#honestly dont know how to carry on without being drastically

[stray-tori]

TPN S2 Appreciation

I remembered I started this so here we are: there's a lot of problems with s2 but you've probably heard everyone talk about them anyway so I'm skipping that and going straight to all the stuff I DID like about s2:

opening

episode 1

(episode 1) seeing them interact with the environment

(episode 1) Ray running + being out of breath animation and voice acting

episode 2

(episode 2) especially the parallel with the drop like holy shit

episode 3

(episode 3) the fish bug scene while maybe out-of-place is pretty cute and funny

(episode 3) the wall scare is pretty ominous and as of ep3, not yet stupid.

the **OPENING**

(episode 4)

(episode 5) the shot of the apple rolling and the camera turning over with it. so cool.

(episode 4) Ray shooting the demon animation cut even though Emma was robbed

(episode 4) Chris knowing the bunker tunnels after we saw him playing there with other children is really nice. Especially knowing that in the manga he's sad he can't explore properly, I think it's a nice in-character touch haha.

(episode 5) masked Norman with blood splattering behind him

Myuk Mahou cover art makes them look so cuteeeee

portraying the two worlds in parallel from the OP to wanting to care and save your family

the opening making me cry every time

cup-kun memes

(episode 3) them entering the bunker being so fecking tense and suspenseful, like i was expecting a corpse the entire time pff-

(episode 5) ray and emma using hand signals during the rooftop chase

(episode 5) the natural in-convo reveal about how they hide their scent by Lani/Thoma

(epsiode 5) the detail that they throw it in the fire to spread the masking scent when the old demon gets there

(episode 5) the old demon scene (listen ik people questioned this, but it's an old weak demon... I kind of see it like helping out a weak strong animal. I doubt this old geezer would have jumped Emma; it could reveal their location, that's true, but oh well - it’s implied he met them more often before so maybe Emma just slowly considered over time / maybe her realizing they’re not that different and all that yadayada)

(episode 5) Emma doubting herself because they've literally just been chased around (ik some people didn't like this and I get why but they've been barely surviving for like 11 months... she's lost and paralyzed, she's allowed to have her doubts, though they could be worded a bit differently. It just sucks that there wasn’t much of an arc regarding this after that, so. Yay Norman Christ has rescued us all.)

(episode 6) the reunion hug / scene, it looked so soft and nice ahhh- the entire art in that scene was just nice.

(episode 6) the atmosphere and framing of when Barbara was eating the demon meat. it came pretty unexpected and the moment you realize was such a big “ohhh… oh no.“

(episode 7) Lani and Thoma mentioning the migrating birds during their tower watch and that then later coming back when the kids think about where they could be was nice!

(episode 7) Norman’s soft “be careful” to Emma and Ray

(episode 7) Also Ray's reaction to "the gate is in gf" is just a mood haha

(episode 7) THE SHIPMENT PARALLELS! the sounds, grabbing his hand this time when he had to take hers during his shipment AHHH-

(episode 7) evolvment of the “dont do it on your own / involve your family/friends” by asking Gilda and Don to come with them on the search for Sonju/Mujika. Sadly this doesn’t carry over to ep11 where they decide to do sth as drastic as staying behind for god-knows-how-long without letting anyone know beforehand.

(episode 7) like their reactions to it are so wholesome, I really like how it is portrayed. Especially because up until now Emma was still bottling up. Idk I like that it takes a while for this to really settle in properly.

episode 8

(episode 8) “are you god?” / “I’ll be a god or a devil” / “are you a human?”

(episode 8) showing the demon suffering pretty graphically for what I expected

(episode 8) the simple fact that I got the experience of pure euphoria and a laughing attack when the parallel between Vylk and Norman was actually a thing, when I was so confused why they both had a distinct characteristic (the walking stick) in episode 5. My friends thought I was crazy but I was just big brain. (we were robbed of more stick though)

(episode 8) norman hand symbolism, with blood, Emma grabbing it, him looking at it and how it ties Emma to his plan inherently and then when it's not his blood on his hands but someone's that he's taking away from another living being.

(episode 9) the unspoken realization that he’s not the only one being tested by the test scanner was on the right-hand side. good shit. Ik thats technically not the anime’s idea but I like how they put the focus on it with blur and didn’t actively state it.

(episode 9) him coughing up blood to show how fast it’s been progressing/getting worse // though that implies he refused to take his meds OR that its that bad even with the meds which I don’t think is the point. Like the psychological warfare of giving the kids a condition that they can only fight while they’re in their prison bc they’ll run out of meds is just. hHHH

(episode 9) I really liked Norman going to talk to Vylk and… hhh- Emma *AHEM* and how he didn’t really know what to say, and .........… E-EmMa going up to him and apologizing for what demons did, showing empathy and understanding AND ABSOLUTING WRECKING NORMAN and me. man, cycle of hatred bad.

(episode 10) Emma speaking over the radio to everyone is just… so heartfelt ahh

(episode 10) The little kids sneaking amongst the others is rly cute and honestly kind of epic haha

(episode 10) the moms/sisters either not noticing them or not doing anything bc they’re on their side anyway is just… a funny thing to think about either way

(episode 10) Phil and Emma hug TvT

(episode 10/11) MICHELLEEEEEEE

(episode 11) the turning ceiling is pretty

(episode 11) I like the shadow asthetic of the Ratri exposition, generally the Ratri exposition is pretty nice aside from being so fast you cannot take all that in and process it properly

(episode 11) dramatic gate closing is dramatic

(episode 11) the slideshow of them in the human world gives nice glimpses into things, even if… very vague haha. Especially the shot of Isabella playing guitar stuck with me. And Phil on a train! Not a steam one, sadly.

(episode 11) while the demon world slideshow is uhhhhh SOMETHING, I do like that the weird dragon-on-water thing is in both the Ratri exposition during the promise thing and then also at the end, which at least gives A BIT of context to what's likely happening. Idk I liked that, but then again my standards aren't very high.

I'm not saying any of this outweighs the problems bc oh boy, but ye.

[fairycosmos]

grief makes me think such bitter thoughts. i think she (mine, not yours of course) had it so easy. got in bed, injected herself, peacefully went without even knowing. now im here debating what will leave the least gruesome corpse bc i dont want to traumatize nobody. now im feeling trapped bc another death im going to throw on my loved ones?it seems so bc life is imposssible. but how easy she fucking had it. i dont even want to see her again after im gone. i hate her for trapping me in this hell

i know what you mean. i'm the same. at least, i'm at a total loss as to how she just went to sleep and never woke up. and now i'm in this hell version of reality without her, now i'm going to have to deal with a whole lifetime without her. bc of one messed up choice she made. it doesn't even feel like something that should be possible. i feel cheated and indignant like a little kid. honestly, grief makes you think and feel all sorts of things. you don't have to justify or explain any of them to anyone. the process of managing it is not a linear, fast or simple one. these emotions come and go in new ways, in cycles, in memories, in avalanches. and the only thing we can do is sit with them. it's fucking awful. personally, i am just trying to accept being completely and utterly and irreparably ruined. i'm trying to understand that there is no way out, and that i have a right to be fucking angry. you have a right to be angry. every time i talk out loud to my sister i end lecturing her like a pissed off teacher, or just apologising over and over. it doesn't help, but i've got nothing left to lose by trying these things - screaming at her, drawing her, breaking completely. wrote her a letter for the first time today too. none of this means i'm coming to terms, in fact every day i feel worse in a different manner. don't know if its the same for you.

it's hard with drugs because you cant help going over it all in your head. it's not fully an illness, not fully an accident. you can't help just wanting to shake the person and make them truly listen to you. you cant help feeling completely incredulous. i also see it the same way, as if i'm trapped. i am trapped. i kept saying i wasn't going to kill myself after she died because like you, i didn't want to throw another death at my family. i still don't. they would buckle under the weight of this pain x 2, and i wouldn't blame them. i understand that, so i'm trying to stick around because now that i've experienced this i cant imagine causing it. i don't want to stay, but i have to for the moment. no long term commitments. just knowing i have to deal with tomorrow. and that's all it takes, the awareness of having no option but to wake up in the short term, to minimize the potential grief of your death. you discard the option because it isn't one, no matter how desperate you are. if that makes you even angrier, that's understandable. i hope you can keep trying, too. just in general. try to go on. try not to think about the far future, what you're going to do, how you're going to cope. truth is you probably won't know until you're in the situation. i know this is the last thing you want to hear and i also feel entirely misunderstood when people say it to me, but please don't act drastically. if you feel like you're at risk of harming yourself, please let your family know, or a professional/hotline. for your sake, and the sake of your loved ones. talking about it is like cleansing a wound. awful, necessary, you know. while people may not fully understand, they do to an extent and it can help a little to accept that you're not alone in your grief. even just to say it all out loud, and to break down and be witnessed in your break down, can temporarily alleviate the weight. i know we're going to carry this forever, and it's never really going to get better. but people do keep telling me the things that trigger that intense feeling of total devastation/rage lessen with time. people keep telling me you learn to keep the person around, that you learn to continue on your relationship with them despite their death. even if it'll never be the same ever again. idk how true any of it is, i just know it's worth it for you to get through today, just to see for yourself. it's normal to be angry, dude. they left us here in the most impossible, unbearable, imaginable situation without any form of escape. no one would blame you for being bitter for the rest of your life, and it's okay if you are. it'll grow and change as you grow and change, even if in some form it always remains. it's also okay if the feeling eventually dissolves into something else. ultimately there's no wrong way to do this. every moment that you continue forward is, in and of itself, more than good enough . sending so much love your way. i'm so sorry for your loss 😔 💕

https://www.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines

[elizawright]

My experience with Aspergers

OCD and Anorexia 2/2:

Right now the painful part, this is probably the most difficult to talk about because it’s still so fresh and still very much active in my daily life. My Anorexia story I would say officially began around December 2018 however as I’ve mentioned before I’ve always struggled with eating. It started as just being a very fussy kid, in my early teen years I used to obsessive compulsively diet extremely strictly for periods of time. I think this in itself could be considered Anorexia or at least I was at the very edge of being. A year later I would completely 180, over eat and put on a lot of weight. A year later from that I would once again strictly diet this time making myself throw up if i “over ate” in my mind or ate something “bad”. I distinctly remember being 14 on holiday in Florida. My family kept encouraging me to eat fruit loops for breakfast (I would only eat bran flakes) and of course I desperately wanted to but it was very scary to me. So I did eat them one day and being 14 and uneducated on food I had a panic. Though I was panicking I didn’t ever tell anyone Insted I hid away, found a toilet and forced myself to throw up. Now this is years before I was officially diagnosed with an eating disorder but to me, this doesn’t seem healthy. Looking back I feel quite sorry for little me feeling I had to hide away and be sneaky, I wish I had told my mum how I was feeling, but I didn’t. Anyway, back to my official timeline. So 2018 was the year I did my gcses, it was a different year, I was so focused on my studies I began to over eat as a coping mechanism, this caused me to put on quite a bit of weight. Now I was never really fat but i was overweight, I would guess 13 stone (to put in comparison, when diagnosed with anorexia 6 months later I was 7 stone something, that’s a loss of 5 stone). In November that year I got my lovely boyfriend. When we first started dating I felt quite ashamed that I weighed more than him. Of course he didn’t care, I don’t think he even ever thought of it, he just liked me for me, but the intrusive thoughts which are oh so common to me told me otherwise. I began to notice in the morning my belly looked it’s flattest which I figured was because I hadn’t put any food in my stomach making it bloat so I began not eating in the mornings. If I was going to see my boyfriend who obviously as a young teen at the start of a relationship I wanted to impress I wouldn’t eat. I wouldn’t eat while I was around him then as soon as I got home I would eat as normal. This is where it all began. My boyfriend used to recall to my mom “she never eats breakfast and never eats at my house! I try and feed her but she just won’t eat.”

So like I said life carried on like this for a few months, I didn’t loose a massive amount of weight, maybe half a stone, but things changed drastically after a holiday to Egypt. On the first day I was struggling and obsessing over my appearance as usual, obsessing over every roll I could see. Looking back now I looked great! I had big boobs and hips, but at the time I didn’t see any of that all I saw was fat. Well the next day after this I caught a really bad case of the flu. I was bed ridden for the entire rest of the week barely well enough to get home. As we were in Egypt we had no way of getting any medication at all not even paracetamol so I was completely wiped out, it was the worst illness I’ve ever faced were literally everything that could happen, happened. Now because of this I didn’t eat for the entire week.

Once I arrived home and I began the process of analysis of my body as per usual I noticed I had lost weight. I put two and two together realising a week of not eating made me really quickly drop a ton of weight. The cogs began turning and I told myself the short amount of pain (being the hunger) my future self would thank me for. So I began restricting. Using the bike analogy it began at a quick pace but slowly got faster and faster. Soon I was eating no more than 400 calories a day, anymore than that and I would get depressed and anxious and stressed (for comparison the average women needs 2000 calories a day just to maintain weight) I was terrified of nearly all foods. Butter, bread, literally everything I can think of. I weighed out everything out to the T never eating a full packet of something. Which if I’m honest, I still do weigh everything, I also still count calories obsessively. This is what I mean by I’m not fully recovered I’m a lot better, but still suffering and fighting.

Now at this point my mental and physical health began to really suffer. I was normally really good at school getting outstanding grades in gcses but now with a levels I wasn’t able to get work completed or done, I couldn’t concentrate, I would fall asleep in class because I was tierd constantly, I wasn’t my normal talkative enthusiastic self because I was so drained of all energy I’m honestly so shocked my teachers didn’t make more of an effort to help me. I remember one time a teacher telling me I looked very ill and pale so forced me to eat a banana they had brought for their own lunch which was a struggle for me to do. Luckily for me a teacher i still dont know reported to the head of sixthform about being worried for me. They had been gone 3 months and within coming back had noticed the drastic change in weight I had had. It goes to show how much weight I lost as I was always wearing baggy clothes to hide it and she still noticed. Now that I’m mentioning it all my clothes were massively oversized because I no longer fit my entire wardrobe. I would try and wear stuff like leggings as they made me feel comfortable and happy in myself but my head of sixthform would shout at me and force me to change. I recall a few teachers and students coming to me asking if I was alright as they had noticed my rapid weight loss, I told them it was just stress. I was completely in denial I had tricked myself into thinking it was normal, I have no idea how I even lasted as long as I did at sixthform like this. So as the story goes I got taken into the teds team which is a recovery center for children with eating disorders

I was extremely reluctant to go, I was stand off ish and rude to the doctors and my family which is something that is not in my nature at all. Looking back all they wanted to do was help me but at the time I thought everyone was against me were trying to trick me into being fat. This was clearly the anorexia talking and not me, it was completely in control. While there I was freezing cold so they had to turn the fan off. I was honest as I could be and told them most of what I previously told you but it still didn’t actually sound like a concern to me. I down played it as much as a could because I didn’t want anyone’s help. I can still remember that horrible feeling of being so stubborn and refusing to even acknowledge what the people around me were saying I was so caught up in the anorexic trap. Now about a year ago from this I had been previously weighed as I had started a new version of medication, like I said I weighed in at around 85kg, 13 stone. I got weighed again on this day and was in the 7 stones, I had lost nearly 6 stone in 3 months. That’s crazy looking back at. I was told if I didn’t turn myself around soon my periods would stop and I would have to go into hospital to be force fed. They warned me as I was in the hight of my teenage development i was right at the edge of doing permanent growth, brain and fertility damage. I love children and can’t wait to be a mother someday and I really highly value my intelligence so this was the kick up the bum I needed to start my recovery. I came back a week later to create an eating plan and in that time I had dropped another couple of pounds in just a week. I was very stubborn during the hour we spent making an eating plan, we pretty much fought back and forth me and the doctor disagreeing on everything, the eating disorder had complete control over my mind and I was pretty much in auto pilot. Eventually we came to an agreement which I still was very reluctant to follow, but I had worked out the calorie intake and it felt at level that was “safe” for me. I was also just happy to not have to worry about making food anymore as my mum was now in charge or making everything I eat. Before this I was eating on average a banana, half a packet of cuscus and a plain piece of brown bread without butter and a spoon full of baked beans with no sauce. On top of this I drank an unhealthy amount of coffee, so much I became addicted, to help me loose weight, keep me full and give me the energy I didn’t have.

I remember so vividly the first day I followed this new eating routine my stomach had shrunk so small I was physically in pain by the end of the day. I was to eat 2 spoons of yogurt in the morning, an egg sandwich at lunch on brown bread, an apple, half a dinner and one weatabix at night. By the weatabix I was in physical pain from being so full. But I pushed through it. A week later I had still lost weight but not as much as the normal rate went. This is when I was told I had to add in extra and I reacted terribly. I flat out refused to follow it anymore and said I was quitting the program. For a few months I refused to follow the new program sticking to the old one I felt safe with and still lost weight with. With things like anorexia it’s something I feel can never be solved by anyone else it’s something you have to do yourself. I think I improved just overtime by chatting with the teds team and the dietitian and educating myself. This next part of my journey is kind of difficult to talk about as I don’t remember it much, I was so tired and drained it’s all kind of disappeared from my memory. Eventually through education I began to slowly add things to my eating plan. I added crisps (but only under the condition they were healthy ones under 100 calories) changed the yogurt to 2 weatabix as it was easier to measure and less of a “scary food” to me.

So yeah, since this is just a short (at least as short as I can make it) synopsis of my journey I’m just going to skip to now. Some day maybe I’ll talk about the one and a half year gap there is between then and now but that would take too long for the moment. Now I am still suffering with eating. I’ve put on a bit of weight but I’m still classed as underweight. I still follow a very strict daily routine with what I eat, I still weigh things out, I still calorie count, I still analyse my body but I am a hell of a lot better than a year ago. I still struggle when it comes to eating “fatning” of “sugary” foods but on occasion I do eat them. I try and eat something every day like a breakfast bar or granola bar. Although I am a lot better now, I’m mostly tortured by the anorexic intrusive thoughts.

I struggle oddly with extreme hunger! Something I hadn’t felt at all while I was in critical condition. I did some research and I found out this happens to most recovering anorexics and their body is literally starving and desperate for food. I have been left with loose skin which makes me extremely embarrassed and unhappy, I hope someday to get rid of it as it’s a big factor of my destress. I hope this story can help educate people without eating disorders and give you an incite into our minds. Someday I will go into more detail.

[lokizalien]

Avengers: A Bleeding Rose // #2

Warning: cussing, mentions of sexual activity's , cringey jokes.

"Holy shit this place is huge..."

Samantha and Natasha walked inside the entrance of the building. Samantha's eyes wandering around the building as she followed the agent. There wasn't anything to spectacular on this floor, just a bunch of workers and agents that were dressed formally. Bags and piles of papers stacked up in binders and briefcases that looked like it weighed much more than the actual person, being carried around.

The clear glass windows that made up nearly 80% of the building, was mesmerizing to her. She couldn't help but smile at her current situation. 1// she was able to skip work. 2// she gets to visit shield headquarters and 3//she's about to meet her childhood hero. What was there to hate!? All the excitement build up in her head all her true feelings about the group which honestly was great until the doors to an elevator opened. Two men where standing there staring at them. One was dark skinned. He was tall and had a pure black trench coat on. His eye piercing and stern as the other was hidden beneath an eye patch. His eye following her every move. The man standing next to him was the one and only Captain himself.

Natasha smirks as she started walking towards them. Samantha on the other hand loosing her pace. Her eyes was focused on the two men staring her up and down. Their eyes practically looking through her as if she was a ghost, which only made her heart hit the pit of her stomach.

"Romanoff" Said the black male, his eye on her for a second before trailing off to Samantha.

"Fury" Nat replied as she stood next to Steve. Her gaze now on small dark skinned Detective. Her smirk only grew bigger as Samantha got on the elevator, her nails nervously tapping on her forearm, looking down at her feet. Nat cocked an eyebrow at Samantha before whispering something into Steve's ear. His blue eyes was hooked on Samantha, the once stern look on his face turned to a bubbly smirk as he stood up straight looking back at Nat.

Samantha rolled her eyes at Natasha's whispering, and was thinking about confronting it before 'Fury' interrupted her thinking.

" I would assume you know why you're here, Detective Rose"

Samantha kept quiet but her glare landed on the man, biting the inside of my lip to keep herself from speaking out of line.

"You stole something from us and we would like it back, but you see the problem, Miss Rose, is that we can't find it. Not at your apartment, not at work, not at a friend's house, or a club, but for some reason every time we look up the radiation signal for that stone, we always find it in a place where it shouldn't be. With you." His eye narrowed, examining her body language. He could tell that she was nervous and scared, as she should be.

"Sir, I'm sorry but I can't give you that stone"She finally spoke, her voice stern and cold, but also soft and obviously intimidated. She holds her breath as she sees the man's body tense, his jaw clenched.

"And why is that?" Steve spoke up. His eyes staring coldly at her. She couldn't help but slightly jump in fear.

"It's because she absorbed the Gama radiation from it. " Nat answered before Samantha could even start to process his question.

"What?" Fury asked, looking at Nat in confusion, Steve giving her a conserned looking.

" I don't know, it's just what she told me" she shrugged carelessly playing with her nails.

The elevator door finally opened as Natasha walked out of it. "Follow me, Samantha" she says still not looking up from her nails as she began to walk down the hallway. Both men now staring at Samantha with a confused and concerned the look on their faces.

She chuckles nervously, an awkward smile on her face as she slowly backed out of the elevator. "Haha.." she inhales sharply. "Bye" she muttered, giving them a finger gun gesture before quickly jogging over to Nat.

"what now?" Steve's eyes were on the floor of the elevator. His hands on the handlebars, elbows pressed against the window. "You said that the radiation was increasing drastically. Now if this is really inside of her, I need to know what's going to happen. Is she going to be okay? Is it even safe for her to be roaming the Halls?"

"These are all questions that I'm not qualified to answer... Natasha took her to a place in the building where she's away from the public, while we notify Stark about the situation. She's in his hands from that point forward." Fury replied, his eye fixed on the conserned soldier. "Only time will tell what happens next."

"Nick, for all we know, We dont have time.-" Steve protested. He was about to go on and on about the situation before Nick handed him his phone. Automatically he shut his mouth, glaring at him before he took the phone. A list of information for Steve's next mission was pulled up, which was located in Sokovia. A small huff left the perk of his lips, his jaw twitched as he looked back at Nick.

"Like I already said. Questions I'm not qualified to answer" he smirked as the elevator opened once more. He gave the captain a soft pat on the shoulder before exiting the elevator.

It's been hours since Nat left Samantha in this room. She was told to stay in there until she was told otherwise, which to her it was a bunch of bullshit. A loud, impatient groan danced across her lips as she fell backwards onto the couch. Her legs dangling off the arm of it. Her mind dancing around the fact she met Captain America.

'I mean yeah, he wasn't too happy with me and he probably thinks I'm an idiot but... I FINALLY GOT TO MEET HIM!'

She giggled to herself. The ends of her lips curling at the thought. It didn't last for long though. Her smile disappeared as she heard someone fumbling with the door nob. She instantly sat up, kicking her feet off the couch as her eyes watched the door open.

A deep red blossomed on her face. Her heart nearly beating out of her chest as she looked up at the man who walks in the room and closes the door behind him. She tries her best to put on her best smile.

"Hi Captain.."

She chuckled nervously, the man looking down at her with the sweetest smile, making her heart flutter. He tugged up on his pants slightly as he took a seat, his eyes never leaving hers. Samantha silently shifted in her seat feeling rather uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry you have to go through all this ma'am-" he began, his voice calm and rather soothing.

"but you put yourself in this situation. You do realize that you will get arrested for this... Right?"

The thought never occurred to her. She tried to keep her cool but everytime that sentence replayed in her mind she'd slightly choke. Steve noticed this, quickly walking over to the mini fridge that sat across the room. He grabbed a bottle of water and tossed it to her. Without hesitation she opened the bottle and started to gulp it down.

What she didn't notice is that the entire time Steve was giving her a worried look. She was still a kid in his eyes and watching her freak out over the situation was unsettling even though he knows this is HER own fault.

She coughs when she finishes the bottle. Her eyes not leaving her feet as she struggled to come up with a reply.

" I-im sorry Captain, but.. can we talk about something else..."

"Fine..."

He sighed slightly annoyed. He gave her a questioning look, searching her forest green eyes for any sign of pure fear.

"please.."

Samantha shifts over, giving Steve more room to sit. An apologetic smile plastered on her face.

"So..-" she began the echo of her nervously tapping her foot filled the room, making Steve crack a smile.

"How are you liking the 2000's? I know it's a little odd to be in almost a whole new world.

Steve smile only grow bigger as you looked down at the floor then glanced up at her. His eyes beginning to scan the room just admiring how different everything has become since the 1940's.

"It's home ... But it'll take some getting used too"

She chuckles softly " Go figure, I bet you miss the good days, huh?"

"Well things aren't so bad-" He started, slowly making his way over to the couch. The ends of Samantha's lips curved upwards when she caught a glimpse of the amusement appearing on his face.

"The food's a lot better, the beds are a lot softer, and the internet...most useful technology known to mankind and I still can't figure out how to work a computer, but I've been trying my best to catch up on that"

"Sounds like you've been having fun" she teased, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

He partially nodded in agreement. "It's much better than being frozen in the Atlantic for 70 years, I'll tell you that much" he replied with a smile, sitting on the arm of the couch with his arms folded, looking down at Samantha.

Silence filled the room as the two just looked at each other. Samantha's mind what shuffling, trying to figure out a solution. "Samantha Rose. Since I didn't get to properly introduce myself." She smiled shyly, raising her hand for a hand shake.

"Steve Rogers" A smirk appearing on his lips, as he took the younger woman's hand. His firm grip sending chills down her spine.

"Wouldn't of guested" she laughed, now feeling comfortable enough to let her sarcasm get the best of her. Steve just rolls his eyes at that.

"So how long?" He asked, pointing to the shiny gold badge she has hooked to the waistline of her skirt. A small 'oh' danced across her lips as she unhooked it swiftly and handed it to him.

She shrugged "About 5 and a half years. A technician for 1"

He nods. "You must be a pro"

She chuckles at the statement. "I wouldn't say pro, I just have good inspiration" She smiled softly, looking at Steve.

"Not to ruin the moment but your ride is here"

They move their gaze to the door. Steve's head hung looking down as he laughed under his breath. "Is every conversation I have with a woman considered a 'moment' to you?"

The redhead smirks at his reaction, she leans on the door looking at the two. "It's progress" she replied with the click of her tongue.

"Yeah, progress I'm not purposely trying to make" He sighs. He glanced back over at Samantha and gave her a soft, reassuring smile. "That's your que"

"Right" She picked up her bookbag and placed it on one of her shoulders. Standing up, she placed her badge back on the waistline of her skirt, both of them watching her as she did so. "It was nice meeting you Captain" she stated, before heading to the door. Natasha was slowly walking into the room as Samantha walked out the door. She looked over at Steve once more and smiled.

"Stay safe"

He nods, returning the smile. "I'll keep it in mind." A small 'tch' left her pretty smile as she walked away to the elevator that already had an escort waiting for her.

Natasha nods in amusement as she walks over to Steve. "So... She's cute."

"Nat...-" Steve sighs once more, starting to fix the couch cushions. A small groan forming in his chest as he sees her wiggle her eyebrow at him

"Finish gathering up supplies for our next mission, then you find me a date."

"Hey, don't get mad at me for being supportive" That statement earned a glare from him. He knew what she was doing and honestly didn't find it funny at all.

She laughs at that " I'm multitasking" she smirked patting his shoulder. "You should consider it"

[toboldlyblahblahblah]

Alright, gang, strap in. Here are my thoughts on cursing in the 24th Century / the Universal Translator...

First off, I like to believe that we don’t see cursing in Star Trek (TNG/DS9/VOY) because actually by that point in the future cursing has become superfluous and irrelevant. Cursing was, historically, the language of the peasant. It wasn’t used by the upper class. And when you think about it, that kind of makes sense. Why do we curse? Usually because we’re frustrated about our current situation. And who’s more likely to be frustrated by their current situations: a farmer who doesn’t know how he’s going to feed his wife and children, or the wealthy landlord who owns the shire and all it’s land? 

Now that’s not to say that people aren’t without struggle in the 24th Century, but we do know that the narrative is always being told to us through the lens of human protagonists (Picard, Sisko, Janeway, Archer). Earth is supposed to have become a paradise. There’s no more war or money so presumably a lot less need to curse. 

Again, that’s not to say there isn’t cursing, but it is to say that when they spent a boatload of time and effort creating artificial intelligence that could interpret and translate all languages, they probably didn’t bother to put in a cuss words subroutine. It just... wasn’t necessary. 

“But what about the Klingons?” you say! “We hear them curse all the time! I think I even heard some Romulan curses before on TNG!”

Yeah, okay. Thank you for the audience participation. To that I say: this brings up an interesting point. WHY do we EVER hear ANY ALIEN LANGUAGES when supposedly everybody on the shows are speaking their own native tongues? And if you tell me it’s because the individuals are willingly choosing to not have their words translated, to that I say: Yeah, nah. Because if that were the case eavesdropping would be impossible. Quark would never have anything to worry about because Odo presumably was raised primarily learning Cardassian and Bajoran. He wouldn’t speak Ferengi so Quark would just always speak Ferengi when he was up to no good. 

Now, you could of course argue that I’ve picked a poor example, because there’s actually never any indication that Odo has a universal translator. His true form never shows any kind of chip or anything. And we know from that one DS9 episode where Quark & fam (spoilers!!) go back in time to Earth that not only are universal translators on ships and in the main computers of starbases, they’re also implanted in the humanoid brain. Most likely a small procedure performed not long after a child begins learning how to speak. Anyway -- we could argue that either 1.) because Odo is a changeling his ability to morph into other creatures also gives him an innate ability to understand languages extremely quickly, or 2.) that the implant version of the universal translator is relatively new technology by DS9 era and therefore may not have been common place then, and maybe not even around at all in TNG, but living on such a diverse space station most of the DS9 crew got them implanted. 

Next point of tension that has always confused me: Why do entire planets only have ONE language when Earth has COUNTLESS? Why is there French and German and English and Spanish but somehow only one Klingon or Romulan or Bajoran dialect? Furthermore, where did all the other languages go? Why do the humans really only speak English? 

Here’s my theory on that: There actually ARE many languages on each planet, and even still on Earth. However, all speech on any individual planet is likely fairly similar to each other while also being fairly unique from all other planets just by nature of the natural evolution of linguistics. Now if you really wanna get into the psychology of it, language is actually in part biologically wired into us as humans. We all learn language in about the same ways and at around the same time in our development (withstanding, of course, particular conditions that have late onset of verbal behavior). Yes, it’s entirely valid to argue that since life on other planets would evolve in completely different ways than on Earth, it is entirely possible and in fact most likely that language would be crazy different on any other planet just because the biology of any other form of life would be so drastically different from that on Earth.  Now that’s a slippery slope argument right there so I’m just going to stop you. Because Star Trek already solved that one for us with one simple phrase: HUMANOID. Yes, it is entirely ludicrous to think life on another planet would look so incredibly similar to life on Earth, but SOMEHOW, MAGICALLY in this universe and this version of the future, that is the case. (And, like, if you really wanna go crazy, you could blame that on an infinite number of realities whereby some version of our universe would indeed be populated almost exclusively by humanoids, but I digress...) 

ANYWAY! So! The point of that last crazy long paragraph was that all language on any planet is RELATIVELY similar, so translators have simply packed them all together to create one, general language for each world. Which means the humans aren’t actually speaking “English,” they are speaking “Earth” or “Human” or whatever... And you can even go one step further and say that we as a viewing audience are, too, being impacted by the universal translators. As the message is being sent through to us, it’s being translated into whatever language we speak. 

Now! Where does that leave us on alien cursing? Welp, I’m going to say that in the case of Klingons and to a lesser extend Romulans, their cursing is still kept in tact by the translators because the usage of these words is intrinsically linked to the CULTURE of these worlds. Klingons are these strong, warrior race. To them, cursing each other off is sort of equivalent to humans arm wrestling. It doesn’t really prove anything, no one is hurt in the end, but you did just prove how macho you are to everyone in the room! 

But is cursing really important to humans??? I dont know, maybe some of you guys can argue it is. But, to me, when someone curses at me, all it really tells me about them is that...... they’re angry. And honestly there are a hundred other ways to tell a person is angry with you, you don’t really need the curse words for it. The way the person looks, how they are acting, their inflection, how loudly they are speaking, so on and so forth. Plus! I even took a literature & compositions class once where the professor made a really valid point. “Have you ever been cursed out in another language?” she asked us, “Or overheard someone cursing out somebody else? You don’t need to know what the words mean. You can just TELL that they are curse words.” And that’s because curse words are almost ALWAYS (for humans, anyway - and in all languages) FRICATIVES. Fricatives are words that employ very harsh sounds and letter combinations. “f” and “sh” most notably, but also sounds like “k” and “t”. These harsh sounds carry the meaning of the words just by it’s phonics. 

Anyway. Why did I say all that? I dont know I kind of got off track by the end there but my main point is that curse words don’t really mean a lot for humans. Our culture wouldn’t be completely demolished without them. If they disappeared from existence tomorrow we could all carry on just fine. But that may not be the case for other planets and cultures. So that’s why there’s still cursing in Klingon and Romulan tongues. 

I still don’t have a very good answer for that “Why can we ever hear an alien language?” question. Not one  that really satisfies me, anyway. But yeah. Here’s an incredibly long post that likely no one will read and which in truth really adds absolutely nothing to the viewing experience of star trek. But thanks for tuning in. These are the inane ramblings of a psychology undergrad who just really likes asking pointless questions about non-existent future technology and alien interactions. 

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

[ashavant]

The American University System: Oppressing the non-elite.

So let me get this straight...in the 70's there was a community outcry to lower the amount of tax money that got put towards college tuition for future generations? American tax payers used to cover over 70% of college costs, allowing the young students straight out of highschool the ability to work a minimum wage summer job to literally pay their entire tuition. Those with part time jobs while in school were not very common. This allowed for an ability to succeed without the unnecessary baggage of financial stress and lack of sleep at 18 years old while taking 14+ credits, which for those of you who dont know is a true 40-60 hour work week alone. All of this hard work and achievement paved the way for these kids to enter adulthood as educated, debt free, and with the world at their fingertips. Not to mention, they had the incredible privilege of not having to become a self sufficient adult in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the depression...

Compare that romantic reality to our drastically different reality today. I will use my experiences as an example for this, while probably on the extreme spectrum of experiences, they are valid and carry merit nonetheless. I was always told as a child, "you have to go to college, its not an option" Yet, when i graduated highschool, my parents grew quiet. I grew up in a 5 person household in Orange County, CA (one of the most expensive places to live in the country) in a family who made roughly $40k a year, give or take (thats poverty folx). My step-father was an electrical contractor so income was often spuratic. Anyway, needless to say they had not one penny saved for my college tuition. My parents failed to put a single penny aside for anything regarding my well-being honestly. With no car, no money, no job, and no idea when or how I could recieve a college education, I was kicked out of my parents at 17 years old with nowhere to go. I couch surfed and was able to get a couple jobs, one at a crafts store and one at a sandwhich shop. After 2 long years of working my way out of homelessness, all I wanted was to start college! So, at age 19 I applied for financial aid. However, I was told because I was under 25 I needed my parents tax information. Well, my parents never filed on time and were incredible dodgy with communication. So, after months of going back and forth I ended up paying out of pocket for a full time coarse load at a community college. I was able to work my jobs and pay this, but with nothing left over for rent or food. I ended up getting kicked out of my place, had to apply for foodstamps, and had to start over from square one. Little did I know I would have to wait 5 years before I could finally give college another shot.

I had almost given up the idea of higher education. I was making good money in the food industry at this point and had a nice company car and a great home with an awesome roommate. But then, I met a boy. We traveled the country for three months with his bluegrass band and saw 32 states. Afterwards, we again found ourselves broke and homeless. We hunkered down, worked 80+ hour weeks, saved up, and moved to Portland Oregon, "where young people go to retire". Little did we know, retire would be the LAST thing we did when we got there. Cost of living was rising in Portland, but still nothing compared to Orange County, CA. We got good food jobs and nested for about a year. My boyfriend (we will call him N) got great grades in highschool and high test scores in his exit exams, so in 2014 he chose to get back into school as a Music Composition Major at age 26. His journey is a whole other terrible story. I wanted to return to school so badly, but knew I had to wait until I was old enough to not warrant my parents tax info. Finally, at age 24 I filed my FAFSA and went to a career counselor. I was directed in the career of Civil Engineering. Having no prior knowledge of this career or topic, I dove in blindly headfirst. I chose a community college due to the fact that I barely finished highschool and did not take ant exit exams. To my surprise, I did very well in my college settings. After one year I was able to transfer to a university! Me! I WAS GOING TO A UNIVERSITY! I could not believe it, and was soo excited. I had no clue how hard this would be, not the work, but just surviving through it. I should mention here that I have a mild dissability. I have endometriosis which is a chronic illness linked to hormones, ovarian cysts, and all that jazz which can result in disabling pain and in my case an emergency surgery from time to time. I also suffer from a mild form of PTSD. So, with those alone handling high stress loads can be very hard on my mental and physical well being.

Ok, so I was a 24 year old first generation college student (first person in my family to go to college) disabled lower class person wanting a higher education. Seems logical right? Well, once I got accepted to the university, I chose to change my major to Architecture, I had taken an intro class for general ed and fell inlove. My beginning of my first year was great! Lots of lectures and reading. Aside from my tuition multiplying literally 3x from my community college tuition which did not affect my financial aid disbursement, I was fairly stress free. Now keep in mind, my partner and I are both working 20-30 hour weeks to make ends meet while taking 12-14 credits. Its basically having 2 full time jobs. Anyway, the last term of my first year came around-my first studio class. I was so excited! Time to actually do architecture! I got the syllabus and was told was supplies were needed to be successful in the class. I was also told that doing all of the requirements for the assignment would result in a C grade, if any grade above that was desired extra work had to be put in. I thought, no biggie, bring it on. The next thing she said was, "absolutely no sleeping in the studio!" Thats when I had a feeling I was gonna be in trouble. After class I went to the art store got my supplies. I almost started crying as they read my total to me: "$682.80, please." And that was with my student discount and not including all of the future supplies I would need just for that term, which I will tell you now after all the drawings and models ended up being about $2,000. That is a whole lot. These studio classes also require many all-nighters just to have enough time to complete the assignments. Many times, due to having to work outside of school I could not complete my assignments or had to do them with less craft and care than I would like just to turn it in. This year, I recieved less in financial aid, my rent has gone up significantly, tuition went up, and there are new grade requirements: if you get anything less than a B-, youre immediately dropped from the school of Architecture. So, not completing assignments isnt an option anymore. This last term costed my much less money, but once I told my instructor I was out of money, his response was, "well, this is Architecture school." What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!? A roll of Velum (drafting design paper) costs $50-$70 pencils are $2 a piece, models cost like $100 each, the list of tools go on and on. I am already paying $10k a year for tuition, ensuring at the very least $70k of debt including my masters degree which you need to get your Architecture license. And at least $100k with the $500 a month I need to borrow a month for rent. I should not need to add thousands more of that for supplies my school should be providing. And this insane pressure of pulling all nighters to get done the amount of assignments it would take us to do in a whole week last term in 2 days!

The moral of this very long story is that college is not meant for those of us trying to climb the life ladder. Its meant for the already elite. Its meant for kids right out of highschool with parents who make enough money to pay their tuition, their rent, their whole lives! Meant for kids who travel to Europe for the summer instead of working 60 hours a week to make up for the money lost during school cuz you physically cannot work more than 25 hours. Its meant for kids who can call their mommies and complain about how mean their teacher is, not for those of us who cry every night about being afraid of ending up back on the streets in the snap of a finger. Its meant for kids who can work and think about school all day every day, not those of us preoccupied with being able to pay all of our bills and being able to afford food and health insurance.

HOWEVER, even if you are like me, worse, or better, YOU CAN DO IT! I have a damn 3.7 GPA. I may only get 3 hours of sleep a lot, cry almost weekly, probably have lost years of my life due to stress, and feel scared for my health, but shit IM FUCKING DOOOOIN IT! Even though our government, or school presidents, and pretty much everyone in power disagrees, you are so worth it and you are so capable of success no matter how much harder you have to work than everyone else. Because we have to work so much harder now, we will get to party that much harder when we make it. I WILL GRADUATE IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL SUCCEED IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD CUZ I AM A BADASS AND CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PRIVELEDGED FUCKS CAN DO, JUST BETTER!

[thedeadflag]

1 When thinking of the word daddy I've always thought of a women? if i ever thought of a man as a daddy ive never sexualized it or ?? but i can now see the daddy kink and its effect. Ive read the g!p fic analysis and i didnt know a lot about the stuff ive read. The clexa fandom is the first fandom ive been in and its where ive first seen anything about g!p or about a/b/o? or even the word dubcon. Dont know if im naive or just didnt think about looking more into it and what it all really means.

(2/5) and not going to lie here i have read a few g!p and the a/b/o stories and ive read another post where you also have a lot of questions how in these fics writers "g!p fics get our bodies wrong" (not sure what how to title the post) and reading through it theyre many questions that are sometimes to never mentioned in them and it just sounds more or a interesting read if stories did mentioned those things and were written well and right about trans/intersex women?

(3/5) i dont know where i went with all this but it was a well interesting read that i dont not understand all of it just yet but will continue to reread and look more into it :)

(4/5) lastly i didnt mean to disrecpect you if i did it was unintentionally. sorry. i saw a post where somewhere around the lines you said it hurts to write clexa because of how horribly written lexa is as a trans/intersex women or in g!p fics and all and fetished and pain. i was deeply hurt by it all when she died and knowing this side in fics it adds to the hurt and how some people dont talk about it more or writers not listening due to wanting popularity

(5/5) wanted to add that even in ouat there was the same issues? in fics so it looks like and now in clexa fics involving all this. even though its been more then an year since lexas death lots of people were hurt in many different ways so many things happened after some for the better and some things thats are still arent talked about and not only effects this fandom but others. sorry just have many thoughts on it that slowly ill become more aware of. dont need to answer this just needed to say more

Like, I know the whole “She calls me daddy too” meme floats around wlw fandom and all, but that sort of thing literally did start in hetero fandom. I’ll definitely take your word that that’s what you think when you see/read/hear it, but 99+% of the time, that’s not going to be the case, and it’s not going to chance that ‘daddy’ is an explicitly primarily male-coded word. it will always be associated with maleness before anything. When cis women have it applied to them, that primary meaning gets to fall away temporarily because their womanhood, their validity, cannot be questioned. By design of cissexism, it cannot be questioned without undermining the sex and gender binaries and the power cis people wield. 

So cis women get access to the term temporarily, in a non-serious non-threatening manner. But it’s still one of the most male-coded words, it’s infused with maleness, and attributing to a trans woman is the exact same as calling her a man, a male person, because we don’t have cis privilege.

As for if you’re naive, honestly, there’s always a variety of reasons why folks don’t know this stuff, why they don’t pick up on this stuff. Whether it’s age, or lack of prior education, lack of exposure to trans women, naivete, etc., most people are unaware. So don’t feel guilty on that front. Everyone has to learn sometime...when the opportunity rolls around doesn’t matter so much as what folks do with the opportunity. A lot of people choose not to think too hard about it, not to concern themselves. It’s a good thing to learn, and it’s good that you’re thinking about it now.

Yeah, the big jot-note list of questions points out the flaws in the g!p/abo stories. Like, it’d be nice if authors actually did write more representative stuff...it wouldn’t actually be difficult, and it’d make for better, more engaging stories, and it’d help fandom be less exclusionary and hostile for us. There’s such a wealth of possibilities when writing trans woman characters, or intersex women, but all so many writers and readers care about are these fetishistic fantasies that get them off. There’s a considerable lack of care and concern about us as real, complex human beings. 

And there’s no disrespect. I can see Clexa stuff on tumblr, see fanart of Clarke and Lexa, it doesn’t usually bother me unless it’s fetishistic stuff (but i’ve blocked the artists of those so they don’t show up on my dash). Sometimes if I think only about Lexa, yeah, things can get soured, but so long as it’s canon material or art that looks canon-aligned, I’m generally good. Sad, given what JRoth and the show’s writers did, but I can handle sadness a lot better than dysphoria.

My issue is that I need to essentially get into the heads of my characters when i write, and whenever I try to get into Lexa’s, I can’t help but think about all the stories and depictions of her that are transmisogynistic and hurtful and fetishistic. I can’t block those memories and thoughts out when I’m trying to mentally collect everything I know about her as a character to decide how she’d behave or react in character in my stories, what she’d say, what she’d do, etc. There’s such a drastic split in who’s been used as a vehicle for trans fetishization that it’s essentially left barely any harmful material on Clarke’s end, which is why it’s so easy for me to write Clanya. So I can’t write Lexa as a character, because the process disgusts and upsets me, and I can’t watch the show because it makes me sad, and I can’t engage in fandoma and other people’s fanworks all that much because so many people are unsafe. So her character’s just altogether been tainted for me.

And it sucks, because like you said, so many people rushed to fandom as a balm to their pain from the loss of Lexa and the betrayal from the show. And it just hurt that so many could do that, knowing how it felt to be hurt and betrayed by writers that created cheap harmful content instead of good representative content, only to turn around and create mountains of cheap harmful content that sent trans women out of the fandom in droves, without much of anywhere to go, no big social network to bond together with and help each other with the pain and loss. All those people who would loudly yell “Support your sisters, not just your Cis-ters”, and then push us out of fandom without a care in the world to the hurt they caused us.

Yeah, these tropes have been around a while. A/B/O is relatively newish, having cropped up in the past decade, but it’s just a big mash-up of common tropes like g!p, mpreg, werewolf, bestiality, dubcon, sex pollen, BDSM, etc. So they’ve definitely been in and around OUAT across its tenure, I did a minor survey on that fandom’s use of g!p and its own magical variant, magic!cock. it’s been in Glee. In X-Files. In Xena. Lower volume, but there are g!p works out there in just about everything. Easy to ignore if they’re rare, outliers. 

In recent years, though, with greater exposure to trans women in media, there’s been a boom in mainstream trans-women porn. And, mirroring that growth in that male-driven market, there’s been a big boom in g!p fiction. It used to be small and largely avoidable, and now it’s everywhere and growing in popularity still. The 100 is just a fandom where it’s been the most saturated in femslash. There were more g!p works in Glee’s fandom, but Glee’s femslash fanfiction count dwarfs Clexa and other femslash fanfiction in The 100 fandom.

But the big boom of popularity in The 100 wasn’t just self-contained. All the ones who took to the trope, those who felt compelled to write about it, they’re carrying that desire to the new fandoms they’re in. WLW fandom does migrate, it’s a big running joke, so when we migrate, these patterns continue.

And while, yeah, a lot’s happened, and not a lot of people like to talk about what’s wrong in fandom, most folks try to avoid conflict. But stuff like this is important. It needs to be talked about, because people need to be aware, they need to learn, they need to see what’s happened/happening because of trans fetishization. Most don’t want to, but they need to know. They need to think about this and understand.

Anywho, it’s cool. I’m half asleep and rambling, and just happy to know that of the 14 messages that found there way into my inbox last night, a few of them were positive and good stuff. I like when people learn, when they want to learn. it’s a good, healthy thing. I’m glad I managed to help you understand the situation better. Feel free to hit me up again if you have any questions in the future :) I hope you have a good day!

[ask-sweetest-devil]

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” PrUk if you dont mind ^^"

“I’m starting to think that you legitimately have no semblance of shame.”

Gilbert was standing in his brother’s office building, shirt off, as usual. Unusually however, his body was marred with various bruises, scratch marks and hickeys and he made absolutely no effort to conceal them.

“Why would I? Incase you forgot, we’re in hell, Lud. Most people don’t, pardon my pun, give a damn.” He chuckled , plopping down on the corner to Ludwig’s desk, careful to avoid disturbing the meticulously stacked papers.

Ludwig had forgotten some papers at home, a very rare occurrence for him, but his Life was making some drastic changes lately so his routine was thrown out of balance. Gilbert didn’t mind fetching the papers for him, it was the least he could do to help out, after all.

 “Ja, but most people aren’t working in a professional business building and expecting a visitor from the fifth circle today either.” Ludwig sighed, straightening the papers on his desk for what seemed like the millionth time.

“I don’t see why you’re so stressed about some little envoy carrying letters to you from the fifth, doesn’t that happen basically every day-”

 Gilbert was cut off by the opening of the door to Ludwig’s office. A man in a black suit with a mop of scarlet hair stepped in, walking up to Ludwig’s desk and sitting in a chair opposite the blonde. He hadn’t looked up, as he himself was fixing some papers of his, and seemed to not have noticed Ludwig’s other guest.

 The person who had just walked into Ludwig’s office was unmistakable, a man of high standing and power and one that Gilbert had met numerous times before. They had an odd relationship, if you could even call it that, having it only consist of arguing, fighting, or both at the same time.

 Gilbert made a face.

 “You know, its rude to enter someone’s office without knocking, Arthur.” He sneered, catching the man off guard.

 “Bloody fu- What in satan’s name are you doing here?!” Arthur shouted, clearly startled by Gilbert’s seemingly sudden appearance, despite that fact that he was there the entire time.

 “Doing some work for my darling baby brother.” He answered, slipping off the desk and letting his bare feet hit the ground. He stretched, shoulders popping slightly with the movement, “I should be going now anyways, I’m sure you two have some important nonsense to discuss.”

 Gilbert began making his way to the door, but stopped when his brother cleared his throat.

 “While you’re here Gilbert, would you mind taking care of some paperwork for me?” Ludwig asked, digging some paper’s out of his desk and holding them out to his brother.

 Gilbert walked back over, leaving over Ludwig’s desk and taking the papers from him. He brushed Arthur, seemingly on purpose, likely in an attempt to annoy the man saying, “Sure, no problem.”

 Arthur flushed, seeing the markings dotted across Gilbert’s body and instantly recognising the lewd meaning behind them.

 “Do you mind?” He snapped at him, seemingly flustered

 “Not at all.” Gilbert replied, not missing a beat. He reached down and ruffled The man’s crimson hair, making his brother wince. Gilbert had a habit of annoying the living daylights out of important people, and it certainly did not make Ludwig’s job easy.

 Gilbert sped out of the room, laughing as the brit sitting across from Ludwig sputtered, face still flushed.

_____________

  “Why do you insist on being a raging twit?” A familiar and irritated sounding voice behind piped up in front of Gilbert.

 He was sitting at one of the spare desks, scribbling away on the paperwork with a quill and red ink. He had no reason to be using a quill, they had pens, but nobody had ever gotten him to use one before, so no one bothered trying.

 The albino looked up, seeing Arthur standing at the other side of his desk, arms crossed and brows furrowed. Gilbert let out a chuckle, seeing how grumpy the man was.

 “I could probably give you a million reasons for that,” He responded, placing his quill down and proceeding to mockingly rest his head in his hands, “But to sum them up into one, because it's fun.”

 Arthur growled, fuming at him as he snickered.

 “Honestly,” Arthur spat and gilbert rolled his eyes, knowing what was coming next, “You are the most unprofessional demon I have ever met in my life. You’re like a child, constantly bothering people when they’re trying to work, irritating me, parading around shirtless in the office so everyone can see your- your markings and-”

 “I’m gonna stop you there, junge.” Gilbert yawned, “First of all, I am much much older than you. I’ll admit I can be immature, but I am certainly not like a child.” his head was still resting in his hands, but rather than the amused expression he was wearing moments before, his face now looked bored and on the verge of irritation.

 Arthur huffed and looked to the side, not saying anything knowing that Gilbert would continue.

 “Secondly, I don’t know why you’re so worked up about the fact that I’m not wearing a shirt. I never wear shirts unless I have to and I’m definitely not the first person to walk in this place with a few hickeys. Hell, some people come here clean and leave with hickeys so I don’t get why-” He stopped, a look of realisation passing over his face before it morphed into a smug smile.

 Arthur gulped, seeing his change in demeanor and immediately becoming nervous.

 “N-now listen here-” He began but was promptly cut off

 “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” The Albino asked in a sing-song voice.

Arthur’s face blossomed into a red so brilliant that it nearly matched his hair. He opened his mouth to retort but the only thing that creeped out of his throat was a few stutters.

 “Mein gott you are!” Gilbert shouted, springing up from his seat with a goofy grin on his face. He nearly skipped around his desk over to Arthur and flung his arms around his shoulders, pressing his chest against his back in an over dramatic hug.

 “Now I just need to figure out if you’re jealous of me, Alex, or that I’m obviously getting more sex than you~”

[victorluvsalice]

AU Thursday: As Long As You Love Me -- First Meeting

Okay, Dirk Gently featured prominently at SDCC this year -- at least on my dash, where my friend @dont-offend-the-bees reblogged a few of the new clips -- so let’s have some of the DGHDA AU that’s not the Holistic Coffee Shop! Here’s the snippet of Victor and Alice’s first meeting. A bit of context -- Victor’s been kidnapped by a bunch of rough types, and is behind held for ransom in a mysterious warehouse. The leader, Hugo, is just about to start on more drastic measures to get William and Nell to pay up -- when one of his men bursts in with news:

"Boss! We've got an intruder!"

"Intruder?" Hugo repeated, straightening. "Police?"

"I don't know!" Scott cried. "Just Todd radioed me about somebody coming, and before he could say anything else. . ." He cringed. "It d-didn't sound good."

"Shit," Hugo hissed. He shoved Victor's chair back into the closet – Victor yelped as his head bounced off the wall. "Shut up! Lemme deal with this." He pulled out his pocket knife and unfolded the blade, holding it level with Victor's eyes. "And then we'll get back to convincing your parents that they should pay up."

Victor whimpered, hands clenching into terrified fists under his bonds. Hugo smirked, then shut the door, leaving him in a private sea of darkness. "Scott! Let's show this bastard how we do things around here!"

There was the click-click-click of guns being readied, then footsteps tramping out of the room. Victor shut his eyes and prayed that the intruder was indeed a policeman. Though to survive against this lot, they'd have to be a SWAT member. . .please, please, I want to go home. . .

BANG! BANG! BANG! "AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGHHH!"

Victor's eyes flew open. That – had been an awfully loud and tortured scream. And it was quickly followed by a number of others:

"Scott! Fuck, I – shit! shit shit shit–"

BANG! BANG! click "The fuck, I just–"

"How the hell is she doing this?!"

"I dunno, I just – glurkkk. . ."

"Oh God – fuck this noise! I'm – AAAAH!"

BANG! "This – this can't be – fuck!"

A clatter, and then the footsteps were back, this time running in the opposite direction, toward his closet. There were followed by a rather measured pair, slowly advancing on the runner. "No! No no no!" Hugo's voice came. Victor's eyes went wide – for the first time since they'd met a fortnight ago, he sounded panicked. "Look, look, we can – we can negotiate, right? We can – here! Here, take it, take it all!"

There was a soft little thwap, like a leather wallet hitting concrete. The slower footsteps paused. "Yeah, see?" Hugo said, a touch of relief in his voice. "Loads of money. And I got more coming on the way, I promise! You leave me alone, and – and fifty-fifty cut of the profits here. O-once I get some new guys. But fifty-fifty. Hell, sixty-forty. We make a good buck. I-It's an investment!" Victor could picture him trying to smile. "That sound good? We got a deal?"

A moment's silence. Then – "No."

And then the world outside the closet was nothing but screaming and a distressingly meaty series of thwucks and thwunks and the occasional crunch. Victor gaped, eyes locked on the door. Oh God. . .whoever this mystery woman was, she was certainly not a policeman. And she could take on Hugo? Apparently without a gun? His brain started flashing images of hulking bodybuilders before his eyes, women who could lift him above their heads and snap him in two without even trying. And one was right outside his door, slaughtering the toughest man he'd ever met. . .

The screams trailed off into a cold silence, followed by one last thwunk. "I do thank you for the money, though," the woman continued. "I was running a bit low." Another thwap of leather on concrete. "You can keep the wallet, I have my own. Now, let's see. . ."

Victor held his breath as he heard the woman stand up. Oh God – was her bloodlust sated? Or was she now on the hunt for a new victim? Would she think to look inside his closet? Please don't, he begged. Please don't please don't it's just vacuum cleaners and mops in here nobody else please don't please don't –

The door opened. Victor squeaked, blinking at the change in light –

Then blinked again as he got his first proper look at the woman who'd taken on Hugo and all the rest. Instead of the expected muscle-bound madam, the person standing before him was a rather small and slight young lady about his age. She was dressed simply, in a white t-shirt and jeans, a blue jacket tied around her waist, and a leather knife sheath peaking out from beneath it. A tangle of dark hair fell around her face, and she had honestly the prettiest green eyes he'd ever seen – bright and sharp. Honestly, Victor would have had trouble believing she was the killer if it weren't for the knife still clutched in her hand –

And the blood covering her body from head to toe. Victor hadn't seen so much red on a person outside of a slasher movie. Worse was the fact that the woman herself was completely ignoring it – as if this happened often enough that it wasn't even registering anymore. "Curiouser and curiouser," she commented, looking him over. "You don't look like a broom and bucket."

Victor whimpered. Part of him wanted to plead for his life, say that his parents would likely give her a reward if she brought him back in one piece – but that hadn't helped Hugo any. He could see in graphic detail just behind her legs how much it hadn't helped him. Maybe it would be better to just stay silent and hope that granted him a swift and relatively painless death. "Can't you talk?" the woman continued. "They do seem like the sorts who–"

She stopped abruptly, head turning toward an empty spot of floor beside her. "I beg your pardon?"

Victor blinked. Now what? "I–"

"Not you," the woman said, holding up a hand, eyes still on the floor. "You want me to – why?" She listened for a moment, then frowned at her unseen conversational partner. "Important? You're sure?" Another pause, leading to her putting her hands on her hips with an irritated scowl. "Well, it wasn't like I was just going to leave him here! I just don't get why–" She sighed at a silent interruption. "Fine, fine, if you're sure. . ."

With that, she loped around Victor's chair, knife at the ready. Victor shut his eyes tight, waiting for the bite of steel in his throat. Please, I'm begging you, just make it quick –

Zzz-zz-zzz-snap! Zzz-zzz-zz-snap! Zz-zz-zzz-snap!

That – definitely wasn't his neck. Victor's eyes snapped open again as the ropes around his wrists fell away. On automatic, he stretched the stiffness from his shoulders, then rubbed the aching lines cut into his skin. She'd – released him? But why? Was the hunt not any fun for her if her victims couldn't fight back or run away? Or – against all hope – was she letting him go?

It can't be that – you've seen her face, the more pessimistic side of his brain pointed out as she moved to the bonds around his legs. She's probably recognized you, realized what was going on, and decided she can be the one to get the ransom. She took Hugo's money, after all.

Yes – but – why let me up from the chair, then? Victor asked himself through another round of zzz-zz-zz-snap! Wouldn't it be safer to guarantee I can't run?

His eyes found the bloodstained knife again. She has other ways of making sure you don't go anywhere.

The last rope yielded to the blade's teeth. "I hope that hasn't blunted it too badly," the woman murmured, testing the edge against her finger. Those bright green eyes met his. "Do you think you can walk?"

To Victor's continued bafflement, she sounded absolutely sincere – even a bit concerned. "I – I don't know," he admitted. "It's b-been a while since I was let up. . . ."

"Right." The woman slid the knife into its sheath and stood. "Well, I don't think it prudent we stick around too long, so allow me."

"Allow – oh!"

Strong arms wrapped around his waist, and hoisted him over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. Without another word, she turned and carried him away, like a sheep to the shearing. A very large and awkward sheep, admittedly – his head was about level with her bottom. Which, unfortunately, gave him an excellent view of the carnage she'd inflicted on Hugo. He gulped as he watched the cooling blood drip out of the stab wounds. "G-goodness. . ."

"Evilness," the woman corrected. "I have no pity for him, or the others. They had no pity for their victims. Do you know what business they were in, or were you stuck in the closet before you could find out?"

"Um – m-movies, of some sort," Victor said, recalling the few times he'd been out of the closet long enough to see the camera equipment stored in the little warehouse.

"Snuff porn," the woman replied, without preamble. Victor's jaw dropped. "One of their recruiters gave me a business card. Last thing he ever did."

"Want to be in pictures, Van Dort? Bet I could make you a star." Victor shuddered as Hugo's words replayed themselves in his head. He'd guessed that they were almost certainly making pornography, but to learn they'd tricked innocent people into being killed for a shot at fame. . . They entered the hallway, and while the bodies strewn around were gruesome, Victor had a lot harder time feeling sorry for them. Would something like this have been his fate if his parents hadn't paid the ransom? Or even if they had? He didn't like to think about it. Especially with so much blood and gore so close to his face.

It was a thankfully short walk out of the building – soon they were in the parking lot under cloudy skies, passing the remains of Todd (who seemed to have been let off with just having his throat cut – probably because she'd been in a hurry to get to the others before they could prepare for her arrival) and heading towards an old red convertible. The woman opened the passenger side door and dumped him in his seat. "I do hope you'll be able to move on your own soon," she commented, going around to the driver's side. "I can't carry you everywhere, you know."

"I know," Victor murmured. He glanced across the expanse of gray concrete and white lines. He could make a run for it now, he supposed – but he didn't trust his chances of getting more than a few feet before tripping or getting tackled. Or stabbed. "I'm sorry."

"Not really your fault, you've been in a closet." The woman started up the car. "Seat belts. Not that I think we'll crash unless we're meant to, but just in case."

Victor obligingly buckled up. "The police are a-already looking for me," he said, wondering if it would actually make a difference. "I'm sure of it."

"Well, of course. I imagine your family wants you back," the woman said, unconcerned. She shifted the car into drive and peeled out of her space. Victor grabbed onto the door to steady himself as they whipped around toward the road. "And I'll get you to them. Eventually."

Victor gulped. "I – I don't have my phone. H-Hugo took it. I don't know how you'd c-contact them for the ransom."

The woman gave him a funny look. "Why would I want a ransom? I just got five hundred dollars off that idiot. I'm not pestering some poor couple for more."

Victor's thoughts screeched to a halt. "I – you – you don't know who I am?"

The woman shook her head. "I've been out of the loop for about twelve years, and even now watching the news or celebrity talk shows is not on my list of priorities. If you're someone famous, I'm afraid you'll just have to suffer my ignorance." She zoomed onto the quiet highway. "Of course, since Cheshire seems certain that we need to stick together for now, I guess introductions are in order." She gave him a nod. "Alice Liddell."

"Victor," Victor managed to get out after a further moment of astonishment. "Victor V-Van Dort. I – I g-guess you don't like canned fish?"

"Not particularly. Do you?"

". . .Not really."

She flashed him a smile. "Then we'll get along just fine."

[yahoo-shutdown-corner-blog]

2018 NFL Preview: With or without Andrew Luck, the Colts have a lot of work to do

Yahoo Sports is previewing all 32 teams as we get ready for the NFL season, counting down the teams one per weekday in reverse order of our initial 2018 power rankings. No. 1 will be revealed on Aug. 1, the day before the Hall of Fame Game kicks off the preseason.

(Yahoo Sports graphics by Amber Matsumoto)

Two Colts previews can be written: One with Andrew Luck, and one without. Neither is particularly rosy, but at least the first one would have some promise attached.

There’s no reliable prediction anymore about Luck. The Colts probably don’t know. When “Andrew Luck finally throws a football” is legitimate news in mid-June, you know how weird the whole ordeal became. Maybe Luck looks as good as ever this season, maybe he’s a shell of himself, maybe he has a setback and doesn’t play at all. We’ll have to wait and see. There have been too many optimistic predictions from the Colts to rely on those anymore. Anyone who says they know what to expect from Luck is lying.

The Colts’ biggest issue is Luck, but a healthy return wouldn’t fix everything. The defense allowed Brock Osweiler to have one of the best games by any quarterback in 2017. The offensive skill-position group is T.Y. Hilton and not much else. The Colts averaged 4.6 yards per play (tied for last in NFL) and allowed 5.7 yards per play (tied for second-to-last in NFL), a staggering minus-1.1 yards per play differential. To put that in perspective, the 0-16 Cleveland Browns were minus-0.2.

While Josh McDaniels deserves to get ripped for how he left the Colts hanging, and his reasons for staying in New England still seem dubious, you can understand the conspiracy theory that he realized how bad the Colts look on paper and got cold feet. And the Colts’ immediate future is even worse if Luck doesn’t come back to form.

[Yahoo Fantasy Football leagues are open: Sign up now for free]

This will take new coach Frank Reich and general manager Chris Ballard a while. They know that. The roster is really young. The Colts didn’t do much in free agency, signing some low-cost veterans to fill some gaps. They had 11 draft picks (six in the top 104, including fantastic guard Quenton Nelson at No. 6), and a large number of them might have to play immediately. There was no reason for the Colts to continue the charade that Luck’s return would restore them to a playoff team. This is a rebuild, and they’re going to be prudent about it.

The Reich hire at least went as well as could be expected, given that messy situation. The move was received well after the McDaniels fiasco. While that might be wishful thinking, it’s not a bad idea to test that Doug Pederson tree. If Reich can bring some of the more innovative and aggressive ways of the Eagles’ offense to Indianapolis it could be a huge help to Luck if he … well, you know.

There has been such drastic turnover of the roster since Ballard took over in January of 2017 that most of the Colts haven’t even played with Andrew Luck. He should be the one thing the Colts can depend on, but we all know by now that’s not the case.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck didn’t play all last season due to shoulder surgery. (AP)

Given where the Colts are as a franchise, I had no problem with their offseason. They gave out only two multi-year deals in free agency: Defensive end Denico Autry (three years, $17.8 million) and tight end Eric Ebron (two years, $13 million). They didn’t overpay to keep players like receiver Donte Moncrief or cornerback Rashaan Melvin. The draft was solid, starting with guard Quenton Nelson (I’m a big fan of second-round linebacker Darius Leonard, too). If the Colts hit a home run with high-upside late-round receivers Deon Cain or Daurice Fountain that would be a tremendous help. This is what a rebuilding team’s offseason should look like.

GRADE: B

We all know what Andrew Luck can do when he’s right. The Colts are 43-27 with him under center. And the 2017 Colts were a little more competitive than their record showed. As NFL analyst Warren Sharp pointed out, the Colts trailed at the half in only six games. They went 2-7 in games they led at halftime. Sharp said the Colts are the only team in the past 27 years to lose at least seven games in which they led at halftime. Also, they led through the third quarter nine times. Sharp wrote the Colts were the only team to lose more than two games after leading through three quarters … and the Colts lost five of those games. Only six NFL teams lost more than once after entering the fourth quarter with the lead, according to Sharp. There are reasons the Colts couldn’t finish games, like a horrible secondary and an offense that lacked pop, but records in close games usually even out to about .500 over time. You’d figure Luck could help in that area.

You can fix only so many problems in one draft, but the Colts ignored a glaring need at cornerback. The Colts’ starting cornerback situation might be the worst in the NFL. Pierre Desir has rarely been healthy in his four seasons with three teams (13 career starts), and 2017 second-round pick Quincy Wilson showed little as a rookie. They’ll probably be the starters. Even in a division that doesn’t have the best passing offenses, the Colts might give up a ton of yards.

If Andrew Luck misses more time, at least the Colts have Jacoby Brissett. They stole him in a trade right before the season with the Patriots (it wasn’t even the lightest trade New England made with a backup quarterback last year) and he fared relatively well under difficult circumstances. Despite not joining the team until Sept. 2, Brissett started 15 games behind a terrible offensive line, without much help from the running game and an average-at-best receiving corps. He still posted an 81.7 rating and had some intriguing stretches. A lot of teams have backups worse than Brissett. The Colts just hope Brissett is their backup, and not starting again.

The Colts need to find difference makers on defense. Safety Malik Hooker has to be one. Hooker, last year’s first-round pick, looked like a big-time playmaker early last season, intercepting three passes in just seven games. Then he tore his ACL and MCL. The Colts’ no-name defense needs some names, and they need Hooker healthy. You don’t necessarily want your main building block on defense to be a free safety, but the Colts need to start building a foundation on that side of the ball.

From Yahoo’s Liz Loza: “Don’t draft Andrew Luck. Not because he won’t bounce back, but because you don’t need to take the risk. QB is ridiculously deep this year. For reference, Matt Stafford – who has posted top-eight fantasy numbers for three consecutive seasons – is available after Luck. Patrick Mahomes – a prospect brimming with upside – is going just ahead of the Colts’ signal caller. There is zero reason to gamble on Luck, not just because he hadn’t thrown “The Duke” for most of the offseason, but also because a quarter of his starts will come opposite the Jags and the Texans defensive units.”

[Booms/Busts: Fantasy outlook on the Colts.]

[Yahoo Fantasy Football leagues are open: Sign up now for free]

The Colts have a rookie head coach. Here’s how many career games Frank Reich’s offensive, defensive and special teams coordinators have as coordinators in the NFL: 0. Offensive coordinator Nick Sirianni, defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus and special teams coordinator Raymond Ventrone all deserved a shot, as did Reich, but it’s startling to have first-timers in every key position on the staff. They’ll be coaching a Colts roster that will be among the youngest in the NFL. Maybe all that youthful exuberance will be a positive.

CAN THE RUNNING GAME TAKE SOME PRESSURE OFF THE QB?

Frank Gore is a great player, a true professional, but it was time to move on. The Colts, however, don’t have an easy replacement. Marlon Mack, a 2017 fourth-round pick, wasn’t bad last year but had 10 carries in a game only twice and averaged 2.4 yards per rush in those games. Nyheim Hines is an exciting rookie, but he’s more of a third-down playmaker than a foundation back. Jordan Wilkins might ultimately be the answer but he’s still a fifth-round pick who wasn’t considered an NFL starting-caliber back. The Colts could struggle to keep defenses honest with their run game, even with an upgraded offensive line.

The Colts never finished worse than 8-8 in Andrew Luck’s first five seasons, and those rosters had issues. If the Colts are just being extremely cautious and Luck is going to return good as new, we know what an impact he can have. The Colts were in many close games last season and just couldn’t finish. Perhaps Luck returns and the Colts bounce right back to contention in the AFC South. Honestly, Colts fans would probably settle for Luck returning and playing well, regardless of the team’s record.

What if Andrew Luck is never the same? To use a baseball analogy, maybe he goes from throwing 97 mph before his shoulder issues to throwing in the low 90s on his return (for you baseball fans, think Matt Harvey). The Colts shouldn’t go into this season thinking about the playoffs. The roster isn’t good enough. The real trouble arises if Luck returns but looks like just another guy.

I don’t know. The range of outcomes for Andrew Luck is so wide, it’s impossible to have a great answer. I think Luck plays, and plays fairly well. But the Colts’ roster is so thin, it won’t matter much. They’re going to be bad with or without Luck. Figure on double-digit losses no matter who is at quarterback, but the future looks tremendously brighter if Luck looks like himself in 2018. Fingers crossed.

32. Cleveland Browns

– – – – – – –

Frank Schwab is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at shutdown.corner@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter! Follow @YahooSchwab