#hob: he's my goth sweetheart

[moderndaypandora]

The LAYERS needed in a modern/human Dreamling au.  Some level of Endless family dysfunction, obviously.  Hob's family can be be dead or not, it's all good. Are they old enough to have individually gained the awareness they are off-puttingly intense and should hide it a bit at first, or still in that "no, why would I need to Elsa this" stage?

Option A is both of them trying to play it cool, like "don't scare him off" except they so badly want to go from zero to sixty.

(Death and Desire have ruthlessly drilled Dream with flashcards about how to react appropriately in situations.

Desire: it's your one-month anniversary, what do you do?

Dream: [hesitantly] NOT propose?

Desire and Death, conferring, because that's technically correct but the delivery was suspect.

Death, encouragingly: Good start. And?


Dream: a nice dinner and maybe a walk?

Desire: well done!

Death: and for a three-month anniversary?


Dream: give them a key to my flat.

Desire: [airhorn] NO. RED CARD.)

Option B makes them the classic anecdotal "my grandparents got engaged within seven days of meeting each other and still are happy together".

(Death, rubbing her temples: so you met this guy--

Dream: Hob

Death: -- Hob, and within 1 day you gave notice to the Registrar's Office and figured out the best day to get married. And Hob agreed to this?

Dream: NO.

Death: oh thank go-

Dream: Hob SUGGESTED this.

Death: . . .

Dream: are you going to be a witness or not?

Death, 29 days later in the Registrar's Office, to Hob's witness: Is he sane?

Johanna Constantine, drinking heavily from a large flask: unfortunately yes, by all legal definitions.

Death: fuck

Johanna: [passing the flask over] if your brother's even a tenth as intense as Hob, they'll be fine. Probably.

Death, brightening: Is Hob that bad?


Johanna: You know how sometimes you meet somebody and think "oof, they're a bit much, best give them a wide berth"?


Death: yeah.

Johanna: Hob's like a camouflaged hole in the ground of muchness. Except he's done the hole up all nice and he knows that sometimes you just want to be left alone in the hole to sulk and rattle the spikes for a bit, and occasionally get a F&M hamper tossed in.

Death: [hmmmmmmm'ing approvingly]

Johanna, morose: the bastard.

In the background, Hob and Dream are pressing their foreheads together and basking in each other's presence)

[doctorhouse5343]

Fields Of Dandelions (Chapter 2)

It was to the sound of Ricardo's croaking mixed with death metal music (it was mostly the 'let it burn' part that terrified him out of his mind) that Dream Endless woke up, scanning his surroundings as he remembered where he was. With a sigh, he rubbed his tired face as he got out of the bed before getting dressed and making his way to the kitchen. "Good morning"  The ravenette yawned as he sat down at the table, watching the farmer make a fresh pot of coffee. The dark haired male yawned again with a smile, he really could use a good roast right about now "Something smells delightful, what is it?".

His comment brought a smile to the tattooed farmer, answering him with a happy hum "French toasts, I thought you would like them so I made some but I think that I might have went overboard" He gestured to the sweet breakfast pilled up on a plate with an embarrassed expression as he went on "If you want, there's homemade jams that Hettie made, they are really good".

Dream's eyes light up at the sight of the small jars filled with the sweet, fruity spread. His mouth watered as he inhaled the aroma of one that he opened, eagerly spreading it on the fluffy toast and letting out a delighted sound at the first mouthful. He began to eat with a happy sigh, it had been so long since he tasted something as sweet as this, his reaction brought a smile to Hobo Heart's lips once again as looked on. The sight of the city boy being happy instead of tense like the day before warmed his heart, making it flutter as he began to pour dark coffee in two mugs. The farmer shook his head a bit, he had to focus on making sure that the farm hand was comfortable and felt at home. Now was not the time for butterflies, so it was with that in mind that he gave the other his mug as he spoke "For your tasks I will be there to help you so if there is anything that you are unsure about or if you have questions, just ask and I'll answer". The pretty goth nodded in understanding as he finished his meal, a bit of jam at the corner of his lip. He frowned a bit when he saw the farmer suddenly struggle to hold a laugh in "May I ask what it is that you find so amusing?" He asked, a scowl on his face that didn't fade even as the farmer approached him.

"You have something on your face. Right...here" Hobo Heart murmured in the beautiful man's ear as he wiped off a bit of jam from the corner of Dream's lips, watching the male's face become flush as he sucked the bit of spread off his finger. What really almost made the dark haired beauty grab this skeleton looking farmer by the collar and drag him into a heated kiss was the way that he smirked before saying, in a casual manner "Now I understand why you made those sounds : it's really good". He then sipped his coffee, as if he didn't lit a fire in Dream's heart. The ravenette tried to regain his composure, clearing his throat as he settled his nerves "Thank you for bringing that to my attention, I will be more mindful of it in the future." He said calmly as he watched finish his coffee before prompting "Shall we head out to start our morning, sir?" His question was answered with a brief nod and soon the pair went outside the cozy home to begin the tasks that needed to be done. After Gertrude and the other animals were fed, the farmer cupped his hands around his mouth before yelling out 'Sweetheart!' and smiled as he heard the clatter of a bell, watching Hob run towards them. When the brown haired cow was in front of them, the white haired male was immediately kissed all over, earning a few chuckles out of them and some well deserved pats were given to the very good bovine hybrid.

The trio soon tackled the rest of the tasks as a team : all the wood -cutting was done by the farmer and the firewood was soon carried by the farm-hand his lovely helper and the harvesting of the vegetable patch was done with the help of Mervyn the gardener, who brushed off all of the male's protest "My back's alright kid, there is still plenty of strength in those bones of mine" He grinned, wiping his sweaty brow with an handkerchief while Matthew, the lad who took care of the corn field, snickered behind his back. "You are lucky the boss is here because believe me Matt, I will shove up a corn in ya, where the sun don't shine!" The older man grumbled, chewing on his toothpick as he then chatted with the farm hand "Nice to meet ya, Dream" He shook his hand while looking at Hobo Heart "Hey boss, isn't that Corin fellow planning to come with his Jeep to bring a few stuff to the market?". The frown that appeared on the young farmer's face when the question was asked told the gardener everything he needed to know so it was with a jolly attitude that he said "You can leave the rest of his training to us boss, go and take care of whatever is needed. We got this" Matthew soon chimed in, eager to take a load off the skeleton-looking boy's shoulder. After the pair insisted that everything was good, Hobo Heart went off to go see Corin, already dreading it. When he arrived, the blonde haired gentleman with his signature black round sunglasses (He wanted to break them so badly) was already out of his vehicle..*smiling* at him. The sight made his skin crawl but he did his best to hide it when the guy walked up to hug him as a greeting "Heart, so good to see you again! How's everyone? I bet they're doing well for themselves" He happily chatted away while placing the crates in the back of his Jeep, talking about the weather and such as if life was a breeze

It took every ounce of strength in the farmer's lanky body to not start letting out a death-metal scream that would have made Ricardo go green in envy, luckily the last crate full of cabbages was now in the back of Corin's car, which meant that he was finally going to leave "You know, there's this new restaurant that opened up in town, maybe we can go there when you aren't too busy. As friends of course, don't worry" The blonde smile, not seemingly aware of the glares that Hobo Heart was giving him and it was just as he was about to yell his head off that he heard Mervyn and the others chatting away, getting close to them. "Honestly, good on you kid for refusing to be near a creep like that Rogrick Burgress" The butchering of the name brought a smile to Dream's lips, which soon became wider when, while the gardener was arguing with Matthew over the correct pronunciation, he saw the tattooed farmer look at him with what he assumed was fondness, one that the male standing next to him seemed to have caught on "So this is the farm hand you hired, Heart? I honestly wasn't expecting you to hire a brooding pretty boy but hey, appearances can be deceiving" His tone was light but his face showed a hint of hatred that he tried to mask with a chuckle as he went on "Bet he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, huh?" Corin then patted Dream on the back, earning himself a scowl and a glare from the brown haired cow standing next to him

"I would appreciate if you would refrain from touching me in this manner, as for if I am or not qualified for this job, it is up to the judgement of Mr. Heart. Not you, good sir" The handsome goth's reply made the blonde scowl a bit before grinning "Wow, you have quite the sharp wit kid but I wouldn't rely on it too much if I were you, Dream : not everyone likes a pretty thing that bites" His tone was less friendly but he still kept the playful grin as his attention shifted towards the cute bovine hybrid, who was still glaring at him "Speaking of things that bite, you really should watch your cow, Heart. Wouldn't want him to get himself hurt or hurt someone else. You might just have to tie him so that he doesn't run away" With that advice, the blonde bad his goodbyes to the farmer, whispering to him that his offer still stood before driving off into town in a cloud of smoke. Everyone was quiet until the farmer went back to the patch with the others in tow, Hob mooing while giving Hobo Heart and Dream affection to make them feel better. While the pale male giggled and gave the brown eyed cutie some well earned pets, the white haired male with the skull tattoo on his face was frowning : something was telling him that it wouldn't be the last time that he would see the man that plagued his existence

[moderndaypandora]

Got tagged by @notallsandmen for a WIP paragraph game, and I’m incredibly flattered, considering ... this doesn’t feel on the level of fic, this is fun little sketches of dialogue at most. But this is what I had, so here’s more of the mortal dreamling silliness (previous bits: modern day mortal dreamling and newlyweds with ravens)

How Hob asked Johanna to be his witness for his wedding:

He texted her asking if she was free that afternoon, because he needed her for something.  Historically "something" has meant anything from "taste-testing 3 different scone recipe variations to figure out the best one" to "hustling drunk pricks at darts". Likewise, Hob has done her favors ranging from picking up tampons to providing an alibi. In theory there is a ledger of favors owed, but in reality there will never be a balancing of books (because they're best friends, even if Johanna is too prickly to admit it and Hob is too smart to).

Johanna texted back "yeah, what's up?", and practically broke a land speed record pressing "Call" when she got the response.

Johanna: what the fuck kind of text exchange is confirming I'm around and then sending "getting married today, hello, witness!" and a selfie of you and some goth twink?

Hob: it felt pretty self-explanatory

Johanna: last I'd checked, you weren't even seeing anybody!

Hob: things change?

Johanna: I got dinner with you 5 weeks ago, you bastard, and you were single then.

Hob: ... things change fast?

Johanna: how the fuck did you even meet him?

Hob: I was running back from class during that awful rainstorm last month, and he was just outside my tube station.

Johanna: Hob.

Hob: His umbrella'd broken and he was soaking wet, and he looked absolutely miserable, poor darling.

Johanna: ...

Hob: So I offered him towels and dry clothes, since my flat was just up the road. And by the time the rain stopped I knew I wanted to marry him, and he said yes.

Johanna: what lunatic just follows strange men home?

Hob: he was pretty suspicious until I gave him my phone so he could text my address to his sister.

Johanna: and she was somehow fine with it, like 'yeah, go on'?


Hob:

Hob: he got a bit distracted by my phone background and never actually texted her.

Johanna: the fuck

Hob: you know Julian of Norwich is gorgeous

Johanna: your cat is a lesser demon escaped from hell. I'm going to exorcise your cat someday

Hob: Jules is a sweetheart. She doesn't even hunt birds!

Johanna: That thing won't kill any of the bloody birds in your neighborhood because she's saving all her energy to someday murder me and you know it.

Hob: ... undeserved paranoia about my extremely photogenic cat aside --

Johanna: WELL-deserved!

Hob: --will you be my witness?

Johanna: Left it a bit late, if you're asking me today. Did everybody else say no?

Hob: Didn't ask anybody else. Been planning to ask you since Dream said yes, but I figured if I gave you too much notice you'd flee the country.

Johanna: [tearing up, because even if you're an independent badass, it's nice to hear you're somebody's person] you're fucking right I would.

(Johanna's custom ringtone on Hob's phone is from Sweeney Todd, the final verse in Johanna where you can hear the body drop ("Wake up, Johanna, another bright red day"), because Hob and Johanna are black-hearted bastards/absolutely in cahoots with each other and think it’s funny. Hob's ringtone is Being Alive from Company ("Somebody need me too much...").  Sondheim all the way, motherfuckers)

[hardly-an-escape]

#it's underappreciated how many red flags hob probably is buried under his amiable exterior #he looked at dream of the endless and went 'yeah' #not even as a 'i can make him better' #very much as a 'i can vibe with his current state and frankly even if he was worse i'd still be like that's my husband [shrug emoji]' #'what am i supposed to do? i knew who he was when i married him' #everybody around them: [extremely done with their shit] STOP ENABLING HIM #hob: he's my goth sweetheart #dream's entire family: he's ten sulking cats in eyeliner and a dramatic coat #hob: i know :D i love him! #johanna constantine is like 'hob's insane' #and everybody's going 'oh no don't be so mean he's just a little boring next to dream' #johanna: he saw dream being dream and went 'i need to stamp my name on him. how do i permanently tie us together' #johanna: he'd never safety pin a condom but i can just see the gears turning in hob's head about how to get to spend more time with dream #johanna: just radiating smug contentment over his insane wet cat #hob: i cannot wait to spend the next 60 years with that man #hob: and ideally die in our sleep together still holding hands #death and johanna: [staring at him over their fourth round of drinks] #dream: [heart of eyes and pink of cheeks] #dream: we should never not be holding hands #hob: okay but what if occasionally we stop holding hands just to then appreciate the feeling of starting to hold hands again #dream: [mulling] acceptable #death and johanna could probably start an entire benefriends or actual romantic relationship entirely based on judging dreamling

@moderndaypandora I hope you don't mind, I NEEDED to reblog this with your original tags

The LAYERS needed in a modern/human Dreamling au.  Some level of Endless family dysfunction, obviously.  Hob’s family can be be dead or not, it’s all good. Are they old enough to have individually gained the awareness they are off-puttingly intense and should hide it a bit at first, or still in that “no, why would I need to Elsa this” stage?

Option A is both of them trying to play it cool, like “don’t scare him off” except they so badly want to go from zero to sixty.

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