#hmm probably something to twll my therapist
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#Not to be insane actually like I really wish someone actually showing any interest in me didn't always revolt me to the point of nausea#hmm probably something to twll my therapist#except im even too embarrassed to tell my therapist anything about that aspect of my life#cus my dating history is genuinely so deplorable and like#i think due to stuff ive experienced with certain perpetrators of things#i will not ever be able to be close to someone in that way#not saying that if youve gone through that you cant have a meaningful fulfilling relationship#just saying it doesnt seem to be in the cards for me like im just nott ok with it#and i actually really hate who i become at the first hint of discordance#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#it's better to avoid this stuff at all costs#i need to leave i need to get out#and not waste anybody's time
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