#honestly I'm pretty proud of all the explorations of that very uncomfortable conversation in that fic

[rawliverandcigarettes]

I have reread parts of the next chapter of TEoP and, yeah truly Nagatha's PoV and plotline is still my favorite part of the entire story <3

[shadowshrike]

for the ask meme, 30, 7, and 39

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

I pretty regularly write outside my comfort zone if for no other reason than writing is extremely uncomfortable to me. To answer less literally - almost anything I've written for Ace of Diamond is outside my comfort zone due to the setting. I'm a very casual baseball fan, have never had the opportunity to go to Japan, and very rarely write anything set in non-fantasy settings.

Probably the furthest I've reached outside my comfort zone was Unspoken, which is a fic with no dialogue. Do I love it? Not really, but I'm glad I tried it. As someone who hears and sees the characters in my head first, anything spoken is a huge crutch for me while writing. I regularly write entire fics of just conversations and then have to build prose around it, trying to get the rhythm of words to evoke the mood I'm going for while still carrying enough information to tell what's going on. Also, Endless Song was a huge departure. It is both the only thing I've ever written in 1st person, and is inspired by Xianxia; a truly crazy combination for a fic about baseball kids.

As far as how this writing has impacted me - it's made me more okay with following inspiration rather than factual nuance when writing. I'm a detailed world builder, so playing in a place where I'm not 100% confident I know what things are 'really like' has been freeing. I still research to anchor the space, of course. I just spend less time freaking out about leaning on the occasional literary shorthand of stereotypes to keep things moving in casual, small fics where the world is not the focus.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

Veridian Sky is no doubt the king of this for me. I had so much fun researching to piece together an Almyran culture, and I still think about it (and the final two missing chapters...) regularly.

Honorable mentions for other fandoms to: Endless Song (Ace of Diamond) - unfortunately not very visible in the fic due to it being unfinished and in 1st person, but I have a crazy amount of notes for it since it's completely fantasy and therefore needed an entire world built. Asylum Obscura (Fire Emblem: Fates) - also unfinished, and being years old it's something where I don't love all the writing. However, deeply exploring the commoner cultures of a world you barely see in game, especially how it clashes across national and class borders, was really fun. Life, Loss, and Bearfaced Lies (Baldur's Gate 3) - just finished this, so it's fresh in my mind. The worldbuilding is so insanely complex for this one, and it makes me a little sad that it's tied to a premise which almost no one but me would find interesting in that fandom. I may end up writing some other things that are more accessible to play with this world some more.

39. Is any aspect of your writing process inspired by other writers or people? If so, who?

I honestly am not involved enough in the writing community to get a ton of inspiration from others' processes. That said, I do borrow quite a lot from fic writers I admire stylistically. Ones like you (mareza) or now OAKtoONT in the Daiya space have me re-reading what you write from time to time and trying to identify what feels so good about the words or stories you've chosen. It has me often adjusting my own flow or trying to come at a fic idea from an angle I hadn't considered before.

[aroacepositivityplace]

I think I'm on the aro-spec and Idk how to tell my significant other, even tho they are also on the aro-spec I don't know what the other labels on the aro-spec are, or if I even fit under a label to begin with really. My sexuality certainly doesn't. Only recently did I figure out that I'm not straight either. Bisexual doesn't sound right most days Really, I just don't know anymore and I'm so confused and lost and I don't know what to do next

Hey, friend. It’s okay to be confused. Orientation is a stressful, confusing thing for a lot of people. It can be even harder when one’s romantic and sexual orientations don’t perfectly align. It takes a lot of bravery to be willing to start exploring these things and I’m proud of you for doing so.

I understand how hard it is to talk about things like orientation and gender even with people that we love and trust. If you’re significant other is aro, though, they might be able to help you try to sort out your thoughts and feelings and see if aro or another aro-spec label would be a helpful label for you to use. It’s honestly your choice whether or not you want to figure this out with or without your significant other. Either option is perfectly okay. You need to do what you’re most comfortable with. You are also under no obligation to rush to figure this out and tell your significant other. Go at your own pace. Having a conversation about your orientation is one that needs to happen if and when you’re ready to have it.

It’s okay if you end up realizing you’re aro-spec. It’s okay if you end up realizing that you’re not aro-spec. Taking some time to think about these things is healthier than bottling up those feelings.

Realizing that you’re not straight can carry a lot of emotional baggage, especially when you’re unsure what you are beyond not straight. It’s okay if calling yourself bisexual doesn’t really work for you. Don’t feel like you have to be using a label that fits poorly if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable. A lot of people just use umbrella terms because of their difficulty with finding specific words. There are also a lot of other labels out there so don’t give up on finding a word that fits you well if that’s something that you really want. 

I wanted to find a good list of sexualities to attach but unfortunately I couldn’t find any that didn’t horribly misdefine one more of them so I’m going to make my own in the hope that if may help you. bisexual- Sexually attracted to more than one gender.pansexual- Sexually attracted to all gendersheterosexual- Sexually attracted to one’s opposite binary genderasexual- Sexually attracted to no gendershomosexual- Sexually attracted to one’s same binary gender

graysexual- Sexual attraction fluctuates or is unclear. It can vary in intensity, come and go, or can be affected by certain circumstances that the graysexual person themselves may not be able to identify.

demisexual- Sexual attraction requires a bond in order to be present. This may take weeks, months, maybe even years. Even after time has passed and a good relationship has been established between a demisexual and another person, the demi person still may not experience attraction. It’s different for every demi person.

There are plenty more sexualities than these. Trying to find a good word for your sexuality is something that I’m more than willing to help you with if that’s something you’d like, but it would require you being more specific about how you feel.

If you’re nervous about talking about your orientation with your significant other, you could always organize your thoughts in a letter. It might help you figure out what you want to say and in the end, you could always give your significant other the letter to read if you’re more comfortable with that then verbally beginning this discussion. If you’re comfortable with it, you could also be straightforward. You could say “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think I could be aro-spec” or “I’ve realized that aro-spec is a label that applies to me.”

There are a lot of different aro-spec labels. I’ll describe some of them, but this is by no means a complete list.

Aromantic- Aros don’t experience romantic attraction to any gender. They can’t look at anyone and want to be in a romantic relationship with them or experience romantic feelings.

Demiromantic- Demiromantics have to bond with someone before they can feel romantic attraction towards them. This may take weeks, months, maybe even years. Even after time has passed and a good relationship has been established, they still may not experience attraction. It’s different for every demi person.

Grayromantic- Grayromantic people’s romantic attraction fluctuates. It can vary in intensity, come and go, or can be affected by certain circumstances that the grayromantic person themselves may not be able to identify.

quoiromantic- People who can’t or have a hard time differentiating romantic attraction from other types of attraction are quoiromantic. 

Doing research into aro vocab and experiences is probably the best place you can start. The link below has a pretty comprehensive list of aro-spec identities, some of which overlap with what I’ve described above. If any of those words sound like they match up with your experience, I would do some googling on what other people of that orientation have to say. You may find people that have very similar experiences to yours.

http://arospecawarenessweek.tumblr.com/glossary

I hope this was helpful. Please know that it’s always okay to send in another ask or a private message if you want to talk more.

[propshophannah]

hi so… I searched septate hymens (bc I'm 99% sure I have one) and you came up so I hope it's ok that I'm sending this!! anyway like I said, pretty sure I have one and I have an appointment but uh.. this is kind of embarrassing but I've never had an "internal exam," I guess they're called? and I'm really nervous about it. I have social anxiety so that's not helping either. I want to get mine removed but I'm not sure what to expect from the exam itself? like how does it go exactly?

Expect the exam to be awkward, but keep reminding yourself that you’re there to enlist the services of a gynecologist/doctor/trained professional to improve the quality of your life. 

They provide a service that you require to better your life and to be able to live it how you want to life it. 

I am very pragmatic and logical, so I always find it useful to envision it this way: I am a patient, yes. But I hold all the power. I can say stop or go at any time, and I am there of my own free will because they can help me in ways I cannot help myself. 

It’s also, just a vulva and vagina. That’s all. It’s a body part that we have been conditioned to feel ashamed about and most of us don’t even know why. And gynecologists look at vulvas and vaginas all day long! Yours is nothing special. They couldn’t pick it out of a lineup and they will not remember it.

Remember that they chose this profession to help people like you. Let me say that again, ob/gyns got into their profession to help keeps peoples vulvas and vaginas healthy. You’re keeping them employed, and you’re the reason they went to medical school to begin with. They’re there to help you. 

And internal exam for your hymen will probably—really—be more of an external exam. They’ll probably take you to their office to discuss what’s going to happen and ask you questions—this is when you bring up your hymen skin. And be your own advocate. Tell them why you don’t like it, why it’s in your way, that it’s impeding on your quality of life and that you know there are options and you’d like to explore them.

If you’re feeling anxious, say that. Tell the doctor “hey, I’m not sure how to explain this,” or “I’m really uncomfortable talking about this,” or “I have social anxiety and this is really uncomfortable for me.” 

A good doctor will give you the space to say that and they will encourage you to say what you need to say and they will do everything they need to do to make your experience better.

Also, write down what you want to say and read it. I’ve done it. Other people have done it. You will not be the first, and you will not be the last. Type it into a doc on your phone, then whip that bad boy out and read it. 

For everything else about what happens see this post. But know that since yours is about your hymen skin, that it will likely be all about that. Your doctor will decide if you need a pap smear or anything else. 

And lets just say that you go to a doctors office and they bring you to a room and ask you to undress before you’ve even met the doctor (honestly, if this happened to me, I’d find a new office. This is just bad practice.). But if that happened to you, you have every right to tell the nurse, “no.” And I would. I’d say I want to meet the practitioner. I want to talk to them. I want to explain my concerns etc. If they don’t give you the opportunity, then create one for yourself. Learning to start the conversations we want to have, is an important life lesson. We can’t expect other people to do it for us. We need to be our own advocate. 

So, yes. See the above linked post and let me know if you have other questions! Also, BRAVO. I don’t even know who you are but I feel really proud that another member of Club Vulva/Vagina is keeping themselves healthy and practicing self-care by going to the doctor to ask about getting a hymenectomy. You rock. Seriously.