#honestly feeling a bit of emotional whiplash with this guy bc last time we talked he assured me things were gonna be okay

[parkinglothater]

first convo of 2024 im being broken up with again

[saschagemruler]

Before you delete the message because I know you might think this might be a hate ask- it’s really, genuinly not. I came here to say I’m sorry. (I’m sending this through ask because I feel like maybe dming might be a bit of an overstep- or maybe just weird at this point, if that makes sense)

I don’t think you are a bad person. It’s not like you need my validation or anything- but that’s not my point— I made that post in haste. I saw the desc, and panicked and just wanted to warn other people, and while I’m not apologizing for warning, I am apologizing because I did it in the completely wrong way. There’s no excuse for how aggressive I became, or the tone I made it in. I read your response to it and yeah, you’re right, and I can’t believe I actually became a Notorious Tumblr User in the way I responded. I went to your blog (genuinely, not in a creepy way or like I was trying to get dirt) and I also want to apologize for the added stress I gave you on top of all the other stuff you’re going through. I’m sure you didn’t need that on the day of your test.

I’m going to delete the post I made. You don’t have to respond to this or become chummy with me, but I just want you to know that I’m sorry for the way I acted. And thanks, for pointing that out— I’ll have to fix how this site has made me react to things.

......imma be totally honest here I didn’t even get this ask bc I blocked you the day you made that post. Not out of malice or anything but because I was emotional and didn’t wanna deal with drama.

Before I go into a very long and rambly answer to this full ask:

No hard feelings dude ✌️ we all make mistakes and jump to conclusions, I’m a 16 year old who’s been on the internet since I was like 12-14 and I had this EMBARRASSING argument with someone over something so stupid and honestly that still keeps me up at night. Trust me you ain’t the only one.

Now the rambly part bc I cant help myself:

Again, I never got your ask so when I saw/heard that your post was deleted... I just kinda laughed my ass off. Not at you or anything, but at the situation. You see, one I was very emotional at the time and I was very relieved to not risk getting anon hate. And two, in the last two fandoms I was in, Hazbin (I know it’s controversial, I ain’t forcing anyone to like it) and Vilainous, where the main characters are like... extremely bad people. Which means the type of fanfiction content of severe angst is commonplace, and often sought out! So the whiplash is kinda funny to me because “duh. It’s a kids show and everyone is a good guy/goofy villain! Of course they ain’t gonna be used to me just... casually planning my best course of action to hurt the main characters let alone having me address real and serious issues in my writing”. That’s not an insult to rottmnt fandom btw, different fandoms have different preferences as a whole, rottmnt just happens to be of the kind where most people probably don’t want that type of angst on their dash.

And I can totally understand jumping to conclusions, y’all are probably used to gross stuff being put in the tags and after rereading my summary I got hit with the good ol’ “......shit this gives off the wrong tone”. So I actually thank you for that!

And I unblocked ya not to start up drama but because I was like “eh I don’t really need to block them”

So yeah, that’s all, thanks for the apology! And if you ever do wanna talk about rottmnt or whatever, my askbox and DMs are always open

[fanguuuhhhrl]

Im kinda obsessed with I-Land right now. I love 23 boys and if possible i would like them all to debut but the elimination is in 30 minutes so im going to post my top 12 picks before it airs (kind of in order, kind of not, im biased, this is based on an unsure mixture of skill and personality, could change but most likely not):

1. Sunoo- BITCH!!! WTH!!! I JUST LOOK AT HIM AND MY SEROTONIN LEVELS BURST THROUGH THE ROOF!! He is a puppy!! He is amazing. If you didnt know anyone yet and you put all 23 boys in a line up. He will draw your attention with his sunshine smile :)))) he is so heartwarming. Most people be like "i have no filter" but they just be mean, but this guy is different, he literally has no ability to hide what he thinks but it never comes off as anything negative. He says "Me! I can do it!" but it's just endearing and never comes across as trying to show off. He says "there was a little bit of friction" and when the members look at himshocked, he looks at them shocked too.... theres no dull moment when he's in frame. It's so amazing how pure a person can be. But know that i am not just rooting for personality but for talent. his voice... His Voice!!! Vocally geonu and heeseung really slayed the butterfly performance but if you ask me, "save me" had a more emotional attack. His facial expression is just brimming of feelings. His voice is so raw. Also You know that part in save me where he transitions from head voice into chest voice really smooth??? You'll know what im saying if you see it. thats so fucking satisfying that i had to replay it so much. I definitely replayed the save me performance more times honeslty. And the way he dances!!! It might not be That refined yet but that's the charm... it's so raw and full of emotions... so like him. I can see myself stanning this group long term if he debuts with them.

2. Jungwon- tf i love this boy so much. his visuals already stood out to me when they were entering i-land, then his voice stood out to me in the first challenge... he did that hard ass choreography without any audible changes to his voice that i had to rewind that multiple times (more than the editor already did) then the moment i saw him dance the center in episode 4??? BOY???? BOY!!!! that was my breaking point... i can't believe im saying this about men but i already knew i would die for him... plus he is so sweet :((( his eyes are just so naturally cute but i was so shocked in the last challenge when he was able to pull off that fierce ass look.... i am devastated... im about the same age but my parental instincts are at work here. plus SPOILER ALERT to those who plan to watch he won first place in both the first and last challenge can everybody say jungwon ace

3. Geonu- my feelings for him are much like jungwon :((( except theres more parental instincts... and i say this despite being younger than him but whatever age is just a vibe... HE IS SO LIDDOL :((( i want to be his mom :(( at first, personality wise, it's hard to notice him bc he's a little calm and laidback... but its the little things that draw you to him :((( his glasses and hoodies just seem a little bit big on him and that just makes me smile for some reason... he cries silently when people are sent to the ground and he gets along well with the people... i noticed him first together with jungwon in the first i land challenge because they had the most stable performance. but i've never been more attached to him than when he sang butterfly (favorite bts song anyone??)... i honestly thought they could debut then and there and i wouldnt bat an eye... also it's so funny that the one thing i identified him with during the early episodes was the fact that whenever the camera pans to him, he just has the dead eye stare and parted lips (think: pokerface but confused) especially with the huge ass glasses but in the end the poker face thing that stuck to me became the thing that worked against him i cri

4. Jay- hold on folks this is going to be a long one. Jay has such a powerful personality that at first made me hesitant about liking him... idk he just seemed like the guy i would not vibe with in real life, but the longer time passed, the more he became one of my favorites and i root for him now like crazy. at first it was funny when they kept rejecting him for the vocal parts, but the more it went on, i was so sure that if it was me, i would have cried and dropped then and there, but it was so amazing watching him push through that and he didnt even lie about how he felt. his unique determination is such a breath of fresh air, a little heartwarming and oh so inspiring. i honestly learned a lot from just watching him. the time he went to the ground was so crucial to his development as a person, leader and performer. it was so mindblowing when he became the leader at the ground and even adapted heeseung's teaching methods. you know that meme "improvise, adapt, overcome?" he is the exact personification of that. what i loved about him the most is that even with his steely determination, he didnt enforce or project that on the other grounders, he just shared it with them. he understands when they need rest, encouragement or massages. he was such a caring leader. Skill wise- i can't say anything. He already proved himself so many times. Great dancer and potential vocalist. The mnet specials also show how much sweeter he is than the show shows him to be. He takes care of everyone, and has more of mother duck than street gang vibes (and he knows how to cook!!). And at the end, while he seems to be mostly self- oriented about debuting, he ends up spending most of his time teaching others and helping them improve. I just love him. Debut Jay 2k20!!!

5. Sunghoon- tf this guy is so cool and laidback that i didnt even pay much attention to him during the early parts but he just keeps crawling into my heart because so many members love him so damn much??? and he just goes along with them?? they want me to do triple axel while average people can't even do a single axel on a trampoline?? ok imma give them a double axel tho. jake is challenging me to arm flexing? yeah why not? k wants me to dance?? yeah lemme just spin 50 times. jay wants to shower together?? weird but im not strongly against the idea. ej wants to scare people? count me in. someone needs a hand to hold?? ok here's my warm hand to the rescue... everyone just wants to be his friend that he birthed my favorite sunoo scene "im cuter than him [jake]" and he was just like "yeah ok i guess so" sksjsk sunoo is that how you ask someone to be your friend jshdk??? and can i just say? as a figure skating fan, he has automatic +52536 points... and when the judges said he's the most natural performer out of them??? i vibed with that hard.. he dances well so naturally and he takes your attention without even seeming like he's trying to. that dance performance with k and jungwon?? i thought at first that his energy wouldnt catch up but damn boy my eyes were just trackingnhim the entire time unintentionallu that i had to rewind and he was just as great as all of them... with the additional benefit of being a stunt boy!! and though it might seem effortless, we saw that he practiced so hard for it. overall a 100/100 boy with a naturally charismatic personality that bleeds into his performance... as a fellow 02 liner i would also like to apply as his bestfriend thank you

6. Heesung- what can i say except he's a perfect boy ok thats it why are you still reading... jk... ok lets talk about him... skill wise?? I cried during the butterfly performance. i marvel at his vocal stability. his voice is so crystal clear. his dancing is so clean. his skills are superb but most of all, theyre already so refined. there's nothing more i could ask for. personaloty wise... i also have a lot to say... despite his celebrity status, it's awesome how he can make the other trainees comfortable with him. he's kind and soft and lovely.

but because i am me, i have to overanalyze people so idk skip this if you dont like that. for someone who's experienced being an academic achiever... i sure do vibe with his personality a lot... you know when there's a group activity and you're so sure you can lead it well but you don't want to? half because you dont want to come off as a show off and half bc you genuinely still have self-doubts, and you're scared of falling short of expectations. Also, you feel that if it all fails, you'll be responsible so you have to feel that everyone approves you before you can take leadership and show your entire thing. And the moment you feel validated and take the reins, you start unconsciously projecting your perfectionist attitude on people??? yeah... i love that despite being an almost perfect person he still has issues most people can find relatable and that, in addition to the talent makes me want to root from him. (im also going to take a stab and guess that his mbti is probs ixxp) i'll be honest tho, because its like 100 percent sure now that he'll debut, im not super attached to him??? i love him tho but he's just not in any danger so i can just let my support for him chill. i think amidst this, bc most of the trainees depend a lot on him, i mostly hope for him to take care of his mental health

7. Daniel- awww danielll... i went into i-land not knowing anyone's ages so i had a brief whiplash feeling when someone said daniel is 15... it's because he's so emotionally mature?? like he's such a supportive and caring person that it barely struck me the that he might be the youngest?? he already caught my attention when they performed "any song" bc they just seemed like they were having fun and doing their best without the pressure of whether they would win ir not, and for me that attitude is something you'd see from more experienced performers. and during the second ep when he just felt the need to comfort everyone bc he's got such a high score?? i loved that an i was so bummed out when they eliminated him. the save me performance was definitely a cherry on top that i just had to love him more than i already do... he may be young but he's as ready to debut as everyone else.

8. Jake- jake is just one of the people who showcased so much growth between ep 1 and ep 2. he already had the right attitude when they performed crown and he just had to improve skills and stage presence, and improved he did. despite being one of the trainees with the shortest training time, he was the one teaching the others by the end it just supports my theory that he might have been an ace as well if he just had the same amount of training as everyone else. im also truly in love with his mischievous antics. he seemed like an introvert to me at first but he came out of his shell and i love that. also i just crave more moments of him and sunghoon's friendship (they both seemed like introverts who found someone they could be extroverts with in each other) i am 👌this close to storming i land and demand that they let me join their merry little band of 2002 children

9. Niki- dance skills= 100 he's just so good it's unreal... it's insane... everytime he's on screen i hear boss musicand i cant even imagine him being younger than anyone, let alone taki. i get why some people dislike him but honestly i think it's just because they don't see him as a child... but he is. i was honestly a bit mad for him when they kept guilt tripping him into leading all of them, and i understood his tjought process when he thought he just kept failing everyone and when he thought things just kept backfiring on him. he is held on such a high pedestal and i dont think he deserves that kind of burden. as for me, it would just be a waste of talent to let him go. his attitude could still improve, as we'd seen when he eventually volunteered to help everyone. i also felt bad when he said that he's scared he might not be voted bc some people dont base on skills and i love him and i just want him to kmow that he's loved

10. Taki- what the hell can i even say?? he's the kindest softest boy ever. he tries to see the good in people and is very hardworking... he listens to people well and actually follow them, so he improves a lot... he knows people think he's cute and he tries and tries and tries to look fierce if the song calls for it... he is amazing

11. K- i really can't say anything, he really stands out during performances. also very pro at dancing. his choreography??? *chef's kiss* and i think the younger trainees depend a lot on him, besides heesung and so he's good at keeping the team together.

12. EJ- im really hesitant about the last person to be the twelfth i lander because it could almost be anyone and i wouldnt be too bummed out bc theyre almost all equally talented... the thing with ej tho is he already gets along well with the i landers and has harmony with other members. (plus see above: im a sucker for the 2002 line) i think its a tiny bit unfair to base it on this bc the others didnt even get a chance to show what they can bring to the group so im torn.

bonus: i wouldnt feel too bad if it were jaebeom (he has great voice, the producers think he's not too stand out bc he's weak at dance, but the i land is already so full of people whose expertise is dancing, so i think there should be someone who's specialty is singing), kyungmin (i really appreciated how hard he worked during the last test and it actually paid off, i honestly noticed him there even if he was always at the back. i also loved his determination and i was so touched when he and jaebeom were talking and he said "there's really nothing to do but believe in the impossible right?" it's just that the i landers were already ahead of him in terms of skills so he failed the votings) and hanbin (i've watched his cover videos and he's really good at dancing and stage projection. like i was honestly wondering why it wasnt showing in the performances :((( and he hadnt even had too much screentime to actually See what he's capable of.

[nctloveclub]

two ghosts

pairing | kim doyoung x reader

prompt | based off ‘two ghosts’ by harry styles | ex lovers!au

genre | angst

words | 1.1k

a/n | idk i just decided to do bulletpoints rather than written ??? but i hope u like it hehe also kinda non idol au ??? but lets just ignore that lmao

so you and doyoung had dated for two years

honestly like ,,,,, you guys were in love

it was such a shocker when everyone found out you broke up bc like ?????

you two were such a power couple and it was unbeELIEVEABLE that you two broke up

but you know shit happens and people grow apart and fall out of love

like your relationship in the beginning was so wholesome but like ,,, time went on and you and doyoung started to slowly grow apart

like you two talked less and you both felt like the spark wasnt there anymore

your break up was mutual and you two decided to keep in touch

but that was a damn lie

doyoung got busier and the two of you didnt even talk anymore honestly

but like it’s been 3 years since you broke up, but like you kept in touch with some of nct’s members

you still somewhat talked to johnny and jaehyun, taeyong occasionally messaged you along with the rest of members

so doyoung’s birthday was coming up and taeyong bEGged you to come out and see them

“its been yEars y/n !!!!!”

“ok and ur point is ???” jkjk you were kinda hesitant but really you missed those boys so much and you reluctantly agreed

but like ever since taeyong invited you, you’ve been feeling out of it ????

like ,,,,, you started thinking about doyoung more and reminiscing

you try and shake it off but you cant help but just hold on to the memories of you and doyoung

like you’d be lying if you said you were the same since the break up

so its the dreaded day and you get ready for doyoung’s birthday party

you dress up nicely and do your hair more fancier then usual

you head out to the venue and like ,,,, its fucking pAckED

you lowkey wish you dont have to bump into doyoung because you dont think you’re emotionally stable for that

like yeah its been a while since you broke up but like you couldn’t help it ????

so you enter the venue with your small gift in hand

and then you immediately meet johnny and he just runs up to you and engulfs you into a hug

“y/n!!!!! you made it !!!!!”

“yes i did but if you keep squeezing me i wont make it >:(“

“oh yeah sorry hehe”

so like bc of johnny’s loud and excited ass he gets the attention of the other nct members and they all rush to you excitedly lmao

so you say your hellos and give them all hugs bc hello ?? youve missed these dorks

and then you find yourself in front of doyoung and you nearly get whiplash

like ,,,, he’s changed so much and he looks so different

of course he looks different its been yEars

but like he looks so much more mature and you cant help but just stare at him

the other boys notice the tension and like slowly leave to give you and doyoung some space

“hey ,,,” you start and you’re just hella nervous

you’re hit with a bunch of emotions but like ,,, it feels off

you give doyoung your gift and he gives you his bunny smile

usually that would make your stomach flip but ,,,, it doesnt

you and doyoung move to somewhere with a little bit more privacy

the two of you find yourself in the kitchen of the venue and doyoung breaks the silence

“how are you?”

its been rough is what you want to say but you just respond with a small “ive been ok, you?”

“ive been really busy lately,,,, but im glad you made it”

the silence is deafening

you and doyoung just stare at each other , the kitchen was kinda dim but you could still make out some of doyoungs features

he wasnt the same

doyoung also observed your appearance, your hair and style was different from what he knew

you were quiet and timid to him now

you were a different person

it was weird ,, standing in the room with doyoung

even though you had so much history together, you felt like total strangers now

the kitchen was dim, only being illuminated by the moonlight shining from the window

you remembered how you and doyoung used to dance in your shared living room, a slow song playing in the background with the moon shining bright

you remembered how it was the small and simple things were enough for you and doyoung and how you were just content with his presence

but it wasnt the same anymore

“do you remember how we used to dance?” you ask , breaking the silence

“yeah, you were a horrible dancer by the way” doyoung laughs at the thought and you give him a look feigning hurt

“well sorry i have two left feet, we all cant be as talented as you” you joke and doyoung laughs at that

it was weird how everything in this moment felt normal and familiar but it wasnt the same

you wanted to tell doyoung how you really felt but you felt tounge tied

you wanted to tell him that you couldnt stop thinking about him and how youve been clinging to past memories but ,,,, you just couldn’t,,,

“you look great by the way,,,” you speak up

doyoung opens his mouth to speak but stops himself

he wanted to tell you that you got even more beautiful

he wanted to tell you that he hasnt been feeling the same since you left

he wanted to tell you that he tried to get over you but couldn’t

but he stopped himself, he couldnt just dump his emotions on you

so he settled for “you look great as well.”

then it was back to square one, silence

a couple moments pass and taeyong enters , calling doyoung out to celebrate

doyoung gives you an apologetic look but you quickly shake your head

“its fine , its your birthday party go mingle” you smile

doyoung gives you one last toothy grin and he moves to hug you

he wraps his arms around you and you just feel warmth

and it feels like home

doyoung pulls away first and you stop yourself from pulling him back in

taeyong and doyoung leave the kitchen and youre left in the poorly lit room

you stare at the moon and fight back a couple of tears

maybe later tonight you could tell doyoung how you feel

but you knew the reality

you both werent who you used to be

you both were ghosts standing in the place of you and doyoung

but maybe one day the stars will allign and you could get back together

but for now all you could do was hold on to past memories and hope that maybe doyoung felt the same way

this wasnt as angsty as i hoped and felt kinda rushed :(( but i hope u like it and feedback is appreciated !!