#hmmm the neck looks weird....oh well! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sheepiemc · 1 year ago

Text

Seven Stupid Reasons to Summon a Demon

Reason #2: drunk and can’t get home

CW: implied alcohol use (MC is drunk)

You’re on an empty street.

You don’t know what time it is but last time you checked it was definitely after midnight.

You concentrate and think and wonder what it is that you're supposed to be thinking about. It was definitely something important… you pat your pockets to look for clues, there's gotta be a reason you were thinking so hard in the first place.

You pull out your phone from its secret safe spot and check it for messages. Nope, just blackness. No juice… Juice… Blame it on my juice… Your eyes wander from your dead phone to the myriad of stamps and fluorescent paper wristbands decorating your forearms. The neon clashes with your outfit but the colors make you happy. Blame it, blame it on my juice! The song continues playing in your head and you start to dance.

Your feet throb with pain and all you know is you have to sit down right now. Normally you wouldn't dare to sit on a dirty street curb but your legs almost give out from under you before you can even think twice about where you are planting your ass. Ah, that feels so much better… but the sudden change in altitude makes your head spin. You put your head between your knees to steady the world.

You take a deep breath and hold it…

1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7…

Why are you counting again?

Your lungs burn and you remember to breathe. You start to giggle uncontrollably. What kind of idiot forgets how to breathe? You look back down at your phone and something sparkly catches your attention.

It's the Harrison Porter keychain Mammon gave you. It's too big to be a phone Keychain but it's something you like to keep on you at all times. You absent-mindedly spin the keychain and watch it dangle from your phone. Your favorite idiot probably doesn't forget how to breathe… Do demons even need to breathe? They're so fucking weird already it wouldn't surprise you.

You keep giggling, shoulders bouncing, when a warm gold light washes the floor beneath your feet. You would've noticed it if your eyes weren't closed with how hard you were laughing.

A startled noise interrupts your thoughts and you look up to find your favorite idiot, standing right in front of you, with a worried look hiding behind yellow tinted glass.

You gasp and clumsily shoot to your feet, ignoring the throbbing protest of pain, and throw your arms around the demon, "Mammoney!!" If you didn't have his neck in a vice grip, you might've noticed his face reddening at the silly nickname.

"M- MC… were you just crying?" He asks warily. You can hear the concern in his voice.

You loosen your arms - but don't remove them from around his neck - and look at him. When your eyes meet his searching ones, you cock your head to the side and blink a couple of times. The gesture reminds Mammon of a dog trying to understand English. You touch a hand to your face to feel if any stray tears were rolling down but you catch nothing.

You return your hand back around Mammon’s neck and shake your head slightly, "I don't think so?"

"B- but you were sitting on the curb… a- and you were shaking?"

You turn your head to look over your shoulder and back down to where you were sitting. You take a moment to think about what you were doing just a moment ago.

"Hmmm…" You think audibly.

"Well, if you weren't cryin’ then what did ya summon me for?"

You turn your head back around to look at Mammon… What did you summon him for?

"And why are you in the middle of a street all alone?? What time is it?!"

"Ugh, so many questions…" you close your eyes and plant your forehead against his chest.

Time… time… You can check the time on your… phone! You pop your head up and check your phone!

Oh right… it's dead.

You show Mammon your blank phone. He grabs your wrist and inspects the stamps and bands.

"Wha- MC… are you drunk??"

"Whaaat? Pshhh, noooo I'm having fuuun…" you slide your arms from behind his neck and down his arms. You grab his hands and start swinging them. "The night is still young! Now that you are here, the party is just getting started!"

You let go of him and spin out into the empty street, dancing to music only you can hear. If your inebriated mind were paying any attention, you might’ve heard mammon whisper, "That explains it…" under his breath.

"Okay,” he says, louder so you know he’s talking to you, “maybe you can answer this: shouldn't you be out with friends? Where are they?"

You stop dancing and squint at Mammon.

"Friends? Some friends! They ditched me!" You fold your arms and pout at the memory just now surfacing.

You're new at work and you really wanted to make new friends. You overheard some co-worker’s plans to go clubbing this weekend and were excited by how fun it sounded. You asked if you could come along and they agreed politely, though with the way they were acting all night you really wish they had just said no from the jump.

"I was basically a third wheel until I was a fifth wheel, then I lost them in the third club…"

You feel an angry warmth radiating off Mammon as he practically snarls, "Those jerks… What if something happened to you out here?" You calmly approach and wrap yourself around his tense arms.

"Don't worry about that, now I have you to protect me, Mammoney." You press your cheek against his bicep and you can feel him tense again before he relaxes. You look up to him and see that cute dusting of red across his cheeks before he looks pointedly away from you.

You entwine both of your hands with one of his and pull him, "C'mon… let's go have some fun!!"

Mammon looks back at you, redness fading, and searches your face for something. You tug harder, letting practically your full body weight fall to the earth, with Mammon being the only thing keeping you from hitting the ground. You try to take another step back when a sharp pain prevents you from going any further.

You cry out and Mammon quickly pulls you into him. He fully supports you with a hand against your lower back. You look down at your feet. Man, they hurt. You let out a small whine and Mammon sighs.

"As much as I would love to go out with you right now,” he says, reluctantly, “I think it's time for you to head home…"

"But I wanna partyyyy," you look up at him and whine again.

"You can't even stand up on your own."

"SO true bestie…" You slump against him, cheek pressing to his chest. You hear mammon softly chuckle and mutter, "I'm supposed to be the irresponsible one here." He lightly pushes you off him so he can shift around with his back facing you.

"Alright, let's go."

You sway on your feet and cross your arms in protest. "BUT I'm too heavy!" He looks back at you from over his shoulder, grinning wolfishly.

"Need I remind you, you are talkin’ to THE great Mammon, second -most POWERFUL Avatar of Sin in the Devildom! And you ain’t nothing but a puny human." He crouches down so you can climb on his back much easier. "Now, c'mon! We gotta get you to a bed… and some water probably. When's the last time you had water, huh?"

You drape your arms over his shoulders and wrap your legs around his waist. He stands up, lifting you with no effort at all. You tighten your arms around his neck and close your eyes. Comfy…

Mammon chuckles. Oops, did you say that out loud?

"Alright, human, where are we headin'?" He says with so much affection, your heart swells.

Until you process what he says and remember you have no idea where you are or where that is in relation to where you live. Your eyes shoot open.

"UHHHH…"

"Whaddaya mean 'UHHHH'??"

"WELL! I UBERPOOLED HERE! And My phone is dead!! You know how bad I am at directions!!"

Mammon sighs in frustration. "How the hell are we supposed to get you home…?" He asks, more to himself than you.

"Well! Can't you do some Devildom magic and just whoosh us right over there or something??" You reply indignantly.

"Ya know teleportation magic is kinda a big deal right? And even if I could right now, I don’t even know where ya live!"

You blow raspberries, deep in thought. You didn't even know your address that well because you had just recently moved. Curse your shoddy memory!

Mammon sighs again and starts walking, which startles you out of thought. "Woah, what-"

Before you can finish, Mammon interrupts, saying "Might as well pick a direction and start walking. Beats standing around doing nothing."

"Wait, wait, wait…" you bring a hand to your forehead and start rubbing, activating the memory juices. Maybe there's something Solomon taught that you could use?

"Oh! Let me try something!" You stick out the hand that wears the ring of light and concentrate on home.

"MC… what are you doing?" Mammon asks.

"Shut up, I need to concentrate. Trust me, I saw it in a movie once."

"Movies ain't very realistic, MC."

You close your eyes and ignore him and think think think: about home, where you're most comfortable, where you can be your true self and not have to hide any facets of yourself.

You open your eyes and are actually surprised when you see a red line shooting out of your ring… and pointed directly behind you!

You laugh triumphantly! "SEE! It worked!"

Mammon looks impressed for a second before rolling his eyes dramatically and turning around, "Well, ya got lucky this time but don't expect things to work out the way you want them to just because you want them to."

You pshh him dismissively before noticing that as he turns around, so too does the line pointing home.

"Uhh…" you move your hand around and notice that no matter where you move, it always points to where you're standing.

"Hold on, lemme down." You let go of Mammon as he crouches to let you off his back. You take a step back from him and realize what the line is pointing at.

You slowly circle Mammon and start grinning like a fool when you step out in front of him, holding out the hand with the ring. The thin red line points directly to the center of Mammon’s chest. His eyes widen as they trace the line to his chest and his eyebrows attempt to leave his face altogether. He looks back up at you and the red on his cheeks spreads all across his face, down his neck and to the tips of his ears.

“MC what-” he sputters.

You burst out laughing and quickly cover your mouth. “Oh that’s so cheesy, I love it!” You just can’t help the giggles that escape.

Mammon scoffs and looks to the side, attempting to hide his blushing face behind his hand. You run up to him and wrap your arms around his middle and rest your cheek on his chest.

You close your eyes.

You can hear his heart thumping.

“You’re my home, Mammon.”

“I mean- of course, I am. I’m THE-”

You shush him, “Nooo, nope, don’t say it- let me savor this moment before you ruin it.”

Mammon chuckles softly and wraps his arm around you. He clears his throat and says, “As cute as that was, it doesn’t get us any closer to getting you to your… apartment or whatever.”

Your eyes shoot open again.

“Oh yeah,” You pull out of his embrace just enough to look down at the ring on your hand. “Maybe home was too vague… I guess the ring in the movie also pointed to a person rather than a place.”

You think apartment? But the ring doesn’t point away from Mammon. Hmmm… bed? Still nothing.

“OH!” you say out loud, “what about my sweet little boy, my prince??”

Mammon looks at you incredulously. “Who???”

“My cat!!”

Right before you close your eyes to concentrate, you see the relief in Mammon’s face as he quietly says, “Oh…”

You picture his fuzzy face in your mind, his cute whiskers, his soft paws. “Hey, it’s workin’!” Mammon says as the line starts to twitch. As you get more excited about seeing your little bean, the thin red line gets stronger.

“Alright, let’s goooooo!” Mammon picks you up bridal style and takes off running. You shriek and laugh, holding onto his neck and shoulders for dear life, knowing he would never let you fall.

#obey me mammon #obey me shall we date #obey me fanfic #obey me mc #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #mammon fluff #happy birthday mammon!!#originally posted on ao3 #but i want attention so im posting on tumblr too now lol #if u kno the movie im referencing i give u a kees #op #fic

320 notes · View notes

harunade · 1 year ago

Text

kiss . zhang hao

pairing: fwb!hao x f!reader

warnings: smut , swearing, riding, unprotected sex!, making out, love confession yay, praise

a/n: in honour of today’s twitter update……… omfg im gonna eat him

“You look so good with glasses~ it makes me wanna kiss you” you told Hao, whose hands were on your hips as you sat in his lap. “Oh, yeah? But weren’t you the one who came up with the ‘strictly no kissing’ rule?” he answered while caressing your face with his thumbs. “But i guess one kiss won’t hurt..” he continued as your face got pulled down by his palms. The moment your lips touched, you felt sparks inside you. Maybe he felt them too.

As a result of the lack of oxygen, you had to pull away, lips inches away from him. You pecked his lips once more before coming back to your original position. You assume he must’ve liked it, since his cock was poking you through yours and his pants. “That was.. nicer than i expected it to be” you told him, which made him chuckle. “Were you expecting me to be a bad kisser or what, doll?” you didn’t reply. Instead, you leaned back down and pulled him back into a kiss.

You expected Hao to pull away, but instead he gripped at your hair and deepened it. “Can you ride me?” you gave him a confused (hmmm 🤨) look. “Please.. please please please, my pretty girl” at this point, he was pressing kisses everywhere on your face, your nose, your cheeks, your forehead and your lips. He knew you hated riding since it made both your knees and thighs hurt, but how could you refuse him when he was begging and whining like that? “mmm okay..” you smiled at him.

Quickly, you discarded of your clothes, lining his tip at your entrance and sinking down on him. “Ooh, doll- you’re so wet and warm” he placed his hands on your hips and guided you to roll forward. “Shut it, Hao” you rolled your eyes as you pulled him in another kiss. Your mouth was filled with his moans as you quickened your pace.

One of your hands was on his chest while the other held his soft cheek. Shortly after, you felt his tongue enter your mouth and swirl around with yours. He tasted like the candy he had brought you earlier. Kissing him felt addicting, although you knew that as friends with benefits, you shouldn’t be doing that. Who knows how many girls he ate up like he was doing to you right now? As these thoughts filled your mind, you had unconsciously slowed down, now edging the boy under you. “Fuck- Y/n.. please don’t tease me like that..” His thumb found your face again as he kissed you once more, forcing your head to rest into his neck afterwards.

You regained your original strength and rode him faster, feeling his dick twitch between your walls ever so often. As his breathing fastened, you knew he was close. “I’m cumming, Y/nie- fuck, you’re riding me so well, my pretty girl-“ as he moaned out his last words, you felt your womb being filled to the brim, which triggered your orgasm as well.

Beyond exhausted, you fully plopped on his chest. “Thank you.. that felt good, so did kissing you. Your lips are so soft and they taste like watermelon, i wish i could kiss them forever. you did well, baby.” it wasn’t uncommon for Hao to go on little rants after you two finished fucking, all that while stroking either your hair or arm. Except this time, it didn’t feel as good.

“Hao, do you kiss the other girls you fuck, too?” you rose from the laying position you were in, now looking at him straight in the eye. He gave you a confusing look. “What are you sayin-“ you cut him off. “I mean- i love kissing you, but when you call me *your* pretty girl and baby.. it feels weird, because we’re not dating and you probably tell every other girl that, so it makes me kinda sad. i know i said no to kissing, but.. i dont know, Hao..” your head was down as you kneaded his stomach, unsure if you were waiting for an answer or not.

“There’s no other girl.. i actually don’t want to be friends with benefits, but rather take you on a date and all… if that’s okay with you.. i want to kiss you with more feeling.. sorry???” you noticed he panicked at the end, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “you’re so cute i’m going to eat you” zhanghao’s face got visibly red at your words as you kissed him again, which felt as different from before.

“soo… how are you, boyfriend?” you smiled at him. “i’m very good, girlfriend. let’s go take a shower”

#harunade #zb1 x reader #zhang hao x reader #zb1 smut #zhang hao smut #zb1 hard thoughts #zb1 hard hours

384 notes · View notes

nikethestatue · 8 months ago

Text

A Match Baked In Heaven

Chapter IV

Strange Times

Warning: Explicit

The plan was solid: Piglet was going to eat some flowers (they didn’t taste bad, just weird, like cucumbers, and Piglet hated cucumbers!), then get a mild tummy ache, get his Elain all nervous and then guilt her into giving him chicken and rice. Once he was full of chicken and rice, he was going to be let out of his enclosure, having lulled his unsuspecting humans into a false sense of calmness and security. Then he was going to jump on the tree, topple it, and finally destroy all the shiny balls. He was sure he was going to get in trouble. But did he care? Nope. It would be worth it.

What his plans did not include was a trip to the vet in the middle of the night.

Or an angry dad, who was super mad at him, as he strapped him into his new dog seat in the car.

“Don’t think I don’t know that you are faking,” Azriel hissed. “You think I can’t spot a faker when I see one? I’ve played Neymar! That silly fucker dives like he is gunning for an Oscar. You are not far behind. There is not going to be any chicken and rice for you. No meatloaf,”

At that, Piglet expelled a horrified squeal.

“Yeah, too late to be moaning now,” Azriel rounded the car and got into the driver seat. “You done a fuck up, lad. Also, I don’t know how much this little excursion is gonna cost me, but it’s all coming out of your IG sponsorships and allowance. No more Fuji water. You gonna drink tap.”

But, let’s rewind.

“But where are we going?” Elain wondered, as Azriel’s heavy palm squeezed the back of her neck and he gently guided her down the spacious hallway.

There was an open den, where the walls and shelves were covered with trophies, trainers, kits, medals and lots of Arsenal gear.

“My little spot of pride and gloating,” Azriel joked.

“Nice,” she shook her head, but she was also proud. And therefore, she turned her head to him and said, “and I happen to think that you are brilliant.”

“Aww, baby,” he smiled. “Are you going soft on me?”

She blushed but didn’t answer, only asking, “so?”

“I want you to hear a song that I love. I think that it’s about us,” he told her, a bit bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck.

“A song?” That was unexpected. Elain knew that Azriel was musically inclined–he always hummed something to himself, there was music playing in some manner whenever he was at her house, he made up songs for Piglet, and sang in the shower–she had to admit that he did it well and had a husky, gravelly voice, which had a lovely sexual quality to it.

“Maybe we can dance to it as well,” he proposed quietly.

“Oh, a slow song then?”

“Pretty slow, yeah,” he nodded, and opened the door. To his bedroom.

Elain swallowed, but put on a brave face and entered, though her hands were balled into little fists and he smiled to himself.

It was a huge space–completely unlike her own bedroom, which was lage, but also cosy and personal. This was right out of a modern hotel catalogue–vast, comfortable, but without an identity.

“Yeah, I know. It needs a woman’s touch,” he chuckled, as she looked around the space. At least it had gorgeous views.

“None of your lady friends stuck around to redecorate a little?” she asked, her tone a bit tart, as she stared at the oversized luxurious bed.

“Oh, is my matchy a little bit jealous?” he teased, spinning her around carefully, until she was facing him, her expression sour.

“Not. At. All.”

“Hmmm, you sure pretty girl?”

“Why would I even care?”

He shrugged and then threw himself across the bed, while propping his head and watching her.

“I’d care!” he argued. “For example, I care about your Lord Eris. I don’t like him very much at all. Not at all. In fact, I think he is a bit of a cunt.”

“Azriel!” she gasped, whirling to him.

He shrugged.

“What? I am jealous. I am jealous that he got there first. I am jealous that you loved him…kind of,”

“Kind of,” she murmured to herself.

“I am jealous of all the time he’s had with you that I didn’t,” he continued.

“You’ve spent all the time with me since you’ve met me,” she reminded him.

“Still ain’t enough. Still doesn’t change the fact that I can’t stand the cunt,” he said roughly.

She bubbled her lips and shrugged, “well, doesn’t matter. You don’t need to worry. I’ve not heard from him in weeks and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. I think we can conclusively say that it’s over.”

Azriel smiled, his smile a little too knowing, and then declared, “Fucking brilliant. I am more than happy to hear that.”

“Meanwhile,” she bristled at him, “what about your girlfriends? Mr. Orgy.”

“Ehhh,” Azriel waved his hand dismissively. “My orgy days are long behind me. Don’t have girlfriends. Well…one. She is standing in front of me now. And don’t worry, no one’s been in this bed except for the lonesome me.”

She stared at him so hard, he thought smoke was going to pour out of her ears.

“I ain’t lying, beautiful,” he raised his hands in futile defence. “Okay, maybe a little,”

“A-ha!”

“I think Cass slept here after shoulder surgery, when I played his handsome nurse,” he recalled, smirking.

At that, Elain’s expression softened and she cooed, “You nursed him?”

“Someone had to. He was as dramatic as Pinky when you break his treat into halves.”

“That’s very dramatic,” she agreed solemnly.

After a pause, where they looked at each other, Azriel pulled out his phone and Elain asked, “What about this song you wanted me to hear?”

He searched and quickly found what he was looking for. A slow, mellow melody came from the speakers. Then, a woman’s voice sang:

It’s gonna take a bit of work

Oh work

Now that you are here,

Oh work

Because people come and go

But I think you should know

That I, I think this will work

It’s gonna take a little time

But with you by my side

I won’t let go, till I got what’s mine

Because people come and go,

But you should know,

That I, I’m taking it slow

There was something haunting about the simple rhythm and when Azriel got up from the bed and slowly approached Elain, wrapping his strong arm around her waist and pulling her closer, she succumbed to the flow of the song immediately. Azriel’s scarred palm squeezed her own and he placed it against his chest, as they swayed steadily to the song.

This was their song. Nothing about them and their relationship was quick, and everything took work. Nothing was quick, other than Azriel Night falling in love with Elain Archeron. Because that took no time at all.

When Azriel kissed her at last, he was so slow. So indulgently slow, as his body moved languidly and gracefully against hers, sweeping the two of them in a gradual circle around the room. Elain closed her eyes, giving herself over to the music, but also wholly to him. His lips were hot on her mouth, the kiss lingering there for a while, moving with assured intention. He pulled her closer to him, her breasts smashing against his chest, as she melted in his embrace, her arms circling his neck instinctually, while he made her back arc in his big hands, as he leaned against her. From the small of her back, his warm hands travelled up, and he squeezed her waist and then appreciatively ran his palms over her sides, up and then down, until he splayed his fingers over her bottom and gave each cheek a generous squeeze.

“Oh,” she gasped into his mouth, but he only cupped her ass in his palm and pressed deeper into her soft flesh.

If there was a true ‘ass man’ then Azriel Night was the definition of one.

Their kiss was unhurried, but it felt otherworldly in its dreamy hotness. It was like with every kiss, another barrier was broken. Azriel chipped and carved at her defences with lustful, unyielding determination, and Elain clung to him with needy desperation which might not have been attractive with anyone else, but with her, it only ignited the spark of blind, all-encompassing love within him. As he moulded his mouth impossibly closer to her lips, breathing and drinking in her oxygen, he thought for a moment that if they’d cut him right now, he’d bleed Elain. That’s how deeply she was ingrained in his very soul.

Elain stroked his neck with her hot little hands, her nails lightly raking over his skin, pressing into his collarbones and then gripping his broad shoulders.

When the song ended, it switched to the sexy intro of ‘Beast of Burden’, the riff of Keith Richards’s guitar completely unmistakable. And Elain loved it. Moving her hips within the circle of Azriel’s hands, she gyrated to the tempo, her head buzzing from the champagne and for the delicious taste of Azriel’s lips. She wasn’t sure what she was doing exactly, but she pulled on his black hoodie’s zipper and bared his sculpted, incredible torso with flourish.

Azriel tore away from her mouth only to kiss down her jaw before sinking his teeth into her neck. Elain figured that he needed to ‘refresh’ his nearly-permanent hickey that he sucked into her skin.

“I have to feel you,” he growled into her neck.

“What?” she breathed, half-drunk from their kiss.

He pushed her back towards the bed and all but collapsed on his knees in front of her, his hands on her thighs, rubbing them slowly up and down.

“Let me give you another present for your birthday,” he pleaded, his voice urgent.

“What present?” she breathed, though Azriel’s rough, large hands slipping under her knit dress and resting on the bare skin of her thighs, while he fingered the clasps of her garter, which held her knit stockings, told her enough of what he desired. He groaned, as he caressed her fleshy thighs, his palms slipping between them, parting her legs slightly. Elain acquiescent, allowing him to touch her in a manner in which he’d never dared to before.

“Fingers or tongue?” he asked, his voice rough. Before she could answer, he dragged her dress high up, baring her legs, her stockings, and finally her thighs. Elain’s chest was rising and falling erratically, her breathing heavy and rapid, especially when Azriel rubbed his knuckle over her flowery panties. He shrugged off the hoodie completely, tossing it on the floor and Elain was faced with his absolutely incredible body. Unable to stop herself, she reached to touch the stacked cobbles of his abdomen, carved with an almost obscene precision beneath his bronze skin. The sculpted shoulders and his big, muscular arms flexed and gleamed in the sexy buttery light of the bedroom, thick, black swirls of his tattoos spilling from his shoulders down to his arms and over his pecs. She couldn’t resist tangling her fingertips in the dusting of soft dark hair beneath his navel–and he was right when he teased her about it. Even back then, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from it. Or from his ridiculously defined Adonis Belt which lewdly pointed straight down towards his cock. It was inescapable.

He didn’t wait for her final decision, and instead, gripped the side of her panties. Before she could even squeak, he ripped the underwear at the seam and crumpled it in his fist, before stuffing them in his back pocket.

Pressing his forehead to hers, he smiled at her with encouragement and then thrust two thick, long fingers straight into her tight, tender hole. All at once. Rough. The noise that Elain made was something like a pathetic, shocked rasp, while her pussy responded to the invasion with an erotic, almost profane squelch, sucking his fingers deeper.

Elain’s head lolled back and she fell on the bed, shuddering visibly, her thighs tense, while Azriel settled between her legs, opening them up brazenly and exposing her soft, wet, pink slit. Elain’s moan was loud, explicit and it was obvious that she relinquished all control of the situation, opening her legs further, even without him prompting her to. Azriel smiled and kissed her knee, soothingly stroking her with his free hand between her legs. His eyes were literally glued to her pussy and he was physically incapable of looking anywhere else. It was the prettiest, most perfect pussy he’d ever seen–and he’d seen many. It could be that he was completely pussy blinded right now, and seeing Elain’s for the first time was almost a religious experience.

She felt tight and soft against his fingers, enveloping his hand greedily, like she’s been hungry for him, or maybe for someone to pay attention to her.

Elain felt so incredibly full with only his fingers inside, and yet, the beautiful torture of having him in her was worth the discomfort. He moved slowly, but firmly, exploring, stretching, spreading her with appalling, delectable vulgarity. God she loved it. Fucking loved it. That hand was brazen and strong, and when the tips of his fingers found her sensitive her front inner wall was, she bowed on the bed, digging her fingers into the plush duvet.

“Keep like this,” he ordered, “so I can finger you like you need.”

How he knew what she needed, Elain had no idea, but she obeyed him, legs falling open, her pussy fully exposed, as he pressed on her inner thigh with considerable force, keeping her in place. His other hand began to move rhythmically, with deft, knowing movements inside her hole, and she bit her lip so hard, she tasted blood. The intensity of the movements was almost painful, as he took from her with glutinous need, but she couldn't even keep her eyes open from the savage pleasure that she was now experiencing.

Azriel’s voice, hypnotic and breathy with lust, whispered, “is this good, beautiful? Getting what you need?” and then he leaned over her and kissed her deeply and filthily. His fingers never paused or changed their perfect rhythm and Elain clutched the rock-hard muscles of his shoulders, raking her nails down his arm.

She couldn’t explain what he was doing, but he hadn’t even touched her clit, and yet she was arching and shaking like she was being exorcised. But his fingers…god, his fingers. He was so horribly ruthless too–pushing a third finger into her, burrowing deeper and deeper, while whispering, “you are going to be a good girl for me and take it all in your sweet, tight pussy for me?”

She made some inhuman noise and Azriel laughed darkly. The prodded further, stretching and pumping her hard and oh-so beautifully, half of his heavy body covering hers, as he watched her reactions and listened to her loud moans. When she didn’t answer, he murmured ‘yeah you are, gorgeous” and even if Elain rebelled internally for being so predictable and so easily broken, she couldn’t argue, and succumbed to his demanding hand that filled her so completely. Azriel kissed her, slow and tender, his lips in complete contrast with his hand.

“Can you take one more, sweetheart?” he asked, voice husky, eyes dark, perspiration covering his chiselled chest. Elain grabbed at him just when he pulled his three fingers out and the emptiness had her gushing with her sweet nectar. He breathed heavily, inhaling the scent of sex and her essence, and then leisurely licked his fingers until dry. Elain was panting, watching him half-lidded, desperately needing him back inside of her, So she didn’t ask, but took his hand and brought it back to her plump, bare mound which leaked like an overripe fruit.

“I want more,” she told him simply, biting her lower lip.

He kissed her brow and nodded,

“I know, sweetheart. Here’s more.”

And he plunged four fingers inside of her with one firm thrust.

“Elain,” he groaned, his own eyes closing, as he felt around inside of her. “You are so fucking tight, baby. I can’t wait for fuck you for real. My cock is gonna go nuts!”

He slowly pulled his fingers back, almost all the way out, but the soft walls of her pussy squeezed him and dragged him back in, before he pressed his thumb into her clit.

“Oh fuck,” she moaned.

Elain felt like she was being torn apart by his savage hand, but the pain was so glorious, and the way it mixed with pleasure only had her opening further for him. She was no longer concerned with any propriety, all her modesty having flown out the window a long time ago. Here she was, turned inside out, groaning and panting, holding most of Azriel’s huge hand inside her pussy and loving every second of it.

Yeah, this was a gift that kept on giving. And how grateful she was that Azriel decided on giving her another present today.

His pace was merciless, four fingers inside, pushing and rubbing at her tender inner walls, two fingers curled and massaging that wondrous spot inside of her, while his thumb worked her clit roughly and unforgivingly.

“Bite me, Ellie,” he offered and Elain didn’t know that that’s what she needed. But when she latched onto his neck and bit him hard, feeling the throb of his blood beneath her tongue, she realised that it was perfect–the taste of his skin, the scent of his body, musky, lightly spiced with cedar, the strength of him–all beneath her tongue.

“That’s good,” he approved, moaning softly with his own pleasure. “Do you want to come for me, sweetness?”

Did she want to?

Yes, the smouldering heat of her body, the spasming muscles of her pussy, the gorgeous pressure on her clit all told her that she was about to explode like never before. But part of her yearned for this to continue for as long as possible. And Azriel was patient. So patient with her, even though he was basically fisting her at this point. She never knew that she’d be able to stretch like that, to accommodate almost all of his hand up to the wrist, where only his thumb remained firmly pressed to her clit. God. It was positively crazy. It hurt and it ached and it was blissful and intense and the sounds that her body emitted–all the slurping, squelching, groaning, moaning–would’ve been completely indecent in any other situation. But today, Elain didn’t care. She guessed that Azriel was the type of man who liked his woman undone. Feral. Unbound. Uninhibited.

“Azriel, Azriel,” she screamed out, jerking upright, unable to stop, or keep from thrashing against him.

“Say my name, Ellie. Let it all out.”

Fuck, did she ever. An orgasm to end all orgasms. Azriel’s unique gift, his personally crafted orgasm that only he could’ve given to her. Only he had the skill and the unflinching ruthlessness to do this so well.

Elain came and came, her hole sucking him in almost fully, her voice hoarse from screaming. She probably looked possessed, but she didn’t care. And Azriel was probably going to be evicted, but it would be worth it. It was so brilliant–waves of pure ecstasy crushing all over her body, every muscle inside of her alive with pleasure and tension.

And then she blacked out.

Legitimately blacked out.

…Azriel was chuckling.

Elain was being jostled about, something around her getting tugged and pulled.

When she opened her eyes, while moaning, she saw his smiling face hovering above her.

“What...what happened?” she mumbled, disoriented.

At least the jostling began making sense–Azriel was pulling off her dress over her head.

Yes, she was still wearing her dress.

“I might have semi-murdered you with some light fisting,” he said innocently.

“Light?!!?” Elain screeched, a nice, but definitely acute soreness radiating from between her thighs. “You call this light?!”

He was laughing, while he manoeuvred her out of the dress, folded it nicely and left her only in her bra and the stockings, which had descended all the way down to her knees.

Then, Elain watched him get up from the bed and unbutton his trousers, pulling the belt out of its loops in one crazy, half a second move. She stared, open-mouthed, while he tugged the trousers down and she tensed.

“Sweetheart,” he chuckled. “You pussy ain’t ready for my dick tonight,” he assured her. “I’ve given it a nice gentle pounding,”

“It was not gentle!” she protested.

He stepped out of his pants, got rid of his socks, and stood there, in all of his almost-naked glory.

That body.

It was almost unfair how stunning his form was–so long and so firm, every tendon and muscle on display, gorgeous lean sinew wrapping around his muscular thighs and the robust shoulders.

“Didn’t I tell you before that I was rough?” he reminded her, crossing his arms on his chest and looking down at her sprawling in his bed.

Elain fucking Archeron, in his bed.

It was incredible.

Her pussy bare and wet, because of him. Her body, naked and glorious, for him. Her fucked up hair, her smudged mascara, which made her look extra sexy and wanton. The way she looked so cosy and comfortable on his sheets.

He couldn’t comprehend it. That after all this time, months of courting and cajoling, or slow, baby steps, they were finally here. Elain naked. Happy. Satisfied. Actually passed out from the orgasm that he gave her.

If he’d known then that he should’ve cherished that moment even more he would’ve. But he didn’t. So he just enjoyed watching his girl in his bed.

Her cheeks turned pink under his scrutiny and he tracked her eyes staring at his raging boner beneath his black boxers.

“It’s out of your hair tonight, sweetness,” he assured her, palming his cock for emphasis.

“You don’t want me to…” she swallowed nervously and he chuckled.

“Choke on this dick?” he clarified.

She reddened ever more and he thought that it was completely adorable.

“Well, yes,” she nodded.

“Not tonight. It’s your birthday, after all.”

Elain looked down, at her bare stomach, her bare pussy, the swollen, glistening folds, remembering how just a few minutes ago he had his hand in her and squirmed, feeling embarrassed.

“May I have something to wear?” she whispered.

Azriel landed on the bed next to her and brought her face closer to his, before kissing her lips.

“Baby, you ain’t got nothing I haven’t already seen,” he reminded her, his smirk salacious.

“Well…ummm…still,” she tried, her little toes curling, as she tucked her legs to her belly.

“But I like you naked, in my bed,” Azriel wrapped his arm around her and drew his thumb over her skin which pebbled with gooseflesh.

Elain threw her arm over his stomach and snuggled to him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“What for?” he asked curiously.

“The best birthday ever.”

He smiled,

“Better than Annabel’s?”

“Yeah. Better than that.”

Elain didn’t know that this was the happiest birthday. She didn’t know that she needed to cherish the moments with this man whom she loved. She didn’t know how things would change.

When Elain woke up, she was disoriented.

She knew where she was–at Azriel’s, because she wasn’t that far gone–but she had no idea what time it was. She was still nearly naked, her pussy lips splayed over Azriel’s thick thigh. She’d drooled all over his bicep–very sexy–but he didn’t mind, and kept her bundled up next to him like she was his plushy toy. Outside was dark, with night lights twinkling all around. She carefully extricated herself from Azriel’s heavy embrace and slipped from the bed. She tiptoed to the bathroom, closed the door and turned on the lights. The bathroom was as opulent as expected–enormous everything, shower so big, you could wash a car in there, a long sink that resembled a trough, a gorgeous bath tub, and even a sauna tucked in the corner. Elain looked at herself in the mirror. Yeah, she looked a proper state. Naked. Her hair a terrific mess, as were the remnants of her makeup. She washed her face, scrubbing at her eyes, then saw Azriel’s hair brush and with no alternatives, combed her hair, before breaking the handle of the brush on a mega tangle. Well, that was just wonderful!

There were bruises on her thighs, and she was sure that it was from the grip of Azriel’s fingers. Her pussy lips were swollen and overly pink. It was obscene and sexy and she didn’t mind the sight of it. Of course she snooped behind one of the mirror panels, finding nothing incriminating, other than an alarming number of face and hair products. Well, that was a surprise. Mr. Night had a skincare routine apparently. There were nice French creams, some very expensive, some cheaper: moisturisers, retinol, anti-wrinkle. Serums, oils, argan and olive oil extracts, Japanese and Korean hair care products, fancy tubes of lip balms from Sweden.

“Well, don’t mind if I do,” she muttered to herself, as she lined the products on the counter and began sniffing and trying them out.

She was so into it, she didn’t even hear the door open and Azriel padding into the bathroom.

Before she could even begin to lie and weasel out of her predicament, Azriel dropped on his knees behind her and wrapped his arm around her thighs. He rubbed his stubbled cheek over her bare behind, before latching onto her ass cheek with his teeth.

“Awww!” she cried out, but he only laughed, but also licked away the pain that his teeth caused.

“That’s for breaking my brush on your wild horse mane,” he told her.

“I do not have a horse mane!”

“Right. More like an unkempt lion’s mane.”

“It’s still my birthday!” she complained. “You have to be nice.”

“Oh yeah? How do you figure?” he asked, his hand caressing her hips, both of her bum cheeks before he nosed below and buried his face in her pussy.

“Ohmygod! Azriel,” she moaned, gripping the trough sink, when his tongue swept from one hole to the other. She’d never been licked like this. And when his tongue poked boldly at her butthole she thought she was going to pass out…again. To imagine that Eris or Graysen would do something like this to her was laughable. Eris barely ever did any oral, his sex drive never very high, so much so that he didn’t even ask for oral himself.

Azriel, ever the biter, bit her puffy nether lips, bit her ass again, lazily licked over her hole, pushing his tongue inside, before scooting back on his hunches and sitting on the floor, crossing his long legs at the ankles.

“I can’t believe you are not just a snooper, but also a user,” he scolded her humorously, shaking his head like a disappointed parent.

“Why do you have all this?!” she demanded instead.

“Don’t change the subject, snoop!”

“I was simply trying out your weirdly huge collection of face products.” she huffed.

“Turn around,” he told her.

“Why?”

“Turn around,” he repeated. “I want to see your pussy.”

Elain blushed like crazy and he watched her squeeze her thighs tightly.

“I can’t,” she mumbled.

“Why?”

“I am not used to this….this familiarity…you are still,”

“If you say ‘a client’ you will make me angry, Elain,” he said sternly.

She bit her lip, not saying the word, but Azriel saw it on her face and sneered with annoyance, before getting up.

“No, don’t be mad,” she begged, grabbing his hand.

“Well, then don’t be daft,” he told her. “Decide what you want from me and for yourself,”

“I know what I want,” she argued.

“Are you sure?” he cocked his brow at her.

“You are being very cross,” she pouted.

“Then give me a reason not to be cross,” Azriel said instead. “Sometimes, I find you very frustrating, Elain.”

“I am sorry,” she whispered guiltily.

“Why won’t you just let go and be mine?”

Before she could answer, they heard an audible moan.

Azriel rolled his eyes and groaned, “Oh fuck. Now what? What did he do?”

Because the moan was definitely Piglet’s. It was a touch dramatic, which made Azriel wonder what the hell was happening and whether the pug got to a bottle of whiskey or something as questionable as that. Wouldn't surprise him though.

“Oh my!” Elain cried out, “it’s Piglet!! What happened to him?”

Before Azriel could even respond, she was running off, barefoot and naked, her perfect ass bouncing with every step. Azriel followed, because he knew that he had to see it for himself.

Piglet was in his enclosure, laying on his side, moaning. Flowers from Elain’s bouquet littered the floor around him. They’d left the vase on one of the side tables near where he ended up. Well, apparently, he was so starved for snacks that munched on a bunch of flowers and petals, tearing them off the stems. He only ate the heads and only specific flowers.

“Piglet! What did you do?!” Elain wailed. “Oh my god. Is he going to die?!?!”

“Of course he is not going to die,” Azriel sighed.

“How do you know?” she was almost in tears. “We need to go to the vet!”

At the word vet, Piglet immediately quieted down and the moaning ceased just like that.

“See, he is faking it,” Azriel nodded towards the dog. “He probably just wants chicken and rice or something,”

At those words, Piglet not only stopped moaning, but also raised his head, giving Elain a hopeful look and a little bark of encouragement.

“You don’t know this!” she argued.

“I do. I know men and he is a man. He is faking it to get attention and to get the food that he wants. He wants his woman–you, in this case–to cook for him and feed him.”

“He ate half the bouquet!”

“Yeah, probably on purpose,” Azriel noted, to which Elain rolled her eyes.

At first, things were going well and according to plan. Piglet gave a pretty good moaning performance and soon after he began, he watched his Elain run into the big room. He wasn’t sure why she was naked, but maybe she was drowning herself for fun, like humans tended to do. He trusted his Elain with his own drowning, but he wasn’t a big fan in general, though he enjoyed it when she soaped him up and scrubbed him with a brush. But the drowning…he didn’t like so much.

Then dad mentioned ‘chicken and rice’ Piglet whooped internally and gave himself a high four. But then the words ‘vet’ began spoiling his hopes. What the hell? He didn’t want to go to no vet! Defeated, Piglet watched dad get his phone and start doing something on it, while Elain picked him up and carried him around the room, rocking him like he was a baby.

“Baby, you know it’s Christmas Eve,” Azriel kept saying, as he dialled what felt like the fifteenth number for a vet clinic in and around Canary Wharf. No one was picking up–not surprising, because it was around 11 pm and most outgoing messages stated that the clinics would be closed for the Christmas holiday.

“Can’t we just give him a laxative? So he can shit flowers?”

“This is not a joke, Azriel!” she exclaimed, stroking Piglet’s head and kissing him.

It’s not that Azriel didn’t want to help Piglet–even though he was convinced that Piglet wasn’t as sick as he pretended to be–but Azriel wasn’t trying very hard, because he was currently entranced by the fact that his gorgeous Elain was walking around his home, circling the vast expanse of the flat basically completely nude. He sat back on the sofa, threw his legs on an ottoman and made calls, while watching Elain and her bare pink pussy. Just like that. He didn’t even have to ask for it. It still blew his mind and he knew it was going to take him some time to get to terms with what was happening in his life and that Elain was almost his…but he’d have to deal with that later.

“Yes, yes,” he was surprised when someone finally answered. Elain stilled and looked at him. “We have a pug who ate some flowers…no…not garden…from a bouquet. How old is he? He is two-ish. Oh…I don’t know. He is a big pug. Short legs though,” at that, Piglet offered him an unimpressed side eye. Amazing, how Piglet miraculously understood everything whenever he wanted to. “I don’t know…he is kind of chunky. I’d say 13 kilos? Just under 30 pounds…Well, like I said, he is a big pug. No…not fat. Just bigger than normal pugs.”

He is? Elain mouthed, looking at Piglet.

Azriel nodded. How did she not realise this before? Piglet was only slightly smaller than a Frenchie. He was the biggest pug Azriel’d ever seen, with short little legs.

“Alright. Thanks mate. We’ll be right over. Yeah, yeah…we have money and insurance too.”

Christmas

Piglet raced down the wide hallways and sitting rooms of the palace.

He wasn’t exactly sure whether this was actually a palace, but this was the biggest house he’s ever been in. He came here a few times a year with his Elain and with Fey, and some of the times Aunt Nesta came along as well. Mostly, he loved it because it had a huge park around the building, and in the summer, there was a pool, where he could splash and where the sisters swam and played with all kinds of toys. Pool was different from the drownings that he was subjected to, and therefore, he loved the pool. And then, there were the meals! Oh, the wonderful meals, where he got chicken and steak, where he ate sweet potatoes, and rice, he ate ham and hard boiled eggs for breakfast, he drank the best water and had so many treats, he couldn’t even count them (okay, he didn’t know how to count). There were fruits and berries in unlimited amounts and pup cups whenever he wanted. Oftentimes, grandpa came as well, and Piglet spent most of his time with him–they went for walks, they played, Piglet could run with all the sticks, he could zoom as much as he wanted, and then grandpa gave him treats, or let him nap in his study.

As he ran along, Piglet noticed a whole lot of big trees, with lights and shiny balls on them. In fact, the whole house was decorated with shiny things and he was contemplating how he was going to get to some of them.

He and dad came to an agreement earlier in the day.

While Elain was sorting out insurance information at the vet’s, Azriel told Piglet the following,

“Not only do I know that you were faking all of this, so you could get food and attention, I also saw how you’ve been looking at the Christmas tree.”

At that, Piglet made a show of looking indifferent and almost surprised.

But dad, unfortunately, was too smart.

“Here is how it’s gonna go,” Azriel continued, also making a show of watching Elain, because he was always watching her, instead of what he was actually doing, which was scolding Piglet. “You will leave Ellie’s tree alone. You are not going to jump on it, poop under it, or try to tear any of the ornaments off. By the way, they are glass, and it won’t be fun for you, if you do. It’s mum’s tree, she loves it and you will remember that.

“In exchange,” he continued casually, “I will ask the vet not to stick anything up your butt.”

Piglet swallowed audibly.

He hated the vet so much.

And he especially hated it when they put things…up there. Which they did, almost every time. Thinking backwards, he was now regretting the whole flower-eating plan. It was stupid and he shouldn’t have done it.

“The tree stays, and nothing goes up your ass,” Azriel concluded. “If you attack the tree, I’ll tell the vet that he is free to do whatever he wants.”

Piglet quickly barked in agreement. The tree could stay.

“Wise move,” dad approved.

True to his word, Piglet didn’t get anything stuck up in his butt. They gave him a pill, he had some diarrhoea in the park and that was that.

Mid-day, they all got dressed up and piled into the car.

Piglet had to wear a tuxedo today–his black dungarees, a white shirt and a bow tie. Dad looked very similarly to him–he wore a tuxedo as well. Today, they were like a real father and son duo, and Piglet liked that. His Elain was dressed so prettily, in a beautiful dress, and she couldn’t touch him, because the dress was so fancy.

There was tension in the car, which Piglet didn’t understand. They humans spoke, but their tones were clipped and there was something going on that he couldn’t quite put his paw on. So when they reached their destination, he was very happy to get out of the car and run to find grandpa, because he was tired of the drama.

Rosehall.

That’s what the country seat of the Duke and Duchess of Velaris was called. Rosehall Manor.

Manor was an understatement of the century. It was an enormous estate, with over 10,000 acres of land around it, and a stately mansion with 140 rooms. Though technically it belonged to the current Duchess of Velaris, which was Nesta, the ownership documents stipulated that the house and the land belonged to all the female members of the family. The estate was shared equally between the three sisters, with all of their female cousins having access to it as well.

The family always celebrated Christmas with a formal Christmas Eve dinner–hence the tuxedos, followed by a more informal Christmas lunch the following day.

It’s not that Azriel was unfamiliar with this level of wealth and old money extravagance, but this was something straight out of Downton Abbey or something. Legions of servants, footmen, maids, butlers, valets greeted them as he helped Elain out of the car. Once unclipped from his dog seat, Piglet dashed inside the manor, feeling perfectly adept with all this finery and not giving a fuck. Azriel envied him.

Elain took his arm, a lovely smile plastered on her face, but he knew that things between them were tense, at best. She didn’t show it though. When they entered the foyer and then the reception hall, Azriel saw Rhysand and Feyre, posing on the grand staircase, while professionally-looking photos were being taken of the two of them.

Feyre wore an opulent gown of heavy pale silk with sheer sleeves and neck, embroidered with all kinds of gems. She looked regal and bridal. And happy, draped over Rhys’s imposing, tuxedo-clad form.

“Happy Christmas. Helios Day, Hello Magazine,” a man approached them, slick and professional, handsome and curious. He handed out his card, which Azriel absently thrust into his pocket.

“We are here to take Christmas photos of Lord and Lady Darling. Their nuptials were so unexpected–but we are lucky to have snagged the first interview and the first photos of them as a married couple.”

He then turned to Elain and said,

“Lady Elain, do you have a few words for the article? And then, if you don’t mind, we’d like to take a few photos of you and Mr. Night,”

Azriel was surprised how quickly the man recognised him, but he supposed that that was his job.

“And then of course the Duchess of Velaris and Mr. Cassian Night as well…”

Azriel hid his smile. Cassian hasn’t even gone on one date with Nesta, and yet here they were, being photographed as if they were a couple. Apparently, Hello Magazine just christened them as one, and was going to declare it to the world. He wondered how well it was going to go over with Nesta. But Nesta had invited Cassian to Christmas dinner here, at her family home. She didn't have to, but she did act like he was something more than a guest, so perhaps, she wouldn’t be affronted by the insinuation that they were a couple.

Speaking of Nesta–she appeared in the reception hall, with Cassian looming behind her.

She looked beautiful, in a blue gown with a lace overlay, which fit her gorgeous body like a glove.

The three sisters were pulled to the staircase, and photographed together. Feyre–the bride, Nesta–the blade, and Elain–the flower.

He might have been biassed, but Elain looked the best. She also wore a lace gown, with a very intricate pattern, in a sophisticated shade of pink, and with a full skirt. She definitely looked like his little princess tonight.

Dinner was a traditional, if elegant affair held in the Walnut Dining Room, and thankfully, Azriel was seated next to Elain. The Darlings were here too–meeting of the families and all–and it seemed like Sir Charles and Lord Darling knew each other from before, and found each other companionable and there wasn’t any odd tension to contend with. Nesta and her father played hosts, he recited grace and then dinner was served.

There were platters of chilled seafood, blinis with caviar, and cold oysters to start off with, and bottles of champagne. The ubiquitous roast turkey was the main course, but it was stuffed with apples and chestnuts and tasted spectacular (for turkey). Indulgent dauphinoise potatoes, and roasted vegetables made Azriel think that he’d soon need to go on a diet. He was barely training, not playing, and eating apple crisps, and cheese, and bacon sandwiches every day because of Elain. He loved it. Loved every moment of it, but still…And speaking of cheeses–then the cheese course arrived and…well, he couldn’t say no. Lastly, there was trifle and Eton Mess for pudding.

“Interesting menu,” Azriel commented, attempting to start a conversation with Elain.

“It’s been the same since Victorian times,” she answered, sipping her coffee. “Curated by my great-great grandmother,”

“The infamous Elain,”

“Indeed. This is what the Duke of Velaris liked to eat, and what she enjoyed as well. It’s been the same for generations.”

“Not bad. Not bad at all. Beats Brussel sprouts and weird bread sauces.”

“She loved trifle, and he loved Eton Mess, so here we are.”

And then Elain smiled at him and Azriel realised that he lived for that smile.

“What’s wrong with you tonight?”

Cassian’s booming voice sounded even louder in the glass enclosure of the Winter Garden.

“I think all things considered, everything’s been going pretty well. Nes even agreed to get her photo taken with me. So I guess I am now ‘the boyfriend’.”

He snickered to himself at the idea.

“I think it took her by surprise.”

“But she didn’t say no,” Azriel noted.

He had loosened his bowtie and took off his jacket. He’d come here after dinner, leaving the revelry behind, because guests began playing charades and Rhys even got behind the piano, urging everyone to sing along to Christmas carols.

“So, what is it?” Cassian pressed, seating himself in a wicker armchair, not so close to Azriel that it would feel like a confessional, but close enough to listen.

Azriel shook his head with annoyance, and Cassian waited.

He knew his brother.

Azriel would speak only when he was ready. And that is IF he even decided to speak. The man was not exactly in tune with his sensitive side.

“Hey beastie the pug!” Cassian suddenly cried out and Azriel knew who he was talking about. “My little wingman–wingpug–got me together with Nes at Fey’s birthday. Come here, boy.”

Piglet trotted to Cassian and Cassian picked him up and laid him on his lap, and as soon as he did, Piglet promptly fell asleep.

“I am alive! I am dead! I am asleep! I am running! I am dead again! I am asleep!” Cassian muttered, and Azriel couldn’t help but smile. That really was Piglet in a nutshell.

Suddenly, Azriel began speaking, and Cassian stilled, listening and not making a sound.

“I don’t know what to do, Cass. Like she is driving me crazy. I am so consumed with her, I can hardly think straight. Everything is her. Every word, every gesture. I over-analyse all of it until I give myself a headache. If I don’t talk to her, I stalk her social media, to see if she posted anything…I have this photo of her that she sent me a while back. She was wearing my jersey in it, it was before that game with Liverpool. And I’ve looked at it so many times now, I think I’ve poked a hole in my phone screen.

“My thoughts…I scare myself sometimes. If she ever said no to me, if she tried to break it off, I think I would kidnap her, Cass. I would steal her and I would keep her in a cage,”

“Whoa,” Cassian breathed.

“I know. And I’d feed her my dick when she got hungry.”

“Az,”

“No, you don’t understand. She is everything to me, Cass. I want to hear her voice first thing in the morning. I want her face next to mine. I fucking want her to submit to me and be fucking mine!”

“I am assuming we are talking about Elain,” Cassian said carefully.

“No. About Kevin!” Azriel snapped.

“Okay, okay. But–I don’t understand–aren’t you with her already? Aren’t you two dating?”

“We are…kind of,” Azriel agreed. “But it’s like she has this wall around her that I can’t seem to penetrate. It’s tug and pull all the time. She is so skittish with her feelings,”

“Elain?” Cassian confirmed in disbelief.

“Yes! Elain. You think only Nesta is all prickly and cold? You’d think Elain would love all the lame couple things! But no. The moment I push even a little bit, she pulls back, as if she is scared…I’d never hurt her!”

“But others have,” Cassian said reasonably. “Wasn’t she engaged once? And the bloke cheated on her? And her current one–he is AWOL too,”

“I am her ‘current one’!!!” Azriel snarled viciously.

“Okay, sorry, I know,” Cassian said quickly. “That’s not what I meant, you know,”

“That’s exactly how she thinks as well! That somehow, this isn’t real. We are not real. That one day, I would walk away like those other cunts. But that’s not me. She’d have to cut me out of her with a knife,”

“Mate, enough with the graphic imagery today!” Cassian raised his arms defensively. “I just ate.”

“We had a fight today,” Azriel muttered. “A really stupid fight,”

“Aren’t most fights stupid?”

Azriel ignored him.

“What happened?”

“We had to take Pink to the vet,” Azriel explained. “And she texted me something in the car and when it popped up on my phone, she saw what she is saved under,”

“Which is what?”

“Mrs. Night.”

“Oh, well…” Cassian didn’t know how to respond to that.

“And she flipped out!” Azriel snapped. “She yelled at me and said that it’s too soon, that she didn’t ‘sign up for this’, that we’ve only known each other for a little over two months, and that I am–and I quote–her client!”

Cassian sighed. He sympathised with his brother, but he also understood Elain.

“Maybe you are moving too fast and it’s scaring her?”

“Oh, fuck off! This is not what I need to hear,”

“Maybe you need to give her a bit of space,”

“Out of the question,” Azriel said sharply. “I am not giving her any fucking space. She is mine. She was born to be mine. I love her and I will make her mine. She will be Mrs. Night. She will carry and birth my children. And we’ll die on the same day.”

“Well, I am glad to see that you are not all weird and intense about it,” Cassian said helplessly.

Azriel buried his face in his hands, shaking his head.

Cassian gently lifted Piglet off his lap and picked him up, cradling him to his chest. Then he got up from the chair and proceeded to give the worst piece of advice that he could possibly give.

“Why don’t you stop obsessing and do what she asks of you. Don’t push. Dial back the intensity like 134%. If she asks you for something, just do it, and show her that you’d be there for her. That when she needs you to do something, you’d do it.”

“Like I haven’t been,” Azriel groaned.

“Just keep going. Don’t talk about babies and how you’ll make her Mrs. Night. And I’d keep quiet about the cage thing too.

“It’s not a big thing, you know. It’s just a little fight. Everyone has those. Elain just need a bit of time.”

“So, do what she asks?”

“Yeah,” Cassian shrugged. “Do what she asks.”

**The song that Elain and Azriel danced to is called “Work’ by Charlotte Day Wilson

The Archeron sisters Christmas dresses (left to right: Feyre, Nesta and Elain)

#elriel #pro elriel #Elriel fanfiction #A March Baked In Heaven #New Chapter #Elriel Fanfic #my writing #elain archeron #azriel #azriel and elain #elain x azriel #elain #acotar fanfiction #my fanfic

59 notes · View notes

endlessnightlock · 10 months ago

Note

143 for the prompts please xxx

"Are you trying to turn me on, or are you really that oblivious?"

From 150 Random Writing Prompts

A follow-up to this drabble, You've Never Even Touched Yourself?

I should have one more part based on another prompt in my inbox.

"Well, here I am," Katniss said, plopping on the bed next to Peeta without giving herself a heart attack. Not an easy task with the onslaught of nervous excitement. She was grateful Morning Katniss remembered to make the bed before leaving for school. Touseled sheets would have been way too suggestive for kissing him there.

At least, she thought it would be too suggestive. She had to be reading way too much into this. It was just a kiss. Not that big of a deal, right?

Oh god, she was panicking.

"Hi," Peeta said. His eyes met hers, teeth digging into the corner of his mouth, biting back a smile.

Had she ever paid attention to his mouth before today?

"Relax. Make yourself at home," he added, gesturing across her bedroom invitingly.

His dumb jokes broke the tension enough for her to roll her eyes. "You sound like a talk-show host."

He huffed. "Okay, I'll just make myself comfortable if you're not going to play along. You're not making it easy on me, trying to seduce you like I am," he said.

"Peeta---".

Man, she might be uptight, but he was going to kill her saying things like that. Her imagination was way too active.

He took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Kidding. I'm just trying to get you to laugh. You look like Buttercup when he realizes it's time to go to the vet.

"Don't compare me to that cat." Blowing out a breath, she made an effort to relieve the tightness in her chest. "Is it that obvious?"

He nodded. "If you hadn't asked me to kiss you, I'd think this was the last thing you wanted to do."

Her eyes dropped to her feet. My, what ugly socks she was wearing. She definitely wasn't avoiding his gaze. "No. I, I want to," she said.

"Alright." From her peripherals, she sensed him moving closer. "Katniss?"

"Hmmm?"

It happened fast. One moment, he was on his side of the bed, and the next, he was kissing her. Fingertips on her jaw, gently turning her face toward his. Lips pressing against hers, soft and a little dry. She sighed. Her hands needed somewhere to go, so she grasped his shoulder. At one point, she thought he was going to pull away, so she leaned in further, tilting her face so their lips met fully, each parting a little.

When he leaned back again, she carded her fingers through his hair. "Don't stop," she said, kissing him again. She couldn't get enough of him.

"No?"

"Please." Why hadn't they been doing this with each other all along?

Her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest, and he sucked in a breath as she moved closer. She couldn't get close enough. Sitting up, she climbed across his lap and lowered herself to sit on his thighs.

"Oh god," he whimpered.

"Sorry?" she paused, embarrassed now, wondering if she read the situation wrong. "I don't really know what I'm doing. We can stop."

Weakly, he laughed, pressing his forehead into her neck. "Are you trying to turn me on, or are you really that oblivious?"

"Uh," she began. It was weird knowing she affected him that way. Him making her feel like this. Wonderful. Enthralled and unafraid. Like someone unlocked her body and set a live wire to her nerves.

"Never mind," he wrapped his arms around her waist.

#endlessnightlock writes #everlark #katniss everdeen/peeta mellark #everlark drabble #everlark fanfiction

89 notes · View notes

weministertomonsters · 4 months ago

Text

🌶 M Werefox (Harcourt) x F reader - 3

➤ Wordcount 2.4k

For @fandomenbylover who asked to be tagged for the update, which gave me the kick I needed to write this thing. Thank you! (Really guys, comments always help!) 🧡

─────────────────

A few days later, you're sweeping the leaves in the backyard when you notice something strange. The chickens are milling around their coop, clucking and staring at something underneath. Your mom mentioned a problem with rats and talked about getting a cat, so that's what you're thinking about as you crouch down to have a look. Instead of a rodent, you come face to face with a sleek female werefox. She's crammed into the tiny space, which doesn't look very comfortable. Her eyes widen as they meet yours and her ears twitch with uncertainty.

You're so surprised that it takes a moment to find your voice.

"Hi," you say. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you."

Her ears perk up. "Is he gone?"

"Who?"

"A big mean male. He's been bothering me all morning."

That doesn't sound like Harcourt, at least. That doesn't make you feel better though. Harcourt's been the only werefox in town for ages, and now suddenly there are two more?

"I think he's gone," you tell her.

With a grunt of effort, she crawls out from under the coop. "I was hiding, you see. I did not want to mate with him and he chased me all the way here. He did not dare to come close to the house. I hope you don't mind."

"Um, not at all," you say, watching her brush leaves out of her glossy fur.

She lifts her muzzle and sniffs the air. "He is long gone now," she says in satisfaction.

Her golden eyes fall on you and she says,

"Aren't humans wary of my kind? Do I not scare you?"

"Well, I have a friend who is a werefox," you offer, and she hums.

"Ah, yes. I have scented him around your house," she says. "He must like you to guard your property like this."

She takes a step forward and gets close to your neck. You freeze up and wonder if you should push her away, recalling Harcourt's comment about the sharp teeth.

"Um..."

"Hmmm, maybe more than just friends," she says, her soft breath tickling your skin for a moment before she pulls away.

"I don't know. The last time we spoke he was mad at me." You murmur.

She tilts her head and studies you for a moment, then a grimace crosses her expression.

"I need a place to sleep and a reliable male to den with. This fox friend of yours, he is good?" She asks.

"Huh?" Your eyes go round and she laughs, her tail swishing.

"If you do not wish to share him I understand."

"Oh! It's not like that!" You stammer, and your face goes warm.

With the way her eyes scrunch up and her teeth flash in mimic of a human smile, it feels like she's calling you a liar.

"Then take me to him," she says, placing the soft pads of her paws against your arm and squeezing. "I would rather choose a male than be forced to pick one."

You think back to Harcourt and his attempts to sleep off his heat, and the animalistic side of him that didn't even recognize you yesterday.

"I don't know," you fidget in place. "He was kind of being weird about the whole mating season thing."

"Ah, he is trying to be more human for you."

You cross your arms, a little peeved that she might be right. "Why do you know more about him than me? I've known him for years!"

"But you are human," she says patiently. "Your ways of love do not match our own. You do not know how desperately he wants you."

"No way," you sputter, but it doesn't come out convincing.

Your face goes warm again and she makes a short, barking laugh.

"Humans," she huffs. "Come, let us go to him. There is no harm in asking, no?"

"Wait, asking what?" You question, slightly alarmed.

The werefox female pauses and regards you. "We both want something. I want to breed, and you to... What is it exactly?"

"Um," is all you can manage, because you've never had anyone say anything as outrageously private as "I want to breed" to you.

And with Harcourt? Of course, you'd known something like this would happen. After all, mating season happens every year. You just didn't think you'd be getting a first-row seat.

"You know what?" You finally say, "Asking wouldn't hurt."

You don't even know what you're going to ask.

"That's the spirit!" She says brightly. "Come, let's go."

You're glad your mother is out visiting with her friends for the day because there's no way you'd be able to live this down. It's probably time to start looking for your own place. For the longest time you didn't want to leave your mother alone, but you're starting to understand the appeal of living alone.

Together you take the secluded path through the forest. Your new werefox acquaintance flits around you like a butterfly, listening for danger and cocking her head to the sound of rabbits or squirrels. You've never seen a female werefox before and you can't help looking at her breasts. The six of them are much more obvious than they would be on a male werefox, with rosy pronounced nipples like she's already had a litter or two. They would look strange on a human, but they fit her form.

When you get close to Harcourt's den, she bumps into you and stops you with a paw on your arm, her claws brushing lightly against your skin.

"Nitaki," she says. "That is my name."

You tell her yours, and she steps into your space and rubs her fur against you. Harcourt has done that several times before, and you'd always assumed it was a friendly thing. Now, you're not so sure.

"What does that mean?" You ask.

She gives you a truly cunning smile. "I was scenting you.

"Why?" You hurry after her as she picks up the pace.

"He is in a rut," she says. "He may bite us and chase us. I have done enough running for the day. Your scent will calm him down."

"If he's been hibernating through them, then this might be his first one," you say. "Does that make it any better?"

"No," she said. "He might not even realize who you are. He will want to mate with you."

"But that's what you're here for," you say quickly. "Right?"

"We'll see," she says, and that doesn't sound very encouraging, but now you're curious. "You go in first."

Before you do, she grabs your cheeks and holds your face still, rubbing her muzzle against your neck and giving you a little lick. "I cannot promise what will happen when he scents me on your skin," she says. "Be careful."

You head towards the den and stop a few feet away from the entrance.

"Harcourt?" You call out.

The growl you receive in response is immediate and none too friendly, but at least he's awake.

"Someone is in a mood," you mumble.

You crouch and ease into the den, praying he doesn't bite your face off. Harcourt is splayed in his nest, looking like he got struck by lightning. He glares at you with pupils that are so big his eyes almost look black.

"Are you okay?" You ask, looking him over.

He looks a little thinner than usual like he hasn't been hunting.

"No," he growls. "You didn't come and see me."

"You told me to leave," you arch an eyebrow.

"It was in the heat of the moment," he sighs forlornly.

"I'm sorry, I would've tried coming again but there's been so much work to do in the house that I couldn't find any time to steal away," you sigh and perch carefully on the edge of his nest. "How are you doing?"

"Terribly," he huffs. "Ever since the day you woke me up, I have wanted to bite you and do things I cannot say. I was afraid I'd hurt you. I still am."

"Oh," you smile. "You're precious."

"This is not funny. I don't know what is happening to me!" He snaps, his ears pinning back. "You should probably leave me be until I am myself again."

"I can't do that," you say. "If you don't get any help you're going to be like this for a long time."

Harcourt blinks and stretches towards you, sniffing curiously. You hold very still as he presses his nose against your neck. He seems to take forever scenting you, and you tense when you feel the press of his teeth.

"Harcourt?"

"Why do you smell like another?" He growls, his voice low and eyes unfocused. "What is this?"

"I was going to tell you. I met a werefox."

He looks at you with dilated pupils. "Oh," he says simply.

"Hello!"

Nitaki crawls into the den, and Harcourt freaks out, hissing and ducking behind you, which was a move you didn't expect.

"Woah, calm down, she's with me," you say.

"I come in peace," Nitaki affirms.

She looks around the den and wrinkles her muzzle. "It is rather human in here," she says.

"Get out of my den," Harcourt huffs, an irritated puffball behind you. "I told you to leave me alone."

"You two have met already?"

She crawls forward, brushing her muzzle against your cheek and ignoring Harcourt's warning growl. "Yes. I approached him, and he ran like a coward. And it is all for this human mate?"

"Who said anything about mates?" You say at the same time as Harcourt snaps, "She's mine."

"Well," you begin, but neither of them pays attention to you as they face each other with bared teeth and glinting eyes.

The tension is thick in the air and you scoot to the side, a little anxious that they're going to get physical, and not in a good way. Nitaki stares him down until he gives up and looks away with a whimper. Whining your name, he attempts to scoot back to your side, but she blocks him off.

"I want only one thing from you. To end this cycle of heat." Nitaki says. "For us both."

"I-I don't know how," Harcourt says anxiously, nostrils flaring as he takes in the cacophony of scents from both of you, scents that are so different and yet so alike. Still, yours is the one that calls to him.

It makes him disoriented and dizzy.

"I can teach you," she says, prowling closer.

He leans towards her and then snaps when she gets close. Frustrated at the mixed signals, she spins around and locks her eyes on you.

"It is your human female you desire, is it not?"

Harcourt's pupils widen more than you had thought they could. His tongue lolls out of his mouth and his sides heave as he pants.

"Yes," he says.

You choke, but Nitaki flicks her ears and holds out a paw to you.

"Join us," she urges. "And we can all get what we want."

"But I..."

"Please?" Harcourt says, his claws digging into the nest. As he shifts his position, you catch a glimpse of his cock throbbing against his belly. "I want you."

You do a double take when you see it, and you're startled as your attention turns to yourself and you realize your heart is racing, and your thighs are pressed together.

You're still considering when Nitaki pounces on Harcourt, knocking him onto his back. He snarls unconvincingly and tries to push her off. But Nitaki is stronger than him. She keeps him down and ignores his squirming, leaning down and placing her teeth around his neck. He goes still immediately and his eyes roll wildly as he whimpers.

"You're not hurting him, are you?" You ask, leaning over.

"I want him to submit to me," she mumbles against his fur. "I do not have much patience for teaching."

Once she's satisfied that Harcourt is subdued, she rolls off and gets on all fours, letting her back drop into a low, sultry arch. Something seems to have shifted in him. He's quiet, almost contemplating. Maybe her pheromones have finally penetrated his skull and he realizes what he's meant to do. Either way, he crawls up to her, sniffing the air. He puts his nose to her neck and you're certain he can smell your scent on her. He growls and bares his teeth, fumbling at her hips. She flicks her tail out of the way and shuffles her knees open wider, waiting patiently.

You can see how wet she is. And you'd be a liar if you said it doesn't turn you on. You watch with rapt attention, your heart racing and your body prickly with nerves.

"Help him," Nitaki commands. "Or we will be here for the rest of the day."

Okay then.

Silently, you move over. "Can I?"

Harcourt's ears perk at the sound of your voice and he nods quickly.

Still, he jumps a mile when you take his cock in your hand and utters a curse. It's pink and slippery and with a slightly flared head. It looks huge to you, throbbing menacingly in your palm. You wonder how it's going to fit in Nitaki, and a little thrill runs through you. Harcourt whimpers and his body trembles. You guide him to the Nitaki and feel her slick wet your fingers as you press him in.

This has to be the weirdest, hottest thing I've ever done.

It doesn't go exactly as you had imagined. Nitaki is content to drive her hips back against him and does most of the work while he shivers and clutches her hips, his nose pressed firmly against her neck in a daze. When he cums, it startles him most. He tries to pull out, but she flips agilely and pulls him against her back, unrelenting. He gives up and leans heavily into her, panting.

Finally, she pulls away and shakes herself off contently. Harcourt slumps into the nest. His cock is still throbbing and leaking cum lazily, swollen at the base.

"Good luck with your mate," Nitaki says to you. "I have what I need. The rest is up to you."

With that, she heads out of the den and leaves the two of you to your own devices.

"Harcourt? Are you okay?" You lean over him. The scent of sex lingers warm in the air and sticky on his fur.

You wonder if he can smell you.

His eyes open and he grunts. "I want to do it again," he says. "But with you this time."

I spent all day battling my demons and procrastinating but I finally managed to write this. It's not exactly how I want it, so maybe I'll do some editing later, but I'm exhausted right now. Still, I hope this is at least a half decent read! 🙃

#exophilia #monster x reader #monster lover #terato #monster x human #monster fucker #monster smut #werefox

26 notes · View notes

prince-strife · 5 months ago

Text

So I watched “Like Minds” (I’m super unwell about gay people)

this one is like 3x longer than the tenet one

spoilers for a movie that came out 20 years ago ig

alex is clearly rly smart but he’s a right prick about it

nigel sure does like to stare 🤨🤨

oh so he’s a little freak. bro’s got a taxidermy cat in his luggage

ARE THEY MAKING BOMBS??

well. def explosives

DOES HE TAXIDERMY THE ANIMALS HIMSELF

he rly likes dead stuff…

not the gay little obsession

GIRL RECORK YOUR WINE BOTTLE

NIGEL WHY ARE YOU DISSECTING BIRDS IN YOUR BEDROOM

he’s so pretty tho fr mfer has gorgeous eyes

bro fuck this cop frfr

he did not seriously just punch this kid

oooh alex is fucked in the head too. inch resting

alex is one of those rich boys ._.

“obligations” hmmm i Do Not like the sound of that

WAIT THAT WAS HIS DAD??? that explains that ig

wait why is alex on the villains wiki. WHY IS ONE OF HIS CRIMES NECROPHILIA

interesting that alex is so aggressively anti-church (as an establishment, i mean)

ooooh nigel is Looking at him

not him fighting with his teacher

taking detailed notes about the people around him…nigel colbie autism

nooo leave him alone :((

alex is so mean to him omg. let him be a little freak in peace

HOLY SHIT HE JUST KILLED THAT KID

OHHH SALLY ROWE IS FUCKIN. JONI THROMBEY

wtf ym you “can’t find” the colbies..

omg staring across a casket at each other..

tom sturridge is so fucking beautiful i’m unwell

“i almost missed him” 🤨🤨

38 minutes in and i think this is the longest we’ve heard nigel speak

THE FUCK BOOK IS HE READING FOR THIS CLASS

idk i need nigel and alex to kiss

WOAH NIGEL JUST GOT REALLY CLOSE

“i’m really sorry about your friend” baby don’t lie no the fuck you’re not

smth abt the way nigel said “but you don’t have to worry” reminds me of the scene at the end of batman where joker is telling the riddler he did a good job.

THE GLARE AT THIS POOR GIRL nigel looks jealous as fuck

nigel baby giving the boy you like a hand is not the way to his heart

“it looks like you need a hand.” BABE. NO. TOO ON THE NOSE

he’s so cute in his lil jumper

SITTING ON HIS BED??? LEANING OVER HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS???? nah this is. gay behaviour

“alex, wake up. i’ve got a night planned 🥺” aww they’re gonna go on a date

oh they’re super close. NOW KISS

ooh hanging the essay over his head

the big smile… “are you having fun?” the little giggle. the smirk. he hates his ass. he is so in love with him. WHAT IS GOING ON

hmm i do not trust this

THE PUPPYY

“i’ve never brought anybody here before” INTERESTING (“i’m being vulnerable plz don’t be a dick abt this”)

i’ve still got an hour left of this movie good god

my mom is watching gbbo rly loudly and i just got super confused as to why the music Did Not Match the scene

“do you like it 🥺🥺” NIGEL. BABY. he’s so proud of his weird little lab it’s so cute

these little history nerds…

i rly thought nigel was gonna cuddle into him for a second

HELLO NIGEL IS STARING AT HIS LIPS????

“do you know what a pike is?” batting his eyes, looking as coquettish as possible. oh my god. oh my god.

CALLING HIM JACK. i’m so unwell this is so gay.

“we’ve been brought together for a reason” oh my god he thinks they’re murder soulmates

HIS SMILLLLEE

“for eternity.” gnawing on the bars of my enclosure

not him asking her out, nigel’s gonna be PISSED

the sword to his neck 🤭 OMG THE RUNNING IT DOWN HIS SPINE WHAT THE FUCK

the way he says “jack” i’m gonna pass out

“my name is alex. stay away from me.” NOOO it’s ok nigel i’ll be your jack

taking the gay goggles off for a second nigel clearly is in desperate need of a friend and is trying so hard to make alex his friend and it’s making me super sad bc he doesn’t seem to quite understand why it’s not working :(((

but also nigel baby stop breaking into his room

it’s giving yandere tbh

“what’s with the knife” *biggest most innocent doe eyes* “i don’t know what you mean, jack”

HOLY SHIT NIGEL. I FIGURED HE WAS GONNA KILL HER BUT WHAT THE FUCK.

i feel bad for her fr tho she didn’t do nothin wrong. not her fault alex is oblivious to his psychopath boyfriend

lol alex looking around for nigel when he finds out she’s dead. he’s not stupid, i’ll give him that

HE TOOK THE KNIFE

nigel’s very bad at acting innocent

“i sense some hostility” NO REALLY

they look like they’re abt to kiss

“no jack, you did it.” babe.

“feels good to vent one’s anger doesn’t it jack””i don’t want any part of this” “too late for that”

oh he’s CRAZY

he so sure that alex is just as nuts as he is.

OHH MCKENZIE IS IN THE CLUB TOO?? INTERESTING

wtf happened to nigel’s parents

babe being cryptic is not helping your situation

OOOH ARE THEY GONNA FIND NIGEL’S LITTLE ROOM OF CREEPY SHIT

i bet his parents are dead

hehe the jack <3

his jars of dead shit are so weird

was that a drawing of the dead kid?

nigel has rly nice handwriting omg

idk if the knowledge that it’s purely for scientific interest makes the pictures of the sleeping girl better or worse

HE TAXIDERMIZED HIS PARENTS???

he calls them helen and john???

love him introducing alex like he’s his boyfriend

THE EYE CONTACT HELLO??

nigel looks so dead inside omg

“stop it, nigel :((“

OH HE MADE THE BIBLE??? i thought it was a book he had not smth he created that’s actually pretty cool

“our union” 🤨🤨 its giving marriage

“nigel was right about this” hmmm boyfriend behaviour

omg mckenzie SUCKS like he’s just kind of an asshole

“i knew you couldn’t resist a secret rendezvous <3”

“you didn’t know nigel”

DID HE FUCK HER CORPSE

“my dearest jack”

IS HE SLEEPING WITH HIS MOTHER

THE PICTURES WERE OF HIS MOTHER????

his lack of reaction to her getting shot…

SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED IN A SPAN OF 30 SECONDS

he’s so clinical about the cleanup…

he’s so pretty…

HES SO FUCKED IN THE HEAD

omg does he want jack to be his maraclea is that why he got the gun (ik his mom was his maraclea let me be delulu)

he rly thinks this is completely justified

HOLF SHIT HE PULLED THE TRIGGER

i’m so sad he’s dead :(( gimme my babygirl back

holy fuck alex got released

AND HE KEPT THE BOOK

“my beloved susan” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

“nigel got what he wanted…eternity”

OH MY FUCKING GOD J CANT BELEJEV HE DID THAT… continuing nigel’s work… oh my fucking god

“you like history.” BITCH WHAT

Edit: I forgot to give the movie a rating .-. 500/10 i fucking loved it, i’m already making a forbie playlist

#like minds #like minds 2006 #forbie #jt watches stuff

34 notes · View notes

alicedash2 · 2 years ago

Note

oh my god.. i had such a weird idea. how about a scenario with Law x Reader as ASL sister where they see a hickey/bite on her neck (from Law of course.) modern au if possible? as always, you can ignore it if you don't like it!! Thank you!!

(I wrote through a translator, as I am not very good at writing in English. I apologize.)

Hello, anon! It's okay, my English is not very good too HEAHEAHE!

Well, I hope you like it!

ASL Brothers seeing bites of love in YN's neck

YN was lucky for the ASL trio, the boys were always very protective, it was like Princess Shirahoshi, very well protected by the brothers!

But, for inconvenience or not, YN is Law's girlfriend, who was also very protective and a very passionate man, even though he didn't show it much, sometimes he showed it in different ways...

-hm?YN, what's that on your neck?- Sabo asked, gently brushing YN's hair back.

-hm? Ah... just... a hickey...and bites- YN replied a little embarrassed

- it's in a purple tone, it looks like you hit your neck... no... there are some teeth marks here too, what are you doing?-

-well, like I said, it's hickey and bites! But of love!-

-...who made this?-

- hmmm? Who else would it be?-

-Hide it, or Ace will go after Law again!-

-it won't, and yes, I will hide it.-

°•°•°•

ASL's house~

-I'm so hungry, YN, it's your turn to make dinner today- Ace said as he sat in the chair

- I know, I already prepared some things beforehand- YN said taking the pan off the stove

-oh, serious? Let me see!- Ace approached YN, staying behind YN

-Ace, back off! The pan is very hot! Be careful, idiot!-

-...Hey, why are you wearing that kind of clothes? Wait... Why is there a purple mark on your neck? Oh, on your shoulder too!-

- that's none of your business, Ace!-

- YN, Don't tell me...-

-hm?what?-

- Don't tell me that Law hit you! Damn! I'm going after him!-

-what?- Luffy sees Ace with a angry face

- Ace, stop! He didn't hit, it's something else!-

- PFFT-he hit you?! Ace, let's go after him NOW!-

- NO! STOP!-

Luffy and Ace who were running towards the door, stop to look at YN

-ah?!-

- that's not it! And if he hit me, I would tell you, but I didn't because it's a private thing!-

-..ahem...I see- Ace said while understanding the situation

-what is it then?- Luffy asks

- it's nothing,Luffy, let's eat before it gets cold-

- naughty- Ace said

- SHUT UP!-

°•°•°•

- these boys, they only give me headaches!- YN said fixing her hair

-Did Ace find out?-Sabo asked while he read a book

- for my misfortune, yes, as a bonus, Luffy got hysterical too, I just hope they didn't threaten Law-

-probably have already done or are doing it-

YN wonders if they would be at Law's house, with scary looks and making threats

- I didn't think Law would make it so apparent, I feel so ashamed!-

- talk to him, it's YOUR boyfriend- Sabo said

- Sabo, shut up! Agh!Why did I decide to be your sister?!-

- Ha! you decided, now bear the consequences!-

-AGH! I hate and love you guys at the same time!- YN said with a smile

#one piece #one piece x reader #asl brothers #asl one piece #monkey d. luffy #ace sabo luffy

210 notes · View notes

otomiyaa · 3 months ago

Note

🔪 and 🎨 for the ask meme ^^

[Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game]

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Hmmm probably not the weirdest but definitely the latest (and best one I remember) was when I wrote lee!Boothill from Honkai Star Rail and I just went 🤯 like he is a cyborg, with mechanical body but 'normal' head... how sensitive would he be? does he feel anything? pain? is it realistic if I make him ticklish? 🤡

so yes I did a lot of cyborg research, even questioned @lovelynim the expert of honkai lore, explored his entire wiki, and since tickle fics are rare in this category I looked up some very nsfw porn fics for references (with Boothill but also other cyborg characters) just to see how people write them having sex and enjoying certain sensations.. and in the end the conclusion was just like 🤯🤯🤯 there is no real canon for this so I chose the easy way and picked his neck as a tickle spot which is still human part. derp.

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

Well besides this fantastic commission that was posted yesterday and honestly EVERY art I ever commissioned and love, I'd say this one! 👇

I love it so much because dungeon meshi has become one of my fav series and I have such a soft spot for this pair AND this top quality tickle art dropped, so I was going crazy! also @riisume has such an amazing and professional art style, I think I made a weird sound when I saw this art hehe.

#ask game #tickle community

17 notes · View notes

trans-jon-rights · 7 months ago

Text

TMAGP 11 Notes ( stuff I wrote while i listen to the episode )

SPOILERS FOR TMAGP 11 !!!

Marked ? Sounds good.

Ooooo where is Celia ? Sounds rainy. Wait, who is Jack ? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR JACK CELIA WHO IS IT ?

Oh hi Sam, hi Alice. Love you <3 blorbos

*looks at date* so the hiatus was 2 days in the podcast. Welp, time doesn't exist anyway.

As a French I feel like I have the right to criticise the horrid pronunciation of 'pain au chocolat'. Disgusting English butchering my words

Hmm where is Gwen ? Is she still with Mr not soft teeth ?

Wait, Alice was followed ? Hi 'Archie' I guess.

A CHESTER ONE !!

Ah, cemeteries, the good stuff.

A corpse ? Well conserved ? Skin ? Ship tattoo ? Sailor ? Idk what to do with that but it sure is intriguing.

So coworker is obsessing ? Hmmm...

Someone with big snake tattoo ? Big deal online ? My mind instantly go to Ink5oul in TMAGP 2 but I should recheck their description.

Okay, now I definitely got Vast/End vibes

I love how the guy does a really posh email out of spite from the other calling him unprofessional, I'd do the same.

Oh, weird dreams... interesting. Definitely Vast with the shapes in the water.

Aaaaa, paranoia. Nothing like such good ol paranoia and ominous statements.

Oooo the guy disappeared.

Cross reference cases ?

HEY SAM THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT INK5OUL !!!

Gwen is looking terrible. The trauma is kicking in. Good.

'Debrief with Lena' you're gonna yell at the bitch for sending you to Bonzo, Gwen I'm so proud.

CELIA ! MY GIRL !

Yeah Gwen go ! Kill the bitch !

'He's one of our externals' Bonzo is WORKING FOR YOU ?

Bonzo O.I.A.R. Hitman yay

Final Comments :

I rechecked for Ink5oul and there is DEFINITELY a huge chance it's the same person ( from TMAGP 2 : "they had an absolutely gorgeous floral serpent design running up their arm and into their neck" ).

Idk who Jack is, but there is only two 'Jack' in TMA ( Jack Barnabas from MAG 67 and Jack from MAG 173 ) so there aren't much choices, except if it's an entirely different person.

Definitely Vast/End vibes for the statement though.

And I wonder who are the other 'externals'

#max talks #tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp 11 #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #liveblogging

20 notes · View notes

melloxxoo · 1 year ago

Text

Cheater! Diluc x gn! Reader (Reader x venti?)

TW: Cheating, Mature Language, Diluc hurts reader, abusive relationship, just angst with some fluff at the end

Summary: Diluc comes home late yet again with the same excuse. You are tired of him lying to you and decide to go to your friend venti for the night but Diluc seems to have a problem with that.

This is my first fanfic I’ve written hope you enjoy it <<33

Diluc comes home late again.

“Where have you been?” You asked.

"Out. With my colleagues. Just out." Diluc looks away, unable to meet your eyes.

“Oh…alright” You nodded suspiciously.

This is the 5th time he’s come home late. Your starting to think that he had been seeing someone behind your back but you didn’t want to bring anything up yet.

"Why? Jealous?" Diluc's voice is mockingly sing-song, dripping in mirth.

“Why would I be jealous? Do I have a reason to be?” You asked curiously

"Nah. You're fine. You're fine." Diluc smiles, but it isn't really a smile. It's creepy and unnerving, and it makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

“Okay then….” You say a little uneasy. He’s been acting weird for the past few days, coming home reeking off alcohol. You just thought it was because he worked at a winery that he would come home smelling like wine but it started getting worse. He came home one night absolutely wasted and when you asked him about it he beat you. It was the first time he ever did something like that to you…

“I should head to bed. It’s late.” Diluc’s gaze is on you the entire time; he feels dangerous and threatening and it makes your gut sink.

Your heart beats quickly, and your unable to relax. You want an explanation, but he’s not giving you a straight answer, and your just uncomfortable in his presence. You decide to go to your friends Venti’s house. Venti has always been with you when you and Diluc had arguments, you both knew each other for a long time and your one of the few people who know about his archon secret.

“I think I’m gonna stay at venti’s house for the night.” You say out loud wanting Diluc to hear you.

“You’re what now?” Diluc has his brow raised in a mixture of confusion and offense at the news. His eyes narrowed and his voice is sharp and cutting.

“Why would you want to do something so foolish? I’m here. I’m not going anywhere aren’t I?”

He leans in and you can smell alcohol in his breath. The smell is harsh and sour, it makes you scrunch your face in distaste.

“Umm…well I promised him I’ll go over to hang out since I haven’t seen him in a while..” You said while looking down at the ground, to afraid to meet his gaze

"...Hmmm." Diluc's tone is skeptical, and there is a hint of suspicion in his voice.

"You wouldn't be cheating on me, would you?" He says, arching a brow. “No one would blame you if you did, but I'd appreciate an explanation." His voice is sharp like it was before, and he stares at you intensely.

“There’s nothing going on with me and venti…and plus you come home late almost every night why are you so concerned?”

"..." He pauses, and for a moment, just a moment, he looks guilty. But it quickly goes away, replaced by a smirk. He laughs, and it is not a happy laugh. It's condescending, cold, and dark, and you feel like something has just gone horribly, horribly wrong.

"I thought so. You're no better than any of those other thristy whores after all. I should have known." His voice is cold, and he leans in closer. He grins at you, and it is not a grin of joy or of mirth; it is a cruel, mocking smile.

Your eyes widen at his words, “what are you talking about Diluc?”

"You're just like all the other whores in this damned city. You'd do anything and everything to get something out of someone else." His eyes are hard, and he steps even closer. Your back is to the wall as he leans in, and his voice is dangerously low, a furious undertone lacing every one of his words.

"A cheat. A seducer, I should've known; you're just a cheap whore." He pauses, and he scoffs at the thought. The utter disgust in his voice is palpable.

“I told you I’m not cheating on you!! What makes you think that!!?!?!!” You say now pissed off at his words. Why is he saying all this?

“If anything I should be the one assuming your cheating on me!!”

You stare each other down, and something finally snaps within you; something finally breaks beneath all the weight. All that frustration, all that hurt and anger that had been building and building and building...it all comes out at once.

"...You son of a--"

You lash out without warning and slap your boyfriend. His eyes go wide, and he stumbles back, shocked and surprised at the hit. His face is hard, his eyes are narrowed, and his jaw is clenched. What do you do now?

“You come home late every night. You never answered my calls or messages, and you always come home with the same stupid story!!” You yell at him “And then you try to say I’m cheating on you just cause I want to hang out with a friend???”

He looks stunned and taken aback by your tone, but he also looks angry and offended, like you have said the most offensive and blasphemous thing to ever cross his mind. He's angry, and he's hurt, and he points a finger in your face, and you feel a wave of fear and apprehension wash over you.

"How dare you."

He leans in, and you swear he's about to hit you. There's this animalistic, savage sort of rage in his eyes, and you can't help but fear him at his present state.

You flinched at his expression, he looked mad as hell

"Don't you speak to me that way."

He grabs your shoulders, and you gasp in shock and surprise, feeling the coldness of his skin on your own.

He stares you down, and the look in his eyes leaves you scared and confused.

"You should know your place."

“W-why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?”

He glared at you and squeezes his hands into fists at his sides. You can hear a low, deep growling coming from his throat, and for a split second, it sounds almost animalistic and primal.

“Don’t you EVER speak to me that way! Don’t you EVER question my actions!”

He grabs your wrists forcefully, and when his eyes meet yours, you feel an icy chill that makes you shake from head to toe.

It’s as if he’s looking at you with utter contempt.

Your mind goes wild as you build up the courage to blurt out..

“I KNOW YOUR CHEATING ON ME YOU STUPID BASTARD”

He lets out a low growl, like that of an angered animal. He seems like a completely different person in this moment, a completely cold and inhuman sort of savage.

"How dare you," he rasps, his voice is cold, harsh and terrifying, his tone is mocking and sharp, and his eyes are filled with the blackest sort of contempt you have ever seen in a person.

"I swear I'm going to make you regret this. You'll regret ever speaking to me like that." He glares, and he squeezes your wrist so hard it starts to hurt.

You struggle against his grip, “LET ME GO M*THERFUCKER!”

He's strong, he does not let you break free, not even for a second. He twists your wrist painfully, and he raises his other hand, raising his arm to strike you across the face.

"I should beat some decency into you!" He cries, and he sounds absolutely furious, absolutely insane.

You scream from the pain , “STOP IT!!”

“WHY SHOULD I!?!!?! YOU DESERVE THIS YOU BRAT!!”

He screams, his voice high and shrill in contrast with all his previous rasping whispers. You swear he sounds like a madman as he continues to twist your arm.

His anger has escalated to a point past understanding. He lets go of your wrist and balls his fist. You can hear the sound of his knuckles cracking under the pressure, and when he goes to punch you, you duck as quick as you can.

You kick him as hard as you can in his leg and make a run for it. He cries out in pain as you escape from the situation and dash for venti’s house.

You arrive at Venti's house with a pounding heart, tears streaming down your cheeks, but you're finally safe.

At least, you think, you are safe.

But then, your phone goes off. You're afraid to check it, but you grab your phone out, and your heart sinks as your palm begins to sweat.

It's Diluc's number, and he's calling you.

What do you do?

You decline the phone call immediately and knock on venti’s door.

"Huh? Oh, it's you."

Venti opens the door, his usual cheery self, a smile spread across his face as he looks down at you. His eyes go wide, though, as he notices how disheveled and upset you are, that you're crying and out of breath.

"What happened?" He looks concerned, stepping aside and opening the doors for you to come inside. "Did something happen with Diluc?"

“Quick lock the door!” You say as you rush inside.

"O-okay."

Venti shuts the door behind you, and he quickly finds the key and locks the doors. He turns back to you, confusion and concern mixed on his face.

"W-what happened? Did Diluc hurt you?"

“He’s gone insane venti! Just because I found out he was cheating on me and I confronted him…he hurt me venti!!” You cried

"N-No way..." Venti's eyebrows furrow, and he looks at you with worry and concern. You can feel his warm gaze as he looks down at you. His eyes are soft and kind and comforting, and you can't help but let out tears at the simple show of affection and compassion.

"Are you okay?" "You're safe here," he says, and it's clear that he means every word of it.

“I don’t want to be with him anymore..I can’t keep letting him do this to me. Every night he comes home late and always comes home with the same stupid story. It’s like he doesn’t care about our relationship anymore..”

"He...he comes home late every night?" Venti tilts his head, a puzzled look on his face. He looks down at you, his head tilting to the side. His eyes are warm as he stares down at you, and before you know it, he pulls you into a hug; it's comforting and it's warm.

"Come Here," he says, his arms holding you gently but firmly, and you feel like you're going to just melt."I'm sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that.”

You hug him back “What should I do venti?”

He pulls away and looks down at you seriously, a thoughtful expression on his face. And then, his face softens, and he gives you the faintest hint of a smile.

"I think..." He takes your hands in his own. "I think it's time for you to leave him."

The look in Venti's eyes is soft. He's looking at you with the utmost compassion and care. You can tell he truly, truly means what he is saying. And then you realize...he's been there for you more than Diluc ever was.

“But he’s not gonna let me go that easily..it’s like he’s a predator looking for his runaway prey, like something went loose in his head..”

Venti looks troubled, and once his words sink in, he bites his lip in thought.

"That... That's a problem. Are you sure you don't have a way out of this?" He looks at you with a pained expression, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. He's not just thinking about your feelings; he's thinking about your safety, and he's wondering how you can make a clean break from this, how you can rid yourself of Diluc's presence, of the threat of his rage and the potential for violence.

“He literally almost tried to kill me venti!”

You sighed “,He got mad at me when I mentioned going to your house….like he was jealous…but he has no right to be jealous when he’s the one cheating!”

Venti is silent for a moment, and then, he nods, as if he finally made up his mind.

"You need help to get away from him." He says, and he stops holding your hands in his, and he looks at you with a determined expression. "I'll come with you to his house. We'll pack up your things, we'll get you out of there, and then maybe you could come to stay with me for a while, until everything blows over. I won't let anything happen to you."

“Isn’t that too risky? I’ll just buy everything back-“

"No, no, it'll be okay." Venti takes your hands in his own again, and then he gives a reassuring smile that you can't help but return, no matter how much your heart feels like a rock in your chest.

"Look...I'll... I'll be with you. Diluc is going to know I'm there. It'll be okay." He offers this with a reassuring nod of his head, and he smiles once more.

You trust him. You can't help but feel like he'll keep you safe.

“Alright…”

"Good."

Venti smiles, letting out a small sigh of relief.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that today. You deserve so much better. I'm glad you came to me."

It's strange, isn't it? But somehow, he's never done you wrong; he's never hurt you. And yet...you're so scared of the idea of seeing your boyfriend again. It's an odd feeling, isn't it?

“I trust you venti. You really care about me so much, I appreciate that a lot.”

"That's whyI'm here, for you." He gives a reassuring nod, and he smiles at you. It's a tender smile, a reassuring smile, and it's a reminder that you're in good hands, that you're safe.

"We'll get you out of there. We'll make sure you're safe, okay?" He takes your hands in his own, holding them warmly, and the feeling is reassuring. There is so much warmth coming from his touch, and you can't help but let your heart slow down even just a little bit.

“Okay”

For a moment, he looks serious and determined, his eyes looking straight into yours, and you can feel a quiet kindness in them. It's almost like he's going to fight the whole world on your behalf, and you're glad that he's on your side; he's got your back, he's there for you.

“No matter what, I'll help you, okay?" He asks, a sincere, comforting expression on his face. You feel a tiny bit less lonely and a little bit warmer with him around.

“Thank you venti..” You say as you smile at him softly.

"Of course." All of a sudden, his tone switches, and his whole demeanor changes; his face hardens into a mask of indifference. His voice sounds cold again, and it's as if the Venti you know is gone, and in his place, he's replaced with a cruel, callous, and calculating man.

"Come on," he says, and he pulls you out of the house.

He walks you back to Diluc's house with no further explanation needed nor spoken. He opens the door and lets you go inside.

"Let's pack up everything, okay?"

“Okay…” You are a little scared of what is bound to happen if you stay in the house for too long.

"Are you going to be okay?"

He asks, a genuine question, a concerned look in his eyes. His voice is soft, comforting and warm, and you can't help but feel a sense of security when he looks at you like this, like he cares for you. You feel safe when he's with you.

If only you could feel this level of security with your boyfriend, but it's clear that Diluc is no longer someone you can count on. You're lucky to have Venti, who you know will keep you safe no matter what.

“Yeah…”

"Let's get your things then," Venti says, and he holds out his arm for you to hold, his eyes soft and his tone gentle and warm. He's looking at you with an understanding and compassionate expression as if saying, “It's going to be okay. You will be okay. I'm here for you."

He lets out a deep sigh, and he smiles kindly. You trust him, and you take his hand, and the two of you head into the house.

As you walk into the house you look around. The house looks horrible, it looks like Diluc went ballistic after you left and destroyed the place…

"Oh my god..."

You can't help but feel shocked and horrified by the sight of Diluc's house; it looks like a hurricane just passed by. The coffee table looks smashed, the lamps look shattered, everything is in absolute disarray.

Venti seems horrified too, and he looks around in disbelief at the destruction. "What happened here...?" He looks at you with concern, but it's clear he's horrified by what he sees.

“He must’ve went on some type of rampage after I ran away…”

Venti hums in agreement and he shakes his head, his eyes filled with disbelief and disgust. He looks at you and nods gently, and a look of determination crosses his face.

It's clear that he wants to protect you so much, that he wants nothing more than to see you happy and free. And he's going to do everything in his power to make that happen. “Alright, let's get your things,"he says with a small nod. He looks at you with a small smile, and his eyes are so warm. You nod as you guys continue till you get to your shared room with Diluc. It was also destroyed, but it looks like he wasn’t at home right now. He probably went to go and look for you.

You pack up all your different things into a duffel bag you found in the closet. You saw a broken portrait of you and Diluc together when your relationship was actually stable, it made you want to cry. What went wrong with you two?

You continued to pack up all your valuable stuff. You took one last look at the destroyed room and sighed.

“Lets go venti.”

Venti nods as you both travel outside the house. You sigh a breath of relief, “I won’t be going back there any time soon..”

"You won't have to,"Venti nods, his voice gentle. “You'll be with me now. And I promise, you'll be safe. This anemo archon will protect you.”

He smiles, a kind, sincere smile, and he looks at you like you're the world. What did you do to deserve this?

You smile, a genuine smile, and you nod. You are safe. You are free. Now, the only place you have to go is forward.

#diluc x gn reader #diluc x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #venti x reader #venti x gn Reader #diluc x reader angst #angst #Cheating

107 notes · View notes

grigori77 · 1 year ago

Text

The Mighty Nein: Echoes of the Solstice (Live Show from Mo-fucking WEMBLEY!)

Ah, a hype man ... okay then ...

My ... he's quite salty really, isn't he?

"All the bar staff are like: What team is this? I don't know, but none of them make eye-contact."

He's got a point, we are better at swearing ...

"In this country, the sentence: I twatted the twat in the twat ... makes perfect grammatical sense!"

Ah yes, the first ĺive show since the Pandemic ...

Oh, here we go ...

Fuck me, look at that FUCKING CROWD ... O.O

Ye gods, Ashley what the fuck are you doing to us AGAIN?!!! Bloody hell ... then Liam ... and Taliesin? Look at that SWAG!!! MARISHA!!! Incredible ... Laura! Wow ... that's like ... AND Travis ... basically Jester and Fjord in the flesh ... just a shame Laura's not blue ...

And then we we have SAM FUCKING RIEGEL ... never misses an opportunity, does he?

Matt's going nuts and I don't blame him ...

Ah yes ... what fresh hell is Riegel gonna unleash upon us THIS TIME? The audience are ahead of us already ... oh gods ... no, you really AREN'T Freddie Mercury, mate ...

Bloody hell ... that actually WORKED ... I'm extremely surprised ...

Ashley has an announcement? Blimey ... no wonder she's a little nervous ... oh, but she's getting into it already ... Nice ... and yeah, Crit Role Red Nose Day, always fun ...

Cosplayer nod! Nice! Liam: "Oh man, so many Sprinkles!"

Yay! Animated intro WITH AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION!!!

Liam: "I've had this dream!" Matt: "Thank you all so much for the trauma!"

Recap! Nice!

Oh, so they WERE just Shunted, then? Okay, so what happened then?

So we're about to find out ... where are they? Shush, sound effects problems! Blightshore? Intriguing ...

Ah, so he CAN talk ... Caleb: "It's been a while." No shit, mate!

Oh, so the magical disruption has knackered the collar too ... batter that thing off, Beau! "You know, your wife has shaved me with a greatsword, this should not be too challenging for you." Oh, NOW he's rethinking this plan? Minor Alchemy?

Sam: "No, I want her to punch you!" Liam (as Caleb): "I'm sitting right next to her, it's going to happen!"

Oh crap ... Matt, what are you saying? What the fuck is THAT shit supposed to mean?

Ah, Imogen ... Beau: "She was kind of cute." Caleb: "Don't cross the streams!"

SNAP!!! Thankfully collar not neck, at least ...

Yes! Get her to Yasha! Go! With Caduceus? Awesome ...

Hey! The Blooming Grove! They made it ... oh, this is PRETTY!!! Calliope! Awwwwww ...

BABYYYYYYYYY!!! :3 Ashley: "I touch her everywhere, make sure she's fine! Well ... maybe not EVERYWHERE ..." Caleb: "I've seen them like this when they've been apart for a few hours."

CADUCEUS!!! Yeah, boy!

Ooh! Munchies!

New armour? Sweet ... the "Oh no, I have to leave in a hurry kit"? Intriguing ...

Dream Beau can be an asshole, apparently ... Beau: "But if you felt like exploring, maybe ..." Yasha: "Oh, I didn't know that was on the table!"

Oh yeah, Veth has, like, PRIORITIES now ...

Beau's accidental kleptomania ... XD

A splinter from the Nein Heroes? Intriguing ... and they're on the ship! Yay ... docked? Oh, hey, Nicodranas! Sweet!

Good lord, what are they doing? Matt: "How did we start this so horny?"

REUNION!!! Yay!

Jester's been getting headaches from her Sending ... yeah, that's right, makes sense ...

Perception check? Oh, first roll ... Travis: "Nine!" The crowd cheers! Of course they do ...

ALL of the Assembly ... yeah ... Trent Ikithon, of course, I thought so ...

Yeah, get Veth! Yay ...

Weird dead seabeast? What is that shit?

Matt: "Interrupt MY story, why don't you?"

A Message to the Ruby ... and she has to roll a D100? Nuts ... 48? 14 points of Psychic damage? Oof ...

Yes, she COULD heal herself, but it's par for thd course, really ...

Blud! Hi!

Spooked seabeasts ... hmmm ...

The Brenatto residence ... here we go ...

VETH!!! Yay!

Veth: "The world has been turned upside down!" Beau: "What's wrong?" Veth: "I HAVE A FUCKING TEENAGER!!!"

Luc wants to be an adventurer? Of course he does ... yeah ... how old IS he? Veth: "Whatever feels right!"

Veth: "To be fair, I was drunk for most of his childhood." XD

So what's the plan?

Oh, Scrying? Yeah, try it!

I love how Jester's being do sweet about Ludinus, it's hilarious ... oh, NOW she gets it? Jester: "He's a douche, I hate him!" Yeah ...

Here we go then, go Jester ... Travis: "That's right, use the 5th Level, nothing can possibly go wrong ..."

Jester has a DICK COLLECTION now? LOL

Reminding Jester who Trent is ...

Oh hey, here's Artigan! Nice! Oh ... how rude!

Caduceus: "We're not big problem people." Jester: "Are you saying we're NOT going to push the Moon back into the sky?"

Oh wait ... is Veth NOT coming?

Jester: "Um ... the Lavish Chateau is NOT a whorehouse." Veth: "A speakeasy with benefits?"

Luc? Hi! Wow ... he's an EMO TEEN now? Interesting ...

Veth making fun of Fjord being the weakest of the Nein ...

UNCLE Caleb ... :3

Jester! DO NOT give Luc a tattoo!

Wow ... Veth REALLY IS bowing out ... that's so sad ...

Veth makes Jester take another 8 points of Psychic damage ... XD

Wow ... AWKWARD goodbye ...

To the Cobalt Soul in Rexxentrum? Okay ...

Everybody runs into the circle ... wait ... WHST THE FUCK?!!!

Luc? Seriously? Wow ... he even has a Character Sheet! He's do cute ... :3

Here we are, then ... and they've just realised they're not alone ...

Sam's doing an emo teen voice now ... I love it ... this is gonna be SO MUCH FUN ...

Are we EVER gonna learn howold he is?

Yasha: "Hit me!" Seriously?

Oh, so we're doing this ... and she CATCHES his punch ... of course she does. Adorable ...

And now he's in a huff ...

And now he's gonna try and hex Beau instead ... this really is getting funny now ... Beau: "I'll cover my eyes to make it more fair." XD

Ah ... Caleb gives him THE TALKING TO ...

Wow ... he's really good at THIS ... oh, totally working the heartstrings, definitely ...

Oh wow ... they're coming around ... oh, so they're giving CAD the deciding vote? This'll be interesting ... and he makes a good point.

Ground rules from Caleb ... as it should be ...

Caduceus casts Death Ward on Luc just to be safe ... Nice one, mate.

Ovedo? Okay ... apparently things are chaotic ... oh, this doesn't sound good ...

Matt once again using the feedback constructively ...

Ah, teenage bravado ...

Volither ... hmm, nice hair.

Aggy? Who's that?

Dark tunnel? Okay ... no, DEFINITELY not Luc in the lead ... an extra luck roll for him? Nice one, Caleb!

Oh shit ... the magic seals are DEAD. Not a good sign ...

Crap ... what the hell is THIS shit? Oh, that's fucking CREEPY ... scary monster monologue ...

Beau just closes the door on whatever the fuck THAT was ...

Oh, it's still going? He does love to go on and on ...

Hello who's this?

Wait ... a guest? Oh shit! It's Daniel! You sneaky bastard ...

A dwarf? Intriguing ... a blue kilt? Even more so ... and WINE? Hmmmm ... a bit tipsy, apparently ...

Whoa ... he bested Beau? Wow ... and then he offers her a DRINK ... of course she accepts. XD

Aggy: "Is that a little boy?" Luc: "I don't trust this guy, he looks over 30."

Luc: "Hey! Don't insult me and then explain it to me!"

Yes, Matthew, what HAS HE found?

"Unattended baggage" ... SNORT ...

See Invisibility ... oh, hello, Star Razor ...

Eldritch Blast! Yay!

Aggy HEADBUTTS the wall Fjord just attacked ... wow, and he just NUTTED a dozen open. Cute ...

Constitution check? 9? Oh, and what does THIS mean? Oh dear ...

He thinks Caduceus is a horse ... I love that ...

Daniel: "I look like a very small, short John Wick, by the way." XD

Aggy just walks RIGHT IN ... and now there's more illusory nonsense ... wait ... the Shadowhand? Ooooh ...

Ah, so ... going down, then? Hmmm ...

Oh dear, this doesn't look too good ... what now, then?

Wow .. clearly Aggy is NOT particularly bright ...

Whoops? Holy shit ... Nice dodge! He's now tumbling down the stairs and FLASHING EVERYBODY ... oh dear, what now? Another dexterity roll? NAT20!!! Nice ... he is UNSCATHED ...

Daniel: "I am just sucking the Dice Gods' dick!"

He is almost ACCIDENTALLY good at this ... oh, here we go ... CRITICAL FAIL!!! Finally ...

Oh dear, what has he gotten into now? 76 points of Force Damage? Holy fuck ... is Aggy DEAD ALREADY?!!! Fuck ... a DISINTEGRATION TRAP?!!! Shit ... so that's it? Aggy is DUST ...

Farewell, Daniel ...

Oh yes, that's right, technically he IS an Admiral ... Admiral Tusktooth. Nice ...

DO NOT let Luc check for traps ... oh yeah! Mage Hand ... and Jester Guides him too ... :3

Wow ... that's a lot of traps ...

Another magic mouth ... for the gods' sake ... he's so full of himself ...

Another door? Okay ... check for traps again ... and ANOTHER mouth ... even MATT is now acknowledging that Trent is full of himself ...

Oh you ARSEHOLE ... not cool to taunt Caleb like that ...

Ah yes, the Tower? Sweet ... yes, rest.

The Aeorian Security Cannon ... and a FLUFFERNUTTER?!!! Holy fuck ...

True Seeing ... oh dear ... now Caduceus has Beau tripping balls again ... fuck, a Nat20 for a full 27 perception ... sweet fuck ...

Athtiri Menthal ... huh?

Beau has a +16 to her Arcana? Fucking hell ...

Ashley once again Stop It-ing Sam when he sneezes. VERY LOUDLY this time, too ...

They're fighting Trent AND a thing, or Trent AS a thing ... lovely ...

Okay, so rest and regrouping, then ... back to Caleb's tower, then head out in the morning ...

Mahogany? Hmmm ... certain dirty minds, I swear ...

Okay, then ... and time for a break! Well then ...

Aaaaaah ... Welcome To Wildemount returns ... always fun ...

And we're back ... Heroes' Feast! Nice ...

Caleb has a personal talk with Luc, and gives him his Luck stone? Wow ... oh fuck, WISH?!!! Seriously? 5th Level Simulacrum ... so he's now CLONED himself ...

Yasha: "Whoa! There's no riding going on! Except on me ..."

"Beth"? Hmmmm ... typical teenage boy, clearly ...

Beau and Yasha and AT IT ... of course they do. And Fjord and Jester. Liam: "No-one more competitive than Laura Bailey."

Good night's rest ...

Beau finds TWO Calebs TWICE as insufferable ...

Luc chugs the weird Potion ... oh boy, what's this shit gonna do? Oh crap ...

Whoa ... wait, what ... oh no ... extra confidence? Oh that's not good ... crap ... Luc is DEFINITELY gonna be even more reckless now ...

Death Wards on both Luc AND Fjord, then ...

Crown of Stars? Crazy ...

Caleb 2 is now a sabertooth cat ... of course ...

And so now Caleb has come home ... group stealth check! Blessing of the Trickster to Yasha? And she doesn't even need it ... but Beau TANKS it ... at least everybody else rolls spectacular ...

Now what?

Ring of Telepathy ... and Trent is still insufferable ... and fucking NASTY with it too ...

This is just gonna be a fucking RECKONING ...

No ... Caleb, DO NOT say your fucking goodbyes right now ...

Assault of memories ... ouch ... this is just CRUEL ...

Two undead presences? Oh you fucking evil bastard ...

Jester goes in with Caleb ... Beau and Yasha go round back ...

"Uncle Deuce" ... Caduceus: "Oh, I'd forgotten about that ..."

The bastard REALLY HAS brought Caleb's parents back ... that's fucking monstrous ...

Insight check ... oh yeah, they're not right, definitely ...

Jester just goes STRAIGHT to Turn Undead ... and they BOTH fail? Fuck ... that's effective, at least ...

I'm sorry ... the house just EXPLODES?!!! Fuck ...

34 points of Fire damage? Oh wait ... no, Fjord has some protection! Nice ... just 17, then. Same for Jester, too ...

Well, they're definitely NOT his parents anymore ...

BATTLEMAP!!! YAY!!! Cue Sam's plug for Wizzkids ...

And ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!!!

Jester Invokes Duplicity! :3 Awwwww ... tiny voice Laura doing the Jester voice is adorable as she directs Matt ...

She attacks Trent with her Spiritual Weapon and HITS!!! Nice ... but it just MISSES him? WHAT?!!! Meanwhile while the duplicates scatter, she bolts out the door ...

Yasha Rages and bamfs out her wings for Radiant Soul! Nice ... charging in to get ready for attack next turn ...

Beau POWERWALKS inside ... and attacks Trent from behind ... but the punch does NOTHING?!!! Seriously, what the hell?

She attacks the dad ghoul instead ... POP POP!!! But it resists the Stun ... Flurry of BLOWS, then ... and Patient Defense.

A METEOR SWARM?!!! Seriously?

And that is just OUCH all round ... crap ... thank fuck for saves for most ... Caduceus takes THE FULL DAMAGE ... and so does Luc? Crap ... but he has Evasion? Oh, so just half, then ...

Fjord casts Hexblade's Curse on Trent, then throws FOUR Eldritch Blasts ... a miss on Trent, first misses on the dead dad, but the other 2 HIT!!! Boof-boof!

The undead back off but Beau gets an Attack of Opportunity ... daddy is FUCKED UP ...

Mind of Mercury? Nice, Beau! And she gets the first HDYWTDT! On the dad ... oh dear ... well, it's a mercy, really ...

Rapid Cast of Chain Lightning from Trent ... oh no, Caleb just Counterspells ... but he can't actually see him, so it misses? Ow ...

Shit ... Caleb is DOWN ...

Caleb 2 turns into a T-Rex! Okay then!

Death Save 1 fails? Oof ...

Luc casts See Invisibility ... Trent is ACTUALLY hiding behind the tree ... Laura: "Like a little bitch!"

Caduceus casts Mass Heal ... 100 each? Holy fuck ... that is all round a SWEET FUCKING SAVE!!!

Jester runs to find Trent ... Fortune's Favour? Nice ... something that doesn't need line of sight? So she just casts Anti-Magic Field his magic! Nice ... that's it, he's now REVEALED!!!

Yasha charges in best she can ... but she can't attack now ... crap ... so she just casts Zealous Presence and YELLS in his face while flowering everybody else ...

Beau charges in too and just SWINGS for him with her staff ... and TANKS the attack roll! Okay ... second strike ... Fortune's Favour! Oof ... Flurry of Blows! FINALLY hits ... 14 damage plus Stunning Strike ... but he shrugs it off ... then 17 and another Stunning Strike ... but he uses Legendary Resistance even though he Crit Fails ... Extract Aspects ... he's resistant to ALL magic? Interesting ...

Fuck, is he running? What is this thing? An artifact ... oh shit, is he changing? What's he doing?

Sam: "Guys, we're fighting Trent Ikithon in Wembley Stadium!"

Everybody's blasted back ...

An orb of black shadow is just growing ... and now he's just a great horrible black shadow creature ...

Whoa ... a SECOND Battlemap? Fuck ...

It's the whole town ... Trent is a FUCKING KAIJU!!! He's suckimg the life out of people and stuff ...

Hexblade's Curse! Go, Fjord!

Caleb stays prone, jnstead turns into Gelidon the Nightmare in Ivory? Whoa ... and Matt has the miniature ready! Wow ...

Caleb 2 charges in with Luc still on his Dino back ... but they keep a safe enough distance ...

Luc casts Enlarge on the T-Rex! Fuck ... Matt doesn't have a larger model for THAT ... Godzilla is now loose in the streets!

It attacks Fjord with a tendril ... Liam: "Keep your hentai out of this!"

Caduceus runs to Yasha ... Holy Weapon to her, so she has boosts to all her weaponry! Nice ...

Jester casts Gate to pull Artigan through in front of the creature. SHIT!!! And he is suitably SHOCKED by what she's got him into!

Arty casts Chain Lightning on it ... 38 points of lightning damage! Nice ...

Yasha charges in and attacks! Lots of damage maths, apparently ... 101 points of damage in ONE FUCKING HIT!!! The crowd goes wild! She attacks again! Another hit! 59 points this time! Bloody hell ...

Beau rushes in znd attacks ... Nat20! Yeah! And another hit! 19 damage, then 16! Flurry of Blows ... 20 misses? Oof ... Debilitating Damage? Oh, okay ... and now it's vulnerable to Ice Damage? Nice, Beau!

Oh fuck ... EVERYBODY takes 31 points of Necrotic damage? Ouch ... now it concentrates on Yasha ... Ire of Oblivion? Oof ... a Nat20 save? So she only takes 70 damage? Oh great ...

There's a weak spot? Okay then ...

Even Sentinel with a Nat20 doesn't stop it? Crap ...

Fjord takes 2 swipes with the Star Razor ... both hit! 42 points of damage, snd a Divine Smite for an extra 16! Nice ...

It responds with a Void Claw ... Fjord just hits the brakes and it just MISSES him ... phew!

Caleb just brings his whole dragon mass down on it and vomits ice into its face! 77 points of Ice Damage! Nice ... and he has a Frightening Presence? Okay then ...

Caleb 2-zilla bites the thing's arse ... no joy! Claw strike! Hits! 21 points, then 14!

Luc looks for the egg ... he casts Brenatto's Voltaic Bolt, then shoots the gun into the egg! 26 points of damage to the artifact! Okay ... that looks to be the sweet spot!

Caduceus prays to the Wildmother, makes the creature's ichor turn into ice ... now he can see through it to find out how it works ... he pulls out Yasha's Holy Weapon and inflicts 26 points of Radiant damage on the creature! Cool ...

Jester teams up with Arty to hold her spell with him ... Guiding Bolt with his Enhancement ... balls ... shit roll spoils the shot ... crap ...

Yasha flies up and goes RIGHT for the egg ... and misses! Agh! Reckless! Go again! Another miss! FUCK!!! Oh Fortune's Favour! Okay ... balls! That was ALMOST awesome ...

Beau RUNS UP the creature! Holy shit ... she tries go reach into the chest snd tear the egg free ... strength check! Marisha: "WITNESS ME!!! NATURAL 20!!!" The crowd EXPLODES!!!

Matt: "Beauregard Lionett, how do you want do this?" AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

She tears the egg free, which pulls Trent into it, throws it into Caleb's mouth, and he BITES IT TO FUCK!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Caleb has his vengeance at long last ... the survivors of the town applaud (as does the crowd). Nice ...

Jester congratulates Arty for saving the day ... oh flattery ... he gushes in response ... then she drags him into helping with the clean-up ...

The Calebs return to normal, Caleb sends what's left of the egg into some kind of nether realm. Then they big Luc up a bit, while still zlso grounding him.

Fuck ... Fjord just PROPOSED TO JESTER!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Matt: "You motherfucker!" Jester OF COURSE accepts ...

Caleb's cats prepare a feast for all, and there is celebration, but only a small victory against the larger backdrop of CHAOS from the Apogee Solstice ...

And that's it! Everybody takes a bow!

Well, this was a whole hell of a lot more epic than usual ... but altogether just the AWESOME reunion we wanted. I just hope it won't be the LAST time ...

42 notes · View notes