#honestly have wanted to kill myself pretty consistently for upwards of 2 years now but i can't do that to the people around me
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#words cannot express how much i wish i was freezing to death in the north sea rn#something is distinctly wrong with me and i don't want to know what it is and i don't want anyone to ever have to deal with me ever again#it all feels so wrong and it always has. i haven't been happy on any kind of long term basis in so long#every brief moment of it now feels like escapism in some way#honestly have wanted to kill myself pretty consistently for upwards of 2 years now but i can't do that to the people around me#i want to be happy again. or at least content in some way. if not for my sake then for everyone elses bc like#god. i am so miserable and ik everyone's so tired of hearing abt it.#things'd be so much easier if i was just normal#/had offed myself 12 years ago/was currently freezing to death buried under a layer of snow on an ice floe 600m off the coast of denmark
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