#honestly I don't know whether I ought to put this here or on the blog where I normally do mid-read commentary about books and things

[chiropteracupola]

I LOVE WHEN MAGIC SYSTEMS RECALL HUMORIC MEDICINE!!!!

[tothedarkdarkseas]

!! just want to reassure you that if i ever took inspo i absolutely wouldn't lift anything directly from your writing, i feel exactly the same wrt being very personally attached to everything i create. even silly gorillaz fics are like a little piece of myself put out into the world lol... and i would be sure to credit you for inspiration and send it your way! while i really hope you find a renewed interest in gorillaz as a whole (both for selfish "immense enjoyment of your writing" reasons as well as completely understanding how it feels to become disillusioned with something you were passionate about,) my faith in the direction they're taking is... rocky at best lol. but it is what it is!

Ah, thank you! I'm sorry if that answer was presumptuous in any way, I just wasn't entirely positive the extent to which you were asking! I know some fandom writers are so... generous, or detached, or whichever flattering or unflattering way it comes across to you, and it's not unheard of for someone to just hand off stories to new writers who care more about finishing it. Honestly, observing other writers in general is such an enlightening yet isolating experience, as it assures me time and again that something is very broken inside of me, hahaha! No, but I understand that feeling entirely. It's shameful to think the things that have meant so much to me, projects which have felt incredibly personal and reflect something I can't otherwise voice are... silly gay Gorillaz fics. With hole. So just-- not things you'll ever share. (I've tried to do personal writing, er, something for more of a "literary magazine crowd" but struggled with getting my footing enough to move the ideas into words. Recently, very recently, I've been scratching out short thoughts on a specific aspect of my life... I've felt conflicted about sharing it here or not, as I think the only people who have any interest at all in my writing would be on this blog, but the subject matter is very much the opposite of toxic-masculine Studoc.)

Thank you, I really do appreciate you saying that. This is melodramatic, and the sort of fatalistic thinking I've been trying to be more mindful of, but at times my unhealthy relationship toward creating made me think of the quote about every person dying twice: for the first time when your body dies, and for the second time when someone stops saying your name. There's just always been something unbearably sad about the idea that you could love with your whole heart for 1, 5, 10, 20 years, and yet one day it just stops forever. It stops existing in anyone's mind, it stops mattering, it is one of a thousand-billion sparks from the beginning of human storytelling that died for the last time ages ago. I don't think that's a good way to think, for the record, haha. But it's nice to me to think someone out there cares if I ever write again, someone would want to share that world with me. Whether I ought to indulge it, it is a lovely thought. I'm glad we could know and care for one another in whatever capacity we were able to.

Anyway! I'm sorry, we're returning to true peak tothedarkdarkseas form here, which entails me using asks as therapy sessions. I would love to see anything you create, even if you ended up moving on outside of Gorillaz! I am so grateful for you reaching out, it really does this rickety old heart good. Sadly I do share your reservations about where we'll go from here, but I think some time away from the burning core of it has done me some favors in... numbing me a bit to the disappointment, haha. (Nice way to think of something, right?) As you said, it is what it is! C'est la vie!

[ofdeliverancedane]

well, i finally gave in and watched secrets of dumbledore.

i wasn't sure if i was going to. as anyone who still follows this blog probably noticed, i don't really participate in hp fandom in any capacity at this point, for the same reason that a lot of other people jumped ship. but a combination of morbid curiosity and undying affection for albus dumbledore eventually won out, and here is my conclusion:

the movie is bad.

my first and probably largest objection is how the leader of the ICW is chosen. the guy who allows grindelwald to stand for office defends it by saying that the voters have to choose, implying that there is, you know, an actual vote. but then it becomes clear that grindelwald wants this deer-thing so he can make it bow to him, and he'll win. okay, i thought, they see who the deer bows to and then people vote, and obviously a lot of people will vote for the person who's just been shown to be pure of heart. it still falls apart if you think about it too hard (how likely is it that any career politician is going to be exceptionally loyal and honest, really?) but in theory it makes sense.

but then the dead deer bows to grindelwald and that would've been it except newt reveals the twin? and even after the real one bows to santos, there's no indication that a vote takes place - people just immediately start shooting her colors in celebration.

so the ICW isn't a democracy, i guess. and even that would be okay (other than rendering the logic behind letting grindelwald participate nonsensical, but whatever.) lots of people live under dumb and bad systems of governance, and the wizarding world has never been shown as immune to that sort of thing.

BUT! no one points out that "strange women lying in ponds distributing swords magical scale-y deer things bowing at people is no basis for a system of government." even after this system has just been shown to be fallible! the "right person" (i'm assuming from the musical cues, since we know literally nothing about santos or her policies) won and that's all that matters, apparently.

and you know, even that would be forgivable if this were just a kids' action movie, because only an idiot would look for a coherent political message in one of those. but jkr herself has compared to rise of grindelwald in these movies to the current destabilization of global democracies, which makes it completely unacceptable that apparently no one decided whether the ICW is a democracy, let alone whether or not it ought to be.

my other major objection is how this movie handled queenie.

lots of people were not happy with her joining grindelwald in cog. now, i actually liked that decision, as i wrote at the time. i thought it made her character much more interesting, created a lot of narrative potential by means of putting her and tina on opposite sides of the war, and most crucially, showed that movements like grindelwald's don't only attract clearly evil people.

but this movie squanders all of that potential. we don't get any additional insight as to why queenie joined him. we don't really get any indication for what caused her to regret that. (i mean, she sees him kill the deer-thing, but am i honestly meant to believe that queenie didn't realize grindelwald was capable of violence before?) jacob, and seemingly everyone else, welcomes her back with open arms! we don't even see her and tina reuniting! the whole thing is completely and bafflingly forgiven, without any discussion.

and that's especially jarring given that this movie introduces aberforth. albus and aberforth never fully reconciled from albus's early partnership with grindelwald. i fully expected tina and queenie's relationship to be a clear parallel (i even wrote a fic with that idea), but instead we got nothing.

it would be interesting, in an academic sort of way, to know how much of those issues (and various smaller ones) come from jkr vs kloves vs yates, but ultimately it doesn't matter. this is a bad movie and wb should just put the franchise out of its misery at this point.