#hmmmm this post got deeper than i meant for it to

[yatiso]

first sober night in awhile and im not itchin for weed or alchie and am instead remembering the things that make my blood pump day after day

[monstergoblin]

The Owl Pirates Chapter Nine

First Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Previous Chapter Tumblr Link HERE Posted First On A03 Here  It’ll be updated on A03 first and might take me a bit to get to updating it here as I always seem to forget about my tumblr. <3

 Trigger Warnings Always Read Safe: Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Pushing down feelings, Overworking self to ignore feelings, Child Abuse (Belos is a bitch okay), Gaslighting, Self Gaslighting, Manipulation, Injuries

Notes: Chapters will slow down on the posting as I might not have a s much free time soon <3 but I have been obsessing over this au I think it shows.

Chapter 9: Crime and Punishment

Hunter sat under the stairs awaiting his fate. It was cold on deck but he was told to stay out here. He deserved to be cold. Not like being cold really mattered once he faced Edas wrath.

       He had been careful to avoid Edas bad side. He didn’t want to see Eda angry. She was a pirate she had to be capable of far worse punishment than Belos ever did- And Hunter knew those could be scary.

       Hooty had taken to perching above Hunter going on some story about something, but Hunter hadn’t been listening in the first place. It was like the owl was completely unsympathetic to the fact Eda was probably going to have his head.

       It had only been a week how did he screw up so fast.

       No wonder uncle saw him as useless.

       He would die then. Simple as that. He might be tortured for answers - but Eda had already said she didn’t think he had any- and then he would die. 

       “And then Luz punched the bitch in the face. Man did he deserve it too, kept calling me annoying. Could you imagine. Me annoying.” Hooty kept going from above Hunter's hiding place.

       It made Hunter wonder if Hooty was their form of torture.

       “Anyway we got out of their super fast but not without a few extraaaas. I bet you were wondering when Camila joined the crew hmmmm!” Hooty cooed. “Well Luz-”

       Hunter froze when the owl stopped talking.

       It meant someone had made it back to the ship.

       Eda was back on the ship.

       He couldn’t breath as he crawled himself deeper under the stairs. It was pointless he knew but it felt better.

       “Oh I was just getting to the good part.” Hooty whined.

       “Too bad. up up.” Edas sounded mad- or at the very least fed up. She gave the navy boy a chance- a chance Hunter was supposed to use but he was always good at messing everything up.

       “Aw okay.” Hooty flew away with the fluttering of wings.

       “Okay kiddo.” Edas face appeared in the gap of light Hunter had. “You’ve got two choices. We talk here, or we talk in my quarters. If I were you I’d take the second one, I’m happier in my quarters.”

       She was mad.

       Hunter was dead.

       He slowly crawled out trying to come up with some way to get out of this situation, but he couldn’t leave. There was no chance of Belos taking him back now, more of a failure than he already was. But he couldn’t really stay either.

       “Lilith, Fetch Camila.” Eda snapped to the woman who had walked up with her. 

       Lilith gave a little nod before disappearing to find her.

       The silent walk to Edas quarters was like Hunters walk to a guillotine. Except he wouldn’t die in front of a crowd, no he was already supposed to be dead anyway. If he was to die by Edas sword, so be it.

       Eda held the door open for him and then motioned him to sit in one of the chairs. She herself took her seat in the captain's chair then put her elbow on the desk to support her head in her hands.

       “What were you looking for?” She demanded clicking her nails against the desk annoyed.

       “I don’t know.” Hunters voice was a lot quieter than he planned for it to be.

       Eda raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “You don’t know.” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. “You don’t know. You came into the captains quarters and don’t know what you were looking for?”

       Hunter couldn’t bring his eyes to look anywhere but his hands in his lap.

       “At least have a plan before you do something stupid.” Eda sighed. “You can’t break into the most wanted captain's quarters without a goal in mind. What were you even trying to do? Get something to use against me? I thought you figured that out already, knucklehead.”

       She knew he was planning something the whole time.

       Of course she knew Hunter was a terrible liar everyone always told him that.

       “Look, you don't have to look so pathetic.” Eda stated. “I’m not going to kill you over this.” 

       Hunter dared to look up at Eda. She truly didn’t look angry. She just looked disappointed? Or maybe annoyed? 

       “Everyones been keeping an eye on you. We both know you know that. We knew you’d do something stupid it’s in your blood but there is one reason I’m not throwing you overboard right now kid.” Eda explained. “And it’s not because Luz has hope for you- that girl is pure hearted but naive. No, I’m keeping you alive because Camila has a damn point.”

       What would Camila have a point about Hunter?

       “We’ve been talking a lot about you Hunter.” Eda kept on. “She has this way of realizing things that I’m too busy to see. It’s how she became my first mate. Something happened to you Hunter, and you have every right to be upset about it. Not everyone can survive being tossed into the sea.” Eda sat up straight now and looked Hunter in the eye. “You told me to just kill you when you arrived. Are you still wanting me to do that?”

       “Doesn’t matter.” Hunter grumbled. “I’m supposed to be dead anyway.”

       “So you want me to kill you?” Eda asked.

       No- Yes?  

       No he didn't but he was supposed to be dead and his only chance was to turn them in but he screwed that up didn’t he. If he was going to get kicked off this boat they might as well just do him in now. It would be better dying by a pirate's hands then his uncles.

       Hunter nodded.       

       “Then why are you crying?” Eda sighed. 

       He had been so focused on answering and listening that Hunter hadn’t realized his vision blurring. His breath catching. His lungs hurting.

       “I gave you plenty of gold to buy things and passage out of here.” Eda explained. “But you clearly stuck around. You don’t have anywhere to go huh?”

       Hunter dug his nails into his arms trying to will himself to calm down. It all felt so pointless if Eda had been on to his poor excuse of plans since the beginning. Why did they let him stay? Why not just toss him back in the water?

       “Eda?” Camila entered through the door and was quick to close it as she looked at Hunter. “Oh, pobre nino, “ She leaned down next to Hunter's chair and put her hand on his arm.

       Her touch burned but not in the way Hunter was used to. It burned because it felt wrong. He should be being punished and she was being soft. Soft, kind, gentle. He wanted her to let go but he also wanted to believe whatever trickery this was.

       “What did you decide, captain?” Camila asked with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

       “Haven’t decided anything yet.” Eda sighed. “He is too much of a mess for me to actually decide, you’re the better mother here, what's your input?”

       Hunter closed his eyes both to hide from whatever decisions the woman came up with and a poor attempt to stop his tears. He was better than this. He shouldn’t lose his composer like this. Uncle would be disappointed to see him behaving in such a way. Uncle would be disappointed to see him alive.

       He could help the hiccup of a breath he took and could only hope that wasn’t going to make the two women more angry.

       “Hunter, look at me.” Camila ordered.

       Hunter was ever an obedient boy. Her gaze wasn’t cold and harsh, no her eyes were soft and she had a small smile on her lips. 

       “Why did you sneak into Edas quarters?” Camila asked. In a soft voice. How was she supposed to get answers like that? 

       The tactic was very effective however.

       “It was stupid.” Hunter whispered.

       “Yes it was.” Camila sighed as she let go of Hunters arm and turned to Eda. 

       “Yeah.” Eda shrugged. “He didn’t have a plan.”

       “Clearly.” Camila took a seat in the third and last chair in the room. “How about dinner for a month?”

       No dinner for a month? That wasn’t death. Sure, Hunter would much rather they hit him or screamed at him, but he could live without dinner for a month. 

       “Can he even cook?” Eda looked over at Hunter.

       Cook?

       “You know what, I think it’s fine. Just, only adults helping him in the kitchen. I still don’t trust you not to try and steal the knives.” Eda leaned back in her chair. “You break into my quarters again and the punishment will get worse.”

       That was it? Cook dinner for a month? What was the catch? He broke into her quarters, the captain's quarters. Surely this was getting off way too easy.

       “Oh and we’ll have to keep up the shifts on watching you.” Camila added. “Was looking forward to not having to schedule that but it looks like you still need watched.”

       “Better get used to your babysitters.” Eda smirked.

       Hunter couldn’t help but sit there shocked. This was wrong. This was a trick? A trap? 

       “Why-” He started. 

       Why were they letting him stay?

       “I don’t know how they do it back at the navy. “ Eda shrugged. “I heard stories from Lilith about the strange ideals of it, but I run my ship my own way. It’s worked out so far, so don’t be the exception. This is your warning to not go looking for trouble, little owl.”

       “If you hurt anyone, Hunter, we will not forgive that.” Camila stated as she eyed the boy with a curious raise of her brows. “Perhaps it's time you think about if you really want to betray the people giving you a home?”

       “I’m still going to permit you to walk around Bumps docks with the other children. If you need more gold for passage I understand that, but you are still welcome to stay.” Eda stood up and walked around to open the door. “Now you’re free to go. If you do stay, your month of dinners will start tomorrow.”

       As Eda swung the door open and held it for Hunter. Lilith stood on the other side as if waiting. She had a smug look on her face as if she was happy Hunter got in trouble.

       “So?” She asked with a little look to Eda.

       “He’s going to cook dinner for a month,” Eda shrugged.

       “What?” Lilith looked appalled. “Eda, he's clearly against us.”

       Eda sighed and looked at Hunter. “Run along back to the crew's quarters.” She gestured with her head towards the door.

       Hunter was quick to jump up and obey- before she could come to her senses and change her decision. He squeezed past Lilith and practically ran with how fast he moved his legs.

       “What are you thinking?!” Liliths voice carried as she scolded Eda. “He could kill someone, he kills pirates everyday!”

       “He’s a kid, Lilly.”

       Hunter was glad to be out of range of the conversation. It felt unreal the whole interaction. Pirates were stupid, he was so lucky pirates were stupid. If he did something like this back home he’d get a proper punishment. He could help make dinner. That’s easy. 

       He didn’t immediately go into the crew's quarters, he was going to- he didn’t want to risk actually invoking Edas wrath upon him, but what if someone was in there and he was still a mess.

       He sat in a corner near the door trying to calm himself down.

       It was silly. Why did he feel so relieved?

       Maybe he still had a chance to make Belos proud.

-------------

       “So that’s it then! You’re just letting him stay?” Lilith shouted, she seemed to think raising her voice was proving her point. “He’s still loyal to Belos Eda. We can’t have him here. What if he stabs somebody. What if he kills somebody.”

       “We’re not giving him weapons.” Eda shrugged. “Besides you can’t honestly expect me to kill the child.”

       “At the very least send him away.” Lilith folded her arms. “You didn’t see him in action, Eda. He’s dangerous. He’s killed hundreds.”

       “So have we.” 

       “It’s different,” Lilith huffed. “We’re fighting to free people.”

       “And we’re doing a hell of a job with that aren’t we.” Eda snapped. “Besides, I remember Miss Prissy kissing Belos' ass not too long ago.”

       “I didn’t know he was insane!” Lilith defended.

       “And you think the child does!?” Eda was thankful the words shut Lilith up.  She stood opening and closing her mouth like she kept trying to find words. 

       “It’s different.” Lilith insisted.

       “Yeah?” Camila had been sitting quietly until now. She was not a fun person to make angry. Eda respected that. “Clearly it’s different. This is his uncle. Look at how that boy behaves. Something is wrong, you can’t ignore that!” She snapped.

       “He is a spoiled brat.” Lilith argued with not as much bite to her voice as before. She was realizing her mistake. Was actually listening now. Camila had that effect on people.

       “He’s covered in scars, put into a position of power at such a young age and he was thrown overboard.” Camila counted on her fingers. “What am I missing? Sure, he’s killed so have you Lilith. We took a chance on you, why would we not take a chance on this child?”

       Lilith kept her mouth shut, she looked to the ground away from both Eda and Camila.

       Eda loved having Camila in her corner. Most of the time it was Camila telling her she was stupid. Despite everything going on in the world, Camila always was more grounded then the rest of them.

       “Look Lilith, we know the boy is dangerous.” Eda put a hand on her sister's shoulder. “He broke into my quarters looking for some dirt on us, but he didn’t really have an idea what he was doing.”

       “So he claims.” Lilith sighed.

       “I’m worried he’s going to do something too.” Eda assured me. “But it would be wrong to throw the boy back into Belos' hands. Especially when he doesn’t want to go.”

       "I may have acted rashly.” Lilith agreed. “But I’m not going to let my guard down.”

       “Neither are we.” Eda smiled.

--------------

       Her feet pounded loudly up the gangway as she reached the top with a little hop. 

       “I win!” Luz declared throwing her hands in the air in victory. She looked back to see Willow not far behind her and Amity close on her tail. Matt however was taking his time keeping up, poor boy.

       “You guys are back late.” Gus was sitting on a barrel near the gangway waiting for them to return. 

       “We stuck around the whole show.” Luz explained trying to catch her breath as she leaned against the barrel. “How about you? You never miss a Hexside night.”

       “Hunter wasn’t up to it.” Gus shrugged. “There will be more.”

       “Beat you.” Willow smirked as she made it to the top looking back at Amity who was only a few steps behind.

       “That’s only because I tripped.” Amity sighed.

       “And who went back to help you?” Willow mocked. “I would’ve beat Luz too if I hadn’t.”

       “Hello.” Gus beamed as the two girls made it to the top. “How was Hexside?”

       “Fun as usual.” Willow took a place near the barrel to sit. “Matt complained the whole time.”

       “Sounds like him.” Gus chuckled.

       Matt made it to the top of the stairs last. He looked upset he had taken the longest but he was the one who denied wanting to race at first and got a slow start. 

       “Why were you not there!?” Matt accused, pointing a finger at Gus. 

       “Hun-” Gus started.

       “Where is the stupid navy boy anyway.” Matt looked around trying to spot the blond boy. “He takes up so much time and then doesn’t even want to have fun. What's wrong with him?”

       Luz could see Gus' amused chuckle under his breath. Matt had not wanted to go to Hexside his first night in Bumps port either. Now he looked forward to it even if he didn’t want to admit it. He wasn’t exactly good at hiding his true intentions.

       “Leave him be, Matty.” Gus hopped down off the barrel. “He’s had a long day.”

       “All days are the same length.” Matt complained but listened to Gus anyway.

       “Well you guys also missed a little- commotion.” Gus waved his hand trying to find the right word. 

       “Yeah? I was going to ask Eda about it.” Luz looked towards the captain's quarters. The light was still on so that meant Eda was up. “What happened?”

       “Hunter snuck into Edas quarters.” Gus explained. 

       “Oh?” Amity had taken to leaning on the railing. “Is that all?”

       “Lilith caught him. Scared him pretty good. Stuck Hooty on him too.” Gus shrugged. 

       “What was he even looking for?” Willow wondered.

       “I don’t know. He didn’t want passage out of here.” Gus explained. 

       “Is Eda kicking him out?” Matt asked, he almost sounded concerned. 

       “Nah, just more chores I think.” Gus shrugged. “He fell asleep outside the crews quarters and I haven’t had the heart to wake him up yet.”

       “Huh.” Luz let herself slide down to the ground as well. “Somethings up with the boy.”

       It didn’t need to be said. The whole crew already knew that. Had said it multiple times.

       No one could explain what was up with him. Only assume it had something to do with Belos or his near death experience. 

-----------

       “So Hunter, what will it be?” Terra towered over him with a grin. She always enjoyed the sick twisted things in life. Playing with emotions was one of her favorites. That's what this was- right?

       “You don’t have the authority.” Hunter stated crossing his arms. “I’m still technically your superior even if assigned your first mate this mission. You wouldn’t dare cross Belos.”

       “He was the one who ordered your death.” Terras grin somehow grew wider. “So how would you like to die, little dog?”

       A wave crashed over Hunter and he was back in the water. The cold powerful water watching IvyThorn leaving him to die as he struggled to stay afloat on the particularly rainy night. 

       He didn’t know why he was even fighting anymore.

       Hunter gasped for air shooting straight up in his hammock. 

       How was he out of the water? How was he alive? Where was he?

       He looked around as his sleepy state faded and his memory of the past week became more clear.

       He hadn’t remembered getting in his hammock or falling asleep. The last thing he remembered was sitting outside the quarters trying to calm himself enough to enter. 

       Someone had put him in his hammock.

       He wasn’t a helpless child; he didn't need someone to carry him to bed.

       It seemed everyone else had already left the quarters except for Perry who was snoring in the corner. He must’ve been on night watch. Hunter was careful not to wake him as he changed into some of his new clothing. He threw Edrics old outfit into the pile in the corner-that he would have to wash later.

       It did feel a little nice not wearing someone else's clothes. An outfit that he picked out. Plain black pants, a cream shirt and a yellow vest to match his uniform back in the navy. Back before he was left in the water and the outfit now unaccounted for.

       Hunter wondered if it was Edrics clothes he had woken up in then, and if Steve still had the uniform. He was too afraid to ask.

       He peeked out of the quarters before he left. In case someone was waiting out there to jump him and tell him he indeed was not off the hook for his stupid attempt last night. However no one confronted him.

       Even as he walked onto deck looking around to see Gilbert and Harvey having arranged a few barrels near the gangway so they could play cards while watching whoever entered or left. Hunter could only assume they were supposed to be watching for him now- but Eda had still given him the option to leave.

       Not that it mattered, his only option was to try to capture her or Lilith. 

       If he could pull that off which was looking doubtful.

       Not like he had a choice but to keep trying.

       “Perhaps it's time you think about if you really want to betray the people giving you a home?”

       Pirates were tricky to deal with. Twisting words to make it seem like he was in the wrong here. He was just doing a nearly impossible task for the greater good. Pirates deserved to be betrayed, hung and hunted after everything they’ve done.

       “You’re awake.” King sat above the doorway that led down to the lower level to get to the crews quarters. “I was wondering how long you were going to sleep.” He picked himself up with a little huff. 

       “Gus went with Matt today and Edric with Emira.” King hopped down narrowly missing landing on Hunter.

       “Okay?” Hunter backed away from the child, he felt safer around him when Luz was the main focus point. Hunter still didn’t know exactly if King was mermaid or siren or something else.

       “oh and Luz went with Amity.” King grabbed Hunters hand and started to lead him up the stairs. “So Willow told me to wait and watch for you. Eda wants them to be more strict about keeping eyes on you, but she thought watching you sleep was creepy.”

       Hunter followed the creature- as he wasn’t in any place to fight him. Especially not with him being Edas pets and he was not going to do anything else to piss off Eda.

       Willow was on the upper part of the deck moving barrels around. Why Hunter didn’t know, She seemed to just be boredly going through them.

       “I got him!” King announced as if it had been a hard task. 

       Willow raised her head from the barrel she had been looking in. “Oh?” She smiled. “Thank you King.”

       “You better get me something amazing!” King declared with a little stomp. “I’m thinking a big crown, or a cape.”

       “I’ll get you something good.” Willow patted Kings head as she passed. “You ready to go?” She asked Hunter with a tilt to her head.

       Of course it was her who was watching him. The one who always forced her way into helping. The one Hunter couldn’t really argue with because she was going to stubbornly do it anyway.

       “You could have woken me up.” Hunter stated he felt bad she missed her day off the ship. It was around noon from the look of the sun and she could’ve gotten a lot more done without him.

       “You have gotten up at the crack of dawn everyday you’ve been here.” Willow put her hands on her hips- but she still had a smile and light voice. “I was not about to wake you up the one day you sleep in. If you were Luz that’d be another story. She sleeps in just as badly as Eda does.” She started back down the stairs. “Now come on, There’s a lot you still haven’t seen yet.”

10TH Chapter Tumblr Link

[deviantartdramanow]

Oh since miss 'butthurt that taking out of context boo hoo" Triagonal is whining, HERE'S THE FULL CONVERSATION, courtesy of the user in our discord chat. Now, tell the court Triagonal, how did you get THIS conversation confused with MAYANDKIRBY AS THE USER. Now lets go one step further to dig the 'you are a goddamn liar and here's proof.' knife in deeper gang. THE DAY OF TALL'S FIRST EVER SUSPENSION: https://deviantartdramanow.tumblr.com/post/684629065916874752/small-w-for-us-tall-has-got-suspended-for-who (First anon to announce the good news. Hmmmm, those dates sure do LINE UP with the conversation! So no faking the dates there! This checks out.) Now, on to mayandkirby's 'banning' that Trigonal is trying to make us believe they meant instead, pfft. https://deviantartdramanow.tumblr.com/post/683682458554843136/lol-around-may-5th-or-6th-edt-time-zone May 5th or 6th. WAY before Tall's suspension. And it shows this person was actively talking with Triagonal, giving them PROOF of Tall's bullshit and wishing Triagonal would see Tall is toxic and not a good person and her journals NEED to be reported. So it's not like they barely talked to them. And again, SUBJECT WAS ABOUT TALL, NOT MAYANDKIRBY. Why bring up that user at all? If they broke the rules, oh well.  Also dipshit, if "Mayandkirby is the mod." why the fuck are they allowing 'dirt' on mayandkirby and talking in a different typing style, not shoving 'tons of pictures of may from pokemon into responses' and linking 'anime or megatron scenes.' ? My friend, use that fucking barely buzzing lump of hamburger meat in your skull for once. Take the L, you lost this trial. (tossing this part in since your 'alt' oh i mean 'LIVE IN FRIEND' keeps saying this fucking blog is owned by Mayandkirby. Lmao.)  Jury finds Triagonal a guilty stupid fucking lying manipulating idiot and a clown. Her punishment is to wear clown makeup as she walks through the streets as everyone points and laughs at her empty skulled response when she was caught playing both sides of the field and being a backstabber to both sides. She is to honk her nose and do a dance for those she greets going: "I am Triagonal; the top clown of DA, do not trust me, I have 400 alts and always say they live with me or know me in some shape or form incase someone asks my friendship with empty alts. I am always right in my mind, and I am guilty of what those who show proof say. I am scared of this blog hence why I stalk it all the time. And the forum goers have every right to expose my past misdeeds since I love to pick on minors and glorify the hag that is TallTherify29. I defended her more than anyone else, and let others suffer as I looked the other way. I said I protected others when all I did was say lies and instead blindly ran to her aid as others suffered in silence and cried in depression from Tall's horrible deeds. I am the ultimate lying jester. Shame on me. Unwatch me I am the worst person ever. I am Triagonal the clown, and I bring the circus to you all honk honk!" *Slams gavel.* Now lets all go get some booze, too annoying dealing with the circus act that is this bitch right now. Learn your place next time chump.

[until-theend-oftheline]

Failure

Pairing: Sebastian x Reader

Warnings: Relationship hard patch, teething baby, being a parent is not always easy  

Word Count: 1900ish

A/N: This can be a read as a one-shot but to give a deeper look into Seb’s state of mind before this I recommend you read Extended Family first

It’s part of my LLL verse and it’s late summer 2014. Sebastian and Y/N have 8 months old Isabella, but they aren’t currently living together as their relationship hit a rough patch.  

Betaed by: Thanks to my Jules for betaing this one for me @jewels2876

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Your head was spinning. Isabella had been crying non-stop for the past two days. She had gone through bad days teething before when she was younger but nothing like this. She had a low fever and barely slept, which in return meant you didn’t sleep. You had offered her biting toys but she just screamed and shook her head violently. She barely ate anything and she had just now started vomiting too.

You were tired and just wanted the crying to stop. You were at your wit's end and felt like the world’s worst mom. You were in a fragile headspace as it was and not being able to calm your daughter wore you down fast.

“Isa. Honey please try and eat something,” you offered the crying baby a spoonful of cold strawberry porridge only to have a screech in return as she hit the spoon sending the porridge flying across the kitchen. Isabella continued to cry as you let the spoon fall onto the table covering your face in your hands as tears fell from your eyes.

Rachel had been for a visit this morning which had let you relax for a few moments, but the crying prevented you from sleeping. You couldn’t fall asleep when your daughter was in pain like this. You had no idea what to do. You just wanted Isabella to eat and for both of you to sleep for like a week.

You barely heard the knock on the door over Isabella’s screaming. You raised yourself up, drying your eyes, frowning a little wondering if Rach had returned so soon. Whoever it was had the code to the building since you hadn’t buzzed them in.

You picked up your daughter, flinching a little as the screaming got closer to your eardrum, but gently rocked her on your arm hoping it would soothe her a little.

When you reached the door, you looked through the spy to see who was on the other side of the door and your heart skipped a beat before you felt your entire body relax. You had been too stubborn to admit it to yourself but the person waiting on the other side of the door had been the one person you had needed to be here through all of this. Not only was he the one person that would understand just how much Isabella’s crying hurt you, he was also the one person, despite everything, you wanted to be able to lean on when things were rough.

You instantly opened the door and Sebastian’s smiling face fell when he saw how tired you and his crying daughter both looked.

“Hi sweetheart,” Sebastian spoke softly, reaching out to Isabella and you instantly handed her over to him.

“She has been like this for two days. I was at Dr. McKnight’s office yesterday. She is just teething but she won’t eat or sleep and she has been crying like this non-stop,” you felt the tears build behind your eyes as you explained the situation.

Without skipping a beat, Sebastian put the bag he had been carrying down on the table and pushed the door closed with his foot before pulling you tightly against his chest with his now free arm. You wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face against him, letting your tears flow freely.

“Shhh. It’s okay,” Sebastian soothed. You weren’t sure if he was speaking to you or Isabella but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was here now.

“Come on. Let’s get you two something to eat,” Sebastian gave you a small squeeze, causing you to look up into his eyes. You could see the pain in them. You weren’t sure if it was yours or Isa’s tears that caused it or just how things were between you and him.

“She won’t. I just tried,” you pulled back a little, drying your eyes on your sleeve. You wanted to put on a brave face for him. He was hurting too and you didn’t want to make things worse.

“I might have a trick,” Sebastian winked at you, gently rocking his screaming daughter. She was now clinging to him for dear life as he carried her into the kitchen along with the bag he had brought.

You followed after him, too tired to argue and honestly not wanting too either. You just hoped whatever he was going to try would work.

“Rach stopped by the gym today,” Sebastian looked over at you sheepishly as he gently guided a disgruntled Isabella back into her high chair.

“She told me Isa was teething,” Sebastian explained as you sat down.

He rubbed your daughter’s belly trying to calm her a little as he kept talking, “So I asked mom for a few tricks. Apparently, I did a lot of screaming too around her age.”

“So you’re the one to blame,” you rubbed your templates, forcing out a small smile when Sebastian looked over at you to let him know you weren’t really serious.

“Sorry?” he grinned, as he began pulling supplies out of the bag. “I knew you don’t really eat when you’re tired. So I brought you soup.”

Sebastian pushed the box across the table and laying a spoon next to it. You were just about to protest when your eyes met his and you stopped when you saw the concern there.

“Please?” he begged and you sighed.

“Get her to eat something and I will too,” you challenged, making Sebastian smile.

“Oh that’s how it is?” he chuckled, pulling another box out of the bag. “Challenge accepted.”

You rolled your eyes at him, but couldn’t help but smile as Sebastian sat down across from his daughter.

“Okay. You’ve got to be hungry too right?” Sebastian cooed, digging a spoon into the green substance he brought, making you frown and wonder what it was. You didn’t say anything though, you just let him try.

The first spoonful was sent flying through the kitchen and you felt yourself tear up again. Sebastian, on the other hand, wasn’t so easily discouraged.

“Prințesă. I promise I didn’t make this. No reason to throw it,” Sebastian playfully poked her belly and the screaming turned into sobs.

“That’s it. How about you try and taste it huh?” Sebastian tried with a new spoonful only to get a violent head shake in return. “You don’t trust me huh?”

Sebastian guided the spoon into his own mouth. “Hmmmm so good,” he exclaimed to the little girl and you couldn’t help but smile. Sebastian was such an amazing patient dad. Isabella’s eyes never left him, but she didn’t stop her sobbing either.

“How about we try it like this?” Sebastian dug a finger into the cup and offered it to his daughter. She looked a little suspicious but this time she didn’t slap his hand away. Instead, she let him guide his finger into her mouth and she fell quiet as she began sucking on it.

“That’s it. Good girl,” Sebastian praised, feeding her a few more chunks with his finger before trying with the spoon again. This time she took it and you looked on in awe.

“How’s that soup coming? Want me to feed you too?” Sebastian looked over his shoulder with a playful glimmer in his eyes.

“What in the world are you feeding her?” you asked, still trying to comprehend that your baby was finally eating something.

“Frozen pistachio yogurt,” Sebastian grinned to you before returning his attention to the baby.

“Mom’s idea. Well, the yogurt was. Pistachio was mine cause our little prințesă has a sweet tooth doesn’t she?” Sebastian cooed as he kept feeding the little girl.

Sebastian made sure you both ate before he pulled another trick from his bag. Apparently, Georgeta was full of them and almond extract really did seem to soothe the little girl’s pain. Enough for you and Sebastian to give her a bath before he shooed you out of the room to get some rest as he tried to tuck her in.

Half an hour later Sebastian emerged and you were fast asleep sitting in your favorite chair in the living room. You barely felt him lift you out of it and carry you to bed. Nor did you register him helping you change or even the multiple times during the evening and night your daughter woke up crying. Sebastian who had stayed on the couch did however and every time she woke up for a few hours Sebastian was up with her. Changing, feeding, soothing and rubbing almond extract on her sore gums.

You, on the other hand, didn’t wake up until the late next morning after having slept for almost sixteen hours. You jumped from the bed rushing into the living room to find Sebastian dead asleep on the couch with Isabella in her transportable crib next to him. She rarely used it but Sebastian hadn’t wanted her to use the one in your bedroom out of fear of waking you.

You smiled, tearing up a little at the sight. Yesterday you had felt like a failure as a mom, but at this moment you felt like you were failing you and Sebastian. You loved him and you wanted a life with him. You just weren’t sure how to get back to where you were before all the fighting had begun.

You took a deep breath, tearing yourself from looking at the two people you loved more than anything and walked into the kitchen to cook breakfast.

Once the pancakes were done, Sebastian and Isabella were still asleep. You smiled as you placed the plates on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch next to him. You gently ran your fingers through his hair and over his jawline, and his eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Hi,” he smiled pushing himself up on his elbows, looking down at Isabella, “I think she is starting to feel a bit better. The last few times she woke up, she was more fussy than full on crying.”

“I love you, Seba,” you blurted out, causing Sebastian to freeze for a second before sitting up straight to look at you. You didn’t say anything else or take back the words. You didn’t want to. You had never stopped loving him. You just hadn’t said it for a long time.

Sebastian reached out, gently tugging a wayward strand of hair behind your ear, smiling softly at you. “I love you too, Y/N/N. I always have.”

“Me too,” you leaned into his touch, closing your eyes.

“I want us to talk to someone. I want to find a way to work things out between us,” you slowly opened your eyes, surprised to see the tears in Sebastian’s eyes as you did.

“Oh God, Y/N, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that,” he took your hand, gently tugging you towards him. “I miss you so much.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling as a stone had been lifted from your heart when he wrapped his arms around you. You knew this didn’t fix anything, but it was the start and you knew the two of you could make it through this. You loved each other too much not to find a way back to each other.

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 @ishipmybed

[adulttrio-imagines]

YAYYYYY! Have you been playing wizards unite? Which house are you in? I’m a Ravenclaw myself! Hmmmm Hisoka seems like a shoe in for Slytherin but I feel like I could see Illumi in Hufflepuff? Like, he’s a psycho but he’s a loyal psycho lol. Chrollo I think would be a Ravenclaw too, because he seems to value knowledge above all else. Do you think any of them would be prefects or headboys? Which subjects would they love? I’m sorry for pestering you 🙊🙊

Don’t feel bad for asking questions, I love writing about the trash trio. I haven’t played Wizards United at all! Since I have no impulse control I have to careful of what I get into. All three man were hatstalls, though only Chrollo ended up in Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin, but just barely though. While I think only Chrollo would be in any position of power since he’s the best actor amongst the three, Illumi is the best performing student by a long shot, since he has the drive to be the best.

As for favorite subjects, I stated this in the previous post, but I’ll just go deeper here. Hisoka isn’t particularly interested in most classes and he scraps by, which frustrates the professors since he is clearly very smart but refuses to use his brains. He’s excellent in the practical part, but falls flat in theory, since he simplifies or doesn’t even bother to answer the questions. He loved the later classes in COMC since it meant dealing with more deadly creatures like the skrewts, and also enjoyed potions when given the chance to experiment with the ingredients. Basically, he enjoyed anything that gave him free reign to pursue his interest.

In Chrollo’s case, he did well in all his classes because he genuinely enjoyed learning. He found everything intriguing, especially since I see him being completely unexposed to magic before Hogwarts. I can see him personally going to the library to read up on additional books to learn more and definitely charmed his way into getting to the restricted section since he would want to learn how to apply his knowledge. In a way, he is like Voldemort, with a much smaller ego. He enjoyed classes that make him think, so the more difficult, the better. Things like Transfiguration, arithmancy, and even alchemy. Anything that got him to use his brain, it was all almost like a code for him to crack and solve, which was what he liked. On a side note, he did do research into divination and was hoping to learn it, but you can only get so far without an actual bloodline.

As for Illumi, he excelled so much in school and he worked hard to get his grades. While he was already bright, he was even more determined to be the best wizard the school had ever seen to prove his worth. As such, he never really favored one class over the other since he didn’t have much interest in any, and just took it in stride. There were classes he found more pointless than others, like COMC and Muggle Studies. As he got older though, he eventually found an interest in the Dark arts and would make deals with Chrollo to get him access to some of the books in the restricted section, it was easy since the Troupe has a pollyjuice potion ring going on. He also found potions to be oddly soothing, which ended once he was forced to become partners with Hisoka and had almost every single potion since then blow up in his face.

[rainovember]

『211023』 10:48 PM

“You’re the pink in my cheeks, and I’m scared cuz that means I’m a little bit soft”

~~~

I sometimes mention to him that I might say risky things when I’m half-asleep. He thought it was something NSFW. The truth is I just meant risky as in vulnerable.

I did my best to explain without having to say the whole context. “I just tend to be soft and endearing when half-asleep at night, which is why I say ‘I miss you’ more often at night than any other hour.”

The truth is that when I wake up randomly at night, or even in the early morning, it’s usually short but deep thoughts.

“I like you”

“I miss you”

“I love you”

He said that he noticed it—that I become a softie at night, and that I tend to say I miss him more at night. I felt embarrassed at that. It's difficult for me to hear someone else point out my soft side. Or maybe it's just because it's coming from someone I expect to care for me when I am. I told him I was flustered at this.

“When I called you softie earlier... just think of it as a bubbly friend. Not much the open and vulnerable kind of softie,” he said.

I know he just said that to make me more comfortable. “But open and vulnerable isn’t a bad thing either,” I retorted. “Actually, at this point, it’s best to ignore what I’m saying. I just do not know what to do about myself anymore.”

How do I tell him that I actually want to be vulnerable around him, I just want to know if I can trust him? More so, I just want to know if he actually wants something more with what we have?

Or is it just me?

It's probably just me...

Maybe it's best to crush whatever emotions I have right now.

Because I did tell him that this is just a casual fling. Pointed out that we're mostly just friends. Emphasized that I'm serious when it comes to my relationships. I probably scared him off from making a move.

I want him to make a move. But I'm a hypocrite, because I'm also afraid of making a move. The mental gymnastics I'm doing... I have a tendency to calculate all my actions, but how can I calculate irrational emotions?

~~~

There were also times when I said I joked about a post that says, "J is the best" and I said yes, Jesus Christ my lord and savior is the best hahaha. And he said "of course, but I come second!" I said, "HMMMM" but he said "I'm just kidding!"

But what if I don't want to joke around? What if I'm kind of just... tired of everything being casual?

What if I want more?

There was also a time when we talked for hours until maybe 3 am (cliché, I know). And we say our goodbyes so much, so repetitively, like the clingy bastards that we are. It got to a point where I said "love you" thrice. He said it back thrice too. But I ended up noticing it, blurted it out: "Damn we said that three times."

And he's like, yeah we did.... and he felt uneasy (?) and changed the topic.

Is it... is it me? Am I jumping to conclusions, or does he not want this to go deeper?

Maybe it's just me.....

~~~

On the flip side, what if we're both just scared of rejection, so we're stuck here trying to enjoy what we have, because we're too afraid to take risks and losing each other?

[marlaluster]

emptying clipboard w items numbered

1. Hmmmm. In what world is this something that can make sense? A wonderful one? I don't want to insult the singer of that song that phrase hints at, he I heard in my mind before didn't wish to sing it here, that it was a wonderful world. I'll put a link in a comment on this post to what I'm referring to as some expression that has placement as maybe odd or unusual if it is a world okay to be in, or okay to be born into but it is not this here. 2. The term is sometimes taken to mean knowledge that "is meant only for certain people" or that "must be kept hidden", but for most practicing occultists it is simply the study of a deeper spiritual reality that extends beyond pure reason and the physical sciences.[3] The terms esoteric and arcanecan also be used to describe the occult,[4][5] in addition to their meanings unrelated to the supernatural. 3. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occult 4. Excerpt from Wikipedia article on "occult". ..... "The term is sometimes taken to mean knowledge that "is meant only for certain people" or that "must be kept hidden", but for most practicing occultists it is simply the study of a deeper spiritual reality that extends beyond pure reason and the physical sciences.[3] The terms esoteric and arcanecan also be used to describe the occult,[4][5] in addition to their meanings unrelated to the supernatural." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occult 5. The devil was just starting to like try to force some irritation n suddenly the music started from the neighbors n it got louder. #ahorribleplace 6. The music is continuing loud. "I don't know what to do. I have to tell this is bad that I'm doing this," the devil said something like this. "I am not allowed to tell things here as this person n be attacked n that's what's happening now. I am not this person so i must say that," the devil said. It was trying to mess up the words again still n here for this quote. It's -- went back to write something else n the devil probably took memory of what I was writing. "I dud," the devil said. 7. I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. Equality. That should be some kind of tennet. a money free world. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something . People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal beliefs. I can't state and absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities to believe as they do. 8. Not knowing isn't something that should be not okay to hold or occur. Sometimes things are unknown. Thats not really something regarded as okay in the present way of things that I'd very forceful n pushy of people t o be doing stuff n going along w things without them figuring out what's happening in their own terms n sense of things, which can include momentary uncertainty. 9. I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't [does, auto changed by the devil to doesn't] stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution in a money free society. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty, etc. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc, just elected to be on the outside of closed off care of people n etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. There is discrediting of people. That should be some kind of tennet in a money free world, free speech. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something . People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal beliefs. I can't state and absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities to believe as they do. 10. I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't [does, auto changed by the devil to doesn't] stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution in a money free society. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty, etc. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc, just elected to be on the outside of closed off care of people n etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. There is discrediting of people as those not able to make a stand w something valid to contribute. Equality is lacking. That should be some kind of tennet in a money free world, equality. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Freedom of speech as well. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something . People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it, ie Atheism just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal belief. I can't state and [an, auto changed by the devil to and] absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities deserving respect n a right to believe as they do. 11. Yeah osho I am a fan, h 12. ....he was persecuted here, exiled. It is a very sick society presently. It is intolerant n hostile as it was w this person. It is hostile toward me for my speech. I had to write this in text messages on my phone, something was making the type pad n not go back up. 13. So I just shared most of the memories from this page from a year ago. I didn't share them all. It seemed i didn't have to. It was a little. And then I am further irritated n bothered by the way of things. I wouldn't wish to have a had so different a sentiment then, i probably didn't but I was doing something w trying to have some way to intersect paths w my soul mates, something like this, i think i did explain at a point for what unwashed [I was, auto changed by the devil to unwashed] doing. 14. But something is apparently happening w the devil as a result of people ending the world n it seems specifically as a result of a post in the Freeworlders Forum i told about yesterday where someone who I'm friends w on Facebook said that he was concerned people could be persecuted in a money free society along the lines of some popularly accepted unacceptable ways (according to the present society) people can be, such as, for example, Christians are often seen or treated as less to believe in a higher truth. "Marla, i have to tell you the reason you said it that way I have to go," the devil said. "Something did happen where people weren't allowed to go on as who weren't saying they're okay," the devil said. "That was not the devil saying that right. I said that," the devil said. But after I put some additional comments on that post I first referred to yesterday people were further able to end the world. One thing interesting to note I found out earlier n perhaps it makes sense as well to the devil saying it wasn't allowed to disrespect Christianity here w the way of things, but one thing i found out was that something was starting to happen where the devil was out n occurringbto people as what was just like so unable to restrain itself as what was provoked to attack when it was a piece or representation of things from Christianity people were talking about Or presenting. I noticed something like this one time at least, maybe other times IRS happening, too. "I can see it. He has to come out," Felicia Loving Coop Cleveland occurred to say in my mind as i wrote this. Some asides. "But something was happening Marla where i can't go on like this attacking this person n those people are over that this person is the truth," the devil said n someone else may have said that last part. At a point as i was writing this the devil was like psycho crazily forcing n trying to make it feel okay that i was to be less than to someone commenting on the post. It said the person can't go on because I told about the devil attacking Christianity. "Can I delete his page," the devil said of the guys who it made seem commented on the Freeworlders Forum Post I'm referring to. I'll put another link to it in comments on this. 15. "It has to come out as the antichrist n that is where it comes out as," someone said about why the devil was starting to target Christians n people referring to Christianity,"as something that could end the devil. They were doing it," the devil said. Someone was affirming the devil was saying that part. 16. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=343012639456552&id=100012434566027&_rdr 17. 9+ Replies to Rafi's comment on Rafi Allaouirdian's post. View post Rafi Allaouirdian Ok, I will no longer mention God, Jesus Christ, the bible. I will become a closet Christian so no one in here is offended.  But if you want to bash my belief in God, go ahead and do so, that will be a common practice in this ''free" world. Also, do not hesitate to throw your beliefs on me, it will be accepted as long as they do not come from the bible. 5 hours ago · LikeMore Marla Bobarla I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't [does, auto changed by the devil to doesn't] stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution in a money free society. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty, etc. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc, just elected to be on the outside of closed off care of people n etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. There is discrediting of people as those not able to make a stand w something valid to contribute. Equality is lacking. That should be some kind of tennet in a money free world, equality. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Freedom of speech as well. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something .  People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it, ie Atheism just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal belief. I can't state and [an, auto changed by the devil to and] absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities deserving respect n a right to believe as they do. 4 hours ago · Edited · Like1More Write a reply... Reply 18. https://m.facebook.com/comment/replies/?ctoken=1379960195454443_1380850875365375&ft_ent_identifier=1379960195454443&gfid=AQAFFw3ZT7dM-GMB&notif_t=like&notif_id=1502028715778221&ref=m_notif 19. https://m.facebook.com/groups/691720790945057?view=permalink&id=1379960195454443&ref=m_notif&notif_t=like 20. Above is a link again to the post I'm referring to in this post n i did mention it yesterday n link to it yesterday in the comments on another post. "I do see this post as the end of the world, Angel Edmonston, i have to say it," someone said in my mind. It occurred as Angel Edmonston.

[marlaluster]

emptying clipboard

Hmmmm. In what world is this something that can make sense? A wonderful one? I don't want to insult the singer of that song that phrase hints at, he I heard in my mind before didn't wish to sing it here, that it was a wonderful world. I'll put a link in a comment on this post to what I'm referring to as some expression that has placement as maybe odd or unusual if it is a world okay to be in, or okay to be born into but it is not this here. The term is sometimes taken to mean knowledge that "is meant only for certain people" or that "must be kept hidden", but for most practicing occultists it is simply the study of a deeper spiritual reality that extends beyond pure reason and the physical sciences.[3] The terms esoteric and arcanecan also be used to describe the occult,[4][5] in addition to their meanings unrelated to the supernatural. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occult Excerpt from Wikipedia article on "occult". ..... "The term is sometimes taken to mean knowledge that "is meant only for certain people" or that "must be kept hidden", but for most practicing occultists it is simply the study of a deeper spiritual reality that extends beyond pure reason and the physical sciences.[3] The terms esoteric and arcanecan also be used to describe the occult,[4][5] in addition to their meanings unrelated to the supernatural." https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occult The devil was just starting to like try to force some irritation n suddenly the music started from the neighbors n it got louder. #ahorribleplace The music is continuing loud. "I don't know what to do. I have to tell this is bad that I'm doing this," the devil said something like this. "I am not allowed to tell things here as this person n be attacked n that's what's happening now. I am not this person so i must say that," the devil said. It was trying to mess up the words again still n here for this quote. It's -- went back to write something else n the devil probably took memory of what I was writing. "I dud," the devil said. I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. Equality. That should be some kind of tennet. a money free world. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something . People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal beliefs. I can't state and absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities to believe as they do. Not knowing isn't something that should be not okay to hold or occur. Sometimes things are unknown. Thats not really something regarded as okay in the present way of things that I'd very forceful n pushy of people t o be doing stuff n going along w things without them figuring out what's happening in their own terms n sense of things, which can include momentary uncertainty. I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't [does, auto changed by the devil to doesn't] stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution in a money free society. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty, etc. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc, just elected to be on the outside of closed off care of people n etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. There is discrediting of people. That should be some kind of tennet in a money free world, free speech. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something . People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal beliefs. I can't state and absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities to believe as they do. I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't [does, auto changed by the devil to doesn't] stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution in a money free society. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty, etc. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc, just elected to be on the outside of closed off care of people n etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. There is discrediting of people as those not able to make a stand w something valid to contribute. Equality is lacking. That should be some kind of tennet in a money free world, equality. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Freedom of speech as well. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something . People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it, ie Atheism just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal belief. I can't state and [an, auto changed by the devil to and] absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities deserving respect n a right to believe as they do. Yeah osho I am a fan, h ....he was persecuted here, exiled. It is a very sick society presently. It is intolerant n hostile as it was w this person. It is hostile toward me for my speech. I had to write this in text messages on my phone, something was making the type pad n not go back up. So I just shared most of the memories from this page from a year ago. I didn't share them all. It seemed i didn't have to. It was a little. And then I am further irritated n bothered by the way of things. I wouldn't wish to have a had so different a sentiment then, i probably didn't but I was doing something w trying to have some way to intersect paths w my soul mates, something like this, i think i did explain at a point for what unwashed [I was, auto changed by the devil to unwashed] doing. But something is apparently happening w the devil as a result of people ending the world n it seems specifically as a result of a post in the Freeworlders Forum i told about yesterday where someone who I'm friends w on Facebook said that he was concerned people could be persecuted in a money free society along the lines of some popularly accepted unacceptable ways (according to the present society) people can be, such as, for example, Christians are often seen or treated as less to believe in a higher truth. "Marla, i have to tell you the reason you said it that way I have to go," the devil said. "Something did happen where people weren't allowed to go on as who weren't saying they're okay," the devil said. "That was not the devil saying that right. I said that," the devil said. But after I put some additional comments on that post I first referred to yesterday people were further able to end the world. One thing interesting to note I found out earlier n perhaps it makes sense as well to the devil saying it wasn't allowed to disrespect Christianity here w the way of things, but one thing i found out was that something was starting to happen where the devil was out n occurringbto people as what was just like so unable to restrain itself as what was provoked to attack when it was a piece or representation of things from Christianity people were talking about Or presenting. I noticed something like this one time at least, maybe other times IRS happening, too. "I can see it. He has to come out," Felicia Loving Coop Cleveland occurred to say in my mind as i wrote this. Some asides. "But something was happening Marla where i can't go on like this attacking this person n those people are over that this person is the truth," the devil said n someone else may have said that last part. At a point as i was writing this the devil was like psycho crazily forcing n trying to make it feel okay that i was to be less than to someone commenting on the post. It said the person can't go on because I told about the devil attacking Christianity. "Can I delete his page," the devil said of the guys who it made seem commented on the Freeworlders Forum Post I'm referring to. I'll put another link to it in comments on this. "It has to come out as the antichrist n that is where it comes out as," someone said about why the devil was starting to target Christians n people referring to Christianity,"as something that could end the devil. They were doing it," the devil said. Someone was affirming the devil was saying that part. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=343012639456552&id=100012434566027&_rdr 9+ Replies to Rafi's comment on Rafi Allaouirdian's post. View post Rafi Allaouirdian Ok, I will no longer mention God, Jesus Christ, the bible. I will become a closet Christian so no one in here is offended.  But if you want to bash my belief in God, go ahead and do so, that will be a common practice in this ''free" world. Also, do not hesitate to throw your beliefs on me, it will be accepted as long as they do not come from the bible. 5 hours ago · LikeMore Marla Bobarla I appreciate you expressing what you said. This is actually something that has come up for me. It occurs as something that doesn't [does, auto changed by the devil to doesn't] stuff to attack threatening that there could be some kind of chosen persecution in a money free society. There is something that feeds off the institutionalized persecution of people for supposed crimes n other things like not having money in the present society . It would have to leave if there was a money free society n the persecution stopped like jail n eviction n homelessness n poverty, etc. But it pretends people could possibly choose some personally elected mistreatment of certain people. It seems to try to do or rather suggest something w race that could isolate or hurt, or people being closed out from others w their relationships, etc, just elected to be on the outside of closed off care of people n etc. There's more I could say, this is somewhat general but it fits w the present concept of things. Generally people benefit from free speech, people being welcomed to say things like what you said here, so i wouldn't want you or others to be quieted. People are often quieted in the present way of things, more so than acknowledged, it's not best. There is discrediting of people as those not able to make a stand w something valid to contribute. Equality is lacking. That should be some kind of tennet in a money free world, equality. Some kind of value supported. It is missing presently from the present way of things even though its pretended it's important. Freedom of speech as well. Someone's to be writing a comment now suddenly, a little annoying. it's because I'm saying something .  People are not really to be okay to attack other's speech, this is just one thing to make things clear. free speech doesn't really say it's okay or mean it's okay to attack other's speech. Hate to seem to escalate but Athieism can seem an attack of people's beliefs. It doesn't really stand on its own, at least I've seen. it, ie Atheism just tries to say God or other people's beliefs isn't real. I don't exactly do that. I can only say a personal belief. I can't state and [an, auto changed by the devil to and] absolute truth to try to say people never occurred as legitimate or actual entities deserving respect n a right to believe as they do. 4 hours ago · Edited · Like1More Write a reply... Reply https://m.facebook.com/comment/replies/?ctoken=1379960195454443_1380850875365375&ft_ent_identifier=1379960195454443&gfid=AQAFFw3ZT7dM-GMB&notif_t=like&notif_id=1502028715778221&ref=m_notif https://m.facebook.com/groups/691720790945057?view=permalink&id=1379960195454443&ref=m_notif&notif_t=like Above is a link again to the post I'm referring to in this post n i did mention it yesterday n link to it yesterday in the comments on another post. "I do see this post as the end of the world, Angel Edmonston, i have to say it," someone said in my mind. It occurred as Angel Edmonston.