#holy shit someone make me SHUTUP LMAO

[golmorehotgirl]

Like yes Aymeric De Borel Lord commander of the temple knights, speaker of the House of Lords and viscount of Borel Manor is suave and a gentleman and charming and rich and kind and noble of heart and willing to do anything for her to a slightly frightening degree but the truth of the matter is if Erenville was willing to pop his pussy a little bit he’d win Tavs every time with his T-boy swag

[spobycavanaugh]

Chapter 12 of “The Avengers Group Chat” is Up!

Chapter 12 of “The Avengers Group Chat” is now on AO3! Read it Here on AO3!

Chapter is also under the cut.

Clint: oh shit oh shit oh shit

Clint: what the fuck do we do now???

Sam: Maybe we stop texting each other and just TALK since that we’re all RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER

Clint: no way man this texting thing is the only thing preserving my sanity

buckyhampalace: That was a pretty big word for your mouth there Clint

Clint: SHUTUP

Natasha: There’s no way you idiots can handle this. I’m tapping out of the mission and coming back. Fury can send Hill in.

Clint: nO you definitely don’t need to come back nat

Natasha: Too bad, someone has to discipline you morons.

Clint: oh fuck shes gonna kill us

Rhodey: Yeah, unless Tony beats her to it.

underoos: haha u guys r so screwed

Clint: bitch…

Sam: What the hell man? You’re the one blasted the hole in the floor in the first place. If anyone here is screwed, it’s you.

underoos: that’s where ur wrong mr rhodes. mr stark loves me so im safe. hes gonna kill u guys for letting me in his lab

Clint: the kid played us dirty

Sam: what the fuck.

Rhodey: That doesn’t matter now. We need to find a way to fix this damn floor.

Clint: i can call a floor guy?

buckyhampalace: What the hell is a floor guy?

scarletbitch: Do you mean a carpenter?

Clint: yeah whatever

underoos: earth’s mightiest heroes, everyone

Clint: FUCK YOU YOU UGLY SPIDER IF IT WERENT FOR YOU TONY WOULDN’T BE FUCKING EATING OUR DICKS FOR BREAKFAST

Natasha: That sounds much more sexual than you meant.

Clint: OH FUCK NO

Clint: NO

buckyhampalace: I DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE.

underoos: EWWWWWW

underoos: CLINT IM A MINOR THAT’S ILLEGAL

Clint: I DON’T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL US THAT

underoos: WELL YOU GUYS KNEW IT ANYWAY

Sam: WILL YOU BITCHES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL A FUCKING CARPENTER ALREADY?

scarletbitch: wait do not call a carpenter. civilians will find it very suspicious that a normal man is walking into the avengers compound. Besides will a carpenter really come at this unholy hour?

Clint: that’s usually when people climax, so

buckyhampalace: That’s disgusting.

Sam: Well then what the fuck do you want us to do?

scarletbitch: how am I supposed to know I am not the one who blasted the hole in the floor!

underoos: IM SORRY

Clint: wanda if you just USED YOUR FUCKING POWERS then this shit could have been fixed by now

scarletbitch: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX A FLOOR. I HAVE A DEGREE IN ART HISTORY NOT CARPENTRY

Clint: WHAT THE FUCK WHY ART HISTORY THAT’S THE WORST KIND OF HISTORY

Sam: WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD YOU WANT A DEGREE IN THAT

scarletbitch: LEAVE ME ALONE YOU UGLY OSTRICHES

buckyhampalace: I have to admit it’s really funny to watch you guys stand in a circle, completely silent while typing furiously on your phones while the kid hyperventilates about the hole he busted in his dad’s floor

underoos: UM

Sam: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA

underoos: MR STARK ISNT MY DAD MR BUCKY WINTER BARNES SIR

buckyhampalace: He’s not?

Sam: NOPE

Clint: its fine dude we all thought it at one point

underoos: YOU DID?

Clint: yeah lmao

buckyhampalace: Sorry kid

underoos: its ok mr bucky sir

buckyhampalace: Just call me Bucky

underoos: ok sir

Clint: HA

Natasha: If you idiots are done discussing who Tony stuck his dick in, maybe get back to solving the problem about THE GAPING HOLE IN THE FLOOR

Clint: YES MA’AM

Steve: Thor is here.

underoos: maybe mr thor can fix the floor!

Sam: Right, because the god of thunder has a college degree in general carpentry

Steve: He brought a guest.

Sam: Well the guest better be a fucking carpenter or else I’m fucking pushing them down this hole

buckyhampalace: I mean, wouldn’t an engineer be more useful here?

Sam: Since when are you an expert on floors, asshole

buckyhampalace: I hate you

underoos: OMG I SEE MR THOR

Rhodey: is that fucking loki with him?

buckyhampalace: Who the hell is Loki?

Steve: Thor’s brother. We fought him a few years ago when he attacked New York City.

buckyhampalace: What the fuck

Clint: my thoughts every day

Rhodey: Why is Loki with him?

Clint: someone get this bitch a phone so that he can text us

Thor: Hello everyone.

Rhodey: …

Natasha: Everyone say “Hi Thor”.

Rhodey: Hi Thor.

Sam: Hi Thor

Clint: hi thor

underoos: OMG HI MR THOR SIJFHIFHDFJSHGERHB

buckyhampalace: Hi Thor.

Steve: Hi Thor.

Thor: I have brought my dear brother with me.

Clint: ew why

Rhodey: Here, let me get Loki a phone so he can speak for himself.

Thor: Why do we not just all talk? We are all in the same room.

Clint: because it’s the twenty first century bitch

Thor: Fair enough.

Loki: Hello.

Sam: does anyone else smell some shit in here?

Natasha: Be nice.

Loki: I am not here to harm you. I swear on my right to the throne.

Clint: but ur not getting the throne. thor is gonna be king

Thor: I am king now, Hawkeye.

Loki: Until I kill him.

Sam: See, this is why no one fucking trusts you

Loki: Relax, you naïve fools. I am not going to hurt any of you. Thor and I need a place to stay for a while.

Natasha: I thought you said you were king, Thor?

Thor: I am. But a series of unfortunate events led to Asgard being destroyed several weeks ago, and now I ask that you provide hospitality for my brother.

Sam: Is that why when you got here a little while ago your hair was fucked, you were missing an eye, and you have no hammer?

Rhodey: I thought we agreed no one was going to bring that up unless Thor started talking about it first.

Clint: well we’re gonna be housing his bitchass brother, i think we deserve to know what the fuck happened to turn them into hobos

Rhodey: Clint, be more sensible.

Clint: fuck that

Thor: It’s alright War Machine. To make a long story short, our Father told us that we have an evil sister who was imprisoned, and she was coming back and was going to try to take over Asgard. Then he died, leaving us to our own devices. Then our sister returned, broke my hammer, sent us to another planet where the Hulk and our personal drunk hero was, we started a revolution and left, went back to Asgard where I lost an eye and brought upon Ragnarok which destroyed our planet and now me, Loki, and the entire population of Asgard need a place to stay.

Sam: What the actual fuck?

Rhodey: So that’s why when you showed up a few weeks ago, you looked like fucking trash.

Thor: Exactly!

Clint: so youre basically house hunting for asgard now?

Thor: That’s one way to put it.

Clint: yeah sorry man i don’t think assgard will fit in the compound or my apartment so

Thor: That is quite alright Hawkeye. I’ve already found a home for Asgard. Canada is in desperate need of more people, so I’ve sent them all there.

Sam: Wow.

Clint: well thor my dude, youre gonna have to ask tony if u and ur edgy brother can stay here because none of us here call the shots

Thor: That makes sense. Where is Stark, anyway?

Rhodey: He’s not here. As you can probably tell by the gaping hole in the floor.

Thor: Ah, yes, I was wondering about that.

underoos: mr thor mr sir can u help us fix the floor???

Thor: I’m afraid I cannot, Spider Boy.

Loki: I believe I can.

Clint: bitch YOU?

Loki: Why yes, I can. I’ve spent years attempting to murder my brother, so I’ve picked up a few things on the way.

underoos: o

Loki: Now if you would be so kind as to give me a few minutes, I should be able to fix your floor.

Clint: uM

Steve: Wow.

Sam: Holy shit, he just fixed the floor.

Clint: damn, wanda this bitch is a better wizard than youll ever be]

Sam: Damn, it looks like it was never broken in the first place.

scarletbitch: shut up you ugly toilet snake

Rhodey: I never thought I’d be saying this, but thanks Loki.

Loki: You’re very welcome.

Natasha: We’ll make it sure that Loki will stay here.

[fanwarriorsunite4life]

So my bad anon, I totally ended up screwing up your ask and shiz by accident but i promise i got it- you wanted me to answer all questions so you got it:

lets get personal.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Its been varying a SHIT ton over the last two months especially, but ATM i currently love:

Body on Fire by Maggie Rose

Too Many Love Songs by Maggie Rose (notice a trend?)

B-A-B-Y by Carla Thomas

I Don’t Believe You - Pink

Life of the Party - All Time Low

Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

um, all the people I’m gonna meet at ClexaCon in April! Celebs, other fans, and all! IM SO EXCITED ITS GONNA BE THE BEST FUCKING WEEKEND.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

There isnt a book next to me? theres random magazines on the kitchen table. page 23 is an add for Poise Impressa bladder leakage shit lol

4: What do you think about most?

I kinda really want to plead the fifth on this, but probably two things: how I want to make my work ethic better and make a better difference and how I dont feel I can do that until I get my personal shit together. And how I really want a certain someone to be at my side while I do that so I can be on theirs too. guess thats 3.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

From my lil sis: “Okay, np”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

lmao it depends. If im really exhausted, then i may sleep without a shirt. If im with a SO then I will sleep naked, but I dont ever do that myself unless I’m just that hungover or something. So clothes it is. 

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I honestly dont know lol. erm... let me get back to you on that. Does it count if my left leg is wayyy more flexible than my right? dont ask me why. i have no clue 

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are a gift to the world. boys are a gift to the world. 

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I am aware of. Fun (not fun) fact: I’m way more afraid of not being spoken of than being spoken of poorly. idk man. if anyone has written a poem or song about me, plz feel free to share

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

holy shit, i have no clue. usually im more of an air drums person. in that case, yesterday. 

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I HATE SPUDS ON POTATOES SPUDDY POTATOES SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME DONT PLAY 

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

not that i reminder? maybe a coin or something as a kid? its very possible.

13: What’s your religion?

if i identified with anything, it would be an agnostic universalist.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

hanging out with friends and family

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind, but i do have a secret desire to be in front of it. my insecurities currently outweigh my ego in putting myself in front of it, but if someone asked me to do it, i prob would. people just dont ask.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Halestorm. Without a doubt.

17: What was the last lie you told?

oh god. I probably told one while canvassing today. I said i donated to one of the organizations that i represent but i dont. oops. did it to convince people that they are good orgs to donate too (in my defence, they ARE and they are wonderful orgs, i just dont have the money to donate)

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, but i dont really use karma for consistent rationalization

19: What does your URL mean?

WE ARE ALL FAN WARRIORS OF OUR OWN FANDOMS AND WE SHOULD ALL FUCKING UNITE IN OUR AWESOMENESS

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakness? I’m loyal to a fault and will fight for what I want till the bitter end. I’m recently admitting that I have the martyr complex, im pretty sure. Strength? You get me passionate about something, you gain my love, then I’m all in. I’ll work my ass off for whatever that is. 

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Kat barrell and Natasha Negovanlis, as of rn. but i love so many others

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i dont. i bottle it up and try to avoid it. I’ve been trying to go to the gym tho; that helps when i actually do it. writing helps too, when i do it. Definitely need to find a better way to deal with my emotions. its harder to find time during adult life mayn.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

comics, poetry books, my own writings, quarter collection... probably something else im not thinking of

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

FACETIME IS WHERE ITS AT

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes and no. 

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Sound I hate? loud city noises, particularly construction shit. Love? ... I hate myself, but the sound of people I love telling me they love me too. SHUTUP ITS A SOUND I SAID NOTHING WHAT

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

Usually its “What if I didn’t fuck up?” or “What if I was reincarnated into something?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I wanna believe in ghosts but i cant say i do. Aliens: hell yeah.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right - kitchen towel and my ECU bag and keys. Left - magazine and table

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

my house’s normal smell. and food i just ate.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

My own mind at its worst. Or, physical place, probably a mental hospital.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I cant say; I’ve never been West. So East for now until I see the West.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I like never think about this. um. Zayn is cute?

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

Finding a reason to breathe. Sometimes its family, friends, work, money, power- I think everyone’s meaning of life is different.

36: Define Art.

anything you make to express yourself or help yourself heal.

37: Do you believe in luck?

I kinda have too, I was an athlete.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

dark and cloudy.

39: What time is it?

7:07 pm and im totally running late to pick up my sis. (update - finishing this around 11:11 ooo make a wish cause i had to go get my sis so)

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes. Never “crashed” but have hit someone before and have been hit.

41: What was the last book you read?

A poetry book by Lauren Zuniga. That counts.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

No, but I like the smell of paint. 

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Laur-Laur, jiggles, cheesecake, Lo-ren, bean-bean.. others I dont think I should name i guess

44: What was the last film you saw?

Baby Driver

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Injury? Concussion. worst fucking thing of my life. it really was my fault though.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

oh god yes. if you know me, you know i always obsess. right now, carmilla and wynonna earp are my top two. easily.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

bisexual, preference for women, fight me

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

I honestly dont know

50: Do you believe in magic?

I want too.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yeah. Well, yes and no. i dont hold a grudge to never have them apart of my life usually, but i never forget what they did to me. never.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Leo

53: Do you save money or spend it?

lol spend. i need to save. so bad.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

groceries

55: Love or lust?

I know this may shock people that know me, but love. lust isnt any good without it. thats what i would pick if i had to choose, but i rather like the idea they exist together. they can exist separately, but they go best together for me personally.

56: In a relationship?

no, but i hope things will get better.

57: How many relationships have you had?

ones I actually really loved being in wholeheartedly? 1. total? 4. I’d say 5 but im not really counting one of them lol.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

hell yeah

59: Where were you yesterday?

work and then home feeling down. then i played my video game, Just cause 3, till midnight

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

magazine

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yes

62: What’s your favourite animal?

kangaroos and zebras

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

... be a huge fucking dork and hope they dont fucking hate me

64: Where is your best friend?

.......the ones talking to me? charlotte, greensboro, greenville, raleigh (NC), texas... the one not talking to me? ... virginia/dc area

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

any of the ones with funny text posts/memes on wynonna earp and carmilla

66: What is your heritage?

im a white asshole with some native american in me. Choctaw. I need to learn more about my family history AND remember it.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

finishing up playing my name

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

angelface

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA dear fuck yes. duh. oh my fucking god im laughing so hard at this.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

loyal to a fault and there at your beck and call? yeah. not always the best listener? nah

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I’m gonna save the fucking dog and my boss can kiss my damn ass.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I’d definitely tell people. At first I wouldn’t know how, and id contemplate if its important enough to tell or not, but eventually i would. id start with those close to me. idk if id want to tell everyone. id want to travel a damn lot with those i love. go new places, try new things, build as many memories as possible. because hell yeah id be afraid. I’m terrified of death and the afterlife; not knowing what happens after we pass. 

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I think love is built on trust, so love. trust isnt always built on love.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

love on top, beyonce. literally saved my life freshman year of college.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

F8ME

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

kinda a big one, especially for myself lately. um. I think a great relationship has a good foundation. because in the end, every relationship faces struggles and is gonna be “tested”, for lack of a better word. and what can we turn back to when we feel things arent where they need to be? the foundation. its like a house; if somethings wrong with it, but the foundation is still sturdy, its probably possible and worth fixing. if the foundation is cracked, its more risky; if the foundation is completely crushed, then its probably not a great relationship anymore.

77: How can I win your heart?

Unless you’re the person who currently has my heart right now, you can’t. or if you’re a dog. dogs win my heart. if you’re a dog, congrats. the person who has my heart has to share. sorry, i dont make the rules.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

how is this a question? the craziest fucking people in the world are the most creative. Yes, yes, and more yes.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

this is intense. hmmmm. making a tumblr and going back on it in college. yeah. it led to my last relationship. best damn thing that ever happened to me.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

10 or 11

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

I’d want someone else to write a poem or something about me. i dont want to be buried. cremation bitch (after taking my organs out for science of course)

82: What is your favourite word?

currently i really just like cussing. fuck.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the name of my current ex. 

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

We accept the love we think we deserve.

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

i legit am trying to look at my iphone to see what last played in my car, but its being an asshole. I wanna say the last i remember is Craving you by Thomas Rhett. im already listening to wayy more country than i usually do lately.

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

in order: purple, blue, red

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A quote that says: “i know you’re sad, so i wont tell you to have a good day. Instead, I’ll simply advice you to have a day. Stay Alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and dont give up on yourself just yet. it’ll get better. until then, have a day.”

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Can I make an entire building explode? preferably -cough- a building that houses certain gov officials i am not happy with -cough-?

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Any question that I know would upset someone. I’m working on trying to not be honest to a fault. to be honest when need be, and to know when i dont need to be brutally honest. im terrified of being too honest again in general.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

honestly, scream and be frozen in fear. idk man. wheres my baseball bat when i need it? idc if they arent doing anything, they need to GTFO of my room.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

holy crap. wow. a half hour? idk. theres a lot. a recent one is the hayley kiyoko concert though. that concert was just absolutely phenomenal. 100/10

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I wouldnt erase any horrible experience, because they made me who i am and helped me learn what i know. if i hadnt experienced what i experienced, that one thing not happening can change my entire life.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Honestly, right now, I wouldnt. and i dont think i ever would. i get too starstruck easily and have way too much respect and awe for the celebrities i like. i honestly do think of them as higher beings than me (not gods but like, ya know, out of my league lmao) so nah. now if we become friends and theyre a cuddler? then yes i will SLEEP next to them. SLEEP.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

i have that crazy urge to travel like a crazy person rn, so if i only had one free plane ticket, i’d go somewhere i otherwise couldnt right now, like italy. i really want to go to italy one day.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that im aware of, but who knows

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

...actually yes! I was severely dehydrated once and my mom had me drink 3 bottles of water back to back. then we got in the car and as she started driving, i got sick, so she pulled over and i sat there getting ready to vomit when a cop pulled over and was like “hey, you okay?” and my mom just explained i was sick, and as he walked over to look at me thats when i threw up ALLLLL that water. he stepped back so quick and was all like “do you want me to call an ambulance?”. it was great. thats how you get rid of cops. throw up in front of them (sarcasm)

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yup! ive flown to new hampshire and kansas before.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

probably some long ass rant about how fucked up the world is and how we need to turn around our governments and get them to work back for the people, not for fucking corporations and capitalism, or the capitalistic aspects of socialism.