#hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm fuck i think stupid is MY father.

[slashingdisneypasta]

If it's ok to ask, what do you think the other weasels' parenting styles would be? How do you think they'd respond after finding out they were dads? We have Smartass and his daughter, but what about the others?

Ooooooh, interesting!! Sorry for the late reply anon ^^ Warning, these are all them as good parents... obviously these guys would actually have their issues... but I wanted to write the fluffy things ^^ I will put one bad thing at the end.

Toon Patrol (Sans Smartass) as Parents || Blurbs + Headcanons

Greasy:

When he gets told: ... *Deadpanned* Of course. Like?? The one time he actually gets someone in bed and THIS happens!! Of course. Of course! He's so done XD Fine, bring it on.

... he's actually not bad at the father thing?? Slightly overbearing, embarrassing at times, and loose-lipped about shit that a child doesn't need to hear from their father- but he knows them, he's reasonable enough to take care of a child, and he never intimidates them. To his kid/s, Greasy Weasel is actually a doofus XD (As they grow older they do learn how scary he can also be... that is never aimed at them though).

He can tell if there is something up with them immediately. It is his sixth sense. When they were infants he somehow new seconds before they started crying, when they were children he could tell from so far away he couldn't even see their facial expressions if they were unhappy coming out of school, and when they were teenagers this talent of his was the bane of their existence XDD

He is OVERJOYED to have a child (or more) around that he can teach Spanish too!! He loves loves loves chatting to them in the language. Makes him feel so at home and comforted ^^ He loves them even more for bringing that back to him ^^

(As they get into their teenage years he and his kid do it around the other toon patrol members and make it seem like they're talking about THEM- drives Smartass insane.)

Accidentally teaches them curse words in both languages when they're really little XD

One Bad Thing: Deeeeefinetly attempted to use them to pick up chicks. Didnt work, obviously, but he did try. The other weasels surprise adopted his kid from him a couple of times when they could see it in his eyes.

Psycho:

When he gets told: Psycho did not see this coming. It does not compute. You say 'We're having a baby', and he's like '??? for lunch ???' Goodluck to you explaining that he is going to be a father. He partly doesnt wanna hear it and partly is shook.

@marinerainbow and I have of course talked about this XDD Basically Psycho would be the dad at the kids sporting events who is not really paying attention to the sport, instead harassing the poor snack vendor- but if his child were to get hurt?? If they bleed??? He'll be there in half a second. He can smell it XD

So, yeah. Fiercely protective, in an animalistic way. He hisses and immediately takes his baby away from someone if he doesn't like how they were holding them, he whines when they cry, etc.

Another animalistic-type thing he does with them is he nudges them with his nose when they learn to walk (And will continue to do this as they grow older. Like, its their first day at school? Nose nudge to get them through the gate. They get dinner? Nose nudge to tell them to take what they need first. Theirs a danger? Nose nudge to tell them to go.).

Likes to stare into their eyes as infants as a way to bond with them. Some men hold the babies to their bare skin- Psycho stares into their souls. Its a little characteristic, weird thing that becomes a comfort for the kid/s because its a Dad Thing.

Also watches them sleep. Will continue to do this no matter how old they are. He just loves it, seeing them breath- like good. They're alive. I love this one so much.

One Bad Thing: Psycho is very close with his kids (I mean who is gonna try and get in between this maniac and his bubbas?? not me!) and creates separation anxiety issues in them.

Stupid:

When he gets told: Ohhhh boy, you're gonna see Stupid really step up (Once he gets it) XD He recognises he's not the sharpest bloke on the block, its his name for a reason. So y'all are gonna have to read books, now. And go to classes. He will ask a gazillion questions until he fully understands how to care for his child- he'll even approach mothers he sees on the street with their babies and asks them what they're doing XD This will be painful for you, but at least he's taking this seriously.

This child... is not going to be touch starved. That is for sure. He loves cuddling them- having them in his lap with his hand on their lil belly so they don't fall, laying them on the mattress next to him for naps, walking around with them sleeping with their lil adorable smush face on his shoulder, etc. And don't worry, he will never drop them. Ever. He is on top of it.

As they grow older he still wants to cuddle them but it of course becomes less common ^^ Big bear hugs when they get out of school/come back from a sleepover or camp are still definitely a thing though! And they know his shoulder is always there if they need to cry.

Definitely plays games with them and puts all their artwork on the fridge. Will take stuff down or cover stuff up to make room, too. Like, Smartass are you still using this schedule??... you are?... alright well you can still see it if you lift up this lil handprint up. Isn't it cute boss??

Yeah, so Stupid may not be the smartest, more responsible father (He tries, but its not in his nature)... but he genuinely likes them, he wants them, and he will always be there if they need him. Always. Always, always, always.

He really shines as a parent when they're young but when they're older and going through an asshole phase, he will still love them blindly ^^ Always call them Little Bean.

One Bad Thing: ... Its possible he may... asphyxiate them in his arms. But they're toons so... uh 😅😅😅 They'll be fine?

Wheezy:

When he gets told: *Immediately starts smoking harder* Wheezy understands fully the actual weight involved with having a child. The responsibilities- not just keeping them alive and putting them in good schools, but making sure they turn out to be good people who are well adjusted and happy ^^ And he is TERRIFIED he will fuck them up.

Seems like a very chill father but lays awake at night wandering to himself if little things he did that day were the right thing... This makes him also very easy to bond with if you're taking care of the kid at any time in their younger years (Like if you're working at a childcare centre he takes them to, you babysit, you're their primary school teacher, or whatever) because you just tell him he's doing a good job and the kid is so happy ^^ He'll be so relieved and he'll ask questions and then, boom. You have a gang member in your corner.

He's chill... but not like, in a way that's damaging to the kid. If they hurt another child he will have them apologise (y'aint turning out like smartass. now go say you're sorry you punched the kid), if they want to go somewhere dangerous at night he's just gonna be like 'nope. you're gonna stay home and watch the bachelor with me' or 'fine... but you gotta take stupid with you', if they want to go to a sleepover when he's grounded them he has no qualms with calling the other parents 'nah dont count on (kids name) coming they're spendin the night playing monopoly with me. yeah. their idea actually. yep.'. etc.

Calls them kiddo, rugrat, hon, cutie, his itty bitty weasel, etc.

Ruffles their hair ^^

Told them bed time stories when they were a kid without a book, so they were mostly made up. Some of them are still running jokes between them.

One Bad Thing: ... well. You know. He does not set the best example with his addiction.