#honestly both of them regret the 'without her knowledge and consent' thing within the first like. couple weeks. a month max

[dandelion-wings]

if it has "orders" that vague, would showing obvious enough dismay that Jean doesn't accept his agreement to them be "refusing"? In a situation where he is aware that having those tells caused him to get out of the order

I envision that as part of the ramping-up: the magic, as it grows out of control, starts actively reacting to anything Kaeya does to evade Jean's orders. Enforcing less and less explicit orders over time comes hand-in-hand with shutting down each new way Kaeya finds to work around them.

In fact, the cause-and-effect might even be the other way around! I'm tempted towards the notion that aside from the issue of a Vision's power being way more than the spell needs (and the Pyro-on-Cryo complications), the fact that a Vision responds to the intentions of their bearer is also playing into this. At the time Diluc does this magic he is still reeling from the revelation that Kaeya was deceiving him for all those years, and afraid on some level that he's going to somehow be able to wriggle out of this safeguard by fooling Jean as well. He does not want Kaeya to find any loopholes! And if I go with that, then the spell, turned by the Vision into an active rather than passive restraint, closes said loopholes as soon as Kaeya finds them--each strategy, including that one, has only a limited window before the magic starts triggering on it. And if that's what's happening, then forcing indirect or non-orders is just part of that overgrowth, because 'she didn't make it a direct order' is just another loophole, as far as that nasty mess of Abyssal magic and Vision power and Diluc's mistrust is concerned.

Even if that's not the specific mechanism I go with for why, I do know the magic is shutting down even that kind of passive resistance. The incident that makes Kaeya decide he has to tamper with it involves him being completely unable to give Jean mission-relevant information because it would have changed her strategy and the magic takes that as 'arguing' even though she would want to know. People get hurt because of it (including him)! No one gets killed this time, but... it's worth the risk to him not to put Jean in the position of being unwittingly responsible for someone's death. Because Diluc's coming home someday, and there's "so uh we might have anchored this on you without your knowledge or consent," and then there's "so uh someone died because we anchored this on you without your knowledge or consent," and there's both a moral event horizon here and, on the personal level, only so much forgiveness they can beg.

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 76, November 2017

“With persistence, courage and the willingness to learn and grow, we are often capable of achieving far more than anyone - including ourselves - might ever have expected.”               The Confidence Gap by Dr. Russ Harris (p. 244)

On Monday morning, I had a full body aromatherapy message by my friend and workmate Shannon Currant who is currently completing her Diploma of Beauty Therapy at Chisholm Institute of TAFE in Berwick. I was honestly really grateful that she asked me to participate in her assessment because a) Hello! Who doesn’t love a free message? and b) I really wanted to help Shannon out. After filling out a questionnaire and consent form, I was ready to go.

Unfortunately, we had to deal with loud construction vehicles working outside which was literally shaking the whole building. But once I was on the massage table, it didn’t bother me as much. Plus the soft chimes and swamp noises playing through the speakers was a welcome distraction. I thought that Shannon did a really good job, making sure I felt comfortable and relaxed the whole time and asking me if the pressure was okay. She was very professional about it and I’d be happy to participate again if she needs me.

On Monday night, I went to an RPM class at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. My emotions were still running pretty high after receiving an unexpected message on social media. It seems that I truly can’t handle criticism or anyone having a go at me because reading that message hurt me so much. And I had to admit that I’m partly to blame for this. I fuck things up without intending to but it was a sign that I need to cut the cord and let go. So I decided to do the mature thing and own my shit. It’s time to take responsibility.

Tonight’s class was vital for me in releasing these intense negative emotions festering within me...anger, guilt, hurt, shame, depression, disappointment. No matter what anyone thinks about me, I have to keep focusing on doing what’s best for me and looking after myself instead of wallowing in self-pity and playing the “Poor Michael” violin. I can’t let other people stop me from living my life nor can I please everyone. All I can do is learn from my mistakes, apologize, hope they accept it and move on.

Despite this emotional storm going on inside my head, I was pleasantly surprised with how well I did tonight. There were seven tracks from several older releases. The fitness instructor Janine who was filling in for Claire recognised me when I walked into the cycle studio and immediately I felt a little better about myself. I pushed myself over 130 RPM which I haven’t done in a very long time during the racing sections and up to 90 RPM during the internal training sections. It was pretty much giving a big FUCK YOU to all the negativity that’s been holding me back in my life. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

On Tuesday morning, I visited Bunjil Place for the first time since it opened last weekend. It was designed by Francis-Jones Morehan Thorp and cost $125 million dollars to build. The architecture both inside and outside the building is very impressive. There are major influences made to Aboriginal art, culture and past history. Bunjil itself literally means creator deity and is represented by a wedge tailed eagle, which the building is shaped like from an aerial view. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunji...

There are also some throwbacks to the styles of Art Deco and Art Nouveau with the use of spiral staircases, large expansive curves, block rectangular forms in the windows and simple, clean lines. The combination of natural materials such as the abstract timber sculptural forms in the foyer, dark grey woolen carpets and plush leather/suede seating works really well as does the use of large glass panels around the entrance. This maximises the amount of natural light coming into the building and provides spectacular views of Fountain Gate.  https://www.bunjilplace.com.au/abou...

The facilities inside of Bunjil Place are all ultra-modern and state of the art. These include an 800 seat performance theater, a 200 seat studio space, a 350 seat function centre, art galleries, meeting rooms, a multi-level library, a cafe, an outdoor plaza, an open foyer and customer service centre. It is a major improvement and necessary upgrade compared to the now outdated council buildings over the road. https://www.bunjilplace.com.au/venu...

On Tuesday afternoon, I had a formal one on one consultation with my potential new personal trainer Abhishek Ashokkumar from Silverback Training Co.. We spent most of the session talking about past experiences, who I am as a person, my short term and long term goals, what I want out of my training and how I’m going to get there. It felt good being able to express myself, be honest with Abhi and unravel what I truly wanted from the complex depths of my mind. My fitness journey so far has been a turbulent roller-coaster ride but I have no regrets and I wouldn’t change any of it.

Honestly, I’m still in a state of transition right now and buried beneath a massive “What If?” cloud when it comes to where I want to head next. Most of that is being able to let go of the past and confront the fear of change and uncertainty of the future. But otherwise I walked away feeling assured that Abhi could be a good fit for me. He is highly knowledgeable, no bullshit, funny, passionate, caring and training clients for the right reasons. There’s also no pressure to make a decision either way nor do I have to worry about any dreaded lock-in contracts. Certainly a lot of pros and green lights there. Now, I just have to be ready to start. https://www.theyardfitness.com.au/

On Tuesday night, I attended a nutrition seminar at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It was just a small intimate gathering of five people inside one of the training rooms on the pool level. Nutritionist and Dietitian Marnie Nitschke facilitated the seminar, talking about whether things like coconut oil, probiotics, A2 milk and activating nuts are good or bad for your health. She also discussed the top 10 trendy diets, explaining what evidence each of them had and why they don’t work. These included Sarah Wilson’s I Quit Sugar diet, the Paleo diet, the Detox Diet, the Blood Group diet, Raw Food diet, High Carb Low Fat diet and the 5:2 diet. http://www.everydaynutrition.com.au/...

The biggest problems with these diets are the lack of scientific evidence, not being sustainable in the long term, are missing key nutrients that are needed for the body to function correctly and are usually far too restrictive and unrealistic. It all comes down to having a balanced diet high in plant based foods plus eggs, fish, nuts, yogurt, cheese, milk and meats. And everything else in moderation. Nobody should feel guilty about eating a slice of cake or a chocolate biscuit, just don’t eat the whole packet in one go. https://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/wh...

Because the seminar was running slightly overtime, I was a few minutes late getting to my Body Combat class but thankfully I didn’t miss too much. Took me a while to get into the rhythm and not feel uncoordinated but eventually I got there. Cinamon mixed the tracks up again, putting in a Braveheart battle theme with a bow and arrow movement and The Prodigy’s Spitfire which included lots of dynamic lunges and side kicks. I always seem to walk away from a combat class feeling like I worked hard and that I really enjoyed myself. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

On Thursday night, I caught up with my friend Amy Amy in Thornbury. Getting off at Croxton station, I walked down Darebin street and met Amy at a pizza restaurant called Il Pizzaiolo. Thornbury is not an area I’m very familiar with but I was well prepared with directions in my head and in my pocket. I love admiring the older styled houses that are still preserved including Californian Bungalows, Queen Anne and Federation. I noticed that there were quite a few political posters up for the upcoming local election as well as support my marriage equality.

The Il Pizzaiolo is a traditional Italian pizza restaurant and for the most part, I had a very pleasant experience there. I decided to play it safe and order a Margarita pizza as the other options weren’t very appealing and were difficult to understand let alone pronounce. We then walked around the block to the SPAN Community House Thornbury in Clyde Street for the Om Chanting Circle class. There’s nothing that says getting out of your comfort zone by being in a new suburb, a new venue and meeting a new group of people.

As expected, my social anxiety was pretty high initially as meeting new people is a huge trigger for me. But eventually it did simmer down. Once I’m able to feel comfortable in the space and recognise that these people have good intentions, then the anxiety doesn’t have as strong effect on me. And the truth is that the people in this group were all friendly, kind, loving, compassionate, non-judgemental and open minded. Pretty much the types of people I need to be around more often.

The Om Chanting meditation class was facilitated by Paul “Paulie” Daniele. Red plastic chairs were positioned in a circular formation with two chairs in the center forming an inner circle. Essentially we had to chant om continuously for 40 minutes. That prospect for me was pretty concerning as I wasn’t sure I could last that long. But the good news was that you can take a few seconds to recover before breathing in again and knowing that everyone can go at their own pace. I did find that my throat was straining at times but that’s probably because I’m not used to doing it.

It was a really beautiful experience. During the reflective discussion at the end of the class, I described it as being inside a towering cathedral with a large choir of people all chanting together. You can literally feel the vibrations and the energy generated from the sounds we were all producing. There was a large range of harmonic frequencies that could be heard during the meditation from deep brassy tones to high pitched angelic-like tones. Very much brought my back to my days of studying Physics back in VCE.

Overall, I’m really glad that I made the effort to travel all the way out to Thornbury to see my friend Amy and to experience a different form of meditation than what I’m used to. Getting home was unfortunately a major hassle as I had to deal with replacement buses from Caulfield to Dandenong. Things went smoothly until I was forced to depart at Clayton station and was essentially left stranded there waiting for another bus. Getting close to Midnight, I didn’t want to take my chances waiting around for a bus that may never arrive. My gut instinct told me to call my parents to pick me up and that’s what I did. Thankfully I got myself home safe and that’s all that matters really. https://www.facebook.com/mindfulbod...

On Friday morning, I went to a Body Pump class with Gina at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It’s probably been about six months or so since I last did a Pump class as I was already doing on-going strength training with my PT. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve done any sort of weight lifting so I knew going in that I was going to be pretty rusty and needed to go easy on how much weight I should be putting on the bar. It really didn’t take long before I started to feel the burn and the muscle soreness in my arms, shoulders and lower back.

It was really lovely of Gina to give me a greeting as I really didn’t expect her to remember me let alone my name. She also pointed out that I was the only guy in the room but this didn’t bother me. I’m used to being in female dominated fitness classes. We did a combination of deadlifts, rows, back squats, overhead power presses and shoulder lifts with the barbell and some bicep and tricep curls with the hand weights.

There were a few times I struggled to keep up especially during the bench press sections and I even had to skip a few reps to recover but I did what I could. We also did some squats and lunges, core crunches and yoga stretches to finish the class off. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

“We were talking about the love we all could share. When we find it, to try our best to hold it there with our love. With our love, we could save the world, if they only knew. Try to realise it's all within yourself. No one else can make you change.”  The Beatles - Within You, Without You (1967)

“Child-like. No one understands. Jack knife. In your sweaty hands. Some kind of innocence is measured out in years. You don't know what it's like to listen to your fears. You can talk to me, if you're lonely you can talk to me.” The Beatles - Hey Bulldog (1969)