#honestly I think we all know Pearson is the best choice

[m39]

Doom WADs’ Roulette: Revenant Awards 2004

Look, guys! I’m finally making an award ceremony on that thing I ripped off! :]

PASSION OF DOOMGUY – REVENANT AWARDS 2004 EDITION

Okay, but seriously now. 2004 looks like another year dominated by ZDoom. Like, there is barely any Vanilla WADs or those that require other source port than ZDoom. Thankfully, it seems to me that people were moving out from the Half-Life syndrome of trying to make their WADs more than what they actually are; focusing more on fun rather than a spectacle.

In this year’s case we will be having competition in three categories while the other two will have default winners.

Without any further to do, let’s take a look at the first category.

ONE MAN ARMY – BEST ONE-MAP WAD OF THE YEAR

Five maps. All for ZDoom. And it was kind of hard to choose one because all of these were at least good. Deus Vult is a really impressive marathon of a map, although I feel it might get too far in some places. Decade is another banger created by Russell Pearson. Tremor gives a surprisingly high amount of quality for an underdog. And I’m surprised how the first ZDoom Community Map Project didn’t end up as a mess but as a really good map.

All of these maps are worth checking out, but none of these came close to the incredibility of Grove. Yes, I might be biased, but this map is something on a whole other level. And it deserves to get the award. Although, honestly, Decade deserves to be called a runner-up.

FULL DECK OF DIAMONDS – BEST 30 TO 32 MAPS LONG MEGAWAD OF THE YEAR

Oh boy... This is going to be rough. Not really in terms of choosing the winner but due to the quality of all three MegaWADs being such mixed-bags.

Starting with Hell Revealed II gaining the award in the vanilla section by default. In many places, it might be an improvement over its predecessor, but it also makes regression in around the same amount of places, from some of the maps being uglier than the stuff released in 1994 to other maps thinking that shoving as many monsters as possible means great challenge. Or even sometimes both cases.

And as for Hellcore and Community Chest 2, these aren’t as polarizing as the one above, but they still are mixed-bags. Hellcore is less of a severe case but it feels unfinished, released because the authors were sick of this MegaWAD, having maps created up to 1995. CC2 meanwhile, was actually finished despite its false start, but the quality of some of the maps will make you question how these maps were even created in 2004 and/or weren’t a filler maps to actually release this compilation.

But ultimately, if not for Mucus Flow, Community Chest 2 wouldn’t get the award in the source port section. This map is possibly the biggest reason to get interested in this WAD.

OFF THE WALL – BEST PARTIAL/TOTAL CONVERSION OF THE YEAR

That was tough to choose the winner because there are two WADs in this category that are absolute bangers to play. But I’ll get to them in a moment.

We have RTC-3057 and Daedalus: Alien Defense (moved from the previous category because Doomwiki depicts it as a partial conversion). These two come to pick your poison type of choice: Either the one that was never finished or the one that mocks you for not knowing where to go with more enemies.

We have Massmouthmas, a Christmas expansion to MassMouth 2, and it was alright. There wasn’t anything obnoxious in this WAD.

And finally, we have Action Doom and Chosen. Two incredible WADs, where the former is an incredible mix of Classic Doom and Contra, while the latter is a really fun game on its own set in Ancient Egypt.

These two WADs could’ve got the award for the best partial/total conversion, but since I have to choose only one, I’m giving it to Chosen, having a slight edge over the other WAD due to its setting. Action Doom is still a runner-up.

OTHER AWARDS

And now for the rest of the WADs that won by default. Starting with the Pug-of-Pink award for the best 2 to 7 maps long WAD of the year going to Doomworld Forums 3. This WAD is something that I can only recommend to people who were into whatever happened back then in Doomworld forums. I only got one joke, maybe two.

And the Golden Spider award for the best episode replacement WAD of the year goes to Phobos Revisited. It takes the original maps from the first episode and makes something similar yet drastically different. Worth checking out as an anniversary WAD.

CONCLUSION

And that’s all I have for the Revenant Awards 2004 Edition. Despite having a stinker of a WAD that is Daedalus (and maybe HRII for some), I think it was a rather good year for Doom WADs. I’m mostly happy with what Cacowards 2004 had to offer (not counting the multiplayer WAD and the worst WAD of course). Can’t wait for what 2005 has to offer. I know Scythe 2 will probably be a banger to play.

Unfortunately, there is one filth that I have to deal with before taking care of the 2005 roster. Remember how I said in the past that I’ll eventually review properly the 007 WAD from 2002? I mentioned that after dealing with the 2004 roster, I’ll go back to this abomination and take pictures of the secrets and keys for the eventual review. And I’ll keep that promise after taking a week-long break.

Pray for me that I’ll not lose all of my marbles playing this shit again.

Bye.

[ttuesday]

I'm also sure Bill would think that modern!reader was an e.t. LOL

Don't worry, all your headcanons are awesome <3.

Now imagine that all the boys are in love with the same person, how do you think they would react? Would they fight each other?

- B

Omg Bill would definitely think they’re e.t! That’s great lol

Dutch

Dutch wouldn't see the other fellers as competition. He's Dutch goddamn Van der Linde, sexiest man alive (according to him), infamous leader of outlaws, philosopher, mustache owner. Who wouldn't want him?

Dutch has an upper hand over the other fellers because he can send them off on jobs for the day while he stays at camp and flirts with you.

He doesn't try too hard though. He's very confident and he knows that if you like what you see then you'll come and flirt with him. Either way, he's convinced you'll choose him.

Arthur

At first, Arthur thinks he has a chance with you. You're everything he looks for in a partner and ye get on great. But then he hears that the other fellers also have the hots for you.

The little confident he once had is completely gone. He doesn't see why you'd pick him when you could have Dutch or Charles or even Micah. As much as it pains him, Arthur will take a step back.

With the other fellers constantly flirting with you, Arthur decides to friend zone himself for you. He doesn't think you'd ever pick him. He's still there for you though and tries to be the most amazing friend he can possibly be.

Charles

Charles is instantly aware of the competition he's in for your affection. The biggest issue he faces is when you're in camp. When you're there he never has time to approach you, there's always some other guy trying to chat you up.

The only time Charles gets to properly talk to you is when ye both go hunting. He may not have as much time as the others have with you but he cherishes every minute.

And Charles understands if you don't feel the same way. He’ll still be very protective over you, always ready to defend and fight someone on your behalf.

Micah

To be honest, Micah doesn’t care if you don’t pick him. That won’t stop him from constantly flirting with you.

Micah has no shame in flirting with you in front of the other fellers. Chances are he’ll make some veryyyy suggestive comments too.

Depending on who you choose to be with, he might back off. And by that I mean he’ll only back off if you choose Dutch because Micah needs to be on Dutch’s good side. If you pick any of the others then he’ll keep on flirting with you. And if you pick him then he’ll make sure to rub it in everyone’s faces constantly.

John

John thinks he has a good chance. He thinks he can be pretty smooth when it comes to flirting when he’s in the right headspace.

While the others might not resort to physically fighting over you (unless they feel like you’ve been disrespected), John will actually punch someone if they keep bragging about flirting with you.

Though John will only fight if one of the others gets on his nerves. He’s warned Micah a few times and surprisingly Micah has shut up after that (mainly because Micah knows he’s a shitty fighter and he doesn’t want to lose a fight against John in front of you).

Javier

At first Javier may try to act as though he’s not interested in you. He hopes that if he plays ‘hard to get’ then maybe you’ll be more intrigued by him.

But once he finds out the fellers like you too, then he goes from 0 to 100 and starts trying his best. He’ll serenade you every night, he’ll make you coffee in the morning, Javier will even clean your guns for you.

Javier won’t fight anyone else but he will definitely try and provoke the other fellers to fight. He hopes that if they do then you might lose interest in them and Javier will look like the mature man you hopefully need in your life.

Bill

Bill tries to flirt with you but he always get too flustered and trips over his words. He hates how easily some of the others flirt with you. He doesn’t understand why he can’t do that too and why he always messes it up.

It was annoying Bill more and more everyday. One day when Javier told Bill that John said he’s ‘useless’ at flirting, Bill finally snapped.

He marched up to John and they started fighting. You know when two 5 year olds start fighting and they end up randomly swinging their arms in the air in the hopes they’ll hit the other person? That’s Bill and John fighting.

Pearson

He cooks, he sings, he has hundreds of stories about when he was out at sea and he gives warm hugs. Pearson is the ideal man.

You want my opinion? Pick Pearson.

[heart-of-gold-outlaw]

Welcome Home | Chapter Ten: Still Breathing

Finally—finally—, the day comes to rescue Sean. You honestly don’t know what to expect. Most of the others in camp aren’t much help, referring to Sean with a roll of their eyes and something along the lines of: “half a mind to let the bounty hunters keep him.”

They should be saying that about Micah, you think to yourself as you watch Charles and Arthur saddle their horses. Maybe then Dutch’ll kick him out.

Still, Sean is a bit of a wildcard to you. You won’t figure out what he’s really like until you meet him, and until then, you decide to keep an open mind. Worst case scenario? He’s Micah’s long-lost brother. Best case scenario? He’s… well. Maybe it’s best not to think about all the things he could be. Keep yourself on your toes.

You sit on a tree stump while the boys get ready. Taima is an absolute beauty of a horse, and you can tell by the way Charles dotes on her that she’s got a good life. Briefly, thoughts of having a horse of your own cross your mind. That appaloosa gelding is probably still for sale in Valentine. Maybe if you can get enough money, you can buy him.

Arthur and Charles take their sweet time packing more than enough ammo, which means you quickly get bored. Every scratchy detail on the tree stump bothers you, too. Hopping to your feet, you decide to get some chores done. Everyone’s been so preoccupied with the big upcoming rescue, they’ve neglected some of the finer details in camp.

The ax is in its usual spot, surrounded by whole logs that need to be chopped. You grab ahold of the handle. It feels lighter than it used to, and you realize you’re getting stronger.

Goodbye noodle arms, you think as you bring the ax down on to the first log. You don’t quite split it, but it’s getting closer than ever. And hello Jack Lumber.

A few chops in, you feel the muscles in the back of your neck tense. Someone’s behind you, and you’re not quite sure who. But soon enough, a low, sinister chuckle reaches your ears. Micah.

“Well,” he says. “Looks like the camp nuisance is finally doing some work.”

You slowly count to three before turning around. Micah stands by you, a little too close for your liking, and he’s got a smirk on his face that twists your gut something awful. You’ve started wearing a gun belt, and the hand that isn’t holding the ax inadvertently twitches toward your revolver.

“You know something, Y/N?” He takes a step toward you. “I think you’re starting to wear out your welcome.”

Fire ignites in your chest. No. No. Micah doesn’t get to do this, try and make you second-guess yourself and your place in the gang—especially not after you’ve just started feeling comfortable.

“Back off, you useless mineral,” you hiss.

Micah’s lips curl into a snarl as he takes another step toward you. This one feels infinitely more threatening, and you barely keep yourself from taking a step back. You’ll be damned if Micah wins this fight.

“Take another step,” you warn, “and I’ll jump rope with your intestines.”

Honestly, you don’t really expect him to feel threatened, but the odd choice in words is enough to throw him off. You can see him trying to process everything you said, which gives you enough time to throw the ax down and skedaddle.

Your heart thuds frantically in your chest as you hurry to Arthur and Charles. Micah won’t try anything if you’re with them; that much, you know for sure.

“We ready to go?” You ask as nonchalantly as you can. “If I chop one more piece of wood, I’ll have to start wearing flannel.”

Charles looks confused at “flannel,” but Arthur frowns as he glances over at the chopping block. His expression hardens when he sees Micah storming away.

“Micah giving you trouble?” He asks, a hint of something dangerous in his voice.

“Nothing I can’t handle.” You go to lean against the hitching post, miss, and almost topple over. Face burning, you settle for folding your arms over your chest.

Arthur and Charles exchange looks.

“If he tries anything,” Charles tells you, calm and steady, “let us know. We’ll take care of it.”

We’ll take care of it. How a statement so simple and so general can sound that dangerous, you’ll never know. You wordlessly nod, not knowing how to respond.

Charles leaves, then, to go saddle Taima. You look to Arthur, ready to follow him to Florence, who’s already tacked up and ready. But he doesn’t move.

“Micah been buggin’ you a lot?”

You shake your head. “Not really. I mean, he gave me a hard time when I was cleaning up Pearson’s wagon a while ago, but Hosea scared him off.”

Arthur turns to look at you. “And today?”

“Oh.” You think back to the confrontation. “Well, he called me the ‘camp nuisance’ and said I was starting to wear out my welcome.”

A glint of fury flashes through Arthur’s eyes as he throws a glare in Micah’s general direction. You shiver involuntarily. Thank goodness you’re not on a certain cowboy’s bad side.

“I’ve been called worse, to be honest,” you say with a shrug, and smile slightly when Arthur looks at you again. “I’m kinda used to it.”

He gives you a troubled frown instead of sharing your nonchalance. Confused, you feel your smile waver a little.

“What?” You ask.

“You…” Arthur begins, trails off, then continues: “You know it ain’t true, right?”

“What isn’t?”

“The part about being a nuisance. You ain’t wearing out your welcome, either.”

Something pulls at your heart, something strong, and you’re suddenly at a loss for words. You’ve had so many doors slammed in your face, so many people come and go, never staying, never even wanting to stay… And you couldn’t do anything but watch them leave.

“Oh,” is all you manage around a tight throat.

Arthur looks at you some more. His eyes are soft now, soft and full of what you think is understanding. He reaches out, maybe to put a hand on your shoulder, but apparently thinks better of it and instead motions for you to follow him. You trail a little behind as he walks toward Florence. You ain’t wearing out your welcome, either. Did… did Arthur really mean that? Does that mean the rest of the gang, minus Micah, feels the same way? You can’t help but shake your head in wonder. You don’t think you’ll ever understand these people.

Once you catch up, Arthur easily swings himself on top of Florence, then hauls you into the saddle behind him. You’re starting to get used to horseback. Florence may be absolutely massive, but you don’t feel so unsteady anymore. In fact, you might actually like riding.

“We’re meeting up with Javier just outside of Blackwater,” Charles says as he brings Taima over. “Trelawney thinks the bounty hunters will bring Sean upriver.”

Arthur nods and sets a steady trot out of camp. “Good. We can probably cut ‘em off when they reach the border. I think there’s a canyon that’ll give us some decent cover.”

“Any luck, we’ll take them by surprise.” Charles urges Taima into a canter, which Florence matches. “How many do you think there’ll be?”

“For Sean?” Arthur laughs, and you try not to look too enamored. “Any pair of fools could handle him. But there’ll be a lot of ‘em, no doubt.”

Charles hums in thought, but doesn’t say anything else. Much of the ride passes in comfortable silence. Although you want to focus on admiring the scenery and marvel at the lack of, well, everything, you find yourself thinking about the upcoming fight. You may not know a lot about the past, but you’ve seen enough Westerns to know bounty hunters always put up a hell of a fight. That, and they always keep coming right when you think you’ve killed them all.

Your revolver suddenly feels heavy in its holster. You bite your lip, a little unsure. Yes, you’ve used it once at Six Point Cabin, and yes, you’ve managed to hit a few bottles, but those were honestly lucky shots. And neither of them were shooting back.

Bounty hunters, though? Different story. For as much bravado as you showed Dutch during his little tirade, you have to admit that you’re a little nervous. It’ll be your first real gunfight. You’ll have Arthur and Charles looking out for you, but you can’t help the anxiety knotting deep in your gut.

If I die, I die, you think. No going back now.

///

Conversation lags for the remainder of the ride. Eventually, after crossing a small river, you’re in what Arthur tells you is West Elizabeth. It looks… well, it looks like a perfect snapshot of a history textbook. Rolling hills and open land, bison… it’s absolutely stunning.

Off in the distance, you see two people looking over the edge of a cliff. You recognize Javier, but you don’t recognize the other man, with his mustache and mischievous eyes. He smiles when he sees Arthur and Charles, then peers at you curiously.

“And who might this be?” He asks as Arthur dismounts, leaving you alone atop Florence.

Your brain goes into a blue screen of death, and before you know what you’re doing, you say: “My name is an enigma and holds all the secrets of the universe.”

“That would be Y/N,” Arthur says, exasperated. He helps you down and grabs his rifle from the saddle. “Y/N, this is Josiah Trelawney.”

Trelawney bows with a flourish. “At your service, my dear.”

You instantly decide you like him. Waving hello to Javier, you approach the edge of the cliff, crouching low like everyone else.

“Sean?” Arthur asks as he looks down the scope of his rifle.

“I think he’s in that boat over there.” Javier gestures to a small vessel upriver. “Think they’re docking to take him further inland.”

Arthur turns the scope, then gives a hum of confirmation. “That’s him alright. Giving those bounty hunters hell.”

Trelawney nods and rises before mounting his horse. Setting a slow walk, he motions for everyone to follow him. Arthur helps you on to Florence, and then you’re off once more.

“If we do this right,” Trelawney says, “we can cut them off. Remember: we’re just innocent folk out for a ride on the trail. Let’s not draw their attention just yet.”

The five of you ride toward a canyon. Ahead, you can see the boat docked at the shore, along with several well-armed, intimidating bounty hunters standing guard. They don’t look like they’re in much of a mood to negotiate. In fact, they look ready to shoot on sight.

Everyone takes cover around the bend. Trelawney, odd man that he is, seems more preoccupied with his coat than the problem at hand.

“Now ain’t the time for a fashion statement,” Arthur drawls.

“Au contraire, my dear fellow,” Trelawney says with a smile. “Bounty hunters are even more gullible than hillbillies. I have to look the part if I’m going to make the proper distraction.”

Then, before any of you can say a word otherwise, Trelawney strides confidently toward the bounty hunters. You can’t hear what he’s saying, but you just know he’s spinning a tale bigger than the Grizzlies. He waves his arms in a grandiose gesture. In another situation, you would have mistaken it for part of the act. But now, along with Arthur, Charles, and Javier, you recognize it for what it is: a signal.

Arthur fires a quick shot, striking one of the bounty hunters between the eyes. From there, it’s chaos. All you can hear is the sound of gunfire and shouting. You take cover behind a rock, firing your revolver without really trying to hit anything. You don’t know if any of your bullets find their marks. Honestly? Probably not.

“Let’s push up on ‘em,” Arthur commands.

You stick close by him as you make your way up the canyon. The bounty hunters have regrouped by now, which lets them put up more of a fight. A bullet whizzes by your ear—too close for you to ignore—and you yelp and duck further into cover.

Arthur quickly lays down some cover fire, then hauls you up and pulls you behind a larger rock. You don’t even have time to tell him thank you. The firefight picks up again, bullets flying, ricocheting, sometimes hitting their targets, sometimes hitting the canyon walls. It takes nearly all your self-control to keep a level head.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Javier reloading his guns, but also just barely peeking out of cover. You look up the canyon trail. There, off in the distance, half-hidden by gun smoke and dust, you can just barely make out the silhouette of a bounty hunter—and he’s aiming right at Javier.

You steel yourself. You’re not some useless coward who needs to be protected. You’re a member of the Van Der Linde Gang—an outlaw. And one of your own is in danger.

Your anxiety flees, replaced by determination. Edging ever-so-slightly out of cover, you fire off a shot toward the bounty hunter, then duck back behind the boulder. A pained yell tells you that you hit your mark, and it’s followed by silence.

Javier looks at the fallen bounty hunter, then at you. He nods his head in thanks. Smiling, you tip your fingers in a mock-salute, then follow Arthur as he pushes further up the canyon.

It doesn’t take long for your little group to reach a clearing. Right away, you see someone dangling upside down from a tree. He’s also surrounded by vicious-looking men who you would honestly rather avoid.

Well,you think to yourself. That must be Sean.

The bounty hunters have been expecting you, and they fire several warning shots into the tree line. You duck behind the trunk of a massive pine. To your right, you see Arthur considering the situation, trying to figure out the best approach. On your left, Javier and Charles wait on a signal. You don’t know what happened to Trelawney, but you think he’s alright.

“If we can get around them,” Arthur eventually says, “we can come at them from all sides.”

Javier grins. “Like shooting fish in a barrel.”

Charles gives him a look. “Only the fish can shoot back.”

Arthur nods, then looks back toward the clearing. “Someone’s gotta get to Sean quick as they can. I got a feeling he’s gonna be bait.”

“I’ll do it,” you tell him. “There’s enough cover behind that tree he’s tied up in. I’ll be fine.”

For a long, long moment, Arthur looks uncertain. But when you give him a pleading look, silently begging him to let you prove yourself, he sighs and folds the cards.

“Alright,” he agrees. “Wait until you got a clear opening, then go for it.”

Everyone heads off in opposite directions, leaving you to prepare yourself for the sprint of the century. One by one, the boys shoot the bounty hunters, hitting each with impeccable aim. Then, almost before you’re ready, you spy the perfect opportunity.

Making a beeline for Sean, you dive behind the tree just as the bullets start flying again. You sit there for a few seconds, catching your breath. You can’t believe you’re still alive. All that time in open space, and not a single scratch on you.

“It’s over!” You hear one of the bounty hunters shout.

He sounds dangerously close to you. Peeking around the tree, you see him standing not a foot away, pointing his rifle at Sean.

Shit.

You duck back into hiding before you’re spotted. This is exactly what you didn’twant to happen, and it happened anyway. Wracking your brain for ideas, you look around for anything that could be of use.

Think think think think think think—

There’s a corpse not too far from you, and you spy a knife on its belt. Moving purely on instinct and adrenaline, you snatch it from its sheath, turn back to the bounty hunter, and shove it through his throat right in the middle of his next sentence. He stays on his feet for maybe a second longer, then collapses.

You slowly back away from him. Dimly, you realize that the fire fight is over, that everyone else is okay, but you can’t bring yourself to focus on that. All you can do is stare at the body on the ground… the man you just killed.

“You alright there, friend?” Sean asks, still upside down.

“Uh,” your voice sounds far away to your own ears, “yeah. I’m fine.”

After that, you have maybe five seconds before your stomach lurches. Doubling over, you heave violently for a while before coughing, spitting out the taste in your mouth, and wiping your lips with the back of your hand.

“Hiya Sean. I’m Y/N.”

//

Accompanying Music: Still Breathing | Green Day

Ko-Fi

[meowdymista]

Van der Driscoll Pt8

Part 7 - Masterlist

Part 9

This is somehow only 3800 words long, possibly because I killed three pages of flashback and squished it into a handful of paragraphs. BUT there’s no in game script this time (hooray!) so hopefully will be a bit more of a fun read.

Gentle reminder that the only reason I’m still writing this discarded one shot is because @memekingofwwiii and @artisticpoet replied to the original post three months ago. Any feedback always goes a long way, and if you wish this project had died back at the beginning, you have them to blame #sorrynotsorry

***

“Miss LN, if you do not quit your incessant pacing, I will tie you to the mill stone in Rhodes and rent you out as a donkey!”

Your apology is empty and Miss Grimshaw’s scowl tells you she knows it. Hosea folds down the paper, pressing precisely over the creases before setting it aside. “They won’t be long now, I’m sure of it.”

O’Driscoll’s had intercepted Mr Pearson on his way to Rhodes with the message that Colm was proposing a truce. They claimed it was better to rally together as a dying species than to let the Pinkertons pick off smaller groups fighting amongst themselves.

That wasn't your primary concern. The thought of the O’Driscoll’s so close to camp rattled you, and shook Kieran like an oversized jelly. There was a chance they wouldn’t see through your altered appearance and you could slip past them, but for Kieran who rode with them for two months... To be shot on sight would be a mercy, and both of you knew that that wasn’t the O’Driscoll way.

Dutch announced that as doubtful as the proposition was, he wasn’t going to waste the opportunity to put the past behind him. Assigning Micah as his number two and Arthur as back up, the trio rode out of camp despite the shaking heads and words of disapproval.

“We’ve been in worse situations before and got out of it,” continues Hosea, his bright eyes tired. “Arthur’s the best shot in camp. He’ll take care of any trouble before it starts.”

You hum in acknowledgement before dismissing yourself. You haven’t told anyone about the vibrantly vivid dreams you’ve been having. Abigail has told you in the past that she had them a lot whilst expecting Jack, something to do with the raging hormones, but you can’t shake the dread that’s become sediment in the bottom of your heart. There is something about the way Dream Micah is relentless in his beatings... the way he sneers at every missed punch from Dream Arthur… the shine of moonlight on the infamous double action revolver with its custom black and red grip, and the flicker of fire highlighting the etching Vengeance is hereby mine. To know Arthur is out there with Micah’s only cheerleader is unsettling to say the least. What if it’s not the chaos of change? What if these dreams are a premonition?

You shake the thought of Dutch’s polished boots crushing Arthur’s outstretched fingers from your mind. A dream, you tell yourself firmly. A dream and nothing more.

Stripping to your undergarments, you wade out into the lake in search of a distraction. There’s an island not too far from shore. You could be alone with your thoughts there if you took the boat out, or even if one of the horses wanted to take a swim, but the nagging in your stomach has tied a knot to the centre of the camp. You can’t wander far for fear of the Dream Arthur’s beaten corpse welcoming you back.

“Miss Thomas, I-” Kieran squawks loudly from the shoreline, staring up awkwardly into the evening sky. You sigh and retreat enough to stay underwater whilst remaining within earshot. “I-I’m sorry, M-Miss, I didn’t think you was- that you were-!”

“It’s fine, Kieran. Pass me the towel on that rock?” He obliges, eyes still scouring the heavens like a lost monk until you’ve tied it around your waist and shrugged on one of Arthur’s old shirts. “You heard something?”

“Should I have? Oh, about Arthur and Dutch. They ain’t back yet. I was- I was just wanting to, erm, to check how you was feelin’ with the whole… Colm... thing.”

You consider lying. It would be an appetising distraction to feed him a cool indifferent nature and watch him squirm in paranoia, however you’re not sure how much longer you can fight the burn of madness at the edge of your mind. 

“Scared shitless,” you admit eventually, the corners of your mouth tugging downwards despite your best efforts. “Not even for Arthur being gone, but… if they know. If they know the truth, or if they find out about…” Your fingers touch the soft curve of your stomach. “About Arthur and... I don’t know what I’ll do. What we can do.”

Kieran nods quietly, clearing his throat as his eyes dart over the shore, like a rabbit catching the scent of coyotes on the wind. “Colm burns through men like cigars, but Lord knows what them O’Driscoll boys’ll do if they get their hands on us.”

“We’ll be dead if we’re lucky,” you mumble, turning a smooth pebble in your hands before skimming it over the water. “The lucky ones… they go quick.”

You can feel his gaze burning into the side of your skull, but you try to keep your posture indifferent. You know what he’s going to ask before he even inhales.

“What happened with Peader? Was it quick or…?”

“Quick.” You skim another stone as your heart battles its way into your throat. You don’t have the energy to feign ignorance this time. “I made sure of that.”

“What- what he do?”

Shadows move around the camp, indifferent to your whereabouts. Taking a deep breath, you begin to tell the story honestly, hoping that perhaps if you acknowledge and repent your sin out loud, whatever God there is out there will return Arthur to you.

You tell him about meeting Peader in a quiet saloon on the outskirts of Blackwater - a place where even the cobwebs had moved on in anticipation for the new place opening on the main road. How Peader swooped in, landing on a chair opposite you, his grin brighter than a beacon from his day drinking.

“Yull never guess the shit I just got us. A boat with a shit tonne o’ gold is docking here end o’ this week. Minimum security, no guards, easy pickings. Can you believe it?”

“No,” you scoff, stifling a yawn. “Ain’t no such thing.”

“Tha’s what I said, but this feller I was talkin’ to was from the bank. He was sayin’ that it'd be the steal of the century if anyone pulled it off. They’d tried hiring security, but no one was taking ‘em up on it. Said it was travelling too far, was too high risk of being hit, so they decided to play it all poker like and just send the ferry anyways.”

“And you trust this feller?”

“Sure, as much as anyone else I meet on the street.”

“How’d you know he isn’t setting us up? Or that he really works for the bank?”

“Bastard was dressed up all fancy. Had the same chain on his waistcoat you see ‘em all wearing and the stupid twirly moustache. Ain’t many jobs that afford a man a belly like his. He reeked of paper and safe codes, trust me.”

You tell Kieran how the saloon was empty apart from the bartender and a man catching a nap in a booth across the room, neglecting to mention the way his white hat sat low over his eyes and the thick blond handlebar moustache twitching in sleep. You do tell him the details of the job - that Peader reckoned you’d need at least five men to carry the gold, plus a couple more for shooting. You even tell him when the ferry docked - a date black on your tongue - and how your panic was exacerbated with rising frustration when Peader began to bite back at your doubt, accusing you of doubting him, of stealing the credit for past jobs he’d arranged.

“Obviously some other outlaws got wind of the same tip you did. It’s not the first time we’ve crossed paths with folk like us - and with the law tightening up the way it is, of course we’re gonna start stepping on each other’s toes-”

“Look, I get you have your day trips or mini vacations and the like. I get you’re a good shot an’ all, but you’ve gotta stop lyin’ to me! Knocking me out and keeping the take for yourself-”

“There was no take, Peter, because I was hauling your heavy ass out of their way! Them Van der Linde’s are a better shot than either of us, an’ between a few dollars and a can of vegetables or an extra gun at my side, I’ll choose the latter every time.”

You take a deep breath to slow your quaking heart and keep your emotions from getting the better of you. Your voice cracks as you recall following your friend outside for him to tell you Colm had come by camp earlier that week asking for you. His black eyes fiery, the stubble on his face uneven from his last shave... The proper use of his given name was lost on the wind whistling over the plains, because Colm had personally promoted you. You, who had no prior experience with weaponry before Peader took the time to show you. 

Your vision fades to black. The panic, the total contrast to your good friend, everything accumulates to cast darkness over your sight. You know this can only end one way, and it’s too painful to consider. The pearl grip in your hand is cool at first touch, but quickly grows hot as your ears ring with bullets fired.

The stallion rears and bolts west of town.

Kieran must realise he’s openly gawping as he quickly clears his throat. “W-was that the same ferry these fellers hit?”

You nod, swallowing hard. “Guess the idiot that told Peter didn’t keep his trap shut.”

“I heard he was working with them Pinkertons?”

You shrug sadly. “I might have… twisted the truth a little when Colm asked about him. Made it sound like he was a snitch… with hindsight he would have got us all killed, but he knew too much about me. Suddenly, with Colm asking after me, he had motive to dig deeper and find out the truth. I couldn’t risk it.”

You catch Kieran’s hand hesitating in the corner of your eye, before he decides the comfort would be improper and instead puts it back into his own lap. “I’m sorry to hear that, Miss. Sometimes we gotta make choices an’... an’ we just have to live with what comes afterward.”

You hum in agreement. Kieran takes a deep breath, clearly about to say something else, when you hear a horse whinny in the distance. Apologising hastily, you jump to your feet, relief flooding you as you hurry back up onto the grass in time to see the Count and Baylock trotting in with their owner’s sat tall astride them.

“So?” calls Hosea from the front of the crowd gathered by the hitching posts.

Dutch shakes his head once, sighing. “We ain’t got shot at least.”

Your ears strain for further movement, your stomach dropping every passing second as the chill of your recurring nightmare creeps down your spine. “Where’s Arthur?” 

“Calm down, Guinevere, he’s probably off doin’ somethin’ or other.” Micah smiles all smarmy. “Probably watchin’ our backs, being the little hero that he is. He’ll be back before long.”

Hosea mirrors your frown of concern. “You ain’t seen him?”

“He’ll be fine, Hosea,” Dutch sighs, waving his hand dismissively as he strolls back to the large white tent on the shore. “He always is.”

You shiver violently. Arthur never lets the group disperse after a job until everyone is accounted for. One night after a few too many bottles of whisky, Karen had told you how Arthur had to be all but dragged from Blackwater during their hasty retreat into Ambarino. Eventually Dutch had ordered him to scout ahead for somewhere to camp so that they didn’t need to worry about losing their sharpest shooter to any law catching up to them.

You pull yourself away and head back to the waters, trying to hear any gunshots or further movement beneath Hosea’s continued dispute.

“I see Micah and Dutch are back?” You shrug at Kieran’s hesitant observation. “I’m sure he’s fine. You seen him with a gun?”

You drop the towel and sink your head under the water as soon as you’re able to, effectively ending the conversation. When your head next breaks the surface, Kieran is gone and your towel is folded neatly in his place.

You don’t sleep that night. You can’t sleep. Despite the luxury of space for your expanding body and the warm Lemoyne air acting as a blanket in its own right, you’re still unable to rest without his body heat, without the weight of his arm around you, pressing against your back, the itch of facial hair on your exposed skin.

Every little movement has you sat up expectantly. There is no need for privacy without Arthur’s preference for hidden intimacies, so you’ve rolled up every wall of your tent to keep lookout. The fires in camp are dying down to ash as Micah caresses his knife with sandpaper nearby.

“Yes, Miss LN?” Micah smirks. “Can I help you?”

“What have you done?” Your voice is barely a whisper. Micah’s breathy laugh matches your volume - the most manners he has shown you since you met.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

“Where is Arthur?” You’re stood behind him, your fists shaking at your side as you try to contain the terror of the unknown. “You must know something.”

“Guinevere, I’m sure your white knight will make an appearance eventually.” Shaking his head, he chuckles and turns back to the wisps of burning ash. “I mean, unless another princess has taken his attention. What’s her name? Maggie? Molly?” He throws you another look over his shoulder. “Or was it the queen that took off with someone else? I ain’t ever really had the patience for fairy stories myself.”

“He wouldn’t just disappear!” you argue, setting aside your confusion at his jibes. “This is Arthur. What did he say after you left Colm?”

“He told me he needed a little less mollycoddling from his baby carrier.” He scoffs, his pale grey eyes meeting yours in the last of the light. “How do I know? It ain’t no secret we ain’t the closest of buddies. Maybe he’s done a John and got cold feet, hmm? Now leave me alone!”

When the sun eventually rises, you pull your blouse and skirts over your underclothes without bothering to wash. With a fist full of pins to fix your hair out of your face, you hurry over to where Miss Molly is applying a faceful of powders.

“Jesus wept!” she gasps, stepping back as though your dishevelment was contagious. “What happened to you?”

Looking up at the interruption, Dutch marks his page and sits up. “Something the matter, Miss?”

“Arthur’s still not back.”

He rolls his eyes, body relaxing and book already reopened with his finger finding where he left off. “When you’ve known Arthur as long as I have-”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t disappear for days, I just want to know what happened after you saw Colm.”

“Why? Has your escape plan backfired?” The thick moustache twitches in fake humour. “Maybe your O’Driscoll charm has paid off and Arthur’s switched sides, taking your place as Colm’s number two.”

“Arthur would never betray you like that,” you argue, but the flash in the leader’s eyes makes you question the degree of betrayal felt when you were brought into camp. “You all rode off together. You must have seen him leave to cover for you? What happened when you met back up?”

“He’d already left, Y/N. It was clearly far too underwhelming for him. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like a little quiet. Some of us still have to earn our keep, you know.”

Not wanting to waste energy on a force as strong as Dutch, you busy yourself with chores. You feed the chickens, you feed the horses, you darn socks, all whilst watching the treeline. Even Miss Grimshaw’s fury cannot stir you away from the outskirts, and so by midday, with confidence in your position as most detested in camp, your decision proves easy.

“Kieran, do you have a spare saddle?”

The jittery head snapped up, gaping at you. “Going out, Miss?”

“To look for Arthur. I’ll be back, I promise.”

“You can’t go alone, Miss, especially not- not in your condition.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes, no small feat with your lack of sleep. “I looked after myself before, and I can look after myself again.”

“Mr Morgan will kill me if anything were to happen to you.” He licks his lips, his hands wringing the corner of his jacket. “Lemme grab somebody to go with you-”

“Kieran I said I’m fine!”

“I- I- I can come. Jus’ gimme a minute to saddle up Branwen.” He’s itching with anxiety. “Shit, I don’t wanna think what Mr Van der Linde will do if we go off together.”

“Something wrong?” Charles watches you both closely as he pauses his stroll back from guard duty.

"Arthur’s not back yet. I’m going to look for him.”

His gaze slides over to Kieran, then shakes his head. “I’ll come with you. It’s best you stay here, Kieran - one missing O’Driscoll is less concerning than two.”

“A-Are you sure, Mr Smith?” The relief is palpable. “Then Y/N take Branwen. She’ll do you right.”

You try to keep your tics of impatience internalized whilst the men fix the horses. Hosea seems to be watching you in the distance. You almost believe he gives you a nod before acting as a distraction to Dutch, allowing you to lead Branwen out of camp behind Charles and Taima.

“Do you know where they met with them?”

You shake your head clear, digging your heels in to ride up alongside your companion. “The Heartlands, I think, but I don’t know the exact location. Can’t be further than Valentine.”

“I think you’re right about Valentine - there’s no real vantage point past Emerald Ranch. Dutch talked like Arthur was a surprise, so he would probably need a good hiding spot with a clear view.”

“Must be further out than Dewberry Creek… they wouldn’t have taken so long to get back.”

Charles hums in agreement. “Let’s head that way anyway and get up on a ridge. There’s a whisky tree with quite the view, might help us narrow our search.”

A long silence stretches between you. It would have been comfortable if it weren’t for the intrusive thoughts, the ghost of imaginary gunpowder tainting your nostrils, the burning images of Dutch’s boot crushing his outstretched fingers…

Just a dream.

You arrive at the summit and draw your binoculars, scouting the horizon, desperately trying to pick between each grain of dirt.

“I reckon we should take each of these points.” Charles gestures to each summit on the horizon. “If we take them one by one, we’re sure to overlap their meeting point, and maybe find some clues.”

You mumble in agreement, chewing on your lip as he focuses his strong brown gaze on you.

“Did Arthur say something about this to you?” he asks finally.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been on edge pretty much since they mounted up… Is everything alright between you?”

You laugh, albeit shakily, at the prospect of something coming between you. “We’re fine. I just keep having some real bad dreams and... “ You exhale loudly. “I’d feel better if I knew where he was.”

Charles nods and doesn’t press for details. He’s like Arthur that way - unwilling to speak unless necessary. You let the silence coddle you again as you descend and re-ascend another peak.

“Y/N!”

You hurry to him at the first syllable of your name, cursing the ache of your muscles slowing you down. Charles is crouched by the rocky edge, examining the ground closely.

“Reckon this could be our man?” he asks, gesturing at the disturbed dirt. Yes, you realise, it very well could be. The length of the disturbance was almost Arthur’s height - especially if he had rested on his elbows to watch over. You try to picture his broad shoulders and envisage the same broad distance.

Could there have been a scuffle? There’s not enough disturbance for him to have leaned back onto his knees and stood up - one of the arms is smudged, like he had rolled over. The inconsistencies in the outline… had he stood up and walked all over where he had been lying, or was someone else here?

Charles seems to share your doubts as he points out the multiple horse tracks. “Either this spot is popular with the locals, or there’s been a group here in the past couple of days.”

“Dutch and Micah split off earlier down the track - Arthur came up here alone.”

Charles hums again, fanning the panic in your gut. “Did they meet up again afterwards?”

“Did they hell!” you scowl. “Neither of them would tell me what happened after they parted ways.”

Charles sighs, mounting Taima gracefully. “The tracks seem to double down this way.”

You follow, enveloped again in the silence bar your thudding heart. At the bottom, you find an old camp. Charles decides it’s about a day old. You don’t really say much before spotting the blood not much further away. Alarm bells are ringing and you’re feeling faint.

I guess I saw you an’ the mess I might leave you in one day.

“Y/N?” Charles’ round face surfaces before your eyes, his forehead furrowing. “Are you alright? Here, I have some water…”

“They got him, didn’t they?” You can feel your stomach turning, but you haven’t eaten since they left the day before. “The blood - it’s Arthur’s, isn’t it?”

“Could be animal’s blood,” counters Charles calmly. “They might have set up camp nearby to save carrying the carcass.”

You try to stand, determined to keep searching, but Charles holds you down by your shoulder. “Rest. Kieran was right - Arthur won’t be happy if he finds you in this state.”

“Provided he comes back!” you argue, but you can feel the world spinning around you. As if already aware about your lack of sustenance, Charles pushes a bread roll into your hand, and you begin to eat wordlessly.

“Are you strong enough to ride?” he asks eventually.

You nod, brushing crumbs from your clothes as you look out towards the setting sun. “How far do you reckon they’ve got?”

“We’re going back to camp.” You whisk around ready to protest, but Charles steadies you easily. “Falling off your horse is one thing, but it’s completely different when you're carrying a child. I’ll come back for him, but for now let’s get you safe and pick up some reinforcements.”

You reluctantly agree, even if it’s just for the way your mind rattles as he helps you mount up. Charles rides close beside you, ready to grab you when you sway too precariously. The ride back is much slower than the ride out.

Hold on, Arthur. They’re coming.

[the-awkward-outlaw]

Hello! Would you be able to write about reader getting tired of Micah constantly hitting on/pestering her that she grabs him and throws him over her shoulder so hard he bounces. Anyone whos there to witness this is shocked meanwhile Arthur's just like "well mark me down as scared AND horny"

Yes! I love this request because, let’s face it. All us Arthur hoes are going around saying this all the time, but we never hear him saying that about reader! 

Masterlist 

Read on AO3

You have HAD it with Micah and his bullshut. He’s always been a nuisance, but for some reason after the events of Blackwater, he’s gotten worse. You’re not the only one he’s been busy harassing, but for some reason, he seems to enjoy bothering you the most. Maybe it’s because you’re the only unavailable woman in the camp. That is the only possible explanation you can think of anyways. 

He walks away from you, chuckling. He’d just been over to make more comments about you and you’d snapped at him. God, you’d like for nothing more than to put a bullet in his face, or perhaps bury your knee into his crotch. You’ve only held in your punches because there’s enough drama with the gang being on the run. 

As you throw your rag down from scrubbing Pearson’s table, you sigh and look up. Despite your irritation, you smile. Your boyfriend, Arthur Morgan, is walking towards you. He’s been gone for a few days, hiding from the Grays and Braithewaites. He’d burned the Gray’s tobacco fields and stolen the Braithewaite’s horses and it was decided that it’d be best if he stayed away from Rhodes while things were still hot. 

You would’ve gone with him, but when Dutch told him to head off for a while, you’d been scouting a job in town with Charles and hadn’t gotten the chance to go with him. It’s good to see him back. The two of you hooked up right before fleeing Horseshoe Overlook after having flirted and blushed around each other for weeks. Everyone was grateful when you two got together. Sean said it would be relief to not see the pining stares and the not-so-subtle flirting. Of course, now he complained that you two openly flirted and kissed in front of everyone. 

Arthur smiles when you look up at him. He plants his hands on the table and leans over, kissing you. 

“Mmm, good to see ya again, sweetheart,” he says. 

“I missed you.” 

“I know. I’m sorry I had to leave so soon. I woulda taken you with me and… well.” He grins and hides his eyes beneath his hat, his cheeks pink. 

"And what?" you push.

"I was, uh… maybe gonna… I don't know, I'm just being stupid." 

He turns to walk away and you stop him, already knowing what he was thinking. 

"Arthur, are you saying that if we'd been out, you would have tried to be romantic with me?" you giggle. The two of you have not had sex yet, though not for lack of desire. Hell, you've fantasized about it more than you'd care to admit, but neither of you have had much chance to go out of camp and do it. Arthur isn't fond of the idea of doing it in his tent, despite you sharing it. He doesn't like the idea of the others hearing.

A small huff escapes his lips. "Well, maybe I had something planned for us." 

You lean up and kiss him again. "You're so cute. I'm the luckiest girl in the world." 

"Oh my God," that voice that makes you grit your teeth comes floating over your heads again. "I don't know what's worse, Morgan. Seeing you smooch your girl all day or watching that new dog take his morning shit by the lake." 

"Shut your goddamn mouth, Micah," Arthur snaps. 

Micah snickers. "Always were so sensitive, tough guy, but no need to get so angry. I actually came over to talk to you about a job. Could use your girl, actually." 

"No," Arthur says, putting his hands on his hips. "She ain't getting involved in any of your jobs. They always come with a storm of bullets." 

"Arthur," you start. You're more than capable of defending yourself. He ignores you.

"I ain't letting her get shot because you turn yellow and go off again."

"Yellow? Well, for your information, this job don't involve no one getting shot." 

"Well what is it?" you interrupt before Arthur can say anything. 

Micah describes that he found a lead about robbing a house in Scarlett Meadows and how you could put on an act for the owners while he and Arthur rob it. 

“I think you should use the lost little girl act,” he finishes. 

“And why the lost little girl?” you retort. “Because women can’t put on any other act?” 

“Because it’s what people buy-” 

“Oh but if Hosea were doing it, he’d be pretending to sell something, not be this damsel in distress, am I right?” 

“I ain’t tellin’ you how to act, a’right? It was just a suggestion! Now are you two in or out?” 

Arthur looks at you and sighs. “Fine. But pull any bullshit, Micah, and we’re out.” 

“Trust me, Morgan, you’ll be thankin’ me. Word is this family is loaded.” 

He starts marching over to the horses. Arthur looks at you and sighs. “Well, I guess we can do this. But…” he pulls you close and whispers in your ear. “If he starts anything, you let me know.” 

“Arthur, I can handle myself. Trust me, you don’t have to be the big, tough, protective outlaw all the time.” 

Before he can say anything else, you follow Micah’s footsteps and mount up. The three of you ride off and soon you’re on the trail leading up to a large house. There’s a large stable behind it. You pull out your binoculars and peer at the house, spotting what looks like a mother and son sitting in chairs. 

The three of you discuss the best way to approach this and it’s decided that you should go up alone and pretend to be injured or lost. Or at least that’s Micah’s suggestion. 

“Look, why don’t I go up pretending to sell perfumes or women’s clothing? There’s a woman on that porch, you can’t tell me she wouldn’t appreciate a saleswoman.” 

Micah snorts. “Listen, sweetheart, women don’t go around selling things.” 

“Sweetheart?” you snap, your hands on your hips and glaring at him. 

Micah giggles. “Oh that’s right, only Morgan gets to call you that. But my point still stands: women don’t go around selling things to people. It just ain’t a lady thing.” 

You’ve finally had it with Micah. As much as you’d like stabbing or shooting him, you know Dutch wouldn’t appreciate it. Instead, you grab him around the waist, heave and throw him onto your shoulder. The movement is so quick, he can’t fight you off, tense up or do anything. As he yells out, he bounces on your shoulder. 

“I’m sick of your shit, you little bastard,” you snarl, walking him back to the horses. “We don’t need your help with this.” You toss him on the ground and rub your shoulder. “Arthur can rob the house just fine by himself while I go and distract the family whoever I damn well please.” 

“This is my show!” 

“Not anymore it ain’t. You ain’t allowed to play with the other kids until you learn how to get along with them. Now get the hell out of here.” 

“I-” Micah starts, but you whip out your gun and point it at your head. 

“I ain’t gonna tell you a second time, Mr. Bell.” 

Arthur just chuckles behind you as Micah stares at your gun. He glares up at you, but for once he makes the smart choice and gets up, mounts on his horse and rides away. You hear him mumble something but don’t catch any words. 

“There,” you say, holstering your gun. “Finally some peace and quiet. Well, Mr. Morgan, should we go rob these fools?” 

You turn around and see him staring at you, his eyes wide. 

“What?” you say. 

“Damn, sweetheart. That was… No offense, but I didn’t think you were that strong! I’m honestly a little nervous.” 

You blush and smile. “No offense taken, Arthur. Most people don’t know I can lift people up no problem.” 

“Well, I hope you don’t mind then, but… I think we need to hold off on robbin’ these folk.” 

“Why?” 

“I got another idea. C’mon.” 

He grabs your hand and runs off into the thick grove of trees nearby. There, he slams you against a tree and starts kissing and touching you. It doesn’t take long before the two of you are naked and you’re straddling him, taking the lead as you bounce on his lap. You show him your strength again by pinning his arms down and licking his neck. Although he doesn’t have a ton of experience with past sexual partners, he definitely won’t ever forget this encounter. 

[reddeadrevival]

Pregnant!Reader -

Pregnant!Reader - before she can tell the father it's revealed to the whole camp and Arthur and John (who are like her big brothers) are not happy.

Beginning is ambiguous about who the father is but it splits off at one point.

Choices are Kieran, Micah, Bill and Javier (Two are longer than the others cause I ran out of ideas)

You were the second person to find out you were pregnant. Abigail was the first and the one to tell you why you were getting sick so often. You honestly just thought your stomach had finally had enough of Pearson's stew day after day.

She took you aside and asked you if you had intimate relations with anyone recently where the two of you weren't exactly safe. You didn't tell her who but you confirmed you had been with someone; you also didn't tell her how many times but she told you that you were likely with child and with how many times you'd been with him in the past month you knew she was right.

No one knew about your relationship. The two of you agreed it would make things easier if no one knew. You wouldn't get teased by the girls about it and he wouldn't be bothered by the other men about it or possibly maimed by them. The two of you had rarely ever been together while at camp anyways.

You were terrified to tell him, mostly because that would mean telling everyone else including Arthur and John who treated you like a younger sister. To say they were overprotective was an understatement and you knew if they found out who the father of your child was they would most likely castrate him, if they didn't end up killing him first.

You made Abigail swear not to tell anyone but she convinced you to at least let Miss Grimshaw know so that the older woman wouldn't make you work as hard. After a scolding from the woman, she agreed to keep it quiet and to keep you working on the lighter chores. This did not go unnoticed by the other girls who were a little annoyed about it until you caved and explained it to them. After a few squeals of joy from them you made them promise not to tell.

Abigail pointed out that you'd start showing at some point and asked if you'd told the father yet. You hadn't. And it turns out you didn't need to.

Everyone knows Karen and Sean like to get drunk together and when they get drunk they tend to let out secrets to each other.

One night, while the gang was enjoying themselves for no apparent reason the two had a bit too much to drink. Karen had already told the Irishman the night before. Your heart felt like it stopped when you heard him. He'd raised a bottle for a toast.

"Ta tha newest addition ta tha family!"

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy, though some were used to it and didn't question it, until John spoke.

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Tha baby!"

Now everyone was looking at him like he was crazy.

"What baby?" John asked. "You finally get Karen pregnant?"

"Not 'er ya idiot!"

A million thoughts ran through your head.

You can't get up and leave now, they'll know. They're going to find out anyways. Damn it, Karen! Damn it, Sean!

"Y/N's baby!" The ginger clarified.

All eyes were on you.

"What?" John snapped.

"Tell me he's just drunk," Arthur started with a frown. "There's no way yer pregnant."

"I uh…" You swallowed and stared at the ground. You didn't risk looking at the father, it would give him away immediately, but you needed to know his reaction. So you looked at Arthur, then scanned the group. His expression was unreadable.

"Who?" John asked as he stood. "Which one of you was it?" he glared at the men around him.

"I'm a grown woman!" You snapped as you stood. "It's none of your business who it is or that it happened!"

"Well," Dutch started. "I want to say congratulations but I don't know who else to congratulate."

"I think he should just confess," Arthur seethed.

"Confess? It's not a crime!" You scoffed. "He didn't even know!"

"Well, who is it?" Hosea asked as he looked around. Nobody moved for a moment until one of the men stood up.

  (Now we split off. Sorry about some being shorter than others, I ran out of ideas)

  ♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡

Kieran

  "M-me," he stammered as he raised a hand slightly. Two glares were now directed at him, as well as a few looks of disbelief. His heart was pounding in his chest as he looked at you. "Y-yer really pregnant?" You nodded. A big smile grew on his face but was quickly replaced with fear as Arthur and John came at him.

"Yer dead, O'Driscoll!" John shouted.

"I ain't an-!" he cut himself off as he ran around the group away from the two.

"Bill! Get those tongs!" Arthur shouted.

"Stop it!" you cried and stepped in front of the two as Kieran ran passed. "You ain't killin' him!"

"I-it wasn't just one night!" Kieran shouted.

"Don't think you wanna be braggin' right now, boy," Dutch advised though he was amused by the whole situation.

"I-I ain't braggin'! I'm tryin' ta say I love her!" he squeaked. You turned around and you might as well have had hearts in your eyes.

"You do?"

"Yeah! O' course I do," he said, his eyes softened and a big goofy smile came to his face. "M crazy about you," he admitted.

"I love you too," you confessed and a moment later he took your face in his hands and kissed you.

Arthur cleared his throat and the two of you turned to see him and John still glaring (though not as hard as before).

"I-I ain't gonna leave her. I don't know nothing about babies but, I can try," he said as he put a hand on your belly lightly.  

"You better," the two growled.

"Yer gonna have my baby," he breathed, ignoring the two.  

  ♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡

Micah

  "Yer all lookin' at the mother of Micah Bell the fourth!" He gestured to you with a huge grin on his face.

Arthur's pistol was out before he finished his sentence. Micah ducked just in time for his hat to get blown off.

"Arthur!" Dutch shouted as you let out a yelp. Micah actually looked scared and scrambled to get behind you.

"Ya wouldn't leave her a single mother, now would ya cowpoke?" he asked, half joking, half genuinely scared for his life as he put his hands on your shoulders, leaning to hide more of himself behind you.

"Really? Him?!" John shouted.

"Yes him!" You shouted. "You can't tell me who I can and can't sleep with!"

"You want him to be the father of your child?!" Arthur yelled.

"Hey! I'd be a great dad!" Micah snapped back. "And I ain't gonna leave either!" he directed this at John who put a hand on his holster.

"Not like I can change the fact that he's the father," you pointed out to Arthur.

"Hey," Micah mumbled in your ear.

"And I wouldn't change it," you added as you glanced back at him. He grinned and wrapped his arms around you, putting his hands on your belly. "Please just be happy for me?" Arthur let out a big sigh.

"Jus' don't name it after him," he groaned.

"It's Bell tradition!" Micah argued.

"It ain't a Bell til ya marry her," Mary-Beth pointed out. She may not like the man but she was still a romantic. You gave her a look but secretly you were grateful.

"Just gotta get a ring, right?" He looked at you.

"It's more than that!" Mary-Beth protested. "We gotta have a ceremony!" It was clear she was excited more so than the two of you were. Micah looked at you, saw the hope in your eyes, and let out a groan.

"Fine," he mumbled but was trying to hide his grin.

"You hurt her, or that kid, in any way," John started. "Yer gonna wish you were dead."

"Yeah yeah," Micah muttered as he slowly rubbed your belly, ignoring them. "Told ya I was gonna put a baby in ya," he murmured into your ear.

  ♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡

Bill

  "Uh…" He raised his hand a bit before scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

"What?" John looked between you two.

"Yer kiddin' right?" Arthur asked.

"What? Is it so hard to believe, Morgan?" he snapped.

"Pretty girl like Y/N with you? Yeah," Arthur said bluntly. You made your way over to Bill and took his hand.

"Well I am," you said. Bill looked down at you.

"Yer really…?"

"I wanted to tell you, I just didn't know how, I-I was scared."

"Of what? That I wouldn't want a baby with you?" You bit your lip and nodded. "I'm gonna be honest… I don't know what kinda father I'll be but … I'll try." You smiled up at him. "Sides, kid's gonna have the best mother to make up for what I do wrong anyway."

"Sure I don't have ta tell ya but I will anyway," Arthur started.

"I ain't leavin' her and I ain't gonna hurt her, if that's what you're worried about," Bill said. He put a hand on your belly and a soft smile came to his face.

  ♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡

Javier

  "That would be me."

"Why am I not surprised?" John asked.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Javier asked with a slight confused frown.

"You think we don't see you singing to her all the time?" Arthur asked. "Mind you we didn't know you two were together," he added in a mumble.

"Why did you not tell me sooner?" Javier asked with a sad look in his eyes as he turned to you.

"I wanted to… I just didn't know how, I was afraid of how you'd react," You admitted.

"Mi corazon, I am so happy," he said as he walked to you and took your hands in his. "To start a family with you," He brought your hands up to kiss your knuckles. You smiled at him as he lowered your hands. "My bebé," he said looking to your belly as his hands found your waist. Arthur cleared his throat. The two of you turned to look at him and remembered everyone else was watching you.

"I know you'd never hurt her, but if you do I will hunt you down."

"I could never," Javier whispered as he smiled at you. He knelt down and pressed a kiss to your stomach before he looked up at you with the proudest smile.

♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡♡♦♡ 

Again sorry about the last two being shorter, it doesn’t mean I like those two any less I just ran out of ideas.

(Master List)

[whistlewhileiblogit]

Is Sadie Adler...too capable?

(Okay just wanna say if I have any details wrong please correct me as I am doing this all by memory! Also long post warning)

So, I have seen a lot of complaints regarding Sadie Adler's characterisation. Mainly, a lot of people have made the argument that she is a bad character (some claiming her to be one of the worst written in RDR2), because she is "too badass" "invincible", and essentially...without saying it...a mary-sue of some sort.

A lot of people have complained that Sadie is essentially indestructible as a character, and it is unrealistic that a woman who had never been a gunslinger, could magically become one in such a relatively short time.

Now, in some ways, I can see a point. But allow me to explain my thoughts, and the ways I took Sadie's personality and character through my initial playthrough of the game.

Now it's no secret that I adore Sadie. So you could argue I'm biased, but hear me out.

We meet Sadie early on in the game, where she's lost EVERYTHING. Her home, her possessions...her Jakey. The man she was in love with. Her husband and best friend.

Now we don't know much about Jake, though it is implied he is probably the only man who treated her as an equal (before Arthur, at least). Why do I say this? Because of the way we see Sadie behave when she is with the gang, initially.

She spends the first few chapters simply staying around camp. Most of the time she is either sitting solemnly alone in mourning, or working (and most likely arguing with Pearson). She is pretty much constantly in a bad mood, and makes it known to everyone in camp. But could you blame her? Again, her entire life had been destroyed.

So when Arthur has his first mission with her, he automatically assumes her not wanting to work with Pearson means she's lazy. She quickly shuts him down and explains how she and Jake used to share the work. She was as used to hunting as she was washing dishes. So already we know she should at least be able to use a gun decently. Whoa look at that! Rockstar sowing some seeds!

When they're at Rhodes, we see Sadie do the first thing she has had a choice in doing: she buys herself new clothes. This may sound stuoid, but remember, the dress she had previously wearing wasn't hers. It was most likely leant to her by Mary-Beth or another woman in the camp. Sadie then makes it clear to the shopkeeper she doesn't need help putting her supplies in the back of the wagon.

I've seen people be offended by her behaviour in this scene alone. "she was being a bitch to the shopkeeper for no reason! He's just doing his job!" and- as someone who works in retail- believe me, I get that argument...sorta. I understand it to an extent, but we have to remember; Sadie is living in a time where women were second class citizens. It makes perfect sense that she'd be passive-aggressive automatically. She constantly has to prove herself when everyone assumes she is simply a helpless woman.

Now in this very same mission we learn just how trigger-itchy Sadie is. And she follows down this path practically the entire game. She has bloodlust, specifically for any and all O' Driscolls. And for good reason (I also wanna mention the implication that she mauly have been sexually assaulted by one or more of them but won't get into that).

We see Sadie pour everything she has- literal blood, sweat and tears, into trying to avenge Jake. And a lot of people- ahem- a lot of men have had a big problem with her behaviour. But the thing is, if she had been a male, losing his temper and going on killing sprees over the death of his wife, his character would be praised. There are countless lists of male protaganists in games who have the tragic backstory involving a murdered wife and/or child. How many male protaganists are there that act exactly the same way as Sadie, for the same damn reasons, and aren't criticised for it?

Now I hate making this a sexism debate, I really do. But honestly, most of the criticisms I see of Sadie's characterization are just that; sexist.

Personally, I have to admit I am a sucker for the trope of the hardened character with a heart of gold (Joel from TLoU, Bruce Wayne, Arthur freakin' Morgan, Sadie Adler, etc), despite the connotations it has. I know it is an overused trope to use a protags fambam as the driving force of the plot, but in all honesty? It's done because it is something everyone can relate to. If you had a loved one or child murdered, you're telling me it wouldn't fundamentally break you as a person, even a little? You wouldn't want revenge?

When you think of it this way, of course Sadie's actions make sense! Watching Colm O'Driscoll himself die wasn't enough for her. Hell, even when Arthur and Sadie hunt down the remaining O'Driscolls, even after brutally killing the last big feller- Sadie sits down and has her moment of reflection. And it is clear, that even though it's finally all over- it still isn't for her. It's clear that she believed so strongly (or wanted to believe) that if all the O'Driscolls were gone, she could finally be at peace. And in this moment, she realises just how wrong she was.

Sadie recognises she is too far gone by this point, and even years later when she meets John in the prologue, she reiterates as much. I personally believe she might have been abke to heal even slightly had Arthur not died. I really think that in a way was the straw that broke the camels back. She talks to John about how she spends most of her time alone because she finds it hard just being around other people. She doesn't know how to act anymore. She is self-aware enough to realise she is a "broken" person.

Sadie is an amazingly written, tragic character. I suppose one could argue she was too good of a shot, though I don't see why she couldn't have been considering she knew how to hunt. Not to mention rage and heartbreak does things to a person. I am sure there are probably plenty of fair arguments against her- though the ones I have seen simply have been plain and rooted in sexism.

I just really want people to think about if Sadie had been a male. I can almost guarantee there wouldn't be nearly as much backlash as Sadie has received.

Also, I have read many complaints about her voice and y'all are entitled to your opinion but I think her raspy voice is sexy as fuck sue me.

[yeet-or-be-hawed]

Hunters of Flesh and Money Part 1

Okay guys, this is another big one I’ve been planning for awhile! This one is going to be based off my online character and experiences. I’m honestly not sure how many parts they’ll be but I promise they’ll be lots of good Arthur content! I hope everyone enjoys!

“Knock knock, anyone home?” You called as you entered the threshold of the cabin. You knew better than to come around unannounced, for both parts of the couple knew their way around the shotgun they kept.

Sadie was sitting in the corner cleaning the shotgun while Jake was cleaning in the kitchen. She stood as you entered. “Ah, Ms. Fletcher it’s so nice to see you!” She sat the gun down on the chair and wrapped her arms around your shoulders. You smiled as you returned your hug.

“What brings ya up here this close to winter?” Jake called from the kitchen.

“You know better than to try and navigate those old roads this time of year, they’re almost unrecognizable from all the snow fall! You coulda killed yourself.” Sadie chastised. You wondered if it was a choice for them to not have kids, Sadie acted more like your mother than a friend even from day one.

“Aww hell, y’all know I can handle myself out there, this’ll be my last trip up til the thaw I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do for y’all before I can’t come back for a coupla months.”

“Just here for work eh? What a shame, you’ll miss some of Sadie’s cookin’.” Jake knew exactly what to say to make you stay. You settled into your seat and smiled.

“I’m never here just for work, I also gotta make sure my favorite family is okay every now and again.”

Sadie laughed and stroked the firearm in her hand. “I don’t think you got anything to worry about there, missy.” She sat down the gun and took a seat at the kitchen table across from you. Her face was soft and sweet, the kindest woman you had ever known, and her husband was just as kind. Even from the first time you met the young couple you were drawn to them, now you made it a priority to see them as often as you could.

Sadie enjoyed your company as well. Living a solitary life in the mountains like this doesn’t come with much of a social life, so she looked forward to your visits. She knew Jake did as well. He never complained but he wasn’t born into this life like she was, she knew he had to enjoy your company just as much if not more than she did. “So,” She started. “Tell me about what you’ve been into lately.”

-

Your horse grunted as you pushed her excitedly, the snow had melted quite a bit since your last visit months ago, but this part of the mountain had snow year round. You were anxious to see the Adlers, it took you longer to get here than expected, bounty hunters crossed your path and kept you moving all across the land, unfortunately moving you farther southeast than you planned. The trip to Adler ranch was longer and harder than you originally had hoped.

As you pulled over the ridge looking Adler Ranch, your heart dropped. The place was burnt to the ground. “Yah!” Your horse sped down the hill at your command and you jumped off before she could even come to a full stop in front of the skeletal remains of the cabin. All that was left was the brick chimney and a few support beams here and there. Your chest tightened as you investigated the property. Whoever did this did it long ago, you felt guilt bubble up, maybe you could’ve stopped whoever did this if you had fame any earlier. As you looped around the burnt house, you found nothing. Any tracks that would’ve been left were long gone. As you approached your horse, a foul smell entered your nostrils. You knew the smell well, and your suspicions were confirmed when you lifted the tarp off the wagon. You had to hold back the bile that jumped up your throat as the putrid smell hit your nostrils and your eyes examined the puffed up corpse on the wagon. It had been decomposing for sometime, the face was unrecognizable, but you knew it was Jake by the wedding band on his swollen finger and the clothes that swaddled his body. You sighed heavily. “Oh Jake, what happened here?”

You grabbed your work gloves from your horse and pulled the bandana around your neck over your mouth and nose. The deadweight was heavy, even being out in the deep wilderness he still had some meat on his bones. It took more effort out of you than you hoped, but you got the corpse off the wagon and onto the tarp and wrapped it up carefully. You then went and retrieved a spade from the old work shed. It wasn’t the first or last time you would have to bury a close friend.

-

Arthur stood against the wagon patiently as he waited for Mrs. Adler to collect the supplies from the list he had given her. Would she prefer Ms. or Mrs. now that her husband has passed? Arthur wondered to himself. Best not to ask, he decided. Sadie was a firecracker of a woman, and to be honest it scared Arthur just a little bit. He was glad to finally see her coming out of her shell though, he was afraid she would stay the feral terrified woman they found in the mountains just a couple of months ago. He realized that it was the first time he saw her smile while she was reading Pearson’s letter. He allowed himself a small smile, maybe he could coax more smiles from her in the future.

The bell from the shop door pulled Arthur from his thoughts and out Sadie came, looking smug as hell with a shop boy following behind her struggling with all the supplies. Arthur has to hold back his laughter as she barked commands to the young man, he was almost trembling with fear by the time she sent him running back into the store. “You ready?” Arthur asked. Sadie went to respond, but was cut off.

“Mrs. Adler is that you?” Both Sadie and Arthur turned to see a woman dismounting a large horse, Hungarian Half Breed if Arthur was thinking properly. “Christ Mrs. Adler it really is you!”

Arthur’s hand cautiously hovered over his pistol, he could see plain as day the weapons strapped to your back and sides, along with the bandolier and gun belt full to the brim with ammo. He thought you looked like trouble, but the thought dissolved as Sadie’s eyes lit up and she ran to the dirty woman and wrapped her arms around her tight.

You felt tears prickle in your eyes as you wrapped your arms around Sadie. You had lost all hope of ever seeing her again. “What the hell happened?” You asked as she released you. “When the thaw came I headed up to the ranch, what the hell happened up there?”

You studied her face, even though you hadn’t seen her in only a few months it seemed like it had been years. Stress had aged her and her eyes looked dead. She had dark bags under her eyes and her hair was a mess tucked under a straw hat. Her face twisted in pain and darkened at your question. “Some bastards came through and ransacked the place. I hid out in the barn for a few days but... but my Jakie...” her voice cracked and for the first time Sadie Adler looked very small and frail to you. You wrapped your arms around her again and patted her head. “I know Sadie, I know. I found him and gave him a proper burial.”

She looked up quickly and you could see the tears in her eyes. “He had a certain spot he wanted to be buried, I never-“

“He wanted to be buried back with his family, I know. I took him there, he’s where he wanted to be.” Your voice was soft as you softly stroked Sadie’s hair.

A small sob broke from her chest and she clinged to your sides. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t know how I could ever repay you.”

You smiled and put your hands on her shoulders. “You can dry those tears and you can let me buy ya a decent meal.” You eyed the big man standing behind Sadie. Your voice was barely above a whisper. “Are you safe? Is this man touchin’ or hurtin’ you at all?”

“No no, he’s a friend.” She sniffled and raised her voice from a whisper and turned to the man. “Arthur, come over here!”

The man approached cautiously, you caught his hand moving away from his pistol and took mental note of it. You weren’t sure about him just yet, but if Sadie trusted him he had to be a good man. “Ms. Fletcher, this is Arthur Morgan. He and his gang helped me out when the O’Driscolls came.”

You shook the man’s hand. “O’Driscolls eh? I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

“It’s a pleasure Ms. Fletching. Don’t worry bout them O’Driscolls they’re some mean sons a bitches. And they’ll do worse to women than what they’ll do to men.”

You dismissed him with a wave, “I can handle myself. I’ve dealt with those milksops before.”

Arthur chuckled, “oh really? We may just have to getcha to stick around.”

Sadie barked a short laugh. “Good luck with that.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow and you laughed while you rubbed your neck, “yeah, I ain’t much of a people person. Sadie and Jake were the closest ta friends I had but I appreciate the offer. I don’t think you want the price on me head followin’ ya neither. Now, why don’t I treat y’all to a meal?”

“Sounds perfect, it’ll make up for all the food I’ve fed you over the years.” Sadie joked.

You smiled, “yer right, I’d say I owe you bout a thousand meals by now.”

Arthur stood in disbelief as the women walked away together arm in arm. He had barely coaxed a single smile from Sadie after two months of traveling together and all it took was one look at you and she’s been smiling ever since. He shook his head and followed behind the women powerlessly. You turned your head back just for a moment to give a short whistle. The big black and white horse whinnied and galloped beside you. It was strapped down with furs and skins from all kinds of different animals. A turkey strapped to each side of the horse with a black bear pelt on the top of a huge pile of various deer, ram, and fox furs. He wondered just how long it took you to collect so many pelts. The saloon was just across the from butcher’s stall. You stopped at the front of the steps and grabbed your horse’s reins. “I gotta take this here load on over to the butcher to sell. You two go on in and find us a seat I’ll be right behind ya.”

-

Sadie gave a full bellied laugh at a joke you had made and Arthur smiled into his beer mug. Having a familiar face brought out a whole new side to Sadie that he had never seen. This side to Sadie was nothing but familiar to you. This was the Sadie you knew. A bright woman who had a heart full of love and a belly full of laughs. The three of you spent a good portion of the day drinking and laughing in the saloon. Arthur cleared his throat. “So, how did you ladies meet?” 

“Well, I was huntin’ some elk up near Colter and a terrible blizzard came through. I couldn’t half see my horse in front of me. I didn’t even know I was stumblin’ around Adler Ranch until I almost ran smack into the house. I made my way around to the door and let myself in.” You laughed. “Little did I know that was a huge mistake. I made it three steps in and I felt the muzzle of a gun on my back. Turned around to see Mrs. Adler with a scowl mean enough to curdle milk.”

Arthur laughed this time. “Oh, I’m sure. When we first found her, she was on the verge a killin’ Micah.”

You smiled at your long lost friend. “Good on you, Mrs. Adler.”

“Oh please, Fletcher call me Sadie.”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever you say, Mrs. Sadie.”

Arthur looked at you, “You got a first name Ms. Fletcher?”

You raised a brow at him. “I do, but I ain’t givin’ it to ya. You can just call me Fletcher.”

He turned to Sadie. And she shrugged her shoulders. “Don’t look at me like that, she didn’t tell me her name either.”

Arthur huffed. “Best friends and ya don’t even know her first name?”

You shrugged. “Who needs a name? She knows me and that’s all she needs. If you would like me to have a name, call me whatever you please.”

Arthur sighed. “Fletcher it is then.” 

You smiled triumphantly. “Thank you, Mr. Morgan.”

“It’s Arthur.” He paused and looked out the window of the saloon. “It’s gettin’ late, I should get Mrs. Adler back to camp. We ain’t too far from here, any friend of Sadie’s is a friend of ours and you’re welcome to stay with us.” 

The three of you stood and headed out the door. Sadie and Arthur climbed in their wagon and you mounted your horse. “That’s a very generous offer, but I am afraid I will have to decline. I’ve got a camp not too far from here, I’m better off on my own.” You started off, then turned back around. “Before I go, Sadie I want to stay in touch.” You pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something down. “Write me. I get all my mail sent to this alias.” You handed the piece of paper to Sadie and nodded your hat towards Arthur. “You two have brightened my day, and I thank you. Keep in touch, maybe we can have another day like this soon.” 

And with that, you were off. Sadie scanned the name on the paper over and over, Peony Van Butrick III. Classy, just your style. 

[kastleaesthetic]

Kastle AU (and Amy)- One Big and Happy Family.

Frank was great with Amy though, she would often find the two of them goofing off. Sometimes it’d be at the kitchen table, Amy was supposed to be doing her homework, but Frank would come along with a deck of cards and a grin on his face. “Let’s go, time for a break.” He would say. “I’ve mastered it, I can beat you at your own game. Lets go, three card monte.” It would usually end with Frank being a sore loser and Amy with a smug look on her face. Other times it’d be in the garage where Frank had set up a punching bag, that would rarely get used. Instead they insisted on practicing fighting with each other. Karen would often hear them and then open up the door with an eyebrow raised and give them a sigh. “Amy, just- don’t aim for his nose, alright? I don’t think it can handle another break.” The teenager and the grown man would give her thumbs up and a wave respectively and continue on.

Karen really had no idea what she was doing, she thought she was way over her head but then a window opens one saturday morning as she is doing her makeup. Amy knocks on the door frame of the bathroom. “Hey Karen.” Karen turns to look at her, capping her mascara as the teen takes a deep breath. “Are you busy today? Cause if you are, I mean, it’s fine- but I was wondering if you’d take me dress shopping? There is this dance and believe or not, some guy asked me and I wanna go, and I know it’s cheesy and corny, but-”

She smiles at Amy and nods her head. “Alright, let’s go get you a dress. I mean, gives us a solid excuse to check out that store in the mall, right?”

Amy smiles brightly. “Cool, then maybe we could hit up the food court?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

The stores in mall are nothing like the stores in the city. There was your typical department stores, like JcPenny and Macys, and of course there was the stores that the teenagers flocked to, like Hollister and Abercrombie. “So, what’s this guy like? The one that asked you to the dance?” Karen asks as they walk towards the small boutique.

“He’s nice.” Amy answers with a shrug. “JROTC, baseball player, honor society.” She laughs. “I have no idea what he sees in me.” she looks down at her hands. “His ex is one of those super popular girls, I am pretty sure she wants to claw my eyes out.”

Karen laughs as they enter the store. “Well he sounds like a catch and who knows, maybe Frank will even like him. I know he’s been nervous about this whole dance thing, he’s never had to deal with a teenage girl and her first date.” As soon as they walk through the entrance they are met head on by a sales lady.

“So, how can I help you two ladies? School dance I suppose?” She asks and Karen and Amy nod. “Well, so nice of your big sister to take you out shopping for a dress.”

“Actually, she’s my daughter.” Karen cuts in, running a soothing hand down Amy’s braid. “I know, I don’t look old enough.” She says, looking at the woman’s shocked face. “But we were just kids ourselves so-”

“Oh!” The woman cuts in. “You’re the folks that moved into the Pearson’s old place. You’re boyfriend, he’s helping build the new church. My brother’s working the job too! Small world this is, well should I say small town.”

“Actually husband,” Amy suddenly says, sticking the the story they were using. “He didn’t know about me, was serving overseas. My mom and I were the real life Gilmore Girls, until my dad came back. He got on one knee, it was pretty romantic.”

“It was life changing, that is for sure” Karen smiles softly. “But we are really here for her, so, we were thinking something flashy, but not too flashy.”

“And nothing to puffy, we don’t want puffy.” Amy explains, Karen nodding along.

They end up with a nice selection of dresses, the pink options get nixed almost too quickly, as well as the yellow ones. The red ones flush her out and there was no way in hell she was going near a white dress. Though finally, Amy finds navy blue dress with a gold bodice and she looks stunning in it. Karen and Amy both agree on the dress. They walk out of the shop, the dress bag slung over Amy’s shoulder and Karen speaks. “You know, Frank’s going to want to meet this guy.” She tells Amy, who in return gives her a horrified look. “I mean, he can’t honk and expect you to rush out to his car. We’re going to need for him to come in so we can get pictures-” Karen fakes an exasperated sigh and smirks. “Oh I am going to love embarrassing you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh I will.”

Amy realizes later that there is a lot she doesn’t know about Karen Page.

Like the fact the the woman is a total hellraiser, she knows that you have to be to deal with Frank Castle. Her second week at school, Amy manages to get into a fight at school. Some of the girls really didn’t like her and they made a point of tormenting her, they took to locking her in a utility closet, stealing her clothes during gym class and the straw that broke the camel's back was when they poured rotten milk on her. Amy had lost it, stood up and launched herself at the ringleader, she slammed the girl through the cafeteria doors and into the snowy courtyard. Frank’s self defense classes helped as she put the girl into a tight hold and pressed her already bleeding face into the cold snow. The gym teachers pulled them apart, the ring leader calling Amy a psycho and Amy spat choice words at the girl.

Of course the school tried to pin it on Amy. She sat outside the principal's office as Frank tried to speak for her. It was Karen though that came to save the day, Amy heard the clack of her heels against the laminate floor. Karen stopped in front of Amy, gave her a smirk as she caught sight of the other girl and gave her a wink before walking right into the principal's office. Amy had never heard Karen raise her voice as fiercely as she did in that office.

After the fact, Frank had a smirk as he walked out of the office first, followed by Karen. He chuckled, rubbed her back. “Alright, Mama Bear.” He laughed as the ringleader’s parents shuffled out of the office and towards their daughter. “Their gonna give you a detention, but that princess over there, she has a saturday detention and she has to write you an apology letter.”

Amy thanks Karen, the older woman wrapping an arm around her. “Just cool it with the right hook, alright?”

But she finds out more about Karen, about her life before Frank. The death of her mother and then Karen’s history after high school, the terrible boyfriend, the death of her brother and then the disownment by her dad. Amy learns about Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson, and about mess Karen got into in New York. She understands why Frank has a thing for her.

Karen is the mom that Amy had craved for as a child and the day of the dance, when Karen is concentrating on her hair, Amy sort of blurts it out. “Damn, if I had you and Frank from the start, I wouldn’t be such a fuck up.” Karen’s look from the mirror makes her head drop, but the comforting hand on her shoulder makes her look back up. Karen puts down the curling iron and smiles.

“Hey, don’t you dare talk about yourself like that.” Karen tells her in a soothing voice. “The three of us? We fit together because of what we’ve been through and what we’ve overcame.” She pauses. “We are a family now and honestly, this is the happiest I’ve been in such a long time.” Karen smiles warmly before adding a few more bobby pins and the sighs happily. “All finished. You look stunning.”

This boy, Alex picks Amy up. Frank isn’t that keen about the whole date idea and grills the kid to the nine. The threat of: ‘You hurt her? and I hurt you, real bad. You got me? And if you are stupid enough to try anything that she doesn’t want? Well, you won’t like the outcome.” He point to Amy, “11:00 at the latest.”

“C’mon, dad,” Amy comes back. “1:00.”

“11:05.”

“Mom!”

Karen folds her arms. “How’s 12:30 work for everyone, I think we can agree to that?” Frank folds and Amy beams. “Just have fun, be safe and if anything happens, just call us.”

Frank wraps an arm around Karen’s waist as they watch her get into this boy’s car and drive off. “You know, you’re amazing with her.” Frank tells her and Karen laughs. “No seriously, the kid respects you and trust me, takes a lot for her to respect someone.”

Karen looks up at him, beams and kisses his cheek. “Well, I’m glad that I came along with you guys. This is honestly the best life I could ask for.”

[jbuffyangel]

I’m so bummed you won’t be reviewing This Is Us anymore! I always loved them, and I was really looking forward to your insights into the whole Jack/Nicky dynamic! Can you please give me something? I have tried to be understanding of Jack’s POV, and part of me does understand, but part of me doesn’t. I honestly don’t know how I feel about it, I just know I still love Jack #rideordie What are your insights? Do you think Jack’s actions were justified??

I’m caught up on This Is Us now. Sorry I had to stop reviewing Anon! I just had to make time for other projects. Jack and Nicky is crazy complicated. 

Do I agree with Jack? No. I don’t think he should have lied about his brother being dead, but I think for Jack the Nicky he knew and loved was dead. He became someone Jack no longer recognized. The war took his little brother from him. It was a death to Jack. Not all deaths are physical.

Obviously what happened in Vietnam was an accident. Nicky didn’t intentionally kill a child BUT he was high and he used hand grenades to fish with a little boy on a boat. Extraordinarily dangerous behavior that was likely going to get someone killed. One thing that bothered me about that scene was Nicky had enough time to yell at the little boy to jump a couple times and even stare at the grenade for a second. And then Nicky jumps out of the boat and leaves the little boy. Why not simply grab the little boy and jump together? He was very small. But this is the problem with Nicky’s drug use. He wasn’t thinking clearly at all. He may not have intended to kill that boy, but his choices still resulted in a child’s death. 

Jack Pearson has a clearly defined sense of right and wrong. Even in Vietnam, living among the “enemy,” he never lost sight of their humanity. What Nicky did is inconceivable to Jack. It was a line in the sand. Nicky had simply gone too far and there was no turning back. Not ever.

Even if Nicky had explained it was an “accident” I don’t think it would have changed anything from Jack’s point of view. At least not in the beginning, which is why he wouldn’t let Nicky tell him what happened. Jack had already made up his mind. 

Right or wrong that’s just who Jack was. He viewed what happened in very black and white terms. Nicky killed a child. And Jack couldn’t accept, understand or forgive ever hurting a child. I think, in that moment, Jack felt Nicky was just like their father. Jack was done with Nicky for the same reasons he was done with his dad. Forgiving Nicky, and having a relationship, felt like saying what he did was okay. No different than having a relationship with their father as an adult felt like saying his abuse was okay. 

I think we learn something new about these characters with every episode. Jack strives incredibly hard to be a good husband, father and friend. To the point of an almost out of this world level of heroism, giving and selflessness. He is intensely loving, loyal, compassionate and committed. 

But Jack is also human. He grew up in an abusive home. He struggles with alcoholism. He had an incredibly difficult time opening up about his past and he shut his family out when it came to his past. Jack Pearson is not perfect and nobody has more difficulty accepting that than Jack. So much of who Jack became was a result of wanting to be NOTHING like his father. So, any kind of failure or mistake is very difficult for Jack to cope with because he so deeply fears it means he’s just like his dad. Is it irrational? Yes, but fears often are.

Jack tried his best to be a good brother to Nicky, but it didn’t seem to matter how much Jack gave. It was never enough. Before the kids, before Rebecca- there was Nicky. Jack felt responsible for his little brother. Jack was supposed to be Nicky’s Superman and, in the end, he couldn’t save him. Jack couldn’t save Nicky from their father, Vietnam, drugs, killing that little boy or PTSD. Jack tried to be everything to Nick and he feels like he failed. Jack couldn’t forgive Nicky because he couldn’t forgive himself.

What we learn about Jack in these episodes is he will give and give and give and give and give… and then he hits a wall. When Jack hits that wall, when he has nothing left to give, he is DONE. Jack reached out to Nicky time and again, but Nicky didn’t reach back. Not until it was too late and Jack had already shut down.

When we look at Jack later in life he has surrounded himself with people who always reach back. Whatever love Jack is giving, however hard Jack is trying, he feels like there is someone loving, giving and trying just as much. That’s not something Jack ever had growing up. He never had ANYONE take care of HIM. Jack tried to be everything to everyone, and he was pretty damn successful at it. But Rebecca, the kids and Miguel were also everything for Jack. Wherever Jack felt like he failed with Nicky, he was succeeding with his family and he was absolutely determined to protect that, even if it required going to extremes.

I think that’s why Jack shut Nicky out. He just couldn’t take care of him anymore. Not if Jack was going to have anything left to give his family. Nicky was too much even for Jack Pearson and it absolutely KILLED him to admit it. So, he couldn’t talk about it. He shut everything messy, painful and awful about his past inside a little box. And he put that box on a shelf. 

That’s how my mother got me through my miscarriage. She told me to put all that pain in a little box and set it on a shelf, just so I could get through the day to day. Just so I could breathe again. And then she told me, when I was ready, I could take the box off the shelf, open it and grieve. And then box it back up. And then open it again when I was ready. And that is grief. It is a life long process of opening the box and closing it again. Open and close until one day you figure out how to function with the pain. Loss doesn’t get easier. We just figure out how to live with it. It becomes part of who we are. 

Nicky was Jack’s box on the shelf. He was a gaping wound for Jack. He was on the cusp of being ready to open that box and then he died. That’s the tragedy of Nicky and Jack. I think Rebecca is right. If Jack had lived he would have found his way back to his brother. 

Does it mean Jack handled his relationship with his brother perfectly? No. But Nicky also did a lot of pretty awful things that prompted that reaction from Jack. I think we’re so used to see Jack save everyone that’s it’s shocking to see someone he couldn’t save. It’s to remind us that Jack is human just like the rest of us. Even he had his limits.

I think that’s why Kevin is so intent on helping Nicky. He can sense this was something Jack left unfinished because of his untimely death. Kevin feels responsible for Nicky like Jack did. Kevin is trying so desperately to be everything Jack Pearson was. He wants to be Superman just like his dad. 

But that’s the thing. Kevin is like his dad. He can be unrelenting in his determination, kindness, compassion and generosity. When Kevin commits to something he’s like a big love bomb going off. Jack was the same way.

But like Jack, Kevin hasn’t figured out how to open the box without it swallowing him hole. I think Kevin thought finding Nicky would bring his father back to life in some way and it wasn’t quite what he expected. Sure, Kevin helped Nicky but did he save him? No. The only person who can save Nicky is Nicky. But opening Jack’s box on the shelf also opened up Kevin’s as well. Jack drank because he feared he was just like his father. Kevin drinks because he fears he’s nothing like his.

[hysterialevi]

When the Devil Cries pt. 17

Fanfic summary: (NO SPOILERS IN THIS STORY) After arriving in Saint Denis, Arthur ends up falling in love with a seemingly innocent pianist, only to find himself in a battle with one of the most notorious outlaws to ever emerge from America. Now, between working for Dutch and robbing money for the gang, Arthur has to also protect the man he loves as the two of them try to find their freedom.

Pairing: Arthur Morgan/Male OC

Previous chapter

This story is also on AO3

From Arthur’s POV

A COUPLE HOURS LATER

SHADY BELLE

Practically leaning my entire body against Eddie due to fatigue, the boy hurriedly rode through the thick woods surrounding Shady Belle as we approached the abandoned mansion, instantly catching the attention of the guards.

Things seemed peaceful enough ‘round here, and it didn’t look like Atticus had reached the camp yet which was a huge relief considerin’ the shit Eddie and I just went through with the O’Driscolls. Though, that only made me wonder whether it was because they didn’t know our location, or because they was simply bidin’ their time. I supposed we would see soon enough.

Slowin’ down to a halt, Eddie transitioned into a steady trot as we got closer to the camp’s entrance, causin’ someone to block our path. It was John.

“Who goes there?” He called out, readying his rifle.

“Relax, Marston!” I replied, my voice a lot more hoarse than normal. “It’s me, Arthur.” I gestured to Eddie. “Don’t worry ‘bout him. He’s a friend. He means no harm.”

John took a better look at me, his eyes widening in concern once he noticed my wounds.

“Jesus...!” He exclaimed. “The hell happened to you out there, Arthur?”

“I’ll explain later...” I slurred out, struggling to keep myself upright. “Right now, I just need to speak with Dutch. Y’know where he is?”

Marston pointed to the mansion. “I think he’s in there with Hosea. He’ll wanna see you. You’ve been gone for quite a while. But...what about your friend?”

I held back a pained groan. “Like I said...he can be trusted. He won’t breathe a word about this place to no one. I wouldn’t have brought him here if I thought otherwise.”

He still appeared somewhat hesitant, but allowed him inside anyway. “Well...if you’re sure. Just keep an eye on him. Folk ain’t gonna be happy you brought a stranger to us.”

I nodded, holding onto Eddie as he took us into the camp. “I know...I know.”

Proceeding through the barricades, the pianist hitched his horse just outside the entrance and helped me down as the gang slowly gathered around us, all of ‘em curious to see what was goin’ on while Eddie guided me to the mansion.

From all different directions, I could hear the other members murmurin’ to each other in both relief and alarm as they speculated about the situation, skeptical to trust the new face I had brought along with me.

“...Is that Arthur?” Mary-Beth asked, pokin’ her head above Charles’ shoulder. “Has he come back?”

“Looks like it,” the man replied in a stoic tone. “He’s not alone though.”

Micah let out an annoyed yet somehow amused scoff, casually sharpening his knife. “Pfft. Leave it to Morgan to make a grand entrance like this.” He raised his voice slightly. “Welcome home, Arthur! I’m sure things’ll be just fine now that you’re here.”

I threw a glare at him, doin’ my best to keep up with Eddie’s pace. “Shut your mouth, Micah.”

He grinned. “A gentleman as always, my brother.”

Sadie jumped in, both her and Pearson’s eyes nailed onto me as the pianist was forced to come to a stop with how many people was surrounding us.

“Arthur!” She greeted, her brow furrowed in anxiety. “Goddamn, what happened to you? Was it them Pinkertons?”

I shook my head, growing weaker by the second. “...No.”

A sense of anger ignited her already wild eyes. “Well, whoever it was, they’re gonna have hell to pay.” Sadie turned to Pearson. “Don’t just stand there! Get him somethin’ to eat, for God’s sake. The man looks dead!”

The chef complied, briefly acknowledging me before taking his leave. “Right, of course. Mister Morgan.”

“Pearson.” I said back.

Bill and Javier hopped in the minute Pearson left, bombarding me with even more questions.

“Well, you’ve seen better days, amigo.” The latter remarked.

I let out a frail chuckle. “I’ve also seen worse.”

“Who even did this to you?” Bill asked.

“And more importantly, did they follow you?” Javier added.

Again, I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. We didn’t see anybody on our trail.”

“Yeah,” Bill commented grumpily, “people like to make sure you don’t see them when they’re followin’ you, Arthur.”

I sighed. “I don’t have time for this, Williamson. I just need to speak with Dutch.”

A voice of pragmatism joined the conversation, breaking up all the commotion.

“Well, here I am.”

Pushing his way through the crowd with Hosea in tow, Dutch’s presence alone instantly caused the entire gang to fall silent as the two of them walked up to me, immediately recognizing the boy standing by my side.

Both of them looked distressed upon seeing my injuries -- Hosea especially -- but in Dutch’s face, I could also see a hint of anger and uncertainty. It was pretty damned obvious he didn’t approve of my bringin’ Eddie into the camp, and I didn’t blame him one bit for it.

I mean, here I was, lookin’ like a corpse come back to life with God-knows-what chasing me, and a man who was a stranger to most of the people in the camp. They didn’t know a damned thing about him, or the men who wanted him dead, and yet, I had allowed this boy to enter the heart of our operations. Not only that, but I had also possibly led Atticus and gang here, too.

Goddamn, I really was a fool. But I was a fool with no other choices.

Taking a step towards me, Dutch examined my burned and cut body, his brown eyes flicking up and down.

“Oh, my boy,” he said, “my dear boy...what happened to you? And why’ve you brought your friend here?”

“He saved me, Dutch,” I answered, my words almost incoherent at this point. “...He saved my life.”

The man glanced at Eddie. “Is that true?”

Eddie nodded, adjusting my arm around his shoulder as I hung like a noose. “Arthur was kidnapped,” he explained. “By the O’Driscolls. They were holding him in their camp. I got him out though.”

Dutch cursed. “Colm’s involved in this? Shit. I shoulda known.”

Hosea gave the boy a sincere expression of gratitude. “Well, you certainly have our thanks, young man. It was brave of you to do that.”

“Indeed,” Dutch agreed, “but I hope you don’t mind, Arthur, I’m still gonna have someone keep an eye on your friend here.” He turned to a random member. “Micah?”

I mentally groaned to myself. Out of all people...

“Sure thing,” Micah said, moseying on up to the boy. “Don’t you worry, Arthur. I’ll take good care of him.”

I glowered at the sleazy man. “Oh, I’m sure you will.”

Dutch promptly took Eddie’s place and allowed me to lean on him, sensing the growing tension between me and Micah.

“In the meantime...” he continued, “let’s you and I head inside, and you explain what all this is about.” He glanced at his friend. “Hosea? Come with us, would you?”

The older man rushed over. “Of course.”

Helpin’ me inside the mansion, Dutch and Hosea guided me through the front doors while the rest of the gang stayed behind, all of ‘em watching with a newfound curiosity.

I didn’t much like the idea of leavin’ Eddie alone in a camp full of outlaws -- especially not when Micah was the one guardin’ him -- but I knew the kid could handle himself, and I trusted most of the people here to keep things civil. I only prayed I was right.

After all, folk here had been stressed recently, and Lord only knew what they went through while I was away. I doubted it would take much more to push ‘em over the edge, and the last person I wanted them to be takin’ out their anger on was Eddie.

Jesus. I really hoped I did the right thing, bringing him here. He was a fish outta water among us criminals, and if somethin’ were to go south, Eddie didn’t exactly have any other places to hide. This was his only viable option at the moment, and Atticus already had his men crawlin’ all over the wilds. If he went back out there, he would get killed.

I supposed our only choice now was making things work...no matter how hard it would be.

Assisting me to the closest couch, Dutch plopped me down on the cushioned piece of furniture as I sighed in relief, finally able to relax a little ever since escapin’ from Colm’s camp.

After endurin’ the kidnapping, the beating, the shooting, and the longest goddamned ride of my life...honestly, I could’ve fallen asleep standing up. But I had to discuss things with Dutch and Hosea first, and hopefully, if I got lucky, convince him to let Eddie stay.

Dutch examined my broken body, the more vengeful side of him comin’ out as he looked to me for answers.

“Now...you mind tellin’ me just what the hell is going on? How did Colm find you?”

I clutched my wound, tryin’ to keep myself from keeling over. “He weren’t alone. Colm’s teamed up with another gang, Dutch. The same gang that wants Eddie dead. They was plannin’ to use me as bait to lure him in.”

Dutch glanced outside. “Eddie. That’s the boy you brought with you?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Eddie Ryan. You met him briefly at that gala a while ago. The people who sent them assassins after him -- they’re finally here. And they’re doin’ everything within their power to kill him.”

Hosea raised another question. “And who are ‘they,’ exactly?”

I coughed a few times, suddenly feelin’ extremely parched. “...Atticus Rose. That’s the gang’s leader.”

A sense of familiarity twinkled in the old man’s eyes. “Atticus Rose?”

I perked my head up. “You know him?”

“Not personally,” Hosea replied, “but back in the days of the Wild West, stories about him used to circulate, especially around New Austin. They say he’s an extremely skilled gunslinger. Was raised by the very same outlaws that killed his parents. And once he was old enough, Atticus killed the ones responsible in return. Formed the survivors into his own gang. Though...like I mentioned before, these are just stories. They’re probably more mythical than factual. Most-likely nothing more than tales created by outlaws to scare civilization from spreading to the west.”

I leaned against the back of the couch. “Well, I can assure you: he’s very real. And he wants Eddie dead.”

Dutch gave me a stern glare, gesturing to the mansion around us.

“...And so you bring the boy into our home? Into our sanctuary...?! Even knowing who’s after him?”

A pang of guilt hit me. “I know, Dutch. I know. It’s dangerous, and it’s risky...and I’m sorry for doin’ it...but that boy ain’t got nowhere else to go. They’ve surrounded his house, and they’re searchin’ all over the wilderness for any signs of him. Eddie may be tougher than he looks, but even he can’t go against that many men. He’ll be killed out there.”

Dutch sighed in frustration, unconvinced. “Well, like I said before, Arthur, we can’t afford taking a risk like this! We don’t have the time or the resources!”

“Eddie could be of use to us, Dutch,” I assured. “He’s a good shot, and he’s lived in Saint Denis for years now. He knows that city better than any of us combined. We’ll need that knowledge if we’re still plannin’ to hit that bank. And most importantly...Eddie’s loyal. He’s got no reason to turn his back on us, and he trusts me. We’re the only option he has left. He won’t give us away.”

Dutch’s mind still wasn’t swayed.

“I’m sorry, Arthur, but we got our own enemies. Our own battles. Our own problems! And that boy ain’t one of them!”

Hosea joined in, voicing his own opinion.

“He is now.”

Dutch suddenly cocked his head towards him, clearly upset about the situation.

“Hosea, we can’t--”

“--You would’ve done the same for Annabelle!” The older man fired back, almost looking disappointed in his brother. “And I would’ve done the same for Bessie. Arthur’s right. This is a dangerous move, and it is risky...but that don’t matter. People like Eddie are the reason we started this gang, Dutch. You’ve said it yourself: we shoot fellers as need shooting, save fellers as need saving, and feed ‘em as need feeding. We aren’t perfect, but we can protect the people we love. ...I say the boy stays.”

Making his position clear, Hosea went quiet after that and took a moment to calm himself, causin’ Dutch to glance back and forth between the two of us as he made a decision, obviously torn by the dilemma.

He didn’t look as eager to take Eddie in as he did when we sheltered Mac, or Jenny, or even Sadie, but I could tell some part o’ him still cared, and he knew how much that kid meant to me.

At the same time though, none of us could ignore the threat of the Pinkertons closin’ in on us more and more with every passing day. Agent Milton had already found us twice, and there was no tellin’ how many more of them was watching our every move.

Having to worry about them as well as Atticus and his gang...it was gonna stretch us thin. It was gonna make the tensions in camp escalate even higher, and there was also the fact that I didn’t know how the rest of the gang would accept Eddie. If they’d accept him at all.

It was a choice that was gonna end up dividing us one way or another, but all I wanted was to keep the boy safe. That was it.

Rubbing his chin in thought, Dutch turned back to me and took a breath, his eyes narrowed in skepticism as he pondered the decision.

“...You really care about this boy?” He asked. I gave him a sincere look.

“I do.”

“And you think he’s worth it?”

Again, my answer was the same.

“...I do.”

Dutch took the response to heart, appearing to have finally changed his mind as he peered through the mansion’s windows, examining Eddie for a second before announcing his conclusion.

It was pretty evident he didn’t think much of the boy, and he had a hard time seein’ the same things Hosea and I saw in him, but deep down, I could tell he was still hurting from losin’ Annabelle. He understood more than anyone how hard it was to lose a loved one, and despite how much we may have argued recently, Dutch didn’t want the same thing to happen a third time.

He let out a reluctant sigh, seemingly willing to give Eddie a chance at least.

“...Very well,” he agreed. “If both of you think this man has a place here...then I suppose we can keep him around for a while. Least until he sorts things out.”

I looked up at him with a hopeful gaze. “So you’re lettin’ him stay?”

Dutch nodded, resting his hands on his hips. “Yes. Mister Ryan...is now part of the gang.”

[nellie-elizabeth]

Suits: She's Gone (6x11)

Okay. So. I'm happy and I'm not. I don't know what's going on with this show right now, but there's this one character who's just getting... assassinated in terms of development. And no, it's not Louis. It's not Rachel. It's not even Donna...

Cons:

It's Mike. I want to start this review by discussing the one very big problem I had with this episode. That's not to say that the episode was all bad, because I actually liked everything it's setting up, and I think we've got a promising half-season ahead of us. But then there's Mike. What has this show done to him?

We see that Mike is trying to strike out on his own, and help people. He doesn't want to work for Harvey as a consultant, even when Harvey basically begs him to come back. He wants to get his own work. The trouble is, he knows that nobody is going to take him seriously in the legal field now that he's a convicted felon. I'll talk in the "Pros" section about his time as a teacher through his church, which I quite liked, but then we get to the problem. See, Harvey tries to help Mike by going to Anita Gibbs, and asking her to endorse Mike as an ethical candidate for the bar. This backfires just as badly as you'd expect, and Anita actually shows up to Mike's place to tell him off and promise that she'll do everything in her power to stop him from getting a degree. So what does Mike do? He goes to Harvey and he yells at him. He tells him that even if he does end up with a law degree somehow, Specter Litt is the last place he'd ever come to work. He tells Harvey to stop screwing up his life, and storms away angrily.

Like, first off, this is an overreaction. And secondly, it's building on something I noticed a lot when Mike was in prison: he's kind of an ungrateful little shit. Whenever something isn't going his way, he gets really mad at Harvey. And Harvey, although flawed in myriad ways, is actually a saint when it comes to dealing with Mike. He bends over backwards for the kid, neglecting his other responsibilities and reaching out to people he hates just to try and help Mike however he can. And Mike never sees it. He never appreciates that Harvey would do anything for him. In fact, he knows that Harvey has abandonment issues, like, actually serious issues, and he not only refuses to come back to work for him (which I'm totally fine with, by the way) but actually yells at him and basically tells him to f**k off. Why, Mike? Why?!

In my reviews of the prison arc, I discuss Mike's anger towards Harvey, and how that could have been an interesting avenue to explore. Maybe Mike is lashing out because he still subconsciously blames Harvey for his situation, even though he was the one who decided to fall on his sword. But they're not exploring that angle - they're just making Mike come across as a jerk! This episode is so full of Harvey caring about Mike and missing Mike and loving Mike, and I couldn't even enjoy it properly because I was so annoyed at Mike for being a dick!

Pros:

That being said, let's talk about the rest of the episode. Hopefully I won't ramble on quite as much.

Mike ends up taking a job through his old church, teaching a classroom full of delinquent kids. Predictably, he doesn't do a good job at first, and when the kids find out he was in prison, they all taunt him and don't take him seriously. I thought this story was going in a very predictable direction, where Mike would come in and tell them all about the horrors of living in prison in order to whip them into shape. Instead, however, Mike tells them all the truth about why he's replacing their old teacher: the old man is dying of cancer. Mike had him as a teacher when he was younger, and they spend the class sharing stories about the man. In the end, one of the parents finds out that Mike is a felon, and unfortunately he's not welcome to continue teaching.

I liked that this plot thread didn't do exactly what I expected it to. I also thought the kids were realistically disdainful of Mike. He does look young and sort of gullible, and it makes sense that he wouldn't be able to get their respect right off the bat. But instead of doing an after-school special where Mike is able to change their lives, he lets the memory of their old teacher do that for him, as they all share in something together. Of course, it doesn't really go anywhere, since Mike can't keep the job. It's almost a shame, since it was kind of nice to see Mike as a teacher. But of course that wouldn't provide very good momentum for the show as a whole.

Rachel, meanwhile, is facing a dilemma. She's about to become a lawyer, but she's anxious about passing the ethics section of the bar, due to her continued relationship with Mike, and her desire to work at the firm that hired him. Her father offers her a job at his firm. Robert Zane not only has a more stable job for Rachel, he also has a job that will cast less suspicion on her ethical integrity, even with the nepotism angle considered. It's an interesting dilemma, and I'm glad that Rachel didn't get all righteous or unreasonable about the whole thing. She honestly considered her situation, and then made the choice we all knew she would make, when Louis makes her a formal job offer.

Speaking of Louis, he does his predictable song and dance, wherein he goes off the handle and messes up, and then tries to apologize. What I sort of loved about this, though, is that it was used as an opportunity to show how Harvey is going off the deep end, too. Louis and Harvey are both floundering without Jessica, and it shows. Basically, Louis works with Katrina to poach Robert Zane's associates, and he actually succeeds, with Robert Zane's blessing. But he almost screws up by trying to go after one of Zane's clients as well, not realizing that Robert is actually trying to be helpful. In the end, he pulls back and goes to talk to Harvey to tell him that he's not ready to be managing partner, and that Harvey should definitely take the lead. But before he can do that, Harvey is screaming at him about undoing everything Jessica worked so hard to create. It's a brutal scene, and it's one that feels earned and logical. You can see how both of these men are struggling to hold up the kingdom without their supreme queen Jessica Pearson.

The best parts of this episode are in the quiet moments. As a resolution of Rachel's plot thread, Louis offers her a job and she accepts. As a resolution of Louis's plot thread, he succeeds in recruiting a new class of associates, and then he goes to Rachel and offers her the job - as a second year associate. It's a beautiful gesture, and they even share a hug. I love how these two stories converge in that perfect moment.

Gretchen and Donna both fulfilled their typical support roles, yelling at people when they needed to be yelled at, comforting them when they needed that. I'd be annoyed, but I really do enjoy seeing both of these women get shit done, even if the way the need to do that is by blending in to the background sometimes. And Donna certainly didn't start the episode in the background... we see Harvey having a dream where he and Donna are sleeping together, and she brings him coffee in bed. The dream turns into a nightmare when she says that she can't work for him now because of their personal relationship, and she basically taunts him about Jessica being gone.

That brings us to Harvey Specter, who once again is getting a generous amount of nuance. It makes me even more bitter about the bludgeoning of Mike Ross's characterization, but I'm still happy that Harvey's getting such a good examination. Basically, his abandonment issues have come back, full force. He essentially says as much to Donna. He yells at Louis after the altercation with Mike, clearly devastated at all the people in his life suddenly leaving him. Jessica is gone, and Mike, who he just worked so hard to free from prison, isn't coming back to work with him. Donna brings up Harvey's mother, saying that he needs to reconcile with his family while he still has a chance. His work family can never fill the void. This is really insightful of Donna, and it brings a whole added element of drama to the show.

I guess I'll stop there. In summary, if it weren't for the way Mike is acting, I think I would have really, really loved this episode. As is, I liked it a lot. I'm still excited for what's next. But I do hope that Mike and Harvey patch things up... I don't want any more drama between my boys!

8/10

[janiemoe]

Did you know that using a boar bristle brush (like the impossibly expensive Mason Pearson or the $10 Sonya Kashuk for Target dupe [which I use, because who the hell spends more than that on a hair brush?] and strategically brushing your hair can make it so you don’t have to wash your hair as often? The brush redistributes your natural oils, from the roots of your hair to the drier (by virtue of being older and further from the scalp) tips. This isn’t gross, it’s sort of like how cats groom themselves-- my brother’s girlfriend’s cat hadn’t been socialized, and didn’t realize he was supposed to lick his fur, and it was greasy and matted. Once my brother and his girlfriend moved in together, my brother’s cat taught the poor greasy cat what he was supposed to do, and he had nice clean fur from then on. 

I remember, as a teen with hair that I’d wash every day because I had what a hairdresser described as an oily scalp (while she tried to hawk me $25 dollar shampoo), reading in a magazine that I “shouldn’t brush my hair a 100 times a day-- it’s an old wives tale that it makes your hair grow faster.” What I didn’t realize at the time is that magazines basically print whatever makes their advertiser's happy. I’ll bet that particular issue of Seventeen had no less than ten shampoo ads. Meanwhile, I was locked in a continuous cycle of “needing” to wash my hair every day, because I was disgusting, not because I was slathering intensely drying/irritating detergent onto my scalp every day. When you watch old movies, where a heroine is methodically brushing her hair, she generally has a bob. Do you honestly think someone who has their hair at chin length by choice is trying to get their hair to grow longer by brushing it excessively? That would just mean wasting money on extra haircuts.

In high school, the girl with the best hair (like a mermaid) was made fun of for telling people she washed her hair once a week. Despite being faced with gorgeous hair, people laughed at her because she had to be disgusting, because “you’re supposed to wash it every day!” Meanwhile, they all had greasy stringlets plastered to their head. 

This is something I discovered because I have psoriasis, and try to avoid long showers that not only wreck your skin, but the environment (I wonder how much water is wasted on excess showers because of the shampoo industry convincing us we need to wash our hair every day, but that is an angry rant for another time). Anyways, here’s what you do: Detangle your hair with a wide-toothed comb first, then take your boar bristle Mason Pearson knock-off, and brush through small sections of your hair from root to tip. If you have long hair, brush it from root to midway down the section, and then brush it from midway down the section to the tip. I’m sure there are videos on youtube. My hair is extremely fine in texture (read: thin, but I have a ton of it) so I generally have to wash it every other day, which isn’t ideal, but better than seven days a week. Dry shampoo is terrible-- it is basically baby powder and alcohol, which dries the shit out of your hair/scalp, exacerbating the problem, and making it your hair produce more oil because it’s going “shit shit shit I’m really dry and covered in crap and I have to “moisturize my situation, preserve my sexy!”

I’m sure you were all hoping to read a rant about shampoo on a Monday night, but dammit, it’s bigger than shampoo-- look at hard evidence rather than blindly believing crap spoon fed to you by rich assholes making bank off of screwing up your ‘do (or the environment, or your health). Thank you and good night.

[If you have thick curly hair that stays curly even without humidity-- my hair goes wavy in the winter as air gets drier) you probably aren’t washing your hair every day anyways, and brushing through it is terrible for your curl pattern-- embrace your beautiful hair!!!--that’s a whole nother ball game (for that look through Deva Curl forums)]

[inloveandwords]

This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story).

It works like this

Go to your Goodreads to-read shelf.

Order on ascending date added.

Take the first 5 (or 10 (or even more!) if you’re feeling adventurous) books

Read the synopsis of the books

Decide: keep it or should it go?

The Kiss of Deception (The Remnant Chronicles #1) by Mary E. Pearson

In a society steeped in tradition, Princess Lia’s life follows a preordained course. As First Daughter, she is expected to have the revered gift of sight—but she doesn’t—and she knows her parents are perpetrating a sham when they arrange her marriage to secure an alliance with a neighboring kingdom—to a prince she has never met.

On the morning of her wedding, Lia flees to a distant village. She settles into a new life, hopeful when two mysterious and handsome strangers arrive—and unaware that one is the jilted prince and the other an assassin sent to kill her. Deception abounds, and Lia finds herself on the brink of unlocking perilous secrets—even as she finds herself falling in love.

The Kiss of Deception is the first audiobook in Mary E. Pearson’s Remnant Chronicles

Date added to TBR:Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch?Keep Comments: I actually have the boxed set of this entire series. I love the covers and those are honestly what drew me to them. I definitely want to keep this one.

♥

Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas

It’s Spring Break of senior year. Anna, her boyfriend Tate, her best friend Elise, and a few other close friends are off on a debaucherous trip to Aruba that promises to be the time of their lives. But when Elise is found brutally murdered, Anna finds herself trapped in a country not her own, fighting against vile and contemptuous accusations.

As Anna sets out to find her friend’s killer, she discovers hard truths about her friendships, the slippery nature of truth, and the ache of young love.

As she awaits the judge’s decree, it becomes clear that everyone around her thinks she is not just guilty, but dangerous. When the truth comes out, it is more shocking than one could ever imagine…

Date added to TBR:Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch?Keep Comments:I actually really want to read more psychological thrillers and this one sounds pretty awesome. It also is very highly rated on Goodreads.

♥

Confess by Colleen Hoover

Auburn Reed is determined to rebuild her shattered life and she has no room for mistakes. But when she walks into a Dallas art studio in search of a job, she doesn’t expect to become deeply attracted to the studio’s enigmatic artist, Owen Gentry.

For once, Auburn takes a chance and puts her heart in control, only to discover that Owen is hiding a huge secret. The magnitude of his past threatens to destroy everything Auburn loves most, and the only way to get her life back on track is to cut Owen out of it—but can she do it?

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch?Keep Comments:I honestly don’t even need to read the synopsis, I plan to read everything Colleen Hoover writes.

♥

Truly Madly Guilty by Liane Moriarty

Six responsible adults. Three cute kids. One small dog. It’s just a normal weekend. What could possibly go wrong?

Sam and Clementine have a wonderful, albeit, busy life: they have two little girls, Sam has just started a new dream job, and Clementine, a cellist, is busy preparing for the audition of a lifetime. If there’s anything they can count on, it’s each other.

Clementine and Erika are each other’s oldest friends. A single look between them can convey an entire conversation. But theirs is a complicated relationship, so when Erika mentions a last minute invitation to a barbecue with her neighbors, Tiffany and Vid, Clementine and Sam don’t hesitate. Having Tiffany and Vid’s larger than life personalities there will be a welcome respite.

Two months later, it won’t stop raining, and Clementine and Sam can’t stop asking themselves the question: What if we hadn’t gone?

In Truly Madly Guilty, Liane Moriarty takes on the foundations of our lives: marriage, sex, parenthood, and friendship. She shows how guilt can expose the fault lines in the most seemingly strong relationships, how what we don’t say can be more powerful than what we do, and how sometimes it is the most innocent of moments that can do the greatest harm.

Date added to TBR: Jul 31, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: This is a whole lot of meh for me. I’m deeply uninterested in this type of story these days.

♥

The Princess Saves Herself in This One (Women Are Some Kind of Magic #1) by Amanda Lovelace

“Ah, life- the thing that happens to us while we’re off somewhere else blowing on dandelions & wishing ourselves into the pages of our favorite fairy tales.”

A poetry collection divided into four different parts: the princess, the damsel, the queen, & you. the princess, the damsel, & the queen piece together the life of the author in three stages, while you serves as a note to the reader & all of humankind. Explores life & all of its love, loss, grief, healing, empowerment, & inspirations.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This book is currently on my bookshelf and I still definitely want to read it!

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

Milk and honey’ is a collection of poetry and prose about survival. About the experience of violence, abuse, love, loss, and femininity. It is split into four chapters, and each chapter serves a different purpose. Deals with a different pain. Heals a different heartache. ‘milk and honey’ takes readers through a journey of the most bitter moments in life and finds sweetness in them because there is sweetness everywhere if you are just willing to look

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: My niece has been trying to get me to read this forever.

♥

Lady Midnight (The Dark Artifices #1) by Cassandra Clare

The Shadowhunters of Los Angeles star in the first novel in Cassandra Clare’s newest series, The Dark Artifices, a sequel to the internationally bestselling Mortal Instruments series. Lady Midnight is a Shadowhunters novel.

It’s been five years since the events of City of Heavenly Fire that brought the Shadowhunters to the brink of oblivion. Emma Carstairs is no longer a child in mourning, but a young woman bent on discovering what killed her parents and avenging her losses.

Together with her parabatai Julian Blackthorn, Emma must learn to trust her head and her heart as she investigates a demonic plot that stretches across Los Angeles, from the Sunset Strip to the enchanted sea that pounds the beaches of Santa Monica. If only her heart didn’t lead her in treacherous directions…

Making things even more complicated, Julian’s brother Mark—who was captured by the faeries five years ago—has been returned as a bargaining chip. The faeries are desperate to find out who is murdering their kind—and they need the Shadowhunters’ help to do it. But time works differently in faerie, so Mark has barely aged and doesn’t recognize his family. Can he ever truly return to them? Will the faeries really allow it?

Glitz, glamours, and Shadowhunters abound in this heartrending opening to Cassandra Clare’s Dark Artifices series.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: I’ve been trying to get on this series bandwagon for a long time. I’ve not given up yet!

♥

Heartless by Marissa Meyer

Long before she was the terror of Wonderland—the infamous Queen of Hearts—she was just a girl who wanted to fall in love.

Catherine may be one of the most desired girls in Wonderland, and a favorite of the unmarried King of Hearts, but her interests lie elsewhere. A talented baker, all she wants is to open a shop with her best friend. But according to her mother, such a goal is unthinkable for the young woman who could be the next queen.

Then Cath meets Jest, the handsome and mysterious court joker. For the first time, she feels the pull of true attraction. At the risk of offending the king and infuriating her parents, she and Jest enter into an intense, secret courtship. Cath is determined to define her own destiny and fall in love on her terms. But in a land thriving with magic, madness, and monsters, fate has other plans.

In her first stand-alone teen novel, the New York Times-bestselling author dazzles us with a prequel to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: This book is gorgeous and sounds interesting.

♥

The Winner’s Curse (The Winner’s Trilogy #1) by Marie Rutkoski

Winning what you want may cost you everything you love…

As a general’s daughter in a vast empire that revels in war and enslaves those it conquers, seventeen-year-old Kestrel has two choices: she can join the military or get married. But Kestrel has other intentions.

One day, she is startled to find a kindred spirit in a young slave up for auction. Arin’s eyes seem to defy everything and everyone. Following her instinct, Kestrel buys him—with unexpected consequences. It’s not long before she has to hide her growing love for Arin.

But he, too, has a secret, and Kestrel quickly learns that the price she paid for a fellow human is much higher than she ever could have imagined.

Set in a richly imagined new world, The Winner’s Curse by Marie Rutkoski is a story of deadly games where everything is at stake, and the gamble is whether you will keep your head or lose your heart.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Keep Comments: I have this entire series on my bookshelf and although it has gotten mixed reviews, I still would like to give it a try.

♥

The Falconer (The Falconer #1) by Elizabeth May

One girl’s nightmare is this girl’s faery tale

She’s a stunner. Edinburgh, 1844. Eighteen-year-old Lady Aileana Kameron, the only daughter of the Marquess of Douglas, has everything a girl could dream of: brains, charm, wealth, a title—and drop-dead beauty.

She’s a liar. But Aileana only looks the part of an aristocratic young lady. she’s leading a double life: She has a rare ability to sense the sìthíchean—the faery race obsessed with slaughtering humans—and, with the aid of a mysterious mentor, has spent the year since her mother died learning how to kill them.

She’s a murderer. Now Aileana is dedicated to slaying the fae before they take innocent lives. With her knack for inventing ingenious tools and weapons—from flying machines to detonators to lightning pistols—ruthless Aileana has one goal: Destroy the faery who destroyed her mother.

She’s a Falconer. The last in a line of female warriors born with a gift for hunting and killing the fae, Aileana is the sole hope of preventing a powerful faery population from massacring all of humanity. Suddenly, her quest is a lot more complicated. She still longs to avenge her mother’s murder—but she’ll have to save the world first.

The first volume of a trilogy from an exciting new voice in young adult fantasy, this electrifying thriller combines romance and action, steampunk technology and Scottish lore in a deliciously addictive read.

Date added to TBR: Dec 06, 2016 Keep or Ditch? Ditch Comments: I just don’t ever see myself reading this one. The reviews aren’t great and for me to read this type of book, I think it would need to be super hyped.

♥

Here are the stats

Starting Total TBR Count: 1994 Previous Total TBR Count: 1988 Updated Total TBR Count: 2041 Total Ditched Today: 2 Total Kept Today: 8

Bye-Bye Books: Decluttering my TBR September 2019 This post was inspired by Ally’s series (which was inspired by Lia at Lost in a Story…

[rebeccahpedersen]

Does Metrolinx Sell Real Estate?

TorontoRealtyBlog

How about a little cynicism for a Monday?

Is anybody up for a good, old-fashioned rant about the government?

Well, I’m actually not all that fired up, but I did want to share this story as I think it’s in the public’s best interest to know, and I think people’s opinions on the matter will range from “I really don’t care,” to “This is BS.”

I came across several properties for sale last week that were in awful locations – literally backing “onto the tracks.”  Ordinarily, this wouldn’t draw a second look from me, except that they were owned by a cute little crown corporation called “Metrolinx.”

Yes, the same Metrolinx that is currently building the Eglinton Crosstown LRT, and who gave us the Presto Card, and the Union-Pearson Express.

But first, and as is often the custom, let me offer you a random story from my childhood that seems incongruous at first, but eventually makes sense…

When I was younger, my family would head out to a Chinese food restaurant called Spadina Garden, what honestly seemed like every Sunday for about ten years.  It was on the north side of Dundas, just west of Bay.  This was where my love of plain white rice began, and if I ever turn into a giant fatso, I will blame the nice family that owned this restaurant.

After consuming copious amounts of spicy-peanut chicken, we would try to walk off the glutinous feast by taking a stroll over to Yonge & Dundas.  We hit up Sam the Record Man just about every time we went for dinner, and to this day, I still don’t understand why cassettes were sold in those long, hard-plastic shells.  Do any of you remember?  I can’t find a picture online, but some of you might recall.

We actually felt bad for ditching Sam when HMV moved in two doors down, but it was really flashy, with great marketing, and we were stupid consumers.

I still remember buying R.E.M.’s “Green” on CD.  That was a big day.

On the southeast corner of Yonge & Dundas, there was a 3-storey building that was covered in jeans.  That’s right, jeans.  The entire building had jeans glued to the front of it, and there was a sign that said “GOING OUT BUSINESS SALE.”

That’s not grammatically correct, I know.  But the word “for” was in a font that was so microscopic, you basically thought they were going out of business, when in reality, it was just a gimmick.

There was a huge shoe store next door, and a jewelry shop next to that.

The shops looked a a bit seedy, but the whole area was.  It was Yonge Street in the late-80’s!

Eventually, however, that “Going Out For Business” jeans shop really, truly, did become the “Going Out Of Business” store, and it wasn’t by choice.

That was when my father explained to me the concept of expropriation.

I’ll save you the explanation, but it sounded to me as though the government came in and stole your land, while throwing you some bread crumbs in the process.

I was a kid.  And naive.  I’m way more reasonable now.

While I recognize that expropriation is a necessary evil in any city, and there’s simply no way to avoid it, I also, unfortunately, think there’s massive potential for corruption, and/or extremely unfair practices.

The City of Toronto, it seems, decided that Yonge & Dundas should be Toronto’s answer to New York City’s Time Square, and I can’t say I don’t like the result.  I mean, I don’t frequent the area.  There’s absolutely nothing for me to do there.  But for tourists?  And other, more normal, fun, and social Torontonians?  Sure!  It’s a great feature of the city, and none of it would have been possible without the expropriation of that jeans store on the corner.

But what amount did the City of Toronto pay?

How was that amount determined?

And what would that land be worth today?

Last question, and the most obvious: if you were to take the amount that the land is worth today, and subtract the amount that was paid for it back in the 80’s or 90’s, what rate of return would the original owner have to have achieved in another investment vehicle, to equal the same return that could have been realized if the city never expropriated the land?

I suspect it would be an absolutely unachievable amount.  But I have nothing to back this up, other than my gut, the exponential growth of real estate prices (not to mention commercial land in a development boom), and a hearty amount of cynicism toward the process of expropriation.

So where does this leave us?

Oh, right, Metrolinx.

Metrolinx has expropriated many, many properties throughout Southern Ontario to account for their various projects, as is their right.

But recently a few of their properties went up for sale, and the whole thing seems a bit off to me.

Here’s a map of where Metrolinx owns four properties, all of which were recently up for sale:

Now I can’t say with absolute certainty that these properties were expropriated, and not happily offered up by the previous owners, but the bottom line is – the crown corporation purchased them, and has held them for the last six or seven years.

We can’t see what Metrolinx paid for the properties, since the sale prices were suppressed.  Yes, this is possible, by the way.  There is a process you can go through to ensure that the sale of a property does not show up in public record searches.  It looks something like this:

I’ve chosen to black out the address of the property, I don’t know why.

“Rules” about what real estate agents can, and can’t do with regards to sold data in a public form (outside of a VOW) are still in a grey area, but I digress.

But this isn’t any different information than what anybody out there can find through public information, so what the heck.

So here you can see that Metrolinx paid $0 for the property, which closed back in 2012.

Not knowing how much they paid for these properties is a bit frustrating, considering that three of them just sold!

Yes, in between my putting this blog topic in the queue, and actually sitting down to write it, three of the properties were sold.

But that’s good news, because it will simply fan the flames.  Because these properties sold for a pittance, compared to what Metrolinx likely paid for them.

“Likely.”  Damn.  That’s the best that I can do, without the actual sale prices.

But do you see how there’s an “assessed value” for that property above?  It last sold for $188,000 in 1996, has an assessed value of $748,000 for 2018, and a phased-in value of $934,000?  Can we use those numbers to try and gain some insight into Metrolinx’ um, er, investments?

Again, I can’t give out sold data in a public forum, so let’s just run through a hypothetical situation, which might end up being highly accurate…

Property A – sold for $360,000 in 2007, assessment of $271,000, listed for $199,000, sold for $130,000.

Property B – sold for $320,000 in 2008, assessment of $313,000, listed for $199,000, sold for $130,000.

Property C – sold for $304,000 in 2007, assessment of $311,000, listed for $199,000, sold for $140,000.

So my first question is: how come these assessments were so low?

We all know that most properties are assessed for less than they’re worth.  That’s how MPAC works, it would seem they catch more flies with honey, and for the person who just paid $2,000,000 for a new-build, they’re less likely to raise a fuss with MPAC if the taxes were raised from the value of the bungalow that sat on the land previously, to, say, $1,500,000.

So I can see how all these assessments could come in lower, but in relation to sale prices from ten years ago?  That’s odd.

My second question would be why the list prices were so low.  I don’t know what Metrolinx paid for these properties, and I also don’t know if this was an expropriation, or a fair sale, but I have my guesses.

And lastly, it might not be fair for me to comment on the sale prices, but 65% of list?  Okay…

So all in all, these properties sold in 2018 for around 40% of what they sold for a decade ago, and for an indeterminate percentage of what Metrolinx paid for them in 2011-2012.

Is there a story here?  Or are the numbers so small it doesn’t matter?

My readers will often complain about not just the amount of risk that the Canadian Mortgage & Housing Corporation, CMHC, takes on every day, but often the mere existence of the crown corporation to begin with.

So is there anything to be made of Metrolinx losing money on fire sales of (potentially) expropriated properties that they didn’t end up needing?

Chew on that with your Monday morning coffee…

The post Does Metrolinx Sell Real Estate? appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from https://ift.tt/2Aa7Yjx

[jbuffyangel]

The Weekly Rundown (10/07/18-10/13/18)

Sorry so late! I’m getting caught up on articles. Almost there :) Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead!

God Friended Me (”The Good Samaritan”)

Confession time: I didn’t pay very close attention to this week’s episode, but Miles and Cara continue to be adorable. Pretty sure I ship it.

Manifest (”Turbulence”)

I’m not really feeling the chemistry between Josh Dallas and Athena Karkanis. However, the chemistry between  Melissa Roxburgh and JR Ramirez is smoldering.

Josh Dallas is my blue eye baby who makes me feel all the things. He conveyed so many emotions without saying a word in the scene where Ben and Grace discussed the man in her life. WOW!    

I want to believe Grace is in love with Ben and not Danny (because it's Josh Dallas and that's all the reason she needs), but I'm not buying it... yet

The whole twins being different ages is a never ending mind bender.

Seriously though what did Ben do for a living?

The Gifted (“coMplications”)

All I want is for Marcos to hold Dawn forever and snuggle with Lorna. Why can’t I have the things that I want?

But seriously though these Marcos and baby scenes are killing me.

Marcos fighting the Frost sister’s mind control was amazing. He was ready to tear everything apart to get his Lorna and his baby. SO HOT.

Andy, buddy what are you doing? Sure, they gave you a better hair cut and cool clothes, but Reeva is crazy. Tell me you know that boy!

I’m having trouble understanding why Reed didn’t want to tell his wife and daughter his powers were coming back. He has two mutant children! They tried to equate Lauren’s fear of “coming out” to Reed’s but it’s just not the same. He was her parent and he hunted mutants. She legitimately feared her father’s rejection. Reed isn’t in the same situation at all and I see no reason to for him to be lying to everyone for months.

Kate hugs Reed once he tells her the truth, which is nice, but were we really expecting her to reject him? Did the writers forget they have two mutant children?

The Gifted blew past all the build up to Clarice and John’s relationship and now they’ve sewn the seeds for the break up - in the third episode. This whole “Clarice is a spy for the Erg and lies to John about it” storyline is only going one place. John is doing his fair share of lying and pushing Clarice away. Needless to say I am unhappy with how this relationship is being handled.

F.B.I. (“Green Birds” and  “Prey”)

Finally got caught up on F.B.I. I thought “Prey” was a much stronger episode than “Green Birds.” 

I am so glad they cast Sela Ward! I love her. Her character is much more likable as Maggie and Omar’s boss.

I’m here for Omar doing hot things because Omar is hot. I feel warm every time he talks about his military experience. 

Still a little iffy about this show, but I’ll stick with it for now.

This Is Us (Katie Girls)

The depth of my hate for Jack's father knows no bounds.

"Or you can stay and I'll kill him." Honestly, I was okay with that option too Jack.

Randall is a mess watching his brother's movie and I stan this bromance so hard.

I am really freaking glad Randall is taking Kate on because I AM SO MAD AT HER.

Well that conversation swerved quickly. Stay on point Randall.

Okay well now we're off on a whole other thing and Kate is crying. Good grief children.

Not sure how Randall & Kate's discussion became a fight about adoption. The point was to discuss Kate's insensitivity regarding her remark about being the only person able to pass on Jack's genes. How did she turn it into Randall's insensitivity about her miscarriage?

Beth, Miguel and Toby having a group text to discuss their messed up in laws is AMAZING.

Randall is terrible at apologizing but also WHY IS HE APOLOGIZING?

I'm trying to hang with my girl Kate here. I've had a miscarriage and it's devastating, but your personal pain is not an excuse to be hurtful to others. Understanding where Randall was coming from was not a long bridge to cross.

I am so relating to Kevin putting the pieces together regarding Jack's service.

Beth got fired? NOOOOOO. My Beth!  

Toby's reaction to Randall showing up was gold.

KATE AND JACK ARE DREAM SEQUENCING AND I AM NOT OKAY. Btw Jack could you advise Kate to stop being such a jackass to Randall? Thanks bro.

Awkward Rebecca and Jack is the worst. You are soul mates kids. Get it together.  

Jack wants to marry you Rebecca and have lots and lots of babies. You are his dream.

I hope Randall and Beth have 9 months of savings. Suze Orman says you need 9 months of savings.

Marriage is never 50/50. But I think Beth and Randall have been going 90/10 for awhile and it's time for that ratio to shift.

I love how the writers find commonality in their characters in ways you never thought of before. Randall and Toby sharing their struggles with depression and anxiety was such a beautiful way to bond these characters

Kate wanted to marry Mark Paul Gosselar. Same girl.

"You came across the country to say you are sorry. That's the most Dad move ever." HELLO KATE. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. You could have added that he didn't need to apologize and you are the one who is sorry but I don't want to editorialize too much. Carry on.)

Rebecca pulled a Jack Pearson on Jack Pearson. EPIC.

Marry you the man who does dishes. 

A Million Little Things (”Save The Date”)

HOLY. FREAKING. CRAP. THEY. ALL. FOUND. OUT. That was fast y’all! Wow!

If we’re blowing past the big affair secret does that mean we’ll find out the reason John killed himself? It’s an annoying mystery. Cough up the answers, show.

All the awards to Grace Park. She’s been sadly under utilized on this show until now and boy did she come out swinging. The scenes where she confronts Eddie and Delilah were amazing. 

I cheered when Grace slapped Eddie. I have no sympathy for him. He’s cheating because his wife is gone at work all the time? It’s called a mortgage jackass. Guitar lessons aren’t going to get it done. 

It irritates me when people act like they have no choice in who they sleep with. Eddie is walking around like falling in love with Delilah was an accident. Listen pal you are a grown ass man. You made choices. Own it. Cheating is such a mean thing to do.  Nobody is forcing anyone to stay in these marriages. Get a divorce before you go hopping into bed with someone else.

I’m only slightly less angry with Delilah but that’s only because her husband jumped off a building. Her scene where she screams to friends to ask if she was the reason John killed himself was gutting. Guit is a bitch.

By the way, even if Jon made his peace with the affair it doesn’t make the affair okay. Also, nobody asked for Katherine’s opinon. Pretty sure she’d tell everyone where to stick if if they’d did though.

I feel like Gary is representing the audience in this episode, i.e. me. I don’t think the writers needed to muddy the water with Gary’s issues with marriage, his parents divorce and his birthday. I understand Jon and Delilah were his shining example of marriage bliss, but we didn’t need to make this about his childhood trauma. His anger was warranted by itself. Delilah and Eddie did an awful thing.

We need to move it along with Maggie’s storyline. She’s the friends-with-benefit-rando-friend-everyone-just-met-but-pretend-like-they’ve-known-her-since-always. Her impermanence in all of these people’s lives makes the level she’s included in things... odd. Let’s get the cancer out in the open and solidify her relationships - particularly with Gary. 

Blindspot (“Hella Duplicitous”)

Jane's hair is long. That's how ya know she's evil again

Seriously how do they not know Remi is back? She's so cranky. Jane is much more cheerful. Also, I feel like her voice is three octaves lower.

Remi can fight with samurai swords. Who knew? A list of all of her skills would be great.

Do I call her Remi or Jane y'all? I'm going with Remi for now.

Remi's impression of Jane being worried about Kurt was pretty spot on. Well played evil one.

Anyone else enjoying Remi looking all murdery every time anyone mentions Roman is dead? Same girl. Except I'm sad Luke Mitchell isn't on the show anymore not murdery because that'd be weird.

Jane's dying except she's Remi so like that's a double dose of suck.

Oh score. Cure. This is like Elena being vampire. They'll fix it. I ain't worried. Imma gonna get Jeller babies. Or should I say PLEEEEEEEEEASE give me Jeller babies.

OH MY GOD SHE'S HALLUCINATING ROMAN. Luke Mitchell IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so here for Roman being the crazy voice in Jane/Remi's head.

Sorry Remi. Your super evil terrorist group is canceled. Sorry not sorry girl. Watch Season 1-Season 3 and catch up girl.

Two Sandstorm operatives is more like a club than a terrorist group, but okay Remi. Gotta start somewhere I guess.

It's weird that the cure is re-erasing Remi's memories but also let's re-erase Remi's memories. I ain't a fan.

Damn. Blake is dead? That... was unexpected. Okay so now I'm imagining that Blake and Roman are happy in heaven together. Leave me to my dream.

Kurt is scared... I love you my cupcake.

Wiping her memory and meeting Kurt Weller was the best thing that ever happened to Remi because she's not nice and Jane is awesome. Kudos to Blindspot for reinforcing their central love story while also wreaking absolute havoc on it.

Is Zapata evil now? Is everybody evil now?

Weitz is director. Ugh.

"You can't keep watching me all the time." Girl, he does that when you are totally healthy. Kurt Weller giving Jane fuzzy bunny stares is the show. Seriously, someone show Remi S1-S3.

Haha. She squeezed Kurt too hard to hurt him. What a bitch. Also awesome.

Zapata's smile when she sees Reade on TV. Girl go home.

Rich and Patterson are gonna cure Jane using Santa magic and it's gonna be friggin awesome.

Reciting the wedding video is creepy Remi.

Noooo.... don't break out Mama Shepherd. She be crazier than you Remi and at this point that's saying A LOT.