusing on the work in front of me. In the future I’d like to go overseas, so right now I’m studying English and Chinese. Haikyuu is very popular all over the world. Every time I’ve gone to some other country, there are many people who tell me, “I’ve seen Engeki Haikyuu!” Because I’ve been able to perform in a production that’s this beloved the world over, I’ve come to think that I need to go out into that world! After this, I would love to become an actor that can work all around the globe.  

And lastly, please give the fans a final, exuberant message   In times like these, I think that entertainment and the arts are absolutely necessary. I know there are many things to be depressed about, but that’s exactly why I want people to watch Engeki Haikyuu and then gain some motivation.  This is a production where you can absolutely feel the passion whether you see it in person or through a screen, so I want people to see it whether through an official stream or on DVD.   At last, we’ve reached the finale. Please support us to the very end!  

=====

You can read the original Japanese interview here: (x)

Please do not repost my translations!  This includes screenshots of bits and pieces taken out of context, especially if they don’t link back to this full post. If you appreciate the work I do for this blog and want to support my translation efforts please consider donating a ko-fi! (x)

[sanguineness-wings]

home early

Pairing: Hawks x gn!Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ minors do not interact )

Warnings: Sexual content, hand jobs, lap sitting, all Hawks focused/receiving, established relationship

i haven’t written smut since 2013 and it shows. please be gentle. this is totally self indulgent. i’m always daydreaming about showering hawks with love while i work from home

The file you were working on (named final2-revision5_FINAL-FOR-REAL.psd) was saved with a relieved sigh. This client had been beyond difficult to work with and you were more than ready to be rid of them. With the file sent off for approval, hopefully for the last time, you stretched out your stiff limbs and groaned at the satisfying pops of your joints and spine. After being hunched at your computer all morning, you decided to treat yourself to a fresh cup of tea and some cookies.

When you returned to your computer and checked your email, your heart sunk at the multiple emails from the client. You swore loudly and banged your forehead against your desk a few times. You should have made coffee instead.

Hours passed with you hyper-focused on your screen and music blasting through your headphones, determined to be done with this project today, even if it killed you. Your phone sat neglected at the corner of your desk, even as it lit up with multiple text messages. You didn’t even hear your front door open sometime later. Or the voice calling for you from the living room. The press of warm lips against your cheek startled you out of your concentration, making you jump and rip the headphones from your ears.

Hawks, in all of his wind swept glory, grinned down at you, “Working hard?”

“I didn’t even hear you come in,” you breathed out, willing your heart to stop sputtering in your chest. It was honestly rare to see the hero while the sun was still up. “Did you get off patrol early?”

“Yeah.” Hawks pouted, turning to show you the little feathered nubs where his full wings should be. “I got plucked pretty bad.”

“Shit! What happened? Are you okay?” He didn’t seem hurt, but that didn’t stop you from trying to tug off his coat to make sure.

Hawks took one of your hands in his own and kissed at your knuckles soothingly, “I’m fine, chickadee. Promise. Just was a busy day. But! Bright side is I get a few days off.”

The motivation to get this stupid project done flared inside of you renewed. Nothing was going to get in between you and two whole days alone with Hawks.

“I just have a few things to finish up, then I’m all yours,” you explained as you turned back to your computer.

“Sure, I’m gonna shower quick,” Hawks said with a quick kiss to the crown of your head.

—

Warm, damp hands interrupted you sometime later as you furiously typed out an email to the client with murderous intent in every keyboard click. Hawks’ fingers ran through your hair as he hummed in your ear, “Almost done?”

“Almost…hopefully,” you grunted out, barely registering Hawks’ touch. You heard Hawks let out an exaggerated sigh.

“You promise?”

You hummed noncommittally, not breaking your gaze away from your screen. Hawks huffed loudly as he shuffled out.

—

The sun started to sink low in the sky, casting your home office in a beautiful pink and orange hue. It would have been a nice view, if you had time to admire it. But you were too busy working yourself to the bone.

You noticed a tickling at your neck and tried to brush it away, thinking it must be a piece of stray hair. But every few moments you felt the tickling again, no matter how you rearranged your hair. The tickling then traveled down your neck and into your shirt. You yelped, realizing the source of the tickling was a single tiny feather.

“Hawks! Stop it!” You shrieked as you dug around under your shirt, trying to catch the little puff of red. Hawks’ laughter reached your ears from the kitchen as you writhed, nearly falling out of your chair. He finally relented once you were red in the face with tears welling up in your eyes from the endless teasing. You shook out your shirt until the little feather fell out and returned to your work.

—

Hawks grew more restless the longer you worked, pestering you every so often for attention. But you were determined to finish up so you could relax with him tomorrow without this project looming over you. You ate dinner at your desk while Hawks sat on the floor with his own plate, chattering away about patrol or something. You were barely paying attention.

Once the plates were cleared away, Hawks’ patience wore out. He grabbed your hand away from the mouse and tugged, “Come on, that’s enough for one day, don’t you think?”

You sighed wearily and tried to shake your hand free from his. “I just have a couple more revisions.”

“I’ve been home for hours and you’ve barely looked at me!” Hawks whined, draping himself over your side dramatically.

“If I get this done now, we’ll have all day tomorrow together - Ow! No biting!”

Hawks left little stinging bites at your shoulder and neck, growling low in frustration. You grabbed at his face to push him away, squeezing his chubby cheeks between your fingers to make him look at you. “Listen. I’m patient when you have to work late, right? I just need one more hour.”

Hawks seemed to deflate a little and looked away with guilt in his eyes. You never once complained while he was away on long missions or had to cancel plans, you always understood when his job came first.

“Why don’t you sit in my lap while I finish up?” You suggested, rolling your chair back from your desk to make room for him. Hawks’ eyes immediately lit up and he eagerly scrambled to straddle your thighs. You pulled him in close by his hips as his arms looped around your neck, nuzzling his face into your hair.

“Better?” You asked, smiling against his shoulder.

Hawks hummed, wiggling to press himself flush against you. “Much better.”

It was nice being able to dote on him while you worked, wishing you thought of this sooner. The weight of him against you and the smell of his sweet shampoo was grounding, soothing away your frustrations. You pressed gentle kisses to his neck to make him sigh and played with the curls at the nape of his neck with a free hand. He cooed and hummed in a low, satisfied voice when your hand snuck beneath his oversized t-shirt to pet up his back. You rubbed slow circles into his smooth skin, eating up the way he pressed into each touch.

—

“All done, baby boy,” you whispered while pressing a kiss to Hawks’ temple. He had gone completely limp in your lap from all of the petting and little affections, making you think he had fallen asleep. You warmed your hands along his bare thighs, him sporting nothing but boxer briefs, earning you a spine tingling groan from the hero. He pulled back from where his head was buried in the crook of your neck, only to lean in to for a sweet, lingering kiss.

“Now you’re all mine,” Hawks murmured against your lips before his kisses turned more demanding. Your hands slid to Hawks’ ass, giving his cheeks a loving squeeze. It spurred his hips to buck against your stomach, the hard line of his cock pressing against you.

“Let me take care of you,” you sighed as Hawks’ lips found your throat. You wanted to make it up to him for basically ignoring him all day. Your hands toyed with the waist band of his briefs, loving the way you could hear his breathing hitch. Slipping inside, your fingers found the wet tip of cock, already drooling with excitement. You thumbed at the engorged head, making his hips jerk into your touch as you wrapped your hand around him, pumping him with languid strokes.

“Oh, fuck,” Hawks groaned as his head fell back, rutting into your hand. He gripped at your shoulders with trembling hands for leverage as his hips rolled. “Feels good, babe.”

You peppered kisses up his exposed neck, finding the little tender spot behind his ear to abuse by suckling at the soft skin. Hawks’ voice keened into a desperate whine as his fingers found purchase in your hair.

“Look at you, falling apart so easily for me,” you crooned into his ear, smiling at the way he shuddered.

“Don’t get too c-cocky there,” Hawks breathed out, stuttering when gave the tip of his cock a firm squeeze, “I haven’t even started with you yet.”

“Is that right? I look forward to it when you’re done leaking all over my lap.”

“F-Fuck, where is all this coming from, dove? Usually I’m the one running my mouth.” Hawks let out a breathy laugh as he tightened his grip in your hair, pulling you back to look you in the eye.

“I just want to make you feel good,” you whined out as you met his liquid honey gaze. “Is it working?”

A warm smile upturned his lips before he pressed his forehead against yours, “You know it is. You feel how much I’m squirming here.”

“I just wanted to make sure. Now, let me see you,” you hummed, pecking his lips before urging him to lean back. With your free hand you pushed up his t-shirt, nudging him to hold the fabric up with his teeth so you could watch the muscles of his stomach clench with every shock of pleasure. Your fingers explored the smooth expanse of his chest, teasing around his nipples before toying with the piercings there. Hawks groaned around the fabric in his mouth, his back arched to press further into your teasing touches.

You worked him through the throes of his pleasure as his skin flushed a lovely shade of pink. You decorated his chest and stomach with pretty little hickeys, drunk on the way every suck drew a moan from him. When you used your tongue to tease at the piercings in his nipples, Hawks completely broke. He hiccuped and swore loudly, though muffled by the fabric clenched tightly between his teeth, as his cock twitched and throbbed between your fingers. Thick strands of cum splattered against his chest and drooled down his twitching muscles.

“Aren’t you a pretty mess,” you moaned, drinking in the sight of him blissed out. You leaned in, lapping up the cum from his skin, making Hawks shiver and gasp at the warm, wet passes of your tongue. Hawks pushed you back firmly before you could finish to kiss you sloppily, chasing the taste of himself on your tongue. He nipped at your bottom lip before slipping off your lap, urging your thighs to part as he knelt between them.

“You better get comfortable, dove,” Hawks said with a wicked grin, his eyes sparkling with lustful intent. “We’re going to be here for a while. I want to hear you sing for me.”

His hands were already tugging your sweatpants down your legs impatiently, making you swallow thickly. Good thing you both had off of work tomorrow.

[thebluestbluewords]

HEIST HEIST HEIST

I saw this post today and got inspired, SO here is Descendants Could Have Been A Heist Movie, thebluestbluewords take :

(this is very much an outline and not a full fic yet, but I might yet write this someday)

Taking this whole heist movie idea very seriously, this would be (and might yet be if I have the time for it) a fic about how the first Descendants movie would have gone if it had been a heist movie, rather than a fairytale.

The main plot of the movie is no longer about learning to choose good and seeing that kids don’t have to follow in the footsteps of their parents- it’s now a high school political intrigue about stealing a wand.

(don’t worry about the larger themes there- the wand might be stolen for many self-serving reasons that go beyond 'doing what their parents say'. Maybe they’re stealing it to make a larger statement about opening the isle. Or about how treating villains as villains is wrong and they deserve trust because it makes things so much more fun for them in the long run)

(can you tell I haven’t decided on the overall tone of this AU yet lmao)

The story starts when the VKs are being told to get the wand, hand it over, it’ll be easy.

Sure, they say.

Sounds great, they say.

Give us your spellbook and magic mirror and whatever else you’ve got to give, and we absolutely won’t use them to betray you and open the isle on our own terms, they don’t say.

(this story ends before we get to that point, but the implication is there)

The kids arrive in Auradon, as in canon.

Unlike canon, they don’t immediately go for a break-and-enter approach to the museum, because if they’re going to heist this, they’re going to do it right. A good heist takes planning, and patience, and research.

What they do is wait until the weekend, and then inform the school admin that they want to get to know the culture of Auradon.

The museum seems like a great place to start, Evie says earnestly.

We didn’t have anything like it back on the Isle, adds Mal. It would be such a good learning opportunity for us.

And we could see the town. And the candy store. Say the boys.

The school admin caves, because it would be wrong to deny these kids a chance to get to know this history of goodness! They’re just teenagers, and they’ve been doing so well with their first week, and of course they can go into town, do they want a school car to drop them off?

They do not.

The museum is kind of a bust. They spend some time scoping out the security, but they’ve had a whole week to magically-google everything they can about this place, and it’s not much of a surprise that there’s a functionally unbreakable magical alarm system set up around all of the objects.

Time to reassess the plan.

(this is where the political intrigue comes in)

Ben is still a Fundamentally Decent (if slightly boring) guy in this.

Of course, he’s also the one on the line if this whole villainy exchange program goes wrong. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he would come to check up on his flagship students after they have a day out exploring the town.

Oho, Mal thinks. Here’s something they can work with.

Ben is sweet. He’s not terribly interesting, at least at first, but he seems like a guy who genuinely cares about the idea of bringing villain kids over, and can probably be manipulated to their purposes without too much effort.

So the VKs think over their potential plans to get the wand, and decide that yeah, if they can get an in with the future king of Auradon, that’s probably a pretty solid place to start.

Unfortunately, they decide to start this attempt by blatantly flirting.

Audrey is very much a political presence in this fic. She’s not evil by any means, but she is goal oriented and doesn’t necessarily love the idea of VKs coming in and altering her five year plan for herself and her boyfriend.

(I think Aurdey is an interesting character, and I wish she’d been given some better motivations in the first movie beyond ‘mean girl in a high school movie’. So in this fic, where they do still crown the incoming royalty at sixteen, they also believe in setting up children for advantageous marriages. Audrey and Ben have been pushed at each other since they were kids, and yeah, maybe there’s not a lot of actual love between them, but they’re friends and it’s way easier to just date each other and make their parents happy than refuse and risk losing the sway they get with their parents by being the good little obedient golden children who are happy to be put together if it’s what’s best for the future of the realm.)

The point of this is, the VKs send Mal in with her very best flirting, taught to her by Evie in a truly hopeless training montage, and it just-

Fails. Completely.

And now Audrey sort of hates them.

Great.

The other unfortunate piece of this heist is that the relationships between the co-conspirators, the core four, are….somewhat intense. Charged, if you will, with a certain kind of tension.

I’m not saying that Malvie hook up in their pink princess dorm room on the first night and then don’t talk about it for the rest of the story despite blatantly flirting with each other all the time, but yeah actually that might be what I’m saying.

This is the middle of the fic now, and there’s some kind of political drama that leads to the VKs finding out about the coronation.

Maybe it’s teammate bonding, because I think it’s tragically underutilized that Ben and Jay are canonically both sports bros and I want more of that sweet high school sports team drama content.

The point is, they find out about the coronation, and that the wand will be out and about during that day.

Oho, they say. An opportunity.

Building on the sports bros theme, Lonnie gets to be in this story! She’s a cool character and I have a couple of unfinished ideas for her kicking around my fic drive, so she’s going to be here too.

Lonnie finds the VKs in a somewhat compromising state of planning.

Uh, what the fuck is this, she says.

What do you THINK, says Mal, who is not known for keeping her mouth shut.

Looks like...some kind of statement that you’re going to make during the coronation, says Lonnie, who is a nice person and also didn’t hear/see all that much of the planning before she was noticed. (as I’m typing this up I am also remembering the School of Secrets shorts?? Lonnie is absolutely going in this fic as someone who spies on her new friends. It’s almost like canon. She’s the daughter of Mulan. She can sneak when she wants to)

Yes. Exactly. A peaceful political statement, says Evie, who is often a quicker thinker than the others. We are going to… sit at the front in protest. Of how we have been treated. As villains. We deserve the same respect as other students, regardless of who our parents are.

Lonnie is surprisingly on board with this, because honestly, based on some of her costume choices in d1, magical disney utopias seem to be overwhelmingly white for the most part and do not know how to support their international students very well.

(am I still mad about the awful dress she was wearing during the family day scene?? yes.)

So now they have Lonnie on board with their made-up protest plan, and they’ve got Ben and Jay being… actually bros, weirdly enough, and somehow there’s got to be high school political intrigue that I haven’t thought through yet (maybe a group who doesn’t approve of the villainy exchange program is trying to get Ben declared unfit?? Idk. Maybe it’s just different mini kingdoms angling for a good position, and it matters Very Deeply who sits where at the coronation and it’s a whole deal. That one probably works a bit better.) and it’s altogether getting Pretty Far Into Things.

Family day isn’t a big conflict in this AU, because the VKs don’t really care about the whole family gathering and party business without Mal being involved with Ben. They decide to have a chill time hanging out and plotting their heist instead. The wand is going to be taken out before the coronation, but rather than try and grab it in the middle of things, it’s got to be easier to grab it right before or after, while it’s in transport.

They have multiple people who can pick locks. People who can charm guards into letting their guard down for a bit. Ways of getting around even electronic lock systems, given some time.

They hang around the classroom a bit longer after their parent phone call, and get to talking with Fairy Godmother about how maybe, possibly, they could get a real place up at the front during the coronation. It’s a good distraction, and hearing more about the logistics of how things are going to go on the day itself is a perfect segue into asking more about the objects that are used during the coronation. It’s important to understand their new home! No other reason they’d want to know about the history and powers of her wand.

No other reason at all.

They learn that the wand is going into secure storage in Fairy Godmother’s office for the day before the ceremony. Of course, it’s going to be safe enough there. The magical wards at the museum are mostly there in case of emergency, and they’re really more about making sure none of the objects get damaged than they are about theft.

There are no more villains in Auradon, after all.

All things considered, it’s shockingly easy to break into Fairy Godmother’s office the night before the coronation. The wand is in a safe with some magic barriers around it, but Mal has her mother’s spellbook, and Evie has a magic mirror that can look up the answer to pretty much anything they ask, so it’s short work for a pair of magic users who have been practicing their spellwork since they day they left the isle to break the temporary barriers down.

There’s a regular human lock as well, and they give that one to Jay. He’s their lockpicking expert, after all.

And there it is.

Mal grabs the wand. There’s a surge of magical energy up through her hand, burning everywhere she’s touching the silvery metal, but in a way that feels like strength.

And all hell breaks loose.

[koolkat9]

HWS Germany Ship Event 2021: Day 1

Prompt: Highschool

Paring: GerEng, side of Itapan

Promposal Gone Wrong? Or Right?

“You and Arthur are going to prom right?” Feliciano asked.

Ludwig almost choked on his food at the sudden question. He, Feliciano, and Kiku were having lunch and of course, as usual, Feliciano was complaining about the cafeteria food (why he didn’t just bring his own was the question Ludwig always had but never voiced), so when he suddenly asked about prom, Ludwig was thrown off slightly. Honestly, he wasn’t planning it. He and Arthur weren’t big on social events and were quite content just settling in at home with a movie. But now that Feliciano was bringing it up, he had never asked if Arthur was interested and maybe he should have. It was a tradition and if done right, very romantic, and Arthur tended to like both.

“I-I don’t know. W-We haven’t really talked about it?” Ludwig stuttered out, picking at the sausage he had prepared for himself that morning.

“You have to Luddy! It's tradition. Picture, you and Arthur, all dressed up in nice suits, low lights, music blaring. A slow dance comes on, you both look at each other hesitantly, but you end up taking his hand and guide him to the dance floor. Wrapping your arms around each other you begin swaying, you tell him how much you love him and-”

“Okay I get the picture,” Ludwig grumbled, his cheeks now bright red. That scenario did seem nice, but he still wasn’t sure.

“You should talk to Arthur about it first,” Kiku suggested, “if you do end up going, you can ride with Feliciano and me.”

Kiku was a breath of fresh air. As much as he loved Feliciano and his enthusiasm, he could be a bit much at times. Kiku balanced him out with his calm and level-headedness. They were the perfect match for each other and surprisingly worked out really well. He gave them an assuring smile and agreed to ask Arthur.

Not long after, said Brit entered the cafeteria, his eyes scanning over the room. When his eyes met Ludwig, his lips twitched into a small smile and he made his way over. With a quick kiss on Ludwig’s cheek, he took a seat beside him and took out his lunch. “Did I miss anything,” he asked, looking around at the three friends.”

Feliciano turned to Ludwig, nodding towards Arthur and encouraging him to ask his question.

“Just prom things,” Ludwig replied, trying to keep his nerves out of his voice. He let out an awkward cough before continuing, “S-Speaking of... I-I was wondering...how do you feel about it?”

Arthur quirked a brow. “Well, I haven’t thought about it. But it's one of the last events of our high school year so maybe...u-unless you don’t want to.”

“I don’t mind. I-If you’d like to go. Kiku and Feli are also going if that’s any incentive.” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his two friends watching them with fond smiles and Feliciano was clearly suppressing a squeal. He never understood why his relationship seemed to bring so much joy to Kiku and Feliciano, but he never asked since it wasn’t hurting anyone so why bother? 

Ignoring their antics Ludwig turned his attention back to his lover who seemed to be mulling the idea over. “Alfred has been bugging me about it,” Arthur finally stated, “And a night out with friends would be nice.”

“So it looks like we’re in agreement.” Arthur gave the German’s arm a squeeze before turning his attention to his meal.

Ludwig couldn’t help but feel elated even though he wasn’t one for parties, but anything with Arthur made him happy. This feeling did not last long however as he recalled the tradition of a ‘’prom-prosal.” Was Arthur expecting one? Did he want one? Or was Arthur going to take the lead in this? Did they even need one in the first place since they were dating? Should he ask? But they were usually a surprise, weren’t they?

“Love...is everything okay?” Arthur asked, pulling Ludwig out of his thoughts. “We don’t have to go to prom if you don’t want to.”

“N-Nien, it's nothing like that. I’m just…”

“Overthinking?”

“Ja…”

They had almost forgotten Feliciano and Kiku were there until they announced their departure. “I think we better get going, Feli. We got that big project coming up this week so let's get to class early to get the best supplies.”

Feliciano scrunched his nose up in confusion, but then it dawned on him what his boyfriend’s true motives were. “Oh, si. Bye Lud, bye Arthur!”

And so the other pair of lovers were left alone at the table. They fell into casual conversation, Arthur hoping to get Ludwig’s mind off whatever he was thinking about. It seemed to be working as he was engaged and there was a slight smile on his face much to Arthur’s relief. Soon enough, however, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and Arthur and Ludwig parted ways for class.

---

It had been a couple of days since Ludwig had agreed to go to prom with Arthur and since then he had been stressing over it, specifically if a promposal was in order.

“I say go for it,” Gilbert, Ludwig’s older brother, suggested, “what’s the worst that could happen? Who could be mad at a grand romantic gesture?”

“I-I don’t know...he..we aren’t big on that kind of thing. And what could I even do?”

“Well...do something unique to you. And like you said, you guys don’t do grand so don’t worry about whatever everyone else is doing, Do something unique to you.” 

With a ruffle of Ludwig’s hair, Gilbert got up and headed to the kitchen to start dinner.

“Something unique to us,” Ludwig muttered to himself. His phone buzzed and a message popped up on his screen. Of course, Feliciano was asking if he had any ideas yet. After typing a simple reply of ‘I’m still thinking’ he exited the messaging app to his home screen. He lingered on the background photo. Arthur, laughing, cheeks pink and face covered in batter and flour. Ludwig couldn’t help but smile at the picture and the memory it brought. 

It was from one of their first dates. Both of them liked baking so Ludwig had invited Arthur over to teach him how to make Kuchen. Despite Ludwig’s nerves, things had been going well until he had to mix the batter. He had become distracted one way or another and ended up setting the mixer too high leading to himself and Arthur becoming covered in batter. He expected the Englishman to be angry since he was often quick to temper, but instead, he was met with the beautiful sound of Arthur’s laughter. For a moment his brain stopped working and just listened, mesmerized by it. He had snapped the picture shortly after to save the moment. Looking back, he was surprised Arthur had let him keep it, but then again, the man was full of surprises. He often let Ludwig get away with things no one else could, which he was grateful for.

As he admired the picture, an idea came to mind. Practically jumping from his spot he ran over to the bookshelf, skimming through for a particular one. He eventually came across an old, brown-covered book whose title read “Beilschmidt Rezepte.” He flipped through it eventually landing on a simple cake recipe. 'What's more us than baking?’ Ludwig thought to himself as he grabbed a piece of paper and began writing down the needed ingredients. 

---

The next day, Ludwig got to school even earlier than usual to ensure everything was in order before Arthur arrived. He placed down the box, opening it to make sure the icing didn’t smear (he had brought some extra tubes of icing in case he had to fix anything) and luckily it was untouched. The words ‘Will you go to prom with me?’ were written in clear, loopy green letters. 

“Ludwig?” A familiar voice called, causing the German to immediately shut the box. Arthur walked up behind him, guitar in hand and a quizzical look on his face. “What are you doing here so early?”

Ludwig felt his cheeks heat up, feeling as though he had been caught. “W-Well you...you see…I...here.” Without another word, Ludwig shoved the box towards Arthur.

“Ludwig…” Arthur broke out into a fit of laughter leading to Ludwig’s blush deepening. His chest became tight and something like humiliation began to sink in. Usually, Arthur's laugher was a beautiful sound for him, but he couldn't help but feel hurt, thinking Arthur was laughing at him and his promposal. At least no one was around to witness this awkwardness.  

“What’s so funny?” Ludwig finally hissed out.

His laughter finally began to die down. “I’m...I’m… so sorry love. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, it's just...I had been planning something too.”

Before Ludwig could reply, Arthur put the cake aside, pulled out his guitar, and began to strum a familiar tune.

“Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can’t help falling in love with you.”

Ludwig was left speechless as his lover’s sweet voice filled the air, proclaiming his love loudly. The green eyes that Ludwig loved so much remained fixated on him as the song continued. It sent the German’s heart fluttering and made his throat tight. 

“Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you

For I can’t help falling in love with you”

And as the song came to an end and Arthur lowered his guitar, he gave Ludwig a loving smile before saying, “Ludwig...will you go to prom for me?”

“I don’t know Arthur,” Ludwig replied, a smirk growing on his face as he picked up the cake once more, “would you go to prom with me.”

Arthur let out another laugh, “Of course my darling.” 

And so the two made their way inside to the cafeteria where they got some plastic utensils and shared some cake before everyone else arrived. 

[journalxxx]

By Hook or by Crook (7)

“So! How does it look?” Toshinori asked, with a booming voice and his best hands-on-hips pose to kickstart the endeavor with a healthy dose of enthusiasm.

He wasn’t particularly successful. 

“Daunting. Impossible. Like I’m gonna die of old age before I’m anywhere close to making a change.”

“A little optimism goes a long way, you know?”

“...I may not die before I’ve lugged away some of this.” Midoriya amended tentatively, scanning the extensive length of garbage-filled beach stretching before them. “And… what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger?”

“That’s the spirit!” Toshinori gave him a pat on the back, strong enough to make the boy stammer forwards. He walked around the back of the truck and started unloading the few supplies he’d brought.

“Wear these.” Toshinori threw him a pair of work gloves. He hoped he’d eyeballed the size right. “I trust you’re up to date with all your vaccines.”

“Uhm.”

“Hopefully no one’s dumping organic waste in here, but I’ll bring some traps if you see any rats. They won’t solve the problem, but it’s better than letting them scurry around freely.”

Midoriya’s eyes darted between the gloves and the beach with muted horror. “R-Rats?”

“Scared of rats?” Toshinori couldn’t help but tease. “Did I mention that I had to wade through the sewers for half an hour before finding you and the sludge villain the other day?”

Midoriya instantly looked mortified. “I-I’m sorry-”

“Not your fault! Don’t apologize!” Toshinori tossed his hands in the air. This kid desperately needed to learn the basic mechanics of humor. “I’m just saying that heroes can’t be squeamish! Rats come with the job, as well as a variety of nasty stuff and filth.”

“Right.” Midoriya followed him as Toshinori, cooler in one hand and bag of papers in the other, sat down on the last steps of the stairs. He picked an egg sandwich for himself and fished a folder out of the bag, opening it on his thighs and starting to read it.

It took him a few seconds to realize that Midoriya was still staring at him, as if awaiting further instructions.

“Well? Have at it!” Toshinori gestured widely at his new playground.

“Oh, uhm, okay.” The kid donned the gloves and took a single step towards the piles before pausing to look at Toshinori again. “I thought you wanted to ask me… stuff.”

“Yes, but I’m not sure you can handle working and talking at the same time without building up some stamina first.” Toshinori answered, eyeing the boy’s scrawny frame critically. “We’ll talk while you’ll be taking a break to catch a breather, which is probably going to happen sooner rather than later.”

“Oh… All right.” Midoriya turned away, his arms hanging limply from hunched shoulders as he muttered to himself.  “...Where do I even start...?”

“From the small things. Working your way up to the heavier objects.” Toshinori explained patiently, then gave him a pointed look. “I get the feeling you’re procrastinating.”

The boy approached the closest stack… and did nothing. Was he ever going to stop waffling and get cracking? “Meanwhile, you’ll just, uh… do your own thing?”

“Surely you don’t need me to guide you through the elaborate process of moving objects from point A to point B, do you?” Maybe the kid detected the hint of annoyance in Toshinori’s voice, because he finally, finally set to grab the closest piece of junk- “...Oh. Okay, that’s not a great start.”

“What?” Midoriya stopped halfway through picking up what was probably the first electric fan ever invented, all the way back in the Iron Age. “I haven’t even done anything yet!”

“Bend your knees, not your back. Otherwise you’re going to- do you really not know this? Isn’t the correct way to lift weights Household Chores 101?”

“Oh, right, I know.” Midoriya rearranged his stance in a way that was less likely to earn him a slipped disk within the next two hours. “Do people really lift things like this though? It’s… a lot harder than the normal way.”

“For your legs, yes. For your back, no. You’ll thank me when you’ll be old enough to realize you aren’t made out of rubber.”

Toshinori munched slowly while he watched the kid carry his first loads to the truck. That act alone seemed to distract Midoriya to an amusing degree, his gaze often flicking to meet Toshinori’s eyes for just a moment before shooting back in front of him with blatant self-consciousness. Toshinori allowed the boy a few minutes of warm-up, just the time for him to finish his sandwich and sip a small cup of apple juice, before deciding to kick things into proper gear.

“Running from the truck to the heaps and vice versa would help you gain some endurance too, rather than leisurely strolling back and forth.” Toshinori commented as Midoriya walked past him. 

The kid stopped in his tracks and regarded him with a mix of horror and aversion that vaguely reminded him of death-row inmates when faced with their executioners.

“What?” Toshinori went on, unperturbed. “Are you expecting to get fit without getting tired?”

“No, of course not-”

“Besides, you’ll need to keep a swift pace if you want to clear the whole beach before the admission exam.”

“Wha- All of it?! Before the…” Midoriya sputtered, arms wrapping more tightly around the broken chair he was holding as if that was supporting him instead of the other way around. “Y-You never said…”

“But of course! They don’t do things by half measures in U.A., so why should you?” Toshinori grinned. “Plus Ultra, am I right?” 

Midoriya let out an incredulous chuckle. “You’re kidding, right? There’s no way I can do something like that...”

“Depends on how much elbow grease you’re willing to put into it.”

Midoriya’s expression shifted minutely as he caught onto Toshinori’s seriousness. “But… but that’s impossible! No matter how hard I work, I can’t- I can’t move stuff like that!” He griped, pointing at the wrecked husk of a van half-buried under a mound of assorted refuse. “Even if I do my best-”

“And pray tell, what’s your best?” Toshinori stood up and walked to the kid, ditching the whimsical demeanor. If playful cajoling wasn’t enough to stir him, maybe it was time to bust out the big guns. “What’s the heaviest you can lift? The fastest you can run? The hardest you can push yourself? When’s the last time you actually tried your very best, and how did it fall short?”

Toshinori was already well and truly spent for the day, but he let the provocation and drive in his words stoke the fire within him, and it flared. The Symbol of Peace broke out of his diminutive shell among dramatic wisps of steam, ready to bestow his wisdom more effectively than his rickety counterpart ever could.

“Do you know what’s the only way to gauge your limits? Reaching them. And the only way to get stronger?“ Toshinori held out his arm between them, and clenched his fist resolutely. He relished the sensation of unyielding muscles tensing and bulging under his skin, tangible proof of the truth of his assertions. “Gritting your teeth and smashing past them! Little by little, but constantly!”

Midoriya had only witnessed that transformation once, poorly and by accident, and it showed. The chair had slipped from his hands without him even noticing, and now lay forgotten at his feet on the bare sand. The kid was gawking at him with wide eyes and mouth agape, the very picture of spellbound rapture. It was far from an unfamiliar reaction from whoever was graced by the Symbol of Peace’s presence, and yet it was still flattering, every time.

“You’ll never improve if you keep dwelling on what you think you can do now. Focus on what you want to do next. Visualize it as a clear goal. Build an image out of it, and then carve it in reality. If you really want that van to move, then it will move. If you really want this beach to be clear, then it will be. But you have to put your back, sweat and heart into making it happen!”

All Might captivated his one-man audience with the usual effortlessness, boisterous showmanship and honest positivity deeply intertwined in a way that boggled his detractors’ minds, but that felt so natural and appropriate to Toshinori. He’d made an art out of it, down to the rumble of his voice and the firmness of his gestures and the levity of his attitude, the art of highlighting and displaying the very best parts of himself so that they could resonate louder, better, brighter.

“So what will it be, young Midoriya? Will you clean up this place within the next ten months or not?”

“Y-Yes. I will.” That had done the trick. It was obvious from the way Midoriya’s back straightened and his expression toughened. It was obvious from the spark kindled in his eyes, a reflection of Toshinori’s own passion, still lacking in heat but full of potential.

“Then you’d better get down to it!” The hero sealed the deal with a radiant smile and a thumbs up. “Time’s a-wastin’!”

“Yes, sir!” Midoriya picked up the chair and dashed towards the truck to unload it there, then he immediately bounced back down the stairs and towards the nearest heap of waste. Toshinori observed the boy’s next rounds with his unwavering smile and few approving nods that kept the kid a bit lighter on his feet.

How much easier it was for All Might to touch people’s hearts. How much easier to inspire, to reassure, to nurture. How much easier everything was for All Might, really. If only that shining beacon of hope wasn’t shackled by the whims of a withering body, how much richer society at large would be for it. 

Toshinori let out a deep exhale that took more than just air out of him, and the flame settled down to a low glow. He couldn’t hold back a few wet coughs, and he promptly turned his shrunken back on Midoriya’s concerned glance to sit back on the cool steps.

Unfortunately, there was a lot more than motivation to strength training. Right off the bat, Toshinori could tell that Midoriya wasn’t going to last twenty full minutes of workout. He honestly didn’t know that an ostensibly healthy individual could reach the ripe age of fourteen with such poor body awareness. The boy had coordination and balance on par with a toddler’s: he stumbled on his feet, he tripped on sand, he nearly fell off the stairs twice before realizing that trying to climb them while his view was obstructed by the very items he was carrying might be a less than optimal solution. He seemed to be unaware of the existence of entire muscle groups, and Toshinori had to physically get up and mime movements for him to understand how to exert force more efficiently. Not to mention that he needed incessant needling lest his sprints quickly devolved into lax jogs. 

This whole training thing was going to be… an interesting experience, Toshinori could already tell.

Exactly sixteen and a half minutes later, the boy all but collapsed on the stairs beside Toshinori, gasping for air and wiping his forehead on his sleeve.

“B-Break?” He pleaded, quite redundantly. 

Toshinori took pity on his plight and pushed the cooler in his direction. “Have a drink.”

“Oh, thank you…” The lack of polite refusal made Toshinori suspect that Midoriya had forgotten to bring his own water. 

“There’s sports drinks and fruit juice in there too. Save the snacks for after you’re finished, food and heavy workouts don’t always agree with each other.” Toshinori had packed food primarily for himself, expecting their after-school meeting to last long enough for him to slot in one or two meals in the meantime, but he had taken care of adding a few extras for the kid. A good idea, because the possibility of Midoriya face planting on the ground halfway through out of sheer exhaustion seemed more and more likely by the minute.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to…”

“I promised bribes, didn’t I?” 

Midoriya flashed him the tiniest smile, and eagerly drank some water while Toshinori retrieved a small journal and a pen from the other bag. He skimmed through the list of preliminary topics he’d scribbled on the first page under Tsukauchi’s advice, wondering which one he should tackle first.

“All right.” Deciding to follow his instinct in spite of basic common sense, Toshinori decided to begin from the end. “These phone calls of yours. Give me an idea of what they’re like. The last one you had with your father was on April 1st, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me about it. Everything you talked about, as precisely as you can remember it.”

The good thing was that Midoriya’s memory was very accurate, and he was able to recall the whole conversation basically step by step. The less good thing was that said conversation was largely commonplace and unremarkable, consisting of very ordinary small talk and inquiries about school, grades, news, local events-

“Quirks?”

“Mh-hm.” The boy nodded. “We always end up talking about quirks, in one way or another. Quirks and heroes. It’s always been… a common interest.”

“Always, uh?”

“Yeah, we’ve been doing it since… forever, really. I’ve always found quirks fascinating, and he has lots of great insight to offer.”

“I can imagine...” Toshinori mumbled. Asking who had initiated that habit was probably pointless, it sounded like it had started too early in the boy’s life for him to remember - or even to understand if he had been deliberately led to develop that interest. Some intriguing nature-versus-nurture speculations could be made on the matter, but they weren’t likely to aid Tsukauchi’s case. “And in what way do you talk about them?”

“We… analyze them, discuss them. What is known for sure about a certain quirk, what can be deduced from footage and descriptions of its use, what its unmentioned limitations might be, how it could be further developed… You saw my notebook, right? Basically the kind of stuff that’s in there.”

“Wait.” Toshinori blinked. Could he have already stumbled into a treasure trove of All For One-certified information? “You mean that all that’s written in that notebook was dictated by your father?”

The kid almost choked on his next gulp of water, and shot Toshinori an almost offended look. “No! No, no, it’s all stuff I found out on my own! Well, almost all of it, there are some additions of his here and there, but… Uh, I’d say at least 90% of it is mine, and 10% of it is his… Actually, more like 95% and 5%-”

Well, that sounded less promising, but it was still a lead. “So he’s been basically teaching you how to conduct your own quirk analyses?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say teaching. I wish our school teachers were that engaging...” Midoriya let out a small sigh. “But I guess we do go about it a little like with school essays. Research, deadline, discussion and all that…”

“Pardon?”

“Well, every month we decide which heroes or quirks we’re going to talk about the next time - back in March we chose Hawks, Kido and Snatch for last month’s call, for example. During the rest of the month we gather information and draw our conclusions, and then we compare them during the next chat.”

“You’ve got quite the well-oiled routine going on there, haven’t you?”

“Actually, I think it’s just to give me a chance to make my own deductions with a clear head instead of on the fly.” Midoriya scratched said tousled head in embarrassment. “I bet he doesn’t even need to do any research, he’s always on the top of his game. I’ve never been able to, uh… one-up him, you know? He always knows what I’m driving at, and somehow he always brings my hypotheses two or three steps further than where I stop.”

Toshinori answered with a non-committal hum. No surprise there, the man was a living quirk storeroom complete with its own self-congratulatory, sentient database. “You don’t seem too bothered by it though.”

“Oh, I’m not. It’s not like he’s ever… disappointed or angry or anything, even if I don’t get stuff. He just enjoys chatting, I guess.” That he surely did, Toshinori grimly thought. Way too much. “And I do too. It’s kind of like a game. Or a challenge.”

“A challenge?”

“Yeah, uh… How can I explain…?” The boy drummed his fingers on the bottle as he collected his thoughts. “Okay, for example: one of the first things dad asked me about Hawks was what shape his wings are, and what I could deduce from that about his flight capabilities. Which was a trick question! I knew it as soon as I heard it, because I’d already figured out the real answer during my research.”

“Ah.” Toshinori blinked. “And… how is that a trick question, exactly?”

“Because Hawks doesn’t actually fly! Not like a bird, at least, so his wing shape doesn’t matter!” Midoriya beamed, and suddenly Toshinori realized that that was the first real, genuine, enthusiastic smile the boy had given him since they’d met. And, without exaggeration, not crying, panicking or grimacing made him look almost like an entirely different person. “He simply can’t! Humans can’t fly even if you stick a pair of wings to them, they’re just too heavy! Other heroes who can fly properly are mostly transformers, like Ryukyu - their whole bodies change when they shift, bone structure and all - but Hawks’ body is entirely human if you exclude his wings.”

Midoriya reached for his backpack and drew out the same charred notebook Toshinori had signed days earlier. An item so vital to the kid’s daily life that he always had it with him, apparently, even more essential than beverages during a workout session. A peculiar, if questionable, trait.

“What Hawks actually does isn’t flying, it’s levitating!” The kid held the notebook open before Toshinori’s eyes on a spread page dedicated to the hero in question. “He uses the second facet of his quirk, the telekinesis that allows him to control his feathers singularly! That also explains his incredible speed, which is completely unjustifiable if you only take into account normal bird flight aerodynamics. His propulsion is powered by his feathers - and each of them is quite speedy and powerful on its own, so it stands to reason that he would be lightning-fast when his wings contain so many of them pushing him in unison!”

Toshinori politely elected to wait for the onslaught of words to subside on its own, although he already suspected that it was a little like standing right under a waterfall and waiting for someone higher up to turn off the faucet.

“That said, that doesn’t explain everything about his quirk… For example, a single feather of his is capable of lifting and transporting an adult person, that has been extensively documented. Yet, he loses the ability to levitate relatively soon after dispatching too many of them - he becomes unable to float even when he still has at least several dozens of them attached to his body. We couldn’t figure out why that happens with the information we have. Maybe it’s harder for him to apply his power to himself, that is often the case for emitters. Maybe it messes with his proprioception, and he can’t control the feathers he hasn’t detached as finely as all the others…”

If there was one thing Toshinori was absolutely certain of at this point, it was that the kid wasn’t short on breath any more. “And this is the part you inferred on your own.”

“Yep! And dad agreed with all of it!” Midoriya’s smile grew even wider. It was astonishing how much it didn’t look like dad’s deranged, shark-like, nightmare-inducing sneer, and Toshinori could only send a quiet thanks to the heavens for that. “This is all guesswork though. Do you… by any chance, do you know if we were on the right track? I’d be really curious to know…”

“Ah, I can’t help you there, kid.” Toshinori felt suddenly on the spot. “I’m not acquainted with Hawks, nor do I know more about his quirk than the average person.”

“Oh, I thought… Since you’re both- I mean, I thought All Might may have met him during the billboard chart events, what with them both being in the top ten.”

“We passed by each other, yes, but we were never properly introduced. He wasn’t particularly interested in rubbing elbows with the old guard, I suppose.”

“Oh. Well, that’s his loss, for sure.” Midoriya, funnily enough, pouted. “Pity, I was wondering… Even if he doesn’t fly, he does flap his wings in a way that resembles a bird’s. I wonder if that’s intentional, to mislead opponents and prevent them from figuring out how he actually moves. Or maybe he does it subconsciously…”

“I’m afraid I really don’t know…” Toshinori had never met Hawks on the field either, it wasn’t common for accidents to require more than a single big-name hero to intervene these days. Especially if one of them was the number one, who often showed up first and invariably solved any incident in mere minutes-

Toshinori suddenly came back to himself and almost facepalmed in frustration. Why was he letting himself be interrogated about completely irrelevant hero trivia? He was the one asking questions! God, he was bad at this. “And your father had nothing to contribute about all this?”

“Not about this specifically, but he did raise a point I hadn’t considered.” Midoriya looked up at the sky, once again lost in his very wordy, very deep lucubrations. “Hawks has an astonishing control on his quirk. He can use his telekinesis to move hundreds of feathers at once, to sense his surroundings, he can even harden them and turn them into weapons. He made Fierce Wings into an incredibly versatile ability, and he’s so young too… And yet, there’s no record of him attending any hero school or training facility in Japan, nor abroad. He claims to be self-taught, but… admittedly, it is hard to believe. One would think he must have had some excellent education and tutoring to make it into the top ten when he was only eighteen…”

Toshinori didn’t reply. Midoriya looked back at him when the silence stretched, and whatever he spied on Toshinori’s face made him immediately backpedal. “I-I mean, it’s odd, but, uh… not suspicious per se, nor a sign of anything… weird or bad about him. There are many heroes who, ehr, prefer to keep their personal history private, especially geniuses, and that’s fine! They have all the right to! Same goes for their quirks, it makes total sense-”

Toshinori massaged his left temple slowly. Right, better just nip this topic in the bud before it got irredeemably out of hand. 

He peered again at the notebook in Midoriya’s hands. So All For One had been imparting occasional, amicable quirk analysis lessons to the kid for a good decade, which sounded suspiciously like the kind of knowledge a potential underling or successor might use. On the other hand, Toshinori could think of a million other ways for the Symbol of Fear to instil skills in his son - all of them remarkably more efficient, safe, manageable and ruthless. The whole thing was contradictory in a way that didn’t sit right with Toshinori.

“Mind if I take another look at that?” Toshinori had been in a bit of a rush the first time round, and he’d only taken a cursory glance at the contents of Midoriya’s notes. But if there was a chance of those pages containing words uttered by All For One himself, a more thorough examination was in order.

“Not at all! But, uh…” Midoriya was fast to hand out the item, but his eagerness to assist was even faster to dampen. “Are you going to retain this as evidence too?”

“Mh, I don’t think that will be necessary...” Right, the poor kid’s house had probably been ransacked even further after Toshinori and Tsukauchi’s first pass. No wonder he was worried about losing this prized possession too. “But if it will be, I can make a copy of it for you to keep, so you won’t lose all your, uh, data.”

“Oh, thanks! That would be great!” The kid perked up instantly. He was so easy to please. “Although… I guess I should make a copy of it myself anyway. It’s already kind of… unrecoverable. I could detach the pages with All Might’s sign and preserve those separately, and just photocopy everything else…”

Toshinori’s imagination mercilessly supplied him with the picture of a new addition to Midoriya’s bedroom decor, his five-second poorly-made signature hung to a wall in an elegant frame. He repressed a groan, deliberately neglected to point out that he could simply provide as many new authentic signs as needed, and directed his attention back to the scorched edges of the notebook. “Right… What happened to this thing, anyway? Did someone put it in a toaster?”

Midoriya let out a totally not nervous chuckle as he wrung his hands in a totally not nervous fashion. “Oh, uhm... You know…” Toshinori didn’t, actually, but the kid didn’t elaborate either. 

Well, he was allowed to have a modicum of privacy, still. Toshinori let the issue drop, and nudged the boy with his foot. “You seem well rested. Back to the trash you go.”

Midoriya shuffled to his feet less than enthusiastically, and resumed toiling away at his task. While still checking on him often, ready to poke and prod at the first hint of sluggishness, Toshinori browsed through the kid’s notebook. While the contents were indeed worthy of attention, they were scarce in quantity. It must be rather new, since less than a quarter of the pages had been filled. However, the promise of more material to be discovered made Toshinori withhold his judgement on the matter for the time being.

Once that was done, he continued his perusal of the few files Tsukauchi had already put together about the Midoriya case. Toshinori had practically begged his friend to let him have an active role, any active role in the case: he simply couldn’t bear to twiddle his thumbs until someone else kindly pointed him to All For One’s hideout for another overdue thrashing. He simply needed to be involved, or he’d probably start crawling up walls within a week.

Questioning the kid was pretty much the only suitable occupation for him, currently… Well, it was either that or questioning Mrs. Midoriya, and Toshinori was fairly sure that his brain would leak out of his ears if he heard any more details about All For One’s romantic escapades. He wasn’t exactly an expert when it came to investigative work, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he was going to spare no effort to earn some results. If that meant poring over reams of police reports in the hopes of spotting some helpful clue, so be it. At least it would keep him busy, and busy was good, especially in trying times.

He’d applied the same logic to Midoriya, in a sense. The boy seemed the kind of person who’d very easily overthink himself into a negative spiral, even in less dire circumstances than the messy family drama he’d found himself into. It would do him good to focus on a better future, rather than on his depressing present. Giving him a goal to set his sights on would keep him going more smoothly. 

At first Toshinori had thought to motivate him towards his dream career, but it turned out that the boy’s strategy about the admission test was… nebulous at best. Not that he could truly blame him for it: fourteen-year-old Toshinori didn’t exactly have a multi-step plan towards becoming the Symbol of Peace either, one couldn’t help being somewhat scatterbrained at that age. 

The illegal dumping site had been a serendipitous discovery, and cleaning it up was the perfect type of goal to incite the boy towards. It was very obvious and straightforward, and required no intricate planning: he simply needed to roll up his sleeves and buckle down. And the muscle he’d build while doing it would serve him well for heroic purposes too, so it was a win-win on all fronts. Not to mention that some good old physical exertion would help him sleep at night, which he was still struggling with, if the persistent bags under his eyes were of any indication. Toshinori dearly missed the times when that trick still worked on him too, when driving himself to the brink of exhaustion was a guaranteed one-way ticket to restful and regenerative dreamland. Nowadays, if he accumulated even a sliver of excessive fatigue, all he got was… well, fatigue. And a metric ton of unrelenting body pains and lasting debilitation.

The rest of the afternoon went by smoothly and unremarkably. Midoriya drudged through many rounds of garbage disposal with decreasing energy and verve, but that was to be expected. Toshinori collected more barely relevant and generally useless information, but that was to be expected too. They were both in for the long haul, there was no point in getting upset about it. Eventually the sun started to set, and Toshinori beckoned the boy back to him with a handwave.

“You have more of these?” Toshinori said, tapping his index on the big 13 on the cover of the notebook still on his lap.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Could you bring them with you next time?”

“All of them?” Midoriya seemed frazzled. 

“If you still have them, yes. Would that be a problem?”

The boy scratched his head as his cheek reddened slightly. “N-No, not a problem, but some of them are really… I finished the first one when I was seven. They aren't just outdated, they’re… ehr, childish. Just doodles and misspelled ramblings.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I’ll be grading them.” Not yet, at least. Toshinori smirked at his own private joke. Maybe he should grade them, as a small practice run. “I just want to give a quick read to a few things here and there.”

“O-Okay…”

“Good. Well, I think we can call it a day.” Toshinori rummaged in his cooler to fetch a chocolate energy bar, and tossed it to the exhausted boy. “Catch.”

Despite the warning, Midoriya did not catch, and the snack bumped against his chest and fell to the ground with a sad clack. Reflexes were MIA too, apparently. What a rare specimen of a prospective hero Toshinori had crossed paths with.

“T-Thank you!” Midoriya immediately picked it up, unwrapped it and shoved it into his mouth as he hopped into the passenger seat of the truck. Whether it was real hunger or fear of passing as rude, Toshinori couldn’t tell.

The drive to Midoriya’s house was brief. The boy was too tired to chat - as if they hadn’t already had their fill for the day. When they arrived and Midoriya climbed out of the vehicle to be on his way, Toshinori finally addressed one last pressing issue.

“Tomorrow your father is going to call you.”

“Yeah.” The kid’s eyes dropped to the ground. Maybe Toshinori should have brought it up sooner. Way to end the meeting on a sour note.

“How are you going to handle that?”

“I’m not.” The boy shrugged. “Mom will tell him I just got my tonsils removed. It's… safer for now. I think.”

Toshinori nodded. “Let’s take a day off then. Even if you can’t speak, he might want to say something to you, and it would be strange for you not to be at home while recovering.”

“Okay.”

He looked so very small, and so very young like that, bathed in the warm hues of sunset, but with no real warmth to his eyes and demeanor. He was too small and too young to be dealing with this shit. No one was old or big enough to deal with any of All For One’s shit, really. Toshinori would have to make sure no one would have to ever again.

“Thank you for your help today. It’s very appreciated, believe me.” Toshinori offered, with his most sincere smile. “Feel free to text me or Tsukauchi if anything comes up, you should be able to reach at least one of us at any hour of day or night.”

“Okay. Thank you. Have a good evening.”

“You too, kid.” Toshinori watched him until the door of his house closed behind his back, then he drove off.

[thetypedwriter]

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review by MsKingBean89

So. 

This is a first. 

If you’ve been following this blog for some time, then you know I generally read young adult books and write far too lengthy reviews on them with the occasional outlier of adult fiction, mystery, sci-fi, etc. 

At any given time, I usually have both a physical book that I’ve bought from somewhere that I’m working on (right now it’s Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley) as well as a fanfiction that I reserve until before I go to bed (my treat for a day well lived). 

Fanfiction is something that I’ve mentioned copious amounts of times on this blog in varying degrees, but this is the first time I’ll be writing an actual review for one of them on this platform. 

The reason for this is myriad. 

One, this fanfiction called All the Young Dudes is a far-cry from your normal standardized fanfiction of 5-50,000 words-something I can easily consume in a few minutes to a few hours. 

Nope, this behemoth ends on a staggering 526,969 words and 188 chapters, not including bonus chapters and extra in-universe canonical content the author has also written and published. Roughly speaking, if this was actually published onto paper it would be well over 2,000 pages. 

2,000 pages. 

Yeah. And I enjoyed every single moment of it. 

Two, while I read a lot of fanfiction I generally don’t put any of it on this blog because while I’ve dedicated it to published novels, I also usually have very simple feelings about fanfiction. My thoughts run the gambit of: It was good, it was fluffy, it was a train-wreck, so on and so forth. 

Normally my reviews are so long and wordy because I have too many thoughts about the published books that I read and I need an outlet to let them loose. 

Whether because of its longevity or because of its content, All the Young Dudes is a story I find myself having a profusion of thoughts for. Hence, the birth of this review. 

If fanfiction isn’t your thing, feel free to skip this particular review of mine (although fanfiction is a gift to this world and you should really rethink your stance on it if you don’t like it, just saying). 

Third, All the Young Dudes is well written and rivals any actual published content. 

Fourth, because of how extensive this fanfiction is, it took me over a month to read it-time I generally would have been reading something else. Instead of leaving you all hanging for a few more weeks until I finish Firekeeper's Daughter (don’t hold your breath-the book is sort of a slog for me personally right now), I decided to just take the jump and write my first-ever typedwriter review for a fanfiction. 

Fanfiction has been a part of my life for the better part of almost two decades now. It was truly something I found by accident and in retrospect, it’s insane to me that it’s still something that brings me continuous joy and happiness. 

I discovered fanfiction when I was 11-years-old and deeply obsessed with the Harry Potter fandom. 

Now, as an overall disclaimer I completely disagree with J.K. Rowling’s stances of gender and biology and differ wholeheartedly with her views of trans and non-binary individuals. With that said, I still love Harry Potter as a story and while I no longer buy anything that profits J.K. Rowling directly, I still love the fandom and the people in it, including fanworks like All the Young Dudes. 

When I was 11, the seventh Harry Potter book had yet to come out and like many other people in this time period of agony while waiting for 2007 to roll around so that I could find out what happened, I discovered fanfiction as a way to fill in that ache I was so keenly feeling. 

I found myself suddenly immersed in this world of online fiction-both good and bad-but completely entrancing all the same. 

I never left. 

That is to say, I did eventually move onto other fandoms with their own fanfiction cultures, but Harry Potter was still my first in terms of fanfiction and introducing me to the concept as a whole. 

Specifically and maybe oddly, I never found myself curious for actual fanfiction about Harry or Hermione or Ron. In my mind, I already knew what had happened to them and reading about them in fanfiction was redundant. 

In addition, the first fanfiction I just happened to come across was a Lily/James marauder era fanfiction on mugglenet.com

This idea immediately intrigued me as fans as a whole knew next to nothing about the infamous Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs and while I knew everything I needed to about Harry Potter it was intoxicating to think that I could learn about a time before the series had existed and about characters who were important, but off screen. 

I was hooked and devoured as much as I could for most of middle school about the marauders and Lily and James’ romance in particular (I even wrote and published some of my own that will go unmentioned as they are truly really terrible). 

That being said, I haven’t read a Harry Potter fanfiction in years. I grew up and out of the fandom eventually thanks to Twilight and from there I’ve bounced from fandom to fandom as I’ve aged and consumed different things and fallen in love with different characters and different worlds. 

That isn’t to say I’ve forgotten though. 

I still remember my favorite marauder stories, my favorite Sirius Black/OFC (original female character), and my favorite baby Harry drabbles. They made such a huge impression on me and even though it’s been sixteen years, I still recall those stories with fond nostalgia and jubilation. 

Which is why it’s almost ironic that I would return to this particular time period of the marauders with All the Young Dudes. 

In a fashion that’s almost scarily full circle, I happened to be on Youtube one day and saw a recommendation video about this girl reviewing a fanfiction called All the Young Dudes. Now, youtube book reviews aren’t uncommon, but a thirty minute video for a fanfiction? Not your typical sighting. 

So out of pure curiosity, I searched All the Young Dudes fanfiction on Google and low and behold the overwhelming and top results were all for a marauder-era fanfiction by MsKingBean89. Piqued, I clicked on the link in ao3 and thought why not? 

While I’ve mainly been reading in other fandoms recently (BTS, some anime and manga, All for the Game) I had been in a little bit of a slump for finding a really good, really alluring story for some time and really didn’t think I had anything to lose by reading All the Young Dudes, especially as the more research I did, the more I found how popular it was-a plethora of videos on youtube, tiktok compilations, and dozens of fanart posts. 

Plus, it had been so long since I had read anything from my progenitor fandom and the thought of going back was strangely comforting.

Hence the journey of reading All the Young Dudes began and oh what a journey it was. 

Now, that this review is already five pages in, I should probably tell you what on earth All the Young Dudes is actually about. 

The whole story is a marauder-era fanfiction told from Remus Lupin’s POV from the summer of 1971 when Remus is 11-years-old to the summer of 1995 when he is 35-five-years-old. It is an in-depth portrayal of Remus’ time at Hogwarts from year one to year seven and then going all the way up to the start of the second wizarding world, ending around the time Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix begins. 

While already the scope makes this a massive undertaking, the author also includes all canonical content from the original series involving Remus, the Marauders, and the time period and incorporates it into her fanfiction-making it canon compliant from start to finish. 

While a very large portion of this story is not romantic, there is eventual WolfStar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black) and if you have read the original Harry Potter series...well. You know things don't end up super dandy for these two characters in particular so you know how the story will end before it begins. 

This fanfiction left me speechless for so many reasons. 

The scope and length is frankly unbelievable. This fanfiction was published on March 2, 2017 and it was completed on November 12, 2018.

….how?

How did she manage that? I frankly have no idea, but I am in complete and utter awe at her ability to write content with such a magnitude and actually complete it. She gets an award just for that honestly. 

Not only that, but the fanfiction is actually superbly well-written. I won’t lie and say it’s the most poignant and beautiful piece of literature I’ve ever consumed, but it was consistent in its pacing, characterization, themes, motifs, and structure, which, for 2,000 pages, is an incredible achievement when you think about it. 

Speaking of characterization, everyone was So. Well. Done. 

Remus was such an interesting POV to read from and while he was compliant in every sense of the word-werewolf, prefect, bookish-MsKingBean89 added so much more to his character and fleshed him out so incredibly that it’s truly tragic that he’s not a real person. 

And to that extent, she does this with all of the characters. You see James’ optimism and leadership, Sirius’ arrogance and loyalty, Peter’s jealousy and chess skills. 

Every character was so well-rounded and real. She did an incredible job of taking the bits and pieces from the canon series and using that to build up her own flesh and blood people with motivations, likes, dislikes, dreams, and desires. 

That being said, she also had 2,000 pages to do it sooooooo it would be bad if the characters weren’t fleshed out by the end honestly. 

In addition, I really appreciated that she didn’t just focus on Remus, Sirius, James and Peter. Lily Evans played a critical role in Remus’ school life and after and so did the other Gryffindor girls like Marlene and Mary. 

Too often, the focus is on the boys and their close friendship and while that was a huge focus, we also get to see Remus develop friendships with the girls in his own right and other friends as well that were often OC’s of the author’s. 

Now. OC’s are generally something I dislike. I’m reading fanfiction to read about particular characters that I’ve sought after, not to read about some imaginary cast. However, just like any of the canon characters, all of the OC characters were well-developed and played crucial roles in Remus’ development-while either at Hogwarts or after-and I found myself not minding them in the least. In a few cases (Grant) I actually really loved them. 

The biggest draw for this fanfiction for me was Remus’ time at Hogwarts. It was so well-written and incredibly descriptive and I found myself thrust back into the world of magic so suddenly and seamlessly that it was like I never left. 

MsKingBean89 includes so many intricate details and builds up the world so beautifully that I’d recommend any Harry Potter fan to consume it, just to get some good Hogwarts material out of it. 

Another thing I greatly appreciate about this fanfiction was the slow burn. I’ve read slow burn before (All for the Game trilogy anybody?), but this truly took the cake. Sirius and Remus don’t properly get together until the end of year six going into year seven. That’s over 100 chapters in. 

100 chapters out of 188. 

Meaning that over half of this beast doesn’t have the main pairing even together. For some people, this could be a drawback. You might think to yourself: It takes how long for them to confess their feelings and stop being prats?

A very, very long time. 

However...it didn’t bug me. I like slow burn to begin with, but being along for the ride as Remus goes from being a child to an adolescent with unrequited feelings to being in a relationship with someone he loves is so rewarding and fulfilling that the 100 previous chapters are completely and utterly worth it. 

MsKingBean89 develops them so well and so carefully that the payoff is so sweet and satisfactory that it's enough to bring the tears right then and there. 

The last huge feat of this fanfiction for me was the author’s dedication to canon not just confined to Hogwarts and the Harry Potter books, but also to the time period. Either she lived through the 70’s and 80’s herself or she had done her due diligence when it comes to research because anything from London anti-gay laws to British slang was commonplace in her fic. 

I found it completely amazing how she was able to tie in real-time historical and cultural moments like famous singers and movies playing at the time alongside convoluted muggle politics warring with the wizarding ones. 

I was so blown away by the accuracy and genuine love behind this fic that it often brought me out of my own mind to simply ponder once again how much work this was and how well she was delivering it. 

Even unpleasant things, like homophobia and bigotry, are dealt with in a very carefully constructed way that is aligned with the time period in which the story takes place. 

Unfortunately, everything beautiful is not without flaws and All the Young Dudes is not the exception, although it’s flaws are nary compared to its achievements. 

The few complaints I have with this fic are honestly quite negligible. 

First, there are a few grammatical and punctuation errors. Very few, but I did notice some. 

Next, and again, this complaint is really just me whining, but...the end of the fic was really fucking sad. The end of this whole story took me so much time to complete simply because I didn’t want to read it. 

I know what happened during the first wizarding war and I also know what ended it (James and Lily Potter dying, Harry being shipped off to the Dursley’s, Sirius imprisoned for a murder he didn’t commit, Peter presumed dead) and in one fell swoop Remus lost everything and everyone he ever loved. 

After spending over 1,500 pages of Remus growing to love these people it is absolutely devastating and heart-breaking to see him lose it all. 

The last handful of chapters are just really, really sad and it makes me wonder why MsKingBean89 decided to write it in the first place. Frankly, I don't know why she didn't write about Remus’ time at Hogwarts and stop after graduation because we all know what happens after that and none of it is good. 

Looking back, I wish I could time travel and tell myself to stop at chapter 150. I truly didn’t need to read about the tragedies that happened after that and the hell that all of the characters go through. 

And while it does end on a….sort of kind of maybe positive (?) note with Sirius and Remus reuniting briefly once the events of Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban take place, it was really tainted and bittersweet for me knowing that in a year Sirius would die and Remus would marry his fucking cousin and have a child. 

Urgh. 

I just can’t. 

That being said, I understand it’s not the author’s fault and I’m not saying it is. She wrote a canon compliant fic to the end and it was my choice to continue reading. That being said, she said she ended it before the events of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix because Sirius and Remus are happy and back together and she didn’t want to write what was coming next if she continued. 

I truly, truly get that. 

But in the same vein, why even write the events of the first wizarding world to begin with then? I’m confused with that response as it doesn’t make much sense to me. I felt like ending it right then and there was not a happy ending. They’re together, yes, but at this point they are both shells of who they used to be. Both have severe trauma and PTSD and frankly I don’t even know if I agree with them being together just because they’ve put each other through so much. 

It’s just an interesting choice at the end of the day in terms of the author. 

Once again, however, I truly understand that she can do whatever she wants and that she doesn’t owe anyone anything, especially as she’s writing this for free and just because. So please keep in mind that although I’m complaining, I truly understand how fortunate we are to even have this fic in the first place. 

Okay. 

Secondly, my only other huge complaint is that MsKingBean89 made Remus gay. Not bi, not pan. Gay. 

You could argue that Remus just calls himself gay in the fanficiton as he didn’t know about other kinds of sexuality. You could argue that Remus’ sexuality changes and develops as he ages and experiences trials and tribulations. You could argue that it was a sign of times like so much else in this fic. 

I frankly just found it to be a frustrating choice as the fic is canon compliant and even though it ends before the events of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we know that Remus eventually marries Tonks and has a baby son named Teddy Lupin. 

How does that make sense?

I tried very, very hard to come up with some sort of feasible explanation for how a gay man would have ended up with the love of his life’s female cousin and truly could not think of one that was not fucked up to some degree. 

Again. I know I’m being nit-picky, but it irked me that she made this choice regarding Remus’ sexuality and essentially ended her fic with Remus stuck in a corner regarding how the series actually ends. 

At the end of the day, all of the negatives are truly, truly not important. I’m just whinging to whine and to express my thoughts, but I do once again understand that MsKingBean89 isn’t profiting from this fic and that she can do what she wants as is her prerogative. 

I hope I was able to express that while I understand that, I can still be frustrated with some of the choices she made. 

To wrap this all up, All the Young Dudes is a masterpiece and is a must-read for anyone who loves Harry Potter, the Marauders, or Wolfstar. I was blown away by the sheer magnitude, the love and care she put into her craft, the slow and deliberate development of all the characters, the beautifully constructed love between Sirius and Remus, and the intricate world-both muggle and magic-that surrounded the story like a cocoon. 

I am so happy I found this fic and I truthfully am floundering at what to do with myself next. If you have any more current Marauder era fics that I’ve missed out in the past eleven years, please don’t hesitate to let me know. 

Recommendation: Go read All the Young Dudes. For weeks, you will cry, you will laugh, you will despair, and you will smile. This fanfiction will make you wish this was canon and in my mind, it now is. 

Score: 8/10

Links:

1. All the Young Dudes on ao3 

2. The Youtube Video about All the Young Dudes that made me aware of its existence