#holojaneway x chakotay

[singeart]

Ysida

[lodessa]

Started something . . .

“But really . . .” she says after a long silence, not lifting her cheek from its resting place against his chest, “Did you?”

A dozen teasing answers spring to mind, but here: alone and stripped of all armor, the last thing he wants to do is to put a wall up. So he runs his fingertips back down her bare spine, soaking in the reality of Kathryn: here in his arms at long last and replies simply: “No.”

Why do you say that like you’re embarrassed?” she questions, turning her face to look up into his, while staying wrapped close against him for the most part.  “Do you have something more shameful to tell me than what you apparently didn’t do while stuck alone on that planet with my hologram?”

Kathryn’s voice is curious, no hint of accusation or resentment to be found.  She can be a jealous mistress, this woman he loves with his entire being, but that apparently doesn’t extend to whatever she was imagining might have passed between him and her hologram.

It is a fair question.  It isn’t like the thought never occurred to him. It’s not even like holoJaneway (yes, he still insists on thinking of her that way, never holoKathryn) hadn’t broached the topic.  (That’s irony for you, isn’t it? All the years the two of them spent talking around it, but he’s had dozens of conversations about himself and Kathryn with her holographic facsimile.)  He spent a decade with only holoJaneway for comfort and he wouldn’t even let himself truly have that.

“It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?” he has to admit.  “But as much as having that little imitation sliver of you kept me going, kept me alive . . . I think it would have hurt more than it would have helped to pretend like that.”

I didn’t deserve the comfort, a voice inside of him adds.  Not after what happened to my crew, to Adreek . . . Not knowing I could never come back to you and you might never know why.

“Noble,” she bites her lip with a smile. “Principled. Honorable. Long suffering.”

And with that, Kathryn shifts her weight to roll more evenly on top of him, beginning to crawl her way up.

“I felt more like I was being a petulant child sometimes,” he admits.  “Refusing comfort, taking my own frustrations out on an imperfect copy for not actually being you.”

Which isn’t exactly the romance hero answer, but that’s kind of the point.  He’s here now, running his fingers through the bits of gray in Kathryn’s hair.  She’s real and can be too, finally.   This isn’t some hallucination, some fantasy temptation to pristine to be true.  He looks up into her smile lined face and his regret is that he wasn’t there to see every millimeter of them forming.

[jone-slugger]

Just finished Prodigy and it's like the best thing ever???!?!?!??asjfjfkdkdkdlsmsmsmsnsn 💜💜💜🖖

[gijane-7702]

Oh ... They SSSSSSSOOOOOO did 🤣

[simplybybea]

While they're fixing up the Protostar Dal and Jankom start keeping a tally of the number of times Chakotay says 'Kathryn' and Rok is starry eyed over every single one of his 'this reminds me of when Kathryn and I' or 'When we were on Voyager, Kathryn and I' or any other one of his stories or parables that is so clearly about Admiral Janeway.

Meanwhile Gwyn is next to Hologram janeway with a coffee and a frown going- has he been doing this for ten years? And HJ shrugs and tries to hide her emotions when she says 'no, he didn't talk about her nearly as much. But he was always thinking about her - I could tell.'

Ma'jel thinks teasing Chakotay for his crush is illogical and Zero is swooning over his thoughts. Dal is leader of the teasing ofc.

loved the kids teasing chakotay about how nervous he is to see janeway again. like my guy TOTALLY gushed about her on the planet while they were rebuilding the protostar and i bet dal & rok followed him around the ship singing "CHAKOTAY & JANEWAY SITTIN' IN A TREE" when they noticed him grooming himself in the mirror while on their way to their rendezvous with voyager.

[voyagirl47]

*incoherent screaming*

How we feelin today Voyager fans

[voyager-jc-addict-aka-muizeke83]

I don’t think it would… 🥺😭

Ysida

[lodessa]

I am about 1k in, still figuring out the larger shape of it, but I did make myself laugh a little because I accidentally opened up the last J/C fic I had been working on before this (a full year and a half ago and unreleated to Prodigy entirely) and the most recent line I had written was :

 She asked him once, whether he’d ever summoned up a hologram version of her, innocently or less so, and the truth he told her was simple: no hologram could be her and an empty shell would hurt more than empty space.

So apparently, this question has been on my mind for a while.

Started something . . .

“But really . . .” she says after a long silence, not lifting her cheek from its resting place against his chest, “Did you?”

A dozen teasing answers spring to mind, but here: alone and stripped of all armor, the last thing he wants to do is to put a wall up. So he runs his fingertips back down her bare spine, soaking in the reality of Kathryn: here in his arms at long last and replies simply: “No.”

Why do you say that like you’re embarrassed?” she questions, turning her face to look up into his, while staying wrapped close against him for the most part.  “Do you have something more shameful to tell me than what you apparently didn’t do while stuck alone on that planet with my hologram?”

Kathryn’s voice is curious, no hint of accusation or resentment to be found.  She can be a jealous mistress, this woman he loves with his entire being, but that apparently doesn’t extend to whatever she was imagining might have passed between him and her hologram.

It is a fair question.  It isn’t like the thought never occurred to him. It’s not even like holoJaneway (yes, he still insists on thinking of her that way, never holoKathryn) hadn’t broached the topic.  (That’s irony for you, isn’t it? All the years the two of them spent talking around it, but he’s had dozens of conversations about himself and Kathryn with her holographic facsimile.)  He spent a decade with only holoJaneway for comfort and he wouldn’t even let himself truly have that.

“It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?” he has to admit.  “But as much as having that little imitation sliver of you kept me going, kept me alive . . . I think it would have hurt more than it would have helped to pretend like that.”

I didn’t deserve the comfort, a voice inside of him adds.  Not after what happened to my crew, to Adreek . . . Not knowing I could never come back to you and you might never know why.

“Noble,” she bites her lip with a smile. “Principled. Honorable. Long suffering.”

And with that, Kathryn shifts her weight to roll more evenly on top of him, beginning to crawl her way up.

“I felt more like I was being a petulant child sometimes,” he admits.  “Refusing comfort, taking my own frustrations out on an imperfect copy for not actually being you.”

Which isn’t exactly the romance hero answer, but that’s kind of the point.  He’s here now, running his fingers through the bits of gray in Kathryn’s hair.  She’s real and can be too, finally.   This isn’t some hallucination, some fantasy temptation to pristine to be true.  He looks up into her smile lined face and his regret is that he wasn’t there to see every millimeter of them forming.