#honeslty if you scroll past this and feel like doing it then do it

[themightyhemmings]

50 questions you've never been asked before

thank you so much for tagging me @lukesflaredpants 💗💗!! (I‘m doing this on my notes app so I’m currently dying inside but i thought this is a fun thing to do so why not. Now that i‘m done wih it, it’s save to say that this is my villain origin story )

1. what is the colour of your hair brush? Brown

2. name of a food you never eat? brussels sprouts, any kind of meat or fish and spinach

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was cuddling my dog :-)

5. what’s your favourite candy bar?  A Kinderriegel or anything from Reeses

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event?  my uncle always drags me to football games with him whenever i visit them

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?  I don’t think you’re taking me seriously right now

8. what is your favourite ice cream? mint chocolate, cookie dough or peanut butter cup

9. what is the last thing you had to drink? water because it’s pretty late right now

10. do you like your wallet? Yesss i do, although it’s pretty old now, but i‘ve got good memories connected to it

11. what was the last thing you ate?  noodle soup

12. did you buy any new clothes last week? i did, but i need more than one pair of jeans so i think it’s justified lol

13. last sporting event you watched? I honestly can’t remember that, probably a football game

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn? i love both sweet and salty, i can‘t choose between them

15. who was the last person you sent a message to? @lukesflaredpants 😄

16. ever go camping? yes and it gave me a life long trauma and trust issues

17. do you take vitamins? nope

18. do you go to church every sunday? no

19. do you have a tan? i don’t but i wish i had a little bit of a tan tbh because i sparkle in the sunlight like the cullens and i glow in the dark like a glow stick.

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza?  i like both, i can‘t really choose here either

21. do you drink soda with a straw? nope

22. what colour socks do you wear?  The more color and patterns the better. The cherry on tope of the cake is glittery socks though that are Christmas themed

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? never

24. what terrifies you? Insects, my past mistakes, the future, being alone, horses, bugs, people and driving

25. look to your left what do you see?  a wall and a pillow

26. what chore do you hate? any chore really, but vacuuming the most

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? Ashton Irwin and then the rest of 5sos

28. what’s your favourite soda?  rhubarb (?)

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru? usually into fast food places but only on rare occasions because i don’t have any near me

30. who was the last person you talked to? over text @lukesflaredpants and in real life to my sister

31. favourite cut of beef? i don’t have one

32. last song you listened to?  Not in the same way - 5sos

33. last book you read? Aspects of the new right-wing extremism by theodor w. adorno

34. can you say the alphabet backwards? i have half a braincell on my good days so no, never

35. how do you like your coffee?  with a tiny bit of milk but definitely no sugar

36. favourite pair of shoes?  i have a pair of sneakers that have a flower print on them, so i guess those

37. the time you normally go to bed? when i have work i go to bed at 8 and sleep by 10 but now i just sleep whenever i feel like it

38. the time you normally wake up? If i have work at 7 and if not between 7:30 and 9

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets? sunsets (preferably while i‘m at the beach)

40. how many blankets are on your bed? 1 duvet and a fluffy one to keep me warm when i‘m cold

41. describe your kitchen plates? a lot of different colors and different patterns because my mum likes it

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? White wine or malibu with passion fruit juice

43. do you play cards? i can play uno but that’s it lmao

44. what colour is your car? It’s dark blue and the roof is black

45. can you change a tire?  i had to do it once and i hope i won’t ever have to do it again

46. your favourite province?  i don’t really know what to say here lol

47. favourite job you’ve had? the one i have now at the kindergarten! (it’s not a real job actually, i‘m only doing a voluntary social year and right now i‘m at home because of corona)

48. how did you get your biggest scar? i had to get surgery on my foot because i had a juvenile bone cyst (?) so that‘s where i got my biggest scar from

49. favourite day of the week? Saturday

50. what did you do today that made someone happy? I ate breakfast outside with my favorite mug and my dog in my lap and it was just a very calm morning and i loved that

i‘m gonna tag @wildflowerkels because they‘ve been the last person to follow me according to tumblr (i‘m really sorry i just don’t know anyone on here i can tag, i hope you don’t mind) you also don’t actually have to do this, only if you want to! also if you scroll past this and like being tagged in things like this, let me know so i can tag you instead of people who are not expecting it!😭😅💫

[shitpissboi]

Alone Together

Summary- The holidays are always hell, and sometimes you just need to be alone together with your boyfriends and your dumbass friends. 

Word Count- 3476

Pairing- Katuski Bakugou x Reader x Hitoshi Shinsou 

Warnings- Swearing, detailed use of marijuana, stalker behavior (kinda, just given as a backstory at the very beginning), aged up characters.

 A/N- Hello everybody! This is actually the first fic that i’ve written in well over a year, so forgive me if my writing is still a little rusty! I hope you like this fic, and thank you for taking the time to read it! :) (Edit: Honeslty thank you so much to everyone that’s interacted with this post! I did not expect it too get so many notes, so thank you all!🥺🖤)

You sighed as you walked into your apartment, the stress of the past week weighing heavily on your shoulders. This entire week had been awful, not only had you been made to work over time almost every day this week at the cafe, a new regular has apparently made it his sole mission in life to make your life hell after you rejected his advances. He had asked for your number last week and you politely declined, telling him that you already had two wonderful boyfriends that made you extremely happy.  

Ever since then, he had made sure to come into the cafe every time you worked just to make your job as hard as possible. Calling you names, commenting about your appearance, making you remake every single thing he ordered several times, just to name a few things. Coupling all of that with everything else that happened this week, it would be safe to say that it was one of the worst weeks you’ve had this year. All you wanted to do now was curl up with your boyfriends, smoke, and watch trashy television. 

Said boyfriends were already on the couch as you walked into the living room, lavender locks leaning against the back of the couch, one hand using the remote to look for something to watch, the other hand running through the messy blonde hair that was sitting in his lap. Your other boyfriend was sprawled out across the couch, laying his head in sleep deprived man's lap as he was texting away on his phone, only the former noticing your quiet entrance. 

“Hey Kitten, how was work today?” The former asked, altering Katsuki to presence. He looked up from his phone the same time Hitoshi looked away from the TV, both of them noticing something was wrong right away. Katsuki immediately sat up and moved to the other end of the couch, leaving just enough room for you to sit comfortably in between the two men. You plopped onto the couch and threw your head back and just groaned, earning a small chuckle from the two.

“That bad Teddy Bear?” Katsuki asked, repositioning you so your head was laying on his lap and your legs were on Hitoshis. You just nodded your head and pushed your face into his abdomen, trying not to cry out of frustration.He ran his fingers through your hair as Hitoshi started to rub your sore feet, helping you to relax. 

“I don’t really want to talk about it.. Can we just smoke and watch shitty TV please..?” The lavender haired man smiled softly at the pout in your voice, carefully moving your legs to get up before you could even finish what you were saying. 

“Of course we can baby. We're gonna have to call Tape Face though, your shitty boyfriend smoked the rest of it last night.” The pomeranian growled out teasingly, effectively bringing a laugh out of you. 

“He’s your boyfriend too Katsuki.” You laughed, sitting up straight and stretching. You watched as Hitoshi walked back into the living room, carrying all the things you would need for the nights sesh. You smiled up at him gratefully and pulled out your phone, quickly texting Sero and asking if he was busy. Hitoshi set up the items on the table then sat down on the chaise part of the couch, pulling you to sit in between his legs. Katsuki had gotten up to get drinks and snacks for the three of you, making sure to also grab your favorite. Hitoshi started to scroll through Hulu, settling on My Strange Addiction for now, when your phone started ringing. Sero’s name flashed on your phone, answering it immediately. 

“Hey mami! What’s up beautiful?” You laughed as you felt Hitoshis grip tighten around you, Sero has been your friend since you were little kids, growing up in the same neighborhood. If he wasn’t dating Denki when he first introduced you to the Bakusquad then they would’ve thought you guys were together with how much you two flirt. 

“Hey Sero. I know it’s late notice but could you make a delivery tonight, preferably soon?” 

“Of course (Y/NN), your week not getting any better?” He asked, genuine worry seeping into his voice. 

“No, it hasn’t. And a certain SOMEONE,” You looked up at Hitoshi and nudged him with your elbow. “Smoked the rest of what we had this morning and didn’t bother to restock.” He simply rolled his eyes at you. 

“You know, if you keep being a brat, then i’m gonna have to teach you a lesson, Kitten.” Hitoshi teased. 

“Shinsou Hitoshi! You can’t say things like that on call!” You pouted, hitting him lightly in the chest. You could hear Sero, and Denki since they were always together, losing their shit over the phone. You growled and put the phone back to your ear. 

“You know I was gonna invite you guys to smoke with us but I don’t like to hang out with fucking bullies!” You growled into the phone, but started laughing as Kaminari immediately started to back track and apologize, making Sero laugh even harder.

“Just your ass over here already, and bring Kiri and Mina too if they want, we haven’t hung out as a group in forever.” You rolled your eyes as you heard Denki runoff in the background, yelling at Kiri and Mina to get their asses ready, then hearing a loud thud, making your and Hitoshi look at each other curiously. 

“We’ll be over in 20 minutes babes... God dammit Denks how many times do I have to tell you not to ru-” The phone quickly hung, making you two roll your eyes yet again, you swear that over excited dumbass is one of the only things that can make Sero lose his never ending patience. You gently threw your phone onto the coffee table and relaxed back into the purple haired man. He kissed your forehead and wrapped himself around you tightly, allowing you to fully relax into his embrace. 

-

About 25 minutes later, a knock startles you from your happy daze. Seeing as Katsuki had taken Hitoshi’s previous position, Hitoshi your position against Katsuki, and you snuggled into Katsuki’s side, you got up to answer the door. As soon as you opened the door you were trapped by a hug from Sero. You relished in the hug for a couple seconds before pulling back and letting him, followed by Denki, Mina, and Kiri. Denki and Kiri immediately made a bee line for the couch, fighting over who would get a hug from their best friend first. (Hitoshi and Katsuki respectively.) 

“Well it’s nice to see you guys too, damn.” You mumbled, laughing a little at the end as you see your boyfriends immediately get annoyed with the two loud intrusions. 

“How much you wanna bet they’ll be dead within 30 mintues?” Mina said, pulling you into a side hug.  

“I give it 20. Tops.” Sero stated as you hug Mina back, leaning into the peck she gave you on the cheek before going to wrangle Kiri in before Katsuki tried to blow him up. 

“How’re you doing babes?” Sero asked, turning toward you while he slid his backpack off. 

“I’m okay right now, a lot better than earlier. I’m so fuckin ready to get stoned though.” You chuckled, rubbing the back of your neck with your hand. 

“I’m just glad that you're feeling better. I swear the next time that bastardo shows his face i’m gonna beat his ass.” He growled, cracking his knuckles to try to be intimidating. 

“Get in line Tape Face! Now get the fuck over here so we can get this started!” Katsuki yelled, making you let out a small giggle. Sero followed you into the living room where the chaos had already started. Denki was being half heartedly being consoled by Mina as he cried at Hitoshi for cuddling Katsuki and not him. Meanwhile Hitoshi was glaring daggers and Kiri, who was sitting in your previous spot, and addimently talking to Katsuki. 

You simply rolled your eyes and sat at the end of the chaise, Sero sitting in between your legs on the floor. He pulled a ziplock bag out of his backpack and grabbed the grinder off the table, promptly starting to break up the bigger nugs and put them into the grinder. You reached around him and grabbed your bong and a water bottle, pouring some water into the bong. Hitoshi had noticed you guys sit down and grabbed the bottle out of your hand when you were done, trading it with a lighter. Not even a couple minutes later Sero was handing you the grinder and you opened it, starting to pack a bowl while he got the stuff ready to roll a blunt.

You packed the bowl as full as you could and held the lighter to the bowl, starting to inhale. About 10 seconds later, when the chamber was sufficiently filled with smoke, you pulled the bowl out and inhaled again, relishing the feeling of the smoke settling into your lungs as you passed the bong and lighter to Sero. You held it for a couple more seconds before slowly letting the smoke out, feeling yourself relax with the exhale. You took the bag sitting next to Sero and continued to grind for him as he took a hit before passing it to Hitoshi. 

You watched Hitoshi take a hit as you continued to twist the grinder back and forth, smiling when he grabbed Katsuki by the collar and exhaled the smoke into his mouth. Katsuki blushed furiously, always being caught off guard when the younger man did things like that, and angrily buried his face into his neck. Hitoshi smirked as he looked down, handing the bong off to an unsuspecting Kiri. (Kiri, Denki, and Mina seriously didn’t realize you guys started until they were dead ass handed the bong-) 

Pulling your attention away from your lovers, you handed the full grinder to the man below you, seeing that he already had a blunt wrap split and emptied out. However he just handed the grinder and the tray to Hitoshi, knowing the exhausted man can roll a much prettier blunt than he can. Your head snapped up as you heard Denki start coughing and watched as Mina ripped the bong out of his hands.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to cough into the bong Denki! I swear every time you hit a bong you cough into it!” She yelled, using the sleeve of her shirt to wipe the water off the outside of the glass instrument. 

“You're still coughing into the damn bong Kaminari?!” You exasperated, staring at him bewildered. It’s been a good couple months since you had all been able to get together, and in that time he had finally decided to move in with Sero. Sero was the second biggest stoner you’ve ever met, just being beat by Hitoshi, and his favorite thing to use was a bong, you would’ve thought he had taught him by now. 

“No matter how many times I tell him he still does it, so now I make him roll a blunt or use a pipe.” Sero shrugged, moving so he could sit between his boyfriend’s legs instead. 

“It’s not my fault my lungs are so bad! Whenever I fry myself it fucks up my lungs!” He whined, leaning forward and draping himself of the latino dramatically. 

“Which is exactly why you should learn how to use the fucking bong, idiot.” Katsuki spoke up, seemingly over his flustered state for the moment. Denki just whined dramatically, causing you all to sigh in irritation. Mina rolled her eyes and took her hit before passing it off to you. You gripped it tightly and stood up on the couch, very carefully going over to Katsuki and sitting in his lap, his arms immediately wrapping around you and his chin resting on your shoulder.  

You held the bong against your lips and went to light the bowl only for Katsuki to snatch it from you, making your lean away and glare at him. He smirked at you and flicked the lighter on, bringing it to the bowl. You rolled your eyes and smirked, putting your mouth back to the bong and inhaling as he lit it for you. You inhaled for a good 15 seconds before he pulled the bowl away, allowing you to inhale the smoke into your lungs. You handed the bong off to him and watched as he leaned it, very clearly wanting you to share the hit with him. 

You smiled at the secretly needy man holding you, softly tangling your hand with the hair at the base of his neck and gently pushing him forward. You tilted your head and let the smoke flow from your parted lips into his open mouth before sealing your lips together. Your lips molded together perfectly with his, the rest of the smoke seeping through your nose before you pulled away, still smiling. 

You looked on as he opened his eyes, a soft smile settling onto his features before he exhaled fully. You closed your eyes and leaned against him, contentment washing over your body for the first time during this hell week. He chuckled and leaned back against the couch again, taking you with him. You listened to him take another hit and felt as he inhaled and exhaled, feeling the smoke blow across your head as he blew you. He handed the bong off and let his head rest on the back of the couch, slightly tightening his hold on you. 

You heard Kiri take another hit as Mina, Sero, and Denki started another fight, letting out a giggle and Katsuki and Hitoshi let out a groan at the same time. You felt Katsuki reach up but paid it no mind until Hitoshi spoke up.

“Hey! That’s no fuckin fair Katsu! You can’t just turn off your hearing aids and leave us to suffer!” Hitoshi let out, holding the frash blunt in the side of his mouth while he signed for Katsuki. Your eyes snapped open and you sat up, giving the blonde your own glare, starting to sign for him. 

“Suki! You said you were going to leave them on this time!” You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest when you were done using your hands. 

“I’m not gonna listen to these shitty extras fight the whole time, so until they shut the fuck up, i’m leaving them off.” He signed, a satisfied smirk on his face. 

“You’re such a fukin asshole suki!” You grumbled, making sure to not sign to him. He just stuck his middle finger up at you and laughed. You just turned away and looked to Hitoshi, taking the blunt out of his mouth and grabbing the lighter. He tried to grab it back but stopped when he saw the mischief in your eyes, sitting back to watch you. You lit the blunt and took a long drag, passing it to Sero on the ground before climbing on Hitoshis’s lap. You gently grabbed his face and opened his mouth slightly with your thumb. 

You let the smoke fall from your lips and past his, watching as he sucked in the hit before dipping down to kiss him, raking your right hand through his hair. He pushed up into the kiss, making sure to make a show of grabbing your ass, opening his eyes slightly to lazily glance over at Katsuki, smirking to find him growling at you two. 

“Oh come on, get a room you horny lil freaky fucks.” Denki called out, making you burst everyone but Katsuki and Hitoshi burst out into laughter, the latter just deadpanning. You fell too the side to the side of Hitoshi, bumping into Katsuki’s still crossed legs, pulling yourself up when you calmed yourself down. 

“What in the fuck did you just call us?!” You asked, noting that Katsuki was signing to Hitoshi and asking what in the hell Denki just said. Said man just shrugged, leaning back against the couch. 

“A horny little freaky fuck.” He stated as if it was the most normal thing in the world, causing Mina, Kiri, and Sero to start laughing again. Katsuki had turned his hearing aids on again at this point and had heard what he said. 

“If you call my boyfriend and girlfriend that again i’m gonna kick your fucking ass dunce face.” Katsuki rumbled, grabbing his friend by the collar. You just laughed and reached over to his arm, lacing your hand with his and pulling it back to you, kissing the back of it and wrapping it around yourself. He tightened his grip on you and used his other hand to hold Hitoshi’s, growling at Denki. 

Denki yelped and jumped off the couch, lowering himself and trying to hide behind Sero, crying Katsuki not to hurt him. Sero just mumbled a “Fucking idiot”, and pulled the yellow haired man against him, leaving his arm around his waist. By this time the blunt had gotten back around to Katsuki and he took his arm off you to take a big hit, moving to lean against the arm of the couch so he could continue holding his boyfriend's hand. 

The blond passed the blunt to you when he was done, and you quickly started to inhale, smiling at the familiar burn in the back of your throat. You inhaled for a good while before passing it over to Hitoshi, laying back so your head was now in your other lovers lap. He automatically brought a hand up to your head and raked it through your hair a couple times before simply resting it on top. 

You closed your eyes as it finally started to hit you, allowing you to fully relax into your lover. You tuned out the rest of the conversations and background noise easily, focusing on the feeling of Katsuki’s hand on your head and Hitoshi moving so he was laying on your lap while still holding Katsuki’s hand. The blunt got passed around a couple more times before it was finally done, the bong getting thrown in here and there. You had ended up in a position where sitting up against the back of the couch and his legs apart as you sat between them and leaned against him and the arm of the couch. Hitoshi had crawled between the older man's legs and laid his head in your lap, practically purring as you pet his hair.

You were brought back down to reality when Hitoshi got up to grab a drink and change the TV, putting on something funny and didn’t need to be thought about too much. You sat up to, much to your blonde lovers grievance, and reached toward Hitoshi with a pout. He just let out a chuckle and grabbed your favorite drink and snack off the table, handing them to you as he got comfortable in your lap again. You happily took a sip of your drink and set it next to you, making sure to screw the cap tight, before opening your snack.

You munched it absentmindedly and leaned back against the arm of the couch, smiling up at the blonde and offering one to him. He looked around before begrudgingly opening his mouth, allowing you to place the tasty treat inside. You giggled as he grumbled and looked away, still not used to his friends seeing him act “soft”. You heard your other boyfriend let out a laugh at the explosive hero, genuinely happy that he still continues to try and open up to those close to him, especially after the last couple being rough on everyone.

The holidays brought stress to everyone, the spike in crime making the heros (Kirishima, Denki, Katsuki, and Hitoshi.) over work themselves more than usual and become even more exhausted. While you, Mina, and Sero all had to deal with the wonders of working retail and food service during this time, always seeming to get stuck with the absolute worst customers that would threaten your job and life. 

The last month has clearly taken a chunk out of everyone, and the almost always rowdy group was just thankful to finally get a restful and relaxing night. Even if the group was full of impulsive ideas and even more impulsive decisions, they never felt more safe than when in each other's company, mastering the art of being alone together when it was truly needed. You smiled as you came to this realisation, knowing that no matter what happened or what obstacles would be thrown your way, as long as you had your boyfriends and your friends, everything was going to be alright. You are going to be alright.

Masterlist

Posted 12/19/2020

[vinylhazza]

please continue the one about ethan. what’s it like when he gets home? or when he starts getting hate for cheating? like did the fans get mad that he cheated on y/n, or were they mad at y/n for not “pleasing him”? does he try to get y/n back? what about the girl, what does she do? how does grayson feel about it? is he mad at ethan? i actually love this concept and all its angst

part 1 here

you had successfully removed all of your things from the house before the twins got home from Australia. you didn’t want to see ethans face or you’re afraid you might actually break into a million pieces.

you tried your hardest to think about moving on because you got played by someone you fell in love you. and love was never a word you used. it was a word reserved for family and someone that would one day treat you like a queen. but now all of the sudden when you think of that word...all you can see is ethans smile, and the way he fluffs his hair, or his puffy cheeks in the morning, or the way he chases you around the house when you steal his favorite hoodie - even if he ends up letting you keep it.

love is ethan.

you had sobbed for two days after you left, knowing they would be home soon and knowing that ethan was going to read the letter and know that he’d lost you. you didn’t even know if he would care. you just knew that your apartment felt cold and lonely. you knew that you hadn’t even really settled into the apartment because you had spent most of your time at the twins house. you knew that sleep was scarce without his arms to keep you warm and his steady breathing to lull you back to sleep.

you knew that breakfast was different without grayson singing off key and ethan stumbling in just as he smelt the bacon. you knew that seeing the twitter comments on your most recent tweet was so mixed that it hurt you more. some people were supporting you, saying things like:

“don’t worry baby he will realize how bad he fucked up!”

“honestly what did you expect?”

“australia does that to people don’t take it too personal”

“keep your head up, we are here for you”

“cheaters are honestly so disgusting i’m so sorry y/n”

“okay making up fake shit to try and frame him really isn’t cool”

“didn’t think it was that serious it’s literally a kiss on the cheek?”

“he’s not worth the tears babe!” 

and it hurt. you knew how the fans were. you knew that they thought the twins could do no wrong and the majority would get angry for you even suggesting such a thing - even if you haven’t tweeted anything since you saw the pictures. it wasn’t in your nature to take your problems to the internet. let them think what you want, you were too heartbroken to care anyway. you had honestly thought about deleting social media all together until it dies down, but you wanted to torture yourself just a bit longer. it still felt like a dream you hoped you’d wake up from soon.

your days dragged on like a loop. get up, eat, go to work, come home, eat, scroll through your phone, get sad, cry in the shower, lay awake with bloodshot eyes, do it all over again.

you’d never felt true heartbreak. sure you’d had boyfriends before, but it was never like this. no one had ever made you feel this way in your entire life. you had never fallen in love, had never had your heart race from a single look. you had never been this head over heels. but you’d also never felt this low and hurt.

you had always thought he was too good for you anyway, but seeing it flash before your eyes in a series of four pictures was absolutely horrendous and had been playing in your head repeatedly since that day. 

the girl in the pictures was apparently a friend of a friend of there’s, no one you had seen before. but she was nice enough to send you a short message in your inbox, trying to tell you that she you knew you were in a committed relationship and she knew she was being a bit too touchy - but nothing had happened between them and ethan never even thought about making a move on her. it was hard to believe, especially with seeing the pictures thousands of times and making up different scenarios of how he might have betrayed her. 

when ethan walked through the door, he knew something was wrong. something was very very wrong.

it was cold. that was the first sign. it was freezing in the house and there was no scent of strawberries to be found.

he had seen all of the pictures and the drama, noticed all of the tweets and mixed opinions. he knew he fucked up. but it really wasn’t what everyone thought it was. yes the pictures were real, but they also weren’t pictures of him cheating on you. they were pictures of a girl he’d met in australia that had gotten a bit too comfortable and he was a bit too tipsy. no excuse for how touchy she was being, but it was the truth.

he wouldn’t play victim. he knew you had seen all of the pictures and tweets flying around the internet...but he’d thought you’d stick around to let him explain. he thought you would come at him in a blind rage when he walked in the door - pissed at him and yelling like he deserved. you were never the one to stay quiet when something upset you. that honestly would have been better than the feeling of this dark house looming in front of him. 

he’d tried to text you the past couple of days, knowing it was hard because of the time zones, but also knowing you answered whenever you could. but there was nothing. not one message. you had blocked his number, sobbing while you pressed the button but knowing the best way to get over him was to block him out completely. easier said than done. there was always traces of him everywhere you looked - 

he had also never seen his brother this mad at him in his entire life. no he didn’t condone the hateful messages being left to his brother online, but he did think that he deserved them on some level. grayson had yelled at ethan the entire way out of terminal at the airport.

“how fucking stupid are you e? this girl is completely fucking in love with you and you don’t even have the decency to call her and explain? you’ve been treating her like down right shit as it is and i’m honeslty surprised she hasn’t left your stupid ass,” grayson seethed at his older twin brother, yanking his bag off of the baggage claim and rolling it away with a huff, shaking it head.

he knew grayson was right. but he also knew that he was being this distant and giving you the cold shoulder for one reason and one reason alone. he had never been so in love. and he was scared out of his mind that it would all go away. he had already lost his dad this year and when he realizes that he would rather hear your laugh than his favorite song, he ran away. literally ran away from you to a different fucking country and acting foolish out of fear and self doubt. 

grayson had every reason to be treating him like the stupidest man on earth. because he was. he was ruining the best thing he’d ever had out of a hunch that wasn't even true. the one thing that seemed to stick out to him in graysons little speech was “completely fucking in love with you”...there was no way you loved him back. you were everything he dreamed he would one day deserve. you were kind and caring, breathtakingly beautiful, supportive...everything he’s ever wanted in a woman. he had a thought cross his mind once that his dad made you two bump into each other in isle 3 at that grocery store - knowing you would be the one to help him through his hurt...but also giving his son the woman he was meant to love. the thought that his dad sent you to him had him crying in his car after the first date, feeling this weight in his heart, like his dad was with him that moment. 

yeah you had been having fun and they had gotten unbelievably close over the past couple of months, but once he started ghosting you, he really was trying to make you hate him. he thought it was better for you to be mad and him to ghost her than fall for you and have you leave when he was already so invested. he couldn't lose anything else. it was scary and he didn’t want to be scared anymore. he wanted you to leave so you wouldn't have to realize he really wasn't shit. 

little did he know you already did leave. walking through his empty, cold, sad house was a day that he would look back on and hate for the rest of his life. he and grayson had such a good time traveling around the world and getting away for a while that he didn’t even think about how he was making you feel. he couldn't have you coming along and being that pretty and taking his heart more and more than you already had - he needed to get away from you before it was too late. 

but seeing that letter laying on the bed, folding neatly into a little square, he knew he had fucked up. looking around the room, his heart shattered, seeing no trace that you were ever even there. the closet was cleared of your clothes, toothbrush not resting in his usual place on the counter, book gone from its normal place on the nightstand. the only thing left to convince him it wasn't all a dream was that little folded piece of paper sat neatly against his pillow. 

this was the moment you had been dreading, thinking about for the last three days. the moment ethan would finally realize just how much he hurt you, and just how in love you were with him. you didn't know if he was too far gone to care, or if he would try and contact you, but you needed to be strong. you owed yourself more than to be walked over by someone who showed you such a great deal of disrespect. 

reading that letter was the hardest thing he ever had to do. tears were running down his face while he scanned over your words. he could feel your pain and read the cursive in your voice, your sweet voice that could get his heart racing faster than anything could. knowing how bad he had hurt you was the most painful feeling. 

“p.s. I fell in love with you...” reading those words out loud hit him like a ton of bricks...he’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. you loved him? this was his goal, to have you angry, to have you leave before he could get too attached...but somehow this didn't feel like an accomplishment. it felt like huge mistake. it felt like he was a fucking idiot that wanted to hop in his car and chase after you right this very moment. it felt like he wanted to bang on your door until you opened it just so he could kiss you with all the force he had in his body - apologize for making you feel worthless. because you were anything but that. you were his everything. how could he fucking do this to you? 

he was trying not the crumple the paper in his hands while he cried, imagining what you must have felt seeing those pictures that were so out of context. he tried to imagine what you felt when he didn't invite you on their adventures...all because he couldn't man up and admit that he wanted you forever. all because he was scared to have something good slip through the cracks again. 

“I told you so,” grayson gloated from the door, disappointed in his brother, but hoping he would get his shit together and get in the fucking jeep to go after you like a real man. 

ethan was silent, staring down at the letter like he forgot how to breathe, forgot how to think, forgot how to be the man you needed. he had been so broken for so long, how could he possibly fix this when you were the one that fixed him the first time?

“so what are you gonna do? break? or be the kind of man that dad always wanted us to be?” grayson said from behind him, laying a hand on his shoulder, saying what needed to be said. he needed those words of wisdom, and if their dad wasn't here to say it, then he would. 

he made a mistake and you needed to know the truth. if he had to spend the rest of his life making this up to you and proving that he is the man worthy of your love, then that's what he would do. but what he isn't going to do, is disappoint his hero in the sky, the one man that told him to always be brave. to always choose love first. he refused to go against everything his dad believed in. he refused to let you get away without a fight - without knowing how much he adored you. he refused to have grayson look at him like a wounded puppy any longer. the answer was quite simple really. 

“i’m going to get her back.” 

tags: @dolandolll @dolanshellyes @justanothergirl-80 @ebbach-03 @ardordolan @justordinaryjen @aquadolan @graysavant @graydolan12

[ilikepipecleanerswitheyes]

rambling

This post is gonna be a whole lot of whining so scroll past this if you don’t wanna read:

I’ve talked to my mutuals a little about this, but lately I’ve just been thinking a lot about how unhappy this site makes me lately. (This isn’t a vague post towards anyone, trust me, just a very general rant).

About two weeks ago, some shit happened here that really affected my mental health and I was so relieved when it was over, and I made it clear I didn’t want to touch on the topic again. Then a few days ago I got a “pot stirrer” in my asks trying to question stuff about my mutuals. That’s the stuff I’m talking about, it’s just completely inappropriate. Would you do that in real life? Probably not. Don’t expect me to take that stuff lightly just because we’re on an online platform.

And it’s not even that, it’s also people who… don’t know how to behave I guess? I know that sounds so rude but let me explain. I tend to get interactions a lot that are …. uncomfortable. They aren’t outright uncomfortable in an obvious way, it’s more so people talking to me as if we’re best friends and saying crude stuff to me ‘jokingly’. I feel like people think the rules of real life don’t apply here, but they do. If we aren’t really 'friends’ and you say some shit that you *think* crosses the line, chances are, you’re right. This is gonna sound conceited, but sometimes I feel like people want to take advantage of my kindness and do that shit. “Oh taz is nice she will be okay with me saying this!!!” No, I probably won’t be. I won’t use outright examples because I’m not out to expose anyone, because honeslty people who do this probably don’t have bad intentions, but I think it’s still a behavior that needs to be criticized because it isn’t okay.

Think about this way, how would you take it if some stranger said “Ahahaha fuck you”, it’s just….. weird. It doesn’t have the same effect as when you joke around with friends or something. And that’s the kind of stuff I mean, it’s just rude to say those things to people you aren’t close to.

And in general, these interactions have happened a lot lately and it’s gotten to the point where it really does bother me a lot. Most people who are reading this probably don’t fall under this category, but I still want to speak my mind because it might make people more understanding of how their words can affect people.

I would consider myself thick skinned so this isn’t about me being overly sensitive, it’s about the fact I’ve been made to feel awkward on multiple occasions.

If you actually got through the end of this rambling, god bless you. I just really wanted to talk about this, and I hope people aren’t upset by what I’ve said! I’m still welcoming and love getting fun anons. The take away from this is just thinking before you send 💕

[causealife]

Out of the Tragedy

Bismillahirahmanirahim

March 15th 2019 - The Day of the Christchruch Massacre

The news I woke up with this morning. Thinking I was still dreaming. But then I wondered, why shoul I dream about such weird news. Turns out, it was real. Totally confused after the voice said "shoot down at friday prayer". What jumat prayer? It was still 7am. After I could think clearly, the first thing I did when opening my phone was to look up if what I heard some moments ago was true. It was.

Scrolling through news and Social Media, a mixture of sadness, anger, disgust, confusion but also tranquility, hope and gratefulness flew through my veins. I probably don´t have to explain the negative emotions, that should be obvious. Why trangquility, hope and gratefulness?

Let´s start with hope: Hope that whatever cruelty happens, how much discrimination and racism exists on this world, that there are a looot more people that stand against it with love, compassion, loyalty, peace and humanity.

Why gratefulness? Maybe not that hard to imagine. Being grateful to still have the opportunity to start in a new day. The opportunity to improve myself, the opportunity to spend time with my loved ones. The fact to live in a safe environment. Okay, probably no one of the victims in Christchurch, families or anyone affected by the act might have thought before they would live in a dangerous environment. This on the other side is a reminder, how fast all can be over. A reminder to use every second we can to do good and not to just let it past.

Another thing that came into my mind, I reall wanna say everyone who is important to me, how much they mean to me, how grateful I am to know them, to have them in my life, no matter if we meet often, rarely or maybe are not even close anymore. Cause you never know, when will be the last time you have the opportunity to tell someone what this person means to you. And I wonder would I regret if I never took that chance? If I never have the opportunity to see that person again? Difficult question, but actually leads to another topic.

Last one, tranquility: To everyone who feels sorry for the victims, especially to the Muslim fellowers, actually, why? Of course the act itself shows total cruelness, hatred and is just despicable. But dying in an act of ibadah in the house of Allah on the sacred day of jumu´ah, dying as a syuhada, what could be better? So I hope and pray that everyone of the victims return to Allah with a pure heart and a strong iman and Allah honors them with the best place in paradise. It will definitly be hard for all the families left behind, but what can be a better comfort than the probability that they are at a better place right now and left in rightous state, adding the hope to meet with your father, brother, son, uncle, whoever it may be over there.

It´s 11pm now, and the topic didn´t leave my thought, maybe because it´s the main content of the Social Media I am going through. Two comments that especially caught my attention and are somehow connected thought through broadly.

1.”Being Muslim is hard nowadays. What has been antisemitism before, now turned to Islam Hostility.”

The quote is from a German publicist and former politician who deals a lot with Islamic issues and shows a very positive attitude towards the religion and its fellowers. I wanna take a look at the first part of the quote: "Beign Musim is hard nowadays." This statement bothered me. If you really think that it would be hard to be Muslim only nowadays, you have no idea about the Islamic history. If you think Muslims had not to face life-threatening struggles before, and with before I mean looking back and the last few 1.000 years, you have missed some essential key facts.

Being a sincere believer and living out your faith has never been easy. How many sahaba had to go through the cruelst ways of tortures, how many have left their life to life out their religion and fight for it? The time of the prophet saw. and his life itself shows that standing for your religion in public with your head high (in the sense of proud not arrogant) has not been easy from the first moment of its proclamation. Not only in regard of the life of prophet saw. but also former prophets like Yusuf a.s. who was put into jail, like Ibrahim a.s. who was thrown in fire, like the companions of the cave who were haunted because they stated not to believe in Allah and I bet there are cases of just ordinary people who suffered because of their faith towards the only One God.

Although the comment was made by a Non-Muslim, I often feel that it represents the mentality of many Muslims nowadays - to put yourself in the role of the victim, to fall into self-pity because we have so difficult struggles to face with discrimination and Islamophobia when we mean that teachers give us worse grades than our Non-Muslim classmates, that we don´t get proper places to pray at school or public places, that we have to be afraid to go out with a headscarf, that people see us as terrorists and all the other stuff. Of course those things are challenges, especially when it comes to severe facts about life and death it is crucial and frightening. And it should motivate us to fight even more for our rights. But we should stop to complain about the "burden" that we carry. It should not make us think that we had it harder than others, than we had it harder than the prophet who was thrown with stones until he bled all along his body, but He never saw himself as a victim, he never argued people had to be more understanding or show empathy. Or Sumeya r.a. who was tortured until death for believing in Allah. But she did not deny it, although hiding her faith could have saved her life, which leads me to the second comment:

“It´s so heartbreaking I can´t help but to feel scared, as well as for showing my religion.”

A status comment of a friend. To everyone who feels the similar way: It´s understandable to feel scared after such a tragedy, especially when you live in a Non-Muslim environment and maybe have already experienced hostile behavior. But don´t forget, Allah is always by your side. He will guide you, always.

"But what about the people that died? They were in a mosque, praying to Him. Why did He not protect them?"

Taking a look to my former words, dying itself is nothing we should be afraid of. But dying without Iman. A strong reminder we should keep in mind:

If you don´t want to die at that place, don´t be there.

If you don´t want to die while performing that act, don´t do it.

If you don´t want to die in that state, distance yourself from it.

Honeslty, I don´t remember the exact wording but the message is to reflect about all our deeds in beforehand. Is it something that brings us closer to Allah or distance us from Him? No matter how careful we are, even if we would lock ourselves in our rooms, we never know when death will catch us. So, prepare yourself in the best way possible. It can be the simplest acts you perform in the way of Allah, but if you do it out of sincerety and hold onto it, it may be the one that saves you from the penalty in akhirat.

“We will die in the habits we perform our lives in. So make sure you acquire good habits.”

-Ahmad Zainudin

In the end, it doesn´t count what you achieve in this dunya, but where you stand in front of Allah.

Another thought that is running through my head, it are not crazy gun shooter or racist fellow citizens that destroy us as Muslim ummah as well as individuals but ourselves, with a mentality that got so low that we really think standing away from Islam alias hiding our faith could "save" us. Another topic I wanna take up on. But I leave for the next time.

Allahu a´lam bishawab